Bobbychella & The King's Fool

11:27Bobby Lee:what does that say 21 amputees Okay, 84. Amputees. So last year, 100 people had to get emergency services because they're either too high, they're not drinking water, which is why that woman is doing her job. Yeah. And if she's doing her job, it'll go down again next year.

11:46Khalyla Kuhn:It wasn't what she was saying,

11:47Bobby Lee:it's how she said it. You didn't like her vibe. Yeah.

11:50Khalyla Kuhn:Drink water. Not yet, like, stay hydrated. You know what I mean? That would make me laugh, though. It made me laugh at first But then it made me mad I know how water works Lady I know how water works You know how water works right I just found out This stuff is fantastic It's the best beverage on earth

12:11Bobby Lee:So then you're backstage The Manson girls are there This is a big group Or did you guys split up At that point it was me

12:21Khalyla Kuhn:The girl I was seeing And Carlos And behind us were three Manson girls you know i mean with no shoes on and they're just you know i mean just doing things vibing dude i like that i know you like that that's when you said the other thing oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but they were like you know i mean yeah yeah and it's like like it's also i know how much it costs to be there in that area yeah you know i mean and they you know their feet are just dirt but you didn't have to pay for that area they did what you so that's what i'm saying it's like So I was in the artist area And there was three blokes They're from England Hello mate And I go And I go And they're like I go what do you guys do You know what I mean We're investors Yeah Finance investors And so you realise It's just all rich people Old money We've got really old money Yeah really And then you realise When you're there In front of a sea of people And you go in your mind you're trying to have a good time but in your mind we're in a war

13:32Bobby Lee:would you ever go to coachella yeah i i told you i think i i went to like the fifth or sixth one yeah ever yeah and i've never been back yeah i went to it and i was like this is you know me that is my nightmare you know me that's my nightmare thousands of people like i can't do that i i but you know but you're different in the fact that like you can enjoy you can enjoy like the scene with with with the family you can with the girls was i enjoying you eventually did yeah you found like good in it yeah i can go to one show if it's a one band i want to yeah yeah exactly

14:07Khalyla Kuhn:i can't do you can't sit through karen carpenter for what the fuck no for an hour and a half like

14:11Bobby Lee:a festival of karen carpenter yeah i can't do that that gives me anxiety i don't where did you poop

14:17Khalyla Kuhn:Where do you poop? Oh, they have nicer ones now. Oh, they do? For the VIP, there's nicer ones. They look like maybe a Nobu bathroom. Bobby wants to Nobu. I went to Nobu. There's a Nobu at Coachella? Yeah, I'll tell you about my Nobu, but I wanted to say this. What? Yeah. The Nobu is one thing. So I made a promise to myself. I'll never go back. I don't care about it. Thank you. I don't care if it's the return of Jesus Christ. I'll go to hell. Return of Jesus Christ. Right? I ain't going. Would he play the main stage? They couldn't get Jesus on the main stage.

14:53Bobby Lee:They're like, look. Yeah, yeah. Ariana Grande beats the numbers. Harry Styles is going to get main stage.

14:59Khalyla Kuhn:He's a stage coach. That's so funny. Jesus is at Bonnaroo. Yeah. I mean, they could do the return of the Beatles. They have George and John's bones up there. Just, you know what I mean? I would not go. You know what I mean? I still would not go. Just marionette. Yeah, marionette. When you've hit all the others in my head. Yeah, yeah. Favorite points of view. That would be so funny to say that. I know. Tax man. It is a tax man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be so funny. You still wouldn't go. You wouldn't go. You would never go. I would never go back, right? That's terrible. To do the thing. So then Carlos says to me, he goes, I got you no boo.

15:43Khalyla Kuhn:I go, where? At Coachella. And I go, oh, that's cool. Thank you. He's at seven o 'clock. For my birthday, I got him Nobu. How did you do that? And for your birthday, I got you Coachella. Thank you. You know what I mean? So I think that I won. It's not a contest. I know, but what you just said was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you did. You did do that. You just did do that. I'm a little edgy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, why? I think Molly 18 hours ago. So he gets me. Yeah, I was a girl. Oh, OK. How can I just say another?

16:13Bobby Lee:I want to say this one. And I'm going to knock on you. So first of all, you fucking lied. Cause when I called you and we talked, I said, did you, did you do any drugs at Coachella? And you said, no.

16:21Khalyla Kuhn:I didn't consider Molly a drug because it's not just drugs.

16:23Bobby Lee:It's not just drugs. Oh, I'm sorry.

16:25Khalyla Kuhn:Can I interrupt? Can I interrupt? Yeah. Can I interrupt? Yeah. He comes out into the, cause we have, we Airbnb at a house. Yeah. He comes into the living room. I'm sorry. Wait, happy birthday. He brings out a Bible. Oh no. All right. While you're on Molly. No. And he opens up the Bible. It's not a Bible. It's a drug pharmacy.

16:48Bobby Lee:Carlos, you still have the drug Bible? That's insane. It's like a little travel case, his little Bible.

16:55Khalyla Kuhn:It has a lock on it. I know.

16:57Bobby Lee:Yeah. Oh, thanks. That's good.

16:59Khalyla Kuhn:Dog and kid proof. That's why I brought it.

17:00Bobby Lee:Written Arabic.

17:04Khalyla Kuhn:Still written Arabic to talk a Bible, right? Inshallah. Yeah. And so, are you mad at that? No, it made Bieber so much fun. Yeah, yeah. So then he makes me go to Nobu. Now, it sounds good. Nobu. I make you go to Nobu. Time. Stop. Let him get it out. Where is the Nobu? Just in the middle of the festival.

17:22Bobby Lee:There's a Nobu in the grounds? Like they built a fucking Nobu. They built a Nobu in the grounds.

17:28Khalyla Kuhn:What? That's crazy. But unfortunately, they built it. So you're on a patio outside. and literally 200 feet away is the stage of the EDM festival. Right? So you're eating sushi in an earthquake. It was the most unpleasant human experience. And I felt bad for the sushi chefs. Oh, yeah. Because you have to be there all day.

18:00Bobby Lee:Oh, I bet they got paid handsomely. Oh, I hope so. I guarantee you they made so much fucking money because they're there all day listening to this

18:10Khalyla Kuhn:That's the view that's the stage and that's not one speaker

18:18Bobby Lee:That's all of the speaker.

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21:51Bobby Lee:I was in the desert I was in Las Vegas Viva Las Vegas Interesting place Interesting place Like it?

22:02Khalyla Kuhn:As if I've never been there Do you like it? In what way? Exactly In what way? Ditto Exactly

22:12Bobby Lee:Ditto to you my friend Every time I go to Vegas This

22:17Khalyla Kuhn:Smoke

22:17Bobby Lee:So much smoke Oh yeah I can't breathe dude Michelle Wee says hi, by the way. Who does? Michelle Wee. Oh, the athlete. Probably the greatest female golfer on earth. She loves you. Yeah. Loves you. Oh, I wish Bobby would come to something like that.

22:32Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. Michelle Wee West, one of the best. And then when we were watching The Strokes, Josh Adam Meyers walks by in the elite area. To his voice. Well, hey, I'm Josh Adam Meyers. I don't know. And he's with The Strokes. You know what I mean? And I go, hey, Josh. She doesn't turn around. Textes me later.

