London Gangster Doing Satanic Rituals - Paul Stockton Tells His Story

37:47Like we'd play Ludo, Lido, and Backgammon in the prison. We'd play Backgammon. When you've been there for long enough, Backgammon gets boring, same as chess does. So you bring in Monopoly and Lido, and you've got dice games. And the dice balls, you get everyone going three or six, they're trying to get the right number. Then I started calling the dice, and they'd always be landing. in the end people would stop playing me because they thought I was cheating so I found some sort of um ability to will things to make things happen and the important part of this is later on in life when I really got into magic this was just the iceberg tip of the iceberg of what there really was that kind of thing but it was all growing from this prison sentence and then I remember walking down here, the, um, the landing and I, and then I was like 21, cocky, brave, didn't care about anything.

38:45And you got the flaps on the doors and yeah. And my resume was bang the door and it was people and I'd bang it really fast and really loud and I'd go, governor, I'm my fucking door. Will you say Stockton, can I have the door please gov? Like cheeky, but like getting away with murder sort of thing. He's a young man. But I was liked, I suppose, by a lot of people now. I come walking down the corridor and all the boys was in the corner, right outside my cell, and this strange feeling come around me. I was like, the light went funny and it was like, I couldn't look there for some reason. And I was having a panic attack and I didn't know what a attack was and panic attacks in 1980 wasn't as common as what they are today by the way yeah i don't think they were and i remember walking down the cell and now i've got front all my mates outside my cell and i'm paranoid and my mind's racing i don't know if you've had a panic attack i don't whoever's had a panic that will understand exactly what i'm saying now and this is in prison remember and i've got to get in my cell and i go all right yeah i've got to go in the cell i slammed myself in, I went straight to the mirror, you've got like these little square six inch by four inch, uh, it's not glass, it's like, uh, what are we called?

40:04Aluminium kind of mirrors in them days, yeah? And I'm looking at trying to find something wrong with me, and, and, and then I'm having a massive panic attack, and I didn't know what that was, but what that done for me, it made me go to the library again, and start learning what's going on with me, and I remember having a, um, now I used to see things when I was younger, like deja vu it was, I would see something, and then a day later it happened. And this is when I think I first started having the gift that I got, second sight. And in the prison, I think it was becoming more and more, getting stronger, more and more apparent.

40:40So I needed to channel that somehow and find out what it was. And going to the library and reading books on folklore and Jung and Sigma-Foid and things like that, about psychology, started educating me about things. And I started getting a grip of this panic attack, but it was becoming more and more constant. But I was getting a grip of it, trying to hide it from people. Now, you imagine what you're going through in prison, feeling like that. You're confident. I was confident. I'm more confident now than I've ever been in my whole life. but I had shit to come yeah but at this point I was a right cocky Compton lad and for that to all of a sudden come on me you can imagine how my conference went like that and you know you got to keep face as a youngster or in prison you got to keep face otherwise people will walk over you and I kind of maintained it and before I know it I'm out of prison and um I met this guy who was taking me to Africa.

41:43And I knew by the time I come out to prison, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I knew exactly what I was going to be when I got out of prison. What? A drug dealer. That was it. You know, I just thought I'm going to sell drugs and earn loads of money. And I did. Were you still tapping into the magic? Well, okay. Did you watch? No. Were you reading Alistair Crawley or anything? Yeah. Well, this is what I get and get you want me to tell that whole story. I'll do that. Okay. So what happened is then my co-defendant got four years. He came out shortly after me. So before he come out, I'm with this other guy and I'm doing all sorts of shit for him.

42:26He was like, um, Moody notes, everything. I hadn't gone to Africa yet. Moody notes, earning money where he came. I mean, he was cashing checks from Nigeria through banks and things. And I was finding people that were going to do this so we could all earn out of it. Doing stuff that I didn't know what I was doing. I was just following his lead because he knew what he was doing. And all I knew that was earning loads of money as a result of it. And then when my co-defendant came out of prison, I enlisted him as one of my gang. And then my other mate, Joey. and then keith and ricky and they all come together and alex and they're all coming working with me for me but we're working for him all the everything he had would come feeding through me and i'd feed it through them we're doing good money and then it was my turn to go to africa with him and uh see i can't really talk about africa um i can tell you bits i suppose um panic attacks were still going on.

43:28We're taking loads of money over there that we'd got infestors to buy diamonds. You're still taking panic attacks over there? I was having panic attacks still, but I had them under control. Did you steal with magic in Africa? Because that's where it stems from. Well, I'm going to, the Obi-Wan guy, I'm going to move on to something like that in a minute. But when I went out to Africa, I lost my passport from EFRO. I think, was it Madrid? E-Phone Transit or I think it was Madrid. E-Phone Madrid, Nigeria. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast.

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44:56Football's on. All season long on ESPN and streaming on the ESPN app. This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required. Compatibility and availability varies 18+. And I lost my passport on transit from Heathrow to Madrid.

45:33I'm sure it was Madrid we went to, yeah? And we got there and I can't find my passport. So he's gone to me. All right, go in the toilet. Give us all the money. Because we're in the next flights to Nigeria. We're safe now. Go back. When your passport comes, go back to England. Get some more money and meet me out there in Nigeria. Nagos. So I'd, yeah, no problem. So when we used to talk about it, um, I used to say to him, like, can we go on a safari when we're out there? And he'd go, yeah, Paul, lions, tigers, and bears. He's like humoring me. You know, I'm thinking there's a safari. I don't even have ever been in Nigeria.

46:07You know, fucking lion, tigers, and bears here. Um, there's three massive stadiums out there, sports stadiums, open air sewers and the stinking poor and the filthy rich. there is no middle divide although i've heard it's changed now it's a lot different than what was in them days well i've gone out there like safari sam yeah which also made me look like a military guy where our flight originally was postponed two weeks before we went out there because they tried to overthrow the president there um and there was unrest and all the white people were leaving the country not coming to the country so here i am turning up at lagos airport to meet these guys, my friend and his colleagues, just like Safari Sam, loads of money around me.

46:55And there's a coup going on. In fact, while we was out there, they executed 100 and something prisoners out there. And it was unrest everywhere. There was curfews. So I was 21, so 22 nearly probably then. I could have been a young soldier. I could have been mercenary anything like that as i'm walking through the uh barriers this um big um black nigerian woman um wasn't letting me go through because she kept screwing eyes me with her eyes and that's when i started having a panic attack and i'm sweating and i'm thinking i've got all this money wrapped around me if if they don't let me through i'm fucked basically but what i didn't realized and didn't know is that if you're white to their, in their eyes, you're a millionaire and what you're doing in this country, you must be rich.

47:45Nigeria is the most corrupt country. One of the most corrupt countries in the world though, it was then one of the biggest black markets in the world. So she wanted money just to let me, if I'd gone, you know, I don't know, I can't remember what the, uh, currency is now, give us some Nigerian currency. She would have just let me through, but the, uh, a sergeant overlooking her, another one or someone more higher than her overlooking her, said something in Nigeria and let me go through. So she let me go through. So when I get there, I'm meant to speak to a guy called Tunde. Oh, Tunde will meet you.

48:20Give him 20 pounds. That's a lot of money for them, especially in them days. When I'm coming through there, I haven't got no 20 pounds. I've got 50s. So I've gone to Tunde. Tunde. Are you Tunde? And he went, yes, I Tunde. Yeah, because he was the only one that looked different from the others. He had a white shirt on. Everyone else had yellow shirts because that's where they're working in the airport. Yes, I Tunde. Ah, thank fuck for that. It's so-and-so there. Yes, yes, he's coming soon. I went, ah, good, good. You've got to take me there. He went, yes, come, come. So he's taking me out of the thingy.

48:55I said, ah, Tunde, I've got to give you 20 pounds. But I've only got 50. And don't worry, I get change. Yeah, you know what's coming, don't you? Yeah, yeah. He took the money and fucked off. and there's no tunday now i'm outside the airport with all this money strapped to me and my friend i still not seen him and i'm going up to people and saying to them tunday have you seen tunday well today's like paul and john and it's a common name out there yeah yeah i today yeah i today give me 50 quid probably yeah but then the guy i was meant to meet there turned up anyway now when we was out there part of uh the journey out there was we were like uh part of our um cloak and dagger if you like was to uh colour in pens and uh books for orphanages and we'd go to some orphanages and we'd have little parties and you know that was nice you know and then in between we'd meet some of the hierarchies out there were rich rich government officials and things like that.

49:56So only be careful what I say here because I will say it and then you can edit how you think. But the people we meet were high up Air Commandant of the Nigerian Air Base. Now I don't think we can put that in because they work out dates and they work out the times when the President was overthrowed. The Air Commandant of the Nigerian Air Base was one of the top people that we were working with. So we were safe out there, and we'd go and see prophetesses and things like that, religious women, and they would pray over us and tell us we'd have safe journeys and things like that. So this is the kind, now look at the conundrum here, yeah?

