Matt Friend (impressionist)

23:30Oh, yeah. But I'm here. This is the dream. This is our own expert. God, yeah. Let's stop talking about other shows. This is the show. I hope I'm delivering. I want to deliver on here. You ever think about that? Like you're in a moment like this. Whenever I do anything like this, I will be in the car after this thinking, oh, my God, I should have said this. I could have done this. And you know what? It is the worst. And you can't avoid that. That is the beginning. I always have it. It's just the beginning. No, it'll pass. And it seems unimaginable. You think it'll pass? It will pass. But it's almost good to have that mindset because then you might not deliver in the moment.

24:01I'm going to give you the Bill Murray quote I watched on Letterman, which I thought, God, I wish I had heard that younger. And even maybe I would have heard it and I wouldn't be able to accept it. But Letterman said to him, how have you been so consistently great for 30 years? Like you started a comedic genre that everyone's still doing. And he said, if I can just relax, I know it'll come. Bill said that. Interesting. And I was like, oh, could I work from that level of confidence? I don't have to force anything to happen. If I can chill and relax and breathe, I can do the thing. I can counterpunch.

24:38That's the thing. I can be relaxed. Like, I feel relaxed right now. Yeah. But I will still be thinking, what else could I have said? After, yeah. That's why I started therapy recently, Dex. Did you? Good job. I did. You did. Better help? Welcome. Yeah, welcome, welcome, welcome to Better Help. Wait, but I think you will over time not feel that every time you leave a place, but there will always be a place where you'll leave and have that. Like, the stakes will just get higher and higher. Well, you're already doing White House Correspondents. It's kind of a crappy part of human nature. I wanted to come on this podcast for so long, and then I'll be like, oh, what did I miss?

25:15Over time, it's like you're just returning to places. It doesn't have the stakes of it. And then you've also earned a bit of a reputation. It's like, yeah, I could go on Kimmel next week and not be that good. I've been good on it many times. Even more importantly is self-realization, actualization is like, and I'm still lovable if I'm fine. I'm presenting at something on Saturday. And I read the script. He's like, please punch it up if you want. And I did have the thought, I was like, or not. Maybe just go and I say what was written. And then I go home and I have a great night. This is post-Wondery deal.

25:47Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're 1 ,000 % right. I've been given some blessings. But I do think you can get to that mental space without that. And I think you're more attractive when you're in that mental space. I think that's true. There is a neuroticism that comes with comedy. You have to be a little bit on edge in a certain capacity to get, whether it's a funny viral moment at an award show or to do an hour of stand-up comedy in the middle of the... to make different audiences laugh. Yeah. You have to maintain a little bit of it, but I do think you can be relaxed. But even so, like, I made notes on this before the show, like, these are some things that I want to hit.

26:21Of course. Like, let's not forget you had Obama on here. We got to talk about that. Oh, wow, that's an interesting take. Oh. I go more Kermit with my Obama, as you know. Well, most of yours are Kermit, if we're going to be honest. Can I do my Obama for you? Go ahead. Vax, Sasha, Malia, Michelle. We'll have a good place. It's not that good. With Obama, there are really three modes to his voice. Yeah, tell me. There's Obama when he would make a speech. He'd be very stern. He would look to a crowd and he would say, Tonight, more than 200 years. After a former colony won the right to determine its own destiny.

27:01The task of perfecting our union moves forward It moves forward because of you It moves forward because you reaffirmed the spirit That has triumphed over our nation through war and depression The belief that each And then there's Obama when he would be with kids And his voice would get higher pitched at the White House Halloween What are you dressed up as? You are a fairy That is so cute Come on now That is really good. And then there's the bro-y Obama. Yeah, when he's with King James and stuff. With an NBA team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would be like, LeBron James is here. LeBron, he is the second best player to wear the number 23.

27:42Come on now. So that's great. Thank you. You know what? Can I tell you something? This is great. The look on Monica's face, she reserves it for when she's seeing great magic. Yeah, that's how it feels to me. You guys had him on. I got to meet him last year before the DNC in Chicago. That turned out well. I was invited to meet Obama in Chicago. So I almost missed it because my flight was delayed. I was freaking out. His team invited me and a couple other creators to do a video with him in an effort to get out the vote. So I go to this hotel in Chicago. You would never know he was there. There was some security.

28:22But then I go up to the 15th floor. Suddenly I'm brought to this waiting room. There's Secret Service casually all over the place. And then I'm brought to this waiting room, 40 minutes pass, brought to this other room. I guess Michelle walked by and I missed her. Then I go into this hotel room and it's very well lit. The light is pouring in and Obama is just standing there. And there is probably his assistant and one guard. And that's the only people in the room. It felt like I was hallucinating. Like he's standing there hearing his voice. It felt like it was coming through a TV screen. And then he looks at me and he goes, Matt, what are we going to do today?

29:00Michelle, we've seen some of your videos. It's good. That's funny. He always brings Michelle into it. Yes. Anything he told me, which is smart, by the way. Hot kettle. My God. Smart, as he should. Yeah. Every other sentence involves Kristen, which is very, very sweet, but we cannot throw stones. Probably why I noticed it. Throw stones. Exactly. I'm more suspicious of his because his is like, you know, Michelle, Malia, Sasha, Malia, Bo. Malia. Bo. We love The Good Place. And I'm like, does he or did he hear his daughters and his wife? Is she his source of all pop culture? I don't know. Or is it just he adores her?

29:38Again, like, same. But it was great. I did him next to him. And then I just did like his three greatest hits. Like when he made a jump shot, he was like, that's what I do. Thank you. When I interviewed him, I challenged him on that. Did you? I said, that was a dick move. You're there to try to support Biden. Biden can't fucking make a jump shot. You drop it from the three. You can't do that. It was a great video. It was a great video. For Obama, yeah. It was. Yeah, it was a great video. It was crazy. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

30:18Okay, what's funny, though, when you just did him, I was like, you look like him. Thank you. Well, this time I didn't bring the makeup. So that could get me in trouble. So I'm learning as I work on my Obama, you talk out the side of your mouth. It comes out like the side of my neck. Yeah. I don't know why that is. But your face... Contorts. ...becomes him. When I was with him, I had my McConnell glasses and I pitched him one last idea. I was like, Barack, it's good to be with you again. It really is. And then he backs away and goes, you got to put those away. That is giving me PTSD. Seriously.

30:48Oh, my God. It was insane. Then I debated him as Trump. Okay, now here's an interesting question. I did write it now. Go ahead. Is it dicey to do black famous people? If you're doing some racist parody, that's a different situation. If I'm trying to do one person instead of like a whole race of people, that's a separate conversation. But if I can do a vocally accurate Denzel impression, I can't really do a Denzel, but then that's a separate conversation. Whereas if you're parodying like a stereotypical Indian or black voice, I think that's a different conversation. That's where you get into hot water.

31:17Yeah, that's right. That's correct. Can you do God Morgan Freeman? Morgan Freeman, not really, but I can try. John Doe has the upper hand It's not great Okay, so the wish fulfillment you can give us Is that we have a list of guests that we still can't get They elude us And I was curious if we could talk to some of those people Let's see who you got Well, Stern, of course I would love to have Stern on Well, here's what Let me tell you something about this Right So they told me People thought my show was getting canceled And that I was going to go away I thought that I read that And I canceled serious.