22:52Bobby Lee:Where are you? Oh, you think he saw you and pretended to not see you? I don't know. That's fucked up. I don't know. Ooh, Bobby. Ooh. You saw him too, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

23:01Khalyla Kuhn:You think he did a thing where it's like, I don't know. I love that move. What? I love that for him. Yeah, because he's in a different class. What does that mean? What do you mean? He's with the band. You're with the band. No, I wasn't. I was back. We went back there to see them, and I couldn't get to him. Yeah, he was looking for the stroke. That's great. I was. And you couldn't get to him. Yeah, yeah. We couldn't find him. We couldn't find him. Yeah. But there was, we ran into that comedian, Megan... Stalter. Stalter. Stalter. I said hi to her. Oh, Meg Stalter. Yeah. Meg Stalter. So funny. And then we ran into...

23:35Khalyla Kuhn:Dressed like Minnie Mouse. Yeah. She's funny. Yeah. And this is one kid, we still don't know who he is, but he had like three... What do you call them, Carlos? Oh, like... Piercings on his right eye. and he was just kind of sweating. He was like, I just got off stage and mainstay. We still don't know who it was. A comedian? No, he was a performer. Oh, yeah, yeah.

23:56Bobby Lee:There was no comedy at Coachella, right? Imagine. I mean, they could have a comedy tent and do very well, I bet. You think so? 100%. They don't have to ask to other festivals.

24:05Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, they do that. What do you mean? But it wouldn't be our types of comedy. I looked at the demographic. There's just no way. Who would it be?

24:12Bobby Lee:Who would headline Coachella?

24:13Khalyla Kuhn:Okay. Oh, this is good. This is good. I mean, first of all, Chappelle could easily do that. He could, but I'm talking about it would be more... Like on the smaller tents? A smaller tent, more of a... I could see Moshe Kasher. Yeah. These types, you know what I mean? Eastside. Yeah, Eastside. More Eastside comics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. I could see David Cross doing well. No fucking way. He would never go out there. That's another... When I said that, I go, I promise you this. I will not run into a single... Except for Meg, but she's an actress, right? but I'll not run into a traditional standup comic here ever.

24:51Khalyla Kuhn:Because there's just, I imagine David Tell sitting there watching Karen Carpenter.

24:55Bobby Lee:No, but that's not true. Comics that are into psychedelics would absolutely go to that. There's a lot of comics that like music and psychedelics. I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would go do that. I just, I never ran into one. I bet you there's way more than you thought were out there. You think so? I would assume that, like, yeah, no, not, you know. I couldn't see like a traditional.

25:13Khalyla Kuhn:Not like Louis C.K. is not going to be there. Yeah, there's no way Louis is going to be there watching Sabrina Carpenter.

25:17Bobby Lee:No, but there's some people that are, yeah, there's some drug comics that like to get high and listen to music.

25:22Khalyla Kuhn:Also, when did Bieber end? 1 a.m. 1 a.m. Imagine being out there at 1 a.m. in the desert. It was great. Yeah, he loved it. Yeah, I'm 54. My body couldn't do it. You got to go home. I did the strokes. I did three hops and then everything broke. Remember? He was hopping hard. Yeah, I was hopping hard. I broke from the stroke.

25:46Khalyla Kuhn:i mean it i couldn't bob anymore you loved it though because you were on mdma yeah i took it for bieber i didn't yeah yeah no you were taking it all day long i saw those are mushrooms

25:57Bobby Lee:oh okay so you're eating mushrooms all day and then took molly at night for bieber yeah it's the warm-up yeah it's warm-up yeah yeah and then he slept in the house with you he slept in the

26:05Khalyla Kuhn:door but i had to lock the door yeah yeah he was literally right next to me i had to lock the door How many, it was a lot of rooms? Yeah, there were a lot. Like 12 rooms. And you slept next to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I had to lock his door to my room. Yeah. Because I was with my friend and it's like, I didn't want him to walk in. Right. Cause that would be - That'd be gross. Cause then he would take his clothes off. 100%. You know what I mean?

26:27Bobby Lee:And then try to ram it in me. I thought about you all weekend because I was with the table of friends and one of my friend's girlfriends didn't understand how I could pick out which of the girls on the floor of the casino were professionals.

26:39Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, that's so easy.

26:39Bobby Lee:she's like how do you know i'm like what it's so clear like it's so obvious what girls are out

26:44Khalyla Kuhn:well tell me the rules what's the hottest one wearing nice shoes first of all dead giveaway

26:48Bobby Lee:at any casino you go to like the bar there if you're at a casino and you're not gambling what casino any every all everyone all center of the because there's always a center bar well there's always a bar that's near where the tables are right whether people are paying 80 dollars a drink but you can get a drink for free if you just gamble yeah so it's the dumbest shit yeah so it's usually uh a single girl sitting alone who's remarkably attractive wearing a dress that's not even on her body yeah and she's on her phone the whole time yeah right and then she's waiting at the bar for you know old man mcgillicuddy to sit down yeah who's got a suit jacket the old guys always have a suit jacket that are rich they don't dress like i love old men old men are the best no middle middle call it cuddy mcgillicuddy mcgillicuddy mcgillicuddy mcgillicuddy mcgillicuddy McGillicuddy.

27:38Bobby Lee:McGillicuddy. Okay. Yeah. And they're always alone. They always are alone. Cause then what they do is. Old man McGillicuddy? McGillicuddy is not alone. Oh, he's not alone. He's with the guys. But the professional is alone. And then she chums it up. Oh my God. And then gives him the thought, oh, this is the, she's like, who are you here with? And he's with some, some friends. She's like, let me get some of my friends. And then you'll see the professionals start coming like moth to a flame. a few other hot girls will somehow show up out of nowhere. Or light bulb. In his older, what? Or light bulb.

28:10Bobby Lee:Well, moth to a flame is the phrase, but yeah. I'm just saying any kind of source of light. Any kind of source of light. Yeah. Yeah. Incandescent. I want to be specific. Incandescent, yeah. And they'll show up and then you'll just notice. Yeah. Five very slovenly looking middle of nowhere men. Yeah. With three to five unbelievably attractive women. Right. Wearing nothing half of their age. and you're like, these guys are going to get run on by these professionals. These girls are going to take these guys. We watched it happen live. And my friend's girlfriend was like, how did you call that? I was like, it's so see-through.

28:46Bobby Lee:Why would that girl talk to that guy? Because he's got the cash, baby. Go to the high limit rooms, always a professional walking around or sitting kind of waiting near it. I would have no idea. It's so obvious. We saw that in Vegas last time. 100%. I have no idea. You can pick them off from a mile away. Very easy, yeah. It happened when we were, where was I just, oh, with.

29:06Khalyla Kuhn:Because my assumption would be like, oh, she's, her boyfriend's in the bathroom. No. You know what I mean?

29:11Bobby Lee:Oh, she's just waiting for her boyfriend in the bathroom. You can always tell. Really? It's just, there's a vibe that they're doing that you're like, they're obviously waiting for their target. Like, they're waiting for the target to arrive. If you walk up to her and, if guys walk up to her and flirt with her, which I'm sure they do, she probably fucks them off. Why? Because she's looking for the, she goes fishing. She's not looking to be caught. She's fishing.

29:33Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, she's fishing.

29:35Bobby Lee:She's finding the idiot that she's looking to take down. So they find the guy.

29:38Khalyla Kuhn:You see all these things like Target, Take Down. What is going on here? They're all in the military.

