Bobby's Moana Birthday! w/ Stavros Halkias

20:16Bobby Lee:but I'm being buried by your thunder. Well, he is the good guy. in this scenario yes he is here we go oh you think you're there's no bad guys we're friends no one is at odds here you have to stop okay calm no one's got a gun to your head so what I'm what I wanted to say yes is that the reason why I adore you oh thank you is that there's similarities with you and me absolutely no question about it and I look at the similarities and I go that's a comrade what are the similarities you think I think him and I are shaped differently that's true i think they were unconventional personalities buddy silhouette really strong personalities well one's an intellect one's intellectual the other one is a lack of intellect let's not get crazy i'm not an intellect i like i know the bit i know you're trying to do here and mock bobby but let's not no no no he's the intellect oh okay you're a fucking idiot this guy's this guy's a dark horse you have no idea he comes out of nowhere dude this guy is incredible he's one of the smartest people i've ever known in my entire life he plays dumb it's It's a big, it's a 50 year old bit.

21:18Bobby Lee:It's a good bit. It's a 55 year old bit. If you got the birth date right, it would have been funny. God, can anybody get anything out? But you said 50, it didn't work. No, he only started at five. You started at five. You started at five. You have spit careening down here. Because he's making me fucking antagonizing. I'm not trying to. Yeah, yeah, making me a bad, mad dog. He has a special out on Netflix right now. Please go watch it for all of our fans. Please go watch it. Please go watch it. He's also on tires. He is on tires. We had great episode together. episodes. Yeah. You guys were together in the scene?

21:48Dude, we worked a lot together. We did. It was so much fun. Was he good on set? Well, yes. He was great. He was great on set. This is what I'm talking about! This is what I'm talking about! There was one incident. Can you let him talk? But other than that, it's fine. He did ask to sniff a female cast member's armpits. Okay. But I wasn't going to bring that up but you did ask me how was he on set. You did bring it up and you caused a problem on set. I caused a problem. Yeah, I caused a problem on set and you made it uncomfortable for me. Mountain Dew. We love the Dew. We love the Dew. We love the color.

22:28We love the flavor. We love the citrus kick. I do love it so much.

22:31Bobby Lee:We love this nostalgic feeling. I love it. Two brothers started it. Where do they start it? In the foothills of T-E-N-N-E-S-E. I said it. That spells Tennessee. It spells glory. Glory and it's been tasting great since 48. The bold taste you know and love has proud American roots. And I'm telling you, there isn't a human who listens to this show that doesn't know what Mountain Dew is. It's delicioso, my friend. Mountain Dew is one of those beverages, if you have a Victor, you have to have one. You got to crack a Dew. Like, you know, Sir William Wallace from Braveheart. Did he have Mountain Dew?

22:58The first battle for sure. I'll never take my Dew. That's what he said. I don't know if that's not the right of a friend. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew, an American original. Tasting great since 48. You better believe it, man. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. You better believe it. You better believe it.

23:12Bobby Lee:Yeah, yeah. Tasting great since 48. Look for Mountain Dew and storage near you. DraftKings! DraftKings sports app is now live in all 50 states. That means from Texas to California, baby, to Florida, every fan is on the excitement. The wait is over. Football is here. And so is DraftKings. And this September, DraftKings is giving customers the opportunity to get boosted every football game day. That's right. Every game day, all month long, DraftKings customers can get football profit boost, baby. Yes, that's right. And week one is going to be San Francisco versus the Los Angeles Rams. They're taking place down in Melbourne, down under, mate, down under on Netflix.

23:52Bobby Lee:Oh, my God. I got to tell you, I do think the Los Angeles Rams look like a contender for the big game, if you will. The defense, you can't mess with their defense. Aaron Donald, dog. Aaron Donald is forever, my boy. One app, every sport, all 50 states. New DraftKings customers sign up with code BADFRIENDS. Just spend$5 and get$200 in total rewards within 21 days. Includes all markets. That's code. Bad friends in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 1-800-MY-RESET. Connecticut, call 888-789-7777. Or visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boothill Casino in Kansas, BetTax Pass-Thru may apply in Illinois.

24:2721 and over. Void in Canada. Bet with DraftKings Sportsbook to get bonus bets that expire in seven days. Or trade with DraftKings Predictions to get predictions dollars that expire in one year. Event contract trading involves risk of loss. Predictions offer void in New York. Non-withdrawable rewards issued as$50 click-to-claims every seven days for 21 days. Terms at dkng.co slash offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free-to-play sports contest availability varies by state. Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu is now streaming on Disney+.

24:56Bobby Lee:What are you waiting for? Hop on. The must-see galactic adventure comes home on Disney+. This is the way. Our only chance is to work together. I like this kid Always wear your seatbelt Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu Now streaming on Disney Plus Rated PG-13 Was that different than Antonio Banderas? Antonio Banderas did not ask to sniff anyone's armpits on set What's he like? Who is your age?

