You’re Making This Sibling Mistake Every Day (And It’s Making the Fighting Worse)

11:19Deena:I don't know. I'm just like picturing my children like with blood all over their mouths and like in the wild now. I don't I'm not seeing the translation. I know there is one. I get it. You know, I get it. I get it. It's like a primal. You need to go watch the documentaries. I'm watching the Barack Obama one, but it's the ocean one. So you might have to shift to whales. I don't know. Continue. I get it. I really do. It's like we are all biological beings. That's why like even our kids are throwing things or hitting like these are urges. We're not just perfect human specimens that that don't have to go through things and have urges in order to figure things out.

12:00Deena:Like there's a reason for the urges. There's a reason for the hitting. There's a reason for the screaming. It's so that they can learn how to exist in this world. And this is practice for when they go into the world. They're not right now supposed to be ready in the real world. This is like the arena, the practice. I get it. I get it. I love it. That's right. Okay.

12:23Kristin:Did you? Do you, though? I do, though. Okay. Moving on.

12:28Deena:The more I think about it, I do. I just, I had a, like, original block because I think I just got excited about the cheetahs. Okay.

12:33Kristin:Your babies don't have blood on their face. They're just wrestling each other to practice. Anyways, I think the question that all of us as parents who have all of this going on in our house and we're frankly like very irritated by it because it is irritating. We just want to know like when do you jump in? When do you stay out? So first, we're going to start there. We can actually stay out when it's annoying and they're arguing and they're negotiating and they're trying to work it out and they're disagreeing. we actually I think can stay out of it a lot more the time than we think we can and I'm having a flashback to when my kids were really little and I swear for like five minutes they went back and forth being like this unicycle no motorcycle unicycle no motorcycle and I was like what the hell are we even talking about guys and I just kind of let them go and eventually they stopped And I swear to God, later that day, we saw a unicycle that was motorized and it felt like a sign from the universe.

13:35Kristin:But that is a tangent.

13:43Deena:Did you know that you can get a pass to hotels around you and use their pool? What I'm about to tell you is you can also use their spa and other things. But I have been using resort pass religiously. And by that, I mean, for example, right now I am sitting in my car. This is not an exaggeration. This is not a joke. I am sitting in my car in a towel on a solo pool recharge day. I told my husband, I just need one day by a pool by myself. Yes, it feels over the top. It feels like moms shouldn't do this. I do this once a month. I go to a pool at a nearby hotel by myself. So here's the concept of Resort Pass.

14:28Deena:God, it's brilliant. I kind of wish I would have come up with it. Resort Pass gives you access to luxury hotel pools, spas, and cabanas for the day. No overnight stay, no membership. You just book it and get this. Passes start at$25. dollars resort pass makes taking a much needed and much deserved break so incredibly easy you guys know that i'm obsessed with the one night overnight hotel stay case okay i do those twice a year are you sensing a pattern i am deeply introverted i am deeply tired and i need to recharge by myself they work directly with over 2500 hotels and resorts to provide you with the same luxury hospitality that you would experience as an overnight guest.

15:12Deena:Go to resortpass.com slash BLF and use code BLF for$20 off your first booking of$100 or more. Resortpass.com slash BLF, code BLF, Resort Pass. The day is yours. Remember the best family vacations growing up? Myrtle Beach is where you can relive that feeling, whether you're creating new memories with your family or you're just trying to catch that nostalgic feeling. The Myrtle Beach area is 60 miles of sunny beaches and 14 coastal communities that create a place where you belong. Myrtle Beach is a place where whatever you're into, you can do it to the max. Spend your days on the beach or by the pool, which is obviously what I choose to do.

15:52Deena:Or if you're more like my husband and my oldest, you can go on a foodie tour, listen to live music every night, or focus on you with endless ways to indulge in self-care. However you want to stay, you'll find your place at the beach. Accommodations range from cozy hotels to beachfront rentals and resorts right on the ocean. And there are endless things to do, including hundreds of attractions. Go shopping, enjoy some classic theme park fun, or dive into water sports like paddleboarding and jet skiing. There are fun events and festivals happening year-round. Check the website for schedules. This summer, I am letting go my friend.

