Surviving Britain's Most Evil Fiancé - Amanda Stanhope Tells Her Story

42:12Very wrong. and the doctors have misdiagnosed you as well because they're just saying you've got pseudo dementia they're just saying basically you've got dementia mental health and you're being drugged by your partner and being raped like they're part of the problem they don't care they're just going there's medication you know what you're just forgetting you're getting a little older but they've got to do what you care they've got to be asking the right questions and a lot of them probably just they're so desensitized themselves for seeing shit and hearing shit all day it's just easy to give someone a prescription just go and sleep it off take those tablets for the next 30 days 60 days but they've got to have a duty of care for people now and understand well wait a minute you've got to go scans in the brain or something they can't just take what people are saying is yeah they've got the answer for that because it's not the case it's not you know you've got to ask the question well wait a minute like is how is family life who is your partner?

43:09They don't even ask. Yeah. They don't even ask. And the fact that he was there at every single appointment, now I know is a red flag because he wouldn't let me see them on my own. And he kind of took control of the... Medication. The speech in the, you know, when we spoke to medical people, he would take over and tell them. So the doctors are sitting there thinking he's a good guy, showing support to his partner. Yes, that's the econ then. Oh, he's a con man? Yeah, oh yeah. So you've woke up then, you're ODing, he's on top of you, he's phoned you an ambulance. No doubt he'd be pretending to be the ambulance and the nurses that he's a concerned partner.

43:58Then they'd probably think he's a good guy, not realise he's just raped you in the room. No, well... Did you class that as rape in your own mind though? How did your mind see it? I thought that that was rape, but I wasn't sure. I felt like it was rape. I felt it was worse than rape, what he'd done. And everything changed then for me. But I still didn't say the word. I still couldn't because we were together. I didn't know that you could actually be raped by your partner. I didn't know. Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu is now streaming on Disney+. What are you waiting for? Hop on. The must-see galactic adventure comes home on Disney+.

44:44This is the way. Our only chance is to work together. I like this kid. Always wear your seatbelt. Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu now streaming on Disney+. Read PG-13.

45:29We'll be right back. ZocDoc. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports get started at chat gpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans weirdly did he have fetishes kinks um yeah he you don't need to speak about that okay just try to yeah if in case you know what i mean you don't need to answer every question i'm just trying to put it together for people to maybe listen and check out for these red flags yeah i mean one of them I will say because it's very common with people who do this they're always asking you if you want to do swinging um and where they upload photos and videos are often swinging sites that you're not aware of um and a lot of people tell me that and that's what happened to me so they try and push you into things that you're not comfortable with I think once you start doing that you kind of lose yourself anyway and I've said it to the girl before you I think as a man, as a protector if you love your partner the last thing you want to do with your partner is have someone else with her and I think any man who accepts that is a weak man people need to understand your partner's not being adventurous you're not trying everything once in life because yeah, you love once all that bullshit if your partner is willing to share you he does not give a fuck about you exactly no matter who it is no matter how much you think love is and we're experimenting on threesomes here this and that you don't care for each other but then again people do it because they love their partner as well so i understand that i'm not trying to shoot anybody down but if they're trying to get you to do these things they don't care about you it's degrading it is degrading and but then the whole thing is what you know the whole thing is about um degrading humiliation power control none of it's about love i think that's what people struggle with because they ask the question or but it's your wife it was there any time but when you actually start speaking to the survivors they'll tell you it's a power thing it's all power it's not about sex at all that that's mechanical robotic it's it's power and it's not like they're not having any sex they're having it all the time it's it's purely power was there times he was wanting all the time you just didn't want to do it but you agreed just to shut him up yeah yeah that's raping itself no what is that if i've realized that's rape again i didn't know that was rape but what is that then if you're agreeing to it though but you don't want to do it you just feel pressured and tired that you don't want to let him down would that be classed as rape yeah oh it is that is rape but i don't even know that question so i think it's important to understand the sort of if you're pressured or coerced then it's rape because i remember and this is the one where i had an operation i was sterilized so it was quite a big operation and he took me, took me home.