31:54I'm interviewing you now. Oh, even better. So Monica, you're a beautiful woman. You got great skin. Thanks. I've always had a thing for Indian babes. Really? Let me ask you this. Right. Flattering. Is there any sexual chemistry? I mean, obviously you have Kristen. She's a great wife. Yeah, yeah. Was there ever a moment where you guys looked at each other? You said, we got a thing going on here. Right? Oh, Howard. Never crossed your mind. I'm just sorry. Never crossed your mind once. Right? Nothing. Not even a kiss. No, not yet. But we have a couple more years. By the way, not me. That was a Howard question.

32:21Just saying. You gotta tap it in the mind of the person. You had him on. A thousand percent. When you do the fact check, does it ever drive you crazy? Right? When some of these guests, they say so much shit, you're like, Brad, I don't give a shit. You don't know what you're talking about. Right? Robin, do you want to bang Dax? You want to bang him. Right? Robin wants to bang you. Sorry. Go ahead. Oh, wow. You've been on his turn, right? Yes. And did you chat with him as Howard? Yeah. It's like a recurring bit where the hook word with Howard is the word right. So I go, great to see you, right? Right.

32:51Left or right? Right. Right. Robin Wright, House of Cards, right? Right. Frank Lloyd Wright, right? Right. Right versus wrong. Right, right, right. What's right? Right, right. Alt, right. Right, right. Left, right. Right, right. Right. Howard Stern is just Alan Alda for MASH, but a little deeper. Yeah, yeah. Alan Alda is up here. He's a little bit like a square. Then Howard, you pull it back, you get Howard. Right. That's that. Oh, my God. It's phenomenal, isn't it? It's phenomenal. That's that. It's world class. Did you see Howard interviewing Trump recently? It was just not so. Oh, they used to be friends.

33:23He was on all the time. Yeah, Howard goes, you're in the prime of your life. Anybody you wouldn't bang, how low are you going to go? You have an age limit, Donald? Well, I probably wouldn't go down to 14. Oh, my God. And then he just stops talking. And I'm thinking, does that mean like 15 is on the table? It's strange. Wow. If you just learned what Mesopotamia is, I'm probably fine with it, okay? I think he also had some really long descriptions of how beautiful his daughter was when he would be on Stern. I think a lot of those clips from Trump. What's the next guest? Okay, keep it moving. Okay, so someone I've written like three love letters to begging him to do the show is my all-time acting hero, Nicolas Cage.

34:08I wanted to come on armchair to be with you. Monica excites me to a level I've never experienced before. Dax Shepard. Dax Shepard, armchair, what a platform. Stop staring at me, you sexy dill. So I did Nick Cage also on the carpet of the Golden Globes. And then people are like, who is this young woman that he's with? It was his ad Asian wife, okay? His ad Asian wife. He's with this 19-year-old Asian woman who is his girlfriend. So let me, so you stay in the cage. I didn't say it. Trump said it. You guys are. You just, yeah, you're tricky. You're saying horrible things. No one always tells the truth all the time.

34:53No, I'm not saying it. It's Trump. This is the thing. It's unfair. We all should be able to have. You should develop an alter ego. Yeah. Nick Kroll has several on his show. That's right. Yeah, it's great. But it's unfair to us who can't manipulate our voices. So stay in Nick Cage because I just have some questions for him. What do you want to ask me? It's not great, but could be better. You famously bought a bunch of castles, yeah? Yeah, I love a castle. I put the ass in castle. Okay. What about your snakes? Are they still with us? Yeah, I have a big snake right here. Oh, I bet. Sign the Declaration of Independence with this snake.

35:28Anaconda. Snake! Armchair expert! Yeah. Not great. Okay. No, it's nice. I like it. Not great. Okay, now I want to be really thoughtful and careful. Oh, I know where this one's going. Do you guess? Is it Bill? Yeah. He produced or does produce. I did a podcast. We've kind of stopped it. Go ahead. Bill who, Mark? Bill Mark. Yeah, I was doing a show and doing a different thing now, but he's a nice guy. Yeah, so I would like to ask Bill some questions. Okay, go. Let me just say, you know what the problem is with armchair expert? Nothing. Oh, thank you. It's great. Thanks, Bill. Whether you're on the left, whether you're on the right, we're all wrong.

36:07And it's great. Go ahead. What's the question? That was nice. Thank you. You seem to get pretty angry at the audience when your joke doesn't go exactly as planned. I guess my main question is why so angry at them? Okay. New rule, right? If you're going to have a guest on your own show, maybe don't be a dick. Okay? This is what really pisses me off. Oh, this really pisses me off. Let's hear it. About the left. The left isn't the right. And the right isn't the left. And that's what drives me crazy, right? Yeah, it's hard. But with Donald, I had dinner with him. They were so mad at me. Larry David, op-ed, dinner with Hitler.

36:48You know what? Not true. And I would have died with Hitler if there was an option. He would have liked me. We would have had fun. You know why? Because I'm a Jew who can make him laugh. Okay? It's all in the lip smack with Bill Naff. He goes, he goes, thank you. Thank you. Oh my God. I've never noticed a lip smack until you just did it. He does do that. Oh, great. New rule, wrong. So right. Oh my God. Armchair expert. He did produce a show with you, but he didn't like your impersonation. No, I think he did. He goes like, you make me too flamboyant, right? I think hetero me up. Okay. Butch me up.

37:30Right. Some guys are like that with it. He was a great supporter, but I think he liked it. I've only heard a couple people do me. Do me. Yeah. Me, me. Okay. You're very talented. Thank you. I think you could fine tune this. No. There's no question I can. Yeah. Like, it's not exactly right. No, no, it's not. It's not exactly right. But I've got to tell you. But we have a fun clip out of it. John Krasinski does a version of me. Yeah, we do. And he did it in front of a group of people. And they laughed uncontrollably. And I was not offended. I just, like, I don't hear my own voice. You know who's eluded me?

38:02Who? It's John Krasinski's brother-in-law. Oh, Emily Blunt's brother? Felicity's husband Oh, Stanley Tucci Stanley, he's another guy who did love Did he not love? He hasn't really commented on the impression Stan hasn't really commented on the impression But at the Golden Globes I've done it three years in a row, red carpet I interview, it's a crazy atmosphere All the celebrities, they're coming I'm not a red carpet host interviewer I'm a comedian they place on the carpet Unbelievable experience My friend Jeremy works at Dick Clark put me on the carpet, took a chance on me, and now here we are.

38:36The exposure's unbelievable. I talked to Nick Cage. Dude, Paul Giamatti, that was the one that popped. Oh, that was very fun indeed. Oh, yes! Very fun. Giamatti had just won the Golden Globe, so I get him 30 seconds after he wins the award, and I go, Paul, I'm doing you next to Paul. He goes, oh, that's very good. Paul, motherfucking Giamatti. Oh, I am signing the Declaration of Motherfucking Independence in the morning. So, very good, very good. Oh, yes, indeed. Oh, God, fun. So, and he was matching me perfectly. And then I did Tom Wamsgams next to Kieran Culkin. I go, hey, buddy, buckle up, fucklehead.

39:16And then he slapped me in the face. And then I did Coolidge. I wonder, because I've watched so many of these clips, are the people warned ahead of time? What I'm seeing sometimes is it takes them a few beats to realize you're doing them. Yeah, occasionally. You don't watch Formula One by chance. I'm starting to. Okay, there's this most incredible clip. Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson, has perfected this commentator in Formula One, Martin Brundle. And they're on the grid, and Martin Brundle's interviewing. And Mr. Bean is doing him the most flawless impersonation I've ever seen. The entire interview goes on, and it never occurs to me.

