My Life as Katie Price

44:57So when you say you don't want the drama, I always felt it was if you caused the drama, if I'm honest. Yeah, people think that. Yeah, because it's where I might have retaliated and done myself for no benefit. And then before you know it's in the paper. So now I just say nothing. Just let them destroy and ride the tide, ride the tide. There's got to be peace. It's not normal to keep having this stress, this drama. But I think most of it is the frustration because it's like, it's not true what they're saying. That's not true. Why are they getting away with this? Because they know I'm not going to do it back to them.

45:27One couple of them I'm gagged and then the others, it's just not worth it. I can't be arsed. Too old for it. Yeah, Celebrity Jungle, big part of your life. You met Pete, you had another two amazing kids. How was it going into the jungle? Were you going in single? Were you going in with no... What, the first time? A week before, I caught my boyfriend with a stripper on the sofa. Who was this? Scott. Who's he? Scott Sullivan. I think he married a girl from Made in Chelsea. And I was like, well, I'm going in the jungle and that was it. And I met Pete. Like an escape? I loved the jungle. I did it twice, didn't I?

46:01Loved it. if anyone could do that show that is the show to do and how was the feeling obviously you got married had two beautiful kids but did you feel I just don't think the marriage now what I know but the two you did look in love and if I'm honest that's probably one of the best times I've ever seen you yeah everyone thinks that but there's all these TikToks that are out now when people look at him now and think fucking hell he was like that with her like I thought it was love but knowing what I know and what I've got there was nothing we did without a camera because we had the same manager and it was like everything we did, birthdays, valentine, there was nothing that we did not own without anything.

46:38So when you look back at that, it's not really a relationship either, is it? That was TV, cameras, magazines, the whole of it. Whose idea is that? The manager was always the manager. Is that the manager's ideas or years in tears? I can't even remember days when the manager wasn't there because she managed Pete 15 years before. But that's money. It was absolutely toxic. But that's money. She even told us when we could hold hands in front of the camera. When I look back at it, But when you're in love with someone, you're just like, yeah, yeah, I'll do it. I love him. I'll do it all. But when I look back, I'd like to say we was in love.

47:08Well, I was. But when I've seen emails or stuff like, if you stick with that Jordan, it will make your career. You start to double question things. Do you think you were getting used? Yeah, I do. Absolutely. Because towards the end, when we lived in Malibu, he was doing an album about breaking up with me. And then we broke up in May when we did the marathon. And then his song came out about breakups and his relationships. Why would you do that three months before if you're with someone? If you knew the whole story, it would all make sense. But I'd be here all day. But how much does your life then become a circus act?

47:45We don't know what's love. I don't. It's hard. It's hard to know someone's for me for me or what they can get out of me. Because I think when people are actually with me, they get to see me as me. Like I'm family. I'm like loyal. I'm not high maintenance, but I do everything myself. I don't rely on a man. I think men can find that hard because I'm independent. I'm very independent. I've got to the stage where I don't need a man or want a man. If I want a man, it's because I want them, not because I need one. Whereas before, it's because I needed a man. Now it's like, if I want a man, it's because I want to be of a man, not because I need a man.

48:23How was it pregnant with your setting child? Were you nervous?

48:29um old junior that was i always thought oh my god is he gonna turn out to be blind yeah was he yeah so when he was born i'd be like that all the time on his eyes is he looking is he looking all the time and he was fine then the same with princess is she looking oh my god i thought there was something wrong for she was so ugly she had the biggest eyes i thought she had turner's disease where they've got these biggest eyes. And I remember I kept saying to the doctor, you sure there's nothing wrong with her? Look at her. Because her eyes were so... She looked like a minion, like an alien. She was the most ugliest baby ever.

49:05Ever. And even Princess and Ritz, we look at pictures, she's like, Mum, look how ugly I am. But she's so beautiful now. But I loved her so much. But she was an ugly kid. She really was. Because for me, men and women need each other. I think everybody goes on about masculinity and femininity and all this bullshit. Men and women have got both. You can get into whatever role you want, but for me, it's the nurture. It's the love. You seem to have always wanted to be a mother. You seem to have always wanted to be, but you couldn't really strive towards that nurture side because you're always getting fucked over, so you had to then become masculine.

49:42You had to then become tough and strong. See, when you were in the relationship with Pete and you had the two kids, did you feel complete? Did you feel that was life or did you always feel something ain't right? No, I was always the more, like when we did jobs together, I'd always get more money, make sure we have separate contracts. I think you found that a bit hard as well. But it was like, well, hang on, you've just turned up in the jungle. I've already got a career going on. You had a song like how many years ago? Like, you need to earn it. And this is the truth, I made Pete again. I don't care what it says, I made him again.

50:18He was no one before he went in the jungle. and that is the truth that's not me being a bitch he'd done that one hit like 10 years ago and I think he forgets where he came from because he had absolute nothing when I met him nothing he was sharing a flat with his brother and sister in Cyprus nothing they were running a gym How was it going through a divorce? Was that your first divorce? The worst ever Why? I was weak I had a top lawyer Fiona Shackleton they were just hardcore and I think when we split the media fuck me just went for me 10 years of it destroyed me in every way possible it was Pete couldn't do anything wrong everything I did bop bop bop years tarnished me bad hurt me bad mentally bad bad bad bad bad see I always thought you had some sort of control with the media no like even now like if there's pictures on me in a magazine nothing to do with me like we came up on the train today and the man behind the desk said oh you're in front of a magazine this week i went am i what have i done this week like we had to look they're talking about how i'm getting married like i'm getting proposed to in a few weeks i'm like what where's this come from they just make shit up make it up every day i'm in the press over something every bloody day i don't know why why i don't care if they never write about me again because if they're going to write something at least write something the truth because it's so now mentally does me here because I'm just where I let my barriers down with it therapy now and let it all out I am a human I know to people I'm a product but I'm still a human and I do have feelings and it's to the point where I just don't take it anymore like it does hurt and as much as I just don't read it it does somewhere register up here yeah the brain never forgets yeah it's always registering somewhere.

