Nick Kroll Returns

23:45And you got to keep sculpting it and polishing it and editing it over and over and over for it to actually work. Yeah, the endurance aspect of the business isn't something that people really talk about or think about quite often. It's not the fun part. And that's my problem with your fucking dad. Tell me. Please let it rip. This is season eight of Big Mom. By the way, I watched three episodes last night. It's as good now or better than it has ever been. Thank you. I just was dying last night. It's so fucking good. That's the longest running show on Netflix, adult show? Actually, Nobody Wants This Now has been on for 10 seasons.

24:21Oh, they somehow. No, it'll be the longest running scripted series on Netflix, which is crazy. We did eight seasons on Big Mouth and then Human Resources, which we did a spinoff of for two seasons. So it's about 100 episodes of this universe that we built. I really think this season's as funny as any of the seasons we made. No, it's incredible. So we're year eight, right? No. We've done seven. I'm sorry. But can I announce it? This is the final season. Yeah, this is the last interview. This is the end. Because we all died from Kroll's children's illness they picked up at preschool. Not because we wanted to end the show, but with your show, eight seasons in.

24:59Do you have these psychotic moments where you're like, I think this show sucks and nothing new is happening. I got to change it. And then I'm like, no, you don't. Do you have that battle? This particular show, because it's a show about kids going through puberty and adolescence, we made a decision pretty early on that the kids would continue to change. Literally, the song is called Changes, the theme song, Charles Bradley, based off an Aussie Black Sabbath song originally. And it's about, we're going through changes. Like the show is about change and evolution. And so we were decided early on, these kids are going to change emotionally, but they're also going to physically change.

25:32Season eight, the final season, my character, Nick, who's been tiny the whole run of the show, how I was through puberty, hits a growth spurt. He's in high school now and he grows. And like the character grew. I hit puberty and all of a sudden in 10th grade, I grew like six inches. Yeah. And all of a sudden I was taller than Andrew. So because the show and the characters continued to change and evolve in a real tangible way, it never felt old or stale. That has made the show always interesting and always new and always exciting as opposed to whether it's like a podcast or a sitcom or a show where people kind of want things to stay the same or people like what they like.

26:11There's a sweet spot. Howard evolved. If you chart Stern from 95 till now, it is a different show. But it was just this perfect level of incremental change. As he acknowledged his own changing. He's very smartly kept it evolving in that way. And I think on our show, in a way, you start with Nick and Andrew. It's based on me and my friend Andrew Goldberg's life. And we start to grow out. It's like, oh, this girl, Jessie, and she got her period. And then it's like, oh, she needs a hormone monster. And then it's like, oh, there's this girl, Missy. And then there's Jay. And let's start to explore his house and family.

26:43And then by season eight, you just keep broadening out who your focus is and what stories you can tell. And then always knowing you can come back to your core kids. But there was always new stuff to tackle and look at and try to understand. I want to frame this whole thing. The theme of this one, I want to be best friends. This interview. Great. Because I'm still best friends with my best friend from 11, Aaron Weekly. You talk to him daily? Almost. You talk to Andrew Weekly daily? That was a joke. Oh, Aaron Weekly. But you know why it didn't work? Sadly, it's W-E-A-K. Like he's a weakling, but he's very strong.

27:22I bet he is. Please don't challenge him. But that must have affected him. Is he a muscular fellow? No, he's way cooler. He loves who he is more than I do. And that's why you guys are good friends. Yeah, you're a star who hates himself and he's a regular guy who's totally at peace So i'm watching last night the show and it's still Shockingly goes hard. Yeah, the whole time you're kind of like I really can't believe it's on tv Which is a fun feeling to constantly have. Thank you And I wonder could you have done that show solo or do you think you and andrew have a bubble where you're like as long as you And I think this is okay.

27:54It's okay Andrew who i've known since I was six and we were best friends in middle school He stayed friends in high school. He went to college with actually a couple friends of mine, but then he came out to L.A. and he started working in animation. He worked his way up through Family Guy. McFarlane's assistant and then became a writer and then producer there. For eight seasons? Yeah. Somebody does do his research. I watched you and McFarlane talk. It was really interesting. Even the thing you just said that your characters age, it didn't even occur to me like, oh yeah, cartoons, the characters don't ever age.

28:25No. That's unique. I actually met McFarlane through Andrew. it was crazy when I met Seth and then we haven't seen each other very much because I've stopped crooning so we don't see each other on the circuit having that conversation with him I was like oh this is very weird there are not many people I could have this conversation with besides a couple people like Seth McFarlane who created a show Trey and Matt won't talk to me I think with Andrew and I we had the same thing where it was like around 6th, 7th grade we started hanging out constantly and we just made each other laugh and then we went to camp together and we were doing campfire skits and we were like if this is funny to us, then who cares?

28:59But then we went our own ways. And then we came back together with this show where he came to me with Mark Levin and Jen Flackett, who he had been their assistant when he first moved to LA 25 years ago. And then they worked in film and television. They made a bunch of stuff. And then they came to me with this idea. They're like, it's you and Andrew going through puberty. It's animated. That was an idea where it's like, yes, let's go. We all just bring different skills to this thing. The creative bubble of being like, I have whatever I do, my voice is the people I know that I can call in to do stuff.

29:26They have an unbelievable knowledge of storytelling and animation and creating a structure and family that makes for a show. So I could do what I do. They could do what they do. You know, we started the show 25 years after we were those boys. We created a show together that we've now done for eight seasons, but we hadn't worked together in 25 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we come back together, work together, fucking doing Wayne's World sketches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Posting talent shows, doing literal word for word Wayne's World. We haven't worked together since. Since we ripped off every Serenity Live sketch and became heroes.

30:00But it's been both gratifying comedically and artistically, but on a human level, so unbelievably gratifying to reunite with your best friend from childhood to make this thing that then worked in a way that you could never have imagined. If 13-year-old Nick and Andrew were like, you're going to get to go make an animated show on Netflix, no less. A thing that they will understand entirely. Streaming service. On the computer. Yeah. What? That's pretty wild. It's crazy. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

30:42You're good in partnership because you have it with Mulaney, too. Do you prefer working with a person? I do. I love a person. I mean, I love a sex doll. Let's be honest. To write with and nothing sex with. Right, right. Store your pens in their flashlight. Yeah, they're great at breaking. They're great at storing. They're great at holding the pens. But I do like partnership. It's like watching you guys. There's just something intangible about the conversation that for me personally, I'm much more generative that way. Oh, yeah. We've done other shows with other people. And if we sit down, we have to stop ourselves.

31:17On the fact check, we literally have to stop ourselves. Like, oh, it's been too long. But, you know, it also. She's about to tell you that she loves working with other people. And that she would like to permanently work with other people. I'm not. I'm going to say that I think sometimes in a three environment, it can be hard. And I can imagine sometimes, probably, I'm not putting words in your mouth, but I assume that sometimes you're like, it might be easier if it was just me. Not all the time, but in a real way. Like, well, this person has their own thoughts and I'm coming in with the structure.

31:48So I think some people do prefer a solo creative endeavor. And that's understandable, too. Well, that's your stand-up. You get that as well. Yes, I get that in stand-up. I do love to do that in stand-up, but I always feel a little insecure. Insecure is probably the wrong word. Like, I want to kill myself. Sure. Suicidal. Yeah, like ideations. No, but I do feel oftentimes like I'm better in conversation. And when I do stand-up, I love it. But I'm like, oh, am I lacking that spark that creatively things can come out of me when I'm in conversation that don't come out of me alone? Okay, Mulaney, I was going to bring that up too.

32:25I got to say, I was embarrassingly kind of ill-informed on Mulaney. Turns out so was I. Well, yeah. Then I was on a trip that he was on. I was like, oh, I really like him. I'm going to watch his stand-up special. I watched it. No, I think I was like, you got to watch. You had been pushing hard for Mulaney. You're a first in Mulaney fan. Yeah, I think he's great. And so I watched his stand-up special, and I'm an addict. Anything addict, I like. It's so fucking great. But then I was wondering, were you at that intervention? I produced that intervention. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Good for business?

32:58Good at business? Good at business? Not good for business. Not good at business. Not good for business. Losing your mind. That's so stressful. It was, I mean, you've been on probably both sides of it. Just to tell you really quick, so Aaron, the reason we're back in business is he went another 19 years after I got sober. He got sober five years ago. And so we too had a restart basically five years ago. And it's like, oh, good, back in business. Yeah, it was so, I mean. You can tell me you don't want to talk about it. No, because I mean, I do. Because I had a relapse and Monica had to deal with it.

