Caught With 35 Kilos of Cocaine - Female Drug Smuggler Gets 10 Years in Prison

33:29And at this point, I was shitting myself that I ain't going in that main jail. I didn't know what to expect. I was already getting questioned because of the quantity of drugs that I'd been caught with. No one in that jail probably had ever seen anything bigger than a bag of coke, let alone 35 kilo of it. So there was already talk going around. about me and the charge I was on. And they're all from up there. I had a different accent. I was being told that I was a spy from Scotland Yard. I got told that I sounded posh and I laughed at them and thought, if anyone from Coventry could hear you say that I sound posh, they'd definitely beg to differ.

34:09I mean, I don't speak badly, I'd like to think, but... I wasn't from Newcastle, I wasn't a Geordie, I wasn't from Durham or Sunderland. I was like an alien from outer space to everyone up there. How many of these girls are on drugs in there? They were smoking Buscopan, which is IBS tablets. There's a hallucinogenic in it. And they just go around off their trolleys. They're that off their trolleys, but one of them was sitting on the landing with their little blue plastic mug asking for spare change. And I looked at them and thought, ain't got any fucking spare change. If I did, I'd give it to you.

34:45But all I had at this point was oils. your vape oils, which that was your currency in prison. If you had oils, you could buy what you wanted. For me, I made a very big choice. Not that I would have went in there and took drugs, what they were on. You wasn't getting your recreational party drugs. You'd get in Ibiza, put it that way. They were taking like that, uh, is it Subitec? Subitec, which is, I don't know, an equivalent to what heroin addicts take. Yeah, subotex, they can snort as well. Subotex, they were taking pre-gablins. They were on anything. Spice. Prescription drugs. Spice was there.

35:26They had like influxes of it where people would get it in. I think it was getting sent in in paper forms. Are you getting a visit every day on remand? No, I had. So I was remanded on the Monday and my mum, my little sister and my best friend come up on the Thursday. That was my first reception visit. and yeah it was a very emotional visit it was bad I just felt so disappointed in myself especially looking at my little sister um I felt like I'd let my best friend her and she didn't even know what I was about to do that day and my mum massively but you know what I love my mum for who she is because most people their mums wouldn't get it but my mum's so on a level like she was just so positive and she is so positive but yeah she just got it whereas some i'm more scared of my dad than my mom my mom's like my best friend i think growing up my mom had me she was 21 so i seen a lot from my mom in the younger years growing up which is how we had that bond Like sisters?

36:41Hey. Like sisters? Yeah, sisters that do fight like Cat and Doug, but at the same time, we love each other dearly. So, see, when you're going through the man, what was your lawyer saying? Was he telling you how severe it was? What he could potentially be getting 12 years, 15 years? The first time I heard a number come out, I had my barrister on a video link. I hadn't met him in person yet. and he started telling me between 9 and 12 years and I said to him, not a chance. Like, there's no way in God's green earth that you're not going to get me a lesser number. I didn't, in my head, I don't know what I thought I was going to get.

37:23I think my dad played it down to me because he didn't want to be realistic with me. But at the same time, I don't think, he probably didn't want to lie to me either. but in my head I knew that I wasn't this big criminal gangster I wasn't living a leading life with all these lavish luxury items some things were just bought through working do you know what I mean? I didn't have any means didn't own a property had a car my dad bought me my car yeah, lucky you didn't own anything because they would have took it off you exactly like proceeds but the barrister just said to me one day you're looking at between 9 to 12 years and I got really like, not aggressive to him, but I spoke a bit out of turn.

38:09Like, I think he's seen a different side of me. I was on the phone to my dad, like, you better tell the solicitor. My dad was like, anything I asked my dad to do, he was straight on it. But I was due to be sentenced in the May. No, sorry, I put my early guilty plea in in May. And I knew I had to go guilty. I got caught banging to rights. There was no way out of it. I was going guilty from the minute I got caught I knew it was guilty and that was it and then I think the first scheduled sentencing date was July at this point I'd been in April May June four months and it got pushed back why I can't remember because there was that many times the date got pushed back it went from july to september to december at this point i'm pushing nine months in jail then it got pushed back just before christmas which kept affecting me getting on this better wing that had the facilities to cook do your own washing had an ensuite i got in the end.

39:18I made sure I got there. But yeah, I think I got sentenced in the January or the end of Jan coming into Feb. So I'd done like 11 months, 10, 11 months before I was sentenced. It got pushed back about four times due to reports not being in, prosecution not being ready, both parties not available on certain dates. And then obviously before Christmas, I know that everything shop was shut in the courts and it weren't opening back up till obviously the new year so i had to go my first christmas in jail still hanging over my head that i didn't know how long i was going to be facing what was that like first christmas in june awful anyone of my family um anyone will tell you how much i love christmas it's like the biggest thing ever to me like my mom would run past the whole dinner past me not my sister's just to make sure it was up to my preference like just anything I just loved it and I'd already spent my first birthday and Christmas in the May that was a very different birthday I didn't I always done something big with my friends or it was a holiday more than likely uh waking up to like a little piece of paper with people writing happy birthday on it and folding it over to put up in my pad.

