London Gangster Sentenced to Life in Broadmoor as a Paranoid Schizophrenic

46:39I said, you fucking come. What do you think you're doing under my bed? He's going, oh. I launched him. I launched him out of the dorm. And then that was one time. Another one, I'm walking along. This was a lady. I didn't hit the lady. She said, I'm Jesus. I'll redeem you. I said, you fuck off. I'll redeem you with my boot in a minute. I wouldn't have done, but... And then that was it. They all gathered round me. My mum was there visiting me. And they said, if you don't calm down, then we will inject you. And what I've seen was basically where they... There is no dignity back then. They didn't take you into a room bent up and then pull your trousers down.

47:35They've done it in the middle of wherever. They've whacked you down. Get the needle. Bang. You could be in the corridor anywhere. That was back in the 90s when things have changed a lot with mental health. What happened when you got those injections? Were you totally out of the game? They come in three. Three injections. You have one, that lasts a day or two days. Then you have a course of three. Topixel acuphase it's called, which is, as maybe your viewers might recognise it, is the liquid kosh. And it is heavy, yeah. It's heavy. It is a heavy, very heavy drug. What's the other two? you got a no the same drug but they can do a dose for two days four days a week it's they come in a course of three so you have one and a rapid tranq i've had that once a tranquilizer a rapid tranq which is haloperidone lorazepam mix which hits you straight away that's That was more of a time when they had to call in more, like on their radios.

48:59When it gets to more staff required on the third one, that's when all staff comes to the ward. And that's happened when I strangled a patient. Why'd you strangle him? That was further down the line. So you wouldn't go in order, I don't mind. So what happened after that hospital then? when you were in that hospital and Jesus was there and the guy was under your bed? Him? I, uh, they said to my mum, calm him down otherwise we're gonna sedate him. And, uh, well, she tried to calm me down but they still, the doctor, doctor said, we want to give him something to calm him down, we just don't want words.

49:50from his mum to calm him down. He needs some medication. So that was my first time of having an injection of clopexylacophase. Can you remember anything on that when you were injected with that? My mouth was very dry. Yeah. Very dry mouth. Blurred vision. Just no power. No power at all. My head was very fuzzy, like, I can't, it's hard to explain it but it lasts for hours. Does that just hit the brain, central nervous system, bang? Just rips it out of you. But the rapid trank is even worse than that one but that one's only given once. And it's called a rapid trank because it works instantly. it's the pixel act it's called it's uh it's called haloperidol no haloperidol's antipsychotic and luazepam is a benzodiazepine well there's a mixture called a rapid trank which is an injection to wall form and i had that and an hour later

51:08they gave me the acufase as well on top of that that was after i with the strangling of the patient but i would imagine if you kicked off you're going to need a team of eight to twelve to kind of restrain you yeah they do yeah you know fucking six feet one don't let a brick house do i say they do they they did they did yeah yes you would have been a menace you would have been i've had uh i've had it off with with like i've had that i've had to have to have um what you would call like an unlock in prison you know like a three-man unlock i've had that three-man unlock but in hospital if you look at similar minimum of 10 to 12 nurses to open your door to feed you and uh i was sectioned i was secluded in my room with nothing in there at all for like three months and I it was the doctor ordered it was something like something ridiculous like eight nurse eight to ten or eight nurses to open the door now that's like half the walled nurses so they have to bring people over from other walls to open your door.

52:41So you look at that like an unlock, that's like an eight-man unlock.

52:48And they're not small nurses. I was a problem, I admit it. I hold my eyes up to it. Everything that happened to me in Broadmoor was my own doing. it it was me that got me there because my low secure medium secure i don't know if you've researched my story at all james but my my journey started on a three-day respite trying to uh sort out medication for me make stabilize my levels better on my medication But on the second day, then I ended up attacking my psychiatrist and hurting him. And then get sectioned and then it escalated from there where they brought me with shields. What happened with the psychiatrist?

53:44I beat him. Why?

53:50I don't know. I don't know. There's probably no reason for it. He come on the ward, I don't know, so I just banged him in the mouth. He went to the floor and I just started stamping on his face. What happened after that? He wasn't allowed to be my doctor anymore. Yeah, fucking hell. I had to get a new doctor. I was secluded. I went in seclusion voluntarily and injected.

54:28didn't know what time of day it was when when asleep woke up when asleep dark woke up dark but didn't even know what time of day or nothing more medication for you paul tablets and i was so out of my face on on all these drugs that i just didn't didn't bother even saying no or anything just sleep then I built up a bit of trust but they the doctor before he stopped being my doctor he brought in no stimuli which is a technical I researched this myself because it's in my notes and I want to know what they meant by it that no one not even the staff were allowed to talk to me in case it could increase my agitation or make me more psychotic.

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56:06Don't use if you are allergic to EBGLYS. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EPCLIS. Before starting EPCLIS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lilly. Respect your time. Ask your doctor about EPCLIS and visit ePCLIS.com or call 1-800-LILLY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. It's a weird one, isn't it? So I had a nurse outside the seclusion room and when I'm talking to him, he had to ignore me. not allowed to talk to me ignore me did that make you feel calmer though or did it irritate you more I only found out when I got my notes to write my book so you didn't know what they were doing no but if you're going crazy with people laughing or other things that's triggering you they've probably seen that as an option this was years later I'd moved by then I was in Somerset.

57:13I've moved around the country. I'm in Swansea. I'm in Somerset, York. Well, York. I didn't really go to York. I was in Stockton or in a unit up in York, so I ain't seen York. But what's it like? Did you feel safer in a prison or in a mental institute? I went to Bristol Prison, Hawfield. and while I was having a lot of aggro with the other patients the other prisoners because it can be dog eat dog in there as well but sometimes they can be cruel and pick on mental people and I don't like that so they thought it would be in my best interest to move me to the lifeless wall the lifers wing more calm more mellow they're not looking to prove themselves on Bristol Nick lifers wing so I was moved out on that wing because I was they could see there was trouble didn't happen trouble didn't happen on the one but I said

58:32We want to move you to the lifers wing. I said, I'm not a lifer. I want to remand for criminal damage. Yeah, we know. We know. I was always in a cell on my own. Never put me in with no one else. Yeah, but you would have been a menace, Paul. The screws would have wanted you in any other wing or any other prison. The same as the sort of mental hospitals as well. They wouldn't have wanted you. because of the damage that you could do. There'd been a threat to every single person. Also, I found out the fact is that you're marked. You're red-markered, basically. Do not put this man in a double cell with anybody else in case he kills him.

59:19Did you know you had that sort of strength, though, and sort of mental capacity to go capable of anything? Everybody's capable of killing, James. Yeah, definitely. I agree. How many sentences did you do, prison sentences? I've done three years, 18 months from remand at Bristol. Exit, my section was suspended. I was in my own clothes, didn't go through reception. I don't know if your viewers know about prison and reception areas where you go and hang your clothes in and you get this, write your name, write your number, you get your bed pack I had none of that I got taken in exit of jail by a riot police in a riot van in full riot gear didn't go through reception exit a prison I don't even know if it's still open but they've got a courtyard and the separate part is a hospital wing and then the main part of the prison is there and in between you've got a little courtyard and as I say I'm jumping the gun a bit so it's a bit difficult you want me that's okay just yeah because I I got taken out the low security after as I say I'll go back a bit further it might be a bit easier for people to understand where I'm coming from the low security after hitting the doctor and all the no stimuli I built up a bit of trust and they let me out with three staff to have a smoke in the courtyard but every time this doctor came on the ward, I had to go back to the exclusion room and one day I wasn't having it because it could be an hour.

1:01:09I thought, well, fair enough. I'm locked up in my room for an hour. I'll come back out again with my staff, three staff. Then again, he could be in there all day from nine in the morning till five at night. it could be like that's me locked up all day what's this seclusion room like is it like the white padded cells no nothing like white padded cells so some different hospitals have different setups or seclusion rooms but they all have the same thing the minimalist stuff basin bed toilet nothing you can endanger yourself other people with you'd think that yeah there's always a way but yeah I've smashed up seclusion rooms I've ripped up this is I sound like I'm boasting I really don't like it it's your story it's your story you want me I get it it's fucking weird James I feel I sound like as I'm talking my story I sound like I swear, I'm not boasting, think to be boasting about.

