Heated Rivalry w/ Rick Glassman

5:54Khalyla Kuhn:But anyway Dude Half Asians Wow So Heated Rivalry

5:59Bobby Lee:Is your favorite new gay show?

6:00Khalyla Kuhn:Yes, my favorite gay show

6:01Bobby Lee:I can't watch that kind of stuff And can I say something? Crazy talk What are we talking about?

6:04Khalyla Kuhn:What do you mean?

6:04Bobby Lee:I don't want to watch that stuff

6:06Khalyla Kuhn:See, that's why I watched it Because I don't want to be that guy Says I don't want to watch that stuff I am that guy You know what I mean? I don't want to watch that Yeah, I don't want to be that guy I want to be open, right? And go, oh, he's, you know what I mean? He's an open book. He's in touch with his feelings.

6:19Bobby Lee:I don't want to see sex scenes between straight couples on shows. I want to see shows that are more creative than just sex. Yeah.

6:24Khalyla Kuhn:I only saw one episode. I'll never see another one. Okay, good. Yeah. You know, the girl I'm seeing made me watch it. I saw the first episode. That's enough for me. I know what happens.

6:33Bobby Lee:When you brought up a gay love scene, like two men in love, I thought you were talking about Free Bert. I thought it was Bert's new show. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, I watched it the other night.

6:43Khalyla Kuhn:Good.

6:44Bobby Lee:Brother, it's great. I heard it's good. It's not good, it's great, it's fantastic. It's so fun and it hits all the notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great show. Great. I'm not saying that because he's our boy. So happy for him. It is fantastic. Yeah. And, oh God, what's wrong with my brain? What's her name? Ardem Marin. Ardeman, yeah. Yeah. Ardeman, Artemis. Artemis Fowl? Yeah, no, Arden, Arden, she's Arden, right? Yeah. Arden Mirren, yeah, she's great.

7:11Khalyla Kuhn:Arden is, I have to say something.

7:13Bobby Lee:You've known her for a long time. I've known her.

7:14Khalyla Kuhn:We were on Matt TV earlier. I know. Yeah. Arden looks so good for her age. Okay. Is that bad to see?

7:21Bobby Lee:I don't even know.

7:22Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, sexy.

7:24Bobby Lee:What is she, 106? No, she's my age. You corrected it by saying sexy? Is that mean for me to say? No.

7:29Khalyla Kuhn:I didn't need the for her age part. I didn't? Just say she looks good. Let me get that again. Take two. Yeah. She looks sexy. A little creepy, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's fine. No, as a friend, there's no, come on. I know, man. Yeah, okay. Okay, well then. Just teasing.

7:43Bobby Lee:52 years old, yeah, she looked great. You look great too for 54.

7:46Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

7:47Bobby Lee:And I look -

7:48Khalyla Kuhn:I remember when I played John McCain, she played Cindy McCain.

7:51Bobby Lee:Aww.

7:52Khalyla Kuhn:I remember.

7:53Bobby Lee:That's pretty sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, look at that third picture, babe. Third photo. Yeah. There it is, zoom in. You do look like John McCain. That's incredible.

8:03Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah, it's incredible.

8:04Bobby Lee:If you're ever wondering why not a lot of Asian guys get casted in sketch comedy, that's it right there.

8:09Khalyla Kuhn:Why?

8:10Bobby Lee:It's hard. You look nothing like John McQueen. You look like an older Asian guy. Yeah. You're playing your dad. I look like Mitch McConnell's wife. Wow, look at how much taller she is than you. Why'd they make her wear heels? Yeah. You have grown since then. Comedically, physically.

8:27Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. You've grown. So anyway, you guys, January 25th is my AA birthday. So just text me, you know, happy birthday. That'd be nice. I did. You're the only one, no one else in my life.

8:38Bobby Lee:Well, it means a lot to me.

8:38Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. Dude, what a friend, dude.

8:40Bobby Lee:And I'm happy. Very good. I was really excited to see you today.

8:43Khalyla Kuhn:Why?

8:44Bobby Lee:I got therapy this morning. I feel great. I feel great. I got a great lesson out of it. I used it. Tell me your lessons. Well, I'll give you one called JOY. I told the boys today. JOY. The acronym in the lesson today was JOY.

8:55Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

8:56Bobby Lee:Just observe yourself.

8:57Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

8:58Bobby Lee:He's like, just be in it a little bit. Just observe. Stop trying to go full speed ahead and look. Just be in it a little bit.

9:03Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. I do YOJ. Yeah. What is that? What?

9:06Bobby Lee:What is it?

9:06Khalyla Kuhn:JOY backwards.

9:07Bobby Lee:Yeah. What is it?

9:08Khalyla Kuhn:What? What? Yourself, right? You always jerk off. I'm not done. Oh. Joy backwards. Yeah, yourself on Jeremiah. Hmm, okay. Yeah, what do you think? Anyway, yeah. I feel good. Do you, because I felt, after my special, I felt like - Postpartum? A little bit. Mm-hmm. Is that real?

9:32Bobby Lee:Big time. Especially when you're writing the new hour, I am in postpartum hell.

9:36Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. Yeah. In fact, today I got on Lexapro because of it.

9:39Bobby Lee:No, don't get on that.

9:40Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

9:40Bobby Lee:Please, dude.

9:41Khalyla Kuhn:I'm so depressed.

9:42Bobby Lee:How many pills are you on now?

9:43Khalyla Kuhn:So many different kinds.

9:45Bobby Lee:Ozzy, Lexi. Yeah, yeah.

9:46Khalyla Kuhn:Blue Chew. Where's the Blue Chew? Blue Chew, yeah. You got to eat that. Blue Chew.

9:49Bobby Lee:He loves it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do really use that a lot. I do. Does that balance okay with your medication? Oh, yeah.

9:54Khalyla Kuhn:Good. Yeah, everything works. But yeah, so you're saying that there is a feeling of a little bit of -

9:59Bobby Lee:There's a postpartum special or a postpartum shooting, but I feel the same way after I film anything. anything I always feel a little sick and bad. Just because you put so much into something. People that don't know, you worked so hard on the special. I think so, yeah. No, you did. I saw you every night, multiple times a night. And then when you put it out, it's hard when you're done because then you're like, it's just weights lifted, but you also feel a little empty.

10:22Khalyla Kuhn:Because the night was magical. I mean, you guys were there, you know what I mean? So it's like - We were surprised. That's another thing. Why did you - So this is what these - I get off stage, these guys are like, Oh you're actually funny You've seen him before I know but that was the energy that you were giving me Why? Because you took it to a different level Yeah you were taping you did it You have to though Because when there's cameras on you're like I have to mug and milk it You gotta milk it These guys don't know anything about showbiz When you're doing a live show in front of people It's not that I do 50 % But you don't really do a lot with your face Because they can't really see it It's all about tone But you're doing it big in this one.

11:04Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, I'm doing... White eyes. Yeah, I did white eyes.

11:07Bobby Lee:I did... Oh, Asian eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, scared eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, just came eyes. Yeah. I did all of them. Yeah, you gotta do them all. Full range.

11:20Khalyla Kuhn:I did the full range of eyes, dude.

