Murderer v priest - London gansgter comes face to face with a priest

29:43My true mate who used to come up with me today is a true mate. He's like just his self and me. He talks how he wants to talk to me. When people bullshit around me I don't like it I smell it. And you know that's the man to watch. It's the man who goes yes to you every time. They're the ones. Yeah? They're the ones. They're the ones. It's hatred full of it. Seriously. You just got off it. you just got to distance yourself from them people, ain't you? And like you say, you know, it's like a CIA thing, you know, there's people and places you've got to stay away from, you know what I mean? But if you didn't make some people lucky, if you've been a criminal and you've made it, and in a way it works for them because they can leave it alone, but they've made their money.

30:20Yeah. It's worse when you leave it alone, but you ain't made nothing because you spent too long in jail and you missed a gravy chain. But would you say I'd rather leave it alone and not have any money from your moral gainings, yeah would your path be a lot better do you understand what i'm saying it'd be a lot better yeah we were we was in a homeless hospital like i said right we lost all our money right our cars they took our come and collected our cars we went from cop to estate in epping right rod stewart as our neighbor over the other side of the estate and all that and we ended up in a homeless hospital we had nothing you know what i mean and i've got to tell you we was actually quite happy you know in the homeless hospital when we first turned up the bird in the office said oh yeah you know you you really like it and we're like are you having a laugh like we've just come from cop to a state why are we going to be happy yeah like yeah where's the tennis court yeah exactly yeah

31:14but actually she's right we made some really good friends people that have been through similar stuff to us that you know um been broken but you know we lost all their money and stuff like that you know made life lifelong friends out there and and and yeah it was all right we didn't have all the stress of bills coming through every five minutes and bailiffs knocking on the door and all that, you know? Is that why you thought going to prison was good then? Because it's like the pressures of always having to step up to the plate, Tony. Yeah. Having to do damage. If you didn't kill that man the first time, you'd have killed someone anyway.

31:44This is known. I've got some of my mates come here with me today. Obviously, I mentioned him in it because he knows me. So I don't see me sometimes. I don't tell stories because they're so... If I told stories sometimes, I write a book, I think some people go, fucking hell, mate. Does that really happen? Yeah. You'd think I fucking want bragging rights, mate. It's like, it's just like, I look back, I sit down there and say, when I'm with the kids and I look at myself and think. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail.

32:15Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this. and golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it. Propel Fitness Water. With Gatorade electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins, Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade electrolytes. how the fuck did I like get through that like fuck me how did I get through it it's like madness it's like being on a rollercoaster and it comes off the rails then you hit the wind as you hit the what's it called the tracks like yeah you hit the tracks bounce off another ride smash your head up and you get back up and you go again next day that's how it is I used to have about what two fights a week every week all the time wow every time yeah why is forgiveness important Kev yeah yeah forgiveness is really important because um forgive yourself forgive yourself is a big one because if you don't forgive yourself right the bible says we've got to love our neighbor like ourself now all the all these things that the bible says is for really good reasons and i didn't really understand it properly until i started walking in it myself you know but self-forgiveness is a big thing and i do feel yeah that's what i kind of got from you as well that you might be battling with but what happens is like i say um what this this ain't my line i've got it on line like but it says it's like unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die when you've got unforgiveness for someone else you know um but it's such a big one honestly i've i've prayed for someone i this guy uh was on crack cocaine most of his life he's in his 40s now you know in and out of prison and different stuff to get for his habit and stuff and uh and so i prayed for him and he had issues with his dad and that and i said to him you know it's really important that you forgive him but when you pray forgiveness i took him for a simple prayer but it don't have to be certain words it's just got to be from your heart that's it if you pray from your heart it sets your prayers on fire you know and so i said to him look just just forgive forgive your dad so he'd done this prayer from his heart and that was it so six weeks later um he said to me oh kev he said uh i've just been looking through some pictures um and i come across one of my dad and i said and he said i just made me smile i said oh that's nice that's nice mate you know i mean and he said you don't understand he said normally if i come across a picture of my dad i get really angry and i said well this is because you've completely forgiven him now some people can say they forgive him it starts with the words the emotions might not be there straight away you know but you've got to keep on each day lord i forgive that person or lord i forgive myself each day i can't tell you how powerful it is um it's a powerful weapon for the enemy for the devil yeah powerful weapon if you're in unforgiveness because what happens is he can attack you.

35:15He can attack you with sickness and disease. Like the devil can't just, people think, oh, the devil's so powerful and he can do this and that. Well, he can do certain things if we allow him to, if we give him legal rights to do it. He can't just attack us willy-nilly. And unforgiveness is a really big sin and it's an open door for the enemy to attack you. So, you know, if you get nothing else from this tonight, a massive one I'll say to you is to start walking in forgiveness for yourself. Now, you could start with it. if it's just like i say this for someone else you pray that but you might i say to people pray it for 30 days morning and night lord i forgive them and the word says that we should bless our enemies and we should pray for those who curse us and spitefully use us yeah so a few of the words you've been using you know so we've got to pray for them we've got you know so that they'll change the only way that it's going to ever break the chain's going to break and it's going to change is for us to pray for them now if someone does say to us we go you know what i'm going to go back and do it back to them that you're never going to get changed out of that the only way is for you to forgive them and to bless them lord i pray that they change lord i pray that they're not the same person anymore lord i pray and pray for your salvation this is what we're meant to pray and then you see the difference you honestly i can't tell you if you do if you stick to it for 30 days and anyone listening got the same issues right but for 30 days morning and night um watch the change that happens in you and then uh uh you know but that's like i say it's a massive one but if it's for yourself right you don't forgive yourself and stuff it's the same same process lord lord i forgive myself if you've got self-hate issues and stuff where you hate yourself for what you've done or whatever then then it's powerful even if you don't use bible scriptures just to say something in the mirror positive every day and it's hard for people because listen we're all struggling our lives are all fucked up anyway we're all in a bit of a mess but people listen to you will be thinking i'm not trying that bible bashing shit but if your life's not already in a why not why not I'm open to everything you'll try you'll try a bit of gil or get something else so there's no different than trying saying else because people say I won't try the bible bash shit but then they put the bottle down then or something yeah but you know but you know the other thing Tony right what's really mad about it all they'll say that but then they'll go to a spiritualist or a psychic or a medium you know what I mean I've done that try to try to hear people who've been murdered or died and the family are friends we've done it just to get a bit of peace you'll see a white feather or you'll see a robber in the garden.

37:36You'll see, that's them giving me a sign. We all look for signs. We all want another piece. I just heard from your last podcast, yeah. I went, I don't like rapists, don't like sex offenders. And that happened to my cousin. Yeah. Yeah, and that was weird. I said to James, wasn't it funny? I went, I went to James, there are traits I'll never leave. I don't like people in form. If you don't want to be a criminal, I find that it's like to run with the thieves and then you want to give evidence to people. and that to me that's a no-no that that's like the worst for me it's a trait i can never leave i won't be able to give anything up or anyone up yeah but if you have that and you're witnessing you but then don't do it because you're involved you're to blame don't fight on everyone else and then when i said i don't like uh them kind of people then that happened to my cousin and look to me it's like that kind of horrific murder what happened to my cousin is It's like, I'm thinking, look, what's this?

