D'Arcy Carden Returns

21:52Focus on what you're doing. Is he a verga? He's a cancer. I realized he's my dad in like a way that I'm down with. Yes. Because I love him. He's my best friend. He's hot as hell. Yeah. I also love my dad. Like they're two different things. Hot as hell. Yeah, hot as hell. It is hot as hell though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. But I realized recently we have really fallen into he's my dad. He protects you. Yeah. I bet we fought against it for the first few years of our relationship. And I think now we've either accepted it or like made it work for us. Like it. And are you his mom? About some things. Maybe that's just being married.

22:26I don't think it's easy for the person who's similar to the parent to be able to see it. Would he say that? You're like his mom? No, I don't think he would. I'm baby. He's daddy. Okay. I'm baby. He's daddy. Okay. It's not that he's like your specific dad. No, he's not like my dad. Sorry. He's not like my dad. He is my - He's father-like. Yes. Yes. Okay, great. This is kind of hot. Is it? I think so. Well, whatever it is, it works for us. Oh my God. And I'm not trying to be like daddy. I'm not trying to be like, he's my daddy. I'm saying like, he takes care of me. I'm baby, he's daddy. You feel safe with him.

23:01Yeah, he's got his shit together. Everyone gets to design their own thing and no one needs to have an opinion about it. Right, right. You're going on how many years? We are going. 20th year? Yeah, like maybe 18, 19. Wow. What year is it? Yeah, dude, 20. Good, congratulations. How old were you? When we got together? Yeah, 20. 23? Is there any part of you that's like, nah, I wish I would have done it a little later? No. Honestly, I was never hoping to find the one at that early of an age. Right. At all. From a child knew that I didn't want that. Yeah. I wanted to be free and live my life and be like a slut.

23:36Yeah. Sow your oats. You sow my oats is a better way of saying it. It's almost like we couldn't deny. In fact, we did push against each other in the beginning. We were like, this is too real. We're too young. And we're too young. Let's not do this. Is he older? He's older. Yeah. How much older? Four years. Is that right? That's nice. That's on the low end. That's good. I like that. Yeah. We just kind of couldn't deny it. We tried to deny it. Do you guys have hall passes? No. We're so chill. Okay. Yeah. You're never watching a show and you go like John Locke or John. Not John Locke from Lost? Love John Locke.

24:12No, Locke from the movie. Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy. You're watching Gangland or whatever it's called. And you're like. Mobland. Yeah. I want a weird night with this quiet guy. Yeah. Right. Who like intimidates me. Totally. Yeah. That's not typo. Yes. Not at all. For some reason, since the beginning. Also, our relationship started off as almost like instant best friends. We could not get enough of each other and we weren't hooking up. And so all of that stuff was already out there. Now, I do think it's safer for the wife to do it than the man to do it. He can do it. He loves Rachel Weisz. Oh, that's his.

24:45But I mean, who do I? You kind of look like her, so I get it. Okay, Monica. I see it. I see it. I cry. We have a problem here, we have to say. Okay, okay. Because you can't have hall passes when you have the ability to actually meet the person. The point of hall passes, invented on Friends, a show I love. Me too. I'm like you, just so you know. You are. The Jennifer Aniston episode was really special, you guys. So special. It was really special. It was so special. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. She likes you so much. I like her so much. Yeah. That is meant for people who will not really run into this person.

25:23You guys could meet all these people. Yeah. So you can't have it. I agree. The hall pass of it all. Unless then that's just, you can play your own game however you guys want. That's true. You get to decide. That's true. But I do think if you're playing hall pass games and you're a guy and you want my advice. Yeah. I think you need to be smart about it. Right. I think you're free to say like, I want to see Taylor Lautner in a towel. I'm going way back to make it innocuous. Remember when older women were like way into Taylor Lautner? Yeah, I did. This was a cultural fena. Women were taking their daughters to those movies.

25:56The Twilight movies. And they were like screaming when his shirt came off and stuff. Which, again, I support. Totally. It's so inappropriate. But of course, women are generally predators. So that's why it's fine. But anyway, so you're probably safe to go like, Lautner, Lautner, Lautner. But he shouldn't say like, Sydney Sweet. Right, right, right, right. Sydney is a tricky one. You'll know in two years. Oh, that's true. It will. I just am obsessed with short and sweet Sabrina Carpenter's album from August of 2024. You're just discovering it. On a level that I haven't been into. That's great. Since I was in eighth grade.

26:28Oh my God, I love that. Wait, you love her? I love her. Of course you do. I went with Delta on Sunday. I was going to say, you got to see her live. I'm lovesick. It's not fun. Yeah, it's not over her, over watching this little girl at her first concert sing all the songs and dance. This is her girl, Lincoln's Got Taylor, in Delta Sabrina. She's so funny. She's so funny. And cool. Yes, and clever. And she gets it. She's really ahead of the joke. She gets it. She's funny. She's funny. She did a great job hosting SNL. She's really legit funny. She funny. She funny. I love all these little pop girlies.

27:03I know. It's fun. Me too. Yeah. But yeah, one of the songs, I can't stop listening to Over and All. I've been listening to it all day, every day for a week. What is it? Don't Smile. Don't Smile. Do you know that one? I probably do. I probably do. Okay. But you just love it and you can't stop listening. Don't smile because it happened, baby. Cry because it's old. Great message. That's so her. She's so good at the twist. So good at the twist. I do know this song. You're supposed to think about me every time that you hold her. You got to sing that. Don't even try to pull off. You've got a sick voice.

27:42She couldn't even get it out. Wait, what was I supposed to say? You were supposed to say you sound amazing? It was like you were on the verge of saying you sound good. You wanted to give a comment that you put in. No, you did. You hit all the notes, brother. No, you did. You did. You did a thing. You did a thing. She like always has a celeb in every concert. Arrested. Did she ever arrest men or is it always women? I think it's women. She arrested the guy on Serenity Live that has the character. Domingo. Domingo. She did arrest Domingo once. Oh, she did. But it feels like, yeah. But yes, I think it's, first of all, I'm one of 12 dudes in an audience of 22 ,000 people.

28:13Right. It does feel like if you were there, everyone would be like, whoa. And in fact, I almost want to apologize for being there because all these people are wearing their nightie gear because that's her aesthetic. So it was like all these girls in these nightie outfits. And I'm like, I know they would have felt better if just there were none of us were there. Yeah, yeah. No dads allowed. Luckily, it was like a holding Delta's hands. I hope it buffeted. Yeah, you weren't there. I didn't think about that part. Well, there's a panther in the hen house. That's what it felt like. But there wasn't because I was just thinking.

28:41Because you're just enjoying the concept. Oh, she's so cute. She arrested Dakota and Elle Fanning at their concert. Come on. I love it for being too hot. Also, I feel like I remember that you don't love concerts. Am I right about that? Yes. In general, what happens is I, again, now I'll say OCD, but it's not. I start obsessing about how long it's going to be. Okay, you want it to be done. I don't even know if I want it to be done. It's just not knowing. It's a control thing, I think. I'm like, how long will this be? And how many encores? I can't stand encores. You know what? I wonder if this would help you.

29:14You can go to, I want to say it's like radiofm.com or something. You could just Google this, but you can Google setlist. Setlist FM. What is it? Setlist FM. Setlist FM. You guys are such nerds. I love it. And you can Google the setlist and then you would know exactly. You'd be like, okay, they're on the fifth song. I have 10 more, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might help you. Yes. I just start feeling a little confined. I go to so many concerts. I go to too many concerts. Too many. One a week? Honestly, no, but could. This is a weird thing that I get, which is while I'm watching the concert, I'm enjoying it so much that I start fixating on that I have to come back tomorrow.

29:54Oh, gosh. And then I'm like missing the concert. Right. I'm like, do I have time in my schedule? Should I get tickets now? Yes. I got to see this again. That song's done now. I want to see it again tomorrow. I get that. That's addict-y. That's me. The second I enjoy something, my fear of it being gone is so overwhelming. I have that hardcore at concerts. Yeah, interesting. I do feel a little addicted to concerts because I kind of can't resist them. Even if I'm like spending too much money or canceling plans, I'm like, I have to go to this. It takes over your life. Yes. I think this is a good addiction.

30:26It's not very harmful. Did you see any of these last few Beyonce concerts? No. But I feel like you should have. I love Beyonce. I know you do. I would have loved to have seen her. You would have loved. Next time she comes, go. I've never missed her in LA in the last 13 years. How long are her stars? Three. Yeah, it was three. Three hours. She's got a lot of songs to get to. She does. And it was great. It was incredible, Monica. It was incredible. I had just gone to Renaissance. And then I feel like Cowboy Carter came right like a day later. And I was like, I can't do this again. It's too expensive.

