Cristin Milioti

21:33And that was actually the part that I would start shaking. Yeah. Did you see him in the studio? Are you watching the studio? Yes. Buscemi. Yeah, he's so wonderful. He's wonderful in everything. And he was so kind to me. How old were you? 19. It was your first job? Yeah. First time on TV in Sopranos. Wow. And like really not knowing. Missing it. Like missing it. No, not missing it. I knew it was a big deal intellectually where I was like, I see the posters on this show on buses. I know, of course, who all these people are. If you cared, you wouldn't have booked it. At that age, when you walk in, you're brand new and you're obsessed with the thing, it wouldn't happen.

22:12Yeah. I watched a clip of it today. You did? I'm not good on it. Yeah, you are. You're really good. When I watched it, not that I had forgotten that I was on it. Oh, right, right, right. But when I was re-watching it, like that episode started and I was like, wait, why have I seen that before? And then I was like, oh my God, I'm about to appear on the screen. And it took me a second. And then I appear and I'm so young and I'm such a little baby. And I'm like holding that cigarette and I'm yelling my lines like I'm in a theater. But it works. What do you play? I'm like a mob boss's daughter. Ironically.

22:43Ironically, yes. But I pop in. I show up in a later episode too. You did three, right? With a shaved head. I don't know that. Your life is really full circle. Okay, so I did Sopranos. I didn't work for a long time and I did a bunch of odd jobs. And then I booked this Martin McDonough play called The Lieutenant of Inishmore. And I was an understudy in it. It's how I got my equity card in the play. the character has a buzzed head. They buzzed my hair and I only went on one time in like an eight month run. I was just going to say, as the understudy, couldn't you be like, well, let's wait. It doesn't take long to buzz my hair.

23:14It's also the power of a good agent. My agent at the time was like, oh yeah, just buzzer. She'll do it. And I would have and did. But as I was in the middle of that, we filmed a third episode and I showed up and they were like, your hair's gone. Surprise. When I got to that episode, when I was watching it, I was like, no one knew that you were his daughter. It's so random. I'm in a room with a buzzed head. Well, they didn't put a wig on you. They didn't put a wig on me. And I'm sitting, I don't want to give anything away, on the edge of his bed. And I was like, wow. What a delight, though, for you to later watch this thing and go, that's cool.

23:43I was in the greatest show ever made. I was in the greatest show ever made. You're in like the godfather of TV. Kind of sim. But I did a play, also Martin McDonough play, The Pillow Man. One of my favorite plays. I loved it so much. Me and these two other girls kind of played these ghost type characters. The ones that are in the terrifying part. Yes. She had this whole vision of us. And she was like, whoever books these parts is going to have to shave their head. And I was like, sure, I'll say that, but I'm not really going to do it. And then I booked it and me and this other girl were like, we're not shaving our head.

24:15We had this huge conversation with the director and she was so pissed, obviously. But I was like, I'm in college. This is for one play here. Those parts don't require it. It was her vision. In The Lieutenant of Inishmore, it's because she's militant. Yeah, she's supposed to. She has like a gun and she's got the aviators and the shaved head. That's just artistic liberty. It was, but I also was like, am I going to be able to do this as an actor? I'm not even willing to do this. Yeah. We ended up doing bald caps and hats and all caps. Oh boy, but they look great. I don't love getting scared. Theater.

24:51Theater? I don't. But you've seen great theater. You haven't seen many straight plays. Those ones are the least. What? What? When theater is great, for me, there's nothing like it. But when it's bad, there's nothing like it. Yes, yes. I feel like it's fish, like people who love fish. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, no, no, you got to get the right. The possibility of failure is so high with fish and with theater. And then you're really there. Anyways, I respect it. My issue is, are we pretending we're seeing this or are we acknowledging there's people in front of us doing it? Interesting. I can't get into the paradigm of it.

25:24I've never thought about it that way. I went to Lion King with the next girlfriend's family in Seattle and everyone was so delighted. And I was like, I'm confused. Is everyone buying into the animals are talking and they're not in front of us? Or are they going, what a cool production. It's so beautiful. And look what the humans can do live. That would be one way to view it. And I'm caught between I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I really find that so fascinating. I would think that if you were watching the animated version, too, where you're like, am I supposed to believe Zazu's real? Yeah, why is a movie better?

25:57Because the movie is very removed and it has this filter over it, which is the screen. And so, yes, I can buy into like I'm watching Godfather and I can believe this world exists. I can't touch it. Do you know what I wonder? Or I don't know. I'm just trying this on. You'll get quoted later that this was your permanent opinion on this. This is not necessarily how I'll feel in a week. I kind of like in theater and I can't reiterate enough when it's bad. there's nothing like it in terms of a torturous experience. And I'm someone who's also been in some awful plays. And when you are in an awful play and you can like hear the seats going up as people leave, you can just feel it.

26:33And it's just excruciating. It's why you do it though, because those are the stakes. You know, if it didn't have that, then when it works, it wouldn't have the elation. When theater is great, it reminds me of, I'm a very avid concert goer. I see everything. And you cry through most performances. I do cry. When you saw Joni Mitchell, You cried for three hours. I cried for three hours. Where did I share that? Yeah, it's really emotional. And I think it reminds me of a place of worship where I can be in communion with an experience that is so individual to that one moment in time with the people who I'm seated next to and the people who are also communing things.

27:10I wasn't raised with any organized religion. And I have wondered if that's what that at its best is supposed to offer, that there are things moving through us that are bigger than us that unite us. And I think when theater is good, my own heart and memory and life is in communion with a strangers and with strangers in a dark room, like we've gone to pray or something. I'm being so lofty. It's cool to believe that. And I think that's maybe sometimes easier to do with a concert, especially because that music is something you listen to in private moments. That's what makes those things so gorgeous and emotional, But you're feeling it.

27:47You know when I saw that got me? The Fleetwood Mac one. Stereophonic. Beautiful. That was fucking radical. You begin to feel like a fly on the wall. You know what? I get what you mean. Maybe I have just a, because I've been inside of them too. And I just really like theater as an art form. I am really being lofty. No, you're not. Stop self-policing yourself. Yeah. Be who you are. You're loved and you're valued and you're iconic. I do think the fly on the wall-ness is also what I like about theater. You can feel like you're in the experience with them. Again, if it's really good, it's the difference when we do this show in person, the people in it.

28:20If somebody was a live show versus if they are watching it on YouTube or when we did Zoom interviews, that was still great. But the electricity that's happening between people, you can't feel. Yeah. Okay. Now I talked way too long to you about theater. But, oh, six year in Sopranos. And then without discrediting anything, it seems like the next moment for you is once. Yeah. You were in it for two years? I was in it for a year and a half. Is that kind of a record? Sometimes people are in things for like five years. Oh, really? Ten years. Oh. It was like a year and a half when all was said and done between doing it out of town, doing it downtown, and then doing it on Broadway.

28:59I performed it over 500 times. Wow. And you got nominated for a Tony. Mm-hmm. Okay, that's so thrilling. And you won a Grammy for it? I did. Oh, my God. Well, this is so exciting. You might get an EGOT. This is so exciting. You're halfway there. And then you are on Glenn Hansard's album. Yes. Okay, so he was on an episode of Parenthood. He came and recorded at the Luncheonette, which was a studio we had in this fake world. What a sweet dude to spend a week with. Did you love him? He was lovely. And that music, I'd never seen the movie before I did the musical. Intentionally? At that point, I hadn't seen it.

29:32And then it became intentional. You know what? I'm going to just do my own thing. And the play was different. in a lot of ways, but getting to sing that music night after night, it was a really magical experience. Yeah. Well, I wish I would have seen that. Okay. Now we go to TV, 2013. You play mother on How I Met Your Mother. Yep. Big reveal. Another show I'd never seen. Oh. I'm in that camp with you. I hadn't seen it. I loved it. I had never seen it. I am glad that I hadn't. I don't think I understood the weight of the mother. I didn't understand the weight. And I don't. So tell me, The show's called that, and I guess I'm learning today if you appeared on season eight and then nine.

30:07I'm in it for like six episodes. Yeah. The premise of the show is he's telling his kids about how he met their mother. And he goes back in time at the beginning of his story to tell it. So you don't know throughout the whole series who the mother is. And new people are coming in and out, new girlfriends. And it's like, oh, it's probably Robin, the best friend. And then turns out it's not. It's Kristen. Yeah. Yeah. And you didn't know. She comes in off the edge. With a shaved head. I burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man. And I go, oh, yeah. And then the show ends. Oh, yeah. I'm glad you didn't know.

30:46I know. Because that is stressful. Because I bet, I mean, and you'll tell us, people had strong reactions to that. They surely did. And, you know, I am pretty good about staying very far away from the internet. it's not a good place for a human brain to be. Agree. I also was pretty good at sheltering myself from that as well, but I definitely didn't understand the weight. Yeah, because people are like, what? We don't even know her. Yeah. We've been here for eight seasons. It's a very famously contested finale. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

31:30Okay, now this is where I become aware of you is Fargo. Oh, yeah. Betsy. Betsy Salverson. She has cancer. Yep. And she's Papa Ted's daughter. I love Ted Danson. What a man. You racked up pretty quickly some pretty significant co-stars. You also did Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah. Being opposite Leo. Do you get nervous? I did then and I do now. Okay. I get nervous with like any job. I go immediately to a place of I'm going to fail or something. Imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome. Yeah. Yeah, but I was certainly so nervous on that set. That was such a huge set. It's a great test of an actor. Like if you can be in scenes with Leo and you're just as captivating.

32:06Thank you. That's a tall order. People need to think about it a little bit like you're playing one-on-one with Jordan. This person is going to be riveting. That's why they're who they are. And you're going to have to carry your side of it. Whoa, I've never thought about it like that. That's very kind of you. But it's true. It can also be a help because if they're that good. He's an extraordinary actor. Yeah. You can sometimes get carried into their bubble. I've been carried into people's bubbles. I wish I'd been less afraid in the beginning. Yeah. I mean, I'd never been on something that big. Yeah.

