Your Hardest Parenting Questions, Answered ⭐

0:00The following podcast is a dear media production. friends welcome back to after bedtime and today kristen and i are sitting down and tackling your questions we're tackling potty we're tackling big feelings discipline and some really fun personal questions so let's go have some fun welcome to after bedtime where the house is finally quiet but the real noise begins the thoughts the questions the wondering if you're doing any of this right. We're Kristen and Dina, child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders of Big Little Feelings. And we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy.

0:42Nope. We're here to tell the truth, the unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process. Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules and snack hacks. It's about healing. It's about breaking cycles. It's about becoming the kind of adult you want your kids to grow up to be. This is the place where we say the quiet parts out loud, and we're so glad that you're here. Kristen, what's cracking? What's crackalacking, girl? Me? Yeah. Oh, I'm tired. How are you? I never know how to answer that question. Me too. Wow. So much to say. There's so much to say.

1:22You rarely ask me, and then when you do, I'm so caught off guard because I just want to know about how you are. Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. I knew it. Good. I'm just tired because my baby woke up during the night a few times. Again, he's been doing that recently. He's 10 months. Yeah. Yeah. We got to a point where he was sleeping. And now I think being here in L.A., he's just like off and he keeps waking up. The vacation wake up. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Hi, honey. I'm tired, but nobody woke up. You know what I mean? I'm just tired. It's just, it's just, well, we're recording this like end of day.

2:00To be fair, it's not our best hour. Like even though the show is called After Bedtime, our best work is in the morning, to be very clear. Like the few times we get to record in the morning, we're not as broken as we are right now. That's the prime energy hours. Yeah. My core working time would be like 6 to 11. Yeah. Now that I have kids. Firing in all cylinders. Yes. like my prime if I did not have children would be sleep until 11 oh my god and then start my day you know but here we are did you know that I've only slept till 8 a.m one time in my whole life and I was shocked I did when I woke up I was like what is going on I slept in there's two very different kinds of people and you are you are one person and I am the other you know I do it works out for you with with children though like us night owls it doesn't work out so well we have to shift the whole way our body wants to be did you know that i also got picked up from every single sleepover i would call at nine o 'clock where did are you just looking for fun facts about your life now no we were talking about sleep and so i started to flash back to sleepovers and well how much i like sleep and tell me about that why did you have to be picked were you scared Everyone was talking too much, you know, and like it just wasn't comfortable.

3:21It was time to lay down. I was like, what is this blanket? What is this pillow? This isn't my usual. Like these girls won't stop talking. I got to get out of here. I need to rest. You guys want to hang out and have fun. I'm trying to rest. Dad, come get me. I remember one time before your autism diagnosis. This is real. Dina has been diagnosed with autism. For those who don't know, the besties who don't know. I remember one time before that I had invited you to a girl's trip in Mexico. And I have known you, what, 20 years at this point. So, like, I know you very, very well. And we were having a rough day anyway.

4:00So it was already like we were both in like ultimate we're tired, exhausted, kind of just like, I can't do that. What do you mean? And so we were already there. And then I was like, I was trying to shift it into like something really fun. I'm like, hey, we're going to Mexico. I'm going to Cabo. Like these people are coming. It's going to be so nice. We're not bringing the kids like dream. And I just remember you being like, but but I don't want to do that. There's going to be jokes. People are going to make jokes. They're going to want to be having fun. And I'm like, yeah, you cheer me up. You're like, yeah, we're going to be sitting in chairs by a pool just chatting.

4:37And I was like, holy shit. Like, no, no, no. People chatting and they're not going to make jokes. Just topic after topic. They want to chit chat and joke around. And now we know. Yeah. And now we know. But I was I mean, I was proud of you. You were like, I don't want to go. And I was like, that's fair. That's fair, my girl. I didn't want to do my own bachelorette trip. Nothing. No. I didn't want a wedding. No. Mike got the wedding of his dreams. Mike did get it. It was a beautiful wedding. Thank you. It was Mike's wedding. He loved it. I wanted it to end at nine and for everyone to go home. it was really beautiful thank you it was beautiful i love the flowers it really was mike's wedding though yeah i love that for him i loved it for him too i mean he has like a big persian family and so it's like a big persian family wedding and again like it was really fun and beautiful do you remember though my first dance where i made everybody we literally were on a different level because there was levels to this outdoor venue we were so far away on our own for our first dance like I wanted no one near us yeah and that's what I got it didn't feel weird to me but now that you say that you know a lot of things that you do don't feel weird to me I'm just like yeah my girl jokes suck like don't go you know you don't like jokes that's cool but maybe other people thought that was I didn't think it was weird a lot of people told me it was very odd really they're like why weren't we allowed over there like for a first dance and I was like because you're not I thought you guys were just taking a moment that was very nice and like healthy it

