Dave Franco Returns

21:41Is he single? Hunter is not. He's not. Is he open to a divorce? If I paid for the legal fees? He's pretty newly married. Okay. We can discuss. Check it in. We can check it. We need to let that, you know, linger for a little bit. But Hunter, he's got this interview show that has some DNA from Between Two Ferns. Yeah. And Monica went on and he truly said you were the greatest. And I watched your episode and you were just such like a team player. You were just game for everything. That's so nice. Well, you know, part of the reason I went on is I was like, what's this? Like it came through my agency.

22:11And then I was like, oh, Dave did it. I'll do it. Is that why? Really? Oh, cool. Oh, good. I was like, oh, he's signing off on this. And then it was so fun. Good, good. They're very funny. Yeah, yeah. It's nice when you see your friends do something that is just so purely them. It's just like unfiltered Hunter, this show. And what that means is on this show, he's asking me about analingus. Yes, of course. Which Skarsgård brother I'd rather fuck. But like that's Hunter. You do you, man. Sounds like this show, really. Oh, I was going to say that when we were talking earlier about intimacy, sort of.

22:46I think holding hands is more intimate than anal. Analingus. is that a true statement? I mean, I've debated her at times on this, but I never thought to just say. I get the hyperbole that we're going. It's a bit of a hyperbole, but I do think it's the most intimate thing you can do is holding. Definitely the kissing. But Monica, I have to throw a hypothetical at you. You just got an Uber ride home from the airport, fill in the blanks of who the dude is in LA. And at the end, you're about to get out and an angel comes out and goes, to save the world, do you either have to hold his hand or have him buttfuck you?

23:23What are we picking? How long are we holding the hand for? As long as the buttfucking would take, I presume. Are we going fingers interlocked? Lots of caressing while holding hands. Okay, okay. Maybe even coming up under the wrist a little bit. Oh, that's, oh, wow. Full intimacy. Okay, how sweaty is the head? The platinum package. Ew, too sweaty. Well, he's been driving, smoking cigarettes since he's been in the parking lot. Oh, he's a dirtbag. Monica, you answer the question. Yeah, you take an umber's and, okay. Yeah, if it was a stranger, I'd handhold. It's not when it's a stranger. It's if you're on a date.

23:52Like I went on a date with someone and he started holding my hand and I was like oh no. Get me out of this situation. My ass is yours to do with as you wish. Yeah. Just picking this apart. Handholding is very intimate like we're in a relationship. This is a more serious thing. A butt fuck. It just feels a little more raw. A little more like. It requires more trust. Well, no. The butt fuck. Yes, of course. Trust me, I'm trying to get on board with her theory here. I don't agree with it, but I'm trying to see your side of things. It's because that's, okay, more trust than that, because they could do something bad to me.

24:33You need them to really, you need them to be proceeding at a velocity and tempo. They have to be very dialed into what you're up to. It feels like you're kind of remembering one instance where someone maybe held your hand that you didn't like it. Yeah. And I really didn't like it. But it was just the wrong guy at the wrong time. I know. But even like sometimes Jess, my best friend, sometimes will grab my hand. He's my best friend. I love him. But I'm like, oh, it does something weird to me holding hands. Can I hold your hand by the end of this interview? Oh, wow. And then, Dax, I want you to fill me up by the end of this interview.

25:06I'll be buttfucking you. You. Buttfuck me and then just do whatever you want. Otherwise, yeah. And Monica, to make this a full circle, you'll be making me a salad. Oh, great. Yeah, that's your awful point. How fun. Okay, but I want to circle back to, so when she said the part about inflating someone, and I made the observation. My hand is getting a little sweaty thinking about holding your hand up. Continue, continue. Yeah, I would be a drenched right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you know how high the stakes are. Sure, yeah. You either be a life partner or not based on this. I know, and I just want to change your whole mindset on this.

25:33Oh, that's really nice. But the thing I was touching on with her giving a lot of compliments and me asking if her fear would be that they might leave her. It was a pattern that she had told me about before, which so many people have, which is like you're into somebody. You think they're out of your league. And then lo and behold, they start liking you. And then what the brain does, because it's corrupt, is it says not, oh, yeah, I got the thing. It goes, oh, you're not as good as I thought you were because you like me. Yeah, yeah. And now I'm not into you because I wouldn't mean to someone that likes me.

26:03So you can wrap your head around that frame of mind, right? Oh, 100 percent. But that isn't you, right? Because the approval thing doesn't appeal to you or wanting to win it. Gosh, I guess I can only just talk about my own experience, like when I first met Allison. And I know this is a rare thing, and I personally don't always feel this. But when we met each other, for whatever reason, both of us just allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and just be like, hey, I'm in. Let's not play any games. This might not work. One of us might get hurt. We both might get hurt. But for whatever reason, there's an energy here that I feel safe to just go all in on.

26:38No protection. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Didn't even use a condom the first time. It was my hunch. We did. We did. That was the only protection. That was the only responsible thing you did that night. Because what I love about you is as a kid, I find this so endearing. You just were so in love with being in love, right? You were sensitive and you were listening to music. Oh, yeah. When you got a girlfriend, you were writing her poems at a very young age. And then you had another girlfriend on Valentine's Day. You went to every single classroom and to put a rose in the classroom. She would get it. And then you've later admitted it was way too early to do that.

27:09I was a sensitive, romantic boy. Yeah, yeah. It is interesting because I guess thinking about even like my dating history before, obviously, I met Allison. I had always been the person who I didn't have many one night stands. I would kind of meet someone through a friend and whether it became like a real thing or just for a few months. It was never a quick thing, really. It was always like, ooh, I don't know how to do just a quick thing with someone that I have no connection with, which also became tricky because when you kind of have a connection enough to hang out for a few months, then feelings do get involved.

27:44It was a little tricky navigating that. But I guess this is a long way of saying I don't know how to just kind of be that guy who's like, oh, I'm not going to be nice to you. I'm going to just come in. We're going to fuck and that's it. So I know at least minimally a couple of times you got broken up with. Definitely my heart broken for sure. Yes. So these girls that broke up with you Yeah I mean you're so fucking cute It gives me butterflies to look at you I'm not even kidding you Like the way you smile and close your eyes And I see your wisdom teeth It's so cute No one's ever talked about seeing those wisdom teeth I've been waiting my whole life Take 41 years baby Move over Allison But you're so cute And you're really really smart And you have got a great personality So I guess my question is why were these girls leaving you?

28:30And do you think it's because you were too available that you didn't withhold enough? You know what's interesting? When I'm thinking about this one person, it might've been that. I was all in where I was like, this is the person I'm going to marry. Without going too much into it, again, I didn't hold back. She knew exactly how I felt. I was going above and beyond to let her know. And even when I could feel a change, I knew things were changing and how she felt about me. I wouldn't allow myself to accept it. I was like, okay, she's not treating me great, but that's okay. This is the woman I'm going to marry.

29:07This is a phase. So my wife doesn't like me. Okay. Exactly. I've heard that's normal. But it would be, not that I would ever ask her this, but like it would be interesting to be like, hey, was he too available? Was he piling it on too hard? Yeah, and you know what's interesting is like that is the right thing to do. I would not want to suggest people shouldn't do that. But I will say for a lot of people, I think that's the line you're trying to toe. And sadly, because I think a lot of us are very insecure and a lot of us are operating like Monica did and how I did. I was constantly figuring out what girl I couldn't get and then spending my entire waking life trying to get them.

29:45And then if I got them, just as mass confusion would follow. A, I didn't like myself more, which I thought was supposed to happen. Like, why don't I now think I'm worthy of them? And then it just gets all murky. What I'll say about just this girl I was just talking about, I wouldn't have done anything differently. It's not like knowing what I know now, I go back and be like, ooh, maybe I should be a little more coy and not give her everything. Because ultimately, she wasn't the girl for me. And what I'll argue is she might have been insecure, whereas Allison is very secure. To me, it seems like Belle, where it's just like some pre-internatural fucking confidence.

30:19For sure. That was part of the reason I was drawn to Allison. It was like she knows who she is. She's very confident. She's so independent. She doesn't need me, but maybe I can bring a little extra boost to her life. So if you, a cute dude like you is super into her, she's not thinking something's wrong with the cute dude who's super into me because I'm not worthy of that. Yes, yes. So I guess that is if you can assess appropriately your partner is a little insecure, then I do think it's at least tactically advisable to monitor that. And then like we slowly lift the self-esteem over time. I don't know.

30:51I agree with Dave. I feel like all it means is it's not the right match. You are you. So if you are trying to not be you to sort of do this thing for this other person, it's like it's just not going to work. It might laugh for a while, but you're not going to maybe be happy. Exactly. Ultimately, you're just not the right fit. With Allison, as open as we are with each other and as much as like we don't hold back on affection, when she's watching a project of mine, I know if she really likes it. That's something she can't hide no matter what. And when I get her to laugh, there's literally no better feeling in the world.

31:24I remember the first time she was watching the studio and I've never seen her laugh at me like that. And it just like it gives me goosebumps even saying it right now. And I was like, oh, I got it. There's nothing better. Oh, that's so lovely. OK, I had one curiosity. You are not on social media and people are astounded by that. And I've heard you answer questions about that already. I'm hoping to bring a novel question to the table on this topic, which is because you're not in the bubble with the rest of us. Do you feel like you have a unique perspective as an outsider of watching us all get infected by these mimetic moments that sweep through social media?

32:04An example I'll give is like currently we're all obsessed with ADHD. Oh, and I don't think if I had Instagram, I would think about it at all. I'm not aware of that. Yeah. Okay, so you're not aware, but you don't observe, like, are you ever somewhere and it's like, you notice seven people at dinner are all talking about some topic where you're going like, how is everyone abreast of this weird topic? Yeah, you know what it is? It's more going off of what I just said, where I'm just blissfully unaware. I don't even know what the trends are. And because of that, I actually do feel a little on the outside sometimes where I'm like, I don't know what people are talking about.

32:41I don't know what the latest trends are. Is that affecting my own creativity of what I'm putting out there where I want it to be relevant? I want it to hit the zeitgeist. But like, so there is fear of that, I guess, of just not being tapped into what's happening. But at the same time, it's worth it for me to not have the mental anguish of being on social media. I just know for me, no shame to anyone else. I get the advantage of it. I get why it's so addictive. I get all this stuff, but it just scares me. I just don't want to put myself out there to a bunch of strangers who inevitably will tear me down every single day.

33:15I don't want that negativity in my life on a daily basis. I love it. You are too sensitive for it. Maybe. And I am too sensitive for it too, but yet I'm there. I think we all are. That's why everyone's so messed up right now. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether someone is actually waving at you before waving back. You saw the wave. You went big. and then they walked right past you to greet the person behind you. Yeah. Checking first is an excellent plan. So check Allstate first for an auto quote.