1:02:25I think when people see you, Paul, and hear you tell your story, I know they know you won't be boasting. It's just your story. It's just, as I say, is my three-day respite and it turned into 10 years in Broadmoor. And it didn't stop there. That's what I'm saying. How I got to Broadmoor, low security, they brought in riot police because I was pissing in a jug, James, and being eaten ham sandwiches with eight, nine staff having to come in and empty my jug and give me my sandwich and my medication in this occlusion room. Then I built a bit of this trust and I had to sit there like, put your, right, right, Paul, you know what you got to do?

1:03:17sit on your hands like put my hands underneath my legs and sit on the bed before eight of them could come in just give me a sandwich empty a piss bottle give me a bottle of water did you understand what was happening did you understand you were a danger to everyone understand that I was going to war I really do believe that in my head I was thinking I'm not having this I mean I I was meant to be here for three days for a three day rest respite and now this is turning into something seriously out of out of my lead out of my depth and i know i believe that i literally went to war with the system so you think you're going away for three days like a reset three day respite and then you get into that over ten three day respite not sectioned you know a three-day respite to sort out medication get it adjusted and I fucked it up on the second day by attacking the nurse but the the psychiatrist that was it sectioned then it led to other things where I was being let out as I say and I was thinking Yeah, all right, fair enough.

1:04:40Yesterday I worn out all day because of him, because of the doctor. I said, right, come on, Paul. Doctor is coming back on the wall now. It's written in the book anyway, but I won't mention his name in this case. Might have tried to sue me and I ain't got the money for it. So I said, he said, come on, Paul. Doctor is coming back on the wall. Got to go out to the exclusion room, mate. I went, fuck off. They said, sorry, sorry, Paul, sorry. I was standing there and having a roll up. By the way, I was standing up in the courtyard where I'd be sitting down here, and there was three of them. I went, I can't, Paul, don't fuck around.

1:05:27Let's just go. I said, listen, I ain't going nowhere. Zulz was smoking my cigarette cases. He just, I ain't going. It ain't happening. I went, Paul, come on, mate. And they're trying to calm me. I wasn't angry at this point. And then one of them went off, and they had a separate unit with an open door, which was used like people who can come in and out. They got bad depression, maybe anything. just a normal not a low security locked ward but a normal ward psychiatric hospital ward where you can come and go as you please you're not sectioned you're not dangerous to no one you've got a bit of depression we're going to sort your depression out and you can leave you can come to the shop you can come and go as you please there's no time limit or nothing that was next door so I had more staff before I knew it I had about quite a lot of staff around me from the other unit.

1:06:42And they're saying, we're not asking you now, Paul. We are telling you. You're going to the seclusion, man. And I said, well, I'm not going. And that was it, the hands-on. It was all hands-on from then on. and then it got very violent and one of them tried to grab me around the throat like that and uh somehow i don't i see this dad it was just a a bit of chunk out his arm he went like that and i went like that all right and I had his arm and I bit a chunk out he was literally out of his arm I had bits bits with this one he had to go out for YouTube you know what I mean do you I don't know why I end up sending you back but you fucking butt the cunt's ear off you butt his arm off you've attacked a psychiatrist yeah but you can see why you were a injured I was a very humble man I was a very humble man you know what I mean James what happened after you back his arm?

1:08:00Obviously, he had bite marks. I think skin's tough. So to bite a chunk is hard. But because they're trained apparently to push into you. Push. Not pull, but he didn't. He acted in what anybody else would do, pull. Yeah, fear. So he pulled away and that's when it become a rip and a tear in the skin because i've done drugs in the past he asked that he wanted i was forced to have a blood test pinned down forced like that he stood there and watched blood being drawn from my arm to be tested for hiv aids and hepatitis because i was a known drug user even though it wasn't a case of done drugs like drugs drugs I have done drugs before but I'm not never been that sort of with him he was that paranoid because I bit him and I was forced into actually having a blood test what's it like when you're being forced and people are around you with needles did you know were you scared or were you angry or were you I said

1:09:28I don't agree to this I don't agree to give him blood and matey we want your blood Paul basically we want your blood to be tested because you bit blah blah blah I said alright fair enough I ain't got no AIDS I ain't got no HIV. In fact, I find it highly offensive you even thinking about it. Did you black out when you went nuts? Did you black out when you get angry or did you? Fully in control. Are you fully in control and aware? Yeah, I am, yeah. That's a problem, isn't it? And what happened after that? So after that, I was put back in the seclusion room. And then, as I say, with all these staff, I found it around the piss pot and ham sandwiches.

1:10:26And then one day I said, right, put your hands under your legs, Paul. No, it's normal. We want to come in, give you something to eat, nice food, ham sandwich again. And I'm thinking, again, yeah, that's right. I've got ham sandwich now, like three weeks. I'm going to empty you a jug of urine. And that was full up at the time. so I stood up I went you fucking come in here and the first person that comes in here is getting his part of piss straight over him I went sorry I said don't come in here because there's a lot of you but I guarantee some of you will end up in hospital Now, I'm not saying all of you will, but some of you will.

1:11:21And we don't know which one of them will, will we? Do we? And they walked away, and then they called the police. And not a normal police car. They called the Territorial Support Team. Shields. Two vans. Shield, right? Masks. Yeah, wire shield. proper riot please is it the two vans are a mufty mufty yeah well they're called the territorial support team tts yeah i've had tst i've had people on they just says when the mufty come they can come at two or three four in the morning take people out themselves themselves these people two of two vans remember i'm off my nut i'm a mental patient

1:12:15and I must have been a very dangerous man. And they come to the window and I said, Paul, just put the jug down. Not maybe it was only a jug, they've got shields. They've got shields. They've got it all. Put the jug down and lay on the bed on face down, Paul. we know you're unwell try to have a sketch drink here

1:12:49we know you're unwell

1:12:58but um but we need to take you out of here and before I could say anything else doors crashed open obviously you can't fit them all in at once but one after the overall with the shield all I remember is the shield has crashed me to the floor and then handcuffed

1:13:28and the only time it's ever happened to me ever and I don't know if it's ever happened to other people you were interviewed, being boxed with the shields. So no contact with you apart from shields. Who were taken out of that room, handcuffed behind my back, a shield man here, shield man here, a shield man in front, shield man behind, boxed in by four shields, and being pushed and guided that way, this way, out the door, without being touched by a single person, just boxed in by shields. I don't know whether we were any things like that, so we've heard of that before, but that's what happened to me.

1:14:19Just a muffed that I've heard of. Yeah, right, please. They were in full riot gear. But they didn't just take me out like once you're handcuffed, they'll take you out. I was handcuffed, but the trouble is, I still had me boxed in with all these shields, four shields in between, literally, perspex, perspex, perspex. Where did they take you? To get me out of the unit to the van. And then I heard the nurse say, don't hurt him, we just want him removed. What are you thinking when the nurse is shouting, don't hurt him? As a potentially, do you think, man, they're killing me here? I thought, I wasn't thinking anything.

1:15:01I wasn't thinking, I had no thought at all. I had nothing, I had no thought whatsoever. I just thought, what the fuck is happening here? What is actually happening here? And where did they take you? They took me to the police station, Taunton Police Station. They hired out a cell. the hospital hired a cell so the only time that i had contact with screws or police officers we call them was to feed me and i came in usually four or six of them with food and give me medication because obviously not normal medication through the hatch. There you go, there's your meal through the hatch. You've only got a little hatch.

1:15:54So I forced four officers to open the door and so my nurses can come in and administer the medication to me and put me food on the floor and stuff like that. And what happened after that stunt? Three days I was in there, no shaving, no nothing, didn't come out of the room at all, stunk in there. I was all still sweaty, but I was calm. And then I said to the nurses, trying to give me some Valium, Dizepam, a bit more than usual I thought that's that's like three blue ones like ten of them ten three of them like and I think she's the only one why don't they give me three four so I went I'm gonna pass on that one today there it was

1:17:05I thought they're up to something here I don't know why I just thought in my head they were upset and they were they wanted to take me to actually a prison not the court or or well I can't remember exactly where I went to court or where I didn't but not with security or a normal sweat box they refused to take me riot police the riot team team leader come to the door i said paul we're taking you to axia prison i suspended my section section three i was on at the time suspended it we're taking you to Exile prison not Securic or you won't be going in a sweat box or anything like that because they refused but we are taking you there and I stood up and I was still drowsy from my medication but remember I had that day's dose of them three pills that was the reason why they wanted to give me 30 mls of Valium them chill me out so I'll just be going let's go yeah let's crack on yeah yeah you know all highs are kiting that I weren't having it I went I leave for they had the hatch and it was the team leader of the of the of the riot police and I said to him you got me in here you fuckers get me out.

