Jackie Tohn Returns

22:10And there's some suspicious cellular groupings. And I think we want to do another MRI. So I was scared. And then I went and presented. How'd you present? Were you good? I think I smashed it. because I might be a psychopath. Yeah. I've asked my therapist. You're a compartmentalizer. I mean, that's great. Compartmentalizer, though, I've realized during this journey to a point of like... Sociopathy. Yeah. Yeah. I've asked my therapist. Survival. Truly. But I've asked my therapist, I've been like, I don't even know looking back how I did it. Yeah. I just did it. I just was like, these are the doctors I'm going to and I am a machine and I am getting these surgeries and I am doing this.

22:48So cut back to, I get the MRI. I, she doesn't like it again. And she's like, we're going to buy. She's so fussy this long. I don't like it. What do you like about it? Her standards are so high. And that's the other thing. I'm like, get off my back. So then she doesn't like it again. And now she's like, we're going to do a biopsy. Can I ask quickly? Yes. Why? We're getting in there and removing everything. That is a good question. Just so that we would know to start chemo as well or something? I think maybe. I actually don't know the answer. But what I think the answer is, is that if you have cancer, a double mastectomy is sufficient.

23:25But sometimes you can't keep your nipples, depending on where the cancer is. If it's right there by your nipple, you're going to lose your nipples. And if the cancer is here, they have to really focus on getting that tissue out and getting everything out. And also, then you have to be starting with the PET scans and CAT scans, seeing if it's anywhere else. Okay, okay. It's a whole thing. Yeah, yeah. All right. With ovaries, the challenging part is there's no good screening for ovaries. It doesn't exist. It's 2026, and the screening does not exist. Meaning they can give you an MRI on your ovaries or no?

24:00They can do an ultrasound, a pelvic ultrasound, and they put the wand in and they do the diagnostic. The problem is your ovaries, speaking of gorilla balls, they're these little tiny grape-sized things in your body, and they just don't have the advanced surveillance. Like with breasts, when you get an MRI and a biopsy, you can find out if you're stage zero, stage negative one. You can find out if there's a grouping of cells that they don't like that they're going to keep an eye on. But they're just going to get them out of there before you're even stage one. Like breast surveillance is best of the best in cancer land.

24:33I want to tell everybody about the whole journey and what to expect because it's crazy. And I somehow made it to my 40s without anyone talking to me about BRCA. I'd vaguely heard that it was maybe that thing that happened with Angelina Jolie. Right. But I remember thinking like, oh, God, that's so extreme. How her. How her to be like, you know what? I'm getting them taken off completely, which is what a lot of people thought was very extreme when I was doing it. Do you think the underlying current of that is like some weird jealousy of where it looks like, oh, yeah, you're so hot. You don't even care if you cut off your boobs.

25:08Maybe. Do you think that was driving the anger? It's very possible socially. but my thing was more like, you know, she wears like Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck. Yes, like you're so extra. She's so edgy. But like it turns out you have a hundred percent chance of getting cancer. What are you going to do? Leave them there? Yes. The time bombs. Turns out she wasn't edgy. She was super safe. Correct. Yeah, yeah. She was just brilliant as she is. Yeah, yeah. So basically when I got the MRI, then I went back for a second one. Then I had to go back for a third one. And then when I got my breast biopsied, I was just unlucky.

25:42And I was waiting in the biopsy office afterward. They numb your breast and it was my right breast. And so I'm sitting there and then I feel something soaking wet at my stomach. And I look down. It is not good. I am bleeding. From the biopsy. Oh my God. And they had already stitched it and closed it. And am I crazy in thinking that that's a very controlled procedure? It's done with a scope and it seems like not something that would lead to great bleeding. That's right. And I'm out of it because I took a Xanax before the third MRI because you're in the machine for 45 minutes. Claustrophobic, the crazy loud noises.

26:19You're laying on your stomach. Your tits are in like a hole in the MRI. Like a trough. A trough. Hitters are in a trough. Tit trough. And I'm in a tit trough, of course. My other nickname in high school. And I'm in the tit trough and they do the biopsy. I don't feel anything. Everything's fine. I'm sitting in the waiting room because this is another crazy thing. They give you a mammogram right after you get a breast MRI with a biopsy. It seems reverse. So they're squishing it all. We should flip that order. So I'm waiting in the room to do the mammogram. And that's when I realize. And I am like out of it.

26:56And I'm on a chill pill. And I'm terrified. And like an episode of Grey's Anatomy, I just like run into the hallway. And I'm screaming. I don't scream. this is me. It's loud all the time, but I'm not screaming. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just going like, is there a nurse? I'm bleeding. And a woman comes by with like a trash can. She runs over to me and I'm like, I need a nurse. Thank you so much. And she starts laughing a little bit. She's like, I am a nurse. These are soiled linens. I'm not a janitor. And I was like, okay. And then she takes me into some woman's office. She was like, excuse us, the nurse in the office leaves.

27:29And she's like opening this thing and someone has to come up from downstairs and re-stitch. And it was It was like a whole. Oh, God. In her office. In somebody's office. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was wild. So it just wasn't stitched correctly. They were asking if I took like Advil the five days prior because my blood was. And I was like, I didn't. I'm a student. Yeah. You tell me. You are a student. Don't take Advil. I won't. Also, I'm always insulted when the first line of inquiry is like, I fucked up. I know. I didn't sew my own breast up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I didn't have the needle in thread, right?

27:58You must have had aspirin for breakfast. Yeah. Didn't you? You little piggy. You love your aspirin. Exclusively. and I added milk and cereal. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Crunch, crunch, crunch. So after that experience, even though I was already set on the surgery, I was like, well, I'm not doing more of these. I'm not doing more of these MRIs, biopsies. We think we find something. We don't find something. Those weeks where I was months, because you have to wait weeks in between. That time, I'm going to chills again, was the worst time of the whole thing, except the recovery was tough. But that time was the worst because I was like, oh no.

28:32What I'm out here waving my flag about is I partnered with the genetic testing company, Myriad, that discovered the BRCA gene. This company is unbelievable. And you literally spit in a tube and it comes back. It's not even a blood test with your historical from your family, your genetic mutations and these cancer risks. Yeah. And you had multiple things going on, right? Because also Ashkenazi Jews are one in 40. So you had a lot of compounding genetics, right? So this is what is nuts. So Myriad or any of these genetic testing companies, insurance will cover your test. If you have these three things, young, rare, multiple.

29:11So if someone in your family has cancer young, your mom or dad, you can get this covered by insurance. If there's multiple cancers, you also qualify. And if you have a rare, like my dad, male breast cancer is considered rare. Yeah. Obviously. First time I've ever heard of it. Ever. Yeah, Alan. Uh-huh, Alton. And they're still not even saying it. I think there is like, there's some stigma or something. Like they won't say that it's breast cancer. They don't want to emasculate them on top of every cancer. My mother does that enough. They'd rather lie and say it's a metastasized cancer. It's like not at all.

29:43100%. Sounds so manly. Your cancer rode in on a Harley. Goes by the name of metastasized. All of this to say, there's a fourth sort of unspoken reason that you should obviously get genetic tested other than rare, multiple, and young is Ashkenazi Jew. Yeah. So less than, I don't want to say the exact number because I think it changes. Forgive me. Are the Ashkenazis mostly the Russian diaspora? Eastern European. Yep, Russian, Eastern European. And so what's crazy is, don't quote me on this, but the point is the number is unbelievably small of the number of people who test positive for the BRCA mutation.

30:24It's like between 0.2 and 0.3 % of the population. Oh, wow. Okay, very rare. Nobody has this. One in 40 Jews. Wow. One in 40 Ashkenazi, specifically Jews. Whoa. Which is 2.5%. I don't know if it even is. One in 40 is 2.5%. So if your national average is 0.2, this is tenfold. Yeah, it's ten times. That's exactly right. I thought you were saying Ashkenazi Jews are 2.5 % of the population. And I was like, oh no, there's about 18 of us left. I don't think we're 2.5. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

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34:36So with Myriad, it's basically you spit in the tube and then you send it away and you get all these answers. And the reason that I really wish that I got miniature flags on Amazon, the reason that I'm out here waving the flag so hard is because I managed to get to this age and nobody said anything to me. How is that possible? I will tell you a couple of things. The doctors that I used for the double mastectomy and the reconstruction, not only are they just such badasses, amazing women. Because of them and because of these genetic counselors and this amazing team that I was able to put together, I do actually feel the gratitude.

35:16Oh, wow. That's impressive. I think I'll feel real relief when I have my ovaries out And then all of the surgeries are behind me and I'm good to go. Even though I did already do the breasts, I am in between the two. Okay, so to make this trivial and not as important as it is, I am curious. If you came to me at one point and you said, okay, we're going to remove your penis and you're going to design a new one. That's a very interesting proposition. What's that experience like? For so many women who messaged me, because I now talk to everybody on Instagram, asking who my doctor was and what size I went and what kind of implants I used.

35:59Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the thing I think that's really, really oppressive about the whole diagnosis is there are 100 ,000 decisions. Every single thing is 5 ,000 decisions, everything. So it's like, which doctor you're using is so many decisions. Then you go with them and then it's like, when's the surgery? How long is the, do I do straight to implant while I'm asleep? Do I do two separate surgeries? Do I do expanders? And then when do I do the ovary? I mean, that's the part that I think is fatiguing. Yeah. Every day, the amount of questions. So then I talked to a person who got the straight to implant.

36:37And then I spoke to somebody who did the two separate surgeries. How long do they wait in between if they wait? It's a while. For the two separate surgeries, my understanding, I didn't do this. My understanding is you get your breasts removed and then what they put in, you wake up with expanders in your skin flap because there's no breast tissue there. And then they just keep adding, I think it's either air or water or silicone, whatever they're adding to the extender to fill out your boob. But I think there are these like plastic things that are in there and they feel interesting from what I understand.

37:09You're also apparently with the expanders, they're not like cute, round, like it's like an interesting thing. You got a box in there. I hear it's like a little bit. Why would anyone do that? I am afraid. I don't want to be judgmental at all. No, there's no judgment. I don't know. Right. I don't know. Like what the pro is. What the pro is. My understanding is that the pro often comes from doctors who say, because doing the two in one is not new, but within the last 15 years, like it's not what they used to do. They used to absolutely be two surgeries. Okay. And then, in fact, my doctor, this amazing woman, Dr.

37:48Casliff, she wrote the paper. She was like the head of plastics at Cedars for a couple terms. And she was like, this is doable. We don't need to be giving women two separate surgeries. And then there are other doctors who are like, my experience is that the healing is better. And there's less chance because there's a lot of things that can happen when you get a double mastectomy. So when you're looking into it, like necrosis is something which is terrifying. You're getting your tissue removed so close to your skin that like if they go too close to your skin, that piece of your skin dies. You could possibly need skin grafting.