39:52Oh, boy. Yeah, that hasn't happened to me. And then Goldblum really loves it, too, right? Yeah, he's the greatest. I've voiced him on, like, a bunch of shows. He's the coolest guy. But Tucci, I'm like, Stanley, and he just kind of, very funny. And he just like walked by. I'm dying to do a video with him. I get why people can be a little uptight. But Michael, I want to make them relaxed and comfortable. I have a very funny moment. Yeah. I do Tucci when he's cooking. Yes. So he does these hugely viral videos in his kitchen. He asks if we're rolling. And he makes some comment that feels a little sexual to his wife, Felicity.

40:22So he'll be in the kitchen and he'll go, are we rolling? Are we filming? Today. I'm going to prepare a chicken Cacciatore I'm going to finger this spaghetti sauce And lick it So hard and delicately I'm placing this olive oil from Bologna A specific region in Italy I'm Italian on both sides Thank you for tuning in I know what it triggers in everyone Which is the last time someone did an impersonation of you Was in elementary school And they were making fun of you So you have to really be confident to enjoy It's different from acting but there's an element of it. If you're an actor, I think you should be able to handle it.

41:00Well, here's what I think. The hidden compliment in it is you're unique enough to replicate. Me doing you would be obvious to everyone. And what I think is the compliment is like, wow, you're a really unique human on planet Earth. Yes, absolutely. It's kind of embarrassing to be seen like that. Interesting. Like really seen. You are picking up on the sexual... But he's putting the videos out there on Instagram in his sexy apron and his sexy barrette. Fucking sexy. We interviewed him and had dinner with him. Did you? Super sexy. Was that fun, Dax? Yes. It was really fun. He's an incredible host, as you might guess.

41:34I would totally assume. Absolutely. It's more than just repeating words. You're picking up on their essence and their personality and things that maybe they don't even want to know about themselves. That is interesting because I was at the premiere of his new show, Nat Geo's show. You're welcome for the promo. And he said, I don't like to watch it because unlike acting, I'm being myself in this. It's a nightmare. But Goldblum is so playful with it. He just totally leans in. He knows what he does. He knows what he does. But he's been impersonated for so long, too. But Tucci's amazing. What a guy.

42:06Yeah, we love him. Oh, we love him. We love him. Okay. I wanted to talk to Sylvester Stallone. He's not. Well, yeah. I want to talk to Sylvester Stallone. You know, great to be on. You know, great to be on Arntzier Expert. You know, really, really great. Just finished in my meeting with President Trump. You know, I'm on the Hollywood new commission to bring back Hollywood and make it a better connection between Hollywood and DC. You know, really, really great. Really, really great. Monica and Dax, you know, really, really. You can do the voices very well, but also you're obviously hyper intelligent because you have the speech from Obama memorized.

42:46You got to get the word because there were people that did impressions in like the 50s, 60s, even now. But for me, like I'm a comedian. in the comedy context, the words matter, the writing matters. You have to have a really solid bit. I mean, it's one thing to go up there and say, hello, I'm Stewie Griffin. Great to be with all of you. I started out on stage doing that. My first show was at Second City in a classroom in Chicago. And I did impressions and voices, but that was cute for like a couple minutes. But now like I'm a headlining, touring comedian and it's not just impressions in the hours.

43:15I have to have real substance behind the words I'm saying. And in the context of an impression, I certainly want to be inside the mind of the person. I love like old show business and like a lot of it is just devouring the news and what's happening in the world. But you have an incredible memory. Your ability to hold on to all these little specificities that are information-based more than sound-based. I know the entire You Got Trouble song from the music man. Should I do it? Yeah. What do you want me to do? No, I don't think you do. I don't think you guys can. I think this might be a little too much of a segue.

43:44I can do it. I think we can take it. It's about five minutes. Is there a 90-second version? Are you Mr. Dunlop? Say yes. Yes. Well, either you're closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community. Well, you got trouble, my friend. Right here, I say trouble right here in River City. Why, sure, my bidder player is certainly mighty proud to say I'm always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden. It helps cultivate horsehands and a cool head and a keen eye.

44:09Did you ever take a try to give an ironclad leave to yourself from a three-rail bidder job? Just as I say, it takes judgment and brains and maturity to score in a balk line game. I say that any boop can take a shove a ball in a pocket, and they call that slot. The first big step on the road to the depths of Dagger is a first medicine a wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle. The next thing you know, your son is playing for money in a pitch-back suit. And listen to him talk about some horse race. Listen to him talk about some horse race. Not a wholesome trot and race. No, but a race where they sit down right on the horse.

44:31Like to see some stuck-up jockey boys sitting on Dan Patch making blood. Boy, oh, well, I should say. Now, friends, let me tell you what I mean. You got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets at a table. Pockets, I gotta stop. But anyways. Wow. I didn't get that part. It was in eighth grade. I'm out of my mind. It's a very specific type of brain because I'm seeing a lot of parallels. The mimicry, the singing. Oh, thanks. That type of recall. Kristen has it, too. Yeah, yeah. This is all very Kristen. She has a horrible, horrible, horrible memory. Really? For life. She'll know what vacations we've been on.

45:02But she can recite things like that. She does a nail thing. Press on nails. She does the commercial from when she was eight. She's got a great voice. It's just a hyper speed. So my current crush, I had the pleasure of telling him at the SAG Awards that I'm so horny for him, is Timothy Shalem. Yeah. Well, it's such an honor to be here with Monica, with Dax, two pioneers in the field of podcasting, with the changing media landscape such as it is with talk shows and the evolution of our modern media today. I think you guys are really at the forefront of something special. and you're so great. No, but I was just saying, like, as an artist, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

45:41I'm super grateful to be here for the platform with Denis Villeneuve and, you know, all these different, with Marty Scorsese and all these different. Yeah, so that was, it's incredible. I'm going to have you do one last one. We already had him. He's a friend of pop, but man, is it a spectacular impersonation. And that's the great Sebastian Maniscalco. So I did this podcast with Monica Padman. inside his chick. Dude, Dax Shepard man-spreading for 90 minutes, got his cock staring at my face, trying to ask me questions. Dude, popping whey protein every 15 seconds. What? Give me a favor. Why don't you separate the podcast from the gym?

46:27Okay? This guy is asking questions, slurping down a protein shake. This isn't the time. Okay, boy? Not the time. I'm an Italian. I eat pasta, not fucking zim, whatever the hell that shit is. Okay, now I want to talk to you about some serious stuff. Yeah, please. I'm ready. You've already alluded to it. This is why I'm here. I wanted to get into this. Let's make some headlines. And Hank, I was saying it earlier, but I didn't finish. But Hank talked about his mimicry was very much a way to hide from himself. Like, he wasn't terribly confident being himself, but this was this great way to be everything but himself.

47:05And he was saying as he started learning to act that his big hurdle was figuring out how to have some confidence in himself. And also there's the famous Jim Carrey, right? The lore of Jim Carrey is he had this incredibly successful standup routine where he did tons of impersonations. And at one point he decided I'm no longer doing impersonations. I have to do my own thing. So is this something that you are also wrestling with? So I never got into comedy or impressions as a form of escape. Yeah. Or even as I'm starting to act now, I do love to get into the mindset of another person to like not be myself, I guess.