32:35And then just by way of the energy of those sets and you're working with people who are at the top of their game. They already work together. Yeah. But it's actually quite intimate. But the first two weeks, I mean, I was not in my body. Yeah. Not even remotely. When we talk about missing The Sopranos, I mean, that's probably what you really missed. being able to be like, wow, I'm really doing it because you're so nervous. I'm with one of the best directors to ever live. Yes. With one of the best actors to ever live. It's very wild to be in those situations. It can be a disassociated experience.

33:04It can be. But obviously, this is like a huge understatement. It's so profound and it continues to be profound. When I find myself in spaces with people whose work meant so much to me growing up, every time I am so shocked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we're just going to zip to. So Fargo, you were great. I loved you in Fargo. I love that show very much. Okay. Palm Springs. Love that as well. The next show I watched was Made for Love. Oh, you watched it? I did. Okay. I loved it. Not everyone did. I have such a warm spot for that show, especially because the cast is so outrageous. So much of what we explored in that show is now reality.

33:41You had an implant in you. Yes. From a tech billionaire. I was like married to like an Elon Musk. And it really examined that whole thing, as well as having a very complicated father-daughter relationship with the astonishing Ray Romano. There was so much in there. And, you know, it's just sitting in a vault. Why? We were part of the tax write-off that Warner Brothers did, where, remember, they ripped a bunch of stuff off the platform. Oh, they did? And just counted it as a loss or something? As a loss. It was like us, Westworld. That was the whole Coyote, Acme, what is that movie? And, like, Batgirl.

34:14We were part of that. so you can't even watch it. Oh, no. You're kidding. You cannot watch it. Can you not watch Westworld? I think you can finally watch Westworld, but I know you can't find Made for Love. Wow. And it's such a bummer. Okay, so I'm a little bit aware of this strategy. I used to work for General Motors, and so they have a fleet of cars that they loan to journalists so they can review them. And then this fleet of cars, when it's done being lent out, they can't really sell it because it would be a liability. It's been driven on racetracks. I used to drive these cars to the crusher.

34:42They just crush them? Like brand new Corvette ZR1s. I was 16. And I was like, oh, my God, how do I get this car not to be crushed? Oh, God, we're so tired now. But yeah, they wouldn't crush it because then it's a total write-off. I don't know if they still do this, but that's what they used to do. But yes, it's a complete write-off of the full value of the car. And now the car doesn't exist. I didn't realize they could do that with movies and TV shows. That's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking. Do you want to make sure your fucking work vanish? Well, yeah, we worked on that show for three years.

35:04Wow. It's two full seasons. That's the most you'd ever been given, clearly, right? I mean, that show is you. I'm going through a ton. I just had never seen like a world like that either. There's so much that exists in that hub where it's all virtual reality. They just were exploring stuff. There's also stuff on it that is just such a big swing. I don't know if you watched season two. There's a character that has an affair with a dolphin. Oh, wow. It's really out there. I loved it. It's going there, too. That's where our tech's going to go. It's like AI is going to let us talk to dolphins. People are going to fall in love with dolphins.

35:36This is like what it was exploring. We've done more content on human dolphin affairs than any other show in history. We talk a lot about dolphin love. We've got a whole conclusion. Well, then you're going to want to petition to get paid for love back in the air. We decided the only ethical version is a male dolphin is allowed to date a female human. You did. I'm not fully on board with that. Oh, I certainly don't trust a male human that the female dolphin's in love. But a dolphin male is going to decide whether they are intimate. I don't like the collab. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, I would just prefer to keep it.

36:08Think of the laugh you and your dolphin husband will have in 20 years when you're listening back to this interview. We had a armchair listener write in and tell us about his experience. He fell in love with this dolphin at an aquarium. They had like a moment. Yeah, but he was like, it was real. I knew this dolphin. It knew me. We had a real connection. He didn't seem crazy. I really believed him. I can get behind that. I can't totally get behind like. Sex part. Yeah, obviously. I understand. I even feel that with my dog. Or I'm like, oh, we're really connected. And you were found on the street.

36:47That's wild. Do you think maybe you knew your dog before? I don't know. No, I'm really asking. I'm starting to really take on that theory. Yeah. We've known some of us. I do believe that. I think it's real. You don't. Well, it's okay. You don't have to. I'm happy for you and love that you're open to astrology and you're open to that notion. That makes life more fun and interesting. I'm almost envious. It's not necessarily lovers. It's like the dog where you're just like, this is not the first time. Totally. It's just like how people find each other. How do you find each other on this big planet?

37:24It would make sense to be like, we've met before. I don't think there's enough, wow, I'm really going to go out on a limb here, atoms to go around. Isn't there like a whole thing with like atoms and molecules that you can't get rid of them? Yeah, energy can't be created or destroyed. So like we've shared atoms anyway. Sure, sure. They're forming and reforming. Yeah. I can't tell if you're glazing over. No, not at all. I have kids. The closest thing I can experience spirituality is through the children in that I very much agree with the very common cliche, which is when you have kids, it feels like they've existed forever.

37:55Yes. And that very much feels like there's no way these two little girls always exist. They also kind of did. They lived in their mom that lived in the grandma. It's very cool. Yeah. It's cool. There's some spiritual stuff going on. I'm coming to, yes, embrace that notion of you think of it as so split between my father and I, but there's no split. It has the illusion of a boundary, his body and my body, but they're so the same thing. I'm open to that part. Yeah, but not open to astrology. Not at all. Where do you land on astrology? Where do I land on astrology? I can understand that the time of year we're born can affect us.

38:32I don't put a ton of stock in it. That's fair. But I also sometimes will read about traits. I'm a Leo. Okay. And I'll read the trait of being a Leo and I'll be like, oh, that's me. Nailed it. Nailed it. And in a way, I think that sometimes makes me feel less judgmental of myself. Yeah, yeah. Forgiving. Yeah. That's a great quality. Oh, okay. That's very Leo to do that. Yeah. When I read the Capricorn description, I'm like, yeah, that's spot on. But I also think if I read any description you told me it was mine, I would find. Yes, you can completely do that. Yours is so spot on. You're like a triple cap.

39:09What are you? A Virgo. And I'm double Virgo. I'm laughing. It's so important. I know. But sometimes I love those conversations, too. I'm going to write an unauthorized biography of you. And there's going to be chapters. One's going to be The Pit. Have you watched The Pit? I haven't watched The Pit, but I keep hearing about The Pit. It's great. I'm going to bring up the resort simply because I just want to say William Jackson Harper is like the sweetest royal life. I love him so much. We've played husband and wife twice. You have? Yes, in a play, which I don't know if you would have seen. We have played a married couple on the brink of divorce twice.

39:45And he's one of my favorite people on the planet. One of my favorite actors. Yes, he's brilliant. I love working with him. America will know him as Chidi. Yes. If you watch The Good Place. I just love him. Okay, alas, we have landed at the Penguin. So how did you get this role? No. Yes. I also want to hear the Wicked Audition story, which is fantastic. They reached out to me and asked if I would meet with Lauren LaFranc, our showrunner, Matt Reeves, who did the movie, Craig Zobel, who directed our first three episodes. And they sent me just the first episode and I sat with them on Zoom for two hours because I'm a huge Batman fan.

40:20Oh, you are? Yeah, huge. How would we define huge? As a kid, I had posters and outfits. I was like a real disciple of Batman Returns. Oh, no. Were you in your cape while you had your shaved head? A cape would have really made it. Put a bow on it. Yeah, no, I didn't have a cape then. But Batman really attracts outcasts. When I look back on why would I have loved that so much as a kid? Not that I want to analyze it too much, because I also love Beetlejuice. I really love big worlds. And you know that Tim Burton Batman Returns, you're like inside of a painting. Yeah. Michelle Pfeiffer, it is truly like I'll show everyone who's ever bullied me.

40:57Yeah. That is kind of the vibe. But like Superman's the jock in high school. You're gorgeous. But Batman, it's almost like Will Hunting too. He is an outcast, but he has superpowers and he's got all this wealth. Wait, what's Will Hunting? Good Will Hunting. Never seen it. Sorry. You gotta go. I think we gotta end this. You gotta go. Sorry, I can't continue on. Never seen it. But I've seen a couple scenes where they're like, who did this problem on the board? Oh no. Our notion is that we're different, but we're special. It's a very appealing archetype. I'm not terribly familiar with the Marvel universe, but I think that there's a real good versus evil in that, in the way that Superman is.

41:34And in Batman, it's like really blurry because he's going out. Yes, Batman himself is on the right side of justice, but he's also going out dressed in a costume. He's so traumatized and he's looking to put himself in these dangerous situations to right a wrong that was done to him. And so are the villains. And because none of them have superpowers. Interestingly, with your relationship to theater. Yes. Like, I wish I could fly and I would love to. And I think it's so cool. But now we're in a completely different reality. Batman seemingly could exist in reality. And so could Iron Man seemingly.

42:05It's like why I think, oh my God, get ready for this. But X-Men, I was always like, yeah. Because I was like, I could see you could fill someone with an exoskeleton. Oh, uh-huh. There was like something around it. Not that I need to be 100 % believing something. But yeah, Batman seemed like it could happen. We're living in a world run by villains. It feels like sometimes right now, they may not have capes or specific... Layers. Yeah, layers. Although I think they all do have layers. They kind of have layers. They do have layers. But it seemed real. And did you have to read at any point for them?

42:33Yeah, I had a test with Colin. And was he in the full garb? He was not. We read a scene together, the scene in the first episode where we have lunch and martinis, and it's this long sit down. And I was incredibly nervous. And then I found out a couple days later. But he's a sweetheart too, right? He was probably helpful. Salt of the earth. Sweetest. Very Irish. I've really lucked out with co-stars have all been really golden hearts. He is an extraordinary actor and an extraordinary human being. The first time you saw him in the suit, the penguin character. It was surreal. It was at a camera test.

43:08That makeup is so incredible. But like I'd watched the movies. It was sort of like, oh, the guy from the movie. Right. No, I didn't see the movie. It's really, really great. Who's our Batman? Robert Pattinson. I love his interpretation because he really leans into the blurring of the line between someone who's so damaged going out looking to feel things. To hurt themselves. Yes. It's a great movie. Hearing that description of Batman, which I think is right, I'm really surprised you aren't more into Batman. I do love Batman. And there's no reason I haven't seen the recent one other than my kids probably wouldn't have watched it at the time.