6:09I don't give a fuck what people do. I think I'm alone in this. Like, I think anyone could do anything minus actual abuse or murder. And I would be like, yeah, dude. I think that's a beautiful thing. And I think in 2026, we've all gone very astray from that mindset. That's fair. And we need to get a little more back there. That's fair. They're like, how dare you say you don't like bananas? the bananas of the world you said apples but you didn't mention kiwi what's wrong with kiwi i'm allergic to apples why would you say that that apple killed my niece 17 years ago how dare you dina you built us a beautiful q a episode i'm just showing up riding dirty i did the hard work i sifted through everyone's questions like hundreds of questions and don't worry about it i did it all for you.

7:04Thank you. Besties, if you don't know, we actually take turns somewhat. Like if there's a Bravo guest, which we are excited to have in our future and we can't tell you who it is yet, but I'm so excited and I can't believe it. I did that episode. You know what I mean? And then you get to surprise me with the Q &A episode. That's right. And it works out beautifully. I know. Okay. Let's do some questions. Let's dive in. Alrighty, Kristen. This first one is something that a lot of people ask about. So I put it on the list. I see this on Instagram all the time. So we're going to tackle it all the time.

7:37All the time. Is it a Highland cow? Because that's what I see on Instagram all the time. No, I don't see anything but Highland cows on my feed. I do love a Highland cow. I saw one recently at a rodeo IRL. They're so cute. No, no, no. I don't think the Highland Highland cows aren't supposed to be at rodeos. It was at a farm. Oh, OK. Yeah. okay it was they just live there okay yeah i was worried about the highland cow okay by the way i i ended up speaking with a bull rider recently if you're gonna defend the rodeos right now just stop before you start just okay i'm just gonna stop i feel bad for the animals all right i do understand that and i that's fair that is fair i don't do anything to the animals i just want that out there I don't think people think that you do.

8:25I don't touch animals except for Moki. Okay. And I touch them appropriately. Okay, let's move on. What?

8:35What are you seeing on your Instagram? He's not here today because he's sick. What do I see? That's where we started this. Okay. What is the topic? Jessica has asked us. This is so good. Okay. We've mastered potty training in the day at three years old, but we're still getting accidents at night. They're happening fairly often. Is that normal? Yes. And the answer is yes. This is actually very developmentally normal because a few things actually need to happen for nighttime dryness. Like this is about literally their body developing enough to be able to hold therapy all night, frankly. Yeah, I feel like this isn't talked about that much.

9:17People think you need to potty train both at the same time and there's all this pressure, but it's very different physiologically. Like the daytime is totally doable. Let's say age 18 months at the very earliest on, but nighttime often doesn't even come until age up to age five. I mean, I would talk to your pediatrician if it's past age five, six, and it's different for every kid. One of my kids, like the minute that they potty trained, they also potty trained overnight and it was on their own right like we put them into their pull-ups and we call them nighttime undies so that you know we're not confusing with a diaper and one of my kids just did it at the same time the other one took until she was almost like five and the other one it's like every kid is different and I think that because you hear stories where like my kid you know stopped overnight at two then you're like oh no is something wrong and nothing is wrong this is actually not something we have to actively like this is one area of parenting you get to not yeah get to not you get to not and you can put on a pull-up which we call nighttime undies so that it is very low pressure and we just kind of like okay we're gonna try to keep them dry but it's no big deal and yeah for most kids like you were saying they're dry at night by age like five to seven and you can always check in with your pede that's a great idea for this topic but like you said, there's also a hormone that's involved in this.

10:37So they need to literally have this hormone develop and that hormone reduces urine production while they're sleeping. So biologically, it is something. Give it some time. Here's something that keeps me up at night as a parent. Our kids are the first generation growing up on ultra processed foods and the long term effects. We're only beginning to understand them. That's exactly why Haya exists to give parents a real solution in a market flooded with kids' vitamins that prioritize candy-like appeal over actual nutrition. I was horrified to learn that some children's vitamins on the market today contain up to 7 grams of sugar per serving and are stuffed with artificial additives and petroleum-based dyes.

