Armchair Anonymous: Unauthorized Evacuation III

24:24Can I ask, was this a rural setting or a city setting for the school you were going to teach in? One of the big cities, inner city school, which was similar to the environment that we were going to end up teaching in for most of us as well. So they tried to mirror that. The first couple of weeks you're there, you're really kind of on campus doing some of these classes and then summer school starts up and they essentially assign you a school and then you get bused from the campus to your school every day. So you're up early, you're there before the students get there. There's some prep work that goes into it.

24:54And then you get to teach a half day of school and really get that practice. I'm so sorry. I'm getting mired in the details, but these are students who had to take summer school, right? So this isn't the cream of the crop. That's right. Yeah, like my troubled kids had to go to. Sure, sure, sure. You're not teaching the gifted and talented program. Is that A plus overachievers necessarily? No, yeah. It's like kids who fucked off and got too many attention. Well, they probably had a hard life. Had to go to summer school. At least in my town, that's how it was. I think it's a lot of that for high school.

25:21This was an elementary school. So I think it's also kids who are just maybe a little bit behind and need some of that extra practice. Okay, great. We don't need to dive into ed policy, but really a strong proponent of year-round schooling for students because of that summer learning loss that happens. Oh, wow. That's good. That's part of a Malcolm Gladwell book, The Gap, because. Oh, boy. I know. No, go ahead. Socioeconomically, there isn't a huge disadvantage when you start school. And if you end the school, it doesn't really matter your socioeconomic status. You guys will both get the same amount.

25:53It's the summertime that the kids from poor families fall dramatically behind because the parents can't oversee any activities. There's no reading happening. Yeah, makes sense. So that's where they're falling behind. If you went to school endlessly, that gap, is that right? Exactly. And if you think about just the other advantages of like living in a house with air conditioning over the summer or having parents home to read to you when they're not working all summer long. Even food. Yeah, the food. Yeah, exactly. But yes, you don't have those top readers in your class when you're teaching summer school.

26:23Right. Okay. You're on the bus 630, 645 in the morning, and then it's maybe a 15 minute bus ride to school. That morning, everyone's excited. First day of teaching. You get on the bus, you have your little bagged lunch. and pretty early into the bus ride, I know that things are not feeling great. You know, you're okay. It's nerves, first day of school, butterflies. That's your explanation. You didn't go to like my breakfast or my dinner or I drank too much. You didn't have any explanations yet. No explanations yet. I'm young. So the stomach's about as good as it can be at that point. Five more minutes in and you're really starting to think, all right, I got to come up with a plan here.

27:00What are we going to do when we get to this building I've never been to before? and how are we going to go find a bathroom quick? So my mom was in schools for 30 years and I know in the office, there's usually an adult bathroom. Okay, wow. So we're going to get there. We're going to go straight to the office, find that bathroom. We're going to be okay. So we're pulling up to the school. Things are starting to get a little worse. And I'm like, do I need to start like pushing my way to the front of the bus here? Like what are we going to do? Use the emergency exit door. Yeah, it takes a while to get off those buses sometime.

27:31I see the building. We're like, okay, all right, we're going to make it. And then we kind of pull around to the side of the school. So we're not, as it turns out, going in the front entrance. We're going to go in the staff entrance, which is kind of around to the side, not to disrupt whatever's happening in the front. The plan is to get everyone together, kind of do a tour of the school, and then settle into our classrooms. And I see the door. I don't know what's on the other side of that door, but I know I need to be on the other side of that door as quickly as possible. So the door's open. I kind of just make a run for it.

28:01Whatever people want to think at this point, it's better than what's going to happen. We're in the school and I'm looking around and I say, OK, we come across the boys bathroom. Isn't it adult bathroom? No, but there are no students in the school. I feel OK about it. Yeah, yeah. What is the policy in general? Teachers aren't supposed to use those bathrooms or they can't? I certainly did in my years teaching. But like after hours, I think it's pretty frowned upon to use the student bathroom while students are around. That's a good policy for the guys. I never thought about that. I trust the women.

