Rudy Loves Chocolate

3:46Bobby Lee:What is that, by the way? It's a furry mask. It's like something a shooter would Google at night. My favorite thing is you pretending like you already didn't have that costume. Oh, I'll just order a furry. Yeah. Like that wasn't in your closet. I've always wanted to try it since I saw it on Entourage like 15 years ago. Who did a furry on Entourage? Drama, has sex with a girl. Who's a furry? Yeah. Shout out to the furry community. Dude, I met me and DeRosa in Vegas. Met these two beautiful, three beautiful, sweet women who were dominatrices. And I wanted the down low. And she was like, I'm a big fan.

4:20Bobby Lee:Where's Bobby First question out of everybody's mouth Where's Bobby

4:23Andrew Santino:You doing with Shane

4:24Bobby Lee:Yeah Shane I did a couple of shows in Vegas Yeah

4:27Andrew Santino:I have a photo for you

4:28Bobby Lee:What is that

4:29Andrew Santino:We'll show you a photo Okay

4:30Bobby Lee:I did a couple of shows with Shane in Vegas Shane You know Just phenomenal dude The venue was unbelievable What is that Oh it's a photo of me and Taylor Swift Taylor Swift yeah We're friends with Taylor Swift Oh yeah You guys

4:47Andrew Santino:He's high class now Bum bum, elite, elite.

4:51Bobby Lee:No, no, we went to the football game. It's funny that that's the only photo that they chose to snag of me. The Times of India. Oh, whoa. Once you've made it, you've made it, man. Yeah. Taylor Swift, surprising chat with Andrew, surprising chat with loser, ugly ginger boy, Andrew Santino, Chiefs game. Sparks his wedding diss. Yeah, this was the most misinterpreted thing I've ever said. I said, I probably, I had said on, on part of my take, I'd said like, they were like oh you're gonna go to the wedding I was like dude I don't know I also don't want to

5:21Andrew Santino:talk about it I was like leave me the fuck alone about this but that photo though what you so you're mid smile you have you're like looking out you have your finger you have your finger here she must have said something funny so what so you say what she said come on if you think I'm gonna let you what's the finger about though I'm sure I was trying to cover your mouth yeah I was covering my

5:47Bobby Lee:I was saying a racially charged joke to her and I was trying to cover my mouth.

5:50Andrew Santino:Yeah, and she's in mid saying a punchline or something and you look at your face. You've never laughed that hard in front of me ever. What in God's, what is she saying that's gonna give you that reaction?

6:03Bobby Lee:I actually don't. Look at that face. I don't know the moment in time.

6:06Andrew Santino:I've never seen you make that face. What? What does she smell like? Yeah, what does she smell like? Tell us.

6:10Bobby Lee:I mean, why don't you guess?

6:12Andrew Santino:Okay, rose, matcha. Rose hips. Yeah, rose hips. Rose hips. Yeah, you know what I mean? Soft serve matcha. That's just your favorite. That's why you're saying it. No, no, no. Just on the pits.

6:24Bobby Lee:Smells like a global superstar would smell.

6:27Andrew Santino:Whoa. Bottle that up. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

6:32Bobby Lee:Dude, she's so very sweet, very cool, very nice. And they're very courteous to let me even come near that booth because probably the most unaccomplished ugly guy in the whole clique. but they let me they let me in wow anyway incredible what was i saying you broke up my brain yeah why would you break up my brain what were we saying oh these dominatrices oh yeah joe and i go to get pizza after the gillis show um and we go to get pizza and these three women it was the dude this is crazy in vegas it was the marathon the four aces the wmba team's parade for winning a championship emo fest which was you would have fucking oh i love emo fest dashboard confessionals my favorite well blink played with panic at the disco and two i don't know three other bands and we meet these three girls and i was like oh did you guys go to emo fest and she's like kind of we did something else and i was like oh what did you do and she's like we're dominatrices and i was like i am so fucking curious about like i want to know i was like what like how many got what percentage of men do you actually like hook up with or who just wants the you know, the game.

7:40Bobby Lee:And she's like, it's much, it's way low on actual sex.

7:43Andrew Santino:I got tied up once.

7:45Bobby Lee:Oh, tied up is nothing. This is like kick, beat, insult, drag, make you dress up in different outfits, spitting, kicking. I go, how many guys get like genital mutilation? She's like, a ton, a high amount of people.

7:58Andrew Santino:Like razor blades to the -

7:59Bobby Lee:Anything, kick, pull, squeeze. What about shitting? These were not Shiza girls. These were not Shiza girls. They're not German. These weren't German girls. Yeah, they weren't German girls. We came to Vegas for a little fun.

8:09Andrew Santino:Yeah.

8:10Bobby Lee:Little poopy poopy. Circus circus, poopy poopy.

8:13Andrew Santino:Would you ever get that done though?

8:15Bobby Lee:Brother, no.

8:16Andrew Santino:Get tied up in?

8:17Bobby Lee:I don't like, no.

8:18Andrew Santino:Why not?

8:19Bobby Lee:I'm missionary for a minute and a half and then go to bed.

8:22Andrew Santino:Really?

8:23Bobby Lee:Okay, a minute, maybe a full minute, not even a minute and a half. Yeah. No, I don't want to get hurt while I have sex. That's not for me. I respect it.

8:29Andrew Santino:I do easy mode first. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. Don't go full blown masterclass.

8:34Bobby Lee:I play as the first guy, you know, as the first avatar.

8:36Andrew Santino:Like an NPC?

8:37Bobby Lee:Yeah, the simple NPC. Yeah, yeah. This is me.

8:40Andrew Santino:Yeah.

8:40Bobby Lee:That's who I am.

8:41Andrew Santino:I've been willing to get tied with my hands behind my back. You're this NPC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My legs tied like this, right? And just a light smack on the cheek. I don't mind. And then I'll go, you know what I mean? Turn it up. Turn it up. You gotta start with one. You can't start at nine. You can't start at nine when your first time getting tied up. It's nuts. No, no, no. I go, okay, do that, right? Just a little pucker. And then level two is what? Two cheeks. Double, double. yeah too cheek it too cheek it pop maybe she chokes a little bit right and then maybe uh stick a toothpick inside the penis hole yeah yeah no no is that how what level is that i don't that's level five or two you're skipping a level i'm skipping levels don't go from like pop pop oh all right all right no no so three oh it's twist my nips twist nips twist nips yeah yeah

9:25Bobby Lee:yeah and i'm not talking about my japanese carlos likes by the way yeah yeah is a nip twist yeah but she was she was fascinating dude i was so intrigued i was like i want to know everything about it the one girl was very shareable the other one was like i'm eating my pizza leave me alone i wish i was there you would have loved it i would have done it and they were rad how much money do you think she didn't tell because i didn't want to ask her about finances but i i imagine because i did say how expensive does it get she's like well some sessions are in the thousands so in the multi-thousand why am i yeah why we have we have one right there but do people orgasm or they just like the pain it's not about coming yeah god damn it that's the best part no no no no no

10:03Andrew Santino:No, no, no. No, you just need to - Richie, isn't that the best part? Of course. Of course.

10:10Bobby Lee:Yeah. Me come? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

10:13Andrew Santino:I would love to see Richie tied up, dude.

10:15Bobby Lee:Can we get you a dominatrix and you'd be down to - Sure.

10:18Andrew Santino:We're gonna film it.

10:19Bobby Lee:Okay. You're really down to be on cam. Depending on how far it goes. I also met a guy -

10:24Andrew Santino:Level five toothpicks in the - Oh, no, I don't want a toothpick.

10:27Bobby Lee:I also met a guy this weekend who, in this familial group of friends, that I guess we had met before. He is a, he works in porn. He started off as a film, as a filmographer. He started off as McCone, right? A shooter. And now he, I go, you ever get in front of the camera? He goes, I've been doing it lately. I go, ooh, little tiny Filipino guy. I go, what's going on with that?

10:51Andrew Santino:Who is it?

10:51Bobby Lee:And he goes, yeah, it's kind of cool. I go, well, what are you, what are you, like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm the cuck. So he's like, I don't get to penetrate. I'm the boyfriend that gets cheated on in front of me with the girl. what tell me explain explain he's the cuck he in the video of like you know like in a porn where it's like he's cucking he just stands there and watches that's not him yeah yeah but he just

11:11Andrew Santino:stands there and watches can he play with himself while it's happening no oh man that's like the punishment can he stick his finger in his own he can do nothing he doesn't i go do you ever

11:18Bobby Lee:do anything he goes no i just have to watch that's what that would be me i'd just be like

11:22Andrew Santino:with one finger in there one finger in your ass i wouldn't even go up and down i'll just stick it in

11:28Bobby Lee:he was great he was very interesting wow very very interesting stories I met this weekend in Vegas was interesting little uh I wonder what that

11:36Andrew Santino:but I mean it must be arousing to watch

11:40Bobby Lee:I mean I don't know I mean I think the goal would be to not get into it because then you're really in character it's about the pain of it all yeah some

11:48Andrew Santino:guys let their they like to watch their wives that's what cucking is that's what it oh I'm just explaining to the audience No, but it would, I mean.

