Why ADHD People Procrastinate (And 4 Brain-Based Ways To Get Started)

0:00Push your limits, train with precision, see the results. At Equinox, that's high performance loving. Everything you need to lock in and unlock your potential at Equinox. Start today at equinox.com. What's actually going on in the brain when we're struggling to start a task?

0:17Hester Grainger:Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, so it's a brain chemical. It's all about reward, focus, control, etc. So because we're lacking dopamine, that is why we have procrastination and can struggle doing boring things. Why does interest completely change what my brain is capable of? The minute we're interested in something, ooh, shiny, nice, new, it's exciting, which is what we need to be able to get a job done. If you do have that internal voice, I can't start the task, I must be lazy, what's wrong with me? When does procrastination heartbreakingly become part of your self-identity? I speak to so many people who are just like...

0:55Hester Grainger:Can I have just a second of your time? If this podcast has helped you understand your brain or made you feel less alone. Can you do me one favor? Can you hit the follow button? And I'll repay the favor by continuing to book the best and most exclusive conversations on this topic. Please enjoy the episode and always remember you're not broken, just different, and you have always been enough.

1:19Hester, welcome.

1:20Hester Grainger:Thanks. We're going to talk about why people with ADHD procrastinate. Yes. And then there's four brain-based ways to manage it. And we've got each one of the four solutions in these cardboard boxes in front of us. I'm loving this. Next to that very scary looking brain in front of them, which we're going to come to. We're going to get into a little bit of the science. But first, I really want people to understand why I wanted to have this conversation with you. I know I did. I know why I wanted to speak to you about this particular topic. I know that you've smashed this podcast before. You're behind, I think, the most viral ADHD chatter clip on social media.

1:57But you have helped thousands of people with ADHD understand their brains. You're an incredible coach. But when you hear the words, I just can't start, is there a particular person that comes to mind?

2:10Hester Grainger:I have to say, with the words, I just can't start, I hear it a lot. I coach a lot of people, a lot of different ages, male, female, from 20s to 60s. I have to say it's mostly women, I'm going to say of a certain age, I'm 48, I can say that, who were late diagnosed, who are stuck, who find that they've got to this age, they maybe have just discovered they've got ADHD through the perimenopause or through their children often, and they've just gone, oh my gosh, I had all my stuff together. I used to be able to smash things out of the park and now I can't. That type of person, what do you think like inside themselves, inside their thoughts, what do you think they think is wrong with them?

3:02Hester Grainger:Well, this is it, isn't it? There's nothing wrong with them, but they feel like there is something. And I often talk about when I'm coaching my clients is almost like, obviously being a coach is about looking forward. I'm not a counselor. I'm not a therapist. But actually, when you then get down to the nuts and bolts of it, it's actually that as a child, they were often told they were lazy or they weren't, you know, working hard enough or trying hard enough. So now as an adult, when, as I say, the wheels are falling off and are feeling a bit wobbly because of hormones, etc. Actually, that's what it is now.

3:33Hester Grainger:But they've got all this self-doubt and they're just going, why can't I just do this? And there's nothing wrong with them. And they don't need fixing, but they just need certain strategies to kind of go, oh, yeah, let's go. And before your work in the ADHD space, is that some doubt that you had about yourself personally? Do you know what? I have a weird sense of confidence, I have to say, almost to my downfall. And I'm like, I can do that. I could do that. I think there's one of those where I talk to a lot of people and they're saying, actually, do you know what? Oh, you've got so much confidence.

4:08Hester Grainger:You've got so much, I don't think of myself as confident at all, but that kind of, oh, get up and go. But almost with that comes this kind of, I don't really think things through. And I wonder if it's more the people that think things through in a good way, as you should do, that feel a bit more stuck with this. Because they go, well, I can't do that because of X, Y, Z. These are the things that are going to stop me. and it can often be something really small that someone's clinging hold of going, that's why I can't do it. Because we're all about the detail, aren't we? The minutiae. And we're kind of like, oh, that one tiny thing there, everything else might all be ready and set up to go.