16:30Deena:I feel like online there is this war of like 90s summer. And this was last year, too, where it's like, I'm going to give my kids a 90s summer and they're just going to go play with sticks and play with water outside and, you know, whatever and occupy themselves. And then there's this backlash of people being like, I have to work and my kids have to go to camp. Guys, y 'all, like none of us know what we're doing over the summer. we're all just like working living trying our best i'm having a try my best summer and this summer i'm going to myrtle beach because i want to completely unwind myrtle beach is where i'm gonna put my phone down i am going to be with my family completely i am not doing any work i am not winging it and juggling it all i'm actually just gonna spend all of my time with my family maybe be book one spa day by myself if I'm being really, really honest and just kind of live that nostalgic feeling of being, I don't know, at the beach, but also at a rental house.

17:37Deena:And it just feels like it's going to be so much fun. I feel like it's the best place for families, by the way, Myrtle Beach, because sometimes you go on vacations and you're like, oh, man, this would have been a really, really good trip for me as an early 20 year old, but perhaps not the best for me with three children. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if you've ever had any of those, but it's like the older my kids get, meaning the more experience I have as a mom, I'm realizing that it doesn't really matter where you go. Like when I was pregnant, I thought I was the kind that was going to be picking up my kid and like taking them to Paris or whatever.

18:17Deena:And what I've learned is that if you pick a place that is really family friendly, but also has a bunch of other families there, your kids are going to have the best time. And if your kids are having the best time, you're having the best time. Like there is entertainment, but there is downtime, but also your kids can run around and they can make friends and it's really safe. And it's just an environment that is made for kids and families. That's what I'm looking for in my vacations these days and Myrtle Beach is doing it for me this summer. You belong at the beach, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

18:51Deena:Plan the best family vacation ever at visitmyrtlebeach.com. What happens when that doesn't end in a friendly way? Like I hear you and I'm not good at this, just for the record of all the besties. And I'm I've got really good things for me. Like I am a pretty calm mom. Everybody knows kind of what my strengths are. OK. And this is not one of my strengths. I'm just going to be really honest. I don't know why or how. I wouldn't say I'm terrible. Like I'm not shaming anybody. I'm not like, you know, taking one of the kids. It's just that I'm just not doing the quote unquote right things. I am just being like, guys, stop.

19:28Deena:Just stop. Just stop fighting for five seconds. Can we just have five seconds of peace? I'm totally that mom. So So tell me, because I am on and I am with you where it's like, OK, you guys are just going back and forth. It's annoying the shit out of me. But like, fine. You just cycle motorcycle. You know, what happens, though, when then it's like beyond escalation and now they're just like, yeah, no, no, no, no motorcycle. And you get to that point. So answer me that question. Then, of course, I know the answer already where they start then hitting each other, which is exactly what's happening in my household.

20:06Deena:It gets physical. But what about the point right before it where it's just like now we're at the peak right before they're about to probably beat the shit out of each other?

20:17Kristin:Exactly. Okay. So when can we step in?

20:20Deena:Yeah.

20:20Kristin:Well, I'm just going to start with our list because it is like obviously number one when things are unsafe. Okay. We're immediately stepping in. But you're saying, too, there is this moment where it's escalated so far that it's gone to the next level. And we can step in and pause everything and be like, hey, guys, things are getting really big. We're going to pause here. And it's OK to be that confident leader who kind of stops the action at a certain point. Or you could also like let them keep going if it's not unsafe. Like I'll put in some earplugs and I'll be like, you guys are going to figure this out and I'm going to take care of my nervous system.

21:00Kristin:But back to when to step in, because I think this is actually really important to just make very concrete. if someone is being repeatedly targeted, you've got a power imbalance or there's physical aggression or cruelty going on. That is where we do not question. We do not ask them to stop. We are going to step in and keep children safe, period.