11:21Bobby Lee:Yeah, yeah. I think it's a good thing that you're feeling this way, because then you build something new again.

11:26Khalyla Kuhn:I can't think of anything to say. Come on, talk about... I literally don't have anything. I don't know what, I sit there and I go, I don't know what else to say. Well, there's a lot going on in the world. You could talk about any of it. Oh, I see. You know what I mean? Yeah.

11:38Bobby Lee:Oh, by the way, this was amazing. Carlos sent me this. I died. There was a, this in, in, uh, how do you say that, fans? Cadiz. Cadiz. Cadiz. Cadiz Carnival as Stephen Hawking. So like. I saw that. They all dressed up. Look at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roaming the streets as Stephen. Yeah. Take me to Epstein's Island. Take me to Epstein's Island. Yeah.

12:01Khalyla Kuhn:The footwork on the guy in the middle is dead on. It's impressive. You got to do a crooked foot. You have to have the lean. Yeah, you have to do lean. Yeah.

12:08Bobby Lee:This is a celebration of life more than anything. It is.

12:10Khalyla Kuhn:It's a celebration of life.

12:11Bobby Lee:Yeah. Whoever has the best technology, I'd be more impressed with. Whose computer actually worked?

12:15Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. And the next year, they're doing Michael J. Fox.

12:21Khalyla Kuhn:It's going to look like an earthquake. And I'm going to do it that way. Give me your Michael J. Fox walk.

12:33Bobby Lee:No way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's on your hat?

12:35Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, the flower?

12:37Bobby Lee:What does that mean?

12:38Khalyla Kuhn:I think it's like a Japanese version.

12:41Bobby Lee:That's cool, dude. Let me tell you something. Shohei Otani has us on lock. What do you mean? Everything is Japanese now. Yeah. Go to Dodger Stadium this next season. It's all Japanese. All the advertising. It's brilliant. Yeah. You know, they start... I know you don't love baseball. You're going to come this year with me. I'm going to come. This... All right. Pause. this guy, I think they said the Dodgers have already made their money back on him already because of how sellable he is. I mean, he is a it's a megastar beyond megastar. It's mind-blowing.

13:10Khalyla Kuhn:It's not as big, but LAFC getting sun on the team too. Everything is sun. Even I know who that is. That's how big that is.

13:17Bobby Lee:But that's money. It's all big money. Let me tell you something.

13:22Khalyla Kuhn:Knock on wood, dude. Asians are here. Open up. we're here and we're here to stay that's right we're here we're here to say dude you know i know

13:29Bobby Lee:you don't mess with us dude no trust me i'm learning cantonese right now are you really late at night my buddy my buddy who you know is teaching his son uh mandarin right now you know my friends speaking he's they're speaking speak speak to me he did it this morning what's water he was doing it's like water no it's like it's like it's like sheesh it's like sheesh it's And he said he knew coffee. Yeah. What's water? Does that literally say water? Shoo shoo? Shoo yi? Shoo yi? Shoo yi? Yeah, it was that. Shoo yi? Shoo yi? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a little kid. Shoo yi? This morning. Yeah, yeah. Cute.

14:01Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. So cute. What's ice? How do you say ice? I'm just curious. What is it? Bing. Bing.

14:11Rick Glassman:Bing.

14:12Khalyla Kuhn:I can point. You know what I mean? If I'm with my Mexican friends?

14:15Bobby Lee:Bing.

14:18Khalyla Kuhn:And they run. You know what I mean?

14:19Bobby Lee:What is that? Yeah. Oh, fuck ice is.

14:31Bobby Lee:I'm going to Minnesota right now. I'm going to be yelling that in the street. Kyu De Ma De Ping is the cool. They would make a hit song out of that. Yeah. That's so good. That's fuck ice? Yeah. That's great. That's great. That's so funny, dude. Yeah. Anyway. That's so fun. Yeah. they can make anything fun they can make it fun hey you know what I saw this morning what I was actually a little proud I almost sent you a little photo what is it I saw a billboard of our movie goat that we're in

15:00Khalyla Kuhn:wow

15:00Bobby Lee:a huge billboard I was like holy shit it's gonna be big a big deal you're gonna go to the thing yeah we gotta go oh yeah yeah we have to we don't have a choice

15:06Khalyla Kuhn:it's not this weekend but next weekend next weekend yeah we have to go to the premiere

15:09Bobby Lee:yeah yeah look at that there yeah I don't know which one that was but it was just cool to see yeah because we've never been in a real animated feature I have never been in an animated feature that's huge

15:16Khalyla Kuhn:look at it It's three-dimensional too. Look at it.

15:18Bobby Lee:But zoom in. Look what it says. From K-pop Demon Hunters Into the Spider-Verse Spider-Man.

15:22Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

15:23Bobby Lee:That's pretty cool. It's going to be huge. I hope so, man.

15:25Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, I think it's going to be huge.

15:26Bobby Lee:I will say we saw the movie. I mean, I'm not... You saw what movie? We saw this movie, I'm saying.

15:31Khalyla Kuhn:We saw bits of it.

15:31Bobby Lee:No, what do you mean? We sat down. We saw... Well, we didn't see it fully animated. We didn't see it.

15:35Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, fully animated. We did see it though.

15:36Bobby Lee:But they showed us the... It was so fun, man. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, it's cool to be a part of that kind of thing because I've never seen animation come like that

15:43Khalyla Kuhn:from zero to a hundred. We've been working on that for a year. Yeah? Oh, it takes forever. It takes forever. Willy Wonka's here, you want to bring in? Bring in Willy Wonka. Yeah, yeah. Willy Wonka! Willy, Willy, Willy, Willy. Willy, Willy, Willy. What's up, dude? Dude, let me say something, dude. Outfit. Steal. Whoa! Outfit on fleek. Wow. Yeah, keep it getting... Look at that. Let me say something. I didn't recognize you at first because you lost so much weight.

16:13Bobby Lee:Thank you.

16:13Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah.

16:14Bobby Lee:I'm not going to lie to you either. I 100 % didn't know that was you outside. I was like, what the fuck? When I met you, dude, you were much bigger. Dude, like 80 pounds heavier. This is my usual weight that I'm usually at.

16:24Khalyla Kuhn:That's the one I miss.

16:27Bobby Lee:No, I'm kidding. No, you look great. The Seattle Times took that picture. Dude, thanks to Jam in the Van for this picture, I look like a goblin. Yeah. You do look sickly there. Yeah, that's a pale man. Yeah. Tell me how you lost all the weight. Dude, I just, I eat scrambled eggs and fucking exercise every day. I dance like James Brown in my house for like three hours. That's amazing. Scrambled eggs. Amazing. Scrambled eggs, dance like James Brown. You'll look like this, America. Snake.

16:53Khalyla Kuhn:Well, I mean, you know. You like incense? I feel like you like incense.

16:57Bobby Lee:I do if I have time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to go to - You light things around the house.

17:00Khalyla Kuhn:I bet you money.

