Armchair Anonymous: Spring Break

24:21100 percent. it wait i'm actually very relieved that they did the slide in a way where you can see on the outside what's happening because i'm like this is so irresponsible yeah so i turned and they're all just laughing so hard at me and then the cherry on top the arm cherry on top is after i'd stood up in the slide my boob was out the whole time one boob wow great for them not for you that's So no wonder they ran away. Yes, they hurried their children away. It was pornographic. I feel like the mom of that family could have been like, oh, honey. And like, it was a male worker that helped me out.

24:59So maybe he felt more weird saying something. I get it. But I'm like, I feel like someone could have told me. I talked to at least eight people before someone let me know. It was actually a delightful spring break. So I don't know if it classifies as a disaster. But slide was scary. Did you get frisky with any of the three guys? Two of them came out later as gay. The third one, no, we just were friends. It would have been really fun, but I wasn't anyone's type, I guess. Those gay guys may be hooked up. I hope. Caribbean cruise, somebody's got to get some action. Maybe the other one didn't hook up with you because they were like, I saw her boob and then I'd be taking advantage.

25:34Oh, you thought he had some ethics? Ethical. That's exactly it. Had to have been that. Although my boobs are massive. So like he probably would have been like, yes. No, I'm sure. So I went the other way. It's like if you saw a big massive breast, you'd be like, we're going to touch that. Listen, my point is he wanted to be like, oh, that's unethical. He's like, I'll be a good dude. Always. We're back in the States and shoot my shot there. I just want to commiserate with you that that happened to me on the lazy river. San Marcos River. Real River. Yeah. Real River where I fell out and almost drowned.

26:06And then when I survived, my boob was out. And you're like, I've been through enough. Exactly. And didn't anyone try to touch it as mentioned? No, I was far away. But well, first I said, I hated that. Yelling at me immediately. I hated that. No, it's kind of like the slide thing. I'm stuck. And then I look over and Molly told me immediately. That's why you bring at least one girlfriend on a cruise, I think. That's such a fun story. It really is. Thank you. I was like, I wonder if this will count as a disaster. I'm just going to submit it and see what happens. It's a trapping. It's a claustrophobia.

26:36It's a public nudity. It's an unauthorized evacuation of your breast from its holster. I would even say an unauthorized evacuation of me from the slide. Yes. You're right. I'll just get one more silver lining, which is I keep waiting for you to say the big lug came down and snapped your leg. Because think about the fact that when you were standing, what a vulnerable position you were in for knee trauma. And your boob would have still been out because it was already out. So then it would have been broken knees, maybe second boob out, maybe bottoms off. Oh, bottoms would have. Maybe the fabric would have readjusted back over the boob.

27:13The universe is like too much, too much, too much. Guys, I've been a fan for a long time. So this was very thrilling for me. So thanks for letting me chat with you. I loved it. It was really fun for us. You have such a fun personality. Yeah, big time. And thanks for teaching, honestly. Thank you. It's a wonderful job. I have told them this story sans the nudity. So I'm like, are any of them going to listen to this and be like, my teacher never told me that boob part. But we'll find out. Well, then they'd be like, that's a good teacher I have. And then they'll have to acknowledge your teacher is a human being.

27:40And they're entitled to be a full-blown human being, even if they're a teacher. You might see them on a cruise. You might see more of them than you're expecting on the cruise. That would ruin a cruise, though, if you're a teacher. If you got there with three dudes, you're hoping to hook up with one. All of a sudden, you see Mikey and his family. And every time you're having fun, you'd be like, fuck, is that little shit around? If I were you, I'd go around the whole classroom and find out what their plans were for spring break. And then choose an opposition to that. Things that happen to me, we better do that.

28:08Okay well lovely meeting you Have a great rest of your day We'll see you, thanks you guys Bye Hello What kind of squishies back there, is that a jelly cat? This is a squishmallow I think We've got a couple fowl Do you have children's or is that yours? I don't, that is mine My little brother actually gave it to me He passed away in October I'm so sorry Where are you in the world? So I'm actually in Bahrain. Wow. What a scary place to be currently now. It's definitely different right now. It's been crazy. They've been shooting drones and missiles at Bahrain. Yes. There was some bombs that just happened before this started.

