Marge and Barbara's Clam Chowder

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25:05Go to shopify.com slash badfriends. Shopify.com slash badfriends. I was watching TikTok today and I was really concerned about something. What? You're not going to be able to see it because my algorithm is fucked up. but there's not a better way to say it I'm just going to say it Elephant Ghosts you're not going to be able to see it online is this a sequel? Karate Ghosts Karate Ghosts? yeah can I tell you something about Elephant Ghosts? right

25:43there is an elephant in the room All right. So many puns inside of that. Yeah, every time you do that. You know what I mean? Let's address that. No, I'm going to... The only way I can... You stepped right on a great joke. Do it again. Nah, it's okay. Yeah, yeah. Can I explain? You're not going to be able to Google it. Okay. Yeah, what is it? I'm going to tell you. Okay, so scientists have figured out that elephants, you know, when they make their sound... How do you do it? Is that really good news? Right? Each brrrr that they do, right? Is a lot of it's a name of another elephant. Shut up. Yes.

26:26Shut up. Yes. So they can go brrrr and another elephant go, it's like Randy. Oh, it's just for one guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Jonathan, right? So what they did, they fucked up one day, the scientists. Right? They recorded an elephant, right? and then they went to a herd just experiment right and they did the sound right but what they didn't realize is that elephant had died oh my god so all the other elephants were freaked the fuck out like fuck ghosts right so they tricked elephants into thinking that ghosts are real right by accident and then the daughter of that elephant for a month was looking for her mom is this a documentary no i saw it on tiktok it was like the saddest shit i've ever heard of i know i know it's It's ghost elephants, man.

27:13That's insane. It's insane. So it called out the name and the elephant tried to find its... Yeah, the kid of the elephant tried to find the mom like maybe she's alive. I know. Is that sad? Like fucking remember what you recorded is the lesson, I think. God, that's so dark to think though. They're very intelligent. They're intelligent too. So they're like half of them were freaked out because imagine they know instinctually that this elephant had died. Right. Then they hear it. Right. And they're like, what is going on here? Yeah, that would, that's, you know what? It's not cool. That makes me think in some weird, we're in a simulation way that the reason that we have ghosts or the thought of ghosts is because something above us is playing with us.

27:52Whoa, what? Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Same idea. Someone's fucking with us. Someone is puppeteering us. You know what? You want to know if you want to know how I know the world is simulation or it's organized through coordination. I went to the fucking mall today to go get, to go get my cologne refilled. Whoa, whoa, stop. What? What? You went to La Labo? At the mall. At La Labo? Yeah. What's the clone again? La Labo. No, what's the clone that you got there? Oh, I'm not gonna tell you. No, because you keep trying to jack it. I know. Tell me what the clone is. Well, first of all, it's a mix of two, and I'm not gonna tell you.

28:30You gotta tell me the mix. I make them mix two of them. I know. Not gonna tell you. It's for me. She makes it for me. I know, but I like it. You have so many sense. Why can't we do it together? You fucking have so many sense. Why can't we do it together? No, because... That's the thing about you. That's the thing about you. You never want to do things together. Fuck you. When you had to... First of all, you banned... Unbelievable! You banned me from wearing Santal because you were like, I wear it first, you can't wear it. Yeah, that's my scent! What the fuck are we talking about? This is my scent!

28:57That's not your scent. You combined two. Yeah, I made my own! I know, but the thing is, you can't combine two. Yes, I can! That's everyone's scent if you combine two. No, it's nobody's scent. Yeah, yeah. Give me the two, dude. I'm going to back right out of here. You're booping. I'm not booping shit. You're trying to angle me to give it away. Let me just say something. I didn't know that you can combine at La Labo. Whites need it because we smell bad. You guys have your own natural scent. We need it. Of what? Pipe up, white. Yeah, we smell bad. We smell bad. We need it. Your pits smell bad. Our whole body.

29:27I hate it. You don't need it. Yeah, but I do. You don't. It's just out of curiosity. By the way. No one at home do this. That's white body. You're doing white body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tito Bobby has like a scent that smells like cow shit. It's like the best thing in the world. What's it called? I don't know. It smells so bad. Yeah. Wait, you bottled? You said someone bottle that for you? No, I went to a farm. Bend over cow shit. What is it called? I don't know what it's called. I'll bring it in next time, but it's - Fill up cow shit cologne. It's for cowboys. I mean, really though? What is this?

30:02It just smells awful? It doesn't smell like cow shit. It smells like a dirty barn. It smells like cow shit. There's one manure selling smoke. Beru's Rue Al-Assam. Go down the lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what you're saying. I designed a cologne, man. And it will smell like shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smell, it's New Delhi. Smell.

30:35Yeah, okay. Okay, so, um, just, okay, we'll bleep it out. No. Bob. You're so rude. It's the one thing. It's, you're so rude, though. Is your scent, your scent is personal to you. It's personal to you. Okay. Well, if you're going to be like that, I will hide things too. Like what? There's just certain things that I know about that I would like to share. I don't even know anything specifically. You hide all sorts of shit. Most of the time, if I say, do you want to go get, we're going to get something to eat after this. You want to come eat? And you go, no, I'm going to go, I'm going to go do whatever.