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35:38Which is a fair question. Yeah. So Instagram has got something called teen accounts, and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age-appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them, and time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. Sleep mode is genius. Right? And here's the thing. For anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict.

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37:03For you guys, how do you monitor it to where it doesn't just make you feel bad? I've done everything I can, which is like, I will never read comments that are not on my page. Is that true? And you really stick to that? Oh, a thousand percent. That's great. We post our shit on YouTube, but I have no control over YouTube. I've never looked at comments on YouTube. I never will. That's very healthy. On mine, there are some guardrails you can put, like you can make it so only people who follow you comment. Because if they're already following you, they probably like you. Definitely. And no one's going to follow you just to make a shitty comment and then unfollow you.

37:34When I change it to that, that weeded out like 99 % of the negative stuff I read. I'm ruthless. Like if you say anything shitty about a guest or anything shitty about me or my family, you're just gone. You're blocked. This is the party I'm hosting. I don't want someone like that at my party. I've figured out a way to do it where it's not because I am very sensitive to. Would you say, though, almost every day you'll still come across something that gives you a little pang? It makes you feel bad? Totally. I'll tell you the even weirder thing is that I will often, instead of blocking someone, I'll restrict them, which means that they're free to comment, but it'll never be seen by anyone.

38:08And they don't know that. You can see it and no one else can see it. So if someone comments on my thing and I don't like it, I can restrict them. And then going forward, they're not blocked. They go to my page. It looks the same. They'll write a comment. They don't know nobody can see it. What does that do for you? Well, I'll tell you what it is for me is like, I took this from Kristen who took that approach. She gets people on there calling her, you know, a devil for vaccines, crazy shit. And she's like, I don't want those comments on my thing. But I want that person still exposed to how I'm living my life because I want to win them over.

38:42Oh, that's interesting. And I was like, oh, that's fascinating. Yeah, I guess I still want my message. I don't want to exclude someone from something I believe in putting out there. But anyways, this is all to say people have written terrible things, right? And I'm like, oh, they hate me. Why are they following me? They hate the show. Why do they listen to it? And then I'll notice when I uncover the restricted so I can read it, it's like a really beautiful comment three days later or a week later. And I've had to acknowledge, oh, yeah, I'm also putting way too much weight on the one I saw. Like they could have been cranky.

39:11They might not feel that way all the time. It might have felt that way for four minutes and made a comment. Like I've written them off as an asshole. Yeah, yeah. And then I've had to recognize, oh, they're back and they've written something lovely. So that's been kind of eye opening. That all makes sense to me. I guess I'm curious if there's an element of it, too, because you can see it and no one else can see it. Is there something where when you put something out there, you almost don't want that person to infect how other people view your thing? Yes. Right. And largely it's protective of the guests, because generally most of my posts are just episodes of the show.

39:41I do not want one of our guests to go see how people like the episode and see shitty things. This makes a lot of sense to me. And that's very kind of you to protect the guests. I'm mostly policing it for our guests. That makes a lot of sense to me. Okay. What's your relationship with social media right now? I hate it and I'm on it and I don't see how to get off. I don't see an end in sight because also for promotion, for the show and work and campaigns and all these things that it feels like I need it. But I only look at the comments, the first chunk of comments that are people, not only who follow me, who I know.

40:17Are the first chunk always from people you know? People you follow. But they prioritize who you follow. Okay. Okay. That's nice. I just look at those people and then I stop once I get to the first one that I don't know. Just being totally candid. Yeah. I got to imagine sometimes you get a little curious and go further. I don't. Good for you. That's amazing. One time I got in trouble on here for something and then I got curious. Okay. Anytime you're in trouble, you'll kind of break. And that's the worst time to be doing it, obviously. But I was like, oh, oh no. Oh my God. They're saying this. Oh no.

40:48So that was bad. But for the most part, I'm very, and we've had so many conversations about this because he used to look at the comments on our armchair page. And I was like, don't do it. Because did it actually affect how you were in here? We would get, sometimes it would, not in here, but I think like, well, we should do this. And it's like, well, we don't need to necessarily do that. That's one person saying this. I think what really affects me is like, I read it and I can intellectually write that off. That's a person with a parrot on their shoulder. but three hours later, I'm driving down the 101, absentmindedly thinking, and the comment just flashes across my eyes.

41:24And I'm like, oh, it has an effect on me more than I'm willing to admit. Is there any part of it that you feel like you're missing? Like, is there anything that sometimes you go like, huh, maybe I do want it? Yeah. I mean, some of these trends seem fun. I'd be curious to participate in that every once in a while. And there's an element of, especially within my people I know on Instagram, they follow each other. They keep up on each other's lives through Instagram, seeing pictures of their kids and stuff. And so I'm definitely missing out on that. Do you have hobbies? I've realized recently that my hobbies, sadly, are revolving around my work a little bit.

41:56And I don't even know if you'd call that a hobby, but it's like, I've gotten to the point where when I have time off, I get excited because I'm like, ooh, I have time to write now. So I don't know how healthy or unhealthy that is, but maybe it says something about how I feel very lucky that my work is something that I love to do and that even on my off time, I want to keep working. Yeah, I think that's great. And more of the reason that you don't need Instagram, because like I love off-roading and motorcycles and cars and boats. I'm seeing the coolest new boat. Some dude did this with a motorcycle.

42:25Like I'm just like, oh, all my hobbies, I'm kind of following accounts that are people doing my hobbies. And I love that. That's cool. The only other way it hurts me is that I've never really done like a paid campaign. That's what I was people with Instagram or with social media followers. A hundred percent. And no one wants me. Trust me, we've tried. No one wants me. Have you never been in a commercial? It's been a while. What was the last spot? Ooh, I did these two, you know. Bodium ADs? Exactly. You know, Madden, the video game? Oh, yeah. So I did these two back-to-back Madden commercials. They're so cool.

43:02They put so much money in it. They get like real NFL players. It was so fun. I did one with Kevin Hart and then one with my buddy, Chris Mintz-Plos. And I think the reason that maybe I was able to do the first one with Kevin Hart is because they're like, oh, Kevin can take care of the he's got enough followers that maybe we can pair him with someone who people maybe like a little bit, but like he's not going to help us on the social media front. Allison and I, in the past handful of years, we've found a way and we feel very lucky that we've been able to kind of like build these projects from the ground up.

43:30When you do that, it's so much work. It kills you every step of the way until the movie is released for years. But for those projects, these passion projects, you're making no money. It's all for the passion. And so it is amazing when Allison does do these campaigns sometimes in one day, in four hours, she is making 100 times the amount that we made on our passion project that we spent four years on. Yeah, but it's a give and take because that's how you have the money to do those things. Okay, now you and I share a funny distinction that not a lot of people have earned. and I feel like it's a real two-sided coin.

44:08So you were voted like sexiest cat owner, people's sexiest cat dad. Something like that, yeah. And I similarly had a very small window in that issue as like a dog owner. Okay. They call it good news, you're gonna be sexy. And I'm like, you mean Kristen's dogs that I tolerate? That's the only way I got into that issue and it was for having a dog. And I felt like flattered and very disappointed. What were your feelings? All flattery, baby. Oh, for you! You're so bad. This is the selfish thing. Come on, man. What's not to like? Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I realized a long time ago that being the guy who's obsessed with cats, especially when I was the single guy obsessed with cats, that was a rarity.

44:54And I realized that when it started coming up in every interview I did. And people couldn't wrap their heads around that. I was like, is this not normal for a single guy to have two 18-pound cats? Were they manicous or whatever they called? Not even. They were just big tabbies. They were just big boys. Did you grow up with cats? Yeah. Okay. Okay. And, you know, also at the time, having 36 cumulative pounds of cat also weeded out the dating pool. Not a lot of girls are down with that. Right. I don't love cats. There we go. Would that be a deal breaker, though? No, not if it was you and your wisdom teeth and, you know, all of that.

45:30No, I'm not. Plus, though, coming on pretty hard at all times. What's that? The Cats Plus coming on. It's an energy for sure. That's a unique energy. It's like, this guy is interesting. I know, I know. No, but it actually makes sense because aren't cats also withholding? And so you're kind of trying to get their affection. We're diving deep. We're getting deep, guys. I'm starting to sweat. I'm starting to sweat. God, this is so fascinating. Yeah, it's interesting. Because like they are very sweet, cuddly cats and they adore us. But like they're not giving it to us all the time. We got to earn it.

46:10Sexiest cat dad, baby. Yeah. So when I hear about this, I'm like, you know what? I feel like I've been silently campaigning for this my whole life. And if anything, I'm like trying to use this platform to be like, here's what I want to change is there's a stigma against cats in popular culture where every movie every animated thing cats are the villains yeah and i'm like no you look at the movie flow did you guys see flow no you guys aren't cat people i was shaking my head yes but i was thinking of hustle with flow no no no flow is a movie foreign film that came out maybe a year or two ago and the cat is finally the hero and guess what it won the fucking academy award Oh, shit.

46:55Oh, shit. Let's change the narrative. That's why we haven't given them a shot. It's like they're going to sweep everything. That's true. You love your foreign films. Where are you viewing all these foreign films? That was a big movie, though, wasn't it? It was. Yeah. Best animated movie. But he's also seen every single foreign film. Oh, wow. He's seen everything. I guess that's part of not having kids is we have time to watch everything. And, like, that's the reason why we're doing all this is because we love movies. And I know that's, like, an obvious thing to say. But like yesterday, we watched four movies.

47:23And like Sunday, we really kind of cherish our Sundays where we're like, lazy Sunday. It's just us. We mostly don't leave the house. Back to back to back movies, just in bed with the cats. Okay. Was it Now You See Me 3? The newest one. Where you and Woody, which by the way, just had the honor of working with recently. Oh, you did? Yeah. How recently? February? I think January or February. Okay. Very recently. Isn't Woody a trip? I love him. We interviewed him. He interviewed me for He and Ted's show. Then we interviewed him. Yeah, he was so fun. And then some emailing. Talk about someone I like.

47:58Wild, one of a kind. Unique. He's living life better and harder than anyone I've ever met. He's literally floating. Nothing bad can happen to Woody. Yet also always has an injury. Sure. So he's paying a small price. Literally every time. Oh, that is interesting. When we interviewed him, he had just crashed a motorcycle. Yeah. When I worked with him on Setti, like limped in, couldn't put a shoe on because he fucked up three of his toes. I'm picturing him showing up on set just dashing the middle of his forehead. That happened? Yeah. He's doing both. Okay. He's got receipts. When you live that hard, something's gonna come back.

