Motherhood Today Is Not Okay—And What We Need Instead

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1:23And I promise by the end of this episode, you are going to be feeling so connected, so seen, and so empowered. Let's get into it.

1:34Cameron Rogers:Welcome to After Bedtime, where the house is finally quiet, but the real noise begins. The thoughts, the questions, the wondering if you're doing any of this right. We're Kristen and Dina, child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders of Big Little Feelings. and we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy. Nope. We're here to tell the truth. The unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process. Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks. It's about healing. It's about breaking cycles. It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be.

2:13Cameron Rogers:This is the place where we say the quiet parts out loud and we're so glad that you're here. Good morning. Good afternoon. What time is it? I have no idea. I know. I feel like I've lived five days today. I'm dying. I think May really snuck up on me. I don't know about you. It's been a lot. And I don't know when this podcast will come out, but it's definitely not May. But right now it's May. And I sort of forget every year that it is like December. Literally like the crazy holiday time. holiday time. Yeah. Where your to do list is just stacked so thick. I need a calendar for my calendar, like for my school calendar.

2:57I could make that for you. You actually could.

3:01Cameron Rogers:Are you? Do you feel the same way? Because you're pretty organized in that way. I'm going to be honest. Mike takes on a lot of that. Oh, you have a Virgo husband. Thank God. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Like, what are we supposed to do? I woke up at five and then you work and then you go to the first thing and then you work like 12 zooms yesterday and then you go to the next thing yeah i went to a starbucks at five to get cracking also i'm just emotional because then they're finishing their grades like they're finishing the thing we like love their class so i'm like i'm crying i'm happy i'm stressed it's a roller coaster i feel i feel crazy right now and that's valid okay i did post this the other day and i will say i think we got like 5 000 responses of being like me too me too me to me to me to me to me too it's all of us yeah do we just block this out every year like is this like birth where we for because I just I feel like I went into it I had no idea I think I think we got a little respite in the pandemic and now it's hitting us even harder is now that we're back in it I don't know that's a guess you're like you're in preschool phase so not not quite mine's lighter yeah just like mildly lighter because the preschool phase you know you still got the things you still got the party yeah well how are you doing how are you feeling Do you get like, does it get painful for you in the third trimester?

4:16Cameron Rogers:Because I know you're like different. Sometimes you love pregnancy. Okay. First pregnancy. I loved it. I was thriving. I was sad it was over. Second pregnancy was kind of miserable the entire time. It was painful. You also had a baby. Yes. At the same time as being pregnant. I had a 16 month old. Yeah. That's wild. When he was born, by the way. Yeah. That's when the baby was born. So when you were less. I have pictures at his first birthday party and I'm pregnant. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That's why you felt so bad. Yeah. I felt terrible the whole time. And this one, I feel pretty good. I feel like maybe because I got a big break.

4:52That's great.

4:53Cameron Rogers:Yeah. I know because your youngest is even like no pacifier, potty trained, like you're, you know, it's not as much like moving, bending, shifting around. I don't have to watch him every single second. Yeah. You know, still a lot, but not every second. That's great. I feel like I felt bad for all of mine. So that's great to hear. I think for people hearing it, because I think no matter where I was at, I would have not responded that way. I would have been like, terrible. Thank you for asking. It's very painful. It doesn't do well for me. It's different for everyone. Yeah. Some people are really like pregnancy people.

5:25Cameron Rogers:I was out there lifting weights today. You know what I mean? Wow. Wow. Now I feel bad.

5:33everybody's different wow I struggle in my own ways friend I don't think I I and I do work out I enjoy it a lot but I think during my pregnancies I was pretty debilitated that makes sense yeah okay well speaking of pregnancy yeah motherhood I'm so excited for today's conversation okay so let's invite on today's guest so today on after bedtime we are joined by someone who has created a true sanctuary on the internet where real conversations about mental health, motherhood, identity, emotional wellness, they're actually happening. Cameron Oaks Rogers is a mental health advocate, writer, podcast host, and founder of Conversations with Cam.

6:14And she's built a powerful platform where she breaks down the stigma around mental health and invites her community to show up as their full, messy human selves. No shame, no filters. So if you don't know her yet, Cameron is known for telling the truth in a way that makes you feel seen and less alone. She's a fierce advocate for nervous system care, emotional regulation, and redefining what it actually means to be well in today's world and specifically within motherhood, something I think we're all going to benefit from. So we are so excited to have her on today and let's get into it. Cameron, welcome to the pod.

6:53Cameron Rogers:Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be on here. We're so excited to talk with you because we love the moms. You know, do people like care about moms? If we can start there, do you think not enough are like seeing, hearing and really care about the moms? I was going to say, I think the moms do. But then like, I also think the moms can sometimes be the meanest to the other moms. I mean, not the moms that I surround myself with, but I see it like on the internet. And I think a lot of that comes from the inability to accept that people can just have different parenting styles. But I do think people care about the moms, but I wish our government cared more about the moms and prioritize things like paid leave and affordable child care and not trying to dismantle the Department of Education.

