Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card XII

23:28They got a real molasses-y accent. What is it called? Chivalrous. Does he ever duel men on the corner? He hasn't yet, but I mean, there's always time. Okay, great. So you've got a wild card story. I do. It doesn't take place in the South, unfortunately. It takes place in Washington, D.C., which is where I was after college. It's where I moved post-grad. So back in 2021, I had just moved there. I was young. I was living my life on my own for the first time, which also plays into the story. I had just moved out there and I had a friend that was going to come visit me. We went out, we got dinner and then, you know, we went dancing and it was great.

24:04And we stayed up late. It was really fun. So then the next morning I woke up and I'm like, Alison, I am not feeling well. So I had gotten a blister on the back of my foot a week earlier from tennis shoes, not even from heels. And I was like, my blister kind of feels weird. And she's like, that's so funny. I was like, okay, but I'm here to show you the DC experience. So we go do all the monuments, Do you put a Band-Aid over the blister? Do you wear two pairs of socks? How are you addressing walking around with the blister? I had actually worn boots because it was also in November, which I had forgotten to mention.

24:36And my foot had actually swollen a little bit, and so it wouldn't fit into my boots. And so I had to go and change into my Birkenstocks back at home. That are open in the back. Yes. And so I walked around D.C. probably, I think it was a whole half marathon, over 13 miles at that point. Not feeling great, but, you know, it is what it is. Oh, no. Yeah. So we go to dinner that night. I'm really not feeling great. She's like, okay, we'll take you to an urgent care tomorrow morning and we'll get you some antibiotics. And I'm like, great. So the next morning we wake up, we go and the doctor sees me and he's like, you've got a little bit of an infection.

25:11Let's get you some oral antibiotics. He looks at the heel. Yeah. And at this point, it's like a little red. It's not too bad in his defense, in everyone's defense. I want to make that very clear. What did it feel like? Did it feel different than just like when you have a normal blister and it hurts a lot? Did it feel like different? Yes, it felt different and it also felt hot. I want to treat my friend to a good time. So then we continue on with our touristy. We're walking around. It's a great time. I send her on her way Sunday afternoon. Next morning, I have to walk to work because I don't have a car in D.C.

25:43Most people don't have cars. And walking to work, that was a tough one. It was pretty swollen. I had the mules where I could slide my foot into it. But also, it's November, so I'm freezing. I get to work and I'm like, guys, look at this blister. It's crazy. And they're like, yeah, this looks really, really bad. You should probably go to the doctor. And I'm like, no, I've already been. I'm on Orla and Biotics. It's fine. And this older coworker of mine takes one look at it. And she's like, if you don't go to the doctor right now, I'm going to be really mad. And I was like, but I don't want to pay to go to the emergency room.

26:13Because remember, I don't have a car and I was making no money. I didn't want to pay for an Uber. And she's like, if you don't go right now, I'm going to call an ambulance and make you pay for the ambulance. I was like, well, I don't want to pay for an ambulance. So fine. She's really laying down the law. She got stern. And looking back, I really am appreciative. So I go, and I don't know if you guys have ever been to a emergency room waiting room in Washington, D.C. No, but we watch the pits. So I guess I have some sense of what it probably is like. So it's very similar. The chaos, seeing every single type of injury.

26:42I saw stab wounds. I saw multiple unauthorized evacuations. Oh, wow. Wow. Keep in mind, I'm 22 from the South in DC. This is a lot for me. I'm thinking that this is not that big of a deal. I'm actually supposed to go on a first date the next day. And I'm texting this guy like, hey, I'm in the ER right now. But like, this is not a big deal. And he's like, don't you need me to come? And the problem was that I told the nurse that this was like a level two or three on the pain scale. That meant that the stab wounds were going to get seen before me, which to be fair, that makes sense. So I go on 13 hours and they're still not seeing me.

