Traveling With Kids: The Survival Guide Every Parent Needs

0:00The following podcast is a dear media production. Okay, listen. I used to think I was not a minivan person. And then I had multiple kids and I realized, oh, okay, this isn't a car. This is a survival strategy. And I have to say, after looking at lots and lots of different minivan options, the Chrysler Pacifica, it's the MVP of survival. Kristen and I, we actually text about this all the time. Like we are officially at that chapter of life where we're minivan people now. When it comes of the Chrysler Pacifica, we're talking room for everyone, up to eight people, plus all the things, strollers, dance bags, soccer cleats, someone's half-eaten granola bar collection.

0:43You know what I mean. And their stow-and-go seating, it's a game changer. You can fold the seats flat into the floor for major cargo space. And if you've ever tried to open a car door with a baby in one arm and a toddler screaming in the other about their sock being wrong, the hands-free sliding doors and powerlift gate will feel like a miracle for you, friend. And my personal favorite feature, the FamCam. So this is a night vision camera that lets you keep eyes on the back seat because silence in the back seat is suspicious. That's right. Plus it's got built-in Amazon Fire TV, heated seats in both rows, a dual pane sunroof.

1:20It's giving luxury, comfort, peace of mind, especially with all the advanced safety features. So discover all the ways a Chrysler Pacifica can make your life and your family's rides easier and more enjoyable by visiting Chrysler.com slash Pacifica today. Welcome back to After Bedtime. Besties, today's episode, it's about holiday travel. We pray for every single one of you stepping foot in an airport with children today. Honestly, God bless. Or maybe you already have. This episode is basically your support group if you have recently traveled with kids or you're about to travel with kids. And does anybody remember traveling before kids?

2:04It was like grab a vitamin water, have a nice little nap. You got like a cute little airport fit. And after kids, we're doing CrossFit at the airport, basically. We're like CrossFit meets hostage negotiation, meets the amazing race, but you didn't sign up for any of it and you're only flying like an hour and a half away. So if you're traveling with kids this holiday season, listen, you're a hero. Truly, you're doing something that 90 % of adults would crumble under. We see you. We validate you. Sometimes it's honestly a little bit fun. Sometimes it's not. And today we're giving you the survival guide you deserve to make this experience just a little bit more enjoyable.

2:43Welcome to After Bedtime, where the house is finally quiet, but the real noise begins. The thoughts, the questions, the wondering if you're doing any of this right. We're Kristen and Dina, child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders of Big Little Feelings. And we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy. Nope. We're here to tell the truth, the unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process. Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks. It's about healing. It's about breaking cycles. It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be.

3:22This is the place where we say the quiet parts out loud. And we're so glad that you're here. Tyler, what are you going to do when Dina's back? She's almost back. You mean like a life? Like on the podcast. Like she's already here. I talk to her every day. I don't think that's really, I don't think that's really a question for me, is it? I'm just like, you know, I'm going to take over the podcast. I'm going to keep it. It's mine now. You guys are the guest hosts and it's going to start getting weird. What's your plan for the podcast once Dina is back? There's going to be a lot more airplanes. I don't know the besties are into that.

3:58I think they could get weird, but I don't know that they can get into airplanes. Is there something else you could do that's like weird that they could be into? I don't know. We just talk about travel. Just like tons of travel talk. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I feel like for a while you're obsessed with like spices. Cooking spices. It's gone. That was like three years ago. You're over it. We are way past that. That was like when you're obsessed with photography. Dead. Oh, photography is like, yeah. That's like five, six years ago at this point. No interest now. There are people out there with limited edition portraits by Tyler.

