Armchair Anonymous: Foreign Object in Butt III

24:03An apple? Oh, it's this. Oh, it's the dark? The dark thing. Okay, so he really was into food. In two of the events, yeah. Until the. And then oral hygiene. Wow. It's all connected. I've eaten so much food down there. I got to clean up. I got to brush. I'm getting cavities. Oh, this looks like an apple that's been cut in half. He didn't want rectal cavities. It was full. It wasn't cut in half, but he did core it, or he was able to get a string through it. Oh. So see, he was trying. That's how they got it out? Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. The horse required surgery. Did the toothbrush container require surgery?

24:39They had to actually open his belly. They took out some of his bowel because it had died. Oh, fuck, man. Oh, this is horrible. How old is this man? I blame the wife. It sounds like she was traveling too much. She traveled so much. Why could she say what? I don't blame her. She had to get out of that house. How old-ish was this person? Late 50s. Okay. Oh, back to your time. Yeah, it sounds like in my future. Wow. A lot of these stories, you know, what's interesting is we have both. There's the young people experimenting, but most of these stories are kind of older men and their wives go out of town.

25:16They've always had this curiosity. And then they're like, you know what? I'm 58. What am I waiting for? Yeah. The time like the present. That's right. Now or never, she gets back Tuesday. Oh, I feel terrible. You wouldn't know, but I do wonder. Did he just come home with me like, honey, I had to get a colosomy. What? What? That was at the other hospital, so I don't know. I'm assuming he had to call her from the hospital. I don't know if she was out of town at that time or that whole story. I wish he could just ask, like, hey, hon, I'm just interested in what it feels like. Could you just put a dildo up there?

25:52Ask for help before you do all of it. But maybe it's probably part of the appeal. Yeah. You feel naughty. Yeah. I don't know. That's one of many stories that I could have told about people sticking other things up, other body parts. You know, John, I would imagine when you entered this career, your own interest in putting something in your butt might have been around a three or a four. But post-career, you're like, it's a zero. It's like negative 50. Yeah, yeah. You've really seen it go sideways. That's the problem. We don't hear the victory stories, you know? Well, are there? Well, yeah. Like, we could have a promise.

26:28Like, tell us about the best day of your life. and some guy would be like, yeah, I put a corn cob up my ass and he got it out, but it was fucking great. We're not hearing those stories. So it could be misleading. If then he would do it again and he would keep doing it if it felt great. And like maybe Bratwurst had been doing this for a long time and with success. Yeah. And then he got cocky. I don't know. Well, John, this is a delight. I never anticipated that we would have a story where the person had three trips. Jesus. Yeah, I got one that probably would make Monica very uncomfortable and involve some stuff stuck in a vagina.

27:06Wait. Go ahead. We need to hear what was in there. Quick down and dirty. This person came in. She was a furry and she identified as a cat. It's kind of a sad story, but she wanted to feel like what it would feel like to birth kittens. No, no. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Oh my fucking God, dude. No. See, this is where women are more kinky. Yeah. She put a kitten up there. Three. No!

27:39No! How? How? How? Dude. I don't know. Oh, my God. Listen, I am all for people getting as kinky as possible. I would never shame anyone's thing, but you can involve other animals. We got to draw a line with the other animals. We can draw a line before that. If she put three stuffies in her vagina. I would be miserable, but I would have no ethical issue with it. She ended up passing away because she got sepsis and infection. I guess she kept him there for a couple of days. No, no, no. This is so, okay. Oh, my God. This is so horrifying. And it is so sad. We've got some mental issues. I mean, I think if you're in a position where you're becoming a cat.

28:20Yeah, of course. You're in treacherous waters. Oh, my. Whoa. Oh, my John. You got the stories. John, that was really. Really? Are you like the king of a backyard barbecue? I'm a great time at parties. I would be all ears. I would just trail you around the party trying to gather. Yeah, there's like a kitten at somebody's house. You're like, oh, that reminds me. John, you got a great story about kittens. Holy shit. What a pleasure meeting you, John. Very nice to meet you. Thank you, guys. Can I give a couple quick shout outs? You can give as many as you'd like. First of all, I want to thank you guys.