38:21There could be pain. I mean, chronic pain afterwards. There's a phantom. There's something called an iron bra. So I'm looking all of this up beforehand. What's iron bra? Your tits are so heavy. Everything is like heavy. But it's not heavy. It just feels heavy. Oh, wow. So it's like a phantom limb or something. Like a pain expert. Fantastic episode. Yeah, I'm the best of the year. Oh, I can't wait to listen. There's so many things that could happen. And speaking of gratitude, none of it happened. My teeth look adorable. None of my skin is necrotic. The size was exactly right. Dr. Caslith and Dr.

38:55Richardson, they said when they were looking, she goes, we're going to prop you up when you're out and we're going to put them in. And it's three women. It's her nurse and it's Dr. Richardson and Dr. Caslith. And we are going to look at your boot and we're going to be like, and we tried this bigger size and they just looked huge on you. And so then we went with this size. When I woke up, she was like, I hope you're happy. We made them a little bit smaller. And you know how many friends I have that said, especially with male doctors, they wake up and their tits are bigger than they agreed to. But also, I think the norm is, am I wrong?

39:27Women want bigger boobs. Like, you're in a unique situation. I was going to stop you earlier when you said it. You said, you know, girls are like, I must, I must. Yeah, when they're kids. Yeah, when they're kids. That is not, not even my personal experience, but my experience with women. I have not heard that. I have a thought. Yeah. When did you start growing boobs? Young, seventh grade. I didn't get my period till 10th grade. So I wore a padded bra and stuffed a little bit in ninth grade because I was a board. Right. It was embarrassing. I was absolutely a plywood. Yeah. And it wasn't even real wood.

39:59It's so sad. And it was just like bad. And then I remember I wore the padded bra and boys started saying like, oh, you got boobs over the summer. Uh-huh. Sure. Long Island. Okay. Okay. There we go. I always wanted boobs because I never had them. Then there was a girl in my high school who had like triple D-E-G. Tiny as you. I don't know if I've ever seen it again in life. Yeah. And 16 years old. It's like if you are a woman or a girl who's flat, you're like, oh, I want some boobs. And if you have boobs, you're like, oh, I want less. Right. That's just the way it goes. But also most people I think who get, well, I shouldn't say most.

40:37I don't know any of these percentages. Most people who get implants aren't getting double Ds. They're getting around Cs or Bs. Yeah, definitely now and in LA. Correct, it's changed. But we had 30 years where actually everyone got double Ds. Yeah, the only reason to get implants was like, if you're just going up a size, what's the point? Yeah, yeah. But now, the other thing that's challenging is when you get breast implants, I was showing them pictures of the boobs that I liked and the sizes and the shape. Okay, so where did you find those pictures? Well, what's really funny is there's a drag queen named Bosco who's a trans woman and she wore her real tits out on the runway of Drag Race.

41:12And I said, I have never seen fake boobs like this in my life. So I DM'd her. Oh, wow. And I was like... I love your breasts. She wrote me right back and she sent me a picture. This is the other thing about this fucking journey. It makes me cry. The sisterhood. She wrote me right back. She sent a picture of the back of her implants card. Then when I spoke to my doctors about it, they were like, totally, we love that. I'm not sure how a teardrop would be on you and this. And just like we talked all through it. And the other thing was I have friends who have breast implants. And my concern was that because I don't have breast tissue.

41:46So when you put a breast implant, you would never. But if you did, it would go seamlessly in because you have plenty of breast tissue to go around it. Smooth out the edges. I could look like I have two half cantaloupes just round. Totally. And I was like, oh, guggie. But there's nothing they could do. It doesn't look like that. If it does, it's because on your skinny and your rib cage, your chest bones are there. Right. This is ribs, right? Yeah. I'm not bright. Well, only one of us has made it to the semifinals on Jeopardy! in this room. That's right. You can only... I was so confident. I was like, your ribs.

42:19And then I thought, oh God, Dax is going to know. That's not... No, that does feel high up for ribs, right? Well, like collarbone. Right. There's that. But it's like that whole... And so now I'm just like a genetic testing person where I'm like, we have this opportunity to find this out. Can someone just ask their normal GP, I want this test, or do you go online and order it? The Myriad one, you go online. It's learnmyrisk.com. It's so easy. Learnmyrisk.com. Yep. Go on there and you order it. You spit in the tube. You send it out. They send you back. Yep. And there's an app. I had my information right on the website.

42:56Oh God, it's devastating. But you know, there's a big red plus sign in a circle and you're just like, Oh boy. I have this. Oh, that's the iconography for positive. Sure. Like a sunshine. Yeah, could you imagine? It's a smiling emoji with a cry tearing. It's so happy. It's hysterical laughing. So happy. I know that certain people, I guess, want, I don't know, they have a different theory of just like, I don't want to know. I'll deal with it when I get there. And that's just not me, especially given that when I got my breast tissue removed, they found stuff in there. I have a screen grab of the pathology test results and the words are terrifying.

43:33Pre-carcinomic this and that. And when the doctor, Casliff, called me with those results, she was like almost, not shrieking, but almost like, we did it. We did it. So sometimes we take people's breast tissue out and there's nothing in there and that's wonderful. And who knows if in 10 years it would have been something. Also with BRCA, they recommend you get your ovaries out before 40 and your breast room before 40. And I'm 45. and so it's like you know it becomes a borrowed time situation where you're like uh because the numbers increase after 40 obviously and so she was like there was stuff in there we did it that had to be one of the best days of my life even though i had to go through all this i'm like yo that's crazy dude yeah yeah just living with it and we talk about this too which is so scary my dad is the greatest but my dad has been through so much shit you know he said i made it this far so you could find out.

44:26He felt so bad about the bronca. I feel so bad you got this from me. Like he went shopping for it. 100%. I regret buying that. That was an impulse buy. I regret purposefully putting that gene in you. Yeah. So he was just so upset. And then when we look at the bright side, it's like, dude, you absolutely saved my life. Yeah. What's your anxiety level out of 10? Do you feel like that took it to zero? Or do you feel like, oh, I just don't like that I have that gene? Well, here's something, which is crazy because you both know how neurotic I am. I have a friend who years ago, every single thing that ever happened to her, she had cancer in her brain.

45:04She was like, oh, my God, I have cancer. She had a really sore throat for a long time. And she was like, it's 100%. I have cancer. Everything was cancer. I don't know why. Neither of her parents had cancer. I just was never that. Not with cancer. I was just like, you know, I have nuts and I catastrophize. But it was never cancer. And so this happened. I had to recalibrate all of my mental bullshit of like, wait a minute. Now I have this thing that people get scared of their whole life. I don't, God forbid, have cancer, but I have this, you know. Predisposition. I was going to say proclivity. Yeah.

45:35I have this, yeah. I just. Sexual proclivity. Yes. Proclivity. Yes. God forbid. I love you that every time I knock, you knock. I know it's going to make me cry. I know. Do you know I knock? I'm a knocker. I'm a knocker too. I know. I knock all the time. But if I see you knock, I have to knock. It's making my heart explode. So. You guys are, yeah. You're knockers. Yeah. Well. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah. Sorry. It just all, it all synthesized perfectly. It just, wow. Sometimes we get that. Do you guys want to think about a side podcast called Knockers? Yeah, of course I do. Oh my God, that'd be great.

46:07Just like the sisterhood of the traveling tits. Yeah. Of it all. One of my best friends, Ilse, I told her about this diagnosis and she was like, oh, my friend has this. Do you want to talk to her? And I was like, yeah, more than anything. So my whole life became, I met up with this woman, Nina. We sit down at Alfred on Ventura Boulevard and I am kind of hysterical and I don't know what to expect, but now I've learned my numbers and I'm like, oh, I got to do this. So now I'm looking for a medical team. I'm past that weird month where I didn't know if I was just going to do advanced surveillance as they call it.

46:40And I'm sitting down and I have tears in my eyes and she goes, let's go to your car. And I go, oh, okay. Cause I'm crying. And she goes, no, I'm going to show you my boobs. And I think it'll make you feel better because they're outrageous. You're going to like what you see. Baby. You're going to like the way you look. You're going to like the way you look. So we went to the car. She lifts up her shirt and they're gorgeous. Yeah. And they don't look fake at all. And they're just perky. And her nipples were going. I was like, you got to keep, I didn't know. Yeah. And she goes, oh yeah. If you're getting preventative double mastectomy and you don't have cancer, which is why they do the testing, then you can largely keep your nipples.

47:19So my boobs look the same as they did before. It's very personal, but sensitivity, have we lost any sensitivity? Almost all. But that could return. It could return. I had a facial a couple of days ago and the woman was at my house and I felt her pull the sheet up and my tits were out. I didn't know. Oh, wow. Wow. This could lead to all kinds of funny future wardrobe malfunctions that you don't know about. Ask Kristen. Whatever press we just did, I had a low cut thing and I said, let me know if my tits out. I won't know. Yeah. I will not know. Okay. We're just going to need to be using a lot of the tape.

47:54A lot of the tape and a lot of friendship of just being like, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Even the nipple, you can't feel. No, no. Especially the nipple. Nothing. So if we punched you. Baby. Let's go. Now I'm just talking. If you had to get punched. If we went like this. But I've had many surgeries, as you know. Yeah, my whole shoulder was completely dead. Like the whole left upper quadrant of my body was just like zero feeling from all the nerves that were cut. They've all come back, unfortunately. Now I need to get one cut. But they all came back. So you might be shocked. And these doctors, they're out of this place called the Bedford Breast Center.

48:29That's all they do. They're just boobs all day. They're not at a hospital and there's like random plastic surgery they do. It's the Bedford Breast Center. Yeah. And so not that it's experimental, but not all places do this. They do nerve sparing. There's an extra hour and a half added to my surgery because they reconnected nerves after they were cut. And I was like, is that going to equal phantom pain? And they were like, no, it actually lessens the chance of phantom pain. And so I can feel like here a little bit now. And it'll be exciting when I'll be like, oh, and this girl, Nina, who famously showed me her boobs immediately said she was so excited.

49:02Like a year later, she was like, I ran into the kitchen and And I told my husband, I'm like, Evan, I feel my nipple. Yeah. Okay, I have a question. So overall anxiety, this could go either way because you are an anxious person, as am I. Queen. I feel like I always thought, you know, something could be wrong or something might be wrong. And then when I had my seizures and I got diagnosed with epilepsy. I'm on the edge today. Everything's going to make me cry. Well. That's just so hard. I know. It's so hard. Okay. But it really helped my anxiety. Because I was like, oh. What the fuck is wrong with me?

