Armchair Anonymous: Sports Event

0:00Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather, and I'm joined by Lily Padman. Hi. Today we have sporting event disasters. They can go disastrous in a lot of ways. You can jinx them. I can jinx them, as just happened. Yep. Carrying the burden of that. You'd be inclined to think maybe these are really only about sports. Right. But these go in some turns. We have some twisty turvies by the end. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. It's true. Or I guess I would think they're all fights that broke out. We only have one fight for you. Yeah. Yeah. But buckle up. Buckle up. Please enjoy Crazy Sporting Event Stories.

1:02Hello, are you able to hear me? Oh, beautifully. And what a lovely inviting sweater you're wearing. Thank you. It's very cozy. Where are you? It looks like there's files everywhere or lab results. These are actually contact limbs fit sets. I'm at work, so I'm tucked away in the back office. Are you an ophthalmologist? I'm an optician, but I work in an optometric clinic where we have an optometrist. Kaylin, can you tell us why there's so many names for this? There's an optometrist, an ophthalmologist, and what did you, obstetrician? No, what did you just say? That's an OB. That's an OB. Okay. We all cover kind of different scopes within the same field.

1:42So obviously all eye-related. The ophthalmologist is your medical doctor who specializes in ocular health. Optometrist is the eye doctor who does your eye health exams and refracts your prescription. And then the optician, I would compare it to like the pharmacist. So we will edge lenses or fit contact lenses. And does the ophthalmologist, would they perform a surgery on your eye? An ophthalmologist would, yes. Ophthalmologist. Is that what it is? Ophthalmologist, yeah. Yeah, it's spelled with a T-H, but I usually drop the H. Yeah. Maybe it's a Canadian-American thing. I know you're right. I've heard it said that way, but it just is weird to me that everything's opt-uh.

2:23But then we go op-thuh. Dax is dyslexic. You've heard me complain enough about the product. So you're obviously in Canada. And did this sport event take place in Canada? And now I regret not wearing my Maple Leaf sweatshirt that I wear quite often. This did happen in Canada. The story took place late 2012. I'm in Manitoba. So if you follow hockey or know anything about the NHL, we earned back our NHL team, the Winnipeg Jets, in 2011. Why had you been booted? In the late 90s, the Jets were moved to Arizona. It's a small market here. It's tough to support the teams. So this all started when my husband at the time and I bought a new truck.

3:05And the dealership that we purchased it from had a promotion to be entered to win a trip to the Super Bowl. Not a huge football fan, but that sounded really cool. And depending who you ask, we were robbed of those tickets. Oh. I would describe it as there was some shady going on with the draw. But ultimately what happened was the dealership as a we're so sorry about that gave us two of their corporate tickets to a Winnipeg Jets hockey game. Oh, that's weird. OK. It's a little bit of a bait and switch. But it sounds like from your perspective, you'd rather go to a hockey game anyways. Definitely.

3:44But the Super Bowl is a big deal. It is a big deal. So that's the thing with these dealership sweepstakes. Somebody's buddies can always win, I think. I don't know what happened exactly, but there was a big to-do about it. We get these tickets to go to a hockey game. At that point, it was a very hot ticket. And I was about six or seven months pregnant at the time. So we were really excited for a night out before the baby comes. We had great seats. And there were a couple of really strong-looking men that were sitting behind us. Funny that you had mentioned the Leafs because it was Winnipeg versus Toronto.

4:18These three or four guys were in Leafs jerseys. Is that a mean team? There's no mean Canadians. This is on a sliding scale. I kind of feel like Canadians might think of the Maple Leafs as a lot of Americans think of the Yankees. They got too much money and they got too much upper hand. Is that fair? Speaking for myself, I think that's very fair. I don't know that I'm quite comfortable speaking for all Canadians. Oh, no, you should. You should. You're allowed. This is your opportunity. They were rowdy. They were having a really good time, had a couple drinks, but they were not bothering anybody.

4:53We also had noticed that sitting beside us were a couple of small, slender, really young guys. They just didn't really appear to be interested in the game at all. They didn't spend a lot of time in their seats. They would come and go really frequently. towards the end of the game, the Jets are down by one goal and you can just feel that energy. So on the ice, the fans are really into the game. There was a lot of tension. The two younger guys that had been sitting beside us finally returned for probably the last five to 10 minutes of the game. I'm dying to know what they were doing when they weren't in those seats.

