Egg Roll Takes a Ride

27:58It's them, but it's not. It's very brilliant. And it's just two best friends on vacation. Then they just get themselves into some bullshit. Other movies. Yeah. Yeah. There's a series. Are they good? They're fantastic. They're funny. We should do that. Yeah. We should do that. We should do our version of the trip. Yeah. I went to a Christmas party last night. Who? Arden Marin. Oh, I know. I heard you told me this. Yeah. But it was her and Bert? Bert was there. Yeah. It was her party, but Bert was there. At her house? At her house and I ran into one of my favorite people of all time. Ooh, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, let me guess.

28:33M.H. is his initials. Kevin Spacey? M.H., man. There's a lot of young boys here. Michael Hitchcock. I don't know who that is. You ever see Best in Show? Love Best in Show. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's great. Yeah, Hitchy was there. So he was there at Arden's house? How was the party? I was there for five minutes. So it was a good party? I do like a five minute, whenever she has a party, I do five minutes. I'll do a round hug and then leave. Why? Why go then? Because I - Show face. Because my therapist, because you know I'm a loner. Yeah. And I don't leave the house. Yeah. So my therapist is like, you got to just try to participate.

29:12So I try to participate. Yeah, but I see. I disagree. You're 54 years old. At this point, don't do anything you don't want to do. I know, but if you look at my mom, that's where I'm headed. She looks great. I know she looks great, but she doesn't like leaving the house. and she only plays iPad games. What's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with it, but it's like, you know, I want to be able to, you know, how do you, you got to be social. That's a part of the human condition. No. It's not? No, you already did it. Oh, I did it. For 54 years, you've did it. Oh. You paid all your dues. You don't owe anybody shit.

29:43You can go or don't go. Yeah, I'm just, I think I'm like my mom. It's great. Yeah. She looks happy and healthy. But by the way, she got frustrated because she logged out of YouTube. That was like a huge debacle. Oh, yeah. She was like, YouTube, YouTube. Yeah. And you're like, mom, we'll do it. And she's like, now. You're like, we're doing the podcast. That's another thing that I have. I want it now. If you wanted YouTube now, I want mine now. That's exactly how you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it now. Do it now. You want it right now. I want it right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're not a guy that if you say you're going to do it, doesn't mean you're going to do it now.

30:13What do you mean? You want things done right now. Yeah. But if you say you're going to do something, doesn't mean you're going to - Oh, I don't do it now. Right. Yeah, yeah. You have to do it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do it when I want to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm that guy. I make up my mind and I'm going to do something. I just do it. And even if it's like, even if it's chunking time out of something else, if I really want to do it, I'm going to do it. I don't give a shit. I was like that with tennis rackets and ice skates. What? Not enough. What? Not enough. No, the other day I was like, I need tennis rackets.

30:44I did it. I woke up and I'm going to get tennis rackets. See, I like that. Yeah, yeah. I like that. I want ice skates. I'm going to get ice skates. Right I'm gonna do it And they just stay in my closet For like years But you got them I got them Just in case we need to skate Yeah Cause I've had a lot of people go You wanna play tennis I gotta get rackets Who? Kirk? Yeah other people Just people Just random people You wanna play tennis I'll play tennis with you But you don't Cause I didn't have any rackets Now I have Now you got how many rackets? Just two Prince Red ones Two prints So you bought two rackets Even though you need one?

31:16I always have two Overprepared No In case you break one? I hit so hard. Dude, I was on the tennis team in high school. I told you that. I got those red ones right there. Tell me, what was the food at Arden's house? Tacos. A taco truck? No, just tacos in the house. Who made tacos in the house? So I was over there with Andrea Jin. She came too. Yeah. And she started eating the tacos. And you never, I don't know about you. You probably do it. Here's what I like about your parties versus other parties. Sure. Okay. so at your parties you have a dude making it correct yeah right yeah like i've been to carlos mencia's house at first parties he has a guy you pay for someone to make yeah yeah so he's then you can enjoy the party yeah yeah yeah whatever the g.i.i.

32:05shinko shi chow beer beer right right so but then you go to some houses and there it's just there sitting in a cylinder like it was ordered or they made it early i don't know how it came about i don't know how it manifests itself you don't like it either way right but i need to see it made uh-huh on the spot i understand what you're saying so if it's sitting there who knows it could have been there yesterday right they had do you know you had two party you got day two party yeah so then andre i took ate a hot um a taco and i was like i wouldn't eat that she goes you're weird and then 30 minutes later she goes my tummy hurts see yeah see see that's what you're gonna see the guy make it well that's like when we went to tim's to when tim had his house here and he had when dylan had his christmas parties he would literally have a staff of 10 people cooking yeah he had someone fucking he had just a baker to make desserts yeah he hired a someone to bake just as a pastry chef is i'm dumb i can't say a pastry chef just for desserts and then four chefs yep regular chefs.