4:49Hester Grainger:But that one thing holds us back. So this is so interesting. If we zoom in on that journey a little bit, was there a moment where you realized that this behavior that we call procrastination, it's a very long, serious word for not being able to start something. was there a moment you realized that that behavior wasn't laziness yeah I think it's one of those where I was diagnosed at 43 okay so my children were diagnosed autistic ADHD they are now 14 and 16 my husband Kelly um off the back of that was diagnosed autistic and then we were all diagnosed with ADHD so about six years ago something like that and I think for me I would be like why can't I do that?

5:29Hester Grainger:Why can't I do this? If I just tried harder, why is feeling, you know, cleaning the house, feeling overwhelming, sending that email can be the smallest thing, can't it? And actually, I could do all of that beforehand. And then I think there's this real realisation once you get diagnosed or self-diagnosed and kind of, or they have that light bulb moment, that that's when it starts to get a bit, as I call it, like almost wibbly. And actually, you could do it before, but now you're almost so aware of it whereas before you just think I forgot to say why can't I just do that and then you you do it because you had to but then with this new lens that's when it becomes a bit more right okay what does this mean what does lazy look like am I lazy because often you've been told you are yes gosh and that's the thing isn't it it's like I've spoken to so many people who have experienced that let's just for example focus on the email task they know what they've got to do.

6:25They know that they've got an inbox with maybe six or seven unread or unreplied to emails. They're not unaware of what needs to be done. They just can't get over that start line. They genuinely start telling themselves, what is wrong with me? Why can't I just? I think that's the question that we want to address today. I hope that by the end of this episode, people listening will finally understand why getting started feels impossible. There's four really, really cool brain-based methods to get over procrastination. Four ingredients that the ADHD mind needs to get started. One in each box. And we're going to go through those in a moment.

7:03But first, I want to get a little bit geeky, just for a second, just to talk about the actual brain. And I mentioned this horrible, terrifying skull in front of us on the table.

7:14Hester Grainger:I mean, it's very pink, that brain. Yeah, I'm going to pick it up just for a second. I think most people will associate the word dopamine with ADHD and they probably just think oh it just just means a lack of dopamine but what's actually going on in the brain when we when we're struggling to start a task? So dopamine is basically a neurotransmitter okay and we often think we're lacking dopamine or people with ADHD don't have dopamine that's not the case what it can be is just that we don't know how to get started we can't almost regulate our dopamine and that is what the issue is so it's a bit like when you're trying to stream a film on a streaming service and it's buffering okay the connection is buffering it doesn't mean that there aren't movies on that streaming service it doesn't mean that there are no movies it just means that actually it's really difficult to get started and then all of a sudden you ramp up your wi-fi or i don't know do something technical there and all of a sudden you can watch the movie and you're like oh okay doesn't mean the movie wasn't there and i think dopamine being a neurotransmitter that is what we need i always say to my clients to like fire up we need the dopamine fired to be able to get things done, like send the email, like clean the house, like do that really boring job.

8:21Hester Grainger:Like you said, we know we've got emails to do, but the problem is there's so many elements to an email and then they might reply. So all of a sudden you're like, hold on, I've managed to fire up my dopamine in my lovely squidgy brain, but actually what then happens next? Yes. So interesting. So it's not necessarily an issue with the creation of dopamine. It can just be a lack of ability to transport it to the parts of the brain that are required to get over that start line. Yeah. And it just, we lack the regulation of dopamine so that we can't regulate it, which is why, you know, if we didn't have dopamine, we wouldn't be interested really about many things.

9:01Hester Grainger:But then that is why we put off doing the email, but oh my God, let me geek out on, I don't know, you know, cute seals and find out everything I need to know about seals and what's involved. I don't know why I thought CEOs. I don't even like them that much. But, you know, get real geeky with a certain item or certain topic. And that's why. It's not that we don't have any dopamine. It's just we find it hard to regulate. And we need, like you said, we need that to get going. And that's why I always say you need to get it fired up. Fantastic. Right, without any more hesitation, we're going to move on to the four hacks in front of us in these boxes.

9:35Let me take that horrible squishy brain off you.