48:30Yeah. But he has the best sense of humor about all the injuries. He could care less. The most fun guy in the world. I heard you tell a story when you did Ike's show. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. About partying with him. Was that on three? Were you guys like in Manila? Oh, we were in Macau in Hong Kong. So we were filming in Macau, which is like the Vegas of China. And we had the weekend off. And so a few of us, we were like, let's go to Hong Kong, just have a nice little adventure in Hong Kong. Wherever we go, Woody has some sort of hookup. And so he had this white guy in Hong Kong named Jez. Oh my God.

49:02And so that's where he wins. Not Jez, the hair guy, Jez. No, by the end of the night, we were all just like, you got a little Jez on your face. So Jez is leading us like, we're not getting the authentic Hong Kong experience. We're going to like these restaurants where it's like also a club. And so anyway, cuts to the end of the night. We go to Woody's hotel room and he's on like the 50th floor. And of course he's in the one room where you can actually open the window because Woody like has this whole thing about fumes and just clean living. He needs some fresh air in there. Right. And the paradox that is Woody, which is like he's injured, but he's floating above everything.

49:40He's so healthy, but he is not healthy. Exactly. Exactly. I love it. So we're in Woody's room. It's 4 a.m. We've been partying with Jez for fucking hours. So at one point, it's 4 a.m. We're all fucked up. We look over. Woody, in his socks, is now standing on the open windowsill, cackling. Thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. We're looking over. We're like, Woody, this isn't funny, dude. And we're about to fucking watch Woody Harrelson fall 50 floors. And we're going to be fucking like, it's going to be on us. Exactly. Exactly. This is not a time to be a generous laughter. Spoiler, he doesn't die.

50:19But like, it's just like, this is him. He thinks it's the funniest thing in the world when he's an inch away from fucking death. He also might have survived that fall. Oh, he probably would have that little fucker. Oh, that's so scary. I know. Well, you gotta keep in mind, too. We've been partying all night, too. And so we're not thinking straight. We don't know what to do. It's just this like, oh, God, the worst thing that could possibly happen. We just blew past the fact that he does have a man in Hong Kong, which is nuts. But he's just world traveler. He's just one of those guys. Wherever he goes, he's just Pied Piper.

50:55Everyone's following him. Everyone wants to be friends with Woody. That could be a fun reality show where Woody doesn't know where he's going. Yes. We take him to a country and then he has an hour to get the fixer. And it's like a task to see, will he have a guy in Nairobi that he knows? and just to see how big of a crowd he assembles within a short amount of time. Yeah. Just like, okay, Woody, how many people can you get in this city? Such a fine line. You could have definitely for the rest of your life been in interviews like this. And it's like, so what happened? And that's my legacy for the rest of my life.

51:30Exactly. You're connected with that moment. I had a moment recently. Oh, God. We were in Venice, Italy, and we were at the Guggenheim Museum. Beautiful museum. very small, very curated. And I'm in this room. Most of the art is paintings on the wall or whatnot. In the middle of the room, there's this table and these little tiny figurines on the table. And I'm talking to my friend and I'm backing up and I bump into the table and it literally rocks a little bit. And in the moment we were like, we're okay. That's fine. Not a big deal. We looked up those figurines like 80 million dollars and priceless.

52:10That's my legacy for the rest of my life. And when I found that out, heart palpitations, I was like, oh, my God, I was that close to my entire life changing forever. That's on the Guggenheim, though. They need like a rope. It is. We were also joking around a little bit. We were having a good time with the Guggenheim. The rope would be good. A room would be smart. You travel quite a bit for work. Yeah. Have you mastered like a does Allison come again? You don't have kids, which is incredible. Do you guys go with each other when you are shooting? And then B, have you figured out how to be living your life while you're there as opposed to like just hitting pause and then working?

52:47Have you made an art out of filming in Venice and actually taking a day and going to do the things? What I love to do when I go to a new city for a while is I'll find all the best food spots. And part of that is I have the greatest friend in the world. He is someone I've known since I was 10 years old and he happened to be one of the creators of Chef's Table. And so it's literally his job to travel the world and try the best food. And so no matter what city I'm in, he's got me a list. And so I start with his list. And then when I go to a place that I really love, I'll ask the people who work there.

53:17I'm like, what are your local spots? Where do you love? And I just compile this list. And I feel like it's a really good way to get to know a city just by eating the food and talking to people at these restaurants. And so I really try to like, hey, this is an opportunity to get to know a new place for three months. And in terms of Allison coming with me, we're pretty good at it. I mean, we've been very, very lucky that we've both been pretty busy for a bit. And so it's hard to have one of us go with the other for a long period of time, but we'll definitely make trips out of it. And we'll find out the week I have off and have her come out and really explore the city together.

53:50We've been pretty good at finding ways to make being a part bearable. Part of that, and I've talked about this before, and this is going to be the cheesiest thing I say this entire podcast, but stay with me. Basically, when we're apart from each other, and this has been since day one, instead of going to sleep and writing like, you know, good night, love you text, we essentially write a love letter to each other every night. On paper or via text? Text. It can be a few things. It's usually just a stream of consciousness, things that happened that day that made you think of something in the past, an old photo that you came across.

54:22You can get really creative, write a poem, you can do whatever. And what it does is it really makes you kind of sit there and think about the other person in a real way, no matter how tired you are. Let's say I'm in New York. She's in LA. So I go to bed first. So she gets my text before she goes to bed. And I wake up in New York and I start my day with hers. And so to end and start the day where you're really focused on each other, I swear to God, it's part of the reason why we're still together. That's incredible. Yeah, but it takes work. You got to sit there no matter how tired you are. And sometimes you're apart for four months.

54:53What is that? 120 texts? Have you ever woken up to a stinker? You know, like, she didn't put the time in. I mean, some of them you're retreading certain territory. You're like, I've heard that one before. But that's part of the fun, too, is finding, like, new ways to tell her how much you love her. It's almost a writing exercise. Totally. 14 years. I know. 14 years, yeah. That's a big number. I know. It's not like you're two years in, you're in your honeymoon phase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not. But I think that work is what makes it feel that way. What's cool, too, and, again, very cheesy, very cliche, but, like...

55:25It's getting better. And that's when you know you found the right person. You just settle into this thing that's so fun. And we just laugh together. It's just a good time. I thought of another fun trip story. A recent one. Okay, so my publicist reached out at the end of last year. And she goes, hey, I received something. I don't know if it's real, but let me know if you want me to look into it. and it was an invite for me and Allison to go meet the Pope at the Vatican. And I go, yeah, look into it. So she starts doing some digging and it's like this very mysterious thing. Like she can't really get any details, but she gets to a point where she's like, okay, this seems very real.

56:13And so my next question was, why did they invite us? And so she goes, you know, it's this thing celebrating cinema. And I was like, okay, why did they invite us? And so anyway, we're like, we're going to go. Like what an honor. Once in a lifetime thing. So we fly ourselves out to Rome. Oh, good. You just answered a question for me. Because Sedaris has a great short story about him being invited, David Sedaris. Oh, oh. Being invited with all these comedians to meet the Pope. Okay, yes. It's an incredible short story. Okay, yeah, I got to check that out. But I wondered the whole time I was reading it, when they invite you, do they fly you?

56:47They don't. We didn't get flown. Those bitches are rich, though. They can't. The Catholic Church. They can't. They're not the government. I'm happy to pay. Okay, okay, okay. We get an address where they drop us off on this kind of street corner outside of the Vatican. And we get there and there's maybe a hundred other people and seemingly mostly Italian. But then some people who it makes a lot more sense than being there. Like Cate Blanchett and Vigel Mortensen. Primo. Greta Gerwig. Exactly who you expect. Totally. And like, again, we're just looking at each other. We're like, just keep your head down.

57:17And just don't ask any questions. So they bring us through this back, beautiful entrance of Vatican City. And we eventually get to this gorgeous room. All these seats lined up. Everyone takes a seat. Pope comes out. We all stand, standing ovation. And he gives this beautiful 20-minute speech, basically about the importance of movies. And I find out after the fact, like, how important this was because I was talking to some of the Italians who were there and they were telling me, I guess pretty recently there was conversations of getting rid of all movie theaters in Italy. And so to have the Pope speaking out about like the importance of cinema, it's a huge deal.

57:53So then everyone lines up to meet him. You know, you get like 10 seconds with the Pope. And so we knew this was coming. So going into it, we were like, what do you say to the Pope? We kind of Googled fun facts about Pope Leo to see if there was any common ground. And I found one. And it's that he's also the youngest of three brothers. And I was like, what an in. Yes. Okay, so we're in line and we're looking ahead and we're seeing him interacting with other people. And like, you know, he's being very warm, very gracious, clearly listening intently, giving people their moments. Forgive my ignorance.

58:27He's American, right? He's from Chicago. Right. And he's the first American pope. As far as I know. I'm pretty sure. It's very warm interactions, but he's got a pretty straight face. You know, he's not emoting too much. And so we get up there. Allison's before me. And she says something along the lines of like, you know, thank you for inviting us. Like, what a beautiful speech and so on. She should have grabbed his shoulder and said, you're in great shape. She won't lie. She will not lie. So she goes to the side and now it's my turn. And I say to him, hey, I am also the youngest of three brothers.

58:56And I just wanted to say thank you for everything you've been doing for younger brothers everywhere. That's so cute. And Allison looks back and the Pope is smiling. And she's like, you motherfucker. And I realized at that moment, the Pope has heard everything. 100 % yeah and we have this beautiful photo of me shaking his hand and he's smiling it is so wonderful I want to see that is that online? I can he'll show it to you right now yeah I got it Andy let's see okay here we go alright so god you're quick with a phone I'm shocked you're not on social media you want to give me 12 minutes to find a photo alright so here's Allison pretty straight face the Pope right?

59:37yeah and then look at that little smile oh look at that little Yeah, dimples are out, baby. Got the dimples out. Got the poke dimples. Oh, my God, that's so cute. I feel like he's not even allowed to do that. Oh, interesting. You know, he's like. He broke the law. He sure did. He sinned. He sure did. He had to bring that up in confession. He smiled at a joke. Oh, my God. What if he reimbursed you for your flight? Just you. Okay, the last time you were here, I just find this interesting. You were here to promote The Rental, which you had directed. Yeah. It was number one at the box office. Right.