38:30I'm thinking this week, that's one in a billion. I wouldn't want it to happen to everyone else's. You think, why hurt? But then you think, why would you want that to happen? Anyone's don't want. But you think that's one in a billion. Why is it my family that's just happened to? Do you understand me? I do understand it. Because I always have my little prayer. Every night, always. People never know that. Always, every night I have a prayer. I've gone religious deep in full, Sutton High Security. Yeah, I was the only one who used to go because villains feel it's ashamed to go to church. And you got me?

39:01But the priest I met was from Ireland. He was great. And I say to him, I say to him, I said, you know what, mate? He used to bless me every night, put a hand on your head because I just needed something to get you through the sentence. Yeah. I mean, I don't stop sinning every day. I said, all these sins. I'm in prison. I'm still sinning. Yeah. It's like, it's hard. You're human. Like saying hello to someone you don't like. it's like that's what they say it makes you stronger to say hello to someone you don't like do you feel cursed Tony yeah yeah because it's like you're such a good guy man can you see goodness man I know you've done bad shit but you're genuinely one of the best I've met I genuinely mean that I'm not going to say that to every fucking Tom, Dick and Harry but over the nearly 200 guests I've interviewed you're the one I've always kept a bond with and we're always trying to get something to it's hard because I sense you're at a crossroads brother I genuinely do feel it but you have got so much goodness and even now you're constantly battling not to do bad things are you finding that hard fucking really hard I'll tell you I'm really hard I do yeah I do it's like I said the probation without probation I'd be in a lot of trouble I buzzed you the other day for some reason I buzzed you about the thingy because I needed a bit of support there so I went to you and went oh look what's happened didn't I yeah because it was a bit just even for him to message me back was enough for me to go someone's on me on me like got me feelings with it all you understand me yeah i totally understand that yeah but then like it's now i'm carrying a raw stuff for me now so i feel like i wouldn't like to be in a position now because i feel that when i get like this it's pain i feel like it's like i could lift that table up and i've the strength for me is unbelievable i can march on it's like i want to go mad or just standing i want something to jump out and have it with me but I've gone past that I'm not doing that but it's that fucking it's you know it's just it's just hard for me I can imagine well I can't even imagine you know what I mean I can't even imagine how painful it must be for you to go through that you know but you know it's still like you say it's only just just happening it's very raw for you it's hard to change you know let me tell you what it's hard to change I tell most people who even don't live our life me and yours just to change their behaviour around their wife I say it's hard to change yeah it is they go change what they go ask your wife because you never asked her most of us men are the worst they go home and they never ask their wife how they feel they go you alright yeah I'm alright they just don't want to talk about how she feels or nothing do you understand me it's like you know we're stuck up our own arses sometimes in a mysterious way as they say like we were supposed we were supposed to do this interview two weeks ago and obviously we got the dates mixed up and all this stuff has happened so we're obviously to be here for a reason brother at this time yeah thank you Yeah, yeah.

41:53We'll let you down today. Yes. But when did you find out about your cousin Tone? I got a message, and this is weird. I didn't tell my cousin's dad this. I went to press on mum, and Marie's number was underneath, and I thought, you know what, I need to ring Marie. This is how it fucks my head up. This is the true story. I thought, I wonder how she is. I ain't mung her for ages, yeah? And then the next day, he sent messages there found Marie dead. So spiritually in my head, I think, that's fucking mental. oh, how's that? Well, you got to talk to her. I was thinking about her, the night before that happened to her.

42:25That's 100%. Wow. I swear, look, that's why it's done me. I was thinking, I didn't tell no one, I said I was thinking about her when to my mum the other day. I thought, wow, and that happened. Did you talk to her about that? Sometimes I think something you get is telling you something, but you don't know how to respond to that. It's weird. No, straight. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe the Lord was leading you on it. Yeah, yeah. The thing is, you know what we find is? And then you're guilty Because we don't see our families like we should do. Yeah, but that's just... We're all entrenched in... We're all guilty of that, aren't we?

42:55Yeah, but it's not good to be just all guilty of that, is it? No, it's not. Why should we turn up at funerals and go and see them? We should be there for them all the time. Yeah. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps? You got this! and golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all.

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44:10The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. do you understand life yeah life kind of sometimes throws things in your way you can't always no that's true yeah i sort of see you know my grandkids i'd love to see them like every weekend you know i mean spend time with them but i can't always you know we're always out busy normally weekends we're playing for people um but you know it could be that my thoughts come to church with the kids and stuff you know but or we go out for a meal or something like that you know but um but yeah this this is the thing but um yes uh if i do this book i think this book i've got to do it because then I've got to shut it and then I've got to leave it.

44:50That's what I feel. That's like a little holy grail for me, mate. I think it's impossible for me. I think I believe in myself when I'm in a good sense that I can write the powerfullest book ever. That's how I feel. People go, all right, mate, but I do know my story. You should do it. You should push through it. I can't do it, Sons, because it ain't how I want to do it. It's got to be, like if he's talking to me and I'm doing it, and me and you and him, it come out and he was recording it, it'd be powerful. But you've got to catch me on that day to have that powerful story. For anybody watching who reads books, people have came forward, but it's trying to get someone you trust.

45:23People are full of shit as well. Everybody promises the world, but if somebody's watching, they can do Tony's book, get involved and drop me a message and we can get it sorted. I've had the man from Barcelona, and he also said, but it's a bit hard where he is from, but I'm going to discard him. It's like, you know, this world's a bit new to me and I've got to find out everything first before I do anything. So you don't know what's going to come off the back of that either, do you? you know what I mean TV and books, documentaries you could be put right back on your feet really quickly you know what I mean so yeah just keep being positive as fast as your life can turn for the worse it can also turn for the better just as fast also you've just got to keep pushing through Tony you can through so much in life brother that you just need to push through again keep swimming against the waves and just eventually just make sure you don't sink which is fucking hard it's easy for anybody to say but for the shit that you're going through now and still being here to tell your stories it shows you what kind the character you are thank you because you ended up watching a YouTube video but did that not fuck your mind up with watching your cousin get killed I never watched it I didn't mean to I thought what am I doing because that's the life modern life now I didn't realise I'm not with this world now years ago you heard it on the radio or you heard it on the 6 o 'clock news now cameras are everywhere this is about I've fucking done it on camera and people bang it all over YouTube yeah horrific to watch but if you want to watch it watch it and I thought oh I want to see the teaser like an idiot I want to see who this man is I wanted to see him and when I looked at him I thought I want to fucking hurt you mate because I watched him pick her up and chuck her down mate I thought mate fucking hell that time it's hard because I would annihilate him mate seriously see if we all say watch this now I'm going to say it's powerful we say we're changing all that yeah if someone picks your wife up right now then and slings her over whether you're on life licence or not that's the real change right have you got me that is hard not to respond to your kids or family getting hurt right wrong change if someone done that in front of me that's a different thing if someone done that in front of me then I would respond as a pastor as a pastor no no no you've got to defend you if someone's attacking my wife in front of me then I'm attacking them there's no way I'm going to let my wife be attacked or my children that's a right I respect you for an honest answer so that's not I say anything that's not well I don't think See, I don't think God would look at it and say, oh, you've done such a bad thing because you've protected your wife or children.