52:14So I can walk out. Some people love me or hate me. Trolls, I don't really read what they say. I do when it comes to my son because I'll protect him. The others like June and Princess, they're so smart with it all anyway. They've just been brought up to know how to deal with stuff. But no, not everyone's going to love you or hate me, but unfortunately they judge me. Like if I If I was an outsider looking in at me, I would think, trash, this, that. Rah. And it was because that's how the media have portrayed it. But the media did make you as much as well as can destroy you. I loved my relationship with the media.

52:55Like, it's always a game. It's like a Monopoly game. You give them something, you get something bad. And it was really fun back in the days. Fun. Loved it. But it's not like that now. I think journalism is so bad. They're not just bad on me. either bad or never. English press are brutal. And it's not fun anymore. I love the days, like my press calls. They would turn up, I know what they would want, and they'd give it back to me. Do you know what I mean? It's so different these days now than what it was there. Fair game. I loved it. I still love my job. I love reality. I love Photoshop. I love doing it, and I would never change it.

53:31But the thing I would change would be journalism. I think there's bad journalism out there to write the worst story to keep their jobs and be brutal, not check on anything. And even if they do check and say it's not true, they still print it. So why even bother asking? How do you deal with the trolls with Harvey? Well, I've tried to set up that law, Harvey's Law, and track a troll. That's been going on four years. We're nearly at the end of that one now. All they're trying to decide is when does it become a criminal offence? How far do you go? Now, we all know if we write something, if it's bad or not, you know?

54:06and how they punish him. How did you deal with when Frankie Boy was making jokes on stage about Harvey? Well, I'd done a programme and we tried to doorstep him and all of that to get a comment from him and he wouldn't. But my argument there, just as he's a comedian, doesn't give him an excuse to go on stage and say these things because if any of his kids, wife or anyone had a car accident and they were paralysed from the neck down and he had to become their carer and know really what it's like to look after someone like that. Would he go on stage and take the piss then? No. That's my view. Always be careful what you say.

54:46I can have a joke, you can have a joke, we can all be matter of fact and have a joke, but there is a bit of a limit, do you know what I mean? And the fact, picking on a kid that can't defend himself. It's like, if you're going to say so, at least pick on someone who can defend himself. So after the divorce, you've got three kids. Which divorce? The first one. Yeah. What happens with life then? Oh, I was introduced to someone. That is the most biggest rebound regret in my life. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full court pick-up game. Swish!

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57:07Worst thing ever mentally damaged me. The scenes I've seen, things I had to do, I was in and out of that as quick as I could. I didn't even know that man and man or Roxanne. I was in and out as quick as I could. That is just awful. Were you married in that one? Vegas. Awful. Worst person ever. Not for me. Because when he speaks out, he says you're the worst ever. He does it for press. I had to go to court for him. He had a baby with Chantal. She was that desperate because he lied to court about what he's like with their kid. I didn't know her. I even had to go to court to help her about her kid because he lied about a lot of things.

57:54And I had it on my phone, showed the judge, and he didn't really have a leg to stand on. I think he was bitter because he wanted to keep a lifestyle he had. And I remember one of my kidnap threats. I had all Scotland Yard at my house when we were divorcing. And I had Scotland Yard police sleeping outside my room on a camp bed. He wouldn't leave my house and he thought the police were there for him because I wasn't allowed to tell him I've had a kidnap threat. And there's loads I could go on there. The notes that they made on him and who he brought back to my house and slept with in my bed.

58:32Absolute just not for me. Like, I am very open-minded, open-minded sexually. I'm open to anything. but that just got a bit too seedy, disturbing and mentally disturbing for me and I thought I've got kids, I can't have my kids around this. Everyone's different what they want to have but I didn't really know him. See me, you're going through that life then. How do you then? Put it this way. We had a pink operator in our bedroom. Basically it was a fucking machine and it was in pink. My mum and my housekeeper, it was a gym equipment I moved it into my gym they didn't even know what it was like those were fucked up days I had to lock my dressing room up because I'd nickel my underwear and stuff and wigs like it was wrong you want a man to be a fucking man I don't want to be the man well at least I know what a strap on is now anyway wearing your liquors that industry's fucking was he like that before he met you or did you turn them like that?

59:41No, my friend who introduced me, they used to muck about and say, have you met Roxanne yet? I went, who the fuck's Roxanne? And then I asked her, I said, do you dress as a woman? He went, no. Like, if there's fancy dress I'll dress up. Why would it bother you if I was a woman, like, dressed up? I went, well, not if it's fancy dress, no. And then all the time I was tested and I remember one night we had a drink and I thought, right, that little gremlin in my mind, do you want me to put some makeup on you? let me put some makeup on you opened a can of worms and saw the change the voice everything changed really weird he'd be like hello like so fucked up I was like whoa out do you think you can manipulate because you're on it as well even though you play but I'm open for anything I know but you you're very on it you're on it as well I don't know like I say I'm not in the relationship I'm quite good at getting things out of people but I feel as if you can manipulate the scenarios the men that come into your life you know exactly what to do what to say and obviously you're trying to get whatever the but that thing like that of course because i wanted to know is this real was this really it and then it just got worse and worse i'd turn up to house parties he'd disappear and then come down dressed as a woman and that and my friends were like kate what are you doing it was actually embarrassing like embarrassing like nah not for me what happened after that relationship then Kieran Oh So I was not in a good place when I met him.