4:30Family portraits by Tyler. I'm one of those people. And it was like six years ago that you stopped taking portraits. They were really good. They were good. Like it was a real value add having that in our home. Yeah, for sure. It was like two months before you started BLF. yeah so to all the people out there shout out i hope you're still enjoying those pictures or just like you remember that time when that that guy took our pictures and they were just so terrible they were really good they were good though they were really good they were good what else why don't you ask how i'm doing that would be nice i did that last time i got that out of the way you mean the last time we recorded yeah which i also had to ask you to ask me no you didn't i literally straight up was like guess what girl how are you doing did you it was like right off the bat you were like you're like what's up tyler and i was like how are you and you were like oh my god i haven't i haven't prepared the answer to this i haven't didn't write a speech okay well the answer is i'm gonna tell you anyways i'm feeling tired i'm feeling pretty tired i'm feeling a little run down i'm gonna get out to get my period tomorrow i feel like i talk about my period a lot recently.

5:36But it is what it is. I'm getting my period tomorrow. The besties know. I shouldn't have to... The besties know you're getting your period tomorrow? You guys know. You guys know how it is. We're all synced up. Right, besties? We're all synced up. All three and a half million. If men got their period, the day before it would be off. It would be a national holiday. You would be able to take the day off. I should not be sitting upright working today. It's a travesty. I hate to break it to you, but there would be no period side effects. You would have figured it out. You would have figured it out how to have any kind of negative side effect.

6:12There would be nothing. Yeah, that's fair. Okay, well let's go into our episode about holiday travel because I love this one. Speaking of periods, we're going to put a period on that subject and jump into holiday travel. Good job. That was a great transition. That was great. We're going to come in hot. Okay. the first topic even in winter my sweet my sweet husband over there i'm struggling today this is gonna be either a real fun podcast a real loosey-goosey one or just one where i'm just like you got a lot of slack to pick up huh you know what i should have brought a blanket i should if i would just wrapped a blanket around me right now i feel like this would be fine it would be nice yeah it'd be cozy okay we're gonna just kick it off hot why holiday travel with kids is actually a nightmare, but hilarious.

7:04You say it like people aren't acutely aware that traveling with kids is a nightmare. I don't know. I feel like the internet is so negative and we're all like, we're supposed to be more positive about it. And I love our kids and we actually travel a lot. So it's like, we're going to get to the positive because we actually do love it. But the act of entering TSA with children is a spiritual experience. No, no matter how good you are at going through TSA with kids, you're still going to look like an idiot and it's still going to be horrible. You're like, this is it. I'm ready. I got all my stuff in my backpack.

7:44The kids, their water bottles are empty. Their bags are loaded up. Everything's out of the stroller, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you get to the belt and it just all falls apart no matter what. Your stroller can potentially completely fall apart too. And you're just like, well, but you know what the thing is when I'm traveling, like through the airport, I have zero concern for anybody else. Like around you. Oh yeah. Oh, I'm like, you know what you see, I have a stroller and three kids. If you decide to get behind me in a security line, that's fair. That's on you, dog. That's fair. Cause you used to care a lot.

8:18Like you used to like usher the kids and be like, Hey, watch out. And now it's just like, you guys, you guys can see what we're handling here. Like if you're not actively coming over here to help us, which like some people have done before I've done for other moms where I'm like, can I carry your baby for you so you can like collapse this stroller? I don't really want to hear it. I don't really need your judgment. I'm going to say this. This is a hot take too. The kids are not the problem. No, it's other people. It's us. Oh, okay. That too. Oh, you mean, I thought you meant in terms of like issues.

8:47You and me are the issue because we're so stressed because there's so much shit. There's so much shit that you need to bring. And there's so much shit that you need to remember and be responsible for. And then just the act of like having to get three children and human beings like fed and out the door and everything on time. And so then we're like buzzing and we're late and we're like stressed and we're like, but the kids are not actually the problem. That's my hot take. Yeah. I mean, they're usually pretty chill as long as we keep them fed. If you, if you have like an early flight and you don't give them a proper breakfast or lunch before you get to the airport, I mean, you can plan on getting them something there, but if your plan is to actually feed them there, then you've already lost.

