Marcello Hernández

22:49I did even worse. and then I was like okay I'm addicted I have to be better at this and so I started writing in notepads all day long in class I'm writing jokes I'm trying to figure it out and then I was just like addicted to stand-up and I started doing it all the time and then in the summer I did a bunch of yoga and soccer and stand-up that's all I did what a summer my freshman summer in Miami and then I went back to Ohio and I was in better shape and I was better at stand-up it got this weird point where I'm playing a lot more on the team my second season in the preseason but I'm getting much better at stand-up and then I win this amateur competition and they're like we're gonna pay you 500 bucks to host for the weekend oh baby you know and then now it's this weird thing and I don't know what to do one day I did a real Troy Bolton I went to a I went to a practice to run the mile under six minutes I did it with my friend Alpha Freeman he's from Sierra Leone he was a gazelle he could have ran that thing in four and a half but I go papi you gotta stay with me because I need you to focus me and he did he ran with me and he got me through I did it under six minutes then I swear to god I told the coach i go i have to go to rehearsal for a theater play that i'm in and he was like okay it was one of these off-season practices so it wasn't that big of a deal but he was like okay so the kid's doing theater on his off time i didn't know what to do because stand-up was so fresh and so new and i loved her but soccer had been there my whole life and it gave me everything brought you to the dance brought me to the dance i feel so sad for soccer it was sad my mom and my stepdad were very supportive about it my dad didn't want me to do it my dad had gone to a few tournaments and seen me play really well.

24:18Yeah. And I think he had that always in his mind. Like, you're really good. I've seen you excel. I don't think you should drop this for something that you're not so good at yet. But my mom and my stepdad were like, if you want to do this, we're in. Yeah. Go for it. So I think it's hard for a parent maybe sometimes when it's like that couldn't be further from your father's dream. But I'm sure never meeting your father, I bet he would have loved to have been a professional soccer player. For sure. Any dude would love to be a professional athlete of any kind. He was living it up. And he had also gone with me in Dominican Republic.

24:47I came home one day when I was like 14 and I was like, dad, they're going to let me train with the national team of his country at his old high school. Oh, shit. So it was like this beautiful thing for him, I think. And you shit all over this. He was not with it at all. But my mom and my stepdad were with it. That's good. It was very nice. Okay, back to Miami. Yeah, let's go back. Because I don't want to get into Ohio a lot. I know, I know. We have to. What's the cultural differences between DR and Cuban? Like difference between your mother's culture, say, and your father's. Political stability.

25:18Dominican Republic has a past that was dark with Batista and they've had their dark times. Cuba just is more consistently dark. They still haven't gone to a democracy. It's still a different thing over there. And so he has a more relaxed energy, my dad, and my mom is more rigid. And now she's cool because her daughter is doing well and her son's doing well. But when I was younger, you could tell that my mom was very concerned. She wanted safety for you. You know, you need to be doing well. And this is a woman that you are scared to show the sea to. That's the energy of this woman. You're scared to show the sea.

25:56You're scared to not say thank you to the waitress. You're scared to not be an exemplary young man because she's spooky. And you don't know what she's going to do. She has powers. Yes. She talks through her teeth like this. You know what I mean? Yeah. And she's beautiful. You see my mom? I did. Of course. She's gorgeous. First thing I wrote in my notes of your standup was your mom's kind of a babe. She's beautiful. That's literally my first note I wrote down. She's beautiful. And she doesn't age. Well, that's because of her powers. That woman doesn't age. That's because she's spooky. So when they decided to get on board with your standup, that's a big deal for someone who wants you to get straight A's.

26:31That's a big release of expectation. I think she was giving me a little bit of a line because I was in college and I was studying and I did it. You both got lucky in that way. Yeah. She has the only Indian parents that didn't tell her to become an engineer or a doctor. Ah, wow. Well, they wanted me to in their head. Or they just really just wanted me to have some safety. And I was like, I'm going to go be an actor now. And they're like, oh, no. They were not supportive at first. They were like, don't do that. But then they had to get on board. What are you going to do? That's nice when they get on board.

27:03Yeah, it is. But I was crying, too. I was with my mom. I was like, I don't think I'm going to be a soccer player anymore. And my mom was like, relax. It's okay. I think my mom also was like, you're not that good. You know, she's realistic. This woman's realistic. Practical. Practical woman. The moment I think that was the fire in my butt to do this as hard as I can was I went to my coaches. My mom was like, you have to tell them. And so I went to my coaches, the guys that had recruited me, that had made my dream come true, that had got the scholarship and everything. And it's D3. So if you quit the team, you keep the scholarship because it's an academic scholarship.

27:44So I had to go to them man to man and tell them like, hey, I'm leaving the team. I want to do stand up. Yeah, you get racing and saying, you bet on me. And I'm bawling. It's ugly crying. That helps though. That does help. That helps huge. And there was a combination with them of like, all right. And also. Jesus, dude. Just stop crying. Yeah, right. Like, okay, this is a lot. And then the big moment is the coach looks at me and he goes, you're going to tell the guys. I'm not going to tell the guys. You're a big boy. You're making a big decision. We have practice in an hour. Go tell the boys. I literally blacked out.

28:22I don't remember what I said. I just remember going into the locker room. All the guys are ready for practice. I can tell coach is not happy because I was like a new guy that he was starting to play. I think I had a little bit of promise. And he's like, hey, fellas, Marcelo has something he wants to say to you guys. And I'm, you know, I'm like cleaning it up. You love it. Monica loves crying, by the way. I do. I can cry at any time. Whenever you need me to. I can get it at any time. If I say a story, a certain thing, I'll just start crying. I'll describe something and I'll be like, it's amazing.

29:00But I don't cry often. I never cry. That's why I can. Oh, that's counterintuitive. I never cry. I cry all the time. I never cry. That's why I can't. If you never cry, you always have one in the chamber. I don't remember what I said. I just remember looking at them, telling them the stuff. Everybody's looking at me kind of confused. There was like one or two guys that I had kind of told that were like, you know, we knew this was coming. And then it's like them going to practice and saying goodbye. Yeah. And are you having second thoughts at that moment? It's like when you break up with a gal in the next three days, you're like, well, I fucked up.

29:31I'm completely in love with her. I'm pretty certain. You just do that. Right. And that's tough because when you do that, that's love, right? You leave love and then you go, what do I do now? But with something like your career or your passion, because it was so difficult, all of those second thoughts I had, I was able to kill them by just working so hard on the standup. Every time I would be like, damn, the team is winning. I wish I was there. They're at this game. They're at this game. I wish I was there. They're going to the national tournament. I wish I could go with them. I would just work super hard, do five shows, do six shows.

30:03And that's why I took any job I could in Ohio. I was doing every little room. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking which platform you watch that new show on. So frustrating. Fifteen minutes later, you've logged into seven apps, reset two passwords, and still haven't found it. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability.

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32:01There can't be a ton of options in Cleveland. You'd be surprised. Yeah? There was these guys, Bill Squire and Ramon Rivas, who were doing a bunch of local shows. And Ramon knew people from New York. And that was his advice to me was, go to New York every once in a while, meet people. This guy, Jim Tuse, I don't know where Jim Tuse is. I haven't heard from him in a while. But he was a funny guy out of Cleveland that moved to New York. And so there was this energy of like, okay, that's where the stuff is. That's where the stand-up is. and then this guy Sean Patton. You know Sean Patton? He was on The English Teacher.

32:31He's the gym teacher. Oh, love him. He's very funny. Love him, love that show. So he gave me the big piece of advice of come to New York every season. Come once in the winter, come once in the summer, come once in the spring, come once in the fall and make connections. And then when you move here after you graduate college, you'll have a network. What a genius bit of advice. So I did that. I would get on a bus or on a train and I'll go to New York. I get on a bicycle. I get on a skateboard. I get on a rollerblade. I don't give a fuck. Get to the airport. This guy's on a motorcycle. This guy rode a fucking surfboard.

33:02Where's the suitcase? He traveling with the helmet. So you put the clothes, he put the boxers in the helmet. I love Sebastian, but I can't stop. But that's kind of what happened. And then that's what gets me to SNL. It's like I'm in New York a lot. And I want to be in New York. One last question about Miami and the Jesuits. So it's all boys school. All boys. What are you doing about girls? Oh, man. I mean, listen, Yeah, tell me. Let me tell you something. My friend, let me explain something to you. When you are with boys all week, every single day, right? Mm-hmm. You're going to find a way to get to the— Okay.

33:38At some point. Okay, out of necessity. I argue that we may be, you know, especially on weekends. That's why we went out, I think, so much is because we never saw girls at school. So we would go out a lot. We'd go to parties, Gettys, to get together in Miami. We call them Gettys. Oh, I like that. I don't know if that's still a thing. I want you to start a clothing line called Getty's. Getty's. I like it. Yeah, it's really fun. It's like life-affirming and positive. Getty. Getty's. What do they call them here? Parties. Kickback. Kickback? That's the equivalent. The kickback. Oh, I don't know that either.

34:08We don't know that. Oh, this is Gen Z. I've heard of a kickback. Somebody told me that the Getty is the kickback. Here they call it the kickback. I guess we don't call it anything anymore, but you get to an age where you just, let's meet at a place. You get to an age where you stay home. Right. That's true. One of my favorite parts of your standup, American Boy, is you're talking about the vibe in Miami where you left before you went to Ohio was the goal was roughly four guys and six to 700 girls. When you're planning a party, it's just like, where are we getting more? We need more. What do you mean there's 50 girls coming?

34:39There's four of us. That's true. And then you got to Ohio. What was the vibe there? It's boys night, boys night, boys night, boys night, boys night, boys night. Oh, wow. Boys night, boys night, boys night. Let's drink beer and watch football. I go, we're getting fat and there's no girls. It doesn't make sense. The boys there are like, how many beers do we have? It's not the girls. It's like, dude, six cases where there's four of us. Literally. It's just a flip. And then see, that's where I'm from, Michigan. Guys are like, let's go to the field and we need three cakes. I go, there's no girls in the field.