29:45Bobby Lee:Yeah, because you're scaring me. Well, they work. They seriously work. Like, everything is strategy. You can just see the way they operate. It's all strategy, by the way. They operate with these guys. But we watched it happen, and she was shocked. Sheila couldn't believe it. I was like, well, we saw it in Vegas together. And then when I was with Gil, the same thing. We sit at the bar. Me and DeRosa are sitting at the bar. having a cocktail. Yeah. I'm about to go to bed because I play golf the next morning. Yeah. And this girl's sitting alone and then she slowly is like kind of leaning in on our conversation and she zones in on DeRosa and I slowly fade off into the background.

30:17Bobby Lee:Right. And I can see it happening.

30:19Khalyla Kuhn:You become a whisper. And I texted him. I said,

30:21Bobby Lee:Joe, don't do anything stupid.

30:24Khalyla Kuhn:Oh. So, but what happens next?

30:27Bobby Lee:Then she does chat. Who you hear with that? I get formal. Tell me the rules. Then he buys her a drink. He buys her a drink. You can do, then it's like, like, oh, let's have another drink. How much is that? Do you want to gamble? Drinks at those bars are like 25 bucks, probably. They're a ripoff. Yeah, because they don't drink, so. And then she goes, oh, I want to go gamble. Do you want to gamble? Oh my God, let's go gamble. Just you and me. Separate him from the herd, right? This is how they kill their prey. They go, let's go gamble, you and me. So then they take him to a table. Dude, I've seen it happen.

30:51Bobby Lee:I've seen it happen. And then they take him to a table, or they go, let's play slots, whatever, and it's like.

30:54Khalyla Kuhn:So you can tell this guy, this target, right? You can call them the USA. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you take the USA into, you know what I mean, a hostile environment. Because the USA thinks he's the man. I'm the man of the USA. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got money. I got money. I got money. I'll give you money. I'll give you whatever you want. Whatever you want. Okay. Now I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah. I'm beginning to see it now. Yeah, okay.

31:24Bobby Lee:Maybe the greatest analogy of all time. I think so. I think so. I mean, it's perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. And they separate them. They start to gamble. they're drinking more they're gambling right right maybe then then then comes in the drop about yeah should we get a bag whoa do you want to oh do you like to party yeah yeah then this drops in right then you start to see the swirl wait what's a bag coke do you want a bag should we get a bag

31:47Khalyla Kuhn:yeah yeah okay yeah and then depending on if is that the term get a bag yeah yeah because i wouldn't know what that meant if she goes if you want a bag i go a bag of groceries what you want you want instacart let's go to trader like i wouldn't know the term be so funny to take a prostitute just to

32:02Bobby Lee:trader joe's yeah yeah yeah you take her this is what i meant you know i mean i just wanted stuff for my apartment yeah yeah then they they ask for drugs and if the if the subject is like if i said um i don't do bags that's fine you're probably less likely now for her to attack harder oh okay

32:20Khalyla Kuhn:so give me the situation all right now i say okay i say all right so you're sober yeah i've been I've been sober for four years. Oh. And I'm gonna talk like Coachella. Okay. I just wanted to go, I was just there. You know what I mean? Hydrate. And then so I'm - All right, so - I'm the professional. You're the professional. So yeah, I don't do drugs, I've been sober for four years. That's no problem. That's why I don't have it back. That's no problem. That's not a problem? Not at all. Okay, so what do we do next? Let's go gamble some more. Okay, let's gamble. So we're gambling, I spent about three grand, right?

32:51Khalyla Kuhn:And then at one point, what happens after that? She goes, oh God, is this hotel nice?

32:55Bobby Lee:Oh yeah, I have a suite here. You do? Yeah. Can I check it out? I wanna see, I've never seen the suites here. Okay.

33:03Khalyla Kuhn:See, you're in. All right, so we go to the elevator. Boop! Because you have to put the boop. You're in the elevator. Yeah, yeah. And you have to hack your room key, boop it. Right? Dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah. So once you see the room, I mean, what happens? I just wanna check it out. Oh, you wanna check it out? All right, we're in the room. Is there a mini bar in here? Yeah. I wanna do a shot, let's do a shot.

33:22Bobby Lee:Yeah, I don't drink, I just fucking said that. I don't do bags or drinks. Can I do a shot? Yeah, I guess. Okay, I do a shot. Right. Ready? I'm feeling good. It's warm in here. Shirt's off. Tits out.

33:32Khalyla Kuhn:Wait, Andrew. Yeah. She needs to go to the bathroom first to text her pimp that she's okay. Oh.

33:37Bobby Lee:Oh. So the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. By the way, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've only seen this from the floor level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carlos needs to take it from here. Right. I actually don't know the next move. I'm making it up as we go. But that sounds right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She texts her pimp. Well, tell us what they do when they get into the room. Hold on.

33:53Khalyla Kuhn:Can I use your restroom? And then it's like 10 minutes. It's way too long. Things are happening. How much does this cost, Carlos? Yeah. In Vegas, a G minimum. And then she's going to take her shirt off. Yeah. She'll be like, oh, if you want to do anything else, you have to tip me.

34:07Bobby Lee:So they take their shirt off.

34:09Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. They're like, okay.

34:10Bobby Lee:And she says you have to tip me, but you already paid her$1 ,000?

34:13Khalyla Kuhn:Anything else is extra. You have to tip me.

34:15Bobby Lee:So$1 ,000 is just to hang with her?

34:17Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, just for five minutes. No, that's no way. I'm serious. for nothing that's how they really yeah i'm out that's how they rip you're not even getting like a

34:23Bobby Lee:tuggy or something no that's how they rip people off in vegas or la you have it feels too you know what i mean the only story i know yeah i mean other than the ones you've told me but from a friend of mine who isn't a guy that would do this usually this was very out of pocket for him but i think he was newly single and going through a rough patch yeah this is a long time ago but he told me um they were drinking and he thinks that she drugged him well okay she knows he knows i mean he was drinking all day he was hammered yeah but then he passed out blacked out passed out and then when he woke up his watch and his cash were gone oh yeah that happens to like nba players all the time yeah right they mean they call on their friends well then what's the what's the worth

35:03Khalyla Kuhn:what is it worth it there's it's not worth it well not that way just jerk off yeah yeah yeah no that's what i do just jerk off yeah but see but here's the difference we'll get on lexapro yeah that's what i get it on an ssri yeah that does help yeah this is the commercial for ssris are you having trouble with prostitutes just get on an ssri no but so have you been robbed before

35:28Bobby Lee:no no because i've you know the stories yeah you know so you keep doing it in those situations and i've like backed out but why are you still doing it knowing that it's dangerous oh that was so long ago yeah but now i'm the pro no but here's i know you're the pro now so i know but here's the thing

35:43Khalyla Kuhn:about you think you're the pro you like you like excitement yeah you're you're sort of like a navy seal in that way exactly where it's and in no other way whatsoever it's so disrespectful to

35:54Bobby Lee:navy seals like some of the most like yeah adored athletically mentally physically strong yeah you are nothing like the navy seal except for this way except for this can we train in california

36:08Khalyla Kuhn:They train all over the place All over the world By the way he's gonna run Are you good at water? I'm good at water Have you seen him swim?