33:06Yeah. And they were doing the yes, chef. I heard the sous chef being like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, yes, chef, right here, chef. Yeah. I was like, this is a kitchen. He brought the bear to his fucking house. Yeah. You know what also I like? He's extravagant, dude. He's an extravagant guy. He is. Yeah, yeah. I also like places where it looks like a lab at a restaurant, for instance. You're at Ding Tai Fung, right? And there's a gigantic open window. And you see they're all in white with masks. Yeah. And they're folding the dumplings. Oh, I love it. Paquito Moss You see them making The tortillas Home steak They make them there They make it right in front of you I love that So I like that Right there Yeah Like it's a lab That's the Wuhan lab Exactly Yeah yeah yeah It's the Wuhan lab You're bringing up the Wuhan lab No they're making dumplings And COVID That's where they put the COVID They're Asians They have work ethic right They can do two things at once One guy fucks up He's like Oh We were supposed to make COVID today Yeah Wasted all of his time Making dumplings But don't you do you like ding time fung here's what i like about this yeah i can see them putting in the work that's right like did you see that video the guy that restaurant here in southern california they got in trouble they got closed down because he was breaking up frozen ribs in the back of the restaurant i saw that i saw that i saw that on the ground that's so gross have you seen that it was a big frozen slab of ribs and he's slamming it on the ground dude it was one of the funniest things i think i've ever seen and then then the yeah that's him out back look at that play that video he's behind the restaurant and he's just throwing the ribs on the ground this is someone like from their apartment look at this hey just trying to break him up a little bit whoa on a box yeah put the cardboard down look at it falls on the ground three or four times yeah they throw they just fall on the ground look at that gross now here's my argument for this guy you're defending him for a second okay well yeah he's not asian yes he is No, he's not.

34:57The way he's throwing is absolutely... Push pause. When it zooms in... Can you zoom in? No, let them do it. Here, she'll zoom in a little bit. There. That's 100 % an Asian guy. I guess so. There's literally no doubt in my mind. I think you're right. The way he throws is Asian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do Asians throw? Oh, okay. You can hear it. No, but listen. Foe love. It was called Foe Love. And let me tell you why I'm defending him for a heartbeat. Permanently close. That sucks. Here's my only semi-defense. They're frozen. nothing is sticking to frozen a frozen no you could literally dip that in trash take it out blow it off it's nothing it's frozen it's solid then when you cook it you're cooking away whatever would be you can also wash it 100 it's frozen i think you're right it's frozen yeah and by the way i don't think the optics is good no no it's bad also how much how much other shit do they do that with right like like and look at there's a mop bucket right next to him it's fucking gross yeah but this is the thing as americans we're spoiled ron this happens all over the fucking world and they don't think twice i think you're right i think the reason why i like the lab atmosphere right is you're you have assurance you're assured you know i mean you look in and you're like okay he's not throwing that dumpling on the ground right and then some places when you don't you don't know what goes like i believe that like i think that like if you go to talk about something they spit in the fucking stuff i don't believe that you don't i I don't think so.

36:22Because I worked at McDonald's. I worked at fast food. Yeah. We never did that. Yeah, you, because you're a good guy. No, no, no. But I didn't eat. Okay. There were some other friends of mine that were there that were fucking up to no goodies. Yeah. They never did shit like that. You know what you would do instead? What? Because if you got caught doing that, dude, that's also against the law. You could go to jail for that, right? Spitting at someone food. That's it. You know how easy it is to spit without anyone seeing? It's a biohazard, though. Okay. That's bad. No, guys would do shit like that.

36:48They would fuck up their order on purpose. Ah. That happens all the time. They'd be like, fuck this asshole. So they'd give him like one less nugget. That's like such a good, because by the way, you get the bag and most of us, you go for fries on the ride home. Unless you're really hungry, you're probably not going to eat the nuggets until you get home and you open it up and see five instead of six. Pissed. It's a perfect fuck. You're mad about that? I'd be fucking pissed. I want six. If I order six, I want six. What if there's seven? Are you extra happy? That's amazing. Are you not extra happy when an extra nugget falls in there?

37:20You know what I don't like? When a random thing that's in the nugget box, like one fry. I love that. No, I don't like that. Give me a rogue onion ring all day long. I don't want a rogue one. Love it. No. What is he doing in there? He's on an adventure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I got free. I'm like, stay with your kind. All right? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Onion rings, just hang out with onion rings, all right? If you come over to, you know what I mean? French fry land, right? I'm calling ice. That's a big secret. We should open up a fast food place called Segregation. Yeah. Separate but equal.

37:53Yeah. Yeah. But they're not. So you like that? Yeah. Onion rings belong with onion rings. All right. What about this? You think I'm going to let my onion ring date your French fry ass daughter? Yeah. Bullshit ass French fry ass daughter. What if you open a nugget box and there's something in there that's not even on the menu? What is it? What? What is it? Like a, like, you know. Like a duck. Like an egg roll? Sauté duck. Oh my God. How good. No, but you're a Taco Bell. I know. it's a new menu item okay then it's something that's that why would it be there like an egg roll yeah like an egg roll yeah you're at you're at you go to mcdonald's fries you open it and there's an egg roll in there bonus bonus egg roll yeah but where'd it come from who cares is it the same thing as you're talking about like i'm going for a ride yeah imagine that adventure i went from panda express right i took a doordash ride to fucking mcdonald's okay i hop out I jump into the this does happen because they have KFC Taco Bell combo places now that I can see okay so that does happen okay and I'd be okay with that I don't hit your ride don't we're different in that way I understand okay yeah if it's fast food and it's fried who cares how it got in there I'll take it yeah yeah we used to fuck with people in that right but we'd steal from that McDonald's that's why my buddies got fired yeah my buddy Chris because if our friends came we'd give them as much stuff as we could yeah it was hard to steal money you could we'd steal food but sometimes you steal money sometimes you wouldn't put in a late order if it was super late and they're in the window you wouldn't punch it in you would be like yeah yeah i'll do it and then you'd make up the number of what you think you'd be like 475 and then you would just go get the item and not ring it up oh they used to do that at a comedy club i know seriously oh yeah where they had an old system and then the waitresses they could like um charge somebody and then void it easily oh the void yeah yeah and then just take all the cash see the voiding is tough because it still shows up in the system see i've worked in restaurants i know how that goes well yeah because you get the manager but can you avoid that drink out that no one wanted it but then you give your buddy that drink okay i've done that but they're still traceable with mcdonald's you would take the order but not take it down just go back to the kitchen and be like can i get a double double to go and then they'll you know they slide to that double quarter pounder so the matter they don't count the patties what i mean by that is it's a box of you should see McDonald's gets a box of like 700 frozen patties.