1:01:17Really not in a good place. And I suppose he said the right things. How did you meet? Through friends again. But it sounds as if you've not been in a good place the last fucking years. I have in the past six years I weren't. Well, six years I weren't, so I've been in the private twice. I suppose I never felt myself. Didn't know about therapy, didn't know about all of that. met him then he was so on my case I deleted him remember BBM messaging deleted him because I was like fucking hell he's on my case then he ran and said have you just deleted me I was like oh no I don't think I did and I said to my friends oh let's just fucking meet him so it was all of my gay friends invited him back to my house and I thought oh he's shy this that within five weeks I just married him nuts and then I was pregnant three months into it he started the affair with my friend or 25 years and my other friend of 25 years he had was with her 10 months the other one a year and a half so I caught him on the beach then it was the nanny of 10 months because I got into his phone I saw it all I used his fingerprint saw it all then it was the wedding planner um so yeah but I was pregnant both times with him and then I just had enough I couldn't I couldn't keep saying okay I forgive you I forgive you I forgive you and then when it's your friends it's like it feels like murders around you like I've lost him lost my best friend lost my other friend like who the fuck can I trust here got that bad how long you married to him for I was with him I think five years but then I had two kids I know it's a long time but he said it changed I got him therapy and then I found he had sex addiction but he was so he's so clever clever what just knows how to manipulate situations so clever i've got to give it to him clever clever man is it hard to leave these relationships when there's kids involved if i haven't got a happy home i won't stay with a man i wouldn't stop the dad's seeing him but i wouldn't want my kids being in a room with arguments and that because kids remember that oh you want your kids being happy i know you can argue like what you're watching on the telly let me watch it there's arguments and there's arguments and like yeah i don't want my kids around that when was the first time you'd done therapy?

1:03:35It was all in the past when I first went to the priory as an inpatient. When was that? Five years ago I think. Just recently? Five or six years ago but I've been in twice yeah. Why did you not go earlier? Because I didn't know about it, didn't deny, didn't think I needed help. I'd keep everything in, say well yeah I'm fine, I'm fine, of course I can cope, I'm fine. When inside you're broken you just get on with it like a robot, just get on with it, get on with it. Were you drinking heavily? No I've never been a drinker. um when I met Kieran he introduced me to coke and that's why I went in uh therapy because I started self-medicating to block everything out it's all in my book so it's nothing new um but I've never been in the priory for addiction like it all people find coping mechanisms to cope um and it just wasn't me I didn't want to be that person like just didn't know what to do so then And yeah, I ended up in for traumatic rehabilitation, PSD.

1:04:32When you go in there, you have to see all the therapists and stuff. They assess you all. You do your blood tests, ECGs, everything. You have to, you can't just go there and say, well, I'm going to be an inpatient. You have to be tested and all that properly. So, God, I wish it was addiction. It's cheaper. It's three and a half grand a week. When it's PTSD, it's eight and a half grand a week. And I paid for myself. But no, unfortunately, I wasn't in there for addiction. It was PTSD twice. what was it like writing your first book what the very first one oh i can't even remember now be nervous no i think i actually quite like writing books because it's like you get things off your test your way your words and obviously lawyers go through everything you have to prove everything's right because otherwise you get sued here there and everywhere but quite it can be hard at times talking through things that you don't want to talk about like this new one's quite hard because there's lots of triggers in it and it brings you back to a place that you've already spoke about to move forward.

1:05:32But it's being real, isn't it? Who triggers you the most? It's their exes. Why is it so toxic with you and your men? Because they've bankruptcy in socials. Do you think media fucks with their head, their attention? Because you look at people from the 90s, the boy bands, the girl bands. But there's stuff behind the scenes that the media don't know all they do and they know they can't write because there's serious stuff going on behind the scenes. serious stuff, like sort of what I told you earlier. So whether the media know about it or not, they wouldn't be allowed to write about it because there's serious stuff.

1:06:07But, and it annoys me when people are like, why don't you let the kids see the dad? Why are you keeping them off? And I feel like saying, you don't even know what's going on. But let them tarnish me. The truth always comes out. But I am getting, you know, I am getting it hard at the minute, and I have the socials police. Not because I've done nothing wrong. It's the other way around. It's tough. How was that then going through your... Oh, it's still going on now. No, through your third divorce. You've got five kids. Oh, divorces, they're easy. I'm not bothered by them. Pete's was the worst because the press got involved in all that.

1:06:45I was the bad cop. He was the good cop. And they played it well. Have you ever been in love, looking back on it all? Dane I was in love with Why him? Don't know First love I don't know Because I was in with his family And stuff like that So And you made a ponder But it was like a toe ponder We weren't I got stitched up with that as well I didn't even leak them tapes I was six months pregnant with him But I don't want to talk about that It's disgusting To who? Harvey I was pregnant with Harvey Yeah who leaked his tapes? Him? I don't know How do you learn how to trust now? I don't I don't tarnish everyone the same but I've got rid of a lot of people out in my life when I say so many people who I look at as a trigger or what do they bring me to my life really and if they don't I don't need them in my life I'm too old for it now not too old just too exhausted with it all and how my support network and what I've got around me now I'm just quite happy with no ag no drums and things that although there's lots of drum things are settling because I've learned now how to not retaliate to things to do this and just by the time it will all go through there's always and then just ride the wave just bite it I've learned to cope with it whereas before I didn't know how to cope because things would just go around in my brain ruminate ruminate thinking oh my god this oh my god that oh my god that and when you're in that situation it's like noise so I've learnt to deal with it all and know how to cope with it all I only do work that I want to work I don't take on every job I do what I want to do now I'm not a product for anyone I do what I want to do because I've been a product for people for too many years not human your love for horses, why is that so strong?