33:32Yeah. And she had to be detecting things. And we've explored that a lot. And I think a lot of addicts get to go on TV and talk about the experience. And I think they get to do standup about it. And I don't really think you hear enough from the people who are fucking terrified and thinking you're losing your mind, maybe. Yeah. Maybe you and I could do a separate podcast about this. For real. It's so hard. It was so scary and brutal to go through because he was in New York. I was in L.A. It was the height of the pandemic. So it was incredibly stressful to be in the midst of the pandemic trying to literally coordinate and produce a intervention, bringing a bunch of different people together, friends from college.

34:12And my wife was very pregnant and I was shooting Don't Worry Darling, which there was no stress there. There wasn't for me personally in that, except it was at the height of COVID pre-vaccine. I had a very pregnant wife and we had COVID scares and that was happening. And then John was running around New York City like a true madman. Yeah. And I was so deeply scared that he was going to die. Yeah. And I was trying to orchestrate all this of combining all the elements that go into these things, like the intervention person, where he was going to go, who was going to be. Yeah, you need all that lined up.

34:47It was so fucking stressful. And then all of a sudden, I don't know how long your relapse was, but you're all of a sudden going back being like, oh, that's why I've had an inconsistent friend for the last X amount of time. Oh, this explains that. And so it gives you both empathy for them and also tremendous amount of anger because they've been lying to you. The deception. The deception. Was there a lead up of like, hey, man, are you all right? Was there a lot of that pre-intervention? Yeah. I have a very clear memory of being outside at my house. There was someone working inside of my house. This was, again, COVID.

35:20We just moved into our new house. We were about to have our kid. It was just so intense. And I was trying to have these conversations with all these people while this was happening. It was the same week. I have a very clear memory of being outside, like sitting on the ground. on the phone with him, both of us crying, me just being like, I'm so scared you're going to die. And so I felt him feeling the same way, but also like, just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, I'm in this new Airbnb. I got to go. Yeah, yeah. I have really not talked about this at all, but watching how it evolved, because also when he came out of rehab and started doing standup all about it, he was still pretty fucking pissed about the intervention because he was having a good time.

36:00I don't know how you felt when you got clean. There's a lot to unpack for years. He was pretty angry. I was also like, oh, I don't know if I like having jokes about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially when you went out on a huge limb to help him. Yeah, I mean, like, oh, I don't know if that feels so great. If that's the reward for getting put through the emotional ringer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then we talked about it, and I was like, I don't love how you're representing this. And he was like, I totally hear you. And everyone's process and art is different. So what he's willing to share, I mean, it's what makes him so fucking funny and dynamic.

36:32and intoxicating as a performer is that he's giving you a written version of his life, but he is giving you access to elements of himself. And I myself am very guarded in certain ways like that, but it's what makes him such an amazing standup. But I wonder, so for Aaron, we had 16 years of him still at it, and I never said a word. I knew what was going on. He knew what was going on. I'd go back to Detroit. We'd spend time together. I knew he was doing his best in those times to not be as fucked up as he was. And the very first time I ever said anything was, he was growing weed at the time. There was a house next door.

37:10He wanted to buy this. Nothing wrong with that. Keep going. Everything's great. On the up and up. So I bought him this house. I bought like a house in Detroit for$65 ,000. And I called him on a Monday to say like, hey, the house is closed. You can start growing weed in there. And he didn't call me back for like five days, which is just not him. Even in the height of his addiction, he's very responsive. By day four, I'm wondering, is he dead? Yeah. And then when I finally get on the phone with him on day five, and he goes, oh, hey, sorry, dad. I had the worst flu. And I go, Aaron, dude, who do you think you're talking to?

37:47I had a lot of those flus, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, I think you're going to die really soon, and I don't want you to. And I have a fucking treatment center in the Caribbean. If you want to go, it's handled. In my mind, I'm like 98 % sure he's going to say, fuck you. And he goes, yeah, I'll go. And I was like, oh, my fucking God. Yeah. Well, I just got to add one thing for the comedy. He doesn't have a passport. So now he knows he's going to dream it, but we have to wait five days. That was the most stressful five days of my life. That's so scary. Is he going to make it? It's exactly that feeling.

38:19I knew for a little while what stuff was going on, but not for however long he had been using. It was only near the end. The fear is you're going to lie to me or you're going to be obfuscating. There's a point where there's nothing to lose, right? My main concern, and now I will approach you about this, is I think you're going to die. And that's all I can tell you. He talks about, I was the first one to speak, and also he's like, Nick didn't get the memo that we were all going to be nice to John. And I was like, nobody got the memo. I just was like, I'm a good student. If the job is to tell you a letter of how you've been a bad friend, then I'm going to tell you how you've been a bad friend because this is no more joking around, no more nice shit.

38:55Like, it's fucking done. Yes, this is serious. This is serious. Yes. That's the tightrope. I think with addicts, I didn't know any before I knew Dex, but it is a tightrope to walk where you're not alienating them so that they just completely go off the deep end and don't talk to you anymore. But you have to also say that you see some things wrong. I was just at such a loss and I was just like, I know you're doing this. And then there was just like, I'm not doing it. Yeah. Also, you're in survival mode too. Yeah. If I tell you I'm doing it, then the next thing is I have to stop. Yeah. And I can't at that moment.

39:29I'm not there yet. It ultimately, thank God, because where he's landed and how well he's doing in all ways is amazing. Yeah. And then I'll put an end to this because I don't want you to feel like in any way it's exploitative. But I will add, I just told a story recently. I worked with a comedian who was supposed to be sober, got fucked up in the movie, did so many things. I was about to say innumerable. You already said it a while ago, and I didn't want to repeat innumerable. It's so good. He did so many things. We almost got in a fistfight on sex. He tried to put glasses on my face and poked me in the eye, and he was so disruptive, and it was a mess.

40:03And then two weeks after, I hate his guts. He has to have an actual cop on set with him. That's how bad it got. And there was a point where he's running through this store, and the cop's chasing him like Barney Fife is a heavyset cop. And he's going, chase me, officer, chase me! And I'm on my fucking chair waiting. I just start laughing so hard. And I'm like, oh my God, he's so fucking funny. It broke my hatred and I started laughing. And it's hard to have compassion for people who are charismatic, but it can be harder for people who are really funny and charismatic because they can win people back over.

40:38That's the problem with addiction is the rascal. There's something so charming about the rascal and the person who kind of can't stop themselves from going for it. And it's intoxicating. Yeah. And they're worried also if they lose that element, then does the whole thing unravel? So I totally get that. Yeah. I wanted to say a few more things about Big Mouth. One is, did I write it? You're at 67 characters you've done on the show. I believe it's 79. That more than. It was fun to watch you and McFarlane talk. I encourage people if they're animation nerds to find you guys chatting. And I was also thinking, what an accomplishment for you to have done eight seasons there.

41:17But you're also talking to a dude who's done 20 really minimizes. He's like, actually, I've done 138 seasons of American Dad. Yes. 25 ,000 seasons of Family Guy. Boy, there's a difference between early 2000s, 90s TV money. I asked Mike Sher this at one point. When I was interviewing him, I'm like, does it make you a little bit mad that if you had the same career in the 80s and 90s, you would own the Red Sox? You'd be Tom Warner. Yeah, totally. And you, eight seasons of a fucking show, you'd have a couple hundred million dollars. I would. Does it upset you, Nick? No, because daddy's got so much money.

41:54No, but what I will say is we've done fine on the show. It would have been a different thing years ago. But also, we could not have made Big Mouth in the 90s or early 2000s. When we came in, we're the 33rd produced show by Netflix. Now in the fucking hundred millions of shows. But at that point, they were so early, they were letting us do literally whatever we wanted. Yeah. And letting us take incredibly big risks. and we have been grandfathered into continuing to be able to take those risks. We could not make that show there now exactly. Yes, and by the way, this is so in keeping with the thing I admire about you, which is you might not have gotten$100 million, but you made something that could almost not be made.

42:34And of course, on your deathbed, you'll have so much more pride in that. Right in my deathbed as I'm dying, I'm like, I got so many animated kids to jerk off. we just announced that we're making this new show called mating season that will come out a year from now as if it were not another season of big mouth but on a similar schedule as big mouth called mating season about animals dating and fucking in the woods oh wonderful I do a great grizzly bear voice I'm like okay I'm chafed can we revisit this in an hour it sounds like you're Wilford Brimley. Yep, exactly. America's going to be a record gold winner.

43:14When your little one's coming cold from building a snowman, make him an extra thick bowl of Quaker oats. Can you say diabetes? Diabetes. Get your blood sugar checked regularly. It's so funny to think about now. He's promoting Quaker oats. That glucose spike from that oatmeal. They'll nail you. What a hypocrite Wilford Brimley was. That will be a different kind of show where it won't be kids going to puberty. it's a show about dating and relationships so it'll be interesting to start that so I'm excited that we're continuing this team of people and it makes sense for a viewer to be like oh I liked Big Mouth now it's about dating and fucking as adults okay the other thing I wanted to say about Big Mouth similar to when I was watching the studio have you watched the studio?