30:54I just saw her. And then I went and I was like, you idiot. I know. How could you have ever missed this? It was incredible. Yeah. It does feel a little life changing when you see someone at the top of their game. You're like, that's not a person. How is she doing this? She is on a different planet. My favorite performance I've ever seen in my life, I wasn't there, but just watching it was her, Beyonce, on American Idol singing One Plus One. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

31:34You know what's funny? Maybe not. I have a playlist on my phone for songs to make me cry for acting. Oh, great. And that's on that. Is it? It's so beautiful. Wait, what else is on there? I mean, I can't tell you all my secrets. No, I want to. I want to. I'll send it to you. Okay. It is kind of intimate. I'd like to have a good cry. I'm crying every time I listen to, say, uh. I can't do it again. No, I can't. Well, I have so much anxiety now. Don't smile. That you're going to say it, but it's, um, don't smile. Okay. What just happened? I'm crying every time I hear that song. But she's had to tell me the name of my favorite song like three times and she's bailing out.

32:12You know, it's hard to remember. And I'm saying it's circular because I'm nervous she's going to say it before I can think of it. I thought you wanted me to say it. You look at me. Right. Yeah. You're like, don't say it. I got it. And then you're like, there it's gone. Okay. I won't say it again. I mean, I might not get it too. Well, then that's the thing we're always dealing with. Have you guys ever been on a set where that happens with somebody's lines where they like can't get the line? But you know it. And then no problem. Let's take it again. Chill out, everybody. We're good. You're fine.

32:39And then you can just feel like when it comes to that moment that they're searching. They're searching. They're searching. And then it's sort of like falling down. It's hell. And you just want to be like, just relax. You start sweating. It's hell. Well, Billy Crudup just told a story on the show this week, which was he got in that situation with Tom Cruise and Mission Impossible because they had rewritten the scene, rewritten the scene. He got it that morning. It was like a huge monologue. Oh, my God. And he just couldn't do it. And Tom was like, you ever work with cue cards, Billy? We're going to work with cue cards today.

33:09Okay. Let's go. And then immediately had cue cards and he was holding them in front of his face and looking like Tom was. And did it work for Billy? Problem solver. Yeah. I saw it. I had no idea that was being read from cue cards. I know. Love a problem solver. I do too. Great. Yeah, me too. Let's just do it. And also desanctifying, demystifying the whole thing where it's that fucking precious. You got to get these words out. Yeah. What's the most scared you've ever been acting? Do you recall? Scared, scared, scared. That episode of Good Place that we were in together, the Janet's episode, was sort of overall scary.

33:38That was definitely the most pressure I've ever had. Because of the words or what you were supposed to convey that you were afraid you couldn't convey? The words, playing all the different parts. Yeah, for that episode, Darcy was every single character. So it was like nailing the impressions. It was a very important episode story-wise. It felt like the weight of the show was on my shoulders for one episode and it was a lot of pressure. A show that I love with all my heart. There was no part of me that was like, whatever. It was like, I'm going to kill myself to make this right. Yes. Yes. I must rise.

34:12And you did. Thanks, babe. Great episode. So do you. You got nominated, babe? I got nominated, babe. Did they say, babe, a specific episode? Okay. I didn't get nominated for that episode. I got nominated the next year. Okay. Probably they were like, we should have nominated for that episode. It's always like, these award shows are always a year behind. Right, right, right. You're seeing someone that's got best actor for that year. They were okay, but the year before they were brilliant and they got overlooked and everyone acknowledged it. I feel like Denzel has famously, maybe he won for Training Day, maybe, which he was amazing in.

34:43But I feel like whatever was the year before that was like his best. That's why people think Timothee Chalamet is going to win this year. Gotcha. Because last year he did not win for A Complete Unknown. Right, right, right. And who won? Oh, Adrian Brody won for The Brutalist. Right, right, right. Safe. say thank you. Oh, no, don't cry. Don't smile. Say thank you. Monica, say thank you. I know. It's like, for what? What do I do? Literally, Adam, like, wasn't even what we were talking about. Say thank you. It's gone already. Oh my God. That's hard. Maybe this is the ADHD. Say something. Say anything.

35:20What is it? Don't smile. Isn't it a hard title? Say anything. John Cusack. Yeah. That's great. Okay. So that was a scary one. And then I shot something this summer. It's called The Five Star Weekend. And the cast is like. Chloe Sevigny. Chloe Sevigny. Way to say her name correctly. Good job. Thank you. I've got a story. I had a crush on her back when she was in all those Harmony Crane movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, oh, this girl's so punk, rock and cool. I mean, she really is. But then this year at the Emmys, she did not win. Right. And I happened to be seated directly behind her. So I handed her$20.

35:54Oh, I love that. As a consolation prize. You know what's funny? I almost texted you three. Oh, you did? Because I saw that you were right next to each other and she left our set in Nantucket to go to the Emmys. And so I was really day to day with her. So I was almost like. Do you love her? I love her. Her fashion is off the charts. I went thrift shopping with her one time. You did not. And I was like, I think people would pay. This would be like. A charity thing. A million dollars to go thrifting with Chloe Sevigny. Yes, yes, yes. Love her. And it was Jen Garner. Who we love. Just too much. The best.

36:26And then Gemma Chan and Regina Hall. Timothy Oliphant, who was just here, who we love so much. Did he charm the fuck out of all you ladies? Yes. He charmed the fuck out of my husband. He's charm-ma-ma-ma-ma. We're going to dinner with him on Friday. He's sexy. I love him. He's so sexy. And his amazing wife. They're just cool. Are you guys going to the Soho house? We're going to a place called Darling. Oh, okay. I'm Ben. All that is to say, it's a drama. It's a comedy drama. I actually don't know what we're calling it yet. Is it on ID Network? It's on ID. It's on She. Okay, so it might be. No, it's on Peacock.

36:59There's a lot of emotion. And I'm a comedy girl. There was certain scenes. I don't know if you'd call that scared, but it is that thing where you're like, you better bring it. You gotta show up today. You gotta show up and there's no way to not. You have to. You know what's funny? Okay, I'm gonna pivot to this amazing show that I'm so lucky to be a part of, Loot. Yes. Okay, there's a scene where my character's crying. So I listened to my little playlist, got the tears ready. And then we did one take of it. It's me and Maya. And I'm like, Well, that wasn't fun. I want to have fun. I can just, I don't want to say fake it, but what are you doing when it's full, broad comedy and you're crying?

37:36You are allowed to sort of hand it up a little bit. Yes, yes, yes, yes. My day on set with Maya and not being stuck in a corner by myself listening to my playlist is more important to me than if these tears are real or not. Yes. I'm remembering one scene I had to do where it was a crying scene. This is years ago. And I'm looking down and I can feel the tear roll down my cheek and I can also feel that my hair is covering it. And I was like, mother fuck. Like I would never, the character would never move her hair. Right. So you can see. That would be hilarious. So this one is just for me, I guess.

38:08Yeah. Do you cry in real life? I do cry in real life, but honestly, for weird things. What makes you cry? A lot of times it's music. My grandma died last year, who I have an incredible relationship with. Love all the way up and down. When my mom told me that she died, I think I went, okay, okay. No, that's good, I said. What the hell kind of reaction is that? Right. Like no tears, just like, no, it's actually okay. And see, I want to see that in a movie because that's what really happens in real life. And it reminds me of things in real life. Yeah. It's weird. Well, it's your brain trying to tell yourself it's good.

38:45It's okay. You don't need to freak out. You don't need to die because this is happening. It's actually good. And just the notion that you connect with things when you hear them also. So it can take months to understand someone died, even if you were there. For sure. This is so cheesy, but Grandma Lila, she watched Jeopardy every night, as maybe everybody's grandma does. And I got to be on Jeopardy two weeks after she died. But she did know. She knew I was going to. She couldn't stay alive for another two weeks. I know, I know, I know. Hey, Grandma. Grandma. If you were disappointed in her. Like, I couldn't just.

39:19Come on, Lila. You're so selfish. But it was one of the things that when I realized, when my mom told me, oh, no, I told her that you were going to be on Jeopardy!, that's when I lost it. Of course. Yeah, of course. Yes. Yeah. For some reason, the Jeopardy! thing was really connected to her. So everything about that was really emotional. All right, we're going to talk about Lou, but there's two things I want to talk about that happened in the last seven years that I would like some info on. Okay. One is a Thanksgiving play. Yeah. You were on Broadway. I was on Broadway. First of all, incredible.

39:48Thanks. Did you ever have your eyes set on Broadway? I had my little kid eyes only set on Broadway. Oh, okay. Wonderful. And then when I was in college, right out of college, those years, I was doing a lot of regional theater, community theater, with people that had been on Broadway, maybe five years older than me, so still young, but people that had been on Broadway, and they'd been in this show, and they'd been in that show, and then they come do this show, and we do the show together, and we're all in a show together, and I'm going to move to New York, and you guys are on Broadway, and I'm going to be on Broadway.

