Holiday Confessions: The Chaotic Holiday Episode Parents Actually Need

0:00The following podcast is a dear media production. Besties, it's Dina. I just went through this myself. Feeding your baby can bring up so many emotions. And now I know firsthand whether it is your first kid or your third kid, it is different and the questions start coming fast. Am I making enough milk? Should I switch to formula? Why does this feel so stressful? This all feels really hard. Should I keep going? Where is that line between pushing through and prioritizing my mental health. I just went through this all firsthand. And there really is no right answer. For each postpartum period, you are going to be a different version of you.

0:42And the way you feed your baby may be a different fit each time. For me on this last go, I hit a point where I just could not keep going with pumping. And I made the pivot to formula. I'm personally so happy I did because I'm enjoying life a lot more. And if you're looking for formula, I am obsessed with Bobby. Bobby is this incredible formula baron that was created by moms who just couldn't find what they were looking for on the shelf. And so, like a mom, they made it themselves. I love the quality. It's USDA organic, inspired by European standards, and modeled after breast milk. But maybe the best part?

1:19Bobby loses sleep over what goes into your baby's bottle so that you don't have to, which is especially important these days when we are talking about formula. Every batch goes through over 2 ,000 safety and quality tests. Yes, 2 ,000. Whether you're exclusively formula feeding, you're combo feeding, or you just kind of need that backup can in the pantry for those, oh no, I'm out of milk moments, Bobby has your back. It's been named a top choice by Parents Magazine, BabyList, and What to Expect, and it's already loved by over 700 ,000 babies and counting. My babies being some of those. If you really want to feel good about what's in your baby's bottle, Get 10 % off with our code FEELINGS at HiBobby.com.

2:02That's H-I-B-O-B-B-I-E dot com with the promo code FEELINGS. Welcome to After Bedtime, where the house is finally quiet, but the real noise begins. The thoughts, the questions, the wondering if you're doing any of this right. We're Kristen and Dina, child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders of Big Little Feelings. and we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy. Nope. We're here to tell the truth. The unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process. Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks.

2:41It's about healing. It's about breaking cycles. It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be. This is the place where we say the quiet parts out loud and we're so glad that you're here. Okay, I'm going to set the scene, besties, of what's happening right now. There is scotch tape stuck to my foot. I've been wrapping presents for four hours and I've wrapped, I don't know, two and a half presents and I have had my husband come in and help. Our dog just climbed inside of a gift bag voluntarily and he's just sitting in there. You know, I don't think he's going to get out.

3:13Welcome to our holiday special. This is the episode for parents who are just trying to make it through December without rage quitting the season. And if your holiday spirit is currently being held together by caffeine and a hope and a prayer, you are in the right place. We're just staring at each other. This is a stare off. Well, you usually initiate these things. Well, you know, I am a big initiator on the pod. I will say I'm a big initiator. I kind of have to like keep the episode going, keep the episode on track. And then I also am making the, you know what I mean? I'm a passive participant.

3:47Yeah. Typically. Yeah. It's kind of like, it's kind of like our home life balance. Like, I do a lot. Oh, boy. Would you? Oh, boy. We're already going to start here. Mental load, part 23. Part 23. Where are we last left off? Uh-huh. Why don't you start? Why don't you kick this off? Here's how I'm starting. Okay. Kristen, how are you? How are you doing? Oh, you didn't see that coming. I am not prepared for this question. Did not see that coming. I'm not prepared to answer the question. No. Next question. I don't even know how to answer that. Okay. What are we talking about today? Oh, we're talking...