35:07Oh, yeah. They're not going to the field. You're not going to get girls to go to the field. And then in the house, you want the house to be welcoming to the girls. Sure. You want it to look nice. Like my boys, when we were playing something, we put the drinks together. you know the cups need to look nice some candles? you know what I mean maybe who wanted to feel nice and if you know that the girls drink this you want to make sure that that's there you know what I mean? in Ohio they go we're gonna do what we're gonna do and if you guys want to be here you can be here you know what I mean? it's not the same and by the way they're sweating right?

35:42they're jumping they're wearing a jersey with a hoodie under it does that make you think that's cute? I am at that age. And when I'm in Miami, I'm wearing this. I've been wearing this since I was 12. These guys, they don't do that. They wear hoodie and they wear sweats. A house party in Miami, you dress not. If I had a dollar for every jersey over a hoodie that I saw, I'd be a millionaire. It's everybody. Girls like it, though, because girls are falling in love. It's what you're used to. But I was very much confused. Did you wear the jersey over? Were you trying to adapt? Of course. You tried to figure it out.

36:23I didn't want to look very different. And then I met the Latin people. There's like 12 of us in Ohio and we would hang out sometimes. We'd go out. We'd go to DC. I joined Model UN. I had an identity crisis. I quit soccer. I went into theater, comedy, and Model UN. I became a different guy. I'm representing Lebanon at the Model Arab League. I joined the Model Arab League. Did you know who that is? No. The Model Arab League. It's like Model UN, but for the Arab League. So it's like, you guys model UN, that's interesting. Try it in the most difficult place. So we're doing that. I'm representing Lebanon and Kuwait.

36:54And you guys are like finding peace? We're having meetings. I was in environmental affairs, which is where they put the funny people. Because, you know, the other stuff, it's too difficult. You have to know a lot. But for environmental affairs, it's very much... Off the cuff. Yeah, I won. I won. I won. Outstanding delegate. Oh, my. The delegate's from Kuwait. We won because Kuwait has money. So we would be like, we're going to fund this project. it's all about networking I would want my kid to do it honestly because you have to meet the lady from Egypt so I don't smoke cigarettes right I go to the Model Arab League there's people that came from Egypt to do it there's people from all over the schools obviously there's a lot of people that are from these countries that want to do this and they smoke cigarettes it's a thing cigarettes and so you're five hours in a room and they give you a break for 30-40 minutes and in that break it's cigarette time everybody goes outside smoke so I'm smoking cigarettes I'm banging darts with Egypt I'm with Egypt I'm telling her, I go, listen, when we get back in there, I'm trying to do this big environmental project.

37:48And we have a lot of nuclear energy. There's a couple of things that we want to do. And so we're literally doing this crazy stuff. And I thought it was so fun. Yeah. You're kind of playing a character. You are. Yes. How else does a kid like me that is a comedian in Cleveland, Ohio, get to flirt with a girl from Egypt? It's Model Arab League. She came from Egypt. Was she beautiful? Oh, my God. Gorgeous. I'm sure. And the men, too. It's a permanent tan. And they're wearing good clothes, nice clothes. There are no jerseys there. Oh, my God. At the Model Arab League, it's unbelievable. And the smell, the cologne.

38:18I felt amazing in there. And you're having fun. I'm telling, you know, Sudan. I go, Sudan, stick with us. We'll help. How can we help with the environmental issues? And we won. And it's just me and a Guatemalan guy. And he's from, like, school. And we're representing Kuwait. I thought you were representing Lebanon. We did both. Two years in a row. My mentality was I'll go to D.C. and then I can do stand-up there. So I did shows when I was there. So I was really just going crazy. How did you handle bombing? Could you let that roll off your back? Yeah, I'm good. Soccer is failure. I thought you meant like in Kuwait.

38:53Like how did you deal with the bombing situation? Oh my goodness. What was the bombing strategy? After you guys built that nuclear reactor, were you going to carpet bomb any places? Dude, when we got them to accept nuclear, it was crazy. There's so many people, no, we can't do that. And we're like, guys, we're going to do the nuclear. I already talked to Egypt. Egypt loves me. Also going out to dinner with Egypt. Talked to Saudi Arabia. There's a girl from Saudi Arabia, me and my delegate partner. We started talking to her. When you have Saudi and Qatar supporting your nuclear plan, it's going to be hard to say no.

39:25So we passed it. There's a judge lady and you're passing resolutions. Oh, wow. Oh my God, girl, did I pass resolutions that day? I was passing resolutions left and right. I couldn't stop. Line up the resolutions. Bombing in standout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stand-up is very clear when you're bombing. When I made that switch to comedy and I was really in waters I didn't know, I went to zero. Like in soccer, I was like a guy that knows. And then in comedy, I went all the way down to like truly the lowest you can be. Yeah. And I held on to that. Yeah. And I still have it. As we get into SNL, how big of a fan of SNL were you as a kid?

40:06Were you watching it a ton? In my house, my parents loved politics. My mom was kind of into watching it because of that. I think the show, for a lot of people, they love to see that cold open. They love to see what they're going to do with the candidates and stuff. Yeah. And my mom was also very into it because she was kind of new at, I have a vote and it matters and you have to vote. Being informed. Yeah, like civic responsibility. So she liked it. But me and my sister, we would watch Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. And on Saturdays, because I'm at an all-boys school, you go out. Gettys Yeah, Gettys I was at Gettys Gettys time So it wasn't really A lot at home to watch My stepdad I would watch like Boardwalk Empire with him Oh yeah, I just started that He was watching that type of stuff Yeah Like war stuff And then my mom She watches I don't even know They watch The Housewives And she watches all the series By herself in her room On the computer Oh, my mom too Why are they always Just watching stuff On the iPad In the bed with the computer Yes, why?

41:06The computer's hot As hell on the bed Burning her thighs Burning the thighs Yeah We would watch George Lopez, all of us together. That was like our show as a family. But that was like a weekday thing. After we're done with everything, we'll watch the two episodes back to back and then you go to bed. Oh, his sitcom, not his interview show. The sitcom, the sitcom. I think it's probably good that you maybe didn't grow up with it being such a massive goal. Yeah. Because then you would have had so much pressure. Okay, so how did you get the audition? So I was selling tickets on the street. That was my job.

41:36I sold tickets on the street. I also sold electricity. I love it because you got to get the bill. You got to get the bill and they won't give me the bill. Okay. They don't want to give a 19-year-old the bill. I'm dressed in a suit. I'm 19. I'm having the time of life. And it's a scam. It's definitely a scam. Oh, it's a scam? I don't know if it was a scam. Well, when the guy says he's going to pay you in a year, it's a scam. Oh, it was a loophole. It was a loophole. Sure. Also, people don't need to sell electricity in New York City. That's not how electricity works. Yeah, I don't even get it. Like, think about selling water.

42:00Oh, yeah, we're selling water to your house. What the fuck are you talking about? room where this guy was like Wolf of Wall Streeting us and being like, when I say, Bill, you say, give it to me, you know, like that type of energy. And we're competing with Con Ed, right? Which is you're not going to compete with Con Ed. And it's 15 of us and none of us were good in school. It's like, are we going to win? I don't know if we're going to win. He liked the way I talked and stuff and I was doing standup and I told him and he liked me and he's like, you have a lot of promise to bring you to dinner. And then you go to dinner with him.

42:25I never sold a thing. I never made a dollar. You tried to get businesses to give you their entire electrical bill so that you could then circle a bunch of things and then write, oh, we're going to save you this. Yes. Oh. Imagine cold calling Chipotle headquarters and going like, hey, so I'm going to need your electrical bill. And we're not cold calling. We're pulling up. You're pulling right. I was walking around Brooklyn. That's the best way. Knocking on the door, walking in. They probably didn't know that you found peace in Lebanon and Kuwait. And it's like, you should have maybe led with that.

42:51Yeah, it's interesting. I should have done that. You should have. The environmental issues I could have fixed. So I was selling tickets on the street in New York, doing electricity during the day. My friend that you saw earlier, Santiago, we lived together in a dorm for a summer. I got a scholarship from my school for theater. They awarded me a theater scholarship on top of mine because I did well in theater. My mom was like, okay, we can take this money and we can pay for your summer in New York. So I spent a summer in New York doing this electricity stuff and doing the tickets. And then when I graduated that next semester, I moved to New York.

43:20My parents helped me a little bit with rent. And I was living in this guy's apartment in the Lower East. Well, first I lived in Bushwick for very little money and I could kind of afford it myself. And it was bad. What form of bad? Like cockroaches and dirty and the trash is full. Smells everywhere. People are hitting each other all the places. And then I leveled up a little bit to the Lower East Side with this guy. This guy was very interesting, the guy I lived with. He would drink a beer, a little bit of a beer, and then opened, put it back in the fridge. It would be opened cans of beer in the fridge.

43:50Interesting. So I'm living there. I'm doing the tickets. And then the pandemic hits. and that's the worst job to have when the pandemic hits is you're standing on the street selling tickets. So the streets are empty. At the time, I'm in Chicago staying on a friend's couch doing shows. I got to pause you. It's insane that all of his success is post-pandemic. That is wild. So it feels five minutes ago. I know, but it's been a while. But it's not. You're on in six years. So pandemic hits. I have no money. I have$800 to my name. I take it to Miami. My mom makes me fly to Miami. I fly to Miami with all my stuff.