28:33Yeah, that's probably right. Okay, so we're approaching. We see the boys' bathroom. There's no students there. And I'm like 15 steps away. And that's it, really. Oh, we didn't get it. Didn't quite make it. Are you wearing khaki pants? Khaki pants, of course. Classic teacher uniform. Khaki pants, button down tie. Textbook. Oh. Oh. Thankfully, those boxer briefs are doing the Lord's work right now. Oh, okay. Oh, phew. We're not in great shape, but we're not in the worst shape possible. Okay. Okay. So we get into the stall, which as we've talked about is like meant for a seven-year-old. It is so low to the ground.

29:15And under normal circumstances, this maybe isn't the worst thing, but the toilet paper and paper towel situation at schools is not good. We're trying to do whatever I can in there to contain it. I got to keep the pants clean. That's the ultimate goal here. There's no way for me to get back. I don't even really know where we are in this city. I had no change of clothes. So we're using the paper towel, the toilet paper, all of that. We kind of wad up the underwear. That's a lost cause. That goes right to the bottom of that trash can. Throw a bunch more toilet paper and stuff on top to cover it up.

29:46Because you have manners. Exactly. Quick inspection. Khakis look okay. Go rejoin the group. Really, I'm not going to say anything to anyone at that point. We do the tour. And really, the rest of the day, I'm in front of the classroom for the very first time. I'm commando. Can I ask really quickly, how long do you think the duration was of that whole project? Because my hunch is you're gone kind of a while. My absence was noted for sure. They probably thought you were par sick from the bus ride. That's right. That would be a generous bumpy ride. That's what I would think. Oh, he's got a sick tummy.

30:21So then you're teaching for the next three hours and insanely self-conscious about my sitting over here. Am I trying to hide myself behind books and desks? And I'm not really probably getting up and engaging as much as I should. It's just a weird feeling to not have underwear on in front of a classroom of children. In khakis, too, I'll add. Because there's a lot of room for a lot of slip slappy and bouncy. Oh, no. General penis and testicle blood. Oh, no. Yeah. Did you feel like I'm not a pervert, but like I'm behaving like one? It really is a weird feeling. There's no secondary layer, thankfully, to this story.

30:56You get through the day. No one has said or noticed anything. And you really just learn a couple of lessons about what you pack in your backpack to make sure you're covered in these situations moving forward. I know none of us is ever going to carry a second pair of pants with us. But we should. But probably if we have a bag, why not? Just have them in there. I mean, I have so much stuff in my bag. Why wouldn't I just have an extra little pair of pants? Yeah, you'd set off some bear spray and some mousetraps and shit en route to get the pants. Once you have your own classroom that's yours, you kind of have a place to stash some extra clothes.

31:28That's what we ended up doing for the rest of my teaching career. Well, wonderful meeting you, Josh. Do you want to give any shout outs? I do. Thank you for asking. My co-workers, Danielle and Caitlin, are the first couple of people I found who are also Arm Cherries. So I appreciate them and obviously appreciate you guys. Well, wonderful meeting you, Josh. Thank you for that. You guys too. This is super cool. Thank you so much. All right. Take care. You all too. Hi guys, can you hear me okay? Oh, beautifully is this quote Rachel? It is. How did you choose the name Rachel? Oh, it's so funny you ask that.

32:01That's like an alter ego between my boyfriend and I. Oh. So I finally get to use it for real. Does Rachel only come out in the evening? Yeah, what's Rachel like? Or when drinking? Rachel's fun. Rachel gets a little bit tipsy. She likes her wine. Yeah, I had a hunch that's when Rachel came out to play. She's like silly and frisky. Oh, yeah. Everyone should have a Rachel. Well, I have an alter ego, Sonica. Sonica? Uh-huh. She drinks a lot of water. Oh. Yeah. It's kind of the opposite. Yeah, it's really wild when she comes out. It's rare. What? Well, I'm just going to say if drinking is like your main.

32:37What? Monica does not drink a lot of water. So if I'm drinking a lot of water, it's like, oh, Sonny's here. I know. My point is if you drink alcohol all the time, your alter ego can't be the girl who drinks wine. It's got to be the one that drinks water. I just think that's a really funny reversal that your naughty girl drinks water. I know. I'm funny. Rachel, where are you in the country? I was in Wisconsin. Oh, beautiful. Okay, so walk us through your unfortunate evacuation. This is such a bittersweet experience. To have to meet us in these circumstances? Right. Exactly. Yeah. You'd rather be telling us about a first place trophy you got?