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43:27You're counting every patty? No, you don't have time. If I'm the manager, yeah, I'm a coach. You have so much to do when you're the manager. You're busy as fuck. Like fries is one thing. That's insane. You know what I mean? You better count. We have 42 ,695 fries today. You know what I mean? You better not fucking steal. That's crazy. Here's why it doesn't matter. Because at McDonald's, if you ever work in fast food, so much stuff ends up on the floor on accident. Fries, a nugget, patty. This happens. Because when people are moving fast, shit spilled. I stand corrected. I stand corrected. You know what my favorite shit was?

43:56What? when we'd have to replace the Coke bag. So, because it's a perfect, because McDonald's has like the perfect mixture of Coca-Cola. Yeah. That's why it's the best Coca-Cola in the fucking world, other than Mexican Coke in a bottle. But to go Coke is McDonald's because their syrup mixture is like perfectly measured, but it's so dense and sweet that you like hook up the sugar bag, the syrup bag, and it's got then the carbonation and the soda water. Sometimes it would leak out of the top, like the plastic top, and I'd suck on that stuff. oh my god it's so good dude i like that that's it yeah you can feel your teeth falling out yeah yeah it's it's got to be like a thousand grams of sugar per like because it's it's condensed yeah it's so fuck those are so good dude and the smell of those when you crack it open now i've used to dude i loved working at mcdonald's it was fucking the best first job i ever had i was 15 it was awesome and i fed all my friends i got paid good money yeah like i got paid like a minimum wage but it was like good when you could still fucking like yeah look at that smoking a joint and mcdonald's coke hey yo did they drug test there no i mean this was a long time ago they might now i don't think they no they didn't drug test us because everyone we was there was on drugs now would you feel safer when androids take over like robot like if like because when you go to a mcdonald's eventually it's going to be no humans working there that's fucking a bummer well even now i went to a mcdonald's where were we and and you have to order through the fucking Do you guys see the Tesla The Tesla diner in Hollywood All robotized Let's burn it Let's go burn it down Is it just made out of cyber trucks That's it Fuck that place Fuck him Fuck that whole place Stupid But that's the future guy No There will still be a need for human I don't know No we will We'll want that Look at that influencer Hey guys I'm here with my tits And this robot yeah oh my god he's making me popcorn the korea daily of course so funny what's so funny about that i'm just happy we made it all the way there in their news it's pretty cool we go deep do you really think that that's good you're there you that's i think that people are still going to want people to run a thing i don't know i like i like the niche niche of it the niche of the future?

46:23Yeah. Well, it's going to be everywhere. So the niche would be humans making food still. But right now, when I see a WeGovi, I get excited. Then eventually you get excited. Oh, Waymo. Waymo. Waymo, Waymo. Talking about you. Waymo, Waymo. You do get excited with WeGovi. Sorry. Waymo, I mean Waymo. Waymo suck. Dude, they're the best. They stopped in front of us in the hotel. Remember that? And it couldn't get by us. I know. The Olympics are better. Waymo suck you don't like that shit fuck that I love it no remember what the guy said to us in the car when he was like Waymo's are bullshit because what if you get into an accident something happens uh the doors lock you know you can't get out of those things until you're at your destination you couldn't just get out if you needed to in an emergency like poo anything oh wow you'd have to poo in the Waymo oh my god Waymo with toilet wow come on up to the front if you have to shit but it doesn't blow your mind when you see a way like it pisses me off too slow bob they suck i know but it's just being back it's just so weird when you look at the fucking driver's seat there's no one in there okay let me get for someone like you i'm gonna prove why you you don't need what you don't want waymo in the future if it's all waymos and they're all self-driving and no one gets to drive then you have then everything is going to be on time and you like that things aren't on time.

47:43You enjoy the fact that there's leeway and there's wiggle room. I like that about you. Screw Wigovie.

47:50I like human error too. Human error. Yeah, yeah. Human error. That's where the magic happens. The ribs on the ground. Right, that's where the magic happens, yeah. Yeah. That stores closed down permanently. Full love. There's a nail in my breadstick. I love that. It's a fun story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You eat it anyway. Think about that. The news is not gonna have anything to talk about if everything is automated. Yeah. How boring. How boring. There is no chaos anymore. I want the chaos. We love chaos. Anarchy, bro. We need fucked up stories. We need wild shit to go down. That's why if you married an android, there's no human error there.

48:27There's no excitement. It does anything you need it to do. Exactly. There's no fights. I want some argument. You want some argument. You need some combative. We love drama. Think about a TV. I want to watch Pride and Prejudice tonight. Right? You know, that argument. No, come on, let's watch Casino. No, last night was your movie night. Right. Tonight, Pride and Prejudice. I hate Pride and Prejudice. Did you watch it? Pride and Prejudice? Yeah, I've seen it years ago. God, it's so crazy because every girl that I know gets angry that I haven't seen it. You haven't seen Pride and Prejudice? I don't even know what it is.

