The Most Honest Take on Motherhood You’ll Hear This Year — from Two Female Comedians

27:47Out of the gates owing us a lot of money. Born into debt. Natasha. My story's not that great. My daughter came from, I think it was an office in West LA. Her daughter's a 40-year-old woman named Nancy. Her eggs were frozen there and, you know. But that's incredible. Yeah, that's pretty incredible. When did you freeze your eggs? When I was 38. 38. Amazing. And I had eight eggs. They unthawed them. They turned into four eggs. Then my husband jizzed on them. And then we had two embryos. No, we had. Yeah, we had two embryos. One went up miscarriage. Second, last one. The last one went up. And that's my darling seven year old.

28:37Oh, my God. And is that is that why you are one and done? Or are you one and done? Because I've read on the interwebs. Maybe this is wrong. on the interwebs apparently you're one and die oh I said one is an accessory two is a lifestyle I feel like I've I never really considered myself as a mother and I love being a mom now and I love my daughter but I don't want to like make it a thing you're like I don't want too many people to know about it I'm weird about it let's not make this weird I don't want to make it a thing it's so funny I mean did you say that on stage? no you should say that that's so funny I don't want to make it a thing.

29:15It's so funny. That could be the second tagline of your podcast. It's like, good enough. I like motherhood. I don't want to make it a thing. But I really do appreciate and I think my life would be nothing without her. But, you know, I'm happy to go through all the things with her. But it's, you know, I have a brother who I don't talk to and I know how it can be a wild card. And if I have a perfect angel, why would I want to have something that might be worse? Yeah. That's fair. And it would take me away from that angel. God, if your brother's listening to this podcast. That's fair. He doesn't have internet.

29:50We thought about doing one and done for a long time. That was a tough one. We made the same experience. Our oldest was like an angel. Yeah. She could travel anywhere. She's still an angel. She's amazing. And we had two more. But we, for a long time. And we really struggled with it. We were like, this is really great. Yeah. Do we want to throw something else in the mix here? How old was she when you had the second? Two and a half. Two and a half, yeah. You guys. We did it. We did it. Two and a half. We did it close. And that was hard. And that was hard. And now our house is pandemonium. I want you to know, it very much is a thing.

30:18I want you to know, if you have three kids, you can't be like, oh, this is kind of not a thing. Like, I don't have a life. No, this podcast is the only time you guys make eye contact. This is literally our date night. We're going to go to a restaurant after this and like talk to each other. Thank God. I'll be there. I'll be there. Tell me what. So Sam Asente, bring your wife though. We have to talk about all the spirit. You know what I mean? Yeah. You can't you can't just like three is a lot. Three is so much. But also, I'm 50. We're like two and done. And we were like and that was a really hard thing when we were having fertility issues and struggles.

30:52Like we I was like relentless. And we did this clinic in Mexico that was like so if I could go back and just shake myself and be like, don't save five thousand dollars for years of like just like it was so bad in the end. Yeah. It's in Puerto Vallarta and it's across from the Hard Rock Hotel. You just stay away. That was the first red flag. I had a gig at the Hard Rock Hotel and I was like, I'm following the signs, baby. So you just went to the fertility place across the street in Puerto Vallarta? Don't say it like that, bitch. Did they have a sign? Yes, I did. It didn't go well. Wow. But if I, anyways, so we did that.

31:30Then I was like, maybe it's my internalized homophobia. Maybe I should just put the jizz in me. Maybe I'll get pregnant. I do. I get pregnant. Everyone in my life is like, why have you done this? I'm like, I don't know, including me. I'm like, no one likes a butch lady getting pregnant. It's like the rock telling his agents he's going to start wearing dresses. They're like, I guess you could if you wanted to. Anyways, including mother nature, because I lose the baby. It was so sad. And but I was just like, relentless. I was like, you know, I was not leaving the casino and my wife is six years older than me cougar and and she was like i don't know if i want to keep on doing this and i was like cool well what soothes me is to say the words we will never stop trying so it was really like a trying time and it was kind of like our last shot it was like our we got our donors sperm frozen and sent kind of all around the world in this weird way because of visas and arrived in the clinic in Pasadena and it was like sort of our last shot and we and and Rowan finally arrived and now I can't help but look at him like being like little late but I love you but you you could have come you chose now took a while but you know what is interesting there's these studies now have you read them about the age difference like the optimal age difference is actually an older age difference it is for everyone and for like your mental health and the parents' month's health, I can attest to for sure.