44:20I move back in with my mom. I give her$800. She goes, that's nice. And I'm just living with her. And I have a full like mental situation. I go mental. I'm moping around the house. I'm not helping. I am obsessed with COVID. I'm obsessed. I'm spraying everybody. My mom gets back from the supermarket. You got to get naked. Give me the clothes. Give me the clothes. You're doing undies. Give me the clothes. I'm throwing it in the wash. You and my sister. They hate me. These two hate me. It's us three in the house. I'm spraying them. My stepdad is in Puerto Rico. He's working there at the time. And I'm like just spraying the crap out of him all day long.

45:01Spraying everything. I'm spraying my sister. I'm spraying my hands. My hands are dry from all the sanitizer. You were unraveling. I'm a real nightmare. And my mom makes me get a job. So that's when I get a headset sales job. I'm calling people 65 and over and telling them that through their Medicare, I'm able to take their medications out of CVS and do a home delivery at no additional cost to their insurance. That's right. Sold. And you're working with an assassin, a gal that's clearing six figures. She's unbelievable, Jamila. I'm thinking Jamila's on the phone going, good evening. How are you doing today?

45:32Absolutely not. She goes, hello, I am Jamila calling on behalf of the health center. I am here to reach out. That sounds official. That's smart. That was her move. I was trying to do, hey. Wine and dine them. They don't want that. No. Really? They think you're scamming them. When you're old and you're in Florida, your phone's ringing every 30 seconds with someone trying to rip you off. Let's be honest. And dude, I'm calling Florida. If I wake up late for work, then that means I stay two hours later. I call Texas because they're a couple hours behind and I'm calling LA and Colorado late night. You know what I mean?

46:01I'm 7 p.m. in Miami calling Colorado. Middle of dinner? That's tricky. Middle of dinner with my headset. I'm doing the thing. I'm in my mom's house doing that. I was making$1 ,100 every two weeks. Great. But it was keeping you distracted. You stopped spraying everyone. My mom is loving when I'm working. But it took a couple months. She was so mad at me for those months. I was a nightmare in the house. and then she's like, finally, you got a job. She bought me a desk. She goes, I'm so excited. She bought me a desk. She's like, you can sit in the desk in the house and do the job. She works from home.

46:28She's talking. I have the doors closed in this little room and she's opening the door going, what did you sell? This is when I start to have a real panic of like, I'm not a comedian anymore. What is happening to me? Your identity. It's horrible. I don't want to do this my whole life. So I start making these horrible little videos with a little tripod in her house with a horrible mic and I still have them. I have them save these horrible little videos. They're not doing well, obviously. And then I do one video that is things in Spanish sound better than in English. And it does a little bit better.

46:59People like it. And then I'm still out panic about the COVID and my mom. And we're getting into this big stuff because my mom and my sister are there in Miami and they want to go to lunch. I mean, you can't do that. There was a lot of fights about this at that time. So they go to lunch and then I don't want to talk to them. I go, you're disrespectful. You want to kill everybody. so I moved to my dad's house in Miami because he is out and about all day but it's just us in the house so I feel like you know what I mean more manageable I feel more manageable and I have this protective thing about my mom and my sister where with my dad I'm like we're just a couple of guys so I move in with him doing the sales and then I step up the videos a little bit in his house I get a ring light I get a camera I get a microphone I teach myself to edit on Adobe Premiere now the videos are stepping up I'm waking up before work I'm jumping rope in underwear playing music in his backyard the neighbor said I gotta stop doing that because his kid is watching music in the underwear he doesn't like that and the music's too loud and it's too early it's 7am I'm jumping around so I'm waking up I'm jumping rope first I'm writing for an hour I'm doing the morning pages I did the three pages stream of consciousness I'm writing every single day then on Friday I'm going to my buddy Gio's house smoking pot I don't smoke pot anymore but we're smoking pot back then yeah yeah great I'm smoking pot with him I'm telling him all the jokes and then he's telling me what he thinks and then we find the one for this week I go home, I film it, I edit it myself, and I put it out.

48:18I think video number four went crazy viral. Okay. Like millions of views on TikTok. What was the premise of the video? I use an accent when I feel uncomfortable. If I go to a supermarket and I don't know where the ketchup is, I can't go up to someone and go, hey, where's the ketchup? They go, what the hell? I go find it. But if I go into the supermarket and I go, excuse me, do you know where is the cachum how do you say for the papitas and then they go oh yes we'd love to help you you know that's so i did that and that went crazy i did a part two that was back when you you're learning that okay do the same thing again and then i did a bunch of these videos i think it was an earlier video that happened which was i hate the club i don't miss the club the club is the money olympics it's a bunch of people rooting for you to make a financially irresponsible decisions.

49:12Yes, yes, yes, yes. So I make that video and Miami people really like it. And then I get a call from a girl that I knew from Getty's and she goes, I'm working with this Instagram account in Miami. Do you think that you could do a meeting and do some content for them? And I'm like, I would love to. I do the meeting. I tell them I'll do the videos for them. And I go, and there's one idea I have, but if I tell you the idea, you have to let me do it. You can't take my idea and give it to someone else. And the guy's like, okay, whatever. And then I go, you know how Dave Portnoy tries pizza? We're in Miami.

49:42I would like to go to all of the best cafeterias and try croquetas. And the guys, he loves it. He goes, that's an idea. He did that. He smacked the guy. He smacked the guy. That's what I knew I had. Oh, classic. He's two guys. He smacks the guy. And I'm like, okay, I got him. And so I started making these videos for them. The people hate me on the account. My mom makes an Instagram for her dog and starts responding to the people. Sure, sure. The whole thing. Yeah, yeah. But now I have a job. I'm working the two jobs at the same time. And then I tell the guy, I go, you got to give me 500 bucks a week so I can quit my other job.

50:14He goes, fine, but you're going to have to be the creative director of the whole page. So now I'm literally doing everything for the page. I'm up 24 hours a day. I'm updating the stories. I'm doing an ad with headquarter Toyota. I'm going to Toyota. I'm figuring out the ad. I'm producing the ad. I'm writing the lines. This is great. Doing all of this. This is a great way to learn everything. Exactly. I'm learning as I go, pretending like I know what I'm doing. Yeah. It's powerful. And then at this time, this comedian, Tim Dillon, he says he's going to Miami and I had met him in passing in New York.

50:43And I sent him a DM. I go, I see you're in Miami. I work for this account. We've met before. Do you mind if I open for you? And he said, I don't care. And then I took that to the club and I go, he doesn't care. Come on, let me do it. They let me do it. And then Tim goes, why don't we go on the road? I don't care. Right. So now I'm touring with him, living in Miami, making 500 bucks a week, 2000 bucks a month. My cousin is also living in Miami. He goes, why don't we move into an apartment together? I go, that sounds like fun. We move into an apartment together. I'm paying a thousand bucks in rent.

51:13We have this nice little apartment in Miami. Now I'm like, okay, I moved out. I have a thing now. This is going great. Now I'm working that job full time. At the same time, I figure out that this other guy I knew was working at a YouTube channel. I go, let me write for you at the YouTube channel. He goes, I'll see what I can do. They start giving me 200 bucks per video that I did with him. So now I'm driving up to Boca to do that with him once a week, writing with him for four or five hours for 200 bucks. Now I'm making a little bit of money on the road. And then I find another guy at this comedy show and he's like, I want to do standup.

51:45And I go, let me write your standup. I'll help you write your standup. We'll sit down. I'll interview you. He's a rich guy. He had just sold his company and he wants to do standup. I go, I'll sit down with you in your apartment. I'll write down stuff that I think is interesting about you. We'll make you some jokes. So he's giving me 200 bucks as well. So now I'm 200 bucking it. You're building a quilt out of 200 bucks. And then at the same time, I start opening for this guy, Mark Vieira, this Puerto Rican comic. He's taking me on the road a little bit. And then at the same time, Gilbert Gottfried, I get hit up through a friend of a friend to open for Gilbert.

52:12So now I'm opening for a few guys, doing stand-up in Miami, traveling a bit. And Tim Dillon tells me, if you don't move back to New York, I can't keep you as my guy because I need you to be working. I need you to be active. And in Miami, there's just not enough. So when he tells me that, I'm like, all right, I have to figure it out. and think I have another friend that I call and I'm like, hey man, are you thinking about going to New York? He goes, you know what? I am. And he has family money and he's a very, very close friend of mine. And then he starts sending me apartments and I'm like, oh no.

52:41Oh no. Yeah. I can't do that. Yeah. He says, he keeps going, we'll figure it out. And then I'm like, no, no, no. You don't understand. We're at two very different places in our life. Yeah. Ultimately, he lets me pay him very little money to sleep at his house. I got blessed. For one year in New York. So I moved to New York. from New York. I'm doing the Zooms with the guy to write the stuff for 200 bucks. I'm doing the Zooms with the other guy to write the stuff for 200 bucks. I'm doing my videos from my bathroom because people can't know I'm not in Miami because I'm doing a weekly news video about Miami.

53:11And those videos start to kind of take off. I do it on the toilet. I sit on the toilet. I thought that would be interesting. And people start to like the videos and it's going better. And then every night I'm doing five, six shows in New York. Hosting is the easiest thing to get if you want to because nobody wants to host. So I'm like, I'll host every single show. So I'm hosting all these shows and then just for laughs comes over to New York during this year the club goes you've been hosting so much we want to put you into audition wow so they put me down to audition I audition for JFL I get the callback I get JFL which is like a huge moment in my life yeah I go to Canada for JFL this is towards the end of the year I'm figuring out what am I going to do when my rich friend doesn't let me slay on his couch anymore I'm gonna go back to Bushwick and I go to JFL I go to Canada at JFL I finished my six minute set and I meet a producer from SNL they go we loved your set I go fantastic thank you I'm not ready for this and then they go um we'd like to see you and audition in New York so I auditioned in I think it was UCB and then a few weeks after that I get a call back my buddy's like we have the apartment till August and this is just when all this is going down and I go you gotta extend the lease you can't do this to me right now and he did And he's just helping me.