40:18It was just like, that's the path. Yeah. And I see it because we're working together and that's where you are going to go next. And then when I moved to New York and it wasn't like that, the first two years of living in New York, I hadn't discovered UCB yet. And so it was just auditioning for plays and not getting them and auditioning for like student films and getting them and them being weird. Yeah. Going to someone's apartment for a casting. I had this very clear realization. I went and saw a musical called 42nd Street, tap dancing. There's, in my mind, 100 cast members. I don't know if it's 40 or whatever.

40:50It's just full of dancers. Sea of dancers. And I remember thinking the girl in the back row is so much more talented than me. And I can't even see her in the back row. Right. And she's on Broadway. Right. So I was like, this is not my skill set. And so I need to find something else. Knock, knock, comedy. Right, right. Okay, so exciting to get it. So exciting. And then the premise is really funny. I'm really sad I didn't see it. Kristen told me she did see it and that you were spectacular and she loved it. Went and ate burgers afterwards. But it's about four white teachers that put on a elementary school play about Thanksgiving with an attempt to make it politically correct.

41:25Yes. And then somehow you do get someone that's posing as Native American. Are you? Yes. So I come in as the actress that just answered the casting call and she can play everything. She can play a doctor. She can play Native American. You know what I mean? She's not smart at all. She was a dummy. Okay. But also lovable, but also bad, but also I love her. And she was vaguely Puerto Rican? What was it? She's vaguely me. She's you. She's just like not quite. She's like a little ambiguous. Yeah. And that's all part of the play. And it was written by Larissa Fast Horse, who's the first Native American woman to ever write a play on Broadway and has had so much success since then.

42:05And before then, she's amazing. They sort of realize that the three people who are putting it on, who are Katie Finneran, Chris Sullivan and Scott Foley. Do you know any of these actors? Yeah. So great. Amazing. And they are sort of as woke as can be and like really trying so hard to like do the best job. And is it just going to be a genocide play? Is that what it is? But at first it's not. Once we sort of realize. It's celebrating the same old colonial. Yeah, exactly. It's digging through what actually happened. Also, I'm like, this is two years ago. What was this play about? I did a hundred nights of it.

42:41But we decided to put on a real Thanksgiving play. Once they realized that I'm Greek or whatever it was. Yeah, Greek. That's what it was. Then we decide to really put on what it was really like. And it's really graphic and horrible. Yeah, not fun to watch. And we do that. Every night I'm covered from head to toe in blood. All four of us are. Oh, wow. And you would come off stage and jump right into the shower. It was really fun. It's also really funny. It was fun to do a Broadway play where the audience was laughing from the beginning. Yeah, yeah. I don't associate Broadway with comedy all that much.

43:13It was a struggle. I'm used to doing improv where you never do something twice. Yeah. Or TV and movies where you kind of don't do something twice. Yes. Especially if you find something funny, you better hope you didn't find it in rehearsal because it's really hard to do that thing again. I think we're scarred by the training we had, which is I'm allergic to the second time, which is a terrible quality. That's, I'm fucking allergic to it. Yes, I hate it. That's exactly how I feel. Even if I improv once and it's great and they want to get another camera, I'm like, well, I don't want it anymore. I know, I know.

43:44It feels so false. And I'm working with three actors who have done a lot of theater, TV too, mostly TV, but they've done more theater lately. They were more ready for this than I was. And I remember doing something in a rehearsal that made the producers and directors laugh. And then we were going to do it again. And I got a note that they loved that. And I was like, is it cool with you guys if I don't do that again until opening night? And they said no. Yeah, they want to see it. Yeah, you have to. We have to know. Timing. So that was a really fun experiment that I ended up loving. I want to get back there.

44:16Okay, and then the other thing, this one confuses me because this is, again, this is around the time that Sabrina put out Short and Sweet. Yet it's still not on TV, but you and Forte did a show in Australia. Yes, we did. Where is that and what's going on? ID. So ID, it's on SheTV ID. It's on SheTV ID. This is called Sunny Nights. Yes. It's directed by the great Trent O'Donnell who did some good plays. Kristen knows him. Also maybe did Colin from Accounts. Yes, he sure did. Greatest show that people have not seen. And you got to watch it. You must watch it. Do people ever look down the barrel on this show?

44:49Oh, yeah. You got to watch Colin from Accounts. Watch it or watch out. Exactly. Will and I play siblings. We shot it not this past summer, but the summer before. Short and sweet debut. Yes. August. It's same exact timing. 2024, yes. So this actually will really work well for you. It comes out in Australia in December next month. Oh, this month. Great. Yeah. So it's coming out on Stan TV in Australia. And I know there's a lot of arm cherries in Australia. There are. Yeah. It's great. You know why? There's good people down in Australia. Good people down in Australia. That's right. For sure. It premieres on Boxing Day.

45:22And that is December 26. And then it will be streaming in America at some point soon. And I can't wait to tell you about that. Yay. Yeah. I can't imagine a more explosive duo than you and Forte. Hey, this is a dream. Okay. One other question I wanted to explore before we do Luke is. Anything on earth? Because when you were here last time, you had filmed a couple, but you didn't have your full arc yet on Barry. You start being on Barry in 2018. We interviewed you in 2018. Okay. Here's the weird thing. And you guys know this being in this biz. I auditioned for Barry the week after I auditioned for The Good Place.

46:00Whoa. There you go. Or The Week Of or whatever. It was that pilot season, which we used to have. And Good Place was 16 to 20, 20 to remind people. So we shot The Good Place one week. We shot Barry the next week. And then it didn't get picked up for a year. And then I think it didn't come out for a year. What I thought might be interesting is this is something that you two share. Yes, we do. Which is a transition from nanny to scene partner. Oh, that's right. Because you were haters nanny for a long time. Long time. Yeah. So what was that transition like? And did it have any growing pains? Did you have internal things that were fucking with you?

46:34Yeah, Bill and Maggie Carey, who he was married to at the time, I nannied for them for years and years and years. And Bill was on SNL and Maggie was making comedy movies and TV. And I was just sort of like chugging away at UCB. Yeah. It was, it's funny, I was about to say it was tricky. And then I'm like, no, it wasn't tricky. And the reason it wasn't is because I didn't ever bring it up. If they didn't know I was doing UCB, they wouldn't have known. And Bill, we did a show together, One Random Ass Cat, which is UCB's, what did we call it? Like our flagship show. It would be a bunch of improvisers and then probably a celebrity guest that would come do monologues.

47:10That was like the first time we had sort of gotten to work together in that way. And it was really positive. But were you nervous going into it? Like, uh, he knows me as this. Or were you like, wait till he sees the skillset I got? I hate to say that it was a little bit of both. Yeah. It was more. I know. It was a little bit of like, this is my world. Yeah. And I feel good in this world. and I know what I'm doing. And not to say that you don't have good shows, bad shows, but I was, I think, more excited. Well, when you're nannying, you are quite literally in their world. Yeah. So if he enters your world, that's fun.

47:39And it was really fun. They were so good to me. I love them so much. We're still really in each other's lives. I went to their daughter's 16th birthday the other day. Oh, isn't that tough? Isn't that wild? I know, I know. I mean, I was nannying for them up until like a few months before The Good Place. What have you said a few months ago? Well, I would though. I know, right? I know. I would. When the audition for Barry came along, tell me if this resonates. I almost called Bill and said, let's just not. No, no, no. You don't have to do this. This is so nice. But no, no, no, no, no. Let's not. Don't do me the favor.

48:09Don't do me the favor. It's going to be so awkward when I see you next time and I didn't get it. Let's just not even worry about it. You didn't do that. I didn't do that. But I really thought about it. And I almost was like, should I? I don't know what the right answer was, but I did the audition just because it was such a good script and it was so fun. And he was so wonderful about it. He texted me that day. Like, you got it. You know? Yeah. Was he in the audition? No, but he watched it afterwards. Okay. So that's helpful. I feel like when he's in the audition, I mean, I auditioned in front of Dex for commercial.

48:39Okay. And a bunch of other people. I was hoping you would tell a different story, which is I just offered you a role. I didn't make you audition. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's a separate. I'm talking. That was the first time for Chips. Yeah. But it is weird. And also, we were just already such good friends. And it'd be different if you came up together in the same acting class or something like that. But I think that's more stressful because I was directing. Yes. Yeah, you were directing it and you were there when I walked into the audition. And it's like, this is so strange. But weirdly, I was like, I've done like 40 commercials.

49:09I feel fine about this. Right. And it was a little bit like, I'm fine doing this. It was almost beneath you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The actual spot. It was like an industrial buyout he won. So it was actually below you. And was that your first time auditioning for Dax? Well, I had already just hired her for chill. Chips. That was horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Because then I didn't even know. Right. I was so excited. I was so flattered. This is before I was nannying. I was just babysitting. Okay. Okay. Okay. I knew he was working on Chips and he said, I wrote you a role. Yeah. And I was like, huh? What? Yeah.