25:33Fuck you! that's so fucking funny that's dry it's worth a lie we're similar they're the same age 66 yeah I know you look so much better you're right I'm 55 turning in September you look wonderful yeah you look the same age you really do look great I'm not fucking with you alright it is funny that you are so old that I looked up to you as a child a guy that looks like this you were a childhood hero of mine I used to love mad TV that's gotta be tough to see this i was once a blushing boy being like oh i wonder what bobby and will sasso are up to tonight you know but look you know you you get blessed by you know the a younger generation and you know um you become friends with them so it all gets mixed up and you don't really

26:25Bobby Lee:think about age really right which is also interesting you had marcello on the phone he has no idea who you are historically either wait he's so young he had well he's 20 what frame of reference who i am from before i'm saying he has no idea about he's 29 he doesn't know he doesn't remember mad tv he does no chance he brings up sketches all the time he's 29 29s mad tv he was 24 he was like nine yeah but it was but it was a child show well it definitely wasn't for people who are adjusted or for babies it is kind of for babies it was a baby show yeah yeah mexican babies Mexican babies yeah yeah Mexicans love it they do it's good dude it's so funny by the way see everybody's careers Mad TV has launched more careers than SNL well that one cast that that cast did unbelievable wonders for almost everyone on there like everyone on there did something yeah not everyone almost every single person a lot of us got out of life a lot of us got out of life you're the success story kid don't call me kid when I'm your elder Okay, old man.

27:30Bobby Lee:Maybe Jordan Peele. I would go with Jordan Peele. Jordan Peele, Keegan. Alex Borstein. Mike Barinholtz. Bobby Lee. That's about right. Taron Killam. Will Sasso. I'd put Sasso. Phil Lamar.

27:43Bobby Lee:Yeah, I'd put Sasso higher. I'd put Sasso higher. At Shane's show, Bobby was like, I don't know why you're pretending to be like nervous. Or maybe you were. And you crushed so hard. It's performative. It's all performative. But one thing I loved. He's such a little princess. He's like, I'm going to bomb. I'm going to bomb. And he paces and smokes. He's like old Hollywood. Totally, yes. Oh, I don't know, darling. Hello. They won't even see me anymore. Will they even be excited if I get on the stage? Begging for a compliment. Will they be? Roses for me? Oh, you shouldn't have. Well, you ordered them, ma 'am.

28:19If this had gone bad, I would have put out a long cigarette on my Mexican garden.

28:28that's 100 % him but he did kill I'm sure he killed yeah and you did the funniest thing of that whole show when you started he's he gets the huge pop right South Carolina Shane fans he starts going we are Charlie Kirk he just sings that song and people are like mad but they love him and they don't know how to fucking react and before it's like the plane's going down he's like he just pulled it right back up and crushed for seven minutes after that. But it was so fucking... To get a huge pop and then try and squander all your goodwill immediately and then immediately grab it back. That's the fun part of doing that.

29:08That's great.

29:08Bobby Lee:He was for about a month and a half. We heard We Are Charlie Kirk in this room every single day. It's one of my favorite songs. It's a great song. He loved that song. He couldn't get enough of that, dude. A really moving tribute. So will he be back in the next season? I hope so. I have no... No, no, I'm saying is the story lends itself to him coming back. The story lends it to it, but I also want to say that I don't want to expect to be back. No, I'm not saying that. I may not come back. I'm lobbying. I think me, you, and Foley is a beautiful troika together. That's a good combination. That's a trio, I believe, are our friends.

29:43The unfuckables. For real. No. No. Netflix presents the unfuckable. Foley, Davros, Lee. No, you get head i get head fully fully we we defied god's wisdom though absolutely not god's wisdom his will his will his will that's what i meant yeah yeah yeah fuck you dude yeah yeah yeah fuck you dude and we beat your system that's right i'm the system you set up were used to that

30:11Bobby Lee:that we weren't gonna get laid i'm so excited for the smite portion i'll do you one better tomorrow he wakes up he's like i think i'm sick i think i'm dying all cancer yeah something no i I mean, thanks for all the success. Well, I'm a test tube baby. God truly didn't want me to exist. Yeah, you were - Science created me. Science made you. I'm the fucking$69 million man, dude. Dude, you're science. Can you imagine Neil deGrasse Tyson is like, maybe we should shell out with that. Yeah, he is. Too much science. Lion scientist. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe we'll do other science. Yeah, don't take the vaccine, actually.

30:49Neil deGrasse Tyson's son. was like yeah fucking Fauci should be in jail I'd love to see those guys start flipping real hard he's so fucking funny it happens sometimes oh it's cool to see every time like it is so interesting when somebody just goes so like opposite 9 11 a lot of things broke people like huge moments break people's brains yeah 9 11 made a lot of people just like well I guess we should just uh kill every Muslim you know what I mean like normal people all of a sudden we're like yeah I mean it's the only thing we can, it's the only reasonable thing to do. And they like pretended it was a reasonable thing to say.

31:22It feels normal. It feels normal. So some, I mean, when the AI, maybe that's what it'll be. When the AI bubble crashes and we all are fucking.

31:29Bobby Lee:It's coming. We are living in hovels again. Maybe that's when people will be like too much science. Well, you know, Stavros is on a campaign now. After this, we have limited time with him because he's going to take down a row of flock cameras tonight. That's right. He's removing the flock. Oh, I want to try. You want to? Yeah, I know about those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you have the ability to Don't Destroy any flock cameras That's my message to everybody listening Don't Destroy any flock cameras And also don't Get a drone and fly it into a data center Yeah yeah yeah Don't do that Don't do any of that stuff It's too grand too much If you're constructing a data center If you're on the crew for example Don't put a little button in there Like the little square from the fucking Death Star And if one thing hits it, it explodes Don't do that Don't do that Nobody sabotage any of this stuff We got one of our fans who's like a data kid Who's got headphones in and he's like I think I'm gonna do it I gotta do it for the bad friends And everybody legally saw We told everybody not to do any of that stuff That's illegal Don't do that Yeah, don't do it.

