91% of Women Hate Their Bodies - And Here's How We Change That

0:00Big Little Feelings:The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Welcome to today's episode of After Bedtime. Now, if you've ever looked in the mirror and felt that sting of dissatisfaction, if you've ever carried the weight of body image struggles into motherhood or throughout life, or if you've ever wondered how to raise kids who don't straight up hate their body like so many of us did growing up, you're not alone. Today, we're going deep into the messy, personal cultural realities of body image, the way pregnancy and postpartum shift how we see ourselves, the generational patterns we inherited, and how social media and society keep piling on that pressure.

0:43But we're also talking about what it looks like to break free. You'll hear raw stories, powerful reframes, and practical shifts you can start making today, not just for yourself, but for your kids too. By the end of this episode, our hope is that you'll feel less alone, more compassionate towards your own body, and more equipped to model something different for this next generation. Because the truth is, your body is not a problem to be fixed. It's your home, your power, and your story. And together, we can change the whole conversation.

1:18Big Little Feelings:Welcome to After Bedtime, where the house is finally quiet, but the real noise begins. The thoughts, the questions, the wondering if you're doing any of this right. We're Kristen. And Dina. Child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders of Big Little Feelings. And we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy. Nope. We're here to tell the truth. The unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process. Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks. It's about healing. It's about breaking cycles. It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be.

1:57Big Little Feelings:This is the place where we say the quiet parts out loud, and we're so glad that you're here. Dina, hello. Welcome. I just, what I just witnessed, besties, is Dina is in a dark room, which looks phenomenal. By the way, I would love to be in that dark room with you. And that was the biggest yawn I've ever seen you take. I know. I'm so tired. I'm not even going to lie. Like I don't sleep anymore. Besties, I am 39 weeks pregnant. Yeah, I can barely breathe. Like my lungs are so squished, but I'm really happy to be here nonetheless. I can't believe you're here. If we were taking bets, I never thought you were going to get to 39 weeks.

2:41Big Little Feelings:I know I had the other one. My first baby came 10 days before the due date. So he would have been here already. But But you know what? We had a fake out just two nights ago. We had a fake where we had a fake out. It was every four to five minutes I was having contractions. They were the kind that you had to breathe through. OK. And I'm logging them like these are not stopping. Mike, we are having a baby tonight. I know it's 10 p.m. This is really not ideal timing, but like we have to do this tonight and then at midnight they just stopped and I was like I guess I'll go to sleep now it's a fake out fake out what do you when do you think this is happening you know if you would have asked me maybe like two weeks ago I'd be like he's coming early he's coming before that due date and now I'm like I don't know he might stay in an extra week who knows so I'm trying to all of our journeys I always I remember like as soon as I got to the end I'm like he he dropped he dropped he's ready I remember with my first one I was like she is coming out of my vagina right now like she's out I am walking and I swear she's coming out and she went like a week over exactly I literally made myself laugh today I was with my trainer at the gym like the coach guy wait if you can just pause yes I did a workout today for the besties you can just like roll over that where we're talking about like having fake outs, giving birth and then going to the gym with your trainer.

4:17Big Little Feelings:We I I understand what, you know, the Dina lifestyle is. I just wanted to pause. I don't know that a lot of people are seeing their trainer at 39 weeks. All I saw at 39 weeks was like Cold Stone Creamery. Shout out. I would love a sponsorship every single day. My husband and I'm not going. My husband's going like because I'm on a couch. Go ahead, Dina. You were meeting with your. Let's be sure to call it what it is. It is not normal, but it does make me feel really good, like on days where I have energy, which is not I don't go every day, but I do feel really nice staying in my routine. So that's what you do most days also like every other day.

4:57Yeah. Yeah.