9:30You've already lost the game. Yeah. But yeah, it's me. It's me being like, okay, we got to get down the escalator. Do we get the bag check tickets? And then the stroller happens. The stroller happens, and you're like Ross from Friends. I know we're not really a friend, so you're not really a friend. When he's like, pivot! Pivot! And we're like screaming, you know? And it's just like the clip and the goddamn, you know, we're like frazzled. And then... It's not about the spaghetti. Just hit me with one of those. Pasta. Hit me with a bravo thing. That's a different analogy. I could actually get there.

10:00This is a fun fact. I have referenced it's not about the pasta in two out of three of our online courses. Did you know that? Is that all? You didn't hit all three? I don't think that was a phrase for winning the toddler stage. It didn't have to come out yet. You're going to have to re-film it. It's in every single one. Educational parenting content. It's not about the pasta. It's the Easter egg. And so, you know, every now and again, the besties. Hi, besties. You'll find it. And it makes my day when somebody DMs me and is like, I saw your Vanderpump Easter egg. In the Big Feelers course. Did you know I put Easter eggs in the advertisements I record?

10:39Like what kind of Easter eggs? Oh, for your friend. Yeah. I have it for one particular friend. I'll throw in Easter eggs that are like movie quotes. Short little snippet movie quotes into the ads. I'm probably going to get fired now. Into the ads. You're not even hired. No, I meant the advertisers are going to be like, we're not going to advertise with this bozo, this clown. But it's fun for me and it's fun for him. Because then he's like, oh, I found it. Anyways. Yeah, no, it's me at the airport. I'm ready to chuck a stroller off the, what do they call it? Promenade off the mezzanine. Right off the mezzanine.

11:19We go without it. we go with that's usually me i'm usually just like fuck it leave it behind let's go let's get the snacks let's get the candy we're fine dude we're fine so that's my hot tip though just leave candy no it's it's just by oh we're not there yet okay well you said hot tip at least three times well then quit saying hot tip you said it twice let's talk about why traveling with kids actually is hard for the kids because yes, I do think a lot of it is us, right? Especially on the way there, but what doesn't make it any easier is you have everything down to the minute. You have it all scheduled.

12:01You have everything packed. And suddenly someone is having a excess, an existential crisis over having the wrong color bowl. And you're like, dude, hi friend, like normal Monday, this is fine, but we do not have time to be melting down over the orange bowl. We do not have time like right before getting on the airplane to be you know whatever it is you didn't bring the orange colored pencil right like today's not the day my friend like we're not buffering in tantrum time into our travel day so kids thrive on predictability routine regulation co-regulation with their parents and traveling is the literal opposite there's noise rushing lines new people weird smells and let's face it mom and dad are usually heightened if you are one of these people who are listening that are not heightened when you're traveling with kids congrats like should you take over a big little feelings i don't know yeah me you're just lying and you don't have kids are they on klonopin could be okay their nervous system maybe maybe never know never know slippery fish slippery fish slippery shrimp might get a second order you never know okay so your kid's nervous system.

13:14I feel like Dina right now where I'm just like ignoring your jokes and just going into the hardback. So your child's nervous system is like, hey, want to do something horrific today? My answer is usually no to that question. The travel day to your child's nervous system is really, really hard. And so the meltdowns hit harder. The tantrums are bigger. Their fuse is shorter because what's really happening is when kids get overwhelmed, their thinking brain, the rational, logical part goes offline and the survival brain clocks in. And so while it doesn't seem like a threat to us that the orange bowl is orange and it's not blue or any of the other things that they're melting down about, like what do you mean survival brain is kicking in?

14:03It feels like a threat to them. It feels like a bear is chasing them in the woods. And that's why you see them act as if a literal bear is chasing them in the woods. It's cool because now I don't have to get a bear to see what that would look like. All you have to do is peel the banana the wrong way. Peel the banana the wrong way and you're going to see how your kid reacts. Just drop to the floor, kick and scream, fight or fight. It's true. Look it up. So when you see them melting down on the floor, kicking and screaming, you're so embarrassed they're tantruming in public i mean first of all everybody is screaming at the airport all the kids are screaming at the airport the baby's screaming at the airport nobody has had their nap we're fine and second of all kind of shift from they're giving you a hard time they're badly behaved to hey they're having a hard time right now this is really overwhelming for a little person it's also overwhelming for big people like adults are having a hard time And you're doing an incredible job holding them through the storm.