11:57Bobby Lee:You're explaining to one of my family members who watches the show weekly. My aunt is like, hmm, thank you, Bobby. Hot wife is married. Hot wife is a married woman who has sexual relations with other men with the full knowledge and consent of the husband. That's just the opposite. They call them hot wives. So a hot wife is a woman who has a cuck husband.

12:15Andrew Santino:Yeah.

12:16Bobby Lee:And it's all good to go. Consensual non-monogamy.

12:18Andrew Santino:I want to be with an ugly wife so I can do it. I'll be the hot husband. Buddy. Well, you don't think I'd ever be the, I don't know, buddy. You don't think I'd ever be the hot husband? I don't think so. Yeah, yeah. Not in this lifetime.

12:32Bobby Lee:I can explain, I can describe to you the woman. I believe in reincarnation. I do think in your next life you could be. But I do not think that's in your cards this time around.

12:40Andrew Santino:Oh, boy.

12:41Bobby Lee:And that's a compliment because you date women much more attractive than you.

12:44Andrew Santino:That makes me so upset what you're saying. Shreking.

12:48Bobby Lee:You're Shreking. I'm not Shreking, dude. You've been Shreking all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Shrek King. Yeah, yeah. You tell me you don't date women out of your league? That's insane. That's all you do is date beautiful women. That's all you do.

12:58Andrew Santino:And that's a compliment, but it's a backhanded one.

13:01Bobby Lee:It's so backhanded. But it doesn't matter. Every guy we know dates women out of their league. Do you know someone that's with someone that's on their level of looks?

13:10Andrew Santino:Yeah, you're right. I don't want to name names. I know a couple of guys with girlfriends. I'm like, I'm not.

13:17Bobby Lee:But I had a magical little weekend in Vegas. It was wonderful. It is an interesting city.

13:22Andrew Santino:Is it dead like they say?

13:23Bobby Lee:No, fuck no. What do you mean? I just told you how many things were there. Like literally the marathon, emo fest, every hotel was packed, sold out. It was crazy. Look, it's probably also because it's high season right now because it's getting shitty in other parts of the country. People want to go get away. And Vegas was perfect weather and the shows were fucking incredible. And we were gambling with Shane's dad, which was the funniest thing in the world because Shane gave him a little bit of money.

13:45Andrew Santino:I've met his dad. I like his dad.

13:47Bobby Lee:Phil's the fucking greatest man alive. He gave him a little bit of money so we go down and sit at the table and Shane was like, I got to go to my room to go get money because I have cash in the room. And I was like, well, we can just give you cash. And he's like, no, Phil, I just gave you cash. He just gave his dad cash. He had just given it to him and he was giving me some. And his dad was so funny. He's like, no, no, I'll give you a little bit. And he was like holding out on giving him money. And Shane was like, are you fucking serious right now? I just gave you that money. But he gave him like a wad of money.

14:14Bobby Lee:I think he just handed it to him. He was like, dad, go gamble. And he was holding back on it. But dude, Shane on fire.

14:19Andrew Santino:Yeah. He's - No, no.

14:20Bobby Lee:He was winning money. I I lost all my money. And at the very end, he goes, we got to go. We were going to go to this other thing. And then he goes, just put whatever all in. And I was like, all in. I go all in and I'm excited. I get 20. I get two face cards. And I'm like, we're winning. She flops out 21. It actually hurt. It actually hurt. He was like, you're good. You don't care. I was like, no, no, no, it's okay. It was all the money that I put down, but it's okay. It doesn't matter.

14:48Andrew Santino:Did you ask me about my weekend?

14:52Bobby Lee:Well, I'll act the same as you just acted about me explaining. What happened in your weekend? Here, what happened in your weekend? What did you do?

14:58Andrew Santino:Nothing. No, I did the Irvine improv. Again. Orange County's finest. Yeah. Can I ask you this, though? Okay, so I have a real problem. I need your advice. Yeah. So, you know, I don't want this to be taken the wrong way. Okay.

15:17Bobby Lee:How many black guys have you been dating?

15:20Andrew Santino:Just two. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

15:22Bobby Lee:And no whites? No whites. Good for you. Good girl.

15:26Andrew Santino:So I've been kind of like a black guy where I have a lot of entourage now. Well, yeah.

15:29Bobby Lee:How many people are you traveling with? Well, because I called you from the hotel room.

15:32Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah.

15:33Bobby Lee:And I talked to, it was you, Ramsey, Catbird.

15:39Andrew Santino:Luke.

15:40Bobby Lee:Luke.

15:40Andrew Santino:Yeah.

15:40Bobby Lee:And one more person.

15:42Andrew Santino:But then Gilbert, Alex, my guy showed up. Yeah. And a couple of assistants from the agency. Whew. Right? But here's my problem with it.

15:50Bobby Lee:your Hollywood. Really? I come with an entourage. I'm Hollywood. Cut to the Taylor Swift photo. Go to the Taylor Swift photo. I cut to the entourage. I'm Hollywood. I didn't bring an entourage. What? I didn't bring an entourage.

16:04Andrew Santino:With Taylor, the world is your entourage. You've never heard that quote before? No, but I gotta tell you, you better use that.

16:14Bobby Lee:It's really good.

16:15Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah, yeah. The world is your entourage. The world is your entourage. So what?

16:17Bobby Lee:You had about eight, nine people in the...

16:19Andrew Santino:Right, but my problem is, and this is fine, right? I'm, you know, I can afford it, but.

16:26Andrew Santino:You're so annoying. That's so annoying. But in between shows, right? It's like, I need to eat. Yeah, I do. So everyone goes. Everybody's got to go eat. No one has money. Well, yeah. No one has money. Well, dude. No one has money. You're taking door guys from the store. I know, I know. Of course they don't have money. And then all of a sudden it's like, I'm fine, right? But I'm like, you know, there's all these, like went to this Korean restaurant, which is pretty good, right? next to the, there's a new Korean restaurant next to the Irvine Improv. Okay. Right? And it's called Galbi Social Club.

16:57Bobby Lee:Close. Yeah. They're right there.

16:58Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's literally right next to the, right, so I'm like, let's just go to the Galbi. You're going, and then they have these packages, like, you know what I mean?

17:05Bobby Lee:Yeah, what kind of meats do you want?

17:07Andrew Santino:Like, there's a feast package. Sure. Right? And usually, like, I can, I'll just go, I'll take one of that, right? But now it's like, yeah, I'll take five of that. Yeah. Right? It adds up. it adds up to it adds up right and people are feasting yeah they're doing the trump feed yeah yeah throwing you know i mean bulgogi in their mouth right playing little games yeah right yeah right marinated marinated and then they're ordering more more steamed eggs more steamed eggs right in my mind i'm calculating more steamed eggs that's fucking 1995 there you know i mean sake drink on and on all right and you get the bill and you look around the table and they all look like little orphan annie's friends yeah meek you're right like all of her twists may i have

17:52Bobby Lee:another sir may i have another bowl of porridge just more one more steamed egg please yeah right

17:57Andrew Santino:and then it's just like you gotta do it because why don't you tell me how much it was

18:02Bobby Lee:i mean that many people what is the bill for that many people it's not that much it's not that it's

18:08Andrew Santino:like i said i i can afford it you can but um and you and you did it so that's what happens but Yeah, you have no problem with it.

18:17Bobby Lee:There is a code of stand-up. That's right. Let's go to the code. You are supposed to pay for your openers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because you have the money in there. Everyone from CAA, come down. Well, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come on down, you know what I mean? With the agents, by the way, the rule is the hierarchy pays. The agents, when they show up, they should pay.

18:37Andrew Santino:It wasn't the agents. It was the assistants. Why?

18:39Bobby Lee:Oh, then you got to pay.

18:40Andrew Santino:I got to pay.

18:41Bobby Lee:But if the agent shows up or someone at the agency, they pay because

18:44Andrew Santino:I love them by the way thanks for showing up because it makes you feel good that the company is coming out

18:48Bobby Lee:I don't want anybody to show up ever to my shows that's at my agency please don't ever show up yeah yeah yeah come on down

18:52Andrew Santino:come on down go to his shows

18:54Bobby Lee:I prefer no one to come

18:55Andrew Santino:you know I want but go to Arby's before and then I want my host

18:59Bobby Lee:my feature and that's it

19:01Andrew Santino:yeah that's all I don't want a bunch of people I feel good I want her to do it you like the entourage no no no

19:05Bobby Lee:it gets you off you like that yeah you enjoy that thing

19:08Andrew Santino:and then all of a sudden like you know what I mean a guy has three other friends you know what I mean? They came to the show, comped.