50:36You're into God as a massive, you're all of the organization seemingly into God, but the organization is dealing in heroin and diamonds. You know, so that's the contradiction, in it kind of thing so it doesn't it's fucked up but i found later on in life and i've got written another two books and they're really powerful but this is it's controversial i'm not gonna i'm gonna come away from that because it's gonna take me away from this story yeah but it really stems about that kind of thing government corruption and and shit like that religious corruption but with this guy uh out in africa um some mad things happen i'm not gonna show the whole story because he's in the book and i'm waffling on about that yeah and there's lots of other stuff to talk about then get back from africa um my brother in magic yuhain who was my co-defendant it's his turn to go to africa and he said to me i can't go you tell me about they're into god and everything um if they if i go there they know what i'm into and i'll say what you're into he went the devil in their eyes it would be the devil what are you fucking talking about you know it's me telling him about god and not accepting that there's a devil as well kind of thing you know he said when i was in prison i told you about the ouija boards yeah a spirit called nip i said let's get nip on the table then let's get a ouija so we made a ouija board and um we made it out we got like an old white cabinet like that got a circle with a big compass we made a big compass and nail with a string and drew the line made a circle and put a thick band a second band around it put the alphabet around the top and then a yes or no there that's how it started just just like that and then we got a glass all right anyway isn't it there nothing happened did it yeah try it again nothing happened and then we had another friend uh come around uh called Scotty and another good friend of mine, Ernie.

52:45And we started doing it more and more. And then one day it moved. The answer to what we were saying. So who's doing that? You're doing it. And yeah, you know, no, I fucking ain't. I swear I ain't. Well, you're doing it. No. So we'd, we'd all swap around and it was still working, but it'd work more so when I'm doing it. You're doing it Paul I fucking out I swear I weren't either yeah so what I worked out um what we worked out when you do Ouija board um you do move but it's not you moving it it's the link the psychic link between you and the spirit that makes your arm go out and when you feel your hand move you need to go with it so if you look at the letters and things and you put you're going to push it to that.

53:32You feel that. Like if we, three of us hold the glass like that, and one of us push it, you will feel me push it to there. But when you're all linked together and it's like you're just flowing with it, you don't feel a tug or a push or a stop. It just goes smoothly like that. And then it started spelling out things. And then obviously when you go on a Ouija board, you're going to ask it every fucking silly question you can ever think of. Am I going to shake some bird tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Am I going to get lots of money? You know, it's so-and-so and like we'd, we'd laugh and joke, but we're fingers are on that glass all the time.

54:10We'd have wine, we'd have weed, we'd have a bit of speed then, a couple of nice speed. So we're really in it, that kind of thing. Yeah. And like this spirit called Nip would, uh, engage with us. Like, like I'm talking to you. Yeah. Now easing on the conversation and it got to the point after a few weeks of doing this and it's like nearly every night it's something like it was a laugh we enjoyed it this nick was really funny yeah it would like after a few weeks we'd run out of silly questions and that's when the real thing started to happen and all of a sudden the ball would move on its own it's a move to you hang well look and what you're thinking because what happened is when it moved to you it was one of us were thinking something and we say what you're thinking about So now share it with us kind of thing.

54:59Yeah. And if you didn't, it'd go like that. So whatever you're thinking, you're going to share. So it's unifying us all together when we're thinking about this and thinking about that. And then one day it's spelled out about this guy from Africa. Remember he was into God apparently. Uh, and what he was doing, what we was involved working for him was quite high stuff. he was a dangerous man, so he still is a dangerous man, but the Bull's now saying that he's gonna dupe us, he's gonna rob us. So he spelt out his name, yeah, and don't trust, keep spelling out don't trust, and then why are we wanting an explanation?

55:45And so, and this is all in the book, so look, long story short, the Bull set up a conspiracy that this guy was gonna rob us and was going to kill us. You know? So Ernie and my travelling friend who was there, dangerous man, he was getting, if I can get cross-base straight through the head, he was going. He was like, he was already plotting how we were going to counteract this. And I think, hold on, he's my mate. Yeah, he's my mate, you know? And I don't really trust this bull telling me what it's telling me. But it created such a powerful story that this guy was coming to us and he's going to do what he's going to do, that we need to kill him.

56:23So, is that it? We're gonna kill him then, when he comes here, we're gonna kill him. Yeah, it's what we gotta do. And everyone's like, I don't know if we would have done, um, I fucking dumped him on his, my mate, you know what I mean? He might kill us either, you know? You know, he's no fool, but he's saying when he comes, he's gonna come with a gun, so get ready. So, get on the board again. I wanna ask one more time. Soon as he comes here, we gotta fucking kill him. no what do you mean no no why are you fucking telling us to do this blah blah blah they spell out lose a friend gain power lose a friend gain power yeah and we're looking around and then he went oh fuck this mate he said you know that's dangerous shit I don't have enough to do it here no more I don't have nothing to do that anymore and then we kind of sorry I've gone too ahead of myself off had to arrive first yeah so um lose a friend gain power was when the conversation we had after gonna have to re-edit that out yeah so the ball's telling us we're gonna we're gonna um got to kill this guy he's on his way there i've asked before he's coming there we're gonna kill it he's gone no and all suddenly turns up so now what we're gonna do he comes in into the room and i've got to tell him why he's here we got you here because the balls told us that you're gonna kill us steve you know it's not something not saying really is it this balls tell us that you're gonna kill us what you're talking about i've said his name again and i you know it's ready there and all he said I said to him, the ball said that you're going to kill us.

58:09What the fuck are you talking about, Paul? You're off your head. I said, no. And then my mate, brother in magic, is turning around and said, come on the ball then. He went, oh, I don't fucking go on the ball. He's got on the ball. So my friend and him have gone on the ball. And my friend's gone, just ask a question. Don't have to be out loud. Say it in your mind. And the ball will answer. And he's asked the ball a few questions and it's moving. Right, really quick. like that yeah and his face went white and he went like that he went Paul we part here mate you're gonna go off your head son like that this is fucking bad mate don't want nothing to do you no more so and that's it and he walked away he said we was gonna go over heads and a couple of weeks later he got nicked with heroin and he went to prison for five years and he was in a mental uh walled out there he's all right now i met him later on in life uh we're all right so he lost the plot he lost the part i don't think he i don't know the full story i just i heard that he had to go into psychic act trick bit he could have been pulling his ticket i don't know working his ticket i don't know but from that moment on ernie then that's when we bring in the other stuff what i said previously well questioning the bulb why the fuck did you say that you know we could have fucking done this.

59:22And then he said, I ain't doing this no more." And then it spelt out, lose a friend, gain power. And that's quite powerful because if you think about it, it could have had us killing that man. We believed it because for weeks and weeks we'd been talking to it and truths were being showed. But it's also a lot of people would be going, yeah, that's the devil, blah, blah, blah. It might have been, I don't know, but I don't think it was. And - Who do you think it was? I'll get to that. Okay. So this, um, remember everyone has a destiny and you have to go through roads and open doors to understand that wisdom that you're learning.

1:00:00Yeah. So, um, in a nutshell, no, cause I'm going to talk about my belief system from this other book and I don't want to do that yet. Okay. So at this point, I don't know what it was. Is it the devil? Could well be. I mean, anyone with any common sense at that time would put a dumb play with that shit same as what my friend did i mean he left but ernie said i ain't have nothing more to do that and he left and scott had kind of backed away as well and my brother in magic known as you ain't in the magic we had been together as landscape gardeners and boxers together women together fighting on streets together and we've done prison together now we were going to get involved in the ouija ball together and when we said lose a friend gain power we thought yeah that's us we'll have a bit of that so the whole monopoly changed on the on the on the on the game everything changed um it started educating us about spiritualism telling us to get books from um bookshops study um the side with numerology um i don't know if you know about numerology okay um uh Gamitia, Temuria, transpositioning of alphabets.

1:01:18What are they, books though? I've never heard of them. No, no, they're not books. They're a form of numerology. They're a higher form of numerology. So numerology... Do you see signs 13132222? Yeah. Telling you signs from the universe? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of? Kind of, kind of. But numerology is more like, I'll write your name down and extract the valuation of each letter and come up with a final valuation. And that number will have a meaning behind it. And it's like interlocking it. This is the transposition of alphabets, Al-Baf, Gumichia and Tamura. Through this and a book called The 777, which is Alistair Crowley, you can find out the nature of specific things.

1:02:00It's all part of learning on the path what we was learning on, which was in the early days, witchcraft, learn all about that, numerology, um, with the Gamitra and the Tumuria, divination, and then it'd go on to, later on in life, it went on to like a Kabbalah Tree of Life, higher depths of, uh, which are higher forms of divination, uh, on the Tree of Life. Um, I studied that for years. What's that? The Tree of Life. It's the Holy Kabbalah Tree of Life. It's a hieroglyphic map of the universe, if you like, in short. but contained in that is most of the uh schools of thought knowledge it's like you've got y 'i king can be put in here all the tarot cards so you on the on in a nutshell the tree of life you've got 10 sephir off one two three four five seven eight ten um you have four worlds uh one represent uh fire water air and earth which is the four elements and you have a five quintessential one which is spirit that's a deeper version of the holy kubala all them cards tarot cards all the wands are contained in air, the fours, which is why you got four welds.

1:03:07One weld, which is fire, would be all the wands or the buttons. Yeah. The other weld would be water, which is all the hearts. The other weld will be spades, which is all the, sorry, uh, which is air. And the other one is just diamonds, which is, um, earth. So they're the four elements. So these four welds interact with something like Jake and Sam, very complicated. Yeah. but in a nutshell all the cut all the ones ace of diamonds belong in that world ace of um spades in that world twos threes fours five six seven eight nine tens and then you got into a double meaning which is the um all the queens and the two chocma all the kings and the sixes all the princes you know remember you got uh in pack of cards you've got a normal pack of cards you've got jokers they're there because they are the two cards have been taken out which is the prince and the princess so they have double meanings as well so in six tipper f you've got all the princesses in 10 malcouf you've got all the princes and there's so much so deep about that but just to let you know i know what i'm talking about this yeah so the qabala is there is the heroclapic map map of the universe so all the cards are there now the trump cards like you know the chariot, the lovers, the devil, you know, them kind of cards, are the 22 paths that interact, interlock with the Sepharis.