49:45I mean, you know, you know what it's like to be auditioning and not getting anything and someone wrote you a role for their movie. I was shocked and I was so excited and so happy. And then I was like, oh, no. I know. I know. I know. Oh, no. And I only let him down. Totally. This is like something that I think I really appreciate that Bill did, which is after the fact, he said they almost named the character Darcy. I don't think it could have been an offer because I had done hardly anything at that point, but the pressure. So anyway, I didn't know that until later. But going in a little bit, not blind, but he's not in the room.

50:18He's related. He's not making the decision. I think feeling like someone's doing you a favor is complicated. Yeah, it is complicated. Because it's so nice. I mean, it's the nicest thing that can happen in this business. And then you feel like, oh my God, they put themselves out there and I don't know how to act. Right. I no longer know how to act. I forgot last week. Yeah, that's how it feels. I totally agree. It's so funny. I read something years ago that Allison Janney insists on, I don't know if she does, but insists on auditioning, even with an offer. She's like, let's work together first.

50:51Yeah. Make sure. Yeah. Bill never, ever for one second made me feel like it was anything but earned, you know? Yeah, it was lovely. He just was really good, really, really good to me. Now, did you, though, transfer effortlessly into peer? No. Do you still feel this original dynamic? We have such a long history of me being his nanny. I don't know if that'll ever fully go away. It's been 16 years now that I've known him and that we've been so close. So we have totally moved into real friendship, almost like in a family way. But there is always this sort of thing of, I don't mean to say like boss.

51:24It's not even that. It's just, I'll never let go of the fact that I was nanny for so long. I can easily access it. I could easily sort of tip into like assistant feeling, you know what I mean? Like, let me get that for you or whatever, which he would never want, but that's just sort of the foundation. So interesting. I don't have that. Yeah, good, good, good. But only because we work together every day still. I think if we had not, like if we work together and then I didn't see you, I think that would be easier for me to slip back into that. I think I have more of that with Kristen. Oh, funny.

51:59Where like I do sometimes feel like, oh, I'll just take care of that for her. I know how to do that. But since we continue to work together and build this thing, it's harder for me to slip into like, oh, yeah, when I was afraid of the sponge because I heard you hated the sponge. That's like wet sponge in the sink. Just squeeze it before you put it back. Then you don't have to throw it away every three days because it smells like mold. It's just funny because I remember Carly saying when I was like training, she was like, just so you know, Dax hates. Okay. When the sponge is left in the sink. So just make sure.

52:34As if I've hit people in the house or yelled at people. But that's her job to teach, like, don't do that. That's a house rule. And I just remember being like, the sponge. I was so aware of it. And now thinking about that girl and that guy. Yeah. It's so funny to me. It's so normal that it almost hurts my feelings. And once in a long while, it'll happen. It's fun to watch when it happens. It happened when you watch without a paddle. Like, she watched without a paddle this year in preparation of us doing a 20-year anniversary. show with Seth and Matt and she had never seen it. Yeah. And so she watched it and then she came in and her reaction was just really funny and genuine.

53:11She was like, I forgot you're really funny. Like I forgot you're a comedic actor that I saw who I thought was funny. Right. You're so used to your partner. Yeah. Which I think is good. The person who can't remember the name of his favorite song. And it is. That's what you have to deal with. Don't Smile. Yeah. Good job. We're getting there. We're getting there. I think it's good. You wouldn't like it if I came in every day thinking you were such hot shit. Not every day, but I did like when you thought I was talented for a day. I was like, oh, that feels really nice. That is so married couple-y of you guys.

53:42You can't see each other as humans. That's so great. I'm just like her dad. You don't give a fuck about your parents. You're just like, yeah, whatever. They don't have feelings. Yeah, but every now and then you go to their work event and you're like, oh, people respect him. Oh, my God. Yeah. Good job, Daddy. He's actually a person. Yeah, he has his own life and feelings. Okay, Lute. Wait, real quick. We have to touch on Handmaid's Tale for just five seconds. I guess he was in Handmaid's Tale. Well, that was another one. She is such a fucking monster of an actor. She is unbelievable. Do you have scenes with her?

54:15We had scenes together. Did she fuck you up? Yeah, you did four episodes or something? I think I did four episodes, maybe three. Wait, did she fuck me up as an actor? Yeah. Yeah. She's like maybe the best. And I thought that before I met her and then getting to see her do it. She's so fucking goofy in real life. That to me is even more of a testament to what an amazing actor. She's like, that's not her at all. And she's that goofy the second they yell cut. Oh my God. And before. Have you had Bradley Whitford on? Yes, a long time ago. I love him. I love to hear him talk about her because they've worked together since the West Wing days.

54:48Yeah. And he's like, she's a machine. She's like a different beast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She is really incredible. She can do something the rest of us can't. And then she directed the last two episodes and she's such a good director. Anne Dowd, who plays Aunt Lydia. Oh, yes, yes. Getting to do a lot of scenes with her. I don't know if I've ever got to go to be on a show that I was an enormous fan. Well, it's happening this year, actually. I'm doing something that I love the first season. I know. I'm so excited. So that's so fun to get to have Aunt Lydia talk to you and that bitchy. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

55:20Oh my God. Literally, we text each other this a lot. I'm saying something to her in the show where I'm like trying to distract her and I'm lying to her. But I say something about I needed to clean something up with a mop. And the way she responds is a mop, like in a very Aunt Lydia way. To have Anne out as Aunt Lydia, look you up and down. Tearing in half. It feels really good. Oh, wow. And she's also the sweetest, sweetest, most wonderful, darling woman. I commend the casting, though, because they cast Darcy and Tim. regarded so highly comedically that they brought in for the end of the most intense show that's been on TV in the past decade, probably.

55:57That whole group, the showrunners, everybody, the writers, they all were very confident. I didn't feel like, prove to us that you can do this. They really made me feel good, you know? Amazing. But it was really special. I can't believe I got to do that. And plus, I got to shoot some guys in the face. You did? Uh-huh. Badass. So fun. Okay, Loot. Loot-a-toot-toot. I watched the first episode you're in, which is already out. Oh my God, what a delight. You're so fucking funny. Thanks, Dax. You come in as a vaguely Italian. Ambiguous yet again. Yes, but hardcore. What's your first line to her? Buena sera.

56:30Buena, and that's your name. My name is Luciana, but I don't think Buena sera is like correct. Yeah. Italian, I think it's a little Spanish and that was sort of the point. There's a lot of bad Italian. Oh, I love this. You're super fake Italian. Yeah. And then though, it already aired, So I'm going to say. I play Adam Scott's girlfriend and Adam is Maya's ex-husband. He's like a billionaire. Okay. And she got$87 billion from the divorce, Maya, and she's trying to give it away. It's not going well. And he's not. He's just living the billionaire life. And he has this new Italian girlfriend who's like really changing his life.

57:06And Maya's still very hurt by him. Yeah. There's some real feelings there. At the end of the episode, you find out that I'm not really Luciana from Italy. I'm Ashley Kate. Ashley Kate. Shree Kate from, I want to say Delaware. Your accent is so bizarre. Baltimore, Delaware. Were you coached through that? I was coached. Is that easy for you? That's so hard for me. This is the funny thing. I love accents. Italian, I don't have. Well, you did in the show. Well, I worked really hard. Okay, you nailed it. I'm really leaning into the, it's bad. It's okay that it's bad. It's part of the character. And then this sort of like Baltimore, Delaware accent, I don't have.

57:43And I worked my buns off. Do you watch videos on YouTube? I watched videos on YouTube for The Italian. So my best friend, Brandon Scott Jones, he was on The Good Place and now he's on that show Ghosts on CBS. He's great, amazing. Anyway, he's from Baltimore. My best friend. Baltimore. He's from, I'm getting mixed up. Don't smile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's from Baltimore. So he always, our whole friendship has fallen into this great accent that I love so much that I make him do like a party trick, but I don't have it. And I always remark on how hard it is. And then Sudie Green, who's an amazing, hilarious comedian an actor who writes on Lute and used to write on SNL.

58:19She's from Delaware. I might be wrong about that too, but in that area. So both of them would leave voice memos saying every line. Oh, great. Every line like I was learning a new language. And then I just tried to match it. I love that. It was really hard. And I feel like I got it. It's excellent. It's so funny. And it's so weird. And you're right. That pocket. Also, I was watching Task and they're nailing this Pennsylvania accent. Yeah, it's so hard. word. It's just really random words, right? I would almost like write a new alphabet, things that made sense to me, almost like it was music or something, but it's not in me.