47:38But it wasn't because I was trying to run away. I'm lucky I had a great family growing up, great support system. I know that's funny material. But for me now, stand up is about embracing who you are. And I've done the impressions that I've gotten so known for it. And now I'm at a place in my career where I'll always want to be doing them. It's just fun. And I think it brings out another side of people too, in the context that I'm choosing to do them, like red carpet interviews or whatever it is. And also I think most people enjoy impressions. Everyone loves them. I am thinking about, and I'm glad I'm talking about this as an armchair expert.

48:10I do grapple with the question of like, am I enough without it? I think I am. And my standup, like I feel really good about how it's all building and the standup in terms of an impression context is me telling stories and meeting celebrities, and then I re-edact that. Yes. But then the rest of it is me dating in my 20s. Crowdwork and political observations and other stories unrelated to it. But there is a question of, like, will the audience, because, you know, there's an algorithm. They've gotten to know me in one context. But I feel like I'm 27. I'm at a place where I've gotten started. I want to show people more.

48:44It's funny. Thankfully, I do more than the Trump. Like, there was a guy, Von Meter, in the 50s, who did a JFK impression. JFK was shot and had died. Spoiler alert. Lenny Bruce goes on stage three days after that and says, Vaughn Meter's fucked. But this guy looked exactly like JFK. It was his whole shtick. He did an album as JFK. Obviously, that's a unique situation. And I actually kind of want to do a movie about that. That would be amazing. I'm thinking about I want my stand up myself to resonate more with people. You just said that you've recently started therapy. So people don't generally seek out therapy because everything's going perfectly.

49:20What was it to help manage? It's such a weird business. There's no path. Terrifying. Now that I look at it, it is happening quickly. Like I said, I'm 27. There was no space between finishing school and like needing to get a job because I graduated in COVID, found a way to support myself through social media and then stand up. So like from 22 years old, I was able to figure it out, which doesn't really happen. I shouldn't be taking out frustrations in my career, in my life, on the ones that I love the most. Right, right, right. We have a family group chat. If something is pissing me off or annoying me, I'll like text my family.

49:57Right. 20 irrational texts. This fucking sucks. I'm so pissed. Like crazy behavior. You're just venting into the chat. The ones that have been telling me to see a therapist is my family. Okay. So because I'm taking a lot of the frustration and stress. Yeah. We have a lot of anxiety. There's anxiety. There's constant comparison. and spending too much time on my phone because a lot of the career is built. I look at this clip. I want to see how things are performing. I'm tapped into the news. I'm never going to be one of those actor people that can be away from their phone. It's part of your business.

50:27I don't think that is feasible anymore to not be in touch with your fans. I agree. The DiCaprio. Chalamet's even going on podcasts. Yeah, yeah. I think there's like a last guard that will enjoy all of that, be able to do it that way. But yeah, I think when Leonardo's done, he'll have been the last one probably. Yes, but I want to like improve my mindset, my mentality. Also like comments. You look at them. Yeah, yeah. They're irresistible. They are irresistible. But also like I'm on stage. It's like a weird thing. Because sometimes people are paying to see me to do an impression or whatever. And now I want them to see my stand-up.

51:00So now I'm at this point in my career where I'm doing impressions and stuff. But I'm pivoting to there's a lot more that I'm offering as myself. Just scary. And I want them to see that. That's what Jim Carrey did, which I'm very inspired by. I'm glad you brought that up. And that's what I want to do. No, but I'm thinking about that in my set. Like, am I enough? I want the audiences to see me for me. And also, I want these clips to do well because things do well in the context of an impression. I want them to see my stand-up doing well or a conversation like this doing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want them to see your vulnerability or do you want them to...

51:29You do, okay. I do. But also, I didn't have an upbringing where I was traumatized. My mother and father, they're different. My dad is stoic. My mother, the energy level, it's like she just snorted Coke in the morning. She's very energetic, but she's hilarious. You're the youngest of three. I'm the baby, yeah. Like, she's so funny. Two older, a boy or a girl? Brother and sister. Brother and sister. Are they really tall as well? Not really. They're not. Kind of like 6 '1", I guess. And what do they do? My sister is a writer. She's working on her first novel, Nina. She's an amazing writer. Great.

51:56And my brother works at a company, Thrive, with Ari Huffington. Oh. He's the CFO or COO of it. Okay, so he's thriving. He's thriving. Thrive. My mom has a cookie company called Big Fat Cookie. Ooh. Oh, she does. I should have brought them and I regret doing that. The best cookies ever and I need to plug them. Huge cookies. Like a can of Campbell's soup? It's like four. Can we pull them up? Yeah, let's pull them up. They're so good. They're huge. Let's pull them up. Chocolate chip? Chocolate chip. There's like pretzel ones. It's insane. They are amazing. That's it. Oh, yum. Fuck me. I gotta send these.

52:28They're insane. Oh, my God. Do they look gooey? I want this. Oh, I see Fruity Pebbles. Based in Chicago. Are there any gluten-free offerings? Are you gluten-free? Yeah. I had a deathly allergic gluten allergy as a kid. You did? And you grew out of it? Then your mom went into the cookie. That's your trauma. We got to talk about this. Mom tried to kill you. Are you gluten-free? Yes. We got to talk about it. But I don't know. I think there are gluten-free ones, but we'll send you something. Okay. Okay. I had a deathly allergic gluten allergy as a kid. And I was one of the first people in the world to be effectively cured of food allergies.

53:01How? Tell me. You didn't find that on Google, did you? No. I was in a study at Stanford my freshman year of high school. I flew out to Stanford every two weeks from Chicago for six months. No. In a process called oral immunotherapy, you increase your tolerance level to whatever you're allergic to by eating a tiny amount of your allergen every couple of weeks. Whoa. Really? And then I started to eat it in a powdery form, like gluten, straight gluten, in like a milkshake-type form. But I did this at the same time as taking this drug, Zolair. It was called Zolair. It was like an FDA-approved asthma medication that this brilliant doctor, Kari Nadeau, who's now at Harvard, figured out it can alter your immune system to detect when an allergen enters.

53:43And I did this study, and basically one crumb could have literally killed me. Yes. And now you can eat pasta and shit? Yeah. That was a challenge in my upbringing. Literally felt very different as a kid as a result of that. Oh, yes. My mother would bring a separate little cupcake to a friend's birthday. Right. Yeah. Before my first kiss, this girl had to, like, avoid gluten for 24 hours. Oh, yeah. We have a friend. Jason Manzoukas. He has an egg allergy. Yeah. Unbelievable. And he kissed someone and went to, like, anaphylactic. It was like an egg in the martini. So, yeah, I was, like, deathly allergic.

54:15Literally, every time we go to a restaurant, we would have to, like, interrogate the chef. Yes. You're the person that's fucking everything up. Oh, shit. Because I was the person that's fucking everything up. Because I go, do you have gluten-free pasta? And they immediately go, is it an allergy or is it a preference? Yeah. It's a preference. Don't panic. Yeah. if there's gluten back there. But for you... In the allergy community, there's like a hierarchy. Yeah. There's like the peanut supremacists is what I call them. Okay. It's the mothers of kids with peanut allergies. Sure. Because they think their kid's allergy is more important.