36:18Bobby Lee:No You're not a water guy? You're not a seal Well you're a beached seal

36:26Khalyla Kuhn:That's nice you're chilling on the beach It'd be so funny if his His patroller They're on they're fighting Where's Carlos and he's still swimming? this is two days in 100 yards off the shore yeah i'm on my way i'm just vaping the whole time you'd be vaping in the yeah you're not a sealer watching basketball on my iphone yeah yeah by the way

36:48Bobby Lee:vaping i wish overtook cigarettes completely because of this in vegas every time and now it's like people still smoke in vegas even though i know they don't smoke back where they're from this game people play just vape please vape because i don't i don't i'm huffing and puffing your shit of the just vape everywhere should be vape there should be only sell vapes everywhere all over vegas no cigarettes it's fucking obnoxious how was he a navy seal again i forgot

37:12Khalyla Kuhn:i spaced oh no i know why because you like extreme yes you mean oh you want you like danger yeah you like danger you're like living on the edge even at your age aerosmith yeah yeah and you like um the mystery of it all yeah like the chase yeah yeah i've like run from the cops three times yeah

37:32Bobby Lee:you told me about the motorcycle thing and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah but but so now you think you've got it at a place where if you get if you pay for a friend yeah if we're gonna say this eloquently you think you're safe from any sort of oh i know i am because i'm like a member of

37:47Khalyla Kuhn:certain things where it's all verified oh yeah what do you mean you're in a private club oh yeah

37:53Bobby Lee:well yeah i'm gonna tell you this right now what i want to know how much you pay to be in the private yeah yeah oh i got in early you got in early you invested earlier well like as

38:03Khalyla Kuhn:like it's AI it's insider trading

38:06Bobby Lee:yeah who else is in there what other insider traders are in there

38:12Khalyla Kuhn:I feel like there are famous people in there in your private club I believe that if Carlos was a king oh this is what you said no no no if Carlos was a king that we'd all be dead

38:23Bobby Lee:popper popper popper

38:26Khalyla Kuhn:what's a popper

38:27Bobby Lee:king of prince of popper he's a popper but do you think we'd be alive if he was a king yeah only because of the loyalty that we've had he's had to us so far we'd still

38:35Khalyla Kuhn:live through his his yeah but what position will we have well ask him he's right there yeah like you're king what position do i have and be completely honest obviously you're my court's jester yeah that's fine of course you're my fool what do i get though i'm your fool you're my yeah yeah i keep you drunk and i make you relapse wow okay and you and you have a chain around your neck. I do. Like a bear in Russia in like the 1800s. Yeah, but do I get like a condo or an area to a good night's up place? A condo? A place in the castle to sleep? The jester lives in the basement. I live in the basement?

39:09Khalyla Kuhn:No, I would give him like a really cool view of like the ocean. Oh, cool. No chain. No chain always. Why? Yeah, there's just chains. And you have a guy walking with you all the time to watch you. Oh, I have like an assistant. No, it's a bodyguard, but he works for me. He's watching you all the time.

39:25Bobby Lee:Right, right, right. Just making sure you don't get any ideas. Exactly. To leave. Exactly. Anything. Yeah, yeah, to anything. All right, what am I? Well, just one last question.

39:32Khalyla Kuhn:I'm sorry. I'm the gesture, so I have a couple of questions. Well, the gesture's not allowed to speak, really. I know, but how many times do I have to perform? How many times do I have to perform? Whenever I want. Okay. When I wake up, I need a funny ringtone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and when my phone rings, it has to always be on silent. Yeah. But you do the ringtone vocally. Exactly. Okay. All right. I would love that one. Yeah, yeah. Do I get to have a girlfriend?

39:57Bobby Lee:Think carefully, King. This is why they're doing the No Kings protest, by the way.

40:02Khalyla Kuhn:If you behave. After like three years, we'll review it again.

40:05Bobby Lee:Oh, you get to apply.

40:06Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. So I get nothing until three years. Yeah, exactly. You get absolutely nothing. I'm going to change your taste in humans. Do I get Wi-Fi? I'm going to turn you full gay. Yeah. Do I get Wi-Fi? Yeah, you can have Wi-Fi. Okay, cool. Turn him full gay? Turn me full gay. Yeah, I'm going to do experiments where I get them hard, but there's like pictures of men. And so like reactivate his brain to only be attracted to men.

40:32Bobby Lee:This sounds like just Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

40:35Khalyla Kuhn:I've been in this casting. Yeah, I don't want to be. Yeah, I try. Yeah, Shane's a good idea because I would want to get out. What is Andrew? Where am I on the King's court? And don't talk out of fear. Yeah, don't. No, I have a good one for you. All right, good. Head of the Air Force. Focus Features and Blumhouse present Obsession. When I have a crush on a guy, no one knows. Be careful.

40:56Bobby Lee:I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world. Who you wish for.

41:01Khalyla Kuhn:Obsession is 96 % fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. I love you so, so, so, so much. It's blood-soaked nightmare fuel. What kind of blood you put on her? You have been warned. Obsession, rated R, under 17, 90 minute without parent. Only in theaters May 15th, with special engagements in Dolby.

41:18Bobby Lee:Find the vacation you're looking for in Missouri. Whether you're searching for this, wanting something like this. Oh, that's cute.

41:28Khalyla Kuhn:Maybe up for something like this. Or just really, really need something more like this.

41:37Bobby Lee:You'll find the vacation you want in Missouri. Missouri, it's the getaway that gets... You.

41:45Khalyla Kuhn:Plan your fun at visitmo.com.

41:52Bobby Lee:Turn it up. Storm has zero sugar and 200 milligrams of caffeine, so you can turn that workout up a notch. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life.

42:05Khalyla Kuhn:Wow.

42:06Bobby Lee:With honor, my king.

42:07Khalyla Kuhn:Which means he's nowhere near you. That's right. Yeah, he's out there. He's out there. I'm out there. He's telling what drones to do what. What? He's telling drones what to do. I'm starting fucking war, dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he's the king. Do we have communication? No. Why? Only talks to me. Yeah, I can't talk to him? Like, how's the war going? Well, can I come see the Jester? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you need to laugh and things are too hard.

42:29Bobby Lee:Yeah, yeah, you can come over. This is a romantic comedy that I'm the head of the Royal Air Force. Yeah. And I have to sneak to come see you do shows. Yeah. And afterwards, we hang out late night fucking around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like a romantic love story. Right.

42:41Khalyla Kuhn:That would infuriate me, though.

42:42Bobby Lee:But you're never going to catch us.

42:44Khalyla Kuhn:There'd be an opening on the door, right? And the chain only goes to get to the opening of the door, right? So you hear it. And then I go, Andrew, how's we going? Hey. Yeah. How are you, buddy? Not great, dude. Two years. I haven't been delayed. Yeah. And I think I'm gay.

43:04Khalyla Kuhn:Let me suck again.

43:05Bobby Lee:I love you. I got to go. I got to go.

43:07Khalyla Kuhn:I have to go bomb Iran. Okay. All right. So what is McCone's job? Hmm. Oh, he obviously just like films and vlogs everything for me. Right. So he's doing that now. So he gets a better job than me. Yeah. No, y 'all do what y 'all are best at. That's true. Yeah, but why do I have a chain? Because you're the best fool. You're the best fool. And the chain is because I always want you to make me laugh, and I think it'll get tiring, and you won't be allowed to leave. But eventually, I'll stop making you laugh. Because you know my temperament. Experiments. Oh, then you do scientific experience on me.

43:43Khalyla Kuhn:Does McCone have a mouth? all access to the to the kingdom he has a because he's filming he has an all access a band this is where the king fucked up all right what what what what band do i have ga general admission your gen admission general admission for sure what do i give you vip for coachella what do i have what do i have what band am i at your artist pass for sure oh i get artist pass so i'm not all access but i just Yours says AF, Air Force.

44:10Bobby Lee:Air Force, Air Force XS.

44:12Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

44:12Bobby Lee:And can I tell you something? Listen, this is where he fucked up, because the king already laid out the rules. McCone, you know damn well... Oh, no. ...is going to eventually sneak down to the Jester's cave because of his crush on you and break you free. You know he's going to go behind Carlos' back. I will not. You know what will happen?