28:53I probably won't hear them with this on, but they could be going on now. But it's been fun. And what are you doing in Bahrain? You're getting an early lead on the F1 race? No, I've lived here for about four years now. I work at a university. I lecture there and I really love it. Honestly, I came originally thinking it'd be maybe one or two years. I had like a fellowship with the embassy. And then after that, I just really loved it. I love the community. People are so welcoming and it became a second home for sure. So now it's very sad that this is happening. Yeah. It's a pretty sexy city, right?

29:28It's like kind of glitzy and glammy and there's water. Oh yeah. Yeah. We're an island. So we've got lots of water. We've got beaches. So are you guys kind of on house arrest a little bit? Like everyone's staying in, I assume. Yes, it feels a little bit like COVID. I live in a high rise, so I'm staying with family friends right now just because it's a little bit safer. And what subject do you teach? I teach public speaking. I teach debate and I teach education for teachers. Do you ever refer to debate as a dance like Adam Grant does? I like that. I think it is like a dance. You first start by saying like, yeah, do you want to dance?

30:02Because sometimes you don't want to. A lot of times people don't want to go, babes. That's their thing. That's true. Those people are not invited to my dinner party, but still, I respect it. Okay, so you have a crazy spring break story. Yes. My story was in 2015. So I was a sophomore in college at this point. I'm from Florida originally. So I've lived in Florida up until the point that I moved to Bahrain. What part of Florida? A city called Lakeland, you know? I kind of do. Is it lower middle of the state? Yeah, pretty central. Like between Tampa and Orlando. I lived there and then I went to University of Florida.

30:35So I was in Gainesville. Oh, that's not great for me, but that's okay. I'll let it go. It's a great place. But my story actually happens in Georgia. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Spring break in Georgia. That's mistake number one. Just kidding, Monica. Honestly, it was. We decided that we were going to drive to Georgia during spring break and start hiking the Appalachian Trail. Oh. All of us are Floridians. So none of us had really camped that much before, especially on our own, maybe like with our parents when we were kids. But we rented camping equipment from our university. We rented a tent. Me and my friend Michelle got some ground pads.

31:10And then we were with some siblings, Kat and Samuel, and they didn't bring the ground pads. We were kind of thinking it'd be similar weather to Florida in March. So we packed some T-shirts. We filled our packs to the brim. And the night before, we considered, OK, maybe it'll be cold. So we went to Burlington Coat Factory, got a coat, and then we tried to find gloves, couldn't find anywhere. So we ended up getting mechanics gloves. So pretty well thought out trip. 100%. I hate to interrupt with this, but I did get lost in a Burlington Coat Factory. I remember this story. That's easy. Yeah, it's huge.

31:44Too many coats. I'm going to add, too, not only the weather is going to be new for you, but Florida, for folks who have not been, flat estate in the country. And you're going to go to the Appalachian Trail. Exactly. So we have all this equipment. We've packed tons of Clif bars, peanut butter. Our packs are full. And we drove from about 2 a.m. and we arrived. So at the beginning of this semester, I actually had an emergency surgery right before the semester started because I had a kidney stone. Had the stent, had to go back to university very painfully trying to get around classes. And I had just gotten this stent out.

32:20And now we get to the trailhead. And the first thing that happens is I'm in a lot of pain when we get there. So I go to the bathroom and I start passing a kidney stone. Which I've been told is the worst thing ever. Can you explain the experience? Does it feel like a can opener is passing through or something? It's just like jagged. Yeah. And it came out. I saw it. It looks like a jagged rock. Just super painful. It felt large too. I've had the surgery like where they blast it. When I first started having the pain, it does feel what I would imagine like contractions feel like where you're in a lot of pain and then it stops and then you're in a lot of pain and then it stops.

32:55I also had a in college kidney stone and it is that. It is horrible, but I wasn't on the trail. Yeah. Well, I started the trail like that. So we started really strong, but I eventually come out. I tell them, I was like, listen, I just passed a kidney stone. I'm in pain, but I kind of feel better now. Ready to go. I'm so sorry. I keep interrupting you. Is there blood? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's jagged. Yeah. You should be on painkillers. Oh yeah. But we just keep hiking and I have old tennis shoes on. And we're genuinely thinking it's going to be maybe a little bit colder than Florida. But we start seeing snow in the distance.