11:20Haya took the opposite approach. Zero sugar, zero gummy additives, just clean nutrition. And the crazy thing is kids actually love them. Like, my kids love them. And what makes Haya different is how thoughtfully designed it is. They looked at what modern kids are actually eating or not eating in the case of my kids, especially, and formulated around those specific nutritional gaps. Working alongside pediatricians and nutrition scientists, Haya created powerful chewable multivitamins that pack a blend of 12 organic fruits and vegetables, plus 15 essential vitamins and minerals into every chewable.

11:54My kids love when the delivery comes, they each have their own customizable little bottle. And what I mean by that is Haya is brilliant and they send you like a bottle that you use every single time. And it comes with stickers and the kids decorate their bottles. They put their names on their bottles and now they are obsessed with it. Also, Haya just launched something brand new. If your kids are active and growing, adding in a clean protein powder with added minerals designed just for kids might be exactly what they need. Haya's new Kids Daily Growth Plus protein is a total game changer. It's more than of protein shake.

12:28It's a purity awarded clean protein powder with added minerals and healthy fats that mixes right into water, smoothies, and more to support muscle development and cognition to fuel everything they've got going on. We've worked out a special deal with Haya. Receive 50 % off your first order on any of their products. To claim this deal, you must go to hyahealth.com slash BLF. This deal is not available on their regular website. Go to H-I-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H dot com slash BLF and get your kids the full body support they deserve. Oh, my Lord. If there is one thing that I am not put on this planet to do, it is to make doctor and dentist appointments.

13:07I mean, any kind of appointment at all. Oh, about a doctor's appointment. I can't do it. I'm going to be really honest with you. It's the phone, guys. It's the talking on the phone. I can't physically bring myself to do it. Is it a millennial thing? Is it an ADHD thing? I don't know, but I can't do it. And I mean that. Guys, I truly have phone anxiety, particularly when it comes to appointments. And I thought I was completely alone and crazy on this, but I have actually heard from so many people where it's like, you first call them and then they call you back and then they leave a voicemail and then you call them back.

13:44I just, I can't, my brain can't do it. And I don't have the time. And even if I had the time, I just cannot do it. Guys, I don't want you to go through that. And so I found the solution. ZocDoc. ZocDoc solves the frustrating parts of making a doctor's appointment. So I can actually make one. So ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors. Okay. They have more than 150 ,000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states. And their website has tons of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles to help you choose the right one. For me, I can do something on my phone.

14:24Okay. And especially when it's like it has the reviews, I can read what other people are saying. And then here is the game changer. You see actual appointment openings and you click to instantly book your visit. Appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours, because let's be honest, I'm putting everything off and you can even score same day appointments. Hallelujah. ZocDoc is free to use. Go free to use. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with ZocDoc. Head to ZocDoc.com slash BLF to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list.

15:03Woo, finally. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash D-O-F. Okay, next one's a fun one. Emily wants to know, what is the last movie you saw in theater? Oh my God, Toy Story 5. Oh. Toy Story 5, great movie. I take my kids to the movie theater often and I love it and it's one of my favorite things to do with them. And what, oh my God, I'm trying to think what the last adult movie I saw in theaters. It was probably Wicked because that's like the one thing that I prioritized needing to go see like the weekend it came out with our friends. So like the new Wicked for Good. And by new, I mean now a year old.

15:47Cute. You know, Gina, tell me the last minute. I know I already know the answer to this question. Go ahead. I hate seeing movies in theater. I haven't been in years and I won't do it. I won't do it. So Mike can take them or my sister can take them. Actually, you know what? This week was the first time they ever went to a movie theater for the very first time. How did they do? They did great. They watched the whole thing and it was Toy Story 5. And did they like it? They loved it. However, we did have a little bit of like going to sleep, kind of thinking about it. It was a little too intense. I do have like pretty sensitive kids.

16:24Yeah. What was the part that was intense for them? Do you remember? All of it. All of it. Just all of it. Yeah. it was it was it was good it was good i liked it i recommend it yeah well that's awesome for someone else i love a movie theater like like it's like a not a babysitter but it's just like two hours where it's dark and quiet with like snacks with right so this is so wild to me though because you have adhd the part i don't like about sitting in the movie theater is like i have to sit there still. Like, I don't want to sit there. Yeah. Something I want to hang out interesting about you that many people will relate to, but not me is you're not a sitter stiller.