44:30Khalyla Kuhn:In that opening, I'll just see a camera. He'll be filming you. He'll be just filming me. It's great content.

44:37Bobby Lee:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not gonna help with shit. I disagree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I right though? You would try to break him out, wouldn't you, you little fucker?

44:45Khalyla Kuhn:No, I'd film for a bit, but then when he was doing the same things, we'd need something new for the video, so we'll break him out.

44:50Bobby Lee:And Pete, where's Pete in this whole thing? Yeah, Pete is not around a lot.

44:53Khalyla Kuhn:No, we have a royal podcast every week. Ah, and I like that. It's the only one available.

44:58Bobby Lee:And he stays in the podcast space.

45:00Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, he's a producer, but -

45:01Bobby Lee:But he's not allowed to leave the podcast room.

45:03Khalyla Kuhn:He doesn't want to.

45:04Bobby Lee:I'm a good podcaster. Can I be in the podcast?

45:06Khalyla Kuhn:Of course, you're the fool. My Air Force sergeant is telling me.

45:11Bobby Lee:No, no, that's a threat to security, sir. It is? We can't have that, the king. Okay.

45:15Khalyla Kuhn:All right, and then what does Andreas have? Andreas.

45:19Bobby Lee:Well, this is interesting. What does the king do with Andreas?

45:22Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. Head of fashion in our country.

45:28Khalyla Kuhn:He designs the uniforms for the military.

45:32Bobby Lee:The least fashionable guy on this show is the head of fashion? that's the funniest thing I've ever said that's insane what's the clothes he wears

45:43Khalyla Kuhn:half plaid half shirt

45:48Bobby Lee:you end up he ends up designing the kingdom it's all Dizzy Uwalla kingdom

45:52Khalyla Kuhn:we look terrible and we're changing the language and Andreas is the head of that we're all going to be speaking Spanish

46:00Bobby Lee:it'll be like we're in LA

46:02Khalyla Kuhn:how can I be funny I don't know Spanish. You're going to learn it. You're going to make a Mexican cartoon or something.

46:09Bobby Lee:Gestures only have one good phrase. Look up in Spanish how to say, piss in my mouth.

46:18Bobby Lee:Here. Let's hear it. Orina en mi boca.

46:24Khalyla Kuhn:Orina en mi boca. That's all I say.

46:27Bobby Lee:Very good. The gesture just walks around. Orina en mi boca.

46:32Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Constantly people peeing in my mouth. Wow. That's how you feel about me. That's how you feel about me. You really did. Yeah, yeah. You're so funny. There's a lot of creativity to throw. Yeah, yeah. I bought for every meal in Coachella. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you VIP in Coachella. We got better than VIP. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you a free place to stay in Coachella. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm still the gesture that gets just peed on and is gay.

47:01Khalyla Kuhn:Is that the rule? I thought it'd be an honor It's not an honor dude It's a disgrace I get the worst job in your kingdom Oh it's incredible It's not incredible dude I have a chain on my neck I live in a cave But for me it's great We get to hang out all the time No I'm not hanging out with you dude

47:17Bobby Lee:Well no He's You're hanging out with him He's not hanging out with you That's the difference You have to hang with him I'm gonna tell you right now Click on that one more time You got what Just let me hear it We gotta make a merch shirt of him going

47:35Khalyla Kuhn:I could convince him to move up I think no chance oh dude I'm he's so highly manipulative the power that's you that's you and Carlos oh my god dude it's so

47:56Khalyla Kuhn:Oh my god. That's how you feel. That's how you feel about me, dude. Because I think that's fun, man. Not for me, though. I love you, dude. That's not love. I'm fucked. No, it's forced love.

48:13Bobby Lee:Dude, I want that photo here. I want that in the studio. That is Mary Evans. That's amazing.

48:20Khalyla Kuhn:What does Jules get? Rudy. Oh, that's interesting. She's like in our CIA. Oh, she gets a higher position as well. Zero Dark Thirty. Zero Dark Thirty. She is our assassin. Right, right.

48:33Bobby Lee:She's our secret assassin. Secret assassin. And I'm gonna work closely with her on using her to infiltrate other kingdoms to try to make yours more expansive.

48:40Khalyla Kuhn:God, you have so much, you guys get so cool roles. You know what I would do? I would do a Monte Cristo, dude. I would take a piece of rock. And start slowly. 25 years. Yeah, chipping away. I just need a Brigitte Fonda poster. Good double reference, I like that. Yeah, Shawshank. Shawshank, Monte Cristo. Right, one day I would go, for my birthday. What'd you say there, fussy britches? Yeah, yeah. Can I get a... Whatever poster, what is that? Oh, you're gonna wake him, he's gonna wear one of those. That's your punishment. A gimp mask. So when you try to break out. Oh, when you catch me. So you're gonna do poster inspections?

49:19Khalyla Kuhn:100%, I've seen Shawshank. Oh, fuck.

49:22Bobby Lee:You're going to be in a Gimp mask.

49:23Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Higher mask.

49:24Bobby Lee:Are there other people? Let me ask you this. Hey, by the way, Ken still orina in mi boca in that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

49:32Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, it's in your eyes. I'm going to pick the whole mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if it's so close off on the neck, it fills up.

49:41Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, my God. Those eyes are pre-cut for you. I want the right one. That looks cooler. It looks like yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That looks cooler. I look like Batman there. Bobby Lee Gimp mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah. so are there other um people where i'm living the caves are there other people of you don't worry no oh i'm not worried he wants to know about community oh look at the look at the fucking ocean while in a that mask and a fucking chain wait well that's only if you misbehave dude where's the castle by the way yeah what location what does the castle look like try to find it no we've moved the capital um from dc to la so we live here yeah and we live malibu malibu malibu

50:17Bobby Lee:That's at least nice. Iron Man. For you. Where? I don't live in an elevator.

50:20Khalyla Kuhn:For all of you but me. No. Yeah, yeah.

50:22Bobby Lee:I'm the head of the Air Force. I live way in the middle of nowhere. You live at the Castle on the Sea.

50:26Khalyla Kuhn:This is where you live. Yeah. You know what I get? This is what I'm going to do. I'll look out the window and go, oh, there's Mel Gibson running on the beach. That's what the castle looks like. Bowser's Castle, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly. And then where am I now? Just like. So this is where I'm at all the time. Oh, yeah. Penthouse. The penthouse, yeah. Where am I at? In the face. Well, that's not facing the ocean. Oh, that's facing the ocean. It is. Okay. It's the ocean of lava. All right. So can I see the left tower or far left tower? Can I be there? No, dude. You don't get to choose. There's only so many chains.

51:01Khalyla Kuhn:Why? It's a chain issue, dude. You have plenty of chains. Also, dude, that left tower, that's the bathroom. Oh, it is? Yeah. I'd rather. Okay. Yeah. See, you'll live up there. Oh, near you. Yeah, yeah. You're right under me. Yeah, yeah. You're not going to sleep. I'll tell you that.

51:17Bobby Lee:Am I screaming? You know they used to do that. They used to carve out little pieces so they would poop over the wall outside of the castle. So it would fill up the moat with poop and pee and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. It would deter people from trying to swimming through it. Am I near there? You're by the poop pee moat.

51:29Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, but you also have to clean it because it has to be see-through.

51:33Bobby Lee:So he gets to clean the poop moat every day? Oh, he collects the shit buckets. Whenever he wants. Oh, whenever I want.