27:19I got there at probably two and like 3am comes around and I'm still not getting seen by anyone. So I'm going to go home. This is crazy. At this point, the red has spread. The red has gone up my leg past my knee. My entire leg is quite inflamed at this point. I'm like, I think I need to go get some stronger antibiotics. And I go back to the same urgent care guy and he's like, you need to go to a podiatrist. This is bad. So I Uber back to the podiatrist. I've spent so much money on Ubers at this point. I'm making no money. So this is really a big deal for me. I go back to the podiatrist. She takes one look at my leg.

27:56She's like, if you don't go to the emergency room right now, you're going to lose this leg. Oh my God. Keep in mind, this is from a blister. I'm like, this is crazy. I was just there. It was 13 hours and they didn't see me. And so she's saying, okay, I'll give them a call and make sure that they see you. But there is no ifs, ands, or buts. You've got to go to the emergency room. Luckily, it's a whole medical district in D.C., so I just walked across the street thinking this. Because I get there, and they still don't see me. So it takes a couple of more hours. So I'm on hour five at this point, which is the emergency room again.

28:27My body starts to, like, shake. It is sepsis. It was. Exactly that. So shutting down, I go to the nurse. I'm like, hey, would it be possible for you to take my temperature? I think something's wrong. I might have a fever. And so she takes it. She's so it's 103. What's your pain scale right now? And I'm like, it might be at an eight or a nine. She's like, have you ever been at a 10? I'm like, no, I don't think so. Because nothing bad has ever happened in my life. Like I've never gotten a bad injury. This is why you're so optimistic about this whole thing. Exactly. She's like, so I think that this is your 10.

29:01I do believe that you have sepsis and your body is shutting down. She's like, we're going to admit you right now, because if we don't, something bad is going to happen. I find out later that bad thing is, in fact, death. Like, I would have died because it was in my bloodstream at that point. They put me on morphine. And this is when I really find out that it's bad because the morphine didn't stop my shaking. So you finally get me on IV antibiotics. And my body, funnily enough, is allergic to this antibiotic. No. This is an episode of House. Truly. So I get this thing. It's called Redman syndrome.

29:33I think they've renamed it now because of, you know, it's bad. it's past my knee my leg is red and my body's now matched that redness and they're like okay so now we have to flush this antibiotic because obviously your body is having an allergic reaction to this which they get really freaked out about because so much time has passed now like the 13 hours the five hours the overnight it's completely in my bloodstream and so basically they get me back on a different antibiotic at this point apparently it was just in time where it didn't go into my bone they were going to have to chip away my bone because they thought that it was in that.

30:09But luckily, they had it right before that. And so they finally at that point are like, okay, we'll admit you into the hospital. I'm like, okay, well, what's the hospital going to do for me? And they're like, well, we have to let the infection get through your bloodstream enough to where it can basically like coagulate into like a little ball to where they can carve it out. Yeah, this is so gnarly. Oh, my God. This is where the pictures come in. So if you want to see the picture. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm very scared. Oh, my. So there's like a little progression. Oh, my God. It looks like you have an eggplant hanging off the back of your ankle.

30:51This is not a blizzard. I don't know how to describe this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they lance it? It took five days in the hospital. Basically, they just had to let the infection get through to that point. And then they just carved it out. Like, they scooped it out. The surgery only took 30 minutes. I called it my alien. Like, it looked like a little alien on the back of my foot. Yeah. I wish that the listeners could see the photo. It's foul. It's blue. It's red. Way worse than you're thinking in your head, listener. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really bad. It looks like a really poisonous avocado hanging out of the back.

31:29Ooh. Wow. Any damage to your Achilles? Leisure Achilles is right there, right? No damage. Still positive. Still positive. No, seriously. Like, it really was the best case scenario. And so, well, the other thing that I was going to say is that during that whole experience, I mean, I became really good friends with the nurses. I'm on this internal unit, and I'm the healthiest person there. Yes, I was close to death. But, like, I became friends with all the nurses. And I remember one of them said, oh, like, are you missing anything? And I was like, well, you know, that date. Kind of tough, but, you know, not like anything's ever going to come from it.