1:18:45I stood back and I stood there like that. I was just standing there. Not a hard man, James. I swear to you, I don't look for trouble and I'm not hard and I'm not this I'm not that, I'm not something I am, I'm just Paul.

1:19:11And I said, Paul, we're coming in and you are going with us. And then I said, okay, okay. I said, look, Paul, we're going to do it a good way. and we direct you and you abide by the directions that we give you or we're going to go the bad way and it's going to end up worse for you again. And that's what made me think again, yeah, you're right. You can't beat these people.

1:19:51So I don't know as they tell me. I sat down on the bed they explained to me what was happening that I'd be taken double cuffed not in a normal van like sweat box but in a riot van in a seat normal seat what are they all sitting so I had six riot police all in full riot gear but without the shields and me in the back of one of them blue vans that you see with the territorial support group on it yeah the cages around it where they all sit I was sitting in one of them being taken to the XHR

1:20:47it's just I don't bullshit James I don't know who you've had on your programme or anything like that. I'm not saying people lie. I'm just saying they hype things up for social media. You know? Here's my book, by the way. I just want to throw that one in there. Yeah, no, people do. Some people do awful shit as well, but I think people listening to your story and seeing who you are. Some of it's just so unbelievable to think that for one man, one man, This is happening to one man who's been taken out to prison, not going through reception like a normal prisoner, having like 15 nurses outside and screws surrounding outside in a line.

1:21:37While I'm getting out of a van with riot police, straight on a three-man unlock, so my food was always cold because I was the last one I used to keep them up at night three in the morning sometimes one of the one of the night screws coming yeah I take that like paracetamol fuck off fuck mug me off with that so I was calling the uh what they call them listeners not because I was just wanting someone to chat to I mean I was in the cell on me own and even the vicar gave me a radio to have in my cell to keep trying to keep me calm and that so I wasn't allowed nothing I had to have um the this table was made out of cardboard and I literally cardboard table and chair in this room and three screws to open me up to give me food or to go and let me out to go and get food.

1:22:51So because they call what they call a team of three people, my food's always cold.

1:23:00And so on the day of that release, I think I'll call I said yeah we give judges give you blah blah blah this blah blah blah that ABH on staff for biting the man's arm yeah

1:23:23and so I'm thinking okay go back to the unit I think it'll be fine back on my section just carry on as normal social workers come in I said are we going yet Dave no police here want to see you and I went well that's been dealt with obviously I've been dealt with this amount of time and now I'm coming back with you and whoever's coming to collect me so I was in my own clothes like it's unheard of you don't go into a prison in your own clothes end up on healthcare giving lorazepam IM intramuscular whenever you feel like it if you feel a bit low you can have an injection where it can't be down on a three man unlock and then I see the police I said that's already been dealt with we're here to see you about something else serious Serious.

1:24:31Turns out it'd be from a murder squad. You could not make this shit up, Lee. James. James, sorry, I'll get you confused. Dick Gordellion was next to me. Could make this shit up, honestly.

1:24:48I've been implicated in a triple murder. Arson. Some dealer's house in Taunton that I used to go to when I lived in Somerset at the time got fired, and three people died. I've got arson from 1992 on my record. I beat up a geezer when I was watching it on the telly in my flat, thinking, fuck me, I used to score there off them people. Now they're dead. He ended up in that unit as well for drug-induced psychosis, and he was pissing me off. So I battered him. and I believe because I battered him

1:25:33whether it's true whether it's true to this day I don't know if it's the truth or not yeah but they were there to see me about this triple murder gate arrest me taped down at a police station and questioned me about a triple murder so I've gone from a three day respite to be taken by shields to now being implicated in a triple murder all within less than six months. What happened after that? I said, usually, usually you're told gun no comment. Yeah. I didn't go no comment because I thought they were having me down to the police station for questioning, for conspiracy or attempted murder. that was later on, sorry, for a triple murder.

1:26:28So I said, wait a minute, I was heard in a nightclub, overheard by someone saying that I'm implicated in a triple murder. And I went, this is what I believe happened. I bashed matey up, he didn't like it. He's found, because I watched it on the news with him, is put my name forward for it and try and stitch me up for a murder. Not just one, but three. So the guy you've beat up in the cell? In the low secure hospital. I beat him bad, he needed stitches. Because he was doing my head in, really. But yeah, he... So you didn't get charged with that? No, I'd never see him again. And I went back to the low secure.

1:27:21after that I thought fuck yeah what else could possibly happen so I'm there three days went by no problem no trouble at all still on medication not so much of the sedatives anymore just normal relaxing hi staff hello staff alright staff six in the morning on the third day back they come in they started packing my stuff. But 12 of them started packing my stuff. Paul, get out, mate. You're going. What are we talking about? We've got that. We're talking about. That game went, come on. Got a secure vehicle outside. Now, for pregnant women, they don't take me a sweat box to prison they have a special secure van which has got seats normal seats in the back of it for pregnant women especially for pregnant women to be transported to prison secure vehicle outside i'm telling you it's stuck to an hour up in york we can't manage you here what's that medium secure unit so you've went from low risk unit to medium in three days with three days that I've been good.

1:28:51I said, what are you talking about? I've been good. I ain't done nothing wrong now. I'm perfectly, I'm back to normal. Me, me, Paul. Back to the pool. We can't manage you here, Paul.

1:29:03And you're coming with us, whether you like it or not. And they did. They took me all the way up to York, up in Stockton Hall. What was it like in there? I lasted six weeks

1:29:22got to the point where you could smoke in there that smoke room I obliterated the smoke room on the second day I was there so I had to smoke on my own when allowed in the smoke around people then I smashed the plate over a geezer's head but he'd not smashed it over because they're pottery plates whatever you call it ceramic type plates but he was laughing and joking and this and that and he's giving all this to me going hey you know what I mean boy and me at the time I weren't cooperating I just went bang with my dinner in it and everything and cracked the plate on his head so then I wasn't allowed to smoke on my own I wasn't allowed to smoke with people in the room I had a little room with a big chair and a member of staff and I had smoke on my own in that room and I had another room where I had to eat on my own.

1:30:22And then the doctor said, on Monday you're going to get a visitor. No, sorry, sorry, my mum come up. My auntie visited, started crying her eyes out. I didn't see it. didn't see how unwell I was and how dangerous I was getting or becoming a very, very dangerous sick man.

1:30:55And a girlfriend I was seeing at the time come to visit me, she's in the book. I won't really mention about her. I don't want to mention about her. But she died. She hung herself. Sorry to hear that. but it's everything is in that book what I'm talking about but in more detail on what I'm talking about if you get what I mean So even you're getting visits Paul from your auntie, your mum could you read it? One visit Could you understand what they were trying to tell you? No, my mum come up and they'd paid for her to come up there all the way up in York you know she was living in Essex and

1:31:42my auntie came up once she came up once I didn't see it I just didn't I had no insight into into my mental health was deteriorating and I was that bad and then the doctor said you're going to get a visit on Monday you're getting assessed for Brawlmore I went what? I'd done what am I? Three maybe four nurses in the space of 24 hours like hospital for cut not you know stitches and cuts and grazes and things that can put them off work for a couple of weeks but not bad enough to hurt them but in the space of 24 hours, I'd done four one-hourses. And then I was on an hour, I had like four staff and two on each side at arm's reach.

1:32:45And drugged up to my eyeballs on lorazepam, where I was slurring, my speech was, I was, talking to my auntie, and I'm like in the seat, like I'm,

1:32:58Zombie. And she cried. She sat there and cried. So what are you thinking then when the shoot comes for Broadmoor? I thought Broadmoor ain't going to take me, I ain't got a crime. Do they have a crime? A little bit of what happened in the low secure. What are they going to send me to Broadmoor? Because I hit a nurse, because I hit a bit of a nurse. because I was born with fucking serious cases for serious offenses, serial killers, serial rapists, child killers,

1:33:43and gangsters. We'll throw Ron in there, shall we? We'll plug Ron. So is that what you're thinking? You'd never done any crimes? I don't resemble these people.