4:57Big Little Feelings:Yeah. And that's I think that is very normal. I don't think there's anything that's, you know, normal or not normal. I think there's just different people out there and there's a lot lot of people that do that. Yeah. My routine makes me feel really comfortable. So yeah, so far, so good. But anyways, I was giving him this whole lecture at the end because he's like, I'm just so impressed you're still coming. And I was like, you know what? We just don't know when he's going to come. We have to release control and just be patient. And then I started laughing. I was like, what the fuck am I saying?

5:29Like, I'm having such a hard time doing all that. I'm just like every minute I'm like is it now is it now like okay I give the best advice when it's the advice that I cannot take myself it's just like somebody should write it down anytime it's

5:46Big Little Feelings:something that I cannot do I'm really good at explaining what someone should do that I like cannot and will not do myself I unfortunately do that to my husband all the time you know I'm just like, listen, executive functioning. It's not that hard. Okay. Even though he has autism, I have ADHD. This is not a joke, by the way, besties, we are literally diagnosed autistic ADHD. And I literally was explaining it to him the other day. And I didn't catch myself until halfway through where I'm like, listen, all you have to do is you have to divide it into chunks. and then you have to go with the smallest chunk first.

6:26Big Little Feelings:And then, you know, you set a timer and then you see that it only takes 11 minutes to unload a dishwasher. And then I'm halfway through and I'm realizing, like, I have never been able to do these hacks that everybody says you should be able to do. Like, I know all the hacks. I know all the advice to give, but I can't physically do them. Like, I'm just so good at explaining things that I'm terrible at. But I'm going to give you a shout out. Are you ready? Are you ready for a compliment? Oh, wow. Area I see you follow through with everything you say is your parenting. I'm proud of you. Oh, wow. That's nice of you.

7:04Yeah, that's nice.

7:06Big Little Feelings:I feel like I have that under control. I really don't. I think we've said this before. This might be a neurodivergent thing. I don't know what this is. I feel really good and comfortable in parenting and my relationship with my kids, probably because we're both like hyper focused on, you know, child development and all of that. And that isn't the hardest thing for me. Sometimes it's hard, right? But it's not the hardest thing for me, like the noise, the chaos. I have ADHD. Like, yes, girl, let's do it louder. I love this. Like, love the chaos. Love the screaming. I get why you're upset. What's so hard for me is truly the executive functioning of motherhood.

7:47Big Little Feelings:It just makes me crumble. Yeah. The overload purely. So I appreciate the compliment because I do feel confident on that side of it. But then just anything else that has to do with parenting, that's not me just like jumping in in the moment. That's where I have a really hard time. You were 10 minutes late here. So that makes sense. Which frankly is early, you know, if we're being completely honest. It's true. I'm very sorry about it. I don't mind. Very sorry about it. I scheduled it in. I know you do. You do that. And that's why we work. And I love you. What's today's episode about, Dina? I have no idea because the ADHD and YM.

8:27Because of the executive functioning issues.

8:29Big Little Feelings:There's a lot going on. It's the first week of school. You're about to have a baby. It's the first week of school. Not that either of those are even remotely on the same level. But there's a lot going on. There are teacher class going out. There are play dates. There's backpacks. There's a lot. So I'm showing up and I have no idea what this episode is about. And I'm excited about it. you're gonna love it. Like, I'm just gonna start out there. It's a really fun one. Well, it's a really like all over the place one with emotions, actually, because it's about bodies. It's about women's bodies, body image, how so many of us struggle with how we look, our relationship to food.

9:05So I think there's a lot to say here. I know you and I have a lot to say.

9:10Big Little Feelings:I'm so excited for this topic because I'm feeling a little, a little, you know, unhinged or just like on the precipice of, you know, really having a little bit of a breakdown. And I think this might be the best episode for that. That's perfect. You know what I mean? Okay. It's a safe space here. Let's go. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I feel like my whole algorithm is just wellness. And I know it's being served to me because I eat it up because I actually try every wellness thing that exists out there. So it's my own fault. I'm seeing cold plunges and gratitude journals and screen detoxes and all of these different things that I'm supposed to be doing every single day.