33:03Did they not have these studies six years ago? Yeah. I don't know. I think they were more recent. Like the more recent one also for the record is that three is the hardest and four is the least hard. So it takes the research There's no way four is harder than one. No, and also these studies, by the way, who knows? Maybe it's just No, I think four is easier than three is what they claim. Oh, okay. It could be that a bunch of ladies that also had miscarriages for years and have this big age gap got together and they're like, you know what? Let's put out a little study. Listen, I mean, like it just every family is different.

33:33Let's lift our sad little hearts for a moment. Every single family is different. There's no ideal age gap. But I like the bigger age gap. Like, don't you think like now? Oh, my God. Are you like, this is the best? Because like. Yes, totally. Here's what strikes me with you guys with multiple children is like each kid has their thing that is going to be the thing you're going to have to deal with. Like, I have a very strong willed child and she sasses off and I've got to deal with that, you know. And some parents might have to deal with a kid who's like socially awkward or, you know, repressed or whatever it is.

34:03So it's like you have your thing. But then you guys have like two or three things. There's a lot of things. You got to remember how to handle each kid. And we've got neurodivergence. How do you do it? Because like what works for the middle kid is you have to say something different to the younger one. 300%. For sure. What the hell? That's what it is. Yeah. That's what it is. That's why I'm just tired all the time. And then you got to deal with your husband. You know his issues. oh I got mine she's perfect I can tell clearly you gotta deal with your husband's plane addiction I'm driving to LAX all the time to go to In-N-Out to watch airplanes he's got his app that he's relaxing to in the bathtub watch him play Tyler do you like to be on a plane?

34:45do you like to be on a plane? maybe you want to fly planes no because you know what it is you have to pay attention for like 12 hours I don't have that in me he wants to full time just be in like a first class airplane you know what I mean like a lounge yeah where you get like a shower oh yeah when I say plane I mean regular plane but like no no the amount of time that I spend on these Instagram accounts that are like watch how I got this plane seat for$500 and 3 ,000 Amex points that's what he does and it never quite shakes out you do that I've done it but the I've never done it for the big lay down I did get a$600 round trip to Bangkok first class.

35:25I don't know if you know who you're talking to, but like now that your friends get his number, he will get you. Every time we have flown international, you get like a laid down flatbed, including for the kids. He's psychotic about it. Are you kidding me? He's like Rain Man. I have MX points. Please help me. No, he will. I got you. I got you. We'll talk later. But that's good. I will go anywhere. Actually, he wants something. You don't care about the plane. I seriously do. I once flew my wife and I at first class. It was like a$900 first class, like a mistake fair to Belize City. Nobody told us to go to Belize City.

35:58Nobody said it because it's bad there. Nobody there walks you there. They have like a weird vibe of like. You went to go to Belize, but you went to Belize City. We landed in Belize City. We ended up going to San Pedro, which was better. You got to hop somewhere else. But my wife, we got there and we were having dinner. The vibe is horrible. she looks at me she goes whose idea was it to come here and I'm like we got those sweet first class tickets baby we just land and go back just think about the plane we're just there for first class I'm just hearing a lot of a lack of gratitude right now that's right for your international trip you guys could just go together on your lay flat beds you guys go to Australia I will go anywhere on a lay flat bed he's gonna hook you up you have no idea you know how some people wake up drink lemon water journal, meditate, take 12 supplements before the sun rises.

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42:13You know what I mean? Whether you're traveling for the holidays or hosting guests, keep your home safe and under control. Go to covesmart.com and use code BLF for an additional 10 % off your first order. It's the easiest holiday decision you'll make. Do your kids find you funny? That's what I want to know. They do. My kid, the young one for sure is falling for it. The older one decides, sometimes he really fucking hates my jokes. Sorry for the F word. But there's one joke that he hates in a way that I think he'll be in therapy about it. And because he hates it so much, obviously I can't stop making it.