47:48But they're still fucking charging. Now, if I start, I'll do him and I start stamping on his head after, maybe that's another story. Do you know what I mean? But if I defend my wife or my children, that's another story. Yeah, of course, 100%. I don't think I'll be judged for that, for defending them. Was that your instant reaction, Tony, just to get revenge? Yeah, it was. Yeah, I told him, was that running? Yeah, burning me, but I have actually let that go. I have, that's the truth. I don't see a lie, I've had to let that go. It will eat me up otherwise. I was going to say, he'll do his time and he will come on calmer, he will face what he'll have to face in there.

48:24It will happen to him. Let me reiterate what I'm saying there as well so that we don't get misconstrued with it. Obviously, if it happened and you wasn't there to stop it, then that's another story because you've had time to think about, you're intervening, it ain't going to stop it. it's only going to create more stuff do you know what I mean so if you was there you'd be perfectly welcome to I think to protect them you know what I mean but certainly not to get revenge is another no I don't want seriously I know you don't I've got easy saying now I don't want to but I don't but I think let the God does everything that deals with you their own way yeah you're like people think you come out and you think I've done me sentence you come out let me tell you what mate I think it's worth for me coming out is an effing nightmare bit of me, it's hard.

49:12The changes I've had to go through is unbelievable. It's going to get better though, Tony. Yeah, it was getting better and then that happened. So it's like, you know, it's just like, you know, I feel like I ain't got a purpose sometimes. I want a purpose, so I think the book's a purpose. Do you understand me? It's like, my behaviour has done that with James, I should have marched on from there but I didn't. I didn't go social media no more, I've started cutting off again. So I have got to learn to flow with it and keep going. But it is hard as well, especially if you've been in the, yeah, but it's difficult, don't you?

49:45Yeah, but that's difficult, Tony, you can't, you're identifying with these things, you know what needs to be done, like, after this again, you ride the wave, but it's, you're not, you've been missing for fucking over 20 years, you've been stuck in a fucking four by six, not knowing what's happening, so it's not just a case of getting all this attention, thousands of people messaging you and think, because I can't fucking deal with it, and I'm not, and I'm still battle every day, do you know what I mean? So, it's just one of those things, And they're good people and all, lovely people. They deserve more from you.

50:13But sometimes you don't think you deserve it. That's right, yeah. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah. That happened to your cousin, Tony, when you know the effects that has on families, did it bring up the murder that you've done to then think how those families feel? Yeah, 100 million percent, yeah. 100 million percent, yeah. Is that where your battle comes in, though, Tony? Yeah, because it's the first time I've been on the treatment side of it. You understand me? Yeah. It's not a nice feeling. no I can imagine for someone with me the other day yeah but we do what we do that's not the same it's the same someone's gonna kill it's the same thing mate yeah yeah it's still bringing trauma to another family but like I say you know you've clearly in remorse for it if you come out and you was like yeah I've done that whatever I've served my time that's another story but you're clearly in remorse for what you've done do you know what I mean and you made the mistakes you were a lot younger then weren't you you know what I mean you made your mistakes you've served your time and you're coming out and you wanted to change you two are gonna connect I believe you always change numbers yeah definitely yeah but he's got if you look at him and look at me that'd be funny I'm a very deep person he's energy is very light it's comfortable calm I want that and I think I don't get it but you could have it yeah it's really simple I should watch him on telly and know when he's having a struggling day and no one else would know I would how mad's that if I went to him on what day he'd go fuck off I can't believe I'm deep I will look at you and think you're struggling today yeah even when he goes boom you're on he could get through an interview but he'd be struggling with his own stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah i've seen him mate yeah so before we go off it again right let me tell you all right it's very simple right very simple what you do right like i said this is what i say to people you've got nothing to lose right um it's just a few words invite the lord into your heart yeah and just recognize what he's done for you yeah uh and ask him to come and change you and to give you the peace that you're after.

52:10Yeah. It's a few words. If it don't mean nothing, it don't matter, does it? But look at Nigel Benn, Jimmy Tibbs, all of them. Yeah, I met Nigel. Nigel Benn now changed his life around. Just absolutely changed his life around. He was doing all the wrong things. He's just a different man, mate. So I think, well, I ain't that fucking message come to me yet, mate. Because I'm still waiting. But maybe you weren't ready. Maybe you'd have got it then and not received it properly, you know? I mean, I had that myself, you know, when I was in prison. I'd done the prayer of salvation, but I said this, I won't go over all the stuff.

52:45I've gone deep into Catholic again when I've been in prison. I've gone right on it. I've done the Bible studies again, mate. You got me? I've done it all. Do you understand me? Have you tried Christianity? No, no. Like I said, my mum, God rest her soul, was from Malta, all Catholics. My dad's from Dublin, all Catholics. and so that was my background but they weren't really practicing. Most of them call themselves a Catholic but don't really practice it, you know what I mean? And so for me, but I've been sort of brought up with that all my life and it's transformed my life. Yeah, but you see, look, I'm here for you today, right?

53:22This is what I'm going to say to you right now. I'm staring right at you, yeah? And your presence is light. You're fucking like smiling and you're relaxed. Do you understand me? That's how they all talk. You, the genutives. yeah you've got what I ain't got but do you want it I look at James and think even James ain't got yet what you've got yeah I've no way I'm still battling I can see you all three I know I haven't got what you've got yet do you want it yeah of course I do yeah do you want us to pray now no no not now no because it'd be wrong for me to pray now because there's a it'd be just doing it because I'm doing it to no problem yeah I want to do it when I'm ready to do it yeah alright well we can talk and we can you know I mean, I give him a number and stuff, and we can talk on the phone.

54:06I like to pray for Marie as well, definitely, yeah. I went to do that the other day, and I thought, why did I not do it? Because it's just madness. Could we say a little prayer for Marie? Love to. Yeah, I'd love to. So what it is, there's a scripture in the Bible that says, Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have eczema. So I get how it can steal your time. But why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about ebglis? EbGliss Lubrikizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema.

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55:20I looked for someone to heal the land, to stand in the gap, to heal the land, but I couldn't find no one. yeah so what we we believe look i don't know 100 obviously we'll find out uh when we're before the lord what who's got in and who hasn't you know but but i'd just like to say just a little prayer for her to say look you know to stand in the gap for her yeah so yeah so father god lord i just i just love you lord i just love you lord i thank you for this opportunity to talk about you and your kingdom and to share it with my brothers as well lord and um father we just lift up marita lord and we we lift up this horrific thing that's happened to her lord but but father we really pray um lord we stand in the gap um between her and you lord and we repent of any sins she's had lord anything she's ever done wrong lord and we ask lord we ask um that you allow her into your kingdom of heaven father god we ask lord that you welcome her in um uh and so that a family may have peace as well lord and we ask this in the mighty name of jesus lord and we trust with our faith that it's done Lord that she's there in heaven with you right now Lord comforting her in Jesus mighty name but father we also lift up my brother Tony Lord and all the family we pray Lord this terrible traumatic time that they've all going through Lord and what they've had to hear and endure about what's happened to Marie Lord and we just we just pray for peace we pray for peace Lord the peace that surpasses all understanding to fall upon the family right now Lord fall upon the family that they may have that peace in their heart, Lord, that although she's gone through what she's gone through, Lord, that she's there in heaven with you right now.