4:22Welcome to the podcast. We're talking about the holidays. Holidays. Let's do it. How do you feel about it? We need to not do it yet. What are you feeling right now? How are you doing? I had therapy this morning. How was it? It wasn't intense, which was nice. It was just like a little easy one. Not too easy, but it was like, man, I'm stressed. There's so much happening right now. I'm not prepared to deal with all of it. You know what I mean? Just so much. can I ask you a question is that ever not not the case no it's just stress all the time but I feel like when you get into the holidays you're like great we're adding the holidays to it yeah I gotta add thinking of gifts which if you listen to the last episode not my forte at all okay that's the part that stresses you out about the holidays no there's so much more oh okay is it also magical though and like it's nice i mean we talked about magic but for me the magic revolves around our kids it does not revolve around like like it's not like a seasonal magic i'm not like oh it's december baby like the magic's here do you like resonate with the christmas tree like it makes you feel cozy on the inside sometimes that's nice sometimes like late at night yeah it's dark yeah And the only lights on are the Christmas tree.

5:44Oh, that's what I'm talking about. And they're colorful lights. I think I mentioned this in something else, like the bubbly ones, you know, in the 90s, there used to be the ones that they didn't start bubbling because they were straight up would boil whatever liquid was inside of them. Horribly dangerous. I bet I can find them on eBay. No, thanks. I'm going to get some. I'm going to get some of those. But they would like bubble the liquid in it. Okay. Like little lava lamp Christmas lights that we would have on the tree. And that just sounds so dull. I could go for that right now. If we had that right now, I would, I would have those on.

6:15So to make you, let me just summarize, if I could just summarize the thesis here, the way to make you feel connected to the holidays is to get an off label, dangerous, maybe going to catch on fire type of light from eBay. Well, I can't imagine they're off label, but just like not vintage. We're going to call them vintage. Is there anything in the ketchup that's not holiday related? Cause the whole episode is going to be holiday related. Is there anything else going on? Like anything else in therapy? Yeah. I mean, there's plenty of stuff, but that's, that's for me and my therapist, not for all my friends out here.

6:48Oh, really? Not all my besties. This isn't therapy? No, it's not therapy. Sorry. I tried to break it to you. Well. I tried to break it to you. You're the one who brought up therapy. I did. That was my bad. We got a new rug today. We did. We got a new rug. We got a new couch because we originally, we, I'll say we, originally got a white couch. again again despite somebody's protest we got a white couch because we had a white couch before and it was totally fine it wasn't it was completely fine it wasn't and then we didn't have noodle who is the 90 pound golden retriever at the time and now we do and so this couch was not fine this couch was not fine like there was nothing you could do we were washing it like once a week yeah and it was all the cushions horrific as i like to call it horrific so we bit the bullet we got a brand new couch.

7:38It's brown. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how I feel about it, but it's got to be better than the white. I'm pretty stoked because it has a like natural feel. It's not like full, like dark 80s mahogany. Kind of is, but it's kind of on trend. Like a natural. It's like a natural brown. We're on trend, babe. And the best part between that and the rug is that they already look dirty. Yeah, the rug looks slightly dirty in a good way. Fashionably dirty. Yeah. It's like an oriental brown pattern. Pattern. It's a patterned rug. But like it looks like it could handle some. I did that on purpose.

8:14Yeah. You know what I mean? So everything that's going in our house has to handle. And so that means everything in our house is going to be brown. Everything has to be pre-dirtied. Yeah. And I don't like gray. I'm not a gray bitch. So it's got to be brown. You know? There's no other option. I can't. There's no other option. I can't with gray. We should get a patterned couch. Do they make those? do they make patterned couches no they should that i would like to see that feel like like in our childhood they had patterned couch like my my couch it was yellow like a light yellow and then had blue flowers all over it i would like to see a couch upholstered with like a turkish rug you know what i mean yeah no i do know what you mean and that's probably sick that'd be sick That would probably be incredibly expensive, but like worth it.