49:02I'd only been out of theatre for three hours, if that, and he wanted to have sex and I just looked at him and I said, I was in agony, I was half comatosed, lying in bed, I couldn't move and he forced me and it was that that I thought and he said I just can't keep away from you I love you this much that I have to be and I said I've just got off the operating table and but at the time he always tried to convince me that it was because he loved me so much so you're being emotionally manipulated all the time how hard does that though when you think someone does truly love you and they do it because they can't keep your hands off you because couples are like that as well yeah you do have couples with the all touchy feeling yeah but what he's done is extreme when does it eventually set that okay you're doing it for your own wicked ways and not because you love me you know like yeah that's filthy in a sense like i understand people've got their kinks like i say do what you want behind closed doors whether people want to have orgies whatever i don't give a fuck that's only the way i see the world i think as a father and having kids and i just think it's kind of degrading i think you're selling yourself short but some people just want that extra connection as well listen there's probably swingers out there who are good people you know what i'm saying they're just doing what they want and want to be free and whatever so be it but to then be coming out the hospital and that's again some sort of sickness in his mind you're coming out again kind of drugged up yeah so yeah it's like a was there a name for him is there any names is there any like labels for that um apart from a sex addict and it was eventually because i was under a psychiatrist um because i was so mentally ill um she actually gave me a leaflet on narcissism and said have you ever heard of NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I hadn't.

51:17And I read it and I was horrified. I thought, oh my God, this... But then he was very... Since, I mean, obviously I've studied it to death since, trying to work out what happened to me. But, you know, he had psychopathic traits. Bipolar? Not even bi - he accused me of having bipolar because I was on this up and down roller coaster being you know loved, hated, raped. Yeah but I can honestly say I came out of that relationship. I was that traumatized. I didn't even know what happened to me. It was that bad. And, yeah, I didn't know how long he'd been doing this because after that night, I knew eventually I would have to leave him, but I was broken.

52:19I had some kind of nervous breakdown after that. No strength? No strength. I was broken. I had daughters to try and look after. My dad passed away. It was all at the same time. And I thought, I've got to rebuild to get the strength to even leave. And it took me another few years to do that. But I said to him after that night, don't ever do that again. And he said, I'm sorry. I promise I won't do it again. So you pulled him up for that? Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel that actually, obviously, when the walls are coming down you've not got your parents anymore you feel as if everything's just closing in you don't even have the strength to walk away then because he what he's done like how hard does that when you start looking back and realize how fragile you were that when i really think about it that's what breaks me because i had there was no one and my oldest daughter she she left because she couldn't bear to see it but I didn't understand that at the time um it was so I was I was and then at the same time he stopped me seeing the medical people the psychiatrist and the care worker because he convinced me that I didn't need them he said I'm the one who loves you I'm looking after you you don't need them

53:59and cheeky bastard it was him it got you on them yeah of course i needed them but he knew if i kept seeing them after they gave me this leaflet about mpd um so he's covering these on tax he knew it wouldn't take long for me to figure it out work out so i had to be ice for this to work I had to be completely isolated and what happens when you pulled him up after you overdosed and pulled what he just says he won't do it again did Deborah say why he'd done it there's never any reason why anyway no it was never anything no no never um and to be honest it was really difficult for me to say because I was scared it took me weeks to be able to say those words to him please don't do that again see if you died in that room do you think he would have still raped you i can absolutely guarantee and say yes because he told me um that when i do die he will be with me until we're dead and then when i do die if i go first he said I will be having sex with you one last time.

55:14He used to laugh and say that. That was his regular joke. But he was serious. He was serious. Because part of that would have been an obsession with having sex. Maybe he's wanting to pretend that they're dead. What is that, necrophiliac? I believe so. That's some Jimmy Savile shit. That's what he used to do. He used to go into the morgues. Really? He had the keys to the morgues. Oh my God. So he did That's what they used to do It's crazy Like it's fucking crazy And do you know He used to joke about it And Yeah But there's some truth in it But there was Absolute truth in it But Like I say He'd make jokes He'd manipulate He'd I only I lived on his narrative Hey it's Kelly Rowland You may not know this But I have eczema So I get how it can steal your time.