33:30We're like, that's pretty cool. But then eventually it's pretty clear. The whole path is deep, deep snow. And we've got like our giant backpacks on and tennis shoes. So we start walking and it's so slippery that every five to 10 minutes, somebody slips. And then because our backpacks are so huge, you get stuck on the ground. Oh my God. You're like a cockroach. And no one's suggesting turn back. No, no, not at this point. The funny thing was this part of year is a pretty common time, I think, for people to start the through hike all the way to Maine. So people that were starting the whole hike, their backpacks were way smaller than ours even.

34:05And multiple people came and said, you guys are doing the whole hike like there and back? Like, no, maybe just the week, five days. So as we keep hiking, Michelle ends up falling and she twists her ankle so she can no longer carry her pack that well, but we still keep going. So me and Samuel take turns carrying one pack on the front, one on the back. Oh, fuck. We are trying to make it to the first campsite is our goal. Because we're doing like the approach trail, everything is pretty slanted and steep. So there's no good place to set up camp. We keep asking people that we're passing coming back and they keep saying, you know, maybe like a mile, mile and a half.

34:41but we keep walking and it's starting to get dark. So we kind of realize we're not going to make it. Why? Why? We set up under some trees. So we finally take everything off. We set up our tent. We put everything up because it seems like a good clearing. There's a lot of really old trees nearby. So after everything's set up, Samuel looks up and there's also a storm that's coming in. So the wind is blowing more. And he's like, guys, I really don't think that we should camp here because I think one of the branches could fall off on top of the tent. and we could be squished.

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39:13So we pack everything up again, but it is getting really dark. So we keep walking along. We don't keep going towards the campsite, but we walk perpendicular and there's a ledge. And we just start following it to see what happens. Eventually, we hit a cabin and Samuel and Kat knock on the door and go inside. They go into a kitchen and they talk to a chef and they're like, hey, who stays here? Is there any chance we could stay here? They're like, no, absolutely not. You can't stay on the property at all. Like you need to get out of here. But a woman followed them out and she kind of whispers to them.

39:42And she goes, listen, me and my boyfriend, we had found this clearing. So if you just walk back the way that you came, you'll see our footsteps in the snow. This sounds like a fairy tale, like a Hansel and Gretel. A fable. Is this woman real or not? Yeah. She's a ghost. And then the other lady was a witch. It could have been. Was it the cook there in the 1700s? And he's dead too. He was cooking a person in his pot. That's just stirring a person. Okay. We go back. We start looking. And we're almost to a point where we're going to give up because it's getting very dark at this point. But then we actually do see what we think are footsteps going up the side of the ledge.

40:17And we're like, okay, solid. Let's go. You guys are so off the trail now. It's like you branched off on one trail and now you're going to follow another one. At this point, how do we just kept going? We probably would have hit the spot, but we see it. So we go, we climb up at this point. It's so dark though. So we can't really tell our surroundings and we go ahead. We set up our camp. There seems to be a little clearing at the top of this hill, but we're kind of in a hurry because we're just tired. We want to be done. And we do string our bags up into the trees for bears. We just have peanut butter with our Clif bars.

40:48And then we get in the tent. So Samuel had originally wanted to steep in the hammock, but it was way too cold at this point. Like the wind is blowing. It's freezing outside. We're in deep snow. So that was not an option. So all four of us are inside the tent, but it's probably built for two people. And two of them didn't have ground pads. So we go to sleep, me and Michelle, but Samuel and Kat all night are up huddled against each other because they're basically directly on the snow. So at this point, I do remember waking up in the middle of the night and seeing them huddled together. And I do think about it in retrospect, we probably could have adjusted and shared the pads, but we did not.

41:26So they're freezing. I wake up in the morning and there's just like water falling in our tent. And the tent's also kind of caved in. So part of it's touching my face when I wake up. At this point, I find out that Kat has been wearing pantyhose for warmth under her pants. Okay. And she's so cold that I have to cut her out of them because pantyhose don't give any warmth. Yeah, that's like a really not smart thing. I didn't know that. I could have accidentally worn pantyhose. Now you know. Like, they're really super thin. But it feels like it would insulate you like a wetsuit. No, they're there to just make your legs look smooth.