51:41Khalyla Kuhn:Whenever. All day long. Yeah, it's whenever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He collects the shit buckets from all the parts. You know my work ethic. That is going to be filled with shit and pee. I ain't doing shit. You're going to love the iron mask then. I'll wear the iron mask and pee in my face. I don't care. This is the issue. Yeah, yeah.

51:57Bobby Lee:This is the big issue. Your colony would be called the shit castles. Ah, down at shit castles. All right, you're the king. Oh, brother. Yeah, yeah. What am I? Phenomenal. What am I? If I'm the king? Yeah. What are you? Yeah. I would have if you're gonna like this answer What you're not gonna like this answer. Oh, all right, you're gonna be my queen That's bet way better than fucking shit face. Yeah, but but but the queen gets beaten daily Yeah, by you all of us by the king oh my entire court

52:37Bobby Lee:and the queen's only allowed one phrase what this is my mouth yeah it's the same phrase

52:47Bobby Lee:dude i get you like shit no no no you're my queen let's be real hey i don't want to be your queen you could have a woman no your wife no i want you yeah no i know you're my little give me something aside from queen i'm begging you all right king you'll be my geisha girl

53:03Bobby Lee:do you think in medieval times you would be anything but a jester or gesha girl that's what

53:10Khalyla Kuhn:you would be no no no give me how about this just send me out and i'll like be like a um what do you call it can't trust you in the field no like you go you're a representative in belgium no yes that's you there why can't i have what do you call them um an ambassador absolutely give me an alaska we can't have you represent us yeah anywhere no yeah yeah okay how about a place that no one wants to go where right like you know that little area between south america and north america where all those snakes and all that where people can't walk central america yeah yeah central america there's a chunk of land where there's no roads it's impossible to get through because of It's just the terrain and no one lives there Because there's so many snakes The guy in Pluribus got through it Yeah, so that area Yeah Can I be that?

54:02Khalyla Kuhn:But then you're going to live there? Yeah, I will find a way to live there

54:05Bobby Lee:I don't like you begging No, back to the castle

54:09Khalyla Kuhn:I can't even get that

54:10Bobby Lee:My queen, back to the castle Oh, fuck I'm fucked with both How about you, Pete? Pete's my designated toe sucker, by the way Pete sucks my toe every single night I'll do it Lucky See, I'll do it. See?

54:23Khalyla Kuhn:Can I do toe sucking?

54:24Bobby Lee:No way. Dude, my toe sucking abilities are so good. You're not sucking toe. Yeah, dude. No, Pete's on it. I'll even rim the toes. You want me to rim your toes? All right. All right. Okay. Well, what would Carlos be in my kingdom? What would he be in your kingdom?

54:40Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, dude. He wouldn't be in the kingdom. Oh, so now this is retaliation. Enemy of the state. What? Enemy of the state. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're definitely enemy of the state. Yeah, you're number one on the FBI most wanted list. That's all. You're Bin Laden. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody's hunting you. Everyone's hunting you. Yeah, every country. I'm going to have everyone hunt you. That sounds awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're a dead man, dude.

55:03Bobby Lee:Andres would be my groundskeeper for sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd make everything so nice.

55:07Khalyla Kuhn:Not fashion, but groundskeeper. Groundkeeper, groundkeeper.

55:09Bobby Lee:He can do fashion in the grounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he wants a desiwal landscape, he can. Yeah, yeah. He can desiwal the bushes. What would Macomb be in your little kingdom?

55:19Khalyla Kuhn:I would have a lesbian legs show. Oh. Oh, and he's the head lesbian leg. Head leg. Head leg of the lesbian leg show. Yeah, because your legs are like a lesbian's. Just puffy, white, thick. You know what I mean? Come over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see your legs. Yeah, your legs are the worst. We got to see these things. Yeah, yeah.

55:36Bobby Lee:You do have weird legs. Yeah. Take your pants off.

55:40Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. Yeah.

55:42Bobby Lee:Yeah, Subaru Outback.

55:44Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, Subaru Outback, yeah.

55:45Bobby Lee:Those are kind of like lesbian legs. If you shaved them, they would be lesbian-like. Yeah. Get out of here, softball player. Yeah. McCone in my kingdom, I would send him on missions that have no purpose whatsoever. Just to get him out of the kingdom for a little while. I'm like, you have to go to the land of Kwanong and find a three-legged woman. He's gone for like six months. Years. And he comes back defeated. Yeah, yeah. My lord, I could not find a three-legged woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine. Then you'll complete yet another mission. You'll fail yet one more. And I'll send him out again to do what?

56:20Bobby Lee:What's the other mission we send him out for? Oh, stats. Stats.

56:24Khalyla Kuhn:You must go to Kulunga and count every single strawberry ever grown in one season. I don't want the numbers off at all. And if they are. If they are. Off with your head. Off with your head.

56:37Bobby Lee:This is what you do on tour already. You'd send me on impossible missions.

56:41Khalyla Kuhn:Impossible missions.

56:42Bobby Lee:It's the best in the world. I love sending him on missions. And then you criticize him when he comes back and he fails them because of course he would fail. Yeah. How could he do anything otherwise? Pete would be executioner.

56:51Khalyla Kuhn:Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have him with the black robe. That is so accurate. It's so accurate. Black. No one knows who you are, so don't feel guilty. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You can tell it's Pete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be good at it. Look, it's just that. That's that. Yeah, that's Pete. Yeah, but he walks up. He's like, hey, it's Pete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People know his name. Yeah, yeah, it's Pete. Pete the Butcher. Pete the Butcher. Yeah, there's a, you know what I mean? Pete the Butcher Pete's so funny Oh yeah That's me

57:19Bobby Lee:We try to cut off Somebody's head The rig doesn't work And Pete's like It must be a USB-C wire That's not And then Andreas

57:27Khalyla Kuhn:For me would be Spokesperson A lot of miscommunication I know that's why That's why What I tell him Is not gonna be No one's gonna understand What he's saying It's like code Yeah it's code It's code Yeah yeah yeah It's actually brilliant Yeah yeah it's brilliant No one's gonna understand No one's gonna understand What he's saying

57:42Bobby Lee:We plan to be Just out to tomorrow Yeah, yeah. What did the King's communicator say? Yeah, yeah. You speak only through him? Yeah, and I go, well, you know, all the information I told him. Italian Trump?

57:54Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell you this right now. In two weeks. In two weeks. It'll be done. You know what I mean? But yeah, I would be, he would be my communicator. But for fashion, I would have to go for outside help. Yeah, who's designing? Rick Ingram.

58:16I mean, that's just standard Gap.

58:21Khalyla Kuhn:Just Guy. Yeah, Guy, Gap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not dressed like that as the king. You make your court. No, I'm Balenciaga, you know what I mean? Gucci, you know what I mean? But like everyone else, Rick is one of the funniest comics in the world. In the world. But he has just standard common people fashion. Shirt. Yeah, yeah. T-shirt, jeans, and fucking, you know.

58:43Bobby Lee:I'm that way though. I'm t-shirt. I'm standard white. Yeah. Yeah.

58:46Khalyla Kuhn:Standard white or white a standard white clothing style except for me Yeah, yeah, except for you. Yeah, the king the king the king wears what what does the king wear? Oh, Jesus Christ um Probably every day is a different you know, Raji and then like

59:03Bobby Lee:No, Verrachi is the knockoff

59:11Verrachi oh

59:12Khalyla Kuhn:Oh fuck.