5:28Sexual. Were they powdering their nose? In Canada? Exactly. It's a little hard to get that up there, but who knows? They don't do it there. In the last couple of minutes, these two guys beside us would turn around and just were aggressively chirping at these big Maple Leaf fans standing behind us who would often say things like, we're just cheering for our team. They were very intentional about not provoking. They were de-escalating. They were doing their best. What noble men. Big, big noble men. And the tension kept building until the buzzer went. And within a couple of seconds, one of the younger guys sitting beside us pushed the closest guy to him that was in the row behind.

6:14So they pushed up. For people who have not been in a lot of fights, this is the worst imaginable situation. You do not have high ground. You have low ground. Much easier to punch down with your weight on somebody than to punch up. Okay, so ill-advised plan from the get. These guys sitting behind us, I don't think people typically pick fights with them. They weren't going to back down from that fight. Sure. At that point, all hell broke loose. Oh, wow. There was pushing and shoving, which turned into fists and boots. One of the people beside us ended up getting drop kicked down the stadium seating.

6:48Oh, boy. It was one of the most intense and violent scenes I've ever seen in my entire life. And you're pregnant and you're one foot away. What's your husband's reaction? He was between me and them. He had his back to me. Something that I think is of note is that I am not a violent person. I'm a little bit smug in the fact that I've never been involved in a fist fight or physical altercation with a stranger or really anyone. Oh, you haven't lived yet. No, he doesn't share that. The opportunity has literally landed in his lap. He's got to be kind of conflicted because common sense is you would go to the side of your team that you're both rooting for.

7:28But clearly the transients are assholes. You know, do I help the Maple Leafs guys who are my opponent or these knuckleheads who have started this? Right. A bit of a moral conflict here. That's true. This became a crowd brawl. There was probably over a dozen people. Oh, my God. Against these three Leafs fans. Wait, they were all against. Oh, no. Well, they have because they're wearing the out group jersey. That is very bad. They were holding their own. And so when I talked to my ex-husband about this, he said, you know, I was prepared to jump in and help if they needed it. I don't think they needed it.

8:03One of them had lost their balance, fell forward onto our seats below them, and his arms were pinned under his body. And I watched this brute of a man wiggle out of his jersey with the agility of a gymnast. Oh my God. Stand up now shirtless. Oh, perfect. And continue throwing punches. People always wonder when you watch a fight within seconds, people have their shirts off. You know, they didn't stop to take it off. There is some bit of magic there. And where are the Mounties? The Mounties are minutes away. Oh my God. A brawl in this situation is really uncomfortable to me. And especially because I was pregnant, I felt really defenseless.

8:44I wasn't able to hold off a crowd of angry men who were fighting. Or even make your way speedily out of the crowd. So where we were sitting was in a section next to the entrance where the Zamboni gets onto the ice. There was only one way in and out of our section, which was through this brawl of people. I tried to remind my husband at the time very gently by putting my hands on his arms, I'm still here. Please think of me and your unborn child. in your decision making from here on out. And he showed a lot of great restraint. He ended up not throwing a single punch, did not get involved. There was blood.

9:24There was people whose foreheads had gashes opened. It was really gruesome. Finally, a security officer arrives to our section and just goes, I don't have a radio. I need help. Can you imagine being that guy and stepping up to like 15 full grown men fighting, thinking, oh my God, my job is to make peace right now. I don't get paid enough for this. Exactly. Eventually, police arrived and broke up the fight. They hauled off the guys that they thought were responsible. We got out of there unscathed, which was really nothing short of a miracle. Like any true, proud Canadian, when the adrenaline wore off, I wrote a strongly worded letter to the venue.

10:07And I let them know that I just thought it had been mishandled. And I didn't hear a thing. I thought maybe I would get an apology or maybe I'd be lucky and get tickets to some other event. Some free shit. Maybe even some Super Bowl tickets. Oh, my God. Yeah, but it all came full circle. A couple months later, I received a phone call from our local RCMP officer who just confirmed that I was home and let me know he was going to be paying me a visit that day. He served me with a subpoena. So my name got brought into this case because I had emailed. Okay. Did you feel any responsibility to tell the police, hey, the two transients started this?