49:34It was like, oh, for one, it was like, I knew something was wrong. And then now it's vindicated. Now it's vindicated. And then it's like, oh, but that bad thing, like the idea of having a seizure. And then it's like, oh, I did have it and I'm fine. This is exactly what I was saying before. It helps in a weird way. This catastrophizing in life that we do when you actually have the thing that you're terrified of and you figure out the steps to get through it and you're better on the other side. If someone told me a year and a half ago that you're going to have an 85 % chance of getting it, I don't know what I would have done.

50:06But then when you just tell me there's not a chance, you have it. Go ahead. Figure it out. There was no anxiety at that point. There's no time for any of that. It kind of makes you realize kind of how indulgent anxiety and fear is. I know. I say this all the time. It's like all these things you fear, I've walked through many of them now, and they're fine. They're weirdly fine. You show up. You arrive at the thing. You pick your dad up. You take him to the chemo. You talk to the person while you're there. You make that person laugh. You just walk through it all. Yet when you think about it, it seems completely insurmountable.

50:38Completely undoable. And what is the fucking utility of it? Like, why do we have such an outsized fucking annoying? I think to prevent us from getting ourselves in situations. Sticky pickles. Sticky pickles, but it's too much. But don't they say, like, the reason we have it, we have anxiety and fear, is like from the times when a lion would attack you. And now you have that level of anxiety, but it's because you don't know which cold medicine to buy. Yes. And you're like, I'm going to get this and it's going to fuck up my whole time. I do think in the absence of real threats, all the mechanisms are still there, but there's nothing real to focus on.

51:12Correct. I mean, we're worrying about whether you're going to die at 80 or 90. It's like, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they going to make it to teenage? Yeah, yeah. Teenage years in the hunting and gathering society. So, yeah, I think we have all this architecture for it and no outlet for it. So we just start searching. To me, there are some things. Like I started that doc. Have you guys seen the doc about the girl who like drove the car into a crash or something? Yeah, yeah, exactly. I haven't watched it. Is it good? Of course. Of course. So this girl drove a car into a wall or something with her boyfriend and a friend.

51:46And those two died. And she survived. And now she's being like charged with murder or something. So, okay. I couldn't actually finish it because I started it. And because it was clearly about teenagers in car accidents and dying, I felt so anxious. And I was like, there's too many teenagers in my life right now. I started to really have some panic. And I was like, I don't think I can watch this because that's a real fear. These kids out on the road driving around, these like little babies we know. High, drunk, on mushrooms. They shouldn't be out there. I don't like that. But because those are real premium fears, I think your brain can't really handle that level of like these teenagers might end up in these horrible situations.

52:36So it's like, yeah, cough medicine. It like funnels into things your brain can sort of handle. Does that make sense? Yes. Howard Stern used to say this all the time, but like your brain can't even focus on dying for any length of time. You'll think of something else because your brain is not going to let you sit there and really focus on it. It's not a good zone. It's not a good zone. Yeah, I've been thinking this a lot lately. And I guess the reason I've been thinking about it a lot is because of the fervor of anger and how upset everyone is politically and just kind of countrywide. And some part of me just keeps going, yeah, dude, you're on this planet for a minute.

53:16And you literally get to think about whatever you want and you get to get angry or upset or in love. You're just on this ride and you're going to be gone. and we're here for some period and we'll be gone. And this planet was here for a minute and it'll be gone. It's like on some level, I think it's healthy to zoom out a bit and go like, yeah, all your concerns, although they are valid, there's a reality of how you're spending your time on this trip, on this planet, which also needs to be evaluated and balanced. There's an old Bob Newhart sketch. This is reminding me of, and he was a therapist on his show and people would come in to his, I feel like I may have told you this already, but people would come into his office on the sketch on the Bob Newhart show.

53:57And he was a therapist and he would sit there with his paper and pen and they would start saying all the things. And he would go over to them and shake them and go, stop it. Yeah, that's how he would break through. And they would be like, but my mother and my father, and they didn't, and it wasn't good. And what they did to myself, stop it. Yes. And you just go like, stop it. This whole country just needs someone to grab by the shoulders and just go stop. Exactly. And I have to say it to myself, and I think of that sketch, and Jackie, stop it all the time. But what's really crazy is that this whole journey has not been an anxiety-riddled journey.

54:32It's the antithesis. It's like, I am a machine who handles things. Yeah. I just handle - Confidence, really. Confidence building. Who's she, bitch? Yeah. I know, it's crazy. That's so cool. I know. I want to get really philosophic. Okay. Death. Yeah. Even if you walk through all of that - Jackie, step in that coffin. Because we'll be there. Rob's going to pull out a subcompact machine gun. Okay, well, now I want to go. Even if you work through, like, so much of the catastrophization, right, of everything is, like, you stop at the big event. And then you don't walk beyond that. Okay, someone died in a car accident.

55:06What's after that? And I think you have our own death to think about, which is, like, truly, you're not going to know. Right. Like, you're fearing something you can't experience. So what a waste, right? Because you're not going to know. And that's that. So there's nothing to feel bad about on your behalf because you're not going to suffer. There's no moment you're going to be reflecting and going, oh, I wish I was still there. That's not what's going to happen. So, okay, I don't need to feel bad for me because I'm not going to experience any discomfort. So now we're just talking about the sadness of death is for the people that are left there, right?

55:37But even that, you need to think about all that. I've lost people. I've lost my father. I kind of love my dad more now than I ever have. I don't know. I don't know if that's where we would have gotten to if you made it to 100. I don't know. The love and the infusion of the people that are here, that's not going anywhere. You can't take that from me. I can miss my day-to-day interaction with you, but I think the best version of me would be like, fuck, yeah, I got to meet that person on this trip. So it's like even if you start working through what it'll really look like on the other side of these things we're so afraid of, it's like, well, the person that died, they got no issues.

56:10It's the people that are alive. But then there's also all kinds of beautiful ways that the people who are then living get to channel that person and talk about the person. Like, you know, it's all manageable. We're not so fucking fragile. No, that is my takeaway. People ask all the time. They're like, so are you now like, don't sweat the small stuff? And I was like, are you sick? You're either sick or dumb. No, I'm going to sweat the small stuff for fucking ever. No, I am still just as upset about minutiae as I was before this whole thing. But the big difference is that exact thing. There's this perspective shift where I'm not that fragile.

56:50I got it. Like I am, you know, I think in our lives we're always told, you don't say good things about yourself. That's conceited. That's this, that's that. But I am a fucking badass warrior who did these crazy difficult things. And I just did them. And if you are going through this, you can do that. You'll just do that. When I'm DMing with anybody that's going through it, my first thing is I'm always just like, you got this. Even if you don't think you got, you do. You'll be on the other side of this. I was DMing with one girl who was like, I'm two weeks out and I'm so miserable. Am I ever going to feel better?

57:25And I was like, queen, you will be dancing a soft shoe without having breast cancer. I mean, truly in three weeks. Yeah. But two weeks sucks. Oh, it sucks. Yeah, it sucks. And you don't want to talk about that because I want people to do what they need to do. No, but it's part of it. But it's like, it sucks. The recovery is rough. I will say the most eye-opening part of my dad's cancer thing was taking him to chemo. And in that room was almost 100 % women in their 30s. Scared. And I was like, whoa, this is not what I was expecting. I thought it was going to be a bunch of old men who smoke cigarettes hooked up to these machines.

58:02And I was like, oh, there's a real epidemic. I know people have been saying it, but like to see it in person. The chemo room is just full of women with breast cancer. It's crazy. It's like the numbers of people who get breast cancer. It's like 20 ,000 people per state per year. Oh my goodness. I mean, it's just a massive, that's an ish. So there's states where it's 10 or 11. It's crazy. And I always say this too, but I'm a doctor person. I got a doctor for every part of my body. I go to the doctor. For something like this to get past me, it's not like I'm my head in the sand person. Exactly. I have a girlfriend who was helping me with some interior design stuff.

58:39And she was like, yeah, my mom has it, but I just haven't been tested. And I was like, your mom has BRCA? Yeah. And you're just braw dogging it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't judge. In my mind, I did. I didn't out loud judge. But it's like, you gotta. Yeah, you gotta do the thing. I do really have trouble understanding. Whatever you do with the information, I guess, is your choice. it's just really hard for me to wrap my brain around you knowing. I'm not that way, but I totally get it. And I'm fine with it. Not which way? My way is I'd rather know. I thought you were saying not know. And I was like, bro, I'm going to shake you.

59:09No, but I understand it. I'm going to shake you. I understand people who choose to not know. I think it's fine. And I think I have that feeling because with my dad, I really tried to get him to do certain things. And after he was gone, I was like, A, what a waste of time that was. B, it was tension we didn't need. And guess what? That was his fucking journey to do however he wants. Guess what? It wasn't my fucking business or my choice. And so when my stepdad got it, he made some nuts decisions. I became the spokesperson for the Prostate Cancer Foundation so I could get him into a trial. I get him into this trial no one can get into.

59:48He goes to one appointment. He's like, yeah, I'm not going to do it. And because I had already had my dad, I was like, cool, man, this is yours, dude. This is your ride. And I totally honor it. And I wasn't resentful. So I do totally respect people who are like, oh, yeah, it doesn't interest me. I'm on the journey. I'm on and I'm cool with it. I'm fine with that. That's not what I would do. It doesn't bother me too much because I do think that's all you have for your autonomy is really you deciding. And whether that to me makes no sense or not, it's like it's the one thing you have. And you decide if you don't want.

1:00:20And apparently, I mean, thank God a million times. Again, I don't know about chemo, but it's not uncommon for people to say, I think I'm all set. Oh, it's going to make me cry. I think I'm all set. Yeah. I've done it. I've already done it. I don't want to do this anymore. In the Atul Gawande way, you really do have to evaluate, is this a quantity play or a quality play? 100%. Both are legitimate. What are we talking about for three weeks? Three weeks. I mean, even if you think it's years, but if you're going to be in a bed the whole time, it's like, well, I want to be in a bed. Let's compare 18 months to nine months, but nine months I can go on walks with my family in Europe.

1:00:53In the other version, I sit in a bed for 18 months and people come and cry next to me. Who's to say which one is? And look at me like I'm already gone. It's right. I mean, everyone gets to decide. Everyone gets to make their own decision. You occasionally hear these stories where it's like the dad didn't tell anyone he had cancer. Everyone's so mad. So mad. And everyone's so shocked by that. But I did say to Chris and I'm like, you know, I'm not ruling that out because I don't wish to spend the last year of my life breaking everyone's heart I'm in love with. So sue me. I don't want my last year of my life with my girls looking at me with total sadness and I'm ruining their existence versus I'm still dying on the same day.