43:43And I get to see very few movies. 10 and 12. It's dark. Yeah. That's the other thing Matt did so brilliantly. Burton is very heightened and you're almost in an art deco. Matt's film feels like it's right now. Darker than Nolan? Because Nolan went dark too. Those Nolan ones are fucking great. No, I would say they're of a world. They're different, but they both feel like you're in New York current day. Yeah, and you're scared. Okay, so you play Sophia Falcone and you're the daughter of mob boss Carmine. You've spent 10 years in Arkham. You're in there for 10 years. You're tortured. Yes. And you've got a pretty sizable axe to grind.

44:19Yeah. Wrongfully imprisoned. Okay. And I hate to have to always, and if I were you, I would kind of be annoyed by this because you got to talk about Colin every time we talk about this, which is, I think, in a weird way, unfair to you. I don't know that Colin has to talk about you every interview he does. Sure. So that part feels unfair. But I'm going to bring him up only to say, A, he's insanely talented. He is one of the greats. Andy has the benefit of this enormous artifice, this huge prosthetic everything. So it's a very attention-grabbing scene partner you have. But I want to say this, it's such a testament to you.

44:52You don't have nearly that amount of stuff to work with, and you're blasting him in scenes. You're just so fucking powerful and terrifying and subtle and plain opposite. I mean, you're the one everyone has been talking about since this show came out. I mean, even though he's him, everyone's talking about your performance. That's very cool. And I just think it's harder because you're up against a force of nature in a huge costume and you're just blasting and scaring all of us. And it's so impressive. Would you be afraid to say you're proud? Are you proud of that? I am proud of it. Good. I feel like I am proud of so many of the things I've been in, which is different than being like, I did a good job.

45:36Whenever I've watched things I've done, I've been like, I would have done that differently. You can tinker with it forever. But I'm certainly very proud of that experience and of that character. I love that character so much. I mean, it's a real two-hander in a sense. The upside is 10, 12 years ago, this show would have been about the son of Carmine. Yeah. One of the other things I'm really proud of with this show, and this is a real testament to our showrunner, Lauren, is that I've had a lot of interactions with people about Sophia and it's with people who would not usually be part of the demo of watching a show that's in the Batman universe.

46:10Like the old woman at the concert. Yes, like an older woman. Actually, women. Yeah, women. That's been really profound. And it is because she is such an outsider and she does this thing. She'd been very hurt. We like that. Yeah, and then she lets everybody have it. There's a real escapism. And obviously because you understand what she's been through, but to see her absolutely annihilate everyone who's ever wronged her and that she's in this world that keeps telling her that she's crazy and that she's not worth anything. And so I think that has reached a lot of people, which is very profound. It's very of the moment.

46:46Or that you're in a sub-dom relationship with the doctor. Yeah. It's so twisted and I kind of love it. I did too. Even Colin and I, I haven't seen a relationship like that. There's a real chemistry there, but what is that chemistry? It's like the only other person can feel each other's pain. Yes, and knows how to twist the knife. But I don't know how you would categorize the chemistry of those two characters. They should get married at some point. I don't think so. The most intimate partner does have that ability to know your weaknesses. But it feels like familial. It's like kindred spirits is how I would describe it.

47:18Yeah, it's just two very wounded people. They probably knew each other in another life. Yeah, sure, sure. I mean, I guess we're circling back to that. Oz was probably your dog. With a doctor, too. How do you quantify? I thought Lauren did that so beautifully. There's like these relationships where you're like, what is this? And not in a way where you're like, oh, and this is this and this is that. Ambiguous. It's ambiguous. There'll be season two, right? We don't know. How could you not know? It's a big hit. What are they waiting for? I don't know. Isn't it a huge hit? You got to get on the phone.

47:46I'm going to call somebody. Not that that shoot wasn't a challenge. It's like the middle of winter in New York all nights. Really intense material. But I got to say, it was such a golden experience. experience. Our crew was incredible. The cast was incredible. From people who would come in for a day to like recurring. We all really loved it and believed in it. It must have taken a long time to shoot because it looks impeccable. We also were shut down with the strikes for the six months in between. So it was eight months total or something. So it was like four months, then six months off, then four months.

48:17Okay. For eight episodes. Yeah. Long. Yeah. I just love it because again, yeah, I'm not a big into superheroes. This is like a mob show to me. Yeah. It's like a mixture of both, which I really like. Because then there are these moments where you're like, oh my God, I'm in Gotham. It's Batman. That's like what I loved about a lot of the Arkham stuff. For me as a fan, I was like, oh my God, the uniform. Oh my God, we're back. Some of the other characters in Arkham in the comics go on to be other villains. It's a breeding ground. Yeah, it's so cool. Okay, you got nominated for a Golden Globe. You got nominated for a SAG Award.

48:47You got nominated for Critics' Choice Award. And then when do they nominate Emmy people? Soon, I think. Soon. Okay, will you please tell us this Wicked story is so funny. Oh, God. You don't have to. No, I will. I just feel like I've told it so many times. Okay, then you don't have to. No, but now I want to know. Basically, you've auditioned. There's nothing more embarrassing. It's really something. And sometimes you go in on these things. I knew I couldn't hit that note. Do you know Wicked? Yeah, the movie and the play. Yeah. Are you talking about the play that you auditioned for? No, no, the movie.

49:17The John Chu movie. Oh, wow. And for Alphaba. So she's got... Okay. You gotta hit this. You know the one. Do it, do it, do it. I can't do it. I refuse that riff at the end when she transcends. Ascends and transcends, actually. I knew there was no way I was going to hit it. But you have to say yes to the opportunity. Exactly. Absolutely. And do you start working with a vocal coach or anything to try to get yourself? This was deep in COVID. Okay. So, like, no. And was it on Zoom? Short answer, no. No, it was in person. For John. Yeah, who was so lovely. Oh, what a sweetheart. Oh, God. And is it one of those, you're in the waiting room.

49:50You're like hearing. Oh, people fucking break glass. Yeah, break glass. And you're like, uh-oh. This is a nightmare. I spent so many years auditioning for musicals before once. And once matched the way I sing. Yep. But before that, I would be in these waiting rooms for years. Going in on these big musicals and just hearing through the door. Kristen Chenoweth. Exactly. That type of voice. And then I would go in and I'd be like, I'm singing. A Bob Dylan song. Yeah. I would sing Oh Darling by The Beatles. Oh my gosh, how sweet. I used to sing Carbon Monoxide by Regina Spektor. Do you know that song?

50:26I know her. I don't know if I know that one. It, to me, sounded musical theater-y, but it's about killing yourself. Oh, wow. And I would go in because I was like, oh, I could give them a journey or something. And so I would be hearing glass breaking from behind the door. And then I would come in and I'd be like, I will be singing Carbon Monoxide by Regina Spektor. you would just sort of slowly see them. Yeah. I mean, I tried and it eventually worked. Yeah, exactly. I've heard her tell it. She's just haunted by the, for weeks. For weeks. That's all I could think about because I know it so well.

50:59And she goes in and she said, the noise that came out. Tight. Tight. Vocally tight. Go through any YouTube compilation of National Anthem's gone wrong. Yeah. And it's like that. When they try to get to like, and I rock it, but they started it too high. It was like that. Oh God. Yeah. They start at the very top of their range. You can hear in a national anthem when someone's like, oh, say. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. You're not going to get there. You're not going to get there. And it's that. I knew there was no world in which. Were you like, can I start over? Mm-hmm.

51:30And it was again, again and again. Oh, I'm so proud of you for putting yourself through that. Yeah. You got to keep doing it. I remember I auditioned a bunch of times for Girls. Oh. Oh, okay. New York actor. I could see. Yeah. Yeah. Every 23 year old girl in New York City was gunning for that incredible show. And I auditioned a couple of times for it. And then I remember watching it and I was like, oh, my God, I was way off tone wise. I don't know what I thought it was. Sex in the City. I just saw Sex in the City for the first time. I had also not seen Sex in the City until recently. Another one of the greatest shows ever made.

52:04It's such a good show. God, what was I doing? I was remembering going back and thinking about my audition and I was playing it a real like, well, what do you know? We're like four gals in New York. And I watched it and I was like, oh my God, Kristen. Flappery. Yeah, I guess, which is like totally not what it is. Or just like four girls in New York just trying to get around or whatever. And then I watched it and I was like, oh my God, I really. Yeah, it's a Sundance movie. Yeah, like no wonder. I have to say, I'm impressed that you went in for Wicked at this stage in your career, knowing this is going to be hard for me.

52:36Because I think so many actors and actresses, once they hit a certain level, are not like, you got it. They're like, I can't and I don't want to embarrass myself. And now the stakes are like hot. Things are going well. I was like, I can sing a lot of these songs. You do this delusional deal making with yourself where you're like, well, I love that musical so much. I knew that was in no way, shape or form a reality, but I was like, I'm going to try. Yeah, good for you. I think that's great. It's such a strange part of our jobs. Sometimes there's a comfort in it because sometimes I'll do jobs where they've just offered it to me.

53:08very blessed to be in that position. But then you show up and you're like, hope you like what I've been working on. I remember there was a, oh my God, this is so embarrassing. I did an indie film when I was 25. And it was like the first time I'd been offered something without having to audition. And this woman had seen me do an episode of 30 Rock, but I play this really big character. And it was like a small part of two or three scenes in this movie. And she was like, I'm giving you free reign to be a character. And I was like, oh my God, this is my dream. For weeks with these three scenes. I was like, okay, she's going to be this pill-addled sort of stumbling on heels.

53:39I was going for Catherine O 'Hara crossing the field in Best in Show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, great. Yeah. I got there and we did the first scene and I began and she was like, stop, what are you doing? And I was like, what am I doing? Like, great question. Yeah, I feel like, and like I'd watched clips of Anna Nicole Smith. Oh, wow. She was supposed to be this party girl that always said a loud thing. at a party. Like a Samantha type. Not even. Samantha's more together. Just really out of it. But I'd really missed the mark. And so they held for a second while she took me aside and she was like, yeah, I don't think you can do that.