17:07No. Like you've got to be like moving and baking and this and that and like, go, go, go, go. And then you collapse. And like, I love to lay. I love to lay. I love to sit. I love a blanket. And like, my kids are normal kids but also they're not they're not like the craziest you know people who just like every family is different and some people have kids where it's like they have to be out and they have to be going and we need to be doing like sports all day long otherwise they just you know they're climbing on the walls and break everything and like you know my kids aren't that way either we're just kind of like a chill or family and if i can get two hours in a movie theater in the dark and sometimes we even bring like a wearable blanket i mean god we thrive we thrive in a movie theater oh you know what it's the people for me it's the people there's a lot of people at the movies these days and you get to like pick your seats in advance there's a recliner the recliner is heated you bring a blankie okay i could be persuaded to try again no you're gonna later okay i'm not you don't like to sit down or sit still that's the problem that's the problem them.

18:14I love to sit. I love to sit. Okay. Our next question is Stephanie. So I've got a kid who will not talk about feelings. And if they're upset, if you even try to touch a feeling, even kindly like, Hey, it's okay to feel blank about this. Like nice. He explodes. I mean, yelling, mean words, full escalation. Sorry, this person who wrote, how the hell do you get a kid like this to open up and build healthy emotions or just talk to me because I want to help. I want to be there for him and he won't let me. Oh, this is a good one. I relate. I relate. I have a kid like that. So for any kind of kid that is anywhere on a spectrum of you could call them.

19:05They're just a little bit more sensitive in general in life. You could also say neurodivergent kids. You could also just a kid who feels more this is the irony is that kids who have really really really really big reactions and feelings again they could be neurodivergent they could just be you don't have to put a label at all they're just you can tell if you're listening to this you're like oh that's my kid yeah they just feel things a lot the irony is that those kids do not want to touch or talk about their own feelings. Have you ever noticed, though, that like other people's feelings is OK when we're talking to them about feelings?

19:45So it's not feelings in general that's scaring them or making them shut down or making them not. But there is something about their own feelings that are so scary and overwhelming and even a little shameful to them that they tend to shut down or explode or not want to talk about their own feelings at all. And that is totally okay. And so for these kids, what I really love to do is kind of like talk around the feeling. We don't need to label the feeling in the moment. We don't need to, you know, do the whole like validating feelings thing. If that explodes, makes them explode more, just skip it and stay there.

20:25And then I think what you're talking about is after the fact, you know, normally you want to come back to it and be like, hey, earlier you were feeling sad, you know, you want to talk about it or it's okay to feel sad, you can skip that part too. Because if that part feels too much for them, and it often does, the best way to talk about feelings and build emotional intelligence with these kids is to use other examples. So this could be during playtime and doing a similar scenario and talking about how little bear feels really sad and really mad and it's okay to feel sad and mad. Books are great.

21:00Shows are great. You can still build emotional intelligence without actually talking about your child's specific feelings or especially your child's specific moments. Agreed. You want to keep it really low pressure. Some great times, by the way, low pressure is like talking in a car where you guys are not even looking at each other if they're open to it and no need to force it. But sometimes like no eye contact is nice or like while you guys are doing something. But even beyond that, like Kristen saying, going around it is brilliant. With little kids, play is perfect. With older kids, you could also pass a journal back and forth because sometimes writing without the actual words is easier to share about things or keep like a little bowl where they can just drop in like a little note that they write you.

21:44Things like that can be very helpful as well. And really the goal with connection isn't like extracting out words from them. Like real connection is about safety. So meeting them exactly where they're at and how they do emotions is what ultimately will build that trust and that connection in the relationship. Friends, if you've been here a while, if you follow me on Instagram, you know that when I find something I love, I am going to absolutely wear it into the ground. Like if you see me in stories wearing the same dress over and over, mind your business, okay? I found something that I love and it works.

22:24And a lot of the time, it comes from quince. And that's because they literally make like luxury, high quality pieces without the insane markups. Because they cut out the middleman. Okay, you might remember I have this amazing wrap dress from Quince that has become my go-to for everything. I'm talking like it is perfect for date night. It is my go-to dress for any work appearance I have to do. It feels so incredibly soft, but looks so professional. You might remember it's the one that I wore to my birthday dinner. If you saw it on our stories. It is the dream dress. Fits like a glove. I have an amazing leather tote that's like my mom bag.