42:03Okay. In our haste the night before, we did not put the spokes into the tent. The spikes. You didn't hammer in the sides? The spikes at all. It looked flat. But we do feel there's something hard at the bottom of the tent. After I've cut her out of her tights, we kind of peek out. And the tent had slid down the mountain in the middle of the night. And the only thing that was stopping it was this branch that was coming out of the ground. Oh. You guys, I'm sorry. I feel bad because I should feel bad. but I'm like, why did you guys, you did this. You're mad. I'm a little mad at all. I know. I'm not, because of course I could certainly be in this situation.

42:40I can see Erin and I are tackling something with similar education. Your body was trying to tell you with the kidney stone, don't go. Oh, right. It was trying to warm me. Yeah. How far are we talking that it had slid, would you guess? How many feet? Maybe between 20 and 30 feet. Oh my, you guys were on a ride. Yeah, yeah, we didn't feel it. I think it was a very slow decline, but then this tree was what saved us. I wish you would have woke up in the cabin in your house. You sweat all the way. That would have been great. At this point, we decided it was not possible, especially for Samuel and Kat that didn't have the ground pads and couldn't sleep through the night.

43:16We decided, OK, we need to hike back and we need to drive home. We cannot make it this week. We went back and we did end up going to the beach, which we probably should have started with. We went to the beach for the rest of the spring break and it ended well. And no more kidney stones? No more since then. That was the last one. And did they say what causes them? They said to drink a lot of water. I remember after that, I think it can be from a number of things, but I think some of it can just be genetic as well, but I've never had one again. I think some people are prone. But not a lot of water sounds familiar.

43:46Well, no, I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but they did say like, don't drink too much tea. Oh. But I drink a lot of tea. still. Okay. Oh, wow. That's a full blown disaster. Well, Courtney, I love your spirit. Some people might be disappointed in your story and I love it. Sometimes those things work out. I feel like that's how you learn. Most of my camping stories have been similar, but I'm learning. You know, all I took from this is I was like, oh yeah, I should hike the Appalachian Trail. I think you can take six months and you can do the whole thing. Whoa. Okay. Yeah. I'll be looking for things to do in my older age.

44:19Well, this has been a delight. Can I give a quick shout out to my mom of course so she's amazing i know my situation right now obviously it's tough being here with everything happening but especially you know just after losing my brother in a car accident and me being here i know this is 10 times harder for her and she's also a huge arm cherry she is what's her name shannon oh shannon we're so happy to have you and then can my bunker mate who's been going through the war with me, say hi. Yes, of course. Hi. Hi, Dax. Hi, Monica. I'm an Armchair as well. And Courtney got me introduced to the podcast and I wait for Fridays to listen to Armchair Anonymous.

44:58So it's really a pleasure to speak to both of you. And are you from Bahrain? I'm Indian, but born and raised here. But I did study in India in between as well. Wow. And do you listen just because of Monica? You can be honest. No, both of you. Okay. Okay. Thank God. I would like to add something though, because I'm from South India. And recently, Monica had mentioned a housewarming ritual where you boil the milk until it overflows. So I shifted my house recently as well and had to do the same thing because my folks were pressuring me to boil the milk. I could relate. Wow. And do you know what a seahorse is?

45:35Does that track? You know, Monica thinks Indians don't know what seahorses are. You did look genuinely confused just now. Yeah. You nailed that one. I did. You don't need to know what they are. They're basically made of dust. They're little tiny creatures that live in an aquarium. I mean, of course, they live in nature. I feel like I would know. You would recognize it, but you might not be able to, on a cognitive test, immediately say the word because of your Indian heritage. It's okay. I'm with you, Monica. Thank you. We're going to send a lot of good wishes your way. Both of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

46:08Thank you. Well, we're delighted to have both of you listening in Bahrain. That's so cool. Such a pleasure speaking to both of you. All right. Bye, guys. Bye. I love them. I love them. I love them both. Wow. I got validated by a couple things. You sure did. The boiling milk and the lack of seaworthy. Although we still didn't get reasons. I was thinking she was about to explain it to us. And she's just as confused as you are and your parents and her parents. Hello. Oh, hello. What fake name would you like? Ooh, I have no preference. This is wild. I've never guessed this one, but I'm going to go with Gerald.