7:49but I think that other than that yeah I mean where do we begin they definitely care about the moms you know we do similar we work volunteer together so like I could go down rabbit holes on all of that but I wait let's pause for the people who don't know we are also Cameron and I Kristen we are on the board of March 4th which is an organization trying to ban assault style weapons so we do a lot of work together in that space because the moms care about that I'll tell you that much. The moms would like to send their kids to school and not worry about, you know.

8:22Cameron Rogers:So we got deep. We got so deep. Are we done? Should we shut the podcast? We got real dark right away. Everybody okay? Dina, would you like to lead us through a calming meditation now? Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Let's really dive in. First, I really actually want to know why you got into this work. Okay. Well, it's kind of a tipsy turvy pathway that led me here, but I used to be in the corporate world in a completely different job. It's a bit of a tipsy turvy road that led me here. I started in a very corporate world. I was doing sales and trading at JP Morgan. So like completely different life.

9:05And I was dealing with digestive health issues. And that is what originally sparked my interest in food. And that is then what started my account, which was Freckled Foodie. So I had this account, Freckled Foodie. It was not at all about me. My face wasn't on it. Like I didn't want anyone to know it was me. I also was kind of embarrassed about it. This was eight years ago. And it was all about meal prepping and meal planning and what I was cooking to bring to the office. I started to build a very small but like close community around food. And alongside this, I was dealing with a bunch of mental health struggles.

9:39I have struggled with anxiety my entire life. I was going through bouts of depression and it all kind of came to a head when it sounds crazy and it was crazy, but I got hit by a car while I was crossing the street and I suffered from a concussion. Yeah. Which was like, I think my sixth concussion, I think it was. And so I was on disability for like two months from work. And during that time, I started meditating. I started journaling. I really had a lot of time to reflect because I couldn't do anything else. And I realized I'm not happy, even though I have this incredible career and like a great path at this job.

10:15It's not what I want to be doing. I'm not interested in it. I'm not lit up by it. It kind of turned the dial on all of my attributes that I didn't love. I was very fast paced, intense, hyper competitive, obsessive, controlling. and I felt really pulled to see what I could do in this kind of other creative outlet that I had made for myself and like I had been not making any money on my account but I was like meal prepping for all of my friends on the weekend I was like doing these crazy breakfast sales down at the Jersey Shore on like the street where people are just like walking and it I was like putting in every ounce of work I could outside of my job to try and turn this into something.

11:04And I felt like there were 10 doors that I wanted to open and every door had more doors behind it. And I didn't have any more time. So I took this leap of faith because I was like, I'll never be this young again. I'll never have like the least amount of responsibility that I had in that moment. I didn't have children or anyone else relying on me. And I had the privileges to be able to do so. So when I left, I was actually like cooking for people in their home and I was meal prepping and I was health coaching and doing all sorts of stuff that I now quite honestly have no interest in. But I also started sharing about myself because I didn't feel like I had to hide behind the food now that I wasn't in a corporate job.

11:42And when I started sharing about myself and my mental health, I started to really connect with people on a deeper level. And I'm someone who is very like, take it or leave it. This is me. I'll tell you everything. I'll put it all out on the table. And I always felt comfortable talking about that. So it felt very natural. And I had this realization that when I started sharing about my struggles, I was getting so many messages of people being like, I'm going through the same thing. Oh my gosh, I didn't know anyone else felt this way. And I was like, wait, I didn't know people felt this way. Why aren't we talking about this?

12:15And so then naturally, honestly, my content has just progressed as I've evolved as a human. Like as I became pregnant, I did this whole series, what the fuck is happening to my body? Because I was like, this is awful. I thought I was going to love it. I hate it. Why are my nipples dark? Why is hair growing everywhere? Why am I so smelly? And that really resonated with people. And similarly with postpartum, I dealt with postpartum anxiety and depression my first go around. And I was very open about that experience. And so the content has definitely shifted. I started the podcast, honestly, because I wanted to have conversations.

12:50Instagram capped my stories at 15 seconds at that time. And I was like, no, I have more. I have more to chat about. And now the show similarly has really just evolved into what I feel passionate about, which is mental health and motherhood and the intersection of the two and honestly, everything in between. Okay. Let's talk about your vitamins. If you've ever stood in the vitamin aisle staring at cartoon-covered gummy bottles thinking, wait, this is basically candy. Same. That's why I made the switch to Haya for my kids. Haya is a chewable vitamin, zero sugar, zero gummy junk, but still tastes good enough that even my pickiest eater asks for it daily.