40:42It certainly brought me down a peg or two. What about New Year? Awful. Do you know what they all do in New Year? They all bang on their doors at 12 o 'clock and press their bells just to wind up the screws. Half of them are off their barnets, on drugs. And there's me watching Big Ben on the telly, crying my eyes out. Were you ever suicidal? Yeah. Yeah, I was. I was close to a lot of points in my life where I just thought, I don't think I'm going to get through this. Only the points in remand. I think when you're sentenced, it allows you to have a picture. You've got an end goal in mind. Whereas during that 11 months in remand and hearing knockbacks or more information or just stuff that you don't want to hear, yeah it challenged me in ways that even after a bender I don't think I'd felt as bad as I did how I did in jail on remand.

41:46It seemed you took the deal did you find out what you were getting? No it's just I had to accept the guilty plea there wasn't no deal it was standing up in court obviously I didn't have to run trial because I pled guilty and the prosecution was pushing for a leading role obviously I was had nothing far from it and they put me in the significant role at a career level which got me the lesser end of a significant role which was nine years the higher was 12. That hearing the judge say their numbers, I still to that point didn't think that he was going to start at nine. What did the judge say? This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT.

42:34Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. That was stupid. I got a judge that literally, I mean, no judge would approve drugs, but he had a very high opinion on drugs because apparently one of his children, he lost them to drugs.

43:20So you can imagine how much he frowned upon it even more. And I don't know that for definite, but that was the story that I got given from the girls in prison that knew the judge. Do you have any previous? No. Well, I'm saying no. When I was 18, I got caught drink-driving. Yeah, that's fuck-all. But no, I lived a very... I'm going to say a good citizen life. I paid my taxes for my jobs. Yeah, but no deal by looking at that if you get caught with 35 kilos. No, they didn't care. I mean, I did get nine... Because that's the big sentence, though. Because there's drug lords out there who'll get caught with 1 ,000, 2 ,000 and still only get seven years, six years.

44:03Wow, I think he made an example of me and he said to me, I don't ever want to see you before me or any other judge in this... well, at all, I don't know if it's said in this country. He said that I was basically an amateur, stupidity, basically a disgusting young girl that made a choice that has put me in this position and you either get on with it or lump it, basically. I weren't getting out of it anyway, put it that way. And I remember standing, the judge was lower, I was higher and my family were behind me here on a glass screen and I kept trying to turn around and my dad touched the glass.

44:47And at that point, I just, my whole world fell apart. My mum was crying. I'd never seen my mum and my dad stood within two feet of each other in my whole life until I'm stood in a courtroom.

45:00James English:And it just broke my heart.

45:07James English:It was awful. But I put myself there. and then by the time I got back to the prison again and I'm going to be honest with you I sneaked my vape in my bra I couldn't live without that vape I only vape when I drank out on the out but going in that vape just become my comfort and I thought I can't go in that journey knowing the journey I went on going to Lonewton for the first time without that vape So I put my big coat on, it was January, it was freezing. And they put me in the paddy wagon, I put my hood on. I was made out, I was wrapping myself up in my coat and I puffed that vape. Like someone was going to take it away from me.

45:50God knows how they didn't see all the smoke. Literally choked myself to death for two and a half hours. But I got back and six to nine months, no, six year, nine months they gave me. but I got it down to six to give me nine months off for good behaviour plus the early guilty plea which I got a third off. So I was going home with six years, well home, I say home, it wasn't home. Well it did become home. Six years in my head. I'd already done a year in my head so I had two to do and at this point I was smashing the gym. The gym took a big shine to me, all the staff. I was already past level one, the basics of learning how manual handling, physical education, blah-de-blah, gym floor.

46:43I'd started my level two qual, and the gym allowed me to know that I could make something of myself through this gym. It gives me peace every day. I went down there six days a week. I had clarity, I had an end goal, I knew the date I was getting out when my charge sheet come through the door. At this point they didn't offer any HTC tags because my sentence started at 9 years, you had to have 6 years or below to receive tag. So I weren't getting tag, so there's that 6 months gone. so this was in the January coming into Feb and I'd started my level 2 qual fitness instructor I was already training to run a half marathon in the gym on the treadmill I raised money, people were signing their canteen sheets giving me 50p, 20p a pound and it was deducted out of their amount that you got and I built up a really good rapport with one of the gym staff He was just so amazing, and he got me through a lot.

47:55He dealt with the tears. He dealt with the emotions. He dealt with me when I was at my worst, and probably having a bad day and speaking... a little bit like shit to him. Not shit, but retaliating and just being gobby. Not gobby, but, you know, if you're having a bad day, you can't just... disregard it in a way. It comes out in a way that you don't want it to. and then in the July was it in the July? it was 24 yeah because it's 2024 so in July in 2024 there was talks that people were getting reduced sentences SDS sentences and I thought oh my god I'm going home early in my head I already knew I already told myself that I was going to get it Kia Stimer coming to the government and then I remember getting the new recalculated sheet in August 2024 and it had a reduced sentence of instead of serving 50 % of my sentence what I was from leaving court on the day I got sentenced I now only had to serve 40 % so it recalculated my date from April the 3rd 2026 to October the 25th 2025 something like that but then what come after that in the October sentences from six years sorry up to nine years and below you were then eligible for tag so my date when my release date went from from April the 3rd originally 2026 to October 2025 to February 25th with my tag like if that ain't I don't know what it is.

49:45But at this point, it weren't a good thing for me. When I was told I was going home early, I remember ringing home and breaking down on the phone to my best friend saying, I don't want to come home. I'm not ready to come home. Why? I think I was so at peace with who I was in prison. I weren't ready. Like, it was just brought at me like a ton of bricks. I think I dealt with being told I was going home early worse than what I did going into prison. I genuinely believed the feeling I felt was like, wow, I'm not ready to go out. I didn't even know if I was ready to face my family after being through a period of time on my own.

