Duct Tape for Your Inner Critic (Gently, of Course) | Dawn Mauricio

18:17And again, it is thinking technically, but it's to connect you to your sensory or mental experiences. It's in service of mindfulness. And so one of the things Joseph Goldstein talks about a lot is paying attention to the tone of the note. Just be mindful. You might be noting in a way that's quite shouty or all caps or judgmental. But if you just pay attention to that, you can notice it and tweak it. And you can even make a note of the tone of the note. Oh, judgment, judgment, et cetera, et cetera. Okay, Karen. Building up on what Sandy said about narration in her head during sitting practice, what I experience is self-evaluation, like having a color commentator whispering remarks about what I do if I succeed in focusing on the breath, releasing tension, et cetera.

19:09I get, oh, that went well, or the like, and it snaps me out of the moment. I struggle with self-consciousness IRL, so this is related, I'm sure. Well, actually, it's interesting because I, in the first few years of my practice, I had a very strong judgmental mind. And then eventually, and I use this as a cue in our meditation earlier, where I said, instead of when we notice that the mind has wandered, instead of judging the mind having wandered, to actually celebrate that mindfulness has returned. And so for me, when I've switched the tone, as you mentioned just a moment ago, to one of celebration, it really made things fun, made me want to practice more, made me want to watch out for the next time mindfulness returns.

19:54So in a way, it like sparked my mindfulness to be way more alive and active. And so I'm not sure if Karen experiences the judgmental mind, but the fact that she used, oh, that went well, I mean like why not celebrate or enjoy that because I think generally speaking and I'm not sure if this is Karen's issue but generally speaking as a society we're so hard on ourselves and so if what comes up for her is oh that went well I would say to just also maybe be mindful of how that feels to have done something well because it's not always going to last so enjoy it while it lasts kind of thing. and then use that or to notice if that helps to inspire more mindfulness or inspire her practice or her to get more curious.

20:42I don't know. I kind of like that. I love it. I just got off a meditation retreat myself. And one of the little tricks I've picked up over the years from great teachers, this is not an innovation, is to really celebrate the moment of waking up. Because there's a way in which you can compute it as just a series of failures. But failing, quote unquote, in meditation is succeeding. As many times as you get lost, you will also wake up. And can you celebrate those moments? And so for me, one little mantra I'll use is great job. Welcome back. Yeah, I love that. And you can use that to tune into the fact that being awake right now feels so much fucking better than being stuck in your movie, in the stories you're telling yourself about yourself and all the background drama and muttering about what you like and dislike and all that stuff.

21:42Just to be right here with whatever's arising in a calm, equanimous, mindful way, to be awake in this vivid reality feels so much better than being lost. And the more you can incentivize yourself to wake up because it feels good and you're not kicking your own ass every time you wake up, the more you'll wake up in my experience. Another little expression you can use is a Tibetan one that Joseph taught me, emaho, which I think translates into, isn't this amazing? Isn't it amazing that the mind is aware and empty, meaning empty of self, that if you look for some core homunculus of dawn behind the scenes, you won't find her.

22:28That this experience of being alive is so mysterious that we have these minds that can take in the world and there's nobody behind the curtain pulling the strings. So just try those two things. I've gotten a lot out of them. Before I go on to the next question, any reaction to the stuff that just came out of my face? Well, actually, even just like something more immediate that I used to take for granted was when I'd practice and I'd have pain or discomfort in my body, I would move my body, hope no one in the meditation hall saw me and then just kind of continue on. But then I've started being really mindful, experiencing the discomfort, noticing that I want to move.

23:12I do the whole movement, but then I also make a conscious effort to be present for relief and ease because I don't often feel that in my practice or I easily miss it in my day-to-day life. And so to really be present for that so that it can inspire me to make more room for it as well. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Okay. HP asks, how do I deal with the flood of distracting thoughts that come with open eye meditation, like while I'm walking? I'm not sure why, but I have monkey brain a lot worse when my eyes are open. Yeah, that's also super normal. I don't know if this is factual, but I once heard someone say that as soon as our eyes are open, it starts to take up three quarters of our attention.

23:57And so, of course, if that is true, I think whether that's the correct fraction or not, I feel like that is my experience. And so it's normal that as soon as the eyes are open, suddenly we're taking in so much of the world around us that it's easy to get pulled out into whatever we're seeing. One of the things that I like to do is just to practice naming. So we talked about mental noting a moment ago. So to practice naming what I'm seeing. So if to use that example of walking meditation, if it's like birds flying by that attract my attention, but then I make up this whole story of like, oh, they're siblings and they're fighting or, you know, whatever it might be to stop my walking, acknowledge seeing, acknowledge thinking, and then just kind of enjoy it while it's present.

24:50And then from there, keep going or to then continue walking. and additionally what I do to kind of get used to seeing or having seeing less of this thing that could be a different part or separated from my practice is before I actually do my practice and we did it a little bit at the end I take a moment to look around the room and I name the colors or the objects that I see and that's like a little way to tell my body like oh we're going to meditate We're slowing down so that we can start practicing soon. So I use sight and then I close my eyes or turn them downward. And then when my practice ends, I do the same thing.