17:02Bobby Lee:Dude, I walk around the house naked every day. Yeah. That's how I live. and so like if my girlfriend's niece moves in, it's like, oh fuck, you gotta wear clothes. I hate you. Amen. Never again. Don't let your girlfriend's niece move in. Yeah. Is that a life lesson? It's a life lesson. That is a life lesson. Yeah. Yeah, why not? Her ghost is right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know Jules? Don't know her. But you know about her. Seen her on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you an AI guy? No, it's strange to see it come and go because a year ago, everybody in the comments would go, if you're not into AI, you're going to get left behind.

17:39Bobby Lee:And that's totally flipped. Now in the comments, people are like, what is this AI slop? What is this AI slop? So I'm kind of stoked to see the public reception flip. Right. Because I think it's cool. They still can't get green screen to work perfectly. Yeah, we're working on it every day in here. Yeah. Just can't get it done. It'll never have the human emotion of comedy Or the nuance in songwriting Yeah, that's true It's you, it's gonna be us

18:08Khalyla Kuhn:But there was a song on TikTok Oh, so good The AI song It's an AI song It's a live song, you know live, the band

18:18Bobby Lee:Yeah, that song

18:22Khalyla Kuhn:It was like an R &B version of that song And I tried to find it on on my iTunes and it's unavailable, it's AI. Yeah, it's fake. But it sounds good. There's AI. Are you scared or no? Oh yeah. I love that.

18:35Bobby Lee:I'm not scared, they'll never come close, dude. I can write you any genre in the next five minutes. I write like five, 10 songs a day when I'm locked in. But I collect all the gear from like the Motown days and I'll record you a Motown song and write you something that'll make you cry. AI only exists because it's copying. It's a reflection of the human emotion and all the stuff that's trained it. Right. But will it continue, will it get so good that it will then train us? It's at the fingertips of human command. So no AI thing is existing without a guy firing the command. So it comes down to a laziness on the writer's behalf.

19:12Khalyla Kuhn:Right.

19:13Bobby Lee:I entered in, write a song in the style of Steel Beans. And I'm not like that famous, but my lyrics are on there. And it wrote a song and I looked at the lyrics and I was like, like, damn, this is kind of some lyrics I would write, but I would never say this, it's hacky to put this sentence like that. It's the fine tuning that puts the eyebrows. Did you say that to AI? Because if you say that, then it's gonna go, good, I'll just get better at it then. Oh, yeah. That's the problem is that people go, this isn't good enough, and it goes, working on it. And it just continues to like, what you just said into that microphone now, it's being recorded, it's put out into the app, like AI is going to know now.

19:50Fuck.

19:50Bobby Lee:Yeah, you fucked up. You fucked up, dude.

19:52Khalyla Kuhn:And I purposely did that by asking those kind of questions. Damn it. You're done, dude.

19:56Bobby Lee:You got an album out now? I do. I didn't come here to promote my album that came out on October 9th on Anderson Paak's label, Ape Shit Records. Awesome. I got Troy Van Leeuwen from Queens of the Stone Age on three of the songs.

20:12Khalyla Kuhn:Let me ask you about that part of it, right? You're playing the guitar, playing drums at the same time, and singing, right? Seems difficult. It's like chewing gum and riding a horse at the same time. Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like chewing gum and riding a horse at the same time.

20:28Bobby Lee:Riding a horse with gum. I've not done that yet. It throws both of you and the horse off. It's just tough rhythmically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Christopher Reeves. That's what happened to him. He was chewing too much gum. Way too much gum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't blame him.

20:39Khalyla Kuhn:So is that, I mean, you're thinking, are you thinking though, or is this organic?

20:43Bobby Lee:I'm not thinking at all. Wow. And I'll be honest, the lame answer is it's not that hard, because I played drum since I was two, got into guitar in middle school, and I was texting the band, fuck, when are you guys going to get here to rehearsal?

20:56Khalyla Kuhn:And I sat down at the drum set with my guitar on. I just went... Yeah, let me see if I can do it. And you got to move rightly. You got it. Yeah, yeah. Are we about to start the first two-man, one-man band? You got to do it two times or not less. You can do it.

21:16Bobby Lee:Dude, this is a two-man band. Yeah, try it.

21:32Bobby Lee:Very good.

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24:12Khalyla Kuhn:Are you really buying a car online on Autotrader right now? Really? I can get super specific with dealer listings and see cars based on my budget. You can really have it delivered. Or pick it up. Mommy, look! I think your kid is walking up the slide. Really? Autotrader. Buy your car online. Really?

24:27Bobby Lee:You know Longfoot's here. Yeah. Longfoot's in the house. Longfoot's here. One of our favorite... Look at those feet. One of our favorite guests and friends. Comedians. Amen. Lovers. Praise the Lord. Rabble rouser, if you will. It's Rick Glassman, huh? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Ricky, what's going on? Where do I begin? That's the show. Thanks, guys.

24:50Khalyla Kuhn:Thanks for coming in.

24:50Rick Glassman:Can I plug my tour?

24:53Khalyla Kuhn:There's a tour?

24:54Rick Glassman:There's a tour. Yeah.

24:54Khalyla Kuhn:What coffee shops are you going to play? Hello.

25:00Bobby Lee:San Francisco, Denver, Houston, Cleveland, Dallas, Portland, Salt Lake City, Austin, Indianapolis, St. Louis. There it is.

25:04Khalyla Kuhn:Go to Punch Up Live. He's going to be at the San Francisco Starbucks. Well, it's a reserve. On Main Street at, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Denver Coffee Bean. The Houston Alfreds, which is good. It's a really good coffee. You'll be at the Houston Alfreds.

25:20Rick Glassman:People say they love it. Yeah, it is good. Do what? The Denver Coffee Bean? It's one of the best. People love it. It's a great gig. I'll be in the Cleveland Coffee Bean. Oh, they're gone. You excited or what? Man, I've never loved stand-up more. Yeah, you're very good at it. Thank you. Yeah. thank you I think I want to fill my hour I've been working on this hour for like about two and a half years now and there's reverb from the headphones that are coming through the microphone can you just put it in your ears it's too loud put it in your ears headphones are too loud yeah can you bring the cans down and and now let's get into it let's go

25:59Bobby Lee:could you bring the can down bring the can down he asked you twice

26:02Rick Glassman:he did

26:03Bobby Lee:the Red Bull thank you the Red Bull someone's got to bring the can down Ricky this hour is going to be fantastic out of you I get it I know that because you're really killing it lately

26:11Khalyla Kuhn:I just got it Play on words What if that's how you laughed

26:17Bobby Lee:What if that's how you laughed

26:20Khalyla Kuhn:Richard What if that's how he actually laughed That is Can I say something You like eccentric socks

26:29Rick Glassman:You tell me I got these at a museum

26:31Khalyla Kuhn:Oh which one

26:33Rick Glassman:It was the one where the cows go to I'm sorry, a museum

26:38Khalyla Kuhn:Burn

26:39Rick Glassman:Sorry dude, you asked for it

26:40Khalyla Kuhn:Can I think about it? I get it

26:43Rick Glassman:Okay, let's get into it

26:45Khalyla Kuhn:I really get it Yeah, yeah And their stance no less Yeah You know what show I've been watching though that I really like? Have you seen the show The Pit? No Have you ever heard of it?