1:01:33And I might tell you three months before so you can do whatever closure you want. It doesn't seem as crazy to me as when I would first hear about it. Like, guess what? It's my last year of life, motherfuckers. Right. How do I want to spend it? Being pitied? That's my most hated fucking feeling. So I don't know. It's a fucking tough one. If it's for them, you might want to ask now. Well, I brought it up the other day. It didn't go well. How would you want? Because like I prefer having time, being on the other side. Like my grandfather was basically dying for so long. Too long. Too long. And it was hard, but I'm glad it happened that way.

1:02:11Because I did get to mourn his death before his body died. And that was good for me personally. Right. Because then by the time he died, I really could feel gratitude for him. And the time you were able to spend with him, given you had the information. And really say goodbye and really feel all the feelings. So if it's for the people in your life, you might want to give them the option. I'll just say for the record, I don't currently have any terminal diagnosis. And there might be a day when you ask me if I have that, when I say I'd rather not answer that because I refuse to lie to you. No. And then you'll know.

1:02:49Now I have to ask you every day. God damn it. And I have to carry around a piece of wood. It's exhausting. My poor nuts. My poor good damn nuts. I have a quick question. Please. When you got the diagnosis, did it do anything, or even when you got the surgeries, did it do anything to your identity? Did it do anything to your female identity? I love that question. Believe it or not, it really didn't. Good. It didn't at all. I'm so glad you did that. And I'm also speaking with people who are very worried about that. And I feel for them because my boobs are not why I feel like a woman. I mean, no part of me is really why I feel like a woman.

1:03:28I don't know. I've never been classically feminine in a lot of ways where like a wedding doesn't really speak to me. When you wore tux at your bat mitzvah. I wore tux at my bat mitzvah. I had to learn from a friend the hard way how to celebrate when someone has an engagement ring because I was like, oh, it's so pretty. And then she called me later and was like, I don't even know how to have this conversation with you. Everybody but you screamed and went crazy. Okay, but that's on, I'm sorry. I don't know who that is. That's on that one. It is a little bit, but it's also like, I get it. I'm reacting to it in a way that I don't really want an engagement ring.

1:04:02I don't really care. It's not something that ever meant anything to me. I know I think similarly, I've never been a woman who is like my sexuality and my femininity. You know what would make me lose my sense of self is if I woke up and I wasn't funny tomorrow. Yes, exactly. I would jump off a bridge. Yeah, totally. But if I have to get a life-saving surgery. Also, I remember going on a carpet, truly, way too soon after the surgery because I'm disturbed. And I went to one of the award shows. And a girlfriend of mine who was at the award show, who'd been through the whole thing, and was who actually recommended the doctors to me, she DM'd me afterwards and was like, oh my gosh, you look amazing, so excited, let me know when your surgery is.

1:04:42because she was like, you obviously didn't get it yet. You're in an award show doing amazing with new perky tits. And I was like, oh no, I did it already. And so because of things like this and because of what an amazing job they did. I think I'd feel differently if I was like, oh my God, I got hatcheted. Yeah, and your value, you know your value is in place there. But for some people it is. I know a lot of people are writing to me too, being like, I'm not getting the reconstruction. I don't want to do it. That sounds like a headache. I'm like, okay. Yeah. Again, everyone makes sense. To each their own.

1:05:15Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:05:27Okay, I want to transition to a couple professional questions. Please. One is it, I don't think we've talked about any of your previous trips here, but when you were 18 after a semester at Delaware, you and Aggie Gold, your agent from Fresh Face Talent. I hate you. And your mother. Never hated you more. Came out to LA on a break after the first semester. And you meet Jessica Biel, and you end up living with her and her family in Calabasas. But the thing that was, there's so many interesting things to that. I don't know how you could possibly have a question about such an obvious thing. The one I'm most obsessed with is it said you guys met at a TV guide.

1:06:06Awards. Okay, so just explain to me what the award show was that you met at and why you would have been there if you're a student at Delaware. The answer to the question is yes. So when I was 18, I came out on this break and I was friends with Ben Salisbury, who was the son on the nanny. and I had been on the nanny twice. Yeah. Playing, to remind everyone, young Fran Drescher. Yes. And then... Sort of young Fran Drescher but a different incarnation of her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So first I played her second cousin and then I played a girl in the classroom that was supposed to be... The flashback. Basically exactly like her.

1:06:43I'm friends with Ben. He's one of my only California friends and he knew that I loved Jessica Biel and he was like, just so you know, people call her Jessie. I'm like, okay, sick. hope one day to be able to utilize that. So he was invited to the TV Guide Awards, which were hosted that year by Drew Carey. Okay. Of course. But it was the most, I mean, low rent doesn't even cut it. We'll have to Google like what a TV Guide Award even looks like. So you were his date? I was like his friend date and our moms were friends. And so it was me and Ben, I believe his mom and my mom. And then Jessica Biel was there, who I love.

1:07:18Was she nominated for a TV Guide Award? Probably. She must have been. era. And Ben was probably nominated for The Nanny because that was still on. So maybe it was like, you know, Best Kid, the TV Guide Awards, like Best Kid Actor. They used to also have like the Young Hollywood Awards. And that I coveted. Oh, I coveted going to the Young Hollywood Awards. Young Holly really wanted to be involved. But I wasn't getting hired at that time at all. So I was Ben's plus one and then I met Jesse Beal there. He was like, Jackie, this is Jesse. And I just was immediately like, oh, dude, I love you. I'm obsessed with you.

1:07:50Yeah. And she was like, oh, thanks so much. She has a deeper voice than me, which is crazy. Yeah, it's a great voice. Thanks so much, dude. Yeah. And then we became immediate friends. Okay. But really quick, that's already a rare event. She's already on TV. She goes to TV Guide Awards. She meets you and she's like, yeah, I have space to start hanging out with you. It's weird, no? Weird. Yeah. But we were immediately like our personalities. Similar to me and KB, we're like, you wouldn't necessarily think, but then it just works. There's a symmetry. Similar thing with KB. I mean, she wasn't a TV star yet, but when we met, we were like, oh, there was like an immediate game recognizing game.

1:08:25Like funny, snarky. But very complimentary. You guys are in very defined lanes that are not the same. Correct. I, for example, am not America's sweetheart. Yeah, nor I. We, however, are in similar lanes. So Jess, we became super fast friends. We exchanged numbers. And then the next day I was leaving in like four days and I was like, oh, what are you doing? And she was like, oh, let's go. I'm going to Tybo. Oh, Tybo. Remember Tybo? Oh, Tybo Boxing. Billy Blanks. Billy Blanks, BB. I have not heard the term Tybo in 20, 30 years. Truly. And then she was who convinced me. I don't know that she admits this, but she is who convinced me to drop out of college.

1:09:03Oh. And it wasn't a hard convince. Right. It literally, I was like, I can't live here. I have nowhere to live. She was like, live with my family. And I was like, see you, Delaware. So that part is the interest. So when she was on 7th Heaven, what ages were you guys? I was 18. She was 17. Okay, so that's why she lived at home. And her parents were like, absolutely, invite your friend you just met to live in our home. Because I got to be honest, when my girls come home from the TV Guide Award show and they tell me someone's moving in, I'm going to go, that's not happening. I think perhaps you're not.

1:09:31It is happening, Kristen. Of course. Yeah, I'll go to Nashville, I guess, and ignore the whole situation. When I first met Kristen, there were seven people living in her home. Exactly. At a minimum. Same, when I started dating her. And I was just like, do I dare broach this? something. Any of these seven folks paying rent? I know. No, no, not one of them. And it paid off because those people are Ryan and Amy and other people. Exactly. That's right. Of course. Yep. Did you feel awkward living in a family's home or did you dropped right in? You're no problem for you. You already know. I am a person.

1:10:08Mom, can you bring me soup? Kim Beal, Jess's mom taught me how to write a check. Cause I moved out of the house. So literally like taught me how to pump gas. I moved out of the house so young. I went to college for one semester. I'd barely had my like driver's license for a year. I was so young. And my parents, to their credit, well, once they knew I was moving in with this like TV stars family and my parents met her parents and everything was super sweet and I wasn't going to stay for long. It was just to like get me on my feet and get me out here. How long did you stay? Three years? It was seven.

1:10:38It was seven years. It's coming up on seven. It's coming up on 25 at the end of this month. It was like less than six months. And were you guys just out on the town together? Always. We were like putting on wigs and dressing crazy and going to friends parties at like UCLA. The pictures from that time are crazy. Also, when she invited me to Taibo, this is so good. I think it's going to be a Taibo class. Like it's like taking a Pilates class and they're like, this is Joseph Pilates. You're like, no, it was Billy Blanks who taught the class. And in the class was Brandy, Sinbad, Me and Jessica Biel.

1:11:14Fuck yeah. Oh my God. I wish there was a picture from that. That's a better cast than was at the TV Guide Awards. By a mile. For sure. No, another thing I wanted to say about your career is, I think it started with a question. I was going to ask the question, you've toured both as a musician and you've toured as a stand-up. I just want to confirm my hunch, which is, is it easier to do music? Oh, by a million miles. Like you can even enjoy your free day before you perform. that night? If I was still playing, I'm not doing stand-up as much anymore, hardly ever. And I'm not playing music as much anymore.

1:11:48And it's a little weird. I remember when I was a kid and my aunt was like, I was learning guitar when I was like 18. And she was like, I used to play guitar. And I remember thinking like, you used to, you play guitar, you play guitar. I haven't picked the guitar off the wall in, I mean, a long time. My guess is I was, as you've known for 20 years clawing. My whole career has just been this absolute, I was going to say grift, but it wasn't, I wasn't pulling one over on anyone. It just was like, ah, I'm touring as a musician. I'm touring as a standup. I'm trying to get on TV. I have an agent. My agent dropped me.

1:12:22I'm on American. I'm just like, what can I do? Because all I want to do is make art and be a professional personality. Yeah. So why do I monetize this? Yeah. I got on, nobody wants this. And like, I just calmed the fucked up. Even on Glow, I was like, how do I get? How do I get? What do I get? How of all the people on this show, can I be the one who pops? There's 15 of us. How do I maximize this opportunity? Because it's the last one I'm ever going to have. No, no. Well, of course. Yeah. And then it was for a while and I lost my health insurance for years after Glow and then finally got a weird energy commercial campaign, which was literally California only, which maybe got my health insurance back in like 2022 or three.