28:52You guys have been, after some pretty stressful shifts, some great comic relief hearing other people's stories. So thank you for what you guys do. Shout out all the other nurses, especially two of them that I work closely with. And funny, one of their names is Kat. Oh boy. All the ones, Devin and Chelsea. And then the person introduced me to this podcast is actually the lady that cuts my hair. Her name's Sarah. Oh, shout out. Thank all those nurses. I mean, truly, I hope you hear it in our voice. We fucking are so grateful for nurses. It means a lot. Well, be well, brother, and enjoy that encroaching summer that's upon us.

29:23Yes. All right, John. Thank you. Take care, brother. Take care. See you guys. Dax and Monica. Hi. Look at your beautiful hair. Oh, thank you. I, you know, washed it. How do you do with anesthesia? Not well. That stereotype holds? I had surgery and the pre-op nurse, my surgeon and the anesthesiologist individually all walked in the room, had met me and were like, redhead? Like, out loud. Oh, no. That wasn't super comforting. No. Was the surgery you're getting something removed from your rectum? No. That would be appropriate. And unfortunately, there's not a lot of women involved in these stories.

30:04But I said I'm surprised. My anecdotal evidence is unfortunately, I would say it's mostly male skewed. Is it okay if I do a fake name for this? Yes. Of course. What name would you like to go by? I was going to let you pick, but I think I'd go with Lucy for this. Oh, I love it. Okay, great. It really fits. Are you in the medical profession? I am. And can you give us a broad where you're at in the country? I am in the Pacific Northwest. Okay, great. It's comforting to know that this stuff is happening kind of globally. We're not isolating any certain area. One hundred percent. And this took place elsewhere in the country in another big city.

30:38So it's everywhere. And what do you do? I am an ER nurse. Okay, great. We are so grateful for you. Thank you. We love people who love us. And I should say, Monica, before you ask, yes, I love ER and the pit. Yes, it was coming. She already asked. And yes, I have seen Munchausen's by proxy. Oh, God, maybe we can do a prompt. God, that was one of your old questions. You kind of forgot about that. I know. Maybe you had to get rid of that cause for CTE. It's a lot I'm causing. I know. You know, I have a lot of pills to die on. You just reminded me, Lucy, how obsessed she was with Munchausen by proxy.

31:13I kind of forgot. I'm going to circle back to that. I feel bad. I really let that one go. I mean, in your defense, those stories are always overshadowed by how sad they are. I mean, CTE isn't much better. Most of your causes are pretty. Yeah, yeah. Once you recognize what was going on, I would have a hard time containing my ire towards the parent. Like, were you having to police yourself with how you were interacting with the parent? 100%. At least in this case, once the child was removed, the parents still obviously, like, it's always a mom. Mom always tries to like still be involved, tries to visit, tries to whatever.

31:48So you still interact with them. And I definitely found myself being shorter. Well, just like the butt stuff's very male. The moon chosen is very female. I've never even heard of a dad doing it. I know, actually. Never heard of a female with a foreign object in her butt. I've never heard of a male that's a moon chosen. I mean, I have heard of a female with a foreign object stuck up there. In the anus? Yes. But it was during sex. It wasn't like on their own playing. How could you not told me this story? Well, somebody's story. Okay. All right. Well, to throw in an extra layer, I will say I've worked pediatrics for a long time.

32:22And kids tend to go like penis vagina route. They don't tend to do the butt. I don't know what it is. Right. But for that in the mix. To your point, the girls are usually a saginal thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not usually a rectal thing. And the boys are putting things in their urethra? I thankfully have only seen this once or twice. Yes. The one that sticks out to me was a school-aged kid, eight or nine. It was a crayon. Oh. Oh, man. How? I know. Of all the areas of my body, the one that immediately can make me, like, fucking get a shiver is just a thought of anything in my urethra. I had a catheter this year.

32:54I was like, fuck this. This is way worse than any surgery I've gotten. I don't feel bad for dudes in the medical world all that often. With the caths, you have it a little bit rougher than me, too, I will admit. The thing is, is it's just like there's so much to you feel like you have to pee for, in my case, four days straight. It's just a terrible feeling. It's not pleasant. I always feel bad. I will say in the future, you have the option to have a numbing gel inserted. I don't know if you heard this story. That was phase one of the trauma was the woman had my penis in her hand and she's got this enormous, as you know, that numbing solution.