26:55Rick Glassman:The show about Roethlisberger?

27:02The Pit

27:03Khalyla Kuhn:you watch this show no can i say something yeah yeah i've never seen a medical show before i never saw er i never saw gray's anatomy never saw scrub and any of that right and i've been watching the pit right why would you want to be in the medical field it's so have you seen the bloopers the

27:22Rick Glassman:bloopers on the pit oh they're insane i pull up the pit bloopers it's just ben roethlisberger

27:27Khalyla Kuhn:getting tackled a bunch yeah very funny it's such a stressful job yeah yeah have you ever been a

27:33Rick Glassman:mother you mean the sitcom yeah have you ever watched the mother did you do that an episode

27:39Bobby Lee:of the mother no i never know what's the mother the cbs show the mother that's that my actual hardest job in the world by far is that called mom no well the mom mom the show mom is a spin-off of the mother the mother was an original show on cbs okay do you remember how successful bad

27:52Rick Glassman:friends got after people started talking about your mom. Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

27:57Bobby Lee:That was a big piece of our puzzle. Yeah. Yeah, we learned.

28:00Khalyla Kuhn:I put that in the special.

28:02Bobby Lee:Oh, yeah. I heard. I heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? I might sue you. Why? It's copyrighted. You said it on this show! I'm Bobby Mom is mine. Okay. It's my phrase forever.

28:11Rick Glassman:But isn't it yours impression of, isn't the original IP his mom? Yeah, but I copy... Doesn't she actually say that?

28:16Bobby Lee:The phrase is copyrighted.

28:18Rick Glassman:She doesn't actually say, I'm Bobby Mom? She's never said it once. Do you want to edit that out? Is it worth you getting credit for something? Because people love it because I thought... No.

28:28Bobby Lee:She's never said it. Okay. I'm suing. I'm suing.

28:33Khalyla Kuhn:What's up with the Groucho Marx eyebrows?

28:37Rick Glassman:Do I have Groucho Marx eyebrows? Yeah, a little bit. I don't think so.

28:40Khalyla Kuhn:Okay.

28:41Rick Glassman:Is that the black guy from Full House? Yeah. There he is. There he is. Yeah, yeah.

28:47Khalyla Kuhn:I think it's the wideness of it. You know what I mean? Not the thickness.

28:50Rick Glassman:I don't know what my eyebrows look like. I haven't looked in a mirror in three months. Yeah.

28:53Khalyla Kuhn:It was a slime that didn't work, actually.

28:55Bobby Lee:What happened to those mirrors?

28:56Rick Glassman:You got the mirrors out of your house? No, I just don't look at them.

28:59Bobby Lee:They're there, though. Mm-hmm. My God. Self-restraint.

29:04Rick Glassman:Yeah, it's tough. Every time I walk by, I go, I want to take a fucking look at this guy.

29:07Bobby Lee:I want to see what he looks like.

29:08Rick Glassman:Because when I look in a mirror, I go like this. I don't know how to do it. That was great. That was a great question. I felt like I had Botox or something. I felt like I couldn't do it.

29:19Khalyla Kuhn:Hell is other people. Yeah, I don't know. Get it. Like, sorry, this is a nightmare. Oh, we can call it. I'm just saying, no, what I'm going to say is this, right? If we died and we were all three stuck in a room together, oh, my God. Ew, I would crawl. I would... Imagine for us, then. What do you mean? Oh, this is what you see? Every day. Okay. Oh, you're welcome. Yeah. You're welcome. What's up?

29:48Rick Glassman:Not much. What's up with you? that's what i mean that's what you have what's up on your shirt

29:59Rick Glassman:you're supposed to say what's up on your shirt what is going on here

30:03Khalyla Kuhn:bobby no you shut up shut up you make you make it very successful podcast no no no no when when we're very very successful when we're together so basically what i'm saying to you is is that no i i don't think it's me i think it's you yeah yeah no it's up that's not that's a that's a chicken Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bad friend? Tug your belly. Oh, really? You think so?

30:24Rick Glassman:I don't know.

30:25Khalyla Kuhn:Why don't you vote the analytics? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't have to have huge celebrities to up. What is that noise? Yeah, yeah, that's going up. That's going up.

30:34Rick Glassman:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if the stock market -

30:37Khalyla Kuhn:We understand.

30:38Bobby Lee:We understand what this is. You think this is grifting? You think that's Hollywood grifting? No. Okay. Congratulations. because he's making it sound as if you're grifting why what we've had those people on the show i know we're grifters as well we're grifters as well well paul rudd i mean what in it what a job you've

30:58Rick Glassman:coming back on but well he's dead right he it was left uh i don't think he was dead no he was severely injured yeah he was got fucked up a couple of times on my podcast yeah and And I felt bad, but he told me I could post it. And then he told me that he was upset that I posted it, but he didn't know that. He said that because he was on pain pills. He didn't quite understand what I was asking him. He didn't really remember it. Did he block you on platforms or anything? I only connect with him through his publicist. I don't know. I don't think he's on any social media. He's one of those guys that it's like, you know, people are like, social media is stupid, but they're on it all the time.

31:40Rick Glassman:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's not on it.

31:43Khalyla Kuhn:What's your screen time on your phone? Does it register?

31:46Rick Glassman:I can look.

31:47Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah.

31:49Rick Glassman:I know mine. What is it? Depends on the week. Yeah. I go between four hours and eight hours.

31:55Khalyla Kuhn:All right, so I'll tell you what my daily average is. Four hours and 10 minutes.

32:00Bobby Lee:How do you find? That's like my low end. Yeah. My daily average is five hours and 44 minutes. Is that bad?

32:07Khalyla Kuhn:Five hours of your life on your phone? That's pretty bad.

32:10Rick Glassman:Yeah, I think it's bad. I mean, I don't think, I think it's typical and I think it's bad. Carlos is seven hours. Is it really? Oh my God. A day? Yeah. That's insane. What's yours? Between four and eight. But also it's tough to know because sometimes I'll like, I'll put stuff on. Like I'm listening to YouTube on my phone or something, you know?

32:28Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. Let me see.

32:29Bobby Lee:Instagram is the most. And TikTok.

32:32Khalyla Kuhn:Three hours of OnlyFans. That's what it says here.

32:35Rick Glassman:Posting or watching?

32:36Khalyla Kuhn:Posting. Feet pics. Feet pics.

32:40Bobby Lee:Messages takes up most of my time Do you think that's reading or writing? I can't do either That's probably why it takes me so goddamn long to get through that app I open it up, I scroll forever It's impossible

32:50Khalyla Kuhn:It does say OnlyFans online, 15 minutes

32:52Bobby Lee:Which is not that bad

32:54Rick Glassman:What do you do on OnlyFans? Do you watch stuff? Do you send them messages? I watch, I'm a supporter of the arts You look young when you smile I don't think I've seen you smile before

33:04Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah

33:06Bobby Lee:I love anything creative How much money do you put on OnlyFans? How much do I spend? A month, yeah, do you think? A couple hundred bucks, I think

33:14Khalyla Kuhn:No, way more

33:16Bobby Lee:A couple hundred bucks?