1:00:17At 400 grand, which already might be a record for number one. Isn't that insane? So we came out the very beginning of the pandemic. No other movies were coming out. And the distributor that we were with was like, let's come out. There's power to coming out now because there's no competition. For I think the second time ever in the history of film, we were number one at the box office and on VOD at the same time. Wow Only happened twice And again That's so cool There's a little bit of an asterisk to it No No No Don't take it Yeah You just take it It's like sexiest cat dad Whatever We're gonna take it That's right That's right We'll take what we can get No and we just must publicly fillet you over the studio Oh Appreciate that What a ride you took us on Oh man You're so good in it That was so fun So when you're doing press for a TV show You know they typically will send you all the episodes ahead of time so you can watch it and be knowledgeable about it when you're talking about it in press, right?

1:01:13So I remember, I think I appear in like the third or fourth episode. So I remember being at home and watching the first couple episodes and I just start sweating and I'm like, uh-oh, I think this is my new favorite show and I'm about to pop in and ruin this fucking thing. And like, luckily, I was just so protected by those guys that I think I came off okay. But it's just another example of a situation where you're surrounded by these people that I've known them for 20 years. And because of that, I am so comfortable. In my scenes in this show, I'm technically playing Dave Franco, but it's me, a version of myself, inebriated on alcohol, weed, cocaine, and mushrooms, right?

1:01:51And so it's like the most extreme manic version of me. And it's weird to say this, but it was a difficult part to play. Yeah, that is. The nature of the show, as you guys know, every scene throughout the entire season is a one-er, right? No cutting, just these long, continuous takes. And so they've said they typically do like 15 to 20 takes per scene. And sometimes those scenes are six minutes straight. So for me, I'm coming in. I'm on this cocktail of drugs. My energy is at 1 ,000. And I'm doing these six-minute takes of that. And so in between, they call cut. I'm in the corner literally bent over, huffing for air.

1:02:30And they're just waiting for me. And they're like, Dave, you good for another? I'm just like, 30 seconds. Let's go. Let's go. Was it talked about getting you some oxygen in between? It wasn't talked about. I need another producer on the set. I'm sure they would have accommodated if I needed it. But also there's a scene, I don't know if you guys remember the scene where I'm supposed to like go out on stage and like present. You've gotten your ass kicked by three dudes you ripped off from doing magic. Yes. So there's this five minute take where it starts with me coming in bloodied up. I've just got my ass kicked.

1:03:02I'm still on all these drugs. You're in a great mood. great you're like channeling woody totally and then so i'm just full manic and then on a dime they want me to like bring it in go like drop super suave come out onto stage and do this monologue in front of a couple hundred extras who are there in a new york accent and then shift again walk off stage lose all my faculties pass out and beg to go to the hospital well celebrate then lose all your there we go Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was this thing where like. If they hadn't written that for me to do, I don't think I would have had the confidence to even try it.

1:03:43But because those guys like know me, it was like, oh, if you guys think I can do this, let's fucking go. You're like fucking A for alphabet. We're fucking yeah. Jimmy D. Filippi. Yeah, you crushed it. Yeah. Oh, my God. You were so good in it. Just so rewarding. And there's moments from that episode where I'll be at the airport now and the TSA guy will look at me and go, 21 grams of shrooms. And I'm like, I don't think you should be doing that. Everyone runs over and tackles you. That's a line that will follow me forever. You know what? I just feel so grateful to be even a small part of that. So we had Seth on before it came out and I got the season as well.

1:04:32And I got to the episode called The One-er. I think it's number three, maybe. I just was in awe. When we talked to him, he was saying, you know, unlike other projects of theirs where improvs hugely encouraged. The stakes are so high. He gave a story of Krumholtz. He's like the last button on a fucking 12 minute take. Because you improv. That's what I want to get to. A little bit. And you do it during the first handful of takes. Because what I like about doing 15 to 20 takes is you can try everything. And so by the time everything's honed in by that 15th take, you feel like, oh, I know the best version of the scene.

1:05:14And so in those early takes, I remember there's a small moment, but scripted, I'm supposed to say, oh, I'm going to go win some money at the tables. And so on the very first take, I was like, hey, I'm going to go win some money at the tables. Now You See Me style. And no one said anything. So I was like, all right, I'm just going to keep doing that. And what happened was they ended up incorporating Now You See Me two more times. And that's what they do is they're writing up until the second you're filming so they can use stuff that comes on the fly and they can just keep incorporating and building off of it.

1:05:46Yes. Geniuses. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare. This episode is supported by Helix. So I've had my Helix mattress for a few years now, and I still love it just as much as the first night. That says a lot because a good night's sleep is very important to me. Sleep is everything. And what's great about Helix is that it's not a guessing game with finding the right mattress because they have over 20 models so you can find the one that actually fits how you sleep. And with that summer heat upon us, Helix has cooling upgrades that can get you the best rest even on hot nights. I have a Helix Midnight Luxe mattress.

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1:07:12This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace, And I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing. And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours. But at some point, you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap.

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1:08:28Foundeo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off. Foundeo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundeo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundeo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain.

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1:09:38Now it's perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundeo. We get support from Scottsdale, Arizona. Now, Monica, with summer ending or heading into fall, I've been researching a nice quick getaway location and I keep coming back to Scottsdale, Arizona. Ooh, Scottsdale's good. What's drawing you to it? Well, first of all, I have this wonderful memory of going there as a kid when I would go see my stepdad when he was working out there. But, you know, the weather is perfect in fall. It's warm, sunny, no humidity, and you can really do whatever you want with your time there. I want to do a sunrise hike through the Sonora Desert, surrounded by saguaros.

1:10:11and then that same afternoon just completely melt into a spa treatment at one of their luxury resorts. Oh, that sounds amazing. I want to do that. Also, I was there visiting my brother once, and I loved Old Town Scottsdale. It's so walkable. They have galleries and cute little restaurants and shops. The food scene alone is worth the trip. What I keep reading is that it's luxurious, but not stuffy. There's no pressure to do it a certain way. You can explore public art, check out the architecture, go off-roading in the desert, or just sit and watch a sunset. It really is the perfect fall reset. Learn more about all Scottsdale has to offer at unwindinscottsdale.com.

1:10:57So let's talk about idiots. Yeah, so the premise is, it's these two guys, me and O'Shea Jackson Jr., we're down on our luck and we pair up to drive this wealthy teen to rehab. And what we don't realize is this kid is a full on psychopath and he's just, you know, making our life hell every step of the way. And so it's essentially like a fucking balls out comedic version of The Last Detail, if you've ever seen that. With Nicholson. Exactly. I read this script like 10 years ago and it's by this writer director named Macon Blair. If you haven't seen his first movie, it's called I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore.

1:11:36It's on Netflix. It's fucking awesome. Check it out. I saw that movie about 10 years ago I've been hounding him ever since He's also an actor Exactly, exactly So anyway, I read this script 10 years ago And at the time, I was too young to play this part And so we were like, alright, it's not meant to be on this one And then like a year and a half ago I just reached out to him I was like, whatever happened with that script? And he's like, oh, it almost went and then fell apart And I was like, if I can be helpful in any way I'd love to help just push this thing and get it off the ground And he said, you know what, fuck it, let's go What's step one?

1:12:06step one was going out getting some more cast yeah i'd worked with oshay before i was like this is our man i just worked with this kid mason thames do you guys know mason he's like the main kid in the how to train your drag in live action so i was like okay these are our people and this is just like speaks to how i'm loving making things right now where i'm just bringing in the people i know and love and i know we're gonna kill it together and yeah it's a grind we don't have a ton of money But every day we're just coming in and making each other laugh and having a blast doing it. Yeah, but it's violent.

1:12:40Oh, yeah. So Macon, he's got these sensibilities where he goes hard on the comedy. He will give you a belly laugh and then immediately give you the most dark, violent moment in the movie. And so you're on edge. Yeah. The whole movie. As soon as you feel comfortable, he's going to pull the rug out. And for me, it's my favorite thing. You know, you're watching a movie. You're halfway through and you're like, I don't fucking know where this is going. how it's gonna end. It's like an impossible thing to pull off these days. Audiences are smart. They usually know from the first five minutes how the movie's gonna end.

1:13:11Well, and they're encouraging people to make them even dumber so you can be on a dual screen. So it's like, yeah, it's getting even. Exactly. Yeah. But it's got a great cast. It's the three of us. It's Peter Dinklage, Nicholas Braun, Kiernan Shipka, and everyone just fucking brings it. It's these larger-than-life characters. Monty, wait till you see Nicholas Braun's character. He plays a rapper named Prickabush Da Werewolf. Oh my God. He's got gold grill. Grill, tattoos all over his face. He's got like what can only be described as little baby ponytails all over his head. And his character, his like voice and his character are fucking incredible.

1:13:49It's unrecognizable. It's amazing. And what about Dinklage? What a hero. If my wife was going to leave me for anybody. If we're all leaving our partner for anyone, it's Peter Dinklage. I've never met a dude that was so universally attractive. Appealing, yeah. Just everything in every way. It was the first time in a while where the first day meeting him, I was a little starstruck. Yeah. I was just like, okay, I want to be, I want to make sure he likes me. And the cool thing about him is that he is so unassuming and disarming. Immediately he's making jokes and immediately putting you at ease. He's not reminding everyone he's better than them at acting at all times.

1:14:24But then he comes in and he can't miss. Straight in the can. Yeah. That mix of violence and comedy is for me my very favorite. There's something when you introduce that danger early on, it makes it so that you set the stakes where anything can happen, anyone can die, and it's just so unpredictable and fun. What had you worked with O'Shea on prior? Do you remember Quibi? Oh, sure. I.P. Quibi. Took down a lot of folks. We did a show for them, and I think the reason we did it was for us to meet each other. Okay. That's so fun. Now, if I got to work with O'Shea, I would be thinking, okay, how long do we have to be friends before I start asking questions about Ice Cube?

1:15:05You know, it's his son. Didn't know. He played him in the Straight Outta Content. Oh, yeah. Oh, amazing. And he looked so much like him. What's crazy is O'Shea was guest hosting a podcast like two weeks ago, and he had me on. and the first question he brings up was you know how is it kind of navigating this industry with a family member who was also in it we realized in that moment we had never talked about it before and maybe it's because we both have been in that situation where you don't want to talk subconsciously it's not that we don't necessarily want to talk about it you've talked about yes we talked about it but also when you're meeting people i want to be me yeah and so i think both of us just had that internal like thing where we're like i'm not gonna bring it up and that's okay.

1:15:47A mutual kindness. Totally. Well, it is funny because I've had many friends be on this show and in a weird way, I've been like, oh, this is fun. I get to kind of ask them something I would never ask them. Exactly. I remember interviewing my brother a long time ago, but I came in with all these questions and I was like, whoa, we've never talked about any of this. And you get kind of vulnerable and it's kind of nice and you learn about each other. Yeah. The craziest one was interviewing my mom and we have a crazy open relationship. I was encouraged to ask any question I would ever want to. Was there one or two that stood out of like, wow, that was really fun to get into?

