Jennie Garth

22:32I was always like, I got to get in better shape, right? This is constantly, and then I'll see pictures of myself at like 19. I'm like, you were in great shape. You look like an athletic 18-year-old boy. I know, you always worry about, oh, is my butt too big? Or what's it, my body's not right? You can look back and say like, what a waste of energy that was, but I don't think you can escape it. And I wasted that. You have to feel that. But even worse, you're like, fuck, I should have been enjoying that. You should have been living that waste of, yeah. Strutting around in a banana hammock or something.

22:59I should have worn more Speedos. Absolutely. What were those board shorts doing? Similarly, I watched Parenthood with my kids. I hadn't seen it in probably eight years or something or nine years. And when I watched it and they laughed the entire way through, I just cried the whole time. I just remember how much I loved Peter and May and all these people and Craig T. Nelson. I was just like, oh, my God, I got to spend like the most precious time with these people. And I just was overwhelmed with what a sweet thing that was. And I just was so emotional for like the first three episodes. I couldn't get over it.

23:39Were you having any of those swelly feelings? Definitely, because what a great group of people. And we all took for granted that we got to live that life together. And also there's just this invisible string that connects us all. And two of the cast members have passed. At that point, one of them had passed, I believe. Shannon had? No, not yet. No, Luke had. Okay. So yeah, when you're seeing him, is it heartbreaking? Yeah. It was definitely very hard to watch. I couldn't really watch. But then I started to get really sucked in to the storyline. Oh, the plot was juicy. And then all I wanted to see was Dylan.

24:16Yeah. I want to see him woo more girls. Yeah. So good at it. I remember they wouldn't see me for it. I didn't have that much resume, you know? Angel Returns wasn't out yet. That wasn't enough. Apparently, growing pains didn't get me in there. What was your three words? Sticky, sticky, sticky. What if you sent that tape? You forgot. I can't believe it. I know. You would not have booked it. What if you sent that tape, though, and they put it in? Sticky, sticky, sticky. And that was the end of the reel. That's not the reel. We love it. I don't care. I don't care. She's on the other side of the planet.

24:45Let's get her. No, but Mr. Showbiz, Randy, my manager, was friends with Tony. I can't remember his last name, but he was the head of spelling casting. So they were friends, you know, in business. And he called Tony and said, I heard you. You don't want to see her, but please. He was like, do this for me as a friend. So I went in to see him in his office. And then from his office, we went into Mr. Spelling's office. Wow. Where there were like, I don't know, it felt like 50 men. but it was probably 10, maybe, 8, probably. And did you audition in front of him? And all those people, yeah. How nerve-wracking was that?

25:21Extremely. Yeah. Yeah, how do you suppose you did well enough? That seems overwhelming at that stage. I don't know. I was just so distracted. There was like bowls of cigarettes out. Oh, great. This is so old school. Yes, and then him and his pipe and them all just like staring. And I don't know, I just went into some sort of beast mode and did my scene. I wonder if you disassociated a bit. Oh, yeah. That's something I like to do a lot. It can be helpful. Yes. But I remember leaving that building with Randy. We were walking back to our car and I heard someone say, hey, Jenny. And I turned around and it was Aaron hanging out the window.

26:00He went like that, like thumbs up. Aw. Thank God he didn't fall out the window. I know. It was like a big opening too. He's a tiny man. And this is back in the day, obviously, you went and did a pilot. and then you got to wait to see if it gets picked up. It sounds like you're very naive. Did you have a sense of what was coming? Did you even consider like, what were the goals at the time? Like, oh, I hope they order 13 so I get paychecks. I had no understanding of the workings of the business. They explain this as a pilot and then... Now we'll wait and see. Okay, cool. Was it fun making the pilot?

26:30Like, what are your memories of that? Really fun because I just stepped into a whole new world of people my age. We were all there creating something together, which I had never really experienced. and all doing our parts individually. And it's just really cool, really inspiring. Like I thought this is a nice world to be a part of. And there were varying levels of experience between all of you. You say in the book, Jason Priestley was pretty immediately like the patriarch. He came from Sister Kate, which was a big show back then. And Shannon had worked on Heathers. She was on Little House on the Prairie, for God's sake.

27:04So she had a lot of experience. But had you seen Heathers? I was obsessed with Heathers. I had not seen Heathers. You were on Brady Bunch still. I didn't, I wasn't exposed to much. But that's probably helpful because I think that would allow for more fraudulent feelings. If you've been like keeping up and you've seen Heathers and you like know what's going on, I think you could show up and be like, I don't belong here. Yeah. But it's also a lot to ask a lot of 17, 18 year old, 19 year old, 20 year olds to wield their experience ethically. So like if I were Shannon, I might think I'm too good for this.

27:36Do people come with attitudes? The people that had experience definitely felt as if they knew what they were doing a lot more. I did feel green. I felt lucky to be there. I did feel probably less than or inferior to some of the people on the cast, just innately. But you were good at learning how to be the baby of a scenario. Like, were you able to own that and let them take care of you? Um, I don't feel like there was a lot of taking care of. It was kind of like man for himself. It was dog eat dog. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's what I was curious about, like the dynamics between all the people. It's a lot of attention to share when you're that age.

28:12Yeah, and it's so many eyes on that show and people's favorites and so much going on. It got really difficult as the show went on after the first season. They started really sort of taking my character and Shannon's character and pitting them against one another in storyline. And then that would in turn turn the media and in turn turn the audience. And so that's when the whole girl against girl really became apparent that that's what we're doing here. Yeah. They honed the sword on that. And then when Desperate Housewives came along, they were like, we know how to do this. Make them all fight all the time.

28:50Sometimes, though, even though it's not based in anything, once it takes on a life of its own, it can start impacting the real dynamic between you two, no? Yeah. Unfortunately, we were young. I didn't know how to deal with that. and I thought it was real. And I'm emoting. And then the camera cuts and it's a little odd because we just had a fight or some sort of really ugly words to one another. There was no internet then. It would have been a lot worse. Oh, can you imagine? But it was so supported by the continued writing and then the fans because they used to send us out a lot. They used to send me out.

29:24I don't know if Shannon did a lot, but I would go out. The guys would go out a lot and do signings. Car shows. Remember the days when they would send you to a car show to sign autographs? Sure, sure. I was stoked because I got a free car out of one of those. You did? I did. What did you get? Oh, my God. It was a gorgeous, sparkly, emerald green Corvette. Oh, wow. No, you didn't. Oh, my God. They gave you a Corvette? Yes. I know that color, that green. This would have been like a 92 Corvette or something. Mm-hmm. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We are supported by HP. My mental to-do list is already full.

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33:34I want to attempt to explain the size of Beverly Hills 90210. I was saying to my kids, they often ask me who I'm interviewing, or maybe they heard me say to my wife, I was interviewing you. My wife goes like, oh, 90210, you guys, was so big. You can't imagine. K-pop then plus some. So I looked up all the numbers, and to put it in reference, You guys maintained an 11 share for most of the 10 years, right? So currently the NFL, which is the biggest show on television by a factor of five, gets like a 2.8 to a 3.2. Grey's Anatomy gets a 0.4. That's wild. Yes, you guys got an 11. You had 20 million viewers a week for like five of the 10 years.

34:22Right. There's no real comp in modern television. No, it doesn't. It doesn't work that way anymore. So it's like when you're listening, you kind of got to imagine, you know, it's in the Taylor Swift era. It's like a cultural phenomenon. That also lasted way beyond it. So like I watched it. You watched it? I loved it. Were you not supposed to be watching it? It came out when she was three. I watched reruns. Okay. So that's what I mean. Like it still held its value. My generation watched it. Because your mom probably watched it. Maybe. Maybe. And then I hear that all the time. Yeah. That is my mom's favorite show.

34:55I was obsessed with it. I loved it. Why were you so obsessed with it? Oh, my God. I was in Detroit, right? It came out when I would have been 15. It was such a glitzy world. The poor kids driving a 65 Mustang convertible. Jason Priestley. Dylan's driving a fucking convertible Porsche. Collector edition. From the 50s. Yeah. The mansions. Everyone's hot. Yeah. The dudes are cool. Like, it was such wish fulfillment. So many bathing suits. Yes. Yes. If you're like in any place other than California, it's so exciting. Because you didn't have access to knowing what any of that world looked like. Exactly.

35:32There's no Instagram. You're not seeing other people live this life. If you don't see it on TV or you don't take a vacation there, you don't see it. So your options were Baywatch and then this show to understand maybe what California, this dream place was like. And I was so captivated. I remember on a trip to L.A. when I was 20 years old, Aaron and I wanted to like see what the Viper Room was. And all of a sudden coming out of the Viper Room was Amber Thiessen at peak 90210 things. And then she booted in the parking lot. Some guy from the show is screaming at us to give him some privacy. But we don't care.

36:08Like I know like you have compassion for people who treat me terribly. I'm like these people, they're on TV. What's going on in this parking lot? I couldn't believe how exciting it was. So I was part of the problem for sure. People tell me I moved to America because of your show, because they saw what they wanted to live and they were like, I'm going there. Yeah, they thought all of America was that. Yeah, so I didn't look up the international numbers, but I bet they're absolutely shocking because I went on a Ural Pass when I was 19 and I was at hostels and they played Baywatch in 90210. So it was a hugely international show too, right?

36:41It was. We had so many different languages dubbed into our mouths. Wow. Yes. Okay, so after the first year, how are you adjusting? You're clearly getting recognized everywhere you go. How is that experience? They sent me out on a couple events. Talk about the zoo one with you and Luke. There were just thousands of people. We definitely were animals in a zoo. That's what we felt like. And they had us in, I think it was the bird enclosure, to get to the signing area where they had set it up. And we went and it was impossible because it was dangerous. The kids were pushing and shoving and screaming and fainting.

37:18Oh, my God. Yeah, there were lots of melees at these signings that had to get canceled. So many of them got canceled. Yeah. Like 10 ,000 people showed up at one mall. Terrifying. Because you're on those little riser things they put you up on and like a folding table. And it's just shaking and rocking. People are sweating and crying and passing out. And like literally the medics are carrying people off. Oh, my God. Yeah, remember when people would faint because of hotness? Oh, yeah. Because of looking at someone hot? That's like done. No, I see people at concerts dropping out. Well, I think that's because they're on drugs.

37:48Rock stars can still garner that, but not actors. Even today, like when fans of the original show meet us, they don't know how to handle it. Well, yeah, from your point of view, if you didn't know the context and you were just looking out at the sea of people, you could only conclude there is a natural disaster happening outside, right? You'd have to think there was like an earthquake happening or something. It was pandemonium. And after that started happening, I started to develop agoraphobia. Like I never left my house. Right. Yeah. How could you? I wanted to go to the mall. I wanted to do things that young people were doing.

38:20But I just didn't. I got scared. And then also, which could help or hurt you, so your father's heart condition gets worse. And you get a place in San Anos Valley, a ranch. Yeah. After a few years on the show, I got a ranch there. And you moved them to the ranch. They came from Arizona. They moved. So now do they get back together for this? Yeah, they were back together. Since my mom had gone back and she was taking care of him, they had found this new empty nester rhythm and it was working for them. And they seemed very happy. And then I uprooted them and said, I need you. I need something to keep me grounded and feeling like I know anything.

39:00And so they moved two hours north and then I would go there all the time. Instead of going out partying, I would go be with my parents. Wow. Yeah, so you said you kind of missed all the weekend debauchery that would happen with the other cast members. The upside of that is like you didn't get in any trouble, really. But would you get to work on Monday? Did you not have FOMO? Would you be trying to find out like, oh, who did what? Yeah, I think there was internal FOMO that I really didn't even know what that was. But I felt left out. But inside, rationalizing it, like I don't want that. So it's okay.