54:16Can you just do a Southern accent? And I was like, yeah, yes, absolutely. A Southern accent, sure, a region or... You're so humiliated. And then I was like, yeah, give me five minutes. Yeah, exactly. And then I like ran to my honey wagon. I'm going to cry for four of them. Yeah, I'm going to cry for four of them. For a minute, I'm going to just try to be like, well, we got to bury the body. We got to bury the body. And also people aren't stupid. It was a group scene. It was a group scene of a dance at someone's house too, where my character walks onto the dance floor to no music. Everyone doing that like horrible shuffle.

54:47And I walk in to be like, hey, such and such heard about the thing. And then they were like, cut. So also everyone else is now going to see me do take two with an accent. Yes. So anyway, deeply humbling. What an endeavor. Well, this segues perfectly into my last question, which is you're being thoroughly recognized as you deserve, but it's happening 20 years into your career. You turn 40 this year? Yes. I guess my question is, do you have gratitude that it was delayed? Immense. Tell me, how would 25-year-old you or 30-year-old you have handled? I'm immensely grateful that it's happened in stages.

55:26I've gotten to be a part of things that, like, I have genuinely believed in and would watch and worked with people. And it's been a long but steady ride. When I look at the pressure on people in their early 20s who get recognized in a way you've been to award shows, they are really intense. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There are many things at once. You're seeing people that you haven't seen in a while who are friends and it's very joyful, but you're being filmed the whole time. You're wearing clothes that you wouldn't wear, that you're not comfortable in, but that you feel fabulous in. Everything has a dichotomy to it every step of the way.

56:02To stand on a red carpet and get your name screamed by 80 people is extremely unnatural. And every time it happens, I walk away being like, I feel that feeling when like your car goes over a hill. It feels dangerous a little bit. Yes. And then each time I have to be like, oh yeah, that's not natural. Not a position you would normally find yourself in. Yeah. Like If I were in those situations when I was younger, it's pressure. I'm so glad that I got to be in my early 20s in New York just messing up. And I think I also understand, too, more in a way that I may not have when I was younger, the chaos of it all and the beauty of it all and the machine of it all.

56:44I've peeked behind some curtains at this point. And that doesn't make me any less grateful for those curtains. Yeah, yeah. Back then when it was happening, when you were in all these things, but you weren't necessarily on the cover of all these things. Did you have resentment then? Were you like, why am I not? I mean, all these things. I'm working all the time. No, I had that when I was working really consistently in huge off-Broadway, you know, Lincoln Center, Playwrights Horizons, New York Theater Workshop, institutions in New York, and I was broke. I couldn't afford an AC unit. I couldn't afford my cell phone.

57:13And I couldn't understand how I was working, but starving. And I remember feeling real frustrated at being like, but I don't know what else to do. And certainly when I would lose out on certain jobs, I would audition in pilot season for anything from a sorority sister to dead body and trunk. Yeah. And I wouldn't get them. Yeah. And I would be like, what am I doing wrong? Why isn't this not even happening in a why aren't I such and such, but just why can't I afford a cell phone? Right. And yet I'm getting the validation of being in all these plays and working with like these incredible people. So I would say - There's a lot of dissonance.

57:48Yeah. That was very frustrating. Yeah. I'm very grateful that I've been able to take the time that I have. It's kind of the theme of the year a little bit. Like Goggins. I was about to say, so Walton Goggins. Yeah, it's very Walton Goggins where it's just like, oh, right. I now remember that this guy's been great for the last 20 years. Exactly. And I've been observing. He's been in everything and been great in everything. And now people are really starting to say his name. Yeah, 51 years old. He's on the cover of everything. I also forget. This is not the first time I've been asked this. You've been at this for a while.

58:19and maybe that's a layer of the imposter syndrome or something, but I consistently think I've only been at this for a couple years. Oh, okay. It's so odd. And then it's only when it's presented to me. Yeah, how do you hear that observation? I'm so touched by it. I think it's that thing of in my head, I always feel like I'm maybe 27. Right, right, right, right. I don't know what that thing is called. Is that called being alive? And that Fargo was four years ago. Right. That all feels very fresh still. I constantly forget that I'm 39. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always. I'm like, oh, me? No. Yeah, wait till you're 50.

58:52Well, this has been a delight. You've so earned all this attention and fanfare. You're fucking crazy talented. Thank you. So I'm really happy for you. Thank you. We're happy for that little girl. Yeah, I am too. I am too. You should go to the Emmys and recreate that exact look. Yeah. Maybe even get reverse Invisalign. Now, the irony, because you do have a ton of status, everyone would be like, she's so cool. Oh, my God. Yeah. She gave herself an uneven buzz cut. It's like the Venezuelan. What a gangster. I know. I wonder where she is now. Yeah. Well, Kristen, delightful meeting you. So nice to meet you, too.

59:26Yeah, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. Everyone watch The Penguin if you haven't already. Yeah. We didn't spoil anything, even though I wanted to. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

59:43I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong.

59:54What? Talk to me No nothing Off the record, talk to me. No, everything's great. Everything's golden. It's just busy. Busy. Yeah, you had to not come to a movie last night. I know. Was it great? Yeah, it was great. It was great, yeah. I'm sad about that. It was the right decision, I will say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do really want to see it, but I'll just see it in the movie theater. I wonder if you'll see it earlier than that. But, yes, you would. Well, let me ask you. No, I can't ask you because then we need to say it. Yeah, we don't want to give it away, but we have a guest coming up that we are.

1:00:31People are kind of guessing. Whatever. Okay. We're so excited about. Yeah. And. Slash scared. Has been a long time coming and is a scaly one. Scaly. And we were invited to see a movie early. That she's in.

1:00:46We were invited to see a project early. And I. The timing was great because my brother and sister-in-law are visiting and I got that seemed like a real shooter. Like, hey, do you want to come to the screen with me? It's a movie they're dying to see. So I felt like I was so cool. You're the cool brother. I felt cool for those two and a half hours. Yeah. But I had to miss it because of work. Yeah, it's just a busy week. We're heading into the summer. Have I publicly thanked you already about editing? I mean, I tried to occasionally, but I'm in a wave right now of really having renewed gratitude.

1:01:25Oh, thank you. Right, because I'm editing and it's miserable. Editing is miserable. It's absolutely miserable. There are days. So yesterday I was going to edit two. Uh-huh. And I was in one and I started at 1.30 and I ended at six. And I was like, I can't do it. I can't do another one. and I don't think if you haven't edited, you don't understand that feeling. It's like, well, you could have, you could have pushed yourself and you could have, but your brain will shut down. Well, I'll add too, and do you have this experience? So I'll do these chunks on days off we don't have. I try to do two episodes in those days.

1:02:10Yeah, and it's like seven, eight hours of editing. And what happens is for me, I slowly start hating everything I hear. Like, it's just like, I don't know, towards the end I'm like just cut everything I don't want to hear anyone ever talk again and so like you're wondering if the decisions you're making are the same at the end of the episode as they were at the beginning yes yeah I mean you probably don't have that because you do it so much yeah I don't I don't have that because there is no there's no end right like you're editing a project that's yeah I'm doing 12 you're doing 12 and then there's an end in sight there's an end in sight so I could I could almost see that being in some ways worse because it's like, I just, I got to be done with this part.

1:02:52I haven't accepted that I have to do this. Yes. Yeah, there's still that like, yeah. But I am, it is funny that you brought that up and we're talking about it because I'm also, as I warned you on the last fact check, I think, I am PMSing this week. This week? I thought that was next week. Nope, this week. Okay, so right now you're - The period will start hopefully on Friday. Do you have your nexties? I have my nexties. You got your knicks? My mixies ready to go. They're laid out like a flat man. They're just stacked up, ready to go. Yeah, they're prepped and ready, folded. They're on deck. Yeah, but along with the Ziploc baggies.

1:03:32You got to have them. No, I don't want to be on the record saying I don't do that because I don't need it. I did, though. But it's great for people. So it was a very polarizing debate, and people landed on all sides of it. Some people agreed with me. Most people agreed with you. What did they agree with you? What do they say? Like, I would be way more embarrassed about undies falling off than tampons, which, you know, some people are like, fuck now. You know, there's much more. But a lot of people were like, yeah, I flow heavier than Monica. Like, I can't get away with water. I understand that.

1:04:06I've heard that as an explanation for why you should use the cup. If you got a ton of. Just, yeah. So, anyway. I would see that as a sign of great health. Just my proclivities. I wonder how I would deal with having a menstrual cycle because my greatest days are like a day. And one just happened where it's like I go number two. Oh, my God. And it's so robust. Of course. Where I go, oh, I must not have been going the last couple of days. This is like where did all this come from? I love that. Or a big booger. Okay. Okay. Listen, part of that's because then you feel better after. Like you feel lighter.

1:04:51That doesn't happen on a period. It's not like you had a heavy flow and now you feel better. Yeah. But I will say, so thank you for bringing this up. I do struggle mentally sometimes with a light flow. Like I'm like, oh my, I'm done. Like this is a sign of perimenopause. Like I'm definitely in perimenopause. I'm probably like about to hit menopause. The eggs are out. Now the blood's out. Exactly. And we're done now. Like we're heading towards no period. But that's my hypochondriacal inclination. And I don't want that. So don't reinforce that line of thinking. Last night I thought maybe I had also a new disease.

1:05:34Oh, what new disease? Because my foot, sometimes my foot has like kind of this numb, like this side of my foot here. Yeah, the inside. The inside. Where your step is. Sometimes it has a numbness or like a weird tingly feeling. A weird feeling. Some kind of neuropathy. Yeah. So yesterday I was starting to slip into, oh, I think it's. And you started Googling. I didn't Google. Oh. But I was like, oh, I have ALS. Oh, that you went straight to neurological disorder. And then I, but then I immediately thought if I think it, I'll get it. So I can't think it. That's right. Can't get psychosomatic ALS.