1:13:07Yeah. So what started as a question about touring. Got sad. No, it got quite good. That makes me think of, I think the first time I ever cried on the show was Gordon Keith. We were interviewing him live in Dallas and he was telling a story about he was staying in our house. We weren't out of town. And he just went through my big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And in the first page are like all these different dates that have been scratched out. I got sober this time. Then I got sober again this time. And so what's funny is I look at that page and I'm a little bit like, oh my God, I was such a failure.

1:13:40I just couldn't do it right now. Yeah, and Gordon Key's like, I looked at this thing and I was like, dude, this is a guy who won't quit. And I was like, oh, fuck, dude. That really fucked me up. Because I will never give myself that kind of pat on the back. But yeah, throughout all things, I'm a dude who won't give up. And there's a date that isn't crossed out. You know, it's beautiful. It's smudged. Because I did lines of coke off it. But it's not crossed out. But I'm looking at this long road you've been on. Now you're touring. And again, I did the same thing where I was just like, dude, I'll do whatever thing's working slightly better than the other things.

1:14:16Like, I write. Okay. Or I direct. That's what happened. I got on American Island. I was like, oh, that's what it is now? Okay. I'll sing now. Yeah. So I look at your thing and I'm like, this fucking bitch wouldn't quit. It's so rad. This bitch wouldn't fucking quit. That makes me freaking feel so good. That's something to be more proud of than having succeeded right away. Yeah, I agree. Oh, my God. Understatement, not succeeded right away. Yeah, and it's kind of like a testament to it is a war of attrition also. Most people have moved home by now. And we've talked about this, and I talk about you often in interviews where I talk about how the first time I did your pod, you said a similar thing to me, similar to what your boy said about the crossing the dates out.

1:14:57There was a turning point for you where when you're 37 and you still haven't gotten the job and you're in your one bedroom apartment with your 15 year old RAV4, no one's high fiving you for your persistence. No. Yeah, exactly. They feel they're worried about you. They feel bad for you. No one's congratulating you. Yeah. And then the next year I get glow and then I'm doing all this press and everyone going like, your persistence is so admirable and good for you. But six months prior, it was like, we hanging it up. We get in a job. And you pointed that out to me. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's crazy.

1:15:34And the other reason when I talk about it in therapy, I'm like, I might be like something's broken. Sure. Maybe in a good way. Probably in a good and bad way. Uh-huh. Yeah. Where like a lot of people just, they're not going to. I have family members that went on two job interviews and it's too much. Yeah. They were told no both times and they're switching careers now because it's just not an exaggeration. Yeah. And now they're doing something else because the first job didn't work out. And now I am putting a fucking garlic and a cross to that whole career. One rejection? I couldn't count them with a gun to my head.

1:16:04You can't. It's probably thousands. Yeah. You can't survive here with that. Yes and no. Because what I admire about you, and I think it's what I did as well, which is like, I just kept pivoting. Also, you were like, I'd be happy being a singer that tours. You want to invite me to that party? I'm there. 100%. You want to invite me to the acting party? I'm there. 100%. I also think, yes, you shouldn't give up after two, but I also think a lot of people just aren't willing to keep trying different things. You're like so hellbent on this one version it has to be. The other thing is it's impossible to say if you're not getting hired because you're just not good.

1:16:42It's hard to know. Hard to know. Yeah, it's really hard to know. And then it's like, well, it is a little psychotic if you're like, okay, you're almost 40 and you still haven't been really hired in any meaningful way. that means... With any security. For any stability or security. So it's like that same thing happens to people who just don't have the goods. I know. Yeah. It's very tricky. But with me, I was lucky because I was getting enough validation from big people that were like, we're going to give you a development deal. We're going to make you a show. And then just the show didn't go. So I was like, well, somebody thought I was cool enough to like try and make something with.

1:17:18You had bites. It's not like my opinion. I'm like taking in the feedback of this business. And you have the advantage of performing live, which is very encouraging. That's the ticket, too, is when I started really doing stand-up. It was probably a couple years before, well, five years before Glow. That changed my whole life, too, because speaking of pivoting, I was no longer waiting for the phone to ring. I'm a joke machine. Yeah, I'm just going to go out there. Pitching for people. So I'm out. I'm on the town. Managers, comedy people saw me. I went and did Montreal Comedy Festival. You're in action.

1:17:48I'm in action. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that's the number one piece of advice I give. The pivoting is really good too. But the number one piece of advice I give is like, diversify your portfolio, bitch. Do not sit there and be like, I'm an actor. I'm waiting. You can't wait for the phone to ring. And if you're an actor, you better start writing and directing and make your own shit because no one's looking for you. Especially now, there really is no excuse. You can make stuff all day long. You can put it on Instagram. You can put it on YouTube. And we will dismiss you as influencers. Yes, exactly.

1:18:14That's fine. You're going to have to get used to that. Thicken that skin because it's happening. Okay. My very last question. Oh. I think about this often. I mostly think about it when I'm at my men's meeting because there's a bunch of men on different rungs of the ladder. Of the success ladder? Of the success ladder. The Hollywood success ladder. And the financial ladder. This is many status ladders. and I can see for some of these guys, I can feel that they think their position on that rung is important to me or that I even evaluate it. But when you're having those feelings, you're certain other people have decided you're not high status enough for them.

1:18:57And just on the other side, I'm lucky enough now to be on the very high rung of that ladder and I've been on a very low rung of the ladder and I now realize from the high rung, I don't think about what anybody has accomplished or how much money they have. Like, it's all in our own heads. 100%. So I'm just wondering, have you had any kind of reckoning with that? Because, like, you and I have been friends for 18 years. I'm not more friends with you now that you're on Nobody Wants This. And I'm not less friends with you. It has no impact. None. I'm honestly less friends with you because you're busy.

1:19:30Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only thing. It's like I'm kind of swamped. It's like she can't hang out. Yeah. But do you know the thing I'm talking about? And then once you get it, you kind of go like, oh. I will say what it has afforded me is more of a calm. I'm not so fucking thirsty. I don't have to be funny in all situations. That's very self-aware of you to say, by the way. I'm impressed by that. Thanks. I also, I remember years ago meeting like some of my favorite comedians, feeling this need to rise to the occasion. Because I know they're funny. They don't know I'm funny. And there's that thirst of like, you don't even mean to.

1:20:06And I'm not over there like doing a soft shoe, but I'm being like real bitty. And you just get to a point in your life and you're like, well, it's just nice to, you know, who's a really great inspiration in this way is Sarah Silverman. Have you guys had this genius on? Yeah. Many times? Okay. Well, just something that's amazing about her is like, she's never been a bitty person. One of the best to ever do it, in my opinion. She's absolutely a genius and a trailblazer. And she's so calm. Yeah. Tig is another example. You realize that the greats are fucking chilling. What are you doing? and then when I'm somewhere now and someone's like Bit City, I'm like, oh, okay.

1:20:40But I get it. And similar to what you were saying a second ago, it's like they feel insecure. So I don't fault them for that. Oh, yeah. Like if someone's guessing on Nobody Wants This and they're doing a lot of bits and they hear a makeup trailer, it's like, that's me. I see you, that's me. Yeah. And I'm not like, okay, try hard. It's like, yeah, you want people to remember you and think you're cool and I get that. You have one shot. You keep having this one shot. It's sweet and it's like, ah, this industry. I know, it's a nightmare. It's an absolute psychological warfare nightmare. And I think that for me is what, now that I'm here and I'm moderately successful and I feel I'm doing well and I have my health and all the things, I'm just like, oh, I don't, you know what's really interesting?

1:21:21I went to acupuncture. This woman recommended this amazing acupuncturist. She and her daughter, they're this tall. They have black like bob hair. They look like that woman from The Incredibles. Yes, I was just thinking that. They're Korean and they have thick Russian accents. Oh, wow. And they are fascinating. Mixed messages. And they are acupuncturists in Silver Lake, the mother-daughter team. Ooh. Okay. And you want to talk about crying. I went in there and the woman was like, the first thing, she was asking me about my ailments and I was telling her about the breasts and everything. And she goes, you need to.

1:21:57And she's just going like this. I was waving her hands slowly. She's like, calm your nervous system in her thick Russian accent. calm your nervous system and I was telling her this whole story and then she gave me a hug because one just met me and she goes you don't have to entertain anybody oh well then I'll have no value truly I mean well then what am I one of those fucking seaweed people that Ursula turns the mermaids into with the big eyes and I'm just fucking I was like what is what what's the point but I just like it was wow she saw right through you immediately so I was probably like well I did this and I had to do this and I did the mistake I did I had to do the boobs but I'm going to do the other.

1:22:33Like, you know how I'm trying to lighten it for someone else so they can handle it. So she's like, what have you been going through? And I'm doing the song and dance. And she said, you don't have to entertain anybody. Yeah. That's one. And I was like. That's a very sweet way to say it too. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Because what if she had been like, just knock off the bits. Yeah, truly. Enough. Enough, enough, enough, enough. Knock it all off. Enough. Just so rude. Stop it. Stop it. Shaking, stop it. Yeah. But it was just so profound. And like, even though now I'm sitting here being like, Like, so I don't have to do this thing anymore.

1:23:03That was a month ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this acupuncturist, I was like doing a soft shoe number four. Wow. Because I just was telling her about my trauma. And so I was trying not to make it heavy. I could just as easily have like taken a breath and calmly just given her. She's like, you need to have a new mantra. And it's this. And you have to say it like this. And it sounds so trite. It's whatever. I don't care. In that like breathy. Also, Joe and I were talking about like when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Like how many times in my life people have been like, you want to calm the fuck down?

1:23:35Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can enjoy you two. Relax. But this time. You could hear it. I just was like, oh, yeah. I need to breathe, bro. Yeah. Yeah. On one. Yeah. That's great. I love you guys. I love you. I love you so much. Okay. Everybody, the four reasons that you should be getting genetic tested. rare cancer repetitive multiple cancers young cancer or if you're an Ashkenazi Jew get your test at learnmyrisk.com I'll probably do it anyway you should do it you should why not why is it so easy to spit in a tube exactly I spit in them all day long just for fun you really do you do he loves his you and Tim I love you I love you guys this was so special thank you for having me happy to have you we'll do it again soon bye everyone I love you see you on season 3 wow oh yeah I'm on Nobody Wants This.

1:24:28Just a quick reminder that as part of our summer break, here's a rerun of one of our favorite fact checks. I have an update. You have an update? What is it? I was right again. Oh, wow. Great. Yeah. It feels so good to be right, doesn't it? Yeah. So remember when I said you were right about my period and I gave you a whole thing about that? You were wrong. Oh, OK. So it's a bad day for me and a good day for you. And I was right the whole time. Yeah. The day I said is the day, which is today. Congratulations. Thank you. It came. So now we have, we still don't know why you had your clothes on backwards.