31:05and then I'll find out that you're at a restaurant alone or with a group of other people. Don't I do that. We find out that you'll go out with other people, sneak away, go to places without us. Because with the whites it's different. Oh, so it's a race thing. It really is. You know what? I'm not ashamed of saying it right. And guess what, bud? I'm not ashamed of sharing my heritage with our audience. There are times when you're with other Koreans and Asians, some Chinese and some others, right? but from our land, our continent. Okay. You're not included, by the way. Don't try to shoehorn yourself.

31:39Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're adrift in the ocean somewhere. We call you floaters. Stay out there, floaters. So there are times where, and they're mostly people that are comics or in the business. Mostly comics that are Asian. Writers and stuff like that. And it's like, they go, hey, let's go somewhere after your set. And I see you and I'm like, I just know that Andrew will not like this place because it's so far from our house. Judgy, judgy, judgy. Yeah, so we'll go to like Sunundang. Don't you love Sunung Dang? Although you guys got diarrhea the other night. Yeah, but I still love it. Yeah, I love it too.

32:09I'll have it every time. But it's a late night place. It's great. You're not going to like it. I'm not going to invite you. You've never been to Sunung Dang? But you see what he did? Where did we go with me, you, and where was that at? Where was that place? Agassi Gopjang. Agassi Gopjang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't eat. Why would I? Yes, I did. Barely. We had just come from dinner. We literally had dinner. I know, but I watched. You said, where are you? I said, I'm eating dinner.

32:35You know what I mean? I don't like that. Don't do that fake shit. You know I love Korean barbecue. I love it. I'll go to fucking Chup.Gonggang. I'll go to wherever the fuck you want me to go. Okay, go to Chup.Gonggang. But you gotta, but here - We'll go to Sudanese. No, I know what it really is. Here's the real truth. You get together with the yellow crew and you guys all huddle up and you're like, no white, no white. And you get in your Hyundai's and you zip away and you don't invite - We call them rice rockets, okay? We drive away, yeah. Yeah, and you guys, you enjoy the night without the whites.

33:10That's what it is. It's a night without whites. Can we have a night without the whites? You have them all the time. No, I don't. Your house is - You're surrounded by them. Your house is filled with no whites. Yeah. It's filled with non-whites. Yeah, we went to a restaurant last night with Louie Katz, and he's like, I made a reservation. You know what I mean? And I knew, when Louie Katz says, I made a reservation - Jewish deli. It's a white place. And we go in there, I can't tell you what it is, And we sat there And you look around the room It's all old white people Which is fine I'm a man of the people You know what I mean?

33:44How old white? Are we talking like Anywhere from like 50 to 80 So I belong to age range Right? But not in terms of culinary tastes And flavors And I did not like it And everyone is enjoying it And I'm always aware of like The demographics of a restaurant You don't do that? You want young, non... I'll give you a prime example. I went to a breakfast spot, which is my favorite one. The one I mentioned last time, the griddle. Okay? Yeah. And I was with this girl that I'm seeing. She's white. And we're sitting there. She's very liberal and she's very open. And we're having pancakes and whatnot, right?

34:22And we both turn to each other and go, this feels like America to me. Because you're allowed to share pancakes with someone. No, no, no. Just if you look at the Democrats of the room, right? You have this gigantic Samoan guy And you have the two College white girls And you see a black guy with a white family Just A black guy who kidnapped a white family No like the movie Precious Not movie Precious What's the one with Sander Bullock Blindside Very different film I mean at their core They're similar I mean that football player did end up getting HIV in that movie Yeah before HIV Right. Yeah, yeah.

35:03But anyway, you know, you see the blind side stuff, you know what I mean? And it's like, oh, this, what? Just to call it that is insane. We should have a restaurant called The Precious Blind Side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How good would that place be? Yeah, but it feels like, oh, this is kind of the America I want to live in. Sure, a diverse America. Yeah, the middle of West Hollywood. Yeah. Very American. Yeah, I understand that because of the location that I live and the state that I live in, that it might not look like where Macomb grew up, right? but I can dream can I you can I used to love eating it at those gay restaurants in West Hollywood and they're literally all gone they're literally all gone yeah like basics and they're all gone all those things are gone like come and go that's a that was oh that was so good Rump and Dump Rump and Dump was so good their beef cakes they had beef cakes at Rump and Dump Merrick's is back yeah Merrick's is back yeah look at that do you ever eat at Saks I've never eaten at Saks Oh No Their cream of The clam chowder there It's so good I don't know what cream they use I've heard Oh my god Yeah Saks is so good Oh what about that new place Gargle Is Gargle open yet?