39:32And that sounds like too much for me. I didn't know how to handle more. That's wise at that age. Yeah, it was just like instinctual, I think, from where I came from. But even though it's a contradiction, I can see it being very natural, which is like you've removed yourself from that. And then also you could feel like they're not including you. Right. They're not including you or you're not cool. Did you have those feelings like, oh, they're cool and I'm not for this? It was hard because I would hear about what happened on the weekends and I would even see it in the press. Yeah. And I would think, wow, I wonder what that's like.

40:05But also, I don't want that. That seems scary. I don't want to lose myself into that world. Yeah, reading between the lines a bit from your book, you don't explicitly say, but it sounds like you are in desperate need of some mooring to anchor to something. It's obvious from your actions that you felt like you were sucked up into a tornado. Yeah. Because you get married really young. Yes. You meet a drummer. Is he on the show? How do you meet the drummer? It was through a friend that invited me to see his band. And I went and he was the drummer. And we just sort of hit it off. And yeah, we got married.

40:44I don't even know how that happened. Like how quickly after meeting him? I think I was 21. If my daughter came to me and said, I'm 21, I'm getting married. I'd be like, no, you're not. It was a different time a little bit. People got married younger, I think, a little bit then. The whole world was still going, why would this 21-year-old on the show be getting married? In retrospect, he was a big guy. He had the presence of my father, who I thought was going to die any minute. I was trying to replace that sort of tethering, that sort of safety. You're looking for stability. He embodies physical stability.

41:13Right. Now, here's the part you don't dig super deep into, but I'm curious. So he moves into your house. You build a recording studio for him. You buy him Harleys. There's something in there. Yeah. Yeah. What do we think is in there? I am very giving. I like to make people happy. I like to make money so that I can make other people happy. And my family, I like to give things. My dad a truck and bought the ranch for them to live on. Like I help other family members. I feel like I am given this position to make money for other people's benefit a lot of the time. Yeah, but it's almost impossible, especially when you're young, to proceed that way and not be resentful at the people that you're doing all this for.

41:59Because you're like, I'm doing all this for you and you're drunk and don't give a shit. Like, was there not also some resentment? No, it wasn't resentment. It was sadness. Even that wasn't enough for you to not go and drink all night with your friends. Or why would you want to do that when I'm here? I battle some of that too. Like, if I'm being very generous, I have to think, am I doing this so that they can't leave me? That's what I'm circling. Look at what I've done. You know, I've invested in you or I've given you so much. You can't leave me. And then they do or they go do their own thing. And then you feel like really hurt.

42:40In my mind, it never felt like I'm investing in you. I'm doing this so that you won't leave me. But that was probably the under. Yeah. It was never like at the end of that relationship when it was falling apart. And I was never like, look at all I've given you. And you still, I never thought that way. But I think now as a woman who really understands how hard it is to make a living to support your family and how hard you have to work, I do have more of a connection with I work really hard. And I feel like if you want to be in my family, it has to be a team effort. We have to all work together to make this work in whatever capacity we're able to.

43:17But back then, I didn't know anything about that. Yeah. Well, at the risk of really opening up a wound, because you have the cute appeal, that also wears off for all people. Because you wanted more of a substantive attraction to you, do you think also there was some reality of like, yeah, he thought you were the cutest thing in the world. And then six months later, that wasn't as exciting. And there's no second gear for this relationship. Yes. My life maintained its ridiculous schedule and having no real life of my own outside of work because I had to get up so early every day and be there so long.

43:54I think I wasn't as fun as he thought I would be. As advertised? Right. Or as one would assume. If you're watching the show, you have an idea about all of you guys. And I bet you're like, I'm a person. Yeah. I'm not that girl. And by nature, I'm not a person that's walking around with rainbows flowing out of my ass. I was born blue. I don't know if a lot of people know what that means, but just not rainbowy, built more thoughtful, introverted. Tiny bit melancholy? Yeah, tiny bit blue. You know, my dad would always say, are you feeling blue? And I would say, yeah. I don't know why I was a kid. And then he would take me for ice cream.

44:30So then I figured out, oh, that's a reward for feeling blue. So I must have reinforced it. But I'm not like a yippity skippity person all the time. If you're searching for stability, even this shitty version of stability is going to be more stable than when you pull the plug and you're back to the drawing board. I can imagine you measuring those two things and feeling like, well, it's better than zero stability, which will be the outcome. I think I was just blindly brave at that point. Like, I didn't know what that would feel like. So I just was able to do it. So we separated. And then, of course, I met somebody during that separation.

45:03And that made it a lot easier. It always makes it easier when there's someone else. Yes, yes, yes. So then I finalized the divorce and started a relationship with my second husband. Okay, let's talk about Luke for a second because he's in the book. You describe basically him shining his light on you and how powerful that was. Yeah, that light. I thought I was the only one that felt it. I really did. I was such a sucker. No, that's part of that. That's part of that personality. Right. But I came to soon realize that he shined that same light on everyone. And that was just the nature of Luke. Why people gravitated towards him and loved him.

45:42And they felt so seen and appreciated by him. But you admit in the book, you were pretty in love with him. Yeah, he was definitely my first real love. What do you think kept it from escalating? Probably he kept it from escalating. because he had a real strong moral compass at the same time. He loved me, but he didn't want to ruin me. And I think that he knew if we got involved, it would ruin me. He knew he wasn't going to be able to commit to you. I don't think under those circumstances now. Yeah, when I was reading it, I got to be honest, I felt a little maybe defensive of him. He's just this person moving through life.

46:23And the way he is, people are falling in love with. It's not disingenuous of him that he interacted with you, just the way he interacts. Yeah, but it was a little more than that. Yeah, I'm sure. In order to maintain that chemistry for the show, for the cameras, and he liked to have chemistry with whoever he worked with. So he would put a lot of effort into it. As naive as I was, I thought that that was him loving me. I felt like he really valued me. And I didn't see him doing that with everyone else until later. Yeah, this sounds terribly painful. You had to watch then over the next few years, different co-stars come in and out and him create that with everyone.

47:06Right. Whether I was mistaken and just stupid, I felt that we had something really special. And I have every belief that we did have something special because we were friends all our lives after that. I think anybody that was around us probably could tell. That's a blessing he didn't go all the way because that allowed you to stay friends, I'd imagine. Yeah. Yeah. I was very conflicted with my friendship after that point because I guess I was heartbroken, honestly. Yeah. And you felt betrayed, I assume, to some degree, maybe? Yeah. It really instilled in me even more of a feeling of you can't trust people.

47:48And you can't trust yourself. You can't trust yourself because look what you've fallen for. I don't know. I mean, if he had, we would have probably definitely dated. We never really dated. We were always at work together, but it was always a very strong flirtation. And you got to kiss in scenes. We were constantly making out. Oh my God. Was that not having? Groping each other. Yeah. It was so layered. Yeah. I wasn't experienced at that point with making out with guys on camera and knowing that that didn't translate into real life at all. And then also being like, of course, stupid. That's not real.

48:21You're acting. But it felt real. and now I'm very clear because of those learnings of getting it blurry. It's very easy for me to have chemistry in one second with somebody and then just the next second be normal. Dead to them. Yeah. What was your name? It's easy for me to define now. Boundaries, I guess that's what they're called. Yeah, you learn those. Now, people left the show and I'm curious what that did to the little microcosm of the world. Like Shannon left after the fourth season. I did get to read a little bit about things that were going on, which is she was perpetually late. Didn't care when she was late.

49:01They kind of wanted to get rid of her. She wanted to leave, but then she had second thoughts. She cut her hair in the middle of an episode. Oh, wow. That was the final straw. I think there was some decisions just to be like, fuck you. I can do what I want. And I was watching from the sidelines going, wow, she really can do whatever she wants. Like, that's so cool. Yeah. Was it cooler? Were you trying to figure out, like, what's her problem with all this? As a fellow Aries, there's that part of me with the horns that understands it. Because we don't like to be told what to do or what we can and can't do.

49:35And sometimes in the face of being told what we can't do, we're like, oh, really? Watch me. Watch me. and being both incredibly independent women from such a very young age. She also had a dad with heart problems and she supported her family and took care of her family. They were her first priority at all times. And there was a lot going on for her that no one knew about. There were all the struggles of trying to figure out how to have healthy relationships and be in her position. Not easy. Very difficult to navigate. That confusion, I think, caused some defiance or anger naturally, trying to control some things.

50:12Anything you can. So I think, yeah, when she was late, it was annoying for everyone. We were all there on time, ready when we were supposed to be ready and the crew was waiting. That was hard to work with. And I didn't know then a lot of what she was going through until we became women and discussed it more openly, I heard her saying like people didn't really understand what I was going through at the time. And I never really considered that at that young age, but I did have this sort of respect for her, like an unknown, non-understood respect for her. Also, I mean, you guys are young and you're the stars.

50:47I can imagine being young and a star and like, you're not telling me I'm the reason this show works. We're the reason this show works, not you telling me what to do. Like I could see that getting very out of hand. Yeah. With these stars of the biggest show ever. And it sounds like they were like, oh, these are young kids. We can kind of have them here nonstop. That's what's crazy that you're on ensemble and you worked as much as you did. That's generally the gift of an ensemble. The other thing that blew my mind is I didn't realize you guys did 32 episodes a year. This is insane. I don't think, like, now we marvel at shows that did 24.

51:21But you guys did 32. How many months a year were you shooting the show? We had two and a half months off in the summer. And then maybe a month-ish off at Christmas. So it was a lot. We were there a lot. Yeah. I always joke and say it was like we were kept in jail. Because it was this isolated sound studio in Van Nuys, California, which was just industry. It's not nice. It's like a commercial park, right? Yeah, there's like car crushing on one side and a porn studio on the other side of our stages. People didn't go there. Yeah. That's what they wanted. And we were inside this building that they had transformed into a sound studio, even though you could hear every airplane going into Van Nuys Airport all day long.

52:01Never held from planes more in my life. I felt so sequestered, so confined. You meet your second husband, and then you guys have your first daughter pretty quick. 97? Yep, she was born in 97. That was a surprise. That makes sense because you get married in 01? Yes, we were not ready. We, I say we, we were not ready to get married yet. I think the analogy was our boat wasn't strong enough to survive the ocean. So I waited for the boat to get stronger, but I had a baby. I was a brand new mom. I was so focused on keeping the baby alive. You're 25? 24, I think. Everyone else is like out in the Viper Room throwing up in the parking lot.

52:43Dax Shepard and Aaron Weekly are gawking at them, but you're raising a baby. There's challenges, but I would also imagine this is finally the tether you're probably looking for in life, right? Right. Where you have an identity that's outside of this other quite confusing identity. Yeah. And I felt like this was my purpose. I didn't know my purpose within that world of acting, the show, all of that fame. But I knew my purpose immediately when I had a baby. And what do you think that inoculated you against that other cast members were dealing with that you were relieved of? Just the tabloids. I was exhausted in a different way, but not from partying, which is a very different kind of exhaustion.

53:21Yeah. I think mostly I was not focused on myself any longer. I always think that having kids saved my life. Having Luca, my first daughter, saved my life because I could have seen me going into this self-important swirl of, you know, a spiral. Where all you think about is yourself and your business and your worth and all that stuff. And I didn't think about that anymore. I do think that's the huge gift if you're in this business that kids give you is they don't give a shit about whether or not your movie open. They don't care. They just want their mac and cheese. Yeah, you got to get up and do whatever.

53:55You got to go to Travel Town and take them to see the trains, whether the movie opened or not. Right. Which is good for you. As an actor, people assume that we're very self-absorbed. And we are very self-absorbed to a certain degree. Well, it requires you to concentrate on getting it and maintaining it. It becomes your entire, it's all you see. I always said, I'm the CEO of me. I have to run my business. This is my business, I guess. Okay. Therefore, you have to think about you. You have to think about you a lot. I get so fucking bored with myself and irritated that I'm having to like think about me.