58:53Well, you're hysterical. And then I love Adam so much. I don't know that anyone plays douchey as good as him. He's so good at it. And it's fun, you know, after inhaling two seasons of severance now, it's nice to see him. I mean, I love him in severance. He's literally one of the best performances. Incredible, incredible. He's another monster. Blown away by him. But But it's so fun to see him kind of go back to douchebag. Yeah. And this is such a particular kind of douchebag on the show. Her character who he's in love with has given him a makeover. He had his nostrils permanently flared. Right.

59:23And he has jeans with a ton of zippers on them. So many zippers, too many zippers. Getting to work with Adam for a little bit in The Good Place was so fun. And then getting to do this with him. Getting to work with Maya Rudolph in this way, you guys. Was she not in any good place? She was in Good Place. and she was so great in Good Place and we got tons of amazing stuff to get to do together. We got to dance together. We had so much fun. We had too much fun. I mean, couldn't get through a scene. And then to get to play with her on Lute in this way where I almost can't explain how much of a dream it is.

59:57When she was on SNL and I was in college, that is a written out dream in my diary. Yeah. Like there was something about Maya. When I first watched Maya on SNL, I don't even know how to explain this. It's like I saw my family. I connected to her so hard that she made me feel like I belonged or like I was not as weird as I thought I was. I just connected to her in a way that I had never connected. She has a level of playfulness that is pretty unparalleled. Speaking of nannying and Bill and everything, there was one of these kids' birthday parties where she was there. And this is years ago, years and years and years ago.

1:00:32I love her so much that I left. Yeah, I can relate to that. I couldn't meet her. And I felt this way when she was put on The Good Place where I was like, I don't want this. I don't want my favorite. She's my favorite. I can't meet her. I can't work with her. Not ready. Yeah. She couldn't have been better. She blew my expectations of her as a person. I just feel so fucking lucky that I got to do this with her. We'd really tell each other that a lot, which is nice. It's not just like, oh, this is a fun day at work. We kind of like hold each other, stare into each other's eyes. She sometimes will call me her weird sister.

1:01:05like you're my weird sister in a way that I'm like if you told an 18 year old Darcy that I know do you think you're living in a sim it does feel that's what I mean maybe more than anything I'm like this one this is like I wrote this down yeah I get to be in three episodes I don't know if I'm allowed to say that but there I go who cares and that's just a good day those were good days where I'm like my life is good I am happy I'm laughing I'm fulfilled I'm around amazing creative hilarious people I just felt really lucky something just really hit me on that show. That's beautiful. Okay. Well, so everything's going perfect and it's going to be a great next year.

1:01:41So you don't need to worry at all. Okay. But we need to be ahead of schedule and you and Belle need to chat once a month about what you're going to do again. It seems insane that you guys aren't plotting what you would come back together on at some point. We do plot it, but we're bad at following up. You might need a non ADHD person Yes, yes. It's like your time blindness. Wait, it's actually funny. If we went through our text messages, it would be like, read this script. And then it would be like months later being like, I read it. Did we talk about it yet? So much of that. You got to get an alarm set.

1:02:13Like the time. Yes. You need to invite. Oh my God, you're actually right. Someone with a different neurodivergent skill set that will level out. I love her so much. Yeah, she's very lovable. Well, I love you, Darcy. I love you too. Everybody watch you on Lute. Everybody keep your eyes peeled for Sunday nights and the five-star weekend. And does your IDTV have a title? It doesn't have one yet. Okay. She Show on She Network. She Show. On She TV. Thank you for having me. I love sitting with you guys. I love you. I love talking to you. Thank you for having me. I'm so proud of you. Okay, come back.

1:02:41Okay. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:02:52he is an armchair expert but he makes mistakes all the time thank god monica's here she's gotta let him have the facts This is a dangerous food item to eat right before we record. Yeah, it's sticky. Because look what could happen. Hey, Monica. Oh. What's on this side? Yeah, that looks... Do I look hillbilly-ish? Yeah, you do. But it kind of matches your shirt. My old vibe. And your old vibe. None of this seems on brand. I think I could pull off a missing tooth up front. Well, you have... Oh, no, you don't. You just had a gold one. You remember, the only thing I have bulletproof is my teeth. I know.

1:03:35So wild. You're so obsessed with your teeth. Not obsessed. You're careful with your teeth. You're scared of them falling out. And yet, you shaved one of them down a little bit. And I'm just surprised you did that. I was surprised. You got swept away. I did. I should have brought an advocate with me. Yeah. I was like, hold on. Do we want this permanently? Yeah. But I didn't. And I'm also really good at when I make my bed, I can lie in it. I know. But do you feel you got taken advantage of? No, I don't. Not in this case. Okay, that's good. Yeah, just lying in your bed if you've made it. Is that the same?

1:04:13Yeah, if you make a bed and you lie in it. This is one of my pet peeves. Okay. And I know it's definitely childhood. I think it's how we were raised. Like, yeah, that's it. Just deal with it. Right. There's a lot of tolerance for whining about stuff. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I'm that way. and I like it. And when people are like, when they can't just... Accept? Yeah, just get with the program and deal with whatever thing it is. Sure. I get a little judgy. Okay. Well. It's like, I call it a pet peeve. I think you'd call it a pet peeve. Okay. Like, just deal with it. I want to, sometimes I just want to yell out loud.

1:04:50Just deal with it. Yeah. It's funny though. I do think it's funny because we, I think we all feel that way. Like, just, just, this is, just get over it. And it's just different things we have hard times dealing with. It's different things. I think there are things that people could say. Yeah, you could say to me at the airport, like, yeah, TSA, they're always there. Just deal with it. It's fine. It is the way it is. Just do it. And I've learned to deal. Sure. I'm just, you know, we all have our things. This isn't a good one, but yeah, my food comes fucked up. Well, whatever. It's food. Sure. You know, people are like, I asked for light mayonnaise and this is medium mayonnaise.

1:05:27I have I'm like oh boy I wish I weren't at a table with you. Wow you are being judgy. I am and I think it's because it comes from I would have been very shamed if I acted that way growing up. Oh man. Yeah. Okay. But my kids demand satisfaction you know they grew up in a different household than me. All right. Also okay light mayonnaise and medium mayonnaise is one thing. But what about if they give a chicken sandwich instead of a burger. Chicken's great. No. I think you should get the menu item. Yeah, you should get the menu item. I ordered lasagna. Well, you got clams. Sometimes that happens.

1:06:03And then you're allowed to be pissed. I guess you're right. I guess all the wines in the sand are arbitrary. But if I buy something and I get home and I'm like, yeah, that didn't turn out. You're not. I'm just like, that's your fault. Just deal with it. You should have been able to tell. If you let someone grind your tooth down, that happened. It happened. Yeah, I'm not going to cry over spilled milk. We know I once cried over spilled milk. Yeah. But you think it's probably equal across, like, everyone just has their zones. Yes. Yeah. I don't want there to be people that are more tolerant than others.

1:06:43I know you do. But you don't think that's the case. No, there are. There are some people that are just like. Thanks for the sustenance, no matter whatever. They do not care about anything. Yeah. I put my dad almost in that category. Yeah, and I enjoy being around him, I think, for that reason. It's like, I ordered milk. Go to a glass of sand. Yeah, he's like, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Some people are like that. You are not. Either am I, and either is anyone we know, really, besides my dad. Uh-huh. So, you know, it's okay. We all have our things. No, we should aspire to be a joke, though, in the sitch.

1:07:22I think it's okay to care about some things. Okay. Yeah. All right. I think it's all right. You have family in town and there's a little girl in the house. Oh, there is a little girl. And she's so cute. And you came down the street and she said, hi, Uncle Dax. I know. And she's only met me like three times. It's really cute that she calls you Uncle Dax. I know. I don't really get called Uncle Dax. It was the first time I've ever heard. It might be the first time I've ever been called Uncle Dax. No, certainly my brother's children. They call you Uncle Dax? They did when they were little. Oh, they did.

1:07:52Okay. because I've never called my aunt's aunt. Oh, you haven't. Uh-uh. I did call my Aunt Lily, my dad's sister who passed away this year. Gee, I called her Aunt Lily. But everyone else was not, was called by their name. And I don't think they liked it. They thought it was disrespectful. Well, I was going to say, what's interesting, what little I know about the Indian culture is it's all about aunties and uncles. It is. And are they not saying auntie and uncle? They are. They are. You just, you went rogue. Bunked the sister. Yeah. Yeah, actually, when I was there for the memorial, people were calling me.

1:08:29Auntie? Some of them, yeah. Oh, really? And then also, there's a, the language that my parents speak, well, they don't, but you know, where they come from. The language they could. Yes, my dad speaks it. It's called Malayalam. And the word for sister is chechi. Chechi? So my dad called my Aunt Lily Chachy. But normally you would say like Lily Chachy. And then if there's another sister, Carly Chachy. Yeah. So, but he just had one sister. So he just called her Chachy. He got to just say Chachy. There's the only one. But when I was there, a lot of people were calling me Monica Chachy. Oh, and did you feel honored and respected?