33:18Well, I've never told this story. I told this story from the depths of my brain. I've never written it out. I try not to think about it. This is one of my deepest, darkest. This is a big deal. Thank you. I can't even tell people that I'm on the podcast because then it's going to be let out. So I will get started. This happened about 10 years ago now. So I was newly out of college. I was lucky enough to find a job right away up by where my boyfriend, we'll call him Corey. That's where he grew up. So we passed from Southern Wisconsin, and we moved all the way up to Central Wisconsin just a couple months after graduation.

33:54But we were new to the area. Even though Corey was from the area, we didn't have a lot of friends. So both of us were starting new jobs, and we wanted to find some other couples to hang out with. How do you do that? Right? That's one of the hardest things as an adult, to find adult friends and couple friends. So luckily with that new job, I connected with a girl named Maddie. We'll call her. We have a lot in common. So we both came to the outdoorsy kids. We like fishing, hunting, and we thought maybe we'd hang out outside of work. And we finally reached the summertime, and Maddie was telling me about how her and her group of friends, who are also couples, they were going to go tubing on the Fox River.

34:32I love tubing. Had you gone before? As a child, I had been tubing on the Little Rock River, but this tubing was actually on the Fox River. So it's a little bit bigger of a river, a little bit different of an experience.

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36:00So we are invited. I was super pumped. So you guys are familiar with tubing. Love it. But for people that are not familiar, you get a bunch of friends and a bunch of inner tubes. and you get a second or third empty tube. You put a cooler in it. It's chock full of beer and you float down a river and get hammered, right? That's absolutely right. And it's about the most fun you can have drinking. It is really fun. Yeah, until you go over a waterfall. Yeah, I wasn't going to bring it. Was that the first time you had gone? No, I used to go in Helen all the time. That was very low key. Okay, great. For this trip, it usually takes anywhere from two to four hours, depending on how high the river is.

36:38On this day, the river was a little bit low. We were expecting a pretty long ride. We're getting ready. We're very excited. Maddie decides to drive with us. It's about an hour and 15 minutes away from where we live. I had a last minute thought. I hadn't eaten yet. And I was going to be on a river all day. I just really quick throw my stuff together. I grab mayonnaise from the counter to make a stand. If this was a show or a movie, there'd be a close-up right now and a push-in on the mayonnaise. on the counter. Yes, that's exactly right. So Corey, like I said, he's coming with, he is a notorious midnight snapper.

37:15The mayonnaise was out on the counter. I turned to Corey and said, hey, do you think this is okay to eat? And he very confidently said, yeah, it's probably fine. Spelt the container. It was still a little cool, but no problem. We're probably safe. Good to go. I whip up the sandwich, scarf it down. We hop in the car and we get going to the river. once we get to the river we meet everyone we hop in the school bus so you have to drive up river to float down we got a cooler full of goodies so finally we make it to the river i'm still feeling good you know it's a good ride it's a good day it's super hot it's very sunny we were about an hour and a half into the ride and everyone was just hitting it up we're having a good time have You had some beers at this point?

38:01Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. However, I start getting this feeling in my stomach, like something's not quite right. If you guys are familiar, it's that feeling that starts at the very top of your stomach. And it gets really bubbly. And then all of a sudden, it's moving lower and lower into your intestines. You can feel it. All of a sudden, I'm sweating. Yeah. I'm slamming. Oh. I'm very quickly assessing the situation. Because I know one of two things is going to happen. I'm either going to push this feeling off. It's going to go away. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to keep it together.

38:39Or this feeling is going to keep on happening over and over again. It's going to be more and more intense until I finally don't have a choice. Yes. And if I'm you, okay, I'm really quickly, I'm going, okay, so I could go, I'm going to veer off to the bank of the river. I'm going to pee in a bush, which would be weird because everyone's peeing in the river. So you're kind of already outing yourself that you're really going to shit. but that's one option get off the river shit in the woods second is just pull your bathing suit aside let it rip yeah but the problem there is you're in a current and there is a good chance that that excrement will float on top oh no come into the group so you got to consider that right so then you're like do i try to get my tube way out in front of everyone or way behind this is all the modeling i'd be doing were any of these thoughts crossing your mind absolutely i was looking at the water yeah where is it kind of rocky and flirty so it was around and you won't be able to tell i don't need floating scent anywhere near right so they're lining i'm wearing a black bikini bike okay we love that great start the river is lined with private properties the trees are really thin there's really nowhere i can go without getting caught for indecent exposure and again i don't want to call it myself and i'm stereotyping but in michigan this is fine at least in my friendship group, like if there was a gal on the trip and she had to shit, like this isn't a big deal.