1:34:01And what are you thinking when you end up eventually there? Well, they said to me on the visit, they said to me on this assessment, yeah, we're going to take you, Paul, we're going to take you three-month assessment. And I thought, all right then, if that's what you want to do, take me three-month assessment. So that was it. I was bundled down to Brawlmore, still thinking in my head three months I'll be back up in either in York or I'll be back in Taunton in Low Secure and that would fuck me off thinking he ain't brought more material that won't keep him here

1:34:51obviously I was drugged up on the day of leaving with lots of staff

1:35:00that I believe they this was my own opinion they on that special day of me going to Baltimore they brought in the biggest nurses whether they were on leave or not to cover that shift to take me because they were fucking huge yeah but if you're doing and fucking nurses and psychiatrists that's what i mean you're a major threat yeah that is i know i know i look back right now

1:35:38i can't just tell you that it was an experience

1:35:46do you know i mean oh that was an experience james or what an experience that was i wrote a book about it because it helped get it out of my head of what i've seen and what has happened to me how long did you end up in broadmole for well i went there in 2002

1:36:11I ended up completely coming out of discharge out of from a medium of security because there's no discharges directly from Brawlmore but one week short of 10 years 2012 I went in to February I came out in January 2012 one month short of 10 years and I was in Brawlmore. I had my first attack two weeks into my assessment period. The man got his bits out and started over me. I was in a smoke room at the time. This was at the time and there was like a couple of high-profile Al-Qaeda people. We'll call them that, if you want.

1:37:13But one of them was dead anyway, Abraham Eldaris. But he was Egyptian, and he wasn't there because he was mental. He had leukemia. but this was at the time when the government were locking up terrorists with hook and geese like that you know yeah yeah shit

1:37:44and

1:37:47mate he's pulled out his todger and I'm sitting in the chair like as close as I am to you now or closer sir, howling him. And I've just jumped up, I was going bang. And I heard the crack of his jaw and he hit the floor. Yeah, the rest of the people just stood there. I'm standing there going, you fucking dirty bastard. And the staff quickly pressed the bell and they come and bent me up and he got taken away and he'd on the seclusion room. So you were in a seclusion room in Broadmoor also? That was the first seclusion room, yes. Who were you in Broadmoor with? What other people? What, like what, like what?

1:38:36Names? Well, everyone you can think of. Peter Sutcliffe. Or visits with him. It was close to the city next to you. His table's higher because he had a bad back. Did he not kill paedophiles? He killed women. No, who was the other guy it was in with? Nah, I know you're talking about it. Where the fuck is his name? Yeah, that's... Oh, Maudsley. Rob Maudsley. Rob Maudsley. Maudsley was in the cages in Wakefield. Rob Maudsley was. But unfortunately, Charlie is. I've got to mention this in a moment. I don't mind if that's okay. Yeah, of course. Yeah, because Charlie Bronson has been recently moved. and I just want to make it clear that I've seen Charlie in action on CCTV in a court appearance in 2014 and that was pure overkill that should, that was not Charlie's fault that that man got hurt that bad that governor and this time they've moved him to Wakefield Cages for the ghost of him a couple of weeks ago.

1:39:53I believe that's testing him. And I've sent him my book and hopefully he'll read my message and take note of the message, you know. He should be released, Charlie. It's been a long time. He's a manager out here with a lot of help. It needs to be gradual. It's institutionalised. he's not dangerous. Because after he... You could say, is he mad? Is he bad? What is he? Yeah, people don't seem to think that. And I'm not going to come on here and explain to you what I think or what I know. That would be wrong, wouldn't it? He still looks great for his age. Is he as strong as people think? I've had a man hug off him.

1:40:50I've visited him. And I've had a man hug off him. He's a powerful man. Even for his age, he's a powerful man. But I think if you let him out, it'd be the attention that'd be the problem. he won't be able to manage it fry him and anything I'm better off in there and they probably gotta do say silly what was Peter Sutcliffe like just an old man I've had words with him before because he became my friend in Sam it not words he's old. I didn't, like, you, you, you, Pete, you having this, having that. Nothing like that. People used to, I know the man that took his eye out. I used to, used to know the man that took his eye out, that blinded him.

1:42:03And after that, you was only allowed bookies pens you know the little blue bookie pens they're all you can have in broadmoor you can't have normal biro pens only small pens like that no pencils so where was i took his eye out yeah matey took his eye out that was years ago but since then people seem to think i'll give Sutcliffe will slap and I'll end up in the news of the world. And that'll make me notorious. I've been in the news of the world for headbutting a staff member. Of course, myself getting a black eye. He couldn't work anymore. And a member of staff sold it to the news of the world and got me mixed up with the other Paul Knight.

1:42:55My double ganger. Another Paul Knight. Have you researched me at all, James? Who was the other Paul Knight? Paul Knight. He's from, I don't know where he's from, but he's a double murderer. He was in there with me. I never met a man in my life. Out of all them years, I had a double ganger in there. And I got his mouth, and because my incident was in the news of the world, with a man standing there doing a fucking Nazi salute behind a swastika, that weren't me, and it weren't him, he got five grand cheque. Compensation. Who do you think, where do you think you come to come by post because they don't open solicitors letters in prison or hospital come to me i opened it five grand with a letter to paul this is compensation from the news of the world i hope this satisfies you five grand my solicitor at the time because i said that's defamation of the character they're putting me down as a murderer when i'm not a murderer but it was my crime they thought I was gonna sue for excessive force with my back black eye because mate he couldn't work again that happened on looting what was the worst thing you seen in there Paul I saved the solicitor's life how so

1:44:22oh uh it's easy it's very it's very heavy so what does it what sort of audience have you got so i know how to sort of tell it just tell it how you want to tell it there's nothing off limits here

1:44:42so an old lady if you picture an old lady in a tartan dress and the thick tight stockings she was Slezier old school Slezier come and see a patient or a client you should say he shouldn't have been on the fucking ward he should have still he got moved from intensive care to my ward and he shouldn't have been at the time he got a room an interview room which is private for doctors to be there and solicitors and people like that. It's got a little window like this, just a little window. Doors closed. Not locked, just closed. It's in like a kitchen area like this. If you can imagine, like I was sitting here having a cup of tea with my mate, on a rehab ward.

1:45:45When they tried me out on a rehab ward, after a lot of long years on Tottenham Ward. I don't know if you can imagine. You've got that door there, and you've got the door here to the day room. You're in the kitchen area, dining area, having a cup of tea, and I heard a murmur. Just a murmur, you know, James?

1:46:13Give a minute, all right? Because it's heavy. it fucking is everything my wife I thought I was sure to

1:46:23talk somewhere yeah but if you're alright telling that story but if you're not we don't need to speak about it because I don't want it triggering anything as well no no it's cool it's cool it helps it helps it does help it does help it was one of those situations where I could have opened the door and they could have been laughing and joking in looked at me and said what the fuck are you doing opening that door you mad cunt it wasn't like that james i cracked the door open the lady is half up the wall half on the floor and he's smashing her his skull with with a ceramic cup and blood splattered up the wall blood splattering down on her face as she's half awake and half unconscious.

1:47:14And I've just gone running at him, grabbed him by the throat, and managed to turn him around and just ram him into a wall. And I had him by the throat like that. And my only regret that I have to this day is that I didn't squeeze his windpipe. I killed that man. He was killing her. and he killed her he's home still is I said look what you've fucking done he's gone she hit me first

1:47:50all the staff called the bell went off my mate Manny he's in my book so I'll mention his name when I got a load of towels she was semi-conscious but alive

1:48:12and staff said to me you gotta let him go gotta let him go Paul so I had him pinned to the wall like that and they didn't come and get him off me or nothing like come on get get off get off I said you gotta let him go and I did I let him go I took him to the seclusion room And I was in shock, you know what I mean? Seeing all that, I was in serious shock. But it didn't hit me. I felt he ain't had it. He deserves more. So I passed all the staff in the corridor and got into the seclusion room, and he's on the bed, being held down. And I've just gone, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, just blasted about eight punches in his face and then got stood up, taken out, that's enough, boy, that's enough.

1:49:17I said, and the nurse came up to her, he said, what happened in there? Didn't happen, Paul. That didn't happen. What happened in there? You go, chill out, but what you just did in there didn't happen. you've got all of us to say that he was basically done that by being restrained. So they were sticking up for you for throwing in a few punches? A few punches. That man's early to die that day. And how were you then treated for saving that woman's life? Still high risk.