56:57In Jesus' mighty name we pray. Thank you, Lord. Amen. Amen. Thank you. Lovely. Thanks. That's nice. Okay, brother. Yeah, that's lovely. Thanks a lot. Appreciate that, mate. Yeah. Appreciate that. Yeah. But Marie, yeah, powerful, but you can't, you actually look like a pastor or someone who, I don't know what someone's supposed to look like. I just triggered that off in you, yeah. Look at him. He looks really, he looks on form. yeah he knows what I'm saying that's the mask that's our mask I look at him and I know listen and then he gets people they want to jump you think fucking hell where's the infamy science and I wonder how he's doing with his demons right now under pressure because that's when it hits us when the demons come on you you actually think you know what fuck this mate wallet yeah that's the devil he's self-made that's the devil I have it sometimes I sit there and I have a thought where to go oh mate I can't believe you've turned out like this mate how can you let a kid talk and that's the devil in your head and then you get a good side and I go well I'm happy I'm like this yeah do you understand me yeah yeah the good one weighs my bad one out right now and the only reason I look I've never even liked to be patient mate yeah sometimes I find it hard not to have a tear up I do because I just want to be left alone sometimes I might walk past somebody I think they're mad they walk past me and go right mate And I think, what the fuck?

58:20What is that Gezer about? Just doing that to me. That's going to get easier though. Yeah, but now I'll just go, you know what? I put my head down, mate, yeah? And I was in a car the other week and a Gezer went to Daniel, yeah, fucking this, and he didn't see me in the car. And I thought, do you know what? I really wanted to jump out. But you know what it is? It was nice that I didn't jump out. Amazing. It took a lot more strength to not jump out. The only thing I learned is not to have thought, do you know what I could do to you? That is a muggy thought. because that's the same thought that drives you.

58:49Why don't you say, do you know what I ain't going to do to you? Do you understand me? You know what? But the thing is, what the devil does, right? He'll come at you in the areas that you once had. We won't say you got them there. We once had weaknesses in and he'll try and come at them very areas and he'll put people that will cut you up. And, you know, I've had it myself, you know, because I used to have quite bad impatience and stuff. And, you know. I find that very hard to find now. I'll say you're very patient, man. Funny, isn't it? Yeah, it's nuts. But I was really impatient and, you know, and had anger issues and stuff and, like, a lot of rejection and different stuff.

59:23You know, I've had my own battles and stuff. And I'd always get these things happening. And I think, like, I've been walking down the street minding my own business and someone would just start me. It's only because you're looking for it, though. It's like me. Sometimes you're looking too hard for it. You don't have to look for it, sometimes. It's just because you're looking for it, sometimes. No, you know, from when I was really young and that, I used to get it a lot. And I used to go, oh, look, and I'd try and explain to them. but you know i don't know trouble like you know and the next thing i'd know they'd carry on and then i'd react to it you know i mean but so i've been through all the same stuff so it's a hard one but you just got to keep resisting it because the devil wants you to get in a fight he wants you to be back in prison and he wants to destroy your life that's what he wants to do and he wants to take as many people as he can with with you right but you got to resist it i know it's easy said than done you know but you you will because i can see that you already want to change it's already in you are you're already on a really you're you're got your foot on the path yeah you know what i mean and you just got to carry on walking down it and you know you will get change so how can we get tony there how including myself like i'm on the path i believe but i can slip back onto the other past very fast but i don't act on those traumas and demons with drink drugs anger frustration manipulating women to get sex all the bullshit of the day that i'm but i'm still battling like i don't wake up and fucking you hear the birds chirping i'm thinking i can't be fucked getting out of bed today but then I can put on a suit, go for a sunbed people go, oh you're fucking doing great, you're looking great but I still feel as if you know inside you you know inside you mate you know they say take it one day at a time my behaviour is impeccable right now do you understand me, it's on a level of and the people who love me, my family I think, don't they see how hard I'm trying but the other day, for my family it was really nice, these are what I've never had before they go, well done, we know you're trying hard I just get a text message.

1:01:10I actually started having a tear in me. I thought, oh, I'll need to hear that. I fucking really need to come. Yeah, my emotion there. I really need to hear that, mate. You understand me? Because they are watching. You think no one's watching you trying to change. And then they go, so you've done fucking really well. You know what I'm saying? Here's the thing, right? So I didn't get my change because of me, because Kev's so great that he really changed. No, I didn't. It wasn't because of me. It was because of the Holy Spirit. So when you get spirit-filled, yeah, the Holy Spirit lives within your spirit your spirit gets sealed yeah so you can't be possessed you can be oppressed still but you can't get possessed yeah and the Holy Spirit lives in your spirit yeah and that is what brings about change because now all of a sudden you have different feelings yeah you've got more feelings of love and uh or you know you feel the God don't come to condemn you if you're being condemned that's the devil God comes to convict you because he's such a loving father.

1:02:06If you fall, you make a mistake. What would we do with one of our kids? If one of our kids was like, you know, just learning to walk and they fall down on the floor, would we smack them and say, get up, what are you doing? No, that's fine. No, you'd go, come here, darling, come up, you know, try again, you know? But we all, that's what God does for us. We all have children's lives as well, you know? We make them sometimes, you shouldn't interfere with what we do. You can't make them tough, let them be where they want to be. We start to, when they get to seven or eight, you know we do they see a spider you scream they scream at a spider you put all your traits into them that's exactly what happens so fucking wrong yeah that's exactly what happens let your kid or boy be who he wants to be if he don't like boxing he don't like football let him be who he wants to be if he wants to put a Spider-Man suit on a climbing house let him be that funny enough my little boy James he did another James he did used to put a Spider-Man outfit on my daughter Scarlett Scarlett Nancy and James you know my three kids and Scarlett we was convinced we was having a boy, Scarlett came along.

1:03:04You know, oh, you're carrying it a certain way. And then the next one said, no, no, definitely this time, you're carrying it different to the last one. I can't stand it. It's a boy, right? Yeah, yeah. You just can't tell, right? And so both times we had two girls first and then my son, but he didn't want to, he's really, really clever, my boy. Like he's like super clever, like, you know, and he didn't want to do all that stuff. My daughter Scarlett, I thought I'll have a boy first. I'll train them up to be a ninja. Any problems, right? I'll have, you know, I ain't got to worry because I'm a bit of, it was always a worry.

1:03:31Because you're not asking them what they want to do though. No. Even at that young age, you're enforcing that on them. No, I used to come, I used to, funny enough, from your neck of the woods, I used to box down the peacock and stuff and training and stuff down there, you know, for quite a few years. And so, I'd come home and my daughter would go, dad, put your hands up. Dad, put your hands up. And I'd put my hands up like that until it got to the stage. I was going, babe, I better get the pads out. she was hurting the hands like you know what I mean she you know and I trained her but then later on I thought yeah it's really good and she was having a bit of ag in school and I said babe don't don't suffer it remember I taught the boxing she went to a school she didn't know her soul and she was getting all this ag and I'm saying you know babe and then all it done was weren't like I had they you'd have a fight and it was all over then they're coming back with their older mates and she was like 13 they're coming back with two 17 year olds she had a fight within the street my scarlet and another girl and it was like just nuts every week I was like I keep my trainers on ready to run out and try and get her and oh it was honestly I thought I was doing good to learn how to self-defence but in the end it ended up being a big nightmare yeah exactly yeah and I mean she's a lovely girl you know it's a lovely girl now and she's completely changed and she's really she's a Christian gentle nature and stuff like that but her younger days wow teenage years was like horrific like you know would you think you had a Christian you see the things Tony always been interesting yeah always because it's like Like, people always look for a weak person to say it, but there's a lot of men I know who look at Tyson Fury.