40:01I feel like Wisconsin's similar, no? Maybe around people you know. Yeah. This is our first time hanging out with this group. Yeah, it's basically a date. That's fair. Right. So I want to make a good friend impression. I don't want to be the girl that shit for pants on the river. Well, unfortunately, I got to the point where I had no choice. So that's exactly what I did. I kind of prolixed around. We were a few drinks deep at this point. I figured people probably thought I was a little tipsy. So I went to the side of the shore, laid in the rock, went under the branches of the trees like a child.

40:35Oh, nice. This is good. I made myself feel a little bit more comfortable. And I figured fish poop in this water all the time. Yeah. Spines. It's not clean water. I'm not dirtying anything that isn't already ruined. So I let it look. Here's the problem. You know, the thing with the harness is it's floaty. Yep. So I didn't really know. I didn't want to look. Yeah, no, you just leave it. Right, so I splashed around, I got my tube cleaned out, I don't want the little inside of part of my tube before I was pooping. It's kind of playful, too, and splashing. Oh, I'm so, Carefree, I'm so Rachel. You were so Rachel right then.

41:12Yeah. I was. I wish I could say that the story ended there. I felt better. It was done. But I can't. so unfortunately at this point i was experiencing full-blown food poisoning i figured it had to be from that sandwich now i'm telling you if i was at home i would every 20 to 30 minutes be visiting the bathroom right right right did you have any compulsion to throw up thank god it sounds like you didn't have to throw up though correct so i evacuated. Yeah. Not one, but three times. Oh! Did you do your playful thing every time? Did you keep going back to the well? Did you alternate strategies? Honestly, I got to a point where it was so unfortunate.

42:02I was in a situation. Oh, no. Did you tell your boyfriend? I did, but he went through his own trauma during this trip, so I actually don't know if he remembers me telling him this or not. Oh, this sounds like a crazy trauma. Did he jump off a bridge? Third degree sunburn, full of blisters on his back, couldn't sleep. Wear sunscreen when you go to bed. Right. Also don't have mayonnaise before. Talk about rough showing for the couple. You know, it's like a movie kind of. It's not the lead character. It's two folks who are comedic relief that have joined the trip. And one shits herself three times and the other guy's getting fucking blasted with sun.

42:44We did not make a good impression at all. But you didn't tell them, right? You didn't tell the friends. I don't think so. One part of the story that I want to share is this trip had what's called a sandbar. It's an area where about 75 to 100 people gather and party and hang out and take a break. Right. Our group decided to stop, take a break. I, unfortunately, was not done with my situation. So I was way too close to strangers. I'm not saying I looked anyone in the eye. while it happened. Uh-huh. But I grew up. Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh. Wow. Boy, this is great. You never consider when you're out, you're swimming, that one or two of the people are going through this.

43:25Were you worried about the sound? Not so much. Okay, that's good. Because you're submerged, right? Yeah, but still. You would be worried about the sound. Did you ever see some floaters? I didn't. But like I said, I tried not to look. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's best. You were disassociated, yeah. Yeah. CMI, probably. But the feeling of it felt like there probably wasn't much solid matter. Yeah, rounds two and three were probably liquid. You know, Rachel, this is a highly successful story. I agree. If you have to be in this situation, underwater is the dream. A hundred percent. And no one even knew.

44:02Yeah, I got very lucky. What about the car ride back? I'd be worried. I had 45 more minutes left of the float after we left the sandbar. and I had an hour and 15 minute drive home to just sit in the back and salt. Okay, but you were done of evacuating, so that's good. Were you able to be joyful in between the rounds or were you a total dud on the floating trip? That's a great question. I wish I knew. Like I said, I was so dissociated. I want to say that I was cheerful, Rachel. I was great and I was super personable. You were probably just drunk and weird. But also you were shitting out the beer too, so like you couldn't stay drunk.