50:24There was a time before prison where I couldn't be alone. I didn't feel safe being alone. I sat in my thoughts. I seeked for approval after everyone. I needed to be in somebody's company. and you know how strong and resilient and at peace I felt being alone in prison. It was something that I'd never had before. I felt like I'd built somebody in that two years that I would never have built if that situation didn't happen to me. I had no choice, whereas before I had choices. Friday night you sat at home on your own prior to prison. if I didn't want to be on my own I'd ring up anybody to go out and have a drink obviously they were my friends wouldn't just go and speak to a stranger I'd do anything if you're hungry what do you go and do go out and eat because that's just the thing to do in prison I had no choices I didn't even have choice to have a toilet roll I had to ask for one I had to ask for a razor didn't even have makeup I was using a crayon for lip liner on my visits so when you got sentenced though did you not feel a sigh of relief that you could just now get your head down yeah and get on with it yeah it was an end goal i now had clarity and i had that vision of knowing what the person i'd become in them 11 months on remand and at this point i still thought i had two years but then them new dates come in when the new government laws come in because the prisons were overcrowded and i freaked out i freaked out in my had i was going home on april the 3rd 2026 still what month are you now 26 yeah so i would have been home now what six months so once you get sentenced did you see the difference between people who've been sentenced to remand did you notice the difference from the jails in me or in and the people yeah i mean no there's a lot more calmer once you're sentenced yeah i think the gym staff notes to changing me but i was like the same jail yeah i stayed in the same prison i um turned down to go to open prison why because i was enrolled on my level two fitness instructor qual and i knew in my head that i wasn't stopping at level two i wanted to go home and be a qualified personal trainer but couldn't you have finished that even if you went to open because i said i built up the rapport with the gym staff who says halloween only lasts one day with wayfair one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home.

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53:49Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. I knew I wasn't going to find that anywhere else. I didn't deal would change well I just thought I'm just going to stay here I'm happy I'm on a mental health wing I've got counselling I'm seeing a psychologist I had access to a kitchen I had a George Foreman cooker I was out a little bit more I was going to the gym six days a week training four or five hours a day only one hour on a Saturday Sunday was my rest day no Saturday was my rest day sunday i went to the gym for an hour on a sunday so you were going to your open you'd have got home leaves every three weeks yeah and you'd you'd rejected i declined it but then i got home leaves in the november of 2024 i was had to go through all the channels with the probation outside and i got my first home leave i say home leave i was allowed out in durham with my family and we went to a hotel there.

54:52It's like quite a nice hotel. It's got nice grounds. It's a golf resort. And we spent the day there and had like dinner and stuff. Christmas, it was approaching my second Christmas in prison. And my mom, my best friend and my little sister come. What's the worst thing you've seen in prison? Somebody unconscious in their pad for overdosing on spice. Like, they've gone over. They were blue. And we opened the door and she was gone on the floor. It's pretty freaky shit. And obviously, I was in the dining hall with Joanne Denaghy. I'm sure you know or have heard of her. She was Joanne Denaghy for people who don't know.

55:39She is a prolific murderer that went on a killing spree. And I believe, I'm going to guess here, I might be wrong, so don't quote me on it. at least three people she murdered in one spree and she got done for attempted murder on a couple that I don't think died. She hated men. She was actually in a relationship with Rose West before Rose West got shipped out to Newell, which is down in Leeds, in, I'm going to say West Yorkshire, is it? East Yorkshire? How has it been around these sort of people? Murderers and paedophiles? Because I was part of the gym staff, That was my job. I got paid. So I was there when other wings used to come down because I was seen as a more, I don't know, someone that could be hands-on in the gym, help with the gym orderlies that were cleaning.

56:33I had it good with the gym staff. I could walk in the office and make myself coffee if I wanted. I had them getting me stuff from Greg's. They looked after us because if they seen potential and you actually put the work in, which I was. I was doing classroom work. I never thought for once in my life after leaving college, let alone scraping five GCSEs, they were seeing above, but going back and learning to do something, I just never would have imagined it. But prison led me to start rebuilding myself in there to then potentially come out. I mean, don't get me wrong, life was hard coming out. I had to rebuild life in the outside.

57:14I built the person in there up, but that person wasn't ready for community life yet. And that is where my anxiety and PTSD and everything affected me coming home. But thankfully I had a lot of support network around me. How was it being on a home leave for the first time with your family? I felt really weird. I felt like I looked like an alien because I was see-through from no sunlight or vitamin D. I've always used to been having a tan going on a sunbed. I know that sounds quite shallow, but I felt like I even looked like a different person than the person I went in. It was a lot lighter as well.

57:59Obviously, I was smashing Jim. But my lifestyle changed. So I probably looked a healthier version, but to me, I felt weird. I was even on my sister's phone, I think I was. She actually laughed at me and took the phone and went, oh my God, you look like mom. Because I was doing the old thing that old people, older people do. And that's not me being ages there. Your parents look weird on an iPhone, don't they? but yeah and they put the tunes on in the car for me and it was quite upbeat in the car and i remember just walking into this hotel and seeing this big 20 foot christmas tree and yeah it was weird i was out in public i've been out in public for nearly 20 months were you scared shitting myself it's even weird being in a car seeing like the screen in the car and people's phones linked up to it.