10:49Like these three guys were kind of stand-up dudes and they're in an unfortunate situation. Before we left, we actually did pull aside some of the employees at the venue and said, you've got the wrong guys. So I wasn't thrilled to be subpoenaed in this trial. The Leafs fans in this case had been charged with assault. Oh my God. Ultimately, I did receive a phone call from the prosecutor who, when they interviewed me and I said, I'm probably not your girl. So my understanding is that they did settle out of court, but I was not asked to show up. So probably they reduced the charges. That feels unjust.

11:24I don't like that. They're just trying to cheer. You know, I got to be honest in my many, many situations and crowded bars where this kind of thing happens. It's not your stereotype of who starts. It's not the big guy. It's the little motherfucker who's got to prove something. He and his buddy who feel little, they got to pop off. They just had sex in the bathroom. They just did some blow in the bathroom. They're upset. Feeling themselves. Don't judge a book. It's very messy situations. Well, I'm glad you got out of there without catching an elbow or something. Yeah. I feel very fortunate. That baby that was in my belly is now an 11-year-old hockey-loving kiddo.

12:03He is a goalie, so he's delightfully weird. and we love listening to armchair expert. We listen in the car when we're on long drives and I feel like I'm raising the next generation of armcherries. Oh, please do. He told me last night, he goes, mom, can you tell them my favorite episode was with Mark Rober? What's his name? That's Arthur. Arthur, thank you for listening, Arthur. You must be a very bright boy. Well, Caitlin, thank you for that. That was a great story. It was wonderful meeting you. You guys too. Thank you so much. I've appreciated this. Okay. Take care. Opto. Optomologist. No, but she was an obstetrician.

12:43Yep. She was an OB. An optimist.

13:07Hello. Hello. Look at this background. Katie, yeah, it feels like we're joining you on a set almost. This is my meditation slash creative closet. Yeah, it does look like you could definitely shoot a scene from that 70s show in there as well. That's kind of what I was going for. Oh, good. You nailed it. This was perfect timing. A couple of weeks ago for the new year, I was working on a vision board and it kind of took a life of its own and it became a wall and then became a whole closet. Oh my God. Awesome. And then really quick, the curtain, it seems to be like James and the beanstalk type. James and the giant peach, just a tapestry.

13:43It has a bunch of mushrooms, just a lot of imagery. Okay. So you had a sporting event story. Where are you at? Really quick. I'm on the Eastern shore of Virginia. My story didn't take place here, but this is 2005 ish. My parents get divorced and I'm going back and forth between their houses. Can I ask what age you are? 10, 11, a perfect age for divorce. So going back and forth every weekend, two very different houses. I'm at my dad's house and he's a lifelong Celtics fan, just basketball fanatic in general, but specifically the Celtics. So he passes that on to me and that's kind of our bonding thing.

14:22And so whenever I'm at his house every other weekend, all we're doing is watching the Celtics, talking about the Celtics, learning about the Celtics. He had these instructional tapes specific to Larry Bird. That's what an adolescent girl wants to do, right? Is like watch these instructional DVDs of Larry Bird, like talking into the camera. And if you want to imagine the house from Animal House, rugged frat house vibes meets Celtics fan meets like Deadhead sort of deal. He has this big open dining room and there's no dining room table. He's nailed a basketball net above the doorframe. You were 10 or 11 and he's what, 13 or 14?

15:04I was like, how young is this dad? Yeah, exactly. No, he acts like that. He would totally own that. He was like 40 when he had me. So he was the type of dad that's a lot older. Oh, right. So he's like my age now. Fast forward to 2010. And for Christmas, he's gotten us tickets to go see the Celtics. Oh, wow. And Kevin Garnett is there now? Yes. This is the same team, essentially, as the 2008 championship team. So the big three, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce. And Shaq's on the team. Wait, Shaq was on the Celtics? One season only. Wow, what a great window you got in there. No shit, you're dealing with three of the top 40 players of all time right there.