54:40Yes, they do. Like there's always a sign in a classroom. There's no nuts in the classroom. There's never, there's no focaccia in the classroom. Right. Okay. So here's something that I'm so curious about for someone your age. So if I were you and when I was you, all I wanted to do is be on Saturday Night Live. And I'm thinking like Like in some crazy way, and I can't even believe I'm going to say this, it's kind of obsolete for young people a little bit. I don't think so. Lincoln loves it. No, I don't mean as viewers. Oh. I mean if you're aspiring, if I'm him, like I was waiting for them to call and give me an audition.

55:13As opposed to I can just make the shit I want to be doing on Siren Live and I can put it out. So why on earth would I be waiting my whole life? And then by the time you kind of hit and they would want you, financially you're probably going to be taking a pay cut to go do Siren Live. So anyways, where's Saturday Night Live in the mix for you? My Instagram handle used to be Madder Day Night Live. That was the name of it. And you grew up like a couple blocks from Second Season. Yeah, I mean, I grew up obsessed with the show. So much has happened in the past year and a half. Yeah. Where like, you used to have to be on SNL to do the things that I'm doing now.

55:44Like even to get on a show like this. Exactly. Or like White House Correspondents did her. I hosted the NHL Awards. Yeah. Like all these opportunities. There was no other path beyond that. And now a product of my generation. My political stuff will get more views than their political stuff. Not that it's a competition, necessarily. I met Lorne at the correspondence dinner. He was like, have you showcased for us before? Yeah. Yeah, right, yeah. And we had a brief chat. I don't know if he would remember that, but I don't know. It's a weird thing because I want to be in movies now, like hosting, but obviously it would be cool to do it.

56:17My mentality is I can't be chasing things that I don't know what the result might be. I have to be so focused on what I can control. Yeah. And also, it's a different world. It is. That's what I'm so curious about. Like if I were 27, would I even have the same? Is it still the Holy Grail, I guess? I do not think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting. I think this is the Holy Grail. Yeah, I really do. I think these podcasts, like, look at with Late Night. It's a different world now. There's always gonna be politics. There'll always be celebrities. There'll always be a need to promote things. The medium is the message.

56:48Marshall McLuhan. Have you read that book? I haven't read it. I'm aware of it. It's like the medium will evolve. We don't necessarily reinvent the wheel. I think there will always be an interest in political, topical humor. What I've now learned in this business is I can put these big goals and dreams out there, but I just got to keep clawing and building. Yeah, doing your thing. When we started this or when I moved here to be an actor, there weren't podcasts. Yeah. So the idea of coming out for this wasn't a thing yet. So maybe there'll be a new thing. Well, that's the thing. You asked about SNL.

57:18I'm just this weird product of timing and a generational thing. It's all these tools and discoverability. You could argue this has as much impact, if not more, than going on Weekend Update. It'd be interesting if I had come up in entertainment when you came up. Yes. Do you wish you had? I think it would have been cool, but I don't know that I would have been at the place I'm in now at this stage. I wasn't. At 27, I still haven't booked a fucking thing. And I'm just panicking. Well, acting is such a tough nut to crack. But my thinking has always been like, acting will come through my comedy. Yeah.

57:49Right, right, right, right. And now it's starting to, I did a movie last week with Seth Green. With Seth Green. And Ashley Green. We love Seth. Directed by David. Peter Facinelli. David Gordon Green. I played Justin, young man who is the sous chef, to Seth Green's chef who meets Willa, played by Ashley Green. Seth Green is a chef in it. Yes, and Ashley Green is a woman who freezes her eggs and meets Seth. I'm starting to fall in love, and I'm the young guy who has a lot of sex and cooks. Oh, fun. It was an amazing experience. It was crazy. Yeah, I want that role. They filmed here? In Canada. Oh, yeah.

58:21It was unbelievable. It was so crazy. And then your tour. Tell me about your tour. Where can people get tickets? How many shows are you doing? I'm touring right now, building up my hour to be a special. Doing the Wilbur Theater will be my biggest headlining show in Boston. I think on September 27th, I have Fort Worth, Texas. All tickets at mattfriend.com. Mattfriend.com. And the Matt Friend is my Instagram. I'm so glad I got it. Are we done? Yeah. What else do you want to talk about? What would you want to do? Yeah, we've been here a while. I want to do that armchair. You know, you open up. You want to cry a little bit?

58:51I want to open up. What's making you cry these days? What's making you cry? We're going to start making fun of you in hopes of— What's making you cry these days? What's the last time you cried? I don't think you cry. I think you get angry. You think I get angry. You don't think I cry. I do. What is it about me? I think what's easy for you to express is like anger. Really? Yeah. Is that really what you think of me? I do. Well, maybe because you said you yelled at your parents. Well, no. Did I say that? Well, no, sorry. You got out your aggression through anger with your family. Like what you were feeling was anxiety about the future and expresses itself when I have anxiety I'd be like texting the ones that I love the most about that anxiety.

59:27I'm like, why am I doing that? Right. So of course, that's who you're gonna go to I guess but also it's like why bother them? Well, if that's not your have to care true first stop emotion What is it depends on what's happening? But there can be anger and then sadness and then frustration. So when's the last time you cried the last time? I cried 99 last time I cried first birthday party Do you remember the last time you cried? Yeah, I cried. When did we? Yeah, see, you can think while I answer. I cried on Saturday. I liked your answer. You didn't say why. I cried out two weeks ago. I had therapy.

1:00:02You cried two weeks ago? Yeah, two weeks ago, yeah. Oh. Okay. I accept that I don't know why she cried, but I'm very curious. Yeah, we need to know why you cried. Were you watching something or you just had to cry? I was watching a YouTube video or something. Yeah, those make me cry. But only if they're really uplifting. I think, oh, it's so hard to be a human. And when people express. Do you ever have like a fear that you're not? Well, the ones that you love are alive. You want them to know how much you love. Mom and dad, my brother, my sister. I love them the most. Yeah. Does it stress you out that they might not know it?

1:00:31They definitely know it. I'm so focused on what I'm doing now. I want them to know it. I don't know if I really understand that. You're afraid a little bit that they might feel you're way too focused on this. No, definitely not. Like we're all very close. But I think I need to do a better job of telling them how much I appreciate them. Right. Consistently. Right. It's hard to do. It's vulnerable to do that. I don't really do it. You don't do it. You don't? Well. She's Indian though. They have a different thing. Like they literally do. Like I was saying to her, no, your dad wants to come see the thing.

1:01:02He wants to tell you he's proud of you. He wants to give you a hug and all of a sudden she's like, my dad loves me as much as your dad loved you. But that's not how he gets down. And I have now seen it in action. I'm like, yeah, that's not how they get down. I have no question about the amount of love. He would jump in front of a million trains for you. Yeah. But he's not going to do the thing our white parents would have done. Yes, this very American way of showing love. And that's okay. And then so she's not then making them feel awkward. That's how it started. You were like, you need to tell him that you...

1:01:31How important he is. How important he is. And I was like... What a good dad he was. He doesn't want to hear that. Which is unimaginable to me. I know you can't understand that. I can't. But that's just going to make him feel like I'm... Dying. Anxious or dying or stressed out. Like, it's going to have this weird boomerang effect. Then I have to make him feel better about the fact that he feels scared. Like, none of us need any of this. It's pretty funny. It's pretty funny from the eyes. Anyways, I hope you've enjoyed Smartless. Bateman, shut up. Oh, that's our nap. That's good. Thank you. No, I have adored meeting you.