1:16:22Yeah. The one that I never had thought to ask her is my first stepdad was super abusive. And my mom's a badass. My mom raised three kids on her own, built this incredible business. She's a fucking tough gangster. By the way, it wasn't pre-planned. It was just my instincts of having interviewed a bunch of people. It's just like I just heard the story. And then my natural question would be like wow how does someone like you that is so tough end up in that situation like it's just so not in keeping with the rest of your toughness yeah yeah yeah i hear you and she was like the shame of having failed at this a second time was more painful than getting beat up ah and i was like oh fuck you want to quantify shame yeah yeah yeah you'd rather get your ass kicked.

1:17:07Ooh, that's heavy. Then experience shame. It's just so deep about shame. It's weird thinking about just asking these people that you know so intimately like these kind of earnest questions. Again, with my brother, these earnest questions about his process and like it's just like if I asked that in real life, he'd be like, dude. Yeah, exactly. And as your brother, you don't give a fuck. Like my brother could cure cancer. I don't think I'd ask him how he did it. Totally. I mean, I guess with David, I don't know how the fuck he did it. I guess he did it. I know, but I have been trying to do that a little bit more in my real life where like my mom was in town last week and we were just kind of walking around the neighborhood and suddenly we started talking about drugs and she was like, have you ever done cocaine?

1:17:50And we started getting into that and talking about the drugs she did when she was younger and it was cool. We had never talked about that ever. Did she go hard? She didn't go hard, but she had a face. She was at Stanford in the 60s? Totally. Yeah. But she had a face. hate ashbury's just a stone's throw away playground baby it is so fun because your family they're an extension of you like you grow up with them as an extension of you and then when you're in these positions and you get to ask it's like oh no they're really their own person yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah when you got to confront that they exist independently of you and other people that's a good point with or without you they're there do you still think that though about being connected to him because I actually, it's funny when we were just bringing this up, I was like, oh yeah, I forgot that.

1:18:35Like at this point in your career, in your life, I feel like you're so your own person. Yeah. And I've felt that a lot more in recent years, for sure. It's a complicated thing where I love my brother and I'm so grateful for the advice he gave me coming through this business and just even watching how we navigated certain situations. And I'm always grateful for that. But I think in recent years, I've kind of gone down my path long enough that people have started to give me my own due. You've almost done the impossible by shedding that connection. I think that's very hard to do, actually. Yeah, especially because he's a very fucking talented.

1:19:11Exactly. This isn't someone who just dipped a toe in. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. This is like Frank Stallone and Sylvester. And then you rose up to be co-Sylvester. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a big shadow. It is. Totally, totally. Yeah, congrats to you. Worked my ass off, yeah. I'm trying to think of my, we did a sexy as a cat. You can go back to that. Oh, my last... I have a question. Did your kids see the movie Hoppers? The Pixar movie. How old are they? 11 and 13. Okay, what was their reaction? Well, I'll tell you the very funny moment. So we were all supposed to watch TV last night.

1:19:47I'm like, I'm so sorry, guys. I gotta do research. so then I'm in bed reading about you they file in separately one by one and the 11 year old sits down and she's like looking at you and then I don't know what page I'm on but somehow she goes oh was he in Hopper wow she leaves my 13 year old comes in she's staring at you and she goes oh yeah yeah I know him what did I see him in and I go now you see me oh yes she's watched all three I'm surprised that she could place me from Hopper's because obviously that's just my voice Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like most of my friends don't even know I'm in hoppers.

1:20:19Right. But what was fun about that movie is so I play the villain and this is a kid's movie. Yeah. But like we were going for it to the point where I was like, guys, is this too far? Like, are we going to be scaring the kids? I can't tell you how many texts I've received from parent friends of mine basically saying some version of thank you for giving my children nightmares for their fucking lives. I have one friend who I grew up with. She has a three-year-old and she was like, it's crazy to say that you are the scariest thing that has happened to my daughter in her lifetime so far. Oh no. You are the boogeyman.

1:21:00Yes. This character is so scary. And like even during the process of making the movie, and this wasn't on me, this is on the animators. They realized they went one step too far when they animated my character doing the backwards walk from The Exorcist. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. They're like, oh, this is literally scaring the adults now. Like a reference to The Exorcist in a Pixar movie is one step too far. At the premiere, my character comes on. 30 seconds later, this mom is carrying out this screaming child and Allison turns to me. She goes, you did that. But here's the thing. I take these reviews of like my friend telling me, oh, you're the scariest part of my daughter's life so far.

1:21:47What a great review. Oh, yeah. That's the same thing of your life, baby. Before you ask this next question, Monica, hold my hand real quick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get over here so we can interlock. Oh, my God. Get over here. Get over here. Hold on. He's in a break of them being sweaty. And he knows his strike now. Here we go. Oh, my God. Interlocking. Interlocking. That's nice, isn't it? Oh my God. Immediately. Immediately nice. Okay. Do you mind if I take my pants off? Dex, you're getting over here and you're feeling me up in a minute. Okay, how much? Okay, that was great. That was good. That was good.

1:22:24I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. And about the same duration of a butt fuck. Honestly, I forgot we were doing it already. I would have done that as long as you would have given me. You would have had me. Tell me about your journey there real quick. I was ready to be done. Sure, but it seemed like it was nice at first. Listen, the sensation is nice. I also trust you and like you. Yeah, yeah. But that felt very intimate. Interesting. Like, do you feel like you need to apologize to Allison? A little. You don't. A little. You don't. Allison felt that. I'm sorry about being on fucking with this.

1:22:54We chose the other option. We chose the other option. Yeah. Oh, wow. That was weirdly my very last question, which is Allison's in Masters of the Universe. Oh, yeah. Did she have to get, like, extra ripped? She's already in phenomenal shape. She was already there. It was maybe like 5 % more, but she loves an excuse to get extra ripped, man. Yeah, was she like lifting heavier or anything? Oh, yeah. She's in there not only doing 10 pull-ups, she's doing that with weight fucking attached to her legs. I need to feel her lats. I know. Get in here and feel my lats real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me take a little taste.

1:23:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get over, get over. Oh, fuck. It's like holding on to the back of a bat. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. God, dude. Get the bicep real quick. Get the bicep real quick. Hard as hell. And cut. Cut. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. If I'm doing all this work, I know you're going to appreciate this more than anyone. He really is. Absolutely. He's going to be thinking about that for days. And then also, do we just want to say two seconds about Forgotten Island? You're in another. So Forgotten Islands, another animated thing, DreamWorks. Beautiful movie. It's coming out late September.

1:24:0425th. Yes, September 25th. So first off, this is the first kind of big studio film that has ever focused on Filipino culture. And so it's basically a bunch of Filipinos and me. Oh, yeah. It's a really cool concept. It's these two girls who have been friends forever since childhood. And we are seeing them on their final night together before one of them is going to the States to go to college. And so it's this kind of sad type thing. One of them is leaving. and during that night this portal opens in the sand and it kind of sucks them into this kind of mythological island that they've always heard about and basically they find out that the only way off the island is to give up their memories but if they give up their memories they might forget each other and it's like the most touching Oh my god!

1:24:51Eternal Sunshine animated style Exactly Why are these kids movies so intense? It's so beautiful You will cry If you don't cry you are not human If you don't cry, turn yourself in immediately after, please. So you're removed from us. So we're all safe. Oh, that's so sad and sweet. Okay, great. So Forgotten Island, September 25th. But more immediately, Idiots, August 28th. Yeah. Everyone check out Idiots. Dave, this was so, it was fun on Zoom, but I wasn't getting the full magnetism. That is you. I love being in here. This was so fun. You were wrong, though. It gets a little toasty in here. I know.

1:25:27I know. What are we going to do? Everyone's sweating in here. I like it though. All right, I adore you. Say hi to Allison. I hope I bump into her hiking again soon. That was so fun. Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

1:25:47Look, we got presents. Yeah, do you want some socks? Yeah, remember Porus? Oh, I love Porus Walker, one of my favorite artists. We love Porus. Yeah, and he sent me some items, and he said, thanks for being a nice person. That's nice. That's not a compliment I get very often about a nice person, so I really liked it. What did he give you? So this is called no bra. Like cobra. Oh. Or no bra. Oh. You see. I see. Oh, I see. Yeah, it's a ceramic. Okay, wow. It's a big king cobra with big breasts. Yeah, large breasts and nipples are out. Sure, sure, the whole gang. So I thought there's no reason we can't have this in the mix.

1:26:34There is no reason. And also there is no room. No, we'll find space. You want to run the coffee table or the middle? Yeah, Porus Walker is a great artist and he makes... Perverted art. Yeah, and we have some shirts of his. We have a lot of his items and now there's socks. What's on the socks? Well, these appear to be, let's see, a lot of breasts. Oh, I think those are classic. These are classic staples. Uh-huh. I haven't seen those pink ones. Let's see what the pinkies are. Oh, those are just pubes. Oh. And this is penis socks. That's just one big penis, yeah. Yes, uh-huh. And then what's the orange?

1:27:17The orange is, oh, wow. Oh, balls. No, no, no. Oh, boobs again? It hits with a Z. They also look like balls with nipples. Okay, well, humans like circles, remember? Everything circles. Okay. Well, that's a fun treat. We can offer, if anyone's feet are cold on the show, we can offer to endorse something perverse. Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow. Now, I can't rely on you to notice because I know you're not very observant. Is it your hair? Well, I just washed my hair one second ago, so it's wet. Okay, that's what it is. So you're seeing that. Do you see all my blasts? Dun, dun, dun. And then look at my neck.

1:27:57Oh, God. You did your face. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I really went. You can't tell on your neck. Yeah, you can. Really? Oh, my God. What have you done? What have you done? I really scheduled some time this time. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to take 40 minutes and go over everything with a fine tooth comb. And I did. And this is a zap here, zap there, zap there. But I will say I'm not keeping track of while I'm doing it. But later that night, I did look in the mirror before going to bed. And I was like, this is the most Dax thing I've ever done to myself. Yeah, there's got to be apex Dax right here.

1:28:41I hate seeing myself in third person. That feels gross. But also it's so what else would you say? Right? Yeah, you Dax yourself. So Kristen looked at it and she was like, you got to minimally admit a dermatologist would never do that to you. And I said, yes, which is my point precisely. A dermatologist doesn't have an extra 45 minutes to go through every square inch of your face and neck to find raised hypoplasias, hyperplasias. Maybe your body's supposed to have hyperplasia. If you have so much of it. Well, no. Then maybe your body wants it. I know where this story, where it ends. Because my father had the identical skin to me.