1:06:20But then that's, you know, that's its own thing. So I put socks on and I ignored it. Oh, great. That's a ding, ding, ding. I have entered, and I think this is a real period of life. Period, ding, ding, ding. Period. Pun intended. I have, and I've embarked on my slipper phase of my life. Whoa. Yeah, I got a pair of like, I just like, I was recently feeling there's all these times I want to run out to grab food from the driveway or whatever. And I don't want to put on my tight shoes. It seemed like I was time and I got a pair of really comfortable slippers. And I'm realizing, oh, this is a whole era of your life.

1:07:02Once you start walking around in slippers. It's, oh, wow. I'm shook a little bit. Like it is a real indicator of age. It's an end to an era, maybe. Yeah. Like I'm prioritizing my comfort. Wow. And I hate bending over to put shoes on so I can just slide these on. Like it's definitely a harbinger of probably bad things to come. But also I kind of love it. Well, I'm glad you love it. I played volleyball on my slippers. What? It hurt my shoulder. Yeah, that's not good for volleyball. No, but I was in them and they're comfortable. Dad, can you practice? And then I'm just playing in my slippers. Yeah, but slippers can be slippery.

1:07:49They are slippery. So you definitely should not play volleyball, okay? Okay. And then additionally, as I said, my brother and my sister-in-law, and she's been in her slipper phase for seven or eight years. Oh, wow. Post-menopause. Or middle of the... Okay. Probably maybe related. Okay, yeah. But I realized like, oh, she's really knows how to do it. The second we get home, like anything post lunch, if she gets home, those slippers are on immediately. So she packs her slippers. She is in the full center of her slipper face. And so I'm finding I'm with her at like 530 in the evening. She has her slippers on.

1:08:32I have my shoes on. And she's like, you should already have your slippers on. And I'm like, I know. She's teaching you. I'm not fully like I haven't learned the lifestyle all the way yet. The lifestyle. I'm not putting them on early enough. You know the lifestyle is swinging. You know, yeah, that's my lifestyler move is I wear slippers. I may start wearing them in here on days that we don't have a. How do you feel about that? Okay, I have a question about slippers. Now, your house is tricky because even though you hate to admit it, it's large and made of tons of houses actually. Okay. So you have to walk outside to get to places, to get like to your gym or to whatever.

1:09:08My garage. Yes. The studio. The studio, exactly. So for me, if a slipper touches the outside, it's thrown in the garbage. That makes sense. It's a house slipper. It is meant for inside the house specifically so that you aren't dragging in stuff. Yeah. And so you're outing me, but yes, I'll own it. We are a shoes on in the house family. Yeah. Some people will think that's disgusting. Sure. But what's funny is I'm actually having a harder time wrapping my head around. I might want Nashville to be a shoes off house. Whoa. Because I'm thinking there's going to be kids there endlessly. A yard to really play in and get dirty.

1:09:51Okay. And do I want this whole brand new house to be filthy outdoor stuff? And then I'm like, we're so not a shoes off people. I can't even, like, what that's challenging to my identity is way bigger than it should be. Because it's like the white Christmas lights. It is. It's like snooty and fancy. Yep. And where do you take your shoes off? What are you talking about? Yeah, why do you need to fucking take your shoes off the shoes? Yeah. Yeah. I feel that. I'm a shoes on. But I want that. I want shoes off at Nashville. Wow. And I'm afraid to declare that. Well, it's coinciding. When you come over this summer and I say to you, hey, shoes by the door, I got to figure out something cute to say.

1:10:30Yeah, I think you're going to need some sort of cute phrase. Don't let our shoes get lonely. Put your shoes with them. That needs some work. But what would be your first thought when you heard me say you can't wear your shoes in the house? If we hadn't had this pre-talk, I would have laughed. Yeah. At you. I know. Who are you? Yeah. Well, and then for me, that triggers my own stuff. He's changing. I don't know. Yeah, he's changing. I knew it. I knew that as soon. This money would infect him and destroy him. Not as money. This Southern life. Oh, you would chalk it up to this is a Southern thing.

1:11:07Just like, oh, he has this extra house now. So white. And he's extra white in the South. Yeah. And he's hoity-toity in the South. All the people that made me feel brown. Yes. Now he's like one of them. And I thought I knew him, but I don't even know him anymore. And then I would cry. You're teasing and you're not. And it's really, it's true. People just assign whatever previous baggage they had to any situation. That's the explanation. Like you, you've got like a handful of explanations in your life. Me, all people. Yeah. And then no matter what situation you're like, oh, it's that thing that I already figured out when I was 12.

1:11:44No, but not really. It's, it depends on who it is. Like if I go to a random house and they say shoes off, I don't think that. I'm not like, oh, hoity toy. I don't have that. I'm like, oh, they just don't want dirt. But with you, because I've been around you so many times where you wear shoes in your bed. Okay. So the fact that. Don't say that. Well, I've seen it. That I would be like, what? Just to be clear on that. On top of your bed. On top. I have on top of my bed. And I very rarely. But there's occasions. I've seen them all. I've got like my cleaner vans on. And I'm like, I'm not going to put my head at the bottom there at any point.

1:12:29See, even this. Even this. You're even getting self-conscious about this. And it's getting defensive. And you used to not care at all. I'm changing. I'm becoming. I guess we all. I'm becoming an old white man who wears slippers. With you, I want you to wear slippers outside because it's keeping you still kind of dirty. Yeah. shit bird you're not elite but i had a i have a friend who's also very famous so anytime anyone who's really famous does something i'm quick to associate it with them being so famous i think that's really normal okay like something's different and then you go your brain just quickly catalogs what else is really different about them and make so that might well likely be the explanation like you know your friends are orthodox jews and you're at their house and they say, could you please hang the towel in a shirt?

1:13:21You know, just something that's different. And you go, oh, I bet it's about them being orthodox. It's like anything you don't understand. And then, you know, there's this one thing different about them. You're like, oh, that's probably part of being orthodox. I guess that's true. I think it's a little different with religions because there are like rules and stuff. Yeah. Being famous, which is just you're still a person. But there's also just cultural stuff. Like if something happened in your family house that was abnormal to me, I would probably go, it's probably because they're Indian. Oh! I would.

1:13:48I would think it's from, like, something that your parents did, you know? Still, you would? It'd be a high probability guess. Oh, my God. That's different than racism. It's stereotypes? Well, it is. I don't understand this custom. This custom wasn't around me where I grew up. And I know that he's from India. This custom must come from India. Even though I grew up in the United States? No, this is not your house. I would never be in your house. No, I know, at my parents' house. But if I was at your parents' house. Yeah. And your dad only ate toast out of a cereal bowl, let's say. Okay. Hang on.

1:14:28So nobody eats toast out of a cereal bowl. That must be Indian. What could explain it? Okay. I bet in India they eat their toast in a cereal bowl. Don't you think that would be like the highest probability guess? But this is what I am actively against. You're fighting this. I know. Yeah, that you just make, not you, the royal you, but you. You're calling yourself out for this, I guess. And not the TV show you, which you also talk a lot about now. That anything a little different is associated with being a different type of, a different ethnicity is bad. Anything. So if I go to a nuclear physicist's house and there's something different, I go, oh, I bet this is something the engineer.

1:15:10I figure out the thing that I don't share in common with them. And I explain the other thing I don't share in common with them as the explanation. Okay, but how come with if my dad is eating toast out of a cereal bowl, you're not saying, oh, it's because he's an engineer. Okay, so I might, but I'm going probabilistically. I'm first going, well, he's from a totally different country. There's 23 years of his life in a country that I don't know any of the customs on. And if I said, oh, Ashok, I noticed you're eating your toast out of a cereal bowl. That's unique. Is that an Indian thing? And he would go, no.

1:15:45Then I would go, okay, what's the next thing I know is he and I don't have any overlap on it. I think what I would love is, let me coach you, okay? First of all, let's never say, is that an Indian thing? You think your dad wouldn't like that? I don't like it. I know you don't. And I don't like it on behalf of him. I know, but I would never say to you, is that an Indian thing? I don't want you to say it to him. If I overheard that, you'd get this. I'd be in trouble. I know. You'd get this at me. I would. I know that, and I know that would happen, and I wouldn't do it in front of you. Is it possible, though, that your dad wouldn't care about that?

1:16:24And that Pari wouldn't care about that? It's about the very specific phrasing. I guess you could say, first of all, my dad doesn't care about anything. So, yes, you could say whatever the fuck you wanted to him. He's not precious about. Anything to maybe detriment. But I think if you were going to say it in a way that I would feel comfortable. Yeah. Did you grow up eating your toast in a cereal bowl? I've never seen that before. And so, yeah, I would have phrased it right. Like that would be the correct way to phrase it. But all the other stuff really just happened because it's very logical. It bums me out.

1:17:04Maybe because I'm in my luteal phase. Well, I understand why it bums you up because that's an inane example of it. And then there's really bad examples of it. Okay, hold on. It's inane to you. It's not inane to me who's been othered by that my whole life. It's not inane to you. I think it might be inane to your dad. Okay, we can't use him. He is not a good measure. He's not a good man. He's too good of a man. He's a very good man. He's too good, really. Now, how about this? if I if I was at your house and you ate your steak with your hand like it were a potato chip more like a hamburger you picked up the steak with two hands and bit into it and ate it and I'd be like whoa I've never seen that is that something that happens in trailer parks?

1:17:59well first of all I don't mind that question okay what if I asked Aaron Yeah, he wouldn't mind either. You wouldn't mind if I saw Aaron do something. Oh, if you said that to Aaron. And I said, oh, is that like a trailer park thing? Yes, true. Point received, but would you agree? Trailer park is never used in a positive way. It's only a burn. And you have a gut feeling of any questions about India are implicitly negative. whereas I don't associate, is that an Indian thing? Is that a trailer park thing? To me, there is a hierarchy of judgment in, is that a trailer park thing or is that an Indian thing?