1:09:15At first, I had to learn all about this because I was like, why are they calling me that? I'm not their sister, so I don't get it. Right. But then it's not that literal. No, it's much looser. It's family. They hold it with a loose grasp. Everyone's family. Yeah, that's nice. It is nice. And in general, can like you just like, I got the feeling from watching Husson's stand-up that he could just go up to any Indian woman and call her auntie. Like if she was older, like it would be a sign of respect. Probably. Yeah, I think so, actually. Okay, okay. I mean, maybe they have to be kind of loosely related, but maybe not.

1:09:49Yeah, I don't know. I was trying to read between the lines. I was like, I think you can just roll auntie out as a term of respect, period. It is very interesting being around that side of the family, which is rare because they are more involved in the Indian culture than my family is and my dad. But seeing my dad kind of does code switch when he's there, obviously. Right. But even sometimes I'll catch him. I'm like, he's rogue. Yeah, sure. Like, he's the one, he did something different. He's an anarchist. He's punk rock. I should ask him about shaving his sides. He might be up for it. I'd rather not.

1:10:28His hair's already - I'd like to give him a haircut next time he's around. Aw. But his hair's - Do you think he'd feel homophobic about me touching his hair gently? No. He doesn't - He doesn't have any feelings of homophobia? No. Okay. Again, he doesn't have - Well, he would. If a random man started caressing his neck, he would have - Okay, I think he'd be like, he'd probably just be like, what is that person doing? No, I think he'd be like, what is that person doing? But he wouldn't think it was homophobic. Okay. He doesn't care about stuff. I don't know how many times I can say it. But if he was being hit on by a man, would he notice?

1:11:02No. He wouldn't notice. Even if it was shirts off and they were kissing? Well, don't make my dad, don't do that to my dad. He's in India right now. He is. So I had to reach out to a friend today, a friend of a friend. Okay. Because I needed help with some publicity. Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm going on Kimmel tonight. Right. And I aim to show a clip of Hit and Run. Yeah. Which is proving harder to do than one would think. Huh. Everyone's going, rights, rights. Like who? Open Road owned it. They sold. It's like the company that owned the movie has been sold 20 times. Right. Don't you own the rights? I wish.

1:11:42That's crazy. No. So I had to call my friend Callie over at Netflix. I sent her a text. I was like, hey, sorry to bother you with this. You work in marketing at Netflix. I'm trying to get Netflix to send a clip over of this movie, and you guys have it currently licensed. Can you? So she's on it. She's working on it. Oh, my God. My sweet Callie. I thought that might make you giggle. Yeah. God. She created Train Dreams. She's directed it. Wrote and directed Train Dreams. She's getting you out of this pickle. She's busy. We'll see. She's working on it. Yeah. She's also not in publicity. She's in marketing.

1:12:24Very different divisions. She said, this isn't really my thing, but I can call some people. Yeah. She's going to pull some strings. Yeah, hopefully. Callie's coming over tonight. Oh, she is? Yes. What timing? Exactly. Because today is Mond's giving. It's Tuesday? It's normally Monday. I had to push it because we had to add some recordings yesterday. Yeah, we had a bonkers day yesterday. Yeah. So it's today, okay? Okay. Is that why you wanted to go early? Yeah. Okay. Because I have to get this turkey in the oven at one at the latest. And I still have to cut up some shallots. You're only going to go throw it in?

1:13:02Maybe. Send her in the razor. She has to cut some shallots. She's a good cutter. And put some time in. T-H-Y-M-E. Right. And time. And it does take some time. Yeah. I am a C. I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-E-S-T-I-A-N. I have the L-O-R-D in me. H-E-A-R-T. And I love them. And I L-O-V-E love them all the T-I-M-E time. You know that. Can you believe I know that song? How do you know that? From Baptist school? I don't know these songs. These songs get in there. I think I'm going to learn it from the Hansons. They have heard them sing that, but I've never. Committing that to me. You don't even know any lyrics.

1:13:38I can barely spell those words. Exactly. The real hard part is spelling Christian. Do you think now you should believe in God? Because that's shocking. God did intervene and allow me to spell his follower's name correctly. Yes. You want to hear it one more time? Sure. I am a C. I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-I-N. I have the L-O-R-D in my H-E-A-R-T and I L-O-V-E love them all the T-I-M-E time. Wow. That's a tongue twister. Can you try it? Okay, sure. I am a C. I am a C. I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-A-I-N. Is it A-I-N or I-A-N? I-A-N. Okay, so you had a misspelling. I don't have the Lord in my heart.

1:14:18That's one misspelling so far. I thought that's how it was spelled. That's why I'm saying it gets really hard. Okay, I am a C. I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N. I have the L-O-R-D in my A-T-A-R-T. And I. L-O-V-E. L-O-V-E. Love him all the. T-I-M-E time. Really good. You lost the rhythm a little bit there? You got off rhythm, but you did a really good job. Rob, do you want to try it? No, thanks. Okay, so Ma's giving us today, so I have this turkey. I have to make a stuffing. I'm making a potato. This was two of you? This is great. Me! I know, but just for you and Callie? No, no, no, no. Okay, I was going to say it.

1:14:59It's kind of sad a little bit. Hey! There's a ton of food for two girls. That's alright. I just imagine you two girls sitting down and be like oh we got a lot of work that's a full bird you know her and i used to go to all time and get the ribeye the um huge steak yeah the 96 and we'd eat it all now no so this is three years running yes and i would do it for the people who i don't normally do thanksgiving with so anthony and allison jess trent and megan i don't rachel um anna anna yes I said Jess. And Callie and Max. So, okay. So it's six or seven people. Okay. Squash, gratin, stuffing. Oh, wow.

1:15:46Green bean. So ambitious. Half kind of green bean casserole, but it's not casserole. It's like fancy. Now you're going to bring all this rubbish to Molly's tomorrow? I am making potatoes for our Thanksgiving. Okay. I asked if she wanted me to make anything else because I have other stuff, but I'm not bringing the leftovers. That feels weird. I mean, I guess I could. Yeah, she's bringing a bunch of old leftovers. Well, Thanksgiving leftovers are notoriously amazing. Better. Yeah, better. Turkey, cloud potatoes. I made gravy already. I made cranberries already. I had to make the stock from scratch.

1:16:29Whoa, this is crazy. Is there any other, there's no other holiday you celebrate three times? No, there's not. Like you could have potentially gone three. You may still yet go three times. I'm going to. It's Tuesday, Wednesday, and you could find one Thursday for sure. Thursday I'm doing a brunch, but I don't know what we're going to do. Who? Callie. Again. Well. You guys are going to be fat. I'm going to be so full. I know. I can't wait. Like a little turkey. Speaking of fat. Okay, go. I've gained. Well, now I'm back down a little bit. But I just blinked. Okay. And I went from 196 to 212 by the time I got home from Texas.

1:17:08So I gained 16 pounds in about 9, 10 days. Wow. I have that kind of body. Like, I do think I could blink and be 275. And we have to do race to 270 again? 16 pounds in 10 days is a lot. That is a lot. What do you think is going on? Now I've curved it back down. I'm back down to 207. Huh. I mean, it's as simple for me as I like, I forget to take my Metamucil for a day. Okay. And then I had an early morning for something and then I just did one day. I didn't poop. Just one day though. And then the next day it's like, it's a joke of a poop. Like, is this a joke? So you're a little constipated. I think I have like 10 plus pounds.

1:17:50And then I think that then creates a bunch of water. Sure. Bloat. Bloat. Sure. All I know is I got home from Texas on Saturday night and I hopped on the scale. I said, wow, we've almost gained 20 pounds in the last 10 days. Wow, that is fast. I can pack it on and then I can really lose it pretty quick too. But you also were traveling so you weren't working out? I did not work out. But I also was like on a set for 12 hours walking around and being kind of busy. So I bet calorically I spent the same amount. very normal for me I'll just do this wow one time I got on a cruise ship and seven days later you recall I got out was like 22 pounds heavier I can just I think I have a lot of real estate to spread it around well you're very tall and wide well you're not wide my shoulders are pretty wide I hate to brag but they are pretty wide pretty thin I mean if you look at me from sideways I just look normal yeah you don't look thick Unless you gain 15, 20 pounds.

1:18:56Yeah, we'll be thick by the end of this holiday. You are thicker with your muscles. You don't look so thin anymore. I mean, you're talking like five years ago? Or are you talking last week? No, I mean like your muscles are huge. You have huge muscles? You do. Everyone knows that. I know. That's wicked. So it's like my blank. We all know about your muscles and my blampers. In fact, nobody knows about my blampers as we just learned. One person didn't know about your blampers. And my hunch is he did know about it. He didn't. He didn't. No, I could tell he didn't know about it. He was not going to look.