54:20And I'm very grateful for him. My boy Cole. I was at his wedding. I spoke and everything. I love this guy. My sponsor. So I do this thing at the UCB. I call my mom after. She goes, how'd it go? I go, I don't know, mom. My mom's freaking out. My mom starts smoking cigarettes again. I'm going back to soccer, mom. I'm freaking out. And then I get a call back to go to the studio. I go to the studio and do it. I've heard you retell it. And zero laughs, right? Yeah, yeah, zero laughs. I might have heard a cough. It could have been a laugh. I heard it. It sounded like a cough. And then you ask someone else who would audition, like, did they laugh?

54:50And they're like, yeah. What could be scarier? That's scary. So at no point during it where you're like, I think I got a good shot. No. And then I get called back again for meetings with the writers where you sit down and you talk to the writers. And they're like, what do you want to do here? And I'm like, I do the Latin stuff. And they're like, okay. And then I have those meetings. And then after the meetings, they sit you down in this room. The people that were all called in for the meetings. And it's me, Devin Walker, Michael Longfellow, Molly Carney, and Chloe Trost. and then they call one of us into a meet with Lorne.

55:19Devin was first. I'll never forget it. Devin goes in, talks to Lorne, comes out and we go, so? He goes, I got it. Wow. And we're like, God. He tells you that. Oh, wow. You got it, dude. This is amazing. We're freaking out. But also are you like, well, fuck. There goes one slot. You have to. You feel like the slots are in the kitchen. They are finite. You know, we're hugging him. We're like, it's amazing. He's like, all right, guys, bye. And we're like, okay, bye. He leaves. Now it's four of us.

55:46I go in, we just start talking about the show and what you love from the show and all this stuff. And then he doesn't give me truly the feeling that I got it. Right. It wasn't clear. Yeah. He didn't say like, I'll see you soon. Yeah. See you in a bit. It was like, okay, nice to meet you. And then I come out and they're like, so? And I'm like, you know, I don't know. Yeah. Then I walk out. Oh no. And I call my mom and she's like, do you get it? I go, I don't know mom. I have no idea. She's like, oh my God, Marcelo, these people, they don't tell us anything. Pause. And then a couple of weeks go by and you get the call where it's all your agents.

56:27Yeah. And it's either yes or no. And they're like, they're offering you a spot on the cast. And did you cry? Yeah, I cried. I cried. I called my mom. I cried. Oh, was your mom so happy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, a job. She loves it when I get a job. Of course. But that specifically. So that's it. That's the story. Great story. Okay, your stand-up, which I watched, American Boy. Did you enjoy it, Doc? So much. And I watched it with my whole family, and we all fucking loved it. You can watch it with the family. Well, my family, you can. Kids can watch it. 11 and 12, they were fine. No, it wasn't nasty.

56:59There was no cursing, really. There was some sexual dancing. A little bit of dance. We can dance now. What did you call it? Not nasty, grimy, filthy. Don't make me get nasty. Yeah. I mean, there's so many wonderful things I want to talk about from the stand-up, but also I don't want to ruin any of it. Right. But the whole party scenario was fantastic. Thank you, man. Let me be clear. It's wonderful. And you're very specific. You're very unique. You know exactly what you are. Are you sensing a butt coming? I, I, I, yeah. But I think it's going to be a good butt. It is, it is, it is. I just want to be very clear before I get into my curiosities that are how the sausage is made.

57:35Right, right, right. Without saying, just straight loved it. Took me a long time to make it. First of all, just visually, it's kind of a throwback one, which I love. There's just so many stand-up specials now, unlike there was 15 years ago. We didn't have these. So I think to break through that clutter and have something unique to offer is just an enormous accomplishment. It's just very authentic, and you're very comfortable and fluid, and it's lovely. You talk so much about getting hit. A bit, yeah. Yeah, a bit. Getting hit. Growing up, getting slapped, getting your ear pulled, getting taken into what he calls the Coliseum, the bathroom of the Macy's or where the fuck mom's shopping.

58:12And I love it because, A, I grew up that way, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone got hit. My grandparents who loved me and raised me, she had a yardstick. She was from Kentucky. And she's like, I'm getting a yardstick. And she'd hit you with a three-foot piece of wood. And never to hurt. I wasn't beat. Exactly. And that's wrong. Yes. You say it perfectly. You say I was hit a lot, but never hard. Exactly. I was never hit hard. I was hit a lot. Yeah. And that's it. This was my thought. this standup routine existed. And then they had the thought, a lot of people were not hit. A lot of people are uncomfortable with this.

58:49But this magic trick happened, which is you are introduced by your mother. You come out on stage. We see this impossibly beautiful relationship. The best. They dance together. It's so beautiful. And I was like, someone figured out if we start the show this way, we can enjoy all this stuff without being uncomfortable. Yeah. Did that math happen? No, it didn't. That just organically happened. I just wanted, yeah. It's an enormous tool. I didn't even think about that. But for me, the reason I did that is because for a long time, my grades weren't the best and I was never like this exemplary child.

59:25And she worked so hard. My mom as a person is truly an example. Someone that is moral, that takes care of her family, that is nice to people, that is respectful, gives her time back. She's just a beautiful human being. And she went through a lot of really dark stuff. And she communicated that to me quite a bit. You know, I know this stuff. Anytime. Anytime maybe she could. And when you grow up like that, and then something good happens to you, and you feel like you've made it, the first thing that has come to my mind all the time, whenever I'm doing an interview or somebody's asking, all I can think of is like I can't believe that she gets to see this and having her out I mean she's done commercials with me she's been on Fallon she's done a lot of stuff and to me it's just like you deserve this thing if I was a car salesman I'd buy her a car I'd do those types of things you do whatever you can with what you're doing so because I'm doing show business you're bringing her along exactly and so her introducing me was also perfect because it's like you should take a look at her and you should see how we are because I'm going to talk about her a lot.

1:00:35Yeah. And so it'd be weird if I'm talking about her and it's like, where is she? There's no reference. Exactly. And you're worrying. You have this natural fear. Like, is she cool with him saying this? Exactly. That's what I'm saying. The magic trick, which is uncalculated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think about it. Who's going to bring you out? We're going to do a voice of God. Is the host going to do it? Who's going to bring you out? I'm like, oh, that's easy. It's like the first thing in my mind. He goes, oh, that's easy. Mom will go out and do it. I know her. I know her personality. Lydia, I know she's going to come out.

1:01:00She went out like this.

1:01:04Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:01:16You know when you go sleep at a friend's house and they drop you back off and your mom comes out She goes, hi, good to see you. Thank you. Thank you for bringing him back. And then the mom of your friend goes, he's a great kid. My mom is the mom where they go, he's a fantastic kid. And she goes, mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm sure. Come in the house. Like that was the energy always was like. I know him. Exactly. And I always had the thing of like, I know every football player's name. I know every baseball player's name. I know every soccer player's name. But I didn't know my times tables. I did bat and math.

1:01:51and so she always had that thing where you go out to dinner and we're with like another couple or something i'm talking to the the husband and i'm like oh my god yeah i mean jake the loam in carolina what he's doing with that program is unbelievable i mean he's really playing well over there and you know nazar muhammad and you know steve smith i mean they're just a great wide receiver core and it's unbelievable the way that they're able to make both of them happy when they have such talent and i'm bringing up all this stuff i'm like brian urlacher is just a leader of man. And I'm talking like that at 12, 13.

1:02:21And then at some point she goes, you know, I love that about seven times nine. And I'm like, okay, you know, so that was kind of the vibe. And I got a detention all the time and she worked all day. So if I got detention, I missed the bus home. She was like, I'm picking you up at eight o 'clock at night. Yeah. That's just what it is. Yeah. You made your bed. Many a time a stress that this woman that has been through so much did not need. You shouldn't be worried about my grades. I have nothing to worry about. I have a home. I have food. I have water. There's no reason I should be getting bad grades or putting her through.

1:02:55The dean of my school calling her, telling her that I cheated on a test or that I started a riot or whatever the stuff, stupid stuff. I did start one riot, but I never got in trouble for it. Now that people know, but it's okay. It was a riot, but we put it in a contained space. and I always felt like damn dude like I stressed this woman out so much for so much time and now I get to do the opposite I give her good experiences I talk about her fondly I want to do the opposite now we had a lady that my mom hired this woman that was back then an illegal immigrant there's nothing you can do about her now she's a citizen but she lived in my house and my mom traveled a lot for work so someone had to stay with us and i remember vividly like those nights when i'm being a psychopath and this woman has to call my mom who's in belgium working her ass off so her kids can go to school and everything can be fine we can live the life that she wants us to live and she's like your son is being very difficult he won't drink the milk and she's like when i get back.

1:04:01You know, I had a lot of those. Tell him to enjoy his ears because I'm twisting them off. So many of those. But listen, if you weren't that kid, you wouldn't be this person. You wouldn't be this person on stage. You wouldn't be someone at SNL. It's all one thing. I was telling my boy the day because my boy, Santi, he's a star. He went to Brown. He's a stud. Water polo player. Division one player of the year. Okay. He's a different level. Played for the Peruvian national team for real. I trained one time with my national team and it's Dominican Republic. He played for Peru. You understand? He was a savage.

1:04:37He's incredible. He won state championships. He was an unbelievable player. Stanford was recruiting and his mom was always so nice to him. His mom would pack his bags. He goes, I'm going on a trip. She'll pack the bag. This kid, he came to LA. He didn't bring pants. He brought one pair of pants. The pants just got here today via FedEx. you understand that he's a star and he's almost 30 and he's almost 30 and he's my best friend and i know my mom was always like it's there he had perfect grades he's studying he's doing all his homework i'm not studying i'm showing up late i'm doing the whole thing wrong and he's doing everything great and then i realized i'm like the reason that my mom never packed my bags or didn't do random acts of kindness for me is because i didn't deserve them it's like you have to deserve it.