32:00Or maybe we'll just reschedule it. We did end up rescheduling it. And then we did end up a year later getting engaged. And this is the Southern gentleman from South Carolina. This is the Southern gentleman from South Carolina. I knew he was a good one when he offered to come to the hospital that first day. And they hadn't even gone on a date yet. Did he come see you in the hospital? No. No. And that was for the best. Yeah. I was going to say, if he showed up and you had that thing hanging off your ankle and he still stuck with you, I would say that's about as good of a sign as you're going to get.

32:30Wow. Wow. He did ask to see pictures later. And I was like, I don't know if that's good for our beginning of our relationship. I hope your visiting friend felt very guilty. Well, it's not horrible. No, it's funny. I texted her that I was coming on this and I was like, hey, is it okay if I use your name? She's like, no, people need to hear the story. This is like an ad for Neosporin. Yeah. Cautionary. It is cautionary. It's a PSA. You got to clean these wounds. You do. I feel like it was directed at me in particular, which is like, I do not take anything serious. until it's real late. Me neither.

33:03So this is my cautionary tale to you that sometimes things are as bad as people warn them to be. Okay, sometimes the worry warts are correct. That's right. Most of the time we are. That person you work with. Saved your life? Yeah, she saved your life. I know, shout out Natalie. Well, that was horrible. Well, Lauren, it was gruesome and I loved it. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. It was so nice meeting you guys. Thank you for taking the time and shout out to my husband, Will. Will, what up? Good lad. Way to hang in there. Yes. All right. All right, thank you all so much. Bye-bye. Hi. So what name do you want to go by?

33:36You can give me a name. I'm going to go Sarah. I like that. Sounds great. I know a lot of good Sarahs. Sarah's a pretty solid name. I mean, there's got to be a science to it, really. Like, the kind of name that appeals to parents are going to be certain kinds of parents. Like, if you name your son Jagged, you're a type. We've already selected. That's right. But Sarah's like, I think you love Sarah's smile. Oh. You know, you like some soft rock. It's just classic. You can let the person become the name. Yeah, Sarah Lawrence. Not the other way around, Sarah Lawrence. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Sarah, can you tell us where you're at?

34:07Yes, I'm in Pittsburgh. Oh, wonderful. We were just talking about the pit. Oh, yes, it's so good. I love it. I know, it's so hot. Have you ever been in that hospital? I don't know if it's a fictional hospital, but I've been in that area of the city, so I recognize a lot of the exterior shots. So it's pretty authentic. And for the folks who've not visited Pittsburgh, some of the most beautiful bridges in the country. That's right. And if you ever have a chance to come, go to a baseball game. It's one of the most beautiful stadiums. You get to look right over the river, see all the bridges. If the ball gets hit far enough, it goes into the water.

34:39It's really beautiful. That's fun. Okay, so you have a wild card story. This could be absolutely anything. This story took place last year. My husband and I got married just over a year ago. Congratulations. This occurred about three months into our marriage when we were still like very much in that newlywed phase. How long had you dated before you wed? Maybe a year and a half. Okay, pretty quick, pretty accelerated. We're both a little bit older. And so we just kind of knew it was a great fit and we were in love and let's do it. I love it. When we got married, I moved into his townhouse. And his townhouse is three floors, you know, kind of narrow.

35:22And my husband is a wonderful guy. He's a special education teacher. He's very funny and sweet and patient. And he's also kind of like a techie. He loves gadgets. So if there's like a single use kitchen item that he can purchase, he will purchase it. And he has four different Alexas through the house. the Alexas have an announcement feature. So I would use it for something like I'm in the kitchen, he's on the top floor. I'd say, you know, Hey, Alexa, I'm making an announcement. Dinner's ready. And then it would go ding, ding, dinner's ready. And it works as like a PA system. Yes. So that's how I used the PA system.