43:58I watched most of it yeah there's so many accomplishments in the studio technically it's so impressive it's so fucking funny it's so well acted but when we met with Seth about it I was like, can you zoom out and take a little bit of pride about the people that are willing to come be with you? And when I look at the amount of people you've had on Big Mouth over the last eight years, are you able to take in what a testament it is to your character and just that people would want to work with you? Like that, to me, I would hope would be one of the nicest things about the show. Thank you. That's a very nicely observed thing.

44:32And it's true. I have a tremendous amount of pride in the core group who was on that show. It's Mulaney. It's Maya Rudolph, Fred Armisen, Jordan Peele's literally last acting job. Wow. Literally, my friend Jesse Klein, a genius writer, performer, and now Ayo Debrey and Jason Manzoukas. That's the core cast, Andrew Rannells. Then the people that we've had on the show, it's insane. A few years ago, Cynthia Erivo came to me and was like, I'd love to do something on the show. And I was like, great. We first went to her with a song to do. And we were like, hey, we have this amazing thing. She was like, amazing.

45:09Let me hear the demo. And she heard it and she was like, this is a great song. But I am a diva. She doesn't mean like I'm a diva, but like I'm a diva. And so for me to sing this song, this song has to change. Yes. To make sense for me to sing it. Right. You don't invite Jordan to play. Well, no, he's good at golf. You're a baby invited to play golf. Hockey, hockey. You could probably win a couple hundred thousand dollars off him. As good as a basketball player is. He's fine, Colin. He's fine. He's fine. Not with the way I've been fucking playing. He's going to come for you. You know, he has vendettas.

45:39Oh, and that's when it became personal. That whole last dance, everything is just like, that's when it became personal. Most of his energy was figuring out how he could hate his opponent. Go back and watch his Hall of Fame speech. Is he erring some? He's nitpicking like the guy who made the team in high school over him. It's like, bro, you did it. You can't become Michael Jordan without making an enemy. You have to be a fucking killer. And it proves, more importantly, you think a trophy and successful Healers ones. No, you actually just got to go heal those wounds. But I think that that's what the great mystery of life, and however you're competitive, whether you're an athlete or if you're making stuff, you have to figure out whatever those wounds created that generates your ambition, your drive, your desire to make things or to be great, how can you heal that thing and maintain that drive?

46:28Yes, harness it and then put it away when you need to put it away. Yes, and that's a really hard thing to do because that inner critic is what drives you and it's also what destroys you. Coming back to what you're saying, Cynthia Erivo doesn't do that part. Then we come back to her like, would you like to play Missy's vagina? And she's like, I would love to. She's great. There's a scene with it's Cynthia Erivo, Iowa Debrey as Missy, Quinta Brunson as the doctor, and Tandway Newton as Missy's hormone monster. I look at that scene. I'm just like, this is fucking heavy hitters across the board. Lupita Nyong 'o.

46:58We have multiple Oscar winners. It's a cast of an Alexander Payne movie or something. It's so funny. We're going to make some video that'll come out. There's like 34 Oscar nominations. or 18 Oscars in the show. Shall we talk for a second about I Don't Understand You? Sure. Tell us what happens in this. So this movie is me and Andrew Rannells. We are married, going on our 10-year anniversary, trying to hold on to our marriage a little bit. We've been trying to adopt a baby unsuccessfully, and we go to Italy. We end up in this little Nona's house in the middle of nowhere, Orvieto, and shit goes wrong.

47:33One after another, it's a crazy night, basically. What feels like you're watching at the beginning is, oh, it's kind of a sweet little rom-com, couple struggling on vacation. Yeah. And then it all unfurls into like a farce thriller. Very funny. Bloody, funny. I'm a bit neurotic, a bit controlling, and he's the loose, fun, flighty. This couple, David Craig and Brian Cranow, it's based in part on their personal stories of trying to adopt and then a vacation in Italy that went off the rails that they combined and they wrote and directed it together. And Andrew and I have known each other for now a long time.

48:10You guys bonded over not wanting to kiss Kristen Bell. Yes. I have to say it, watching Andrew Reynolds and Kristen Bell kiss would be a delight. Yeah. Two beautiful white people. Yeah, that's right. So white and so beautiful. They could sing together. Oh my God. I'm rooting for them. Yeah. That is the Todd Haynes movie. But he's been a big part of Big Mouth. We've been friends. And he's just the funniest, most talented guy. And he's got that Broadway. He can sing like an angel, but he's deeply funny and a great actor. Amanda Seyfried plays the woman who we're trying to adopt a baby from, who we're FaceTiming with us.

48:46She's like, I'm going to give you my baby. And we're in the middle of an Italian village covered in blood. Have you gone on location with your family to shoot a lot? I went with Kristen in Italy when we were newly dating, but not with kids. That was outrageously fun. I've taken the kids to London where she was working, and that was not outrageously fun. And on a cruise ship. And a fucking active cruise ship. I've got a one and three-year-old. Was that Rogan? Was that Laura Miller Rogan's movie? Yes. Which is a really fun movie. Absolutely. Like father. If you're in it. With the Kelsey Graver, yeah.

49:16Oh, dear Lord. What were you going to say? Do you love it? You have this dream of, I'm going to go make this movie in Italy. My wife was like, let's go to Rome and make this movie. And we had a son at that point who was going to be nearly two. And so he was starting to be not like a tiny little baby. As we get there, we've realized that my wife is pregnant. What do you do about doctor visits? Yeah. Mamma mia, papapia, baby's got a diarrhea. Baby's got a diarrhea. Do you want to hear really quick? Aaron and I, my best friend, we figured out where that saying comes from. It is from the early 1900s and a woman brought her baby to the Italian doctor.

49:52Mamma mia, papapia, baby's got a diarrhea. Yeah. It's not a big deal. Oh. We weaponized it, but it was just good news. They were so worried the baby was something wrong. Or is the baby dying of dysentery? Yeah, or rotavirus pre-vaccine. That's what the RFK. It all circles back to RFK. It always does. So you have this idea of what the movie's going to be. Me and Andrew Rannells working together, dream. Me and my wife in Italy, our son no longer a little baby, making memories, making movies. Eating pasta. Making love. Oh, boy. Hey, now we're talking. And all of a sudden it's like, oh, it's a month of night shoots 45 minutes outside of Rome.

50:29So much of the movie takes place at night. And making of the movie was a blast. But I would get home at like 5 in the morning. Oh, no. And my son at 7 a.m. wants to party and has revolted against, we brought our nanny with us. And my son wants no part of that. He's done with that. He is scraping at the door. I've just washed mud and rain off and I've glided into bed. It's just like, wah. And like a busker playing an electric violin outside. So at 7.30 in the morning, my son's like, I want to go to the park. And I'm just hearing like, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Cold clothes.

51:03It was madness. That's what's interesting about early days of family and life and marriages. You're learning on the fly how to do these things. So you have to make these choices, mistakes. Yeah. Making the movie was not a mistake at all. I'm really proud of the movie. I love it. but it was a very hard physical thing to figure out. Yes. I showed my wife the movie. I was so relieved that she was like, oh, this is great. Right. It was all worth it. Yes. And we also had unbelievable times. I would go with my son up to Villa Borghese, that park above the Spanish steps. And I would take him on a little merry-go-round and walk him around and go to the zoo and just laugh at these animals.

51:40You dumb idiots. You guys stuck here. Look at us. We're free. Free. Excuse me. I actually have a pickup in 13 minutes. And I got to go. I have real thoughts. Oh. Oh my God. Are they controversial? Go see me on the road to see the material. Oh. Yeah, so how many dates do you do a year? I don't do many dates. Stand up, I did a special 22 or 23. So good. Thank you very much. Called Little Big Boy. Yes. And then I always have 20, 30 minutes in the pocket that I'm working on or playing with. I'm going to go do some dates this summer. I'm doing a couple of dates with Mulaney, Birbiglia, Fred Armisen at some big festivals in Canada.

52:17I'm doing another festival in Canada with Kumail, Jezelnik, and Michael Che. And then I'm doing some mess around stuff here and there. I'm always at Largo in LA when I'm here. We recently read the top 10 earners of stand-up. We were just aghast. Yeah. I was going to say I got to buy diapers. But I got to say I didn't always have to buy diapers because I got your guys' products. I was really grateful for. Oh, good. Yeah. It went bankrupt and we no longer have anything to do with it. I had a feeling. Yeah. I thought I'd be hearing more about it. You thought maybe those diapers were going to come back into play.

52:50Good at business. Yeah, good at business. Really good at business. Especially the diaper business. Good at business, medium at diapers. Yeah. And even less so with my beer company. No, that one you're enjoying. Aaron and I have an NA beer. Can I try it? Absolutely. Please send it. They're good. It's outrageous. I still drink much less than I used to, but my skin is so crazy that when I drink alcohol sometimes my face will become wildly flushed. The Asian in you comes out? Yeah, well, I'm married to an Asian woman, but it makes the Asian flesh look very cool compared to what happens to my face, which looks like a storm.