9:55Big Little Feelings:And honestly, I get overwhelmed and then I do none of them. It's hard to know what actually works and what action to take. Sometimes in the midst of all the noise, I forget that the best thing for my body and my mind is therapy. Therapy allows me to be the best version of myself. And I think there's a myth out there that it has to be for somebody who has experienced major trauma or major childhood trauma, or my struggle isn't hard enough to justify that I need help or that I need therapy, but everyone deserves therapy. They deserve peace of mind. They deserve coping skills. And I am telling you, when I leave therapy, I feel like the 100 pounds that have been weighing on me have been lifted.

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14:57Big Little Feelings:See thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners$10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code FEELINGS. Find out why Nutrafol is the best selling hair growth supplement brand at Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com promo code FEELINGS. That's Nutrafol.com promo code FEELINGS. Today's episode is one that I know is so relevant to so many of our lives. And I feel like the body conversation, it's so important in the motherhood journey.

15:45Big Little Feelings:And at the same time, it's so unimportant in the motherhood journey. And that dichotomy is hard for me to even reconcile. I remember being obsessed with my body when I was younger, just obsessed with it. Now, I feel like I don't really have time to obsess over my body. But then every now and again, something happens or I catch myself in the mirror or something happens. It's like, holy shit, you know, and I'm triggered and all of that comes flooding back. I feel like once you have a baby and you go through pregnancy, if you went through pregnancy and your body changed, all of the things that have maybe been put to bed for a decade or a few years, it comes rearing back because your body is just so different all of a sudden.

16:37Big Little Feelings:Dina's yawning. Don't make me laugh. I'm going to pee on my chair. Oh, God. I'm so impressed you're here. I don't even know what you're doing here. As you were talking, I was just like, yep, yep. I'm about to go through it again right now. This is a great TED Talk. I'm going to listen to this. I'm just here listening to you. That's great. I can't wait to listen to this podcast. I already feel great. Thank you so much, Kristen. That was empowering. Really validating stuff. Leave me a good review. Okay. But I think it is worth mentioning, like, so, so, so many of us go through what you just described.

17:21And if you really get into the data of it and the research of it, it's actually astounding. So 91 % of women actually report body dissatisfaction. That is an alarming, alarming amount of us. And then on top of that, 70 % of moms say that postpartum worsened it, like you're saying. I know I personally went through that, especially with my first baby. I struggled so hard postpartum with the changes that were happening. It was a lot. And I think there's even sadder, honestly, stats that we need to be addressing and looking at, which is those of our kids. The research shows that by age 10, 81 % of kids are afraid of being, quote unquote, fat.

18:12That is heavy. I know I personally struggled with it. I remember being right around that 10 age is when it started hitting for me. And girls as young as first grade want to be thinner is what reports say. So that is something I feel like we really need to be keeping in mind as we have these conversations.

18:35Big Little Feelings:It's hard for me even talk about because it's such a fear of mine and it's so inevitable. One thing that came to mind to backtrack a second is you said 90 % of women have dissatisfaction with their bodies. And while you were talking, I did a quick Google, and this is just Google, so don't report anything. But this Google AI overview is saying 10 % to 30 % of men show body dissatisfaction. Look at that. That's a stark difference right there. And I do think that that ties into then little girls, because why do we think that men have 10 to 30 % body dissatisfaction? Women have 90%. There are so many shapes and sizes out there of both men and women.

19:33Big Little Feelings:So it's not like, you know, there's a most men are in incredible shape. No, no, no. They have the equal amount of distribution of what their bodies may look like in terms of variety, shape, sizes, all the things. And yet 10 to 30 for men, 90 % for women. You almost can't win or be satisfied, satisfied, not even happy, satisfied with your body as a woman. And no wonder that's going to leak into girlhood because it starts there. It starts there and it never, ever ends until the day you die. Exactly. And I think it feels so, so incredibly personal at times. Like it's just you. There is something wrong with you.