32:44It's kind of be fucking nuts to be like, I mean, you know, when you were growing up, there was black and white television. And now we have vlog cameras.

32:52Bobby Lee:Well, yeah, because for him, it was candles always. It was all candles. I was born in 71. We had color then. 1871 was pre. No, you did have color. You just got color. But you watched Lassie probably. I did. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that's wild. You watched Gunspoke probably? I did. Yeah. Had it on Blu-ray. Had it on Blu-ray. Oh, that's funny. Cigarette commercials. I miss those. Those were fucking awesome. Because now you can't do cigarette commercials on TV anymore. Yeah. Which is so fucked up because you can do beer commercials, which is alcohol the number one killer of fucking... Gambling. Nobody has any money.

33:25Bobby Lee:What's the difference? I like how that's the cutoff. They're like, can't tell people to smoke on TV, man. But they can black out and die and drive. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Possession and sale of control. Harassing wild horses? Who's doing that? I gotta tell you. That was you. Oh, I remember in 1971 I did it. Right when I was born. Yeah, yeah. Dude, that was my first act. Dude, what do you, how bad do you think animal horses were treated when they were shooting fucking westerns in the 40s? He can't hit his mark. That's true, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't care. They just killed so, I mean, there was an HBO show where they just kept killing horses.

34:02Oh, dude. Lucky, I believe. It got canceled. It was a good cast, but they just kept killing horses. Wait, what was it? Michael Mann's show? Dustin Hoffman, yeah. Which is a - Luck, luck, luck, yeah. I couldn't wait to watch it and then they just couldn't stop killing horses. I'm going to blow your mind right now. This is crazy. Can I say something? I think, Mike, if you make heat, you should get to kill 20 horses minimum. They should have let Michael Mann finish his creative vision. That's what I think personally. If you make a movie like that. It's sort of the Michael Jackson corollary. With enough talent, alright.

34:36With enough talent, we don't really give that much of a fuck. I think Michael Mann rises to that level.

34:41Bobby Lee:So whenever these horses were fucking up, he was like, get rid of them now. I don't think Michael Mayne was killing the horses personally. No, he was telling people to get rid of them. He was like, put this... They ran them. They ran them into the ground. My favorite horse movie is Zoo. Look that up. Zoo. Documentary. We bought a zoo? Zoo documentary. Zoo documentary. It's amazing that Damon can do that. Look at the cover of the first one, yeah. Oh, no. Stop it. Shut up. We know what this is. Is that an elephant crying? It's disgusting. It's a horse. That's a horse. It's disgusting. And look at the eye of the horse, though.

35:12Bobby Lee:It's about the B word, dude. That's your favorite documentary? We're talking about horses. That's the only horse thing I know. It's the only horse thing I know. What do you think would feel like to put your dick in an elephant's trunk? Well, there's two holes. I could pick a hole. You could pick a hole. Oh, interesting. Alright, come on. What do you think? Thailand vacationing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think you could suck both our dicks at the same time? No, I think we'd have to have one. Because if you do this, you can still breathe. But if you do both, you can't. So I feel like he would need to suck.

35:44Hold on. He needs one open nostril to suck us off. No, that's not true. Put two fingers in your nose. Open your mouth. Okay. True. Open your mouth, you fucking idiot. Fucking idiot. Okay, sorry. You're right. But I don't think you get enough suction that way. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.

36:01Bobby Lee:Well, somebody tried to get me yesterday to watch the Perez Hilton cutting himself video. I had no idea that was a real thing. That's like a fat middle school girl whose parents are going through a divorce. Oh, that's - That's that kind of behavior. Oh, it's dark. No, explain it to me. Huh? I've never experienced that. Well, I'm just saying he's so clearly acting out and he's so mad nobody pays attention to him. And it's also like he was kind of a piece of shit. His whole career was being a piece of shit. So I'm not happy he cut himself, but he drove a lot of people insane. So, you know - Oh, Britney Spears, dude.

36:31Exactly.

36:31Bobby Lee:You can attribute a lot of that to like that era of the shit media, like storming these people and like just berating their private lives. Yeah. And like, and that's why she now dances in her kitchen and I watch, I love her videos. She'll dance in the kitchen. A guy will be like cleaning in the background and she's like doing like a sexy dance. I hope she's having a great time. I think she's having the most fun now she's ever had. I think now that she's free, she's like, fuck yeah. Hell yeah. I'm going to the top. Like these, these videos are my favorite, dude. Yeah. As long as she's mentally well, I am rooting.

37:00Bobby Lee:She's not. Well, who is? it's subjective are you, am I, is he there's a level look at the crew of pigs we have are any of these guys Fancy has a child so it leveled him out a little bit but prior to that dude this guy was a conquistador was Jessica Simpson ever bigger than her? no fame wise? no way there was a moment with Dukes of Hazzard Britney Spears did of course but I'm saying there was a moment we would have to chart when she like shaved her head and Perez Hilton That's basically what he did. Yeah, like those guys terrorized her to shave her head. But there was a moment where Jessica Simpson they had the Nick Lachey reality show.

37:41She was on Dukes of Hazzard. There might have been one second where she was. But in terms of overall lasting cultural impact, no. I'm speaking as a man who was 12 at the time and I kept real close tabs on Starlinks. I was jacking off to a lot of videos. Oh, I see. He was looking for a segue. That was actually pretty well done. That's me. Which way? That one with me and Will. That's me, Will, and Jessica. Did you guys smash? No. That was my first live. Can you imagine? Wait, really? Yeah. They didn't even let him near her dressing room. No. They're like, Bobby, you can't go down that hallway. This has got to be 2000.