49:00There's a million versions there. Yeah, yeah. But they go, you haven't seen it? It's a masterpiece. And I'm like, you just said that about The Notebook. Oh, that was. You think it's a masterpiece? Can I tell you something? What? Never saw it. See, that's what I'm saying. I never saw The Notebook. Yeah. There's films that I know I... You know what's so funny? Like, I never saw Brokeback Mountain, but I got the gist. So I never saw... There's movies that I just never saw. I got the gist, too, yeah. I got the gist. Yeah. I got the gist. Yeah, I... You know what? Can I be honest with you? It's funny.

49:27I didn't see Brokeback Mountain, but I did see Moonlight. I love Moonlight. It's just black... It's just black Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Black Back Mountain. Broke Black Mountain. Broke Black Mountain. Yeah.

49:41and seeing it. I want to see it though because I heard it's really good. We should all go see it. Doubt it. You've seen it? No. It's amazing. Yeah. Wait, why haven't you seen it? Just one of those. I realized I didn't even see the second Kill Bill till today. Yeah. These guys went through Kill Bill without us today. You know what movie I'm trying to watch right now? It's hard to get through. I don't know why. Barry Lyndon. Oh, it's so good. I know it's beautifully shot, but I can't get into it. Look at a Chinese, look at him wearing a cowboy hat. Ang Lee. I like Chinese cowboys. When have you seen them?

50:11There's so many Chinese cowboys You don't know that? There's a documentary about Chinese cowboys In China? Look, there's an untold America about Chinese cowboys You've never seen this? No It's amazing Go to the historical photo Zoom in Look at that, dude Giddy up, doggie

50:30He's doing wide eyes Yeah, he is doing wide eyes on the right Ride to them, cowboy No, he just got an order he didn't want to do hey man you're gonna take that piece of dynamite go in that hole and light it up

50:45wait this is not that's shen yun yeah that's just shen yun backstage is that is that in america yeah what uh it's in 1888 wow there were asians back then the good old days yeah but i'm sure they were like i want to go back home now this is your home now pal but do you think they were They were being miserable back then. And one day your great-great-grandson's going to open up a Thai food joint in San Jose and it will get closed down because of health code violations. You know how I know it was bad for them? When you watch Tombstone, Deadwood, any of those things, there's only one guy. If that.

51:24One's enough. You know what I mean? But so where are the other people? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. You got one. I watched Goonies again, you know? I watched Goonies on the plane the other day. It's a good movie. It's a flawless movie. Yeah, it's perfect. It's exactly what a movie should be. It's an adventure. I watched back-to-back with Sandlot. I went Sandlot Goonies, and I was like, this is perfect. These are just kids going on an adventure. That was movies at that era was just like, put them in a weird situation, have them go on a whimsical adventure. You go along for the ride, whether or not it's realistic, it doesn't matter.

51:54And a lovely - I can't watch Sandlot. Why? Because my ex-girlfriend is married to the star of Sandlot. I think about her a lot. The star is a vague, that's a vague term because there's a lot of stars in that. Okay. Scotty Smalls the other guy the chubby guy the redheaded guy? really? tell us the back of what's it in? Porter? what's wrong with me? yeah Ham Porter yeah Hamilton Porter Patrick Pat Renna yeah go to Pat Renna right do you know why it bonds me out and nothing against him I'm sure he's a great guy okay yeah that's hot yeah money who is that? Jasmine my ex-girlfriend how long ago? many many years ago and when she I was the she was he was the next guy she dated and in my head I was like oh I'm him you know I mean I'm like the Asian version of him you think so yeah I think I am he's got that Sandlot money I know well I thought you meant you were him for a second about about like what's that isn't there a movie is it Ryan Reynolds or someone like he's the guy that the girl after the girl sleeps with him they they get married and settle down what's that movie it's with uh dane cook oh right yeah yeah it is dane cook the last what is it called she's very pretty huh jasmine yeah yeah look at their family go to the family that could have been you i know so many so many of my ex-girlfriends have kids now and are happy they're just super happy you prepare them for happiness which is good Oh, you think I was there like the dark, the dark dark, I can't even speak English.

53:33The dark chapter? No, the preparing for happiness. It's a dark chapter. Is that, was it my best friend's girl? Yeah. Yeah. So he would hire him to try to bone her in order for her to fall back in love with him? Yeah, cause yeah. Twisted. Dane was on fire back then. That's what he was starring in movies, man. It's crazy. It's awesome. Love him. anyway yeah look yeah she's happy you're happy i don't know sometimes like what do you want you want a family do you really want a family no he doesn't yes i do yeah he might he would have had one already he can still have one i think i regret some things you got plenty of time like the airport i was at the airport lax and i would tell you the story i was at lax You write another note to a girl?

54:25No, no, no Did you hop off the plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan? No, no, no What? It's a song Yeah I was haggard I'd just done a weekend at some club And I was at LAX And I was tired and haggard And I have like my backpack I'm walking through LAX In the distance I see this beautiful girl With a young husband And their kid And they're just laughing And I realize it's my ex-girlfriend And I run into them and she was like oh and we hugged which one not that not that one no it's a different see that's what i'm saying i keep running into happiness and what how did the conversation go i go oh my god well you know we hug i meet the kid you know i mean and the dude what's up dude what's up man you know what's up home you know what's up homie yeah yeah yeah black guy no it's just a white guy but it's like we white guys can do this too i know but you're doing the homie thing you keep going what's up homie yeah that's what how i talk why i don't know i'm urban urban bob is back Yeah, what's up?