33:27There's like five ounces of it. It's not like a little top. It's like a huge syringe and she's going to squirt ounces of it into my urethra. And I can kind of feel she's wrestling with something. I'm more distracted by the fact that a stranger is holding my penis. and then I hear a pop and I hear, oh, and all of it, it's like the plunger was stuck. And then she just fucking turbo injected all five ounces into my penis in a millisecond. And I screamed, which I don't scream. And she goes, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That never happens. That's how we started my catheter. Not good. Not a good way to start.

34:02To your point, I have never used all of that gel. Oh. We did. I bet some is still in my fucking bladder. But alas, we've come for a foreign object and a butt story. So please set the stage for us. My only sadness is I only have one to tell you and we don't have time for all of them. There's so many. If you had to ballpark, how many do you think you've seen? 12 years, maybe 20 to 30. Jesus. Yeah, wow. They often come in batches. I can't explain it. Like something in the air? Or everyone's getting the same bad idea. I don't know. But yeah, so I'm in a big city, big trauma center, big ER. There are tons of patients in and out every day, a billion ambulances.

34:43This is 2021. It's post-COVID. So we get an EMS call, ambulances coming in, 80-year-old male, abdominal pain, vitals are stable. And that's also all day, every day. Belly pain, fine. Could be anything. Vitals are stable. Honestly, I kind of like check out. Great. You're autopilot. So get them into the room. The medics give their report. And then at the end of it, the medic says, hey, can I talk to you in the hallway for a second? Now, this happens a lot. They have so much information. A lot of times it's like, hey, we were at the house and we think maybe social work should get involved. There's neglect happening.

35:16We saw a pile of drugs. Factor that into your differential. Like they have very helpful information. And in this case, she said, I have two things to tell you. One is that in route, he updated his chief complaint, which is that he inserted something rectally a couple of days ago. He thinks that's causing his pain. A couple of days. I mean, this is the shame you're dealing with. You're just sitting there for two days debating whether or not you're going to. Or at first you like it. No, I think you're hopeful you might poop it out. Oh, sure. I don't know. I'm guessing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I'm going to ride this out for a couple days because I can't deal with the shame of this.

35:53Let's see if it comes out naturally. And then you're like, fuck. So the other piece of this was she said, of note, also his wife died recently. Oh, no. Yeah. that's the permanent going out of town we have found we have found lucy that almost all of these stories involve the wife was out of town i was listening to that one the other day and i was like this is why married men longer she went really far out of town she went permanently out of town he's like let's get going okay that's terrible you read the room sometimes people need like a little joking like hey what were you thinking you know break the ice make him more comfortable Well, this guy, I was like, I feel so sad for you.

36:34He's clearly so embarrassed. And I was like, we're going to get this out, sir. Like, it's going to be fine. And Dex, do you want to pick a name for him? I feel like he needs like an old man name. George. I'm like, all right, George. So we'll start some blood work. We'll get some urine samples, standard abdominal pain stuff. We'll get some imaging. Do you offer him any painkillers? Doctor offers him some, but at this point, he's mostly uncomfortable. He wants to be in a certain position. But yeah, that definitely gets offered. But he's very like 80-year-old stoic. He's like, nope, just get it out.

37:01Honestly, I mostly appreciate that he didn't lie to us. Wastes a lot less time. Imaging comes back. You can't really exactly tell what anything is, but you can kind of rule out the dangerous stuff. So really, the ER doctor is just looking at, is this safe to remove in the ER? So it's not glass. It's not metal. It doesn't seem to be sharp. It's all one piece. So he's like, great, we can take it out here. Or explosive. We've had that one. Someone put a butane tank up their ass. Yeah. I've seen some errors. small. There's definitely things that they get punted to the OR and they're like, this is not an ER problem.

37:31They have to deal with a lot of shit up there. I feel bad for the OR. At this point, doctor's like, great, we'll take it out. He offers the patient sedation, pain meds. A lot of people need something to help get through this experience and tolerate it. And George was just like, nope, get it out. And honestly, the ER doc, they're all kind of like cowboys. So they're like, sweet, I get to do a procedure and just do it and be done with it. So I go grab my friend, one of the other nurses. I grabbed Jason and I'm like, hey, can you help me or something? Everyone, thankfully, is such a team player. They don't even ask what they're signing up for.

38:00He was just like, yeah, cool. I'm coming. And on the way, I was like, it's okay. It's a rectal foreign body. So we all get in there. George is on his side. Doc gets a glove. He gets just a whole bunch of lube and goes for it. We're maybe a minute into this, but he's already found it. He can reach it, which is great. He can feel it. He can kind of get his hand around it. Can I quickly ask you, did the man ever tell you what object was in there? No, they never tell you. Yeah. Okay. Great, great, great, great. So it's a mystery. Mystery. They're always like, I don't know. It's just like something.