1:49:56I was still a high risk patient. Unbelievable wasn't it? what's your daily routine like in Broadmoor Paul some it all depends on what ward I've got a job I've had jobs like kitchen gardens like allotments get a bit of freedom you know what I mean get a lawnmower go all the way over the other side of a big field I just sit over there in the summer with your top off do a roll up sit there even though you've got like two fences two metal fences in a brick wall you still have that bit of freedom you know and by that time I'd got that job I was very much institutionalised and thought I was never leaving because I was put on the in the tilt high risk category after certain things happening me strangling the patient because i thought on section three no index offense i mean brawmore i'll create an index offense to prove to these people that now you have a reason to keep me so you didn't have an end date or anything to get out no index you you don't have so they let you out when they think you're not dangerous so you could have been in there for life I went for a tribunal the lady that I saved her life she gave she come to see me three months later said that she's retired and that she used to be on the panel of the of the tribunal panel give this letter when you go for your tribunal next I never used to go to tribunals I used to have once every three years mandatory one because I was kicking off all the time I thought what's the point when did the penny drop for you Paul that you needed serious help well I was in a place with serious help and I was still creating trouble but did you know the trouble was only going to make things worse like my trouble I was at war I'm literally I was thinking Friday night could be fuck up night Friday night he's less fucking I've even got a t-shirt Ben Sherman t-shirt which says get your riot gear on Ben Sherman original did you thrive on that though?

1:52:31like were you I believe I believe in a way I did I believe in a way that I actually thought I got adrenaline rush from fighting with with with with their own shield teams and patients and shit like that. I'll tell you, I've had a hostage situation. What happened? This was on Henley Ward. Where is that? Broadmoor? In Broadmoor, yeah. High dependency. How many definite wards in Broadmoor is there? There's loads, but there's a few that go online. they were decommissioned years and years in before Broadmoor was closed. So they're showing old people of nothing new. You know what I mean? Walls like Somerset House have just been decommissioned.

1:53:27I was on Somerset, Tawnham Ward. What happened with the hostage thing? The hostages, that was on Henley Ward. That was on a Friday night. Mate, he come to my room. ever seen here, Paul? So we have a barricade. So we have a lot of barricades, we smash up rooms, and they're not easy to break, but they'll break up all the beds, or like a fire root glass, the whole place is fibreglass, but it's like a UPV, whatever they call it, some sort of fibreglass shit. You stamp on them beds hard enough, they go through, the shells you can break them off and then you start pulling away and you're taking away a wall and decommission the whole room and anyway he's coming to my room i said hey poor do you have a barricade so what do you want to do we'll tell you how to smoke room saying fuck it let's have it let's do it like do you know what I mean there's there's serious shit and we're thinking of it as some sort of like fun say say have a fucking rock with the shields or have this say have that and I'm thinking he's a he's a stand up geezer who would go through to the end so we've gone in we walk casually past the staff and that alright yeah blah blah blah in the smoke room the doors are always left open but the chairs are very very they're hard to pick up even though I've picked one up and put it through a TV before that pissed a lot of people off when they couldn't watch TV but this time the chairs are very hard to hold but they're heavy because they've got concrete in them, in the bottom of them.

1:55:33So we stacked three of them up, but before we'd done that, we'd gone in there, we said to these two that are watching Coronation Street on the telly,

1:55:43out, we're going to have a barricade. And they're laughing and joking, they're going, no, no, no, no, we're not leaving, we're, no, no. I said, we're going to have a barricade. Are you leaving or not? No, we're going to watch telly. So me and my mate, he looked at each other. I won't mention his name. So if I do, please bleep it. Yeah. Picked up the TV while they're watching it off the table, put it on the floor, and still sitting there watching fucking telly. Well, me and my mate are snapping off the legs, so we've got some weapons. Put the chairs up against them. The door's still open, but these chairs will barricade.

1:56:33Now, mate, they're still there thinking this is funny. We're shouting at the staff, and after half an hour, it was complete lockdown. Locked down the whole world. Everybody's back to their rooms and bringing the shield team. So then I noticed that we were saying, I said, I went off this fucking wall. I've had enough of it up here. I don't fucking like you. I don't like you and your account. To the staff and one particular nurse who caused problems for me. I hope you watch this. You know what I mean. It's tank top. But anyway, so I...

1:57:23basically Dr. Romero from ISIS ward the intensive care ward came up my mate he's negotiating with him while I'm standing there saying we're going to fucking have it we went off this ward and that is it mate behind me saying I think we're on leave now Paul turning into a hostage thing because I turned around I said to him, shut up, fuck off, sit down, you're not going anywhere. You've had your charge, you lost it. And because I said that, and I was overheard by the staff member, two hostages. They were only wanting to watch Coronation Street. Unintentional hostage taking, isn't it, James? Yeah, still hostages, yeah.

1:58:16You don't mean it. The fuckers wanted to watch Coronation Street. They wanted to watch Coronation Street, then they wanted to leave halfway through but because of my i was so adrenaline i was smoking i was pissing out the window where the toilet didn't have the toilet in there and i was smoking and i used the battery and a bit of a copper wire to light it with because the lighter is on the wall but on the outside of that room and i'm a smoker so i i felt well i'll go prepared do you You know what I mean? And yeah, they probably want to leave, Paul. Shut up, sit the fuck down, not going nowhere.

1:58:57And then I see them with their red bags, like their red PVC bags that hold shields. And they're normal nurses. They're not from the police. They're trained by police, by riot police. but they're normal nurses by day and then they get called in if needed. I've had nurses ask me, Paul, I need to pay for a holiday this year. I need some overtime. When are things going to start evolving? When are things going to start happening on the ward? I've had questions like that to me. Not that we will pay you, nothing like that. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not trying to say, oh yeah, I'll get paid for doing damage.

1:59:45but it was a case of they get paid overtime if they have to come out at 12 o 'clock at night in shield team gear to get kitted up, take me out a week later I could be having fun with them playing cards or something or a bit of banter with them with the same nurse who's dressed up the week before bending me up it's crazy isn't it it's a mad relationship yeah but when you're losing control of the mindset and the mental health is going you're going to have your good days and bad days so some days you're going to be sitting with them the next day you want to tie them up you know as i say i've taken out like one occasion you know i haven't said you know i've done other podcasts but i've said this or any other ones but I I was smashing up my room and I and as I say remember it's all as I say like plastic PVC type stuff fiberglass reinforced so I smashed through my bed smashed everything I got them all outside I smashed through the light thing where the light switch is and it got to expose the electric wires and I'm going it's Sparking, James.

2:01:08The fucking wires are sparking. If I'd gone like that, I went, I was flying myself across the world. But I was sparking like that. And I heard outside the room, while they were all looking there, all going, calm down, pull calm down, and then they're going, he's got electricity. I won't be stereotypical, but there was a lot of good nurses. don't get me wrong good nurses that do their job well but he went he's got electricity quick turn off the electric so I got someone in to turn off my power to my room so I'm in the dark now because it's dark outside this has been going on for about an hour and a half or something all everything's all decimated, including my own property, TV and everything, gone.

2:02:04Bang, bang, bang, bang. In the dark, it's like a firework display. It's still sparking. It's different electric. It's a different power source to the one that leads to my room. They couldn't understand it. They're going, he still has power. He still has power. He said, yeah, I have fucking power. Let's go to your cunt. I swear to you, James, mate. Honestly, I'll do some fucking mad shit. When did you, when, obviously, you're out now, but when did you start realising that you wanted to be better? When did you realise that you wanted to work on yourself? Because, obviously, when you're out. It was realised to me, James.

2:02:45By who? I was involved, I was taken out of Taunton Ward and put back onto a higher dependency ward because I was taken out nonces. Paedophiles. Yeah, that's a good thing. in there, there is no Rule 43. They are mixed together in with you. One of them was a child rapist who fell over in the shower, done his head and died, which I think is good. That is God taking revenge.

2:03:22It weren't me that had done that or have anything to do with it. It was a general accident. but a good accident and I thought I started getting obsessed with it with the people a couple of them that I knew were nonces on the ward because a nurse won't say he's a nonce but they say don't get too pally with him he's a bit of a rind yeah so you'll get the gist of it and a couple of other patients would be sort of like, here's the one. They won't mention it. Their usual motto is, I'm only in for burglary. I'm in for a bit of armed robbery, or another one, arson. When I was in the medium secure unit, I set fire to my cell and look where I am now.