54:28I'm doing it a lot more now in my life than I ever have because my kids are out of the house. So I'm able to focus on things that I need to focus on a little bit more or want to focus on. But it was an interesting time. I remember doing one scene. I felt very different. And Gabrielle had had a baby, I think a year or two before me on the show. But then she ended up leaving and she was older than all of us. She was like 36 or something. I don't think she was 36. Everyone always said, they're like, she was so old. I don't think she was quite. Rob, look up how old she was. I'm almost certain she was 36 at some point on that.

55:02Maybe at 10. Yeah. I want to say for the record, still a babe. I thought she was a smoke shell. I didn't care if she was 36. Andrea was a smart hot one. But I do remember going, like, when you find that out, it's very exciting gossip. Right. Because you don't think it when you're watching it. No. But we knew it on set. Like, she had, you know, an older. Different vibe. Different priorities. But then I had a baby and I was like, I'm still in the group. I got to go milk my boobs in the trailer. How did they shoot around that? You were clearly pregnant. Yeah, I was pregnant in season nine. I don't remember.

55:33It would have been seven. Ninety to two thousand. I just watched it and I can't remember. Yeah, yeah. Season seven. Yeah. And we hit it. We called it Bob. I can remember when Jason, he was doing some directing at that phase of the show. And he would be like, how are we going to hide Bob in this? and they'd just give me like something to carry or giant clothes. Now, when the show ended, did you feel relief or did you have a moment of, well, I just had security for a decade. At that point, a third of your life, you had had major financial security. Were you at all panicked after that first year?

56:05You know, when you get that kind of financial security so young, you don't really think about money. Okay, well, that's great to hear. I mean, you don't really think about it coming and going. You just have it and then you spend it and then you get it and then you spend it. It seems so normal. But then when you're like, wait. You're watching it just go down. Yeah. The money's not coming in anymore, but I'm still spending it. It was really scary. I didn't think I would have such an adjustment, but we all went through it. I didn't know when to go to the bathroom. You're led around by a leash, basically, when you're an actor.

56:36They like say, go to the bathroom and then come out. We'll go to the thing. And then here's your lunch. And in 10 minutes, I'll come back to get you. Here's what you wear. Here's what you say. Here's your makeup look. They talk about the depression that follows most professional athletes. And people think wrongly it's about the fame and money, but it's always about they lost their community. They were on a team and then they lost their routine. Everything's scheduled for an athlete. And all of a sudden they're in the world with no schedule and no community. It's like willy nilly. You're like, what do I do?

57:06Overwhelming. Should I eat now? Am I hungry? I don't even know. When are they putting down lunch? Yeah. Why is there no craft service in my kitchen? so when you got what i like about you that was a show you then did for four years four seasons yeah four seasons i was very lucky i was so happy to get that show because there's a huge stigma that followed all of us as actors people weren't really willing to see us do other things i really wanted to do a comedy i had no idea how to do a comedy because i was always doing so much drama on 90210 but i got called in by will calhoun who was one of the head executives of friends and he was doing a new show with Amanda Bynes.

57:45And another guy was also executive producing it. I've selectively forgotten his name at the moment. He was part of that big scandal. Oh, okay. Dan Schneider. Oh, right. Yes, Dan Schneider. He was the other producer. He was kind of the Amanda side of it because it was starring myself and Amanda Bynes. She was coming from Disney on a show. She had worked with him a lot on the Amanda show and all the things. So he had hooked his swag into her. Were you getting bad vibes? Yeah. I was to the point where I said to Will, like, I would rather just communicate solely with you. I trust you. I think that you have my best interests in mind.

58:24And I don't feel that way with your partner. So I'd rather just be with you. And he was like, no problem. And did you see Amanda getting like kind of destroyed by him? Not specifically him. There were a lot of problems in this ecosystem of her. How old was she and how old were you at that time? When we did the pilot, I had just turned 30 and she had just turned 16. We have the same birthday. Oh, that's sweet. So did you feel like you were perfectly equipped to help her navigate this since you did it so young? You did not. No, no, no. And also, I didn't know how to be around a teenage girl. She taught me so much.

59:04I was kind of afraid of teenagers because everyone's like, oh, you've got a kid and wait till they're a teenager. They're going to be a nightmare. People love to say that. Right. They love to say that. That's their favorite thing to say. That is so not true. You have kids that go, yeah, I have two girls. Oh, wait till they're teenagers. I want to go, go fuck yourself. Right. You don't know. I've just told that to someone recently. They were asking like advice for teenage girls. And I said, don't accept that narrative. Yeah. Accept it. This is how I want it to be with my kids. What's really going on that I have compassion for, because when I've gotten little bouts of it, it was like, they're dealing with heartbreak.

59:33Like you have this little person who thinks you're the greatest and then they must go through a phase where they don't think you're that cool. And you're like, wait, but what happened? We're best friends. I understand they're dealing with heartbreak. It is sad. It's just not the thing to tell new parents constantly. No, you're setting them up for failure. Yeah, because also what are you going to do about it? There's no solution in that. Like what's the point? Just scaring people. You're fucked. Yeah, exactly. You're right. it becomes a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy because when there's a blip of it, you're like, well, here we go.

1:00:05Exactly. This is what everyone's saying. This is what they mean. I think I even had that. And I was like, oh no, that passed. That was like a month. Yeah. And now everything's hunky-dory. You got lucky. I was very lucky. Well, I'm like, I never went through that with my mom. I was always delightful to her. I wasn't either. I was bad. But I was always kind of bad. You were bad. I could lie like nobody's business. Yeah. Well, you were acting. You were acting. I was meant to be an actress. Exactly. Okay, so you guys proceed to have three daughters from 97 till, I don't know, when your last baby was born.

1:00:36She was born in 2006. Okay, so nine years of getting pregnant every few years and then having a baby. The relationship's not in a great state. Was it something that had precipitously fallen or was it doomed and you were getting through it for a long period of it? Or when did it start to feel untenable? Early. My view of it was that he wasn't ready to become a father at 21, obviously. Not a ton of dudes are. Nope. And he didn't know who he was yet. I didn't know who I was yet. He's trying to create a career. He's an actor. He wants to be an actor and he's doing the work. It's hard to even imagine, but I feel now as if, and this is no shade, no blame, nothing.

1:01:22I'm kind of a realist. Like, I don't think he was ever truly in love with me, the kind of love that it takes to be married to sustain a long-term relationship. Yeah, to have to roll up your sleeves and do all the terrible work that's required. Yeah, he was focused on other things, his career. And I was focused on the kids and my career trying to do both. And now if I could go back, the writing was kind of on the wall. For some reason, my now husband, Dave, doesn't understand. Well, why did you keep having kids with him? Because you kept having sex. Well, yeah, that happens when you're married and you have sex.

1:01:57And you're like, uh-oh. It sounds like nothing was that bad. Like nothing was so bad that you had to be like, we really can't keep going. Is that right? It wasn't. We functioned and we loved being a family. We loved our daughter so much. And we would do a lot of fun things and it just felt normal. But I didn't try to make it this way. It just showed up as that white picket fence story. All of a sudden you're like, wow, okay, this is what I'm doing. And then it didn't have what it needed to sustain. That's hard to leave. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, HP, for supporting this episode.

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1:06:08also there's an illusion of the equation of a equals b and b equals c a equals c like you both love these girls so much and you can talk about that love and it's a creation of you two and that can feel maybe like that's compensating for the love that's actually not going in that direction It's confusing, I'd imagine. Love has created this thing that we love so much. Right. So we must love each other. But we don't. I guess we didn't. Like, it's interesting because you focused, I think, in the book that, yeah, he wasn't in love with you. But are you sure you were in love with him? I don't know. In the beginning, we were mad about each other for, I think it was six months.

1:06:50Then we got pregnant. And then it just got real complicated. Yeah, it's pretty easy to be super into someone for six months. Most beginnings of relationships are pretty hot and heavy. Maybe even longer than six months. But things got real, real fast. I've talked about it before. Like, I feel like my life has just swept me. You know, it's been a constant like flow, flow, things happening, coming to me, dealing with it, surviving it. Then the next thing comes. I never had any point where I was like, this is what I want. This is what I'm going to work hard on getting. Things just happened. And I was constantly just trying to tread water to figure it out.

1:07:23It sounds like from 1990 to 2012, you were reacting to whatever new scenario arose. So here's this show. I'm going to react and try to figure out how to respond. I'm pregnant. I'm a new mom. Oh, my God, there's two more. Oh, this marriage isn't what I had hoped. You think at some point the way to salvage all this is all of us to move up to Santa Ana's to the ranch. And then let's do a reality show for CMT. It was called Little Bit Country. Right. Well, I had wanted to move up to the ranch, A, to be closer to my family, my mom and dad. When my second daughter was five, my dad died. I'm not a good griever.

1:08:02I just go hard, go deep, go full in, and I have to get through it slowly. I have to go really feel the feelings. I remember on his deathbed, we were going through separation and my dad was losing oxygen to his brain. So he was saying things that weren't his nature. One of the last things he said to me was, I don't think this is a good idea. You're old and they got two kids. Who's going to want you now? That just stuck with me so profoundly. What a lovely party message. But that wasn't him. He was never mean to anyone. He was afraid for you because he loved you. And it came out terribly like that.

1:08:37Yeah, like I guess maybe he thought I shouldn't get a divorce. I'm presuming he just wanted to make sure you were okay. Safe. And then in his mind, you were better off in a shitty marriage than you would be trying to find someone else. Well, in that generation, tend to think that way. I know you have a lot of anxiety. When do you start? I'm presuming you're on some Benzo. You're on Xanax or something. When does that trajectory start? That started when we separated. I just didn't know how to cope with all the feelings and all the responsibility that I suddenly felt. I've always supported myself, even in my marriage.

1:09:13And we split everything. was never like, oh, how am I going to survive kind of thing? It just was, I was broken. I didn't know how to be alone and deal with it all. And yeah, we moved to the ranch because the paparazzi were just nuts. We lived in Toluca Lake and they just were really bad. When you're with your kids. Yeah. And so I just wanted to get them out of there and have like a normal life with them. So they went to like the local school and we walked to school and it was just Mayberry USA. It was perfect. And then the show presented itself as something that he and I would produce together about us moving to the ranch and kind of having both worlds.

1:09:50Fish out of water. You guys are leaving Hollywood to live in the country. But really, I was back to my roots. I wasn't out of water at all. I was happy. But when the show was bought and originally conceived, you guys were going to go there as a couple. Yeah, yeah. And by the time production starts... Everything had changed. You're not a couple. No, I'm drinking wine at night and taking medication. I would be embarrassed my marriage felt. It was very embarrassing. Yes. And then I felt like such an asshole for being embarrassed. Like that's ego. Yeah, but we're not there yet. You're not the healthy Jenny yet.

1:10:21So at the time, if my marriage is falling apart and my first step is going to be to be in a reality show where I acknowledge that, no way. I don't even know. That's going to be out of body. Who that was. I have no idea that era of my life. I just remember being prodded out of bed. I would take the girls to school. I would go back to bed and then the crew would show up and I would be like, I can't get up. I don't know. And they would talk me up and get me out. And I would end up doing it just because that's what you do. Were you just like completely disassociated throughout the whole process? I would have just gone to a place in my mind and watched this unfold like, holy shit, what's happening?

1:10:58It was very surreal. It was very out of body. But then there were moments of levity, which helped me feel better about the girls' experience because they were getting distracted by the crew and the fun people. And then they would be doing fun things that they created for the show. And I was like, this feels good. Everybody's laughing and feels normal for this moment. And then they would leave. And then the reality would be like, oh, this is what's normal. He came to visit at one point and said, let's go talk in the RV. while the show's being shot. I don't know if the show was being shot at that time.

1:11:34I don't think the crew was there. I think it was over. Okay. You know, y 'all, this is my story. This is my recollection of it. I have literally no idea what his story is. I'm curious. We've never really sat down and gone through the beat by beat of it all. I don't think I really need to do that. But my remembrance is that we went into the RV and the kids were outside playing on the farm because it was safe and they were running free like kids should be. And that's where he told me that he wanted us to get a divorce. And then he said a very fateful sentence, though. He said. Yes, he said, Jen, someday you'll thank me for this.