1:29:27And he just accumulated all these skin tags. And I'm not going to do that. Oh, my God. I'm not. I choose. Instead, you're going to have black dots all over your body? Oh, no. This will be off in a day. In fact, we're not. I didn't think we were recording until tomorrow. So I even said last night. Yesterday, I was looking in the mirror. I was like, okay, they're still bad. But I got a hunch Wednesday, you wouldn't know. But here we are. We'll see. We're recording tomorrow. We're a day early. We'll see. I mean, I don't see it on your face, but I don't have good eyes, as you know. So I also can't see from here it on your neck.

1:29:59When you see this up here, I did a triple up there. But I don't, is it black up there? Scab. You can't see the scab right there? God. Well, that's how good my work is. It's already faded. It just shows how bad my eyes, and they really are so bad. Yeah. They've gotten bad. They've gotten worse? I think. Do you ever know if your eyes just suck? Do they just stay shitty or are they too degenerate the way mine are? I don't know. But I started with good. There's no way for me to know. Okay. I did bond with some folks at Smiley Thai, the Thai restaurant in Mount Julia. I saw this couple, probably my age, and they were both fucking fire hose in the menu with bright light.

1:30:40Right. They both had their phones out. And I just had to stop and say, this is so comforting because I, too, have to blast my menu with light. Yeah, it's a real marker. The trickiest part for me is when I'm signing the receipt because I cannot read. There's no way I can read. My dad has this. Yeah. And then I got to ask the server. Oh. Everyone's generally already bounced and I've waited. You know, I'm sticking around to pay. I see. And then I have to ask the server. But what's tricky about that? Oh, this is so tricky. I've already tipped and I'm going to add it up and that's when I realize oh I can't read this and everyone's gone and so I often have to ask the server but then I think it's like I've put them in a position where I'm forcing them to see how much oh no so I'm learning so now I'm smart enough to ask them what the total is before, none of it's comfortable they also don't want to have to tell you the total you know because then is what am i like complaining about how much is this anyways i sure do look forward to science fixing this yeah i'm i'm optimistic i i like in my mind this is not i'm not going to be dealing with this forever but you have glasses you just don't do have glasses and i don't i understand i i'm not throwing stones i have glasses as well how was your labor day?

1:32:05My labor day was lovely. I threw a party at my house. How did that go? Who came? What were the festivities? A lot of people came. It was an in and out. People stopped by. Some people stayed. Okay. I'm going to sound so people are not going to like this, but whatever. I catered from Erewhon. I told people to come over after 1.30. all right anytime you know but then anytime is tricky because i'm like when people there are if they're not there right at 1 30 it's like oh no one's coming oh you start getting panicked yes of course this is why hosting so stressful yeah so i i catered air one are you afraid like you're just imagining that person that arrives at 2 30 and they enter and it's just you in there yeah of course yeah well i knew that wasn't gonna be the case because hey hey oh are you did you cancel?

1:33:03No. People are coming later. Maybe. I don't even know anymore. I don't know why I did this. You don't have to stay. You should just go. Go ahead and go. Take some food on your way out. Take all this food. I don't know why I bought it. Yeah. But I knew I'd at least have one person there because Jess. I'm sure. I asked him to come early to help set up. I bought a bunch of yard games. Okay, so I don't have a pool. Right, right. Which is fine, but But it's tricky when you have a party because you do wish, like, for the, it's mainly for the kids. Because adults are doing whatever. Sure. Playing games, chatting.

1:33:42Smoking their doobies in the corner. Doing whatever they want. But kids, that's a little trickier. A pool is nice. Yeah, a distraction. Yeah, and if you remember, last time I did this was 4th of July. And so I bought this enormous and I rented, sorry, an enormous inflatable slide pool thing. Yeah. To keep these children occupied, which it did do. Uh-huh. So I was like, maybe I'll do that again. But I was like, am I the girl that just always has that slide thing? So I, so then I ended up just going yard games. Okay. Okay. I bought two cornhole. Okay, great. So two cornhole could be going. Yes, great.

1:34:22Horseshoes. Uh-huh. ladder ball. You don't know ladder ball? Oh, you throw the string with the two. Yeah, it's very fun. That's it. And then people, and a kickball. I bought a kickball. What were your plans for the kickball? People just be bouncing it? Yeah, no, they'll kick it. My yard is huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People could have played a full, I actually think Also, it's huge for Ally. Let's just bracket that. Yeah, it's like probably 9 ,000 square feet of yard. But since there's nothing in the backyard right now, it's all grass. Yeah, it's lovely. And it's great for L.A. I just wanted to put in parentheses to America.

1:35:01Like, it's not what you're thinking of when you think of huge yard. It's a huge L.A. yard. Yeah. But all to say, you could get a kickball game going in there. And you would have to run. Okay. If you use the whole yard, you know. Okay. But I hate kickballs. I would never play. But anyway. Oh, my God. I used to go camping with Callie's family and they would always kickball was always on the menu. Okay. You know, on the docket. Yeah. And I just hated that part. You hated it. Yeah. I really like kickball. I feel like it's a good game because resist saying this. Everyone can play it. No. No. I think it's hard for short people to play kickball.

1:35:41Okay. Tell me more. Because, you know, they throw it in it. Sometimes it's up high. Like for kicking. Are you confusing it with dodgeball? No, I hate dodgeball too. No, but you know, like, do they throw it? They have to roll it. Oh, but sometimes they don't roll it. Sometimes it bounces. Well, if it's bouncing across the plate, then that's a ball. That doesn't count as a strike. Well, I just always try to kick it. As you should, yeah. And then I miss it with my foot and it's too embarrassing. It's very embarrassing. Yeah. Okay, well, I bought that for other people, you know? Do you buy bases and stuff?

1:36:18I'm a little, I don't know that you have enough room for a kickball game. I don't think our yard has enough room for a kickball. Of course it does. I don't think so. Okay. Okay. Anyways, let's not get hung up on kickball. So anyway, I had all those things. So I had asked Jess to come early to set that stuff up for me. Right. He struggled, but it was okay. Okay. So at least he was going to be there at 1.30. Yeah. Anyway, people came. It was great. Tons of fun. And I ordered Erewhon Catering. But then, big hack, and I learned this from a girls' party I threw recently. There's an amazing pizza place in L.A.

1:36:58on the east side called Quarter Sheets. I wasn't going to say that because, you know, how I feel about giving. I don't want to gatekeep, but I also want to be able to go to my spots. Yeah, yeah. And there's already lines, and it's already a thing. But it's a great place. And you can take out pizzas. Oh, and cook them at home? Like they're half cooked? No, they're cooked. Oh, they're cooked. You can like, yeah, pick them up. Well, every pizza place. That's not novel. Yeah. You wouldn't order. That's what the business pizza joints are in is. It's not. It's a restaurant. It's a sit down restaurant.

1:37:30Yeah. But they also do to go. Yeah. Yeah. But like John and Vinny's, you wouldn't be able to get like a huge pizza, I don't think. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you can order John and Vinny's to go. From the restaurant, you can order to go if you're there, right? No, no. You can call. It's on Postmates. It's on Postmates. You can order a huge one? I don't know. You want a pizza? Like a special one that they don't normally make? It's like a big pizza in a big box. It's not the one that you get. I see what you're saying. So they offer a pizza to go at Woodsheets that they don't offer on the menu when you're seated.

1:38:01Is that what you're saying? Order Sheets. Quarter Sheets. Yeah. You can get like a big pizza as opposed to when you go to the restaurant, you get a Quarter Sheets pizza. Like a party sub. Right. Exactly. Okay, great.

1:38:17so okay that's a pizza place that you can order pizza from yeah so you got so i ordered quarter sheets to come at 5 15. oh okay and they have these amazing desserts there and i asked if i could get a cake also okay that's you're not allowed to get a cake to go really normal. Oh, you're not? No. Okay. They did it for me. And so they brought the cake and we sang to Jess. It was the last part of his birthday. Okay. And it was so fun. Also, we learned a new game. It's really fun. It's called Imposter. It's an app game. Okay. This is how you play. Everyone's sitting together in a circle. And we put everyone's name in the phone.

1:39:08Then I I go first, right? I look at the phone. It says a word and a category normally. It says a word and then I pass it to the right. Let's use the word. Let's use the word. Okay. It says blinds. It says blinds. And the category objects. Objects. Okay. Then it says pass to Erica. Pass to Erica. She sees the same thing. She passes. Everyone sees the word and the object except one person. One person sees imposter. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. It's kind of like mafia. Exactly. So then everyone goes, everyone's seen it. Everyone goes around and says one word to describe the word, to describe blinds. Okay.

1:39:57Now, so the imposter has to. Surmise what that word is and then. And try to say something. Yes. Synonym or. The problem is when you do know the word and you're giving your clue, there's multiple things going on. You want people to know that you're not the imposter. Yeah. But also if the imposter learns the word, they win. So you want to give a weird enough clue that people. Yeah, it's really fun. So Venetian, would you say Venetian? Yeah, you could, but. Too much. Might be too much. Now, I was the imposter on that round. Oh, on the blinds round. Yeah. Okay. And part of it is it's randomized. So I was second.

1:40:48Sure. That's. That's harder. Really hard. Okay. So Erica went first. And she said sunshine. Okay. So then I have to go. And all I know is objects. Yes. So I was like, fuck. Okay. I'm going to go with like yellow. Okay. So adjectives. See, now you know it's blind. So it seems obvious. What I'm about to say is stupid. But if you didn't know that, you wouldn't have thought this. So I said banana. Banana. Okay. But do you think some people are like in their mind, they're like, I guess they're kind of shaped like banana. So, okay. This is what happens. Right. So then everyone says their thing. I still, I don't know what it is.

1:41:32Yeah. And then the deliberation begins, right? And people are like, I don't know banana or like somebody else's they thought could be also. Yeah. Invariably someone's going to say something that makes no sense even if they know the word. Exactly. And so at one point, Anthony, one of my best, longest friends, goes, I think I know what Monica's doing. and and he was like i don't really i think she might be i think i know what she's doing because you can't again you can't be like she's doing this because then the imposter would know the word so you have to be kind of careful when you're deliberating okay and then i felt so guilty because he was really having my back and you get really self-conscious of what your body language just doing and stuff.