1:08:43I love it, even the smell it makes me smile already they say my safe place because they say what your safe place is the horse's muzzle when they blow out air and I'm like that, smelling it. It's really weird when they blow that air and go... I just love the smell of horses. I wake up every morning, look at my horses out the window, just the smell, everything, riding them. Absolutely love it. What was it like speaking about the abuse and stuff for the first time? Which abuse? From at all when you eventually opened up and started speaking out to therapy sessions? um it's that was wasn't the problem it's the men how i let them get me in a situation of controlling me and stuff like that um i'd never let it happen again ever never but you say that you're fucking 45 it's taken me that long because i didn't have therapy in that before you just go along with it what was a big brother house like boring as fuck because you won that no i don't how I was so boring in there I didn't even get my bikini off even my boob was half hanging out don't even know how won that show I was so boring and the surgeon came three times a week to dress my boob and then the night before the final they thought I was getting septic because I went to the hospital twice while I was in there and everyone was saying in the house don't why you it's not like you need the money why don't you go I went no I've been in it just as long if I might have a chance to win it like you lot it's not about money it's about achieving it and then they had to check my temperature every four hours as soon as i got out we went straight to belgium and had my boobs out for six months they were that bad do you think you won it though because you are being you and not someone oh i would have been me anyway like no it was me but like no i wasn't the one arguing it was like katie hopkins and all that so thank god they were arguing otherwise if there was no arguments it would have been so boring how did you go on with katie she talks about me now but the thing is she'd be the type that if i hold my cup she'd try and start on anyone so say i hold my cup she'd be like oh don't you hold your cup funny and inside i wanted to say why don't you fuck off you so instead i'd be like yeah i suppose i do really like that because i'm so tolerant chilled laid back believe it or not um and i don't know if That comes from Harvey, because you have to be so patient, so laid back and so calm that I don't know if I've learnt it from him.

1:11:16There's situations, I'm quite good in situations, diffusing things, being calm. But then if I go, I go. How much surgery have you had? I don't know. Even if I Google it, they seem to know more than me. I don't know. I haven't finished yet, though. I say to my mum in 10 years I'll probably look transparent because I'll have my face like that you'll see all my veins Jackie love surgery what was Sylvester Saron's mum name? yep Jackie but that's rank the thing is with me fucking that's rank but the thing is with me I do stuff and I tell everyone what I do and I don't mind telling everyone what I've done it's when you get people who've had work done they're like oh I'm natural it's like fuck are you natural no you're fucking not you've got filler here your lips here that but i tell everyone i don't care but what i say to princess i did all my modeling career natural apart from my boobs and there was no airbrushing there was none of that when i did it but now i'm in my 40s i'm 45 yeah i am starting on my face and just have my lips done and all that why not it's my body beautiful oh i don't hate all that see the natural like that gross fucking stunning beautiful i don't I look at little princess she goes well thanks mum because I look like you I said princess you're beautiful but I don't look at them pictures and think I'm beautiful I hate how I look there it's weird isn't it and what if your daughter goes down the same route that you went she won't they've seen what it's like in the middle they won't but is that a concern that is she possibly because I know she won't she's just she knows she's stunning she knows she is and it's like I say to her look you've got naturally look at you you're just like perfect it you don't need it and i'm like and all these people on social media you know they don't look like that we all use the same filter i use the filter but then i use them because i'm old and actually i like that fake look i love fake look but she knows that a lot of people you see it isn't how it is no one really looks like that how many catfishes there are out there how do you protect your kids because you're one of the biggest names in the uk especially in this industry how do you protect your kids from that?

1:13:28Junior and princess. A lot of those celebrities, you'll see their kids going fucking ends up addicts and heads are fucked. How do you maintain that? They are so well-mannered, so polite. Does her dad play a part in that though? I don't talk to him. But does he get his kids? We both have them. Yeah, so that must play a part, that must help. So they're sensible, switched on, they know how it works and they're very like, yeah they're not the types to go off partying that they're very focused on what they want to do which is quite refreshing yeah as much as the relationships have been toxic at least he still sees his kids yeah we both do yeah like you i you never ever my advice to anyone listen to this man or woman never ever stop your kids seeing the other parent unless there's a proper reason like where socials or police are involved and there's a proper reason where you're protecting the safeguarding your kids that's different or you can have supervised contact um but other than that i don't i hate it when people play you're not having the kids and you're not doing that because why it's not the kids fault is it how what because obviously i see harvey's videos and he is funny like how is that when you're when he's on the reality shows and your youtube channel and he wants to is that okay for now because people like because it is funny because i've got not a lot of fucking dark humour sense but it's still funny that he shit because you laugh him swearing for me that's funny oh but harvey he knows i don't know how he's not stupid like people think because of his way he has it in context every fucking time like if there's a camera there just come up and go hello you i'm like harve what are you doing and he goes like Like, you just, you know what he's like, isn't he?

1:15:16Yeah. He's so funny. And then sometimes I listen to him and it sounds like me. I don't know if I mimic him or he mimics me. We just say the same things like, he's just so funny. Really funny. Yeah. He just makes me laugh. How was it when he put him into the, like, if he had to go to a care home? I hated him. So he goes to college in Cheltenham to learn independent skills and stuff. but I've done it all since I was 19 you know I'm just used to washing him even now when he comes home I'm like half you're 21 do you really think I want to clean your ball sacks oh mum he's like that I'm like no I don't the thing is he can shower himself but he doesn't do it properly he doesn't know about hygiene so I have to like help and then dress him then he hates deodorant going on then he hates the aftershave and I'm like well you want the girls to fancy you price didn't you oh yeah mum he goes so yeah and then when he finishes college i'll find somewhere nearer because everyone's like kate don't have him just have him like he's got to have a life but it's me being protected because i'd have him at home all the time i wouldn't have anything left in the house mind you but he smashes everything is that why it was definitely it's like duck and dive someone shuts the door whoa what's gonna go fucking flying now Has he ever turned on you?

1:16:34Never. Never turned on me in a million years. He might someone else, never me. He just wants me to hold his hand, stroke his forehead and give him kisses and cuddles. And that's all he texts. I see Texas when he sends me videos all the time. I'm so sad, mum, that you're at work. I need you, he goes. I need you, mummy. So we FaceTime like three times a day. How much has that saved your life? Like having had it as a first kid as well. when obviously you've had other kids, but your first... Oh, I wouldn't change it for anything. Yeah, but in your life, do you think it saved your life at some point?