42:53Is it a repeating joke? It's just a bit where when I drop him off to school, I go, oh, hey, tell your teacher I forgot to bring my signed headshot, but I'll bring it tomorrow. And he gets so red in the face. He goes, Baba! No one asked for your autograph! here and i'm like just tell her she she wants she wants to keep it on the low but she's a big fan he falls every time he gets so mad he is it is like this is his abuse it's literally perfect though i love that so much and i would do the exact same thing you have a bit you have a bit but they love it i have a couple i have that one and then i have in this one they hated it too but now they like love it is they'll be like dad i'm hungry i'm like hi hungry i'm dad and they at first would lose their mind so angry at me and now they're like you didn't say it i said i'm tired oh hi i'm tired we'll go back at it yeah natasha does your child find you funny i think i mean well my husband and i are both comedians and he's very like outwardly joking with her at all times.

44:04So I often take the role of like, I'm going to make sure she's safe in all of these moments. That's why I'm wondering because oftentimes the mom, like ours don't think I'm funny at all. Right. I mean, but she knows where we all make jokes and her way of making jokes with me is weird. Like the vulnerable things I've told her from my childhood, which I've told her so she won't feel alone. Like I told her about this time when I walked into the, you know, fourth grade bathroom, all the girls were making fun of me. And I walked in and they're like, I'm Natasha. And they had their like short, like Catholic school girl.

44:37And they were like doing this walk. Oh my God. But she always says that to me now. She'll be like, Mom, I'm Natasha. Oh my God. I don't really get it. I can't really get it. But that is funny. She takes the things, she's done it with like two or three different things. Like she knows that that bothers me and that's how she's going to be funny. Yeah. But it's kind of mean. Well, that actually leads into my question. Are the hecklers worse or are your kids worse at hurting your feelings? Who says meaner things? Well, the thing about hecklers is you kind of stop getting them once you're, you know, 20 years in.

45:19I mean, you're not exactly getting them. Well, and then if you do get one, then it's like a drunk person. So it's not really hurtful. It's just sort of like kind of shooting fish in a barrel. They don't bring out the fourth grade vulnerabilities. no it would be weird if that was happening you know we would be so damaged to do this for you guys you have this huge successful business that has this huge online presence and i'm sure there's people in my comments yeah and those are hecklers and it's like imagine they and of course on a vulnerable day any loose person could look at you the wrong way and and hurt you but that's about something else it's like my kids the way that wolfie will hurt me because the little one I mean he is kind of starting to slap which I don't know what to do because he's not his language isn't there so it's not like I can be like this is absolutely irrational you know like all the videos about like reasoning with them and it's like he doesn't understand no it's just he's loving hitting me yeah anyway so that's that but then Wolfie the way that he will hurt me will be like when he's like being cool with his friends and it brings you back to like you know he's like him and his friends are doing something and i'm like i joined and i'm like yeah like this and they're like what and but don't worry because i handle that very good i think i pull him aside i say you don't make me feel like that you told him yeah i said don't know well because he was also it was he was doing it with a kid that is mean and he was sort of like he was mimicking that behavior and i just i'm like that's not who you are and i'm not watching as you like play with this.

46:57I feel like our kids are just all kind of like playing with different mental illnesses being like, is this one fun? Is that one fun? Or at least personalities. I agree with that. Yeah, try this one. Yeah, it's like, you know, I'm going to try this disorder and you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes to that one. That's not what we do in this house. Okay, so you are both creative people, we would say, right? I mean, you're creative. You're not super. Well, I don't know how you are. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. She can do a lot of sums in her head though. like math sums oh so you're also practical Natasha can yodel professionally no I can't but you are really good at math you like have a walking like you can just like well I'm always counting the money you owe me she's like she remembers every bill she's paid is that not one of your one of your superpowers Sabrina is that you understand finances my mom is Swiss and so is mine I don't understand it so you're both creative people yeah what is your parenting style like like what is your home life your role in the house interacting with kids I don't want no offense I don't want to hear like a joke I'm a gentle parenting bitch or I'm like a this authoritative but you want to hear a joke that I thought about when I was driving over here I'm not a helicopter parent I'm a Waymo parent I'm not there I don't like to do too much so I'm trying to design my life to be sort of autopilot in a way where I can trust my kids know what the boundaries are and of course I'll step in if they're at the edge of the cliff so to say or actually but I like I feel like I'm a trusting parent and leading with fun parent.