1:42:22Yeah. But and then and then at one point, Jess was like, yeah, me too. And I was like, oh, my God. He too agrees with everything that Anthony said. Yeah. OK, because he's just close. He just wanted to also. Yeah. Yeah. You know. But then later he goes, I don't know. She's such a good actor. I don't think. And I was like, you just said you understood. Right. And he was like, yeah, I didn't. OK. OK. So then I did get got. You did. yeah okay um which was annoying but i do they go okay everyone agrees we're gonna say it's monica and then if what if you can say what the word is you're clear i win but if you can't say what the word is so let's say you had figured out it was blind you say blind then what happened i win and then what there's a scoreboard or well if you want sure okay okay well you know where was villagers that get smaller and smaller you don't kick people out play however many rounds i mean you could kick people out if you wanted but that's not fun.

1:43:21Okay. I mean you could have score you could you could have like a scoreboard but you can't really the problem is it's not really fair because it's all randomized so like Erica got the imposter multiple times and like just never got it. Okay. So it wouldn't really be fair. Yeah. But anyway it was a really fun game. I recommend that. Yeah. Anyway we just had a great time. I love hosting at my house. I bet. It's really. You loved hosting at your apartment. I love hosting. You're a host. I just love to do it. You're a natural host. Yeah. And it is kind of, you know, it's rude because like, you know, some people you like get away with things and other people you don't.

1:44:03Okay. Yeah. That's an example. You know, it's like if someone's not tucking in the chair, I'm like, if it's one person, but if it's another person, I don't care. Right. Yes. It's very unfair that we hold everyone to different standards. Yeah. But it's also realistic. It is. It's also, it's based on the person and all the things we've told ourselves about the person. It's like this person. Your story about that. It's so. Inconsiderate. Yeah. Yeah. They're so unconscientious. They are not paying attention to anything. Yeah. Yeah. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We are supported by Nordic Naturals.

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1:46:06You have to fight it really hard. I have to fight it really hard as a parent. It's so hard. Or a sibling, I bet. To continue to give them the benefit of the doubt. It's like they have forgotten whatever they've forgotten nine times in a row. And so, yeah, well, like, here's a great example. Well, this isn't even an example. I don't know. This is just funny. Our trip started. So we went to Nashville and our trip started with me saying like, okay, everybody, the night before we got to be in the car at eight 45. Great. I know that's not going to happen. I've already slid it back. Good. I was going to say you adjusted.

1:46:43Yeah. So, you know, loading up morning of the flight and sure enough, eight 45, no way I'm in the van. Then maybe Delta gets in the van at 8 55 10 minutes late then kristen gets in uh and then delta gets out oh this god and then lincoln gets in and then kristen gets out to find delta and then delta gets in and so this had cycled through like two or three times and my commitment is just to accept that whatever it's gonna be it's i can't i have no sway over how this is going so that had cycled through and i was just just going to fucking floor it out of the driveway. And all of a sudden at like nine Oh two, I'm in the van completely by myself again.

1:47:29And I'm like, how is this? How did this happen? Why am I now by myself? Like I had two at one point, never had all three, but I have had all three of them in the van at different times. And so by that time they all come out at whatever nine Oh five, I'm just, I just have my head in my hands sitting in the front. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And so this is hard. It's hard. And then, you know, a goal would be the next time we have to go to the airport that I don't go into it going, well, here's what's going to happen. They're going to all be in, you know, like. Do you don't do that? I mean, I think you should fight it because people are inconsistent in great ways and in bad ways.

1:48:15And if my story is about them is that they are always late, all of them, then I'll just be looking for that and I'll drive myself crazy. Like, I do have to attempt to go into each situation with a clean slate. But this is completely unrealistic. And you couldn't, like, run a business this way. But I think for interpersonal relationships and family relationships, you have to. I know. But this is literally the op. This goes in complete contradiction with having expectations. So I would say, actually, you do have to tell yourself, look, this is what's going to happen. They're going to get in and out of the car a million times.

1:48:52It's going to be past nine. And we're still. Because then. And I had done that. Right. Which is why I never, what was really great is we got to the airport and Ryan had had the exact same situation. He has three daughters. And then he admitted he had yelled, right? He had given up. Yeah, it was very natural. I'm not saying that to out him or throw him under the bus. But I was like, oh yeah, I didn't because I did. I knew it was coming. But somehow I have to straddle the line between having appropriate expectations so I'm not frustrated. Yeah. And also leaving lots of room for everyone to surprise me and not be this thing I've said they all are.

1:49:34I know. Because that's also, I think, damaging or destructive. I know. But I mean, how do you do both? I don't know how you do both. And then if you do the expectation one, then if they surprise you, then it's like you're so happy. That's true. That's definitely true. And look, we made it. We flew out on time. Everything worked out just fine. so I'm sure their story could be like oh dad's neurotic we've never missed a flight I don't know why he's all bent out of shape about it I you know often disagree with you about most things a lot of things I really really vehemently agree about being out the door on time when you're supposed to be and well it's definitely if it's something you can miss and it fucks up the entire trip, I think it's, there are, right, like not all situations are the same.

1:50:33They're not. They're relatively different pressure and impact and outcome. If you miss your flight, you may have missed a whole day of vacation. Yeah. And you only have four days. I know. I mean, I feel this on smaller levels too. I just, I just think if everyone's agreed, look, things happen. I'm not saying things don't happen, but those need to be rarities. Not, that can't be the consistent way. Do you remember being a teenage daughter though? Were you always on time? Yes. You were. My whole, like there was no tolerance. Like, and also because, you know, I had friends picking me up for things.

1:51:14Like you can't make them wait. Like that was not an option. And I can't make my parents wait. They have to go to work. Like I just, it wasn't an option. And so I feel very strongly about when everyone agrees to get out the door on time. What would be great for me is if I could simply repeat my mother's approach, but I can't. Which is just leave. Yeah. You miss the boat in our family. And that, and once you're taught that you, oh yeah, you really can miss the, the whole family will go to Babelope Island without you. I think you only do that once or twice. So I would love to be able to do that. It's not on the table for my family situation.

1:51:58It's not. No, it's not. And it shouldn't be. And it probably isn't the best. It's not the best. But it's what I want to do. I know. So I feel like it's on. I'm just defending you so much. Even after the whole kickball situation. But I do feel like then you should be able to say, this is what I want to do. And I can't do it. and and so can you guys meet me halfway and like let's be on time like yeah now i have a similar story that sort of happened okay ish and i am gonna get in trouble for saying this but i feel like i'm gonna say it anyway okay great like i'm gonna get in trouble from friends okay uh i know it'll get back to them um i was in the car with two people two of my friends uh and And I look in the back seat.

1:52:46Okay, I've driven us. I've driven us to the restaurant, okay? We eat and hang and stuff. And we're going home and we stop at a coffee shop. I want to get a coffee. So we drive to the coffee shop. It's raining. After dinner. Oh, sorry. It was kind of lunch. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, okay. It's raining. I'll be a little honest. I think I was a little. I think I was a little annoyed. And this is on me. Okay. This part's definitely on me. I think I was a little annoyed that I was driving. Okay. Because I had just thrown the party. And I think I felt a little bit like, okay, like, and now I'm doing this.

1:53:20But okay, fine. And it was my idea to go to this place. Yep. But okay. So then we go to the coffee shop. I look as I'm driving and the person in the backseat is not wearing a seatbelt. Okay. And I was like, oh, they must have forgot to wear a seatbelt. Yeah. And I was like, hey, friend, wear your seatbelt or put on your seatbelt or make sure you're wearing your seatbelt or whatever. And then I park. Right. OK, I get out. I get my coffee. I also like sense the response wasn't like, oh, shit. Right. And I was like, OK, so maybe that wasn't an accident. Right. Or maybe that felt more like a threat to her, their autonomy.

1:54:01It was a choice for them. Yeah. And so then I was like, OK, now these friends are talking about this situation while I'm in there getting a coffee. Okay. Okay. I didn't love that, and I didn't know it happened, but I know it happened. Well, you got confirmation? I'm smart. Okay. Okay. No. Well, yeah. Okay. So then I - Jay, am I free to interject thoughts? Yes. Let me just let the whole thing roll out. No, you can. No, I didn't get confirmation. I'm only flagging that one part. I know. That one part is your thing where it's like you're convinced everyone talks about you and you're not around. Or that's a fear.

1:54:37How about that? That's a fear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. So then I get in the car. Uh-huh. And I turn on the car. I look back. This person is not putting on their seatbelt. Okay. And I said, hey, can you put on your seatbelt? Uh-huh. And they go, are you serious? Uh-huh. And I was like, yeah. Uh-huh. You have to wear a seatbelt. And then the other person was like, I don't know if you have to. Uh-huh. And I was like, you do have to. Were we talking legally? Yeah. I looked it up. Yeah. Legally, you have to wear a seatbelt in a car. I was like, it's illegal. Yeah. Yeah. And it's on me.

1:55:20If a cop drives by and sees that someone doesn't wear a seatbelt, pulls us over, it's on me. I did say that not knowing. And I looked it up and it is true. Even if the passenger is over 16? I know that's true if they're under 16, don't have a license that they could be given a ticket for. According to my Google. Okay. Let's see. For adult passengers, maybe we. Let me see. Yes, you must wear a seatbelt in California. Everyone in the vehicle must wear a seatbelt. The rule applies to both front and back seats. The driver, it says driver responsibility. The driver must make sure all passengers are buckled up.

1:55:59Drivers can get a ticket for any unbuckled passenger. Oh, wow. Okay. So. Okay. So you had the law on your side. And it's my car. Uh-huh. I say you wear a seatbelt, you wear a seatbelt. Like I feel so. Clean about it. Yeah. And like, I also, you know, then, yeah, then other stuff of mine starts where I'm like, if you're in the car with Dax and he says, put on a seatbelt, you're not going to put on a seatbelt. You're going to say, are you serious? Well, hold on. If I say put on a seatbelt, that means stunt driving is ahead. If you say anything in your car while you're driving, no one is going to say shit.

1:56:37And that's the truth. Well, OK. Besides maybe your children. Slow down. Can we are we sure about that? Yeah. OK. Well, unless you say to do something illegal, if you're doing something that's because you're like, I'm driving the car. This is my car. I say don't eat my car. Yeah. I mean, it's a toughie for me to know for sure, because as you just pointed out, I'm generally with my children and my family. And yeah, the rules I put down in the bus are completely ignored. Like, you know, I'm like, no, no, we're dry. Just because we're in the bus doesn't mean you can make macaroni and cheese while we're going down, you know, whatever.

1:57:11Okay. Your family, your kids are a different situation. I'm trying to think. I definitely think there are groups of my friends that would and wouldn't. And there's, and vice versa. Okay. Well, this person would. Okay. I know for certain. Uh-huh. Both people in this car would. Okay. Okay. Now that's fine. I'm like. Can I point out one thing that that's tricky? So I want it. Yeah, that's fine. Unless we were getting on like a race. I wouldn't tell someone to put their seatbelt on. That's fine. Other than my children, because they're my children. I'll make them put on seatbelts. But unless we're like in the sand dunes off-roading or on a racetrack, I'll be like, well, you have to have a helmet and a seatbelt on to be in this.