53:22Angry hostile. Like a Doppler. Oh, there's a tornado because it's not clean. It's not like an Archie comic. It's like... And it's moving. Yeah. It's gaining strength. So that's what I do is I do a couple of NA beers. I do five to 10 mushroom chocolates. I crush up some gummies, pop those right up the shinazuru. Nasally. You got to really crush them up, folks, because I want to be responsible on this podcast. If you're going to snort your edibles, you got to pulverize them. Use a mortar and a pestle. A lot of people aren't. They don't know. Bring that with you everywhere you go. Everywhere you go.

53:53Your mortar and pestle. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

54:09Sorry, real quick about the special. You do a bit about moms being annoying. That is so spot on and good. And I think about it. Every time it was a mom. Definitely every time I talked to my mother. We are on the heels of Mother's Day. And yeah, I think about it all the time. They are so annoying, but we love them. Yeah. It's the most thankless job in the world. It's such a wild job. It's upsetting. It's brutal. Have you watched Love on the Spectrum? I've watched a little bit of it. Watch a little bit more just to get this. And I think this was Kristen's observation. The thing that unites all kids on the spectrum is they are relentlessly mean to their mothers.

54:45Every time their mom starts talking, they're like, oh, mom. Like, these poor mothers, they have this kid that they have to give so much time to. Yes, yes. Which is an essence of what it is, I think, to have to be a mother. Yes. Which is the emotional connection that we feel to mothers. Whereas fathers, it's not like we're nothing, but they can take or leave us a little bit. Moms, there's such an importance to that emotional connection that it also flares up. And it's tough because I think that joke is about my shortness. I do say that moms are annoying. What I believe the joke is about is my impatience, my inability to see through what she's trying to do, which is just love me.

55:20Yes, of course. I don't know if my mother sees it that way exactly. She's like, a lot of people have talked to me about your mother joke. I don't always talk about my personal life and family in stand-up. When I do in that case, it resonates with people because I think it's something people really do connect with and can relate to. It is the most relatable. And for this reason you're saying, everyone is just so impatient and mean to their moms. It's so weird. And they are calling to say like, hey, I just re-upped your AAA. And it's like, why'd you do that? Yeah. You didn't even ask. Yeah. It's so crazy.

55:53No, they can't do anything right. It's so crazy. So thank you for that. Yeah, it's fantastic. Yeah, so lastly, this is a very busy couple months for you. Big Mouth comes out May 23rd. Adult comes out on FX on May 28th. And then drops on Hulu that night, May 29th. All eight episodes. And then I Don't Understand You, June 6th. Yeah. So every few days, you have a big project coming out. I have three projects come out in three weeks. That culminates about 15 years of my work life. In over a three-week period. They're all dramatically different. as well, which is helpful. It's not like you have three superhero movies coming out in a week and you got to somehow explain how that's the next year.

56:32I can't believe I'm the bridge between DC and Marvel. So adults is, I watched it last night. Oh, you did? Yeah. Awesome. You can immediately sense when something's generated by the people in the show and that they have some rapport and that they're real comedians and they weren't just cobbled together with whoever had an agent. Yes. Like you watch Broad City and you're like, yep. It was created by Rebecca Shaw and Ben Croningold, who are super young. When I met them, they were 24. It's been almost four and a half years since we first met to when the show is now being made. It's about young 20-somethings in New York and that great tradition of shows.

57:07The pitch was always like, if friends, they were in the West Village, and then girls and Broad City, now those kids are living in Brooklyn. Now that kid is living in deep Queens. Right, right. They're living in like flushing because that's where one of them's parents have a house where they can all live. They're all freeloading. And one of the gals wants to now incorporate her new boyfriend. Yes. A young Monica Padman. She's fantastic. She's fucking funny. They're all. And so we cast all those kids. None of them knew each other. It's five 20 somethings, some stand up, some actors, some TikTok based people, all incredibly funny performers.

57:44My hope is you watch that and you're like, oh, this group of people seem like friends. There's a vibe. I wish my friends were like this, or this is what my friends are like, or this is what I remember my friends being like in my early 20s. And you produced it? I produced it and then directed a little of it. Nice. When I was watching it, I don't know why I get so comforted by this. I've said this before, but when I watched English Teacher, I don't know if you've seen that show. Yeah. Not to get on a soapbox, but I think early when I was adjusting to the transition in comedy, which was totally righteous, You should let the folks make the jokes who the jokes are about.

58:18Yeah. And I watched English Teacher, and I was like, yes, this dude's gay, and he's going so fucking hard on this topic, and that was the solution. What I didn't want was for these topics to go away. Everyone needs to get made fun of. Let them do it themselves. I think we all have this maybe knee-jerk concern that the younger generation is so fragile and precious. And so the thing that was so comforting about seeing this is like, oh, they're going fucking hard. Like the kid they know comes out about being molested and they're just going so hard about him being molested. And I was like, oh, wonderful.

58:51Comedy is still very much alive and the younger kids are going to push just as fucking hard and just let them do it. That's the part I really liked about the show. The creators, Ben and Rebecca, again, super young. They are fully Gen Z. So they love their friends and they love their generation, but they also see what is inherently silly about it. And so the show is kind of that. They're making fun of everything that we feel about Gen Z, but it's also with real love. It's coming from the inside. Yes. And not the outside. Yes. And so it's not like these fucking Gen Z kids are sensitive. My hope is that it's a little post-identity politics.

59:25Yes. So they're just sort of existing inside of it. And it's not like, as this person, I feel this way is part of the hope. No, I was just enormously relieved watching it. Oh, good. Comedy is going to win. Is it too late to put on the poster? Dax Shepard. I was enormously relieved. because I go into everything thinking, oh, these fucking precious. They can't even take a joke about each other. Yeah. I hope I'm owning it. You are. Okay. Thank you, Monica. Ben and Rebecca, when they first came to me, speaking of how long these things take, my first email correspondence with them is November 2020.

59:59Wow. About like, let's do this. They were like, we love Big Mouth. We want to make live action Big Mouth for our 20s. It has become its own thing entirely, but there is a natural feeling of, oh, what we're trying to do with puberty, they're doing with their early 20s. This moment in life that you are in this space and what's funny about it and how can we heighten that out and do some sort of surrealist things about it that speak to the emotional truths that lie underneath it. Yeah, if you have a tone, it's that it goes hard. It goes fucking hard. Oh, I was going to say, you're talking about me and I would never say that about myself.

1:00:28It's so funny where I'm like, yeah, I go fucking hard. Yeah, of course you wouldn't say that. Billy Bob bottles, what's his name? Billy bottles. It's my Billy Bob Thornton doing bottle service. Would it be your brother that shows up as Billy Bottles? I do want to bring back Bobby Bottles service because I think he'd be like, way into crypto. You know what I mean? I bought fucking Doja Cat coin at eight, dude. Now it's down to four. But I'm fucking using positivity and maximizing my potential to move to Puerto Rico so that I should be able to make all my money back and then some. Never sell. That's the thing.

1:01:05Never. Never sell. Never settle. Here's the other option. Go entirely on emotion. Buy, sell. Go with the market. Keep going with the market. Chase. Change course. Don't lead. You want to chase in finance. Never trust your instincts.

1:01:24I want to have a quick conversation with Coach Steve. Okay. As Hermium Permium. Oh, okay. Because I feel like they share an essence. I just want to see how it goes. I'm excited to see this. So I'm just going to introduce you to Hermian Permian. He lives by himself in an apartment, and it goes pretty well. Where do you live, Steve? I'm not living anywhere particularly, so I'm just wondering if you got extra space in that place. Maybe we could crash together for a while. Oh, I'd love to have some visitors over. My mom, Mrs. Monica, she's in and out sometimes, and she'll bring snacks. Well, you know, if Monica wants to hang out, if your mom, who it's not clear if she's alive or not, or if this is kind of a Bates Motel situation, Any way you want to play it, I'll hang out with her.

1:02:06I'll hang out with the dead corpse. I'll do whatever you need to do. I'm here to hang forever, for long term, for whatever you need. Do you have any allergies? I've got a couple allergies I'm allergic to. I've been living on a diaper barge. Oh. Turns out I'm allergic to all the diapers that are on there, the used diapers. I have bee stings. Are you allergic to the bees? The thing, I think. Oh. Wait, you. I should mention I'm also dying. I got classic TB. Oh, no. I had an uncle who passed. Oh, I'm so sorry. Does he need company? Should I go hang out with him? This has been great. Okay, and then the last one, I want to do Frito talking to Hormone Monster.