1:04:33So the hieroglyphic map of the universe is also a map of your life. So when you get a tarot reading, whatever path you're going down right now, this tree of life you can guide yourself deeper than a normal tarot card reading, because you can see the map there and work out the blind intelligences. And below the sixth Sephiroth, you've got the Cliff-Off, which is the demonic realms, the negative and blind forces of nature. You know when people walk down the road and they get these mad feelings and mad thoughts? Yeah, that's blind intelligences, or something known as the Demerge. And the Archons, you ever heard of Archons of Demers?

1:05:17Anyway, more of that's been in my second book, because at that point in this book, I hadn't really discovered much about that. although I lived through it kind of thing. And it was like you had to learn about what you've gone through. So the tree of life, that's how that is interpreted. That's to do with your tarot cards. Tarot cards was like a phone call to a divine power. You know, when I started going up the ladder through selling drugs and crime, I'd have my cards. is it safe to work with his guy yeah i could get yes or no answers from the cards so much so that my friends who i was working with knew about this and they would ring me and they go paul ask your cards if it's so and so so and so is all right they held on no no and we sort of said no okay and they wouldn't do it on the strength of that what i would tell them they would go by that that's much they trusted it and believed in it.

1:06:19And so did I. And then my empire started to grow. And I thought, what else do I want to do? Oh, I want to run my own doors. So I composed my will and wait for it to happen. And within days, something would happen. And what happened is a friend of mine, a friend, asked him if he knows anyone who can come and work for someone on the club door and uh my mate went where you want to do it i'm like yeah tell him i'll do it so i'm turning up on this door now now i'm working on the door yeah but i ain't took it over and i think i want to run doors but i have to start from the scratch and i'm within a year of working on this door i've put set my record got my reputation you know and um the old team fell out with this the management and was jacking the door and i said well i want to stay here man do you fucking want yeah and the management said to me do you want to run it then I went yeah I've got my own team in my pals I've grown up with people I trusted you could have it you know they weren't gonna like leave you on your own and all of a sudden the club's scene started uh maturing I started uh getting more doors more men working with me and my empire's building more and more my reputation and crying i thought some of the people i'm working with around the country um i like you've you've spoke to lots of them on your podcast i can't mention their names but um i was working with them and um they were giving me parcels that were quite big and i was getting my people to do it but i couldn't have that near me in the clubs because you know you couldn't link it to me in the So I was so strict about drugs in the club.

1:08:06I wouldn't let anyone. And Wendy, who was the, um, manageress of the club, like the fact that I wouldn't let drugs in the club, but really I wouldn't let them in the club because I didn't want to be linked to it kind of thing. Yeah. Because I was too high up. Yeah. And my friends around me kind of thing. Yeah. And then days were good. And my cousin, Jackie used to come down here and love it down there. Um, didn't he Jack? Yeah. And it was good. and I'd be in the corner giving palm readings to women and my brother in magic would be the other corner giving palm readings to them. And it was just, what I'm trying to, I suppose what I'm trying to say, okay, you said to me earlier on about Alistair Crowley, did I get into Alistair Crowley?

1:08:53Yeah, Alistair Crowley was one of the first books that this spirit Nip was telling us to get books on. and the Lorothelma composing the will. And it's very synonymous to where the last five years or so, everyone's talking about manifestation. Manifest it. Just manifest it, you know? I don't know how real that is and how close it is to what we was doing. Back in 1990, we first started doing it. And later on in life, I found out how much more powerful it was and how much people around the world have been doing it. like the hierarchies that control this world do it you know and and on in a different sense but that's another story yeah all sorts of people all different all sorts of people but um i'm losing track what i'm saying now because it's very deep um crowley okay so a lot of his work that we studied um was to do the law of thelma and uh yeah right okay got my thoughts together now.

1:10:00So composing your will is like every thought you have, you've got to control or you slip. And magic is the science and art of causing change to occur by will. Yeah. So you create the image in your mind and you manifest it by different means.

1:10:28whatever you want to do in life you kind of manifest by your thinking so if you're negative you bring negativity to yourself and negative things happen but obviously i'm learning back then i don't know about this stuff you know basically the magic was um very intense um and we we would be now building a reputation of street fighters boxers you know and now we're into magic i would be more terrified of that like if i if going for a scrap or people fighting bare knuckle bouncer you think yeah he's capable but if somebody starts whipping out cards and talking about black magic that could scare the shit out of people well this is exactly what i'm saying to you yeah so we now got reputation as like we would say the devil worshipers or witchcraft what we didn't care i mean in the early days we've done a few things that I regret, like desecrating churches to rule God out of our life.

1:11:25But I know now later on in life, the reason why that all happened, and it wasn't what we was thinking at the time, there wasn't this massive divide that everyone thinks was between God and the devil. That ain't real. Yeah. But at the time we didn't know that. Yeah. So we're following.

1:11:42And I lost track again. We was talking about power, power and influence. and some of the people that I was working with, they're not mugs, you know, they're quite serious guys. Some of them have made their money and don't do it no more. Others have gone to prison and getting nowhere. Um, and there's the ones that got out of it with all their money. Yeah. And I can't mention their names for the obvious reasons, but them type people I was working with and they trusted and recognized the power. And we found that we could also hex people, curse people and make things happen to them bad things happen as well good things and obviously we was exploring what we had in front of us and that created an atmosphere man certain people certain people would be wide berth in us kind of we didn't give a fuck we was it we was that's my spirit that's my spirit yeah yeah that's fucking yeah yeah yeah no he's telling me not I got that, yeah.

1:12:42What, tell him now? No, he wants. Leave me fucking, leave me some other good game. Is he a good guy? One tap if he is. That's loads of taps. But, so we was building, we was building momentum and the money was coming in. So we was going, what was that club we used to go to, Jack? Berwick Manor. Berwick Manor. We'd go Berwick Manor and there'd be an entourage of 30 people and my empire started growing from there i would supply all the suites uh everyone would go out and the club blah blah blah and i'd be dancing on the dance floor it's a hardcore uh we go to after bennett manor we'd go to um breakfast club uh next to the historic in london and i'd go there with a big bum patch flat nothing in it and i'd leave there that night yeah like i was pregnant with so much money where people can't give me money and it sort of started there and I went into bigger and bigger but the um acid scene was still happening we're still getting into that drugs were still getting involved again uh this that's right that was before I went to the working on the club door so I'm building momentum I'm starting my empire earning money then I then I decided I want to run doors I want a nightclub I want to run doors and then I went into the clubs blah blah blah and then debt collecting uh to get bigger and bigger and then creating um an influence don't fuck with us you know and people didn't want to fuck with us anyway because we could fight we're not mugs you know we're not scared um well everyone around me i know can have it um and the ones that knew about the magic didn't want to you know i could tell you a few things what have happened it's not very nice um but i'm not going to because that's going to uh paint the wrong picture that was me then um and then it comes to a point where luxury abundance debauchery comes into play and you don't get high on your own supplier but some people do and i did i was an addict at the end of the day so i i had all my daughter he might make them come meet me around my house and in them days we were dicky boats and a couple of them were dealers as well so they all had money a nice bit of time on them and that come round my ass first we go from my ass so they'll be pulling up their Porsche's and Mercedes or whatever all come in alright everyone's got to do a line before we go so I rack up lines just have a fucking line you know because I didn't want to be the only one out my nut and cocaine while we're going to work so we'll all turn up at the club well your eyes like that wired But you know, that was our enjoyment while we were working on the dawn.

1:15:29And this influence thing I was talking about earlier on, about making things happen from your mind, I could sense when there was going to be something kicking off. I'd look over it straight away, then I'd see an argument. I'd be straight over there and grab them and throw them out with it, and there wouldn't be any problems. And the manager loved that. That club, the Frontier Post, Bexley Heath, yeah? when i was working for the other guys every fucking week it was kicking off all the time now that door team i worked for was an old school type door team and they used to battle you you know they used to love it they used to love fighting and and you'd get all different areas like bexley eve is right in the center of trouble really you got abby wood woolwich barry barracks all the areas around it it's a nice little club for them to come to so there's always going to be kickoff there anyway.

1:16:22But then all of a sudden I decided to implement peace and this was my will. And this is what I wanted. I wanted to keep it nice and all my door team and my friends and I told them to respect the people. Don't keep chatting up someone's bird. You know, they want to be able to safely bring their bird. They make them feel safe. And this is how we were kind of thing and and the fight stopped and there was locals there i had a friend called matt uh he had his own little gang he was like well respected in the area i was pals with him and he'd keep his boys under control everything was sweet and then sometimes i'd feel rowdy yeah i think i fucking feel like a row tonight and because i thought that and i think at the time i don't know this it's only in reflection later on i've realized this from what i know now about how powerful the mind is i felt a bit round at rowdy and i wanted a fight there'd be a fucking fight you know within minutes me feeling like that or was it something warning me that there's going to be a fight in preparation i don't know that's how it kind of went so when the debauchery come into play um you work up a club wednesday night first night friday night saturday night and a sunday sometimes you're in the club every fucking night your girlfriend back home um you're hardly seeing her kind of thing yeah and and that's when you know mistakes have you make mistakes and I did I made a massive mistake I um there was a woman that started working at the club a pretty woman she reminded me of Catherine Ceta-Jones the younger version um I'm not going to go in it too much because it's not nice for my ex and it's not nice for her for me to talk about but um I kind of I've had a fling with her, she got pregnant.