58:59I hadn't used the phone for nearly two years. Don't forget, I'm approaching the end of my sentence here because the reduced sentence. So that Christmas was the second Christmas and my last Christmas in jail. That Christmas was a lot better than the first one though. I actually got up in the morning because I was on the different wing. So I had access, I was making stuffing balls and homemade George Priddins at nine in the morning to put on the dinner we were getting out of the dining hall just to make it a bit better for all the girls. Some of them didn't even know how to cook, so I kind of mithered everyone.

59:31They looked up to me a bit. I had a lot more life experience than some. They were lifers. I was surrounded by paedophiles, which I weren't comfortable with, and that's an opinion that I will have, and I think many will agree with me, but I had no choice but to live with one. I lived next door to one, but I took advantage of that because I used to give her an oil for a can of pop when I had nothing left on a Sunday What did she do? You'd have to sit up She dressed up as a schoolgirl and lured the kids into thinking that she was going to befriend them and took them to her boyfriend who sexually abused the children from primary school She got 18 years She's still in there now yeah how difficult she lived next door to me I was Sal number one I've got Guzman it's disgusting Sal number one she was number two see when you're there that long though do you actually forget their crimes or do you always sort of remember well everyone some people would have an opinion on me giving her an oil to get her a can of pop she always had loads of stuff I don't know why she always had stuff left on a Sunday but it was either that or end up on the Jesus water out the tap I'd run out my bottled waters on a Sunday you had to wait for Monday for canteen day so it was like you'd have to go on the hustle on a Sunday.

1:00:49Obviously for me, I had oils. I had money being given to me every week. My personal cash. Some people don't get personal cash on top of their work money that they've earned in the week. Whatever job they do in prison, I was getting£50 a week, £33 private, and the rest was given to me from the gym. I was on the best paid job in the jail. So£50 a week in prison. is a lot. Was there much trouble in there with the other women? Yeah. The girls that lived up there I've seen that many fights on Lost Count. They would kick the shit out of each other over a bit of spice, a busker band tablet, if someone had done something or if they didn't pay back with what they said they were going to pay back with.

1:01:39They were even doing bank transfers. Their families sending money to other people and then that would be their debt paid. Mental. And I just didn't choose that path. I thought, this is the time where you're going to change your ways, Danika. And I wouldn't have got involved in any of that. But that's not to say that I didn't make that choice because I did. It is a choice. And I always believe, well, I always stood by the fact that I said, I can't believe I've had to come to prison to change my life. and one of the prison staff said to me, and I remember it still to this day, he said, you haven't come to prison to change your life because you still could have come to prison and still not sorted yourself out.

1:02:23So you've made that choice and here you are now, leaving prison with a level three diploma and personal training. And I've actually made something of myself and now it's down to me and the community to choose what to do with that, which is what I did, I hit the ground running. What was your daily routine like? very regimental every day was the same i knew what was coming monday to sunday i knew on a monday morning start on a monday i'd go down to i'd wake up at eight bowels on for exercise the whole landing would be on the bowels you'd want to get out and get that exercise in the yard nine o 'clock you'd go back in you'd have a coffee you'd get movement half nine you'd go I'd be at the gym till 12 o 'clock, I'd train for the whole three hours, half nine till 12, two and a half hours.

1:03:16You'd go dining hall at 12, get your dinner. You'd get locked back in 12 till 2, because the prison officers go for their lunch. Two o 'clock movement, back to the gym, I'd be at the gym 2 till 4. Go back to the wing, you'd get, at this time, the routine changed, But this time you get locked straight back in at 4, association was at 5. Association meaning you got out on the wing, you could cook if you had your own food, which I bought on the canteen. And you'd be out till 7 o 'clock. 5 till 7 was your free time. Well, if you weren't in a wing I was on, you'd have to use that time to have a shower, which is communal showers in the main jail.

1:03:58I was on a separate wing called I-Wing and believe it or not I can only explain it as to picture it as an Ibis hotel wooden bed wooden wardrobes, a desk and a pretty decent en suite so I could shower whenever I wanted which was good for me because the gym get banged in at 7 at this point I was hooked on Emmerdale Emmerdale, Coronation Street I'd watch Love Island if it was on and I absolutely kicked the arse out of all the desperate housewives. I watched every single one. I've never watched them in my life, but I can tell you every episode from every continent now. Watched all the Tawis. Like, what else do you do when you're locked in?

1:04:44And then on the weekends, you were banged in at four o 'clock in the afternoon and you weren't getting out till nine o 'clock Saturday morning. It was earlier bang upon weekends, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So you got your release date and you knew you were getting it, how were you feeling a couple of days before it? Before your release? Shitting myself. F***ing everyone crying. I think a part of me was excited, but again that was me trying to pretend that I was not... I wasn't being honest with myself how I was feeling and again there was little parts of my old behaviours still showing, trying to put a front on that I'm now this strong character.

1:05:21I'd changed in my ways mentally But I think there was still parts of me trying to mask How scared I was Because I had this qualification And now it was down to me To take it with two hands and do something with it And I was doubting myself I was scared I knew I was going to feel vulnerable Rebuilding my life again Luckily for me I didn't go home to nothing Some of them girls in there the day I was leaving I left on my pair of Nike socks You would have thought it was all their Christmases come at once. I left them everything. The only thing I went out of prison with was my coursework, the new clothes that I bought on one of my second home leave where I got a chance to stay out for the night.