38:29Yeah. I fell down. I don't know what's up there. I fell. It's as if we're not going to see it in five minutes. Yeah. So he can feel it. And he's like, all right, I have my hand around it. But as I'm sure you've discovered in hearing all of these stories, that one problem is the slipperiness factor in the grip. One factor is like the suction. The back pressure. Yeah. Yeah. The suction is so interesting. I mean, it's good. didn't think if your rectal sphincter was open you wouldn't just like want everything in there to fall out exactly yes you would not in this case it's unfortunate so doc is in there and he's like trying to grab it and he can't do it finally he takes his hand out we like give the patient a break sweet little george is like just do it i got this and so i'm now thinking i don't think this is going to go well like you didn't have a grip on it the first time i'm like i don't think this is gonna work but the doc is so like nope i'm ready and there's plenty of instruments he could try.

39:16There's other options and things, but he's like, no, I know I can do it. Second time, hand goes in. And at this point I look down and he is truly elbow deep in this man. In a senior. Going for it. Wow. God bless.

39:47Really quick, when I'm working on things mechanically and I get frustrated, I start going like, I fucking motherfucker. Have you ever heard a doctor just start letting them say, fuck you, son of a bitch. Are they like stifling any of that chatter that men do when they're working on stuff? It happens more when the patient is sedated, I would say. OK, OK. They like police themselves a little more when you're awake. OK. About 30 seconds into this, I am now thinking this isn't going to happen because at this point he's leaned in he's still elbow deep this doctor is like ripped and he is in a t-shirt which is only relevant because i can see that his shoulder and his bicep like at this point i'm about to ask him to stop because i'm like you're gonna dislocate your shoulder trying to get this out he is crying so hard as soon as i'm about to say this we just hear this perfect little like just comes right out he's now holding this thing in his hand and we all kind of are looking at like It feels like someone's just getting birthed.

40:43George is just like exhausted. He got this thing out. Everyone's tired. The doctor's exhausted. And he's holding it. I can only describe it as he's holding like a six inches wide by eight inches long. Piece of a wooden banister. A banister. Okay. I can't say for sure. Maybe he was like a woodworker. But it is kind of the shape of a bishop in a chess set. Oh, yeah. But huge wooden. It's covered in, like, obviously stool, but also some blood. Yeah. So not a gentle removal. And also didn't look perfectly sanded, to be honest. A little splintering going on. I know. If I got to pick a material to insert my butt, what is just after glass?

41:26And he's been pulling on it, so splinters everywhere. Yeah, but it might have been those splinters that got him his found purchase. He might have saved them. So the doctor now is just like, sweet. So he just throws it in a specimen bag, chucks it on the counter. It's like this clear bag you put labs in. He throws it on the counter, tosses his glove and walks out of the room. And of course, my coworker, Jason's like, all right, I got other patients. He leaves. So it's just me and George. And I was like, OK, I'm going to let you rest for a little while. You know, we're going to keep him overnight because there was blood and he's old.

41:55So I go back to other things. Maybe an hour later, I get a call from security. He says, hey, you have a patient for room 20 for George's room. I said, OK, I want to go chat with him, see if it's OK for him to come back. It's his nephew. and I get up to walk. And before I can even hang up the phone, I see somebody walking down the hallway and I hear them ask about room 20. I have not yet made it to the room. All I'm thinking is that bag and that bloody poopy mess is on the counter. The evidence is in plain sight. I like dart into the room. I say, hey, your nephew's coming. They live together. This is who takes care of him.

42:29And as I'm saying this, I see the patient's face like poor George. It's just like, oh God, like someone's coming. So I just position myself. So I'm now between the door and the object. So I'm standing in front of it against the wall. Door opens. Nephew comes in and he's like, oh, my God, like, Uncle George, what's going on? Are you OK? What's been happening? And so I just tell him, hey, we ran blood work. You're in sample. His vitals are OK. We're waiting on some imaging to come back. Which was true. Yeah, mostly true. Bear in mind, his aunt just died. So he's probably thinking like, oh, my God, this is part two.