59:13Bobby Lee:What king was known to have the best fashion? Louis XIV? They said this guy was best fashion. Also was gay, right? I mean, he was gay. Give us like a straight king. That's Bobby Lee. Yeah. That's 100 % Bobby Lee. Are you gonna do anything for your birthday?

59:29Khalyla Kuhn:I did it all weekend. I'm gonna watch Euphoria and take Xanax later. That's my big plan. God.

59:35Bobby Lee:What's this big about Euphoria? I'm not, have you done it, Bob?

59:39Khalyla Kuhn:Euphoria? No. I see the kids watching it and I try to sit there and watch. And it's not my thing. Not for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, have fun on Euphoria. We got you a little something. Yeah, we did. And also, as you get older, there's just some things you just can't watch anymore. Why? Euphoria, why? I think it hasn't. Let's tie it into Coachella. It's just like there's a language that it's just too young and too new and hip.

1:00:07Bobby Lee:I like how you're bringing out Carlos' cake to me, but it's going to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, for the cameras, you guys are also on camera in the booth. Yeah. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Carlos. Happy birthday to you. 38? 39.

1:00:32Khalyla Kuhn:39. Make a wish. Wow. Wow. 40 next year, dude. I can't believe it.

1:00:38Bobby Lee:And you know what he said by 40? You know what he's going to have. Oh, yeah. I'm going to have hair. He's going to get his hair done. So he'll have hair while he's 40 years old. And those are nuggets, right? And then we also got you an Erwan smoothie there from, which smoothie is that? Whose is that? Is that one of the girls that was at Coachella? The Haley Bieber one. There you go. Fuck yeah. Was she there? Yeah, dude. Did she sing? Is she a performer? What does she do? She's Alec or Stephen Baldwin's daughter.

1:00:59Khalyla Kuhn:I know. She's married to Justin Bieber.

1:01:01Bobby Lee:I'm saying, what does she do? Is she a singer?

1:01:03Khalyla Kuhn:She hangs. She's a mom She's a beauty

1:01:05Bobby Lee:Before she met him What did you get angry for? Because they're saying it Like it's not Haley's a nice person I'm saying He's so fucking angry for What did she do? Oh yeah She's a fucking Alex Baldwin's daughter She's just famous Yeah

1:01:17Khalyla Kuhn:Oh that's so good Is that good? Yeah hell yeah Thank you guys Dude I did

1:01:21Bobby Lee:You know what I did The other day When I was in Arizona Before I went to Vegas I did the bad boy The bad boy minibar I went back to the room Watched movies And I ate the entire Fucking minibar You were that hungry Beef jerky, two bags of chips. I was just, like, feeling. I was having a night, dude. We've done that in our room. It's so fun. Isn't it so fun to clear it out? Because you're like, I might as well get for the other. I was like, chocolate almonds? I was like, yeah, absolutely. And then I was like, you know, I'm being pretty good with these.

1:01:46Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. Gummy bears. Gummy bears. Don't you hate it when you go to a hotel and there is no? It's a joke. It's a joke. Yeah. They have an empty refrigerator. Like, you have to go and get it. And no snacks. No snacks. Bullshit. Let's name the things that are there. Okay, yeah. All right. like a artisan bag of potato chips yeah a brand it's always local a brand that you a brand that

1:02:08Bobby Lee:you don't know you've never heard of yeah mama jenkins hickory barbecue yeah yeah and it's like

1:02:12Khalyla Kuhn:local local owned yeah yeah yeah number two beef jerky always always beef jerky and another brand that i've never heard of another brand you've never heard of right yeah and it's always in the city that you're from tunics ranch right fine so gummy peppers is always another one gotta be yeah

1:02:27Bobby Lee:And then one of the variations of nuts, either mixed nuts or just cashews or almonds. Almonds, yeah, yeah.

1:02:35Khalyla Kuhn:There's always a chocolate-covered almond thing sometimes. I do love those. I eat the fuck out of those. So good.

1:02:41Bobby Lee:What else do they have there? Well, it depends on the class level. Yeah. Because sometimes at a high-class hotel, it'll be peanut M &Ms, but they'll put it in a jar. So it'll be like, not in the bag. Yeah, yeah. They'll put it in another jar. In another jar. Yeah, like this at the wind. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they just put it in something else. And yet you still eat it.

1:03:01Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, yeah. I think it looks healthier because it's in a jar. I mean, if it's in a jar better for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, in Hawaii, what they do is they give me a fresh fruit of fruit. Fresh fruit of fruit. Sometimes they give you a fresh fruit of fruit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can get it. And then when it's through Carlos and Gilbert's wife, Cindy, right? I always open the refrigerator and there's Diet Coke, water, and sugar-free Red Bull. What else do you need? Yeah. Those are the beverages. It's like catered to me, which I really appreciate. Yeah, I mean, you're my boss. Yeah, but I think I don't want to be gesture.

1:03:39Khalyla Kuhn:What if I left a girl in there for you? Okay, good. Now we're negotiating.

1:03:43Bobby Lee:Yeah, but she's seven foot two. Yeah. And she weighs 385 pounds. It's fine. And she's a man. It's fine. And she's a man. Let me ask you this. When you put your help - It's back to the gay thing right away.

1:03:56Khalyla Kuhn:I took this in Australia It was after you cleared out our minibar

1:04:00Bobby Lee:Passed out and I ate the entire minibar I was so hungry We came back, I was like, let me in your fucking room And I ate their whole minibar And then I slept in McCone's bed What did we watch on TV? We were watching a movie

1:04:12Khalyla Kuhn:We were watching I think Fear and Loathing Oh yeah, we were

1:04:18Bobby Lee:By the way, you see that bag of chips next to me? Gone I fucking peeled off everything in your mini bar and then I charged my headphones there

1:04:27Khalyla Kuhn:now how long do you keep the do not disturb on your door?

1:04:30Bobby Lee:the entire fucking weekend

1:04:32Khalyla Kuhn:so you don't let them clean your room

1:04:33Bobby Lee:one weekend? no I don't need it just give me new towels I just want new towels unless it's if I'm alone if my wife's with me

1:04:41Khalyla Kuhn:we get service but I'm alone

1:04:43Bobby Lee:leave me alone I keep it at 65 degrees give me new towels leave me alone

1:04:48Khalyla Kuhn:I'm a service hunter Oh you are? Yeah yeah yeah I'm one of those rare service hunters You want it all the time No what I do is

1:04:55Bobby Lee:You meet him at the bar

1:04:57Khalyla Kuhn:No no no no no

1:04:58Bobby Lee:You ask him if you want to get a bag What I do is

1:05:00Khalyla Kuhn:Because my do not disturb sign Is always until 3-4pm Yeah And they stop kind of like They go home or whatever Yeah they're gone So I'll take it off I'll go to the front desk And go where are they? Where are they? And they're like We have one on floor 3 Where is she? And I'll go to 3 And I'll go to every room To see where they're cleaning And I'll give them$100 to come clean your room and i go i'm in room 8 19 great right perfect clean room i'm a service

1:05:25Bobby Lee:hunter okay let's do the rules then what if you have the sir if you have service come to your room every day and you're doing a three-day stint friday night saturday night sunday night right or thursday friday saturday whatever how much money do you leave money every day or at the end of your stay do you leave a tip at the end of your stay and hold on before you answer okay i I don't even know the answer, but - I know you do, but listen, but you're gonna hear why. I'm listening to you. Pete, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, do you leave every night money, every day when they clean, or do you leave it at the end of this day?

1:05:55Khalyla Kuhn:I'd leave it at the end.

1:05:56Bobby Lee:End of this day, and what do you leave, Pete?