1:12:11And that infuriated me. That pissed me off. So then we go to, for me, what would be a bottom, which is you decide you should try marriage counseling in Phoenix. I had heard about this expert and she happened to be in Phoenix. So he was on a shoot and I said, let's fly there and meet there. So we both flew from different places. I have to say, having never met him, that part feels very stand up that he was willing to come do that. I feel like he needed backup or he wanted someone to really make me understand because I'm a fighter. I will try. And I was in denial and I was unwilling. I didn't want it.

1:12:51Maybe that was just for the girls, but I didn't want that to happen. Yeah. Again, you're going to be completely untethered again. Yeah. So we went there and that's where everything sort of hit the fan even more than the RV. Yeah. You get to the therapy session and he's already there. He's already there, which I found was weird. He was already inside the office with the therapist. So I felt like, oh, she knows stuff already that she should have found out from both of us in that situation. Like the jury's been compromised. Yeah, exactly. we sat down and honestly two minutes into it she said Jenny why would you love someone when they don't love you why would you love someone who doesn't love you like it's echoing like I'll never forget it there's a few things in my life I've already told you three of them now that I'll never forget that just gutted me and I was like yeah no shit give up like it's time it broke through and then you got up and split You start walking down the street in Arizona.

1:13:49No idea where I was going. It was hot as hell. This part, sorry, is mildly comedic. They roll up in a Toyota Corolla. Yeah. Looking for you. Like a sand-colored one. In the therapist's Toyota Corolla. They come looking for you. He's in the passenger seat. This is very movie-esque. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Alexander Payne. And I'm walking, angry, crying, all the things just like out of my mind. And they are just like kind of keeping up with me in the car. And saying, get in the car. Let us take you to a hotel. Jen, come on, get in the car like a friend. And I was like, why would I get in your car?

1:14:23No. But somehow they got me in the car. And then they took me to a hotel, took us to a hotel. He checked in separately. And I was like, well, I guess I'll check in. And that was the parting moment. And then that night you drank a lot. Well, as much as you can drink of the mini bottles. But like, you know, chug, chug, just stop this pain. And then mixed with benzos. Mixed with medication that I've been given for flying purposes. Or divorce purposes. Yeah, like people really like to give people medication. So you wake up in the hospital. After that night. Yeah, I blacked out. I passed out on the floor.

1:15:04And I had my best friend on the phone with me, I think, while that was happening. So she knew I was in danger. Thank God. She called your assistant in LA. The assistant flew to Arizona and she got you to the hospital. And when you woke up, you're looking at your assistant. I'm looking at my assistant and whiteness and doctors and everything's very fuzzy. It all came back to me. And all I wanted to do was kill the pain some more. I'll get personal with you. This was the part of the book, because you write, it still shames me to write this. And it feels like it still shames you a little bit to talk about it.

1:15:37I think the shame really came from letting the girls down. and from being a bad mom by letting myself go to that place. I could have died in that hotel room. But again, this is the beginning of a journey that you are destined to take, whether you did it in 2012 or 20, or you died miserable. But this is like the time you jump off the fucking diving board. Like this is when life starts in a bizarre way. So as much shame as you might feel, like your transformation doesn't exist without waking up in that hospital. Right. You go to LA and you go into treatment and I'm mad at you. You leave in six days.

1:16:14I wasn't good with the group environment. And you go on a yoga retreat with a woman to Bali and you don't stay with all the other people. You stay with her. And so I think if you're one of those group members, you might think like, oh, she thinks she's hot shit because she was on TV. Were you not nervous? I honestly didn't care. That wasn't my motive. It wasn't the reason I was isolating. And I think most of them, if not all of them, were really understanding and respectful of that and kind. What do you think prevented you from participating? I just wasn't ready to open up to strangers. And just like in group therapy at the rehab, I spent so much time being private and carrying it all in silence and hiding it from the world.

1:16:54I wasn't ready. Yeah. Were you also worried people were going to find out like this world? I was very worried people were going to find out that I was in rehab. Yeah. Because I didn't want my kids to have to deal with that publicly. I think that prevents a lot of people from going, which is very unfair. Yeah. And it's funny, too, because so, yeah, I know what you're talking about. You have all these secrets and you're carrying all this shame. And that's precisely why group things work, is that you go into this group, you put out on a platter these things that you think make you unlovable and unworthy.

1:17:26And they go, oh, yeah, I did all this, too. It's all right. That's actually the magic is this thing that you're holding that you're certain will make you unlovable. once exposed in the light, it turns out that's not the case. Because you're looking at these other people who've done the same thing and you're like, oh no, you're so lovable. You're so likable. You have so much value. I know that's true for you. It might be true for me. I probably missed out on a lot of that growth and it took me longer because of that to get where I needed to get. Yeah. So you start taking some steps that you get an apartment, you leave San Inez, you do dedicate a month that had been etched out for treatment and you start doing an outpatient program.

1:18:04You meet this woman, you go to Bali on the yoga thing. The outpatient program felt like it was full time though. Yeah, you said it was like nine hours a day or something. And sitting in a room by yourself and people come in every different kind of therapist. I was curious. Yeah, because you just do therapy session, therapy session. Did you leave with diagnoses? Like, did they start telling you you're this or that? I'd already had diagnoses of depression from a very young age that I was always using medication to balance and then going off of it because I didn't think I needed it. being embarrassed because I had to take it and then not taking it when I was pregnant and just dealing with all the ups and downs of that.

1:18:37And so I was already there. They didn't really give me any kind of diagnosis. They were just really helping me hear the words that I needed to be hearing constantly and hearing the messages of value and worth and listening to your instinct and just trying to get me back in my own body. Yeah. So in order of the things that were very effective. I'm fascinated by this. And funny enough, you talk about joining this Buddhist group and going every Monday night. And I wrote down the name of it. Kadampa. Kadampa. It's right down the street. So I wrote down the name of it because I'm like, oh, I want to start taking classes there on Mondays.

1:19:14And then I'm taking a family walk with my kids. Yeah, you can walk there. Two days ago. And we like, I look at a sign and I go, oh my God, this is impossible. You guys, I just wrote down the name of this from reading Jenny's. It is literally a sign. And then my 11 year old was like, I want to go with you. It's so fun. You know, they do for kids too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just drove by it on the way here and thought, oh, I miss going there. I need to get back. Yeah. What things were you picking up that were helping you tether yourself to yourself? And what were the building blocks that helped you most come out of this?

1:19:46Gan Rigpa, the leader of the class, he was so relatable. Like he translated the teachings of Buddha into like present day usable stuff that we're all dealing with. Road rage and heartbreak and hesitation for reaching for your goals, all the things. So I was hearing it in just a different language. It just came in differently and it just resonated so much. And I had seen a friend of mine that had gone through the stages of the Buddhist teachings. You met someone on set, right? It was another actor. Yeah, another actor. I was like, wow, you are so cool and level-headed and just like a piece all the time.

1:20:20I want what you have. What's wrong with you? Like, where'd you get that? He's the one that told me about it. But I was just sitting there listening to the teachings. And I took copious notes because I tend to have to write things down in order to remember them. And I just have those books with me. I go back to them all the time. Also, the just human connection that you said I was perhaps missing by not going to the group therapy and realizing that all these people were there for the same reason. And one of the main teachings of Buddhism is that we all want to be free from suffering. And that was just revolutionary for me.

1:20:52It started me thinking outside of my own pain and realizing that we're all carrying our own pain. And it's through connecting and then recognizing that in each other that the healing really happens. Yeah. Talk about the scarcity mindset a little bit. I thought this was a great section. I think I've always had it just growing up very modestly and having been independent my whole life and having to pay all of my bills and other bills. You worry about things like what if it's not there? Like I would keep clothes that I didn't need because I thought maybe someday I'll need that and maybe I won't have enough money to buy it.

1:21:26In your mind when you are so self-sufficient, it's scary. I love that you say in that mindset too, you're scanning for short-term wins because you have so much anxiety and they're not long-term wins. I can relate to this so much. Like as an actor, it's like, oh, that movie failed. Shit, I don't think I'm going to get hired again. I guess I'm going to consider these other things that I never wanted to do, but they're on the table. So I should take them because those will go away too. If I don't do it, somebody else will. And I had to make money. I had to support myself and my girls. And I was accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle.

1:22:00Sure, yes, we could have moved into an apartment. But I really wanted, probably for myself too, because I'm really at home, at my home. Like that's my place. I wanted to have that sort of security for my girls and always be able to provide it. But the scarcity just keeps you living in fear of not having. And I think especially with money, because I spent all those years not worrying about money. It'll come, it'll happen. It magically appears. I don't know who does what with it, but it's all good. Then all of a sudden, I was forced to really think about how am I going to do this? I don't have that backup.

1:22:34even if we were sharing things equally, the feeling of having that kind of backup support was gone. And my dad had died and I felt a lot more responsibility and I just never worried about money. And then all of a sudden I started worrying about money. I started worrying about when am I going to get enough to pay? And my business manager was really scaring the shit out of me all the time, said, you need to sell your house and actually you need to sell the ranch too. So I just built a home for my daughters. And he said, you need to sell it now while the real estate is at its height because it's going to change.

1:23:07I was like, okay. And I didn't have a sounding board on the other side of that. And then he said, you need to sell your ranch. And I did that too. And I regret both of those decisions. Because the minute you start worrying and holding on and attaching to the outcome of the money coming and going, that is when for me, it stopped coming. I like clenched my fists around it and strangled it. with worry. And that was a real life lesson. You got to kind of take a leap of faith. And even like going back to my relationship with the girl's dad, young, insecure me was worried that he would leave me or he would cheat on me.

1:23:43He's an actor. He's going to make out with beautiful women. And that was very difficult. And I got really concerned about it and I made it happen. And I remember him too saying at some point, you're going to make this happen. I didn't understand that. And I also kind of thought that's a little bit manipulative because you're saying I'm going to make you do something. Right. There is some element of that. Yeah. But I get it from the other perspective too. Yeah. It's like if I'm always in trouble for cheating or I'm always under scrutiny, then I might as well be having fun because I'm dealing with this and I'm not having that.

1:24:14I'm paying the price as if I were. Right. There was a lot of that in our relationship because I was just insecure and unstable and not connected with myself. Like most of us. Yeah. I felt like it took a long time for me. Like I didn't get there until like 50, late 40s, where I really started to understand myself more and love myself to the point where I could comfort my own self and be my own anchor. Well, I admire how much you tried and fought. Like you did Landmark. Did you ever do Landmark? No, but our friend did the whole thing. He loves it. He still talks about it all the time. It's like a Kool-Aid situation.

1:24:52He doesn't participate anymore, but I think he was great at extracting. Of course, there's really great principles in there or it wouldn't be so successful. I've still lived by one of them today. You have a choice in the world every day. You are a person that either loves chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream, which is it? And you're like vanilla. So to really get in touch with your internal answering a question without doubt. So I've always go back to that one too. Yeah. My understanding of it that I like a lot is it's a lot about personal responsibility. Like the world's not happening to you.

1:25:23No, you're not a victim. Yeah, you're not a victim. It's not happening to you. It's happening for you. And how do you want to navigate it? And while you're at it, go clean up all the shit that you've already destroyed. Yeah. Which was really beneficial. I think that helps a lot of people so much because so much happens when we know we've messed up something or made a mistake or didn't do something well regarding the other person's perspective or feelings. So it really does pinpoint those moments for you. And then you go back and meet with that person, hopefully, or write them a letter or whatever.