9:37Hester Grainger:Well, I like it. I feel terrible that I gave you that. No, that's fine. Don't worry. It's pretty gross. I just like how lovely white the teeth are and so straight on the skull. Yeah, they've been to Turkey. They went to Turkey before something bad happened. They did look left and right. I don't know what happened in Turkey. That's how they would want their skull to be used, hopefully, to help the ADHD community understand dopamine and how to stop procrastinating. Something they won't have any problem doing now. No, exactly. So we've got four boxes in front of us. Each one has in it a different ingredient.

10:12And I don't mean a type of food. I mean a way of thinking, like a particular thought process that you need in order to get over procrastination. And we're going to open up the first box now, Hester.

10:22Hester Grainger:It's like Christmas. I'm actually, I'm like, little clap. I'm excited. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Drum roll. Right. In the first box, we have a very shiny ball that has written on it, interest. So interest is interesting. Yeah, yeah. Because for me, I can spend hours researching ancient Egypt or the mating habits of blue whales or outer space. Loads of stuff. I can spend hours and there's no problem getting started with those tasks. But if you ask me to do my expenses or my tax return, it's like I'm pulling a bag full of bricks up a hill with barbed wire wrapped around my legs. It's physically painful.

11:06So why does interest completely change what my brain is capable of?

11:11Hester Grainger:Because it literally fires up that dopamine. The minute we're interested in something, we're like, ooh, shiny, nice, new. It's exciting, which is what we need to be able to get a job done. So when you have a job that is really boring or a task that is really boring, you have to try and find the interest in it, even if it's really hard to find. or reward yourself at the end with that, ooh, I've done it. But that's why we go off on random, you know, deep dyes on conspiracy theories or whatever it is, because that's more interesting than your tax return. Yes, that is so interesting. And I mean, the obvious question, I guess you kind of touched on it then, but how do you create interest, like artificially create it if you do have to do something that is mundane, like a tax return or send an email?

12:00Hester Grainger:Well, you have to almost like fake it. So you have to trick your brain into thinking that something exciting is going to happen. So I always think if you've got something really boring to do, you either need to wait till the last minute, which I don't advise, but you need to trick it into going, oh, actually, this is exciting. So a really good example is like returning clothes that you've bought online. Oh gosh, that's where all my financial investments are. All tied up in the boot of your car probably in return. and actually what I always say to clients is imagine say like you've got to go to the post office or the inbox in post box or whatever actually would you do that journey for 20 pounds let's say the return is worth 20 but would you do would you go to your local post office for 20 pounds yeah actually I probably would go for 20 pounds that's to me that's a mile down the road it's worth it that's where the interest comes from I've linked the amount of money that I'm going to get back from it whereas people go i can't be bothered okay would you go let's say it's an 80 pound or 100 pound return because quite often we will buy numerous items and then you don't want any of them um actually would you do that would you go to the in post locker and you got given 100 quid yeah yeah i'd go i'd go for 100 pounds all of a sudden we've piqued our interest yeah we've just fired up that dopamine and now not it's become a game but almost we're not oh I'm returning my parcels.

13:25Hester Grainger:It's, oh, I'm getting 50 quid for this. So, so, so cool. So almost like you're creating interest in the outcome of the task once you've done it. Yeah. We're returning the clothes. You're going to get money and therefore you can buy something interesting. So that's the motivation. That is such girl math, Alex. Like, I've got my money back, now I can spend it again. And then I go straight in the store next to the place I've returned the item and spend the 20 quid on a candle making set. Absolutely. And the cycle continues. Resin making. Haven't succumbed yet. Very tempted by a resonating fit. Fantastic.

13:56Right. That is, that was urgency. What was that? No, interest. Forget that. Okay, we'll cut that bit. Maybe keep it in. ADHD, right? Keep it in. Right. That was interest. Now, in the box number two, Hester, we're going to, the studio is going to get pretty messy, but that's probably representative of our minds. So that's no problem. Right. Number two, Hester, in the box. We have a second ingredient that the brain needs to get over procrastination, novelty.