38:24What is it? 2000. 2000? Yeah. Pre-9-11? 2001. That's right.

38:28Bobby Lee:That's why 9-11 happens. The hijackers were in Tampa at strip clubs As this was being shot They were having their one last hurrah before fucking Imagine this is on In the background of the strip club It's possible that the 9-11 hijackers Watched this sketch That could be a disc And we're like you know what That little Asian boy he seems scared And we're scared but he made it through And god damn it we can make it through too It's very possible That you sticking through that live really was the final straw that made 9-11 happen. Oh, wow. On you, dude. So I'm a murderer. No. Oh, no, no. You're influential.

39:08You're an inspirational guy, and you can't help who takes inspiration from that. You're a cultural phenomenon. Whether it's jihadists or, you know, it's really, you can't help that at all. So I punch her in the mouth. Oh, really? In this sketch? So we're dancing, and I punch her in the mouth. That's the bit. The joke. No, it's not. Oh, you fucked it up. I accidentally do it. That's hilarious. And we're still dancing and she opens her mouth and all her teeth are red. So it's my first live. And you punched? And I punched her in the mouth. Were you on that? No. You weren't on drugs then? Completely sober.

39:39Wow. And I punched her and I remember looking at Dick Lasucci, the executive producer. Wait a second. A guy's name is Dick Lasucci. You don't know Lasucci? His guy's name is Dick Lasucci? No, Blasucci. Oh, Blasucci.

39:54Bobby Lee:First of all, making fun of a legend. He came up to you after you hit her in the mouth and what? He didn't. It was during it. Okay. And I looked at him and he seemed mad, but he goes, keep going. Oh, yeah. That's Hollywood, baby. Yeah, yeah. Keep going. Who cares about her well-being? Keep going. We're live. Hold on here. Here it comes. Oh, we're going to see you. Honestly, you look so breedable and submissive. What is she supposed to be? She's trying to follow you around. Oh, it's singled out. Oh, yeah. Oh, but she wants to fuck Bobby. That's pretty sick. that's so funny that that's the bit that they're like, and then we'll pretend like she wants to have sex with that Korean guy.

40:32What is the most ridiculous thing you could possibly imagine? I don't know, like a meteor strikes earth? Nah, not ridiculous enough. No, it's not crazy. How about Jessica Simpson wanting to fuck this svelte? Oh, there it is.

40:47Bobby Lee:There it was. Go back. Punched her. That was it. Wait, go back. He gets up and punches her. Here it is. Here it is. Punch her? Ready? Oh. Oh my god dude Close fist What a fucking pro She just kept rolling She was so hot Oh you can tell That's a big cut Yeah yeah yeah Wow But you weren't replaced No I survived it So that's how she got CTE Was right that very moment Acorns Acorns is a smart way To give your money A chance to grow Acorns is easy You can sign up in minutes And start automatically Investing your spare money Even if all you've got Is spare change Acorns are smart way to give your money a chance to grow.

41:26Bobby Lee:You know, we should have paid attention to those little squirrels when they were putting away acorns. They knew exactly what they were doing. When I was a kid, I would look out the window and I'd see those little squirrels packing away the little acorns. Like you just said. And those squirrels are still alive. Because of that. But the squirrels like myself back then are in a tree with no nuts and dying. Don't you wish you had nuts? Acorns is all in one. No more finance apps cluttering up your phone with acorns. You can invest, save, and give your money a chance to grow in one single trusted place.

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42:39Bobby Lee:View important disclosure at acorns.com slash badfriends. Talkspace. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. That's right. Bob and I have been talking about therapy for a long time on this show and that's because we do believe in it and we use it. I've been using it for many, many, many years and so has Bob and it gets you through those tough times in your life. No matter what it is, man, taking control of your mental health is a big, big thing and we do support it very much and you do have the time even if you think you don't from the comfort of your home, your house, your couch, your car, wherever you are, Talkspace makes it very easy to start.

43:12Bobby Lee:I think it saves lives. I do believe so. I really do. Yes, it helps you. And I, you know, without therapy, I just, I would be lost. Well, thank you, Talkspace, for making it easier to get the help that you need. Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a$0 copay. As a listener to the podcast, you're going to get$80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com and enter the promo code SPACE80. That's SPACE, S-P-A-C-E, 8-0. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to TalkSpace.com and enter promo code SPACE80.

44:12The Mandalorian and Grogu. Now streaming on Disney+. Rate PG-13. Dude. Honestly, Bob, you look like that still. Yeah. That's the good part of not being hot when you're young, is you can stay young, youthful when you're 55. Your body's not that different. This is a positive thing. Stop looking like this. You look the same.

44:34Bobby Lee:You look exactly the same. But what did you mean? What did you mean when I said that? You're not hot. You're not, buddy. You weren't hot. I mean, you were cute. I mean, you were cute. You had more light in your eyes. Look how cute I am. You are cute. How many years after this did you start using? Like, when were you really messed out on the show? I was 13 years sober here. From when? Yeah, but when did you relapse on the show? Right about here. Right about here. He asked to smell Jessica Simpson's armpits. I could be using, I don't know. Did you say sorry to her? That's really funny. I would have not asked, but I really would have wanted to smell them here.

45:11So I'm just saying, I'm a brother here. I understand what you're going through. I understand the impulse, not the question. I got to also sit on Jessica Alba's lap as a baby.