1:25:55Yeah, this is the ninth step in the program, which is like clean up your records again, so you don't have to walk around with shame because you can't afford to walk around with shame. It's like a bucket. If you have a bucket full of water and the water being all those moments where you messed up and you are beating yourself up over it and it's full and you just have to put your foot right in it and let the water overflow. Because you will never get past it if you don't. Let's talk about David, because you also found a way to find love again, as you titled the chapter in the book. How did this one differ from previous ones?

1:26:26It was weird. I was trying dating. I'd never done that. I didn't know what kind of guy I liked. I tried all different sizes and shapes and locations. Usually they were out of town, which was nice because I could come home and be a mommy. And then when I didn't have my kids, I would go try to date someone. And if you have a hard time establishing boundaries, a geographical boundary helps. Yes. Definitely. I had really come through a lot of intense therapy at that point with my therapist, Wade. And I was feeling this freedom and this positive feeling of like, I can handle everything now. And right when that happened, I met Dave.

1:27:01I built my house and I was doing a photo shoot for the like unveiling of the house because it was on HGTV. And I was thinking like, this is the best. I'm here with my dogs and my home the way I want it. And that night I had a blind date with somebody. My friends at school had set me up. It was like a blind double date. That's when I met Dave. Wow, I love that. And I remember walking in, because I didn't know who he was. So I did look him up on the internet. I was busy all day. So I was like, help me look this guy up. And a Chippendales dancer came up with the same name. Oh, wow. So I texted my friend.

1:27:30I was like, he's not a Chippendales dancer, right? She's like, no, he didn't have a big footprint at all on the line. So I just kind of went into it blindly. And I walked in. He was this tall, handsome, actor-looking guy. And I was like, oh, fuck. No, thank you. Bye-bye. So, so completely detached the whole dinner, just thinking this is such a waste of my time, but trying to, you know, get through it. And then he made me laugh a few times. And women are a sucker for laughter. Thank God. Thank God, right? Because I didn't have laughter in my life. And I was like, oh, this feels really good. And I thought I want this for my girls, too.

1:28:04You didn't have joy in your life. I didn't have joy. Yeah, no light. No, I was just plugging along. And he brought that to our household. I just fell in love with it and him. That's lovely. We've been married for 10 years. Wow. I call it nine because we did spend a year of separation when the sparkles faded again in the relationship after like that first year when it's not what you thought it would be. Yeah. Well, when the work is now required. Yes. And neither of you have experience or the confidence. Can I challenge this without being unlovable? And he had never been in a relationship like that.

1:28:39He all of a sudden had three stepchildren. Yeah, it's a lot. Four dogs. So he stepped into a big world and we took a year off. We were getting divorced actually. And we had the paperwork signed on my end. He hadn't signed it yet. And it was in a yellow envelope in the back of his truck. This truck that he bought after we broke up as like a sign of defiance, like this giant tundra. And he lived on the itty bitty streets in Silver Lake. And it was all scraped up and dented. He loved that truck. But yeah, he had the paperwork in the back of his car. I noticed it there months after we had gotten back together.

1:29:13And I was like, this has been in your car this whole time. He's like, yeah, I'm going to keep it around. Because it reminds him, like, I have free will. Like, I cannot be in this relationship if I don't want to. I choose to be in it. Right. I think it helped him kind of come to terms with that. But he had a lot of growing to do. I had to go back to the drawing board because it was just like ripping a bandaid off a real fresh wound. Yeah. Were you like, oh, my God, again? And more attacking my own self internally for what is wrong with you. And then the narrative in my mind had become and was really concreted was you are not able to have a healthy relationship.

1:29:49There's just something about you that you can't do it. You're permanently flawed. Okay, I guess that's me and I'll just live that way. Yeah, I'm defective. Yeah, some people just can't do certain things and maybe that's mine. How'd you get out of that therapy? be. Yeah. It was after that divorce or separation slash divorce that I went to Bali and started doing a lot more work right back into it. Like I cannot let this derail me. You can't wake up in the hospital again. And so I just started working right away and learned even more about myself during that time and really came to peace with what is and stopped trying to fight everything.

1:30:28and that combined with the Buddha classes that I was going to really just brought me peace in whatever situation I ended up in. Like it will all work out. You will be fine. Also that opportunity to really connect with, it sounds so woo woo, but like that little girl inside of me, that little person that is so afraid. And so like something's wrong with me and nobody can really love me. Nobody knows me, this person. I started to become her best friend again. Like I started to mother her like I did my own daughters. And once I started to do that, I just felt at peace and capable of taking care of her, me, us.

1:31:06Well, and in Buddhism, right, the suffering's coming from you trying to force a different reality than the one you're in. The reality is not actually that painful. It's the desire to have a different reality around you that is so uncomfortable. Afraid of the unknown. Yeah. That's attachment. That's one of the core beliefs is not having attachment. And, you know, if you are full on Buddhist, you don't have attachment to any things, but in this modern world, they taught it in a way that there are certain things that it's okay to have and love and be so grateful that you have them. But then there are certain things that you're attaching to that are not benefiting you and sort of really deciphering what those are and learning how to unattach.

1:31:48Yeah. Well, I Choose Me is the book and I think it's a very brave book. And I think a lot of people, like, even as you're saying right now, you felt like, how is this happening again? It must not be for me. When I interviewed my mom, I was like, it's so inconsistent with who you are to have been with a guy that was beating you up. How were you, this gangster of a woman with a guy that was beating you up repeatedly? And she said, the thought of failing again was more painful. I couldn't except failing again at this. And I think a lot of people relate to that. For whatever reason, the shame or the inevitable pain that you know you're going to go through.

1:32:28Yeah. So for you to publicly put out your whole roadmap, I think is awesome and admirable. And I think it's great. Thank you. Yeah. I think that learning how to connect with other people, especially as an older woman, learning how to connect with other women has just brought me such a desire to keep doing that in hopes that someone sees themselves somewhere in my journey. Yes, if someone comes up to you and they offer adoration to you because they wanted to be you on 90210 versus someone that comes up to you and is like, I have experienced the same thing as you and I feel so seen and connected, are two dramatically different things.

1:33:07They're the thing you wanted. They're substantive. They're not your cute baby. Your story has made me feel less alone. Right. It made me feel seen less alone because we just internalize everything as humans. We think we're so uniquely terrible. It's like all of us are fucked. All of us are fucked. That's an illusion if you think you know someone who's done it perfectly. Well, Jenny, great meeting you. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Good luck with the book. So much fun. Everyone get I Choose Me. He is an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here. She's got to let him have the facts.

1:33:44I have a story. Oh, great. So this is like right after you left. So this was like two months ago. Okay. I was going for a week just to be. Yeah, but it feels like it was a really long time ago. Ana and Ana parked her car at my house. Okay. We were going to walk to Cara. But before we walked to Cara, we were going to drop something off at your house. Okay. So we stopped by your house. We're chit-chatting. Kristen, Delta. Oh, I dropped off a vintage shirt for Lincoln for her birthday. Which one was that? Willie Nelson. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great tea. Yeah. And so then we asked if anyone wanted anything from Cara.

1:34:25Delta wanted a salad. Yeah, yeah. The gem salad. Yeah. So then we walked to Cara. Have a great time. Yeah. Get the salad. Walk back to your house to drop off the salad. Everything's looking good. Yeah. It's going to be a great outing. Everything's gone well so far. And it's like 8.35, I would say. We drop off the salad. Delta's asleep. And so then we start walking to my house. Now, for the listener who doesn't know or remember, my house is... 80 feet. Yeah. I was going to say 15, but that's because I don't know measurements. You know, there's two options. Yeah. You can go down your driveway or you can go up the hill to where your front door is.

1:35:07Yes, exactly. It's probably equidistance. Right. Yeah, but within a couple hundred feet. Yeah, I mean, it's so close. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we're walking. Oh, and we have Mona. This is a big part of it. Mona is Anna's dog. And a pretty large dog. Yeah, she looks almost like a wolf. Yeah, but not a scary one. Not a wolf like in the forest, like a wolf hound. Right. But so nice. She's so nice. Nice and kind of dumb looking. I love her, and I'm not drawn to dogs so much, but I'm in love with her. Same. Am I like, she's a good dog. You said I like her. Yeah, I'm not going to say love. Anyway, okay.

1:35:45So we have Mona. We're walking back to my house and we see my nemesis, Coyote. Coyote in the street. On the corner. Just looking. Just looking at us. Yeah, they love to look. And I was like, okay. I know. I think you're supposed to just keep walking. and be non-phased. Look them directly in the face. Go, what's up? Even just them hearing what's up. No, I don't want to talk to them. It scares them. Okay, so I was like, you're supposed to be non-phased and just be like, you own the streets. Yeah, yeah. Well, you're six times the size. Oh, no. No, they're big. Maybe not six, but... I mean, they're like my size.

1:36:34If I got down on all fours, they're my size. Anyway. You're 100 pounds. They're probably 40 pounds. But they're all muscle. They're all hair. I'm mostly boot. So I don't know what my chances are. Anyway, he was looking at us and I was like, okay, I know you're supposed to keep going. And normally I'm scared and Ana's not scared of things, but she was scared. So this wasn't a good combo. And she was really worried about Mona because coyotes eat dogs. Small dogs. Even though Mona's much bigger than - Small dogs. Yeah, but still, we were like getting, we were starting to get a little panicky. We should add Mona's extremely beta.

1:37:12Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Like, she's not. Like, Frank would have gone after, he would have lost, but he would have gone after the coyote. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, what do you prefer? You know, I don't know. I can tell you right now what I prefer. Well, so, and I was like, oh, no, I don't know what to do. And I was like, me either. And we just were standing still. And I was like, okay. Like deer, they freeze. Yeah. So you really look like prey because now you're frozen. Yep. Yep. The opposite thing of what you're supposed to do. And then I was like, okay. And I knew that. I was like, we're not supposed to be like standing here like this.

1:37:44We got to like, I don't. And I was like, let's go back. So we turned our back and kind of walked quickly back to your house. Okay. And then we just stood in that little well. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Where the packages come. Yeah. Where the packages. We just stood there and I Googled, what do you do when you come across a coyote? Basically, first thing it says is don't stop. Don't turn around. Don't run. You know, everything we had just done. Yeah. And I was like, fuck. And then it said, you know, be loud. Yeah, sure. Throw rocks. Absolutely. Yeah. But there were no rocks. They don't understand throwing.

1:38:25So it's like you're a thing and all of a sudden you got projectiles. Okay. Interesting. but they didn't I think you just yell at it we have them on our street all the time and that's all Natalie does she just yeah it was dark I know but they're city you don't understand you've never been Natalie's not white oh yeah they're city coyotes I forgot about that okay so okay so it's like throw rocks and we didn't see any rocks but it was like be loud um I was like okay so we'll just and we're starting to like get unhinged like our ideas were bad you know I was like okay I'll just put on this podcast it'll be loud okay and I'll turn on my flashlight on my phone so turn my flashlight turn on the podcast machine which is Aaron and Sarah's podcast Aaron Foster and Sarah Foster's podcast that I've become kind of weirdly obsessed with I just like turned it on and it's just their voices like you know talking normal it wasn't that loud I don't want to be critical but when choosing a podcast maybe like go Rogan I mean I was the time for the manosphere.

1:39:27I agree. I agree. Aggression, but it's just, he's like two ladies, you know, and delicious. Yeah. He's like attractive women. And so I'm just like walking, holding it. And I real, you know, we're three steps in and we look up three coyotes. Now they've gremlin done you. He got his friends. He said, Oh, I have the, these, these girls will not stand a chance. Easy pickings, but I'm going to need help because this is too much for me to eat. Yeah. Yeah. And they just stood there staring at us. It was so scary. So then we really, we turned and we ran back to your house. Oh, geez. Okay. Sprinted. You should have hung.