14:20Hester Grainger:Ah, yes. Yes. So when I think of novelty, here's a story. Every January, without fail, I buy a new notebook. I think, okay, this is a shiny new notebook. I go buy a new pen. I go buy new Post-it notes and colorful magnets. And it's wicked. And my interest is there. And I think I can achieve amazing things. I'm unstoppable. And then about four weeks later, if I'm lucky, I'm tripping over it. That's good. It's like, God, it's gone from my mind. it's absolutely nothing um every january without fail so why does something being completely new like that notebook transform your motivation towards it i think what it is is that as you say novelty you think oh fun shiny i'm like oh even the things behind you on your lovely bookcases like feels novelty don't know they're a bit of fun and actually i think for that with the notepad you've almost got into a bit of a routine there.

15:18Hester Grainger:So you think, oh, it's December. Right, I'm going to buy myself a new notepad. You know, I always say a new notepad is not going to change your life. You still want to buy them, aren't we? But what we mean when we say novelty is we need to flip it and we need to go, right, is it that I'm just going to buy myself a new pen? The pen's got to feel right, hasn't it? It's got to write nicely. Or actually, I'm going to go and do my work from a cafe, a coffee shop. I've got a sit-stand desk. I've been standing. Oh, my God, it's made a difference. I've just bought a new standing, like a walking desk thing.

15:52Have you? Like an ergonomics.

15:57Hester Grainger:I know what you mean. Like a walking pad. Like a treadmill under my desk. I haven't got it out of the box yet. Of course you haven't, no. And hopefully you can just start walking because if there's any instructions, you're never looking. But yet, all of a sudden, you are taking what is a mundane task of your emails or whatever it might be. And you've got that novelty factor and that's what we need. But it doesn't mean that you have to go absolutely mad and spend a fortune on things. It can just be doing something a little bit different from the norm. So you with a walking pad, me with my sit-stand desk, it was honestly a game changer.

16:32Hester Grainger:And all of a sudden I was like, oh, this feels really fun. but I think the novelty is what is needed to be able to get overcome that procrastination if you think about it like with cleaning which I know I was on a while ago talking about that oh my god it's so boring but actually a bit of novelty maybe we put some headphones on on our favorite tunes or maybe you've got some trash I do love a bit of trash tv some trashy tv show that you get to watch whilst you're dusting or cleaning or doing whatever it adds that novelty factor in rather than just making it really mundane and boring. Brilliant advice.

17:05I suppose you stay healthy as well. You get your steps in while you're sending that email, hopefully.

17:09Hester Grainger:And I Googled, obviously, how many more calories I burned by standing than sitting, and it was a surprising amount. Incredible. Right. Novelty, interest. We're going to come back to the two remaining boxes in a moment. I actually think one of those is the reason that I've managed to stick at this podcast for two and a half years. That's the number four. So I can't wait to get to that. But first, We're going to talk about the things that people with ADHD tell themselves if they go through this cycle of procrastination time and time again. And to demonstrate that point, I'm going to bring out this backpack magically from behind me as if it just appears.

17:42And this is very heavy. Metaphorically heavy. A bit of imagination. I was going to get bricks for this segment, but I couldn't find any. So we've got more balls.

17:52Hester Grainger:Yes. But I feel like most people with ADHD, if I can find the zip, most people with ADHD, they have this backpack. on them all the time. It's an invisible backpack and we've got like, it's filled with things like lazy, what they tell themselves, that they're broken, they are unreliable, not trying, they have so much potential. And there's a hell of a lot of horrible things in here. Okay. Loads of stuff. Like how damaging is that to grow up with everyone always telling you, you've got so much potential? Well, it just weighs really heavily, metaphorically and literally doesn't it so if you imagine you do have your metaphorical backpack on with bricks and if someone can just take one out and make it lighter and I say this a lot often when I do I've not coached parents for a while I have to say but I used to do a lot of parenting workshops for parents of children with ADHD and I would say you have a backpack of bricks or a child does just help remove a brick just help make life a bit easier if you're constantly told you're rubbish you're useless you're not trying hard enough actually of course it's going to be damaging you know if I was in a relationship and I was told constantly well you're lazy you know you're not trying hard enough you should do that I wouldn't be in that relationship would I because that would be so damaging but what we do is we talk to ourselves like that or I have to say if there's any parents listening or if you've got young people in your life like really swap up that narrative okay so don't be saying oh you should try harder or you're being lazy or like it's almost a bit like mentioning the diet word which i would just never mention don't call your child lazy just say come on let's do this together right the chances are if they've got adhd you you're trying to break that generational cycle because you don't then want a child to then grow up and they've got all these negative words almost floating around them and if they say don't they a child by the time of 12 received 20 ,000 more negative comments.