46:43Oh. Isn't that strong? I was going to say Steven. I feel good as a Steven. Are you in a bathroom? Sure am. Are you sneakily doing this while you're at work? Sure am. Oh, I love it. I love the spirit. Yes. Are you allowed to tell us, Steven, what part of the country you're in? I'm in the Boston area. Okay. Do you know Ben and Matt? I do not. Dax is so mad at me for saying. No, I knew it was coming. I was waiting for it. We haven't had anyone from Boston in a while. Haven't been able to ask. It's been a while. Okay, so you have a crazy spring break story? I do. My story takes place back in 2017, my senior year of college.

47:17We were planning spring break. Everybody was going to Cancun, but I have a buddy who likes to zig when everybody zags. So he found a Groupon. Oh, okay. Great start. To go to Dominican Republic and not Punta Cana, but Porta Plata, a place I had never heard of before. I haven't either. I can tell you I've been to Cancun and you can't pick a better place to spring break. That was a good option. Yeah, let's just say hindsight's 20-20. So we're like, oh, that's a really good deal. It was like 600 bucks. I just had to buy the flight. So let's go all inclusive. So we got a group. We went. So we got there.

47:50And of course, you're driving through some pretty impoverished areas, humbles you a little bit. And then you go to the resort and it's nice by the beach. We get in and there's guards with AK-47. So that's the first real sign that you're not in Kansas anymore. And then everybody's like, yeah, you guys, everything you need is here. You don't really want to leave the resort. We're like, oh, OK, whatever. We settle in. We start drinking, right? Let's go to the beach, go to the pool. Is the booze free? The booze is free. It's all booze. God, this is the deal of a lifetime. Yeah, it was fantastic. A lot of daiquiris.

48:21So we go to dinner and we're feeling pretty good. And we're like, what are we going to do? So we go outside and we're sitting at the bar and we hear down the beach, like, it's like parties. People are screaming, having a good time. So we're like, we should probably go down that way. Like, let's go check it out. And can I ask quickly, what are the other guests at the hotel like? Are they also young and on spring break? Are they old? What's the vibe at your hotel? Good question. So it's actually like a wide variety. So there's a couple of other people who are like spring breaking, but there's a lot of families and then people from like Germany were there.

48:53It was a weird smorgasbord of people. So yeah, let's go down the beach. Sounds like it's a great time. Let's do it. We walked down past the guards with the AK-47s and we're going bar hopping. There's rooftop bars. It's great. And then people start slowly making their way back to the hotel. And eventually it's just me and my one other friend. And we're like, hey, let's get in there. Let's go talk to some ladies. It's spring break. Let's go. That's right. And what time of night is it now, do you suppose? Probably like 1 a.m. So we start dancing, showing off the moves. And all of a sudden, a couple of girls start coming up to us.

49:26And we're dancing, right? We're having a good time. Buy them some drinks. Do they appear to be locals or fellow spring breakers? I thought they were fellow spring breakers. Okay. Uh-oh. So I asked her, hey, want to get out of here? We should get out of here. And she's like, yeah, yeah, sure. Let's do it. Let's go. So we walked back to my hotel and talked to the guard with the AK-47. Hey, can we get in? And he's like, bracelet, bracelet. So she doesn't have a bracelet on to get back into the resort. She goes, oh, it's no problem. We can go back to my place. And I was like, oh, OK. She's like, I'll just call a ride.

49:55So she calls a ride. A couple minutes later, we're getting into an E-150 van. You know, those vans with no windows. Oh, my God. Like a plumber's van? Yeah, yeah. Real appealing. I get in first and I was like five rows. So I go all the way to the back. I'm like, all right, maybe we'll kiss a little bit on the way there. And then all of a sudden I turn around. She's not next to me. She's in the front seat talking to the driver in Spanish. So I'm like, okay. We start going and she looks back at me, says a couple of things here and there, but mostly talking to this guy. So the ride is 10, 20, 30 minutes go by.

50:27And now we're away from the resort, away from the water. And your friend is gone. He's back at the hotel. He didn't come with you. Yeah, he's doing whatever. I assume he's talking to this girl. He's in a separate van. Yeah, literally. We pull into this like condominium like complex and then he pulls into an actual garage of one of the condos. And then we get out and the only thing he says to me is have fun, buddy. And I'm like, OK, OK. She opens the door to the condo. There's flower petals everywhere leading from the door all the way to the middle of the room with like a jacuzzi in it. and then there's like a big king-sized bed with red silk sheets.