1:40:11Rona, run. You should have hung bologna on your back while you were running. I mean, we were from cars. Like, we probably smelled like food. Oh, sure. Yummy. me. So we run back to the house and this time we run into the house and I say, mom, we don't, we don't know what to do. And she said, I'll, I'll go with you guys. And then Lincoln popped up from the couch and I want to go. Yeah. She get her numb chest. She's very you in that way. She really wanted to be part of the bravery. Yes, exactly. And I was like, no, no, no. And you know to because then you have to walk back by yourself. I don't want that.

1:40:50And, um, and so the solution I came up with, uh, was to take Kristen's car, drive it to my house. The problem is I don't like driving other people's cars. So then we drove Kristen's car to my house. I got in my car, followed Kristen's car back. Anna drove Kristen's car back to your house and I followed to drop off her car. And then Anna got in my - Again, a reminder to the listener, 100 feet. Yeah. And then Anna got in my car. We drove back to my house and she got in her car. This became the fairy riddle. Yeah, it's a riddle. You got some chickens. You got a fox and a bag of grain. I know. Yeah.

1:41:38So it all worked out. And then I got home and I panic bought so much stuff. So I bought wolf pee. That's a deterrent. That you're going to put where? Around your doorstep? I think around my front. But I don't want it to smell bad. Yeah, I know. As opposed to going like, hey, what's up? Like your options are scatter urine all over the place or go, hey, what's up? I just don't think they're going to do to me what they do to you. You haven't tried it. You can't conclude that yet. If I try it and I get eaten, how are you going to feel? You cannot find me a story of an adult. Rob, look it up. An adult getting eaten.

1:42:21A female, five feet, brown at night. Okay? By a coyote specifically? Yeah. Go ahead, Indian. Put college educated. Yeah, go ahead and put Indian. Don't put college educated. don't you put that small high voice high voice because maybe it won't care if i say what's up there was a 2009 case but that was the last what happened in 2009 uh taylor was hiking in the national park she was attacked by two coyotes and died from injuries and blood loss oh my god oh my god i regret having you look this up oh my god 2009 i graduated college so that sim it does say it is extremely rare yeah but i don't care i don't want to be the one my life is very rare i've had really rare good i wonder if she's taking a nap this is the it's the only confirmed case of an adult human being killed by coyotes the only is this woman i don't i'm very special in the woods taking a nap with she's not taking that don't you say that about her may she rest in peace.

1:43:32Anyway. Anywho, I'm sorry you got spooked like that. Oh my God. So then I bought the wolf pee. I bought some air horns. Turned out I bought too many. I bought like nine. I don't know how that happened. Yeah. And then I bought a little flashlight. You're good at shopping, but you're bad at Amazon. It's interesting. I don't know what happened. I got flashlights, a little one that goes on my key chain. I got and I got this really mean wolf mask thing that I think you put on your fence and it has lights and it like looks really scary. OK. Did you think of getting one for yourself to wear? That's what I thought she was saying.

1:44:10It's going to be in her purse and she was going. So I was thinking, like, why would you have the gumption with a mask on to be aggressive? Well, I would if it's like a scary wolf with it's like scary red eyes at a flash. OK. But I think what's scary is that you are three feet above them. I'm like one foot above. They're tall. I think we're seeing different things out of our eyes. Look at how tall they are. Average coyote. Two feet. Okay, then I am three feet taller. Yeah. But they know. They have instincts. Well, they do know you're scared of them. Yeah. You've made that clear. I am scared. By freezing.

1:44:47I am scared. I don't know if this is one of these situations where you don't really. You're not looking for any advice or anything. Well. Because here's what I'll say is you can't not be scared of them by just thinking about it. Right. That'll never happen. You're going to be thinking about that. Exactly. Yeah. You can't think your way out of being scared. Yes. Correct. But I promise you, and I know for sure, if you can one time run at them and scream, they will run. And then you will know permanently. Oh, yeah. That's how I can do that. So it's either we got to try that or we got to be afraid.

1:45:26They're in the neighborhood. There's a ton of coyotes in our neighborhood. I know. Have you heard them go berserk yet? Yes. Yeah. They go. It sounds like they're having a seance. They were screaming the other night. Or like a devil worshiping orgy. They'll be like. Who wouldn't be scared of that? It seems like 15 or 20 of them in there. The noises they're making, it makes laughing hyenas sound inviting. It's really bad. And you wonder, are they eating an old lady? that's what you wonder when you're in your room it's only happened once ever you wonder is it 2009 when you hear that I don't like them at all your hair looks like it's getting longer it is I'm growing it out yeah what do we think it's in the crazy phase so your thing's working what's that topical?

1:46:15does it look thick? Well, yeah. I mean, long doesn't equal thick. Oh, well, kind of. It would have always grown long, just how dense would it have been as it was growing long? I guess. I think it, yeah. I'll tell you, every guy I know has seen this. This probably hasn't reached your algorithm. No, that's hair transplant. Right. There's a UCLA, I keep seeing this goddamn meme on Instagram. And apparently UCLA has a full-on topical cure for baldness. What? completely wakes up all dormant follicles. Really? Yes. I was talking to another person with, they had long hair. And I was saying, I'm growing my hair out.

1:46:57It's going to be hard. Right. Were you wearing hats? Blah, blah, blah. And I wouldn't have even thought this about him because his hair looks very robust. Somehow this UCLA thing, I go, have you heard about it? And he goes, the UCLA thing? I go, yeah. I go, yeah. How do I get in the trial? He goes, I looked into it. Can you? There were like 500 ,000 applicants for a trial of like 200 people or something crazy. Every single guy was like, I need in on this trial. But apparently it's like it works and now I'm just waiting. Do you think that you should be able to jump the line because you went there?

1:47:29I think there's a lot of reasons I should jump the line. Okay. Okay. I'm a tall white male and I'm totally disenfranchised. And it's time that I get a leg up. You get recognized. Yeah. But really you went there I kind of think alumni Should kind of get a leg up I mean I'm obsessed with this Not only do I want the product But I gotta figure out how to be an investor in it Before it goes Right Anyways Interesting So you've never seen that right? Um no UCLA events I don't think so Exactly And every single guy I've brought it up to Has seen it Right Well it's for men The algorithms are so good Yeah They really know I mean it probably works for women too Women Yeah it's not like you guys have unique follicles that can't be woken up from dormancy.

1:48:13Although I'm having the opposite situation. Too much. I think I'm having new hair growth. Oh, do you think it's coming down like a werewolf? No, it's not. Like a coyote. Maybe you have to start shaving. No, the other day I was like looking in the mirror and I was like, what is this poof of hair that's just like, it's just like sticking out. And I asked a hairstylist and she was like, I think it might be new hair growth and i was like new hair growth that makes no sense that makes no sense but because the only thing different in your life is that you're on triz do you think one of teen wouldn't it be you've been on creating for like four minutes right like but but i wouldn't even be surprised if you had another off-label observation of uh trizepatide is oh by the way it makes your hair grow back because every single thing you read is like positive yeah maybe i don't know but i don't really love it you're not looking for more hair yeah i'm fine you're in a unique position i know and i don't want it to have a little puff like this that looks weird yeah um it's hard to style it's like when people are pregnant often this happens like they lose a lot of hair and then when it grows it's like grows back and it's like in little patch it looks kind of weird um i I mean, it looks great, but you know, good save, really good save.

1:49:34It's as if he didn't say, even say weird.

1:49:40So yeah. So I, um, yeah. Hair. Okay. Well, would you ever consider going to Turkey and getting new hair? I mean, you don't need it. I don't think I need to do that. But if you went, if you were like, oh fuck, like it's going. You know, this is a great topic. I mean, there's a lot of battles happening in my head. And I think they're age-related. And I think I spoke on it a little bit when Zach Braff was here, which is like 85 % of the time, I'm like, yeah, we're getting older. And you look fine. And maybe your hair's thinner. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Maybe you have more wrinkles. 85 % of the time, I feel that way.

1:50:21Yeah. And then 15 % of the time, I can make a very solid argument. And here's how the argument goes. Yeah. I use whitening toothpaste. I want my teeth to be white. I use moisturizer on my skin. I put drops in my eyes so they're white before I'm on camera. I do all this stuff. So why am I drawing this arbitrary line between I wouldn't do this? I mean, I am vain. It's not like I'm not vain. Right. And then I go and I have the means to. So what do we do? Like, what's the hang up? Right. And then I go back to like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. And I think it's cool. It's cool to not give a fuck. Yeah.

1:51:00And I think even specifically for men, probably. I agree. It's probably a better look in general. I mean, I want everyone to do what they want. Yeah, it's not weird if you. It's not weird. It's great. But I agree that there's something like cool, attractive about someone not caring that much. I mean, caring, like putting yourself, like having yourself together. Yeah. Oh, ding, ding, ding. I want to bring up something. Okay, you smell shit right now. And so, yeah, I'm kind of, I'm with you on that. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We are supported by HP. My mental to-do list is already full.

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1:52:56Would you rather, this is back to the poop. I mean the smelling like shit. Okay. Okay. Do you think it's grosser to not, well, I think I know how you're going to feel, but try to be objective, I guess. do you think it's grosser to be with someone who never gets their teeth cleaned never or has skin marks well we need some i need some follow-up okay okay okay okay is their mouth like a rat's nest or does it look complete is it mine because i don't go to the dentist right you know this i know this is the wrong person i know but i wanted to okay but two times in 20 years i know that that That is wild, but also I, too, don't get my teeth cleaned enough.

1:53:42Yeah, and they look great. So it's like there's nothing about your mouth that I'm going, yuck. Right. But if you had shit marks all the time in your unders. Right. I'd be like, gross, man. Wipe your hiney. Exactly. Okay, so I'm with Jess, obviously. And he, I don't know. Oh, he spilled chocolate ice cream everywhere, right? And it looked disgusting. Yeah, yeah. And he said it looked like skid marks. And I said, do you get skid marks? Yeah. And he said, a lot less. A lot less. I just said, no, no. The answer should be, no, I don't. Yeah. And he said, well, no, like I said less. I was like, I know, but you shouldn't have any.

1:54:30Okay, I'm going to try my hardest. I'm not going to say who this is, but you'll know. But I have a friend who has he'll say, dude, I put the bar of soap up my asshole. Like I clean my asshole so thoroughly in the shower. Yeah. And then I get out and I dry off and then I can wipe my butt and there'll be. And so I don't know about like if that's not my scenario. Right. I don't have like, I guess, a leaky keister. I know. Thank God. I mean, there's so many things to be grateful for that we're not. That we should be all day long. It's true. Yeah, I'm not leaking sewage. Thank God. Thank God. I know.

1:55:11It's not weird. It's not weird. It's great. It's very attractive. Then he came back. His retort was like, well, you don't get your teeth cleaned. Okay. Yeah, he felt a little defensive. Understandably, sure. Yeah, yeah. Oh, because I guess Ana and I recently had said like, yeah, we like barely get our teeth, go to the dentist. Yeah. And he goes to the dentist regularly for real cleaning. And you should go. Like, look, you should go to the dentist, right? Everyone will put in the comments, brain infection. We know. We know. We know. And heart disease. Like, yes. Infections. We know. 80 % of diseases emanate from the mouth.

1:55:46That's right. Got it. They do. We should be getting our teeth cleaned every six months. And we're not doing it. And so for him, he was like, that's worse. And he said, he said, that's worse. That's more disgusting. Wow. So I didn't know where everyone landed. I mean, I did feel like you probably were on my side about this. Yeah, yeah. Because you also don't get your teeth cleaned and you don't have skid marks. I mean, nothing really bums me out, as you know. Sure. Yeah, you're down with anything. I'm pretty much down with everything. But if you saw a big skid mark. I can't. As you were taking someone's garments off.

1:56:22I know. Just before you were perhaps going to. Be down there. Be down there. Yeah. You know, I don't know. It's not what you want to see immediately before. You might go, let's reschedule this portion of it. Oh, my God. Oh, okay. Okay. One question I had that I was excited to hear about was, so we were gone for, I guess, five days. They were. I was gone for a long time. I was in Austin. You remarked that. You and Anna were neighbors. Yeah. So Anna was staying here at the house. Yes. What was that like to be neighbors? She didn't come over. Oh, my God. And I didn't go over. Oh, what? I know. I thought it was annoying too.