1:06:03I only got two of them. One, two in Durham and one in Coventry back home. And then they didn't let me have another one for some reason. And I weren't allowed to go and stay back at my home where I lived prior to prison. I still had that there. My friends stayed in that while I was away and kept it on for me. the rented property. She paid the rent, which I was fortunate in that aspect because I still had somewhere to go back and call home instead of going back to live with my mum. That would have been chaotic. How was it getting out for the first day? My dad picked me up and I cried my eyes out.

1:06:38I was saying bye to everybody. I cried just as much leaving the gates as I did going in. it become a place where I finally found peace with myself I created well I built myself obviously I didn't have access to drink I weren't going out partying I was very grounded I come out very humble nothing mattered anymore I weren't living up to being this person that had something to prove i didn't want to be around anyone for one i'd obviously found peace being alone yeah i was scared i was shitting myself and to top it off i was electronically tagged which is not the best look for a female with that rounder ankle how long you on the tag for six months the whole way through summer spent my first birthday with it on in the may i was released in February 2025.

1:07:39I was 37 in the May. Lost three years of my life really from 34 where I was two and a half. But yeah it was a shock. What was the plans when you got out? To let everyone know that I'm a personal trainer and I'm to be quite honest with you I had a very very big opportunity come up in a local gym which I've asked them and they want me to obviously give them a shout out today it was Fitness Factory where my mum lives in my hometown and they gave me the opportunity to go in there and have free reign of PTing from there I paid my rent and I can honestly say the support they've given me and the community I've built to where I am today 18 months as of the end of this month I've been home, I started PT-ing in there on the 17th of March and the reason I remember that is because it's my middle sister's birthday.

1:08:40So I was released on the 28th of February. On the 17th of March, I'm walking into a gym with an ankle bracelet on that I'm horrified about, still trying to find my feet, shitting myself. And yeah, I've smashed out PTs that just hit the ground running. I don't know how I built myself up. I don't know. It must have just been, always been my calling, was to be in fitness. And if you had have asked me to be a personal trainer prior to prison, I would have looked at you and laughed. But here I am, 18 months on, with a very big clientele with people that have stuck with me trusted me and are now proving that I am good at what I'm doing and that is helping people and it's not even just physically because I know that all my clients that come to me know that I've come from a very dark place mentally

1:09:39James English:and that's not to say that my life's perfect now because it's not but I know that what I'm doing is going to help other people, and it's got me to where I am today. And I'm still not perfect, as you can see. I am still broken. But I've had to find my way in the open again and living in the community, as I did in prison. I built this person up behind closed doors, behind prison bars. But I had to then do it again and learn how to live again. It was hard. What was your biggest fear about coming out? Not being the person I was before prison. And I found it hard. And I think this is where it leads me to today.

1:10:30Um, am I allowed to get my phone for this? Yeah, yeah. So yeah, it's leading me to a decision that I've made that hasn't been a hard decision.

1:10:44James English:but certain aspects of my life that's gone on from release to now I haven't slipped back into my old ways but I know that drink doesn't benefit me and this is why I'm making a decision to go completely sober since coming out of prison I've been trying to build that different version of myself and I didn't want to come home and repeat old lifestyle and old behaviours. And in a lot of ways I haven't. I know that I've changed massively and I'm proud of the person I am. But I've had to be honest with myself about alcohol. What does it actually bring to my life when I know I don't enjoy it anymore?

1:11:30I'm a PT and I feel that there's a lot of pressure to live in a world where some people don't get it to be sober. I had no choice to be sober in prison. But now it doesn't go with what I'm doing. And I've gone months without it. I don't miss it. I don't get an urge to have a drink. All I know is when I've had a drink the next day, I haven't missed it. It doesn't add purpose to my life. and when I look back over the years, even recently, it's cost me a lot.

1:12:08James English:I've made mistakes. It's created situations that I've never wanted to happen. And it's hurt people around me and it's just not doing anything for me. And if I don't make this decision now, who's not to say that I could go back to my old ways? because I'm only human. Just because I made the biggest mistake in my life, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to continue to make them. Oh, gosh.

1:12:45James English:So anyway, I just want to become better in every aspect of my life. And I know now that alcohol just isn't going to allow me. I'm better in a lot of areas, But like I say, I can only make progress. I'm not perfect. And regardless of the outcome of what purpose it serves to me or the people around me, I know that I'm doing it just solely for me. And it takes away that pressure of, oh God, why don't you have a drink? Oh God, you allowed a little blowout. Why? And then it's like no one drags you and forces you to do anything. But for me, it's just not giving me what I need now. And yeah, basically, me and Alcar, we've had a long enough relationship and it's time that I removed it out of my life.

1:13:41And hopefully, I can't say forever because I don't know, but right now, Danika is sober. And you know how much that feels a relief to say that?

1:13:56James English:because when I come home, yeah, I'd been sober in prison. And I'm not saying I've gone out partying because I haven't, but I have not been okay in drink at times. And I think that's a lot of trauma that still, I probably think that I've had all the counselling and psychologist's impact, but I know that I'm not fully okay. I'm still broken inside and people expect me to be this big superior person because I'm a PT but clearly I'm not Alcohol is one of the most glorified drugs on the planet though you know and especially what you've been through it was the party that led you to where you were so it's always you don't want to be fucking with the devil and then No, it's like dancing with Devon again one bad party, one other circumstance I can just leave me to when it's a bad choice Yeah and that's what negatives do It's just not serving me a purpose and I take my hat off to anyone that wants to go out and drink and have a good time.