43:00Like, I'm going to lose both of them. He's panicking. But I'm also like, I can't tell him what it was. It is George's story to share. At some point, nephew just looks at me and he goes, okay, do you have any idea what could be causing this abdominal pain? Like what's going on? It was like a neighbor called him to come in. You know, we saw an ambulance take your uncle away. He has no idea. I'm now backed up against the bag and I'm holding this bag against my back because we're all very close in this room. And I just said, I have absolutely no idea. Could be anything. Yeah, great. I just kind of like slid sideways out of the room, like drafted in the trash on the way Oh, nice.

43:36And I don't know that he actually ever found out what happened. Oh, and so we still don't know exactly what it was. Meaning like we didn't ask George, like, hey, where did this thing come from? Like, why do you, what does it mean? Why? What's the significance? Why are you in love with this? Yeah. I think George should have sent you Christmas cards. I feel like I did in Miss Island. Yes. You definitely did. You were a great wingman in that situation. I tried. I will say anytime I've ever asked somebody why, it's never a satisfying answer. It's always like I was on drugs or I don't know. Yeah. Not even why, but like.

44:09Where'd that come from? Yeah, exactly. Where do I get one? That's how you could trick him. Oh, I love this. Where did you get this? What is it? Great idea. The other thing I think you could have said to the nephew is you could have just said like, oh, yeah, you know, he had severe stool blockage, which is true. There's no way he could have shit around that. That's a good idea. Null post. Is that what it's called? Null post. I don't know what that is. That is actually a great answer. I will say any object, young people tend to do sex toys, like vibrators, stuff that doesn't have a flared base, but like the object itself is like safe material.

44:43Right. Every single fucking piece of like wood, glass, whatever, has been a patient over the age of 65. Wow. Yes. What I was saying at the beginning, these are generally older dudes that feel like they've been either they've been getting away with it forever. Right. Or B, it's not their first trip and they're acting like it's their first trip. But I'm more inclined to think it's like it's just been ruminating in the back of their mind for years that they want to try it. And then at some point they go, OK, we're going to do this finally. Yeah. Or like because they're so old. Do you think this is in my future?

45:15No. Because I think it's because they were so old. They think dildos are made of wood and glass. I do think they need some education. Yeah. They're like, I don't want to go buy one at the store. But this is the same. This banister. There's a ton of variety in these stories. One is like, yeah, they're too embarrassed to go buy a dildo. So they just try to find an object. That makes sense. We've heard a lot of these where there's some other thing going on. The danger part is clearly part of the eroticism. Yeah, oh yeah. Because it's like, there's no way you put that in your butt. That couldn't have been the best option.

45:46This one seems like he really just wanted to feel it. He just loves wood. He's a woodworker. Well. He might have made it on a lathe. He might have been working on that thing. He had his lathe. What are you doing, Grandpa George? I'm just making a new post. I'm going to give it to Mike for Christmas this year. Oh, my God. I did hate that there was so much shame involved. My husband's an ER nurse, and he was like, oh, I bet his wife was, like, helping him with that for many years. I was like, no. They would have had, like, a dildo if that were the case. Yes, they would have had a good system. Well, maybe he was like, she used to do that for me, and she's gone now, so now I have to do it myself.

46:22He buried her with the vibrator? No, I thought, I was like, at first I thought this was going to go to a really crazy place where he like stuck the urn up there. Oh. And there were ashes. That would be romantic. Well, you know, yeah. That's so much more horrific. I wanted to scatter her ashes in her favorite place, my ass. It was either Lake Winnipesaukee or my anus. Oh, my God. It went with my anus and I regret it. It's what she wanted. It's what she would have wanted. Lucy, that's a lovely story. Good job. And you're a hero and you're a good wingman and you deserve some credit for that. Thank you.

46:58My lovely cousin, Susan, and my friend Carly are both big arm cherries and I know they will be listening. Oh. Shout out. First question they asked was, did I think I was going to shit myself on camera talking to you guys? Have you done that? We have no way of knowing. No, but I did have the thought if that happened, I feel like I would just own up to it and I think Dax would kind of be happy about it. Because it just screams confidence. Oh, if you say it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of gangster, you know? thank you to you guys you guys came with me on my whole travel nursing journey it started on my way to austin i had two days to kill and i was like i love parenthood i guess i'll like come over and see what crowds was up to sure monica thank you for being willing to talk about being a single person existing in a world full of relationship like i was like mid late 20s and i had not so much as kissed a boy when we first started listening and so hearing you be able to talk about it and share kind of that perspective really openly.