19:14Bobby Lee:Sure. Comped! Yeah, well, what? What? They're not going to pay for tickets. Fine, that's fine.

19:18Andrew Santino:Yeah. But then they're like, can they come? And you're like, they can come.

19:21Bobby Lee:Yeah, let them come. Everyone wants to come. Let everybody come. Right, Richie? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, say, let everybody come. Let everybody come. Yeah. Clip it. Yeah. Honestly, dude, you got to do it. Yeah. But what's my opinion? You want to my opinion? Do you have to do it? Yeah, you got to do it. it's the hierarchy of pay those that make the most and by the way then when you're with other comics like at our we either swap like I'll pay you pay or you do credit card roulette so one of us has to throw our credit card in a hat and usually make the server pick it then they pick it out and then whoever gets hit gets hit

19:51Andrew Santino:have you ever picked up the tab?

19:52Bobby Lee:no oh my god have you ever picked up the tab? I don't even think she pays for gas sometimes with my friends no

20:01Andrew Santino:really? sometimes okay let me ask you something in your friend group do you have the most money?

20:05Bobby Lee:I don't think so.

20:06Andrew Santino:Really? I've seen your friend group. What? What's that mean?

20:11Bobby Lee:Let's go out to eat dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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20:31Bobby Lee:And thankfully for Shopify, the way that we get our merch to you guys, imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient. Endless aisles shipped to customer, buy online, pick up in store, all made simpler so customers can shop how they want. And the staff can have the tools to close the sale every single time.

20:48Andrew Santino:And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive, Andrew. With Shopify POS, you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first party data that gives marketing teams a competitive edge.

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22:08Bobby Lee:And you don't always have to have a traumatic thing in your life to go talk to someone. Sure, yeah. I think talking to someone is wonderful. We should all be doing it. And Talkspace is in network, okay? Talkspace therapy and psychiatry is covered by most insurers and most insured members pay a copay of$0, all right? and Talkspace makes getting the help you need. Easy, accessible, and affordable. You can do it from the comfort of your own home, your car, wherever you're on the road, you're in a hotel. It doesn't really matter. That's why if you're a bad friend, but you need a little bit of a good friend, you should use Talkspace.

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24:06Andrew Santino:Head to chime.com slash badfriends.

24:09Bobby Lee:That's chime.com slash badfriends. It only takes a few minutes to sign up. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services for MyPay and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. optional products and services may have fees and charges stated annual percentage yield and cash back for chime prime only no minimum balance required check an account ranking based on a jd power survey published october 20th 2025 for more information on api rates my pay spot me and travel perks go to chime.com slash disclosures yeah but i don't i never i don't know sometimes how about this when you're going out on dates now oh i don't pay you cannot pay do they do you offer half you don't even do that no no thank you has any guy ever said do you want to split it no but that would be crazy i would just leave i saw a video the other day it's empowerment right there

24:54Andrew Santino:yeah on full display a tiktok where a guy picks up a girl for his date and the girl brings her son to get a free meal how old is the kid he's like five years old that's okay if you picked up a

25:06Bobby Lee:girl with this kid five years old is cute five's funny you can you know what by the way yeah you use that as ammunition you joke with the kid you say funny stuff you make faces you make him laugh

25:15Andrew Santino:she loves you more that's a home run okay i guess strategy yeah yeah you're right you're by the way

25:20Bobby Lee:five five six kind of the cutoff if she brings a 10 year old that's bananas yeah he can stay at home alone 10 i was i mean when we started being home alone we were like eight yeah you're fine there's hot dogs in the fridge do you remember i was dating yeah and so i remember she came out

25:36Andrew Santino:with her son.

25:36Bobby Lee:That kid was 30.

25:37Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah, no, he was 12 years old. Right. Right?

25:40Bobby Lee:That's over the breaking point.

25:41Andrew Santino:And then he goes, when I pick him from the airport, all he could say is, I have a short throat. Right? He has a little short throat? Yeah, no, sore throat. Oh, I thought he had a short throat. Yeah, yeah. I have a sore throat, right? So we get to my house and I go to, you know, DoorDash and I just go.

25:59Bobby Lee:I have a sore throat.

25:59Andrew Santino:Yeah, I get -

26:00Bobby Lee:I can only eat caviar. I said, hey, kiddo. I said, hey, kiddo,

26:04Andrew Santino:what kind of flavor do you want? I don't care I gave him every brand

26:09Bobby Lee:well that's a problem

26:11Andrew Santino:it comes to my house I give him packets of it like bags of it he sticks in his mouth and he goes

26:21Andrew Santino:it spits it on the floor right so then I go pick it up and he goes you pick it up he goes I go pick it up you pick it up I go pick it up you pick it up you know what I did I picked it up I fucking picked it up he won he never had another bag again i still have those fucking sort of fucking things in my house he's got a bag of sort yeah yeah ever since then i'm like no more kids yeah you got to cut it

26:44Bobby Lee:off yeah yeah but five or six is cute and you use that you go you you ingratiate yourself to the kid then it's going oh he's a nice guy he likes my kid and if the kid's funny you might have more

26:53Andrew Santino:fun with him than a date she would have to be carlos back me up on this yeah they got to be hot because they have to be the hottest thing i look look not in the dating game but i got to

27:05Bobby Lee:tell you there's probably a lot of five-year-olds I'd rather joke around with than some of the girls that you date.

27:20Andrew Santino:They're annoying right?

27:22Bobby Lee:Some of them are for sure. They're annoying right? I can see your face. Some of them. I'd rather be like I'd rather chat with a five-year-old about trains and monsters.

27:30Andrew Santino:Yeah I remember one time I was with a girl and we were in Vegas or something. you literally called because I was gone I went to the bathroom you go you gotta get the fuck back here I go why you said so and so is fucking annoying

27:42Bobby Lee:you can't leave me alone with these people I don't know what to talk to them about I feel more comfortable with a kid we can joke around I can make a fart noise and that's 30 minutes right there I start doing and they're like and lose their mind I can't do that

27:53Andrew Santino:to your date I had this one girl she had to come back and apologize to you for being rude

28:00Bobby Lee:do you remember that? I do because she was

28:02Andrew Santino:because she was a huge fan but then she was like but when I meet him a fan of you no not a fan yeah yeah no no no she said when I meet him Andrew right I gotta have confidence you know what I mean I gotta like I can't be a fangirl right I'm like no just be yourself I go just be your fucking self she goes no no no and then when she met you she was a fucking bitch super mean yeah she was like hey what's up and in my mind I'm like what are you doing not the move yeah yeah and then like 10 minutes later she had to come back up to you and go sorry about my attitude. But at that point I was already out.

28:36Andrew Santino:You were out. I'm out. I'm out.

28:38Bobby Lee:It's my point. So look on new dates new dates bring a kid ladies out there.

28:43Andrew Santino:Yeah. I don't have a kid.

28:45Bobby Lee:Yeah. Yet. Mark my words. No. Yeah it's coming for you

28:50Andrew Santino:but you're up to no good. If you went on a date with a guy and he had a couple of kids would that turn you off or no?

28:57Bobby Lee:I think right now it would.

28:59Andrew Santino:Why?

29:00Bobby Lee:I just don't want to deal with kids.

29:02Andrew Santino:Yeah.

29:03Bobby Lee:Yeah, but what if you met a guy, okay, look, you're 23? Yeah. What if you met a guy that's 28 and he has a kid? Then no. Here, look, ages 20 to 29, which is your age range, approximately 24 % of black men in this age range have father to child. So a quarter of the men that are going to take you out have a father, or have a child. So you're going to meet a guy who's going to have a kid. You're going to have to decide at some point, what are you going to do? Are you going to fall in love with this man and be the new mom? No, I don't want to be a mom. Well, I'm just telling you. Ever. Statistics are there.

29:33Bobby Lee:Ever. Yeah. 35 % of non-Hispanic Asian men. I want to be like you, Tito Bobby.

29:37Andrew Santino:Explain to me what I'm like.

29:39Bobby Lee:Single and just old and just like.

29:43Andrew Santino:Yeah, single and old. Single and old. Did you say I want to be like you?

29:46Bobby Lee:Yeah. Interesting.

29:48Andrew Santino:Really? Yeah. I influenced you in that way. I think so. Yeah, yeah. My lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. You are a life coach. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, you are. Because last night I was just like, I'm just going to play Dying Light Part 2 until 5 in the morning. How'd that go? Great. Completed it. No, it's impossible. There's so many side missions. You can't beat it. It's on and on. It's the scary, it's the dumbest game. At night, have you ever played Dying Light? No, not yet. At night, it's the most terrifying.

30:14Bobby Lee:What about Silent Hill?

30:16Andrew Santino:I couldn't finish it. I couldn't finish it.