36:04My husband used it a very different way from the beginning of our marriage. I work from home. And if he came home and was ready for a sexy times, he would use the PA to make that known throughout the home. Okay, he'd make a proclamation. Yeah, like flirting. And so on this particular day, I'm working from home. I hear the door close and I hear like the ding ding. And he immediately is going into it. And I would like to say that there were a range of announcements for maybe like 15 minutes because, you know, he's coming in, he's making a sandwich. He's taking his work clothes off, you know, all this stuff.

36:44And I'm still in my office working. They were a range of more of like this dirty talk. I am not good at dirty talk. The deep voice of like, I'm going to stick this in this place. I'm going to touch you like this. Very graphic. Where did it start? Give me one example of how it started. Does it start like, you know, announcement? Hi, baby, I'm home. Like, where does it start? Get texted through the day. This is a hot relationship. It is. I'm loving it. Everyone's getting primed. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, one of the first, you know, I'm going to lick you from head to foot. Oh, hot. But it was also kind of silly.

37:23He has silly ones because he's a very silly person where he'd be like, ding, ding. And he'd be like, my wife has a beautiful ass and I'm so excited to squeeze it. Socks. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. I like them.

37:41We are supported by Nordic Naturals. Okay, here's something that surprises me. More than 80 % of Americans don't get enough omega-3s in their diet. And omega-3s, they're vital for your heart, brain, eyes, skin, joints, and the list goes on. That's where Nordic Naturals, the number one selling omega-3 brand in the U.S., comes in. Their omega-3s are made from the purest ingredients. exceptionally fresh purified fish oil with a clean lemon taste. No fishy taste, no fishy burps. I take these every night. I do three right before bed. I've never had any kind of issue with a burp. They're pleasant to consume.

38:20Tens of thousands of studies link EPA and DHA to significant health benefits, including heart, brain, immune, eye, mood, prenatal health, and more. And every Nordic natural supplement is carefully crafted to meet or exceed the strictest international quality standards and third-party tested to ensure exceptional purity and freshness. Use promo code DAX for 15 % off your next order at Nordic.com and discover the power of Omega-3 with Nordic Naturals, the number one selling Omega-3 brand in the U.S. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

38:57We are supported by Kodiak. I'm always looking for breakfast options. You know this, Monica. Yes. I need them that are actually quick, but don't make me feel like garbage an hour later. And that's why I keep Kodiak frozen waffles and pancakes stocked in my freezer. Here's what I love about them. They're packed with 12 to 14 grams of protein per serving, and they're made with 100 % whole grains and they're a good source of fiber. So you're actually getting something that fuels you, not just empty calories. They've got tons of flavors, buttermilk and vanilla, blueberry, chocolate chip, even gluten-free, ding, ding, ding.

39:31And they've got something for everyone. Power waffles, thick and fluffy waffles, frozen pancakes, and even breakfast sandwiches. Literally just heat and eat. I mean, I'm all over those gluten-free options. Really delicious. Absolutely. And then just the bang for the buck on the protein cannot be beat. You can find Kodiak Power Waffles and Buttermilk Power Flapjacks in the freezer aisle at your local grocery store. It's comfort food with purpose. We are supported by Proton Mail. You know how your email address ends up becoming the key to basically your whole digital life? It's tied to your bank accounts, your travel, your shopping, your pictures with your family and kids, almost everything.

40:11And most of us have had that same email for years, sometimes decades. It's basically the backbone of your online identity. Here's what bothered me when I found out. A lot of email services were built to collect data, not protect it. That's why ProtonMail exists. Proton was created by scientists who wanted to build a better internet. One where privacy is the default, not an afterthought. With ProtonMail, your emails are encrypted end-to-end, so not even Proton can read them. No ads, no tracking, just your inbox private. And what really got me is what they're doing next. Proton has a campaign called Born Private.