47:52It was really lovely. And even though I'm married now, it has continued to be lovely. And I still feel like, thank God, like someone's speaking up for the single people still. Oh, thank you. I'm glad. Well, we like you. We're very grateful you're an arm sharing. Yes. All right. Well, be well, and thanks for doing what you do. Yes. Thank you. Thank you guys so much. This was fun. All right. Take care. Hello, Josie. Hello. You're in your closet, which is fantastic. Yes, I follow the rules. Monica, I appreciate that. Sounds so good. So silky. Where in the country are you? You don't have to be super specific.

48:25Yeah, I'll keep it vague just for patient privacy. I'm in the northwestern quadrant of the U.S. Okay, wonderful. Wonderful. You're our second northwest caller today. The other one's story wasn't in the northwest. Good point. She just was currently practicing. You're right. You're right. You're right. I assume you're in medicine? Yes, I've been a nurse for 11 years and always like in a larger metropolitan area. Where the action is? Yeah, where the action is. I don't want to use the wrong word here, but are you a bit of an arousal junkie? Yes. Being a nurse, you see some shit. The messiness of being human is on full display.

48:57It's apex. It just excites me. Like whenever I see something really shocking, I'm immediately like, okay, this is a story. I can't wait to get off work and tell my husband about this. So yeah, I love that kind of stuff. I couldn't do the job for so many reasons because it's the hardest job in America. That's why we love the nurses. There'd be so much like duty stuff that would be hard for me. but I am also drawn to it because I think the excitement and how quickly a shift I imagine goes by. Does it just blow by? Totally. Cause I work 12 hour shifts and if I work like an eight or something, I feel like I'm barely there.

49:27I mean, I've done so many like nasty things. Like I make the joke. Like if I wear gloves, I can touch anything. All you need is your gloves. And then just quickly, if you had to ballpark, how many foreign objects in body have you seen in 11 years? More than five, I'd say. I've seen multiple rectum swallowing is a really big thing. People swallow stuff. I've seen urethral sounding. I had a guy that was putting objects through his urethra to masturbate. To masturbate? Yes, he had pens and he was getting all kinds of infections because of it. People do wild things. So he put a ballpoint pen in there and then jerked off with the pen in there?

50:07It's a thing. We like Googled it afterwards. I mean, like I had a lady who was injecting meth in her butt. Wow. Okay. So please tell us about this particular story. Okay. So like I said, I've been a nurse 11 years and this is one of those shifts where right away I got report and I was like, here's a story. So when you're a nurse, you come in for your shift and you get report from the previous nurse and they tell you everything about your patients. And this nurse just kind of gets right into it. You know, she goes, this is a young adult female. It's our first female. It's our first. Came into the emerging department with complaints of putting multiple razor blades.

50:45And stirring it into her vagina. And then she super glued it shut. I gotta go. Super glued it shut. She super glued the vaginal opening and then the labia majora all the way together. Stop it. She was so mad. She's like, I'm going to pack it full of razor blades and seal it up for good. Razors! I can't, I can't, I can't. And imagine like if you did crunches or like bending.

51:14No kegels, yeah. Okay, so just wait, I got to back up. I got to back up. We're still clear. So we still don't have a female rectal. I feel like I know the world a little better now. Okay, I wasn't prepared for a female anal. Okay, holy smokes. I wish it'd be way better. I'd rather have raceways up the ass than the vagina. I think there's more room in your vagina. No, it's so tender, though. Well, it certainly is. And that's why we like going there. But you also can pass a baby head through there. I don't know. I don't know what's better or worse. I hate this. And usually people are kind of shy and like secretive when they first come into the emergency department with the foreign object, right?

51:51Like they're embarrassed. She just came right out and said it, even though her lips were sealed. Oh, really quick. So you said 20s? Yeah, young adult female. I don't want to get too into the weeds. But I guess what I want to know is, did you get a read immediately? Like, did you have a sense that the person was saying or not? So we're going to get to that. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, great, great. This is a medical emergency because she couldn't pee. So she's complaining that her bladder is super full. And we did a bladder scan, which is like an ultrasound device, a little wand. You just wave over their bladder.