33:17Rick Glassman:A day

33:18Khalyla Kuhn:No, a couple hundred bucks

33:19Rick Glassman:Do you buy the videos? Like the extra ones? Sometimes I do

33:23Khalyla Kuhn:But you know, the descriptions though I want to sue

33:26Rick Glassman:Oh, I know You know what I mean?

33:27Khalyla Kuhn:I know Yeah, like this video You're going to see it all And it's not all It's some girl in a fucking bikini But fool me once Shame on you

33:36Bobby Lee:Fool me twice

33:37Rick Glassman:Knock it off Don't get fooled again Don't give a man a fish Okay Fool me four times I'll teach a man to fish I used to do that as a bit I think I'll bring it back Fool me five times Shame on me again Fool me six times

33:50Bobby Lee:Can't fool me again Can't get fooled again Can't get fooled again You fool me can't get fooled again This guy's a hound dog

33:58Rick Glassman:You ain't nothing but a hound dog Crying all the time

34:03Khalyla Kuhn:You're a hound dog You know how I know?

34:07Rick Glassman:You remember?

34:08Khalyla Kuhn:At my birthday party?

34:10Rick Glassman:What you said you was high

34:13Khalyla Kuhn:Ain't nothing but a hound dog You look so bad All the time You look like you're a bell palsy Ain't nothing but a hound dog I could do it too, pal

34:22Bobby Lee:You say he looks like he's bell palsy? Yeah That's fucking great

34:24Rick Glassman:That is true I went to school with a bell's palsy Yeah, what'd he do? Mr. and Mrs. Palsy's kid Pops asked him to freeze He said, I will halfway

34:34Khalyla Kuhn:I see His name was Bell That's a joke His last name is Pelzi Still good Do the can thing again We'll be in Denver Yeah yeah yeah Coffee Bean My point is this Welcome to the show Thank you man And really having you on is What a pleasure

34:53Rick Glassman:Are you reading this?

34:54Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah yeah We'll be right back I'm doing one of yours Yeah Yeah What else? I know exactly We're back

35:01Rick Glassman:Yeah

35:02Khalyla Kuhn:We are back We're back

35:08Rick Glassman:You like going on the road? You just want to make this a short app You like going on I have sincerely been loving it Yeah You get nervous?

35:22Khalyla Kuhn:You bring openers? Who do you bring?

35:24Rick Glassman:Mike Linoche's been coming with me

35:26Khalyla Kuhn:Good Is he really? Oh Love the Linoche Love the Linoche

35:33Rick Glassman:That's good merch Yeah. This is like a first date that is, we both realize we're not attracted to each other.

35:44Khalyla Kuhn:Why is it you and I? I mean, do him. He's - Vibe with him. All right. Yeah, yeah. I wanna see you guys vibe. All right. Would you like to host me?

35:54Bobby Lee:I'd love to host you. All right. How have you been? A little lonely. What's going on? Are you dating right now?

36:01Rick Glassman:yes technically yes i would call it dating i am making an effort to meet people and to go out with them i have not been dating like either somebody i'm dating that i'm like oh i found my person but you are searching yes okay when we say this you're dating right now do you do this thing where

36:22Bobby Lee:you take uh multiple women to the same restaurant like you'll go back to the same restaurant with a

36:27Rick Glassman:different girl i don't think i've ever been to a restaurant in the past three years good uh i've been doing that and i hate when the host one sec i'm so sorry it's just i was vibing with andrew i was just seeing how that was going remember i was just trying to see how that goes give us a sec andrew what were you asking i was just saying when you go out on a date to a restaurant will

36:47Bobby Lee:you take a different girl back to that same restaurant later in the week or a different week I don't know Bobby

37:01Khalyla Kuhn:I hate bringing the same girl back To different dates Because You've done it Because the host Because the host will go Welcome back Mr. Lee Yeah Another one But you've done it It's as if they say that

37:11Rick Glassman:I have a question Is the host Fuck I hate when I can't remember things Thank you Excuse me Was the hostess DJ Khaled so when a host says oh welcome back why don't you go to your date I've only been here with friends before I've never been here with another girl before

37:28Bobby Lee:just do that and then she'll be like oh phew I've gone to a restaurant where they've told me they go yo your boy Bobby you come in here he brought a different bunch of different girls like the same week anyway let me take your order

37:38Rick Glassman:do you go out with different girls with like I'm seeing one person now yeah this is in the past

37:45Khalyla Kuhn:this is in the past Also take off your notifications On your iPad that's what I've been doing What does that even mean

37:54Rick Glassman:Because you get text messages from people

37:57Khalyla Kuhn:You're watching the pit with your On your iPad yeah yeah watching the pit right Are you guys on a plane and all of a sudden you get like A nude photo he lives on a plane Right on your messages and she's like what's that It's just my cousin Sabrina You get to make a lie Oh she has nice breasts She sure does Do you really get random people sending you naked pictures But you take off the notifications They'll pop up again But that's real Like UFC fight pass or whatever That's fine You know what I mean Dustin McGougle's fighting Natty Brehart You know what I mean That's fine That's a good fight McGougle should win that fight

38:37Rick Glassman:Those are made of people I wouldn't know That was a good name

38:41Khalyla Kuhn:Name some fake UFC

38:44Rick Glassman:Marcus Monroe.

38:46Khalyla Kuhn:Marcus Monroe is very good. Bantamweight.

38:48Rick Glassman:What's that? Bantamweight. But I bet it was a while ago, he's still fighting. Still Bantam. I'm into the female fighting. Yeah. Sarah McFinovich. McFinovich, the family's good. Good boxing lineage. That's not nice to talk about that. Her dad died in a fire? Her dad died in a fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kia Starbin or Sterbin? Sterbin. Kia Starbin. But her sister, my God.

39:10Bobby Lee:When she fought Ashka Melosi, I thought, I'm not kidding. I thought that was going to end her career. Yeah. Because she had her in a four fine. Yeah, yeah. The four fine was great. The four fine lock. What is a four fine lock? The four fine lock is when you're - You know Kumara, right? You know Kumara hold into a four fine. Go 360 on the Kumara, right?

39:28Rick Glassman:And then spin it around. Spin it around. Go 360 on the Kumara brings you right back to where you started.

39:31Khalyla Kuhn:Exactly. So they just call it nothing. Oh, that would - They just call it nothing, but they have a name for it. Oh, yeah. Crazy. Her first fight, though, when she fought Tatum Tatum. Dude. Dude. Dude, that was insane. Because she's a heavyweight. Exactly. Why?

39:46Bobby Lee:They let them fight in that same weight class. It's crazy. It can't have to almost die. Almost died.

39:50Khalyla Kuhn:That was incredible. Yeah, yeah.

39:51Bobby Lee:The paramedics were like next to the ring, like waiting for them to be done.

39:54Rick Glassman:Are you saying there were two medics? The paramedics? Yeah, the paramedics were there. Yeah. The paramedics.

39:58Khalyla Kuhn:Four lock half moon. Have you ever seen that move before?

40:01Rick Glassman:Show me how that goes. Right. You take both of your legs, right? Both of your legs. Yeah. You take your own legs. Yeah. Your own legs.