8:59I concur. Can we talk about the holidays now that we got that out of the way? Yeah, because you're going to get me a Turkish rug couch for Christmas. Oh, God. Okay. You know that I will. That's the problem. Like, I'm such a good gift giver. I will literally get you, unfortunately, a Turkish. I would get you a Turkish couch. And here I am struggling to think of anything. Besties will report back if I even receive something and what it will be, you know? what if santa were to drive a car any car i know you're a car guy what would santa drive the obvious answer is actually no i'm gonna go with a white one because red is the obvious choice yeah right yeah but it's obviously a minivan yes no it's a minivan it's obviously a minivan And the thing is, they're so decked out, like the Chrysler Pacifica, decked out.

9:55Decked out. Number one, that's the safest car. It's the safest car on the road. It has the most standard safety features of any minivan, number one. We got to keep Santa safe, first of all. So the Chrysler Pacifica, most standard safety features of any minivan. So that's the obvious choice. Because who's number one in this world? My children. Wrong. It's Santa. Yeah, they'd be pretty devastated if something happened to Santa. You gotta keep Santa safe. Number two, storage. And you want to say like, oh, it's for all the gifts, but you can't fit all the gifts in the world into a minivan. Wrong, because that's what the magic sack is for, right?

10:34We all know that. The magic sack is where the gifts are. It's for the reindeer. Because you have the stow and go, baby. You put those seats flat, and it's basically a stable. in there. I can confirm after putting three children into a minivan that it is basically like a stable in there. Like I can fit the three kids stroller, suitcases, a carry on suitcase, all of our shopping, all of our extra stuff. Like it is literally a horse stable. That's the equivalent of nine reindeers is what you just said. I'm not going to name them, but I think there's nine of them, maybe eight. It's eight plus Rudolph.

11:11Plus one. So there's nine. Yeah. Or is it seven plus Rudolph? I don't know the answer to that. Anyways. Well, we'll call it nine. Okay. And they'll fit in the Chrysler Pacifica. For sure. But also is cool. Check this out is that it has the the fam cam. Do you know about this one? I don't. It's a camera to the back of the van. Oh, I do know this. So you can keep an eye day or night because we know Santa be traveling at night, but he may do some daytime cruising. But it's got night vision. so he can keep an eye on the reindeer. If they get hungry, they're getting carrots. If they're getting sleepy, they can have a little car nap.

11:48Well, that's why I loved it because I could see if my kids, when we were traveling, if the littlest one was taking a nap at 5 p.m., which is an absolute nightmare. And so now you can actually see into the back of the car and be like, don't fall asleep. Roll the windows down, blast the music. Blitzen, Blitzen, wake up. Yeah. Donner. That's what I did. Don't you do it, Rudolph. Minivan. And also Apple CarPlay. Discover all the ways a Chrysler Pacifica can make your life and your family's rides easier and more enjoyable this holiday season by visiting their website at Chrysler.com backslash Pacifica today.

12:22Chrysler.com backslash Pacifica today. Hi, I'm Mary Alice Haney. And I'm Dr. Thais Ali Abadi. Dr. A, as she is known, is a world-renowned OB-GYN. And together, we're launching a new podcast. SheMD to empower women to become their own health advocate. We're providing women with the knowledge and tools to really own their own health. With celebrity guests and today's leading experts, we're dropping episodes every Tuesday. So listen and subscribe on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

13:00Okay, before we dive into the chaos, because, you know, we love a chaotic episode. real quick. This season, it's so much. And I know that it's a lot of fun and it's magical and we never want to complain about it. But let's just be real. The expectations, the schedule, having to create the magic out of nowhere. That's a lot. And especially on us moms. But even in the hot mess, there are these tiny little flashes. Your kids face lighting up at a string of lights, the way your house smells like cinnamon. If you are lucky enough to have somebody like my husband, who cooks food in your house and bakes.

13:38The moment you and your partner look at each other across the disaster and think, oh my God, this is really nice. This episode is your holiday permission slip to laugh, to let go and to not take any of it too seriously and to know you're already making the memories your kids will remember, even when it doesn't look like the commercials because it never looks like the commercials. It never looks like Pinterest. Now let's get into the chaos. Are you ready? That was a really good segment intro. I like that a lot. You. It made me be like, you know what? This year I might just let it go. And just look at me across the room and go, you know what?