1:02:51Oh, God. Because I feel like we could go somewhere that might make Monica throw up. She hates Frito. Does she hate the Hormone Monster? Oh, the Hormone Monster is scary, too. Oh, this guy is awesome. If you met my hormone monster, he's so horny. Oh, that's right. Frito-Lay is better than just about anyone I know. Tell her everything. Oh, he puts it in. He gets it out. He puts it back in. I can do it forever, Monica. He can't come. I can't do it because it's so sexy. Yeah, because he likes the edge. He brings it right to the edge. I live on the edge, Monica. Yeah, that's right. He lives on the edge in New York.

1:03:26If you ever go to the Hudson Yards, that weird tower that they built, it's called the edge. Yeah, he likes to hang out there. Have you ever eaten steak, monster? I love to eat steak. I go to Morton's, the Bobby Bottle Service. You ever have a ribeye steak? Ribeye's the best steak you could ever eat. Nothing like power, that. I can't even afford a ribeye, but they're delicious. Oh, buddy. I'll take you get a ribeye, and then we'll make some extra butter for that mashed potatoes if you like. Oh, you know what butter is code for, Monica? Sauce. Oh, thank you. That was disgusting. People are throwing up.

1:04:04Your fucking vocal cords are done. I know. We have killed you. You're going to have to double up on the zip. Can you double a zip? I always double my zip. Nick, you're a blast. I wish you came more frequently than every seven years. That's what my wife says. Got a daish. And by the way, it's so crazy. The show was already working seven years ago, But to watch your show absolutely explode over these seven years has been amazing. Oh, well, thank you. You're part of that success story. Everyone in the first year when there was no reason to trust us, I have deep gratitude. Next time you have three projects coming out in a week, please come back.

1:04:41And congrats on getting married and having two children since we saw you last. I wish you could have been congratulating me for being a part of Netflix. Making out with my wife. Yeah, you just wouldn't do it. Oh, no, we're still making out. Just now we're doing it on TV. Well, then I'm relieved by that. I don't mind that you're not in the show, but the fact that you're disgusted by my bride is unacceptable. All right. Be well. Thank you for having me. He is an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here. She's got to let him have the facts. I got my haircut today.

1:05:13Barb did my hair. Where'd you find Barb? Barb Chopstick? What'd you say? Don't ever say that again. No, what did you say? Barb Thompson. Thompson. Okay. She's awesome. And she's done my hair before. She did it for a gala. Okay. One of the only galas I've ever been to. And she's great. Always a bridesmaid, never a gala. I know. And she said you did a great job. Are you growing your hair out on your legs, too? Don't look. I just haven't shaved. Fuck. Oh, but I didn't know if you were making a decision like everyone's making. That was a fair question. God. What happened? I'm sorry. I can't believe you did that.

1:05:55Well, I wanted to celebrate you if you were embracing. Fuck that. No. Okay. I take care of my hair. Okay. I just haven't. And it's hot out. Yeah, that's great. Can you understand there's a movement where women aren't shaving anymore? And I thought maybe you joined that movement. I was really actually self-conscious. Oh, and I mean it worse. That it would get noticed. And I was like, there's no way anyone will notice. And you noticed immediately. I'm very observant. You know this about me. I know. I don't miss a thing. It just takes a long time to shave. Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I shave my arms now.

1:06:28I have all this money tied up in these tattoos, and I want them to be visible. That makes sense. Well, you know, I also, I have to groom my arms, my legs, my armpits, my vagina parts. Yeah, and I feel terrible for you. I've said that now that I'm grooming a lot. Yeah, it sucks. Speaking of, how's the cashmere? We haven't even seen it in a while. Well, you know who's a real producer is Delta. Yeah. Yeah. Are you collecting? Yeah, yeah. It's growing. Although I may have a big, I might have a, I'm now thinking I might have a nice deposit in the drawer in my bathroom. I think maybe I haven't transferred some to the main storage.

1:07:09Okay, great. Okay. I had been wanting to tell you a story. Oh, yeah. Okay, so we all went to Monster Jam on Saturday. Yeah. Describe we all. Okay, so we all is Charlie and the boys. Ace and Wilder, the two handsomest men in Los Angeles. And then my girls, Lincoln and Delta, and then Delta's friend. Fun. Yeah. And then Eric. Eric. Yeah. That's all. So we went. It was immediately fun. It's so fun. Monster Jam is so fun. We got to ride in the like 12 passenger monster truck. That's great. I was kind of not clocking any of this. But apparently Delta and her friend had brought their two most important stuffies in a red bag.

1:07:58I didn't know that. I probably would have been like, maybe we don't bring them into the event. Can you describe the stuffies? Yes. It's imperative that people understand the stakes here. So anyone that knows Delta would know her son Groot. Oh, my God. I don't even count Groot as a stuffie. When you said that, I wasn't thinking of him. He's a real boy. He really is. Unlike the robot. I don't know that I've ever seen, and I had very deep relationships with my stuffies. I had three bears that I loved and I thought about them. And if I was gone too long, I felt guilty. Like I was very in touch and close with my stuffies.

1:08:34What were their names? I don't, I didn't name them. One was a polar bear. One was a brown bear. And one was like a. Panda? Koala bear. They were different breeds. So I didn't, breeds. I see. The species. So you just said koala, polar. I just never was like addressing them. I was just squeezing them and feeling guilty. But what if like it was downstairs and you had to tell your mom like, oh my God, polar is missing. That would never like. It would never happen. I would never. Lose track. Never. Okay. And they didn't travel out of my room either because I was too afraid something would happen to them in the wild.

1:09:10Okay. But to put like this in perspective, Groot goes everywhere with us. Groot has truly a bigger wardrobe than Delta. He has many different jammies. He has swimwear. He has like - Delta's birthday, she'll often ask for clothes for Groot. Mostly that's all she asks for is things for Groot. And he has books he reads and he's an artist and she makes him dinner and he - It's so sweet. It's such a huge part of her life, Groot. And then I didn't know this. I learned this recently about Groot. she was kind of explaining what was going on with him athletically. And then I said, is Groot disabled? And she said, yeah, Groot is disabled.

1:09:52And I said, oh, what's his disability? And she said, well, he's half tree and half boy. So he needs to breathe carbon dioxide as a tree, but he needs to breathe oxygen as a boy. So his lungs are like half dedicated to breathing. And so that's kind of an impairment for his cardiovascular. Additionally, this is all real. Like I didn't even know Groot was disabled. But I just had a hunch. There was some way she was talking about his athleticism and his outfit. Sure. I don't know. I asked. And he is. And then she went on to tell me another challenge he has is he's got both veins. Uh-huh. And then he also has to have plumbing for the water.

1:10:41So it's like his body's sharing a lot of. Wow. Double duty. Double duty. Also, his bark hasn't come in and that's going to make him more stable. Oh, wow. Yes, there was a lot going on. Okay. Wow. And I'm going to be honest. I love Groot. Like he's also my grandson. And when we snuggle at night, I go, I want a little time with Groot. So he has to be in my notes. Does everyone have to leave? No, no, no, no. But just I will want Groot in my left nook and Delton my right nook if we're all laying together. But she's got to give me some grandpa visit. Okay, never mind. Anyone? Uh-oh. Never mind. I don't want to say.

1:11:18Okay, good. I'm afraid I know. It's because you like him in your nook and like a kid, like a kid. Yeah, like a little baby boy. So, okay. So, great time. We're having the best time. Now we're up in this huge suite. There's like 50 people in there. It's a blast. It's hectic. And Delta comes up like mid-show. Again, I'm going to say it. I've said it before. There's no better show on earth than Monster Jam. It starts and it doesn't let up. Race, race, race, race, race. Stun, stun, stun. So it's a party. We're eating food. And then Delta comes up to me and she is, she's past, like she's, I don't want to say she's hyperventilating.

1:12:01She is so scared and panicked. and she said, we lost Groot. And I'm like, what do you mean? I didn't even know Groot was in here. We lost the bag. So her friend was in charge of carrying the bag. She brought it in here. Someone maybe stole it or whatever. And I'm like, okay, no one stole it. Everyone that came is still here. No one left mid time, you know? So now we start scouring all the bathrooms in there and then we go through systematically and we look under every single chair. This takes 35, 40 minutes. I'm missing the monster jam. Sure. But you can hear it still. I can hear it. That is helpful.

1:12:37And I say at some point, okay, it's not in here, which means it didn't come up here. Oh. Now, we arrived and we went right out onto the arena floor to take that ride. So it's like we're seven stories up. That was pre-show. Did they take him into the monster truck? Yes. Well, here becomes the investigation. So then Charlie and I, I'm like, oh, I made a video of them. I'm like, did they even bring the bag out of the car? Right. Let's hope not. I took pictures. Yeah. I take some. Oh, yeah, there's the red bag. Then I have footage of them getting on to the monster truck and she's carrying the bag.