2:04:22When really, they're not. They're a child killer. yeah so I got it in my head and I got obsessed with it a profile mad obsession I gave up my job working down the gardens as well Rob Napper I told you I've seen my book but with my altercation with Rob Napper we're getting back to this one so

2:04:56I lost child of thought, sorry. Yeah, no, Peter Fale's nonsense. Yeah, I was banging him in the throat. I was punching him. They were very crafty. But this particular one was very crafty. And I do believe that I would be sitting here now, James. I would have killed him. Give him the chance. And he knew that I wanted to kill him. Not hurt him, but kill him. So he'd make every point that he'd see me, he would be around a nurse. every point I will see him, he will never be on his own. He will never see him go to the toilet on his own with meat or anything, never. He was, you could say that he was fully aware

2:05:43that he knew, I knew that he was a serious case and I wanted to kill him. and he thought he was safe at the meds hatch because I tried before but he quickly ran off and he thought he was laughing and joking and I've heard joking with him yeah yeah yeah yeah and 40 nights went bang in his throat throat punched him cleaned straight into fucking Adam's apple thinking this is my trail of thought at the time hit him that hard in the apple that his throat will expand and he will suffocate himself whether that's true I don't know whether that can happen but he needed oxygen

2:06:39and then they said we've got to take you back to high dependency we can't have you on here anymore I'm talking about all right on the rehabilitation ward. So I went to Churchill Ward, and I was arguing with a patient who remained, like, nameless. And there's another patient on there who I haven't spoke about at all, because you don't know their crimes until you come out and you research them. and him

2:07:21James Saunders yeah who has that he escaped from Braumont but yeah I found out that he was a bad man but I didn't know it at the time so you could say me and him we struck up a friendship of the gym and this and that but I didn't know that he was a child whatever you want to call it I wasn't I wouldn't entertain that man at all

2:07:57so I'm arguing with this geezer because he was trying to use his manipulative skills into getting this nurse to play a game of backgammon with him and I because you look at psychopathy in a way of good or bad and I'm thinking he's playing I said listen she don't want to play your stupid fucking game leave her alone and he was he likes to touch women inappropriately so they stay out like if they go to his room it'd be a male member of staff taken into his room that sort of person I've been asked about him on my TikTok in a private message did I know him and I have to say no I say no to people that ask me do I know this person do I know that person even though I do or I did because I feel that they could be in the community and I don't want to stir up shit so I'm having a go at him and he has a fucking cheat he called me a rapist right fucking cheat you're in I called him Kettle Black you know what I mean here right this man is like and he's calling and he was like Paul come on mate let's take you to your room chill out have half hour on your own and as I walked past the office I know it was on a jar like a normal office and I picked out like one of these type chairs for office chairs and I've gone running out into the middle of gone running out into the staff because it was a high dependency wall so that's minimum of 12 staff on the walled and I'm like that over my head and at the time I weighed in about 17 stone 18 stone like I was training in my room.

2:10:11I was muscular build, a bit of carrying fat because you've got a techno gym. You ain't got a freeway. You ain't got steroids like you'd get in prison. You ain't got this. You ain't got that. All you got is food and it's not all healthy food. You haven't got your protein supplements unless you buy them and at the time I didn't have enough money. No, protein powders.

2:10:40And I'm running out of police staff. And they managed to restrain me, but some of them held back. And then I'd gone to the seclusion room, and three days the manager said to me, we want you to look at something, Paul. We've got a DBT therapist here, dialectal behavioural therapy. He'd just started out in this country from America. to do with emotional stable personax orders. Pardon? And a doctor, Michael Sultan, and the ward manager had downloaded the CCTV footage of my incident onto a DVD and projected it onto the wall of a room. So we want you to look at this, Paul. And I looked at it, and it was literally, it wasn't like a film.

2:11:46It was like, I don't know, CCTV can be sort of like scattered. Like you see one bit here, the next bit here, like on little segments. And I went, no, that ain't fucking me. I said, Paul, that's you. Look at you. Look at your face. look at these people they held back but look at their faces Paul and they were big they were big gentlemen Was that the first time you kind of seen yourself in action I've seen myself in full blah mode yeah and realised who you were I seriously thought myself I couldn't believe that was me that ain't me and I look like some sort of wide-eyed, massive-eyed lunatic with a fucking chair above his head.

2:12:44And they pointed out that, I'll mention his name because he's all right, bodybuilder. That's Ken, he's a bodybuilder. And look at his face. Scared. These people, rugby players, look at their faces Paul look at you with the chair over your head a metal chair these people are thinking they're not going home they're going to hospital and they don't know which one of these is going so that's why they said didn't you notice you look on there I watched it all the way through only a few of them grabbed me and the rest of them held back because I was scared. Scared the staff where they just couldn't, I was so imaginable.

2:13:42Did you like people as well though? People you were in contact with? Or did you fight with everyone? No, I had a couple of friends in there they mentioned in my book. You know, they're not out. I've seen them on the new documentary So you weren't a complete lost cannon where you hated and wanted to be a danger to everyone? Everybody? No. As I say, I, um,

2:14:11some people, some of them deserve it, you know, James. Yeah, the nonces all day long, I believe they should be torched for death penalty. You know, I was trying to, uh, but I also thought myself, when I struggled with the patient, he didn't deserve it. he was laughing and joking at me and then decided to have a go at me at the wrong time I was going up to a meds counter with two staff beside me because I was unwell and I was getting more medication to chill me out he was sitting in the chair on the Henley ward I got charged for this as well my section changed from section three to a section 37 but without the 41 restriction order.

2:15:03Home office life sentence. But I was going for that. I was shouting and hollering. I said, if you don't shut up, I will strangle you. The nurses weren't paying attention to me because they thought I was just having a pop. let him pop it out and get his meds and we'd take him back to his room and he'd be all right. By the time they're still standing there and medication is in liquid form on Henley Ward, there was no tablets. All liquid, all injections. Diasopab, pink liquid. Mad. Because in case you don't swallow it and I thought I'd scream it out. so my mate is still laughing so I'm walking over there casually they're chatting away thinking nothing of it because I weren't at arm's length for that time I was just under observation by two staff and he's laughing away I'm going yeah funny isn't it funny are you cat I grabbed him like that and I started squeezing and I strangled him and I strangled him and then the staff quickly run at me so I'm fighting with one arm squeezing this man's windpipe to the point where he was literally gasping and going blue I was killing him so I'm not proud of none of it everything in that book I'm not proud of When did you start then?

2:16:46So that was the moment you seen the chair you seen the CCTV so how long does it take you to That's the change seeing me on the CCTV I knew that I had to change my ways and my behaviour. And I was never getting out of there. I was on about my eighth or ninth year by then. So when did you start sort of working and going through the motions? DBT therapy. I'd done two years of DBT. I'd really done other therapies. I'd done drug therapy. I'd done violence reduction therapy. I've done one therapy, drama therapy, they took me out to see my nanograms at his grave. One favour they done me out of all them years.

2:17:36People do not go out on day release on Brawlmore, only for funerals and courts and hospitals. I managed to get a therapeutic, come under a therapeutic visit to my nanograms at his grave. because you were doing therapy? Did they believe that could help you? They wanted to try anything and I went to them and said I'd like to go out and see my nanogranos grave. I believe he'll take some demons out of me and he'll help me. And I had to do a course of drama therapy as part of... It all went through security first. I didn't think I'd get it because you don't get a they put it under as a therapeutic visit yeah not a general visit or nothing like a therapeutic visit and they notified the vicar of my nan and grandad's where they're buried they went there they'd done their bit of escape routes and all that and I was taking a double cuff one day.

2:18:51I got the visit. I couldn't lay the flowers because I had set cuffs to me and I had set cuffs to another person. Forced off, I was there for 15 minutes looking over my land and granddad's grave while someone laid some flowers for me. Got back in the van and went back to Broadmoor. How were you feeling being outside? Were you emotional? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was emotional. It was very, very, uh, it was very, very interesting, but hard. Because there was two old ladies came over to us, and there's me with my double cuffs. I said, oh, it's embarrassing. Try and get them fuck off or something. Two old ladies, but they knew that we were coming that day.

2:19:43They were there for me. They took photos of my aunt and granddad's grave for me. I said, take them back with you. Two photos. They come to see me.