30:19Bobby Lee:I started watching the BTK Killer last night because everyone's been sending me that it's you.

30:24Andrew Santino:I know, dude.

30:25Bobby Lee:You saw the BTK Killer. The drawing is you. Have you seen the drawing?

30:28Andrew Santino:I know.

30:28Bobby Lee:Go to BTK Killer Drawing.

30:30Andrew Santino:Please don't. I get DMs and texts about it. All day.

30:33Bobby Lee:Look at that. That's 100 % you. That's so obvious. Richie, that's so obviously you, though. It's like, who's that? That's Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah. Did you watch that BTK killer?

30:43Andrew Santino:No, but I'm a big fan.

30:46Bobby Lee:It's tragic, dude. It's awful to watch. Who's here? It's heartbreaking. Who is here? Who's here? Oh. Do we have a guest? Spooky costume.

30:58Andrew Santino:Ooh, spooky. Spooky flame. Spooky, spooky. Spooky flame is here. Spooky flame. Dude, you look like you just got off a meth binge.

31:08Bobby Lee:Oh yeah, looks like somebody extinguished your flame there. Yeah, what's going on, dude?

31:12Andrew Santino:You look, seem wild-eyed.

31:13Bobby Lee:Oh, I don't know, I don't know. Your eyes are so blue. Yeah, your eyes are blue. Okay, thank you, thanks. Beautiful boy. Thank you. How's it been going? Real beautiful. Is this your Halloween costume? We asked you to come in costume. Yes, it's like the Project X outfit. Oh it's what you wore in the movie Oh my god Is that exactly the clothes that you wore in the film Yes well I mean different jacket But pretty much Can I be honest with you bud It's not even a little bit like that Wait zoom in look at how young you are How old are you there 18

31:48Andrew Santino:How old are you now

31:50Bobby Lee:33 Is that good memories of Project X Yeah You do you have good memories of that That was filmed near here yeah yeah you still do you still get residuals from that movie uh yeah pretty small but yes like what's an average one from that film um i think probably like three thousand a year that's not bad yeah not bad free money yeah and then dumb and dumber no what uh is who y 'all are dressed as no ben and jerry the ice cream okay yeah i'm chunky monkey yeah who are you meg oh okay cool it's not all part of the same theme like those guys are not part of ben and jerry at all Can you guess what they are?

32:28Bobby Lee:What do you think Carlos is? Oh, Sonic. Yeah.

32:34Andrew Santino:Yeah, Sonic the Hedgehog.

32:35Bobby Lee:And look who's right next to him is Tails right there. That's Tails. Yeah. Richie's Tails. Richie, what do you think Richie is? I don't know. Karen Carpenter. Karen Carpenter, yeah. And then who do you think is in the back there? Who do you think is in the back? He told me Groucho Marx. So you already got tipped off. Yeah. Well, can you want to lie and retake it again? Yeah. Who is that in the back? Someone with a mustache. You started off right. It's Hitler. It's Hitler. That's actually Hitler. That's Hitler before he shaved it into a little tiny. So Hitler actually, that's actually the outfit that he was known for the most.

33:09Bobby Lee:And then he shaved the little tiny mustache here. The art school one. This is art school Hitler.

33:14Andrew Santino:Yeah. Oh yeah, the art school Hitler, dude. That's art school Hitler.

33:20Bobby Lee:That was art school Hitler before he got denied and kind of really changed his thought process about the world. But there he is. That's art school Hitler.

33:28Andrew Santino:Is that him as a kid?

33:29Bobby Lee:Yeah.

33:30Andrew Santino:Yeah. Do you think you could at that point?

33:32Bobby Lee:Look at that. Whoa.

33:34Andrew Santino:Whoa. Look at those legs. But as a kid, do you think - It looks like Pete. You'd be able to change his mind? Huh? If you ran into Hitler, but you had a time machine, you ran into that Hitler that was like nine years old. Do you think you could be able to change the direction of his life?

33:51Andrew Santino:What would you say?

33:52Bobby Lee:That's a really good question.

33:53Andrew Santino:What would you say? Hi, little Hitler. i can't do the i have okay yeah hello hello little hitler hello chinese boy already it's hard yeah well you know um i'm not chinese i think you're just um you know i'm from a different but you know we're all human beings we're all kind of the same you're all from china as far as i'm concerned yeah i get it but it's like i'm korean rice man please you know what Calling derogatory words.

34:20Bobby Lee:Tiny little rice man, tiny little. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. No, I like you, you people are okay.

34:26Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

34:26Bobby Lee:You're not so bad.

34:27Andrew Santino:Yeah, I think all people are equal, no?

34:30Bobby Lee:All people are equal?

34:31Andrew Santino:Yeah.

34:34Bobby Lee:Not all. What do you mean? A few people don't deserve the same things as me.

34:40Andrew Santino:I see. Well, let's go through the fucking groups.

34:43Bobby Lee:Sure, blacks, Jews, Asians.

34:45Andrew Santino:Yeah? All equal?

34:47Bobby Lee:With you? They're equal on their little plane.

34:50Andrew Santino:Oh, so you're in a different category. Yeah, we're superior. Okay. Pap, pap, pap. No, you killed 9-year-old Hitler. I would kill him.

34:58Bobby Lee:You can't flip that guy. I don't think he was born like that. I think something tragic happened to him. I think he was probably molested in art school, which is why he had this whole weird art school thing. He was molested, and then this was his rage against the world. Was Hitler molested? Gotta be.

35:14Andrew Santino:Was he gay?

35:15Bobby Lee:Gotta be.

35:16Andrew Santino:No, Hitler wasn't gay, dude.

35:17Bobby Lee:He wasn't cool enough to be gay. Historians and scholars have found no credible evidence Adolf Hitler was sexually molested. Rumors circulated after World War II. These were largely for propaganda purposes and have been discredited. I like how they discredited. Like they had to go out of their way to find out. They're like, all right, who molested Hitler? He had a harsh and interesting father. Dramatic episodes. Yeah, I think he had something fucked up. All right, raise your hand if you molested Hitler. Guys, come on. We're not going to get back to painting until you guys tell me who did it.

35:46Andrew Santino:Yeah.

35:46Bobby Lee:We want to do watercolors

35:50Andrew Santino:Listen I think you were I think he was born that way You really do Are you probably a sociopath?

35:56Bobby Lee:No because something had to have happened to him dude I think we're all born pretty clean and good Something cracks a human Something breaks Every time you watch these true crime documentaries Something really bad happened Right? Dax has anything really bad Happened to you in your life?

36:15Bobby Lee:not like that see yeah and that's why he's high functioning normal adult yeah but someone did say something the other day about often serial killers are bed wetters to an older age and how when did you stop I did I did until too old but not anymore of course like maybe like nine or something

36:35Andrew Santino:nine it's pretty old

36:37Bobby Lee:to wet the bed yeah yeah that's older than kids that women bring on dates with Bobby. That's pretty, nine is old.

36:43Andrew Santino:I can imagine him coming downstairs like in The Exorcist and he just pees him.

36:48Bobby Lee:He just pees him before. The triad was proposed in 63 by psychiatrist J.M. McDonald based on the observation of a small group of nonviolent patients who had made threats. It's a misconception that serial killers are bedwetters. That's not true. Okay. To the McDonald triad. So that's not true. And then like getting a head injury, right? What? A head injury. Head injury, molestation, both physical and sexual abuse towards that. They all kind of have a lot of that stuff in common.

37:11Andrew Santino:But if you look at our society and then you look at like how many serial killers were in Sweden or Thailand, you're talking about low numbers, like three, four people throughout their history.

37:23Bobby Lee:Well, the highest concentration of serial killers has got to be from here.

37:25Andrew Santino:It is. Well, we're number one again. Thousands.

37:27Bobby Lee:We're number one again. But why here? I don't know. Because we have the most head injuries.

37:32Andrew Santino:What?

37:33Bobby Lee:We have the most head injuries. You think so? A lot of doctors dropping babies. Yeah. Study suggests a correlation between head injuries and serial killing. It's not a direct cause, but there is a tie. I wonder what the other one is. What's your favorite breakfast, Jules?

37:49Andrew Santino:Rice, eggs, and seaweed, and kimchi, and... Spam.

37:55Bobby Lee:Google that and see if that's a serial killer meal. That sounds like one. That's exactly what I like. What do serial killers eat? Is it like a mixed up? Yeah. What is that called? Is that called a dish? Do you have a nickname at something? I don't think so. Cereal killer is a variety of foods. Zoom in. There's no single serial killer diet, and there should be. That's a new diet plan. You want to have a ripped body? You got to have the serial killer diet. The last meals, fried chicken, french fries, onion soup, while another one requested steak with baked potato.

38:23Andrew Santino:I've been thinking about Dahmer lately, but I don't know.