40:45The idea that kids shouldn't be tracked from the moment they first go online. Because right now, the second a child gets an email address, the data collection starts. Proton wants to change that. You can sign up for free or reserve an email account for your child so they're protected from day one. If you care about your own privacy or your family's, this is worth looking into. Learn more at Proton.me slash Dax. Proton Mail. Privacy by default.

41:19After 10-15 minutes of that dirty talk, we eventually do the things that we've been discussing And then we're both sitting in the living room, like sitting on the couches and his phone dings. And it's a text from his cousin who says, hey, my parents just called and said that they heard your voice throughout their home saying the most nasty thing. And there is no way that your wife would be okay with you doing this. Like what the hell is going on? How on earth? It turns out that my wonderful husband, who is very kind, is also the techie of his family. So when anybody in the family, an older relative wanted their own Alexa, they would call him and say, hey, could you set this up for me?

42:16So basically, without being aware, he had created a network of Alexa's in his aunt and uncle's home and his parent's home. Oh, no. God. And his school classroom. Oh, no. Yes, was quite terrifying. Oh, this is life ending and career ending all at once. Yes. What I don't understand still to this day is he had made those type of announcements for like the three months that we had been married. So why was it now that we were being actually told about this when it had clearly been playing everywhere? Because they're old and confused. They don't know what's going on. And it finally got too extreme. I made him go and immediately disconnect.

43:05I was like, I don't care if you're embarrassed. You are going to go to their home right now. You're going to drive over there and you're going to disconnect their Alexis. And then you're going to go around to every other relative that has also had this happening. And you are going to do this. But like he was not embarrassed. Oh, wow. To this day, I asked him, I was like, I'm going to be on Armchair Anonymous. Like, do you have anything you want to add? Because you can't be there. And he was like, I'm not embarrassed. I was getting it. and I was getting it with my wife. I don't care who knows. Good for him.

43:34I kind of agree. I don't care if my mother and my father are here. That's tough. Maybe they weren't home. Maybe for three months. Yeah, they weren't home. If I were you, I would have just thought of the very worst thing that was said. And then that would just play on a loop in my head. And then I'd probably move to the second. Like, oh my God, I mean, they heard that. Were you caught in that loop? It was so bad that I knew if I wanted to stay a part of this family, I was going to need to get over this very quickly and also try to control the narrative. So like what I ended up doing was the first family gathering after this incident was like two days later.

44:15I immediately I went up to like so many groups like, did you hear what my husband did with the Alexa? Like, did you hear about that? How crazy is that? And I just went face on. Okay, you owned it. His family is really sweet. Like they're a wonderful Pittsburgh family. They were great. And they were like, you know what? We wish that we had this in our marriage. Or like, this is what we wish that we were doing. It's like, good for you guys. They did that. Yeah. So they were sweet and really understanding. The only saving grace for myself was that I never responded to him with any of those messages.

44:50Like I never gave it back that way. And so I felt like I at least didn't expose myself. Yes, there is a glass half full here. That's a lot to be grateful for. Were they implying that it wasn't you? Because they said you would never. It was more like they never thought my husband would intentionally do these things. But was he? Like just that little question, you know, like, does he know that this is being broadcast? Like, was he fucking with us? That's tough. And then luckily, I guess everyone was always out of the classroom when he was out of the classroom. because that would be a real tough one.

45:24Yeah, I'm so glad that like no janitor or other after hours person overheard this. So he also immediately had to disconnect them. Oh my God. So we moved recently and none of the electives made it during the move. I made sure of that. Wow, that is funny. Yeah, that's a tall price to pay to have an intercom system. Sure. I often think, God, I wish we had an intercom system. In fact, I just bought a cheap version of it. No one adopted to it. So now we just scream. We scream at the top of our lungs. Yeah. The thing that got me is I asked him, like, how are you techie and didn't know that all of these were connected.