15:11Now, what actually helps with this? Because it doesn't have to be doomed. There's a couple of things that can help mitigate the meltdowns when traveling. And I'm going to go over this quickly because it's not that fun. It's not that funny, but it is important. Number one, prep, the secret to traveling with kids. Parents underestimate how much prep changes the entire travel day. Kids don't need it to be but they do need to know what's coming. I'm a huge fan of prep. You are? I use it for myself. Yes, you do. I like read my schedule in the morning. I guess people do that. They read their schedule in the morning typically, but I used to be like kind of freewheeling and dealing.

15:50And so I wouldn't, I just be like, what do I got going on right now? Oops, I'm late. But now I read the schedule and I'm like, oh yeah, this is what I got going on. I can plan. I don't have to worry about by the time I get to this afternoon about just being uncomfortable with life I'm ready to go. Yeah you're not melting down you would literally melt down because you were surprised by what was coming and it's like it's on the calendar more importantly if you were if we were going somewhere and you were in charge and you were just like get in the car I'd be like what do you mean and you're like we're going to the airport right now I'd be like what do you mean we're going to the airport I'm like absolutely not and I'd be like well there's nothing else to do You're like, we're going to the airport.

16:31You love airports. You love travel. You love where we're going. And you're just like, no, this is not happening. And I would freak out. So even as an adult, I get it. Right. The kids who walk in knowing what to expect, they are way more regulated. Number two, a quick old 10 minute miracle. Kids cooperate more when they feel connected. And this is really hard because usually when you're getting ready for a trip, you are not connecting with your kids. Or at least I'm not. I am like running around. I am rushing. I'm packing all the bags. and doing all this stuff. So if you can carve out five minutes of special time, whether it's the morning of, which is impossible, or the day before, that will help.

17:1010 minutes, five minutes of undivided attention, phones down, let your child pick whatever the activity is and just connect with them a little bit. Number three, give them a job. Kids love a job. Love a job. They love a job. Not me, the kids. I would like less jobs. That's why you give them a job. It's one less job for you. Well, sometimes giving them a job actually ends up being more of a job for you because that's not the purpose. The purpose is not like you're going to get pretty upset if you think that their job is to like do something on their own and they're not doing it well. Do you know what I mean?

17:44I do. But it's like make them carry their backpack. Sure. They're in charge of what goes into their backpack. I pack it, but they get to pack. They get to choose what's going into their backpack. I might modify it. Yeah. but then they pack it they carry it will i probably have to carry it at some point yes but i could also plan on carrying their backpack the whole time anyways yep and packing it and all of that but if i give them that i might get a little vacation in my vacation backpack carrying vacation just a three minute vacay i will take it i will take it no but when they pack their own backpacks i feel like that is such a key and they're not i mean literally packing every single like obviously we have to be in charge of the big things that are important for them to have in their backpack but putting them in charge of finding a toy to put in finding spare clothes depending on how old they are like pick an outfit make sure you have your water bottle they feel really empowered and they feel part of the trip making experience it's kind of crazy what outfit are you going to wear to travel yeah and i know there's parents out there that'll be like you need to make your packing outfit for this entire trip good luck and like i've kind to try that a little bit but it's a lot and it's almost like just as much work for me we've done it like okay we need how many nights are we going yeah right we need this many pajamas and they would draw a picture of their pajamas because they couldn't like spell then so cute like this many pants and they put you know draw a pair of pants and put a number with it and that's fun but they're not they didn't they don't like doing it every time and like i think when that happened last when you did that you brought double the amount of clothes for the oldest and no clothes for the middle child.