38:26Bobby Lee:No, we're not going back down that rabbit hole. We have some famous horror movie scenes to bring back. Oh, I'd love to bring this. I'd love to do a script reading. Let me see Dax. Also, since we have a professional actor among us, Dax. Factor. Yum, yum. Fall always feels like a reset. It's back to school. It's football is here. It's hockey is back. Basketball is back. Baseball is coming to a close. Busier routines, shorter days. And it's a hard time to find time to cook.

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40:30Bobby Lee:that's the sound of zero sugar 200 milligrams of caffeine and the power to burn body fat storm energy for life storm energy blend helps boost metabolism which in combination with exercise and a healthy diet helps burn fat this product alone does not produce weight loss individual results may vary do you see one that you want to do jules i mean you love scary movies what about seven the scene from seven yeah let's do seven who are you gonna be jules Mills or John Doe um Mills okay

40:59Andrew Santino:you're John Doe you're gonna be John Doe no no no you gotta be John Doe I'm gonna do stage directions okay please okay go ahead

41:04Bobby Lee:who's Mills again I don't remember what who's Mills

41:08Andrew Santino:that's um Brad Pitt's character right then Dax you are Somerset in this scene okay and remember Somerset you're an old black man you really gotta

41:20Bobby Lee:turn on that voice yeah yeah alright Is it Morgan Freeman? Yes, it is. Have you ever seen the movie? Okay. Even better.

41:30Andrew Santino:Marshlands, early evening.

41:33Bobby Lee:Here he comes.

41:35Andrew Santino:That's what? What's up? You're Kevin Spacey on this.

41:40Bobby Lee:That was my Spacey.

41:42Andrew Santino:Okay, my bad.

41:43Bobby Lee:He was talking about a boy he met at the bar. Yeah, extension. Here he comes.

41:45Andrew Santino:Extension, Marshlands, early evening.

41:49Bobby Lee:Here he comes. What? I wish I could have lived like you Shut up The fuck you talking about? You hear me detective? I'm trying to tell you how much I admire you and your pretty wife What? Tracy What you fucking say? Too Asian Read the whole thing Yeah

42:14Andrew Santino:Meals freezes, turns to Doe Doe smiles Somerset is close

42:18Bobby Lee:It's disturbing how easily a member of the press can purchase information from the men in your precinct.

42:23Andrew Santino:Somerset starts running towards Mill.

42:26Bobby Lee:Throw your gun down. Now that is Morgan Freeman. Now that is Morgan Freeman. Give me two of me one more time. Yeah. You're also screaming it. Throw your gun down. I know, but you know.

42:40Andrew Santino:No, that was loud. I understand that, but you know how far apart they are? Yeah, you're yelling. You're literally like, you know what I mean, a quarter of a mile away. Go for it. Yeah. Throw your gun down.

42:49Bobby Lee:Same awkward.

42:49Andrew Santino:Very good.

42:50Bobby Lee:Same awkward. I visited your home this morning after you'd left.

42:54Andrew Santino:Mills is filled with aching terror.

42:56Bobby Lee:I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man.

43:00Andrew Santino:Somerset is 50 yards away and closing.

43:02Bobby Lee:Throw it away. Louder. Throw it away. Loud as you can. Yeah. Throw it away. It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir. Her pretty head.

43:12Andrew Santino:Mills. Mills raises his gun in the air.

43:16Bobby Lee:Mills, gun in the air. No, no, no. Give me the gun. What's going on over there?

43:24Andrew Santino:Somerset throws his own weapon away. Put the gun down.

43:29Bobby Lee:Show me the box. What was in the box? Because I envy your normal life. Put the gun down, David. It seems that envy is my sin. What's in the box? What's in the fucking box? I just told you. You lied. you're a fucking liar shut up because cut cut for a second just cut for a second right um

43:52Andrew Santino:you you i think you subconsciously know that there's something terrifying in the box and you i think you do know that it's your wife's severed head so you're angry much more panic well

44:07Bobby Lee:how would you feel if you if you did if you if someone had a severed head that of someone that that you love? Scared. Scared. And pissed. And mad. Rage. Imagine if someone came to you in the desert with a box and Tito's, Bobby's head was in there. How would you feel? Mad. But not with a smile.

44:26Andrew Santino:Yeah, I don't think that would be a good example. I think. All right, somebody else.

44:31Bobby Lee:No, I'd be mad.

44:32Andrew Santino:Yeah. Yeah, mad. Issa, your sister.

44:35Bobby Lee:Issa's head is in a box. Yeah.

44:37Andrew Santino:Okay.

44:38Bobby Lee:No, not in a happy donut.

44:39Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah, why are you smiling? The smiling is crazy. Let's go back to, let's go back to, it seems that envy is my sin.

44:46Bobby Lee:It seems that envy is my sin. What's in the box? What's in the fucking box? I just told you. You lied, you're a fucking liar, shut up. It's what he wants. He wants you to shoot him. No, no, you tell me that's not true. That's not true. Become virgins, David. David. She's all right, you tell me. He's crying at this. Become wrath.

45:12Andrew Santino:He's crying at this, she's crying at.

45:13Bobby Lee:I'm crying?

45:14Andrew Santino:Yeah, kind of crying rage.

45:17Bobby Lee:Become wrath. Tell me she's all right. Are you laughing? If you murder a suspect, David. No, no. She begged for her life, detective. She begged for her life and the only life of the baby inside her.

45:34Andrew Santino:Somerset slaps John Doe across the face. Shut up. Mills face lit Fills with confusion Then a wave of horror Doe's eyes register shock

45:42Bobby Lee:He didn't know

45:43Andrew Santino:Mills raises and lowers the gun A few times sobbing

45:46Bobby Lee:Give me the gun David

45:48Andrew Santino:Mills turns the gun on John Doe David

45:52Bobby Lee:If you kill him He will win Oh god Oh god Dude Dude Morgan Freeman would be jolly He would be jolly Yeah So good Dax Hello

46:06Andrew Santino:Okay Okay, very good. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, yeah, very good. Very good stuff. Those are very good. Very good. You wanna attempt Blue Velvet or?

46:14Bobby Lee:I don't think so. It's a good scene. Do you miss acting?

46:18Andrew Santino:It was good.

46:19Bobby Lee:Yeah, it was good. Yeah, it was good. Do you miss acting? Yeah, yeah, I love acting. We gotta get you back. We gotta make him, we have to write a movie and get Dax in it.

46:26Andrew Santino:He's gotta be the nemesis though.

46:28Bobby Lee:You have to be evil. You have to be evil. Right, would you play an evil guy? What's the most evil thing you've done in your life? Killed a fish. Purposely? Purposely, but because my grandpa had left We went fishing and you know you have to kill the fish After you catch it You don't have to Well, I couldn't get the hook out of its mouth So I And then he had left to go help my mom And then I had to kill the fish with a rock Carlos, will you Google Serial killer tendencies Ties with killing fish with rocks Is there a tie to Well, check if it's like while people are fishing No, no, no, no, that doesn't matter.

47:06That's, I think we got two well-known serial killers,

47:09Bobby Lee:Jeffrey Dahmer and Albert Fish have documented ties to killing fish and other small animals. But I didn't like it. This, you didn't, it says right here, neither of them enjoyed it while it was happening. They were fishing with their grandfather.

47:19Andrew Santino:Did you cry while you're doing it?

47:21Bobby Lee:No, no. They show tendencies to not cry at all while they're killing the fish. Did you feel anything at all? Yeah, yeah. What did you feel? Terrible. Studies show the word they use is terrible at the beginning, but then sexual arousal when it's over.

47:35Andrew Santino:Did you have an erection? No. Okay, okay.

47:38Bobby Lee:Most of them can't get an erection, it says here, because of the terror. Wow. Do you think you may have some serial killer tendencies? No, but that maybe aligns. So, yeah? Maybe one, maybe singular.

47:56Andrew Santino:I think he's the opposite of a serial killer. I think he's a good guy. I think your heart is so pure

48:02Bobby Lee:Well he could just be a regular killer and not Yeah No he's not a killer

48:07Andrew Santino:I think you're a sweet guy Thank you

48:13Bobby Lee:I've seen him a lot in parties That I went

48:16Andrew Santino:Okay what party did you go to where you saw Dax

48:19Bobby Lee:The Zach Justice one And another one And another one Oh that's true it was my friend Ryan's birthday

48:26Andrew Santino:And you went to that A lot of influencers people there

48:31Bobby Lee:Little young people Who invited you? Zach

48:33Andrew Santino:Because you know She's on his podcast now As a permanent I see that Yeah

48:38Bobby Lee:I see that on the internet

48:40Andrew Santino:How do you Wait wait How do you feel about that Andrew?