1:17:08Because I know you've been suicidal a few times. Yeah, I mean, I had a good beginning of my career, nothing. It was just when I split with Pete, it went downhill. That was it, literally downhill. When was the first time you were suicidal? I tried to hang myself before I went in the Priory the second time. I had a microphone wire around my neck in the toilet, and then I woke up, my phone was down the toilet and it was waterproof so it still worked. And I had all bruises here and black eyes and then I went into the priory, it was like that was it. And then I survived it. But I'd never, ever let myself get like that again and poor kids if I'd gone.

1:17:50But my mental state then was so bad because of the situation that I was in to do with men and all of that. that would never ever let it happen again like who survives that me how does that play in your mind knowing that harvey might not have had his mother yeah oh it kills me if any of them didn't have me but when you're unwell people don't say when you're that unwell and you want help and you don't know how to ask for it it's a horrible situation so now that's why i'm so vocal about things like doesn't mean to say i love working i love working and i love my kids but i do get pressures behind the scenes from things at the moment that are out of my control that mentally is like to my head and I I just have to breathe and space from that because I need to be right to work I need to be focused and focus on my kids and that's my priority and I think all the other noise I can cope with has to be when my head's ready to do it because my priority is my work and my kids and my work.

1:18:56Did you ever think you would have got that low? Especially everything you've already been through? Or do you think that was all coming to a head? It was all coming to a head. But I didn't speak up, didn't know how to, I didn't know. Why were you too proud? I just think because I'm so busy and you think if you admit that you're weak or admit that you're not in the right headspace it would ruin work or people might look at you different. It's like I was an engine just going and going like that. Hard. so I always say to people if you ever feel low you're not you're not alone you speak up always if you don't communicate communicate with bills this that then it just gets worse worse I always say communicate is key like trust me I never thought that was you could do that but you're more brave and people respect you more if you communicate that's what I've learned not speaking out is a strength yeah no it is I never knew how to and didn't didn't have the balls to do I was weak to do it didn't know if there was a consequence to it but it's the best thing I did you always got to speak out and how was that feeling waking up knowing that you were gonna kill yourself and you could well I thought I was gone and I woke up and I'm like oh I was surprised that my phone even worked who was there I was on my own were you on the drugs nothing no nothing sober Yeah, that's when you know you're fucked then.

1:20:18Exactly. Doing it sober's worse. What happened in South Africa? Hijacked at gunpoint. That's when June and Princess will always know that I would take a bullet for them. When you've got a pillow like that and you're waiting to be shot, you're like that, waiting to hear the bang. so I wouldn't let them near the kids either. It was like a film. Getting in the front seat, trying to find the cars, put the keys in to drive off. You know when you watch horror films? You're like, just get in the car, put the keys in, and they're like, that's the keys. It was one of them moments. Like, I can't get the key and I can't, and I really fucking couldn't.

1:21:01Then they come along and took the keys. So then, oh, that was just a fucking nightmare, that. my friend still can't see properly out of his eye because where they knocked him out in the car blood everywhere he's unconscious and then they just went but we all thought we were dead then nightmare why were you in there filming for itv never had therapy for it never offered it um because we went on a different route that the director wanted to go on and my friend who's from South Africa kept saying no you don't do that rule let's stick to the route we've already planned to do we want to do it for scenery but it was a place that tourists shouldn't go and look what happened so that weren't nice so if I ever see like a black guy in an Adidas hoodie it makes them go a bit like that like princess she don't like being in cars at night but I now know that if I'm in a car I like to be quite far behind if something happens I can just get out and drive I don't know but still like if I go into a shopping centre and I see security with guns and I'm always a bit like oh gives me like a bit of that because you're very family orientated your mum's been a big part of your life she seems to have been a rock she probably wasn't here you probably wouldn't be here if I'm honest because every time yeah my family are so good the hell I've put them through but not on purpose like when I got diagnosed with ADHD I hate labels, I absolutely hate them.

1:22:32But now they can understand how my mind is connected different to theirs and it all makes sense to them why I've reacted to how I do this, that. Because I've severely got ADHD. It's like on a spectrum of autism. Where are you on the spectrum? And you have to do all these tests. It's not overnight, they take ages to do. Because my brother and sister aren't like that. so yeah that's last year i got diagnosed with that but to my mum it's a bit of relief to know when the doctors speak to her why my head or why do things a bit different why i am a bit like that but to me i don't know different i only know me how was it when your mum took not well um she actually lasted the five years yeah no i remember crying on loose swimming going oh As soon as you hear your son was terminal, you'll think they're literally going to die that week.

1:23:28And to me, it's like, oh, my God, how can my mum just go now? How? But she had it, like, for five years. I know we're all going to die one day. But I suppose it's watching someone close to you deteriorate, deteriorate from someone being so active. And then, like, my brother made me laugh. Like, so matter of fact, it's like we're not going to mope around. We still have fun. I remember we farted in her tube when she was in the other room going, dad what the fuck you stink because he saw this guy in america do it she's like i'm gonna fart in her oxygen so things like that and she'd have her rucksack on and in the garden because it was on a line she could only stop at a certain bit so we're like you on your lead mom like obviously she's not on it now because thank god two weeks they reckon she had left and they found her lung transplant but it was the day on the m25 when all the protesters were on it and they shut the m25 and literally when they phoned at 8 in the morning you have a three hour slot or you miss it so they had to go up to her shoulder call an ambulance on the way so they can get through the traffic and she made it in time and now she still fucking moans at me every fucking day about something Typical mothers Oh yeah I know but she's aged a lot from it shaken a lot from the steroids she's alive but now her kidneys now because of the sterols are now affected her kidneys so they're changing that but I'm like mum you're still alive you know you're always gonna have something now because you're on meds but at least you're alive you've just bought a new house in Isle of Wight you're doing that it's like a refresh for them restart for them all and my dad gets hempecked like fuck so that's Paul yeah it's so funny I should stay at dad yeah no but it's funny she's always hempecked him and oh you must love the hempecking because he's still there she's funny how is it when do you feel as if you've put them through a lot as well with your life yeah but it's not because i'm meant to this is what i said i haven't meant to do i don't mean to do it and i haven't meant to do it and i'm like i'm sorry i've done it like i'm sorry for the things that i've done in the past at the time i can't how i reacted to things or what i did what just what I did at the time.