1:05:25And that's something that's lost in today's America. You have to earn it. You have to deserve it. And looking back when I was like, damn, bro, you tell your mom you're hungry and something appears. I think that's unbelievable. My mom doesn't. And it's like, it's not because my mom is weird. Or he says he's hungry. And she says, what are you in the mood for? Stuff like that. Can you imagine? There's options. There's snacks. I mean, there's a different energy when you are a star. And if I was a star when I was a kid. You would have been treated like one. I would have been treated like one. That's a good point.

1:05:52So if you're a kid out there, you're not being treated like a star. You're getting what you deserve. There's a reason. Oh my God. Now I understand it. Every time I've sipped this tea, it's at the perfect temperature and it doesn't get cold. And I go, what's going on here? What kind of voodoo? The coaster. Well, you can take it off. The coaster charges the battery within the cup and then you can keep that cup anywhere. Oh my. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Shepard. Isn't that great? It's high quality here. There's a level in Hollywood that you get to. Yeah. That is unbelievable. This is what I'm talking about.

1:06:28I know. I'm sorry. No, just. You were saying. I'm of two minds. Because what's funny is now I'm in the different category, which is now I have money and I'm raising kids and I have money and I have privilege and all these things. And yeah, I'm not hitting my kids and I'm talking with them. I have the time and patience and I'm not stressed. It's a different thing. And I'm with that. And I value the shit out of how I grew up. And also, I think it's important to say that there's a way to hit them without hitting them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Sure, sure, sure. Without anger.

1:06:54My mom didn't hit me my whole life. There was a specific couple years. It wasn't this long-term thing. Parents don't like it. It gets weird. No, I know. Yeah. It gets weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially when you're fast. Once the kid gets fast. And starts running away. You don't want your kid to run away. It's a metaphor. I never was like, I have a bruise. That's so wrong and bad. it's always the fact that it got physical in any way any tiny way it's like it's a different thing one time and I don't talk about this on the special but one time I was on my mom's computer in her office and she thought I was playing on the computer I was doing my homework I might have been playing but I switched it up at the right time and when she came in she goes what are you doing on my computer and I go look and she looks she sees it and she goes mmhmm okay she walks away and i go yeah that's right oh let's just say she tickled me in a way i haven't was not enjoyable but those are important moments to have as a kid because i am a thank you please stickler and i'm so proud of that my stepdad is a very generous man my stepdad is always the extra tip what's your name he gives respect to people give respect and And I think that those are things that you want to do for the kid because then they get proud of it.

1:08:17I'm proud of it. I tell my friends, if you're hanging out with me and you don't say please, I go, come on. I know. I find it fun. Me too. That's why I'm excited to have kids. I cannot wait to go, are you out of your mind? I think that's fun. It's like, remember when you were little and you would see a teacher and she would go, if you can hear me, clap once. And everybody goes, I saw that. And I go, that's fun to control, to have the power. It's fun. I kind of wanted to be a teacher, to be like, you're mine. Whatever I say, I do. And I think that's part of the stand-up thing. It's like, I want these people to listen to me.

1:08:49Of course. Give me a moment. You have control of the scenario. Yeah. I like that. But what's happening in this subtext, what's fun about it is it caused a lot of conversation post-watching it where I was like, you know, the thing I think is being somewhat poked at here, not explicitly again, but I look at Ana and this girl's on a Zoom call with her entire family, like 30 members of her family, and they party over Zoom. It's the cutest thing in the world. And some are in Spain, some are here. The closeness, the emotions that are on display, all of it to say is like, there is this elite problem in this country.

1:09:25And we'll call it white in general, but that's too generic. It's some percentage of this white world. White people come in every color. You don't have to be white to be white. I get what you mean. in some ways. Obviously, you can't change your skin tone. And I have a lot of white friends. I want to say that. I haven't seen any, but that's fine. I'll believe it when I see it. Some of my best friends. But I think there is an issue in this country, and it's infecting politics and it's infecting how people are voting. And it's really this elitism that is a problem. It's these fucking like six generation people and they know everything and science proved it and academia proved it.

1:09:57And this is how you raise your kids. This is how you do everything. It's like, OK, well, what's the result of that? Sometimes it's really good. but of all the people that you're saying are raising their kids wrong why is it that at every fucking christmas all 40 of them are there and no one wants to be with their parents there is no extended family what are the results of all this whether you're saying it explicitly or not it's very there and it was hitting me i think a big thing is uh it's important in my mind not that i know anything about having kids but i think it's important for you to show the kids that when they do wrong, it affects you.

1:10:33For me over my life, whenever I did something bad or wrong, my mom was never okay. It was never fine. It was never like, ah, it happens. And I think that's a big problem. It shouldn't be okay. It's okay for it to not be okay. And to the extent that you want to do it is up to you, to your family. But I do think it's really, really important to show the kids that when you do something bad or wrong, it affects you. It hurts you. It doesn't make you feel good. You're not an island. You're affecting everyone around you. She wants you to be responsible for what you're doing in the world. The outcome is yours.

1:11:12I wrote it a thousand times on a paper. I will be responsible for my actions. And I stepped down. We used to do lines. You're going to do lines. And I would do lines. I will be responsible for my actions. I probably did that specific sentence on like three or four occasions on like a million pages. Now, has that backfired at all? Do you think you're too much of a people pleaser? Perhaps, but also I am a big accountability guy. Yep. I am a big, that was bad. I did a bad thing and I was wrong and I'm wrong. I'm proud of that. Yeah. And then you get very, very, with a loose grip, you get into immigration in this very wonderful way.

1:11:51Thank you. Ay Dios mio. I can't say because I don't want to give away kind of the ending, but I just love the movies. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's so fucking good. Because yeah, when white people get weird, I think Chris Rock had a joke about it. Some black comedian had a joke about that. He's like, get in an elevator with a white guy. He might be tiny and stuff, but he might also eat people. Like the fear you have. Exactly. He's like, does this dude eat people? White people are curious. They're curious. Some of us are fucking kinky, huh? Oh yeah. There is. And to me, it was just like, dude. I never was like a kid that was worried about politics.

1:12:23My parents never let me go there. My parents always made me think about what's in front of you. It's your day-to-day. That's kind of our passion. What are you working on? How are you making money? How are you surviving? And that stays my main focus. I really don't get into it. Again, not to be dismissive, but it's like a luxury to be worrying about all this other shit that's outside of your entire world. I said this one time because I always thought about my dad and about my mom and about how they reacted to my problems. I don't know if I came up with this or someone helped me come up with it, but it helped me understand them and accept them in a beautiful way.

1:12:58I've said it to myself a million times. And it is this. You cannot expect from a person that comes from extreme circumstances a moderate response. Yeah. You cannot expect a moderate response from someone that comes from something extreme. It's not that they can't do it. It's that you can't expect it. Right. So anybody in the world that says something crazy, the Trumps of the world, and on the other side, you know, the people that are going hard, everybody's going hard. When I hear something that is striking from anybody, from either side, I immediately go, they probably come from an extreme thing.

1:13:42and that's why they're saying extreme stuff that's generous saying it's generous it's like i'm doing it for them yeah no doing it for me yes no i know i say that so that i can calm down exactly so it doesn't make you outright i don't expect you to be moderate i don't expect you to be this perfectly eloquent or well-mannered or politically correct person because i know where you come from yeah yeah this was my defensive ti he got in trouble and i don't like what he said he's like you're gonna go to the doctor and make sure his daughter's hymen's intact and this was a huge uproar And I was like, yeah, that's rough.

1:14:13I don't think that should happen. But you're also talking about a guy whose mother was a prostitute and was supporting the family at nine years old. So guess what? He may have come up about 55 fucking levels. And you came up 0.5 from this great house. And then you're in judgment of that guy. Kind of fuck you. I'm not about judgment. It's not healthy. And to your point, there's this great book, The Body Keeps the Score. Maybe you've heard about that book. But this doctor's work starts because he's working when he's young in the VA hospital. And he's watching these vets come in. And they're getting confronted with something that's just a little difficult, like it's paperwork.

1:14:46And he's watching people have this insane flight or fight reaction. Full 180 heartbeat per minute unraveling. And he goes, man, something's going on. That's like a crazy reaction from my point of view to that. So why is that happening? It's like, well, fuck, you just left Vietnam. You're heightened and you're going to stay heightened. You can't expect it to be chill. Yeah, yeah. My stepdad, the same thing. My stepdad went through everything he went through. so when I was younger I was like damn this guy's like uptight this guy's high strung yeah what's going on with this guy and my mom's high strung this guy runs hot you know I mean what the heck and my dad says crazy stuff I'm like what the heck is up with these people and then I get a little bit older and I think about that and it calmed me down soon as I started thinking about that about not expecting it and then I apply that to everyone I meet and then I get to be calm I affect myself I think crazy stuff and then I go damn but when other people do it I go you come from a thing.

1:15:43Yeah. Okay, this is my last question, and it's because I'm newly obsessed with her through my daughter, thank God. I went and saw Sabrina Carpenter a month ago with my daughter. I just love her. Monica's been making fun of me. I think Short and Sweet came out like a month ago, and I'm just obsessed with the album. Yeah, I was like, you know it's been out for a big day. I think she did another one. No way. There's another one since then actually out. So you're pals with her. Are you pals? Yeah, I would say we're pals for sure. You're pals. How did that start? The Domingo thing. I don't know if there was something before the Domingo thing.

1:16:13I don't know if she was on the show or if we did something, but the Domingo thing was big. Yeah. And she was all about it and it was so cool. And it felt for me like I was on that plane to LA after SNL. It was on a Sunday after SNL. So it feels very Hollywood. And the writers, of course, I'll shout out the writers too, because I love to shout out the writers. Kiro Sullivan, Jimmy Fowley, Sooty Green, and Ali Levitan. And they all came with me. From New York to LA, to the forum. Now, to 14 ,000, 15 ,000 people were thinking about what I'm going to say, what the bit's going to be. It's so fun. And my best friend Santi came, and his girlfriend came too.