1:18:45Indian things is like a cultural national thing. Because you know people who were judged for living in trailer parks. I don't. Right. I know people who are very insecure about being, yeah, from a trailer park. It's the same thing. But I think for you it is, because you're insecure about that, rightly so. But I don't think your dad is. Like, I don't think it's an insecurity of your dad's to talk about stuff that was normal in India and different here. I know, but you're using him as such. I'm hanging a lot on him, but I would also hang a lot on Pari. I wouldn't feel comfortable with you being that open with Pari.

1:19:22Like, is that an Indian thing? We don't know him well enough. I don't know his whole relationship to being Indian. Obviously, he likes talking about it and he's comfortable with it. He's comfortable with it. But these things are complicated. They are complicated. But it does start with what is your own feeling about the topic being brought up. It should be the person who's experienced it that gets to dictate it. Absolutely. Which is why I am conceding and saying I wouldn't ever ask you that. Oh, my God. And I am making a prediction of how I think your dad would take it, which maybe is right or wrong.

1:19:56So how do you think Aaron would take it? I don't think he'd mind. Okay. But you would mind. I would be nervous. Well, not around you. No, if I said it. Yeah, if you said it, we're fine. Because Aaron knows you. Yeah. And he knows you want the best for him. And you don't think poorly of him or that he's a low life. No. But wouldn't you be like, what the fuck is she doing? You would. And you should. Me having, knowing your background, knowing his background, knowing that those things have been used against him, it would be so insensitive for me to be like, hey, is that a trailer park thing? Just because I don't understand it.

1:20:40And that's the different thing about us. For sure. And also, there are some stuff you can say about trailer parks. I mean, there's a reality in the world. As I've said before, like the average level of intoxication on a weekday afternoon in Aaron's Trailer Park was much different than the average intoxication rate elsewhere. Right. You know, that is also a reality of it. So you're kind of, I think you're, what you're trying to do is be honest about the world you live in and not hurt people's feelings. And sometimes those things are against one another, if that makes sense. If you're curious, you can ask it in a way that's not implying that it's something so, like if I saw him eat a steak with two hands, maybe I'd be like, actually, I mean, I know me.

1:21:38I would just be like, well, that's how he eats it. He's a caveman. Look at him. No. Look at this guy go. When you do grow up as a minority, everything's different. So you don't have the luxury of being like, oh, that must be different because of this. Or that might be. It's like, yeah, it's all different. Everything's different. Now, let me ask you this. If you walked into, like, you had had your experience of living with other girls a lot as roommates. And I even went to your old apartment where you had a bunch of female roommates. And like you guys would like cook dinners together sometimes.

1:22:17And there's just all kinds of stuff that's kind of predictable in that scenario. Oh, sure. Yeah. And I'm sure if you walked into an apartment that four dudes lived in and you're like, oh, wow, X, Y and Z is different. There's a bong on the table. There's dishes in the sink. Your brain would logically and rightly so, I think, go, well, this is a much different scenario in here. What's different? and it would be right for you to go like, oh yeah, this is boys. Yeah. Right? Like there's an explanation for it. And I think you would be right and logical to start with what's the biggest difference between you and your three roommates and these four people.

1:22:59Well, this is four dudes and that's four. But the difference is that's correct. Uh-huh. The toast out of the bowl and the eating the steak with two hands are not because of what you're. We don't know though. Well, I do know that that's not an Indian tradition. Well, I know because it was made up. He doesn't do it. Yeah. And either is eating steak with two hands. But the whole point is like, wait, because what you're bringing up is something that you really don't under. You're like, oh, that's new. Seeing a bong in a basically a frat house isn't new. I've seen that. But if it's just trashed inside and you're trying to figure out why these people live in a trash place and you and your friends don't, I think it would be right of you.

1:23:40if your life depended on it, to make a prediction of why it's different, to assume it's because they're boys and you're girls. Listen, I think if you came into my parents' house and they had a picture of Krishna on the wall, I think you could probably and definitely deduce that that's because they're Indian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? I don't think you can see like a bouncy ball in water on the counter and say, oh, that must be Indian too. For sure. I think what both things are true and absolutely legitimate is, A, you should treat people as they're an individual. And the thing that you're experiencing could be their own individual idiosyncraticness.

1:24:30That would be the fairest way to treat everyone. And that's valid. And I agree. Also, groups of people have patterns. Also a reality. They do. But for the most part, we know those already. Like we've been taught those and told those already. So like, yes, if my mom is making curry. Yeah. Yeah. You could say to yourself, like, like it would be reasonable to think, yeah, that's because she's Indian and she grew up eating curry and that's an Indian dish. All of that makes sense. And I'm and those are stereotypes. So that's tricky. But it's real. That's real. Yeah, it's just. Yeah, that's normal. I'm fine with that.

1:25:08I'm just not fine with arbitrary. That's different. So it must be because of. I understand your objection to that. OK. But do you also agree that that might be the highest probability explanation just across the board? No, I don't. Like, I had to be friends with lots of Jewish people before it went from, I noticed one friend had this thing hanging in his door frame and he touched it every time he went in his house. At first, that was just, oh, John has a thing he's hung up that he touched. Sure. Then four other Jewish friends along the way who have it. And then I go like, oh, yeah, that's a Jewish thing.

1:25:51Yes. So I think that's the right train of thought. You see it and you assume that it's actually individual to the person. It's just John's thing. Yes. And then over time, you see a pattern. Then over time, you're like, oh, this is cultural. But that's the correct order, not the other way around. Yeah. Sometimes life's moving really fast and you got like one stab at it. No, you don't. And you kind of go the highest probability. No, you don't. Okay. Okay. Okay. Ashok, I love you. I love you, dad. And everything you do, I love. And if I saw something I didn't understand, I would still love it. I just would be curious if that was his own unique invention or if that's like he's fourth generation of toast and a bowl.

1:26:40Well, look, here's an interesting. So a lot of Indians do, they eat with their hands. Okay. So they eat like rice with their hands. And they got the naan going to. They're scooping with some bread. They get their fingers in there. Yeah, depending. Sometimes there's non. But sometimes not. Like they're eating with their hands. That's a very common way to eat in India. My grandparents did that. That's how they ate. Well, they did. Yes. And my dad, too, although I haven't seen that in years. Not really quick. So when you were over there and you noticed, oh, grandma and grandpa eat with their hands.

1:27:20Were you like grandma and grandpa interesting? or were you like, oh, it's got to be an Indian thing? I mean, I was so little. There's no way for me to know that. So anyway, I guess I would hope that you would have seen it a couple times before you assumed it. Yeah. But this is an interesting one because it's true. You know, it's real. That's a cultural difference. Yeah, that's right. And that's what you're trying to beat out in your head and figure out what, you know. I think your impulse is to like explain stuff. I mean, I think, well, let's start with like things we agree on. Everyone's impulse is making sense of reality around that.

1:27:56Like that's just your number one job from the second you wake up. It's like, oh, I came in this room and this is going on. Why is this going on? I mean, you know. I think approaching it with like true curiosity that doesn't have any judgment or otherness around it. Like I do think phrasing it as, did you grow up eating toast in a bowl? Yeah. Or did you grow up eating with your hands is different than is that a group insert group thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's for anyone who wants to practice. Yeah. It's a lot. Look, life is a lot of phrasing. It's a lot of judgment calls. It's a lot of how you phrase things.

1:28:36It makes a huge difference. Yeah. And I'm just trying to be honest about acknowledging what the real process is in my head. Like I'm trying to be honest about the fact that when I see something that I've never seen before, my 100th of a second, right? Like I'm not, the frontal lobe's not even involved. It went, huh, that's different. What could explain it? What's the other thing I know about us that's different? Maybe that's the explanation. That is like, from almost the moment I see it, that math happens. Yeah. And then the frontal lobe goes, well, is that a stereotype? Is that offensive? Is that this?

1:29:15This is at that. And then you hope to land with a high percentage that you were on the right side of it. Well, hopefully you just keep your mouth shut until the second part of your brain has done the other thing. That's the goal. The space between your emotions and your actions. The initial thought. We can't control the initial thought. That's all I'm trying to cop to. I have no, I have no, there's nothing we can do about our initial thoughts. Okay, great. I get a little scared that I even like my initial thoughts are offensive and then I'm kind of just a bad. No. Like you think I'm a bad person.

1:29:45I'll do this. I commit to like working through all the other steps. Yeah. That's all that's being asked in any of these like racism or stereotypes or any of these things. Like you can't help your initial thought. You have it. And then you think, is that right? Yeah. And that's how you get to having, I think, those thoughts less over time. Yeah. Anyway. I think when you and I talk about race openly, it's wonderful. Me too. Yeah. we can because there's trust yeah um and i and i think hopefully it's good for people to hear because it's hard to find someone you trust to talk about race with because there's a lot of explosive it also again it's so much of where you come from it's like joy grew up with her people and like so she loves to talk about it yeah she'll she's happy to engage in it with pretty much anyone whether or not she's even earned that yeah and it's simply so what you'd be inclined to think is like there's something predictable about being a minority in this country well no there's something predictable if you're a minority in this country and you're surrounded by the hegemonic group yeah and there's something to be said if you you know yeah but also she if she was talking to certain people.

1:31:07I mean, the way Joy talks about it, she does, she's with you, there's like fun and it's funny and stuff. But she can get very serious about race. Oh, she's dead serious about the inequity. Exactly. And she is not going to be afraid to say it. She likes to because she's so skilled at pointing these things out. But yeah, she's never, seemingly, she's never triggered in some inferiority way. Right. She's like, oh, you think that that's broken? And I can't wait to, you know, there's like, she doesn't seem, seem to. But I mean, she's lived a life. But she got to grow up with her people. She did, but she's also lived a life.

1:31:46She went to an Ivy League school. She lived a life where she was around. She did a lot of white people. Yeah. She did a boarding school. I'm sure, I'm sure there's elements to that. There's some complication for sure. Yeah. I don't think you can be a minority in this country and not have some level of like. It is just fun to think about what your homeostasis would be if you grew up with all the Indians in the neighborhood. And what would my homeostasis be like if I was the only white person in all Indians or all black people or whatever? It's just, I think it proves the point that we are always saying, which is like, you're not you, you're a product of.