55:23And I do, what's up, right? You said, what's up with the boyfriend? Yeah, and then they go, well, see you later. And then they leave and I go, oh, you know, what did I do? What did you want? Were you in love with that person? I think it was, I think, honestly, I think there's some relationship. Maybe I should have hung in there. Yep. Don't you think? Don't say fucking yup. No, I believe that. I think I should have hung in there because in rough patches, right? I go, mayday, mayday, I got to get out. right but that's the nature of relationships you're going to have rough patches so of course yeah and it's like the next time maybe stick in the rough patch you know and then you get out of it instead of like pulling the emergency cord but sometimes it's for the better but i don't think so i think every relationship i've been in it i should have just stayed in it that's interesting yeah the butterfly effect now you could go back in time and yeah because it's like if i look back they were attractive, good people, empathy, all the things.

56:23And then you see them happy, but then they would have been miserable with me. How do you know that? I'm a fucking bro. I'm a creature of the night, dude. You know what I mean? Five in the morning playing Ghost of Yotai. What are you doing? The sun is up. Shut up! You know what I mean? All right, I still have to level up. At 54, I'm like that. I gotta level up! But that's who you are. Who cares? You need to find that special gem. I need another girl like, I'm leveling up too. Exactly. You need a leveler. Yeah, yeah. We're playing two games at one time. Maybe that. There's got to be a girl like this that exists.

57:00Yeah. A girl that's obsessed with those kind of things and loves her independence. But then we would get nothing done. What do you need to get done? Make bread, you know. You're a big bread guy now? Well, I love that show. Bake Off. Bake Off. No, but you know what I'm saying? I don't think you would want somebody exactly like you. That's insane. You'd want someone that has similar interests. That's what you're saying. I don't know because I remember with Kalilah, it's like, you know what I mean? We're going to do this thing. And normally I wouldn't do it, but when I do it, then you're like, oh, I'm glad I did it.

57:32If I'm with somebody that's like me, we would never do anything. You know what I mean? You'd just be sitting there. Kind of perfect. No, I need someone to lead me into life. I'd be with a celebrity. What? Only person you would respect. You need to be with someone in - No, I respect common people. Oh. I'd even say - That's so good. It's like that song from Pulp, Common People. Okay. It's one of my favorite songs. We call them civilians. We call them civilians? Well, they're civilians because we're weirdos. We're clowns. And those are civilians. Those are adult humans. And we're different. We're goofball fuckheads.

58:07Yeah. We're children. We're clowns. You know what I thought about the other day after doing - Last night, after doing - Friday night, after doing that big show with Shane. Mm-hmm. and you do this huge show and then you just end up in a hotel room by yourself naked after a shower on a chair hunched over right literally hunched over and just like what the fuck you could have gone alone yeah I think it's that you think that's gonna make you happy but you've been it doesn't yeah I know and you know that already you're just every time I get reminded yeah but that stuff doesn't make anyone happy I know exactly oh you're happy because you were that you did it but it's but everyone does have that moment at the end of the night of anything that you do or are people that get home from a long day at work whether they like their job or not everyone has a reflective moment in the shower on the shitter just being like yeah because that happened that's human nature yeah it's just that's the feeling of everything it's like when you buy something you've always wanted then you get it you don't even fucking give a shit that's that's everything that's every so So if you can't be happy now, you're never going to be happy then.

59:16Yeah, I'm trying to find it. Yeah. Although I did hear that quote today on fucking TikTok. It bothered me so much. Warren Buffett was doing a speech and he's like, if you're not happy with 50 ,000 or 100 ,000, you're not going to be happy with 100 million. It's not going to make a difference. It's like, oh my God. Well, you're worth billions of dollars, you fucking idiot. Yeah. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you talking? Yeah. And then he does kind of back it up by saying like, oh yeah, and then there is a threshold of money that makes people, gives people comfort and everything.

59:44But he's trying to do this. Whenever somebody like that, like an Elon Musk or like a Zuckerberg does that thing where they're like, it's not going to make you happy, man. And I got to tell you, you just got to find it now. All right, later. Then takes off in a fucking jet pack. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, what are you talking about? Yeah, I had a driver the other day and it made me really reflect. And I go, you know, I talked to all the drivers. You love talking to the drivers. I'm like, what's up? What's up, dude? You know, he talked. I was getting into his live. He's like, and we got into his live.

1:00:16He's married, two kids. And then I go, you happy? He goes, well, let me, when I go home after this shift, I'm going to sit in my driveway for an hour and just look at TikTok before I go inside the house. Yeah. And I go, why? He goes, I just don't want to be there. Oh, shit. You know what I mean? I thought he wanted some like self-taught. No, no, no, no, no, no. He goes, because when I go in there, I'm just so unhappy. oh shit and he goes I'm only with my wife because um we have two young daughters and I'm gonna stay together for them Andres was your driver and I was like dude just figure that out that sounds like a nightmare he goes no well cause what is he gonna do break up a family and that's what I'm saying but that's I don't want that I think that's what I'm looking for something perfect because I don't want that I don't want to you know what I mean but perfect doesn't exist but to be dreadful going home but I don't think that's gonna happen to you either I think that guy made his reality doesn't that sound like a nightmare you don't know what else is going on in his life no I got into it you guys what happened he goes my wife doesn't want to compromise she it's her road or the high road you know what I mean and what why you laughing that's the saying you got it right I was just Why'd you laugh at it?