19:20And that's why I don't even pack like any, that's why I don't pack their clothes. Do you think that would have been different if I had packed their clothes? No, I'm actually unsure if you were the one who packed it or if this was one of those scenarios. In fact, actually you might have been the one that I think this is a different trip. Yeah. I don't know what happened with that one. I absolved myself. I will say that they do that with me. So I'll just say that because I know back on the mental load, I know everything instantaneously. I can scan their hands and be like, that is not your shirt.

19:47this is a tank top you do not need a tank top we are going skiing or whatever it is and so they have it like i make a list of like five pants four underwear five shirts two dresses and they walk back in they go category by category so i can see what it is and i'll be like all right cool pants that's always easy and then when we get to t-shirts like this is a tank top you don't need that whatever it is and i actually love making them do that it's partially because i only wear t-shirts and then you know they've got like 10 different varieties of tops you got long sleeves You got three quarter sleeves.

20:18You got tank tops. You got too much. The exact same thing every single day. I'm not saying they need to wear only t-shirts, but you know, it's not top of mind to be like, how many tank tops do you have, dear? My next tip, and I have lost track of what number we are on, obviously. The next tip is screen time. If your family does screen time, I'm just going to say this. Whatever amount of screen time that you feel comfortable maximizing on a travel day, just do it. Just do it. And I know there's a lot of people out there that don't do screen time or that do minimal screen time. And I love that for you.

20:52And I think that's really amazing for us on travel days. We have unlimited screen time. We just do. This is one day. This is one day. And it's honestly a game changer. I will say, keep in mind how long your journey is because you don't want to run out of battery. Get yourself some portable battery packs. Good Lord. I love a portable battery pack. Next tip, if you know that your kid is a bit more sensory sensitive or really has a hard time with travel, you know your kid, you know if they are like that. We have one kid who is down to party anywhere, anytime. We have another kid that's a bit more sensitive.

21:27Bring tools, bring headphones, bring noise canceling headphones, bring little fidget toys, bring squeezy balls, bring a blanket that feels really cozy. really lean in to supporting your child's nervous system if they are one of their more sensory sensitive kids. And here is my last one. Lower your expectations. Here's the thing. I like to think of trips and traveling with kids as the experience that it is. It is never going to be when we went to Bali, when we were 26, and it felt like you came home and you felt so well rested and you just felt like the peace is inside of you. It's not going to feel like that.

22:16What it's going to feel like is, wow, we made magical memories. We saw our friends and family, if that's what we did, or we saw this new place, or we bonded, or whatever the purpose of having the family vacation is, that's what it was for. And that's what the magic was about. But having the expectation, it's not going to be like that solo trip in your 20s. we're gonna switch gears switch gears and talk about a recent trip we took to denver just a couple weeks ago it was not a couple weeks ago it was like one week ago i don't know time time is what people put on things it's capitalism it's time is capitalism it's winter break you have no idea what you're in it's a really nice trip we went to denver to go visit family it was cold.

23:08It's not California. I'm happy we moved to California. It was so nice that we got to visit our family. We had like a little Christmas, cousin Christmas at grandma's house, at my mom's house, which always was our tradition. It was really important that we went back and did that. So it was like just made my heart swell. And now that we're out, I don't feel like traveling was that bad, but probably when I was on the airplane, when one or two of our children were screaming, I thought it was never going to end. But right now I'm just like, well, it was magical. It was cozy. It was beautiful. It was everything I wanted it to be and more.

23:46Let me just tell you one thing. My favorite part about the trip. Well, my favorite part was doing Christmas cookies and jammies at my mom's house. Because that's like our tradition doing Cousin Christmas. My second favorite thing of going to Denver was renting. You know what I'm going to say? Of course I do. Because it's my favorite. I heard you say rent. renting the minivan every time we travel back to Denver but also we started this when we lived in Denver and we would travel to California to see where we want to live we rent a minivan because we do not own a minivan but I want to own a minivan here's the thing I was thinking about this in minivan is that people like to be like oh an SUV that's the luxury That's the luxury path.