51:04And I realized this is a prostitution ring. Which, by the way, is far better than a kidnapping ring when we're weighing out the different outcomes when you pull into the garage in the van. So he was a John? Our friend is an unsuspecting, unwitting John, but he would be the either pimp or protection. Oh, so the John is the person that buys. Who buys sex. Oh, okay. I didn't even know that. I'm learning something. Okay, great. We're all learning. So we get in there and I go to the bathroom like, oh God, this is not what I thought it was going to be. Can I ask how much money you have on you at this point?

51:37I've got like 20 or$40 cash. I've got a limit on my card, so I can't afford anything. Yeah, yeah. Even if I want to. I splash water on my face and I come out of the bathroom and she's laying on the bed in less clothing than when I entered the bathroom. Like, oh, hey, I think I'm going to get out of here. She goes, no, no, whatever you want to do. Like now the Spanish is coming out and she's like, whatever you want to do, whatever you want to do. Like we can do it. Come on. It's going to be a great time. And I'm like, no, I can't. One, I don't have the money. Two, I just need to get out of here.

52:08And all of a sudden you hear like a bang, bang, bang. But it wasn't on the door that we came in. It came from something else. What the heck was that? Sound like metal. So she gets up and she goes over and she goes to a vent that's on the wall, but on the floor. And she opens that and a hand pops up. That hand gives her a piece of paper. She puts the door back on the vent and then she comes over to me and hands me the piece of paper. Oh my God. It says$1 ,000 is like a receipt. We haven't done anything. All they've done is given me like a really weird Uber ride, essentially. Maybe at the bar we kissed a couple of times.

52:44I don't know. So I say, hey, I've got to get out of here. You don't understand. I'm a college student. I don't have any money. I didn't realize this is what we're getting into. And she's still trying to convince me. And I just start walking out the door. I go out that same garage door. We walked in. I pressed like there was an electric door opener. I opened that. And the guy who drove us is still in the driveway. I mean, he's standing outside the car and he appears to have a gun in his hand. I go up to him. I tell him we didn't do anything. I just need to get a ride home. I don't have any money.

53:14I couldn't afford it anyways. All that stuff trying to explain to him. I don't know if he's understanding what I'm saying. I want to add now in the defense of everyone there, of course, they think every American's rich. That's totally understandable. Their level of poverty or GDP or with their average sale, they see Americans come through and they're like, of course, they think we all have a grand at our disposal at all times. That's very natural for them to think that. Right. Especially this privileged college kid who's on spring break. So I turned to her and then talked to her. I'm like, hey, can you please explain to him what's going on and that we didn't do anything and all that stuff.

53:48And then they're having a conversation. He seems to be getting mad. And then all of a sudden, another car pulls up like the little driveway and it's a Cadillac. And there's two guys in there. And one of the guys has an arm hanging out the window with a gun. So I'm realizing there's a whole thing going on. And I'm just trying to plead my case, but nothing really is getting through. So all of a sudden, I'm like, you know, a really good idea is to just start running. So I started running. And all I can think of is just zigzagging. If they start shooting, I'm zigzagging so they can't hit me. No one's shooting.

54:17But in my head, they're following me. And then I get to a point where I'm like, I don't know which way we got in here. So I just took a turn and I was on a main road. It felt like I was running for maybe 30 minutes when I was realistically probably running for like five minutes. All I can think is that, are they going to come after me? Like, what do I do? And there's no streetlights or anything. All I can hear is like crazy, like nature around me. So I look for something like I find, I see a sign. I kind of like hide behind it, but I know there's no way I'm walking home tonight. There's like one or two cars that go by.

54:47I'm like, I think I might be safe to hitchhike a ride. So another car comes. It's another one of those E150 vans, but it's a different color. But they pull over and I say, hey, can you bring me to this resort? And they say, yes. They didn't ask me for money or anything. So I get in and there appears to be a woman who's like pregnant in the backseat who's sitting next to me. She's like groaning. It's a kind of a weird situation. Oh my God. The guys in the front are driving, not really paying attention to us in the back. but eventually we make it back to an area that seems familiar to me it's not my hotel but it's on the water so i know we're close there's like a condo complex so i had to scale a couple of these walls that were like six feet tall until there was one that was 12 feet tall and i wasn't expecting it went over i landed on my knee i sprained my knee pretty bad i was like you know i just need to crawl my way back to the ocean as soon as i get to like the beach i'll know where to go i know i I just got to go left and I'll probably be near my resort.