36:08Gargle is Oh it's so good I think they got a Michelin star Did they really? What's your favorite dish at Gargle? Like my prep Okay I mean you're not gonna like this Yeah yeah Just because I'm a big meat guy I'm a beef guy I get it But it's called the Long Dong Wong It's so good It's Asian crusted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red American meat. I love cream tubes. Oh, I love cream tubes. I'll squirt those all over. Dude, you get four cream tubes, dude? I don't know what's in the middle. Why do I need to know? I don't need to know. So sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sweet. It's very sweet. And it kind of tastes like bleach.

36:42Yeah, it smells like it. Like a scent of bleach. But anyway, we love creams. What's it called? What's your problem? What's your problem? Nothing. Have you guys tried abalone? or abalone with salt? Can we rewind for a second? We're doing bits. Just listen. We're doing bits about make-believe gay restaurants. You're right. And gay dishes. And then you throw in abalone. Oh, yeah. Or like an asshole. Oh, there we go. Oh, there we go. Good. So what you say is, have you been to abalone? It's a new lesbian restaurant. Yeah. Giving you the joke. It's very easy. There it is. Yeah, yeah. And that looks good.

37:22Yeah. I'll be your server. I'm Marge. Welcome to Abalone. I'm Barbara. This is my partner, Barbara. Yeah. We got married the first week. You want our clams? We sell clams and dirty tacos. The place. Welcome to Snatch. Yeah. Has nothing to do with the movie. Okay. What do you want to order here at Snatch? Yeah. You're pretty cute. Yeah, I'm Barbara. I'm Mark Yeah, you know, yeah some well, you know get in or get out. Yeah I Can peg you guys right on right on after the meal. What do you want? Make up a dish I Can I have a white sausage? No that you get that at sacks Do you think you're at Saks? You go to Gargle for that.

38:23Yeah, Gargle has that. You're at Snatch. What do you want here at Snatch? Can I have clam chowder? Oh, yeah. How do you want to pay? You can peg me and I can eat you out. Hell, yeah. What's the tip? No tip. That's right. Clams only. Come back to snatch anytime. I'm Barbara. Bring a friend, you gash. What's your name again? March.

39:01Yeah, anyway. I got to eat there. Yeah, I got to eat there. Got to eat that. Abalone. Abalone. Abalone. Oh, man, I saw that Eddie Murphy documentary. I heard it's good. I just finished it last night. I heard it's good. It's okay. Not great? It shows a lot of his house. It's like a lot about his house. Yeah. it's like a it's a very strange it flows very poorly a roof that retracts it was a retractable roof that opens up to the outside he had mentioned that he was kind of maybe thought about maybe doing comedy he talks about it a little bit but i don't know i mean he's the one of the greatest of all time he can do whatever the fuck he wants um i'm not saying that what do you mean by i don't know he he he's lives an insulated life yeah he does right yeah for him to do it he'd have to go back into the and dwell with us in our club oh no chance there's no way he'll do that well no that's not true i mean i don't know if you because chappelle you know the other night chappelle was at the store you know i mean louis does i mean all these you know guys that are but they're still working the game right but what for him don't you think that for him like martin lawrence does it right at the store, right?

40:08He'd have to come down to the store or a place like that. Or do you think that he would do what Jamie Foxx does and just write it and just do it? Write it and go. Right. He would do an arena tour and just do it live. Sandler does that. Yeah, but I still see Sandler in the ballet room. He does work out sometimes, but not like Dave or Louie. I know, but still, he still does it. Don't you think there needs to be a degree of him doing that? Yeah, I don't know, man. I think he's - I just can't see it. you don't want him to come back. I do. I would love to see it. Yeah. I'm a huge fan. I don't know if he wants to.

40:41It feels like when he watched this thing. Did you guys watch it? I did. It felt like he, it felt like he. I think he's going to be back in the movies, not, not doing standup. Yeah. It kind of felt like he had said, cause he had said, I'm not a standup comic. He is though. No, he says it in the fucking movie. Like three times he goes, I'm not a standup comic. I'm a comedian. I'm an actor. I'm a musician. I'm an artist. And I just flow through whatever art I deliver. He's a man of many occupations. Well, he was. I mean, he has a fucking Grammy for music and for a comedy album. Is that true? Doesn't he have one for each?

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45:17In the house, we almost died. Elephant ghost? What happened? So I'm potting And all of a sudden I hear this beeping Throughout the house Not just downstairs but upstairs too Like all four of the monitors were beeping And then I stopped I went up there What the fuck is going on? And the main one that was blinking red At the end of the podcast I went up there I go just yank it And as they yanked it It said a little ominous thing Hey guys You have carbon monoxide poisoning

45:52It's a carbon dioxide detector? Yes. And you ripped it out? You need those. Keep those. No, we ripped it out. We took it out. No, no, put that - I'm not kidding. Put that back. No, we won't. But - Okay. And so there was a thing, what do we do here? And I opted to stay. Yeah, and everyone was saying we have to evacuate and Tito Bobby's like, no, I'm gonna play my game. Well, you don't have to stay - Open the windows, maybe. Yeah, you ripped it up because it was making a noise. Yeah, but I guess the second concern would be dying. That'd be my first. Oh, I see. I switched them. Because the noise is telling you, hey, it's not safe.