1:04:56You wouldn't go up to him and call him a motherfucker. No. Yeah, it's all right. He come on that Tyson Fury the other day and he gave a message and it was fucking powerful. Yeah, I see. That hit me like a ton of bricks, mate. Get up out of bed, dude. I'll tell you what, that was a powerful message, mate. Wow. Did you see that? Yeah, I've seen it. That was some message, mate, that was. Yeah. And then when you see the other boxer, Klitschow, take the piss out of his mental health issues, mate. What's his name? Klitschko. When he went, you need help, you're mad and all that. I thought, you're a psychologist.

1:05:27You just called that boy, called that man. You took the piss out of his mental health here, but look who he is, he's world champion, mate. Because we all love to have mental health issues. Don't people go, oh, he's got mental health problems. Years ago, everyone, that was embarrassing. You know, nearly everyone, every single person is scared to say they've got something. They know they do wrong every day, or they've got a trait, but no one wants to know about it. Do you know what I mean? It's hidden, isn't it? It's a very hidden thing. Like I said on my last podcast, my wife Zoe and Nancy have come down with me for the day, by the way, guys.

1:06:01And they've came. And so, yeah, she went through all the depression and stuff like that. And she used to say, like I said on the last one, because I grew up with it, my mum used to have depression. And basically, if my mum cried, which it weren't hard to do because she had depression and stuff, bless her, you know then i'd be in trouble with my dad when he got home so it kind of turned me you know i didn't have much patience when when zoe got it until then i got it myself i ended up my mom died bless her and then i ended up getting depressed for a little while you know lost that business at home everything you know and um and so yeah and so he was used to say like you know oh if i had a bandage on my arm you know you'd have sympathy for me because it's a mental thing he said like no one seems to really care about it and that you know what i mean but yeah so it's a real big issue and it's so much more nowadays because so many people have been down the drug route and they've tried all the all the psychic stuff and all that sort of gear which they don't realize what they're doing by doing all that stuff you're inviting in demons yeah so all the mental health stuff can come in or certainly even if you've got a generational curse from your ancestors the doors open a little bit because of that right but then when you open when you get into all this other stuff it fully opens up the door yeah and then all this stuff comes in and then quite often and that's where you get depression and different stuff from.

1:07:17But they are just spirits. What advice would you have for Tony then just to keep going and push forward? You know what I said to James? We spoke about it and I said to him, look, you know, he's still battles and stuff. But I said, you know, you're doing so well. He's come away from what a lot of his family got involved with and stuff. And I said, because what you've done is you've resisted the devil. It says in the Bible, resist the devil, stand firm and he'll flee from you. so when you when you resist him and not giving to them thoughts of violence and doing all the wicked stuff and things you know you shouldn't be doing what happens is it weakens your power of the demons without even getting deliverance it weakens the power and this is what i believe has happened with james is as much as it's still you know he can still battle but the power of of the enemy in his life has been weakened a lot compared to what it would have been because he would have been out doing violence or whatever himself you know what i mean so that's what i say to you really resist it's so easy the devil will sit on you he knows your weaknesses he knows you better than what you do and he'll sit on your shoulder and say look why don't you just just do that then if you don't want to do that that's not that bad and you think yeah you know what that ain't that bad but in the back of your mind you kind of i shouldn't do it and it'll get you to do the little things it's just like the book thing it's just like i'll know for a fact i can sit here it's not bragging terms i'm entitled to know i'm i've got a quality if i was writing that's what I always believe my stories are quality about life.

1:08:40They're not about entertainment like Johnny, one face, one ear, Johnny. I don't want to talk about all that. I just want to talk about the turmoil of it and what the Donimo's effects it all causes. And it carries on for the next generation, that. So a redemption book for me is like something. Once that's done, I feel, if it's done right, I can say that's the book, I'll go like that and go. It's done. Flop the chart. That'd be powerful. Tony, that'd be powerful. Do you follow what I'm trying to say there? That would be powerful. I don't want it in Amazon. It just goes, yeah, redemption. Yeah, I've done 20 years.

1:09:14That's not for me. How many lives? That changed so many lives. Do you get what I'm saying? Totally. That totally. You've got to smell the writing. We do the same in Christianity. It's called a testimony. So when I went to church, I was ashamed of who I was and what I'd done and stuff like that. And I used to be really ashamed to tell people. Not that I go broadcasting. Oh, yeah, I used to do this or do that back in the day anyway. But what I'm saying is, but it becomes your testimony so all the stuff you've done you can reach people that you know i can talk to i'm here today because of what i've done if i hadn't had my past maybe i wouldn't be i don't know you know i mean so um it can get used for the greater good in the end for god you know i mean for god's glory and and that's what god does he takes all the broken things and all the things that the devil meant for bad and he turns it for his glory he can use all them things you know so i just think that'd be really good because it'd help a lot of people kev why do you think so many people are scared of like christianity and other religions go fuck that shit and that was not for me because it's part of the world that is you know yeah people think you're crazy the devil has conditioned everybody to think like it says in the bible the end days it says good will become bad and bad will become good that's what happened but what sorry what you said there when i was in full saturn yeah not a lot of people went church yeah but like you've got other religions where they're packed they they really love their religion and then i was going to church with this priest just one-on-one sessions and then forgot, listen, there's some good prison officers.

1:10:37All these people go, there's good prison officers, mate. Let me tell you, there's some good people, mate. And one of these weren't, mate, and I was in full Saturn and it was a real dull time for me getting through the early years of my sentence, mate. I was just like a nut potato. I weren't accepting nothing that I'm doing this time. Like, I look back now, I think, how the fuck did I get through? I don't even know. I can't even remember half of it. And then this priest, I went to see him and they went on the mic, they call you in the CA system and go, oh, like, I'm taking a piss, like, over the mic.

1:11:07So I've got me Bible, gone down there. I went, you fucking, I said, you wouldn't say that about another religion, would you? I said, because you'd get your head smacked in, wouldn't you? Yeah. I said, don't come on that mic. But that's what they, it's like, you shouldn't be saying that, like, do you understand? It's like, that's the fear everyone has, because they go, oh, holy, on the microphone. Who wants to go to church? Because you're mugging it. so that's how the world is as well as in the world you know we call it the world you know like um this is what happens they've made it uh the devil's twisted up everyone's mind you know they've conditioned their minds to a lot of people to think oh you know like how weak it is to do it it ain't it's a strength thing you know for me to do that and then say to my family and you know oh yeah i'm a christian they'd be like he's lost the plot you know what i mean and for me to still stay going a lot of people kind of lost respect for me at the time you know what I mean they was like oh you know some people you win round later on you know what I mean but it didn't matter because my true friends and stuff and true family would be ones that would say I'm so pleased for Kev he's not doing wickedness no more he's not hurting himself anymore because I'm never happy but now all of a sudden I'm happy so that's not a bad thing yeah that's the hard bit Kev when you're starting to make changes like when I was doing the cold water stuff in up mountains people were going people were saying that I was more fucked up then than I was when I was on the gear but then when you start changing three four years ago the same people who are making fucking bad negative vibes towards me sending a lot of hate and negativity are the same ones now asking for help and now doing this stuff that I was doing four or five years ago so I'm open to other people's beliefs I don't know the right and wrong answers for which writing for your beliefs or what Tony believes but if you're making positive changes I know a lot of people's went through the 12 step programme and turned to Christ and they've changed their life, they've focused their energy onto something positive, then do it.