1:01:38Because they don't get it wrong? You said it a little funny That's all How do you say it? My way or the highway Is my highway or the highway? And No he was like saying like You know I can't You know what I mean Do what I want to do It's always her way Did he say what he wanted to do? Oh you mean just in general In general Like it's like You know what I mean As soon as I get in the house She's like Do this Do that Do this You know what I mean And also he said that I haven't had sex with her In 90 days Or 100 days she doesn't want to have sex they're doing like a cleanse or something no no she just doesn't want to do it so my point is is that it's just he's trapped and i don't want to be in a prison you don't want to be trapped in a loveless marriage or loveless relationship even i want to be free you know right well then that's what i'm saying then don't ever you don't need to but i believe that there is got to be somebody out there that has that no i i understand about compromise yeah you got to come and i understand about that but to feel trapped is a different thing yeah that guy was a bad example of what that's not gonna happen that's not you that's that man's plight okay that won't be you because i like going on adventures as well you're an adventurous man yeah yeah i don't think that's gonna be you okay you know and i but but you can see the fear i think it's a real i think it's a real emotion it's a true feeling to have to be you don't want to be with someone that you no longer are interested in yeah but this happened Last night I was at Ding Tai Fung.

1:03:00Not Ding Tai Fung. I was at Sunun Dang, which is a restaurant. It's another three - Yeah, yeah, it's a Korean restaurant. It was a ping pong dong. And I was with Andrea Jin and my friend Andy, and we see this couple, and you can see the guy. And we were talking about him. He was just like... And she's like doing all the talking, you know what I mean? And it kind of, it was like there was some, like, a confrontation going on. We don't know. Couldn't hear it, yeah. But you could just see how he's just so sad. And I go, I know what that is. And I don't want that. What was it? Just trapped and bummed and like, you know what I mean?

1:03:38Like, I can't get out of the situation kind of, you know what I mean? And I don't want that. I think that's the worst thing, you know? It's also like sometimes relationships, they turn into your mother. because I do have childlike behavior. So women want to mother me, like do this, do that because you're not acting normal. But I want somebody that's to accept the fact that I'm just the way I am because I'm not going to really change that much. I'll provide, I'm fun, da-da-da-da-da-da. You know what I mean? But it's, what's so funny? Da-da-da-da-da-da. Is that your dating profile? I'll provide, I'm fun, da-da-da-da-da-da.

1:04:19Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You know what I mean? You know what da-da-da-da-da-da is. Yeah. Da da da da da. Yeah, yeah. It's the motherfucking Bobby Lee. Yeah, but you know. I think you will. Because when I see you and your wife, I don't feel that. I feel like, you know, she's just so cool. He's my homie. Yeah, and so you're lucky. But we all have bullshit. We have bullshit. Fancy and his wife have bullshit. There's just stuff that happens and you got to wiggle your way through it. Now, if I had that guy's fucking thing, the drivers, like I sit in my car because I don't want to go inside. I'm out of that relationship.

1:04:53That's crazy. That's that guy. But you gotta understand I'm stuck. I have kids, you know what I mean? Nah, there's a way out of everything. You think so? 100%, that guy shouldn't be in that. Also, that's worse for the kids because he's probably not present. He's probably, they're probably like, daddy. And he's like, fuck out of my face. Yeah. Get away from me. I don't like you. But I see signs out front. I went on a date and she goes, I think you're not going to believe this she gets in my car and she goes don't drive yet I go why she goes I want to connect my phone into your Bluetooth so we can play my music oh god immediately stopping that's the first thing she said okay but you could go along and go okay maybe I want to hear your tunes maybe she want to share tunes with me you know why my sideburns are shaved no she went she grabbed my cigarette this is not going to do my sideburns this girl made you shave those no just a couple days later i looked in the mirror and go maybe she's right maybe let me see no i just shaved them but what they were you know they were long and grisly some of the white hair i love it it's very but she did that and i was like oh i can't do this because that's the beginning yeah that's up front dude that's what you're opening with but what if she gets all the heavy shit out of the way up top what if that's the only thing that bothers sideburns and i have to play my music that's it those are the only problem i mean that's pretty good that is pretty good in the long And their dating profile, it's like, look, I hate sideburns and I got to play my music.

1:06:17But outside of that, I'm like, chill chick on earth. Yeah. But that, I mean, those are warning signs, no? So you're never going to talk to that girl again. I haven't, no. Yeah. Because it was like, it just felt, you know, it's just hot, but that's nothing. They're all hot. Yeah, yeah. Every girl is hot with you. I said that to someone, who was I talking to? You guys? Yeah. And I was like, they're all hot. They're all hot. But now it's like, I can't do it if they're like that. Well, it doesn't matter that they're hot because there's more that you need. There's more than you need. There's more that you need.

1:06:51There's more that you need.

1:06:56This is also the New Year's episode. We want to talk about resolutions. Can I be honest with you, McCone? Yeah? Are you a producer on the show? You're his boss. I mean, let me ask you, what is your job description? It's vague and it changes often. But is it telling me what to do? Is that your job description? Telling me what to do. I want to feed you the ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dunk it. Did you come up with that segment? Resolutions? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. New year, new list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? We're not doing that. That's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have any other suggestions? Not right now.

1:07:33I'll let you know. Yeah. Now look what you're saying. You're getting mad. Right? You're getting a little angry and rageful. Right? Resetment. Yeah. Why the resentment? I'm just kidding. No, why the resentment though? Let's get this out. Maybe that should be the New Year's. Right? Yeah. What's going on? No, there's no resentment. Yeah, yeah, there is because you're hiding, I can tell. All right, we're good? Yeah, we're all good. I can see your face though. You can't hide your face. When I see you sometimes, like, you know what, last time we got a little, you did a face? Yeah. When was it? When was the last time we got into it?

1:08:06No, it wasn't getting, it was something that happened in Phoenix. I don't remember You got your camera in my face Remember? No It happens a lot I don't take these things you say seriously Because you're a funny silly guy He doesn't take you seriously Damn he doesn't take you seriously That's what I'm talking about dude He's not the most intimidating guy He said that to me one time He goes Bobby I don't take him seriously Oh you want me to get intimidating? You can try Oh shit You can try? I love you so much. No, no. Okay, okay. I'll try. I'll try. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. You can try.