46:00And he was like, well, you know, actually, at one point I did know because I intentionally made sure they were connected. And what he would do is he would make an announcement and, like, fart at the Alexa. And then it would play the fart in all of his family's home. Oh, he's a rascal. His name Rob Hollis? Are you married? Rob doesn't fart. We learned. Well, he might over the intercom. That might be how he gets it out. That tops for me the embarrassment level of what Aaron did on the Zoom meeting in AA. So that's pretty mega. Well, I'm glad I could share it with you. At least got me here. Thanks for chatting with us.

46:36Yeah, lovely meeting you. And please thank your husband because obviously without his. Go getter attitude. I guess that's what we could call it. Sure, I will let him know. All right, take care. Bye-bye. Hi, Michelle. Hi. Oh, wonderful. We can hear you beautifully. Have you hung a sheet behind yourself? It's a large blanket, and I feel like I look like I'm in like a hostage video. Well, I was just thinking if we wanted to change out your wardrobe and your background, it'd be easy to do because we're almost at that green that we use. You can tell what my favorite color is. Green's a great favorite color.

47:14Geniuses. That's what they say. Do you know different shades of green? I mean, I only know a couple. Are you an aficionado? No. I do. Kelly, sage, emerald, forest. Seafoam. Seafoam. Good one. British racing, green. There's a lot. And where are you, Michelle? I'm currently in northeastern Pennsylvania, but I am from eastern North Carolina. Close to the water? Right on the intercoastal waterway. Oh, no kidding. Okay, so you have a wild card story. Please lay it out for us. The prompt I put on there was tell us a crazy ATV story. My kind of story. I'll just give you a little bit of background. I'm the youngest of five kids and the only girl.

47:56Growing up with four older brothers was fun, but we kind of got into a little bit of craziness and probably did some stupid things also. This took place where I grew up in Eastern North Carolina. It was in 2005. I was 14, freshman in high school. It was a rainy Saturday in October. My family was all kind of doing our own thing. My oldest brother, Jeff, was 21 at the time. He was away at college. My second oldest brother, Doug, was 19. He was upstairs asleep like well beyond noon, comes into the story a little bit later. My brother, Greg, he was 17. He was taking the SATs that morning. And then my youngest brother, Curtis, is just a year older than me.

48:41So he was 15. And him and his best friend, Brett, were just kind of hanging around the house. and then my parents had actually just left to drive to Durham to go to a Rolling Stones concert. Oh, this is brave of them. And I got to ask because, again, in my experience, this was the case. Did they get crazier and crazier in descending order, your brothers? No, actually, I think we kind of go the opposite. My oldest brother did the dumbest shit. Okay. He was a cautionary tale? Yeah. So when I told my family that I was doing this, he said, we probably have a lot of stories we could submit. But in talking to my family before doing this, my dad said he recalls saying probably mostly to my 15 year old brother, don't do anything that you wouldn't do if we were here.

49:28So naturally, not even an hour after my parents left, Curtis and his friend Brett decided that it would be a good idea to take a boating tube and tie it to the back of the four wheeler and pull each other around in the wet grass. Great idea. I stand by this plan. It's a good one. The picture that I sent, it's not a juicy picture, but it just kind of lays out the area in our backyard that we called the lower field. Oh, God, you're right on the water. How beautiful. Yeah, it's a big chunk of lawn. I mean, it's got to be a good acre of just flat grass right there. Nice open area to pull each other around in the wet grass.

50:07And they were out there doing that for a little while, just taking turns pulling each other around. And as I remember it, my brother came inside and said, this is so much fun. You got to come try it. And talking to him, he said that I came outside as they were about to wrap things up and wanted a turn. Okay. So everyone's pointing the finger at one another. Am I right? These things generally have a really predictable curve, which is like you do the initial idea and that's quite fun for a minute. And then the dopamine dissipates and you start thinking how we're going to ramp this up a little bit.