1:02:01I have adored meeting you. You're so sweet. Thank you for having me. Thanks for listening for so long. I want you to just have some peace. this is my unsolicited advice. Please. It's really easy to miss the ride because I'm on Punk'd. I'm like, I gotta get off the show and get in movies. And I'm like, I gotta be the lead of a movie. You're already fucking in an awesome spot. Yeah. And don't miss it. That's it. That's my unsolicited advice. Are you gonna well up? I'm welling up. Thank you for the advice. This was a dream coming true, honestly. Thank you for having me. And by the way, before we go, come by a show.

1:02:35I'm doing shows with Built Rewards. Not to plug them too much. Tell me. It's great. I met the CEO of this company, Built. They're a rent rewards company based in New York. You could earn points on your rent. Oh, interesting. And I met the CEO of this company at the U.S. Open. We created this comedy series together. If you're a member of Built, you can come to our shows. We've taken over like iconic restaurants throughout the country. And we put comedy shows in those spaces. Oh, cool. We did it at the Comedy Store, but also like Lou Colley, this restaurant in Brooklyn and all these places. So they're fun.

1:03:02You would never expect to see a comedy show in these spots. You should come. Yeah, I would love to. I would love to see you when you're in L.A. doing your full hour. I would love to see that. Please come as I manifest my special. Yes. Absolutely. We work on this. You're delightful. I love you guys. We will be talking again. I'm certain of it. Yeah, you must come back. And go to mattfriend.com. Mattfriend.com. The Matt Friend on Instagram. He's an armchair expert. Go zip recruiter. All right, take care. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare.

1:03:40Stay tuned for the fact check. It's where the party's at.

1:03:48I'm going to be honest, this is an Easter egg. We just had the greatest fucking interview. We had a great interview. Man, does that make me feel good. We've had a couple great guests this week. Yeah. It's been a big week. We're a fun, fun week. You're wearing really red pants. Yeah, let's talk about it. Yeah, let's. You know, the goofy pants I've fallen in love with. Yes. I noticed they had solid colors and I thought, I'll try that. How do you like it? I like it. They look, they're a thicker material than your other ones. They are. I do. I probably prefer them to be a little thinner. Sure. But I do like them and I'm not sure what, where this trajectory takes me, but here we are.

1:04:30I do wonder where this is going to go. Yeah, I'm curious because I got three of these in different colors. Right. And I put them on this morning and Delta said, oh, wow, those are really red. And I said, too red? And she's like, no, you're making them work. Yeah. And I was like, okay, great. Yeah, they work. I love red. You got to consider, you tell yourself you don't have to consider it, but you do, which is like I drive her to school and then I walk her in. Yeah. And I may be totally comfortable being myself, but I have to consider, you know, would I want my dad walking me with Ronald McDonald pants on?

1:05:05Right. You know, I got to treat that somewhat seriously. So far, she really supports my stuff so far. She, I don't think, is the type to care. To snuff out my shine. Yeah. Because she's so shiny. And she's just nice. And Kristen's out of town. Yep. And I absolutely love and cherish all the contributions that Kristen makes. They got the best mom in the world. She's so helpful. Yes. And I love having them by myself. Yeah, what have you guys done? Last night we went out to eat at Cafe 101. Like I'm like a let's get out of the house. Let's go adventure. Tomorrow morning we're going to wake up at 6 in the morning and go early before breakfast.

1:05:49And we've invited other people to join us. Ooh, that's fun. Yeah, so, you know, once I'm in charge, it's definitely the extroverts go wild kind of. Let's adventure. Let's get a lot of people and let's party. And then even more importantly, I'm the only person to snuggle at night. I'm the only person that can give the hugs and the kisses. And so I get all of it. Whereas I would normally get probably 30 % of it. I go up to 100 % of it. Yeah. In the last two nights in a row, and I don't think there's anything more euphoric on planet Earth, and that includes all the drugs I've done. When I'm laying in bed with them, like last night I read The Giving Tree.

1:06:30Terrible choice. Terrible choice. I love that book, and it's just the meanest book ever. What do you mean? That boy is so mean to that tree. Oh, I know. He is just so selfish. I was going to bring up The Giving Tree when you told us about your tree, and I decided not to. And that had just happened. And I didn't connect those dots. I'm like, I just cut down a tree. I should have brought it up, but I didn't. That was a, the book already makes you sad. Of course. You're just heartbroken for that poor tree. I know. Anything to make them happy. It just gave so much. Yes. I'm old now and I want a boat so I can get out of here.

1:07:09Cut my tree trunk down and make a boat. And you'll be happy. It's a good book about codependence. Yes, it is. But I did see a part of it that I had never seen prior to last. I mean, first it was like it was getting sad and I was like, oh, my God. And I'm kind of re-triggering the fact that I just murdered this tree. And the stump's still there. Yes, it is still there. But one part of it that I don't think I had ever figured out that maybe is part of the message is at the end, he's sitting on the stump. That's all that's left of her. Yeah. And she's happy. Is it her? Yeah. I don't remember. Boy, I guess I don't know if I can say that, but it feels so nurturing.

1:07:50Take my apples. Let me provide for you. I don't know. Interesting. Is the treatment a boy to you? I think. Wow. Yeah. Rob? Yeah, I think I consider it a boy, too. Whoa. Okay. Google says it's a woman, though. Oh, I wonder. Oh, it uses she to use the tree throughout. So maybe. Yeah, I guess that's why I know that because I just read it. Oh, wow. But I thought there might be another message happening, which is at the very end of the book, he's an old man and he's dying and he's out of energy and he just wants to sit. Yeah. And she's dead. He's taken everything from her. And the two of them are pretty much finishing their life cycle together.

1:08:37And a little bit of it is like, oh, yeah, this is the life cycle. So you're born, you play, there's a period of growing and then they're dying. So it's almost just like, yeah, the tree was going to die too. Trees die ultimately. He accelerated that process. Yeah, trees shouldn't die by the hands of the expense. Timeline of a human. They should live more than 90 years. But they're both sitting there at the end of their life cycle together. And that's kind of interesting. I thought, oh, maybe that's part of what this is. This is more like just confronting like, yeah, this is life. You grow old and you die.

1:09:17Sure. Yeah. And they were together. Yeah, they were together, but one was abused. This is not a good. I was trying to find the silver lining and I guess maybe I'm reaching too far, but there is something about that last image of them there together, dying together. I think, I hope. I mean, the tree's dead. Well, no, it's because the tree's happy. Because she's dead. No. So, unfortunately, she's happy because he's sitting on her. I know. This is so upsetting. It's the worst book ever written. I mean, it's so upsetting that she is on her death that she's been. God, I wish we could interview Shel Silverstein.

1:09:53I need to know, like, what was happening in your life? His mom was probably abused. Now that we know it's a mom. He probably. But again, because I did know it was the mom in the book. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, and I knew. And I was like, oh, yeah, this is this great metaphor for being a mom. It's like I give my body to you to be born and then I feed you at the expense of my body. And I just give and I give and I give because I love you. And it makes me happy to give to you. And so it's also this kind of metaphor of parenting and nurturing. And you do it. You do it. You don't want anything back.