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56:41Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EpGliss. Before starting EpGliss, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lilly. Respect your time. Ask your doctor about EpGliss and visit epgliss.com. Or call 1-800-LILLY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. Because I was drugged up half the time. as the jokes as well to make it softer because he's going to do that stuff anyway and he's making out as if it's all happy and jokey with yeah his sort of psychotic behavior and he also he used to say this is my aspergous because he always used to say that that you know he says inappropriate things because of, you know, he's special and so we kind of got used to him saying these inappropriate things, even though they were horrifying.

57:43Did he ever say things like that in front of the kids? He, not that particular one, but he did say some pretty awful things. And you just kind of gave him a free pass because he says he had Asperger's? Yeah. that sounds horrendous but I bought books to research like do they do this is this I mean it's like autism so they can blurt things out without you know but you don't even know if he fucking had Asperger's the cunt you don't know if he's read up on it and thought yep I can just say I've got that because it lets me away with everything else did he actually have that well Well, he, in the end, I made him go and have a, we couldn't get him an autism assessment, but he had a pre-autism to see if he could be diagnosed with it.

58:39So he did that and she said, yeah, I think he does have a level of autism. But she said he really needs to have a full psychological assessment. um so i presumed that because she's seen more um she then said i believe he has a sex addiction as well and she was the only person because i was still confused about that night in the hotel and and i i said to her i've got something i had to ask i said could this be caused by Asperger's because I didn't know it was rape. And I think as part of your trauma, I was so traumatised. Your own protection doesn't want you to believe it is. So you kind of, you try and make excuses.

59:46What did the doctor say when you said to her? she said um i it might be worth um seeking some advice um well she spoke to me on my own for domestic violence and i was like domestic violence had no idea she not tell you to contact the police or anything no because i don't know i don't know why maybe because it was his assessment I don't know but yeah that's another in fact you've just made me think right this second I disclosed that to a professional and they didn't say it was rape or go to the police sad isn't it where's that true this second I've never ever thought that yeah who just says you've been ODing your husband your partner's been raping you they should have been saying listen they can't force sure to go but they could have said last thing you need to go and speak to professionals or go and speak to the police or speak to someone they can't just give you more medication and tell you to go um um do you know this happens whenever i speak something else comes back because i've still got fragmented trauma memories um and something new comes back each time so you've had to stay a couple of years extra to then build up some strength to leave him i had to do that and with the promise that he wasn't going to ever do it again how do you know he never this is the thing because i woke up a year later to him doing it again and then again another time um i don't believe he ever stopped at all because I still had the weird um bruises um I was getting worse illness wise memory loss um I was I look back on photos I don't even know the woman that I became I was yeah what you're thinking then though when you've woke up again and he's doing that and again I think I was that I was just surviving by this point I couldn't even make sense of anything anymore I was literally in survival mode that was it I just had to get through every day to survive another day it was at that stage you just accepted what you what was happening you just I didn't know what was happening you didn't know what was different it's the same as like I've interviewed people who expose paedophile rings and human trafficking.

1:02:35What they'll do is get the kids to watch porn, get the kids to watch porn at an age and just get used to it. And then before you know it, they're going to be raped by men and it just becomes normalized, you know, and people will say, Oh, how did you not run away? And people will be asking that. How did you not leave? Yeah. Add opportunities. How did you not run away? But it's different when there's an emotional connection when you're so brainwashed. Coercive control, brainwashing. You know? And you are brainwashed completely. And you believe that you still love this person. But this is where the trauma bonds, Stockholm syndrome, you are in love with your, I mean, it felt like captivity.