1:15:03James English:But for me, it's not bringing me happiness. It's just allowing me to resurface trauma that it hasn't fully left me. Who knows? I might need more therapy and I am starting a healing journey. I'm already three sessions in. and I do box I box with my boxing trainer Ryan and I do speak to him but that is a lot a way to allow me to release that tension or build up of I don't know I just find ways to have coping mechanisms in a way through fitness as opposed to I do wanting to go and get drunk because I don't enjoy it I don't enjoy it I enjoy waking up on a Sunday morning and going to my high rocks class and I've recently found a new love for Shredfast which my sister she's led me in both to these which she'll laugh herself she introduced high rocks to me with now she started out Shredfasting and we are currently in training to become Shredfast athletes.

1:16:15So in the next coming months, I'm going to be a Shredfast athlete with the ability to teach in PT forms and group classes. So I've got a journey that I've got my brain engaged. I'm learning something new. I'm expanding on my skill set. And I know that that is where my love is now. It's not about going out. I don't want to go out partying. When I've got the ability to leave the country, because I'm still serving, when my license ends, I will take holidays, but they will be very different as opposed to the Danica three years ago. Well, it will be six years ago when my license ends. What's your biggest fear?

1:17:00Letting myself down again. Letting my family down.

1:17:07being just never losing my freedom again never putting myself in a situation

1:17:17where I have to learn or it's like going back to school and I had to learn not so much the math side or your English it's learning how to live again I don't ever want to go back to rock bottom and have to rebuild and I'm not going to say my life's great now because it isn't but I've made progress and that's the best that I can ask of myself yeah clearly you've made progress you've come out you've made a few changes we all were all a working process what's your biggest regret drinking drugs mixed up in a world that I didn't know was going to last for 20 years in my life. Let's be honest, if I sat out on the party scene when I was 18, I was 34 when I went to prison.

1:18:12I'm 38 now. So I at least lost, what, 16, 17 years prior to prison of living a life that, what did it achieve? It didn't achieve anything. Some of the girls I went to school with, and I'm not saying it's everything. Some own their own properties, some have got children. Okay, relationships didn't work out in the past for me to have children, but I don't know. Maybe if I didn't live that lifestyle, would things have been different? Probably, yeah. Would I have gone to prison? Probably not. But the thing that I look back on now is I wish I done things different, but I'm glad where prisons led me to today so in a way I'm grateful for the experience and that period of my life to the person I am today do you feel good or do you still struggling every day because you've got to give yourself some credit obviously what you've done was fucking wrong people are going to jump all over that but to keep in the head not losing yourself completely not being taking your own life not getting full of spice in there because that happens as many people go into these prisons with no addictions whatsoever but just so much pressure turns it you know yourself it's that escape and before you know it there's no going back my motto i've said was prison saved me fitness was the making of me and that's something that's resonated in my head for i'd say at least the last 15 months where i started to build i started to grow I've built a reputation with the community that I'm working with I'm doing mixed group classes I'm doing boot camps I've got an online coaching app so I know the steps I'm making is allowing me to grow and I'm far from that person that I was back in 2023 on April Fool's Day I'll never look at April Fool's Day in the same light again because all the jokes and pranks I made being a child that is the biggest joke that could have happened Did you ever think it was an April Fool's when you were getting surrounded?

1:20:23I wish it was But then even though it's the worst thing in your life it's probably saved your life It has, massively I genuinely believe I either would not be here today or I'd be serving a lot longer time in prison if I continued to make any more bad choices as I did on that day. I wouldn't be here or I'd not be here in the community. I'd be behind bars. And I'm glad and grateful for the path that God chose me to go on. Maybe some people above are looking down on me that are not here with us today. And there's one person that is up there and it's my mum's best friend and she did kill herself.

1:21:11And she always used to say, I don't know why she'd always call me by my full name. See you, Danica, five, you'd fallen shit and come out smelling the roses. And I believe that's what happened and I believe that she was watching over me. She was my guardian angel. Are you still crying, emotional every day with what you've been through?

1:21:34James English:Yeah, it's part to me that will have them days. Were you always an emotional person before it? Yeah, my mother's child. not at stupid things I've just seen a lot I've lived a very is the word sporadic spiralled lifestyle it's the wrong word isn't it crazy lifestyle I've seen a lot I've witnessed a lot had to grow up quickly got wrapped up in the wrong lifestyle as a teenager went all through my 20s and yeah I always I can look back now is and never become that person that I once was wrapped up in that life Who do you feel you have let down the most?

1:22:29My mum and my dad, my sisters and my nephew and my best friend They're the main people in my life that mean the most to me. I lost a couple of years with my nephew. He was a young kid when I went in. I had a really good bum with him. Obviously, I haven't got kids myself, so he was like my little son, but he was my sister's son. Yeah. But they must be proud of you as well. You seem to have a strong family unit. I have. To stick by you no matter what. I wouldn't be where I am today without the support network. My younger sisters are both very opposite to me. They're very successful. They've got degrees.