1:57:58but I so that's I think that's in the mix I also wouldn't do if I looked back in the backseat and Aaron Weakley didn't have a seatbelt on I wouldn't say a thing I'd be like he decided he's an adult he's made a decision that he wants to or doesn't so is that part of it or no no that's your rule in your car if well I mean again apart from the law which says it must happen if you decide you're driving if you decide like if i'm not driving yeah i might have been like hey why are you wearing a seat belt uh-huh and then they would have been like i don't want to wear a seat belt and if the driver didn't care yeah that's fine okay but if it is your car and you are driving you get to yeah i agree i agree that you get to fully get to say what happens i agree you get to.

1:58:46So if you not caring is you, like you don't, I know that. That's because really quick, I'm very sensitive to authority. Right. So I'm like predicting how I would feel if someone told me to put my seatbelt on. That's in my calculation because I know what that feels like to have that real bristle against being told what to do as an adult. It's being told because of the law. It's not like. But I can't really use that car because I'm also going to drive five miles an hour over the speed limit. And I'm like, so I've already like you already know that I it's not like I have a total respect for the law.

1:59:23So it'd be very inconsistent if I'm like, well, I don't care about speeding law, but I do care about the seatbelt law. Well, you do get to decide that you get to decide. You do for sure. But the people I'm talking to, it's well within their right to acknowledge, well, this is highly inconsistent. He cares about this, but doesn't care about that. I'm just painting the picture of like the reaction you get is part of a much bigger story about yourself, which is like, hey, I generally don't tell people what to do simply because I don't like being told what to do. Right. That's just my own personal thing.

1:59:53I just don't think that's true. You don't think that's true? There's house rules. You have house rules in your house. Maybe it's not true. People take their shoes off. I can only think of that one right now. Like that specific one. I just know I want it given that one example. so I do wonder if like say Aaron who's known me for 30 years knows I'm not the type of person to tell him to do something that if I do he gives me the benefit of the doubt of like well he's not like he's not a controlling authoritarian person if he's telling me this this something must be specifically or you know what I'm saying I just like Thank you.

2:00:30If it's your house or your car, it's not authoritarian. I mean, OK, well, actually, this is helping. This is going to help wrap up my point, which is like, I think that's so childish to be like, don't tell me what to do. It's like you're in my car. Then you drive. Yeah. Or at your house in Nashville. You guys have a rule now. No shoes. Yeah. I don't like taking off my shoes. Me neither. And guess what? I'm going to do it. because that's your house and your rules. Absolutely. Like, okay, I might think that's arbitrary because other rules aren't, you know, whatever. It's not my job to say. Right.

2:01:11And I think that's very childish. So that all happened. And I was like, okay, they did put their seatbelt on. Okay. And then we're getting on the interstate and the other person is like, uh-oh, I have to pee. and I was like I'm I I I don't want to be a mom uh huh there's a reason I don't have children and I have two children in my car and I had to pull over on the side of the road and let this person pee and then the other person is like that's crazy and I'm like well you're also doing something crazy so that was frustrating for me. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. Yeah. I understand everyone's feelings probably in the situation.

2:02:09And I know that you're objectively correct. It's childish to disregard rules. When you're an adult, you're an adult. It is childish. It's not preferred. Also, people come with a lot more baggage than other people. and it might also be relevant. But when your baggage comes at potential, like the cost of me, that's where I say no. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. You don't want to take on their... Issues if it's going to come at a cost. Look, if it's on its own, people have their stuff. I have plenty of my own stuff. But if, and again, if I'm not driving, not my car I'm not in charge here fine well I everything in life's trade-offs right so I want to drive I want to be in charge of driving and um so I the cost of that is like yeah I have passengers and they likely aren't behaving the way I would wish they were my choice is to be a passenger yeah and then that stuff won't bother me in theory but it's not worth me being a passenger well sure i didn't want to be a driver you didn't yeah see that's where it's very different for you and i yeah you should just be a pat you should just go like you drive but they it was a pick me up okay situation okay so okay sure i guess i already don't really want to be doing that fine yeah i can take one for the team and then that no right no if you want a ride here are the rules yeah yeah all right well we should do some facts let's do some facts this is for dave franco oh what a charmer oh he's so cute we've since we had a double date with them or we exposed them to baja california tacos how did that go i think we're like six for six people we've introduced No, I've never had them.

2:04:08You've never introduced me. What's the hold up? What are you waiting for? I don't know. Well, do you like a hard shell taco? That's the first and foremost. I do like a hard shell taco. Okay. Do you prefer to a soft shell taco? It depends on the mood. Okay. I sometimes do hard shell taco night. Oh, okay. At the house. Mm-hmm. Then you make them. Mm-hmm. Oh, fun. Allison Roman has a recipe. Do you put the pre-made shells and then put them in the oven? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you buy them pre-made, but then you got a crisp of the shell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can go too far. I've gone too far.

2:04:38Yeah. And then they powder. You take a bite and the thing just turns to powder. Okay. Is this Pope the first American Pope? Yes. Okay. He said working with the professional trainer he heard makes you work out 60 % harder. It does say studies show. You know, that's general. But it says studies show that 60 % to, oh, no, this is different. This is different. Studies show that 60 %. to 70 % of people who work with a personal trainer stick to their routines long term. Okay. Yeah. When I talk to people about exercise, what seems to be the hard part is not the exercise. It is committing to going. Yeah.

2:05:20So if you've paid someone, I can see where it could be hugely impactful. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Back to the aforementioned chat about not wanting to be told what to do ever. Yeah. You don't have a trainer. I had to figure out how to get myself there because I couldn't do it. Yeah. Oh, are Popes allowed to smile? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. I wasn't sure. Okay. Forbade. Because he smiled at Dave and it was a big deal. And I was like, yeah, I don't even know if they're allowed to do that. Yeah. But they are. Okay, great. Of course Dave got a smile. How could you not smile back at that cute smile? I know.

2:05:58That Pope's from Chicago too. Yeah, he is. And a White Sox fan. Oh. It's a big deal. He was at like the 2005 White Sox World Series. They have like a thing at the park for him and they've done Polk hat giveaways. Are you a Sox or a Cubs? I'm a White Sox fan. He's asking, is it like. Cubbies fans are this. Yeah. White Sox fans are more hardcore. Yes. White Sox fans are tougher. Cubby fans are softer. Is it because they're called Cubbies? Because that does sound childlike. It doesn't help the cause. Yeah. But cub is a term in the gay community. A bear and a cub. A cub, yes. Smaller bear. Boys and men who love bears are cubs.

2:06:42Is it still? I wonder what the new lingo is. I'm sure there's new lingo. Yeah, you would hope. Like, I wonder what a salamander is. Ooh. Probably a slippery guy. I think a salamander is a guy who's always at the steam room and the saunas. Oh, wedding. And he's just watching and not ever participating. Yeah, that's a salamander. Ugh, gross. A spectator. Okay, well, I mean, one thing about Dave is he loves cats. Yeah, he really does. And it's really cute. Yeah. Oh, and we talked about Flo, the movie Flo, because he said that movie won an Oscar and it had the cat as the protagonist. Oh, right. Finally.

2:07:27Yeah. So Flow grossed over$50 million to$57 million worldwide. Oh, okay. But it only had a production budget of$3.7 million. Oh, so very profitable. Yeah, it made a lot of money. It did only gross$4.8 million in North America. The international support was large. So maybe they like cats more. Well, no, I think it's like, is it a story about Mexico? Or is that a different one? That's a different, are you thinking of the Pixar one? Oh, Flo is Latvian. So that makes sense. Oh, it's independent. Okay. Well, obviously, I guess since it was$3 million. Independent animated dystopian adventure film. A Latvian-French and Belgian co-production.

2:08:13Post-apocalyptic world. Okay. A cat trying to survive along with other animals in a seemingly post-apocalyptic world as the water level dramatically rises. What a union. Latvia, France, and Belgium. Yeah. Okay. Oh, it released a can. Okay. That makes sense because it said mostly. So it grows$45 million with strong performances in markets like Mexico, France, and its native Latvia. Oh, yeah. Huge in Latvia. That makes sense. I have an embarrassed admission to make. I couldn't point out Latvia on a map if it were to save everyone's lives. And you know what? They deserve to be known. They do. And I think I can't point out a lot of places.

2:08:55I'm getting really nervous about geography. Okay, recently. Yeah, some other country came up and I like know it, but I'm like, where is it? Where'd they put it? Where did I put that country? Okay, so it's just under Estonia and above Lithuania. It's near Russia. Yes, it is. It's bordering Russia. Now, Russia is confusing. In what respect? In that it's European and Asian-ish. Well, it stretches 11 time zones. And I think under USSR, it was 13 time zones. So more than half the time zones it stretched. So you might live in Asia. You might be Asian. Mongolian, virtually. Yeah, if you're in Siberia.

2:09:44Right. Yeah. Their ethnography is complex. Yeah. There's Sweden and Norway and Finland. All your friendly neighbors to the north, the Norse. I've been to Estonia and that little chunk of Russia right next to Estonia where St. Petersburg is. But I did not go south to Latvia. And now I feel like a fool. Maybe you crossed through and just didn't know. I definitely sailed next to it. Right. Because I had left Denmark. Left Copenhagen. You saw it. You've been there. Okay. I'm going to put a pin in my map, my world map. When I was in Spanish class, you know, we had to learn, obviously, the South American and all those maps.

2:10:32And there was a song to remember the capitals of these countries. And I think 30 times a week, two lines of that song run through my brain. Can you do the whole song? No. No. And then that drives me nuts. Right. So I'm always trying to get the rest. And it's only like two lines. Uh-huh. That is Maddie. Quito, Ecuador, Lima, Peru. Why don't you look it up, though? The song? And relearn it. That might be nice. I kind of want to see if Callie remembers it. Yeah, yeah. And have her sing it to me on Voice Memo. For your birthday? Yeah. Okay. I'll give her a heads up. That's what you want on your birthday.

2:11:17Okay. but it's just like you know how some things are in your brain in a weird they're seared but they just pop up like i'm in the shower and i'm always like quito ecuador that's it yeah you're halfway there i think no there's a lot more there's a lot more um anyway um that's it that's everything yeah okay wonderful yep yep well hopefully well i want to hear the song at some point yeah stay tuned for the next fact check hopefully I'll have it by then okay love you love you