14:15Yeah. In this chaos, this is nice. And hit it Elsa style, you know? Yeah. Let it go. Let it go. Like Elsa. So we're going to start with a little holiday hot take. Okay. I don't know what that means, but you're ready for it. I'm ready. It is Unpopular Opinions. I got those. Yeah, I know. That's why this is made for you. I made this segment for you. It's for me. Okay, so I'm going to start and then you'll go next. For me and you, besties. You ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Okay, I don't like hot chocolate. I feel like it's mid and it is chocolate water. And I will say that. That's exactly right. Because the way most people make hot chocolate is straight garbage water.

14:52Because it's water, you got to make it with milk. I am not ingesting a cup of cow's milk like you are. that is psychotic then do it with almond milk i don't care i don't care just don't use it just don't use water no that's that's everybody's problem is it do you hear the ads for like some of the ads we do where it's like mix it with milk or your favorite milk alternative because that's the proper way to do it hot chocolate with water don't don't even offer it to me okay unless you are using milk or a dairy substitute could you make me like a better hot chocolate this year absolutely i've never had a good hot chocolate absolutely i've never had a good hot chocolate you would lose your mind okay you would be in the yard screaming at the sky that you've gone this many years without having a some sort of dairy hot chocolate okay i'm gonna disagree but we'll find out we're gonna find out what's your unpopular holiday opinion i mean that was that was a good one was that like you have to use milk and hot chocolate i mean that's like yes it's pretty up there you put me on the spot here see this is the thing is you write these questions.

15:55I get to prepare. You probably, you already have the answer. I have 15. When you write the question, you're like, you know, I hate, I fucking hate hot chocolate. Oh, that's going to be my hot take. Hot take question. I have 15 hot takes. What the fuck? I do. I do. This is what happens when you prepare. This is going to be a solo episode. This is what happens when you prepare. And for the record, I sent this to you. I also sent the topic and you could have prepared as well. Yeah, no, that's fair. Go ahead. Let's run popular opinion. Oof. I hate wrapping presents. Oh, that's not an unpopular opinion.

16:28Nobody likes. Because I have to do it perfect. I think that's everybody. That's everybody. Everybody wants to do it perfect. Well, I think yours is a little more so. And then also everybody just hates wrapping presents because it's the worst. No, that's not unpopular. That's a popular opinion. What are other? Oh, I hate turkey. We brought that up on Thanksgiving. That's a Thanksgiving one. Oh, it's Thanksgiving. We're not going to do that. OK. X. OK. That's OK. Do you want me to give one? Yeah. Give me a hint. Peppermint flavor is just toothpaste pretending to be dessert. Like peppermint anything.

16:55It's not my favorite, but I allow it. I like a peppermint bark. I like a peppermint bark. But like, I don't want like a peppermint drink or anything peppermint. I don't like. Oh, God. This is the unpopular one. I don't really care for mint chocolate chip ice cream. All of yours don't have to do with holidays. No, dude. The people that like love mint chocolate chip ice cream, they don't fuck around. and they will come for you if you talk shit about mint chocolate chip ice cream. No, that's a really unpopular opinion. Do you have one for the holidays? No.

17:29Oh, I know one of yours. You don't like holiday candles. Yeah, no, I'm not a fan. Because holiday candles smell like dessert. And then your whole house smells like sweet and buttery. I hate food candles. Yeah, I hate food candles. Food candles. And this is like the season of food candles. Yeah. Like don't don't put cinnamon into the air if you don't fucking mean it. Vanilla. Like you want to like things you want to eat. It's like cake flavor. Like cake flavor is diabolical in a whole house. No. Unless I can eat it. Don't put it in the air. Yeah. Well I think we decided that this was a big people problem because like we like we wondered if skinny people you know if skinny people had the same sentiment.