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18:23What a great way and how inspiring for somebody to listening to this that just wants to kind of do something crazier out there. And you're interested in just talking to people, just having conversations.

18:32Cameron Rogers:And you can turn that into a career if you believe in yourself and you do it. Which is crazy. And I feel so blessed every day that this is my job. But yeah, I just love having the honest, deep conversations. I'm like, okay, screw the like, how's your day? I'm like, let's get into it. What was your childhood like? Like, what are your fears? What keeps you up at night? We are the same way. We really cannot do weather chats. I think is Dina. Dina will just walk out or just glaze. I can just tell Dina's not okay. She just glazes over. But if somebody says something really jarring, you know you just go real deep we're in it where most people are freaked out but I think that's a great way to actually find your people don't you agree you just say you just say what it is and if they're a little freaked out I used to feel shame about me and then it's like oh we're just different people you just totally that's cool I think about that even when I'm talking with my girlfriends like we'll have a girls night and we'll all be sitting around and then we're talking about our sex lives and then I say something that's so offhand and I'm like how's this gonna land yeah are they gonna be like, I don't think we can hang out anymore.

19:42Or are they going to open it with open arms and start talking about theirs? I'm like, okay, good. We're on the same page. Or we're just going to lock in. We're going to lock in. I see you laughing at that joke.

19:51Cameron Rogers:I feel that when hours go by. Do you have a lot of mom friends? Like after you became a mom? Yes. I'm so blessed. I literally, like my village is so deep and so incredible and so stacked that I, it's the thing I'm so grateful for. And I also, my husband, I was just talking about this because we just had our son's fourth birthday party. And I was like, look around this yard. Like this is fucking awesome that we have so many incredible people and I feel so blessed. And we like both actively put in work to our relationships. Like my female friendships, I treasure so deeply and put in so much time towards because I find them so important and I could not go through life or a day without them, quite honestly.

20:40Quick question. How did you form those female friendships? Because I know for a lot of moms, motherhood can feel really lonely in that sense. And I know we get asked a lot, like, how do you make the mom friends? So part of it was people that I had built in to my life already. Like whether it be, I'm a very loyal person. And if you're in my life, unless you cross me or someone that I love, you're in it for life. And I am still extremely close with my friends from second grade, from the girls I grew up playing lacrosse with, my high school friends, my college friends. So like when we all grew up, I was one of the first ones to become a mom, but I felt like they were all definitely still there for me.

21:25But I'm sure you agree. There is a different friendship and it's not good or bad. It's just the reality that someone has a lived experience that they can relate to. Like I would never expect my friend without kids to understand what I'm going through with the sleepless nights of a newborn or the anxiety over trying to keep this human alive because they haven't experienced it. And I think we have to give people grace for that. Like there's this, a lot of TikToks I see of like, you find out your real friends when you have a kid and it's like, but they don't know, they have no idea what you're going through.

21:58So part of it was baked in that. I was fortunate that like a lot of my friends then had kids shortly after I definitely got extremely lucky when I moved to the suburbs. Like it just so happened. The girl that living lived in the house exactly next door to me is a mom. We're very similar people. We hit it off right away. She had friends in the neighborhood. Putting yourself out there, I find in like, whether it be your kids' classes or your kids' school, or ours was like our country club or Facebook groups. Like I know so many people who have met really, really good friends through that way. Like I've met so many awesome people through my son's school, who I now consider my like very close friends.

22:42So it does take a little bit of trial and error. It takes, in my opinion, putting yourself out there and like being open to the coffee dates. And I saw this TikTok that I keep referencing. I need to find the video and I don't know how I ever will, but it was like meeting someone at the park is like first base where you're like very much focused on the kids. You can kind of coexist, but you don't have to get into it. You just get like a feel. And then the coffee day is like second base where it's like, okay, it's just the two of you still kind of surface level conversation. And then, and I could be messing this up, but like, I think third base was like a dinner.

23:20And then like a home run is like when you're having like a girl's night, you're going out, you're getting drunk, you're saying all the things and you're like, okay, you're my people. And I say getting drunk. I don't even drink, but you know what I mean? Like you're having a fun time. And I do feel like you have to put yourself in a lot of situations that might make you uncomfortable on those first faces of playdates at a park or just like going up and introducing yourself to someone if your kids are playing at something and then assessing and not everyone's going to be your person. And that's totally fine.

23:50But you have to like take these shots to then find your people. Playdates is like is like Tinder, I feel like. Literally. It really is because and like nothing bad comes out of it when it doesn't go, quote quote, well, because the kids are having a good time. You're just kind of standing there. You know what I mean? But I think we're so efficient as moms that it can take 30 seconds to identify if this is your person or not. You know what I mean? And it's just like, are the diapers falling out of your bag? Is it a little bit of a hot mess? Are you bringing pop? Like you get letting the popsicles get messy.