52:23Dax, you probably had one when you had your little incident. I'm having PTSD hearing about it. Yeah, yeah. So it was very full. So we need to address this right away. I think it just became clear. this is going to be too painful, too complicated to do in the emergency department. So they had to book an OR, put her under general anesthesia. And there are solvents and things that can help disintegrate the glue. But the vagina, like we said, it's like a sensitive mucous membrane. So imagine like acetone or something on your vagina. Gooby gone. It would burn so bad. So I don't know if they used a scalpel or what.

52:54I wasn't in there, but I know that there was no wound or stitches or anything afterwards. They were able to separate it, put a catheter in, drain the bladder, and all is well. They could take the catheter right out. It didn't have to stay in. And then she came up to the post-op floor where I was working, and I took care of her from there. I have a bad habit of getting ahead, but did they address the razor blades while they were under? Of course they took out the razor blades. Okay, so we put the speculum in, and then they found the razor blades. I guess not too much damage, actually, either there.

53:19So, yeah, she got lucky. So, the why, which is like everyone wants to know, is this is a ding, ding, ding. She had Munchausen's. Whoa! Oh, Monica, this is an all-in-one. My brain can't. And CTE? Induced by CTE. My brain feels crazy. But it's the second time it came up today. Exactly. Second time Munchausen's came up today, and we haven't talked about Munchausen's in so long. How do you start figuring that part out? To define Munchausen's for any listeners that don't know, it's a psychological condition where a person purposefully and intentionally hurts himself or fakes an illness or causes an injury with the primary motivation to get care from hospital staff.

54:00So they want the care and attention is like the main point or from like family. It's kind of sad when you really, yeah, I know. Pretty immediately, I like am able to empathize. And this is like a young person too, right? So childhood's not that far away. And like, I'm a mom. So like, I'm just picturing like, this was a little kid who somehow learned this is the best means to get attention and love. But still, these people cause like a ton of wreckage. They hurt themselves. They hurt people around them. It's like an expense to the hospital system. Like we have to address all this. So with Munchausen, there's a really specific treatment plan too.

54:33So the psychiatrist had a note in her chart that told us exactly how to treat her. So you don't admit to inpatient psych because that would just further reinforce the drive to hurt themselves. Keep conversations super surface level. Do not get emotional. Don't get personal. Don't give her a ton of attention. don't help with any activities of daily living. Like don't wipe or feed her. She might manipulate you into trying to do things like that. Minimal interaction, make it as least stimulating as possible. Just kind of get in, get out. Yeah. Wow. So fascinating. I know. And it's a lot of mental gymnastics as a nurse because like we're just used to being like a caregiver.

55:08So it was very different. Oh, the other thing is there was like some kind of suicide precaution. So like we had to remove anything from the room she could hurt herself with. But we didn't do a one-to-one staff because we didn't want her to have that much attention. So we had her on a camera room, but then we didn't tell her she was on a camera room because we don't want her to know she had like any special treatment or anything. The tightrope you guys are walking is bonkers. You think you're dealing with one thing, razor blades and a vagina. And no, you're dealing with now Moonshows, like a much bigger project.

55:34But how did you know she had Moonshows? It was in her chart. It was in her chart, yeah. She had been there many times. Yeah. So the story goes on. I'm taking care of her on the post-op floor. And then pretty early on in the shift around lunchtime, I get a discharge order. So I go in the room and I tell her, hey, you're going to discharge. I print out her paperwork and she calls family and says it's going to be like an hour or two until they come. And she asked if she could have her homework because she's in school and with a student. So I'm thinking like, like, I don't really trust this person.

56:04But also, I'm not sure he has a rough life. Like, I don't want to hinder life anymore. You don't know what part's going to be a payoff for her. Yeah. Right. And so I was like, OK, well, I'm thinking like the doctor gave her the discharge order, discontinued some of those suicide precautions. I still have her in a camera room. So I was like, okay, I'll just be careful. So I go and I unlock the cabinet. I take out her backpack and she tells me which binder she wants and textbook. And I'm like, okay. And I give her one pen and the pen I was worried about. I'm like, ooh, it's this pen. And then I looked through all the pages of the binder and the textbook.

56:35I even like picked them up and I shook them to see if anything would fall out. It seems safe. So I'm like, okay, this is going to be okay. And I let her have them and I leave the room. I'm not even kidding. Two minutes later, she hit the call light and says, I swallowed a razor blade. What? Wait, what? I swallowed a razor blade. Also, how? She somehow had razor blades in her trapper keeper. She even after you shook it. What the fuck? Oh, my God. She had like a contingency plan. Ew, this is so scary, actually. Yeah. So I go in the room and I'm like, OK, don't make a big reaction. Right. You don't want to give her attention and have emotion.