40:07Khalyla Kuhn:You lock around their legs, right? You look at the moon, right? and then you go 360.

40:12Rick Glassman:So you end up back where you start.

40:13Khalyla Kuhn:Exactly. I don't know why they named that either.

40:15Rick Glassman:A lot of Muay Thai does go back to where you start. That's when you eat more Thai.

40:21Bobby Lee:Yeah, exactly.

40:22Rick Glassman:Well, you have to order it before the last round because you won't get there in time. And if you want Muay Thai. But Tatum does it in liquid form. That's Jason Tatum's son. Exactly. I thought we were talking about female. No, it's Casey Kasem's daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twice removed. What does that mean, there's twice removed? I feel like if I order a cheeseburger without cheating I ask them if I have it twice removed to make sure they don't put cheese on it

40:43Bobby Lee:Well you got it twice removed means you were kicked out of the family two times You said something bad twice at a dinner So you're twice removed You're still blood but they don't want you in the family anymore Twice

40:53Rick Glassman:Do you ever play poker and somebody bets a lot of money and you want to call but you don't and you let them know because it's too much money and the way you let them know you say too rich for my bleh Never?

41:03Bobby Lee:Well if I'm playing with a bunch of crips

41:05Rick Glassman:You say too rich for my bleh Yeah

41:10Khalyla Kuhn:what happened to the crypts and bloods you don't hear much about they're still around

41:13Rick Glassman:yeah you don't hear much about them they have a podcast now together yeah what we have the same publicist as the crypt and blood podcast yeah what the show show me the crypt and blood podcast

41:23Bobby Lee:oh i like that i like the ai crypt and blood podcast see what happened imagine how good it is wait go back to the map of la i'd love to see where the divides are because certain neighborhoods that I need to go in. This is what Gavin Newsom has been trying to change, right? Yeah, yeah.

41:37Rick Glassman:What do you mean? Is he a crip? He's just trying to change the... He's redistricting it all. Yeah.

41:42Bobby Lee:Good for him. That's what we need. Zoom into that map. That's great. The gang map. I love a good gang map. Yeah.

41:48Khalyla Kuhn:This is a better one.

41:49Bobby Lee:I want to know where in my area.

41:51Khalyla Kuhn:Mostly rich.

41:52Bobby Lee:Yeah, it's mostly Erwan. Great gang, by the way. Oh, my God. One of the toughest gangs in the valley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking about their hot bar.

42:01Khalyla Kuhn:Erwan gang?

42:02Bobby Lee:Yeah, Erwan gang.

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44:59Rick Glassman:Oh real quick I want to just acknowledge the people We know Houston, Seattle, St. Louis We'll put the fucking dates up I just want to say here's a good spot for everybody Just be as mean as you possibly can If you haven't written those comments yet Just be as mean as you possibly can Now

45:13Khalyla Kuhn:How do you deal with comments?

45:16Rick Glassman:How do you deal with it?

45:17Bobby Lee:Are you being crazy right now? Everyone fucking loves you You are the most beloved guy on the internet Your show is a hit You're a handsome tall Jew things are going good Joe Rogan

45:28Rick Glassman:I'd like to come to the mothership but not to do what you think there it is I actually want to come there to perform

45:35Bobby Lee:nice what did you no it's not going to happen what did you ask him you just asked him an important question I have no idea what's going on you think people are going to be mean to you he asked you about comments oh yeah yeah yes

45:49Rick Glassman:I don't read comments I mean sometimes but I don't really read comments when I'm guests on other people's pods anymore because when people watch my podcast they have an idea of what they're getting and they've decided that they like me. When I go on other people's podcasts, I think they think that I've hijacked it and they're mad. Some of them might be a little bit mad at you two. Why would you let that guy on?

46:10Bobby Lee:We like that people, that you razz people. I like that you're a rabble rouser. Look at you.

46:21Khalyla Kuhn:Here's what I like about you.

46:22Bobby Lee:You little bad boy. Look at you at your little snarl. Who's a little bad boy? I'm not trying You're a little Bad boy

46:29Khalyla Kuhn:He's a nasty little body

46:30Rick Glassman:You're a nasty little body I have a good heart But you're a nice

46:33Khalyla Kuhn:I really believe that I think you're A very nice guy I've always thought that A little lost And confused but

46:39Rick Glassman:I think you're found Yeah Lost, confused, and found Yeah Good Good Bobby Yeah Thank you for saying that

46:53Huh?

46:53Rick Glassman:Thank you for saying that you see me in a way that is nice.

47:01Rick Glassman:I think your penis is dribbling. I think your penis is dribbling. I can see you. Always has to go back to that, huh? You're right. You're right. It's a sickness, dude. It's a sickness. I have rabble rouse syndrome.

47:13Bobby Lee:You are a rabble rouser, buddy. And it's really tough. Try not to snarl. Don't. Don't. Do it. Ricky, don't be a bad boy. Don't snarl on this show.

47:24Khalyla Kuhn:Fiasco.

47:25Rick Glassman:Please don't Ricky please. That's what girls say when they see me naked walking away. They say where'd free ass go? The word free ass go. They say where my ass go? And I say it's running down my pants. Do you remember the joke? Do you really remember it? You all remember it? All right, let's try to tell it. You start it.

47:41Khalyla Kuhn:No. Okay. Absolutely not. Yeah, we're not doing this. Yeah, yeah.

47:50Rick Glassman:do you really know the joke no the peas running down my pants yeah how there's there's pee running down my pants the kid asked the teacher to go to the do you need glasses i just i have no idea the kid kid it's an old kid absolutely lost i go to the bathroom there's pee running down my

48:07Bobby Lee:and she says why are we laughing that's a quicker way of getting to it no the teacher says sure

48:14Rick Glassman:Or you go to the bathroom, but first you have to sing the alphabet. Kid says A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. Teacher says that's close, but where's the P? Teacher says.

48:25Bobby Lee:Running down my leg.

48:32Rick Glassman:My dad got pulled over the other day. I love your dad. He got pulled over the other day. The cop asked for his driver's license and it says correct a vision because he needs a correct vision. and he says, where's your glasses to my dad? My dad says, I have contacts. And the cop says, I don't care who you know, you need to wear your glasses.

48:53Rick Glassman:I don't care who you know, you need to wear my glasses. That's a joke my dad used to tell me a lot as a kid and I always just thought it was a story he told me. Such a good joke. Yeah. I love your father.

49:03Bobby Lee:Me too. Can you tell your parents I said hi? If I remember. Come on, it's me. Your parents like me? I don't know you.

49:13Khalyla Kuhn:You came to my birthday party Yes Only private people that I know well come to my birthday party So we don't know each other Is that what you're saying? Stating out loud In public? That we don't know each other? You know me

49:26Rick Glassman:Because you're getting real upset You know me and that's why I was invited

49:29Bobby Lee:You know me as well Did you bring your cousin you know me?