1:25:03Yeah. That's still a big question. The original mystery remains. My mom liked being right so much, she made up a song. And you'd hear her singing it occasionally throughout the house. And it was, it's such a good feeling to know that you're right. Wow. Yeah. There were more lyrics, but that's the, I guess the chorus. That was the main takeaway. That's what I remember. Takeaway. Do you think you really like, because you grew up hearing that, you really embodied it? I just know it feels great to be right. Yeah, but it's like, do you know because of the song or do you know? I heard the funniest thing once from an editor, a film editor who had cut a couple movies from an actor.

1:25:42And he said, yeah, you know, his thing is if he has his way, his character's arc is that he'll find out he was right the whole time. instead of learning a lesson. Yeah. His lesson will be he'll find out he was right the entire time. That's really funny. It does feel good to be right. It does. It's just important not to gloat. You know? Exactly. I guess that's all you can do. And I guess it's good to tell other people when they're right, like I do. Yeah. Even though you were wrong. I was wrong, yeah. You know, this was just a topic last night in a 12-step meeting, which was in the book. it said something about big shot ism you know like uh what's it say uh you know just like that we have to avoid big shot don't be a big shot yeah yeah and um i was thinking maybe the best you can do is you just don't say anything like you're gonna think things i don't know that you can control whether you think something it's just like the thought pops into your head And really, again, the space between your thought and your actions, therein lies peace or whatever the saying is.

1:26:51Freedom. Therein lies freedom. So I was thinking like, no, I still have some pretty grotesque thoughts. I've just gotten good at not saying them. And I feel like that's all I'm capable of and I'm proud enough of that. Yeah. I mean, yes, I don't think we can control our thoughts, but we can control everything else. After the thought. So we must. Yeah, increase our bust. We must, we must. We don't have to do that. Everyone's boots are gray. I'm trying to increase my bust pretty regularly. I'm doing bench press, which is for the pectorals. Yeah, but you don't have to increase. No one has to increase their bust.

1:27:28No, it's not a must. No. It's a choice. But it is from Greece. No wonder I hate it. Oh, yeah, that's right. You don't like Greece. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. I'm the only person in the world that does it. Because I don't like musicals. And even I'm like, it's fun. Really? Yeah. We made out under the dark. No, please stop. Is that song in particular one you hate? I don't like any of the songs. You know, my brother, when he was just a young baby boy, he would be crying in the car. He was a baby. And my mom put the Grease soundtrack on. To soothe them? Yes. And it worked. And especially this one song.

1:28:08And so I had to listen to it on repeat. to keep him from crying. I got it. You've associated it with your brother's annoying behavior. It's separate. No, that's what's going on. I already hated it. You know, it's so funny when you think back, like my brother also was obsessed with the Backstreet Boys. Interesting. As a little boy. Oh, that's cute. It's so cute. And I'm sure I was mean to him about it. Of course you were. Does he want to go to the Sphere? No, exactly. I thought about it recently. I was like, oh, he should go to that. That's his favorite band. Yeah, when he was six. I still like everything I liked when I was six musically.

1:28:48Like I never came to hate anything that I once loved musically. Right. Have you? I'm trying to think. I mean, I just liked so much top 40 that I'm sure, I mean, it's hard to say. Now if I heard it, I'm associating it with that time. So of course I'll like it. Yeah. But do I like it? Probably not. Well, this brings up an update for me. So my deepest superstition, as you already know, do you know what's my deepest superstition? Putting hats on. There's one worse than that. Where it really is like, it's, oh, I'm like, oh my God. Can you give me a hint? Because I do want to guess. It's musical. Oh, you have to listen to a song.

1:29:28Twice. There's a certain song you have to listen to twice. If I hear it accidentally, I have to. And which one is it again? So my stepdad used to play this song like at full volume. And it was like, again, it's associated with like maximum chaos. Yes. My brother and him fighting, and that song was always playing. And I just got it in my head that, like, if I heard it once, I had bad luck, and then I had to hear it again. But I was not allowed to touch his record player, and he had the album. So I had no control over it. The song is Jump by Van Halen. What? Wild jump. Yeah. So I was in Nashville, and because I'm in my old cars, and they don't have any way to play my phone through some of them, I was listening to the radio a ton.

1:30:06Oh. So I was driving down the road by myself and all of a sudden jump came on. Did you slam? My first thought, well, my trick is if I hear it on the radio, I know this is a total workaround that everyone will call bullshit on, but I'll turn the channel to another channel, then turn it back. And I try to count that as a second. Oh. Which is, we both know that's bullshit, but that's the best I can do. Okay, listen, there's no rules because it's all made up to your head. It's all asinine. Yes, yes. I don't know why, but this song came on when I was in Nashville and I go, we're done with this. good job.

1:30:37We're done with this. Yeah. And I'm not going to try to listen to it twice. And then I go, and in fact, I'm adding it to my liked songs. So now it is in my liked songs, which I listen to all the time. And it comes on once. And I'm like, it's a great fucking song. And you're going to get over it. And you're going to love immersion therapy. You're going to enjoy it. So I've been listening to it one time, randomly a lot. And does your nose slowly bleed when you listen only once? No, my eyes tear black. like Wednesdays. And have you had any bad luck since you started this? No, nothing discernible.

1:31:13No, in fact, I feel like I'm on good luck. I'm on a good luck wave. I've discovered this documentary, the Cowboys documentary, not the cheerleading one, which is also great. Great. But a history of Jerry Jones buying the Cowboys. Are you watching it, Rob? I am not. Buddy, I haven't liked a doc this much since Last Dance. You don't? What? You just asked Rob because he's a boy? Uh-huh, because he loves football. Because he loves football, not because he's a boy. If there was a doc on the row, I'd go, Monica, have you seen the doc on the row? But I love Last Dance. You know that. I know you do. Have you seen it, Monica?

1:31:50Can you admit that you could have just asked everyone? I could have, but if there was a row documentary, I wouldn't ask Rob. Rob does like football. That's fine. He loves football. Also, he might love to watch the doc on the row. It's probably great. It's great. It's probably going to be great. I'm going to make it and produce it. I had a really strong feeling you hadn't watched the Cowboys documentary. Unfortunately, I was correct. Is it America's team? The Gambler and his Cowboys? The Gambler and his Cowboys. Okay. It's awesome. I do think you should watch it. This was all to encourage you to watch it.

1:32:22I'm not leaving you out. I just wanted to see if I could get a two-way encouragement to you to give it a shot. Yeah. Because you do not need to care about football. But you know I don't like peer pressure. Okay. So you don't want me to. Okay. So just be regular. You wanted me to ask if you've watched it and then not recommend it. No, that's not what happened. I just didn't want you to specifically ask the male in the room about a dog. The football lover. When you just equated it to Last Dance. So we know it's not just for I don't like basketball. You don't like basketball, yeah. And The Last Dance is basically my favorite show that's ever happened.

1:33:02I know. It's a great one. Anywho. Okay, so you want me to watch it or you think everyone should watch it. It's incredible. Okay. What characters. Jerry Jones is such a character. Can I just give you a taste of what happens? So he is a very young guy and he is, I guess, a wildcat they call him. Maybe that's not the right term. But he is buying oil fields, hoping to strike oil. He is so over leveraged. He's like$50 million in debt as a young man. And he just keeps gambling. And when he describes the oil well he hits, the noises it was making, and when it just started gushing. And then that one oil well made him$100 million.

1:33:46Wow. And then he immediately took that money and bought the Cowboys. Wow. And the Cowboys are the most valuable sports team in the world. Yes, I knew that. Every sport included. Yeah. Like a$13 billion value of that team. Wild. Yeah, and then he grabs this coach out of college, Jimmy Johnson. And it's just a great story. Do you think it's because he has two J's? It makes it really great that the alliteration's there. But like he has two J's. So he's like the only people I can hire. It's like a small pool because it has to have two J's. They were on a championship college football team together.

1:34:25And they knew each other forever. And did you ever watch the U? Yeah, the 30 for 30. You did? Yes, I did. So he was the coach that was like, yeah, you guys. Rod, did you? I did not, no. Well, well, well. Look at that. If you remember, Jimmy Johnson was the one that was like, yeah, be black. Don't listen to this bullshit that you're a thug. Right. He's cool. Yeah, he is cool. Yeah. And those two, the owner and him, you know. It's tough to share glory. It's tough to share glory. It's tough to share glory. I'm not done with it. I don't ever want it to end. I love when there's a show like that. Yeah, that was too much for me.

1:35:06The show too much on Netflix. Oh, I did start it per your recommendation and I love it. Right. It's great. It's so it does give me anxiety. OK, tell me because she's so fragile. Like anything could she could unravel over almost anything. And so it does trigger my like, oh, my God, if I was around someone who was always like I don't know if they're gonna unravel at this moment is very stressful to me I don't know how far you're in but it's it's interesting the way they I love him he's so hot he's so hot so hot I listened to this one thing on it that I thought broke it down really really well where they were like this show does such a good job of um highlighting the highest or like the most manic parts of a relationship the beginning and the end because she's come She has this other relationship she has come out of.

1:36:04Yeah. And it's very tumultuous. She's making some really wild. Isn't she so funny? Oh, she's incredible. Oh, my God. She's incredible. And Lena's great when she's on. Yeah. It's a really good show. Really great cast. Really great station. Well, that's when I was rewatching Girls and I was seeing all these people that they cast before. I was like, God, yeah, some people just really have that knack. They have that knack. like Mike White. Yeah, Mike White. Mike White had Will Sharp and Megan Fahey on the same season of White Lotus, which means he's a genius. He is a genius. Anyway, Cowboys, you love them.

1:36:45I'm going to watch. It's so good. It's so good. Now, I am coming off of some good luck as well. You are. Okay. Because it's birthday luck still. I still have birthday luck. and people who listen will remember that at the Bowery, I got a tassel 1111, the room, this is incredible. Yep. Wow, big story, tassel. For my birthday, we went to the Four Seasons and went to the pool. I had to get a room for that. Yeah. So guess what my room number was? You already know, 1111. 1212. 1111 again. Oh, my gosh. This should be your first tattoo. I actually thought that. I bet you did. I already thought it, which is why I can't get it because I guess it's a cliche.

1:37:35Do a lot of people have a love and a love? No, but it's like if you thought and I thought, we all thought it. Or it's just so on brand for you. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not going to get any tattoos. Okay. But if I was, I think it might be that. You could get XIXI. It wouldn't be so obvious. I know, but you know, I'm not really into Roman numerals. That's pretty basic stuff. It's not even, it's just like. It's basic. It's not for me. It is basic. Oh my God. Wait, is this real? I think so. Okay, so for the listener, Rob just put up a photo of Jennifer Aniston, Jen Aniston, and seemingly she has 1111 tattooed on her wrist.