1:18:07The woman I'm with now, I've had a kid with already, just had another one. What am I fucking doing? What am I doing? That's debauchery. Too much money, too much drug, and no sense. And that's when the turning point happened. This has been something dramatic happened in my life. by doing that i'd ruined my fucking life because i was happy with my kid's mother and my kids and this other woman although it was nice she was she won't for me i didn't want to be with her so when she told me she was pregnant i was like you know oh you can't oh you know you can't but i can no You fucking can't. Yeah, I'm going to.

1:18:53And you can be with me or not. And I said, well, I'm not going to be with you. Right. I've only known you like three weeks. Fuck's sake. You know what I mean? Um, and I, I, I actually love my girl. I was with her. I know that sounds hypocritical, but like we all make mistakes, you know? And I learned from my lessons because as a result of it, the following happened. And, uh, guilt is guilt. you know we was one of the things we was taught in magic in the early days is guilt isn't a human emotion created by humans but guilt is so destructive if you let it get into your head it will destroy you and that's what happened to me so uh in a nutshell because it's in the book and it does go on um i started going down a different path which is darker than the pure stuff that I was in initially or thought I was in or the pure stuff that I'm in now let's say yeah and uh through my guilt I could consume more cocaine well I was boxing then I was always boxed trained all my life I'd come out of prison the first time this is other stories that are in the book yeah but I thought I was always doing unlicensed fighting um always kept myself fit so I could get cocaine I could have cocaine two or three nights Thursday Friday and Saturday and not have none Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday yeah and be in the gym Monday Tuesday Wednesday and be fit again and undo the bad I've just done I wasn't a real drinker and I'd smoke now and then back then but um all of a sudden the guilt I'd have more find myself doing more and more alliance this girl is having a baby.

1:20:39I've just had another baby with the woman I loved at the time, who's got my daughter with.

1:20:48What do I tell her? I've got to tell her. And my friend was saying, don't tell her, don't tell her. Oh, I've got to fucking tell her. She's going to find out soon. No shame, just don't tell her. And you kind of, I'm now listening to other people and it's something you should never do. You should listen to yourself kind of thing. Yeah. So cut long story short, I get guilty more and more guilty about what's going on taking more of my cocaine I had a motorbike then I was fighting for the Southern Area title on Alan Mortlock's show against Mad Dog Brian McHugh you might know him Scottish yeah yeah yeah I fought him we was gonna we fought for the Southern Area and then I was gonna fight Stephen Roach for the British super middleweight title OBA two fight deal but But this was, uh, discussed probably before the Christmas of 2002.

1:21:42And I fought Brian McGee in February and I was meant to fight Steve Roach. I think it was April, something like that. Yeah. I was meant to beat Brian. It would have been a good fight, but I was going to beat him. But my mind went, right, mate. I'd go like, since that Christmas, I was taking cocaine after cocaine after cocaine. So when I went in, I weren't really in the fight. Although it was a good fight, it cut my eye in the first round. They made it a draw. But I should have won that fight if I was, you know, it happened the way it happened, blah, blah, blah. And then I thought I was meant to fight Stephen Roach in the April, I think it was the April.

1:22:26I'll try and get the dates right. Anyway, it don't matter. Um, but the motorbike that I bought from my mate Keith was a 1200 bandit race dune, race dune. I used to fly around like a lunatic on it, backwards and forwards, and go and see this, um, this, the woman of my child, cause the baby was born then. And I'd give her money every week and get the baby everything I could. And I just couldn't let go. That's my baby. Cause you need to understand that. um my first child uh Anthony when I went to prison the first time and when I was 21 she got married or I was in prison and I never got to see my son again till eight or ten years yeah my second son when I came out of prison I met a girl and we had a child together and he died of cop death when he was eight months old.

1:23:20And then I had my daughter Jade with Sam, and then she had my son, Alfie, and then I had a fucking fling, yeah, in between, yeah? And then my daughter Jasmine came along. And for someone who's lost their kids, had the kids taken away from all their life, that was hard shit to deal with, yeah? Especially one of my children dying, yeah? And so I just wanted to die. I didn't want to be, I hated myself. I really hated myself. Now remember, with your mind, you create from your mind. So you're creating negativity, you're saying to yourself, I want to fucking die, you're going to die, or you'll come close to it.

1:24:05And there I was going to see my mate, Hughie, Batsy Bangor. You met him, Hughie Robinson? All right. good fighter um i was taking a thousand viagras up to him on the back of my motorbike you know i didn't have to run shit around had people to do that but i didn't care i was being reckless and i had a skimpy little tracksuit on and a puma trainers and a backpack with thousand viagras well that was illegal back then flew him up to meet my mate in petswood and as i'm going up there i've overtook a car on the bike and it's turned into me straight into my leg knocked me off the bike i went flying through here like superman and uh it did stop everything slowed down and stopped and i remember saying to something something there i think it might have been my angel it might have been this uh voice i had as a child all through my life that i used to interact with and sense something was there or talk to even myself yeah whatever it was something i said i don't want to die i don't want to die i don't want to die yeah and then as it coming down a little voice in my head said roll and straight away I rolled because I used to do martial arts as well.

1:25:11So I've done a martial arts role and lay on your back. This is the instructions I was either giving myself or something was giving me. So as I hit the bike, I've gone flying through the air like that and I'm diving towards the floor. Now roll. So then I've rolled, lay on your back and steady yourself. Use the backpack to protect you, which is what I did. There was Viagras everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. And, but the car that had turned into my leg, uh, snapped my fibula tibia and opened up my shin bone. Uh, opened up my shin to the bone. And it finally come to, come still, stopped. And when did I try to get up?

1:25:53And as I tried to get up, my foot snapped, literally like that snapped. I thought, fuck. Okay, no, you can try and run, don't you? Instinct says run. So the first thing Next one down, he's got my phone. Huey, Huey, come and get me. I'm down the road, but I should have had an accident. Tony, Tony, come and get me. I'm in Pittsburgh. I just left him from the Viagras, yeah? Christine, the one I had an affair with. Oh, I've had an accident, babe. Don't ring me. I'll ring you another day. And then my girlfriend back indoors. Babe, I've had an accident. I'm going to Bromley Hospital, I think. The old Bromley Hospital.

1:26:33and then about 45 minutes later the ambulance came and I'm like that where they uh shot I mean shock and they finally got me to the hospital all my friends there Sam's there and uh my friend Tony saying Paul tell Sam you're right she's here Paul tell her you're right I'm like yeah I'm all right babe and they'd give me loads of morphine and I thought I was dying literally thought I was dying and I went, babe, I'm sorry, I've had a baby with someone else because I thought I was about to die and I died, I thought I'd died anyway and I remember waking up in the night screaming because when you're on, they give you that stuff and you do have these mad dreams and the nurse come home and said, no, no, you're right, you're okay, you're okay and then I kind of recollect what had happened the night before and I remembered, I'd confessed But I got it out, finally got it out.

1:27:29And this was the root of what was doing, the guilt kind of thing, yeah? And cut a long story short, Sam, she was quite good about it, to be honest. She stayed with me, you know? But I don't think it was the affair that actually ruined it. I think it was the fact that from that moment on, I wanted to see my daughter and that was in a conflict and that created problems with her and me all the time. I sold my property we'd moved into, uh, we're trying to change everything around. I promised I wouldn't see her, but I just kept, that's my daughter. You know, I need to see my daughter. I was not seeing the girl no more, you know?

1:28:10And, uh, although she used to say to me, come, come with me. I said, no, I can't. I'm with my family. I can't, you know? And, um, the addiction got heavier and heavier and heavier and then I had a psychic battle going on in my head with someone else not gonna say who and I kind of I couldn't train I was limping I was in a wheelchair for months and then I was on crutches for months and sniffing cocaine every night more and more and more now because I was sniffing cocaine more and more every night I couldn't train and undo it so my head was getting more and more clouded and I was losing, fighting a losing battle and the paranoia was kicking in more and more and I thought, right, power, power.

1:28:50Get the books and started studying the Goetia. Have you heard the Goetia? Abraham Lincoln's Servitors book. Okay, so this book is King Solomon's Goetic Spirits, 72 Goetic Spirits of King Solomon. You get their legions, so you get a name, like I said the transition of alphabets, um, to Murugamitja. You translate into, into, translate their names, find out this and that, and then you put a formula together and then you can do an evocation from that. Obviously I don't want to go into how you do it properly. I don't want people trying it out there and getting themselves in all sorts of sh**. Yeah, people would.

1:29:29It's a dangerous book, powerful, uh, but with the right guidance, it's powerful and not so dangerous. yeah but i was not guided i was not in the clear mind anymore and it was something dark and sinister latched on to me and um my so on the tree of life holy kabbalah six sephiroth that's the highest point of um meditation and then the angelic forces or jesus niamid or whatever can come and meet you and then that's when you get union with divinity and then you can, uh, get guidance from them. Yeah. So when you, being pure that is, yeah, but when you're, um, start descending into the darker realms, below the Cliff-Off, it's the kind of, it's hard to explain without explaining it all, can't I mean?

1:30:21But in a nutshell, the, the, uh, Tree of Life works like a Jacob's Ladder kind of thing. And anyone who understands the Kabbalah like I do, the practical gobyte, we'll understand what I'm talking about, yeah? And the wells kind of move up and there's another Sephiroth which is an illusional one called Death. And that's like, gives you a false impression of where you are. So in my head, doing the studies, I think I'm still talking to my angel, yeah? My holy guardian angel, Kosit. But when in fact Kosit It can't relate to me anymore because I've descended. So the lower worlds, I've moved down to the lower worlds, but still think I'm in the mental sphere this is, yeah?