48:42Bobby Lee:Well you're a bad friend Then you do Tiger Belly Then you do Trash Tuesday Then you do this You're kind of like a pod You're kind of a pod hopper If I'm being honest

48:49Andrew Santino:Yeah let's be No loyalty

48:50Bobby Lee:No you're a pod hopper There's a pod hopper right there Oh my god Yeah look at that There she is pod hopping All over the place Pod hopping all over the place Look at her You're a pod hopper It's actually not a good thing to be. It's just family podcast, Tiger Belly. Ew, you pod hop with family? More, more. You're evil pod hoppin'. Yeah, that's what's evil is pure as pod hoppin'. Yeah. You stay loyal to us, but no, she's pod hoppin'. He's pod hoppin', dude. Are you and Zach just good friends? How do you know him? Vito Bobby. Right. So you introduced the pod hopper too? Yes, I did. Well, it's your fault.

49:24Andrew Santino:You know, he swooped in. Pod hoppin'. He pod hopped.

49:27Bobby Lee:Mrs. I don't feel like podcasting.

49:28Andrew Santino:I had to force you to do it.

49:30Bobby Lee:Yeah.

49:31Andrew Santino:Now, pod hopping. Now, anyone asks, you'll do it.

49:34Bobby Lee:How excited are you about the Dodgers?

49:36Andrew Santino:Oh, my God.

49:37Bobby Lee:You're such a big Dodger fan.

49:39Andrew Santino:I am.

49:39Bobby Lee:And where are they now?

49:41Andrew Santino:World Series.

49:42Bobby Lee:You name some of your favorite Dodgers?

49:43Andrew Santino:Yeah. Freeman, I like. Freddie Freeman, I like. Shohei. The best. That other Japanese. That game that he played last Friday. It's probably the greatest baseball game ever played. In the history of baseball. You're a big Dodger fan, Dax?

49:55Bobby Lee:As big of, like, any other team. That doesn't. That's not an answer. That's not an answer. Yeah, that's not an answer. That's not an answer. That's like when you say, do you like food? And they're like, I like food like people like food. Yeah. They're Shohei, so handsome. He's handsome, elitist. Big boy. Big boy. He's a big boy. That's what she goes to, right to big boy. Yeah. He is a big, big boy. That's Japan's finest export.

50:15Andrew Santino:He has Pearl Harbor energy all the time.

50:17Bobby Lee:Well, it's payback, baby. Yeah. Payback. Yeah. And that's his girlfriend? Yeah. Right there? That's wife. Yeah. Oh, wife, sorry. Mamiko. Yeah. What is it? Mamiko. Say it again? Mamiko. Very good. You don't have to, it's not Hello Kitty.

50:32Andrew Santino:Do you think though, do you think in his head though -

50:34Bobby Lee:She makes me look tan. That's what I like about Japanese women. They make me look tan.

50:38Andrew Santino:Do you think in his mind it's like, I shouldn't marry because now I think I could get white pussy.

50:42Bobby Lee:No. Do you think or not? That's what you think. No. Dude, he's from Japan.

50:47Andrew Santino:Bob's mad now.

50:48Bobby Lee:He's from Japan. His favorite, I think Japan, he has to, he represents Japan. He's gotta have a Japanese wife.

50:54Andrew Santino:Yeah, he has to.

50:54Bobby Lee:He has some dumb American wife. What a waste of his time. He's got some bozo goofball. Like he played in Orange County before. Imagine if he was with some Orange County girl, some like Laguna Beach chick. You'd be bummed. She is very pretty.

51:06Andrew Santino:She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. Gorgeous. Yeah.

51:08Bobby Lee:Yeah. Beautiful Japanese girl.

51:10Andrew Santino:What's the way you laughing?

51:11Bobby Lee:Because I know you have that mindset of like holding out

51:13Andrew Santino:till like you have to succeed a lot. Well, Bobby - What are you talking about, dude? There it is. Because you can get the hottest girls when you're at your richest and most famous. And I know you actively seek that. Because I would too. I get it.

51:23Bobby Lee:You've said to me an Asian American at their highest pinnacle is getting a hot white girl. You've said that. You've said that. You've said that as a successful Asian American, the pinnacle is getting a hot white girl. It's called playing in the snow. Playing in the snow, snow bunny life. Yeah. You say that dude, don't pretend like that's not true. Is that not true? No.

51:48Andrew Santino:It is not. Okay. Acting. I mean, do you think, would you ever date an Asian woman?

51:53Bobby Lee:Yes.

51:54Andrew Santino:Have you?

51:56Bobby Lee:No. I've been on a date.

51:59Andrew Santino:With an Asian? Yeah.

52:01Bobby Lee:You can't take this the wrong way, please. You seem like you do like Asian girls. Yeah. Okay. You've got I like Asian girl, white guy energy.

52:09Andrew Santino:Yeah. Like it's almost a fetish.

52:11Bobby Lee:Oh, no. Like a tech guy. Yeah.

52:16Andrew Santino:Sure. Do you like dried squid?

52:19Bobby Lee:I've never had that.

52:20Andrew Santino:Okay. Seaweed.

52:22Bobby Lee:When you watch porn, what do you watch?

52:24Andrew Santino:Oh, I don't know. He doesn't watch it. Do you watch it? Sometimes.

52:31Andrew Santino:What's your Google history? I mean, your Pornhub history.

52:34Bobby Lee:The feds probably know.

52:36Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

52:37Bobby Lee:What were we talking about earlier?

52:42Andrew Santino:Really? It's uncomfortable? Yeah. You don't want to talk about that. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's so funny. Because I know you now pretty well. You don't like to talk real private stuff. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to protect some things about your private life.

52:59Bobby Lee:Yeah. Why is that, you think? I'm just too timid talking about porn on a podcast.

53:07Andrew Santino:I agree. It's stupid.

53:08Bobby Lee:We shouldn't be talking about it at all. Okay. I agree with you.

53:11Andrew Santino:I agree, too.

53:12Bobby Lee:Say it. It's stupid, guys, to talk about this crap. It's stupid to talk about this crap. Let's talk about something smarter. Thank you. Oh. Oh. I see And he's right Let's tell me Give us something smarter That is true What would you like To talk about That's more intellectual

53:30Andrew Santino:You know much about The A1 Atlas Meteor approaching earth Yeah Is that what it's called A1 Yeah Tell us about this Comet that's Hurling toward earth

53:42Bobby Lee:It's risky But people aren't Too worried

53:45Andrew Santino:What's risky about it

53:46Bobby Lee:That it could collide Or something But do you think

53:48Andrew Santino:It's an alien spacecraft

53:50Bobby Lee:No Okay We have another way to test intelligence. I have a Halloween trivia game. Let's see how smart you really are.

54:03Andrew Santino:How do you, do you yell it out or do you just raise your hand?

54:10Andrew Santino:We're all going to go in order of that. Everybody gets to buzz in and go first, but we'll start with you being able to go first.

54:16Bobby Lee:But I mean, do you want to buzz in or do you want to go? Everybody equal gets a first question. Everybody equal. Okay, I'm not gonna plug in because you're not gonna see this so it'll just go down the line

54:25Andrew Santino:Like if I don't get it right things your turn your well

54:27Bobby Lee:You guys will all guess because some of them are gonna be like multiple choice not multiple choice But like like question one what is the most popular Halloween candy? What's most popular Halloween candy bar to your rock? What do you think?

54:44Bobby Lee:Fuck man, I know my answer do we have to go candy corn yeah that's what i was gonna say candy corn i was gonna say candy corn that's what i was guess something else huh guess something else well that's the one that's

54:55Andrew Santino:not the game that the game's not good that okay cool you can i mean you guys can both guess candy corn and then if you both are right you both get a point yeah i think that's good candy corn

55:06Bobby Lee:uh reese's peanut butter cup that's a good one okay we do candy corn they do cups They're correct Reese's peanut butter cups One point for Rudy, one point for Dax That pisses me off What was candy corn originally called? Andrew starts What was candy corn originally called? Yes Candy corn was originally called Witch's toes Witch's toes Really? I don't fucking know I have no idea Pumpkin fingers Ooh, pumpkin fingers. Body parts, it seems to be the theme. Candy pyramid. Candy pyramid, very specific.

55:48Andrew Santino:Harvest candy.

55:49Bobby Lee:Harvest candy, that's actually good too. The answer is chicken feed. Chicken feed. Oh, next one. What candy is given to soldiers in battle in the Korean War? Ketamine. In the Korean War? Starting with Rudy. Methamphetamine. What candy was given to soldiers in the Korean War? I think I know. Sugar, the sugar cane candy. Sugar cane candy. Hershey's. Hershey's.

56:14Andrew Santino:I'm going to go with Hershey's.

56:15Bobby Lee:I'm going to say sugar babies. Tootsie roll. Fuck. Damn it.

56:22Andrew Santino:These are hard, dude.

56:22Bobby Lee:This is one where you have the opportunity to get three points. Dax, you're up first. Or two points or one point. What are the top three most popular Halloween costumes for dogs? For dogs? For dogs. For dogs? For dogs. Ladybug. Ladybug? Scarecrow. Astronaut.