1:03:13I mean, it got to the point where he was, the abuse escalated. So I believe that the sexual violence did as well. and it got to the point if I ever questioned anything he would leave but he started taking all the car keys with him and disappear for days so I'd be trapped in the house

1:03:41and anything to kind of it was just torture I was I was literally being tortured emotionally mentally and then he'd come back and then I'd feel that relief that he was back and then and then yeah and then it'd carry on but I don't know how you survive in that situation but you you just survive and what would happen if you tried to leave him could he potentially killed you I know he would have killed me yeah um what when it When I finally, finally did, I tried to leave a few times, but then he always got me back because he never left me alone. Stalking, yeah, he just loved bombing all over again, promising to go to therapy.

1:04:39He tried everything. And then the very last time he threatened suicide and said, I am going to kill myself. And I should have just said, well, go on then. But I thought, I can't have that on my conscience because I know how it feels. So I let him sleep on the sofa. And that was when I woke up to him doing it again. And we weren't even together. He was just on the sofa. And that's when, for the first time, a million percent I knew it was rape. And that's when I went to the police. and from that moment he was relentless six months it lasted a full-on smear campaign stalking harassment he would turn up at places he didn't care even though he was on bail um he would just do what he did he never said a word he'd just stand and stare so places like mcdonald's i'd go to the drive-through with with my youngest daughter and he'd just stand there just staring it was the most terrifying time and then one time and then all over social media daily he was posting things he'd put threats in song he'd put lyrics on so it would be disguised but I knew what they meant and it was all about killing your girlfriend um I told I told the police that I said he is going to kill me and all they kept saying is well just phone 999 um and I yeah it was horrendous my daughter and I we didn't open the windows or outdoors in the hot summer for because we were too scared that he might come through the window he'd turn up he'd be in the garden it was terrifying and then one time I'd taken her and a little friend they were I think 10 at the time camping in Gloucestershire and I heard from friends of mine that he'd tried to get a lift and he was on his way and I had to get the police in Gloucestershire and these two girls were terrified and we had to get security and I went back to the police and said he is going to kill me he he was trying to get to us you know hours away what what happened when you told them it was drugging you and rating you what happened what did the police do did they get charged he it took uh nearly two and half years two years and three months to bring charges how so long it was disgusting because they messed up they they didn't take it seriously they didn't take what he was doing seriously um he was never remanded they kept losing they were filing paperwork wrong it was horrific and he finally was charged six weeks later and he was found dead.

1:08:06So he was charged then six weeks later to kill himself? Yep. How is that for someone who's drugging you, raping you, abusing you every day, mainly torturing you, stalking you? But I know you said that you still loved him and you still wanted to believe everything he was sort of saying to you, but how was it when you've got him charged with all that and he's took his own life? was there any emotion towards him i had a lot of emotion or was it a relief rage mainly i was so angry because of what he'd put me through gone through all that with the police for nothing and i knew that um he was never going to be held accountable for what he did i was so angry i was also, weirdly, I had grief because of that trauma bond, you're still addicted to them.

1:09:01So I had to grieve him as well. It's the weirdest thing because he was still living in my head. and I was still is he good is he bad Jekyll and Hyde yeah he did all these things but he was also really really nice which one is he yeah no he's bad he's evil and the police said to me he's evil because I actually said to this was how in my interview I sat there and I said would you get him help i think he needs help you know i could not believe he was evil i thought he just needs help there's there's obviously you know something wrong with him and the police looked at me and they said yes we'll deal with him don't worry he's evil and it's taken me three years to realize what evil means and come to come to terms with it how did they kill themselves with a belt around his neck hanging in a motorhome on his own and how was it when you found out that he killed himself I was shocked I didn't think he would do that I thought he's the kind of person he'd have never gone to prison he'd have done it then because he kind of joked and you know because when I used to say at the end you rape me and he'd say don't be ridiculous you're mental you're on too much medication and he'd say I'm never going to prison and but I never thought I thought he would be brave enough to face me in court nah no people like that really there's more chance of him killing you first and then taking his own life.