1:08:46That's my new year. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try to be intimidating. Okay. Yeah, that's fine. What are you gonna do? New year. I'm trying to stay more consistent at the gym. Okay.

1:09:01I was gonna say - Ji-yi, shing-ko-ching-chow. I was gonna say you should be looking for a new job Yeah Might have to replace you I mean for your age Here's another thing that you do It's crafty It's his networking I see it Like when we're backstage Him talking to Shane He's always trying to chum it up Chummy guy And I wanted to go to Shane and go Oh no that's a camera guy He's just a kid camera guy He did say that Did I say that? Yeah I interrupted them And Shane went No okay Yeah Yeah Ooh you see he's snapping on you a little bit I know I get it Yeah yeah I'm just saying what happened Yeah yeah yeah This is interesting It's interesting Andrew gave him wins though What wins?

1:09:54This guy I know I gave him wins? You pulled him up Wings Oh I was like I gave him wins Yeah I think you influenced him He thinks he's you no yeah yeah he's an extension of your arm he's an extension of my leg yeah he's holding on to my leg daddy daddy i gave him i gave him right i gave him lift and so now he's flying at 35 000 feet and he he belongs in a cessna below oxygen levels right where he he thinks we're peers right do you think we're peers i think at this point we're we're we're we're work friends no that's not what he asked you definitely i don't think we're peers bobby i think but also i'm not a comedian so it's a different thing ah i feel like if i was like an open mic or i want to be a comic maybe ah but i'm not i'm not in that we work together on this side we work together i know but it's like we're there's different planes i'm not even do you think that you have as much power as I do on the show?

1:10:57No, be honest. No, of course not. Yeah. What do you think the power levels are, though? You're 10 ,000 and I'm 50 or something, you know? Well, then tell yourself that. You're 50? I mean, it's a weighted scale. I don't know if you're 50. Yeah, I don't know you're 50. What do you think you're... If you're 50 and he's 100 ,000, what's Andreas? Andreas is like 99 ,000. Wow. So he's... Don't make me one of his discussers. So you guys have talked about this before, obviously. Doesn't that sound like they've discussed this? So you're 10 ,000 less than us. No. And what is... You're 300 ,000. Oh, I'm...

1:11:38I'm 100 ,000. He's 300 ,000?

1:11:4399, 75, 10. And he's 300. I'm 100 ,000. Yeah. Okay. In what way, though? The edit. there's so much control in the edit and the influence the original voice of the show shaped into what he is legend shut up shut up no you're talking about andreas right now right no i'm talking about why is he 200 000 more i mean just planning stuff putting stuff together special olympics events he's trolling you so hard right now it's it's getting to you dude I know. Don't let him troll you. I'm really mad. I know he is, dude. I'm really mad right now. Because he's trolling you. It's working. Here's why. We come to this every year, to this point where I get this mad, and then I forget about it.

1:12:36The year goes on, I forget. But I think my New Year's resolution is not to forget. I'm not intimidating. Right. Right? And I have no power. No, you have less power. My God. Yeah, but if either one of us, right, leaves the show, the show's over. Of course. Right. So I would say that we're 50-50. We're 50-50. Exactly. Yeah, but not in your eyes. Yeah, it's a weighted 50. One 50 is a little heavier than the other 50. Dude, he is. I know. He's logged in. Yeah, okay. That's interesting. It's so interesting. That's very interesting. It's very interesting stuff. I feel like he's doing a very good job.

1:13:16and Carlos has stayed like eerily quiet. He doesn't want to fuck up anything. Because he's learned. Yeah, because you do the forgetting thing with me a lot. Yeah. I have to. I forgive. No. With him, I forget. For you, I forgive. Okay. Don't get me wrong. I always remember, but I forgave you for those things. That's true. Yeah, yeah. But for you, I forget. I go, oh, he's not as annoying as I thought. Yeah. But then he is. Yes, he is. Yeah. I think I'm just a little sad that you canceled on Kill Bill today. He canceled as well. I had work to do. You canceled to sleep in. It started at 1 p.m. I had to work.

1:13:59I hadn't slept in four days, I said. Okay. I went from Vegas to Phoenix to here. All right. I hadn't slept. And tomorrow I have the busiest day imaginable. So in my mind, Sunday is the only day I can sleep in. I'm not going to wake up during my sleep in day and go I'm going to go watch Kill Bill I'd rather sleep in what do I do Andrew I need your advice we're at a precipice here I think as the boss you need to take some sort of disciplinary action now is that like a temporary suspension from the show I don't know what do I do though be my advisor I think perhaps a temporary suspension might be there I mean not an expulsion but you know I don't know if he's terminated you want to terminate I don't know.

1:14:41How close is he for termination? I think I'm going to do it because he's not intimidated. He doesn't believe that I'm going to do it. You know what I mean? And I'm going to have to do it so that he believes. Look, dude. The power's in your hands. Can I ask you something, Andreas, real quick before I do what I'm going to do? Right? Who has all the cut footage of Bad Friends? You do. He has none of that to blackmail me or to put it online? No. I have tour footage. That's why he does have tour footage. Yeah. And I say a lot of things on the tour. Yeah, yeah. But that's our property. That's illegal for him to...

1:15:19We can... Yeah, but I think he would if I fired him. You think he would release something? He would leak that stuff out. He won't. Oh, you're fired?