1:57:01No, no. She had family in town. Oh, she did? Yeah. That was the whole, she had her cousin. She planned a big family reunion at my house while I was gone. Oh my God. I'm not. She's going to be like angry at me. I'm sure, I think, I'm sure she asked Kristen. Anyway, she had two cousins in town. And so she had like plans with them. And so she didn't. And like one day I was outside in my, on my beautiful deck and Jess was there and we FaceTimed her. And I was like, come over, like bring your, just come over, bring your whole family reunion. Oh, we're like going to get in the pool. I'm like, what? And then Jess was like, well, we could go over there.

1:57:46And then I said, I don't, I don't want to go over there when, when Dax and Kristen aren't there. I felt kind of weird about it for some reason. and so then we just never saw each other he he came over it's funny you'd say that because i remembered i wanted to ask you about this on the this program oh okay i want to see like what was like being neighbors was it fun right no and then i when i i was i knew i wanted to ask that it sounds fun um because you guys hang so much right yeah and then i thought what if she came over and went in the sauna you'd be mad then i was like yeah i think i've invited you like five times to go in the sauna and you have it.

1:58:23And then I go out of town and then Anna invites you. And then you go, that crossed my mind. I was like, I might feel like a little hurt. Like, oh, you're not going to come over when I invite you. But when Anna invites you, you go over. Yeah. Well, I didn't. Right. Like what if you had invited me over for breakfast, like five times at your house? I don't, I can't go for all these reasons. and then Aaron's staying at your house and he invites me over for breakfast. I'm like, yeah, I'll be there in five. Yeah. Right? No. I don't actually know if I would because it'd be one thing if I never came over here.

1:59:00I come over here. I'm here every day. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I think that's a little different maybe. Okay. Because if you came over to my house all the time, but you just weren't coming over for breakfast, and then Aaron was staying at my house and he invited you for breakfast. I think I'd be like, oh, it just worked out timing wise. But also you have somehow breakfast has to include like I got a brand new, very special breakfast nook. Like I got a very cool sauna. And I love how social it can be. Oh, okay. I'll come over. And then you don't come. And then I leave. And then you're like, hey, you call on and you're like, dude, I'm dying to go.

1:59:39I've been dying to get in that sauna. Finally, Dax is gone, so let's. No, like, okay, let's pull back the curtain. I feel like you guys can invite me over way more. Maybe just not to sauna. Yeah, you never. You just don't want to sauna. You never invite me, you only invite me over to sauna. That's right, because that's all I do. Right, but it's like, that's so sweaty. I can tell you my evening's the exact, just like my breakfast and my, you know, My evening is the exact same every single night. I sauna at five o 'clock. I cold plunge. I get in the hot tub with the girls. I hear about their day.

2:00:19Then we have dinner. We watch TV and go to bed. So the only time to be social in that scenario is the big sauna block. I guess you can invite me over for dinner. You could come over for dinner. That makes a lot of sense. That's very traditional, actually. I mean, like, I guess TV. TV's in bed, which we're already at capacity. We go into the room. That's fine. I don't need to join in. Yeah, there's four of us in the one bed. It's already a little tight. I get it. Yeah. So you guys never hung out. That's the point. And that's interesting. And I definitely didn't go in the sauna. Do not worry. Do not worry about that.

2:00:52And I'll come over to sauna. I just, you know. I just don't like the sauna. Well, I do like it. There's a couple of hurdles. One, you have to be in a bathing suit in the sauna. You could wear this outfit. You don't sweat it. You actually have the freedom to wear anything. in the sauna because you don't sweat. Well, I do sweat in the sauna. It's actually the only place I sweat. It's why I do enjoy it. I do feel good after because I've sweat. Yeah. But you have to wear a bathing suit and that means you have to be well-kempt. Okay. And you won't kemp, is that? You don't want to kemp. Well, okay. Kempting is tricky.

2:01:39because I don't like to shave. It's like, that's like not really good. Can I make a pitch? Yeah. Bathing suit, boxers. Shorts. Oh, that's like so ugly. But, oh, I mean, it's great. It looks great. And if that's how you like to sauna, you're even hotter for it. All right, can I tell you the other tension in my head? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. So that's one battle's waging, my aging. Okay. 85 % of the time, who cares? Let's go. Bring on the wrinkles. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring on the thinning hair. 15 % of the time, let's throw everything we can at this. Let's get a facelift. Let's do it all.

2:02:15Okay. I know. That's like 15 % of the time. I know. Anyways, the other tension, and this is, I don't really, I don't know where, this is so confusing to me. When I'm in Nashville, I'm so happy. Yeah. I can't tell you, it will make no sense to you, but I cannot tell you the amount of joy I get from doing stupid tasks around the yard. That's great. And in the garage and with the cars and the boat. Yeah. Feel productive. I'm just so – but I'm not – it's all useless, right? It's just like – I mean, it's not important. It's just like – it's just me staying busy. Yeah. And – Gardening is good for like the brain.

2:02:55Yeah. It's good for me for sure because like just to be moving and doing – There's like studies on that. I accomplish little things and I feel good about it. And then I stroll – like I really am – becoming friends with my neighbor, Nate, who I really like a lot. Right. And so like I'll stroll over to his house or he'll stroll over, or this was my favorite part of the whole trip. His boat was stuck. His boat is on a lift that comes, so you can take it out of the water at night. And he lowered it and our lake is a little low right now. So when he lowered it on the lift, it wasn't floating. He couldn't get it off of his lift and he wanted to take it in for service.

2:03:30Okay. And I said, how about I hook up my pontoon and see if I can fucking jerk you out of that. Okay. Well, that sounded weird. jerk you off that lift. And he was like, No wonder you like him. He's like, I don't, you think it'll break the bottom? Like, it wouldn't be fun if there wasn't some plausible threat of me ruining something. So sure enough, hooked up some ropes, fucking punched it on the pontoon and pulled the boat right off the thing. Glorious. Great. Nothing. That's not productive. And I felt like a champion. You helped someone. Yeah. But I'm just saying like, Like it's not productive in the traditional sense.

2:04:08Okay. It's just like I got someone's boat off a thing, but it was like, I, we didn't know if it would work. I had to improvise. It was all very rewarding. Yeah. I loved it. So yeah, I stroll over there. I chat with him. I'm like, oh, I'm going to drive my dirt bike around the yard. I remember dirt bike. I am so happy. And then I go. What am I supposed to do in life? Okay. Am I supposed to work till 70? Or am I supposed to hang out and do that? And I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it's a blessing. What a fucking enormous blessing that I could get to even evaluate that. But it's an interesting thing where it's like, oh, and I also love, I come back here and I love what we're doing right now.

2:04:52And I love interviewing people and that's really fun. Yeah. And being productive is fun and being engaged is fun. Yeah. But man, that's really fun. I know. And like at some point in your life, you got to decide. Yeah, you got to decide. Yeah. I, you'll know. I guess I'll know. I think you'll just know. I don't know if I'll know. I think you just have to commit to one thing or the other. Really? I don't know about that. You don't know. Okay. I'll tell you, I had the complete opposite situation. Oh, tell me. You were gone. And then also before you were gone, we had a light week. Yeah. Very light week.

2:05:25And then you are gone. So we've had like two weeks of like kind of not doing a lot. Yeah. And yeah, I still have to edit. There's media, whatever. There's things. But the actual like us doing this wasn't really happening. And, you know, I've been just like listening to this other podcast nonstop. But at one point I was like, oh, my God, like we have to get back to work. I cannot do this like and I was also in meetings like we were pit were I'm in pitches and we had a ton of those at first I was like so annoyed I was like oh I was supposed to have the week off like I shouldn't be I shouldn't have scheduled any of this stuff and then like thank God I did because I was like I don't I need to be working like I just am not good without that yeah yeah yeah Yeah.

2:06:21So. What if you had gotten a part-time job while I was gone? You saw me at Maru. Rob saw me at Maru. I don't know if this is a, I can't, I don't know if this is, well, you could tell me. You lived in Atlanta. I lived in the suburbs, though. Yeah, that's true. What I'll say is in 30 years in LA, it might be a, I don't know. I was very friendly with my neighbors in the one-bedroom apartment for 10 years. we were very close together and we saw each other in the stairwell all the time yeah i went to the birthday parties every but since i've owned a home so since 2006 20 years of living in la in a home neighbors here everyone has a fence everyone has a fence in here which i'll be i can defend like i was talking about fences with people in nashville they're like just in general there it's rude which i get it's like it just seems rude it's also different like yes my argument in defense of it is like we're so packed in you'd have to take all of nashville and smash it into like you know four not the square mile thing yeah so when you don't have any space yeah you want a little compartment where you feel anonymous or not where you don't see people right i think so this stress of the city kind of brings it brings that out different yeah yes um it's just so different It's like.

2:07:39It's completely different. Yeah. And I love it. Like, I already love some of my neighbors in Nashville. I know. And I think it's so interesting. But I do think what's interesting is, like, you can have that here, especially here. This neighborhood is as close as you can get to that. LA's not very neighborly. I'll just say that. It's not like I'm sitting it out and everyone else is in the streets chatting. That's not the truth. I'd say I'm even maybe the high watermark in the neighborhood. Like I am chatting with Pari and I, you know, right. And I'm starting a fucking hayride thing, you know, but it's not a neighborly city.

2:08:15It's not a neighborly city, but I actually think this neighborhood is fairly neighborly. So much so this doesn't sound good for me, but I went on a long walk yesterday up Blowsfield. You know, I went like around not in the neighborhood. I went out and when I was coming back, I was like, which entrance do I go in so that I don't see anyone? Oh, wow. I didn't want to see anyone that moment. I knew I knew I was going to. And I did. Yeah. So like, you know, like I actually think this neighborhood I've like I've seen Casey front of the pod. My new friends. Pari. I saw Pari the other day and then he he was it was really cute.

2:08:57I was walking. I saw him. We chatted. And then when I was continuing, I saw him. He was inside somebody else's house. Like he was hanging out with him. He's very neighborly. Yeah. And my neighbor, my actual neighbor, talked to them yesterday. Like it's I feel like people are. So here's my like my question. But I guess I already have an answer because Aaron lives in a pretty liberal neighborhood and his neighbors are very commingling and no one has fences and everyone's in everyone's backyard. Yeah. But there's only two things I can observe that I know specifically. One is it's conservative there and it's liberal here.

2:09:35That's like one thing I know about the differences from where I'm at in Nashville and where. And then it's more rural versus city. I think it's more that. And it's funny because those two things are related in general. Like cities are more liberal than rural. And I just don't know which thing is which. And I'm curious about it. I think that's why the suburbs are a good thing to look at because they're not rural and they're not city. They're like so specific. And normally you do know like a couple neighbors. And they're nice. They're a nice middle ground, too, I think, of super conservative and super liberal.

2:10:13Right. It's like more. Yeah. When you're in the when you're in the country and you're very Republican. Yes. And when you're in downtown New York City, you're very Democrat. Yeah. Yeah, probably. And and then, yeah, you kind of maybe don't know as much when you're in the suburbs. It depends on where you are, obviously. But yeah, like my county where I grew up is a blue count went blue. Right. So, yeah. Anyway. And, you know, like some of your neighbors kind of, but not. Now, I know the Padmins weren't dialed in. Yeah. But were you seen as you drove through your neighborhood like a bunch of other neighbors in someone else's garage or do you see them congregating together?

2:10:56You were trying not to be seen. Yeah. No, not really. Like my very, very first house when I was a baby. Yeah. My dad, I feel like people would do that a little more. And like my dad would hang out with the neighbor a little bit, but not. It's also if you have kids, it's different. Yeah. Kids definitely go hang out with friends in the neighborhood. And then that starts that thing, you know? So like like my one of my best friends who lives in Georgia lives in a suburb and like her kids go next door and they come. So like, yes, if there's kids involved. Yeah. I think that. But that doesn't happen at all in L.A.