1:11:02That would be more satisfaction for him. Not caught. They can't face consequences. These people never admit they're false. They're never wrong. Everyone else is to blame. And once they get caught, they chase us up. They go to the court. So they just think, they give up. And they won't take responsibility. You know what I'm saying? Never in accountability. I was going to ask you about that because you've met a few people who've been with his evil. He was a psychopath, wasn't he? Yeah, he was evil. He was evil. You don't harm the person that you love. You know, people fall out, people fight, people argue, but the levels and the extent that he went to is pure evil.

1:11:44They're not human. That was what, that night when I took the overdose, that's what happened to me. Something in my head shattered and that's when I got severe PTSD PTSD because he wasn't human I I saw something that wasn't human and it terrified me and that that's when I knew I had to get away from him because he wasn't human yeah there's some dark entities on this planet and I think their heads are completely gone I don't think people are ever born bad I genuinely don't I think it's just circumstances through life but you can't feel sorry for him as well because you have got choices and everybody knows right from wrong we still sin we still make mistakes in life it's life it's not that deep but when people go that extreme way yeah that level of the damage the torment the raping the drugging it's it's a different ball game that's something that's something more sinister and that's there's no words for these people and it's a good thing that they're not here if i'm completely honest as sad as that might be it's only the truth these people don't deserve to be walking on this planet they're a danger not just to themselves but other people especially with kids in this planet they're our future I hate asking these questions but if it was drugging you it could have potentially been drugging your kids I've thought this I've spoken to my oldest daughter about this and

1:13:16the honest answer is I wouldn't know and how awful is that because when you're on these tablets you are completely unconscious and I trusted I trusted someone who said I won't do it again and believed that and it didn't even cross my mind that I didn't know what was happening to me let alone anyone else in the family um i don't think so it's all i can that's a good thought to have dog i i have to think like that to think that or else you don't want to be fucking pushed over the edge again you know no um so it's a good thought to stay with i hate asking the question but you have to just to get for people to be aware that yeah you don't know what these people these people are not in control of their emotions, of their urges.

1:14:17No, no. They aren't. No, when you say dark entity, that's exactly what, they aren't human. They don't have compassion or empathy or remorse. Yeah. They fake it. They're scumbags, and that's why when they die, you hear these people getting the death penalty. Like, I've no emotion towards them. you know as a kid as a father that you do everything to protect your own yeah oh yeah the damage it it's the it's the effect it has on all the people not just one yeah what was he sort of backstory himself how was his upbringing not that i'm making excuses for him but did they no doubt they're playing a victim no doubt he'll come out with some mad shit but what did he say about his own past oh he said he had an abusive childhood um he said his his dad was abusive towards his mom he would drag around the kitchen by hair um yeah some i i heard some pretty awful things he did tell me once and this was quite scary this is where he put the fear the fear into me because he'd always say things like um he always wanted to kill his dad they didn't get on and and they'd fight and argue and he said if i hadn't walked away i would have killed him and it's things like that that made me think he was capable um but he was capable of anything he was with those you know what i'm saying that they don't have empathy they don't feel the way a normal human being feels.

1:16:03No. You know, they're just all for themselves, what they can take and how they can take it. They feed off of negative energy. Yeah. They feed off the weak, they feed off the badness. That's how they thrive. That's why there's a fight between good and evil on this planet. And that's what they're evil. Like I say, none of us are perfect. We all fucking make mistakes, but to go that length. There's mistakes and there's evil. How was it speaking out about it all? How was it finding the voice and then finding the strength to tell your story? When I first spoke out last year and I had a huge wobble when I did it and it was published in The Sun and then I had a wobble and thought I don't know if I'm ready for this.

1:16:49and then I kind of retreated again for a few months because I heard some negative comments but then this year has been different as I've healed and I'm at a level of healing now where I'm in a pretty good place and ready to kind of take on the systems that allow this and since speaking out with CNN it's been completely different this time there's been so much support and I think society's ready finally to hear the truth of the people that live among us the darkness because obviously we've just gone through all the Epstein files and it's all coming out. It's like all the narcissists are being exposed and the evil in the world.