25:30So I look around still so that I have a little bit of practice under my belt of what it's like to be mindful of seeing and not automatically just pulled into whatever it is I'm looking at. Which then helps when we're like doom scrolling or whatever, you know. On this recent retreat, Joseph was talking a lot about mindfulness of seeing. And he was saying, especially in the dining room where it, you know, it's so easy. You know, every person you look at, you have a whole story about them and hate that guy. What are those like five? What are those shoes with like toes, toe holes in them? Like, that's ridiculous.

26:10Whatever. You know, like the mind is just making all of these judgments. And it's so easy not to be mindful when you're, you know, like, wow, this is like an IRL meetup of an artisanal yogurt list serve in here. Like, who are these people? And he is like, yeah, but that's because you're not mindful of seeing. And just to make the little mental note of seeing, seeing when you're moving through the world, there's so many judgments pulling you out of the moment. And if you cut that at the moment of being mindful of seeing. Yeah, exactly. Like we're in reaction when we're not mindful, we're in reaction or that judgment all the time, no matter if it's like people or traffic or at the grocery store, what choice to make, etc.

26:56So, yeah, totally. And then when we can slow down enough to be mindful of it, I think it's kind of funny to hear some of our inner dialogue, especially in the dining room. Yes. So Sylvia writes, I'm listening to the conversation on the Eightfold Path on the Waking Up app between Dan, Joseph Goldstein and Sam Harris. Currently, they're discussing right thought. And there's a section about compassion for people who are rather cruel for the fact that they will suffer bad karma. Currently, I'm not able to feel compassion on that front. It's rather the opposite. I feel some comfort thinking that if not in this life, in the next one, they will feel consequences for their horrible acts.

27:34I know that is not right thought. How can I work with this? What do you say, Dan? Yeah, wow, heavy-hitting question. I really appreciate that. One of the things as I was listening to you read that, Dan, that comes to mind was this Thich Nhat Hanh quote that I've been really loving lately, which is something along the lines of, no one person is ever our enemy, only greed, hatred, and delusion, and the human mind is our enemy. And so I find when I'm faced with someone that I have a challenging view of because I think what they're doing is inhumane, dehumanizing, violent, whatever it might be, I try to remember that quote because I think it's easy to think the world would be better off with that person or like I want them to suffer.

28:23But ultimately, it doesn't really solve anything. I want them to be free of greed, hatred and delusion, and I want myself to be free of that greed, hatred and delusion. You know, and so just like listening to or just hearing you read that, that's what came to mind. Thich Nhat Hanh's quote. Sam Harris said something recently on one of his podcasts that has stuck with me, which is that anger makes sense, but it's not useful. So like it makes sense when you see something awful being done by somebody somewhere. to be angry. But in terms of helping you respond most effectively, living with an IV drip of rage is probably not the move.

29:09What did somebody else, I think it was Arthur Brooks, who said, angry people don't change the world. It's to be joyful people change the world. It's possible to hold two ideas in the mind simultaneously. And as it pertains to the people who are doing, you know, like I don't personally gain a lot of comfort or compassion from thinking about the bad karma. I personally, I like what Father Gregory Boyle says, guy who runs Homeboy Industries, which is I think the world's largest organization that works with current and former gang members in LA. And one of the things he says is that he doesn't look at things as good or evil.

29:49It's more like healthy or unhealthy. And so when I I look at people doing patently cruel things. I can reduce my judgment quotient a little bit if I think, well, this is just the behavior of an unhealthy person. And I can still take all the same steps I would take if I hated them to counteract their bad behavior. I just don't need to be mired in the unhealthy energy of hatred. Greg says you can resist without demonizing. Yeah, exactly. And I think when we're able to not get caught in the demonizing, we're able to be a little bit more clear. And then we won't get caught up in that unskillful, unhelpful behavior.

30:30But we can act or choose wisely in a way that still uplifts some of the qualities like in the right thought, which is non-ill will or friendliness and compassion, etc. Yeah. Yeah. So the next question is from, I hope I'm pronouncing this right, Odile Flavia. I apologize to you if I'm mispronouncing that. It's a two-part question. I'll take the first part and then I'll give the second one to Dawn. I hope you cover some takeaways from your recent retreat. We'd love to hear. Also, how does somebody who's scared of deep breaths moderate the breath into meditation? Yeah. The first part, I've said a few things about the retreat, but I'll say that the primary instruction that Joseph gave on the retreat, which I think is really helpful, was to consistently ask yourself the question, what is being known?

31:26What is being known? Which is brilliant on a couple of levels. So first, it brings you into the present moment. What is being known right now? And then it also, through passive voice, tunes you into the fact that there's no effort required to be mindful. There's no effort required to be aware of what's happening in your six senses, you know, the five senses and the mind. And it points you to the fact that there's nobody here doing the knowing. It's just a mysterious process. Joseph's point was that we live our lives in this movie, often an unhappy movie. And this just background static of anxiety, wanting, not wanting, judging, comparing.