1:38:20Oh, or maybe, oh my God. My God. Yeah. Now you can't because if she, if we ever interview her and you have the same tattoo as her. But now I have to. Oh, that tipped it. It was always meant to be. Yeah. My God. Should I get one? Like, because since I don't really want anyone to see, you think I could just get a really tiny one in between my big toe and my second toe? Toes are rough. The skin rubs off a lot. Fingers, digits, they can be tough. Like my bell's not holding up like the rest of my tattoos. Have you ever gotten one in here? That's what I mean. Yeah, I guess that skin's – it's hard for the tattoo to stay there for whatever reason.

1:39:04I don't know why. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:39:19do you want to hear my maximum sim event of my entire life other than when i guess the song you were you had made up xanthan gum yeah that still is like that can't have happened i know um xanthan gum xanthan gum okay so um i wrote this script called send lawyers guns and money Right. And it was about my last week of drinking in Kauai. Uh-huh. And while I was writing it, I'm just like swimming in the Warren Zeevon song, Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money. Do you know that song? No. Okay. I'll cover my face and sing it to you. I took home the barmaid, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, like I always do. How was I to know she was with the Russian twos?

1:40:08Hey! And it's send lawyers, guns and money. The shit has hit the fan. So as I'm writing this script and it's about my last week in Hawaii of using, I decide I should learn to play that guitar. I should learn to play that song on the guitar. So I go on YouTube and I'm trying to find some footage of him playing that so I can look at the chords. And I find this video of him in a small venue and he's talking to the crowd. And he says, I wrote this song after, oh, I got to add, my last week of drinking in Hawaii was I was taking a vacation between movies because I was exhausted and I needed a break.

1:40:49Okay. It didn't turn out to be a replenishing trip, as you can imagine. Yeah. So he goes, yeah, I wrote this song after a couple years of hard work, and I decided to take a trip down to the islands of Hawaii. And after a week of improbable danger and something, I decided I shouldn't take vacations. I took home the barmaid, and I was sitting at the computer going, what the fuck? This song is about his week in Hawaii? That's wild. I thought it was going to evaporate into the clouds at that point. My dad was helping your sim even before we met. Well, it's all been orchestrated. I know. From 1987.

1:41:31We don't even know if I existed before 1987. Exactly. Yeah. Because even for you, that was the best year of your life. Yeah. So, like, it's all really stinky. It's fucking stinky. Really stinky in here. Anyway, so birthday luck is continuing. Yeah. Um, birthday weekend was really nice. Ended up at the, oh, I wanted to check something. Maybe another sim moment. Okay. Um, can I look up when War Dogs was? I'm gonna, I already did. 2016. Dang. Oops. One year off. Okay. Because in 2016, it was my birthday.

1:42:19and Kristen planned you're turning 29 I guess no yeah I was turning 29 and Kristen planned an escape room party for me and her and you and a group of people it was it was really exciting we get there go inside we're ready to escape and she had accidentally booked it for the wrong day which was fine. It was like, what are we going to do now? It's also textbook bell. It is. This is kind of her move. It happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, it was like, what are we going to do now? And we pivoted plans. It was your idea. You said, let's go to the chateau and have dinner, have bolognese. I had never been there and I'd been trying to go for a long time.

1:43:07And it was really exciting and fun. Then we saw war dogs. That was like a big birthday, I remember. And it was a good pivot. And the bolognese was so good. And it was very exciting. And on my birthday, it was a lazy day. I stayed at the Four Seasons. So then I like woke up and I was just lazy. Callie told me I should order a milkshake in my robe room service. I didn't. Oh, okay. That's a rough way to start your day with a milkshake. That's why. I was like, it's too early. It's going to be downhill from there. But it also sounded nice. But yeah. Yeah. Anyway, and then I went to Sunset Tower. Oh, I went shopping.

1:43:43I got myself a cute outfit. And I went to Sunset Tower. And then Sunset Tower turned into the chateau where I had bolognese for dinner. You did. I did. And I thought, oh my gosh. Did you see anyone? No, I don't think so. I don't really look. You don't see very well. Yeah, I don't have good eyes. And I thought it was its 10-year anniversary, but I guess it was its 9-year anniversary. Right. So that is not as sim as I wanted it to be. Okay. It's still great. Still great. Great day. That's a fun tradition. It is a fun tradition. Maybe that'll be a new tradition. Yeah. Yeah. You want to ask Monica out?

1:44:26Oh, yeah. Speaking of this. Okay. I probably shouldn't do it like this with this like long face. Yeah, it sounds like bad news is coming. It's not bad news. Great news. Great news for the world. Travis and Taylor are engaged. Oh, right. Yeah. And everyone is happy and I'm so happy. She seems so happy. It makes me feel really fuzzy. Like she got it all and she deserves it. And I love it. And it's hopeful. Yeah, great. You know, Lincoln said that they like announced it. they either announced it or like a teacher the teacher came like into the classroom and told everything oh really yeah it's all girls school all girls school this is incredible anyway um but i i forgot that the whole reason they're together is their podcast new heights he so he went to the concert to try to give her some phone number yes and but he didn't he couldn't see her So then on the show, his brother asked, how was the concert?

1:45:27He said, well, I'm kind of butt hurt because I really wanted to talk to her, but she doesn't talk to people before or after shows. I wanted to give her my bracelet. It has my phone number on it. Yeah. Okay. Oh, did he put his phone number in the bracelet? Yeah. Oh, that's adorable. Yeah, yeah. And look, that got him a wife. Yeah. And here we are. One of the more coveted wives out there. Wives of all time. Yeah, yeah. Yes, and here we are almost eight years in to this show, and I have zero husbands. Yeah, but, but, but. Okay, so I don't mean to complain. So what she did is she heard that. Yeah.

1:46:07And then she reached out and he said yes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's a lot of people in the comments that are saying you're hot and they want to meet you. But see, you. Go ahead. You have said many times you don't want to date a listener. Unless they're Taylor Swift. okay also she wasn't a listener just got back to her okay okay so who like I mean I could on here you know what's unfair I would look crazy and he didn't look crazy and that's well he had a lot going for him no it's not going for me what do you mean no it's it's it's inherently adorable that this enormous football player, this gruff bone crusher, made a Taylor Swift bracelet.

1:46:58Yeah. So you have to do something as completely out of the box as that. That's what made that so adorable. It's like, oh, wow, that guy made a bracelet with his number for Taylor Swift. Yeah, it was really cute. There's a lot to the product. What am I supposed to do? Like go beat someone up? And then have scars on and like talk about that? Yeah, I mean, get good with a butterfly knife and pull a butterfly. Like you gotta, you gotta put the same effort he put into it. It takes like four minutes to make a friendship bracelet. You have to start by pursuing someone, which he did. Fuck. Yeah. So yeah, you're gonna have to pursue like he did.

1:47:33And then he got the woman of his dreams. Okay. You're, yes, that is all true. This is all correct. But, and I'm kidding. And I do think, maybe I'm wrong, but I want to be honest. It's such a good feeling to know that you're right. I want to be honest. I think if a girl did that, did that exact thing he did. Yeah. Went to Chris Martin's show. Mm-hmm. Wanted to give him a thing, didn't get to, went on her podcast and was like, ugh, like I didn't get to give him my phone number. I'm sad about that. I don't think people would think it was as cute as what happened. Again, you're trying to frame it as female, male.

1:48:15I'm just asking. I'm not trying to say it's sexist, but I'm really trying, like, I'm being honest. Well, you said if a girl did that. Yeah. Yeah. So you are framing it as if there's a double standard between men and women. But I'm not trying to make it. I'm just being honest about the fact that I think I even would be like, that's not cute. If he had gone to a Shania Twain concert hoping to bump into her and give her a number, that's not what it was. You're really ignoring the fact that it was a huge NFL player that was a Swifty. That was such a that that's such a unique thing. That's what's happening there.

1:48:48It's not that he's male or female. It's that here's the last guy you expect to be a Swifty is a Swifty. Well, then. OK, so then that's. So that'd be like you going to find some grungy punk rock dude and you come and bring him flowers or something. You know, that's that's just not my type. Right. But that's why that's not a story. But it's not because you're a woman. And it's because it's not this crazy first time you've ever heard this. Yeah. Was he a Swifty or was he just wanting to date her? I think he's a Swifty. Well, now he knows to make the bracelet. Now he's a Swifty. I bet he's a lot of Andrew Schultz is a huge Swifty.

1:49:26I know. So then if a lot of people are Swifties, then why would it be? Mostly women are Swifties. I've been to a show. It's 90 plus percent female. Yeah, I guess. That might be an exaggeration. It's very female. Okay, well, whatever. I guess this is getting twisted. So if you were like, if there was like some punk band that only dudes liked, Megadeth. Ew. See? I don't even know what that is, but I'm never going to date a death guy. Pro-death. Not even pro. We're trying to make this apples to apples. So you would have to have entered into the most masculine scene. And people go like, oh, my God, this cute little girl.

1:50:10OK. Likes these headbangers. Oh, my God, that guy kind of looks like you on the right. Oh, boy, that's not flattering. No, different hair. What do you mean? He's not unattractive. That's a story. That's my point. Is you showing up at that show? Is it you showing up at a Slayer show and you're in love with the drummer is hilarious? This is them now. So there may be a little older. You know, yeah. you got to find the equivalent of Magadeth or Metallica of this era. And people go like, Oh, that's super cute. Liberal little podcast host loved that crazy maniac rocker. That's a story, but I'm going to push on back on that.

1:50:54Like, it's not, it's not crazy for any man to like Taylor Swift. She's a, she's a very cute blonde. blonde, pretty girl with a talent. I think it's crazy. And the reaction would substantiate that. That one of the most gruesome NFL players was a Swifty. That is, that's why it was so contagious. Well, a Swifty versus wanting to go on a date with her. Yeah, I'm saying Swifty. Yeah. When I heard it, it was like, this guy knows about the bracelets. He made her a bracelet. He's a Swifty. Okay. You're saying it so like, you know, 100 % and we don't. Because he went there. He said he went there. Because he was a Swifties in love with her.

1:51:38He wanted to give her a number. He wanted, yeah, he wanted to give her. You're saying he just wanted to fuck her. No, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying he liked her. Like he was like, I want to date that girl. That girl seems awesome. She's pretty. She's talented. She's cool. I want to date her. Like I think a lot of men think about Taylor. I will say, and I don't know about the Megadeth community, But my guess is. Great backstory. Dave Mustang was in Metallica and left. He got kicked out of the band and then started that band, which became their big rival. Oh. Right, Rob?