1:17:48And it's actually helping heal. As much as it's quite traumatic to talk about, and it might take me a few days to recover, each time I remember different things, each time I know it's helping someone there'll be someone sat there like i was terrified to speak to anyone not knowing what's happening to them and someone will hear this and think i'm i i can relate to that i feel that you know i can see myself in that person and that's saving someone did they have any more victims? Did he? I believe his ex-wife had reported rape as well. And then she actually told me that she'd heard rumors even before they got together that there'd been rumors of rape previously but i don't know any facts um but i didn't find any of this out till well after who's your sleeping patterns and stuff now are you still taking medication you no no got your memory back well no that's not come back um no is that then could it be a potential sort of I think I've got potential brain damage from the trauma the trauma and he was what he was doing was trauma on whilst I was on medication whilst I was sedated I still can't get a diagnosis I'm still trying I can't get anyone to I've seen different doctors and they they say it's trauma and that it might come back but no one knows for sure.

1:19:52I've got great long-term memory. I've just, I can't, I've got no... Short-term? Short-term, like if you told me something I'd walk out the door and I'd have forgotten it already. So you've just shut off completely then with him, just shut off any badness whatsoever, anything he says and just became robotic just sort of through that relationship so it kind of must have done so much damage to the brain that you're so used to shutting things off. Yeah, I had to shut off to survive it. I think once I tried to, you know, once I was driven suicide, after that everything changed. Then I was just purely surviving whatever he was doing and probably relying on the medication by that point.

1:20:43because then I couldn't feel anything. I interviewed a girl who used to get abused when she was 7, 8, 9, 10 years old and you know her mind when she stopped, when she wasn't getting abused at that young age she then thought she wasn't being loved. I can believe that. So she thought it was love, she thought she was being loved so when she wasn't getting abused she then thought nobody loved her. like it's sad and it goes on too fucking frequent yeah i'm trying to be a big voice for it for everybody to have a voice for people just to understand it's so good be careful you know what's important it's very important man because you just nowadays everybody's got access to each other as well you're not really protected from the evil you're not protected and with the internet, you know, what all started this and us speaking out was the porn sites that are now actively sharing this content, drugged women being raped.

1:21:51And these women are in videos, they don't even know, they don't know. and you know that this is how it yeah and the the amount of men that are watching this content is more than shocking yeah because it was the the rape academy i was talking about it with zoe and that 80 million hits in one month yep 80 million 80 million and 50 percent of people don't think it's rape if you rape your wife half the men don't and i can honestly say i had to go on a course a 12-week course with a group of women because none of us realized we were being raped and we had to learn what rape was um because we'd been gaslit as well into believing it wasn't there needs to be more in schools about certain stuff like that because now everything's so thin lined yeah people are confused and sometimes people aren't being bad yes no is no we get that but there's thin lines of certain things now yeah um where people need to understand the boundaries yes because everybody's confused not just the females but also the male yeah you know and some people can be getting to different kinks and fetishes and thinking certain things are okay but there's got to be crystal clear you've got to be clear and then tensions and making sure I don't even know that's why I ask you some questions you know it's important for people to understand listening and watching because it's happening too frequent you know and it's fucking scary times because let's touch on eye detect so eye detect is like you and Zoya try to promote what is eye check what is eye check for people who don't know this is where these eye check Yeah, and then our campaign is End Eye Check, because what these men are doing, they are teaching each other how to tell if their wife is sedated enough or not.