21:25Deena:I do think that we parents step in too soon. I'm putting myself in that we step in way too soon and I think it's doing our kids a disservice because I do think sometimes they might be able to resolve it they really might and it feels like they're never going to however the more we I feel like long term the less they're even able to ever resolve it because they're just so used to us like stepping in they're so used to us ripping them apart and we're not giving them that opportunity. And the more often we give them the opportunity, it's like the more the more, you know, and we're just doing a disservice by by stepping in so early.

22:10Deena:Right.

22:10Kristin:That is one piece of it for sure. And on that note, I think one thing a lot of us accidentally do, probably carrying it on from our own childhood, is just playing detective. Like you jump in there and you're kind of like the judge, jury, crime scene investigator. You're like, who started it? Who touched it first? Who had it? Who said what? Like we're jumping in there as a referee being like, OK, you need to give it back. Your time is done. You shouldn't have done that. You hit him. You're out. You know, like we're jumping in and trying to control the whole situation. And that can actually backfire for our kids a lot of times, too.

22:49Kristin:When we're coming in hot like that, we accidentally start targeting one kid we're blaming a kid more than the other a lot of times we're jumping to assumptions that actually doesn't help them and a lot of times it can make

23:02Deena:the fighting overall a lot more intense i will say i also think as your kids get older the truth doesn't always come out by the way so then it makes this weird unhealthy dynamic where like Like the kid who is in power at the moment, it's always shifting or maybe it's not in your household. But like the kid who is in power can somehow intimidate the other kid. This isn't happening in my own house, but I see it like in other families where they're like intimidating the other kids, like not tell the truth. And so when, you know, the parent is over there and it's like, well, who started and who did it?

23:36Deena:And like, it's just it can it can turn into such a snowball. And it it doesn't really matter, actually. It doesn't really matter any of the details. My husband, God bless him. I love him. But he's such a details man. Like anything that happens in life, it's like, tell me the who, the why, the where, what's underneath it, what happened next. And then we're going to we're going to talk about it again. I need to understand every detail. It actually doesn't matter. Like the only time we are stepping in is when it gets to a point where it is physical or harmful, emotionally harmful, physically harmful.

24:15Deena:We're going to separate. We're going to cool down. We're going to get back to baseline, however we can get it. And then probably where you're going to get into, Dina, is what you do after, which is where the skills are built. But there are no skills being built by dissecting the who, what, where, why this problem child. And then the other part of this I will mention, too. Some kids have a need to a biological need inside of them to just kind of cause trouble. That's what I'll say it broadly. Now, that's our perspective as parents when I say cause trouble. The little ADHD kid in me wants to say just like, can't help it.

24:58Deena:a lack of impulse control. By the way, for kids with ADHD, if they go and they smack the shit out of their brother, they're getting a dopamine rush. Of course, they're going to go and try to cause conflict. Suddenly you're in this scenario where you have two kids or three kids or four kids, and this kid is usually the problem kid. And when that kid is usually the problem kid, and we're getting into the how and the why and the who, that kid is receiving what research says up to 10 ,000 more negative comments by the time they reach age 10. And so just for so many reasons in the moment of the sibling fight, it's like go in purely as a, is this unsafe?

25:46Deena:I'm separating them. Is this emotionally unsafe? I'm separating them.

25:50Kristin:Then we're going to talk to them. Then we're going to problem solve. Agree. The more neutral we can stay, the better. Because when we come in super hot trying to like figure out the who, we accidentally kind of pit them against each other a lot of times, too. And it makes it just all escalate more. And I'm so glad you got into the brain stuff, because no matter what, when your kids have emotionally escalated to this point where it's about to get aggressive or they are just so far gone in the argument emotionally, like we're 11 out of 10 emotions, their brain is not in a place where they can problem solve anymore.