15:44This is a big deal. So we're flying to Boston. It's the night of the game. Typical boomer energy. Dad wants us to go to dinner before the game at the oldest restaurant in the country. It's a seafood establishment. Oh, boy. So I actually decide to not get seafood. I get a burger. Something tells me you're going to be grateful for that later in this story. I'm not sure about that. Maybe now for getting to tell you guys the story. But at the time. This was a bait and switch. We thought it was going to be a bad seafood, but it's a bad burger. It might be a bad burger. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

16:16Flash forward again. It's the fourth quarter of the game. We're courtside, baby. Oh, wow. We're behind home bench. The energy is electric. It's a close game. It's everything you could ask for. And then I turn and look at my dad and my face goes green. And I'm like, dad, I think I got a puke. Oh, no. Not great timing. And so something you don't think about with the closeness of the seats is that the bathroom proximity is going to be a major problem. That's the trade off. And so I'm booking it. As soon as I say that, he's like, do what you need to do. So I just start like I'm sprinting up the stairs.

16:53All I can think about at that time is, oh my gosh, my Jumbotron debut is going to be me just projectile vomiting over all these people. But I made it. I'm going into the hallway of the bathroom and just kind of start spraying vomit down the mirrors, down the sink. Oh boy. Oh boy. You really let it rip. I called my dad yesterday to get some more details. He was trailing behind me as I'm running up. And I'm sure he stopped and like wanted to check the scoreboard first before he took care of me. And he said that he could smell what was happening before any vision. Oh, no. I asked because I felt like you guys would want the details.

17:35I'm like, what did it smell like? I'm glad you got this detail. And you just said it was just out of this world. Oh, he can hear it. women just screaming bloody murder just like something horrible happened yeah yeah and you're 15 so you've passed the threshold where you'd be a little kid that they'd feel bad for you're a woman enough it's just fucking disgusting yeah i guess i haven't thought about that aspect of it i didn't get as much sympathy as i would have yeah right if you were 11 people would be like oh sweetie are you you know but if you're pushing five foot two people are like fuck this this gross bitch.

18:14This nasty bitch. Yeah, exactly. She's probably drunk. Yeah. And then he finally gets up there and he sees women fleeing the scene out of the entrance and exit. It's like mass exodus of the bathroom. While this chaos is happening, my dad thinks to go to the merch stand. Oh. She's probably going to need another Celtic sweatshirt because I'm like decked out. This story is filled with twists and turns because even when he said go, I thought, oh, he's going to hang back and watch the game but no he's behind her and then he's like fuck i'm gonna hit this merch stamp no that's to get her a shirt you have a good dad i do he's thinking of me but he's really thinking of himself because he's like i need to get back to the fucking game probably spent a lot of money on those seats he wants to be good so bad that's that tension he's a great dad so he gets me the sweatshirt and it was funny him telling me yesterday he was like i felt so bad for you you had been through so much i got you the most expensive sweatshirt they had so that was him like recapping the like demon exorcist moment was over and he kind of peeks his head in hands me the sweatshirt he's like you know we should probably get back to the game it's a close one and there's only a few minutes left we should book it back to the seats as soon as you're changed out you're ready new sweatshirt on but i had really really long hair at the time and it's just caped but you know that's not a priority right now we have a basketball game back too so i do the walk of shame down all those steps at that age i'm already really anxious and thinking everyone's looking at me and judging me all the time anyway but i know that they were i was acutely aware walking down those steps that everyone's like that's the girl that was running to the bathroom and you can smell me but we made it back they did lose well i think you got lucky because food poisoning for me, it's certainly not just one trip.

20:06That was kind of what was weird about it. That's what they have perfected over the time they've been in business. They know how to give you just a very cute. Just a quickie. So I don't really know what the lesson and all that is. Maybe get the type of food that they specialize in. Yeah, there you go. You should have gone seafood. I'll take that. I guess that's a lesson. Cautionary. Clutching at straws, but sure. Yeah. Well, Katie, it's lovely meeting you. Yes. Can I just tell you guys really quick? I'm a therapist and I started listening to you guys in 2020. I just started grad school at William & Mary.

20:40I was going there for clinical mental health counseling. And you have to kind of like pick a specialty when you start. And I had originally picked family therapy, quickly lost interest in it. And I was like thinking about changing to addiction. I have a lot of family experience with that. I'm like, I think that's what I should do. But I was unsure. and someone in my cohort had told me about armchair. I was commuting from the Eastern Shore to Williamsburg. So it's like almost three hours. I listened to you guys nonstop. And the first episode I ever listened to was day seven. And that was literally life-changing.