49:33Rick Glassman:I like that one I haven't seen him in a while He's been low key that's right he's also hated on so and i can't say the next line because you could say that he has no wheels no keys and no snowmobiles and no skis

49:53Bobby Lee:what's that from no boats no snowmobiles and no skis what's that from out of me because i could

49:57Rick Glassman:finally afford to buy my family with groceries funnier sorry it rhymes yeah you're right Got a crib It's an M &M song right

50:04Bobby Lee:To add to the wall Full of packs That I keep in the back Of my house House Like Trophies Cause y 'all think I'm gonna let my Dough freeze Oh please You better bow down on Both knees I know this I like the game Give me another one I know the game

50:20Rick Glassman:I puke Eat it and freak you Battle I'm too weeded To speak to The only key That I see to defeat you Would be for me To remove these two Adidas And beat you And force feed you Them both And each feet Is a cleach you

50:36Rick Glassman:His glasses get really foggy You know what that sound is?

50:39Khalyla Kuhn:All the people at the coffee bean when you're performing

50:42Rick Glassman:They all stub their toe And they're trying not to be disruptive

50:48Khalyla Kuhn:That's an espresso machine

50:50Rick Glassman:What's your coffee order? I haven't drank coffee since December 2023

50:55Khalyla Kuhn:They're steaming a latte Why?

50:58Rick Glassman:I did a cleanse for 10 days and I stayed off it I'm super sensitive to drugs and like weed I only do a little bit coffee so I drink now free plug no joke magic mind I love it yeah it's great you keep bringing that up it's really it's

51:14Khalyla Kuhn:I take you every time I see you about magic magic I'm not I drink it almost every day yeah you have

51:19Rick Glassman:some on you no okay in you yeah I mean I had one today how much how much weed are you taking a day I do weed probably between two and four days a week And I take around five milligrams That's it Yeah

51:32Bobby Lee:That's good

51:32Rick Glassman:Yeah

51:32Bobby Lee:Something low Do you ever do the little microdose mushrooms too?

51:36Rick Glassman:I bought them I haven't done them yet But I'm going to start trying them Phenomenal

51:38Bobby Lee:Yeah You know when I take them I take them when I go golfing You microdose them? It's my favorite thing in the world Really?

51:43Rick Glassman:When you microdose them Do you think you are phenomenal? Do you ever say I am phenomenal? Throw it up

51:49Bobby Lee:Depends on if I'm making a movie or not I love the way I feel on them in the morning

51:53Rick Glassman:Do you guarantee it?

51:55Bobby Lee:I can't.

51:56Rick Glassman:Well, have you tried doing it in a suit? I will. You're gonna like the way you feel. I guarantee it.

52:04Bobby Lee:It is really good, though. It starts my day off great. And if I go out there and I stretch and exercise a little bit, it feels amazing. Rick Glassman, I am phenomenal. One of the best music videos of all time. And who produced this? Rick Ross? Is this a Maybach music hit? That's a Maybach music hit. God, look at the hair. I remember you then

52:26Rick Glassman:I know you then you know I recently had I won't say who but it was an ex-girlfriend who I talk to every now and then say it and she said say it when your hair is long I missed like your hair she saw that my hair was shorter and she said I like your hair longer and even though I have no idea if I'm ever gonna see this person again I think I'm growing it up wow

52:47Bobby Lee:maybe for her

52:49Rick Glassman:maybe for you and Maybach for Rick Ross

52:54Bobby Lee:Maybach music

52:54Khalyla Kuhn:Do you ever miss your ex-girlfriends or no?

52:58Rick Glassman:Yeah You do?

53:00Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah And you think to yourself I fucked it up Or maybe I could have done this better

53:04Rick Glassman:I think about what I could have done better Not exclusively in relationships But also in relationships Sure

53:09Khalyla Kuhn:Because I would find that it would be a nightmare dating you

53:12Rick Glassman:I believe that Yeah, yeah

53:13Khalyla Kuhn:With all your little rules in your house

53:15Rick Glassman:Take your shoes off

53:17Khalyla Kuhn:Don't touch that Don't touch that Yeah, yeah

53:19Rick Glassman:I wouldn't date somebody who I would care if you touch stuff I just don't want you touching stuff. Unlike dating Bobby. That's great.

53:25Khalyla Kuhn:Oh, so it's a personal thing. When I go into your house, and you're like, don't touch that, you don't want me touching it? Well, you do touch everything. When I'm at your house, I'm very fucking polite.

53:33Bobby Lee:You are very polite. I don't touch anything. Well, you know I'll yell at you if you do.

53:36Khalyla Kuhn:Okay. Yeah. So I don't touch things.

53:38Bobby Lee:He's actually gotten better at not touching.

53:40Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

53:41Bobby Lee:Because we do say that when he walks in. I go, don't touch. Don't touch. Remember. Don't touch.

53:45Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah.

53:48Bobby Lee:As a cow in the living room, treat it like a - Terry. Muzi Don't touch

53:54Khalyla Kuhn:You know when I was shooting my special I lost my voice the Friday Did you hear about that? You told me you got steroids Make sure you showed me Winkle And I got steroids He will And I was really aggressive after that

54:01Bobby Lee:Yeah the steroids amped you up

54:03Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah a little bit yeah

54:04Rick Glassman:What did you take steroids for?

54:05Khalyla Kuhn:My throat

54:06Rick Glassman:You wanted to get your throat stronger?

54:08Khalyla Kuhn:No I was losing my voice When I was shooting my special And I didn't know what to do Saturday I woke up in a panic

54:12Rick Glassman:Oh wow

54:13Khalyla Kuhn:I lost my voice And so I had a doctor come over And inject me some steroids

54:16Rick Glassman:And it worked?

54:17Khalyla Kuhn:Like four or five hours later It did work yeah

54:19Rick Glassman:Because you could just do subtitles for your special.

54:22Khalyla Kuhn:Another Asian joke.

54:23Rick Glassman:That wasn't an Asian joke.

54:24Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe get my voice dubbed. Is that what you're doing? Get my voice dubbed? Are you doing subtitles? Do it. Are you doing subtitles? I thought we were doing a bit.

54:33Rick Glassman:Go ahead. So, I'm with my dad. Kid asks his teacher if I could use the bathroom. The teacher says, first you have to sing the alphabet. Kid says, okay. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. And the teacher said, Oh, now I know my ABCs. Next time, won't you? The teacher says, What happened to the P? And the kid said, It's running down my leg. The Coffeehouse Denver.

55:06Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah, that's - Crush. Crush.

55:07Bobby Lee:Go get the tickets right now at coffeehousedenver.com backslash Rick, Rick, Rick. Yes. Big espresso.

55:14Rick Glassman:We'll put the link, the ticket link in the description. Yeah. It will do. It's going to be great.

55:18Bobby Lee:But we're going to hide it. You have to find it.

55:19Rick Glassman:It's right by the hi-ho.

55:21Bobby Lee:Ah, fuck.

55:22Rick Glassman:It's hidden. Which is what Mrs. Claus said to Santa Claus the first time they met. Mm-hmm. Oh. Put the cans'd up. All right. So I almost forgot to bring this up.

55:36Khalyla Kuhn:Okay. So I was driving like a little over the speed limit.