26:27Kristin:They actually need a pause so that they can get other more critical thinking parts of their brain back in use, back online. And that's where creating this pause and us stepping in can help in those moments.

26:45Deena:And what I really like to say in those moments to just keep it like concise, almost as a broken record, because everybody else is all over the place. Their amygdala are just like splattered. And there's so many voices coming at me like, well, he hit me first and he did this or whatever. And that's what's coming at you. And it's like my my go to is I'm not figuring out who started it. I'm helping keep everyone safe. And I'm kind of just repeat that the calmest that I can while literally separating them. And that's it. And that way it doesn't. What I don't want to do is come in to the fire and then be adding fuel to the fire.

27:22Deena:And we're all going up and up and up and up. I'm watching all of these kids go up. I'm coming down. I'm using less words. I'm repeating the words and I'm doing my actions to get everybody safe so they can come back down too.

27:36Kristin:Exactly. And so I like to think of myself not as a referee who's blowing a whistle and saying like, you ball over here, like step out of bounds, throw the ball. You know, it's like dictating all the moves that are happening. Think of yourself more as a coach, right? Or more as like a very neutral narrator to the situation. And it could sound something like, like, okay, whoa, we've all got really upset feelings right now. We're going to pause. I know you guys can figure it out. What are some ideas? Like pausing and kind of guiding them towards like, what do you think? Which by the way, kids, when you give them that power, they respond a lot better than telling them what to do.

28:19Kristin:If you're kind of like, hey, like, what are you guys going to do here. A lot of times they respond so much better. They'll come up with ideas like it's kind of shocking to see.

28:30Deena:And I feel like the opposite almost never works where it's like, Jimmy, say sorry. And they're like, sorry. And then the other one's like sticking their tongue out because it's just forced, you know, when you empower the kid to be like, hey, Jimmy, you had the ball. Rachel, you really wanted the ball. I see two kids that are sad about the ball. What can we do together? And oftentimes they'll look at each other instead of us and be like, well, I don't know. Like, do you want? Then they figure it out a lot of the times. It's pretty shocking.

29:04Kristin:I'm laughing because I've never heard a sorry in my house. My kids literally scream sorry. If they're told to do that, that's literally how it would come out like sorry. They're yelling at each other. I'm like, OK, yeah, that's why we try not to do the forced apology thing, because like Like, it will never work. We'll get into repair because that's important, too.

29:25Deena:Never a forced apology. Mine is more like they'll go, sorry, in front of us. And then the second someone turns around, then they're sticking their tongues out and doing like making fun of each other. And it's like, guys. And so it just never works. Like, it's just never it's never the right thing to do.

29:42Kristin:I mean, basically, when it comes down to sibling battles, we can't stop them from having conflict. I think that's one thing that we will just all be better off if we fully embrace it. This is part of the journey. It sucks. I know if we could try to use it in a positive way to build skills, that's where we'll kind of get ourselves further. And I think some of the key things to keep in mind is kind of like these foundational perspectives where it's like it's OK to feel upset with each other and we don't hurt each other when we're mad. Right. It's like teaching them how to safely work through conflict really is the only goal.

30:23Kristin:We have a running joke in our house like every family has that one blanket. You know the one. The blanket that everyone says is theirs. They're all fighting over it. And in our house, that has become our cozy earth bubble cuddle blanket. I will walk into the living room and one kid is wrapped in it watching a movie. Next thing I know, Mike's stolen it. An hour later, it's draped over the couch because I was using it while answering emails. And then somehow it's in someone's fort. It's basically become a family member at this point. And honestly, I love things like this because it feels like they're part of our family ritual.

30:57Kristin:it makes your home feel special and cozy. And cozy is my favorite feeling. After a long day of being touched and doing a million things, I look forward to being cozy. As parents, we spend so much time focusing on what everyone else needs that we forget how much our environment impacts us. The softness of your sheets, a cozy blankie during a movie, the little things that just make your house feel like a sanctuary instead of a place where everyone drops their backpacks. That is one thing I really love about Cozy Earth. Everything feels incredibly thoughtful and luxurious, but also like it was made to be lived in.