2:11:40I mean, virtually at all. I don't know anyone in our pod whose kids hang out at a neighbor's house. Well, no, Erica's Erica's kids go down the street to the neighbor's house. Do they? Yeah. And then like they sometimes all come over to her. The Richardsons don't and the Hansons don't. We don't. Calvin's got a friend down the street. Yeah. He does? Some people. And he walks over there? Yeah. That's great. I think it just depends. Yeah. I think it depends. But also, you know what's a big part of it? I'm just putting two and two together. Schools. In the suburbs, you're on the school bus to get like, everyone's going to public school.

2:12:20Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the kids in the neighborhood go to the same school. Yes, yeah. And then they come and they hang out with each other and stuff. And they take a bike ride. Yeah. And they see each other. I mean, I used to, in my neighborhood, my best friend Ashley lived in the neighborhood and we hung out every day. And I walked to her house every day. And like, we went to this other girl, Kendra's house. Do you think that's great? I think that's great. I loved it. Yeah. It's great. But it's a result of the school bus and school. Like, it's, the problem is, not problem, but some people go to all different schools here.

2:12:55Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so scattered. Yeah, I don't have any judgment over either side or think. But I will say, I do think it's nicer to be neighborly. As I've experienced it, I think that's preferred. And just the little ways we're looking out for each other. Like there was a dog death. Oh. Of a very good friend's dog. I get a text, hey, is it cool if we bury the dog on your property? Of course. We're going to dig a hole. And now I'm going, that's not going to happen. Yeah. It's all granite. Like we had to blast. You have to blast anything. Like if you're going to put a pool and you got to blast granite.

2:13:34It's just all granite. So I'm like, yeah, go ahead. And in my mind, I'm like, they're not going to be able to dig a hole out there. But I'm not going to get in the way of this in the morning. I'm staying out of it. Okay. And then sure enough, they went over to bury the dog. and they had some picks and stuff and they were working for quite a while. And then my buddy, Nate, whose boat I pulled off, he saw what was going on. Oh, and he went to hell. He's in construction. Oh, that's nice. And he had a little front end loader. That's very nice. And then he said, you guys want me to bring the machine over?

2:14:11And he did. He spent a bunch of time digging a hole. Yeah, that's very sweet. It's like, it's so lovely. And then, you know, he can't get his boat off and I'm there and I say, hey, you want me to get you? Like I just, it's very beautiful. It's very nice. Yeah. I think it's really nice. I do. I like it. Yeah. I don't think it can't be that way here. I just think it's not as, it's not as set up. Yeah. Like I'm not trying to say, oh, people in LA are bad or liberals are bad. I'm just curious on what forces create these different outcomes that, that interests me. Yeah. And I like this outcome. Yeah.

2:14:54Well, you can also have a bad neighbor. And that really sucks. And it really sucks if you don't have a fence. Like if you just have neighbors all over the place that aren't nice to you. If you're at war with your neighbor and you have to see them all the time. Yes. It can go bad. It can go bad. Yeah. It can go bad. But I think that's the thing I like about it. It's kind of like relationships a little bit. It's like you enter a neighborhood going like, these are people I picked to be friends with. I got assigned this, but I know we all live together. So I'm going to have to be a little extra patient, a little extra kind and all these things.

2:15:29And I think those are good virtues to just be practicing and have on display. Yeah, for sure. Just not everyone does it. And then it's tricky. OK, I want to do some facts. Oh, yeah, let's do facts. I forgot. OK, these are for Jenny Garth. So did the Shackley soup have I looked up Shackley soup because I was like, why would they go into the soup game? Right. But then they had like seven day healthy cleanse. Like, I think they're including the soups as like this overall health thing. OK, that makes sense. Is the soups are part of a cleanse? Yeah. OK. OK, I looked up her part in Growing Pains. Mm.

2:16:09Hmm.

2:16:41oh we're just buying a little paste sticky sticky sticky oh she just said sticky sticky sticky yes oh and then they walked away so she was right she did say hi first though so she had multiple lines yeah she had multiple lines do you think they kept it under seven or five definitely yeah and under five sticky sticky hello they probably Like surgical. High, sticky, sticky, sticky. Yep, four. Oh, wow. For people who don't know there's categories, you have to pay you a certain amount if you say over, I think. Yeah, under five. Maybe it's changed, but that. Okay, you know what's funny though? So this was, you know, a family show.

2:17:25I loved it. Yeah. This is how things have changed. Like when he says they showed the girls, there's a pop-up that says two available girls. Bebas Americanus. Yeah. And then, and they're like doing like boing sounds. Yeah. You had to back then. You didn't know it was comedy. Okay. Then they show him and it says Dudas Hornius. Ben Seaver, Dudas Hornius. That's pretty good. It's funny. But it's that like that. It wouldn't be on today. It wouldn't. No. It wouldn't. I think it'd bring that back. That's pretty good. Yeah, it's funny. Okay. When was Beverly Hillbillies made? 1962 is when it premiered.

2:18:09Wow. That's an old show. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Brady Bunch, 1969. Choice. Green Acres, 1965. And Bewitched, 1964. Okay. So all 60s. Yeah. That's pretty wild. I know. And I was watching and I was home from school sick in 82. Yeah. So 20 years after the Hillbillies were. And it held up. Really did. Also, there was no other options. Right. Exactly. Okay. How old was Gabrielle Carter is in 90210? Ah, she was 29. And then when it was over, she was 34 or when she left, she was 34. Okay. So she was older. Then a high school student. Yeah. She was playing 16. So it's not weird. It's great. It's great. It's great.

2:18:57It's great. Okay, we talked about shame and you said like the beauty of group therapy is that you say something like that you think is horrible that you've done. And then, you know, people are like, no, that's fine. Like I've done that too. Have you seen the movie The Drama? No. What's that? Zendaya and Robert Pattinson. It's out now. Okay. I can't say anything about this movie like at all. Everything would be a spoiler. Yes. but I recommend it. Okay. And it, um, it's called the drama. Okay. And it flies right in the face of that concept. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, it's really interesting. Ooh, I want to see it.

2:19:45Did you see it at the Vista? No, I saw it at the Americana. Okay. It's only an hour and 45 minutes. God bless. Oh, really? Because it's too intense. No, I just hate movies that are too long now. I like can't do it. Oh, wow. I was supposed to see Project Hail Mary. I really wanted to see it. And we're driving there. And I was like, I don't know if I can sit for that long. How long was that? I saw it. It didn't feel long enough. Two and a half hours. Didn't feel like it at all. I know. Great movie. I want to see it, but I'm not. Not gonna. Will you watch it at home? Yeah, I think I will try to watch it at home.

2:20:16It's being in a theater for two hours. I don't know why. I'm just like mad. I'm like, guys, can we please just get movies back to two hours? It's funny you say that. I think that's a very common opinion. But when I think of, if I did my top 10 movies. Of all time? They're generally longer. Really? Yeah, Pulp Fiction's long. That's the number one movie. You know, most Tarantino movies are long. Once Upon a Time is long. And I want more. I mean, Good Will Hunting is like perfect. 90. Yeah. On the dot. Perfect. I wonder how long that is. How long do you think it is before you look it up? Okay, good question.

2:20:52I think it is, I think it's 100 minutes. give or take. Okay. Let's look it up. Two hours and six minutes. Oh, okay. Two hours. 126 minutes. Okay. Okay. Two hours is fine. Well, this is two hours and six minutes. It's your favorite movie of all time. 25 minutes of credits. So it sounds like it's 20 minutes shorter than Hail Mary. Yeah, I just can't. It's different. Also, now when you go to the theater, it's a full 30 minutes of ads yeah when you're from your call time as certain theaters yeah at the americana it's 30 minutes i i've been testing it i've been looking and testing it and i'm annoyed that's nuts yeah it should start at the time start at the time i think that works at the vista yeah they don't do any they don't play previews and it's great i mean i guess i need to be sympathetic.

2:21:46It's hard to keep these fucking exhibition halls open. No one goes to movies. They got to figure out how to keep them awake or alive. I understand. But it's annoying. It's a bad cycle, though, because it prevents people from going. The experience isn't as good. Yeah. You're right. So it's tough. Short game for a long-term loss. That's right. Shame. Yeah. So anyway, I would recommend that movie. I would love to know your thoughts on it when you see it. Yeah, I can't wait. I'll see anything with Zendaya. I know. She's great. She picks well. She's great. Robert Pattinson's great in it. Yeah, he's something else, isn't he?

2:22:21He is. I was like. He's a special dude. Anyway, check that out. Actually, don't check it out until they come on the podcast. Then check it out. As a reward. Yeah. Okay. And that's it. That's it. Yeah. All right. Well, I enjoyed Jenny Garth. Kelly. Kelly. I loved Kelly. Just really at the height of my consumption of Beverly Hills 90210. Could you ever have imagined? No, just truly. Yeah. Even if you try to explain all the little steps that would lead to that, I would go like, that sounds preposterous. You'd be sitting across from Kelly. Yeah. Asking her questions. Yes. Asking her questions now.

2:22:58And never inappropriate. So well behaved. I cut some out. The universe waited until I could be trusted with the opportunity to talk to Kelly. Kelly's been through a lot. She has. Yeah. That's a weird... When you said 11 share... No, it's not. Again, no one today can really comprehend. Not a young person. They can't comprehend... That's so nuts. The ever-presence and popularity of certain television shows in the 80s and 90s when there was nothing else. A totally different beast. There were CDs and there were four networks to watch shows on. Would 90210 have been like Emmy nominated? I don't think so.

2:23:38So what shows were... Like, considered. West Wing. Back then? Yeah. I thought it was, I thought West Wing was, like, more. I feel like West Wing was. West Wing won the most amount. I know that Tommy Shalami won the most amount of directing Emmys of any director on that show. That's definitely, like, prestige television. I feel like that was, like, the kind of beginning of prestige television. But, like, 90210 feels before that. 30-something was winning. You know, all the dramas still. Oh, interesting. Interesting. I want to look it up real quick. Who Emmy nominations? What year? Again, that's what's that's what's happened in this this upside down world, which is before winning an Emmy was less impressive because there was only seven comedies to choose from.

2:24:24There were 24 dramas. Right. Now there's one 150. Exactly. And then conversely, in movies, it's not quite as impressive to win something there because there's a third of his amount of movies to pull from. It's all upended. Now, if you win an Emmy, like that's a shootout. Only surprised by if you win a golden gold for podcast. Of course, I should have known in 95. So that was in 90. I don't know, but you know, whatever. I picked up for 10 years. Yeah. NYPD Blue. Of course. Frasier. Boom. They were the winners. I think Seinfeld won a lot for the comedy. Right. But I guess. Yeah. Okay. It was X-Files Law and Order.

2:25:08Law and Order would never be. No, it wouldn't be. It's a procedural. Exactly. And there's 16 of them and it would never be. And same with NYPD Blue. Although that one was a bit groundbreaking. Right. The X-Files Law and Order, NYPD Blue, Chicago Hope, ER. Now, I didn't consume both like you have. Yeah. The Pitt's better than ER, right? Or are they the same? I don't want to get in trouble. I think ER is better. Okay. simple maybe simply because bigger cast more years yes huge cast the way they're shooting that show is like a movie and there's so many episodes and it's so hot it's so intense they're like you know coming in in one room and moving into it's like it's a it's so well done yeah oh yeah yeah and all the characters and like the drama and the no comedy and so much AIDS.

2:26:05Yeah, plenty of AIDS for everyone. Yeah, a lot of AIDS. Like the pit doesn't leave the ER. Right. And they did leave the ER in ER. And I love it. Sometimes I went after the pit, it immediately goes to ER. And you love it. Alright, that's it. Love you. Thank you.