1:15:30It sounded intimidating to me. Yeah, yeah. You're fired. Why are you blushing? Well, I just want to know if there's anything I can do to win back. No. Oh, that's a good move, though. Yeah, yeah. Smart thing Because with your networking This is what You're not playing it right Okay Yeah yeah The play is Even if you believe these things Right You say the opposite Right There's things that like You know You Pauly Shore Or back when I was a kid You know what I mean Or what Mitzi Shore would say That I like didn't believe Or like You know what I mean But I wouldn't say it out loud That's insane I got you Right So it's like Wear the pants on the podcast

1:16:10dude yeah you have to do it subtly yeah yeah yeah not as overt you know i mean like you know i mean you gotta train you take some acting classes or something yeah yeah yeah well how about this you know i mean you wanna do you wanna dock his pay no just let him down i don't give a fuck well here's this is fun no it's okay what if we get his punishment he doesn't care i don't what if he gives his money divided into half goes to fancy and then the other half goes to carloading. No, no, he needs money. So it's like, just let him do what he wants. No, he can sleep here at the studio. He used to do it.

1:16:43He did it when he had asbestos. At this point, it's like, you know what I mean? I worked so hard to get to this place. You did. People still don't respect me. It's fine. I'm used to it. He respects you. No, no, I'm used to it. I've seen it. Raise your hand if you respect Bob in the studio. No, no, no. Put your hand down. I don't, honestly, McCone, I don't care. Any of you guys, alright that's my new year's resolution I'm just gonna do what I do you know it's a good start to the year yeah 2026 is off to a hot start yeah I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to well I want to hear everything a long winter's nap me too with mom and her kerchief and me and my cap yeah I can't wait I can't wait to just lay down for like a couple weeks I need it I want to go on my horse I want to go on your horse and just ride around that game Ghost of Yotai you know what I mean go on adventures let's get you a real horse you could keep a mini horse at your house you got room back there you know what I realized about you the other day if you're not good at it you won't do it what do you mean so when we were backstage in Phoenix we were playing that video game and we're like come on play you're like nah you played one round and that was it because if you're not good at it you won't participate partially true i also didn't care to play yeah that but i think that's a part of it no no i'll try i'll do stuff that i'm not that good at i play tennis i'm not that good at tennis yeah but when it comes to stuff like that you're like i just it's what it's cool to watch but i don't care about video games i just don't care i like the competitiveness you don't like the competitiveness of it i love competition but i like physical competition It was a game where you had four characters and you're just trying to throw them off of a building.

1:18:31It's great. It was so fun to watch. It was so fun. I was more of a, the spectating of it was fun. Yeah. But no, I just, I like physical, I like games that I can play. That it's an exercise of my ability. We talked about this, but okay. Tweet your zone. Tweet your zone. You know what I need? It's either your way or - I need speech class, I think. Yeah. Don't you think? Why isn't anybody told me I need speech class? and the thing is is this and I say that a lot don't I say that a lot and I say let me tell you something we all we say the same thing yeah yeah but it's a it's a habit of your communication on the but I sometimes I'll commit to a word that I don't know how to pronounce but then it'll just come out of the train I mean the train will come out of the sometimes it'll come out the tunnel too early or whatever that's a bad analogy you know I mean um it's tretsy yeah you do have a Yeah, I'll just say it and I go, oh, I don't know the word, but it's coming out.

1:19:28Let it happen. Who cares? That's the beauty. That's the beauty of your artistic mind. You let things fly. Well, I think so fast. That's not true. What you're saying, you're making fun of me? No, I'm saying, I just, you doing this made me laugh and you go, I think so fast. I didn't think it was a funny, it looked funny. Yeah. I think fast, right? But then I want to get it out too fast and then it comes out all weird. That's how I write. I can't hand write because there's too much brain going like, and I just can't. get it out well more than anything we hope everybody's 2026 is off to a killer start and we are still going to be doing bad friends in 2026 we cannot wait well it's here now that's right and 2027 and 2028 and 2029 yeah and for people that want to know we in six years the show will be coming to a close when bobby turns 60 we're going to throw a big bash and the show will be done in six years you really do you want to do that in six years when i'm 60 we should end it yeah why because i'm gonna die no i think that's i think you need to retire yeah yeah you need from this from podcasting yeah i think six years at 60 years old will be i'll drift into the wilderness you can just keep living the way i'll live i'll go i won't be doing podcasts yeah yeah let's predict where the way you i feel at 54 i felt at 40 it's the same no no no you're you feel better than i'm gonna feel when i'm your age for sure why because i am i eat unhealthy and I still drink alcohol.

1:20:51You have back discs that hurt. I have back discs that hurt. Yeah. How about this? This is a fun little predictive thing real quick. Yeah. At 60, when we say goodbye to the show, where do you think your life looks like? What do you think my life looks like? I think I'll have a kid. Okay. By then. All right. I think I'll have one kid. How old is it? 18. I'm going to adopt. Good. I'm going to adopt at, you know what I mean? No, no. You might have a kid. At 12. I'm going to adopt a 12-year-old. You think at 60, you're going to be in love and married? No, single father. Single father. Yeah, with an 18-year-old Russian kid.

1:21:28Okay. Yeah, yeah. Where am I going to be? Oh, it's going to be great. What? Go on, yeah. You're going to make the stitching on a baseball. See that baseball? That's going to be my job? Yeah, yeah. You're going to do that red stitching on the baseball. So comedy, I'm out. Podcasting, I'm out. Something's happened, yeah. Yeah, so I need to go back to stitching. My original first love. stitching but you're going to be the best at it so I'm the best stitcher in the world that's good thank you for being a bad friend

1:22:20Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.