1:31:05And the demonic influences have moved up, yeah, and took the seat of my angel. So you've got to understand, these cards, before all this happened here, these cards, if they said to me, do this, this is going to happen, I believed it, a million percent. You know, there's no doubt. You must have certainty. In magic, you must have certainty. If you don't, it's not going to work. It's a bit like in religion, you must have faith. We don't believe in faith. We believe in certainty because faith can let you down. Certainty won't because it's certainly going to happen. So when you have that certainty in your cards, that what they tell you is bang on right, you just follow it.

1:31:46So when my angel was left and this demon has took its place because I've descended in my thinking and where I'm going, it's got me. And I think it's my injury saying to me, get this book, get that book, different kind of books. And through the Go Eat It book, there was telling me to do the,

1:32:11I'm kind of losing where I'm going here, yeah. There was doing, before I'd done that, I was going into the Sapphira the deeper form says Sepharoth, which is the, I've got the name of them now. I've lost track of what I'm saying. The angelic in form, but the, I can't think of it, I'll do it. How many realms are there? How many levels from the good to the dark? Right, so with the Tree of Life you've got the four worlds, which are like fire, water, hour and a half, yeah, but the dark is descended, it's like, it's very hard without telling you the whole lot to make sense of it, yeah, but you say the dark realms are the lower part of the tree and they descend beneath the tree, yeah, and there's like, each Sephiroth, there is another tree of life within the Sephiroth, yeah, and then another tree of life within that Sephiroth, and now you're going from the mass to the infinite and these are this ascension of these is where the dark realms are and everything's unbalanced there so the coherence of the tree of life the four worlds are perfectly balanced there's harmony there yeah you've got pillar of madness pillar of severity and they're balanced but the lower worlds are unbalanced so what i'm trying want to say to you is because I was thinking in forms of getting power, um, for, in a dark sense, the dark lords were kind of being drawn to me or I was drawing them to me and I'm drawn to them.

1:33:53And this, this, um, spirit that's come into my, um, place of my angel is now controlling my life. You know, you've got to understand this is very hard for me to talk about because this was a time in my life where I was at my lowest, yeah? And I kind of forget about that and you know why when I tell you more, yeah? But it's completely fucking with my head basically and it starts telling me things that ain't real. And my cards, I always believed. So now, but at that point it was about 13 years into the magic. 13 years of trusting your cards and all of a sudden the cards are now telling you wrong, different.

1:34:34You're gonna, your whole belief system's being doubted now all of a sudden. Yeah? And then you take more and more, um, uh, cocaine, more and more drink, and you get more and more wasted. It was making me do all these divination things and invoking more spirits. And when you invoke a spirit from, um, the Goetia, that spirit rules legions of spirits. You know how many is in a legion? 600 is it? Mm. So legions. So you've got hundreds of spirits working for that prince or whatever it is. Dark spirits. Dark spirits. So it's not just one spirit, somebody feels a presence. Oh, loads, loads, loads. You've got hundreds of entities.

1:35:13Yeah. So the idea, if you do it the right way, you get their control. So they work for you. Yeah. But I wasn't in control back then. And so, okay, there's a mess going through my head of voices, visions, and faults and it's like so see this bottle say this is your your soul your spirit yeah that water is your spirit yeah okay when you invoke a spirit into you yeah a bit of you goes and a bit of it comes in so the more you invoke it's probably about there just over halfway now my voice my own voice i can't hear really so much i've got the voices of the demonic stuff going on telling me to do this telling me to do that yeah that is so in the early days of the magic we we through meditation learn to control our thoughts a lot and it was if it wasn't for that and for when i met kung fu in and done martial arts with him and the meditation with him my mind would never have been disciplined enough to be able to get through what i had to get through yeah so moving on from that because it's like like i say it's very hard for me to talk about it and anyone listen to that's think this gives itself his fucking head you hear what he's saying this is old stuff i don't do that stuff no more it was a process i was going through to get where i am now and then um obviously things happen around my life we moved out down down into dartford and my ex was had enough of me i was a fiend a drug fiend i was nobody like she knew so she was going out doing her thing and she found someone else but um the cards the turning point was the cards uh not the cards in the dream i woke up with uh an impulse to harm my son alfie yeah and it was a fear it was like uh oh you want to you want me to kill alfie that's where my state of mind was then you've got to understand my state of mind then and i got went to my cards and i went you want to me to kill my son, give me a king of arts, which is 100 % yes.

1:37:15So when you're trusting these cards, all them years, and then it tells you that, what do you do? Because you turn to. Now my brother in the magic at that point, I'd not fallen out, but we'd, we'd distance ourselves from each other. So normally I could call on him and he'd put my head straight, he'd have seen it coming, but he didn't know what was going on. And, and these spirits kind of moved me away from that. The accident was all part of making me not be able to do, and that sounds like a paranoia, but you know, that's how I see it, you know, it was like they're pulling me away from everyone, moved to Dartford, I didn't know anyone in Dartford, one person in Dartford, and um, so I told, she was in the magic, she knew about it, and I told her what the, and she was scared obviously, and then I said, look, don't worry about it, it's not going to happen, it's like, I don't, I can't, I need to sort myself out, I don't was going on.

1:38:06And, um, at that moment then I said, I'm not fucking touching him cards no more for a start. Yeah. And I'm trying to get carried, but my mind is racing because of all the cocaine and the drug state I was in. And, um, I said to her, right, previous years before that, when, when we was taking, cause she used to like a bit of cocaine as well. We take cocaine. I said, look, we need a rest. Let's fuck off a ball somewhere. Going on a day. So I took a last minute. I was going to leave it alone. A week or two later, I'm clean, I'm back to myself and I'm ready to train. Oh, that's a little lie, I know.

1:38:41You know, that sort of creeps back in, doesn't it? And she wanted it just as much as me. And I'm like, when we get back, she'll get a bit. She'll be like, yeah. And it was as easy as that. And then you're back on the fucking mad, this guy. But like at this point, now all that things had happened in my life. I got to this point where, uh, you know, they was telling me that about my son. And I've had to put that away. I said to her like, listen babe, you know, I know I've fucked up and everything. What I'd done, I'd done. She's ready to leave me, basically. And I said to her like, let's go. Even though I was like skint, I still had money because I was still serving up.

1:39:17But most of this stuff was going on me kind of thing, yeah. But I still had a bit of money here now coming in. So I said, we'll go on holiday, a make or break holiday. Well, we didn't make it. And we got back and she left. And then I was on my own. And she left with the kids, which was very heartbreaking, but I didn't cry. I just went until she went, then I started crying. And then I got a line out. I started smoking weed and taking cocaine and drinking wine and branding it heavily. No one knew about this because I'm away from everyone. And it's one person, I came out the... So I used to then, there was an off-license down the road.

1:40:07And you might have seen these characters walking around sometimes, and this would never have thought this would have ever been me. Baseball cap, dark glasses, dressing gown, slippers, paranoid as fuck, quickly walking down to your off-license to quickly go and score some alcohol and cigarettes, because you've just got, you know, you've got a couple of grams of cocaine turn up any minute, yeah, and this could be any time of the day, night, whenever you can get there, and be absorbed into porn, I don't know why, you get in such a state with that shit, you can't get an erection anyway, yeah, but you know, you get to focus on your mind, and this madness going on in my head, and laughter, and seeing images and faces, I mean, I'm not saying some of it wasn't cocaine psychosis.

1:40:58I was in trouble. And I came out one day at the property, at the house, and my friend Matt was out. And he went, fucking hell, what are you doing here? And he's not geez I didn't want to see because I know I'm fucked up in here, yeah? And he's the Matt that was down in the club from years ago, what I said. And he used to have his gang of guys, he used to keep them, make them behave themselves. And he looked at me like that, and I'd got him into the magic a couple of years before, and I forgot about that. And he went, because he's a big guy, and he's like, screw you out straight away. And my eyes don't want to meet his eyes, because I'm paranoid fuck at the moment.

1:41:37And he went, you fucked me up, Paul. I said, what do you mean? He went, you got me in that magic. I had so much bad luck. He went to me, you've got demons, Paul. He looked in my eyes, and I thought, as you know, because obviously what's gone on, obviously he didn't know what I was going through. but I knew what he'd gone through he went to the church and he said to me you need to get yourself to the church mate you need to get rid of the demons like that and he was left like that it was calm and he left so that's been seeds been planted in my head but how can I go to a fucking church after what I've been through so the drug thing carried on night after night and they'll go two or three nights and by this point I'm putting on loads of weight from the alcohol I'm drinking and some people take coke go like that other people blow out i blew out i went up to eight and a half stone 18 and a half stone now i am protected always have been okay okay i might have moved to dartford it just so happened the place i moved to in dartford was right next to a doctor's surgery the car park next to the house was a pilgrims way dartford was a doctor's doctor surgery and i had to register with this doctors and if i didn't i wouldn't know i was about to have heart attack and they needed to give me not saying i would have had heart attack my blood pressure was so fucking high i was overweight drinking smoking cocaine and valuing night after night you know you're not going to last long are you so you need to go on medication so they put me on medication so something in the background was working around kind of thing.