1:10:29Like if I'm the tree and my kids use every bit of me, I'm not mad. And it wasn't codependent. Because that's my purpose now on Planet Earth. But not for them. The purpose shouldn't be for them to take advantage of you. Like maybe they will, like we all do. But there should be respect. There should be. I don't know if she's, is she a mom or is she the wife? No, no. I think she's a nurturing mom. That's at least how I'm interpreting it. she's there before him. She's a full grown tree when he arrives. Right. And she's hugging him and she's playing hide and seek with him and she's feeding him her apples.

1:11:13And then when he needs a house, she helps him get a house and, you know, he needs money. She helps. So it's very, very maternal. Yeah. And I don't think it's wrong. It's like, what happens is someone does that for you. You're just a needy kid and you don't really consider your parents feelings ever. You just want stuff. And, and, and that sucks. But, But you then give that to another creature and that right sizes what you took. It's like I now am here. If all things go perfectly. I mean, it doesn't always end up like that. It doesn't always. The experience I'm living right now is like, oh, yeah, I don't mind at all.

1:11:52Right. All the inconvenience. And like I'm just here to support them and help get them across the finish line. Yeah. And my mom did that for me. and it doesn't feel lopsided because like I got to receive that as well. And that's just the nature. You're just ungrateful and you take and take and take. But you weren't. That's like, that's my point. Like you weren't and your kids aren't. Like they do a lot of things for you. They give you like a lot of grace and they are not the boy. No, they're not the boy. And you weren't the boy either. So like, I think the boy is a piece of shit.

1:12:29Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:12:41He should have known better at least when he was a man. When he was coming to her as a man. Yeah. And he killed his mom. To make a boat. Oh, God. Yeah. It's a hard one. It's a hard one. I think it's even whether it's a mom or a wife or really just anyone. It's for me, the book is about the cost of taking. Uh-huh. And the cost of giving when it's not reciprocated. Yeah. Like it's, but really the cost of taking like, want, want, want. I want this. I want this. I want this. And what do you have at the end of the day? Your mom's dead. Great. Yes. Yes. But the point that feels so parent child is that when she gives him the stuff, it says in the book.

1:13:23There's only one time it says, but she wasn't. He cuts her down and then she says, but she was happy. And then next page it says, but she wasn't or something like that. But up until then, it's giving her joy to provide for this, this little person that she probably thinks that that is going to earn her something. And really it didn't. It didn't, but again, this is what I'm driving home is that the quintessential part of parenting, which is so unique, is that you don't expect anything back. You don't need anything back. I don't think you expect to be killed. No, no, no. That's taking it to a very extreme level.

1:14:11But it's there for a reason. The reason it's an extreme level is because of that. Like you're taking advantage of someone's kindness. Absolutely. It's just, it is unique in that if I had a friendship that worked that way, I would hate it. Right. And I would be taken advantage of and I would be resentful. And I would have great judgment over the person that just took, took, took, took, took. I will never have that towards my kids. Right. That's just the weird magic of it. I understand. I believe you. I think you're right. And your parents, like, they just love you blindly. They want to provide for you and they don't ever want anything back.

1:14:48Yes, but they also don't want cruelty. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, like you don't, you're not in the experience where your kids are just take, take, take, taking and not giving anything. No, they're very thoughtful. Does he even like, is he even nice to her? Well, when he's a little boy, yeah, they play nonstop and he carves into the thing, me and the tree. That's why I thought it was a wife. I think that's just a little boy, like your first girlfriend, your mom. Oh, wow. You carved in L, L plus D, S. No, but my mom was my Valentine, and I wrote her a Valentine's card, and she wrote me one.

1:15:24Well, your mom's still going to be your Valentine. Right, which is kind of like a girlfriend role. Okay. Yeah, I guess that heart thing is what confused me. I definitely felt like it was a wife. Now, what was disrespectful is he then carved the name of his girlfriend to it as well. So, there became two carvings. What a book. But again, that's like a mom, too, goes through that. Your son takes a wife. And did he scratch out? No, he didn't scratch it out. He's too lazy to scratch it out. He might have wanted to. Such a prick. Yeah. I'm not making any defense of him. I know. But I am attempting to imagine that she didn't feel taken advantage of weirdly, even though objectively she was.

1:16:07And that's relevant. Yeah. Yeah. You can't tell people how to feel. This Charlie Sheen doc, like the amount that Martin Sheen. Sheen. I was going to ask. Gave of himself to help his son endlessly. Yeah. And impatiently and lovingly. Yes. There's no way Martin could do that for a friend or colleague, you know? Right. Well, it would be codependent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's true. But we've talked about this because I feel like when we talk about addiction and stuff, I've said, like, how could a parent possibly? Because, you know, you've said, like, you kind of have to let them just do it.

1:16:44And I'm always like, how? That is truly impossible. How could a parent ever let their kid just go off the deep end? And you're like, well, that's how people get better. But, I mean, do you still feel that way? That was a long time ago. I do, but I cannot imagine someone. But Martin's an addict. Martin Jean's a recovering addict. So in some sense, I do think he understands it better than your average parent who just ends up with an addict and they can't comprehend what's going on. Like, how could this person be choosing this thing and ruining their lives? I saw my dad do it, you know, like my dad did it perfectly by my account.

1:17:22And so I guess that was a modeled for me. Which it was to you, what, like letting you do your thing? Letting me be me. Not even shaming me, having this weird faith that he had introduced me to this program. And if I needed it at some point, I knew where to go. It's not like I didn't know what the solution was. I had witnessed it in him. And I have a similar mild confidence that's like if my kids get in trouble in that way, they certainly know what the solution is. And they certainly have had an example of it. Yeah. And I'm a good person to talk to another addict because I've done it a lot. Right.

1:17:59Yeah. But I think you as a dad. What would be heartbreaking would just be watching the suffering. Well, exactly. I mean, not to like you did do it for Aaron. You stepped in. And I think that's what I'm saying. Like, you can have these ideas and you can be like, this is right. This is. And I understand. It makes total sense to me what you're saying. But I think when push comes to shove, if your child or your best friend is like going to die, I think you're like, no. But see, that's where my expertise came in. I knew he won't do it until he wanted to do it. And I was quite astute at seeing the exact moment.

1:18:40Oh, even he wants this because he wants to die otherwise. Right. And so a year before, if I had said it, he wasn't there. It wouldn't have worked. Right. That makes sense. But he went off the map for five days and I know him so well. Yeah. And he couldn't leave his room. Yeah. And I knew, okay, next, and I mean soon, he'll be dead. Right. Exactly. And so now is the time to offer the lifeline. Yeah. Okay. So you still do it? You just are going to be timely about it? You got to know. I think a lot of people who are not very well versed in it try—they try after a DUI. They try after they got kicked out of their apartment.

1:19:17They try—you know, like, they try prematurely. Right. And they're just not there. And I'm so sympathetic to those people because how do they know if they've not been there? Also, like, people die, you know? I mean, I think if your kid is at risk of dying. They die. But the great illusion is that you could have stopped that. Yeah. And that's what I refuse to succumb to. Well, yeah. People do die of it. Yeah. And there's no force on planet Earth that can prevent that. Yeah. And I accept that. Yes. To be a very harsh reality. Yeah. That's so hard as a parent. Other than kidnapping them and taking them to an island where they don't have anything, you know, anything short of assuming their autonomy.