48:45I think that like a lot of things because of our own traumas can get escalated into these really serious moments of kids not doing the homework or the, it's like, it's all these like, you know, we, a thousand little kids inside of us have been yelled at. And so the instinct is to get really tense. And I think in all the ways that I can shift into more of a playful place that has a perspective on how not a big deal it is, how like protecting the vibe is most important and we can get there with a better vibe easier. That's the kind of parent I am. And I'm simply not a perfect parent. I love that.

49:24My approach is, you're a great parent. My approach is to ask like three friends if I have a question about something. And like, I know that her, Sabrina's is going to be like kind of on the wild side. So I know I'm going to fall. Give her a cigarette and put her on the horse. I'm going to go a little bit underneath there and then I have another friend you know who has kids older than me who's already been through it then I'll like ask my therapist and then I'll maybe observe what my husband but meanwhile your kid is like wait can I can I do the tablet or not it's been 35 minutes but I do ask too many people and then I'll see what my husband's doing and see if I want to either you know try to get him to do something else yeah you know or I'm like okay well he is Because like I ask everybody, like I research, I read books.

50:12I'm like, I don't believe in myself as much as maybe I should. But I'll believe in the decision after I like go to the sources that I know no more than me. When I'm dealing with like a new thing. You're a who wants to be a millionaire parent. Is that what it's called? Yeah, you're sitting there. Regis Philbin is like, what's the answer? You phone a friend. Well, it's funny because my husband. Well, you know, I thought that would hit harder, but don't take that out. my husband's approach though is that i know my daughter more than anyone we know our daughter more than anyone i trust her if i think she's ready for something that's you know pg-13 even though she's seven i'm not gonna like let the you know the something else someone else tell me how i can raise my child you know i i don't feel that because i'm like well i've never raised a child no i don't like a lot of ways i was raised and i want to do the best and i want to create the best possible scenario with my kid because I'm old and I put a lot of time and energy into this.

51:09You know, it's like I this is like a big deal to me. This is like my the prime of my life. So how do I create? I mean, I know I I can't just with my decisions create the perfect child, but I want to like help in the Petri dish as much as possible. I like it. I mean, I would call that what like intentional, like you're just intentional instead of just kind of like on a whim, you're intentional. I do the same thing. I feel like I'm you did the exact same because ultimately we're going to go with what feels right for us. You know, but I mean, a lot of times people didn't know what they didn't know.

51:37So right. Literally, our nine year old was like, I want to play Roblox. And if I didn't fucking know what Roblox was, I'd be like, oh, well, sure. All your other friends are doing it and you're old enough and it's great. But I know more about Roblox. I'm like, let's talk. Let's communicate about where we can meet in the middle, because here's what the research says about Roblox. People didn't know that then. That might be why your friends are still doing it. and what is a different game that we can come up with together that we can buy and do and whatever. But that's like you're doing, you're intentional.

52:06You're intentional before you make a decision. I like that. Thank you. Approved. Approved both of you. I want to be in your house though. Can I be like adopted into your home? Well, she's describing boundaries. Please come over. You will get along with my wife. I know. We'll be forehead to forehead. We'll be showing. You guys are going to jumbo. We're going to jumbos. Her son, Wolfie, is the first child I ever saw and I think he might have been three when he finished eating at my house and then took his plate and brought it up to the sink. My daughter still doesn't do that at her house. I know she doesn't do it at her friend's house.

52:35Like, how did you get him to do that? You know, I have to give Shauna a lot of credit for her. And this is an interesting thing because it comes from like being raised for Shauna in like a military style, like discipline household, which was pretty dark at times for her. But it just shows that you can take the good and leave the bad. Like she definitely expects Wolfie to be on a track to starting to fend for himself. And it's so amazing to see him help care for Rowan. And it's like the more things you load them with, too. It's like I can see it even with Rowan, like how much of a joy it is for a little kid to say, I'm putting something in the trash.