1:43:16Now my, um, ex had gone and then I watched a thing on television, talk to Frank, you know, you seen the advert, talk to Frank. Yeah. If you've got a problem from Frank. From Frank. So I've rang Frank, but you don't, this don't happen after straight away. It happens a week or two apart. You know, you get a little hint from my mate, Matt, you need to get to church. You need to talk to Frank, church, Frank. Hello Frank, can you help me out mate? Come to one of our meetings and there was a guest called Jeff from the Bromley CA, CA? Cocaine, no it was Jeff, CA. Jeff went there and I met a few people that I knew from years ago who are also addicts and you're gonna see that, ain't you?

1:44:03And I listen, they're talking about God and a higher power and I was like, I know the God bit, I know exactly what It's almost like God was saying to me, you've only got a wrath, son, and I'll save you. It was like that, and I thought, I can't, he's not going to forgive me. I remember saying to Jeff before I left that night, saying to him, I don't want to go, mate. And he said, why? I said, because I'm going to go and pick up my home. He said, well, go on a different way home. And back then I was like, oh yeah, that's an idea, go a different way home. And I did. I remember getting home, and this was the 16th of March, 2006 i remember getting home yes i've done it i got home and then a voice in my head yeah but he's around the corner get a bit of him and that was it i was like oh crying broken man fell to my knees and i said to god okay god if uh i said take uh take my addiction away or take me away and that was 16th of March 2006 I ain't touched anything since that was powerful but why would God do that for me you know is there a God is there a devil this is unanswered questions something I knew I had to learn and find out so

1:45:21I went I didn't know what to do I kicked him this interference telling me to go go to Ian and then a voice said to me go to bed this is after I played go to bed just go to bed and I did went to bed fell asleep woke up the next morning that same voice picked up from there and said leave the place like so this is something higher in me this is not me but it's something guiding me within now telling me to leave the place so I told the guy who owned the place I'm leaving I can't afford this no more, blah, blah, blah. I had to get away from that place. And now I'm with my dog, Badda, and I'm in a car.

1:45:58That's all I had left. And then within hours, my other friend Tommy rang me. Hello, mate, what are you up to? Where are you? I said, I've got nowhere to live now, Tom, blah, blah, blah. He said, you've got somewhere. He said, no, he said, I'll get back to you. I'll find somewhere for you. He got back within an hour or so or wherever it was. And he's found a place. there's a skunk factory down in Cholton that they're growing skunk there but there's a bedroom there and there's a bathroom there you can stay there so they're putting two and two together I can be security while I'm there kind of thing yeah so I've gone there with my dog batter and all the demon shit going on in my head as well and so this girl Christine one day I went on to was, um, Phantom of the Opera.

1:46:47Have you seen that? Yeah. Christine. Yeah. And that's probably why I, no, sorry. One of the only video DVD, I took my little telly, a little pork telly DVD player and a DVD. And the only DVD player that I got was Phantom of the Opera. So I went up to the bedroom, I played it and it was on continuing repeat. Now, when you've been on a, uh, binge, cocaine binge, and then come off it, you want to sleep, don't you? You just sleep, sleep, sleep. I slept, come out of sleep, back to sleep, get sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. And when I wake up, I would see this power, like, power, circle of power thing, not power, ball of, um, dark ball of light, you know, ball of light, a ball of energy, that's the term, ball of energy, and you turn away from it, and then, like, you'd have a negative thought there, you kind of turn away, you don't know where to.

1:47:42In the end, you just accept it. Everything you see, it's like it's normal, it becomes normality, you get used to it kind of thing, yeah? And I'd get like laughing in the back of my head and you know, my head was scrambled, my brain was scrambled. Like I say, it could have been some of it cocaine psychosis. And then my dog batters with me and I walked down the stairs to get a drink in the morning, early in the morning so it's still dark and I woke up this ball of energy was up there again it used to follow me around but it was dark it wasn't nice it was dark and uh I come walking down the stairs and um as I come walking down the stairs you got like a banister there I see myself hanging yeah but it was just like one of them things I was seeing getting used to seeing then it disappeared so I carried on walking down didn't think nothing of it got my drink went back up the bed now pal my and david turn up the next day he knew the guy who owned the house he was doing the skunk factory and i told him i fucking see myself hanging there this morning he went no i went yeah and he went paul i'll tell you this the reason this house has been empty is someone from up north a cokehead was living down there with him and he hung himself on them stairs and that's that spot that I see myself.

1:49:00Maybe I'll see him, not me. And, uh, but it didn't mean nothing to me. I just, it was kind of the stuff I was used to. So over the next week or two, I started, uh, healing, getting stronger, but I'm still limping from my accident. And I thought I need to do something. And this voice in me said, fight again. So I trained up to fight. I went down to, you know, Reggie Parker. Did you know Reggie Parker? Lenny McLean. Lenny McLean was good friends with Reggie Parker Reggie Parker used to show Lenny he used to do all the unlicensed fights and I used to fight on Reggie's shows a lot of his shows before that and I've gone down there and training up for another fight and my friend Ernie the travelling boy Ernie he was doing all the boxing shows unlicensed then he said he'd get me a fight well I've been out of my head for four years on cocaine yeah and like two months later i'm getting in a boxing ring i'm like heavyweight now and you know i'm not fit at all and i'm going against a um tie fighter because like any unlicensed things not just boxers tie fighters would do boxing or kickboxer i will and uh it was a russian guy tie fighter and um i kind of uh i lost the fight but i went the distance i just limping and I wasn't fit to keep it going but it was like all of a sudden it got brought me back in to the scene with people again like Stucky's back but I was nowhere near back I was a screwed up fucked up man in my head still yeah but no one knew that and then all of a sudden my old door team was running a club down in Chisler's called the lounge bar Paul do you want to come and work on the door down here yeah I will do so now I'm working on the doors again still limping a bit yeah trying to get clarity in my head uh what the fuck has just happened to my life kind of thing you know and now I'm trying to redesign my life again um get back into the stuff and um I wasn't the same person anymore yeah I was um fear had fear and it's like I had to uh i was almost like i was bluffing because he was in chiseler's people in that manner knew me not to fuck with me yeah so that helped me out and but over the weeks and the months my confidence started growing a bit more and the old me started coming back a bit and then i was thought it was forced by i'd had to fight i'd had to knock someone out or throw someone out and my courage started returning back but then um and people you meet i met another guy who kind of got me back into drugs again i was going back up that so not taking them because i haven't touched anything since yeah but selling them again i was going back up that route again and um so like you say i said earlier about the devil and god is there one knows you know are they there blah blah blah i use that chessboard game my life seems to have been played with the different energies dark and light god against the devil but me through my life kind of thing so on one side um i'm getting opportunities like this guy i met down there and wants to start selling drugs with me etc etc getting me into it i've moved from that skunk factory into uh renting a flat off the guy moved into that skunk factory um into one of his flat the guy i was working for at the lounge bar he had a flat i moved into that that's where i met the other guy he ended up coming there as well it was a two bedroom and then he said we used to talk and talk and he said you used to do all that gear and that and i said yeah he said why don't you see i've got loads of people who buy that why don't you like i said well i'll tell you what i'll get it you supply it yeah i buy it you supply and that's our deal.

1:53:01And we started earning lots of money all of a sudden. Then he went to me, why don't we rent a big house somewhere? So we rented out a massive fucking house down in Bickley, but we can afford to do this because money's coming in again. So now you can imagine God going, no, Paul, that ain't the route. That ain't what you've got to do. I mean, if there is a God, and I've not said there is yet, I'll leave that open because of my other books that come out, tell you more about that." And then all of a sudden, I think I need a girlfriend now. So this woman coming called Jess, wearing a St. Christopher, no, wearing a cross around her neck and she just walked in there and she walked straight towards me with a big smile on her face.

1:53:44Yeah, she's up for this. Hi darling. Chatting her up, trying all the cold comedy lines. And she said to me, I've never been in there, she said, but, um, I just felt I had to come in here for some reason. And I think I had to come in here to talk to you. And I see the chain and I said, right, you're into God. And she went, yeah, well, yeah, so am I. As you do, you know, trying to, trying to like chat her up. And she said, come to my church then. And I said, yeah, I'll come to your church. Bromley Christian Centre it was, Bromley South. Come this Sunday. I said, okay, I'll meet you now. I thought, yes, I'm in here.

1:54:22Nice. Christian girl. Yes, nice. Thanks, God. Yeah. I've gone to the church on Sunday. She's introduced me. Oh, give me a hug. Come in. This is so-and-so. All that of the church. They all welcome you, et cetera, et cetera. And this is my fiance. Like, oh, fucking hell. But the ploy was to get me to church. It's almost like God had made her go to there. And I'm not saying this is what happened. This is almost like it was. God had got me to there. I never went back there again for, I did, but not, I thought when I'm coming back, I mugged myself right off here, yeah, and I never went back, and then another bird coming to me, let's say, the Dark Forces sent this one, called Roof, okay, and it was a, during a James Bond theme night, so they're dressed up in, but they're, the Roaring Twenties style, but it was a James theme night, but that was like, dressed up as Roaring Twenties girls, and I like that scene, and she come on me and and and she said to me you're just my type and it was like yes because i want a girlfriend i ain't like i had one for like six seven months or longer no even longer than that one i'm talking about since my girl left me and uh i want a girlfriend and because she showed me affection that was it but she completely messed with my head it was almost like something's trying to twist my head to make me go back onto that path again so that you can see the forces at play now can hear and um and then one day she sent me a uh picture on this little phone i had with her and uh a boyfriend in bed with her he was asleep but she was inside and she sent me the picture i thought what have you done that for it really fucked me up you can imagine because i thought she's the one you know and that should push me over and uh i was really fucked up one of them with mike one of the dormer next to me mike you're right paul i said no look at this fucking bitch she's done and then this other girl that who used to come give you a cuddle when she comes as you always go up there she's looked at she's going what's the matter because she i was upset and i said they're fucking she's done and then the phone rang it was her and um she's going i just didn't have to couldn't tell you i'm in a relationship yeah it's over i'm just being naughty like you know just being horrible so this other girl um picked up the phone and she rang her back she went stop fucking ringing my boyfriend will you she turned it on her kind of thing and give me a little bit of go go forward kind of thing yeah but i still hadn't gone back to any uh drugs i just had to deal with that and uh i decided to buy myself a flat instead so I bought myself a flat but I still haven't gone to the church and that's when my daughter Jade rang me up one day and she said daddy can you take me to this club in Bromley called Baseline and I think she was 12 or 13 then I can't remember I said of course she'll she we come with me one Sunday daddy this is Baseline I said yeah of course I will so where do I meet she said Bromley South so I met her it was the same fucking church that I'd gone and met that just with.