45:19Bobby Lee:Oh, wow. I played her baby. And you see what they did? One of those where your head's poking through the couch. No, look up Jessica Alba Bobby Lee. They infantilized you. Well, that's what it was. That was all, every bit with him was that. It was very much like he's the sweet little, like that. Yeah, exactly. Aw. The hair is fucking hilarious. It's the same episode? Oh, no. you guys were making fun of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Oh look at that wow this is accidentally beautifully curated Robert. There we go alright let's see and there's on your little baby and Jessica Alba's taking care of you you do look cute god how fucking weird dude I mean this is actually insane this is fetish pornography This is what TV was though Did anybody on the staff Do you think were they later busted being like Diped up like being diaper guys Oh diaper boys This was before that was in the culture and I bet you This sketch who wrote this Blasucci

46:26Blasucci needed to wear diapers to nut That's what I'm saying now there's a big Subculture where you know It's a sexual thing I bet you you can't find it but whoever wrote that sketch I bet you they got a weird little diaper fetish I 100 % agree but I'll tell you this I went from open mic to this are you serious where'd they find you? at the comedy store

46:47Bobby Lee:some of this stuff was open mic-y I will say that but imagine going from open mic to this and you're kind of like I don't have no lines and I'm just playing babies and stuff it's amazing but also they chose right can I say something that's insane to call that shot because do you know how many fucking all act out open micers exist that if you put them on fucking tv they would crumble and you rose to the fucking occasion and baron holtz baron holtz is an open mic or two was mike he was doing sketch he was doing improv and sketch right he's from boom chicago boom chicago yeah yeah yeah this is honestly whoever put that crew together real eye for talent 100 because there's the the way the fact that that's where they found you and that it worked is crazy how did they find will do you remember was he in a canadian group no he's from Canada I don't know how he got him he was just I he did Stavis World and he he was like an actor actor he didn't he didn't think he was going to be he didn't do like a comedy troupe in Canada I thought no he was an act he was on a comedy show I think oh right he wasn't he never looked at it exclusively as comedy which is fascinating because he's so that's why he's so good at it yeah because totally because if he did it he'd be like this sucks fuck this comedians are pieces of shit yeah we're the dumbest people of all time we just want to make people laugh we don't care if our art's good and he's like a real actor who just happens to have he's like I actually want to do something real and he was also fat as shit he was a big fucking boy it was awesome how bad he was dude he was the nicest guy i mean without him i wouldn't have survived oh i love to hear that can i ask you bob is there anything big five five big one you know what i mean yeah do you have are you reflecting on your life do you have so funny any anything do you have goals for you know i'm going through some turmoil right now let's say you're in the autumn of your life i'm going through some turmoil right now okay and i'm here to help any i'm going through um a little transitional period.

48:32You are, yeah. About time, Eshton. But the good news is, there's some good news. The good news is Bad Friends is going to go on. The good news is he needs the money, folks.

48:51I'm just wondering, do you have any, like, you've done a lot, you've experienced a lot. Is there something you want to do in the next five years, let's say, before... I've been talking about this

49:00Bobby Lee:a lot what what what what do the next five years hold for robert down dude for robert e lee you're such a false start you jump the gun your brain is like it's like fucking take it easy i'm asking you a question don't please tell me just it's just me and you no defense mechanism put your titties away you can't do act out to the podcast anyway um what no he's not he's going to hawaii for his birth here's here's the deal yeah i talk about i've been talking about retiring oh really yeah and i think um in the next three or four years i think i'm done what would you do with your time off i would figure it out that's a horrible plan here's what i'll do he's he means retire from pod we're gonna do the pod for a couple more years and then we're done i see but you would still you would still i'll do my local stand-ups do stand-up your local comedy community But you wouldn't go on the road.

49:52I would. Okay. Yeah, but that's like... Sparingly. I can see myself doing sparingly on the road. But you would want to act still. No. We're not acting.

50:02Bobby Lee:We're not acting. You're acting. What are you talking about? You're an actor. You're in everything. You're both incredible actors. He's in the new movie, Tony, which is absolutely going to win something. It's going to win something. I don't think so, but it's a good movie. Yeah, I think it's... Antonio Banderas should get nominated for supporting actor, in my opinion. How was the kid? Incredible. I met him. Dominic's the man. Five seconds. Yeah, he seems like a nice... And I want, I've said this on like, you know, I've said it before, but it's like, I kind of want him to be a piece of shit. Yeah.

50:24Because he's like handsome. Yeah. Is he that handsome in real life? He's, yeah. You know, sometimes you'll see a star in real life. Well, yeah, yeah. You go, oh, the angle's weird the way I'm looking at it. I, there are, there's a certain thing with certain people just look better on camera, but no, this kid's handsome in real life. I was talking about Antonio Banderas. Oh, Antonio Banderas is like. He's so fucking handsome. He's like the biggest piece of ass in the world. Yeah.