1:23:55And they basically film themselves, and this was on that website, they film themselves lifting the eyelids of their partners to show that they're drugged, that they're not pretending to be asleep, that they're completely unconscious. and a lot of the men were searching for this they were searching out passed out and eye check they were the two terms that these men were searching for and then they get into separate telegram groups and because then they're asking each other what what do you use you can buy the drugs what dose it's fucking scary scary but what fun is that having somebody drugged up sleeping it's not what the fuck like that it's that's how their minds are so what that's how i get people i think one of the biggest things that girls search up on internet as well i think it's like rape scenes as well and like um men being more dominant strangulation stuff like that men one one of men's biggest searchers is transgender gay shit as well do you know what I'm saying so if you're constantly looking at all this weird shit and watching it it normalises it in your mind so you become desensitised to it so even though you're going through all that you're still questioning to yourself you know deep in you know the answer but you're still questioning is that a you know what I'm saying like it's it must be so fucking frustrating and so sort of all over the place with it trying to work it out what's going on it is and it is just getting worse and worse because that French one, Dominique Pellico, that resurfaced.

1:25:40Yeah, what's that? That Coco, it started as a Coco Telegram group in France. I don't know. It's resurfaced again under a slightly different name and the authorities are trying to take it down but it's another drug and rape your wife group. What about the married at first sight stuff? Have you seen that all over the news? Apparently the girls are being raped and... Horrific, absolutely horrific. For a TV show? For a TV show? I don't know, I can honestly say... I've only seen the headlines. I've only seen the headlines, but basically you are putting these people on TV, these narcissists, these people that we're discussing, and they meet these women.