46:31Yeah. And you go turn that off. Yeah, and I was getting mad at him because he was just laughing. So she's like running around with a cage trying to catch our cats. You know what I mean? And I'm like, I'm going to play Outer Worlds 2. You know what I mean? If I die, I die. And he wouldn't listen. I was like, you have to get out. Just go to your girlfriend or something. I don't have a girlfriend To your girl Eat another worm Back to guzzles And then he wouldn't go out Yeah You got to You genuinely What? You got to get that taken care of Because if you get You won't know So then what will happen I reluctantly You know what I mean?

47:08I succumbed to The actual reality of it I called the gas company Yeah Yeah that's a good move And they came over Right And guess what? What? No carbon monoxide Well, that's a good thing. It's good to track. My instinct was right. Right, McCone? Yep. Yeah, I'm a thinker, right? Because I can smell it a mile away. You know what I can smell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the shit on his nose. Little fucking loser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking good about you a couple days ago, too. That's out the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See what happens? You go here. You drift away from this. So, you know, as a friend of yours, and I love you very much, right?

47:46Stay with this. Yeah. Okay? But don't go against me. No, no, no. I don't want you. You're out. You're out at sea. And you see what happens? You see what happens when you're a traitor? See, what happens is the guy who took you, he doesn't really want you. And then you go, oh, can I come back home? Denise, can I come back? That little stint I had with that college co-ed, Denise, I'm so sorry. I want to be home with you and the kids. And Denise is like, we've moved on. The doors are locked. Charles, get a hotel. Oh, no. And that's you right now. You're Charles. Yeah. And Denise, me at the home with the kids, you know, I'm whipping up a cake because I don't want little Daniel to find out why daddy's gone because he's with a college co-ed that he met at Barney's Beanery on Friday night.

48:31Yeah. So how about that? How about that? How do you feel now, Charles? Well, you let Rudy go off and come back. Also, McCone said before that he prefers Tito Andrew. When did he say that? When we were hanging out. I do. I do prefer Tito Andrew. Like he said he doesn't really know Tito Bobby Yeah but I don't want him anymore So he's out Wait I want to get to this You know what I mean? Yeah It's a window that's open There's carbon monoxide in the room Okay And now you close it Yeah yeah Keep it in here So when were you guys hanging out? That's what I think more I'm concerned about I think like two months ago Yeah At the same time Shut up Yeah He said to you I prefer Tito Andrew over Tito Bobby and the reason why like you're just not like he just doesn't like you

49:25you don't like me no I said you don't open up as much like I especially like even on the bus I try to be like ask you questions about comedy and like old stories and you'd be like and you'd go on your on your switch or you'd be like I don't do small talk do I do small talk? You do not I do not But that wasn't even That was big talk No that's small talk I was like No no no You know what big talk is? I'm losing my left leg I go what's going on? That's big talk Yeah yeah that's big talk When he refers to small talk And big talk It's not about the depth Or the breadth of the conversation It's with whom he's speaking with And you Yeah Are small talk Yeah Okay Would he have small talk With Like we You know who I was When we were in Australia Right Remember Dakota Fanning was there?

50:10Yes And there was some small talk with her that's fine i allow a small talk dakota gets small talk oh the weather is great you did mention it like four times what do you mean you she kept she said that at dinner she goes your buddy kept talking about the weather

50:28well because i was starstruck small talk with a big person yes he's saying you're small talk with a small person in his life so he's not interested yeah it can't be that i think i learn to temper my expectations well you're also mean to me as well yeah i mean we have we have podcast proof of it how am i supposed to feel here's a guy that's supposedly working for us the company should i'm a big part of it right yeah and you talk to me like i'm garbage because i'm not as clever as you are so i have to go the lowest form which is beep beep yeah you're beeping back dude you're beeping back you're beeping back dude don't do that yeah yeah we know better don't don't don't don't play coy don't play coy don't play joe coy dude don't play coy fish in a pond pal yeah i mean yeah anyway it's fine it is what it is but i will say this but i like what happened today though yeah and the more of that i like it felt like when we watched jaws on the bus i love that see we did have moments yeah excuse me carlos you're in my heart forever thanks bro okay fancy you're in my heart forever yeah thank you no thank you to the other guy um i want to see your mom yeah let me get your mom in here don't do the don't do the yeah yeah hi hi come sit down we don't know honey just real quick honey no just listen to me i know but just real quick all right so your other your daughter isa did this we love we love isa we love what you've spawned yeah hello oh my god what a what a moment for the show yeah what a moment for the see the The beginning.

52:04The person who made the person. You gotta talk into the mic. Can you bring it closer to your mouth? It's it. McCone could have done it. Hey, you don't need to be. McCone could have done it. See, McCone gets nervous and then he fumbles. And there's no reason, that's the reason you didn't play sports because under pressure you're terrible. You are so bad under pressure. It is crazy to watch him do that. Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of the great Rudy Jules. Yeah. Honey is here. By the way. What? The beginning and the end. No, don't say that. What do you say? This is your mom. Yeah. Biological mom.