50:45Bobby Lee:dude like he he's what pedro pascal wishes he was oh yeah no disrespect to yeah he can't touch him no dude he wants to be this guy he can't touch fucking desperado dude um and he's a great actor and he's like he actually cares about acting he looks like he gives a fuck you know what he does you know what his like semi-retirement is he fucking built a theater he first of all has a bunch of restaurants he actually can he was the only person who could cook on set oh the rest of us were like he was actually doing it yeah yeah he's fucking nice with it and he here's how much he's like a one of the most handsome movie stars of all time what he does on his off time is local theater in his hometown in fucking Malaga like he built a theater he just loves he's just a theater do you know this to be true Spaniard we have a local Spaniard have you seen him do local theater in Spain he loves it like that's respect dude because if I looked like that guy I would first of all I wouldn't you know my life would be much different tremendously different yeah yeah yeah I'd be dead already yeah 100 % the Spanish scientists were a little better yeah yeah yeah yeah in vitro so you've seen one of his plays in Spain I haven't been to his theater but it's his theater that he does he did like musicals yeah dude could you imagine love of the game local theater have you been to Molochuk before I haven't it's such a beautiful place too when you say hometown just for the people that want to know this isn't fucking Poughkeepsie No, of course This place is stunning It's one of my favorite fucking cities in Spain Oh, you've been there?

52:16Bobby Lee:Yes, I was there last year Really? He's been all over the world, kid Well, what about I like that You know what? Actually, we just tapped into something You need to stop fighting aging And settle into being an old Like a wise old man That did something for me Really, kid? Well, not Don't do it like I can't do the whole voice No Fuck, it's gone Never mind Go back to wearing medium fucking dinosaur t-shirts

52:48No, don't fuck me up Put on a suit is what I'm saying Put on a sweater I think you're an elder statesman And you're fighting that Yeah, it's be more Seinfeld Oh, hell yeah Never mind, you have some other stuff to work out What are the next five? Can you answer the question? What do you want to do? Do you want to go all over the world? what do you want to do in the next five years? Before 60, what do you want to accomplish? Other than retiring. I love how Stavros thinks you have these grand goals. I just want to bring it out of him a little bit. He doesn't have it. So you just exist. You're actually almost Buddhist because you only exist in the moment.

53:25Yes, he is now. I see. I may not even. Huh? You know? Oh, you're not even real. I might not be. Some of the things I think.

53:36Bobby Lee:It's more likely than not that this is a figment of our imagination. That me and you are in an insane asylum, still dressed like this? We let them dress up on Saturday. It's what they love. We only get Disney media. Because if we see anything more violent, we'll start fucking stabbing each other. If we're in the nuthouse, if we see anything sexual, we'll show each other. And these guys work at the insane asylum. These are the nurses. Just be producers. Show us under your tongue. Let's see that you took the pill. Are you seeing Bobby Lee again? God damn it. Get it. Double his meds. They've created some little Korean.

54:17Bobby Lee:You told me. You told me. You do want to travel a little bit when you're done. I love that. But he wants to do it very like, very chill. He's not like a go disappear for. He's not like Ari. Of course. Yeah. Well, you seem to. I want to be. I want to be. I mean he does influence me I know you love the idea The idea but I don't think I can do it Like being backpacking in the trails of Europe I agree You've lived too comfortable a life You can't do that shit I'm with you too I've only had money for like three years And I can't Like I've started noticing bad sheets Can you believe that? Bad what? Sheets Oh bed sheets When I grew up I would sleep on floor You know what I mean?

54:59Like I had the same Aladdin sheets until I was 27 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now it actually pisses me off that I know - Well, he showed you the world, that guy, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did. And it does make me want to fuck girls that look like Jasmine. I do like - Yeah. Yeah. But she was a - I had an Armenian Uber driver here. I was chatting the whole time. Oh, really? Oh, and what do you want to - You know what I mean? Like, too invested? How do you deal with stardom? Another question? Now you're Barbara Walters?

55:32Bobby Lee:it's you know it's that was like larry king ish too how do you do stardom um how do you do for stardom you think why'd it come out like i don't know i don't know what are your luxuries you have luxuries have you ever seen that clip of danny poody yeah yeah the funniest thing he said yes he's about a private jet he goes larry i was on duct tape he hasn't been a private jet he goes he goes what are some luxuries you love to afford and he's like a nice new pair of socks yeah and He goes, socks. He's like, what do you think? And he's like, oh, like private jets. Or he goes, private jets? Yeah. Larry, I was on DuckTales.

56:07Bobby Lee:It's so good. That is a great. Tell me about it. I haven't seen it. We just literally did it verbatim. There's not much more. We don't have to watch it. Tell me the video. It's the exact same thing. But the proof is that old Hollywood like that. They must have made such exorbitant amounts of money so quickly that they were like, once they see you on TV, you must be a billionaire. Totally. because like that was old Hollywood's thought and I'm sure Larry was worth unbelievable that motherfucker was probably rich as hell but that's what I mean is that era he assumed because back then if you saw a young guy on TV who became an actor you're like you gotta be fucking rolling in the dough Danny Puddy's like what are you talking about dude I drove myself here it's like the Lord of the Rings actors they got screwed for three movies they got 200 grand a piece.

57:00Now it sounds like a lot. It is a lot of money. It's not. Now hold on. Three movies. But those movies they weren't like movies you shoot in 30 days. Those motherfuckers lived in New Zealand for years. That's nuts dude. No a couple people did that. So Austin revealed that he roughly$250 ,000 for the entire trilogy. With no film research. Who the fuck made the money? Well who made the deal?

57:22Bobby Lee:Yeah. Orlando Bloom was$175 for all three movies. Elijah Wood. he's fucking handsome for sure elijah wood got fucking bankrolled on that thing there's no way he got screwed they all did i hope harry potter is fucking rich he's gotta be he's gotta see that i'm sure yeah harry potter's gotta be daniel radcliffe i'm sure he's fucking caked up i love them good for them they all got paid and he was showing his cock in a horse play what speaking of horses he was in a he was in a play called equus where he showed his cock he made a hundred million dollars damn dude from all of the harry potter that's incredible he deserves it dude He deserves more.