53:17Like the way he looks at me, like he finished his thesis. If he like Rowan picks up a wrapper and hobbles to the trash, lifts up the trash and puts it in. He's like, ta-da. And it's like, this is amazing. And even teaching him at that age to say please and thank you. And he can't really say words. He goes, peesh. And he goes, goom. But it's like now begins the rhythm of the thousand, hundred thousand times will remind you to say it and you'll still forget it. But now begins the sort of understanding and the learning that like it's all an energetic exchange. Yeah. That's how our kids are, too. Love your parenting styles, by the way.

53:55Oh, love your parenting styles. And so the title of your new podcast that I love. I love the Nick Roll episode, by the way. Oh, thank you. He's so funny. And he's a great dad. He really is. He was our first dad we had on. Oh, you're going to be our second. You're going to be our second. Hell yeah. Me and Nick. We're doing it. He's like the biggest fan of Nick Kroll, too. So that really that should make you feel really good. So your the podcast is called Good Enough. Yes. And I feel like that has to do with your parenting styles. Is that right? Or where is the title? Good enough. Part of it is from me, too, being so stressed all the time and thinking I'm not doing it perfectly and I should have done this.

54:31And that was an opportunity. And oh, my God, I'm spoiling her and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, no, you don't have to be an amazing parent. You just have to be good enough. And my therapist said that to me. And I know it's based on this guy who I forgot his name, but he wrote a book. We love the guy. We don't remember the guy. Absolutely adore the man. And we know that we mentioned him and he would believe so. But really, I think that the success of Big Little Feelings is it's inspiring and it speaks to a complete void in the area of like the grounded reality of being a parent, not aiming to make the perfect lunch or have the perfect kid or be a parent.

55:13be the perfect mom. It's like and my Instagram feed was like like an onslaught of like moms telling me I was doing it wrong. And then my assistant was like handling my Instagram. She's like, oh, my God, your algorithm is so stressful. I could never deal with this. And it's like I can't get out of it. So it's also a reaction to that. The conversations that we naturally have together and with our friends who are comics and really like interesting, funny people, we were like, we need a platform for this. We need a place where people can kind of connect and not feel so alone about some of the aspects of parenting that are hard and connect on the parts that are beautiful.

55:48And I think as a comic, there's sometimes like you skirt that area of your life for privacy. I felt like it was like so such a great opportunity to give a window into what kind of parent Nick Kroll is, what kind of parent Tig Notaro is, what kind of Chelsea Peretti was our first episode. It's like it's totally worthy of discussion. And I think that within the onslaught of love and and connection that comes with having a family there's also this equal shadow side which is a deep loneliness at times and we wanted to we wanted to give a hug to that loneliness and and also we wanted to laugh and we also wanted to talk to our friends to see how they do do it all yes to be honest we did want to network but it's like these are all like really successful people who are managing to do this and in a way that I was never modeled I never saw really successful women none of my friends had successful moms I mean they didn't you know maybe it's from where I'm from but you know it's it's like I'm I'm really enamored by it well and that's also like super interesting that you're talking about that because like everybody jokes about the the like the people who have had the hardest lives become comics and so to see you guys talking about your parenting and like other comics talking about their parenting and what you guys are doing different is almost this like very hopeful loving side that people don't see of comedy which i thought is really cool well tyler now you're earning that kiss you guys are just gonna you wanna go on the date after this I think you guys should come on our podcast during that podcast I wanna kiss your husband's forehead approved aligned officially approved it's sort of a cliffhanger on this podcast you tune in to our podcast to find out Sabrina Jalise able to kiss Tyler's forehead on good enough What was it?

57:55Aquaphor. Guys, thank you so much for being on our show. We love you. Thanks for having us. You guys are amazing. And we're big fans. Thank you guys so much. Please listen to Good Enough. I couldn't get enough episodes, so I can't wait for more because I finished all of them in one night. So please release more. Well, come help us create one. Okay. Deal. Deal.

58:47Thank you.