52:41My age. We're the same age? I don't know how old are you? 42. Oh, you're very young. Yeah, I know your age. He mentioned. No, we're the same age. I'm 50. Wow. Yeah. 50. That looks good. Yeah, yeah. That looks good for 50. To me - Oh, to him? Yeah, no. He calls me monkey. Dude. But we're friends. No, no, no. What do you say I never called her that? Yeah, you did. When your eyes dart all over the place? Yeah, you do. I know it's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't. No, but nothing's wrong with that. I love Bobby. Yeah, yeah. I don't call you that at all. Stop lying to the fucking fans. Mr. I share it all with the fans.

53:22Go ahead. Tell the truth. Go ahead and tell the truth. Well, that's not the worst I called her. What's the worst? What? What's the worst? He bullies her every day. What do you call her? Like what? How do I bully her? You just start screaming at her. And you just start... No, like the other day, the other day, I got... Because we have this snack cabinet. Yeah. Yeah. Like a little room. Everybody has a snack cabinet. What do you call it? Not a snack cabinet. Snack drawer? Pantry? Pantry. A pantry. What do you call the place where the food is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking it's a separate thing.

53:54That's where all the food goes. Yeah, yeah. In the food pantry. Correct. Right. And I walked in there and I go, hmm. you like these friends? You collecting these friends? She's like, what do I mean? And I go, there was these ants. Oh. You know what I mean? Just all about stacking. Anyway, so are the ants gone? They're gone. It's your fault. It's not mine. How is it my fault? It's because you keep buying things and you open them and you don't finish them and you put them back in the pantry and the ants come in. God, I want her around all the time. it's really not my fault it's his fault and he blames me for it and I keep killing them all of them and it comes back the next day so I have no idea what to do okay how about this let's make a rule okay let's throw away all the unused food that are open packages yeah but you only get a few of them in a big pack he gets very little and then he closes them back or doesn't even close them and puts them in a pantry and ants come in and it's a waste of food Cheez-Its is it Cheez-Its?

54:58yeah I get every flavor. It's so easy to not have ants. It's like, I don't, do you not close up stuff when you're - You know, it's just very much like you to do this. Well, I'm on her side. You keep blaming her for some reason. All right, you're right. I apologize. She has nothing to do with it. That is my fault. Say, I'm sorry, genuine. I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry, Bob. What are you saying I'm sorry for? Yay. Yeah. I just feel like when you're going to get home, there's going to be a different conversation. No, no, no. No, she's, honestly, it's a blessing to have these two in the house. Gotta be.

55:28because you know i want life in there yeah you know because there are times when they're not there and i'm alone in the house and i get really depressed when i like sometimes i'll like you know at three and four in the morning i go i need a cookie right and i'll just go and then you know i mean she just she sleeps anywhere this girl on the ground you know you know what i mean and i'll just be walking in the dark and then i'll just you know i mean she'll say something i'll go right Right, on that couch when you sleep there? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I like the life in the house. They breed. And we have the dogs and the cats.

56:04It feels like there's life there. That's healthy. Yeah. But you're not alone. You know, I savor my sovereignty. Is that an AA quote? What is that? No, it's not. No, it's not. No. It should be. Yeah. I think that's true freedom. Savoring your sovereignty. Of my peace. of mind good because um all i do is you know chase chase chase dopamine hits dopamine hits and um i have to just stay in the moment and just know that everything that i have in my life is perfect that's all you believe that no but i want to believe it i mean i've listened to a lot of alan watts and different things i want to believe what you can want anything you have to take action.

57:00The way he did that. There's a lot behind that. It was... What's your body count, honey? Because she wouldn't tell me earlier. You promise you will. Just say it, man. Body count? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like sex. I know that. I don't know, Bobby. You don't count? That was one. That was a two. She said 15. Mama said she has a crush on you. No. You have a crush on me? No, I've never seen you. I was... You said that. He's handsome. You have a crush on me? Talk in the mic. She does? What's with the mic? So people can hear you. Hey. It's a show. Like mother, like daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah.

57:47You have a crush on me? No. Yeah, she thinks you're really cute. Honey, who's better looking? I love you, Bobby. but you're amazing. You're amazing. But then I was... Why does this bother you so much? Is it because I might move in? No, I mean, I remember one time you were on stage at one of our big shows. Yeah. And I went in the audience to see you and this hot chick next to me she goes, your friend is so hot. That's a lie. This is a made up story. I swear to God on my mother's life that happened. Okay. And I looked at her and I went, yeah. And I just, that's the, you're a handsome guy. And I love it.