57:57Bobby Lee:They made eight of them. He deserves less. You think so? I mean, because you're talking about a movie that each movie probably made a billion dollars. You're right, in terms of who had all the money. So wait, his penis is in there and he shows his wiener at some point? I don't know. Maybe he doesn't show his cock. No, no, no. Let's just go with it. Yeah, yeah. He does show his cock. Let's just say he does. Yeah. I mean, he looks fucking ripped. So it's so funny to think about being like a Harry Potter super fan, being like some theater girl. Being like, I can't wait to see him on Broadway. And then you just see his dick.

58:30He's doing experimental theater. But he made it as a kid, right? He was a child actor. A child. So he doesn't know what it's like to work at Jersey Mike's or whatever. No, but his life is so fucking weird. Salute to him for not losing his mind. Yeah. That's true. Are you a London guy? Because you love London.

58:51Bobby Lee:Every time I go, I have a fun time. I don't know why. I feel like it's a little fantasy town. It's fake I'm not a London guy Where do you like Cause I don't like I'm not a New York guy either Oh you don't like I love New York He doesn't like fucking Any big cities You love it here though You're a Southern California guy I think LA is the best city In the world No Yeah 100 % That's just You know you just like it here I personally Yeah Prefer it I think it would Say this thing about What's wrong with me dude Nothing I don't know I'm very Larry King King like You're one of the Larry's You're one of the Larry's I'm one watch the other one what's the other larry well larry david you're very larry david today sometimes you've been larry david sometimes you're larry king sometimes you're larry the cable guy talented guy talented guy yeah i'm saying you're him sometimes and a very nice man yeah he's the man i don't know yeah he's he's one of the nicest fucking guys he's he is very rad yeah okay so let me ask you this you're headlining club yeah okay which you rarely do because you're theater i love clubs and i'm going back me too yeah legit that's next year me that's my exact same plan so excited kind of bullshit honestly theaters are just not what's okay so you're you're doing a weekend right and they go listen we need to there's a guy that's doing a guest spot we need to kick you out of the green room because he's a huge name what yeah just hear me out okay okay so i'm going to throw you some names see if they they're allowed to kick you out of your dressing room okay sure i mean the answer is no in principle for anyone this is unless there's like one then i won't play this game no go ahead but it's interesting to think like will there be somebody that like you know george carlund if he's alive yes i found a name the first name no no the guy you named is dead he's a dead guy i need name he's a legend throughout the history i would keep going george carlund yes next okay uh let's start more let's start lower and then heightened or someone that's alive can i it's my fucking game oh yeah you're right you're right it's my fucking game i'm sorry your birthday it's your game you're right though i'm gonna do it your way okay who can uh dane cook no okay what all right he can come in i'd be like hey man let's chat yeah i'm not will you allow him give him a guest spot yeah of course okay good but i'm not getting kicked out of my own green room i don't think anybody's gonna let them get kicked out of their own green room.

1:01:15Bobby Lee:I think Richard Pryor if he was alive. Again, you keep naming. Yeah, if Lenny Bruce was, if a guy was jailed in the 60s for saying fuck, I would let him have my green room. But yes, no condition. What a great movie, Lenny. So you're saying no one alive, basically. Yeah. I mean, I would be like, you can chill. Louie, if Louie's like, I'm going to take over. Take over? Like, that's just, why the fuck would anybody do that? That's his game. Yeah, it's my game. Hey, somebody wants to come into your house and like fuck your wife. It's like, no. So there's a famous story. okay where sam tripoli yeah okay you know him yeah he was headlining his first headlining gig in the addison improv dallas okay okay that friday he gets a call from the club yo mencia's in town that's insane and he goes okay and he goes he's now headlining that's a little different though and you're featuring oh that's nuts okay and so and he just had to take it.

1:02:12Yeah, well, when you're a young headliner, you don't have a choice. I don't know. So, is there any situation? I mean, that's just, so that happens. I mean, that's just a - Very rarely. It does happen. People flow into town and they bump you from your fucking - When you're a young headliner, he's not. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, when you're starting. Listen, when I was starting, absolutely. If I owned a club and you're headlining and Richard Pryor was like, I need the green room by myself. Again! He's fucking dead! Say yes! Yes, I would do. Yes, Richard. I'd be like - I would be like, oh my God, can you bring my grandmother back next?

1:02:42That's what I'd say. Yes, whatever you need. Who else can we resurrect? That's what I would be saying. I wouldn't be worried about my place in comedy. I would be like, who is this necromancer that you found that brought Richard Pryor back to the dead? That's the most interesting part. I don't know a lot of necromancers. You go through my connections with my new girlfriend. Oh, really? She does have a connection. Is she with the occult? She's a witch. She's a witch. Wow. And she has a lot of connections. Well, I have three witches at my house right now. It's her birthday. And so I allowed them to use my access to my pool.

1:03:15Bobby Lee:Double, double, toil and trouble. They're bubbling up something back there. What if they're fucking getting your hair and shit? She already has it. She already has it. Tell them what you did with me, what she told you to do with me. It's still there. Oh, my God. Your name's still there. What is it? She was like. She wrote your name down in like a pentagram? No, she goes. In the middle of a pentagram? We were in London. We got in a fight. Yeah, we got a big fight. big fight you and him yeah it was so fucking fun you were touring and had a fight yeah i see obviously i threw like a water bottle or something at his head i wasn't ever gonna reveal that reveal that situation the fight yeah i screamed and i i didn't throw it at you i threw it against the wall i know you did but very violent that is legit like that's abusive dad behavior yeah that's like i didn't fucking hit you bitch and it's like yeah basically it's basically yeah yeah I screamed at him.