50:38Certainly putting you on back would be a ramp up of that. Yeah. And him and his friend were a fair amount heavier than me, so they probably weren't swinging around quite as much as I was. But I got on, and this part of the story I kind of had to get from Curtis, from his point of view, but pulled me up and down the field a couple times. And then he was at the end of the field, like near the water, facing towards the house, and he thought, I'll just do one last fast go towards the house. And I think I've heard you say before, Dax, that you never do one last lap or one last ride. No last run. Someone says last run, pack it in right then.

51:18It's already been jinxed. He was straight facing towards the house. The tube was kind of off to the right side and he accelerated pretty fast. And I slung out to the left and we actually had a boat and a boat trailer parked down in the yard there. So he was looking back at me, realized that the boat trailer was there and slammed on the brakes. But I kept swinging out to the left and I didn't jump off. I was on my stomach holding onto the tube and I just stayed on and I slung right into the front of the boat trailer. Oh, head first. The whole left side of my body. Oh, no, no, no. He immediately jumps off.

52:04The tube has popped. I'm unconscious. He's yelling to Brett to go inside and call 911. Oh, no. Well, hold on. We've learned a lot about your brother in this moment, which is he's a man of integrity. Most young men at that point are going to try to ride this out without getting in trouble. We're going to figure out. Even when she's unconscious? Well, he's not quite there. He's already yelling. Like, his instinct is to get help, which is incredible, I think, for a 15-year-old boy. He thought he killed me. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. She's non-responsive. Oh, boy. There was like a gurgling sound coming from my chest.

52:37He said he did what he probably shouldn't have done and was shaking me to wake me up. He said it felt like forever, but it was probably like 10 seconds. And I woke up crying. Eventually helped me back up to the house. And older brother, 19 year old is still upstairs asleep. So they go wake him up. Get an adult on the scene. not too long after greg who had been taking the sats walks into the kitchen to find me sitting in the chair freaking out asking if i was gonna die i don't want to die is my heart bleeding every time i breathed i had this gurgling in my chest that was happening at some point somebody called my parents i don't know which brother did that but they were probably 45 minutes away.

53:27Boy, it went to hell in a hurry, right? Yeah. The parents are like, Jesus Christ, I barely got out of the driveway, you idiots. My dad made a big U-turn and sped back pretty quickly to meet us at the hospital. So the ambulance arrived. I don't remember a ton about the ambulance ride, except for one very specific thought process I went through about what to do with the gum I had in my mouth. Oh, it stayed in there. Somehow I didn't choke on my gun. I was like storing it on the roof of my mouth, I guess. I had been chewing gum before the accident. Wow. I was laying in the ambulance and just thinking like, I shouldn't keep chewing this.

54:03And I definitely shouldn't swallow it because there's something like happening in there. So I looked at the paramedic and just said, will you take my gum and stuck my tongue out? He kindly took the gum and threw it away for me and kind of chuckled at me. Well, having interviewed quite a few paramedics at this point, that's like the nicest job they've probably had all year. Yeah, they're lucky to do that. Eventually, make it to the hospital. My parents are able to meet us there, went through the whole workup. And my main injury was a hemopneumothorax, which is essentially a collapsed lung with blood and air in between the lung and the chest wall.

54:42Oh. I got a chest tube placed. Did you break any ribs? I didn't. I was 14. I think I was still pretty like bendy. So somehow I didn't break any ribs, just the blunt force caused the lung to pop essentially. Do they have to inflate it? Do they blow it back up? No. So the chest tube goes in in between your ribs and then it's attached to a negative pressure suction. And so it takes the air and everything out of the pleural space so the lung can reinflate. Uh-huh. And you're obviously a doctor or a nurse now. Yeah, yeah. Even the fact that you said workup. As soon as you said workup, I'm like, oh, she works at a hospital.