58:28You're a very handsome boy too. I'm cute for a specific demographic. Yeah. For good looking women. Okay. Anyway, you have a crush on Andrew? I love this. No. Go ahead, Rudy. Tell us all about it. I just think you're very intelligent. So Honey was, early in our life, was a meth addict. Hmm. Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many years did you do meth? Just not even years. How many years? It's been a year Like a year? But I heard it got bad That's not a year I heard it got bad Is meth It's called shabu In the Philippines? Shabu Shabu Shabu Like sabu A little convenient To name it after the city It's the cheapest Yeah it's the cheapest What does it consist of Chemically?

59:09I don't know Do you snort it? Yeah Not snort You use Smoke it No I think you use a pipe You piped it You pipe it Yeah yeah yeah How old were you When that happened? 20 20? 20. And then you know what happened? Kalilah's dad shaved her head. We really need to keep up. Yeah, yeah. Shaved her head and tied her to a radiator. And it worked. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, yeah. For like a month though, I heard. Yeah, it got bad. Yeah, it got bad. America needs to handle its drug problem like that. I know. Tie these guys to a fucking radiator. I know. That worked, right? And you never thought about drugs again?

59:51Never again. Yeah. She doesn't even drink. I don't drink. Yeah. I don't do anything. She doesn't do anything. What do you do to get loose? Yoga. Yoga, exercise. Yeah. You love to exercise. Yeah, a lot. Wow. She doesn't even eat bread. The kind of stuff in my house is like - Yeah, I'm on a keto diet. Yeah. Yeah. God, that's crazy. Low carb. Yeah, no carb, yeah. That's crazy. It's crazy. To live in your house because it's all filled with shit to eat. Candies. Candy and bullshit. Yeah, all kinds of exotic candies. Yeah, and he orders things for me and I don't eat it, he gets mad. I get mad. Like I'll go Like I'll get a breakfast burrito from He just gets it like that And I go You gotta eat it But what they do is You know you go I'm gonna go to Jersey Mike's Yeah You get him the sandwich Right Right And then all of a sudden They're taking it apart Taking the innards And putting it on a different bread Just get the Sub in a tub What's that?

1:00:42Sub in a tub They do Jersey Mike's You get the sub without the bread Sub in a tub Yeah you can get it But you'll put it on keto bread Oh you want it on bread Just not Just not Yeah Normal bread yeah stuff like that what is keto bread? I'm not smart I don't know what the low carb, no carb or they use some other ingredients it's a low carb bread alternative made with ingredients like almond flour, coconut flour, asylum husk eggs and healthy fats instead of traditional wheat flour does it taste the same? tastes good but does it break apart differently? it's good, they make it good here oh they do, in the Philippines yeah but the Philippines don't make anything good yeah but do you eat a lot of bread in the Philippines?

1:01:20No. Yeah, there's a lot. I have a bakery, but I don't eat the bread in the Philippines. Yeah. I feel in traditional Filipino food, is there bread involved? Yes, a lot of bread, as in really good bread. They would know. We should go to Cebu because she has a store there. I have a store in the Philippines who sells bread. What's it called? It's Lola Fez Bakery. You sound like you just made it up. No, it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk in the mic. Lola Fez Bakery. Lola Fale what street is it on? in the Philippines it's in Marigundun Beach you don't know Marigundun Beach he knows about it he's into the place wait wait Andres Andres you were at Marigundun Beach yeah Lola L-O-L yes and space just put Cebu Cebu oh no you just put Honey's Bakery because we just changed the name Honey's H-O-N-E-Y I'm sorry rebranding Honey's apostrophe Z Bakery.

1:02:21See, that's the bread. That one, that one. Second. There, there. That's the one. Yes, that's my bakery. Wow. It's so funny. She's been living with my house since three months. She hasn't baked me shit. Not one thing have you baked me. I'm not a baker. She's not the baker. I'm the owner of the bakery, not the baker. What's the baker's name? I have many baker's names. Well, name it after one of them. Is that you? Beyond the counter? No, that's my cashier. Oh, that's cashier. This is false marketing. Honey's not even there and she's definitely not baking any of that shit. And that's your store next to it, right?

1:02:57Yes. I've been in there. Yes, that's where we had Tiger Belly. We did a Tiger Belly there and also we ate Balut. Balut there. Balut, yes. Yeah, yeah. Do you sell Balut at your store? No. Yeah, yeah. God, the worst. That day was one of the worst days of my life on the show. Do you sell cigarettes at that store next to your store? Yes, yes. I hope so. Have you been to Cebu? it's so beautiful the name of the store looks like it's Marlboro see Lola Fe store Lola Fe what's Lola Fe mean it's a grandma Fe wow that's the name that's great why the big Marlboro sign because we sell the cigarette everybody does everybody smoke in the Philippines yeah almost everybody wow you don't smoke I used to Rudy you don't smoke look at you look in there you can get all kinds of stuff yes chicken rice everything name it you have it What's the weirdest thing you have there?

1:03:49Like sulfate? Yeah, probably. Why sulfate? I don't know. It's birth control too in condoms. Yeah, birth control. Is the birth control also in those rice pins on the floor? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a stack of them. Do you have like a plan B? What plan B? No, that's not legal. We don't have it there. Oh, is abortion illegal in the Philippines? No, it's not. It's illegal. It is? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. They have plan B. That's why you have so many kids. Yeah, that's why we have a lot of kids. Yeah, yeah. How many times do you see the man who slices his brother in half with a machete? Oh, DiFarlo. Oh.