24:35That's the most expensive thing on Uber, right? Totally. Black SUV, right? Yeah. Wrong. It should be a minivan. Here's the thing. When we're traveling and we have the minivan, I'm always blown away by all the features of it. Number one, the storage. The storage cannot be me. With every row up, you could put a house. Because you can always take away the floorboard. Two giant suitcases. Two giant suitcases. three backpacks 100 back a diaper bag so many cups five five backpacks because you're in your mind too yeah you're right all our cups water bottles all of that you can still walk around no minivan and when i say walk around i don't mean crawl around i mean the kids can walk into the minivan from either side mind you and just walk around that's my favorite part and well the kids beg us to get a minivan every single time every time every single time it's literally like It might as well be a moving party for them.

25:31Every single time. Well, because you slide open the door and they literally can walk to their seats. They can walk through comfortably to their seats. It's like a house that you buckle up in. No, really. They love it. And then I love it because it's so convenient. I like the sliding doors. Then I feel like it's safe. And I'm just like, I need a minivan. There's no blind spots. I need a minivan. What are we doing? I don't know, man. I feel like every couple of episodes we talk about this. And I don't know when we're going to pull the trigger, but we're gonna we're gonna find out there's there's a possibility what's your favorite minivan my favorite minivan pacifica dude yeah you can't hands down we've tried we tried all of the minivans at this point we're minivan connoisseurs i mean we've tried them all and it's always the pacifica because it has the best features has like the most safety features like right out the gate so especially in somewhere like denver when it could snow at any moment's notice because it's December.

26:28But I know that it's like super safe. So I don't have to worry about that. Plus it always has like a really a lot of a lot of the minivans don't have like any sort of like nice entertainment system. It's like very basic, like nothing going on there. And the Pacifica always has like satellite radio. It has like a great touchscreen. It's nice. It's just it's nice. It's just nice. I made it nice for you. That's what it feels like. It doesn't feel like a rental car. I know Like a rental car, I feel like is never nice. It's never a nice experience. Am I getting a minivan or are you getting a minivan?

27:00You're getting a minivan, dog. I'm getting a minivan. You're about that life. I know. Discover all the ways a Chrysler Pacifica can make your life and your family's rides easier and more enjoyable this holiday season by visiting their website at Chrysler.com backslash Pacifica today. Chrysler.com backslash Pacifica today. Time for rapid fire holiday hot take questions and then we're out. buddy we're out okay here we go babe aisle or window seat with kids with kids window you're in the window no i'm wait sorry i'm in the aisle you're in the aisle because the kids need the window and you gotta box them in i would take the window i would take the window because i want to see the airplanes yeah you're right i want to see the airplanes when we're taxing but strategically because i'm like girl you need to move your head and open up that shade so i can see these airplanes.

27:48I am the opposite and I am like whoever wants a shade open on an airplane is a monster, a psychopath and I don't know what happened to you. Close the shades, put on an eye mask and go to sleep like a normal person. Shades open unless there's sleep possibility or you're above the clouds. Just you're the problem. A headache in an airplane. Okay. At tea time everybody agrees, girl. Is it morally acceptable to board early if they offer pre-boarding for families? Oh, 100%. Best airport for families that you've been to or heard of. I got mine. What's yours? Newark. Dude, the sensory room. The sensory room at the Newark airport that is for neurodivergent kids.

28:33I don't know. Maybe that's anybody. Actually, it's a sensory room for people who need it. Outstanding. Incredible. Also, any airport that has a Starbucks. Go ahead. I'm probably like the favorite one I've ever been to is probably like Dubai let me just spit into this microphone it's so fancy well because I haven't been to my favorite one I know it's like I haven't met my blah blah blah yet or whatever no Singapore is supposed to be the best airport in the world and I just really want to go there alright okay that's it listen besties if you are traveling with kids this year hear me loud and clear you're not failing.