2:20:04Crazy shit. Who were they? From the church. Oh, they were from the church? yeah the church had been notified that i i didn't just turn up on a random day this was all planned been planned for weeks upon end they'd done a visit there and everything for escape route i was taken there in a blue my britain and blue van normal four staff double cuffed but the two old ladies are and that they've done it on sale there weren't no funeral day there weren't no one there, two old ladies, and I thought they were members of the public. When did you start to realise that you were becoming a bit better, a bit more in control?

2:20:46The DBT therapy, dialectical behavioural therapy, I was doing that. After my visit to my own grandmother's grave, I'd seen the outside world. That was the first time I'd been out, apart from going out to Frimley Park Hospital, for, for, I chipped, I chipped my tooth on a fisherman's friend. I had to go to the emergency dentist. Yeah, they're fucking hard sweets, them.

2:21:20So that was that, yeah. So apart from that, and then things turned around for me. I had to, I had to change my ways, because it was me that kept me there. I wasn't going for no tribunal. Only my mandatory ones, and you get a manager's meeting every year. A manager's meeting has never ever let out a patient in the whole time it's existed, but they still had to do it. So you're in there, no prison sentence, no sentence, no nothing. Only what I've told you about the low secure, the three-day respite, which turned into all these, and then Broadmoor, and then in Broadmoor as I say other shit was hit the fan I've even I'm not proud of it on a looting wall when it all started and I was kicking a door I'd been there I'd already banged matey out two weeks remember I run down my three month assessment and I knocked out a nurse and he was he was unconscious before he hit the floor broke his collarbone couldn't work on the wall again.

2:22:31Had to work an admin job. Where do you think you would be Paul, if you never went to Broadmoor? What now? Yeah, what do you think you could have been capable of? I'd either be doing life for murder or I'd be dead at a six foot under through being killed. Guaranteed. Does that play in your mind sometimes? No, it don't, no, no. I feel that I've done the right thing writing my book. Yes, of course I earn money from the book, but my plan, if you look at it in a hypothetical term, I have a canoe and I want to build a yacht.

2:23:21I'm not a man who's got a talent unfortunately I don't I can't even change the fucking plug so what good what job am I going to get work in a factory with ADHD cycles other stuff going on sitting in a mundane packing stuff in a factory how long do you think I'm going to last out of that job James what was it like when they told you like so Broadmoor How many people is like you in there without any sentences, without no end days? You're the only person in there that's not got... I was in there. I was the only two I was patient on, section three with no crime. And what was it like when they started telling you you were improving, you're doing well, there's a chance you could get out?

2:24:08They don't tell you these things. They don't tell you that. So you don't know if you're doing good or not? They tell you in your meetings, your monthly, your two weekly meetings, that things are improving. We want to try you on this ward. We'll send you over to Folkestone. They sent me a rehab ward. That was the first time from Henry Ward. I didn't like it. I couldn't handle the freedom of, what cup of tea, Paul? Yeah, go and make a cup of tea there, go and make a cup of tea, ceramic cup, sit there, chain smoking, The walls were all yellow in Folkestone Ward, one of the old Victorian buildings.

2:24:51But in their eyes, they looked dead. In their eyes, Brawnmore had taken them. They just were nothing there. They were just... All right, Paul. Whereas on Henley Ward, always something was going on and happy. Not happy, but always something going on. Always. I'd been taken out of a room with SHIELD team for sitting in a room because they wanted to take out someone else my mate down to another wall and they thought I was going to intervene so they wanted to lock me up while I dealt with him Was there anyone in there that you were scared of? or wary of? Because it's the craziest of the craziest in there there's some proper gangsters as well some proper men, serial killers, murderers yeah but I just get all right well Pete Bryan I see him walking down the sun he's he's one that killed when he was in there Pete Bryan he's cannibal yeah he's one of his yeah he's fine he's rickering his brains he's never getting out of there most dangerous man I'd come across I'd say was him but to me if he was out here I would not go for a beer with any of them.

2:26:14If you get what I mean by what I say there. Yeah, of course. Foxy, is it in Brins? Or anybody in there. If I met up with someone, which I, funnily enough, I actually have. I bumped into somebody in the Blind Beggar pub and he was there. I won't mention, though, because as we see, he's out. So, and he said to my wife I sat there I had a beer with him he was there with his support worker he was a cray enthusiast as you know blind beggars been out for the crays yeah get shot one night when I think Maureen Flanagan might have been having one of her nights I went to walk out the door and he walked in alright Paul I looked like

2:27:11what the fucking hell are you doing here let's have a beer come let's go and have i thought what is he here for has he been planted here by the police that was my first thought as that man that i know who's has he been planted here by the police because that is so million to one shot that he's going to find me in a pub. I'm just about to walk out. He walks in a safe pub. He's living next to other than. How crazy is that? And I know him from Broadmoor. It was on my ward. Then he's telling my wife and this man, his history is on the internet, which I won't go into because he changed his name.

2:28:06But he was a, he used to, he runs South London, part of South London, part of Peckham. Yeah. Not who you interviewed, because I know him as well. I won't mention his name, but he's a good man. I've got on a work with him. He's all right. Yeah. He's fucking off his head. He is, yes. Yeah, he is, yeah. He is. That's it almost. but even with yourself Paul listen there's no denying that you were a fucking nutcase but you can see a softness as well behind the eyes it must have been hard to be battling I was such a fucking madness that's what I mean I was like going to war literally going to war with these people and I'm trying to is it more going to war with yourself though or with myself with my demons in me trying to think if they want me here I'll give them something that I have me here for and I'll call them as much fucking problem as I'll possibly can give.

2:29:07What was it like when they took you? They just kept me, done me no favour. Now I've got my tribunal. They wanted me to carry on. I went for a tribunal after a while of being stable and all that. I had Selysia, Lucy Scott Moncrief, I'd like to mention Lisa Voll, my Selysia at the time, because she got me out of Broadmoor. What's the protocol to actually get you out, though, what do you need to actually do and then once you eventually get the green light what things are in place then you go to a medium secure unit you get assessed for a medium secure unit not whether they take you or not remember the history that I had I had hostages I had the barricades yeah biting people but I'm talking about the stuff from the Broadmoor Inn stuff so I had a lot going against me and now I've got a tribunal coming up.

2:30:06Two days before, I took out one of the big sash windows. You know, Brawnmore, like an old Victorian building. I took out the whole window with a metal chair. I had to board it up. Right. Because a doctor that I had on handiwork was taking over my new doctor, and I couldn't handle it because I thought he'd done me wrong so many times. he would fuck me up now and he'd keep me for life. So you were paranoid that they were trying to set you up? Not paranoid. Could I? I don't know if they were trying to set me up. I mean, they were trying to... But why smash the window if you've got two days before you're trying to...

2:30:44You know, they're about to self-sabotage as well. Yeah. But you were scared to come out, maybe? Just impulsive. That's all I'm putting down to impulsive. I see this doctor, little glasses. I said, before we start, he's got my notes and that, it's been reading through my nose something yeah the window the windows still all boarded up because they can't replace you it has to be replaced with like for like it's a listed building james so you have to make the window the same pacifics to that window so it was boiled up for months i said look mate i'm going for a tribunal i know you're here to assess me see if i'm fit and healthy for 12 to be released this is a psychiatrist doctor the doctor not the judge but the doctor comes to day or day before to see her I said oh I must admit I've had a bit of an incident I'm gonna smash the window one of the windows it's only a window.

2:31:58To this day I think he thinks I smashed one of the tiny little panes of glass in the window not actually take out the hole of the window. To this day I think that. Do you think he's done you a favour though by maybe not reporting the full story because you were so close to get out? There is that as well yeah. When I went in my tribunal, the lay person, the judge, lady judge and that man my solicitor and me and the member of staff from the ward who wanted me to stay there to carry on with DBT therapy finish it there then get assessed then get assessed for a medium security unit but he messed up he ummed and ahed my sister pulled him up said why can't he do it in the medium security unit well we've got the facilities here that we can handle his emotions but he's been doing well hasn't he otherwise he wouldn't be able to try to be more yeah he has been doing really well yeah yeah yeah he has yeah so he's not dangerous then no I wouldn't call him dangerous and that was it he slipped up so he's not dangerous then why have you still got him in broadmore and then the then the doctor said and then that was it when when the doctor went like that i thought i've got these people on my side because of him slipping up and the judge said i said can i have my say now i'd like my says you had to talk as well that was it i went back out of that room, 10 minutes later I walked in, she said, not an absolute discharge, but I do recommend the medium secure unit for you at the soonest opportunity.