55:22Even when she said hemopneumothorax. She said it too well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She nailed it. I'm an orthopedic surgery resident. Wow. Oh, there we go. Is it because of this? Aw, meet cute, kind of. No. Meet cute with career. That was my main injury. And the only other thing I had was a cut to my arm. You got lucky it wasn't head first. I know. Or that your head didn't bang really hard and you got CTE. You're very afraid of CTE. Yeah, I am. It's her number one fear. Yeah. Tied with mice in her water. Ah, rat water bottle. I was at the gym yesterday and I saw one of the girls in my class was looking inside of her metal water bottle as if she like saw something.

56:07And I was like, oh, oh my God. I wonder if there's something in there. I got a little concerned for her. Yeah, we've started a really irrational fear. I don't think it's irrational. It's a rat-inal. It's an irrational fear. Wow. Well, that's scary. Did you have to spend the night or did they let you out pretty quick? I had the chest tube for like two and a half days and then they pulled it out. So I was in the hospital for like three days. Your poor parents. They didn't get to see the stones. And they missed the Rolling Stones? They did. Yeah. Oh, what was the punishment for your brother? He didn't get officially grounded.

56:41it. He did enough punishment of himself. He was pretty traumatized by it. He told me that afterwards he got really bad eczema from all the stress. That's sad. Quite often you get enough consequence. We don't need to pile on. Yeah. How'd all these brothers turn out? How'd the one do on the SAT? Do you do all right? He got into college. That's what you want. That's the goal. Are either of your parents doctors? My dad's an orthopedic surgeon. There we go. I kind of like to say my My fun fact is always that I've never broken a bone, only an organ. Oh. So kind of ironic that now I fix broken bones.

57:17Yes. My husband is actually a trauma surgeon. And so this story to him is like, yeah, I see it every day. It's not that exciting. He's always trying to bring you down. Don't let him make you small. This is a substantial injury for a 14-year-old. Do you guys watch The Pit? He has been watching The Pit. I've seen a couple episodes. I come home from work. It's not very relaxing to watch a show that's basically about work. But I've heard it's very accurate. They've probably placed some chest tubes. Oh, yeah, I've seen them. I've seen hemognoma or thoraxes, too. Hemognomo. What's the thing they're always saying in 60 Minutes?

57:54Pneumococcal pneumonia. Oh, yeah, pneumococcal pneumonia. Hemognomococcal pneumonia. Oh, wow. I hate when these great laid plans go awry because I don't want anyone to be discouraged to get out there and slide around a tube. but you just got to maybe make sure the area is a little free. Recently, they actually got a large amount of snow in coastal North Carolina. And my brother sent a video pulling my nieces around on a sled. Yes, of course. We're still doing it. Don't worry. I like this family. The eczema really didn't slow them down. Well, lovely meeting you. Thank you, Michelle. Nice to meet you too.

58:27All right. Good luck on your residency. Thank you. Have a good day. I'm so impressed by these doctors. A surgeon, no less. Yeah, it's a big job. Of all the medical professionals, which one do you think you'd be most suited for? Oh, that's a good question. Family practice? I mean, isn't that a good pick for you? Probably. I can't really see myself in... In surgery or the ER. Maybe surgery. I'm pretty meticulous. Okay, and you don't mind the open body and all the blood and everything. Right, that part's gross. Yeah. maybe dentist no people's teeth that's gnarly look it's not for me we will say mine out loud on the three two one right three two one anesthesiologist oh right there because drugs i know everything about i thought you're gonna say surgery because you're good at mechanics and it is basically well i have been on record saying i can do any surgery if i can see a youtube video first.

59:31I was trying to be nice in saying that. I just thought it would be such an obvious joke that it would be anesthesiologist. And then, of course, they'd be calling me all the time to the room. They'd be like, where is Dr. Shepard? Oh, my God. You're just high, walking around. I'm going to be a fashion doctor. Oh, okay. Fashion police slash doctor. Yeah. All right. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? I don't have a theme song. Okay, great. We don't have a thing song for this new show so here i go go go we're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries we'll get some suggestions on the flyer rindish on the flyer rindish enjoy