32:14And when you ask this question, what's being known? And all you're aware of for however long in the aftermath of asking the question is what's happening right now. Well, you've stepped out of the movie into reality. And that can be a relief if you're paying attention. So, again, three benefits to this question. One, it brings you into the present moment. Two, the present moment takes you out of the movie, and that is really a relief. And three, what is being known, the passive voice of it, really attunes you to what the Buddhists would call anatta or not-self, that there isn't some separate you that you need to spend so much time building up and defending.

33:00Did what I just say make sense to you, Dot? Totally. And I just love that simple instruction or invitation, what is being known in any given moment. It just reminds me of when I practiced one of my, gosh, it was a long time ago, but a retreat I also had that Joseph was teaching. And I remember it was one of my longer retreats. And so I was just really gung-ho, like I wanted to become enlightened. And I was just doubling down and trying really hard. And I remember he asked me so simply, like, something like, what do you think is happening in the moment or what will happen in the next moment? It's only one of the six senses.

33:44and I was like, that's true, you know? And so it was just a little bit of that reminder of like what is being known by overcomplicating it and looking for something specific, I was missing out on the simplicity of the moment, but also all that you're mentioning about like, it's happening mysteriously. It is happening without me even trying. And so it's just something as simple as what is being known can open so much. And so I just love that reminder. Yes, and you don't need to be on a retreat to use this instruction. You don't even have to be meditating. Just get in the habit as you're moving through the world.

34:20What is being known? And then, as Joseph says, notice how you are stepping out of the movie. You're stepping out of the, often in the movie, like we're the victim or the bad guy or we're the protagonist for sure, but not often in a positive way. And so, oh, yeah, conventional reality is true. If I look in the mirror, I'll see somebody and, yeah, I have responsibilities. But at any given moment, there's only one of six things happening, as Joseph says. You're seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and then or something's happening in the mind. And you can be mindful of all of those things. And this is why they refer to the practice as liberating.

35:03And it's not just liberating at the top of the mountain when you get enlightened. It's liberating right now for all of us schmoes. But Odile's other question was, how does somebody who's scared of deep breaths moderate breath into meditation? What do you say about that? You know, why I love that question is because I think for so many people, their first introduction to meditation is to be mindful of the breath. but we don't talk a lot about how the breath is not the go-to for many people for there could be someone who's sick who has trauma related to their breath for some reason who has asthma or something like that and so I think it's really helpful to know that the breath is a tool but it might not be the tool that you need to use in that moment and so for Odile to maybe instead use sight as we talked about, or it could be focusing more on sensations instead.

35:59Maybe eventually she'll be able to be with the breath, but that doesn't need to be the goal because you can use any one of the other techniques and still get all of the benefits. And also, you know, maybe it's the fact, I'm not too sure, but maybe it's the fact that Odile is trying to take deep breaths because I think that was written, but that was said. And so it's not necessarily about deep breaths either. It's just, can you be mindful of your breath as it is? But sometimes when we're mindful of our breath, it's like it gets shy for some people where suddenly we can't breathe properly because we're paying attention to it.

36:33In which case, yeah, focus on the body instead, on sound, loving kindness phrases, whatever. Yes. Odile, don't sweat it. There's nothing super sacred about the breath within meditation. Yes, it's sacred because it keeps you alive and it can be a great way to meditate, but there are lots of other options. I don't meditate on the breath. And so I would, again, I would not sweat it. There are so many questions we're not gonna be able to have a chance to get to, which is a bummer, but I will say, and again, I wanna be careful because I don't want my team to murder me, but I do think we are heading in the direction of much more of this kind of live interaction.

37:15So happy to have all of you here live. I know thousands of you will watch it later. not live, which is also cool. Dawn, great to have you as Teacher of the Month. You've done amazing work and great to have you in this, your inaugural Substack Live. Thank you very much. Thank you. Happy to have been here. Thanks for all you do for people practicing. I think we need more people practicing and just for there to be like good change in the world. And I just, I'm so appreciative of all that you do with your platform, making it accessible or possible for so many. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, that is really the heart of what we're trying to build is just the place to go if you want to learn how to meditate, get better at it, get support, get your questions answered, meet other people who take it seriously.

38:03And so it's so cool to have you on the team. So thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. Peace.

38:16Thanks, Dawn, for hanging with me. Thanks to you for listening. Don't forget, if you sign up over at danharris.com, you can access our weekly live meditation and Q &A sessions. We do these every Tuesday at 4 Eastern. Subscribers also get custom guided meditations that come with our Monday, Wednesday episodes. You should sign up danharris.com. Also, if you want to sign up for something cool, there's a link in the show notes for that event I'll be doing on November 18th with the comedian Pete Holmes, a live taping of this podcast. Check it out. Finally, thank you to everybody who worked so hard to make this show.

38:50Our producers are Tara Anderson and Eleanor Vasili. Our recording and engineering is handled by the great folks over at Pod People. Lauren Smith is our managing producer. Marissa Schneiderman is our senior producer. DJ Kashmir is our executive producer. And Nick Thorburn of the band Islands wrote our theme.

39:15Thank you.