1:32:24So many things. Yeah. Yes, I agree. Okay. But real quick. Yeah. Speaking of cultures. Yeah. Callie, Max, and I went to Dantana's, which is an institutional restaurant in Los Angeles. Which I've talked about a bunch on here because I like to go with Nate. Yeah. And what did you think? I loved it. You did? Yeah, I loved it. Okay, I need to know more because what I like about it, as I've told you, is it is time traveling. It is. It's old school Italian. It has mob energy. It's super Hollywood 80s. Yes. I mean, the steaks are named after famous actors. You got the Debney steak. You got the. I thought.

1:33:09Oh, I didn't notice that. Did you not notice all the. All the. I didn't look at the. They're known. What ones? I didn't look at the meat. Oh, you didn't? No, because it's an Italian place. I'm getting pasta. They're kind of known for their. What's the thing that people are against eating a cow? It's veal. Veal. And there's like eight or ten veals on the menu, but all with different movie stars names. And famously, James Woods was behind us eating the James Woods. Oh, that's yeah, that's right. That was I thought that was a Musou and Frank. No, that was Dantana's. Oh, fun. But you liked it. I loved it.

1:33:43Were there any 85 year old men with 21 year old women? Oh, shoot. Because that's still thriving there, which is so fascinating to see. I didn't notice, but at some point in the night, a group came in that was dressed like to the nines looking mob, kind of mob bossy. And then our server, who obviously had been sort of like a lifetime server there, he was giving us the intel that they come at like nine or between nine and ten every night. And they order the same thing and they get fettuccine for the table. I love it. I know. It was really, really fun. Did you have a cool cocktail? Because that bar.

1:34:22I had a martini. Might be the coolest bar in all of LA. I mean, more shit has happened at that bar than probably any other bar in LA. It was so fun. And one bad thing happened. He'll probably be mad at me for sharing this because it was a blunder. Okay. Thigh guy? Yeah, thigh guy Max. He's kind of like you, I think, in a I'm worried things are going to run out. Oh, sure, sure. So I guess last time they got a Caesar. Uh-huh. And he was like, this is not enough. This is not enough Caesar. Scary. Yeah. I can feel it. So for his entree, he got double Caesar salad. Okay. And Callie and I got individual Caesars as our starters.

1:35:10Mm-hmm. So they bring our starters. And I look at this and I think Max is getting two of these. Because it was huge. It was huge. And then he had trapped himself because he was like, that wasn't the size of it last time. And the Caesar that arrived was so. It was like a large pizza. It was enormous. It piled up so high. And he couldn't really wait for his, like he was like too hungry. So we had some of mine and some of Callie's before his enormous Caesar arrived. Oh, wow. And then. He really painted himself into a corner. He did because then he was like, I have to eat it. Like I made this crazy mistake.

1:35:59Yeah. And it looks crazy if I don't, like the people are going to be pissed. No, I love that we think that as if they're thinking at all about what we do. Then our server came because he said, is this the size it was? And he said, yeah, that's always been the size. Yeah. The guy in the back was like two. Okay, so they are judging. Anyway, he ate pretty much all of it. He had to leave a little bit. But when you factor in the fact that he had some of mine and Callie's, he had more than two Caesars. And what did he have for an entree? That was his entree. He didn't go to steak either. No, he didn't.

1:36:32We got some appetizers, but. Okay. I'm so glad. When was this? Last night? Oh, it was. A couple months ago? Yeah. It was Sunday. It was Sunday. Yeah. Okay. It was really fun. Yeah, that's a fun place. I need to be better at not, like, I want to go back tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I want to go back in five more days. Like, I've been doing that with Sunset Tower. I've been going a little, like, a lot. Okay, yeah. And I ordered an interesting martini. I order one with a lemon twist and an orange twist. Unconventional. I invented it. Okay. Never been done. So when I went last time and I ordered that, he was like, oh, yeah, I remember you.

1:37:16Oh, now he's got you. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, when were you here? Like two weeks ago? And I was like, yeah. But really, it was like. Five days ago? Yeah. I had to lie. Is he a suitor now? No. Sounds like he's a suitor. No, he's not. He's not. He was a nice man, but no. Okay. Anywho, I guess that's it. I do have a maybe an update. I haven't decided if I'm going to share it, so that's TBD. Keep listening. Sure, sure. All right, let's do some facts. Yes. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:38:03Okay, facts for Kristen. It's so weird that her name's Kristen. Is it weird for you? Well, because it's spelled the way it is. There's a lot of leeway in the way where people are spelling Kristen. I don't think of her as Kristen because of the way it's spelled. Right. But then when we were saying her name, I was like, oh, yeah. It is actually. This is a dumb story. No, it's a good one. But Kristen, C-R-I-S-T-I-N. I know what you mean. I think the same exact thing. Thanks. I didn't realize it was even pronounced Kristen. Yeah. Yeah, C-R-I-S-T-I-N. now this goes this uh my ex-girlfriend brie too she had a very novel spelling of brie yeah how'd she spell it br still does b-r-i-e-g-h b-r-i-e-g-h yeah everyone gets to you know do it however they like get like funky when they're making spellings up i know yeah it's an interesting impulse it's like i'm gonna give them a name that a lot of people have but i'm gonna spell it uniquely.

1:39:02Yeah. You know, it's funny. Um, you, well, Callie has that a little bit. She always has to say Callie with a K. And an I. Well, so now's, now's a great time to tell you. Actually, I think I have stress every time I text you about Callie as I'm like, is it K H? Is it K H? Yeah. It's a, look, it's a hard name. I actually find it very endearing because I think it has to do with your dyslexia. Okay. But because you always spell it K-A-L-I and you're so close. Oh, what do I need? It's K-A-L-I-E. Oh, easy. I can. But I always think it's funny because you do it and then I'll respond back with her name kind of on purpose.

1:39:48Yeah. Spelled correctly. Yes. Try gently tell me. Yeah. Like, oh, I think one day he'll see that he has been doing that wrong. And then. Yes, I was with Callie instead of saying I was with her. Callie said this. And then you haven't noticed that. But so I guess now the cat's out of the belly. I think I noticed it and then I don't, I'll remember it. Yeah, that's fair. Like a month later when I want to text about Callie. Yeah. I don't try to go back and find it. Yeah. Okay. I think this will be the learning moment where I get it. I can handle that. I have this same issue with Seth's wife, Claire.

1:40:23Every time I seem to write Claire, I pick the wrong one. How does she? Well, because you could go C-L-A-I-R or C-L-A-R-E. Oh. And it's one of those two, and I generally get it wrong. C-L-A-R-E is unconventional. That's hers. That's hers. Okay, so she's unconventional. Yeah, and Seth will, he doesn't say, he doesn't do what you do. He's even more direct. He's like, it is like he corrects me. He gets upset, do you think? I just think he's defensive. No, I think he's a very like respectful integrity person. And he wants to correct you if you're not spelling his wife's name right. Wow. Okay. Two sides of two different coins, I guess, because I feel like I'm being respectful by not telling you because I don't want to hurt your feelings.

1:41:16I think they're both valid. They're valid points of view. What is interesting about the way people spell names is sometimes the spelling does make me like the name in a way that I didn't previously like it. Sure. In fact, Claire being one, I really like the spelling C-L-A-R-E. That changes it for you. Now I love it. Yeah. Maybe you'll name your daughter Claire. We spell Calvin weird. How do you spell it? C-A-L-V-I-G-H-N. No, you don't. That's a lie. Robin is his lies he tells so many lies and I've been and when I'm watching you there's so many lies to juggle oh so you're so I'm on high alert so I'm on high alert yes yeah speaking of when I asked if he's protective Seth the guy in you he's so protective that he has to murder oh too protective yeah I could see you like sliding down that scale a little bit absolutely yeah yeah I kind of want you to watch it to see if you kind of can relate.

1:42:20We had an expert. He's coming up. And it's really fucked up the whole way I process the world. And I'm frustrated by it. And I know it's the right thing to do. But a guy we're having an expert on about rage addiction. Yeah. And once it's fully framed for you, what's going on in your head and the science behind it, it's a bummer. Because I do like the right. There's some level of vigilantism I like, you know? Look, we all do. We all love the story of like Robin Hood a little bit. But again, this circles back to our other fact check. In reality, no. Like, no. Revenge is bad and it's a poison. Yeah.

1:43:09And forgiveness is very good for your brain. Yeah. It stops this back and forth cycle. Yes. It's just the right thing. and I kind of hate it. It's taking the fun out of, you know, like these movies that are just great. It's like you kidnap Liam Neeson's daughter and he's going to fucking kill you and we love that. That's so clean. You should get killed if you kidnap someone's daughter. When I was home for Mother's Day, I was watching Dateline, obviously, with my parents because they just can't get enough of that. Are they particularly into Keith Morrison the way we are or do they not have preferences?

1:43:45There's no preference. Oh, wow. I don't like that. As much as they can consume, they will. In fact, I probably can't say this, but there was something happening. There's something happening in the family-ish, a good thing, but that my mom was like, well, you got to be careful because people can get really crazy. And she like devised this whole plan in her head of how. Someone would get murdered. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it could lead you to believe there's more murders going on than there are. Yeah, yeah. There was a man who killed a girl, like an 18-year-old or whatever, who killed another 18-year-old.

1:44:23Okay. Or maybe he was 19 or something, whatever. He killed someone and like, you know, he's up to get out a lot, but the mom and the sister keep going in and basically making sure he stays in jail. Yeah. And I respect, I understand. Of course I understand. But there was a part of me, you know, and I was like, I mean, maybe it's time to let him out. And I was saying that and my mom was so disturbed by me saying that. And I was like, mom, his brain wasn't even developed. It's not developed till you're 25. And she's like, well, if you were the sister. And I was like, of course, of course, if I'm the sister, I want that person to rot in jail.

1:45:06That's right. So I get it. Yeah, but it's been taking the fun out of some normal fantasies I play with. Yeah, like having empathy kind of ruins vigilantism. Yeah, just owning what's going on in my brain. Can you give an example? Well, just I think of all these scenarios all the time. That's what I fantasize about. Killing? No, but like protecting. Oh, right, yeah. Forcing someone to apologize. You know, all these just like taking care of everyone and sheriffing. Right. And so I have all these bizarre fantasies. And then I just have to now go like, right, so you're hurt or someone else is hurt and your inclination is not to soothe, it's to hurt.