1:19:36Yeah. But the muscles is an interesting thing. Let's talk about it. The muscles are just a result of the way I like to work out. I mean, in truth. But you also, you want to be big. You've said that. I wanted to be bigger and I got bigger. there are moments where I go, you're starting to look stupid. Okay. You know, like there's, you can look too, I, even for me, you can look too muscular. Oh, yeah. Okay. Like, I don't want to look like a bodybuilder or a UFC fighter. Okay. Right? Yeah. I mean, I, yeah. You, you agree? Yeah, I agree. Yeah. It's just the result of what I like to do. Yeah. Like, I like to lift weights for an hour a day.

1:20:19Yeah. And ride my bike. and I feel great. Yeah. And I feel strong. Yeah. But I don't necessarily want to look big. You could lower the weight, right? No, because the whole point, I still have to exhaust myself. Oh, more reps, less weight? Yeah, you can do more reps and less weight, but you get the same gains. Like when your kids are snuggling you, do they ever like hit their head on your muscle and say, ow! No, never, never. They really, they still like my nook. They will comment that when they're laying on my chest, it's like they're on two pillows. Like they're up kind of high. Right. They're up.

1:21:00But they like it. But they still feel soft. They still, yeah. Yes. Okay, that's good. It's still inviting and soft. Because sometimes when I hug people with big, and you're an extremely good hugger. Okay. You're like known for your hugs. Sure. It's my calling card. And, you know, you are at risk because sometimes people who are too muscular, I don't like hugging them. It's like hugging a. Redwood? Yeah, it doesn't feel cozy. It's not warm fuzzy. It's cold prickly. Yeah. Anyways, I'm aware of it, but I don't really, I'm also not going to do anything other than what I do. Okay, great. But I just, for anyone who's like, does he realize he might look too big?

1:21:41I do. I think you don't, but here's one thing I'll say about some people who are getting very, very, very big. Okay. Yeah, you're hitting it on the head, by the way. I see pictures of other guys, and I'm like, I think I'm that big, and I don't like how they look. That's what's really happening. Yeah. But a lot of it is they're much shorter. Yeah, yes. I think if you're really bulldoggy, that's not a look for me. Sure. But I, okay, yes. And what happens, though, is when you have to wear something high neck where it's buttoned up top. Yes. It's still it kind of gives that illusion of a shorter person because you're only seeing you're not seeing down here.

1:22:24And so you're just seeing the neck and the neck is thick. It's stockier. OK, right. And so then it looks like, oh, my God, like he must have gained 16. They're so muscular. Like their neck is huge. Yeah. I don't think I'm there, but I think I know what you're saying. Yeah, I've just noticed it. Yeah, yeah. When you put a tie, it can look like, oh, none of this fits. Yeah, it's squeezing. Constricted. It's squeezing. It's an uneasy feeling when you're viewing it. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:23:07But then I love the, but then, and then I also love the other side where it's like I was on set and all these guys, they just can't come. They kept coming. I know my muscles. And I love it. I love being touched by people. I like. Yeah. Do you like physical? You like when you're talking to someone and you like the person. Yeah. You like when they touch your shoulder and touch you and stuff. I like that. I'm very physical. It depends on who it is. Okay. I don't think I'm carte blanche, But if I like you and feel close to you, then yeah. Yeah. We saw Wicked last night. Yeah, you saw Wicked. In a huge group of people.

1:23:45Yes, I passed. You passed. Are you going to see it? I don't know. You're not sure yet? You saw the first one? I saw the first one because we were interviewing Cynthia. Right. So we all went together. All went and yeah. I'm now remembering. Yeah. Yeah. I liked it more than the first one. I really, really loved it. Yeah. But it was a chaotic day. It was a maximum chaos day. Yeah. We had a blood draw in the morning. 11 vials again. Then we went in 11 a.m. recording. We had a guest. Then we had a one-hour break. In that one-hour break, I did the pre-interview for Kimmel. Then we came in here, and then we had a very iconic guest.

1:24:28and um and then the second we walked out i walked in the house and there were 13 people in the house and it was make sure everyone's eaten this movie's long figure out how we get all these people to the theater pulling cars out of the garage moving things around total chaos yeah up to the moment of departure home alone thought for sure we definitely were going to leave someone at the house and then went and had a delightful time. Great. But I think that's the most amount of things I did in one day in quite some time. Okay. At my new heavy weight. Sure. Sure. Okay. I have an update too. Okay, Greg.

1:25:07Two updates actually. One is I have bad news. Uh-oh. I'm not going to do a gift guide this year. Oh my God, Monica. But. But. You know, I had a hunch this was coming. This year? Can I make an overall prediction about you? And me. Okay. You're just too fried. I'm fried. You're fried, yeah. Yeah, I'm fried too. I'm fried. You're too fried. I had this weird feeling. I was like, because I was having the fried feeling laying in bed going like, I've got to start Christmas shopping. Yeah. But I feel so, I just, because I've been shooting things and doing this. Exactly. I just have felt like, I don't have time.

1:25:48I know. And I've been laying in bed going like, I gotta get it. And I was like, God, I wish fucking Monica would get that Christmas guide up in November. And then I was like, I don't think she's going to do it this year. Okay, listen, couple things. One, yeah, I'm fried. When the year is supposed to be slowing down, it's actually speeding up. We have to get a little bit ahead. We also have Mond's giving, Thanksgiving, all the things. Travel, all these things. and then yeah, then Beth's dead, which is doing so well. I'm very, very happy and thank you for everyone for listening. Please keep listening and spreading the word, but like that's taking up some energy.

1:26:27The extra, only extra energy is now there. Yes. And I don't, I have to be inspired for the gift guide. It doesn't make sense if I'm just like, what should I put on it? I need 13 items. Yeah, then people aren't getting a good gift guide. It has to be real. Welcome to our world, which is why we need you as we. That's how we feel about presents all the time. None of it's inspiring. I'm not like, oh, that's perfect. That doesn't happen for me. So it's literally just like I got to fill slots. OK, but I'm going to throw you. I'm going to throw you a bone. OK, I'll receive. So I'm not doing the gift guide, but what I will do from here up until Christmas, I guess, or for the next few weeks.

1:27:15On the fact checks, I'll give a couple items. Okay. Okay. And so check into the fact check if you want my gift guide items. And also you're now the first to know these items. Yeah, I'll be able to get it before they're sold out, which I do appreciate. Okay. So I'm going to go ahead and give you something now. Okay. Okay. So there's a brand. It's called Tekla. Tekla Fabrics. Okay. Okay. it's a i really really like this brand they have pajamas that i really like but also towels it's like a homeware store um you guys have it in nashville oh we do yeah your nashville house has tackle towels oh we have the towels already oh shit well get them for somebody else who doesn't live there then.

1:28:07Yeah. Okay, yeah. See, so they're kind of, there's like striped ones that are really beautiful. Those do look familiar and I do love the texture of the towels in Nashville. They're really good and I really like their sleep. I have a pink striped pajama that I really like and they have shorts and stuff. So I feel like if you go to Tecla, you can get some towels. T-E-C-H-L-A? T-E-K-L-A. T-E-K-L-A. Okay. Okay. And there's a limited edition and there's a robe that looks really cute on the limited edition. So you might need to get that fast. It's called the gentlewoman. Gentlewoman. Okay. Be nice to me.

1:28:53I'm trying to give you some help. Free tip. Yeah. So Tekla, great brand. Go there, buy some stuff. That's all I have for today. Okay, great. Those will get the ball rolling. All right. Let's do some facts. Okay, great.

1:29:11What are you laughing at? So we're doing facts for Darcy. And peek behind the curtain. P-B-Y. Nope. P. This is what Rick Glassman can do so well. So speedy. Yeah. P-B-T-C. P-B-T-C. We just interviewed Darcy. One second ago. Just once she's still here. She's in the house chatting. She is. And when that has to happen, when we have to do a quick turnaround. Yeah. Rob has to take down the facts while we're while we're recording because I because I can't go back and talk, you know, I can't edit it. So he has taken down the facts today. OK, great. And the first fact. Do you feel really busy on those days, Rob, or is it manageable?

1:29:55It's a little busy because I'm also trying to find the answers to the facts. Sure. And listen for new ones. Yeah, it's manageable. though. Maybe you have ADHD. Maybe. Ding, ding, ding. Okay. So the first fact is Dax's favorite song by Sabrina Carpenter is. Say please. Don't smile. Yeah. How do you feel about 2026 coming up? Well, I think I feel good. Yeah. I feel we like you like round numbers. I play a game as you may or may not remember. Yeah. I like even numbers. Yeah. Not round so much. I like round features. That's what you're confused about. But I play a game because I hate odd numbers. So this year I focused on the fact that I was 50.