1:04:23Yeah. Do you see him often? All the time. Often. Yeah, yeah. There's a man that slices his brother in half and he walks the streets. He's my uncle. Oh. I met him many times. Yeah. Sliced him in half. Yeah. Wow. That was scary. And now he's just walking around. My family's evil. Yeah. But I remember, so when I first went, I knew about this uncle. And he was at the airport. You were hugging him. Immediately. Because I don't want to get sliced. Yeah, the machete man. Well, you know somebody has sliced somebody with a machete, but you hug them immediately. Uncle Machete! Hi! And I think I said something like, hey, you know I'm a scoundrel.

1:04:58Yeah, you are. I'm a survivor. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, hey, whatever your family needs. Anything you need. Anything you need. Do you want me to sharpen your machete? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can buy you a brand new machete. I can buy you as many as you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many machetes? Yeah, so... Any guy that cuts someone in half, you really stay on their side. You say, yeah. I've never seen anyone walk around in society who sliced somebody in half with a mischievous. And he didn't serve any time at all? He served. He did. How long? 15. 15 years? Yes, he got paroled. I was going to say. He got paroled.

1:05:29Yeah. So in the Philippines, you can kill somebody and then - Got paroled. You can get paroled. We do that all the time here in the States. Oh, that's true. People get out for murder all the time here. In fact, a lot of people here kill people and they don't even fucking get - Nothing happens. Yeah. That's the craziest part. Then you hear of his case where someone will do something like stupid and small and they'll get nine years and you're like, what? That's the same as the guy who killed somebody. Yeah. Last, can I have another question? May I ask some more questions? Please. Yeah, yeah. I can go now?

1:05:54No. No, no, no. No. Not if you said I was cute. You're staying. Yeah, yeah. Talk more in the mic and that's, you know, the mic is here. I know. And you move over like this. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's doing fine. How do you feel? Because in Cebu, beautiful island, I've been there a couple of times. I might go back in a couple of months with the family. Yeah. How do you feel about the Koreans there? We hate the Koreans there. We hate the Koreans there, but we hate them. They're fine. Why? They help the economy, so they're fine. The Koreans there are so cocky. Yeah, but they're mean. They're owning all the buildings, all the hotels.

1:06:31I'll tell you what, they're mean here too. It's not just over there. Yeah, yeah. Philippines. Yeah. But I see their behavior there. They look down on me. Why? because you're an American Korean? I think so. They don't respect you. They don't respect shit from me, dude. Wow. You know what I mean? I come with my bling. What's up, dog? You know how I do it, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're always blinged out. With my sway, what do I mean? Yeah, your sway? Yeah. Your swag? Whatever. Yeah. Yeah, what's up, dude? So what? You guys get there? Is it a large contingency of Koreans? There's a lot down there.

1:07:01Yeah, and the pale ones. The pale ones, and they hate us there because we're just brown. But it's your land. Well, they actually - Yeah, well, they have money, so they can put up a lot of businesses so that they can hate us and we can't do anything about it. This is very dark. Why? I don't like that. I don't like it either. That's so fucked up. It's fucked up. Well, they're richer than we are, so. Yeah, but that doesn't make it right. Imperialism. It's imperialism. Yeah, yeah. Bye. Bye. That's not good. Maybe a form of colonization. Mm-hmm. Is it? No, it's not. Okay. It's kind of. Yeah, Filipinos think that they are superior because, you know, they have paler skin and we always praise them, the more money, and we just think that they're, like, so beautiful.

1:07:44Yeah, the white skin. You don't feel that way. No, I hate them. They're good. Wow, I love that. Yeah. Do you hate Korean Americans or just Koreans over there? Just Koreans over there. But Korean Americans, how about them? I'm okay with them. Most of them. Most of them. What about Koreans in Korea? Should I start charging rent? I'm not saying you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not saying you. Can I start charging things? I'm saying Koreans in the Philippines. I'll give you a birthday present today. Oh my God. Would the Cebu Koreans do that? No. No. Okay? Watch your mouth. So funny. Yeah. You're not even Korean.

1:08:22Yeah, you're not even Korean. You're Sandy. What do you mean by that? She's right. You're not Korean. What am I? Look into those eyes. You're an American. If you can. You're an American. I'm an American. Yeah. American. God bless. You're about as American as it gets. You're born in San Diego. You did live the white American life. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. And that's why you don't want me to go out with you and the other Koreans because you're embarrassed about the lack of your own culture. This is really what it's fancy. Fancy. I love it. That's what this is. Yeah. Because you don't go to church like all those Koreans did when you were, you know, like, you're not a church Korean.