1:12:58You're not harming anyone. You've got the gift as well, Tony, to make changes to then help change other people's lives. So you've definitely... I'm not doing it and I should be doing it. I should be doing more of it. Do you know what I mean? That's what stops you. Yeah, but you know what I mean? Give yourself a break, mate. You know what I mean? I think I've done like, I've literally been locked up for what, 28 years solid, last behind the door. Yeah, even from a young age in there. And I think, do you know what? I think, I think myself, fucking like it's like sometimes i think you ain't giving your you've got to give yourself a chance a bit here mate because seeing men you come out and they think look prison listen if you think you're coming out unscathed you you are i've learned you're totally off your head if you think you're coming out because you can sit here you can say you know i've done a bit of burn and let me tell you what mate the damage is when you get out it's damaging mate it is it's so damaging I've only done a four.

1:13:50Like, well, only. Only. A day's too long in there. That's another thing. Watch this. See what you just said there. Yeah, I know, I know. That's because I've done a four, mate. And people go to home, I'm only doing a four, mate. I'll go four. You're doing a long time, mate. Yeah, a day's too long in them places, right? But when I say that, I mean, compared to what you've done yourself. But even for me, after doing that time, like my co-defendant, I was talking about him earlier, Joey Jackson, like, you know, he's, I mean, he's got the rest of his soul. He's dead now. but he went, he'd done it with me and he was, he ended up getting a nine after that.

1:14:22Then he got a, I think a three and a half or something like that after that. But he was really strong minded, you know, but for me, it really affected me. It affected my confidence when I come out. I was a lot more bubbly and talking and, you know, and I felt that it really, I've slowly got better as time's gone on, you know, but yeah, really, I've really felt a difference. Whereas with him, he was just really had a strong mind and it didn't seem to change him. But the last one did, the last one did, but yeah, he was pretty strong-minded. When I was getting near to the end, I actually thought to myself, this is the truth, I thought, do I really want to get out?

1:14:55Ain't that mad? I didn't tell no one that. I was buzzing to get out. I know what everything I thought was going to be like wasn't. It was nothing going to be like what you fantasise about. It was just mad. Are you scared, Tony? Yeah, yeah. None of the old life's there. A lot of people passed away, gone. It's just like, you know, it's hard to fit in again you understand me it's hard I thought you were going to say that you got your bag yeah I got my bag from reception I thought and then I just signed a bit of paper they gave me 24 quid went see you later take care 24 quid yeah 24 quid yeah wow yeah I went alright lovely yeah cheers as I was walking down I thought fuck me ain't they got a salvation band here for me coming out something yeah or ain't they no one like a circus coming through for all that for time mate I got in the car shut down mate well now you're doing alright I went yeah where do you want to go I went I drove off.

1:15:46I thought, that's got to be something else. Oh, wow. That's got to be more than that. Was that a realisation at any time? That's right. It's realisation, mate. Yeah. It's realisation. That's when it hits you. Yeah. You think you're doing a purpose in there. You think you're like, you're a soldier and you're doing it and you're like, you're, you're, you're, you are, that's your mission in your life. You've done it. You've stomped your desk. But you know what? When you come out, mate, whose mission you're doing? You're doing your own one, mate. Do you understand, mate? It's just all rubbish tone, isn't it?

1:16:14Just fucking mental, mate. It's just all nuts, isn't it? You get caught up in the madness, don't you, of it all. And when you look back, some of the things I've done, I think, I can't believe I've actually done that. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, I still can't get my head right. All right, there's been a lot of change that happened to me there and stuff. But still, you know, before I was even properly full, I was thinking, what was I thinking? Some of the things I've done. Because of the use, see it as well, Kev, it's hard for people to realise because obviously you made your own ecstasy pulls, you've tried to shoot people, you've done a lot of bad shit in your life.

1:16:42to then the way you speak about it now, it's still, even the way when you talk about violence, it's still very calming. Yeah, right. Do you know what I swear to God, right? I can't see that. There's nothing in you I could see that at all. That's how mad it is. Oh, well, thank you, Lord. You've got something that I would like. Because I tell you what, when you just said make exit pills, I thought, what? Yeah, because I don't see that in you. Thank you, Lord. Because it's gone from you, mate. Do you understand me? You don't even hold a little bit of it. Some of us change, but we still might go, yeah anyway and you could be on the changing path but you still will throw something in and go like yeah I know it was bad back then yeah but I parted I've done this and you still think well there's still a lot of that in you still without you even knowing it you can see on that camera that camera don't lie it still sees it it still sees my torment but my people know me know I was in agony on my first one my proper agony I came out of it I thought I don't even remember what happened with James until I watched it I thought well I'll tell you what that was raw but there was so much I wanted to tell him I could have done 17 podcasts with him from the born to the middle to the end I rammed it in and sometimes it's like that's just how it is but sometimes it has to be what it is because otherwise he'd dive out the fucking window James get out the window he won't want to hear no honestly I never went to all my violence sorry to keep you up the thing James was like wow it's just it's not a bragging term no I know what you're saying I can see you're not about that yeah I can see you're not about that at all Yeah, it's just hard.

1:18:13And then it's acceptance by everyone else to leave you alone a little bit. It's hard. Do you understand me? Where do you go from here, Tony? What's your plans, brother? Do you know, obviously I'm staying out of prison. That's the one that keeps me out. I'm doing what my licence says I do. But I think the book's important for me and something else has got to be important. There's got to be some change coming. Not change because my behaviour, because my behaviour's all right, but there's got to be some other direction there. because I'm coming to the times now when I'm I'm not a worry I'm not going to go and flip now and have a fight or nothing but I'm thinking I'm getting older now and I've got to have something else that's got to be a bit different now it has truthfully it feels like you're slipping yeah not slip no it's not like I'm not going to go back in egg and do things it's just like it's like it's it's like I feel like I need something to fucking give me like put me in a nice place like a loving little place for a little while let me have some pace do you understand mate I don't have any pace I don't get any pace mate it's not happening I'm going to get you somewhere down there I know a place exactly I need my brain to think and have time to relax reset yeah I need it reset mate are you in the same area as what you grew up in and stuff no no I moved out there that's good I think that's going to help isn't it yeah Did you have a trade or anything like that when you was younger or did you do any type of...

1:19:43No, I just wanted to be a criminal. I know, it's sad, isn't it? I was at school and the policemen just come and they go, what do you want to be a fine? And they're, I used to think I want to be a criminal. That's how sad that is. To be honest, I was the same really. I did manage to get work for a few years with Dine Rod, you know, which I loved. I loved when I was younger. but apart from that I didn't really have no trade myself really you know what I mean and that's what I've kind of fell back on now you know I worked on that but I just thought this ain't for me I didn't fucking hate being told what to do in that I was just lazy I didn't want to get out of bed I was puffing all the time I didn't want to get out of bed I didn't want to do nothing you know what I mean so but yeah but you know it's like seeing you today I'll take your number today and I think we're getting something else out of this today I think so that's what I think yeah I believe that I really believe that as well.