18:09Like I think skinny people like to have it. Because they can't eat it. It was like one or the other was the theory. Because the other theory was like big people get frustrated that we can't get. There's no temptation for skinny people. No cookies. You know, we're like skinny people. We're cookies. We're cookies. We get frustrated. And we're like, the fuck is this? The fuck is this? Okay, I also know an unpopular one of yours. Okay. Are you ready? I like how you know them better than I do. I didn't put it down this way, but it is yours. Okay. Colored lights are better than warm white. Oh, 100%.

18:40Yeah. 100%. And that's very unpopular. That is unpopular. Yeah. Colored Christmas lights. We want it to be clean. We want the aesthetic. We want it like white light, maybe like a touch of a red bow. And you just want like color explosion everywhere. Yeah. Besties. I was not born in the 70s, but the colored lights give that like paneled station wagon Christmas vibe. Uh huh. You know what I mean? It's cozy vibe. Yeah. White Christmas lights give sterile. They give white house vibes i'm not feeling it i don't want to wear a suit and tie a tuxedo i do to christmas i do you want to wear a tuxedo you want a ball gown to christmas sure no no way jose well if it shows anybody how much i love you we've only done colored lights i know children i know and since we were married and you were like and every year that's not true it's not true no no that's not true i remember being at our very first house and we had colored lights what's funny is that we several years ago got that fake Christmas tree yeah with the lights built into it yeah right and it has like eight modes yeah and it can do white lights or colored lights yeah and I'll like come into the room and you have like white lights on and I'm like nope that was nice because I could have a semblance of a white but it still doesn't fit the vibe though you need a whole aesthetic we've just leaned into colored lights no it's the children love it too okay I have one anything from halloween people are gonna have thoughts and opinions on the light thing but i want to know if anybody else remembers the bubble lights i i don't think so well but maybe this is my last one which is i love matching holiday pajamas and i don't think anybody else does i think people find it like cringe and they don't really want to do it no no i think when you love that when you force it yeah but like love that shit like it depends it depends i don't know I think that is a mom-driven activity because like I'll see like family photo shoots and they're all wearing the same thing yeah which like you mean every one of our Christmas cards we're not all wearing the same thing we wear like vibe we work like similar colors we vibe out like the ones where we're in our bed where we're wearing matching Christmas pajamas ones yeah okay I mean those ones Okay.

20:56But. Holiday speed round. Done with this one, I guess. Your answers suck. We're done. Done. Holiday speed round. You ready for holiday debates? This is a, this, that was not the speed round. That's unpopular opinion. That felt like a speed round. This has to go quicker. Okay. I'm going to try my best. Like, yes or no. You ready? Okay. And then, like, I don't need, we don't, I don't need. Okay. We don't need your, yeah, beep, beep, beep. Let's beep, beep, beep. Let's shut your mouth. With your Americans. With your pockets. with your long answers to questions. Yes or no, you stupid American. If you guys didn't listen to the Halloween episode, you're going to have to understand that.

21:35What's the backstory? Somebody split into my DMs one time because I had like four beverages and she was like, what's with you Americans and your big sugary drinks? And like the irony is that none of my drinks had sugar in them. But then we just... It's like you Americans love your sugary drinks. And I just assumed it was a European woman. That was very judgmental. Like you Americans. And now she's a permanent guest on this show. So congratulations, lady. Dream come true. You're a co-host. You are. All right. It's no secret to anyone listening here that the holiday season can be quite chaotic and crazy.

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22:49And that is what Monarch has helped me do. It was a total wake-up call to stop and adjust my spending before the credit card bill arrived. Right now, I'm checking my holiday spending category, even though it's kind of a womp womp, but it's helping me make sure I don't start the new year off with a debt hangover. It's my essential year-end financial reset tool. You can link everything, investments, 401ks, property value to get your true net worth and stay on top of your end-of-year priorities, like maxing out your contributions to your 401k or Roth IRA before the deadline. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks.