44:39The tiffiness and the intoxication was long gone after the second time it happened. Yeah, the adrenaline. Oh, boy. Did you guys end up developing a good double date friendship with this group, or was that one and done trip? That is one and done. Ouch. We never saw these people. You know what I'm wondering? I am wondering. Do they know? Did they find out? Is this a part of it? So I have shoved it so far in my brain. It's going back in its little pocket. They were probably boring. To be honest, when you're on a tubing trip, everyone's pretty hammered. If you know you're bringing it up, it's not like top discretion time.

45:19I think you'd be like, oh, fuck, there's food. But then it's easy to be like, yeah, what? Yeah, where did it come from? Where did it come from? Anything. And even if it's on you, you're like, it got on me. Ah, there's more on me. It's coming out of my body. Oh, my God. It's so weird. It's got in me. no i would not own that if someone said there was poop i'd be like oh my god we should kill whoever did this again like best case scenario for this really yeah you kind of got lucky of all the places i got away with it that's for sure rachel we hear a lot of these stories and you should tell people this this is fine people are not going to judge you or think you're gross it's kind of an adorable story.

46:02You'd be surprised how many people have dealt with this. Yeah, about 90%. Yeah, I'm going to say 99. Yeah, I can't be the only person who hoops themselves on a lazy river. No, that river was full of other people. Yeah, I think I've gone, but intentionally. Yeah, people are doing it intentionally. I hope people aren't intentional. They're terrible.

46:25Well, it's lovely meeting you. So nice to meet you. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. And I just want a quick Give a shout out to my friend Michelle for letting me borrow her internet in her closet today. Thanks, Michelle. And Monica, just a special shout out to you for all of your big six energy and helping me get through my 30s. I really appreciate it. You seem so kind and so sweet. Oh, that is really nice. Thank you so much. Of course. Bye. Here's Cara. Cara? The hotel? Kara or Kara? Oh. I think Kara. I was at Kara at the hotel the other day. A couple of arm cherries came up. Hello? Is it Kara or Kara?

47:08Kara, right? It's Kara. Kara. Rob was right. Wabi-Wabi was right. Monica, I am a real follower to The Most Pain, so it just kills me that I couldn't make a fork because I'm at work. You don't have to. You sound great. I need you to release yourself of that. And I immediately need to talk about the little kind of anime cartoon you see on the wall. I think this is Mira from The Demon. Oh, K-pop. Yes, I'm a children's therapist. And so I have lots of crafty things. Oh my gosh, good for you. It does look fun and inviting already. And then what's over your left shoulder on the wall? It's like a collage of raccoons dancing.

47:47Oh, very playful. Raccoons. Can you tell us what part of the country you're in? Yeah, I am in Seattle. Okay, wonderful. Okay, so you have an unauthorized evac story for us. Sure do. Oh, we're so excited. It is in the Princess Louisa Inlet in Canada at a camp. Are we familiar with Young Life at all? No. And I also need to know, is that on the West Coast or the East Coast? West Coast? West Coast. Okay, up by BC. Is Young Life like the religious camp? Yes. Okay. Tell me more. I don't know about it. It's an evangelical nonprofit that's a lot about taking kids who aren't Christians and trying to take them to these camps where they have these spiritual experiences.

48:27And then they're like, I want to be a Christian now. I was a camper and I was a leader and a staff member. Wow. And now I am none of those things. Sure, sure, sure. Your life has taken a lot of turns. Yes. The emo teen to young life staff to therapist pipeline is crazy. And were your parents involved with that or did you initiate your involvement? I grew up in the church. I mean, at the time it was a great community. It really, I think, served a lot of purposes that I can still hold on to. And one of them was that like I had some really great times at camp and this is where that camp was. It's called Malibu, but it's not anything like Malibu, California, except that it is really beautiful.

49:08And this camp, you take one ferry and then you drive for a while and then you take this boat that just has campers on it. It's a three hour, very slow boat ride to this like secluded camp that used to be where celebrities would go. They used to have like pictures of celebrities on the wall, but it's this beautiful camp that just shows up out of nowhere. There's an outer dock that you get dropped off at. And then there's like a half a mile walk into camp. Wow. It's Christian summer camp where there's lots of activities. It's kids that do Young Life all over the world that will come to this. You're also there with just a lot of different people, not just people from your area.