1:20:36Yeah, yeah. You know. Because you're top class, mate. I'll tell you. Oh, bless you. And I ain't just saying this because we're on a podcast for Jamie. I'm telling you, he just said it to you and all. You've got something about you. It's a nice bit of peace you've got, mate. Yeah. I'll tell you. If you were selling it, I'd buy a couple of bottles off. I've given it away from nothing. To be honest, I see that in the video that I watched as well. I can see that you're desperate to change and you don't want to be doing all the stuff you've done. You can clearly see that and you're not happy and proud about what you've done, you want change and you're in remorse.

1:21:07You know what I mean? So this is what I said to my wife and Nancy as well. I can see you're right, you know, I think right for Christianity. Do you know what I mean? Like you're at a point of change or, you know what I mean? That's where you really get the big change, like I say. Because if you've tried everything and you ain't tried that anymore, you know, what you ran away from. To me, it's nothing to lose, you know what I mean? But everything to gain. But that podcast is dedicated to your cousin, Marie. Thank you. Thanks, honestly. It means a lot. You've been also the sponsors from Boxing Bar, which we'll put at the very start of it.

1:21:40But for anybody watching Tone, it's battling themselves. You're going through the struggle yourself, but you know you're going to push through. What advice would you give for them? Where I am now, what advice I'll give them? I think if you stop for one minute and you don't keep pushing through, you're in massive trouble. Because the stop's easier than the pushing through. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. Yeah, that's what scares me. yeah but not saying I'm going to fail but it's like it's right around the corner all the time for me at the moment you got me it's there not felt like I'm going to get myself nicked or anything it's because I've stopped doing it I haven't nothing else has been put in its place I'm just doing being a normal citizen now with my family I've got to have something else it can't be like that that's why I want to do the book and then I think that's the one on your shoulder goes oh you ain't doing the book mate you ain't going to get it right see that's and I think I need a bit of peace here, mate.

1:22:32Can we? You will. I strongly believe you'll do it. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. And I've had great, and the nicest thing I've got, I was going to shout out, can I shout out to a few? Have you ever bought them yet? Have you ever bought anybody? I had to write a list here, yeah. So these people were great. It's like, you know, I never shout out to no one, but these people have helped me and they're true friends. It's like Wayne Sutton now. I've got, I had to write them down today because these people, they mean a lot to me. It's Danielle, Ellie, Danny, Divvy, from West Ham, Sandy and Titch, they're an Indian family, grew up with them.

1:23:04They didn't go down our path. They're great people. And I admire them people who have not taken up because we go, oh, we come from a poor background. They've moved on. They do things. And it's like John Dennett, Briar Clacton from the boys, Marcus Lewis, Steve Lowe, Nicky Clare from fucking, what's it called, Kent, Phil, Aaron, Chris, Joe, Paul, Tiernan, Yami, Quincy, Dow Alfie, Emily J, and from all over, all from up north, I know, and all that, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to Yami, Quincy, and Paul. Yeah, seriously. Paul still helps me today, Paul Tiernan. Still does. Talk to me, he knows me off.

1:23:43Do you know why I like him? He's like, he won't mind me saying, he'll sit with me sometimes and he'll go, it's still, I can see it, mate, it's still in your eyes, mate. Yeah, and I go, what? He goes, yeah, you're right. I go, yeah, yeah, you can't fool him, mate. he sees the pain you're in yeah he's therapy for me i've written signs he goes tone you're in pain mate yeah and i am seriously and i ain't scared so what no less i ain't scared to point the camera because i ain't scared to say it because i ain't you know what you're just gonna say everyone goes for it but yeah everyone admits it this is the thing this is the difference oh yeah what about yourself kev how dare anybody struggling you you found peace yourself yeah you know how to get there yeah judging might not be for everyone people might think it's this or that people can have their own beliefs but if you're a man there sitting just calm as you like and seems as if nothing can faze you you've clearly got the key to something what advice would you give for the people who's maybe looking through the battle like I say look you know I won't say Christy and it ain't for everyone it's for everyone that's what it's for yes but whether you take it up to another story you know look at all look just because he's not just boxing look at Tyson Fury look at he suffers more listen that man I admire him he talks it out mate but he's a world champion first he was 80 then he was light yeah you had people jumping on him because he weren't allowed to suffer light look where he is now you've got Tibsy Nigel Bent they're not weak men mate they're not weak men it's not weak it's like whether I would oh it does that for me I'm not going to go yeah it might not but I've got to give something to fucking try something you know but I feel my brain needs to be sponged out a little bit.

1:25:25Nobody's soaked up with water and needs to be squashed out a little bit. Yeah, there's a lot... Not through trouble and anxiety of getting in trouble. It's still like, I ain't getting in trouble. I ain't going back the old ways. No, no, no. Just the battles you're going through, isn't it? It's still fucking battles, mate. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going like, well, what's happening here? I need something else to come along. It's a process. Just stand me, James. It's like, it does me. It's a process. Like, you know, we work with quite a few different people, you know what I mean? And, yeah, it's a process.

1:25:50It don't happen... you get some piece and then it takes a little bit of time, you know? But then when you have one moment some days, I have one moment, I go, oh, this is lovely. And you think, wow. And then know what I'll do, I think, well, I shouldn't be too, feeling too happy. And then I've changed that, mate. Yeah, don't feel as if you deserve that. Right, exactly. And then I'll go on a downer, within half hour of being happy, laughing, thinking, oh, why am I happy? Don't you fight the happiness? It's crazy. Have you got, you've had that one. Yeah, I still do that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, fill a million dollars, do a bit of press ups, a bit of pads you think oh life's good birds are whistling a tree half hour late that bird's getting on your nerves in a tree I smell in the garden you think I go look at it all these years I've been away looking isn't it beautiful then all of a sudden I think a cloud comes over the sun I'm trying to sit in the sun and I hear a bird making a noise I think oh fuck off leave me why did you think like that it's like the fall never lasts yeah you know what I mean but that will it will get better for you you know what I mean but I'll never talk I never blow smoke up anyone's arse only my pals tell you I'll tell you what I admire you and I think like the piece in your face your face is really relaxed and your body language is brilliant thank you because if you watch me in your body language now I'll look at you and I think Mike Deskies has got it for me wow yeah no seriously I do definitely you think lucky bastard yeah yeah I do lucky I do I'm jealous it's like you've got something that I ain't got it's not a jealousy in an horrible way yeah no no no i know what you're saying but like i say it really is free you know what i mean it really ain't that hard a thing does anyone want to die without any peace of mind that's the worst thing to do when you go down that grave exactly why did you live for no peace of mind what was the fucking point you know some people might say yeah some people might say you know what um yeah like live that lifestyle what do you mean what what getting angry less you know won't never i'm not saying you'll never get angry or never get impatient you do sometimes just just normal but nowhere near what I used to I'm you know much much more happier in them sort of areas what you're you're telling me that um living the right life not breaking any laws and doing everything you're meant to be doing by the time we die just say for instance there wasn't nothing there I know there is because when you when you get saved people say you know how do you know well I know God I know I know Jesus the Holy Spirit because I have a personal relationship with him it's hard for people to understand until they enter into it so so what'll happen if there ain't if it ain't real all right well what have I done I've led a good life that's exactly I've had a peaceful life there's no it's a win-win you can't you know and if I die and actually there is heaven happy days I mean heaven if not I've still had a nice life and I've been good but if on the flip side of it if you still live a life of sinning, unforgiving, stuff like that, and then you're standing before the Lord on judgment, yeah, your mate, no one else is, no one else is going to be there with you.