55:42Finally, I get back. I crawl up to the rooms that we're all staying in and I'm banging on the doors, yelling and no one's answering. Everybody's passed out after being drunk all night. And I ended up just falling asleep in the hallway. My buddy woke up a few hours later. He drags me and kind of throws me in the bed. I slept till about three o 'clock the next day. I woke up, told them the tale, and then we went out and went to the same bar as the next one. Of course. Wow. How had your buddy's night ended? He just went back to the hotel room. I think he made his way to a casino. Someone offered him a ride to a casino.

56:19So he went to that, lost all his money. Oh, college. In mail. This is such a mail story. They split up. They're both conquering some imaginary thing. Thank God you made it out of there. That is so scary. Because you hear all those horror stories of what happens to people on spring breaks in those countries. Because it's pretty lawless. Sometimes I'm just like, maybe this is just purgatory. You never did make it out of that room. You're still behind that sign. Oh my goodness, Steven. Brings back some memories. So I'm actually impressed that that one card went ahead and dropped you off. I ended up giving him like what was left in my wallet.

56:57I was like, yeah, take$40 and thank you so much. And I think she needs a hospital. What if they were on the way to the hospital? Like, I want to get this guy. Well, lovely meeting you, Steven. and that was harrowing. Likewise, guys. And I want to say, we've been listening for a few years. I got caught on to you because of my girlfriend. We couldn't find a podcast we like to listen to in the car together. So she found you guys and we found a happy medium and we listened to you guys on every long car ride. Oh, lovely. That's really nice. I really appreciate your time. Okay. Take care. Bye. Oh, wow.

57:30We also had a situation in college where I won't say who also ended up in the hallway. He was gone. We couldn't find him. And we wake up in the morning. He's in the hallway. Yeah. And you know, mine about getting arrested and running with Kenny, 11th grade Cancun, ding, ding, ding, at a bar, meet a gal. The bar butts up to the beach. So half of the bar is on the actual beach. And we start hooking up on that sand and then all of a sudden security lifted me off of her and brought me to two cops that were just outside of the little boundary of the bar and was she a prostitute no she was just a horny uh mexican gal no she was fucking horny she said do you have a light and i gave her a light with my Zippo.

58:22Ding, ding, ding. And then she said, I'm on fire for you in my ear. And I was like, oh my goodness, what's happening? I was in 11th grade and drunk on daiquiris. How old was he? I mean, she. I don't know how old he was, but she was like my age. All of a sudden, so the security guards bring me to two Cancun police officers that are sitting right at the edge of the bar. and they're screaming, you can't do that in the bar. And the two cops have me by both holding me like by the elbow. They're now signaling to more cops that are on the curb out in front of the bar. And as they're waving, I'm thinking, I can't go to a Mexican jail.

59:03I know one thing is that you cannot end up in a Mexican jail. And like this guy, I was on a$200 trip with Kenny all in. And I had probably 60 bucks to my name for the whole trip and no ATM card. So I can't pay these guys off. This is like day three of the trip. And they had little batons. So they start waving to the other guys to come down, presumably, I think, to put me in handcuffs and take me to a car. And when they lift their hands away from me, I just take off sprinting down the beach. Do they run after you? Yes. And I'm running down the beach. And it's dark. And I just ran as fast as humanly possible down the beach all the way back to my hotel, probably like a half mile.

59:40They stopped chasing me. Do you think about jumping in the water and swimming? I would have done absolutely anything to not end up in some car going to jail in Cancun. Why would they take you to jail just because you were at the bar? I mean, that's... Because I was having sex at a bar. I know, but like to jail? You'd be like, go home. Well, I can only say what the stereotype at the time was, which is they're taking you there to shake you down. Right. But that run, I know his run he's talking about. I was just running like, are they going to tackle me? How close are they behind me? Are they pulling their guns out?

1:00:09Luckily, the beach was right there and it was dark, so I just ran to the beach. Yeah. It's weird because since you have such a strong sense of smell, you've just smelled so many people. That's true. I'm sure some of them smelled bad. She did not. Odds wise. There have been some situations for sure. That's the price of doing business.

1:00:36Okay. Happy spring break. Love you. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? I'm going to have a theme song. Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the flyer, I'm Dish. On the flyer, I'm Dish. Enjoy.