49:47This sounds so fun. If we could take up the scripture, I would be in. Yeah. Honestly, they do camp wonderfully and it was a blast. And one of the activities that we do as a camp in the evening, we sing songs and they talk about Jesus and all that. And then we go back to our cabins and we do cabin time. I went to camp with some girls that I went to high school with. And at cabin time, it's like, what did you hear the speaker talk about? And you've been doing camp activities all day. And so you're super hungry and super tired by the time this cabin time comes. It's for reflection, it sounds like.

50:21Yeah, a lot of tears, a lot of I've made out with boys. I shouldn't do that. I'm so sorry. It's also fantastic food. So we have like had a lot of camp food. But at cabin time, we had a bunch of snacks. And one of those snacks was Fiber One bars. Oh, I didn't have that reaction because I didn't know what they did. I just finished my sophomore year of high school. So this was in 2011. I was really hungry. So I had three of them because I didn't know what Fiber did. That was me and Space Cake in Amsterdam. I was like, it's just delicious. I didn't anticipate. So I had the fiber one bars. We had the next day of camp and our cabin activity for the day was going on a caribe ride.

51:03The inner tubes that go behind boats, that's like shaped like a banana, but like in a hot dog bun, sort of you like sit on the banana, put your feet on the hot dog bun. Oh, cool. You've seen those, right? And like five or six people can ride on it. They're pretty long. Yeah. The videos make it look really easy to stay on them. I was very disappointed by the amount of time I spent trying to get on that thing to the amount of time actually on it. So we did that for a few hours. That's not true. That was really dramatic. We maybe did it for like an hour. Yeah. Yeah. I also love the irony and the phallic nature of all the young Christian girls riding this humongous yellow dick around the water for an hour.

51:42The horniness of the camp is crazy. In reflection, it's like, I had impure thoughts on the banana today. They set you up for it. And then they're like, how dare you? Yeah. So something about my swimsuit to know is I was wearing spandex shorts in case something were to come off. So I just tried to keep myself secure. It's always on the last run, as we know. And so this was the last run before going back in. And we took a turn. Everyone falls off. And we all had helmets on. And I hear like a thunk. And then I fall in the water. And water shoots right up my butt. Oh, wow. Like a hose, just straight up.

52:22And then my fiber one bar poops come out. Oh, no. So, you know, like minestrone soup? Uh-huh, sure. So if you were to like dump that out into like a tub, already has water in it. Oh, no. But then you like sit in the tub with it. Oh, this is horrible. How did that happen? Had your spandex shorts come off or just somehow the water passed through the spandex shorts and all the shit come out the pant legs or who knows? It had to because there was some stuck in my shorts, but it had also all come out and I'm just seeing it floating around me. This is horrifying. Yes. And I'm like, can my cabin mates see it?

53:04And we're in an inlet. And so I'm kind of pushing things around, making sure people don't notice. At this point, my brain is just like, oh my God, that's my poop. And then I don't remember how we got back to the dock. Did I get back on the Cree Bay? Did I get in the boat? I don't remember. But it dropped us back off at the outer dock. So I had to walk the half mile back to camp. Ooh, a half mile in wet spandex. Wet poopy spandex, no shoes, and it's like a trail. The walk that you do when you're kind of like flexing. Oh, God. Because you thought you had to do more? Oh, yeah. There was definitely more.

53:42Okay, so you're feeling pressure for another round. Yes, I was like, we are not done. Yeah, and there's maybe some seawater up in there too. Yes, a lot that needs to come back out. Put my towel tight around me, left my cabin mates. I was like, bye, I don't care. And I just did this clenched butt cheek waddle all the way back and also could still feel it dripping on my legs and chunkies on my feet. This is awful. And I'm a 15-year-old girl. I'm like, I want to die. And there are boys there too? Are there boys there? Yes. No, no. I somehow thought it was just all girls. Boys were very attractive.