1:23:14They helped me where I am today with Five Star Fitness. Yeah, I wouldn't be where I am today without my mum, my dad's support, my sisters, and having that one-on-one time with my nephew. and yeah having my best friend there to have stood by me the way she did yeah but legacy not everybody has that circle and i've seen it firsthand in prison people like they they wanted to go back to prison when i was there people would come through like a revolving door and i thought why is she back in here again they went out to nothing they wanted to be in prison because they had a roof over their head, they had hot water, they had a hot meal a day, they had routine, they had structure.

1:24:04They had nothing to come out to other than a sleeping bag and a duffel bag that got released from prison with stuff out of DPA. DPA is where they get clothes if you haven't got clothes. I put all my clothes in DPA. Every time I got new ones, I'd give them away because I'd never mixed with people that had nothing. and you know how much it brought me down from here to here to see people with nothing. And I thought, if you think your life's been challenging, Danika, imagine how they feel. And that is where I've become more grounded. And that is why today, I'm not going to say I'm not living a nice life, but I don't chase the life that I did before prison.

1:24:49How did the media treat you? Do you know, I don't know. I've never really looked. It's not something that I actually want to see. The gym staff made fun of me about the mugshot on the internet. I think it only reached like the local area of Harrogate. Are you on about social media? No, I like the news. Yeah, no, I didn't make the news. And because I was up in Durham, I didn't know if it was going to go on the local news. it didn't I don't know if it was because of the quantity of the drugs that they kept it out the media but all I know is I made it into the local area of where I was arrested and obviously because I was sentenced in York it didn't make its way down the country which yeah I don't know why were you surprised you built up a sort of following and a sort of customers with your past do you feel as if you have to be open with everyone that comes into your life I didn't I hid it from a lot of my clients until I started speaking openly about where I was how I was in fit with involved in fitness today and what what it led me to what led me there some of my clients didn't know until that post went out I think I announced it on Instagram um yeah i announced it on instagram and become open about it rather than i think because i'd done so well in the time up until this post went out i finally had something that i could be proud of instead of being ashamed of hiding the fact of i was where i was today because i'd been in prison excuse me does that make sense i had i kind of held my head in shame even though I had an anklet bracer on like the whole of the gym seeing it but still in my head some people didn't know what was it like going public the first time with it then why why do it then I think a lot of people that care about me and that are close to me kind of highlighted how well I've done like be proud of yourself stop being so ashamed and the influence from my sisters and the path that I was taking with High Rocks, with my sister.

1:27:11Like, we shared something, we shared the same interest. And I was just kind of like, not wanting to be vocal about how, what led me there, what led me to this fitness journey. And I don't know, something just come over me one day and I just thought, I'm going to do it. And I did do it. How was the response? Unbelievable. like I've only ever had one negative message do you know what what did they say something like you shouldn't have been so dumb to get in a car with drugs all right Einstein we know that but you know what I mean it was one of them comments one comment out of I'm gonna say 20 30 40 000 responses tiktok 250 000 views and comments like the impact i've had and the impact it's had sorry the response i've had and the impact it's had on me it's given me even more fire in my belly to not want to stop where i'm stopping today and i won't start even when i get to the top the sky's the limit and that is what drives me fitness and people and knowing that I've took them out of either a poor mindset or allowed them to become more confident physically in their own bodies when are you at your happiest when I'm training and putting myself through pain which is probably a form of I'm going to say self-harm to an extent but not in a way that people would normally relate self-harm to you try and do a shred fast workout and tell me how you feel in the middle of it you are the shred fast owner states it as you're in the trenches you're in your darkest place I've done high rocks and thought I was going to die and I've actually got my first single solo coming up in October that's making me nervous but I know I've got to go out there and give up my best shot.

1:29:11But that is when I feel in pain. But that is when I know at the end of it that I look back and say, I've just done that. The same way I looked back and said to the prison journey, I'll smash that. I done it on my own two feet. I wouldn't say I done it standing on my head, because not every day was sunshine and roses. And not every day now is fitness and roses. Do you have nightmares? Yes. I have sleepless nights. I struggle going to sleep at night. I can't switch off. Probably a bit of ADHD going on, never diagnosed medically, but probably looking at being assessed. My behavior is very addictive.

1:30:00I've got an addictive personality, but I've changed it now to fitness. before it was partying, probably recreational drug use. Food even is one of my addictions. There's a lot of behaviours that people close to me would notice that I've got a very addictive personality. It could be anything and I'll obsess over it. Take me to a restaurant and I'll talk about it for six months. It's quite in-depth of the obsessive compulsive disorder that comes out in my natural day-to-day person. OCD? 100%. 100%. Like, when I tell you I clean my pad in prison four times a day, I bleached it. I had Lenore Unstoppable balls hung up in little silk bags everywhere so I had the feeling of the smell of a plug-in.

1:30:54Obviously, I didn't have plug-ins. But I cleaned. If anyone asks now, ask anyone, and I am very OCD even in the cleaning aspect.

1:31:08Prison just made it even worse. It heightened it times a thousand. I even have our trainers lined up in colour coordinated. So the white ones would be there, the colour ones would be there. Then we're going to blues, then you're going to blacks. My socks are the same in my drawer. My sports bras are the same. Blues, blacks, whites, colours. What's your daily routine like now? Get up in the morning, have a coffee. I only built that in prison. Never drank coffee till I went to prison. Take my vitamins, take my electrolytes. If I've got clients early, that'll be my first job. If I can go training first, I will.