1:20:00Yeah. You can't do it. No, I know. But it's so hard to like wrap your head. It's so heartbreaking. Did you see that movie Beautiful Boy? Yes. Just heartbreaking. That's the worst movie I've ever seen. It's the giving tree of movies. It's the giving tree.

1:20:17Oh, my God. Want to do some facts? Yeah, let's do facts. Okay. Matt Friend Facts. Matt Frax. You know what he opened the door for? What? A full read of the Taylor Swift. Oh, no.

1:20:36Maybe we are in my sim. My computer literally just died. I thought we were in your sim, but now I think. Now we are in my dad's sim. Yeah. But he's trying to give me some hardship. Oh, okay. Yeah. Which he's doing a good job of. What is your other hardship? The clouds? Oh, yeah. Clouds in a dead computer? Yeah. Yeah, and like I'm not having a good hair day. I disagree. I had to put it up. I do need to plug it in. Your bad hair day is better than 99 % of people's great hair day. Thank you. Back to this very important Taylor Swift commencement speech. Okay. Let me just say, welcome to New York. It's been waiting for you.

1:21:20Oh, we've entered the speech. You weren't saying let me just say. No, but you believed me. Okay. Last time I was in a stadium this time, I won't do it. Don't do it. No. It's 23 minutes. Oh, wow. It was 23 minutes? Well, I could do it fast. Even at triple speed, we're still looking at nine minutes, eight minutes. Okay. Now, we did clear this up real time, but I guess his dad is not Matthew Perry's dad. Yeah, you thought that. That was a shock. because the internet told me otherwise. And what was it? We knew it real time on the day, the confusion. Well, you said because Hank Azaria was friends with Matthew Perry and Matt's dad is friends with Hank Azaria.

1:22:09His best friend. But like that is not why it said straight up that his dad was Matthew Perry's dad. No, but it was your dad's best friend was Matthew Perry. It was never that he's the son of Matthew Perry. Matthew Perry doesn't have any children. No, no, no. It's that basically him and Matthew Perry are brothers. Brothers. That they share a dad. They have the same dad. Yeah, that's what I read. That would be a first, that man's window of fecundity would be broad. Yeah, but men do this. Matt is a good 35 years younger than. He's 27 and Matthew Perry was. He's 62. Was that old? I don't know. We can find out.

1:22:48He was 54. And that was a couple of years ago. 2023 it was 54 Two years ago Okay so you'd be 56 Okay so that can happen Could happen yeah Well yeah you could be 70 years younger than your brother Exactly If you're the child of that Italian actor who was having kids up to in his 90s Men do this I know they do it It's crazy It could happen and I thought it happened But it didn't Are people who are good at impressions neurodivergent? No Being good at impressions does not mean someone is neurodivergent, but there are connections, especially with autism, where pattern recognition skills and detailed observation can lead to strong impression-making abilities, particularly through learned analysis rather than purely intuitive social understanding.

1:23:41Some neurodivergent individuals use these detailed observational skills to analyze and replicate behaviors, including voices and mannerisms, as a form of pattern recognition or learned social strategy. His brother is the COO of Thrive, chief operating officer. Impressive. Okay, the Chicago place that works on food allergies is University of Chicago Medicine. It's called Food Allergy Research and Education, FAIR Organization. So they cured him. That's crazy. That is crazy. I didn't know that was an option. I know. I kind of want that. 99 % success rate. Wow. That's really cool. Wow. Although I also feel like it's a blessing.

1:24:31I can't eat gluten. But garlic. Garlic. You should try to eat garlic. I should do it with garlic. I miss garlic so much. Garlic's so good. It pops up everywhere, too, and it irritates me. Yeah. You should do it. It was on the potatoes last night at Cara. Oh, you went to Cara? Yeah. I'm surprised I didn't see you. I mean, I didn't go to Cara. I looked in the bar for you. Oh, I wasn't there. Yeah. We brought four little girls. They sat at their own table. Three of them did. Oh, that's cute. That was very cute. Yeah, yeah. Super cute. Sophia. Yeah. Delta's like head bent in there. Oh, we got to try the broccolini.

1:25:05Oh, my God.

1:25:09oh my god so cute okay she came over and was like probably he's so good

1:25:20oh my god also whoa I can't believe I forgot to mention this so you were at car where I am a lot I wasn't there guess where I was mess hall yes I almost went to mess hall I was talking them into mess hall when Delta said can we go to car guess who else went to mess hall who Wobby Wob. Oh, that's the least shocking thing, to be honest. No, but. Because 100 % of the time that I go to Mustard Seed, I see Rob out the window. Right, sure. Rob lives on Hillhurst. Yeah. Rob. Oh, another thing, Rob. People in the comments are really demanding that you have a camera back there. Don't you have one? Yeah.

1:25:57Just, yeah. They want to see you when you talk. They'd see me when I talk in the fact check. They claim they don't. Then maybe they need to watch YouTube. No, they're watching YouTube and they want him to have a camera. I think it's during interviews. I don't record it during interviews when it comes up. Right, okay. Because it's long. But it does cut to you in the fact check? Fact checks, yeah. Okay. Well, it pops up in a little corner. Okay. Well, they're mad. They've spoken. People watch the YouTube, watch the fact check. They demand satisfaction and I appreciate it. So you could have been there and I could have been there and Wobby Wob could have all been there.

1:26:31That would have been wild. It would have been fun. The weirder thing is we had a Juilliard guest on. Yeah. Yeah. The family we went to dinner with, both parents went to Juilliard. Weird. They're two of 16. Yeah. That's wild. They met there? Well, one was dance, one was acting. Got it. Okay. Wow, cool. Oh, the poet that spoke at his commencement speech is named Judy Heumann, H-E-U-M-A-N-N, Judith Heumann. And she's probably someone's favorite. And I was being cavalier and I apologize. We were just kidding. I was going for laughs. We were just kidding. And I didn't really know who he's talking about.

1:27:15Oh, God. It's a ding, ding, ding. She passed a year. Well, she passed, but also she was an American disability rights activist. Oh, that is an incredible ding, ding, ding. Yeah. Known as the mother of the disability rights movement. Wow. She was recognized internationally as a leader in the disability community. Human was a lifelong civil rights activist for people with disabilities. Wow. All right. She was 75. That's a little young for my liking. Yeah. I even thought Redford seemed young at 89. Do we know what he passed of? I think just old age. That's old. This fight's over. Natural causes. Yeah.

1:27:51Natural causes. That's a victory. That's a huge victory. Although, can it be natural causes? We say natural causes, but some organ failed or some cancer got somebody. Well, yeah. It's not like your body is. It's like, okay, everything's great, but we're turning off. Peacefully and asleep. It is kind of like that. I think it is like your organs are just done. All on the same day, though? That's some coordination. I think over time. Yeah. I would just expect like one of the organs stops working very well. Yeah. And it leads the charge to your demise. Yeah, that's probably right. Just all of them though like dissipating beautifully.

1:28:28Like when I hear natural causes, it does sound like nothing was wrong. But something has to be wrong. Well, age. I mean, haven't you seen someone over 80? Like they are slowly diminishing. Yeah. We'll fix that though. We're going to fix that. We'll try our best with these peptides. I was with my best friend on Monday, and I was thinking they got to get all this stuff figured out. Yeah. Yeah, because I don't ever want to lose him. It won't. He won't. He'll always be here? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Everyone will always be here. Everyone will always be here.

1:29:08Okay. All right. Love you. Love you.

1:29:42Thank you.