1:13:18We don't have footage of them getting off. But I'm like, but this is she would have never set it down in the elevator or on the walk. It definitely had to get left in the truck. So now. Exactly. And we're now mid show. This is hours later. And is that truck like out on the thing? No, that truck has now been already put in a trailer to go to the next Monster Jam. So I like, I asked my friend Sally, who I've been, you know, going to Monster Jam with Sally as our host for, I don't know, eight years now. Yeah. She's an incredible lady. Nice. She's an arm cherry. Aw, shout out. She's so sweet. And I'm like, I don't know what else to do.

1:14:01But like, here's the situation. She's a mom. She put out a full court press. Oh, look. Okay, I'll try to get into that truck. Like, I'll try to find the truck in the parking lot and try to get into the semi to get into this mom's, you know, blah, blah, blah. So, like, an hour goes by. And Delta's really like, she lost her son. Oh, my gosh. And I'm very pessimistic. I'm like, who knows? They set that bag down anyway. There was so many bags and so many things and so much equipment. It's in an arena. So I was really, really pessimistic. And then the show ends. And then we just sit there for another 45 minutes while the whole place clears out.

1:14:43We're kind of like waiting to see if they're going to find group. And then she says, well, you guys are free to, if you want to just wait in the car. So anyways, we go sit in the car now. And then I get a text from Sally. It's a picture of her and she's elated and she's holding the bag. She found the bag in a random golf cart somewhere. No. Yeah. It was. On its way to the trash. On its way to a sex trafficking. Don't say that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What a tale. Oh, my God. It was the amount of relief I felt. So obsessed. Scary. When that bag returned. You know, I was starting to think about what our next two weeks to a month.

1:15:27Like I was like, this is going to be. Imagine when it's like to lose your son. You never get over it. Yeah. It's going to be devastating in a way that I'm not sure how we're all going to deal with. We lost Groot forever. That is so scary. And then I said to her, I was like, once we had Groot, I was like, you know, I started thinking like, what do I do? Would you have wanted me to find the same Groot? And she's like, no. Yeah. Because it's real. And he's real. And there's no replacing him. Well, and so she answered our long-lasting question about would you clone? Would you clone your dog or your kid?

1:16:03She won't. She won't. Yeah, I guess she has. She's like me. Yeah. I guess she has ethics. I don't know. We don't know. We don't know what that means ethically. Oh, gosh. That's why. But, okay, if he had gone in the monster truck and then got sent to the next monster truck show, that's a kid's book. That's a children's book. And like they love him and he becomes kind of a mascot for Monster Jam. Yes, but then he returns back home always. Yeah, but he's like now he chews tobacco and he's grown up a little bit. We have different versions of this story. Well, he's on the Monster Jam tour. Yeah, he is.

1:16:37He's on the tour. He's not going to like symposiums on physics. But he's very, it's very Toy Story. Yes, yes. He could have been on a real adventure. I don't think all the dust from the monster truck would be good for his lungs. Well, not given what I've learned about his. Now, what if like the driver of Gravedigger found him and started keeping him on the dash? Oh. And we could like, then we were watching and he was riding on the dash proudly. Oh my God, that's terrifying. Oh, it was really an event. So I missed a good half of Monster Jam. I'm so. Both looking for and then panicking over. Oh, Sally, really hero.

1:17:20Oh, my God. The hero of all heroes. Wow. Yeah. I mean, if you were to ask me at some point what I would pay for his safe return, it would have been embarrassing. I know. But, Dax, that's life. It's like you can't buy health. Well, actually, I mean, to an extent you can, which is a problem. But, you know, that's why health is the most important thing we have. And just being there, I guess. Being alive. Yeah, being there. Being present. Being present. Well, I'm also grateful because I immediately got codependent for the girl, the friend. Can you imagine? No, I know. So that was all happening. She now feels so guilty and she's crying.

1:18:02Delta's crying inconsolably. Yep. Her friend's crying. Yeah. This is the worst day. And I'm like the dad watching. And so I kept going, oh, sweetie, it's totally okay. Delta should have been carrying her own bag. Oh, that's nice. I was trying to comfort her and trying to comfort Delta. Her Groot is in there too. Oh, it is? She's got the double whammy. She's lost her stuffy and she lost Delta's stuffy. Who was her stuffy? I didn't get a good gander at it once. They were all reunited. I didn't even know we were bringing stuffies to Monster Jam. Not anymore. I hope not. And then, okay, now this is the thing that we go back to.

1:18:40We've been talking about this the last few episodes. I'm like and I'm talking to Charlie and Eric I'm like you know all I gotta do is keep trying to find Groot and not say this is why we don't what you want to say as a parent is this is why we don't bring stuffies to sporting events and I was like she has learned that lesson I don't need to tell her that she is in major discomfort and so I let it go but then I on the way home I was just saying how grateful I was that he's back. He was slipping it in a little bit? A little bit. And then I said, he's just so valuable. We got to make sure that we're safe when we bring him places.

1:19:22She goes, but he can't just be a boy that lives at home and doesn't go and do things. I can't just be protecting him from it. And I'm like, I know that's a great point, but there's a ton of things we can take him to so he's not stuck in the house. But that are also maybe not so distracting as Monster Jam. This is complex because this is how you feel about your kids. This is how you parent them. You're like, you know, I'm going to let them go explore the world. And another person can say, look, they're a little too valuable for that. Don't let them just go down the street to Ralph's where there's crazies.

1:20:01So it looks like she's inherited my parenting. Looks like it's nurture. Yeah, in this case. Wow. Yeah. I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. You understand. Yeah, it would have been so sad if group. I mean, I would have been happy for him if he was on an adventure. But we know that really he would have gone in the trash. Well, he's so cute. Dax, missing persons after like 48 hours, they're dead. Okay, so you think he might someone murder him? Trash. Okay. I just can't imagine holding that little guy. He's so sweet looking. Oh, I know. I told her that's why I didn't know he had a disability because he's so smiley.

1:20:40I have no idea he's suffering from anything. He's in a perpetually great mood. Well, that's the thing. Is he in pain? It sounded like there's some pain accompanying these. Okay. Yeah. Now, don't trick her into getting like pain meds for him. I might see if we can get some nerve blockers. Oh, my God. Wow. That isn't quite an adventure. I'm really glad that had a happy ending. Oh, me too. Anything fun happen to you? Yeah. Okay. So you've been gone a couple days. In the meantime, I've watched two full seasons of You, the show You, which reminds me, I want to play the thing. That's a show about me?

1:21:21Exactly. It's about time that we revisit that because I'm watching it. Oh, it's such a great exchange. Okay. Laura Ingram? Yeah. You want me to put it on the TV? Oh, yeah. You can. This is my favorite clip of all time. And now it has extra meaning because I'm watching the show. Is it a great show? I love it. It has real Veronica Mars vibes. Oh, fun. But it's like Dexter meets Veronica Mars. But I've never seen Dexter. Okay. Okay, let's watch this real quick. Yeah. You know, I was watching an episode of You where measles came up. Wait, wait, wait. When did I mention measles? I don't know. It was on You.

1:22:03What was on me? What are you talking about? I never had the measles. It was on you. We never did a measles and vaccine episode. Is this a joke? I know. It was on you. It was on you. I never had. Raymond, I never had measles. I'm talking about it. It was an episode of a show, Laura. What's it called? you you i just completely give up we gotta go it's a show called you on netflix

1:22:46i'm moving on to adele i can't explain this dude what are we talking about so stupid it's so funny it's a real life who's on first it really is yeah oh my god anyway um So, yeah, I started you random. It like popped up as the next. This never works out. Right, right. Auto-recommend. Auto-play or whatever. And I was like, sure, why not? Watch the whole thing. And then last night stayed up so late. I couldn't even look at the time. I was too afraid to look. Oh, wow. And watch all of season two. How many episodes in each? Ten. So you watch 20 episodes. They're like 45-ish minutes. Whoa. Yes. Oh, my God.

1:23:32Okay. So it is Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl, who I loved back then, Dan Humphrey. Okay, great. And he recently, he has a podcast, but also I saw there's like an Instagram kind of viral video of him like dancing on one of these talk shows. And I was like, well, in my opinion. And so I was like, oh, yeah, I love him. Oh, yeah. And then he pops up. Oh, so dancing is attractive. Yes. You know what? It is. Okay. I'm going to circle back. I didn't say it wasn't. Right, right, right. You just didn't put it very high on the list. Yeah, but turns out it's really high. Yeah. So anyway, then it pops up and he is a stalker.

1:24:15Like he's obsessed with this woman. Uh-oh. There's like murder. Ooh. He's a psychopath. A hot one. But it's a love story and he's hot. Yeah. And it's confusing. Yeah. It's sexy. It's scary. Yeah. Very thin line for women there. Well, I know. And I hated myself, of course. Sure. I heard him say on an interview, something like that, like, or someone asked, like, what do you think of when people say he's hot? Yeah. And he was like, he's a killer. Right. So I saw that clip before I watched the show and I was like, yeah, he's right. This is, people are crazy. Yeah. And then, of course, I'm like, he's hot.