1:26:31I think they get married, spend the first night with them and they're being raped. That's the impression I got. I haven't watched a full... This is the thing about social media. You can be any character. Back in the day, people met... You met someone through friendship group. You met someone in your area. You only had a house phone. You didn't have any numbers. You only had family and friends. So when you met someone, it was someone close by. You know their background. You know their history. You know what they're about. nowadays you can meet people from all around the world you can be any character you want because you can't you can't ask people who they are what they're like so you can be anyone you can be the wolf in sheep's clothing yeah and then before you know it's too late before you know you're five years ten years and something that's totally deformed and you know so everybody can be different characters now and that's a scary tactic like social media is a massive problem to me and bringing all these fucking nutcases together yeah there's absolutely no way i i you couldn't pay me a million pounds to go on a dating site you know imagine how i was just how is that no with relationships and dating how it has things um i don't have how do you get back from that um i i don't know but to be honest i am completely happy completely i focused all my time on healing I because I never thought I was going to survive this I never thought I was going to heal to any kind of level so I put myself in isolation on purpose and just worked so hard on myself did all the therapy that was available and I've just yeah and and now I don't know it's I feel like I've become the I've come out of darkness and I've come into the light now and I've got a I feel like I've got a much bigger purpose and if I meet someone while fulfilling that purpose wonderful but it'll be someone in alignment and um but I'm completely happy if not because I've got my daughters it destroyed our family we've got each other back together so everything's really good that's a good thing because how do you trust someone like I struggle with trust when I was going through some mad shit monster like that but when you go through certain things it makes you question everything it gives you a new it doesn't make you I wouldn't say it makes you a better person it makes you colder to life it makes you so much colder nowhere near what you went through but it must make you question because I interviewed the girl just before you she's marrying herself she went through such a toxic relationship with her ex cheating not nowhere near what you went through but she's just tired of men so she says she's in such a good place now she doesn't need anyone i'll just marry myself so she's going to walk herself down the aisle listen it's a bit crazy but understand she's actually gonna do that with a fucking wedding Oh my god I love that If you've listened to so many fucking crazy stories I actually kind of understand it More like probably anyone I think you know what Fair play makes sense Because the only person can hurt you is you When you start bringing someone else in And with the damage that everybody's got You're just bringing trauma From all aspects Unless they get Unless they heal You know healing is that that healing process is years oh yeah it's years and years and grow together and work together it's not because nobody's got any patience because everybody everything's easy access so if i wanted to date i just go on a dating website and you've got hundreds of choices you know it's the same as social media everything's putting yourself out there nobody really cares anymore everybody's just it's like small gratification it's like small little bursts but it's all fake yeah it's all fake man yeah she's marrying herself and i thought you know that that's brilliant well amanda maybe i'll have you on here in five years and you go do you know what james i've married myself that'd be absolutely brilliant but how's your daily routine like now it's um i'm still healing it's got i've not been able to work because of the brain problems I'm sure I've got some kind of brain trauma damage but the one thing I've got now is obviously I've come together with Zoe speaking out and we've got worldwide support, global support and we really want to make a difference so we're just working on what we can do we've got meeting in parliament next month we've got good things happening um all to try and you know stop this you know raise awareness do everything we can that's all you can do because the more you speak about it even though as well we laugh as well we laugh because we think listen it's crazy but it's a coping mechanism you know and it's good that you're coming out here and you're traveling and speaking out because the more you do it the more the more support you realize that you have and the more support you realize you're not alone which is a good thing because people sharing their trauma stories with each other it is actually sort of fulfilling in a way because you're not when you're living in a bubble of trauma and pain you think the world's against you but there's other people out there who's been through similar and they've still overcome it so your life's not over because you go through some shit and that's what people need to understand you've got more to give just dust yourself down and try and give yourself another day that's all you can do you know you keep gradually going through that before you know it's six months past and you feel as if yeah okay i feel a bit different change doesn't happen tomorrow no do know what i'm saying it happens it can happen in a heartbeat but it takes a bit of longevity with it to really overcome and rewire all the other mad stuff yeah it does it really does but coming and like today I've not done anything like this on my own like when I came to London a couple of weeks ago my daughter was with me because of that com you know that safety that confidence today's the first time I've done it on my own and and I was anxious all the way here and even though I used to do this I used to travel the world but before all of this but trauma changes you and but now i'm sat here and thinking i've achieved something you should be proud and i feel really yeah you feel good you feel like and sometimes when you tell your story that sometimes it takes a couple of days to overcome but i feel as if you're going to feel better when you leave you're going to go do you know what because you've overcome more fears you got your story out there which is important and um yeah just keep doing what you're doing because you're an absolute warrior to keep fighting and keep sharing your story because people need to understand the depths that people go to and yeah it's just good to see you out there laughing smiling because a lot of people who go through trauma feel as if they don't need to smile anymore they feel as if it's like a burden to smile and laugh yeah no i love smiling because detroit you know all of that stuff that wasn't me it was what was done to me by some psychopath I'm a really different person I'm really happy and smiley and yeah he's not going to take that it's important yeah whatever you're doing is working now you know you've found your rhythm again you've found your power you've got your energy back that's the most important thing is taking your power back and that takes years especially if you've got three years of damage four years, five years of damage you're going to have to go back a few years as well to recover and get your strength back like i say it's a working process but the beautiful thing is it can be done and you play along the right path you're creating the right message and you're doing the right thing so i'm proud of you how do people get involved amanda how can people message you what's your social media links and stuff for people maybe ask questions um okay there's a couple of ways we have a website which is um end i check dot org people can go on there read about the campaign that we have which is and they can sign that that's that will support us to begin with um just that we want to make these changes for drug facilitated rape and then my instagram and tiktok um which is amanda underscore stanhope underscore official hello and this goes amanda but yeah listen it's unbelievable what you've overcome it's unbelievable what you're doing you and zoe you absolutely amazing proud of you would you like to finish up on anything else now you throw me just for maybe anybody that's maybe in a life or struggle doesn't know how to get out what advice would you have for them okay if if anyone can relate to anything that i've said or they're waking up with strange things a lot of women message and say they think it's happening but they can't prove it my my advice would be if your gut feeling is saying you've got to tune into your body not what your mind or what your partner's telling you because they're lying and gaslighting you if if you feel that something's off then you've really got to go and speak to someone you trust um and because it's now kind of more well known i think people will listen um when we spoke up i don't think people believed it was happening but now you can reach out to me can reach out to Zoe, reach out to your local domestic violence and just go for an informal chat.

1:36:54Amanda, listen, amazing. Proud of you. Glad to see you here in London today. And keep up the good work and I look forward to seeing what you do for the future. God bless. Take care. Thank you.