1:52:15Is that the story? He's in a doc talking about how it haunted him, even though he sold 15 million records still. Oh, wow. Still thought about getting kicked out of Metallica. Rebellious. Yeah. Well, I'm sure a lot of women want to date and marry them. marrying Megadeth I'm going to just say as a whole is a real choice yeah you don't want to well I don't know I've never met them so maybe I'd love them they're also way older again I'm saying the equivalent of Megadeth I know but I'm just saying I think that's like a real choice and I think dating Taylor is like dating Bradley Bradley or like Timmy or like someone huge in the popular zeitgeist, not niche.

1:53:10Okay. They're enormous. They sold$15 million. Okay, great. I'm proud of them. Metallica's not niche at all. Metallica is - No, I know Metallica. Yeah, yeah. But no, it's still niche to date. What I think, we have a different opinion. I think what was charming about the entire Travis Taylor story is that this big NFL player was a sweetie at heart because he was a swifty. Yeah, he's a sweet boy. And I think an equally big story would be that this sweetie, liberal little girl is into this crazy off-the-chain band. That's the story that I'm seeing. Other people would also find that charming. And the members would be, the guys, the women that came to shows, I've been to these shows, the ones that came that were attracted to Megadeth, they looked like they were in Megadeth.

1:53:55Yeah, exactly. You don't. If you showed up in the row with flowers, that's a story. Yeah, but I just don't like that music very much. And no one would think you're crazy. They'd be so charmed by how unexpected this obsession is of yours. Right. I guess you're right. There's an element of unexpected. I'm just, the problem is I'm not unexpected. Yes, you are in areas that you don't have any interest in. What do you mean? You don't like Metallica. That's what I'm saying. That's expected. I'm saying I'm not, I'm saying the problem is I'm not unexpected. The things I like are expected. Right. So this is the problem is my point.

1:54:34Yeah. So I'm not going to be able to go to Megadeth. Because you're going to give flowers to the same guy every girl likes already. Should I say it? That it's Joshua Conner? You can't say it. I don't know why we're holding back. But he is dating someone. He's not always going to be dating someone. Maybe he is. And I wish them well if that's true. Josh O 'Connor is extremely attractive and I find him very cute and endearing in fashion. And he is exactly expected for who I would like. That's right. So it's not going to come as a shock. But I guess I'm calling it in, but I'm not because that's actually rude because he's dating someone.

1:55:11Like if you tried to date Ben Shapiro. Dax. I'm saying if you tried to date Ben Shapiro. You're putting me in a tough sit right now. He would absolutely notice that happen. He'd be like, you're kidding me. She wrote me a letter and likes me? If another right wing, it wouldn't break through the clutter. Yeah, that's fine. I'm not, I can't go against my values. I don't think Travis went against his values. And I don't think, me, it wouldn't be going against my values for Megadeth either. Because I don't know, well, unless, again, I'm not really pro-death. So maybe it is against my values. but I think about it a lot and so do they so that's a good match made in heaven um they're just more mega of what you already are that wouldn't be a good match I need someone to you need someone the death talk you know that's true that's true should we do some facts sure you should take the singer of ghost that's that's some equivalent or if Monica hit on one I was going to say Guar.

1:56:17Guar was on there. Monica tried to date one of the Guar guys. I think they're older. Show a picture of Guar. I know they're too old, but that guy doesn't look terribly young either. This is creeps, Rob. Wait till you see Guar. Yeah. I got to get a good one. Truly, you'd stop the whole show. If you got up on stage during Guar and presented one of them with like an axe, like a custom engraved axe. Oh, my God. I'm going to have nightmares about that. People, that would make national news. Oh, my God. I take that down. That is truly scary. They, like, shoot blood out of their guitars. Oh, yeah. They have, like.

1:57:00Here, wait. I got one more. He has spikes on his penis. Show the whole band. That one's a little intense. This guy, his penis is out. Oh, he's got several penises. Ew, his penis is out. He's got several. I mean, it's not his real penis. Is it real? No, the prosthetics. They shoot like blood. Yeah. And he's got two of them. You guys. Oh, there's the whole gang. This is so unfair. I have to date Guar. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying you have to date Guar. I'm saying if you want it to be the same story. But it's so unfair. It's got to be that crazy where people go like, I can't believe Monica likes Guar.

1:57:37I don't think it's going to work out with me and Guar. Oh, let's put it another way. Now, he's turned a corner. But there was a period where Marilyn Manson could have been the thing. Because he, right after Bowling Columbine, and all we really knew was like, wow, this guy's way fucking smarter and more thoughtful than we knew. And you were super into it. And you came to this little good girl from a podcast. And you approached him. I'm not a good girl. It would catch his attention. I am not interested in people who like to scare other people. Okay. Yeah. So it's not going to happen. Anyway. Goar, call me.

1:58:19Hit me on Instagram, Goar. Okay, so he has nasal polyps, unfortunately. Jason? Yeah. That sounds rough. Nasal polyps are soft, painless, non-cancerous growth that develop in the lining of the nose or sinuses. They are often associated with chronic inflammation and can cause nasal congestion, a runny nose, and impaired sense of smell. Do you think I have nasal polyps? I thought I had allergies, but maybe I have some. I doubt I have polyps because I get the screen all the time, the butt exam, colonoscopy, and they've never found a polyp. So I don't think I'm palate prone. Are they looking in your nose?

1:58:59No, but I'm thinking if you're a palpy person, you're a palpy person. I don't want to make that connection. Everyone get a colonoscopy. Wow, though. Those are all my symptoms. No, you can smell things. I don't know. Remember I smelled your shirt the other day and I couldn't smell anything. No, you walked in and you were like, something smells funny that no one else smelled. And then I assumed it was my vintage shirt. Maybe I was smelling my polyps. Maybe they smell musty. Well, that's possible. While anyone can get them, they're more common in adults, particularly those with conditions like asthma or allergies.

1:59:30Treatment options range from medications to surgery, depending on the size and severity of the polyps. So he needs surgery, but he doesn't want to get it. Scary. Very scary. And that's your career. I know. Getting in there and messing around, monkeying around. Although, you know, it's funny, speaking of surgeries and people getting plastic surgery. Yeah. You know, it is like people are really willy-nilly with their face, and their face is what got them there in the first place. It's the moneymaker. Yeah. It's tricky. I think facelifts have evolved. I think they, too, have, like, gone through the same radical progress all medicine has.

2:00:13I think they're different than in the 70s when Burt Reynolds was getting them, you know? Yeah. More people are getting them. That's for sure. I think that they're different now, too. I think there's, like, different versions that you can get that aren't just, like, you know, the Burt Reynolds kind. I don't know. I think it's still, like, it's still an intense surgery, I think. But, yeah, like, you've got to be careful. Yeah. I keep hearing they're very common. Are you hearing this, too? A lot of people apparently. Yes, apparently. have them. I have you had one? No. Okay. No. But then I would love one, but when could I do it?

2:00:50When would I be able to recover? We're on camera every day of the year. Yeah. Um, I don't think you should get it. Like I, I'm not good looking enough. Like that's not my brand. You know, if I was like a pretty boy or gorgeous, I'd have to, that's my thing. And I'm just kind of like, Like someone wrote in a comment. Oh, because I talked to camera to explain why the episode wasn't up. And a guy wrote, your face looks like a scrotum. Okay, but Dax, that's also because. Is that accurate? No, it's not. But I did watch the video and I was like, why is he holding it like that? You thought it looked like a scrotum too.

2:01:26I did not think that, but I did think he is putting zero effort into like making himself look how he actually looks. Like it was like held at kind of a weird angle. Yeah, you know why. And then you're like rubbing your eyes. Yeah, you know why? Why? Go to the toilet? I was on the couch and I'm like, I got to address this. It's so frustrating that people think we just didn't put an episode out. Right. And then I'm in my house and my kids are running around and like I'm not trying to show too much of my internal personal space. So I'm like trying to find an angle where no kids are running by. Yeah.

2:02:02You know, and so I think it was a it was a function over fashion. I understand. Decision. I understand. But the problem's been fixed and it's down now. Anyway. The episode. Oh, you took the. Yeah, it no longer was relevant. Oh, wow. Well, then no one can see what we're talking about. You were a little disappointed with the angle. Well, I was like. He's really gotten wrecked. I wish he could have talked to me about this before he did it. And then also like we could have held the camera a little different or something. Anyway. Because people find everything. Like what's funny is so many. I kept seeing in the comments like, yeah, shut the door.

2:02:36The AC's on. And then I immediately get defensive. And I'm like, the door was open. They think that we had the door open. The AC was on. No, they're talking about a little piece of paper that says on the door, shut the door. The AC's on that. They're reading backwards. It's not lit. Wow. I had to dig in this video to see what the hell they were talking about. Oh, wow. And that's what it was. That's why, like, I had to hold it where just, you know, you can't see anything. But you should have just come in here and done it. This space is already exposed. Okay. That feels very formal. So just, like, check, you know.

2:03:05Okay. Just run it. Just, like, maybe check in with me. I have a lot of. You have a lot of thoughts about it. I have a lot of experience in PR. Okay. Broken Bow Records. We said he joined in. 2003. 2003. Whew. 2005. 2005. According to the internet. Okay. Did Waylon Jennings have a history of cheating? Yes. He had a reputation for infidelity during his marriage to Jesse Coulter. While they were a couple known for their strong partnership and love, both in life and music, Jennings also struggled with substance abuse and infidelity, which was openly discussed in Jesse Coulter's autobiography. Ooh, I should read that.

2:03:50Yeah, you should. Okay, the Vegas shooting. I was really grateful that he talked about it. Me too. Because that's a really vulnerable, hard thing to talk about. Yeah. And I was happy that he did, impressed that he did. Yeah. It was in 2017. It was really bad. Deadliest mass shooting by a lone gunman in American history. Oof, horrendous. Horrendous. and I can't imagine being at this show being the person that has all these people here you know if that happened at our a live event the guilt I have oh my god but then we talked about him doing SNL and then he was saying that he wrote his own like he was like I'm not having anyone write anything for me for that so he wrote with his people I guess.

2:04:47And he said this, I'm Jason Aldean. This week, we witnessed one of the worst tragedies in American history. Like everyone, I'm struggling to understand what happened that night, how to pick up the pieces and start to heal. So many people are hurting. There are children, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and they are all part of our family. So I want to say to them, we hurt for you and we hurt with you. You can be sure that we're going to walk through these tough times together every step of the way, because when America is at its best, our bond and our spirit are unbreakable. And then he played Tom Petty's I Won't Back Down because he had just passed away.

2:05:19Yeah. A lot happened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, oh, and it was Gal Gadot. Was the host. Okay. Well, that is it. That's it. All right. Love you. Love you.

2:05:43You