1:24:56Yeah. He's also tricky because he's like kind of a good boyfriend if he wasn't a murderer and putting people in cages. Right. Yeah. Who just was everyone obsessed with that also was a murderer? Wasn't there recently someone everyone thought was hot? Was it the United Health assassin? Oh, God. Were people like really horny for him? Luigi. Luigi. That one, that's real life. So I find that much more complicated. I do not think he's hot. You don't think he's hot? No, I don't think there's anything good about killing. Would you think he was hot without the murder? There's no way for me to know. Yeah, you can't go back in time.

1:25:36He's got very powerful eyebrows. I don't think murder is hot in real life. And I don't think vigilantes are hot. Okay. I'm going to say that. Good to know. There's a lot of people that are like, good for him. Oh, yeah. And I disagree. Yeah, yeah. I disagree. Holy. I think that industry is evil and I don't think you're allowed to kill people. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Except in the show, sometimes he does kill some people I really don't like. And it is vigilante. And like it's for kids. He's protect. Sometimes he protects kids. He's weird. He's like kind of this like good friend. Hard to pin down.

1:26:19Mixed messages. Really, really mixed messages. Yeah. Anyway, I am loving it. Oh, wow. That's great. Five seasons. Oh, there's five seasons. Oh, so you're fucked for the whole week. I know. So what time did you go to bed? Do you know? I really don't know, but I was so tired when my alarm went off at nine. Okay, yeah. So probably stayed up until two or three. Probably three. Wow, you're nasty. I can't help myself. I know, you're indulgent. And because I'm scared a little. Like, it's very cliffhanger-y. It's very good at keeping you on the hook. So I'm a little too scared in those scenarios to go to bed.

1:26:58Like I need to know how it's completed, but they do a good job at the end of each season. You never know. I did star episode three, but then I was like, Monica, no. Yeah. You got to stop. I got to stop. So I turned it off about halfway through that. When I woke up this morning after so much murder, I was like, I think I need to take a break today. Uh-huh. Because it really gets infiltrated. And then it made me think this is what's happening with boys in video games. Oh. They're just, it's like a constant, they're living in this world that's dark and bleak and they're shooting people and stuff.

1:27:35And then like reality starts to disappear. You're feeling that happen to you? Well, I just could see it. This is your OCD. Starting to creep in. Like this is, you think you're a killer or you think you're a pervert. I don't. Okay. In this show, it's a lot of voiceover because you're hearing his thoughts. Yeah. And so then today I was kind of hearing my thoughts like that. Right. And I thought I need to take a break. Yeah. Take a little break. No, but I also really want to know what happens. Keep going. All right. Let's see if there's anything else I want to talk about. You know, you're really tunnel vision.

1:28:17It is easy. I get why. I get how it happened. She's only so culpable. It was very confusing. But it was just. And he didn't do a good job. Like he should have recognized what was going on much sooner and said, it's a television show on Netflix. And the title is you. And the title is you. Y-O-U. Yes. And not Laura Ingraham. But he did end up saying it's a show on Netflix called You. And she still said Laura. But he did say I was watching You about seven times before it's a show on Netflix. It's so good. I almost feel like it's fake and I don't want to like look too into it. I don't think so. I don't either.

1:28:56It's such a genuine reaction from her. All right. Well, that's it. Let's move into facts. Yeah, yeah. Facts. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

1:29:15So facts for Nick Kroll. When he said daddy's money, when he brought that, I keep thinking how funny that was when he said that. Do you remember that? Yes. I don't care because I have daddy's money. Yeah. That was so funny. Also, I wrote down specifically when he said sick little cutie. I laughed so hard at sick little cutie. I thought that was the funniest. Just a sick little cutie. Yeah, he was a mess. I see he was coughing and snorting. A little indigestion there for a minute. I fucking loved it. It was great. And then I was kind of like, oh, sick little cutie is kind of like my kink. That is your kink.

1:29:59Yeah. Sick little cutie. That could be your clothing line. Sick little cuties. Sick little cuties.

1:30:07Anyway, that was just, it really made me laugh. He's so funny. But it's more than that. He's got that thing. some people have where he is just like infinitely comfortable in his own skin, which is so appealing. Yeah. It's such a comforting personality type. It is. Yeah. The women came after me. Should I tell you that? What do you mean? The women, my, what I thought was an incredibly obvious joke about period, period underwear and tampax. Such a joke. Some women really came at me hard. I think they also might, I don't know if they really think that or if they're like playing along. They're playing your role maybe.

1:30:46Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We really did uncover though something with the X. Yeah, I know. Because MaxiPad, Tampax. MaxiPad would have been the first. Probably. Yeah. And then NYX and then. Thinks. What is it? Thinks. That's another brand of. Thinks. And they go on your, they cover your. Okay. Yeah, women. X because X. Someone said that. Someone suggested that in the comments. And I think that's brilliant. And I don't think that's what it is. But that's brilliant. How could you possibly know? I'm just trying to imagine the Tampax people going like, okay, let's call it. It's a tampon.

1:31:29But let's build on that. And let's add X because of the chromosome. I just. What's your idea? That they wanted to imbue a sense of max. Like max comfort, max absorption, max freshness, max. What was the word? Huh? They had the word attached to Tampax in the ad we showed. Oh, radiant. Max radiance. But it's not. It's Tampax. Yeah. Not Tam Max. Tampaximum. I think it's X chromosome. That's good. It's good. We'd have to track down whoever named. Maxipad. That's the original. I bet you can do that and come back to us. Do you think they're alive? Probably they're kids or kids of kids. Okay. Well, while you read a fact, I'm going to ask AI if the inventor of MaxiPads is still alive.

1:32:24Okay, great. Is the inventor of MaxiPads still alive? If people listen to the CTE episode with Chris Nowinski, and then also it came up in another episode, The P-Baby. Uh-huh. We had AI make a video of us originally talking about the P-Baby, the original story of P-Baby. Oh, really? Yeah. And I'm going to post it tomorrow. But so by the time you listen to this, it will be posted. And I really, really recommend people going to watch this. It'll be on our Instagram. Because for one, the story is just you need a good reminder of the P-Baby. but the AI is hilarious. Oh, I can't wait to see it. And it's like a version of you and me.

1:33:12The AI made versions of us. It's so funny. Well, I can't wait to see. Yeah. Were you holding this as a surprise for me? No, I was just gonna. I'm doing stuff, you know. I'm picturing you got things to do. Anyway, so check that out. Check out the P-Baby and the AI. It just reminded me, AI. Okay, great. Did it respond? Well, it had to have. Mary Beatrice Davidson Kenner, an African-American inventor, is renowned for her development of the adjustable sanitary belt, a precursor to the modern maxi pad. Okay, so they really went back. That was 1912. Oh, wow. She passed away in 06, so that's off the table.

1:33:48Kenner's invention patented and featured a moisture-proof pocket designed to hold menstrual pads securely in place. the innovation. Okay. We're in Crenner face racial discrimination. That's a bummer. And of course, was awarded five patents. In summary, Mary Beatus Davis and Kenner passed away. And I was like, okay, so I don't know if we're giving her credit for Maxi Pat or she did the belt. Okay. Okay. All right. So we didn't learn anything. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Great. Now, what are the most watched shows on Netflix? This is on Wikipedia. And notoriously Netflix doesn't really release this information.

1:34:27Or they do it weird. They'll do like a minute. So I just saw this. And congrats to Dumao and Minka Kelly, Friends of the Pod. Oh, Ransom Canyon. Ransom Canyon has 2.6 billion minutes viewed. And to put it in perspective, Mobland, which I love and is seemingly a hit, everyone I know is watching it, had like 580 million. So a four and a half X of second place. Ooh-ee. But they do minutes, right? So that's an interesting way to quantify it. Interesting. As opposed to like households who watched it. Is it minutes or hours? Minutes. Interesting. Okay, well, this is just Wikipedia. Oh, and it's most popular television series by hours watching their first 28 days.

1:35:13Number one is Squid Game season one. Yeah. Stranger Things. Oh, yeah. Is number two. Three is Wednesday. Okay. Four is Squid Game Season 2. Mm-hmm. Five is Dahmer Monster, the Jeffrey Dahmer story. Wow. I wouldn't have picked that up just from walking around and people telling me to watch stuff. Yeah. That one's a surprise for me. Six is Money Heist. That was a big, big show. Yes. I think maybe it was in Spanish, I think. Yeah. Anna turned us on to it. She loved it. Yeah. Oh, wait, no, sorry. That's, so six is Money Heist part five. Okay. Interesting. Seven, eight, and nine are Bridgerton, season one, two, and three.