56:42Andrew Santino:me yeah sunflower vampire um mummy uh toto um

57:03Bobby Lee:zombie and uh butterfly um ghost oh ghost ghost i forgot about ghost firefighters yeah that's so funny no yeah you mean dalmatian yeah yeah firefighter yeah yeah yeah i get it i get it i get it too butterfly too butterfly what are the three pumpkin no one of us hot dog none of us and bumblebee none of us It is still two to nothing. I mean, one to one to nothing to nothing. Bumblebee over butterfly or ladybug? Bullshit. That's what it says.

57:41Andrew Santino:Fuck you. Okay, let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

57:43Bobby Lee:Where'd you get this off? A truth social? I pulled it from a bunch of different sources.

57:46Andrew Santino:Okay, go ahead.

57:47Bobby Lee:I only make bugs, bumblebees. In what American state is it illegal to be a priest or nun for Halloween? Bobby starts. Oh, I already know.

58:01Andrew Santino:Kansas.

58:03Bobby Lee:I actually, now that I think, I was going to say Utah. I don't know. Name any state. Tennessee. The good guess. Um, Arkansas. These might be too hard. This is Alabama. No, he was close. Give him a point. He's close. No, no, no. You don't know. You don't know. He's close. We need to start racking up points. Yeah, he's closest. Alabama and Arkansas are neighbors. That's close. Okay. We were nowhere fucking near it.

58:27Andrew Santino:Okay.

58:28Bobby Lee:A pumpkin is a fruit. True or false? true true true you gotta go against the grains kid false it's true idiot idiot idiot Bobby and Rudy tied at one point Andrew and Dax tied at three let's go bitch Dax which famed horror actor performed the monologue in Michael Jackson's Thriller Vincent Price

59:03Andrew Santino:Bella Lugosi

59:07Bobby Lee:Emeril Lagasse Sorry

59:15Oh god

59:17Bobby Lee:Why did you say Vincent Price I remember there's that like deep voice in that song Yeah

59:29Bobby Lee:I don't know I'll say Vincent Price I'm going to copy you I'll copy you Dax Vincent Price is correct Yes Very good guess

59:39Andrew Santino:Cool thanks Yeah you're welcome

59:41Bobby Lee:You're welcome

59:42Andrew Santino:I'm getting out now I'm getting out now There's no way to come back Yeah there is Hold on there's enough questions Where you can tie Okay okay So the standings right now

59:50Bobby Lee:Dax and Rudy are tied with five I have four. Andrew's with four and Bobby is taking up the rear with one. You're always taking it up the rear.

59:58Andrew Santino:His tone dude, he can no longer be the question guy.

1:00:02Bobby Lee:Richie should be done.

1:00:03Andrew Santino:Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many - Richie, can you take over? Richie, take over. Richie, take over. Richie, it's gonna hurt. I think it's his negativity. He's embody Groucho Marx right now. I don't like it. So Richie, you take - no, Richie takes over. Richie takes over. Yeah, go ahead, Richie. Yeah, Richie, go ahead, bud.

1:00:19Bobby Lee:All right, how many Halloween movies has Jamie Lee Curtis appeared in? The closest. Okay, Rudy. Perfect. Six. Two.

1:00:31Andrew Santino:One. One. Seven. Rudy gets it again. Oh, my God. Don't look at me, dude. I'm in last place. I don't remember. You go against what I'm saying. I don't remember at all. In Twilight. No, you shot it. Richie. Richie, dude. In Twilight. All right. All right.

1:00:54Bobby Lee:All right. In Twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire? Never seen the movie.

1:01:02Andrew Santino:In what year? What year? Closest to the year.

1:01:04Bobby Lee:Rudy's up first.

1:01:06Andrew Santino:No, you don't even say closest to the year. You say closest to the year, Richie. Closest to the year. Yeah.

1:01:15Bobby Lee:Like 1720?

1:01:18Andrew Santino:1820. What's the question? No, Richie?

1:01:21Bobby Lee:In Twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire?

1:01:25Andrew Santino:Oh, in the movie, like his character.

1:01:28Bobby Lee:So you said, you already guessed. 1720 and you guessed 1820 something?

1:01:33Andrew Santino:1650.

1:01:38Bobby Lee:I think 1514. 1918. Oh, so that is Dax again. I've never seen the movie. So Rudy has the opportunity to tie here. Stop, stop, for a second. the last question

1:01:51Andrew Santino:here it goes you have no control can I say something Richie does the question I don't want to hear your voice I mean I don't know how many times do I have to tell you it's just irritating I don't know what it is I think that's why I'm losing I think that's why I'm losing I don't want to hear a word from you I love you bud but Richie from now on I'm so sorry guys He's the reason I'm losing You're fucking Go ahead Richie

1:02:23Bobby Lee:Don't worry I'm your good luck charm here How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear On screen in Beetlejuice What? Say it again How many minutes does Michael Keaton appear On screen in Beetlejuice Okay Dax 17 minutes 28 minutes 7 minutes 17 minutes Bobby gets it right and wins the game. I told you. Good luck, Chum. How did he win? No, he didn't. Oh, he didn't win the last one. Dax won. Final score, Bobby Lee, three. Andrew Santino, five. Rudy Giuliani, six. Dax Flame, seven. Happy Halloween. You're no longer welcome on the show, Dax. You understand me? Yeah. Don't come in here and you're like, you're supposed to throw the game for us.

1:03:10Bobby Lee:I'll give a point to everyone.

1:03:14Andrew Santino:So that gets you down six five four next time we do a game right here goes no more dates and square footage Fuck of an area. That's insane. No square footage. Yeah, or feet It's insane right from now on. It's just fucking facts facts. Yeah, it's only fact you didn't get the facts one right whoa You got the guessing ones, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah You ruined I think you ruined my Halloween This is the worst Halloween I've ever had.

1:03:46Bobby Lee:Come on.

1:03:46Andrew Santino:Yeah, no, I'm being real. You ruined anything. Yeah, yeah.

1:03:49Bobby Lee:Any candy that you're excited about getting this year?

1:03:51Andrew Santino:No, because I have access to all the candy I want.

1:03:54Bobby Lee:Not me. This is the only time of year I'm allowed to have it in the house.

1:03:57Andrew Santino:Really? So what are you looking forward to?

1:04:00Bobby Lee:The Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are shaped like pumpkins.

1:04:03Andrew Santino:Mmm. Some of my favorites.

1:04:06Bobby Lee:What are you excited about this year? Um, Snickers. Don't. No. Don't do it. What? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. What? Dax? Nerds gummy clusters. That makes sense. I do like that.

1:04:25Andrew Santino:I like sour gel or some sort. Just gel?

1:04:28Bobby Lee:A packet of sour gel?

1:04:29Andrew Santino:I went to, in Burbank there's a horror museum.

1:04:35Bobby Lee:I'm sorry. Rudy with the Snickers. It's like, it's right there. It's veiny. Yeah. I mean last year what - Reminds you of something? Snickers, but I only like the king size.

1:04:55Bobby Lee:You fucking perv, you're gross.

1:04:57Andrew Santino:Pervert, pervert.

1:04:57Bobby Lee:You don't even like Snickers, you pervert.

1:05:01Andrew Santino:And what role was getting again last night by myself?

1:05:03Bobby Lee:Why are you doing that?

1:05:05Andrew Santino:I don't know.

1:05:05Bobby Lee:Invite someone to come with you.

1:05:07Andrew Santino:No.

1:05:07Bobby Lee:Why are you going solo skating? Because what if you fall again and get hurt?

1:05:11Andrew Santino:I did fall a couple of times. And then I fell once, I got up, and then there's a, he happens to be black, he has a referee outfit on. And he goes, keep it moving. Yeah, well, you can't. I'm like, I literally got the wind knocked out of me. Give me a second. Keep it moving. Well, you got to. You got to get up and go, man. There's a whole thing going on. I know. And then you got to put your thumbs up to see if you're right. Were you okay? So when you slam, you have to go like this. It's so humiliating.

1:05:41Bobby Lee:That's how they know you're not hurt. I'm okay, I'm okay. Was it your first time since the incident?

1:05:45Andrew Santino:No, I've been going by myself. Training. Yeah.

1:05:49Bobby Lee:It's never going to happen again. You're never going to fall again on rules.

1:05:51Andrew Santino:It's the most lonesome human experience you could ever have.

1:05:54Bobby Lee:You put on headphones?