1:16:54Now his fiance. Congratulations to Santi. Of course, a guy like that gets married. Of course. A guy like that has to get married. But it was insane. It felt old school in the sense that, like, a character from a TV show. You want to see them in another place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Truly a unreal experience. And Sabrina's really down to clown. She's down to think of something funny. She's an actress. That's why I've become obsessed with her because she was hosting SNL. And of course, my daughters are so excited. So I watch it with her and I'm like, my God, she's fantastic. And then while we're watching the episode, I'm now Wikipedia-ing her.

1:17:24I'm like, oh, right. She was an actor on Disney forever. She was an actor before she was a singer. Of course, she's great. Like I'm having all these realizations. And they're so good. The young actors, Sabrina, Ariana yeah they do it all Kenan yeah yeah yeah watching them at a cold read they're great because they've been doing it for so long now if I'm you again and I'm 28 I'm gonna try to date her with all my might are you not trying your hardest to marry her I'm in a relationship with a Dominican girl she's an architect oh wow she's unreal she went to Yale oh wow alright but Sabrina's awesome and she's really funny He's great Marcelo, I really like you You're adorable I think this is my first one I feel very honored Me too My first one since everything happened We're going to say first one American Boy is on Netflix Please watch it, it's hysterical Also, I'm so excited to learn that You did a movie with Kevin Hart You're doing it right now, 72 hours Yeah, we filmed it already, it'll be out in July Is that a nod to 48 hours?

1:18:29Is it a similar concept? No, it's more in the world of, it's a bro bachelor party situation. Oh, okay, okay. I wish we could combine those words somehow. A bro bachelor party. Like bro-ch-ler party. A bro-ch-ler party. We'll get there. We'll work on it before the film comes out. Bachelor is a little bit formal for what happens at those. That's right. That is correct. It's like your nephew speaking English. Exactly. Okay, this was delightful. Thank you for the gifts. Dude, are you crazy? Everyone watching American Boy. I can't wait to wear my new clothes. I'm so excited. Went to Marshalls, bro.

1:18:59Old school. I have a very strong feeling we'll do this many times. I hope so. This is fun. I like this. Thank you. Be good. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. I have so much to report. What's here? Well, I went home to Detroit, Michigan. Cute sweatshirt. Thank you. This is our thousandth, one of our thousandth episode merch items. It is really cute. I love it. I'll show the back. Okay, yeah. Because the back is important. Oh, that's super cute. I hadn't even seen that cherry with a bazillion names inside the cherries.

1:19:40That's great. Your cascading hair did block a good deal of it, but I think that enhances the thrill of trying to see it. All of our guest names are in there. That's cool. So I went home on a Wednesday and it was when I landed, it was just we just landed on ice and snow. And it looked like Fargo out the window. Ton of snow. Yeah. And, you know, I traveled light. I had a backpack and a roll on. Get in the car with my friend Jonathan. Oh, I love Pony. Shout out. He's so young. I keep forgetting how young he is. He's younger than you. Barely. He's not that young. He's 35. Yeah, that's not true. He's pretty young.

1:20:23He's like, he's my boss. And I think another kid on the way. Yeah, he's my boss, though, you know. Anyways, get to the hotel at 10.30 p.m. And I think, huh, I'm going to go to Lafayette Coney Island and get a couple chili dogs, maybe a loose burger and some fries before I hit the hay. What's a loose burger? It's ground beef on a hot dog bun and then covered in the chili sauce, onions, and a mustered. Okay. And tell me how that's different than the Coney. The Coney has a hot dog in it with the chili all over it. Oh, it's just without the hot dog. And ground beef. It's called a loose burger. Like, imagine that the burger is not a patty.

1:20:59It's loose. But it's on a hot dog bun. It's very fun. Okay. That's what my mom always gets. My mom doesn't fuck with hot dogs. Right. She doesn't trust them. Now, does the Coney sauce also have beef? It does, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beef on beef on beef. Okay, okay, okay. That's always the goal. I just wanted to get it straight. And also, like, I had sent my brother and sister and mom a picture, and they were, someone pointed out, like, you know, people really rage about, you're not supposed to put ketchup on them. Right. Which makes no sense, because you put ketchup on everything that ground beef's in.

1:21:27You know, like a hamburger. Yeah, but the scone-y, the chili sauce. But then you also put ketchup on a hot dog. No one's freaking about that. It's the chili that you don't put ketchup on. I know. Yeah, but anyways. I'm with them on that. So as it turns out, I am staying almost directly across the apartment I lived at in Detroit. OK, yeah, that's fun. And I'm sure I've told enough stories on here what the vibe was in 94 when I was there. So before I go, I think, OK, I've got to take about 24 bucks and put it in my left pocket without any of the credit cards I need and care about. But I need to put one dummy credit card in there so that if I get mugged, I can hand them all that stuff.

1:22:10It'll look like that's my shit. And then I've hidden my rest of my money and my normal credit card that I would not want to lose elsewhere on my body. This was standard operating procedure, SOP, when we lived there. You just say that's what you had to do. So I go through all this work of like getting myself situated to get mugged. Right. Yeah. And because unlike in my 20s where I was willing to fight over the money, I'm no longer willing to fight over the money. So I'm just going to hand it over. Right. Yeah, that's right. OK, so also there's like four inches of fresh powder. So it's so dreamy outside.

1:22:41I'm like, I start walking. What time is it? Now it's about 1045 at night. Okay, really late. Late. And I walk across the street and I'm directly in front of the apartment on Griswold where there's this little park. And again, I'm like, I'm peeping everywhere. Who's going to roll up on me? And the first thing I come up to is a very frail, like 60-year-old man, white man, walking two pugs in sweaters. Sure. Not what you expected. And I'm like, this guy would not have lasted 11 minutes out on this street in 1994. He would have been relieved of the dogs in his wallet for sure. If not, killed. Dogs too?

1:23:22I don't know. Who knows? Maybe someone's girlfriend would want a dog. They were cute. They were in sweaters. Oh. And as I'm going up to my favorite chili dog place, there's two cars out front just running because it's so cold out. Whoever's eating inside, just leaving their car running so the heat's on. Oh, wow. And then I go inside and I eat. And I just sit there watching. There's two cars running. I mean, Monica, this is inconceivable. Yeah. Times change. Inconceivable. Places change. They change. And I did not see this coming. I couldn't have been happier for the city of Detroit. Yeah. And I'm like, I could have fucking kept all my money in my left pocket.

1:23:57And I could have held my phone. And then as I'm walking back to the hotel, there's a goddamn Gucci store next to the hotel. Yeah, that's right. Now my mind is exploding. I'm like, what has happened down here? I mean, this is the ultimate glow up I've ever seen. Yeah. Couldn't believe it. Then I get into my room. It's gorgeous. The Chanel Hotel. I'm like, oh my God, there's a gorgeous hotel now in downtown Detroit. So I get back to the room. I don't know what it is, 1130 at night now. I also have a commitment in the morning at 11 a.m., which is totally fine. I'm going to be fine for sleep. Yeah.

1:24:31And then I'm hanging in the room for a little bit. And then I think of something I want out of my backpack. I go to get my backpack. I don't have my backpack. And I'm like, oh, that's rough. Like I panic on it too. For about 10 minutes, I started thinking like, okay, well, I do, you know, I do remember bringing it to that car. Okay. So I was left in that car. Where do we find this guy? The guy already said that the car services were fucking overwhelmed because of the snow and everything else. And they have to get back to the airport. They're going to be whatever. And then I remember I have brought my memoir with me so that I can write in it.

1:25:08You should. I know. I really probably shouldn't travel with it. Yeah, you can't. And then my journal's in there, too. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God. I'm so devastated at the thought that because I have one of the four books I've written in a notebook. And I'm towards the end of that notebook. And I'm like, if I lose 90 handwritten pages, I don't even remember what I covered in that section. I wouldn't. I'm so devastated that I'm like, I don't know that I would resume writing it. I think I would be like, I can't possibly rewrite the 90 pages I lost and blah, blah. So I am really now fucking panicked.

1:25:46Yeah. And we get a hold of the driver, but only in as much as the driver says, I'm with somebody. They're reading a really interesting book in the back of my car. Yes, and then they're going through your journal and they are on the phone with TMZ. And so, I mean, this is as fucking bad as it can get for me. And I'm really trying not to panic about it and just stay optimistic. All to say, I do get it back, but I get it back at like 2.45 a.m. Yeah, it's late. But I'm so relieved. Whatever. Did you try to like look and see if it had been tampered with? I didn't. Like I just I saw that my memoir was in there and my journal and I was like, OK, I don't care about anything else in the world.

1:26:30I have these two books. Right. You idiot. Why don't you scan it? Blah, blah, blah. Why do you bring it? I do want you to do. Self abuse. Sure. I guess I'm piling on, but I do. I do want you to. Victim shaming. I'm sorry, but I really do need you to like back up, you know. I know you can't really back up handwritten stuff. This is why the handwritten thing was, I mean, tough. But you can scan. You can scan and you should scan. And that has been suggested to me many times since this event. And then I imagine myself sitting in front of a fucking copy machine and how many hours that would take. And then I have to go do my real life stuff, which is seemingly unrelenting at this moment.