1:25:44So that's why now, like having therapy and stuff, I know I react to things differently now. I'm still waiting to get the right meds for the ADHD. I know I need it. And it's weird because now I know I've got, now I know I don't sit still, whereas before I know I'm hyper, but now sometimes I think just sit still because I now notice that I do move around and I'm a bit like that. Or when I'm excited for something, I suddenly go really like, ah, which I've always done. and now my friends know they're like hey just calm down and I'm like okay I don't know I'm now it makes sense I notice what I do things how was the playboy mansion loved it he seemed like an old CD bastard him no do you know what this is the thing my Jordan days I had the fucking best times Harvey joined me in all of it he's been in the playboy mansion Harvey's makes you happy.

1:26:38No, he's done it all. They were the best days. The media, it was all fun with the media. The places I've been, like the Oscars, all the Formula One events, all the parties I've been to, all the photo shoots, the countries I've been to. Like, I can't ever say I haven't lived, because I have. Playboy Mansion was amazing. Such a good, like, good time I had there. Why was it so good? Just so different. And it's like, to be on the cover of American Playboy was always everyone's dream. I was the first English girl to do it. What do they call me? The bad girl in London. Did you love that? Yes. No, I loved it.

1:27:22So much fun. Yeah, that definitely was the grottos, all of that. Every Sunday he would have a movie night. So it would be all directors, producers. as we'd all sit out the front with hair from and everyone behind. It's just, the people I've met and seen, it's like obscene. Like, people in a lifetime wouldn't have experienced stuff I have. There's only one me in that way. Like, no one can ever have said... I know some people say, I want to be like you, but they can never be like me because they've never done what I've done. Like, there's no magazines to do what I've done because they just don't do it.

1:27:59Literally every week on a cover or the men's mags. I've literally, that's all I did. Do you feel as if there's not many people who could have walked in your shoes and got through it? Definitely not. I think having a personality helps because there's so many beautiful girls out there and some of them would fuck their way up there. Some girls would waste their money on designer clothes, this and that. I was quite horsey still. I don't really care anymore. I'm quite a chav. I wear what I want to wear. I don't wear things to impress anyone. clearly fuck off I wish I was going to turn up hearing if I fucking tracksuit on the biggest podcast in the UK yeah fucking oh fuck I wish I was going to turn up my fucking Brighton Bristol yourself you alright hang them on the table have some of my land um yeah at least people get to see what I'm like I've got fucking no one to ride it's only because we're going for lunch after but anyway um and I'm vaping away yeah someone ain't in trouble for that but yeah and that's stuff that's why I talk to podcasts I do one with my sister because one it's nice to catch up with my sister and you have a voice like you you can have a voice on podcasts this is the thing back in the day it was all print didn't have a word to say anything and I think that's why media have to be careful these days what they say about people because everyone's got a voice there's so many platforms you can say the truth on and that now but this is a new media it definitely is there's no bullshit here this is you you can only just be you and people can make their own assumptions of who you are what you're so the thing about the uk public they ain't daft either we do see through bullshit i think they're starting to i don't think they used to but i think they are now and i think they can see how many people are damaged um like from media stuff but like you've got a voice like if i ever out a journalist on my instagram or something they end up emailing my sister can she take it down and i'm like what but it's all right for you to write a fucking story but you don't like it when i out you well don't do it to me then gaza he was he was just i love gaza he was just out of rehab and again yeah i love him the reporters left two empty bottles of orcate his door banged his door ran away and then he came out and picked him up and they've got the saying gaza back no see what i mean yeah but that's the media unless you're in this industry sorry I've blown my faith on your face unless you're in this industry like I always wanted to be famous I'm not famous I'm a celebrity but it's not always what people think because you do you get good perks don't get me wrong and it's fun you get out there like that's always what I wanted to do but you've got to remember you've got to be a tough cookie to put up with it because they're not always going to write good stuff about you um I think only a few people can put up with it and get through it it's not easy not an easy industry when people want to bring you up it's fantastic but when you're down because the media don't care if you're up or down they just want to sell papers and it can affect you and it did affect me does affect me but ride the storm I've been in it long enough but I think when people say oh you're so lucky to do that I'm like really have a week in my life and tell me if you'd put up it because everyone around me they're like I don't know how you do it, I just don't know how you do it all because you're after it, it's not a normal job either is it?

1:31:27When are you at your happiest? At home, the kids and the horses and that, people I want to be with actually he's not in the room, JJ has actually brought sunshine to my life. So you've got a new fella, let's speak about him. Sunshine I didn't want a boyfriend, did not want a boyfriend, I've exhausted with a relationship didn't want one did not want one at all younger man 31 yeah but do you know what he's done a lot as well like in his life because he's from LA and he's he's quiet and what I like about him he doesn't judge me knows all like all about my past he's been in LA he's been to probably more parties than me that was associated with people he's done his TV show it's not like he needed me for that a lot of people want to use me for stuff but he's just so kind not judgmental loving seems so loyal i can't see any red flags literally and i wasn't looking and it didn't start off like that like oh should we go out for each other like it wasn't like that it's all been done properly slowly um but it all seems like the same patterns with you no he's definitely not the same Not hopefully, fingers crossed, hopefully, but it's all the same patterns.

1:32:43I've got boundaries. Not looking for a man. He's like, he won't put up, and the good thing is, I don't try and push these buttons to test where in the past I would push buttons to test what reaction. I don't feel I need to do that for him. I don't want to do that because that's not how you start a relationship. I don't want that. And I actually do things with him. We go out and actually do things. Like, he took me to this country thing at the weekend. and I've never listened to country music in my life, but he loves it. He went, you don't have to go. I went, no, if you like it, I'll go. Like, you know, if that's what you like, I'll go along.