31:34Kristin:And if you've been curious about trying them, they make it really easy with a 100-night sleep trial and a 10-year warranty. Head to CozyEarth.com and use our code BIGLITTLEFEELINGS for up to 20 % off. And if you receive a post-purchase survey, let them know that you heard about Cozy Earth from us. Because home isn't just where you live. It's how you feel. Comfort lives here.

31:56Deena:Cozy Earth. Summer always makes me rethink what I'm reaching for every day. Lighter fabrics, better materials, pieces that just feel good the moment you put them on and look effortless. And that's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focused on high quality essentials, breathable linen, soft organic cotton, washable silk, but without the luxury markup. It's that rare balance where everything feels elevated, but still easy. Quince has beautiful everyday pieces, like 100 % European linen pants, dresses, and tops with style starting at$32. Their denim is soft and easy to wear, and their organic cotton sweaters are perfect for layering on cool summer nights.

32:37Deena:Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80 % less than similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen, so you're paying for quality, not brand markup. And it's not just clothing. Quince has really become a destination for elevated essentials across home, kitchen, bedding, and beyond, making it easy to bring more premium feel into everyday life. My Mongolian boyfriend cashmere sweater from Quince is my go-to. Like I'm heading out to dinner with my husband or with some friends, I am throwing on some leggings with that sweater. Whether it is summer, fall, or winter, that sweater is my go-to.

33:17Deena:Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash BLF for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash BLF for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash BLF.

33:34Kristin:Guys, more and more, I'm convinced that my kids believe rugs are not part of the house, but that they're part of like an activity. Like a place to conduct science experiments, a place to spill smoothies, a place to test whether yogurt can be paint. You know what I'm talking about? Okay, this is why I love tumble rugs. Now, the first thing that sold me was that they're spill proof. Liquids literally beat up on top of the rug instead of soaking into it. So you can actually just wipe it all away before it becomes a whole situation, which is great because I currently have three children and approximately zero spare time for scrubbing rugs on my hands and knees.

34:10Kristin:But the real magic is that they're machine washable. And when life inevitably happens, you just remove the rug from its pad, you toss it in the washing machine, and move on with your life. You don't have to do the whole carpet cleaner rental or like standing over the stain just scrubbing away being like, please come out. And unlike a lot of washable rugs, these are actually really beautiful. Ours looks like a designer rug. And I also love that they are OEKO tech certified, so they're safe for kids and pets and all the little humans rolling around on the floor. Honestly, Tumble was one of those products where after we got one, I immediately understood why so many families are obsessed.

34:49Kristin:Machine washable rugs made better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10 % off plus free shipping at tumbleliving.com slash blf. That's T-U-M-B-L-E living.com slash blf. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Now, if you know me, I wear my sunglasses literally indoors, outdoors, all year round. And everybody always asks where I get them. And the answer is Warby Parker. For years, I have been getting my sunglasses there for so many different reasons. One, they are affordable. OK, I have three little kids right now.

35:29Kristin:They have sat on my glasses, jumped on them while they're sitting on the couch, yanked them off of my face. In fact, that is baby's favorite thing to do right now is take my glasses. They have glasses and sunglasses in so many different styles. Now, I am someone who usually goes to the glasses store and gets very overwhelmed by the numerous options on the wall. But whether you're shopping online or you go into their store, it's actually a very streamlined, organized, great experience. They make it so easy. Everyone who works there is so helpful. The online process is easy. That is what I need.

36:03Kristin:One of the best parts about Warby Parker is that they have a program called Buy a Pair, Give a Pair, and they have distributed over 20 million pairs of glasses to people in need, which is something I can get behind. And lastly, they are covered by major eye insurance plans, which is an added bonus. All you have to do is enter your information to see if you're eligible for benefits on frames or contacts or eye exams. And if you are, they automatically apply them for you. I'm so excited that I get to share Warby Parker with you today because I have been loving them for years. And right now, buy one pair of glasses and get 20 % off any additional pairs at warbyparker.com slash BLF.