55:42Rick Glassman:I got pulled over by a cop. Okay. My driver's license says here you need corrective eyewear. I wasn't wearing my glasses at the time. I said, I'm sorry, sir. I have to pee and it's running down my pants. Cop says, I know that joke. And then I forgot how the rest goes, but I will text it to you. Okay. Okay. Rabble rouse, level four. That's why your podcast is number two. That's why my podcast is number two. Are you saying it's shit? No.

56:19Bobby Lee:But that would be a good shit joke if you wanted to stick that landing You should have just let that one sit

56:22Rick Glassman:Hey your podcast is great It's not the best but it is a number two

56:27Bobby Lee:Heard your podcast is doing well Feels like it's running down your legs

56:32Rick Glassman:When was the last time you guys pooped your pants? Backwards

56:35Khalyla Kuhn:Yesterday

56:37Rick Glassman:Really? Or are you still talking about your love of the Beatles?

56:40Khalyla Kuhn:I was clinching it And I barely missed Like five seconds Yesterday? Did it get in the underpants? I ran into my room and it just a plop came out

56:51Rick Glassman:So it didn't get in your underpants And a question, you ran into your room?

56:55Khalyla Kuhn:Yes

56:56Rick Glassman:Not the bathroom

56:57Khalyla Kuhn:I went into the room where the bathroom is

56:59Rick Glassman:So the bathroom

56:59Khalyla Kuhn:No, I entered the room, plop, and then bathroom You pooped, got it Exactly

57:04Rick Glassman:I have a funny story about

57:06Khalyla Kuhn:But five seconds, I just needed five seconds

57:09Rick Glassman:God didn't give me that Were you delaying it?

57:13Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah I like that feeling

57:15Rick Glassman:Did it get in your underpants? A little bit, yeah. I want to tell you, speaking of ex-girlfriends, I was dating a girl who lived in London, and my mom always wanted to go to London and flew her out, and this was her first time visiting. And I was at my girlfriend's place, and my mom walked over from her hotel, and she had to use the bathroom. And she walks in, she goes, I have to use the bathroom, I have to use the bathroom. She had only met my girlfriend one time, and she walked to the bathroom, and then she came out after, and she said, I had a little accident on your rug. I might have to take this out.

57:47Rick Glassman:I had a little accident on your rug. And what do you want me to do with it? She had the bath mat. And my ex said, throw it away. But my mom, you know, took her, started taking her pants before she got to the toilet. So, you know, so it could be just a smooth sit. And much like what Bobby said, it just kind of plopped out a little. Oh, wow. And she kicked on the rug. Embarrassing? She wasn't.

58:11Khalyla Kuhn:Yeah. She was embarrassed.

58:13Rick Glassman:I don't know if she'd love that I said this here, but I do have an animation. Oh, Ricky, why did you do that? I can hear her. Yeah, that's your God.

58:23Bobby Lee:Ricky!

58:24Rick Glassman:Let me ask her if it's okay if I talk about it. She'd be fucking livid. Oh my God, please don't.

58:28Khalyla Kuhn:She's going to be so mad. I want to talk to her now. Please don't. I don't want to. Hi, Mrs. Glassman.

58:37Rick Glassman:Yeah, I like that. Put her on. mama i'm on uh the podcast with bobby lee and andrew santino and we were talking hi

58:49Rick Glassman:hello and we were talking about the last time we pooped our pants and i was wondering if i have your permission to talk about when you pooped uh in london on the rug sure it's such a happy mature story i'm very proud also we could bring will you ask dad a quick question didn't dad get pulled over recently and they said that he needed his glasses. Dad, what happened?

59:12Khalyla Kuhn:Well, he looked at my driver's license and he said, it says you need glasses. And I said I have contacts.

59:20Rick Glassman:I thought that's what happened. Alright, I love you, Dad. Talk to you later. Alright. I love you.

59:29Bobby Lee:Bob, show him the trophy that I gave you. Show him the thing that I got from Howie Mandel for you. This was a gift. Pretty cool. You like mosquitoes? You ever gotten one of those? No. I love mosquitoes. Howie gave it to me. Really? Howie did he give me to me? He loves mosquitoes. I actually stole it from his studio for you. And he told me not to take it. And I did anyway. He was really upset about it. Aiding Bill? Yeah, but he does that shit. He fucks with us all the time. So I figured I should fuck with him on your behalf. Yeah. So Howie, this is mine forever. He actually said, is Bobby still mad at me?

59:56Bobby Lee:I said, you better believe it. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Good. He thinks you're still mad. It's fun. Well, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so I stole that. and he asked me to not take it, and I did. Okay.

1:00:08Khalyla Kuhn:You guys talk, because I've got to go.

1:00:11Rick Glassman:Do you maybe want to not do that by the microphone?

1:00:17Rick Glassman:No, it's... He, it is... Exactly. It's a child, right? And we all have our weak points. I know I have plenty. I have so many. But Bobby is really like he's looking for candy in his bag of toys. He's probably his blood sugar is a little low right now.

1:00:34Bobby Lee:That's his backpack. He went to school.

1:00:40Bobby Lee:Bob, say goodbye to Ricky if you want to go.

1:00:44Khalyla Kuhn:I love you, Ricky. Thanks for, you know what I mean. I do know what you mean. Yeah. Thank you for attending our podcast. What a pleasure. It was a surprise. I didn't know you were coming.

1:00:58Rick Glassman:Are you eating a little candy while you're telling me? yeah I am

1:01:01Khalyla Kuhn:Werther's original it's milky yeah yeah so anyway good luck take care

1:01:10Khalyla Kuhn:I'm sure it's gonna be great you reach your limit huh I can't do this anymore what do you think it is about resilience I'm completely out so have a good time you can continue doing it you know what I mean I'm just not gonna participate okay okay

1:01:26Rick Glassman:could I see what it's like to be like a co-host of Bed Friends Would love it. A little bit. Thank you. All right. So what we normally do toward the end of the show is we think of some of our favorite hopes and dreams. That's right. And we give hints to the other person and we see if the other person could fill in that hope and dream. And it's a fun activity to see if they know what we're thinking. But it also it lets us feel like, oh, they're helping us with our hopes and dreams. So I'll let you start.

1:01:54Bobby Lee:Something that I'm feeling right now is a need to be in a place. You have to take a poop. All right. Am I right?

1:02:02Rick Glassman:Yeah, that's my hope. I'm going to hope I can poop. I also learned from an ex of mine that when you're sitting on the toilet, you could take toilet paper and you could place it on your butthole. Or if you're Beavis, bunghole. And you just, yeah, corthole you, right? And you kind of press with your fingers and just kind of massage your butthole. Yeah, sure. And then also I shoot water up my ass with my bidet. and then it pours out and I have to assume as it's coming out poop is coming with it not always you'd be surprised alright well thank you for being a bad friend

1:03:07Rick Glassman:Hey, Sal. Hank, what's going on? We haven't worked a case in years. I just bought my car at Carvana, and it was so easy. Too easy. Think something's up? You tell me. They got thousands of options. Mm-hmm. Found a great car at a great price. Mm-hmm. And it got delivered the next day.

1:03:23Bobby Lee:It sounds like Carvana just makes it easy to buy your car, Hank. Yeah, you're right. Case closed.

1:03:31Rick Glassman:Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.