1:05:59Khalyla Kuhn:100 bucks.

1:05:59Bobby Lee:100 bucks, no matter what, right?

1:06:02Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, that's the tip.

1:06:02Bobby Lee:What do you do, McCone? He asked me for money. Go on, Carlos? Cash. What do you do? You do every night?

1:06:10Khalyla Kuhn:Oh no, and the end.

1:06:11Bobby Lee:The end. Okay, how much? How do you leave?

1:06:14Khalyla Kuhn:200.

1:06:15Bobby Lee:No, he doesn't. He's a liar. He's a liar. Just eat your nuggets. Don't do it. Just eat your nuggets, dude. Look at me in the face. Yeah. 20 bucks. Yeah, open up your Bible.

1:06:22Khalyla Kuhn:I bet you leave 20 bucks. I didn't even know you had to tip them. See, that's what I'm saying. Why'd you lie? What the fuck do you mean you don't know you have to tip them? They have a job. Oh, I see who you voted for. I thought you only tip waiters. I know who you voted for. I thought you only tip waiters.

1:06:38Bobby Lee:Just that's the only people you tip in public?

1:06:41Khalyla Kuhn:Okay, here's the thing. if i get up early to get the breakfast in the in the room no i go out downstairs yeah i get the breakfast correct right yeah i take it off and if i go back up and they already cleaned it i leave no tip because i still have the service hunt then correct right yeah yeah i mean and service hunt takes a long time sometimes right right but if they're if i catch them in the act of cleaning right then i tip got it right but when i actually service hunt i tip get it yeah But if it's already clean, no need. Right.

1:07:15Bobby Lee:Yeah, that's my thing. I do it if I only do it at the end because of this. How do you do it? I don't want people coming and going. So there's always a little notepad with a little pen, always on a desk somewhere. And I write, thank you so much. And then if I've acquired something like this weekend, I left that we got a swag bag of stuff. I just didn't want. I was going to bring it from a cone, but all the other things I've given him are where the backseat of your fucking car. I gave him a ton of clothes, new swag, throws them in his fucking accord in the back. Yeah. Very nice, dude. I'm going to not give you shit anymore.

1:07:44Bobby Lee:Get my backups in case I need it. I'm not going to give you shit anymore. You have too much free shit. So then I had a backpack, a bottle of tequila, like hats, some clothes, like cool throwover shit, you know, like, and I wrote free if you'd like it. Yeah. Bottle of tequila yours, a nice new backpack and some baseball caps. Yeah. And then I - Some cash. But how much do I leave?

1:08:04Khalyla Kuhn:20 bucks.

1:08:05Bobby Lee:20 bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. 100? I leave 100. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I live 100 every time. Unless if it's my wife and I, and we make it a mess every day, like there's shit all over the fucking place. Because women for some reason set off a bomb in the fucking bathroom. I'll leave them a little bit more. I'll do like a buck and a half.

1:08:27Khalyla Kuhn:You know what the Ritz does? They wash your clothes and fold them.

1:08:32Bobby Lee:You have to pay for that.

1:08:33Khalyla Kuhn:No.

1:08:34Bobby Lee:Yes, you do.

1:08:35Khalyla Kuhn:I did?

1:08:35Bobby Lee:Yes. I'm sure we did it on tour. No, in Hawaii, Bobby's like, you're not going to believe this.

1:08:42Khalyla Kuhn:I put all my clothes in the washer thinking that later at night I was going to wash them. By the time I got home, they had washed it, dried it, and folded it.

1:08:51Bobby Lee:Yes, laundry services at the Rich Carlton properties in Hawaii, Kapaloo, or Waikiki are very extra cost. Oh, fuck! Yeah, you paid for that. And I gave them money. Well, and then you tipped on top of the money.

1:09:01Khalyla Kuhn:Okay, before the internet, though, okay? Before we had internet access, right? 40 years ago, yeah. 40 years, yeah, yeah. I used to leave, this is what I used to leave, DVD players. what in your fucking hotel room in my hotel room i would write a note this is your dvd player

1:09:16Bobby Lee:what would you just go bought a dvd player because you'd buy it at best buy to watch movies in the weekend not movies porn yes got it did you leave some of the porn in the in there or

1:09:25Khalyla Kuhn:no no i would take the porn their discs right yeah i would leave with the disc but leave the dvd by the way he could have bought porn from the tv for like 50 bucks yeah but they're fuzzy and

1:09:34Bobby Lee:there's five options i know yeah yeah carlos always finds an opportunity to look up even Even though he knows what porn DVDs look like.

1:09:41Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll look it up, yeah. He just wants to Google it. So I would go to the local. Yeah, stop. I would go to the local, you know, the porn store. I'd buy five or six discs. I'd go to Best Buy, get a DVD player. Yeah. I've also left two Xboxes. That's so expensive. It's so expensive, yeah.

1:09:56Bobby Lee:Because the DVD player is probably here for$20.

1:09:57Khalyla Kuhn:Well, no, because my intention was always, I'm going to put it in my suitcase, but then I try to put it in the suitcase, and it won't fit. So I say, oh, fuck it. You know what I mean? And I'll just write a note. Here's a brand new fucking. Here's the new Xbox. Xbox for you.

1:10:10Bobby Lee:And they must have loved it. How much was Xbox in 2007? It was$500. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, 2007. And that's what I would get paid for the gig too. By the way,$500 back then is like six grand today. That's crazy. Dude, this was a crazy moment I had at the airport here today. Before I came home, I went to the bathroom when we landed. And there was a man in the room changing his baby's diaper.

1:10:32Khalyla Kuhn:Aww.

1:10:33Bobby Lee:And I'm in there taking a piss and he turns to me and I go, hey man, he's like, hi. and then another guy walks in to go buy me to go piss as i'm washing my hands and he's like oh baby and the guy's like yeah and he's like how old's the baby he's like real fresh it's like it was like two months or something like that and he was like oh so cute and i'm washing my hands and then this guy's done peeing then he goes next to the man and like stands there and like watching him change the baby and he was like so cute so cute and i could feel the dad being like

1:11:02Khalyla Kuhn:I know what that is What if he's a new dad And trying to figure out how to put

1:11:07Bobby Lee:He doesn't know how to do it Internet, Google it Don't stare at another man changing his baby Like boiling the egg for me We Googled it Sometimes the internet doesn't know The internet literally always knows What Chattie PD told me to do it wrong No, you just did it wrong We followed the directions perfectly

1:11:28Khalyla Kuhn:Although I've never put a diaper on a baby before I already know how to do it. You never changed your friend's kids? No, but I assume I already know how to do it because I know how the body works. I know there's adhesives on the end. Yeah, you're not an idiot. I'm not an idiot, right?

1:11:43Bobby Lee:So I don't know what the explanation is. It was so weird. Even I wanted to turn and be like, dude, get out of here. What are you doing?

1:11:48Khalyla Kuhn:But Kalilah's baby, we're in the house. Yeah, you've never changed Kalilah's baby? No, but he said something that I almost cried. The baby? Yeah, the baby was sitting there eating and I was kind of across the table and he looks at me and he goes, Bobby! Wow. And he knows my name. Yeah, we heard that. Yeah, we figured, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just like, and I went in and kissed his forehead. And then he does this because he gets shy. But he knows it's you.

1:12:16Bobby Lee:Yeah. All right, King, sign us out. Go ahead, it's your birthday.

1:12:18Khalyla Kuhn:Thank you for being a bad friend. Cute. Woo-hoo! Yeah! Woo-hoo! Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Yeah.

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