1:33:17I actually really enjoyed it. So I think being in a relationship, sometimes you have to come by to do what the other one wants to do. You know, we go to theatre, date nights, like how it should be. Yeah, it's a partnership. There's more pure relationship than love. Yeah. There's got to be an understanding. Like you say, you're coming with a lot of baggage, let's be honest. I do. Three fucking divorces, five kids. And there's this thing, if I went on a dating agency and I, first thing was, I'm 45, five kids, three, would you say yes? No. They fucking wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. But the next one is, oh, I'm independent, got my own money, you don't need to pay.

1:33:53If you don't have to pay for my kids, oh, I might push it. Then the next one, like, you don't have to do nothing, supply nothing, I don't even have to be a father figure for my nothing. Do you know what I mean? it will take a long time but that's why it's hard for me to meet anyone because you don't know what they want but it's true on a dating site of course they're not going to say yeah I'll come and date you have you ever been on a dating site? no I did try and get on that rail one two years they still haven't accepted me little fuckers what's wrong with me? they're not but I don't need to be now but what's your what's your darkest day?

1:34:29my darkest days? your darkest day in your life see it's all noise it's like in therapy you do art therapy and you don't know what you're going to do in art therapy they just tell you that and then they might say right you've got 10 minutes to draw what's on your mind and then mine and it's always the same I always cut a bit off and I have like Pete, Alex, Kieran, police, socials, media and there's two managers of mine always that that is my noise them constant that that lot is my noise yeah how much do you think you've spent over the years fuck knows but you can't take it with you you just can't the life like people worry too much about money life so much about money but at the end of the day we all go in a box or unless you want to be burnt but like you can't take it with you so family and having people around so far important that what makes you happy like having people around for dinner like your friends family to me that is what makes me happy how lucrative was it back in the day like 50 grand 100 grand for front page stories used to be all like that okays and that they just don't pay that money because of social media but i'm all right still got my nice house and all of that you read about the bankruptcy and stuff but you know what there's so many situations for people even being bankruptcies I think that word stigma is so like bad like petrified me but now it's like look it is what it is just get on with it don't just don't let it affect you it is what it is isn't it you can't take everything with you what was you hefna like I loved him because a lot of people not loved him like but there's a lot of people out now yeah they out him now but they didn't moan at the time and they're with him did they like he got them the covers of the magazine them their status and now they want to slag him off that i don't understand it nice guy shrewd guy and i had some of the best times with him and though i didn't have sex with him although i was in the room when it all happened what was what age was he then when he was shagging he's always looked old to me no idea yeah he's looked about 100 for fucking 50 years i wouldn't be fucking my granddad what was it like though when he was having orgies and shit was that not strange were you not seeing okay this is a bit much or were you just thinking i'm living the life went along with it went along with it do you think you accepted a bit too much than what was normal i've seen a lot like when i was trained to be a nurse dead body seen him cleaned him up like things i've witnessed seen you know even like great ormond street seeing ill kids and seeing mums and i've seen it's weird like i've been in so seen so many surreal situations like the kidnap threats, the hijack, Harvey Gray, I don't know, all these dramatic situations.

1:37:25And I think I've survived it. I'm a survivor. And now I'm in a good place to reset that button, like I say. And now I know what I've learned. Just don't make the same mistakes again. What's your biggest trick of it? Eurovision.

1:37:43That fucking out. I would say some of the men I've been with but then I wouldn't have had the kids I did but like I say I didn't know I just didn't know I had to cut I was just one to the other to the other relationship to the other that's all I did because it's all I knew What do you think you're best at? Being a mum love it and talking and talking and talking I'm good at giving advice but shit it's taking my own I'm the fucking same but I am I'm best at being family and caring I love it I like to care for someone just love that's it you think you're starting to look at life a bit differently even though it's took you 45 years same with 45 years but yeah I want to do like more travelling like with the kids I like them to see now they're at the age to see things and experience things because they're lucky and like my dream holiday now so I don't even know how to book it would be like an Amazon rainforest but you know them tree houses you get on the side of the cliffs or whatever like one of them like adventure love it stuff like that because your whole life's been full of chaos but where do you get the chaos then i like peace but how do you then separate the two now no i can i easily do always have done like as soon as i go home i'm like everyone else kettle on jam was on what we having for dinner i'll cook or get a table it's i'm very so normal um and that's another thing i think that confuses people when they meet me they're like she's done all this and she does and everyone knows her but like we're with her and she's so normal it's like well what do you want me to be at home with a ball girl drinking champagne no when's the last time you cried um

1:39:25skiing what happened what happened because i fucking can't ski and i tell you what oh i looked like i could ski i had all the gear i no idea trying to get um get up with my bum filler and tits as well as my body when I'd fall over trying to get my feet out the skis and then lifting myself back up I was literally like I fucking hate this I hate skin and then when it's a normal slope oh I like this now and then I see a hill and then I start throwing I fucking hate this why are we doing this then because I was getting exhausted crying like disappointed in myself i'm like i'm such a fat fuck i can't even get up on these skis my tits i'm like that pulling then it's my fucking ass and then where i broke my feet i've got no um i said full of screws no stability in them so it's so fucking annoying i'm not as flexible as i used to be would you have any more kids yes i think my eggs are a bit old so i think i have to do ivf if i want more and i will have more no one's telling me i can't how many more would you have as many as i can have shut up yeah i would love it that's for me that's what it's all about fame i love it jewelry cars houses it's all bullshit no i have family i've been there done it had the cars the watches the stuff i've got two kids i want more i'm 40 i want another but you have it all for people to go look at their car oh look at that so what would you get married again yeah yeah you're there you're fucked you're fucked katie you're fucked in i'd love to give you some motivation and advice but it's the same pattern you've gone to podcast in three years saying another divorce another kid but i've just met someone and it's no red flags no live as you go on i'll be 46 in may um i'm hoping to do this misfits boxing fight as well I've just had all my brain scan, blood tests and all my things done so...