1:45:56Right. And that that'll somehow erase the hurt. And it just, it doesn't and it won't. And it's less fun, my imagination now. And I'm kind of angry. Kind of like I. Oh, it's a cycle then. Yeah, like I kind of, I had, there's so many things I've had to stop doing on this show. Like be disparaging about BDP people. Be disparaging, right? Even the sociopath, we had a sociopath on it. And I'm like, fuck, I kind of feel bad for sociopaths. Yeah, you're, we're. But I don't like it. I mean, I like it. I think it's good. It's a good direction. But I also. I've been thinking about this a lot. But I think this show has fundamentally made me a fully different person.

1:46:38I was so, yes, that person needs to rot it. Like I would never have ever thought for a second like maybe it's time to let that guy out. What's our goal? Do we want to punish or keep people safe? Yeah. And I think it has to do with the amount of stories we've heard. Oh, yeah. The amount of people we've gotten to talk to. yeah I wonder who I'd be without it I didn't know my mom and brother we were at dinner and I was doing this about somebody or something and they were like oh you always see the best in people like they were saying it kind of annoyed yeah like you're naive or yeah or just like we know you want to look at that perspective yeah but this is what we want to talk about the bad thing And I would never, I am not someone who was born thinking the best of people.

1:47:39Right, right, right, right. So that's something new and I'm grateful for it. So I wouldn't even say mine is that I now think the best of people. It's that I much more understand, or I think I understand, how bad the person had it to begin with. that ended them there. Yes. Like I still think they're bad, but I think there's, you know, I think they're, well, not bad in quotes, but. Well, yeah, I guess that's, that's the lesson. Like, I don't think people are bad. I think you become, you become based on experience and things you can't control. Yeah. Um, so. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. Yeah. It's hard after you know that.

1:48:21Yeah. I feel like I can only be like ethically judgmental of someone that's got the exact same scenario as me. Like I'm free to, say no you should be doing better with this set of circumstances but beyond that i really have no business saying what someone should what level they have yeah should have risen to yeah and that applies to everyone that applies to the person whose family was hurt they've been through something that causes them to act the way they act anyway um okay so some facts what is the jersey What is the Jersey Devil?

1:49:11It looks kind of cute, actually. With hooves, but there are many variations. Hmm. Yeah, it looks kind of like a smiling reptile, but with ram horns and chicken legs and dragon wings. Yeah, bat-like wings, it says. The origin of the legend. Though a woman named Leeds was giving birth to her 13th child and exclaimed, Let the child be the devil! The child, though born normally, immediately grew wings, tail, and claws and flew out of the Pine Barrens. That's all you gotta do is say, let him be the devil and that you can convert your... If you're Mrs. Leeds. Oh, wow. Yeah. How much is a pedicab ride in New York-ish?

1:49:55Through Times Square, a short ride within Times Square might cost$15 to$30, while a more extensive tour could range from$40 to$150 per person. It's kind of steep. Pricey way to get around town. Yeah, but fast. Super fast. Because you get to go in between. Right. Um, record for how long someone was in a Broadway show? The record for the longest time spent by an actor in a single Broadway show is held by George Lee Andrews, who performed the Phantom of the Opera for 23 years. Oh, my Lord. From 1987 to 2011. Whoa. He performed a total of 9 ,382 performances. Oh, my God. During his tenure, he played multiple roles, including ensemble members and the roles of Monsieur Fremont and Monsieur André.

1:50:459 ,000 performances? Yeah. I'm like still so proud of us for 900 episodes, and now I feel like a weakling. Yeah. And do you think, it's one of those things when you've done something so much that if he forgets a line in his 7 ,000th performance, he's probably so afraid of dementia. Oh. He's like, how could I? I've been doing this 7 ,000. I bet he could most certainly do that role, soup to nuts, and never once be present on stage. Like, completely in his mind, thinking about other stuff. I'm sure his subconscious could do that performance. Yeah. And he's just probably in La La Land for two hours.

1:51:28But he loves the theater. Or he's addicted to that cheddar. I don't think that's what he's addicted to. I think he's addicted to cheddar. They don't make much money. But that reminds me, sometimes I forget the gate code to your house. And I think every time I forget, I think like, oh, I'm ill. Like something's wrong. How could I possibly forget this thing I do every day? I then have to look it up. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Isn't that scary? Yeah. I get scared like that. Yeah. And that stuff happens to me. Does it? Yeah. And now we're being monitored. So it's like I have the thought. It's like I cannot think of a name of someone I know very well.

1:52:10Yeah. And then I go, well, I guess the next cognition test we have for our Alzheimer's thing is just going to show that, yes, I am in deep. Decline. Yes. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. Like I don't know if it's comforting or not comforting that we will find out. I can't decide that. Like normally you'd just be having these thoughts in a vacuum and then you'd probably convince yourself later that you're, you know, you'd be thinking sharp that day and be like, oh no, nothing's going on. But we're going to be told. Well, unless we don't decline. Correct. Which is the goal is to be doing all these other things.

1:52:45I mean, we're going to decline. But not to a scary, hopefully not to a scary level. Some days it feels like it's happening at a scary pace. I think it's when it's like gloomy out. That's when you. It's more weather based. Okay. This vault, this Warner Brothers situation where there are shows that are gone. Yeah. Is true. And yeah, you can't watch Westworld. I looked on Max today. You can't find, it's not there. You can like go to Amazon Prime and buy it. You can. Yeah. But you can't watch it on Max. That's so weird. I know. Also now it's HBO Max again. Did you hear this? No. They are. They. Now they've gone back to.

1:53:31Yes. By the way, I always said HBO is the crown jewel, not Max. I don't know why they didn't. Exactly. Yeah. I think. Well, I heard it was just some guy's idea who had power and then they did it. And then obviously it never worked. Like people wouldn't say it right. You'd still say it's on HBO. Yeah. People would say it's. And so it's HBO Max again. And if we have to re-download that shit, I'm going to be pissed. But it would be like Mercedes buying Dodge and then deciding to rename all this Mercedes Dodge. That makes no sense. You would. You want to stick with your most prestigious name. I know.

1:54:09Home box office. I think maybe they got excited that Max sounds like the maximum amount of content. Well, they didn't want it to just be HBO, obviously, because there's more there. Right. But HBO Max seems good to me. TJ Maxx. But it was HBO, then HBO Max, then Max, right? HBO Go. HBO Go. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. John Oliver does a whole bit on the last episode of all the different names. Oh, that's really funny. They are having fun with it, though. They have, like, obviously some, like, Gen Z person running their social media because they're, like, putting funny. Burning themselves? Yeah. Okay, that's good.

1:54:48But it's been making me sign in a lot lately, and I wonder if that's related to this name change. It's been challenging. Probably. Do we have to download another fucking app? That's what I said. Or are they just going to update the current one? That's what I just said. We're so intolerant. It used to be like you had to catch the show live or you didn't see it. Now it's like, I had to sign in. I know. Okay. I was going to play just a teeny, teeny clip of her on 30 Rock. She mentions a character she plays that's like wild. It is wild. I knew I smelled sausage. Yes. Abby, I'm Liz. Liz, thank you.

1:55:23Oh, our nips just touched. Mine are so hard. Mine are different sizes. Okay, that's all I'll play. But, yeah, she's a very silly. That, 30 Rock is such a fucking good show. Yeah, it's almost like in some ways underappreciated. Yeah, there she is. Oh, yeah. Our nips just touched. Is that what she said? Yeah. Yeah, it's a great show. Tina Fey, one of the great talents of all time. Okay, I found this weird thing. She said, what's it called when you feel forever 27? Mm-hmm. That has a name. So then I looked it up and it said, the phenomenon of feeling forever 27 or experiencing a fascination with the idea of never aging beyond a certain age is often connected to the 27 club, a cultural concept referencing celebrities who died at the age of 27.

1:56:18Yeah. The idea while rooted in tragedy has also become a symbol of a certain rebellious energy and a desire to hold on to youth. Live fast and die young. I guess. Isn't that weird? Hendricks, Janis Joplin. Amy Winehouse, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix. Well, we know that Belushi and Chris Farley made it to 33, the age of Jesus. So they're not on here. That's good. Yeah. Okay. We did talk about astrology, so I did real quick want to just real quick. Yeah, of course. Do today's astrology. Postar is the app I use. Let's see what it says today. It's my preferred app. One hour ago, you don't have high standards.

1:57:07You just want someone who, Capricorn, will discreetly tell you if you have food stuck in your teeth. Wouldn't everyone like that? You'd like that, right? No, I'll be embarrassed. I do want it. You'd rather have food stuck? No, I don't. I want it, but I don't want it either. Okay. You don't want the solution to it. You don't. You don't have high standards. You just want someone who, me, Virgo, reliably uses the correct there, there, there. Oh, sure. Okay. That adds up. Wait, Rob, what are you? Gemini, I think. Rob. Actually, that makes total sense. Oh, yeah. That makes total sense that you're a Gemini.

1:57:50Such a Gemini. The twins. One's a rascal. Oh. Aren't they the twins? I think they are. You don't have high standards. You just want someone who shares the passwords to all their streaming accounts. I think people tell me I'm more of a cancer than a Gemini because I'm running the edge. Okay. You don't have high standards. You just want someone who can listen without sharing a tangentially related story. Who can listen without sharing it. I don't think so. I don't know many people like that. Kristen's a cancer. And my mom. She only tells tangential. But she wants, no. So this is saying she wants to be able to tell you a story and you not go on a tangent.

1:58:35Yeah. With your own story. Basically everything we do here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't think that's true. I don't know if that's true of Aaron either, but maybe. I'll ask him. I think he likes a tangential story as well I'll ask Anna I'll ask my mom so many cancers I do have a lot of July and August big big birthday months yeah they are yeah coming up that's right around the corner um all right that's it that's it yeah that's it for Kristen yeah that's it for Kristen with a C all right love you love you

1:59:18Continent Colleen