23:26Use code BLF at monarch.com in your browser for half of your first year. That's 50 % off your first year at monarch.com with the code BLF. My dearest, dearest besties, it's me, Tyler. It's the holidays, and you know what that means. You will get no peace in your own house. People are coming and going, and that's stressful in a good season. But if you're like me and you have kids, you better start those multiplication tables because it's 10 times harder. And by God, the poor state of your bathrooms. Is there soap on top of the faucet? And how on God's green earth is there toothpaste on everything?

24:10That's why I thank my lucky stars and Moon for Wayfair.com, because I know they've got my bathroom and me covered. Not only can I find trendy bathroom accessories for the entire year, but they've got fantastic holiday decor that will get here on time and with free shipping. Plus, they've got everything else I need to make my home shine for the season, including a 31-foot-tall inflatable Santa. If I had room for that, oh, I would love to put that in my yard, but alas, I do not. Anyways, now the only thing my in-laws can complain about is how I was late picking them up from the airport. But you know what?

24:47Get a rental car next time, Carol. Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Besties, bedtime with kids. I feel like no one really talks about it enough. As a parent, you will move through different chapters of bedtimes. And I'm not just talking about like whether they go in a crib or a big bed. I mean you, like how you experience bedtime. I've gone through chapters where I am kind of dreading bedtime. I'm not going to lie.

25:30It's like a circus and I got to hold all the boundaries. Then you have chapters like right now, the one I'm in is like, I really look forward to bedtime. And as a very sensitive person myself, you have to have a comfortable mattress, not just for you, but for your kids too. When they sleep better, they function better. Straight up. An avocado green mattress makes the dreamiest, safest, most supportive crib, toddler, and kids' mattresses out there. This was important to me that they're made with GOTS certified organic cotton and wool, gold certified organic latex, and are GreenGuard gold certified.

26:05So all that basically means that they're the gold standard for low emissions and non-toxic materials. aka nothing weird, no off-gassing, just safe, clean sleep. So if you're looking to upgrade your kid's sleep setup, or let's be honest, your own, use code BLF to save an extra 25 % off crib and kids' mattresses. On top of their current sale at avocadogreenmattress.com. That's code BLF. Avocado. Dream better. Ham. Elite or weirdly sweet? What? Ham. I was not prepared for that at all. How were you not prepared? It was just like a random series of words. It was just like a cognitive test. Ham. Ham.

26:54Yes or no? Elite or sweet treat for your meat. You Americans with your rhyming games. With your ham from Costco. Your Costco ham. With your cargo leggings. do you like ham or no dude it's a sweet treat is that the question no like is it too sweet or is it good yeah i like i like him i like him too and it's really easy right to cook no oh it's not i don't think so i don't think i've ever made a ham it's too much it's too if i'm not making it's because it's too much work it's too much work i thought the ham was really easy it's like a honey baked ham and you literally just buy it and put it in the oven because even my mom would make it.

27:33Yeah. If it's like Honey Baked Ham, you just heat it up. This is not, this is not lightning round. Oh, if it's Honey Baked Ham, you just heat it up. Yeah. Easy. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie or no? Yes. No. Outside lights minimal or go over the top like Griswold? I want to see over the top. I do not want to create over the top. I want over the top and I want you to create over the top. I'm not doing that. I want to be able to drive to a house. You turn your AM radio. I don't even know. I don't think you can get AM radio in a lot of cars. Yeah. You turn your FM radio to the station of the house love a holiday and then it plays i got five on it while doing a light show with rudolph and santa yeah and then you know they're blowing smoke in the air it's beautiful i want you to create that i feel like you could i could but i'm not going to do that no but i don't think everybody could no you know what i mean but you can't okay the last four digits of your phone number that you order with.