36:44Kristin:That's 20 % off any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at w-a-r-b-y parker.com slash blf. Okay, so then, by the way, when their brains have settled down, because we talked about when kids are emotionally escalated, their brains are not in a place where they can learn new skills. Once everyone's safe, once they have been separated and everyone's starting to settle down, that's when their brain can take in new information and build new skills. And sharing, turn-taking, negotiating, handling disappointment, asking to join a game, I mean, solving conflicts without hitting, these aren't things that kids just magically know how to do.

37:28Kristin:They're social skills. And like any skill, they have to be taught and practice and they'll mess up and they keep practicing until they eventually get it as they grow. Now, the catch? The best time to teach them isn't in the middle of that toy tug of war when everyone's crying and someone just got shoved. A dysregulated brain is not a learning brain. So instead, we teach these skills during calm moments through role play, practice. We can model the words. And what does it actually sound like for those of us who didn't grow up in a home where the tools were actually modeled to us? It sounds like this.

38:05Kristin:Can I have a turn when you're done? Do you want to trade? Can we play together? I'm still using this. I'll let you know when I'm finished. I don't like that. Please stop. Give them the words. Teach them the skills that they're currently missing so that they can start using it for next time. That way, when conflicts happen in real life, your job becomes coaching and reminding, not expecting your kid to somehow know skills that they've just never been taught. Because honestly, healthy relationships aren't built on forced sharing, right? They're built on communication and problem solving, flexibility, respect.

38:40Kristin:And those are skills that we can teach.

38:43Deena:OK, so we've talked a ton about normalizing sibling fights, how it happens to all of us. We've talked a lot about what to do in the moment. And now the moment you all have been waiting for, we are going to tell you how to have fewer sibling fights overall. This is the part that you're really going to want to listen to. So one way to have fewer fights overall in your house is to make a family identity. And life goes fast, you guys. I've been saying I'd make a family identity since I saw this on Instagram on like one of those really perfect accounts. And they had like a really beautiful Pinterest board type of bulletin board that set it up there.

39:30Deena:I haven't done this yet, but I am dying to do this yet. A family identity, it can be super simple and super easy. It's something like we are a team. OK, and there's a very subtle difference between we are a team versus something like we all have to get along all the time. Not realistic, right? But when you have an identity that is a core family value that somebody can come back to, they're going to take this from zero years all the way through 18 years. Super important.

40:03Kristin:I agree. These are the things that we're going to be repeating even in just daily life because we want it to get programmed into our kids' minds. We are a team. We help each other when someone is struggling. That's something I've been saying over and over recently is, hey, guys, when someone is having a hard time, when someone is hurt or upset, we show up for them. We try to help them and support them. And I feel like I'm starting to see a little shift in it. I love that. Another one that we are constantly repeating that's just great for siblings is something like it's OK to feel upset with each other.

40:38Kristin:And when we're mad, we don't hurt each other. We can solve our problems a different way. I feel like they do need to hear that a lot. And eventually it starts to sink in.

40:48Deena:One way that you can truly eliminate sibling battles almost instantaneously is special one-on-one time. I know we're busy. I know we're busy. But if you've ever done our 10-minute miracle, you know that this works. Like it works almost every single time. And it really is a miracle. This is where you take 10 minutes, okay, with one child. And maybe you have to do it with all the children. Maybe you just have to do it with one children. There's no siblings. There's no phones. There's no iPads. Your kid is picking the activity. You're putting your phone down and you are just focusing on your kid.