21:16A sign I thought that I should specialize in addiction. And I did. And how's that going? Do you like it? We're tough. That's the funny part. So I got out. I started working at a practice specifically for addiction. And it ended up being more prescription drug addiction, which is heavy, heavy stuff, because it's usually co occurring with all the other substance use. So I will say it was a little much for me. Yeah, yeah, it's not for everyone. Like when you hear Gabor Monte, you're like my man. Oh, my God, I love him. That family experience stuff of being activated. So needless to say, I did resign quickly from that.

21:53But I have my own practice now and I see everything and I do some substance use. I do a lot of eating disorder stuff, too. So still in the addiction realm. But I just wanted to thank you guys. Well, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that. Sorry on behalf of all of us. It was a great learning experience. It got me to what I'm doing now. Yeah. Wonderful. All right. Well, nice meeting you. Take care. What is the beanstalk? Jack and the beanstalk. Jack and the beanstalk and James and the giant. And James and the Giant Peach, you know, was originally going to be James and the Giant Raspberry. Really? Yeah, I just heard this.

22:32What's his name? A doll? Roald Dahl. Roald Dahl. You know I have an original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Did he write that? Yeah. What a prolific mother scratcher. What an imagination. Very into him for a long time. I wish I could remember the details of why. He moved it to Peach? Yeah. Oh, it's in the Paradise Show. Oh, wow. That's why I know that. A peach makes more sense because, I don't know. Because I grew up in Georgia. Because for me, it's more relevant. Yeah, it should have been a cherry. Oh, it might have been Michigan's cherry. You would have remembered if it was a cherry. I think it was.

23:13No. Now that I think about it. Hi. Hi. Your shirt says, in my wonder... Wonder Garden. My family and I own an indoor playground. Ah, where at in the country is this? I'm in South Florida. Oh, nice. South Florida. Didn't it snow in Florida? It did. I just saw that in North Florida, they have eight inches of snow already. Yeah, that's wild. It snowed in Georgia. It's one thing to get a dusting every 10 years, but to get eight inches in Florida is wild. Not to say I have powers. Well, go ahead. But when I got home for Christmas, my dad picked me up from the airport and I was like, I wish it would snow.

23:53Oh, you do. And it has not snowed there in so long. And he was like, yeah, that's not going to happen. And then in his mind, he was like, oh, but I'm going to do it as soon as you leave. So sorry. Or you're welcome. Yeah, there's not a single snowplow in the whole state. That's what's funny when it happens. Yeah, there's nothing. You just have to sit there and wait for it to melt. OK, so Emily, please tell us about your sporting event story. So this takes place in about 2005. I went to college down in Miami. At the U? I did. Best 30 for 30 ever. To be honest, I'm not a huge sporting person, which makes this even funnier.

24:28I started dating a bartender at one of the dive bars that we used to frequent all the time. The most fun part about dating him was his roommate worked for the Miami Heat. And his roommate was actually the guy who was in charge of the Jumbotron. Oh, wonderful. super cool. And we got to go to the games all the time. And I wasn't so much into it for the sporting of it, but really for the social aspect. So it was coming up on Valentine's day, which is also my birthday. His roommate came home one day, we were at their apartment and he was like, listen, I have this really cool idea. I wanted to see if you guys would be game for it.

25:09We're going to have you guys come to a game and we're going to do like the kissing cam, you know, when the jumbotron pans around and lands on different couples and they kiss. And he's like, but when we land on you guys, Matt's going to propose. And you have to say no, but you have to do it like super dramatically. Oh, this is a huge slap. Slap him in the face. Slap? Oh my goodness. Yeah, he was like, really, roll your eyes, slap him in the face. And it'll be hilarious and people will love it and everybody will laugh. He has a terrible opinion on what the outcomes of these things will be. He doesn't understand love.

25:42Yeah, tell me about it. people will cheer. They'll be delighted that a guy got turned down and slapped in public. It's going to be a blast. You're foreshadowing this story.

26:10so i was young and stupid and i was like sure i'm game that sounds so fun yeah you're gonna be on tv That's what I was thinking. You might be on the news after this. We even like went a few days early to block the whole thing and meet with their AV team. They're like, OK, this is where you're going to be seated. And this is the camera angle. So you guys have to play to the camera. Just kind of a peek behind the curtain. They planned this shit? Well, I think they knew on occasion. Well, they certainly planned this one. Yeah. Wow. OK. That morning, I'm getting all dolled up because I'm going to be on TV.