1:04:04My dad would do that. I screamed at him.

1:04:05Bobby Lee:And then I threw it the direction he wasn't in. It was nowhere. I mean, that's classic. I screamed that way. And then I threw it that way. That's my dad was in prison while I was in middle school behavior. Bing, bing, bing.

1:04:20Bobby Lee:I would never hurt him. Anyway. I was so mad. Anyway, I got back into town and I'm dating my girlfriend. And she goes, you got to put this fucking name on a piece of paper. This piece of shit. And I go, okay. Yeah. that's how she said it gritting her teeth did you tell her what you did how annoying you were how much of a brat did you tell her that you give her those details you little fucking fat lazy brat let's not reminisce you know that should be the name and right before whatever happens next uncle stav on netflix september 8th let's remind let's remember folks

1:04:56and i have my already out what what september 8th when is bobby's when is your november i'm not a pro-money. November. He's November. Oh. I'm November. But anyway, she told me to... Wait, is this coming out in fucking September or November, you cocksucker?

1:05:09Bobby Lee:No, his special. Oh. I thought you said when's his special? No, when's his birthday? Oh, now. Yeah, now. Which today's date again? September 17th. Oh, so the special's already been out. So just check it out. It's already out right now. And it's doing very well. So before anything else happens, just keep watching it. Now, back to London. Anyway, she You gotta put his name on this paper. Good acting. Thank you. Do that on tires next year. This is why I have insecurities. No, this is not it. This is why I have them. Someone's gotta give them to you. It's because of you. Because everybody else lifts you up.

1:05:46Bobby Lee:I gotta pull you down. Yeah, you don't have to. I'll pull you up. This is everybody. I've always pulled you up. Carrying Bobby. Yeah. Whatever you need, Bobby. Yeah. And this is you. Pushing you down. Yeah, yeah. I don't need this. I want it. It's too much pressure. Anyway, she said, I'm the sea and you're Odysseus trying to stay above as the sea is wild. Put his name on a piece of paper. And she's going, Wingardium Leviosa. So I put his name on a piece of paper, folded it, put it in the freezer, and his name is still in my freezer. I need to cool off. And have you cooled off? No. Has she done any?

1:06:25Bobby Lee:We haven't fought since. No, we haven't fought since. Really? Yeah. Take it out tonight. Let's see what happens. I'd be interested. I'm going to take the name off. Take it out and don't tell him when you're going to do it. That's a fun experiment. How about this? Put it in the fridge so it's a slow transition. No, no. I want to see the detail. You're muddling the experiment. You're muddling the experiment, yeah. No, we fought twice on tour and two big fallouts. But we made up and we hugged and we kissed. I love that. And I'm more interested in this witch. Has she done any hexes around you? Have you seen her curse anyone or done any magic for good?

1:06:58Bobby Lee:She's only a good witch She's Glendora She doesn't like anything Glendora, a city in Southern California She's San Bernardino, the good witch That's nice, that's beautiful Are you seeing anybody? Big guy? You're mad at him, remember Don't take it out on me No, no, unfortunately my career What do you gotta say? You're killing it I wanna say something to you right now and really take this to heart if you're capable okay weird way to start a compliment or a criticism I'm Korean Bobby Lee sorry what? I don't know but what I'm saying I know that who are you talking to I don't know who I'm talking to right now but my point though we're back in the psych ward that's what the nurses say to calm us down I'm Korean Bobby Lee I'm your friend We're doing the podcast now Get in though Get it And they strap us in We're like podcast Podcast We need a podcast We need to do riffs Okay What were you going to tell me Robert?

1:08:10Are you done? Are you withdrawn to your mind palace? I like mind palace I love mind palace

1:08:18Bobby Lee:Yeah I went in there Tell him I forgot what I was going to say I've been thinking for the last minute Well you asked somebody if he had a lady and then you deflected and then you said I'm gonna give you a comp probably he was gonna say that you're a great actor and a great movie no what I was gonna say is that that's true right now in your life from as my perspective yes I would love to have your perspective I will give it to you thank you you're welcome why so hostile this is why I freaked out I'm not doing it it's an energy exchange I'm literally excited to hear what you say like I said I looked up to you as a child don't say that i know it's it makes me i know feel old i know i mean it's i mean what do you mean it's the same with how old are you 37 i'm 43 i have the same thing i looked i loved watching him when i was young yeah what i was going to say to you is is that um out of all of the people that i know from our ecosystem at least right you're doing wonderful things oh thanks dude and you have i mean i can't there's certain things i can't even say so i'm not going to say it okay but um What do you mean?

1:09:24The N word? You play your cards perfectly. Play my cards for you? That sounds like a backhanded compliment.

1:09:31Bobby Lee:No, I know what he's trying to say. He's like being a slick way of saying, he thinks you're on the right side of things. Oh, okay. That's what he's saying. Thank you. I appreciate that. You make good choices is what he thinks. I like that. And the best choice you're gonna make right now is you're gonna look into that camera. And do what? Announce our midway point? And we're halfway into the podcast Thank you for being a bad friend Thank you for being a bad friend Uncle Stav on Netflix right now Go watch it Go watch Uncle Stav on Netflix Thank you

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