1:30:39Yep, exactly. Despite the fact it was 2025, which is not great. Although better than most odd numbers because it is divisible by many things. Uh-huh. And it has a five, which 50 has a five. There's some good symmetry there. There's some cohesion. Yeah. So now I'm going to shift and focus on it being 2026 and not 51. Right, sure. And for me, there's only a 24-hour window where these aren't both at play. Right. So there'll be one day, January 1st. In fact, that should be the best day of my year because it'll be an even number, 2026, and it'll be 50, an even number. Yeah. I don't focus enough on that.

1:31:12Probably because sometimes it goes against last year. It's probably the worst New Year. And it was the worst New Year's. I had that terrible flu in Mexico. That's right. You almost died. I was puking all day long in Hanna-Sane. And that's because it was the worst egg. And I had a fever. I didn't even put that together until now, but now I understand it. Okay. IDTV, is it only true crime? No. The network ID is not only true crime, although that is its primary focus. It also features other crime-related programming, such as investigative news, documentaries, and some nonfiction crime dramas. It's called investigation discovery.

1:31:53That's what ID stands for. So, investigation's pretty baked in. It seems like it. I think my mom watches a lot of IDTV. I think a lot of older women watch IDTV. She loves a true crime. Yeah, Fixer Upper was the show that Joanna and Chip Gaines had. Oh, great. It was a big—I watched it a lot. You did? Mm-hmm. I've never gotten sucked into a makeover show. Yeah, that tracks. I mean, you have. Tell me. For cars, a car makeover show. Top Gear. Well, that's not a makeover show. But there have been makeover shows in the past. I did like Pimp My Ride. Right. Car related. There was a Chip Foose one where he would design a dream car for a very deserving person.

1:32:36Uh-huh. And that show that Robert Downey Jr. was on. Where he did electric conversions. Yeah. Yeah. Downey's Dream Cars. Downey's Dream Cars. DDC. Okay. Does Sabrina Carpenter ever arrest men at a concert? Yes. Oh. Carpenter has arrested men at her concerts, including celebrity guests like Corey Fogelman. Fogelman? Fogelmanis? From Girl Meets World. I think they were on it together. They were on it together. Great. That makes sense. Marcelo Hernandez, SNL, Domingo. Domingo. And Joe Keery from Stranger Things. Oh, great. Okay. Okay. What did Denzel Washington win an Oscar for? What came out the year before that was making up for it?

1:33:26Denzel Washington won the Academy Award for Best Actor in 2002 for his role in the 2001 film Training Day. In 2000, Remember the Titans came out. Great movie. I can't say, though, that I think his performance in Titans is better than Training Day. Me either, but maybe it was like, oh, he might win for Remember the Titans, and he didn't. And it's like, oh, here he is again. He has to win. yeah um darling restaurant is in west hollywood and it's a nashville chef oh now i'm more interested real house my neighbor oh they have you like the steak burger they only make 24 of them every night and then they sell out of them is that the one in nashville no that's the one here i gotta go i gotta get one of those 24 burgers i'm getting one and rob wrote very good exclamation point.

1:34:18Very good. Not great, Rob. No, it's great. I loved it. Did you have one of the burgers? I did. Is it as good as Emily Burger? They're different. They're different. What's on it? Let me see if I can find a picture of it.

1:34:37Does it have caramelized onions? Caramelized? No. You know, is it caramelized? You're one of the people that says caramel. when you talk about a caramel? I guess I am. Yeah, so then you say caramelized. Wow, that's how I... Actually, now I've just figured out how to prove whether or not it should be caramel or caramel. I never knew. But now caramelized sounds so bad that it could only be caramelized, which means it's got to be caramel. It doesn't sound so bad to me. Caramelized? Caramelized. Does that sound right? To you be honest, Monica. Obviously, it sounds right to me if that's what I'm saying.

1:35:15Well, I say stuff all the time and some points out and I go, oh no, yeah, that does. You can have both. Caramelized onions, caramelized onions. To me - Caramelized onions. I don't, I think that sounds just as good if not better. I say caramelized. Yeah. You guys are from the Midwest. It makes sense. Caramelized. I've never heard that my whole life. Okay. Thank you for introducing me to that pronunciation. You're welcome. Okay. Caramelized. What? I think it's fine. That sounds right to you. Again, obviously it sounds right to me. I know. Because that's how I say it. Right. Oh. Oh, shit. That burger looks delicious.

1:35:58Okay. So it's a thick guy. It's a soup can style. A dad burger. What's on the bottom? Girthy and narrow. It's just like a mayonnaise. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Paste. taste. Boy, look at the edge of that bun has just been cooked to perfection. Oh my God. This bun is so cool. It's two top buns. You're right. Two top buns. Wow. That's the only tricky thing about, so when you're gluten-free and you're eating burgers on their own all the time, like I am, or on a bed of lettuce, I think you get actually a better idea of how good the burger itself is. So often you think a burger is great because the bun's great.

1:36:36It's such a big part of it and it They tip it. So like they've taken the time to grill and butter that bun. And right away, the burger is going to taste so much better. And the cheese is a huge factor. Yes. Like people who are lactose. That's what's a little unfair about my crowning of Emily Burger being the best, although I stand by it. It is also the only burger I eat the bun with. That's like my one that I make an exception for. Oh, true. Because it's a pretzel bun. So good. Fuck me. So good. Now, hold on. Okay, so some people say caramel, right? Yeah, that's you. Wait, I say, yeah, that's what I said.

1:37:15Yeah. You say like, oh, I want some of those caramels. Yeah. And I would say I want some of those caramels. Yeah. But now I think actually it, I think maybe caramel is what Southerners say. So then why am I? Caramel. Yeah, it makes sense that they would say caramel because it's lazier. Well. No, I'm from the South. That's what happens. We shorten things up and make it like, you know. Yeah, but I'm just going to push back in the same way that AAVE was defended successfully academically, which is lazy is a pejorative. You could say efficient because we speak more efficiently. Well, you were molested, so you get to talk about that.

1:37:56And I'm from the South, so I get to say it's lazy. Okay, but I was just defending you guys. I know, but I don't think it's bad. I just think it's like, you know, lazy speech. Yeah. In a fun way. You could be more efficient, though. God. Because they tried to label African-American vernacular English as lazy. Right. And they're like, no, no, no. Let's remember what the point of communication is. Yeah. Conveying a message successfully to someone else. That's happening. Yeah. And it's being done differently. It doesn't make it lazy or bastardized. Do you say the nut that is in pie often? Well, I intentionally say it a certain way.

1:38:32Okay. Again, my producer friend, who will remain nameless, I don't want to name drop. We were in the hot tub with the kids and we were talking about them. My kids have accidentally said the wrong pronunciation of words that I say intentionally wrong. Oh. Debris. I never say debris. Right. Because it's spelled debris and it sounds funnier. Yeah, you think it's funnier. And poor Lincoln was reading out loud in class and pronounced something debris and then was made fun of. Debris. Aw. And then I had to say, sorry, my dad says Debris. I know it's debris, blah, blah, blah. Oh, God. But my producer friend said my father did that nonstop.

1:39:08We have so many words that we say. Yeah. So I will say pecan pie. Yeah, that's how you say it. But I say pecan. Your natural is pecan? In Detroit is pecan. Okay. But I'll say, ooh, I want some pecan pie because it's more fun. Yeah. And it's not lazy. It's kind of longer. that's what caramel that's why i'm getting confused yeah pecan caramel caramel sometimes there is caramel on a pecan pie can you even say pecan pecan good job pecan pie that sounds not tasty it's not as you're right it's not appetizing and either is caramel like ew i actually am not a fan of caramel i don't like that you don't and i don't know why caramel no i'm saying the thing I love caramel.

1:39:56I love it so much. So you say salted caramel pie. I say I love chewing all your caramels and I'll spread them all over myself. Oh, my God. You ever have caramels eaten off of yourself? Okay. Nope. Okay. I'm right that the Southern pronunciation. You ever fall down in a pecan pie and get it all over your tush? Okay. And then one of your friends has to get it off with their mouth. Ew. Oh, my God. Okay. Yes, the Southern pronunciation of Caramel is typically Caramel, which is a three-syllable pronunciation. This is in contrast to two-syllable pronunciation, Caramel, which is more common in the West and Midwest.

1:40:35Okay. How many people are in the 42nd Street cast? Varies, but typically features a large ensemble. The 1981 Broadway revival is noted for having a cast of nearly 60 people. Holy smokes. So she was 60 % correct. She was, yeah, that's right. That's exactly right. That's it for Darcy Facts. Thank you, Rob. You got it. Thank you, Rob. For taking those down. And thanks, Darcy. Yeah. All right. Love you. Love you.

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