1:57:29So I walked back in there and now it's, I can't leave there because it's a youth club thing. And it was almost like youth club, 14 to 19 year olds. And there was getting groups of people coming from around here, older boys trying to get older, the younger girls kind of thing. 90 year olds with 50 year olds. And they didn't like that. They wanted security. So they, I said, I do security. And they said, will you help us out down here? So it was like, give me an opportunity to come out of that scene. and and then and um start working down there kind of thing but i hadn't transited properly yet and i kind of uh started coming to the church well i was drawn into the church and um there was such a a lovely group of people and i just felt i belonged there for some reason and um i don't know if you're religious or whoever listens religious but anyone who's experienced the holy spirit will tell you it's real there's something really real there you know and i i experienced something and it was almost like although i would given up my addiction i hadn't sorted out my spiritual side i was still unbalanced and every sunday i'd go there and every Sunday I'd cry my eyes out and in the end I'd be raising my hands up to Jesus, praying to Jesus, like you see him do if you ever go to a church, yeah?

1:58:55And I felt good and my spirit was being renewed and then all of a sudden I got in an altercation down the club with a Norton Little firm. It was just how it manifested, I'm not going to go into it. Point being, at one point I was giving them my hiding, done me a fucking favour, because it got me out of that life, that scene. And I carried on going into the church. And I mean, I have friends, I could have gone to war with them, some of us would have died, some of us gone to prison, but I stuck to my Christian face and become a born again Christian. And then I got, actually no, you have to rewind that.

1:59:44I've become a born again Christian first. I gave my life to Christ. And then that happened. It was like the dark hole, oh yeah, you're going to go there, are you? This happened. And then just to make things a little bit worse, a couple of weeks later, I got caught in a drug conspiracy who eventually gave me eight and a half years, which was my second prison sentence. Yeah. But a lot of that's in the book. What did you feel more protective with? The dark side or the Christ? Both. That's fucked up, isn't it? That's not fucked up. Both. I have balance now. I mean, with that going into it, I believe everybody's, we've all got intuition.

2:00:24We're all, we're all, if we tap into it, we all can. Like my family members are like, they're so in tune with it. Like I believe in like tarot cards and black magic. Like I've seen it. I know people who do it at higher levels levels in the fuckery that they do but also no there's also backlash that they receive by fucking with the magic yeah um and it's scary but it's fascinating yeah you know let me tell you if you had a cannibal poll let me tell you something on that yeah sorry you said i interviewed a cannibal a couple of months ago cannibal yeah respected his the vampire of paris oh well done actually at human flesh human flesh i didn't give a fuck that's what that's what he said so his dad He was kind of abused, but his dad was into like Satanism and he kind of gravitated towards it.

2:01:14And then he was fascinated by skulls and then he wanted to work in the morgue. Yeah. He didn't want to harm people, but he worked in the morgue, used to cut all... Get the bones. Yeah. Cut all the more... That's Obi-Wan guy. That's Obi-Wan guy. But then he, it's like this obsession that it stopped. So what you're talking about at a different level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what we're talking about with my next book is that level. okay so what i'm talking about here like i said to you earlier on in the in the podcast i just don't feel comfortable talking about because i'm so not that now and i need to make that clear i am not that way now that was learning you said to me what's where did i feel most safer with me where did you feel the most power the most power is both because and this is this is this is where i'm at now yeah people say there's a god in the devil no there isn't yeah god is both good and evil how can he not be he's god but is he god or is it part of an essence of existence yeah i believe that and i said this is i don't want to quote this for anyone to like follow it my personal belief yeah is that um you have yin and yang positive negative black white whatever you want to call it yeah we as human beings are both we are we're good and bad and within us we have a shadow which is the dark and we need to integrate that with us as a unity and be in control of it yeah because when we learn to control who we are and what we're meant to be doing in life we can make magic happen yeah good things oh we can make bad things happen whatever we will will be yeah so part of the journey i've gone on is to learn where i am now that stuff all this stuff i used to do in the early days was like learning i'll never do that shit anymore but i had to learn the dark how can you know the light if you don't know the dark and vice versa you have to know both and if you if you um get the bible and look at the bible the god in the bible does he sound like the god or the devil i mean let's look at that how many generations of people did he kill because they didn't obey him in the old testament how many did i mean i don't know if you read the bible it's a bit of sick dan as well there's a lot of fuckery in it yeah and all the legends Does he sound like a good God or a bad God?

2:03:51Because if you ask God or Jesus for strength, they'll make you weak. So you find the strength. Yeah, yeah. So whatever means he does it or whatever it is you're dealing with does it. But like... Do you miss it, Paul? Do I miss what? The other side. I don't miss what I went through. It fucked me up, mate. Big time. It took me years to get through that. Years. My mind now is strong. stronger than it's ever been my but my physical body is better i was like i mean we've waffled on a lot about stuff for the book the early days yeah but the me now is completely different to that i i came back um and kept fighting i come back and fought for an iba heavyweight title um in 2023 against darren coville who was the current champion um i thought i won that one um it was very close they thought he was gonna just knock me out at heavyweight you know we're not in actual heavyweights we fought 30 years ago at middleweight he carried on to it right until now and i 20 years out on drugs and things but i came back because i knew i had to do it it's something i i needed to have that that i've achieved that because that's something i failed in and i needed to achieve that so i'm fighting again and the opportunity come through will again and but I knew that I won that fight and everyone was talking about that maybe I didn't win that fight maybe he did win it but because everyone was talking about that I did win it he gave me another shot in 2024 I climbed into the ring at Circus Tavern and fought him for the title and won at 58 years old I'm 60 now I thought you looked great that's what I'm saying I feel really good and it's like my mind is getting so much stronger my focus my understanding it's not everyone's cup of tea but it's like this book is kind of what I went through and it's all past I've matured so much more and advanced my thinking now which is now what the second book's about and and it it deals with um well I don't really want to go into too much where it deals about but it deals about Christ energy, um, Laura Thelma, a combination of everything from different.

2:06:13It also deals with, um,

2:06:18people in the government, um, hierarchies and things, you know, you've seen this stuff, this, you go through this stuff, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, I speak to people involved. And exactly. Um, and it's just my take on it. And it is, um, very controversial. controversial, the second book can be very controversial, but not everyone is ready to listen to what I'm saying, but there are people out there who are ready, and that's who it's for, because it's like, no one believes it, I'll start again, people have lost, so many people lost faith in religion, because it's faith there, does it work?

2:06:54Not really, it's a form of control, and a lot of that happened with the Catholic Church, you know they put things into it swapped it around for control do you believe the higher powers who control this world definitely babble and madame definitely and that's what i was saying we said it's about another level yeah so let me tell you a story without mentioning his name he knows who he is okay uh powerful man uh well respected mason went around to see him once down in bermondsey And, um, Paul, tell me about that. I always read a bit, uh, but it seems on my podcast. Tell me about that dark stuff he was telling me about, because I'm kind of interested in that.

2:07:45So I told him about it. I said about the Go Eat Your book, et cetera, et cetera. And they tried to tell me to kill my son. And he went, I want to show you something now, but you can't tell anyone. So I'm not telling you his name, yeah? He's a mason. He got his book out. he got his bag out and took out a book it's the same fucking book he said see that that book you're telling me about that is our bible as a masons he's quite high up in there yeah he should not have shown me that yeah but we're pals he went you know who the uh head of the masonic order is don't you and i went king charles and i went yeah he went yeah um he's also head of the church he said if you'd have killed your son that day you'd be a multi-millionaire now Paul and I went the thought of that just you know you get what I'm saying what he was saying yeah and it was giving clarity and then and it's like since I bought that book out it came out 27th of um December last year I had like crystal clarification of where I am where I'm going all of a sudden I had a route and everything started making sense that's why I've read the second book and the second book tells you really where I'm going but it brings in this stuff we're talking about now which is controversial I could get assassinated that kind of stuff yeah like Simon Rushdie when he said things yeah but it's real and it's true and um the guy I'm talking about um who said about the book Urban Told You His Name when you was telling me about the bones and the skulls and things, yeah, he was into Obi-Wan-Ga and he would often go into a graveyard and he didn't know I knew that.

2:09:33Someone else told me that and I said to him, how the fuck do you know that? He's like, because it's something you don't, someone has kept it close but it's got to me somehow and he doesn't do that shit no more, yeah, but, um, you go into these Epsilene files and things like that and our royal family, yeah, go to all the hierarchies that have ever been around. They're all involved in that shit and blood sacrifice. You know, when you look at the Bible, the Bible talks of nothing but sacrifice, um, but animals. Yeah. But it's not animal, it's blood. Drinking blood. Drinking blood, you know, and I've never gone down that path.