2:34:03And that was it. How long were you in the medium secure unit for? Eight months. I was fast tracked out of the medium secure unit. Where is that? In Frumside, in Bristol. Did you feel you were getting better? Did you feel okay? I was institutionalised. I was like, but I was, it was just an amazing feeling. I was allowed out 15 minutes with two staff to walk around the grounds my first time out in the meeting of security unit.

2:34:42and that's when that was quite hard but it was great. I could taste freedom. I knew that it was there and it wouldn't be too long. Keep momentum. Keep the ball rolling forward all the time. Just keep it going because I was still under Broadmoor. I was still born more patient on technically on trial leave and to start with that was for six months but then my doctor sent me a letter to a meeting it's not turned up a letter we want to increase it to another six months trial leave that is the going rate Paul a year I hope you're happy with your accommodation I hope you're doing well blah blah blah I see my daughter my biological daughter for the first time as an adult in there as an adult who was that for you?

2:36:02She hadn't been told why I was in, she knew I was in Baltimore, but she hadn't been told by nobody why. So she was, I've spoke to her, I don't, I'm estranged from her at the moment, that's the word I'm looking for. But the door's always open to her and my son. but I um I've lost a telephone so we'll talk about that yeah so see when you come out what's the procedure for you what's the sort of protection who do you have they want me on mapper yes do you have medication and that as well Paul yeah I'm on medication now I'm under I have a mental health team I see regularly once every six months mental health team a CPN community psychiatric nurse I got dropped last week so I think I'm doing very well but they said to me how do you feel about us dropping you don't your GP just get medication and I said to them I looked at him and I said, don't do it.

2:37:17Because the last time they dropped the ball on me, I took my CPN hostage. But that is for book two. So I don't want to go into too much detail. So do you know yourself that if they drop your medication, you could go back the way? I've learned a lot about myself over the years. the longer I'm alive, the longer I mix with good people, good friends, quality people, I learn. I listen and I learn a lot. Whereas you mix with idiots, you become an idiot. And I believe that has happened in my life before. How's it been doing TikToks in that, Paul? Yeah, the TikTok, I've been on TikTok now a couple of years, maybe about a year and a half, but never done a full-face one.

2:38:24And then my wife said to me, why don't you go on there and just tell them? So I wrote some stuff down on that. And I thought, yeah, that's all right, I'll give it a crack. like I'll give it a go and it went viral like 300 ,000 views or 150 ,000 views on the first video that one of I've brought more patient 8392 this is who I am then the next one went 350 ,000 views I don't monetize the account by the way I keep getting these offers to you can do this with this TikTok You could do that, like, you could do this. You have 8 ,000 followers, a couple of 10 ,000. You could get stars and gifts from people.

2:39:17I don't want money from the account. How well did you with your wife? I've known my wife since I was 18, funny enough, when I got stabbed. In the back? In the back, yeah, I got stabbed in the back. But she didn't know me. she used to live where I got stabbed above these shops in the back alley where it all kicked off she just started to be looking over the lap balcony and see the other way I got chipped up how the fuck do you tell her all the shit that you've been through and done but how's over the years she's known me she knows that I'm a good man but she also I do have mental health issues and there's no denying it.

2:40:08I would never lie to her. Because what I heard at the start when you were going off your head, I think, in the hospital, when your ex-girlfriend came in and told you to stop, you stopped instantly. Yeah. It shows that you listen to people that you love. I wouldn't call that love. I'd call more that lady who was just a partner at the time. But the lady I'm married to now, I loved it. Yeah, good on you. Do you feel as if you can function now then? Do you feel as if everything's kind of balanced out? I function as a fully, I feel like, I mean I have grandchildren I see on a Sunday, you know, my stepchildren.

2:40:54I don't want to talk too much about my family because it's my private business. But yeah, I try my hardest to do what I do and I believe that as I say I just want to write book two and then from there I want to maybe build some kind of business and get off benefits, I want benefits. They know about it the universal credit i've notified them straight away that i was that i have a book on amazon so i know secret i don't want to come at me and say you're you're defrauding the government so i was straight up on there but if i earn any money from it then i earn money and if i don't I've used it as therapy it's been very therapeutic but I've also sat there writing because I wrote it myself my book like me not Ghostwriter me I wrote it well I had it professionally edited and I had it professionally put on Amazon for me paid money for it to do that out of my mum's money for when she died Going through all that then Paul and everything like what sort of medication you're on now?

2:42:24What do you take? How's your daily routine? I take aripriprazole which is an antipsychotic medication. Funny enough one of the side effects is gambling. So when I got put on aripriprazole I said we have to tell you this Paul but if you become a compulsive gambler and lose everything you have, we're just telling you that that's a side effect, so you can't claim anything from us, because it's a side effect, gambling. Gambling is an actual side effect to our prep result. And I don't get that, by the way. I'm not a gabbler. I don't gamble. Do you get what I mean? No, that's what I was taking back in the day, because I fucked everything from gambling.

2:43:11It's a side effect. Gambling. Who's performed that? I'm mad. I'm surprised people have. That's how much you can mess with your brain. But also, I take blood pressure tablets because I've got hypertension. Where they've messed about with my body so much, with medications and stuff like that. My heart as well. I don't have a bad heart, but it's been better than what it is. but I've done my bare-knuckle boxing, and I was doing that in 2014, so I was probably in about my 40s. I was bare-knuckle boxing, training with 20-year-olds and keeping up with them. Where do you think you would be if you never had medication now?

2:44:11I wouldn't let it be like that. Do you know now you're more in control what you should be taking and what not to do. Yeah, definitely. I always understand that I have insight into my behaviour and my... If you want to call it a condition, if you want to call it a disorder, or whatever you want to call it, it don't matter what you call it, it's affecting my life. And it has affected my life in a big, big way. Whatever you want to call it. When are you yet your happiest, Paul? I'm my happiest

2:44:52Lately

2:44:56Around my grandchildren Yeah definitely Around my grandchildren Yeah listen it's a great thing that you're out But how are you feeling today? Yeah yeah I'm happy I'm cool I've done an interview recently I feel that it went a bit emotional but as I say my mum's recently passed and so that could have something to do with it but I've yeah I've I've enjoyed telling you my story and that Must have enjoyed hearing it like it is a mad story for what you came from but it's a great thing that you've tried to learn try to be better try to understand and also I get if I get messages from people as well saying, Paul, I'm going through this, I'm going through that.

2:45:45I'm not a therapist. I've never claimed, I would never say give information. So if I speak to someone, this is happening, this is happening, I'm the sort of person now who would be, you need to seek some serious help, my friend. you know you need to call 999 or 111 for this behavior this ain't my my call here i've also spoke to a ward manager who found me on tiktok i spoke to a nurse who nursed me call me a rascal

2:46:28the ward manager all remain nameless don't get me wrong here but private message me you made me smile a few times Paul meaning causing me a few problems yeah listen we all make mistakes mate for anybody watching Paul that's battling mentally Everybody battles differently. Definitely. There's a little trauma. I do. But what advice would you have for someone who is really struggling at the moment? If you're not on medication or if you're not under a team or anything like that. Someone who's battling. Definitely seek help and go to the A &E and talk to the mental health team at the A &E department.

2:47:15But one thing I do suggest, don't dictate to them. Don't dictate Dolly out the pram. I want this, I need this, this is what's wrong with me. You are listening to me whether you like it or not. They don't like it and you won't get anywhere. What's your TikTok stuff for people who's watching? Maybe want to ask you questions, maybe want to watch your videos? Yeah, my TikTok is, well, it's kind of the Paul Knight, or it's at Paul Knight 8392, that was my hospital number. and my book is high security high risk memoirs of an ex-Balmore patient and he wrote signed copies which I seem to be doing quite well at at the moment inbox me and I'll sign you a copy and I'll pay 16.99 with posters and packaging and I'll put a nice message in it yeah so for anybody watching listening go support Paul it's a fascinating story it's a mad story yeah he's pretty mad yeah but But for we finna shut, what's your plans for the future, brother?

2:48:18As I say, I'll have a canoe and I'm on a yacht. And no doubt you'll get there. Listen, anything I can ever help with Paul on my phone call away. Again, thanks for coming on today and telling your story. And I wish you nothing but the best for the future, brother. God bless. Thank you, mate. Thank you.