1:08:59You're not one of them. Yup. Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. Your dad owned businesses. Yeah. What's the one thing the Philippines has that you just can't get here, that you miss more than anything in the world? The Filipino delicacies, like the bud bud. It's a rice cake. Bud bud? You wrap it in anarchy. What is the repeating of things that you guys, like - That's just how it is in Philippines. They want to make sure that you heard them. Bud bud. B-U-D, B-U-D. Bud bud. Car car. Bood, bud. Correct, yes. Yeah, yeah. Correct. Yeah, yeah. Correct, correct, correct, correct. Yeah. Let's say a couple of just, you know what I mean?

1:09:37Bood, bud. Yeah. There, it's so good. It's so good. Is this something? Tok, tok. Tok, tok is knock. Yeah. See, they just say it. Yeah, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's elementary. Yeah, yeah, all right. Tok, tok, it's, tok, tok, it's like. All right. That's where they got it from. How about ping, ping? You can say that. But is there anything that's... But there's no such thing as... What about bokti? What? Bokti. Bokti. Bokti. Bokti. No, nothing. No, no bokti. Okla. Yeah, okra. Okra the vegetable? Yeah. Now you're just naming things that are... Yeah, potato. Yeah. Broccoli, broccoli. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's interesting.

1:10:21How do you say mango? What's mango? Mango. Mango. Mango. Mango. And what do you call the fucking cartoon illustrations? Huh? What? Anime. They call them mangas, right? Mangas. So there's a difference between manga and manga? Manga. Oh, no, but it's manga, right? The manga is just manga. Manga. There's no S. And the other thing is what? Mangas. Mangas. Mangas. Have you ever seen that on TikTok sometimes? The guy will say, how do you say frog in Japanese? And how do you say that? And it'll all be the exact same word. like five times have you ever never yeah yeah yeah i don't know how to explain this video but he'll say it oh there it's a second video second one down second yeah yeah this guy watch this is fascinating what's rain in japanese ame how about candy ame ame ame okay oh i have another one what's frog and to change okay stop push pause hey dude are you gonna frog no it's like change what is that like frog and change is the same word yeah but the longer version of this is I don't like those pants.

1:11:41You should frog it. That's actually kind of cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frog it. Frog those pants. Yeah, frog those pants right now. He says, there's one compilation where he's like, Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu Kaidu. The longest one is like nine times of him saying the same word with like little tiny inflection. And it's saying, They say they're hard workers, but they're kind of lazy. They're kind of lazy. They got lazy with their language a little bit. It's insane. It's crazy. Is that it? It might be. This is 6.1. How do you say shoulder in Japanese?

1:12:11How about stiff? How about I bought a shoulder massager? How about this? I bought a shoulder massager because my shoulder was stiff, but it was hard to use on my shoulders. I mean, isn't this basically the thesis of this show? Yes. That's like this show. Yeah. Yeah, you guys both mean it. Translate that in English.

1:12:49He's actually saying, I bought a shoulder massage but it was hard to massage my shoulders. Oh, wow. That's incredible. Wow. Well, we're going to get you some and we're going to get you all that good shit. What's sinigang? It's soup, sour soup. Oh, I like sour soup. Yeah, it's so good. There's a bread that's called burikat. Burikat. It's red. English definition is a slut. What's the grossest thing you could eat in the Philippines? Balut. Balut is by far. Thank you. I keep saying that. I don't like balut. You love it. That's the grossest thing you can eat there? I don't. I mean, it's like a half alive bird.

1:13:35Yeah. It's not alive. It's fermented. I know. but it's like half birthed. You would try it though. Oh, you tried it? We did, I threw up. I threw up. It's a fertilized duck egg, but you can see the duck. Yeah, the brains, all that stuff. La la la la la. La la la la la. Yeah. Balut and quinalas, a noodle soup that features brains from a pork or beef head served in a thick garlic. The pig's blood, I guess, is also. No, pig's blood is good. I eat it. Why did even balut come about? Like, we should cook the egg now. No, we'll wait seven months. Yeah. You know what I mean? is it a what was that I don't know but it's a delicacy is it not number of days it's a number of days if you keep it what's what's abuso abuso abu abu abu sauteed weaver ants I've never tried that I've never seen that ooh that sounds really good what's pinnickan pinnickan pinnickan pinnickan pinnickan pinnickan pinnickan it's a dish made by beating a live chicken Oh my god, dude Tell me about that Tell me about Pinnacle I've never tried You have to know about it You're from there What is a Pinnacle Pinnacle, man?

1:14:48That's insane, dude Alright, do you have any Words of wisdom, honey To leave us with Before we go? Do you guys eat dog there? Some people do Our uncles Okay They eat it? Yeah, I saw What kind? What kind? Any kind of dog It was like a Stray dog Stray dog And they just got it and they started like peeling off the skin. Okay, all right, anyway. Thank you for being a bad friend. That's such a good end. Yeah, yeah. Started peeling, you guys have to do it. Will you look in the camera at the same time and say thank you for being a bad friend? One, two, three. Thank you for being a bad friend. God, they sound the exact same too.

1:15:37Yeah. Woo hoo. Yeah.