19:45Hester Grainger:I have to caveat that with that wasn't an actual study. That was a psychologist who'd worked it out roughly. But I think that 20 ,000 comments people can associate with. And I think people go, oh, okay. And it's about switching it up and knowing that actually you need to start going, do you know what? I'm giving myself permission to not do that. This is okay to not do the washing up. No one lies on their deathbed and said i wish i've done more cleaning do they yeah no exactly and i think it was william dodson who who sort of coined the phrase rejection sensitivity dysphoria and and estimated that neurodivergent children are on the receiving end of 20 000 extra horrible comments like you're too sensitive too dramatic too much all of those nasty stuff all of these balls really that end up carrying around as a consequence of that how often do you think adhd becomes shame oh so often i you know i speak to so many people who were just like if only I could just if I just did this if I just found the special secret that I could unlock this if I wasn't so lazy if I just tried harder oh just is such an uh a damaging word really isn't it because it's like well if I just did it you know I'm 4 foot 11 if I was just taller okay but I'm not like you know just is such a you don't you don't want to be adjust do you you it's about reframing it and being like yeah actually i am enough and you know this is what i do with my clients oh just this just that i'm like no stop like it's really hard for us adhders to have that confidence to go yeah do you know what actually i'm really good at this whereas quite often it's like yeah no i'm not bad what do you mean you're not bad yes yeah does that make sense no totally i think that's the heart of this whole conversation i think the next piece really is the most heartbreaking thing, having spoken to so many people in the community and all of this criticism that we get and circling back to the focus of this episode, which I think is one of the hardest parts of ADHD, is that procrastination.

21:51If you do have that internal voice, I can't start the task, I must be lazy, what's wrong with me? When does procrastination heartbreakingly become part of your self-identity?

22:29today at equinox.com.

22:34Hester Grainger:I imagine it probably happens a lot. And I think this is why you need to try to be able to differentiate between actually, I'm not procrastinating because I'm lazy. I'm procrastinating because I find it really hard to regulate my dopamine. And because I've got ADHD, now that's quite a mouthful to say to you as a little mantra, isn't it? But actually, I think it's about realising that there is a difference. It's not that people are lazy. It's just actually this isn't interesting enough for me or there isn't enough urgency or it's not novelty enough for me. It's not exciting enough. That's what we're looking for.

23:10Hester Grainger:Our brains are constantly sort of scouring for fun, shiny, interesting. Well, tax returns or cleaning or sending emails. It's not that we don't care either. I think this is what a lot of us say. well I obviously don't care if I can't send that email but actually the chances are we've been carrying around the weight of that email in the shower out walking the dog we are constantly thinking about it when we then go oh my god I need to send this email I'm going to get fired or I'm not going to you know I'm going to lose that client or whatever it is we send that email and then the person replies and we start all over again with this oh my goodness me and it's it's the weight of what is happening and the feeling it's not actually the activity it's the feeling that we're going to get from when that happens yes god that is the worst most frustrating thing when you send an email or a text message that maybe you've been putting off for days yeah and they reply straight away yeah i always feel bad because i am that replier straight away so am i oh no you've made me realize i'm a terrible i am i like to just get things done at the moment I forget yeah yeah yes like it's like even spider-man where he sees himself we are the same yeah just like right and I saw I think she was like a ceo and she had like five kids she's an amazing woman isn't that funny that I think that's amazing because she's got five kids and she's a ceo but anyway she was saying almost she just gets stuff off her list so as in if she sees an email she will reply straight away and I think that's why I'm the instant replier because I'm either an instant replier or I'm sort of five working days minimum kind of thing so sorry to interrupt your hyperfocus, but I promise it's worth it.