1:05:55Andrew Santino:No. You just... I'm just skating around. There's this 90-year-old Japanese man. He's one foot backwards. Wow. Yeah, he's killing it, right? and it's just like I'm gonna oh this is yeah this is my life you're that guy no family nobody stop it

1:06:12Bobby Lee:you can invite so many people that would love to come skate

1:06:15Andrew Santino:no one's gonna go skating on a Monday night

1:06:16Bobby Lee:you should've asked mama

1:06:17Andrew Santino:I'm not gonna go with your mom why not she would fall over like a coconut and it'd explode on the fucking coconut meat all over the place there's no way

1:06:28Bobby Lee:coconut skate sesh yeah yeah coconut skate sesh

1:06:31Andrew Santino:no there's something I like it because it's kind of like it's like when you watch a movie by yourself and stuff you're like I'm okay being by myself I don't need anybody I don't want to be in a situation where I'm like I need somebody to make me feel whole I want to be able to do it on my own it's a little depressing but I got to get prepared because I don't have any children so it's like I have to be prepared that

1:06:56Bobby Lee:you're going to die alone

1:06:57Andrew Santino:at the end you know what I mean it's going to be we're all going to die alone well you're going to have friends and family around so will you Yeah, that Japanese man from the roller rink maybe. He'll be long gone, my friend. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But right, Dax, don't you think?

1:07:12Bobby Lee:The dying alone?

1:07:13Andrew Santino:No, but I'm just saying, do you feel comfortable just being by myself? Like eating a meal by yourself?

1:07:20Bobby Lee:I do, but it sounds like you're not sure about it.

1:07:26Andrew Santino:Oh, wow, explore that.

1:07:27Bobby Lee:Would you rather be alone? A lot of the time. Do you long for a partner at all? Yes, yeah. Are you on the hunt? I did go on a hinge date last night. What are we talking? Where'd you go? To a bar. What bar?

1:07:43Andrew Santino:Bigfoot Lodge. Oh, I love Bigfoot Lodge.

1:07:45Bobby Lee:A beer. What did she order? A cider. Sorry, they. I think she went by she, her. What did she order? What did she, they order? She, her, they. A cider. A little cider? Yeah. Give me the conversation. What was it? What was it? What kind of things do you do? for fun and uh were you intrigued was she pretty she was pretty were you looking pretty i don't i don't know yeah what did you wear a black shirt and some jeans that's pretty thanks what you always want to be yes yeah did you make a move no you give her a hug yes now do you make

1:08:24Andrew Santino:a move when you see a sign or what what is it a gut instinct thing with you what is it it's really

1:08:30Bobby Lee:I have, yeah, first kiss is such a hard thing to know how to do. Do you ever ask? Do you just go, hey, I kinda wanna kiss you. Yeah.

1:08:37Andrew Santino:Have they said no? No, no. Oh, you've never said no. This guy closes every fucking thing. You're a closer, dude. You're a fucking closer.

1:08:44Bobby Lee:Say it to me, I'm a pretty girl. Ask me for a kiss. I had such a fun time tonight.

1:08:47Andrew Santino:Do you wanna kiss?

1:08:49Bobby Lee:Oh.

1:08:50Andrew Santino:That's how direct you are?

1:08:51Bobby Lee:That was pretty fast. Oh, I would, I guess so, yeah. I mean, I'm wet, but that was fast.

1:08:56Andrew Santino:You know, that's interesting. I don't do that because I'm too scared. I honestly believe that I have to have a couple of signs before I go in I have to know if they're like baseball sign no they have to be touching me a lot a lot of touching and then it's just the way they look at me

1:09:23Bobby Lee:how do they look at you oh I see that is a white girl she is

1:09:29Andrew Santino:You know what I mean? And then I'm like, I think it's on.

1:09:31Bobby Lee:What's your signal to move in for a kiss? I can't tell. That's why. So you say, can I have a kiss? Yeah. Or would you like a kiss? How do you phrase it? I don't remember the last, I think the last two times were they actually asked. What do they say? Should we kiss or something? Do you say yes right away or do you go sure? Yeah. You say, yeah, I want to. Yeah. Have you ever said the words like, have you ever said I love you to somebody? Yes. Yes. You've been in love Yeah And what happened? We broke up That's what happened That's not funny I'm so sorry Why do you think you broke up?

1:10:10Bobby Lee:Well I think she just wasn't sure what like needed to figure out life or something She did? Yeah Because you've got it figured out No I mean but I didn't feel like I needed to break up

1:10:22Andrew Santino:So you said to her I love you and then she said let's break up? I mean how fast did that

1:10:29Bobby Lee:Oh not in the moment

1:10:31Andrew Santino:Oh okay okay

1:10:32Bobby Lee:Cause she had said it back before Yeah yeah

1:10:37Andrew Santino:What do you mean

1:10:38Bobby Lee:Like we had been saying it for months You said it first Me Say it to me As if you're her back then Anybody Someone I love I love you I don't believe him I don't believe you

1:10:57Andrew Santino:I don't believe you either Do it again

1:11:01Bobby Lee:You want me to do it to you?

1:11:03Andrew Santino:I'd love to Lock me in the eyes Because don't dart your little eyes away Look at me eyes

1:11:07Bobby Lee:I love you Who's she? Who's that? Wait who's

1:11:09Andrew Santino:I'm Chang Bitch Hi I'm Chang Tell me again Tell me again Dax

1:11:18Bobby Lee:I love you I believe it

1:11:21Andrew Santino:I believe that You like Chang better than the other one yeah you want to kiss you do have an asian fetish

1:11:31what do you want to kiss oh um yes do you know that do you do you go closed mouth first or you

1:11:39Andrew Santino:would you open it closed tongue it what if she tries to dart your her little tongue inside your

1:11:45Bobby Lee:mouth what do you do then i would just probably accept that yeah i gotta take that i feel like

1:11:51Andrew Santino:Guys have to adapt to her and not the other way around. Of course. But why?

1:11:56Bobby Lee:Because we're lucky they want to do stuff with us.

1:11:57Andrew Santino:Right. That's insane. So you instinctually know, okay, this is her style.

1:12:01Bobby Lee:Because you've seen guys. You look at what a man looks like. They don't want to do... Why would they want to do anything with us? It's insane.

1:12:07Andrew Santino:No, but in terms of when you first lock lips...

1:12:09Bobby Lee:Have you ever seen you naked? You fully naked in the mirror?

1:12:11Andrew Santino:Oh, yeah. It's horrifying.

1:12:12Bobby Lee:No, I'm not saying you. I just mean men in general.

1:12:15Andrew Santino:What are you guys whispering? What are you whispering? I called you an incel for saying that. and then he said you were a performative male.

1:12:25Andrew Santino:It's just back-in-the-room talk, like back-in-the-classroom talk. But we can see you. Yeah, it's like in school. They can see you. It's like... I'm a performative male. What does that mean, McCollum? Pull it up. I mean, kind of like the old, like when you'd pretend to be reading or crying in your car or something, pretend to be deep.

1:12:45Bobby Lee:You're like macho.

1:12:46Andrew Santino:Yeah. Yeah. Like performing a thing for, so he's a performative male. It's like a meme now on the internet. Bobby's like exactly that meme. Guys are trying to look mysterious or like, you know, like they're - Oh yeah, I'm performative. I'm performative. Just to get - I don't think that's a bad thing. It's unperformative.

1:13:03Bobby Lee:There are worse things to do. I think it is negative.

1:13:05Andrew Santino:It is a negative thing and there will be revenge.

1:13:10Bobby Lee:Do y 'all have first kiss advice? Yeah, I do. Get permission. and people usually say start slow go as fast and hard as you can tongue as much tongue and you hold their ears grip their fucking ears no i'm not imagine it's honeycomb and you're a bear you're

1:13:33Andrew Santino:a bear all right and you gotta see a beehive sniffing you open up a hole you stick your fucking bear tongue in there and you get all the honey and sometimes in the middle of kiss go Yeah. Like a bear. Like. Yeah.

1:13:53Andrew Santino:Yeah, be a bear ghost. Is that a bear or no? I don't know. Really? Close your eyes. You're in the woods. Okay.

1:14:06Andrew Santino:It's a ghost of a bear. It's a ghost bear.

1:14:08Bobby Lee:It's obviously a ghost bear. Yeah, yeah. Kissing advice. Let's give him kissing advice at the exact same time. One, two, three. you gotta go are you gonna do a whole sentence? just on the count of three give him advice at the same time one two three more like whoa more like how to initiate it rather than the mechanics of doing it alright so see if you can pick it up we're gonna do it simultaneously see if you can pick up some notes ready? one two three

1:14:30Andrew Santino:you gotta lock eyes with them and then you know what I mean grab the back of her head and then you just dart your face right into the face you know what I mean and then you open your mouth and you dart dart dart dart dart dart with your tongue And if she goes, no, you got to keep going. Then you go, keep going, keep going, keep going.

1:14:49Bobby Lee:Keep going until she's done. Okay, thank you. And then say thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend. Say it louder. Thank you for being a bad friend. Do it like Morgan Freeman. Thank you for being a bad friend. Very good.

1:15:12Yeah

1:15:16Yeah