41:32Deena:And they can pick anything. They can pick dinosaurs, Legos, doesn't have to be anything huge. But the research is very strong. That perceived competition for parental attention fuels sibling rivalry. And I see this every day in my house. So when I see one particular kid who is acting out or one particular kid who is kind of going more into the victim, like crying a lot, everybody's hurting me a lot. It's a signal. It's a signal to me that they need some more parental, strong, cup-filled. 10-minute miracle.

42:10Kristin:100 percent. That can make such a difference in behaviors. And then I'm going to come in hot with my child therapist hat on, guys. The last thing that a lot of us, it's so easy to do, but you got to intentionally do it, is catch cooperation. inspiration you are going to notice the good stuff and call it out which is hard because a lot of us are kind of doing the like no don't stop thing all day because hi people are jumping off of couches they're breaking things like you know how it goes you have kids but when we can notice the good stuff you're gonna get more good stuff so it's things like whoa like hey you really helped him.

42:51Kristin:Or, wow, I noticed how you said you wanted to turn. That's great. Or things like, guys, that was real teamwork right there. I noticed how you asked for a turn. You gave it to him when you were done. You boys helped each other. Start to notice the times that they're there for each other. They're supporting each other. You will see more of it if you call it out. All right, friends, as we head to the end of this episode, we have covered so much already. But I love a mantra. They keep me grounded. They help me show up as the confident, calm leader that I want to be, especially when I'm going through these sibling squabbles.

43:29Kristin:But this is the vibe we're bringing in. These are things we can remind ourselves. These are things we can say to our kids. We are a team. We take care of each other. It is okay to be upset with each other, and we don't hurt each other when we're mad. Let's think about how to find a solution to this problem. Let's be problem solvers together. We can get through hard things as a team. Okay, that is the vibe. And as you zoom out, here's what I want you to think about. Right now, your kids are little, but one day they're going to be roommates, they're going to be spouses, co-workers, friends. This sibling relationship right now, this is their first practice field.

44:19Kristin:And the goal isn't to have kids who never fight. I'm sorry, that's not realistic. That's just not going to happen. That's not human nature. The goal is to learn how to disagree, to learn how to repair. And true repair isn't about just saying sorry. It's about pausing, owning what happened, owning your actions, noticing how another person feels, and truly making amends together. Everything we've talked about today will help you help them make a true repair. And finally, the goal is to learn how to stay connected through conflict, which so many of us did not have growing up. Nobody showed us this stuff.

45:01Kristin:Nobody did it with us. Nobody repaired with us. So for a lot of us, this stuff feels foreign. But today, everything we went through, this is your summer sibling guide. Use all the tools, keep yourself grounded, and remember their fighting is not a reflection of your parenting. It is normal. So I hope you feel a big sigh of relief now, because you're doing amazing. The fact that you're here, thinking about all these things, thinking about how you're going to show up for your kids, you're amazing. And they are so lucky to have you as their parent. And on that note, if today's episode resonated, but you're also sitting there like, okay, sibling fighting is just one of the 28 behaviors that are currently driving me up the wall.

45:47Well, we've got you.

45:49Kristin:If you have a toddler preschooler, get our viral behavioral course because it is so much easier in the big kid years if you've built this solid foundation with social emotional skills right from the start. And this course will teach you how to shift every unwanted behavior that you'll ever see in ages one through six. I mean, hitting, picky eating, sharing, night wakings, tantrums, you name it. It is all in there with step-by-step plans to tackle those behaviors. And if you do have a toddler and you're looking to potty train. Trust me, friends, do it while the weather is warm. It is so much better to potty train outside.

46:33Kristin:Our Potty Training Made Simple course is a step-by-step how-to guide for easy, fast potty training. And lastly, we've got our Big Feelers program for highly sensitive kids. You can find all of those on our website at biglittlefeelings.com slash courses. And friends, thank you for being here. I'm so proud of you, and I cannot wait to hang out with you soon again. Kristen, you go to bed, girl. Go get some rest. I am going to go watch off campus because I'm currently obsessed with it still. And friends, I will see you soon.

47:28Kristin:Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.