57:15So I just go in and I was like, hey, what happened? She goes, I swallowed a razor blade. And I was like, where did you get it? And she shows me, you know, like a three ring binder, how it has that thin plastic lining, like over the cardboard cover. So there was like a one inch slit in the scene. And she like shows it to me. And she goes, I hid razor blades in here. I feel very scared. I just like, okay, well, I'm going to call the doctor. I call the doctor. And she's like one of my favorite doctors. So she's super cool about it. And she was just like, Jesus Christ. Or does a chest x-ray and clear as day, just raise her blade right in the esophagus.

57:47You can see it. Oh, my gosh. How do we get that out of there? So we had to cancel her discharge. And then they did an EGD. They can just put something down there with the scope and then pull it out. I cannot believe this woman didn't have massive bleeding on either end. I know. Sometimes these people just come in like repeatedly with these like self-harm behaviors over and over. So it's super sad. Yeah, that would be the part that would be hard for me to navigate in your job is like when you know it's going to be repetitive. I don't know how to handle that. I would be resentful at those people.

58:18I mean, that's what it would be. I think on their third trip, I'd be like, fuck this, dude. There are people that are really, you know, it'd be hard. It's really hard to keep boundaries, but also like you have to treat someone whenever they come into the emergency room. Like you have to get the razor blade out. The only thing that's new about this from my previous understanding of Moonchildson was just like, I thought they were trying to act like it was an act of nature or God, but there's no way someone gets razor blades in their throat. Well, she said I swallowed it. I know. I know. I thought the same thing.

58:47It's like you can't be faking. Yeah, maybe they fake it more with family. I'm not sure. And then hospital staff, it's just like really apparent. But people get really good and creative. And like you said, like it's really common among health care workers, people that are really good at navigating the system. I think they're like the most successful at it. Nurses have like the highest rate. Yeah.

59:06From beginning to end, that was horrifying. There's so much to be grateful for that you just aren't. Like, I'm not at all needing Munchausen's to feel seen. I know. Swallowing razor blades. Jesus. It's so extreme. To me, I'm like, this is Munchausen's mixed with psychopathy. I mean, looking you in the face and saying, this is where I hid it. That is Silence of the Lambs. There was like a weird vibe. Yeah. Oh, well, Josie, this has been a delight. Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you guys. It was so good to talk to you and have a good rest of your day. All right. Take care. Carry on the good work.

59:45All right. See ya. Bye. I'm going to ask you a question and it's not going to go well. All right. And I'm still going to ask you. Oh, I love when you choose that. It's like, I can't resist my impulse control, I guess. Uh-huh. That Ohio guest, when I knew he was in Ohio. That was, I gave that to you. I know. I'm now wondering, is there something wrong with you? That was crazy. It was Sim. It was Gessie. But like I knew Ohio. What are you thinking? I don't know. I just think it needs more thought on my end. Why? It's not bad. It's cool. I like it. Yeah. I'm just wondering like what leads to that decision?

1:00:23Why do you pick it? That's what I'm wrestling with right now. I was like, I just looked at that room and him and I was like, I think we're in Ohio. Like I could just feel that we were in Ohio. Yeah. Was it like his beard? He was a factor, but the room was a huge factor. The room? Yes. The room? How could the room be a factor? I know. I'm agreeing with, that's what I'm wrestling with right now. I know, but I don't want you to wrestle because I think you should just be like, wow, I have a power like Ricky has where he can do that thing with the acronyms. TTRD or whatever. Exactly. Yeah. He can do that.

1:00:52You can do this. You're just really good at thin slicing location. I think because I did travel so much for the car show thing. Maybe. And then doing movies. I don't know. something. Well, on the next fact check, I'm going to just show you people in an environment and I'm going to know where they are. Okay. I'm afraid to do that because I want to hang on to this a little bit and then that sounds like I'm going to fail. Okay. It's like throwing out data you don't like. I get it. That's all right. All right. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song. Oh. Okay, great.

1:01:28We don't have a thing song for this new show So here I go, go, go We're gonna ask some random questions And with the help of our cherries We'll get some suggestions On the flyer, I'm Dish On the flyer, I'm Dish Enjoy