2:10:15I'm never going to go down that path. Yeah. Did you think about it though? no no no no that's not me not me that's what the vampire of parish used to do they used to drink blood cut themselves but it was like sacrifices used to draw out all the all the claws and stuff but he's actually helping people now I'll send you it fucking unbelievably yeah do yeah he might get mean to yeah no but he's actually so what happens is people found out what he was doing and everyone the biggest gangsters were terrified of him in prison yeah he wasn't a gangster just because he was known for drinking blood and fucking hitting people yeah but I would rather sit with him than anyone because he was honest yeah he fucking owned it people say how can you sit there I'm thinking the guy's honest I would rather sit with him than some bullshit you know where you stand yeah and um yeah and they were all in contact all the serial killers all the satanists all the blood drinkers and they all used to write to each other yeah and it was like everything's a cult religion's a cult cult says so you're on the same page as me then yeah So that next book, you will like that.

2:11:19You should go buy it. Yeah, I will, brother. Listen, it's an unbelievable story that you have. You opened up to it. You're hesitant to your story, but when it started opening up, it came free-flowing. And that's where the magic is with these interviews. There was no cutting off. It was like something had bottled up, where you've let it go. Yeah. I think because a lot of it, that old stuff, I've shut out. Cause it's dangerous, negative. It's like, um, you've got to understand for, for many years. Yeah. I'm expecting it to come back where it's got control with me. So for many years I'm in fear and I'm not that, I ain't got that fear no more.

2:12:01Yeah. I, I am, you know, the term I am. Monad. Yeah. Yeah. I am. Yeah. So you know exactly what I'm talking about. So does anyone else who understands that I am. So I am now in control of everything, my world, my universe. I'm God in my universe now. And that is kind of a big statement for some to say, but I think you understand where I'm coming from. I think speaking about it takes over its power. Yeah. Yeah. I think you can. And the thing is, uh, if you, if you like, and this is what I put in my next book, it's like, you unify all the religions, all the faiths, all the belief system, they're all the same fucking thing.

2:12:39And the positive polarization of the masculine and feminine is the balance. Yeah. and if you have both that means dark and light but stand purple and dickular to the earth's tangent your microcosmic force and your macrocosmic force is in perfect alignment you have equilibrium you have that balance therefore you have control you're neither dark you're neither light you're whatever one you want to be but i've choose to be neither but tune into one as i as i do it's like spider's web. My life, I've got a spider's web in my life, in my world, where I go. And every now and then I get a tremor. I can feel that, I'm the spider, I can feel that tremor.

2:13:22And I might have to counteract a bit of that with a bit of dark or a bit of that with a bit of light, you know? But it's not my, it doesn't rule me. I'm indifferent from both of it. Yeah? Do you want to make sense? Did you ever feel as if you would get through it all? get through it all yeah well i got through it all yeah that's what i'm saying but did you ever think you would have would you always believe i was in fear that um obviously the first fear was when they was telling me to kill my son alphie you know i love my boy alphie and never kill any fucking kid you know i mean would i kill a human being i probably wouldn't kill a human being to be honest might have done earlier part in my life but i regretted it for me i'm not a murderer at the end of the day, yeah?

2:14:05So when I had that about him, that was a massive fear, phobia, creative phobia. It was like for years that took, am I going to, is something going to possess me or something, and kill him, do you know? And I mean, in the early days, I'm trying to fight with that thought in my head. And the side of me is going, I used to cuddle my son, Alfie, all the time. You know, he was five years old, he was sitting in my hand, he's stroking his hair all the time, always cuddling him. When that feeling was, I'm going to hurt him or whatever it is, I couldn't get an ear in. And then he'd come and he'd want to cuddle me.

2:14:43And I'm like, I don't want to, you know what I mean? But then I'd have to cuddle him sometimes. And I remember I was in the kitchen once, and there was a kitchen knife there, and I got him on my arms like that, and then my arm went to the knife like that. I thought, what am I doing? And I thought, there's no way I'm going to harm my son. and I've got the knife behind his neck like that. And this is going to sound, look terrible, yeah? To prove to myself nothing, nothing in this well, dark or light, is going to make me arm in. And I put it down and I knew that I got control, you know? And it's from then I started building a reactor.

2:15:18That's dangerous. You think how that could have been. How many times have you read or heard someone say, the devil told me to kill that person? You hear it a lot, don't you? And I think that's kind of where I was going or like my friend said, uh, in the book, if you had killed him, he would be a multimillionaire. And it would have been like a form of a sacrifice, but that's not me. Never has been, never would be. You do see a lot of these big celebrities who lose. We do see that. Yeah. A hell of a lot, too many. I know. And yet they do go to another level. Yeah. There's definitely something in it.

2:15:52Like I totally... I mean, if I've interviewed people from all walks of life, all cults, black magic, white magic, cannibalism, Satanism, Scientology, Christians, Muslims, they're all cults. Yeah. You're buying into something. Even the Mormons, the Mormons, like everything is just brainwashing. It's easily to brainwash a human. With control. Yeah. With consistency. Look at soldiers, for instance. Yeah. They're going to kill. They're drilled to be like this. Go kill. Why are you killing who you're killing for? Yeah. yeah that's embedded in them that's what's taught them and i love my lesson for the servicemen and the soldiers and unbelievable what they do i take my hat off to them but on the other hand who are you fighting for you know because the country's let you down yeah you're already dying for your country fighting for your country but yet no one fights for you when you come back no exactly right and the road the road you're going down now though is like it's all the manipulation and control and it all said they use religion i mean what's a human being physical mental emotional spiritual these are the four counterparts of our being yeah so if you are doing all four of them you are fulfilling your human nature okay but the fourth one spirit we need to have faith in something some belief in something even if it's just their self so they've they've monopolized uh god or religion whatever religion and use that as a control over us so the masses the herds yeah for thousands of years even go back to the egyptians when they were doing it you know it was that was always always been there but there is something in there is an ability to manifest things, to make things happen.

2:17:42Some religion says through prayer, magic says through will. It's all the same thing. So agnostic teachings, Jesus Christ for example, the real agnostic teachings of Jesus Christ, and a lot of people are going to argue with me about this, are very similar to the teachings of the magician in the Lord of Thelema. Fundamentally, that is.

2:18:14So the magician learns to create through will and manifest things through the universe, the power of the universe, calling them the powers of the universe, which is another god, if you like. The universe is God, if you like. And religion is through God, etc etc jesus christ was trying to teach everyone i think in the agnostic teachings and that's the real teachings of christ he was trying to teach every one of us that we can be god's ourself yeah like he's the son of god i am the son of god he's like termed as a god yeah we have all that ability to get where he got through his way so the way through christ if you follow christ's you can become like Christ.

2:19:06Yeah. And so, I mean, um, there still needs to be clarity on what I'm saying. It's just like to get you to go and where I'm talking about. Yeah. Um, the agnostic teachings of Christ were taken away. Yeah. Dead Sea Scrolls, for example. Yeah. Book of Bartholomew, Mary Magdalene, all these books that are talking about what I'm talking about were taken out of the Bible. Why? You know, because these teachings were the real teachings of Christ. These were the teachings that make you follow the path you should have been following, which was Jesus Christ's path, which is the part, I'm getting confused what I'm saying here, yeah?

2:19:52You get what I'm saying. The agnostic teachings of Christ are very important in my second book, but it's not about just Christ, it's Christ energy. And it's what he's trying to depict, what he's talking about. You correlate that with all the other, what we were talking about, different religions. They all resonate around the same sort of thing, you know? Just before we finish up, mate, for anybody that's maybe stuck in a life of struggle right now, you've battled yourself, you've overcome it, what advice would you have for them? Find your higher power. Yeah. Take control of your life. I am. Monad.

2:20:29Yeah. You know what I'm saying. I can tell you. Yeah. You become yourself, you know, and then you understand the Archons and the Demerge. Yeah. So let me tell you about the Archons just briefly. Yeah. The Demerge is like in the beginning, there's like this, like a female version of God who created um from the archon created the archons and the world of the demurge and these are like uh similar to demons they're like uh spirits blind forces troll like that um feed off human emotion and problems so they interact with you your mind they come into your fault you know you're thinking and like it gets start thinking negative or you just got to get paranoid they're it's their fault they're doing it and your response to that they're feeding off of that emotion kind of thing yeah so when you declare yourself i am monad yeah if you understand that and study that properly and really go through the ritual side of it you take all that back and you're on a different frequency to them then yeah they cannot interact with you anymore and i swear i don't get that shit tiny little negative stuff every morning when i wake up yeah i sit on the side of my bed i don't pick my phone up like everyone else does and gets its instructions for the world i sit on the side of my bed and i visualize the golden crown coming on top of my head and i feel the weight of that crown on my head and then it all goes fills me up and then i state to the words i am king of my own universe.

2:22:06I am God of my own universe. I am healthy. I am wealthy. I have abundance. I am well. They are my first thoughts I put in my head before I start every day. And then I say to myself, today I'm going to do this, or today I'm going to do that. There is no, yeah, but this will happen or that will happen, which a lot of people get. They might set off their day to do something positive, but by the time they get down the end of the road, someone's told them to do this, someone's to do that and they've lost track of what they was actually going to do and they never get around to doing it i am why not the best time in my life is now paul listen i wish you nothing but the best for the future thanks for coming on the show and i look forward to seeing the rest of the books brother yeah true yeah yeah take care and god bless you want me to sign that yeah please