1:28:51If you're going to be between you and God, you're going to be like, what have I done? The fear is going to be the worst fear you've ever felt in your life because you know, I'm in trouble. Yeah, that's how I feel sometimes. I feel like I'm banging trouble. If there is that way, I think, ah, there you go. You've done a lot of good, which I have. I still train young kids just for nothing now on the pads I like helping kids who got insecure I like find I always like people who are a bit shy and ain't got no confidence that's me I feel for them people because I see it in them yeah I like to help people find that power again and they go I used to go to me how can you teach me boxing be like that I go because sometimes I needed it yourself I wanted that what I'll give is what I always wanted sometimes because they've got an arm around you, someone's going, everything's going to be all right, mate.

1:29:39I've got your back, you're going to be good. That's so, so important what you're doing, because they're from a young age and stuff as well, where they're more open to change and be influenced by someone like yourself who's been through all the different stuff. You know, it's a really, really important role, I think, and you can make a real big change to people's lives. And you won't fully know what difference you've made until, like I say, we're standing before the Lord and we find out what we've done and accomplished in our life, you know. So yeah, I think it's amazing to be working for the youngsters is great.

1:30:08Would you like to finish up on anything, Kev? If you don't mind, I don't know if this would be okay to disrupt it. If not, maybe I was going to say, would it be okay to get the girls in to do, we want to do a prayer for healing and stuff like that, for anyone going for mental illness and stuff like that. Is that right, girls? Want to do a prayer for some? If there's anyone as well, including yourselves, any afflictions or anything you've got, you know, that comes to mind, we can pray and we believe that God is going to heal them. If you're healing anywhere, as well, put your hand on that spot.

1:30:35and mine's here yeah yeah okay the Lord we're going to pray it's not us it's the Holy Spirit okay and the Lord knows there's a lot of people in pain so the people are going to hear the sound of our voice we believe are going to be healed there's going to be people feeling the fire of God people are going to be healed delivered and set free aren't they yeah that's it yeah I'm ready for that so Nancy Nancy Nancy, we've got Prophetess Nancy with us today. Nancy's a seer as well. So Nancy can see all mad things. She sees in the spirit. Yeah, I like that, yeah. Can you see anything in me then? Be straightfully.

1:31:17Really? What is it? Please tell me. Okay, yeah. So Nancy sees, she can see angels and she can see demons. She actually gets to see all that stuff, you know. So yeah, so. I'm glad to hear you, James. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so yeah, Father God, we just call on your Holy Spirit because, Lord, we can't do it on our own. We're just normal people like everyone else here, Lord. So it's only by your Holy Spirit that people get healed, delivered, and set free. So, Lord, we call upon your Holy Spirit, Lord. We call upon your fire. Let your fire fall down right now, Lord. Let your fire fall down right now, Lord, on the people watching.

1:31:53Father, we ask, any back problems? Lord, we ask that their backs be realigned right now in the name of Jesus. Lord, we ask for any tendons, ligaments, muscles that is affecting that back. Lord, we pray right now for healing. We apply the blood of Jesus to their spines. We ask that their spines be realigned right now. Their discs be pulled back into place. Any prolapsed discs, let it come back into place right now in the name of Jesus. Lord, and we strengthen all the muscles around that disc to hold it in place. Father, we talk, as my two brothers here said, about their hearts, Lord. people with broken hearts lord broken hearts lord lord it says in your word that you lord gather the pieces of them broken hearts and you put them hearts back together lord jesus so we ask right now lord that you do that lord for any fragmented souls broken hearts lord lord collect the pieces right now lord collect the pieces right now lord put them back together with your own two hands lord heal the broken hearts lord give them peace lord anyone's going through any traumas and stuff lord we ask that you be there with them lord they've still got to go through this process of healing uh for losses of loved ones and stuff lord but we ask father god that you take them through it by your holy spirit that you give them peace and you wrap your arms around them right now lord and let them know that you are there for them lord and you've got them um so father we ask for any other sickness and disease we bind up all the works of the enemy that's bringing sickness and disease to the people under the sound of our voice right now uh we bind you up you wicked spirits but lord we loose your healing spirit upon them right now your love your joy your peace let it fall upon all the people lord let them feel your presence lord going into the prisons and into the into the whole country in jesus mighty name we pray thank you jesus

1:33:45and i really feel right now that someone watching hearing the sound of our voice is going to get healed in rheumatoid arthritis right now in the name of jesus christ in nazareth but yeah i can see there's a minds minds being reset right now in the mighty name of our lord jesus christ in nazareth and and guys i'm saying to you anyone who's listening just cry out to jesus yes cry out to is your healer he will heal you right now and like i said put your hands anywhere when you're in pain that you need a healing if you've got a bad ankle anyone with carpal tunnel syndrome put your hand on that spot now we thank you lord Jesus thank you lord Jesus so lord I'll just we release brand new mindsets and lord we just speak to any spirits that are tormenting spirits yes yes spirits yeah we bind you up and spirits of hurt spirits of broken heart we command you Go right now in the name of Jesus.

1:34:46So we just say be healed right now in the mighty name of our Lord Jesus Christ and Nazareth. And be set free in Jesus' name. And Lord, the biggest miracle we pray for tonight, the biggest miracle we're praying for right now, Lord, is people under the sound of our voice, Lord, is for your salvation, Lord. We bind up all spirits of unbelief, all antichrist spirits, any other spirit that's coming against you right now, Lord. and coming against the salvation but Lord we loose your salvation let your salvation fall upon the people Lord so that they may feel peace Lord than what the gentleman has been saying about how I look so peaceful Lord it's only because you're in my heart Lord so Lord I pray let them feel that Lord what I'm feeling right now let them feel that Lord the presence of you Lord and your Holy Spirit thank you Lord in Jesus name we pray there's chains breaking thank you Lord There's chains being broken right now in the name of Jesus.

1:35:42So people being set free right now in the name of Jesus. So yeah, we prophesy that in the mighty name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And after hearing the sound of our voice, you'll never be the same in Jesus' mighty name. Amen. It's prophetess, sorry, just one last thing. It's prophetess Nancy. Is there anything you want to share that you might see or whatever? I just really feel I can see that Tony's got a great future, I can see him with loads of kids really being a great mentor using his skills and really helping the children, like the next generation coming up God's got such an amazing plan I can feel God's hand on you come to me he's waiting and he just wants you he wants to take that burden off of you and he wants to take all that stress and he's saying come to me but you need to come to him and he will give you that peace and the peace that you can no matter what you're going through you'll have that peace and he will just take all that anger everything away, all that pain all the years that you've been through all that torment he wants to take it all away from you you have to surrender You have to surrender.

1:37:03You have to surrender and say, yes, God, I'm here. Help me. Help me. Amen. Amen. Wow. Amen.