1:41:26Who would you fight? I think they want me to fight an American girl from Jersey Shore. Who? I don't know, they show me pictures. Just got them. Has it high? Got them to do for that. Because I've already got my saying if I lose. My saying would be, well I should hope you lose. I'm fucking 46 with five kids. How old are you in your twenties? I should hope you fucking have won. That's if I lose. How do you feel going over your story? Again and again and again. it helped you? I think it's interesting for people but I could sit here all day because so much has happened I possibly couldn't just do it all in an hour or two hours because so much so people have to just find things they want to talk about because I could sit here for hours and hours I've got so many stories so many places I like it's literally I'm like a story yeah everybody knows your story and you can see you're a decent bastard you can see your sound you can see you can sit and have dinner and have a laugh and there's no bullshit absolutely with my country but then my w8 smith bag over there and the other hand you can see you're a mad bastard as well do you think i am oh fucking mile away yeah you're off your fucking rocker do you think oh no because i try and say what is it you lot always i always said do you think i'm nuts or great so you don't see it no That's when you know you're gone.

1:42:46That's Jeffrey. That's some Jeffrey Dalmer shit, Anna. My sisters are doing that. Do you remember? I need to know this from you. Yeah, go. It's English. Go. You spent, what, an hour, two hours with me? How do you know I'm not some nutty bastard? It's just because. What can you tell? It's the actions from the years. But again, that's all the trouble. No, that's what interests me. I want you to tell me. It's all the defense mechanisms. It's all the tap. It's all the fidgeting. It's the smoke and the vape. was to being allowed the singing before the cameras are on the fucking married to three men five different kids it seems normal being in South Africa fucking it's mad but again you're going to be tapped that industry makes people tapped you're still here telling the tale so what it also tells me is you're one strong bastard you're one strong survivor yeah definitely and you've come through a lot no doubt you're always going to be up there in the UK everybody loves the Katie Price show everybody loves Jordan whatever act people buy your books 54 books or 56 books you've been involved in perfumes, make-ups it's all coming back yeah you've done amazing and some people don't realise and this is why these long formats are so good because people get an understanding of you they can tell you're a bit loopy but you can also tell like I said it's that loopy, I love it you can also tell it's that I think I agree I don't know I'm just me, I don't know you're a great fucking mum to be there for your kids I love my kids especially when the fathers have been in and out some have been non-existent and we can sit and slate the men as well but you've got to take some responsibility of putting yourself in these predicaments these situations and you wouldn't be because i would imagine sitting with you here we go go on yeah no but with the stories and that because i've seen you retaliate and when you do retaliate it's fucking it's dark it's toxic yeah poisonous but i don't anymore i know but that fucks with men's because we've all got pride we've all got yeah but men have still got to understand what they were getting involved and they knew exactly what they were doing coming into your life damaged goods yeah i am damaged goods but i've got heart and there's still always a way forward and there's always a way I can get through things but at least I admit I am damaged goods but you can't blame me for saying I've been through so much but good damaged goods yeah where do you go for the future Katie fucking hell I've told you it's that reset button there's more to the price each coming I fucking smile because there really is I've turned it all around never thought I would from that moment uh the darkest moment I never thought I never saw the light but I have now and I know the triggers and that to never let me get that way it's a scary place to be and what about only fans i love it oh i love getting my kit off because there's no magazines i am not going to get my kit off on instagram or any of that when that's what i've been paid to do and all like a lot of the older fans and there's some newer ones who love all the jordan stuff so i do it on only fans i absolutely love it i my favorite thing is being in front of the camera i'm like an animal come alive I love it Would you want your daughters doing Onlyfans?

1:45:40They wouldn't do it But would you? No I said she could do Love Island She'd like to do that But I said they need to do The Jungle Junior Princess That's where like The dad was like It'd be iconic to do that If it's still going Junior could do it now He's 18 What's your greatest memory? Apart from having kids I would say The first 20 years Of my career Were the best These last 10 Have been shocking Awful Like damaging, awful, testing, damaging. But the first 20 years, amazing. For anybody watching that's maybe been in a life of struggle or struggling right now, you've came through suicide attempts yourself.

1:46:20Everything. What advice would you have for them? Communicate. You're not alone. You'll be surprised how many people go through things. It doesn't matter how big or small that is to someone else. What's small to me could be massive for someone else in the head, magnified. which where I could probably think fucking hell is that all you're moaning at but you can't judge people like that everyone deals with things different and how they cope with it in their head um like my therapist said Kate you really have real life events so you're understandable the way you are some people might have something small but it affects them like you've just got to talk and I really really have to talk communicate get yourself up the rock because if you don't you'll keep getting further down that hole further down that hole until you will end up being suicidal or losing everything or but whether you've got an addiction or a problem doesn't matter how many people go on you do this do that the only person you can help is yourself you've got to want to do it yourself no one can make you do anything and as soon as you wake up one day and go do you know i am going to do it i am i am i believe you're going to do it you can that's yeah that's the only way the advice I could sort of give yeah good on you man and no one's perfect I'm a pure example of that yeah I'm nuts apparently yeah but like I say man listen you're still here and like you say you're a survivor and for everything you've done and going forward for the future I wish you nothing but the fucking best thank you I think I'll be a good therapist myself no doubt man listen you've lived that life Katie listen would you like to finish up on anything else no I've really enjoyed it actually going back to my roots yeah you've no go ADHD have I told you that was lying split personality bipolar maybe ADHD is fucking life for you you're fucking psycho oh I know I fucking love it no but listen would you like to finish up on anything else I just hope everyone enjoyed listening to the podcast it's been a pleasure not a chore yeah listen unbelievable again thanks for coming on today thank you very much nothing but the best for the future keep being you keep doing what you can and if you want to hear more about me go to the katie price show which is my podcast which i do with my little sister who's a victorian compared to me what is all your social medias and youtubes and stuff for people to get on board yeah don't worry about that you can just find me tapping my name listen absolute pleasure i wish you nothing but the best for the future god bless and take care Thank you.

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