1:31:53I'll go out for a run. Then I'll do clients. Then I'll probably train mid-afternoon when I have a lunch break. I'll train on my lunch, grab a quick bite to eat, go back, do clients in the evening, go home, have to do uploads, content, respond to messages, respond to clients' questions. And that runs like clockwork Monday and then Friday, Saturdays, I do a Saturday morning class. in the middle of all this now I've took on a Shredfast journey and I still attend my Hyrux training club HTC yeah I live a very busy lifestyle because I don't know how I'll feel if it ever slowed down Why do you think you're so hard on yourself?

1:32:40Have you always been that way? Before prison? Yeah I beat myself up for any wrongdoing big or small I feel like I have to because I feel like, not to everybody, but I have been a hard person to handle along the years and some people won't agree with that, but some people will. And I can only openly speak truthfully that I am a hard character to handle, good or bad. I can be the nicest person. I'm not saying I'm horrible. I'm not saying that I can do anything really bad to somebody. But I'm a big character and I can show it in many different ways. I'm also a Gemini. If anybody believes in star signs, my star sign is two people.

1:33:33Gemini twins. And my mum always says you can be one person one minute and the next minute somebody else comes out and it's the total opposite from the nicer side to Danika. And I would love to not let that person come out because I'm not proud of that person. And I'm not saying that leading back to drinking drugs because that's not what I mean. Like, I had a conversation with my sister on the way here about being frustrated sometimes in my group classes and she actually just said a comment and it goes with what I'm about to say now. She said, you can't be like that though, Danica. And, you know, to hear that advice from her, I can't be like that.

1:34:17And she's right, she's honest. And that is what I need to hear from the people I love. Nobody's perfect. Everyone's got flaws. It just so happens, mine comes down with the way I delegate myself sometimes. If I'm under pressure or if I'm not having a good day, I may speak inappropriately or in a way that's not really acceptable. And that's not to say I'm ranting and raving and effing and jeffing. Just a bit off sometimes, a bit moody, taking things out on people that's not their fault. But I'll live and learn. I'll make mistakes and I'll only learn from them. What's your biggest lesson that you've learned in life?

1:35:03There's been that many of them. Obviously, the biggest lesson I've learned is don't ever break the law, big or small, because it can lead you into a whole world if you're not familiar with prison by God I know that I wouldn't be doing anything to make me make bad choices as to what I did that day make sure you speak up about your mental health don't lock everything in be open be honest with yourself before anybody else speak out if you're not having a good day tell someone about it reach out for the right help because I certainly wish I did. What's your plans for the future? First on my list, hopefully I'll become a Shredfast athlete.

1:35:55If I don't, I'll certainly die trying to be one. Achieve the best possible goals I can. Continue to grow with my clients. I want to grow eventually. Who knows, I might own my own gym. I'd like to own my own gym. give myself a three to five year plan just keep growing being better one percent every day becoming a better person being happier in myself at all aspects of my life not just certain ones

1:36:32um health health is your health ensuring all my family's healthy if I can keep them all on a good path than I will and yeah just advocating I potentially might be going back in to speak to prisons which I've had a call to do so I'd like to go back in and help people that are in there now and try and encourage and yeah get them moving behind the door if they don't want to have the confidence to go the gym I can certainly tell them a way that they can start and see where it leads them too because by god it saved me like i said prison saved me fitness was the making of me so yeah i just want to help others especially the prisoners they're my first point of call and continuing to help my clients they mean everything for anybody watching this may be in a life of struggle you've battled yourself you're still battling but you're pushing through what advice would you have for someone who's struggling don't turn to drinking drugs it's not going to solve your problems it will only mask them for so long before it becomes a bigger problem reach out there's mental health groups out there there's people to call counseling go to your doctor family if you have support network they're massive because i never spoke to my mom i found it hard to speak to my dad about my mental health my sisters i felt embarrassed to save the situations I was in yeah just reaching out and speaking up and not taking drink and drugs is massive for me because that all it does is mass sit for so long and before you know it you are in a whole world of shite at the end of it if you get to the end how are you feeling today I feel lighter I feel blessed to be able to come on and be on your show I feel like hopefully everything I've said and the way that I've portrayed it all is clear and it is all from the heart and it's honest and yeah I hope anybody that's listening can relate and hopefully take something away from it and if anybody had any questions hopefully I might have answered them in a way that they can relate to them with any situation not just going to prison but with the drink the recreational drug use and spiraling in life that's led them to make bad choices for anybody that's watching maybe want to reach out to you ask you questions what's all your social media links I'm on Instagram it's 5starfitness and TikTok is at Neka N-E-A-K-A for some reason it's got 53 at the end the number 5 was for 5A but it's N-E-A-K-A 53 TikTok how are you feeling?

1:39:30good listen well done keep the fucking head though don't forget how far you've come you've got a great support network this episode is brought to you by ChatGPT hey it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Who says Halloween only lasts one day?

1:40:09With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. It's easier said than done to not be too hard on yourself, but we all fuck up, we all make mistakes. it's how we handle them it's how we kick on for the future make better choices you know alcohol doesn't agree with you whatsoever it's where it can lead to and you've already got anxiety of what if you go back and alcohol just times that by a hundred you know one bad decision one bad person comes into your life and before you know it you don't know if you can be manipulated down certain ways so listen keep the head again thanks for coming on the show I wish you nothing but the best for the future and anything I can help with I'm only a phone call away would you like to finish up on anything else I will I appreciate everything James and it's been an absolute pleasure and yeah thank you for the advice I'll certainly take it on board and yeah God bless you take care