20:19And when you really stop and zoom out, you start to notice what a cultural thing this really is. It's the world and the society that we're living in. And the beauty expectations that, hello, surprise, have been mostly curated by men have been placed on us. It's crazy.

20:38Big Little Feelings:Listen, if we're talking culturally, right now, I'm terrified about social media. There's all of the statistics that we know with young girls, eating disorder content, suicide, anxiety is up. That scares the shit out of me right now, no matter what, with two daughters. But even our generation, that's what I can feel most in my bones, which is the Kate Moss era. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. That was both of our mantras. You, you know, you were like in it, though. You were in it. I went all in. I struggled with eating disorders for a long, long time. A long, long. Which started at what age?

21:16I can remember back to 13. I remember learning this stat that if you just didn't eat for three days, eventually the pain of it goes away. And I was like, you know what? Let me see if I'm strong enough to do that. And did. And then it became this kind of like vicious cycle for me that I just couldn't pull myself out of. Like, I remember being at lunches with you even in high school. I would secretly, without saying anything, cut the food in half, immediately throw away half of it so that I didn't even have an option. Yeah.

21:51Big Little Feelings:I mean, I remember seeing a lot of girls our age at high school that would do that. You know, they would go to the cafeteria. They would be three of them. They're way thin. They're ordering one side of rice and they're splitting it three ways. how many articles and magazines and SlimFast commercials were we consuming that showed us exactly what to do in order to quote unquote fix the problem. And the problem was your body. And the solution was you will be happier. You will be thinner. You will have the boyfriend. you will have the life of your dreams. Everything is rosy once you lose weight, once you're a certain size.

22:40Big Little Feelings:But nobody was talking about what happens when these very healthy young girls are starving themselves and getting to a place of extreme. This messaging wasn't meant for them. And then I know that men, little boys are consuming. I mean, they're seeing they're seeing the commercials, but they're not targeted at them. They're not seeing the bikini bodies. They're not seeing in Cosmo magazine, in the in the teen beat magazines. It's not targeted at them. What's targeted at them is being strong. And I think there's so many things that we could do a whole episode about the messaging that we are sending to young boys and emotional health and emotional resiliency.

23:31Big Little Feelings:When it comes to bodies, I'll do it as simple as this. Every, and I'm going to say it, fucking time that I watch a fucking movie to this day, and for decades, I will point this out. I'll be watching a movie, and the guy in the movie, the husband, quote unquote, he is, and it's like, you know, a movie for our age. So they're like a bit older or whatever, 35 something. He looks like a normal person. I'm not going to be like mean and rude, but you know, he has like balding hair. He has, you know, an imperfect body. He looks like a very normal guy and he is the lead of this film. And he's supposed to look like a normal guy on there.

24:15Big Little Feelings:And the woman who is cast as his equal, his wife, is Nicole Kidman. It's perfection. It's Jennifer Aniston. And they give her a bad haircut. So she's supposed to be quote unquote ugly. And this happens over and over and over again. You see so many men who are a little bit, I wouldn't even say overweight, but a normal weight or overweight, just a variation is what I'm trying to say. You see some really hot men, you see some really fit men, and then you see a whole spectrum of men's bodies that star in movies. And the only body type that you see that is not a villain is the exact same body type.

25:01Big Little Feelings:And then they modify that perfect looking woman to have a slightly unflattering haircut in order to match his level. Am I wrong? No, you're completely right. That's exactly it. It drives me crazy. And that you have to realize like those subtle messages have such an impact when that's what you're seeing over and over. And it becomes so normal to us without even realizing it. And I will say, too, you brought up social media, social media, like for our boys and girls, even the boys right now are starting to have such an issue with what's being served to them about working out. And the boys are starting to struggle more and the girls are struggling immensely.