1:36:05Uh-huh. And then 10, Money Heist part four. Okay. 11, Stranger Things. I need to give Money Heist another shot. It was, it was subtitled? Yeah, I think so. I know I would, I would watch that. I'm still in ER. Oh, I know when I started, which is so fucking good. The pit? Deli Boys. Oh, I want to watch Deli Boys. Have you tried? You got to try it. Yeah, I want to. It's such a unique tone that they were pulling off beautifully. Nice. It's fantastic. Cool. I love that. You know, I like discovering these hiccups in my thinking. Uh-huh. And so there's a joke in Deli Boys. Mm-hmm. They have to deal with this Italian mob boss quite often.

1:36:46Mm-hmm. And they're Pakistani. and the patriarch of, not even the patriarch, one of the partners in the criminal organization, an older guy, he hates Indians, right? He's constantly talking about how he hates Indians. And so he's sitting across from this Italian mobster and he says, Pakistani, but I'm telling the truth. Indians are terrible. And the Italian goes, oh, I thought you were Indian. And he goes, no, I'm not. They are our mortal enemy. And then the Italian mobster goes, so you guys look identical to each other and you hate one another? And he goes, oh, Cookie just got canceled. He's like, then they all laugh the notion of a mobster could get canceled.

1:37:32Oh, that's funny. But then I was like, I think people do go, how do these two people hate each other so much? They're clearly related. And then I was like, yeah, I would never think that about the Irish and the English. Exactly. The French and the English. Yeah. And then I wondered if people in India are looking at those people going like, wait, you guys are the same people. Why are you fighting? Well, I wonder if it's like whatever in group you're in the out. It seems crazy on the outside. It's always about land and religion often religion. But yeah, who owns what? And it's I mean, that's that's very timely because India and Pakistan were.

1:38:09Well, this was obviously made before they now launch missiles at each other. But they're in a ceasefire. Yeah. But anyway, okay, Seth MacFarlane and Nick, that conversation, that's on the SAG After Foundation YouTube. Yeah. So you can watch that there if you're interested in animation. Pretty unique conversation. Okay, the seasons of Seth MacFarlane shows, how many? Family Guy, 23 seasons. American Dad, 19 seasons. Cleveland Show, four seasons. 46. Wow. 46 seasons of television. That's really it. That's all the facts. Yeah. Well, Nick Kroll, we love you. Well, there was one more. We pray for your speedy recovery.

1:38:58He's going to be sick for another 10 years or so. Yeah. Like six. Six more years he's got of being sick. We're not sick anymore. Well, you kind of are. You're still kind of sick. Probably more sick than I was pre-kids in general. But like they just stop putting their fingers in each other's mouths and butts. And like they just they get a little more separated as they get older. Speaking of kids. Yeah. I wasn't sure if I was going to bring this up, but why not? Yeah, why not? I said I was racist, you know. Well, no, this isn't negative towards kids. Right. I'm just saying I revealed a lot that I had some vestigial racial thinking that I caught myself.

1:39:42Sure. Yeah. Mother's Day. We just had Mother's Day, right? Yeah. It's getting increasingly harder for me. Okay. And I think for like so many reasons, I feel overwhelming. Yeah. And I'm just tracking that. that it's starting to feel really tough. I'm glad I go home. I go home. I've gone home the last couple of years and it's nice to be with my mom. And I know it makes them very happy. So I like doing that. But there is something about being there that's hard. When I'm there, especially for moments, events, yearly events, The passage, like time starts to feel very oppressive. Yeah. The passage of time.

1:40:40Yeah. You know, we go to the same places and, you know, I'm going to this like mall that I went to when I was in high school and to see it be so much the same and also so different. It's just it feels it feels sad. It feels melancholic. Right. Right. And and then seeing my parents age. Yes. Is so hard. The lack of permanence to everything. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And I can kind of Buddhism. I know. And I when I'm not there, I can detach from it when I'm here. And you can keep it time locked in your mind and memory. Yes. And I think I can just compartmentalize and like they're there and that's happening, but I'm not seeing day to day like the little things that are changing.

1:41:29So it's kind of hard to be there, even though I'm glad I make that decision. That's a little hard. And then I also know being here would be hard because all of my friends have kids. Yeah. And that is painful in its own way. And like, it just feels sort of like this day is hard. Is it painful because you feel like you're missing out on the mothering experience or is it painful because you feel excluded from your friends in a way? Which pain is it? I think it's both. I think it's, it's so tricky because it's not like on a day to day, I think of the pain of not having children, but on that day, I am a way I'm just very aware that I don't.

1:42:17Yeah. And that it's not it wasn't really a choice. It's just the way my life went. Right. Unfolded. Yeah. Unfolded in this way. I made decisions that took me in certain places. I you know, I'm not married to my high school sweetheart. I didn't have one, you know. And yeah, I'm just like aware, like, oh, my life hasn't gone. Didn't go that way. Right. And yes, I can still make decisions that might lead to that, but it's different. It's like really different now. Me having a kid now is a real choice. It is not like, oh, I fell in love with this person and then maybe we'll have kids. That's the next step.

1:43:03It's I have to make. right now what do we do fuck it let's do it it's real real hard decision making yeah it kind of I don't yeah and that's that's an annoying thing to have to think about yeah um so yeah I guess it was a hard day closer or further I don't know like it it it it makes me feel feel like oh I wish I had that. But does it make me feel like I'm going to take those steps to do it? If I were you, I would just want to be crystal clear if it is a desire to have the experience versus the A student in you. I know. That's hard to know which is driving it. But I think one is worth chasing and one is worth overcoming.

1:43:54Yeah, I know. I don't know. Again, that's a question that I have to ask, that I'm kind of resentful that I have to ask. Resentful towards life, I guess, because I know that if I was married and in a partnership, I would have kids. Right. I would want that. Yeah. So. What does a guy in your situation do? Like, what is this 37-year-old guy who can't go get a donor? Well, they could. I mean, yeah, they could, and then they got to get a surrogate, and it's definitely more complicated. You're like, you're a stop at a sperm bank away from having a kid. Well, maybe. Well, maybe because of fertility. Exactly.

1:44:38But, you know, like a dude who's not loaded and can't pay for a surrogate and egg and all that stuff. I wonder how they wrestle with it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I assume it's the same feeling and the same thing. Like, I guess I have to figure out if I'm going to, like, just be with a person I don't want to be with or or take those steps in some ways. I mean, it's it's all hard. But I think for a man, if they have the means, I mean, a lot of women don't have the means to do any of this either. How much is a sperm donor? That's not terribly expensive. But to your egg, like, you know, do retrievals and it's expensive.

1:45:24But let's just say you. You have to remove the eggs in order to make the embryo. Oh, they can't put a baster in you and do it? Oh, they can try it. Yeah, some people, that works for some people. It's pretty hard for it to take, but it works for some people. But then if that doesn't work, you spent money doing that and then you have to, you know, it's a lot. Right. But for a man, they can make the embryo, you know, they'll take the egg, the sperm, they'll make the embryo and then they'll implant it into a surrogate. Yeah, I imagine that's a pricey endeavor. I'm sure. Fertility is so expensive. Another thing that's like, that's a cost that it wouldn't be a cost.

1:46:03I mean, having kids is an insane cost in general, but. To your mental health. Yeah, diapers, diapers, ding, ding, ding. That came up in Nick Kroll's fact. Diaps. Your diaps and they went bankrupt. yeah my diapers went bankrupt bad for business um anyway i just thought i would share it because i'm sure it's complicated for a lot of people surely mother's day for so many reasons carrie sent me this incredible post that a girl at our high school had put on facebook and um she was a grade younger than us i believe i didn't like of course i didn't recognize her right away But it was this really heartfelt, beautiful post about the complicated nature of Mother's Day and how she basically had to say goodbye to her mom at 16 because the mom moved to Arizona and the mom was not healthy mom.

1:46:54And so this girl was living, going to my school. Yeah. Living on her own. Oh, my God. Paying for an apartment. She sent it to me because she goes, side note, that's fun. I was once in detention and Dax Shepard said to me, what'd they put you in for? Oh, that's funny. And then went on to say, don't worry about all this. Your life's really going to start in two minutes. And I know mine's not ending here in this. Oh, wow. Whether I said that or not, who knows? Maybe in her mind I said that. But I'm delighted that on that detention, we had, you know, like a fun interaction. Yeah, but it was just a really sweet post and a reminder of like, man, some kids like the experience can be so right.

1:47:37Carrie sent it to me going, I'm such a fucking asshole for bitching about my two loving parents. You know, whatever. Yeah. But life is hard. There's kids in your high school that are like, they're supporting themselves and living in an apartment. Yeah. And they don't have any parents. Yeah. Yeah. It's bad. Okay. Anyway. Well, that's it. All right. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Thank you.