1:27:08You have to squeeze in just a couple hours so that this just never happens again. Oh, I think that's like a six hour ordeal. Page by page. It's pretty. if you there's a scan doc on your phone and you literally just take pictures okay i'll give you 25 bucks an hour i mean i have a lot going on too but i'll do it let's go to like kinko's and you got the whole two pages at a time okay all right i guess i'm off to kinko's i think you should do it i haven't been in a kinko's in a long time speaking of which i don't even know that they're still around but i hope they are i do get about 45 minutes to an hour with ricardo we do go out in a raptor and find some snowy roads and drift for a while, which is its own hilarious thing, because you can't imagine how terrified he is as a passenger.

1:27:54If you think I'm bad. I can. I understand why he's in control of the car as his livelihood. Yes. And I totally get that. And he was screaming. And I was saying to him, Danny, if we crash, we're going really 20 miles an hour. Sure. The back end's all over the place because we're drifting, but we're not flying. I mean, that's just not the nature of it. Would that have helped you? I was passenger while he did it. Right, but. And he's not as good at it as me. Now, look, he's a much better driver than me, but I grew up in Detroit driving on snowy roads. He grew up in Australia with no snow. Right, that's true.

1:28:25So I just think, you know, this isn't a brag. He said it. He's like, I don't like that you're better at this than me. Okay, so that's a brag, I guess. But I just am only, I would have never come up if you didn't force me to say like, I was tolerating his. I'm just asking because you're the one that's like, you can't handle being a passenger. So I'm like, would that have alleviated your fear? Well, I had already worked through that because it started with him driving and I'm in the passenger seat. And I'm like, I don't know if he's got it. You know, we might crash into a fire hydrant. We might crash into whatever.

1:28:53And then I was like, and we're going 20 miles an hour and it's got airbags and we'll be fine. I have a question. Why do you feel fine when I drive you? I think you're a good driver. That's nice. Yeah. But you think people are good drivers that I think you still wouldn't want. You're not driving aggressively. No. You're driving completely normal. I can handle being in a car. it's if someone's trying to show off and drive fast i hate it oh i thought sometimes i think the opposite if i'm driving you like oh he's gonna be like mad that i didn't you're not driving aggressively enough no no no no i prefer no i like a nice boring ride if i'm in the if i don't have the brake pedal in front of me or the steering wheel yeah stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare

1:29:49I mean, I do think you're right, though, that I think a lot of people that are into this also are terrible passengers. Because they love the control and they understand what the car is supposed to be doing. So when it's not doing the thing it should be doing, I think you're hyper aware of it, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think to some degree, if you're riding with me in this situation, you just got to, you surrender the notion, I know what I'm doing. Sure. Right. If you were to come on a racetrack with me, you'd be like, yeah, I guess he knows what to do. I know. He does this. I would, but I'm not a driver.

1:30:15Like, that's the whole thing. Also, I love that feeling. So that's the irony. I also love feeling out of control. I love it. This is when, like, we went off-roading, Kristen and I, in Hawaii, and she drove and we were sliding down this hill. I'm like, oh, my God, we're going to go into a fucking tree. But I was just laughing uncontrollably because it does pass that point where I just have no response but to start laughing. So I can enjoy it. Okay. Okay. As long as I don't think death is on the table. So that was great. That was a nice little thing. Host the event. That goes well. I didn't get to hang with Verstappen like I wanted to.

1:30:49I met him. I shook his hand. You know. That's cool. Yeah. Baby steps. Do the event. Blah, blah, blah. That night. Go back to the room. Go to sleep. My son picks me up the next morning. And I'm going to add one more thing that you don't care about. Oh, one. When I left.

1:31:16when i left detroit 30 years ago cars did not some cars had analog brakes not all of them no cars had traction control no cars had stability track so what this has done to the driving in detroit because we're on crazy snowy roads and everyone's going 50, 60 miles an hour, no problem, because they have all this assistance now. The car is very good at keeping you when you're starting to slide around. It corrects it. That's good. So that was like a real adjustment. I'm like, oh, your average knucklehead is now going what would have been insanely fast on these roads in 1994 when I left. Okay, that means car safety has really increased over time.

1:31:59Yes. I like that. Go to Aaron's house. and I luckily I had the kind of confidence to say to him because normally it's like well it's party time let's go do this and we'll see this person I go dude if you're up for it man I want to re-watch Patriot which will be the fourth time for me and I think the third or fourth time for him and I want to sit on the couch and he fucking made a fire and we said my son and I sat on that couch Monica for nine hours but we ordered food it was I can't tell you what it did to my nervous system that's great to be with my love like that we spent we got we watched the entire first season I love doing that oh and then the next day um we tackled the town a bit we also we were hanging out with his son, Wade, my grandson, who's so tall and handsome now.

1:32:53Do like Wade and Groot get along? Because, you know, it's like two grandsons. And I don't know if they haven't met. So I can't really say. Wow. OK. Yeah. But we'll try to schedule that. OK. Anyways, we went to a Highland house, my favorite breadsticks. And then we did our thing. We went through. We went to my old house. We went to his old house. We went to our old junior high. We went and looked at other friends' houses that we miss. It's true because you don't go to Michigan a lot. Let's remind people that. It's not like you're going home. Once a year. If I did that, every time I went home, like drove by old places.

1:33:31And you go to your childhood home. That's my. Yeah, you stay there. Yeah, but there are others that were before that. But like if I did that every time, that's a lot of times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't get to do that very often. That's really nice. Also, we don't recognize shit. The town we grew up in is so fucking nice. Like anyone has heard me talk about how blue collar my town was and now went there. They'd be like, he's so full of shit. Fucking liar. Oh my God. There's so many beautiful houses. The downtown is like so storybook. Oh, cute. They redid the little central park with like very architectural.

1:34:03It's unrecognizable, but it's adorable. Okay. So while you've been talking for a while. Picking things off your body. I've been picking off all my fingernails. Okay. Your Lee press on nails. My gel nails. And I've made a little collection here. Cute little collection. And I'm going to put it right here so people can see it if they want. Oh, great. And see what they think. And I'm pretty confident you'll forget to move those to the trash can. And it sort of reminds me of the hair wall. Mm-hmm. And the hair saga. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That we talked about. Did anyone comment about hair walls? Have you seen?

1:34:46I haven't. So you watch The Patriot. I also have television news. The Pit is back, season two. And I got excited, obviously. I was so excited to watch it. And I turn it on. I watch the first episode, ready for the next one. You know, I'm planning on watching like 10. Yeah. They come out week to week. I forgot. You forgot. I forgot they come out week to week. And I got so mad. Irrationally upset. Tantrum. Tantrum. Yeah. We love a tantrum. There are certain things that trigger my tantrums. And as you know, this is one. This happened during last dance. Yeah. Where we thought we had more and then we didn't.

1:35:29So I just like, I understand it. Yeah. But I don't like it. Yeah. I don't like waiting. But it's nice that for the next two months, you have something every week you get to enjoy. That's the nice part. I want to know what other stuff he's going to say. He's just so hot, you know? He's so hot. He's still so hot. Yeah. And I have an update too. Okay, maybe like last year or something. Yeah, probably last year. You said that you were getting into slippers. Oh, funny. I wore slippers the whole time I was at Aaron's. Okay. So you were getting into slippers and I was like. But I didn't stick. I don't wear slippers at my house.

1:36:15Okay, yeah. I haven't seen you in slippers or anything, but you were trying it on. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah. And I was like, that's, I don't know why. I think I'm like, that's old. Grand Prix. Yeah, it's Grand Prix. And after the Golden Globes at the Netflix party, they had slippers there, which I think they do at some parties. For women in high heels. Yeah. It's like you can take them off and wear them at the party, which I didn't do. Great idea. Great idea. But then you have to like hold your shoes and stuff. Yeah. Because as we talked about, your purse is too small to hold your shoes. It's ceremonial, the purse.

1:36:52Yeah. So I did get the slippers. I didn't wear them that day, but I was like, I'm taking my souvenir. So I got my slippers and then they just sat in the room for a minute. I wasn't thinking about it. and I just put my little feet in there just to see. And I've been wearing them so much. You love them. I love them. You're a Grammy. Yes. And it actually, because I really don't like getting out of bed in the morning. I'm not a morning person. I have gotten myself out of bed a couple times thinking, oh, I get to put my feet in those slippers. You're eventizing your wake up. Yes. You're smart. And I can wear my slippers to go make my tea.

1:37:35Yeah. And it's changed everything. Oh, wonderful. I know. This is an exciting new era for you. I highly recommend slippers. Just Patriot. I keep saying the Patriot, but it's just Patriot. The Pit. Pit and slippers. So it's Patriot and the Pit. Interesting. Yeah, that's where there's confusion. A slippers. Just slippers, maybe. A slippers. And I'm really, I think this is... A good omen for the year. It's a slipper year. Great. So I'm happy about that. Great. I also did something fun on Monday with our friends, the Avett brothers. Oh, yeah. Are you allowed to say what it is? I don't know if I'm allowed to say.

1:38:24But you did some acting. I did some acting. In an Avett brother project. Yes, that's right. And I had not, as you've talked about many times, I also haven't acted in a really long time. And I had some dialogue. Uh-huh. And I was like looking at it and thinking, God, am I going to be able to remember this? Am I going to be able to memorize this? I haven't had to do that in a really long time. Yeah. I was able to do it. Good. Thank goodness. But it is funny. It's funny returning back to that. And it was a really fun time. And of course, like scene work is so fun. But yeah, there is a lot of like, there's a lot of twiddling your thumb, twiddling and sitting around and waiting.

1:39:13And I just I'm not used to that mode anymore at all. It's a mindset. The whole time we're here, we're working. Yeah. There's no moment we're not working. Yeah. Unless we're taking a duty break. If we're taking a duty break, which you just did. Yeah. If you're doing that, you know, I'm checking email or I'm editing or there's stuff to do. There's always stuff to do. And you can't really you can do that on some sets if you go to your trailer. But I didn't have one. So I was and then I did have a room, but it was too cold in there because, you know, I get too cold. And you hadn't brought your slippers.