54:25Instead of going back to my cabin and I had this whole half mile walk to plan, I went to the bathroom. That single person, you lock the door and people have to knock to come in, you know. And I strip off my swimsuit and I throw it in the sink and I sit naked and wet on the toilet and just keep pooping. Poop until it's done. I'm taking toilet paper and like trying to like dry off and so then I have like that soggy toilet paper everywhere I'm finally done pooping there's no poop on my body I go and I rinse out my swimsuit in the sink I don't want to put my like poopy towel around me and I also don't want to walk in just the towel back to my cabin so I put my wet swimsuit back on that's still like a little poopy, but rinsed off, go to my cabin, get ready to shower.

55:13And then the girls go, we should just go to the pool now. And so I was like, yeah, you're right. Oh, wow. I was like, I think what would be better than taking a shower is the chlorine would just kill all the bacteria. So I just decided with my 15 year old logic to jump in the pool to clean off. Well, in your defense, that was before they hung the signs up that said, if you have active diarrhea, do not swim, which are now ever present. But we didn't know that. It was a simpler time. That's right. Now, the girls who went to the camp with me will need to fact check me. But I talked to one of my friends who went with us last night and I was like, was it me?

55:49And I'm pretty sure that the thunk that I heard when I fell off, I thought it was someone else's helmet, but it ended up being Gabby's nose. What? My friend remembers that she was on the Caribe with us, that she broke her nose on that ride and Gabby was sitting behind me. Okay. So I think that's why no one really noticed that I was having my poopy incident because when Gabby fell off, she broke her nose. Thank God for her broken nose. Oh my God, Gabby. But also percentage wise, there's six passengers. One broke their nose and one shit their pants. Exactly. You know, I feel like a waiver needed to be signed.

56:30Maybe other things happen, too, that we don't know about. And my friend who is on it with us, she also hurt her hip really bad. The same ride. This is a disaster. Yeah, you sign so many liability waivers. Oh, wow. When you go. Not that you guys care, but I think what the problem with those big floating bananas is they're underinflated a lot. So it's like when one kid moves, it shoves air in back. And then, you know, it's just a wild ride. Such a heartwarming story. It sounds like it could be in Meatballs, the camp movie or Wet Hot American Summer. It's got that joyful patina. It does. It makes me nostalgic for a camp I never even went to.

57:05I was looking at pictures of when I was at the camp and I was trying to have compassion for 15 year old me, but she was a horny, struggling. Oh, my gosh. I was like taking pictures with these hot boys and posting them on Facebook. And I'm like, they don't even know who I am. This is crazy. It's just so hard to be a person. Did you ever have any hookups at this Christian camp? No, I wish. But there were hookups happening, right? Oh, yeah. Because I also like went as a leader and a staff member and there was kids getting in trouble all the time for having sex. Yeah. Well, you got to tell people to leave room for Jesus between you, right?

57:38When they're dancing at the dances. And then leave room for the Lord. They're not really having sex. They're soaking. And that doesn't count. I think that's specifically Mormon. Well, no, I have a friend who was not Mormon. She did some soaking. She hadn't had sex yet. And then she's like, but he put it in. I was like, wait, that counts. Very liberal definition. Exactly. She was very religious. And so you find your ways. The anal one's always a fun workaround, too. That's a fun one. That's a fun workaround. Yeah, why don't you just? Well, thanks for doing the Lord's work and working with children.

58:10I feel like you're the perfect person for this. Yeah, I appreciate it. This is delightful. Have a great rest of your day. You too. Take care. All right, bye-bye. I just feel like if I was surrounded by minestrone soup, I would panic. Yeah. I would probably do something really like. Evil? Yeah. Like, who did this? Uh-huh. No, I'd start blaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the girl with the broken nose. Yeah, exactly. Oh, she broke her nose and evacuated everywhere. She shit everywhere because her nose broke and she just let loose. She's disgusting. That one reminded me of my mom's story of somehow they hung out with friends in Florida when my mom and dad were married and they were young and they had a boat.

58:49They took them water skiing, but there were alligators where they were water skiing. And so my mom was like in the process of trying to get up and she couldn't get all the way up, but she refused to let go of the rope because she was so afraid to be in there with alligators that she just drug behind the boat for an incredibly long time and it gave her a huge enema and she had the same situation. Yeah. Happens to the best of us. Sure does. All right. Always a blessing. It is. All right. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song. Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.

59:31We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the flyer, I'm Dish. On the flyer, I'm Dish. Enjoy.