23:03It looks really, really expensive, but it was not expensive. And that's the beauty of it. But you never know. It literally looks so crazy expensive. And inside, of course, I've got like snacks and diapers and random Hot Wheels and tiny cracker crumbs all over. But yeah, they have everything like 100 percent European linen pants and dresses and tops that are exactly the pieces that you're going to be reaching for all summer because they're lightweight and effortless and cute. And the amazing part, they start at just$32. Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to quince.com slash BLF for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

23:44Now available in Canada too. That's quince.com slash BLF for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash BLF. Kristen accidentally changed my summer. You guys probably actually heard this happen in real time during our Summer Trends episode because Kristen started telling me about Resort Pass. And I'm sitting there thinking, wait, that's a thing you can just do? You can just go to different resorts and enjoy yourself for a day? That's amazing. I'd love a pool day with my kids. I'd love a pool day for me. Resort Pass gives you access to luxury hotel pools and spas and cabanas without an overnight stay or membership fees.

24:28You can literally book in under five minutes. Passes start at just$25. And they partner with over 2 ,500 luxury hotels and resorts across the U.S., the Caribbean, and Mexico. They even have same-day bookings, which honestly feels made for parents because, you know, we rarely plan anything further than tomorrow morning. More than 6 million guests have already taken a resort pass vacation. And with over 100 ,000 five-star reviews, it's one of those ideas where you immediately wonder why you didn't know about it sooner. Or at least I did. You just come back feeling like yourself again. Visit resortpass.com slash BLF to get$20 off your first booking of$100 or more.

25:11That's R-E-S-O-R-T-P-A-S-S dot com slash BLF for$20 off. Resort Pass. The day is yours. Okay, I feel like everyone should know about this. And I'll just speak from a personal place. Recently, I felt really fatigued. I felt like something is just off. I was exercising, I'm eating well, I'm taking supplements, and I just still felt sluggish throughout my days. And the problem is that it's really easy to just kind of start guessing. Maybe I'm just tired because I have three kids. Maybe I'm getting older. Maybe this is just life now. This is why I was so happy I found Rhythm. This is the world's easiest blood test to help you learn what's actually happening inside your body.

25:58It takes two minutes. You do it at home. There's no needles. It's just a painless collection device that literally sticks onto your arm and you press a little button and then it draws a little blood sample. You mail it back. Someone can even come pick it up from your house and your results come really quickly through their portal, and they even have an AI health coach to help explain what you're seeing. When I got my results back, it actually validated what I'd been feeling. Like it flagged that some of my hormones were still off, even though I'd been trying very hard to get those figured out, and I was deficient in a few nutrients, which honestly explained why I'd been dragging for so long here.

26:35Instead of wondering if everything was just, you know, in my head, like some doctors like to make you feel, I finally had real information that I could actually use. So now I use my rhythm kit every month on the same day and it gives me incredible data to see how my body is changing, what I'm needing, how the changes that I'm making in my daily life are impacting things in real time. Literally, I could not recommend rhythm more because I don't know about you, but getting to a doctor's office is actually very, very hard. I have one million things to do every single day already. So sometimes squeezing in that doctor appointment for myself just like slides off the list.

27:15You know, I just never get to it. But Rhythm solves that problem. And from your home, you can test so many different things like 30 biomarkers, including your hormones, cholesterol, inflammation, and metabolic health. Rhythm is only$79 a month, a fraction of traditional lab testing, and it ships right to your door and you can cancel it anytime. Right now, Rhythm is offering our listeners 15 % off your first month and free shipping at rhythm.com.blf. That's rhythm with one H-R-Y-T-H-M dot health slash blf for 15 % off your first month and free shipping. Stop guessing. Start testing. Rhythm.health slash blf.

28:05Now you get another fun one. These are just really random, by the way. I just pulled for the fun ones. I pulled very random things that I saw. I love that. Okay. So Jennifer wants to know, do you dye your hair? Me? Yeah. All of us. Both of us. Oh, both of us? Both of us. Oh, I obviously dye my hair. Dina, I know your answer. I like how all of your answers are so hardcore. And this is how we became friends is like, this is just really polarizing. Like, I don't, I've never met somebody to have the most, like just the most at all times. Dina, go ahead. Do you dye your hair? I can't even know. I can't.

28:42I've never dyed my hair. And I think because I'm blonde, like whatever grays I'm getting, you can't see them. I don't think you have any grays. Where are they? You don't have any. Are they coming? Don't ask me. By the way, my whole head is gray. I went gray at like 21. Really? Yeah. Thank you to my genetics and stress. That I actually didn't know about you. You didn't know that about me? Oh, I didn't realize that. I have to get my hair done like every four weeks. Actually, that does make sense. Because you see me cover my grays sometimes. And back in the day, even when you were like doing blue hair.