1:39:46Exactly. And I was also in a very specific outfit, which eventually you guys will see. Do you want me to send you a picture right now? I'd love to see a picture. Okay. I'm sorry for the audience, but you will eventually see it. But I want to get Dax's reaction on cam. On camera.

1:40:09Oh, my heavens. I mean, the outfit's one thing, but the hair. Exactly. How many days did it take them to get your hair to look like that? Okay. I mean, they did it quite. And are you getting married in this thing? Yes. okay that makes sense um now wow it's really something huh wow did you see it yeah i also how long did it take you to undo that were you in the shower for a year so i was starting and i kind of said this on the an interview we just we just did uh so spoiler i guess but um i was finding myself like feeling like a real diva there was so much hairspray in that hair yeah you probably took a year off your life with all the fumes so much hairspray and then continuous you know touch-ups touch-ups for 12 hours at one point i said i don't i don't know if my hair can take any more hairspray i also knew i was like it doesn't need it it's not And I would accidentally like graze my hair with my hand and it would come out.

1:41:29Break off. Yes. I was like starting to have some panic about that. And then same with the makeup because it was like we're just, you know, a constant powdering and a painting. And I'm like, but I'm not going I'm not going to be in the scene for a while. So like we don't need to do this right now. But I can't I can't really say that. But I know it's true. So then there's some panic. Like, I don't want that on my face. So, yeah, it was like, we're so I'm I've become a brat. Like, we're used to being in control here. We created an environment where we have all the control. Yeah. And it's so nice.

1:42:10You kind of forget how nice that is. I did. I mean, I did have a lot of fun and I would definitely like do that again. But I was thinking. man do I have a great job I love my job it's so good and then we've had like multiple interviews over the past two days especially yesterday that I was like oh man this is so good yeah I just am so lucky yeah so I you know and it was so it was so weird because I obviously came here to do that job. And again, incredible job. Great job. But the fact that this other thing popped up that in my opinions way better is like so wild and amazing. But I was also proud of myself because I was like, oh, I can like I can still do this.

1:43:00I can still memorize stuff and I can still. And I think because we have this because I don't have my life isn't riding on that being so good so that I can get more jobs it was like fun and easy and i didn't zero expectations yeah like there was a couple times i would like start them on this monologue and then i would say you know oh i'm gonna take that back and then i would do i would never have done that before right i would never have felt comfortable i would have been so in my head any little mistake would have made me feel like oh my god like i'm so bad yeah they're gonna fire me they're regretting hiring me yes and i i was like oh it was just interesting i just had such a different mindset that i think makes you better but of course you can't get there without it like it's a very mental job like it's so much about is like what yeah yeah so much so but there was a really there's a really cool aspect of this acting job again that people will see that it's so unique and cool um that doesn't involve me but just like what part of their whole thing and it's really amazing but yeah so so i just i was grateful for for doing it i was grateful for our job those are good those are good uh You know, one thing I didn't, I guess this is like a complaint, but I had a tampon in for 13 hours.

1:44:35Oh, toxic shock syndrome. And I was also like, so then I was kind of panicking about that because as time was passing, I was like, I have this tampon in and I don't want to go take it out because I was in this wedding dress. Oh, yeah. And you know, you're mic'd up and it's connected to your underwear. So like, that's all. And I was like, I'm just leaving it in. Sure. We're going to have to roll the dice. I hope my probiotics are working. And I am really tired today. Oh, I think I might have it. You've taken it out by now, I hope. Yeah, I wrote it in my calendar because I was afraid I was going to forget.

1:45:08But I took it out and I think I'm okay. But I couldn't wear my Nixies because it was a white wedding dress. Sure, sure, sure. I was like, ugh, brides have to wear, that's a lot. I bet brides are real bummed if they're on their period during their wedding day. But it happens. You can't. You don't pick it. Was there anything else? Okay. Slippers, the pit. These are the things I write down. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, facts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember those. Oh, my God. Is this for Marcelo? Yes, Marcelo. What a joy. We just loved him. Oh, my God. Ding, ding, ding. Huge dingles for my first fact. so we played a game me and you and Marcelo played a game where we said a word and then he said what do you think of when you hear Randall and then we all said it and then we did it one more time Lily and I said pond and he said frog or something you said like feminine product or feminine hygiene you said something like that and then we were like Uh-huh.

1:46:22You guys were embarrassed for me. Yeah. Well, it was just like, you're not on the same page. And you thought it showed my age and perversion. There was a lot baked into. Yeah. And then you're like, no, because the smell, like Lily, like they want to make fresh smells. They always have them in the commercials. It feels like lilacs and lilies. And so then I, so the first fact I looked up was most popular scents for feminine products. Okay. Okay. The most popular scents for feminine products center on fresh, clean florals, rose, jasmine, warm vanilla. I've never experienced that. Subtle musk and sweet fruits, berries, peach, creating an alluring, soft, and comforting aura often found in best-selling perfumes.

1:47:09Oh, you really shit the bed on this one. I was like, I don't know about musk. I don't think anyone's going for musk during that period. What the fuck? I need a nice musky douche. AI doesn't understand feminine products. They think, oh, they think anything that has to do. Well, yeah, feminine hygiene. Oh, yeah. I think hygiene is the operative word. Fine. Let me type that. Okay, I see what you get. Hygiene products. If it says Lily, I'm going to be so pissed. It might. No, it doesn't. Okay. In 2024, popular feminine hygiene scents leaning towards fresh clean and naturally comforting profiles with light florals jasmine i mean hold on one second you must admit that lilies is in light florals no why what is your argument it doesn't present your case it says life like florals full stop no it has it says it parentheses jasmine peony rose now it's just improv and though it's like it's all the what it associates with no listen okay this also says subtle fruits and also says vanilla and skin scents musk amber sandalwoods guys i mean oh one thing says green tea it's lily right lilies was the lily are there any lily scented feminine hygiene products on the market question mark searching for feminine hygiene products with lily scent yes there are feminine hygiene intimate wash products on the market that feature lily or Lily of the Valley scent.

1:48:43Okay. Often blended with other floral notes. I could read you the brands of them. Zyaja Lily of the Valley Intimate Hygiene Gel. Zyaja? Y-U-R-I-R-O Intimate Wash by White Lily. White Lily. Gyno Cure Lily Women Cleanser. Delicate Flower Intimate Lady Wash. Okay, so these are all washes. Summer's Eve has one. That's the standard. That's the gold standard. Okay, so those are washes. okay pads and tampons and stuff okay most popular scented pads generally feature light cleaner floral scent like musk vanilla chocolate cocoa lavender and aloe lavender yes that is something they kind of try to add into all these things yeah yeah but not lily oh honeypot um all right Well, I prefer neutral scent.

1:49:43Just saying. I mean, yeah. I mean, the funny thing is, is like nothing. No, like for us guys, like there's nothing that can keep us away. You know, you don't need to worry too much. I thought you were going to say like, it's all that you still smell it. Well, you know, that might also be true. And we don't give a fuck. OK. Did Obama go to beggars? Can't be choosers. Did Obama go to Occidental College? Yeah. He went there and then he went to Columbia and then he went to Harvard. This guy was bouncing around like a. Basketball. Like a door-to-door salesman. Pot and pan salesman. Okay. He said, this was really cute.

1:50:24He said he pulled a Troy Bolton when he was dealing with soccer and like comedy. Uh-huh. And I didn't know what that meant. Did you? I don't either, no. Okay. And we wouldn't. You know why? because he's the protagonist of a high school musical. Boom. Okay, great. And that's a great analogy. I, of course, thought it was a sports reference. And so I just, as a man, had to act like I knew that player. Like, oh, of course, he's like Bo Jackson. High school musical, I guess he was a basketball player. Is that Zac Efron? That's right. Great. Basketball player. And I assume in the high school musical.

1:50:54Okay. He said that when he was growing up and they called parties, like hangouts, like Gettys. We thought that was cool. That was new to us. You cannot imagine how many times I have thought since we interviewed him. Because I'm going to Miami to shoot. And I have thought, I'm going to reach out to Marcel and see, are there any Geddes happening while I'm there? I want to see the Geddes firsthand. Do you think he's like still in the scene? No, I don't. That's why I have yet to do it. But I have had the impulse. Wow. Like, wow, I might have an invitation to a Geddes through him. And, you know, I want to see everything in life.

1:51:32Sure. This picture is 51 year old rolling into the Getty. It's just a hangout though. Then he said, oh, we were making a whole to do about Getty's because we'd never heard of that. And he said, what do they call it now? And I was like, parties, I think. And he said kickbacks. And I was like, no, I've never heard that. That's what you do when you want to land an account and you pay the purchasing agent some side money. That's right. That's a kickback. Exactly. But then I did Google, what does Gen Z call parties? Gen Z doesn't have one single slang word for party, but uses terms like kickback, hangout, get together, or rager.

1:52:14Okay, those are standard. But not, kickbacks was in there. Yeah, yeah, I'm saying the others. Yeah. Rager's been around forever. I know. Major rager. For larger events, focusing more on vibes, wellness, and smaller gatherings, like, quote, soft clubbing, quote, house parties, or, quote, live chill. Ew, live chill is an online hangout. Oh. Although we were just talking about how Ana has online hangouts with her family, and those do look really fun. That's different. That's a family chit chat. Yeah. I don't think that's a live chill. Okay. um all right that's all those those are great i love him i love him too he's so cute he was so funny i was saying it's uh when i left i was like i love when people are still hungry it's so infectious like he said it like i want to do good yeah i love that when you go do stuff you should want to do good it's a shame that some people lose that yeah yeah it's great really true but He's young and vibrant.

1:53:21Cute. He's on SNL and he's cute. Yeah. He's got a little paper. He's got that smart girlfriend. Yeah. Good for him. Good work. I love you. Love you.

1:53:32Love you.