The Island Bullies Are Back

27:51I disagree. You know, they'll never go up there as one of the greatest bands. He's a brilliant songwriter. Are you out of your fucking mind? No one names R.E.M. as one of the greatest bands. And you'll never listen to their albums again once you've done with them. How do you fucking mind? I listen to it all the time now. No, you don't. Fables of the Reconstruction. I know the albums. Let me say something. Give me your Spotify and prove to me that you listened to them recently. Okay. Liar. You fucking liar. I don't have Apple Music. I can do. What are you, my dad? Yeah, right. Even download it.

28:20Because when you download a song, that means you really like it. Sure. Is it downloaded? So let's see. This is downloaded, right? Yeah, click on it. I'm going to go to artist. I don't think I have it. I hope not. Look. Downloaded. R.E.M. That's just on. That's the library. No. That's not. Downloaded. Look at the top. Give it to me. Yeah, yeah. And you know when it's downloaded. Press R.E.M. It has that little white dot. It means it's downloaded under my phone. Automatic for the people. All you have is one song, Night Swimming. One song. okay one song yeah and on go now go to my non and you have one song on the other album one dot there it is driver eight that's i know don't give it two songs he loves that download it download it now let's go back to now oh let's go back to just library now lord please please let me improve in the way that you hate uh give me the loot give me the loot i hate r.e.s i love What are you talking about?

29:17No, you don't want him on a boat. I don't think he killed Tupac. He didn't. Or his people. Did he did? No. So the irony of going to an opening act for the record was so we could see the National because we love them. And I had to leave for R.E.M. And I don't hate R.E.M. I think Michael's one of the best songwriters. I just don't fucking care. Okay. I mean, it's like. If you believe they put a man on the moon, man. Man on the moon. What's the song about? If you believe There's nothing out there to see The song is about who? Andy Kaufman I know dude Unbelievable First time I've ever heard of Even before I even knew who Lenny Bruce is I learned it from You want me to drop the act?

30:05I like R.E.M. a lot Do you really? Yeah I do dude Did you leave? Yeah we left Why did you leave? Because she didn't want to hear it And you know how funny it was? I literally go What if we stay for like two songs? Yeah, yeah Really? Yeah, I wanted to stay Of course I wanted to fucking stay Yeah I knew it Dude, as soon as you told me that irked you I was like, well, I'm gonna dig as deep as I can That was good Because that was really getting me going Because here's the thing I don't even know If I went to a show of a band that I really loved And if my significant other said, let's leave I don't know if I could I think that would be a deal breaker for me It would hurt, yeah Well, here was the deal We went for the National Truly, I want to see the National So that's really Because I'd never seen them in that big of a venue so we wanted to see that and then talk about a beautiful full circle they played the Hollywood Bowl the next year solo headlining and then I thought we should go see the opening band of that and leave before the national okay who was opening a band of that no it was it was a it wasn't a fucking nobody it was like a band where you're like oh they could sell a lot of tickets sometimes you need two bands to sell sometimes you need two bands to sell a lot of tickets yeah of course there's no shame I get that what do you mean you and I we love it together Sometimes we're the killer combination.

31:16Yeah, good combination. That's why we're doing London and Dublin together. Yeah. And we can announce it. Saudi Arabia. We're doing Saudi Arabia. We're doing the Riyadh Comedy Festival. Yeah. But to me, that would be like the girl that I'm seeing now, she's like, let's watch Hamilton. I didn't know anything about it. The play? Yeah. Wait, the movie? The play. She goes, because I guess they're going to do, I feel so bad about this, dude. What? so she goes she goes well in new york the original cast is gonna do like one show right and to be impressive i go i could maybe try to get tickets for that can you imagine how expensive that guess what what i can't that's what i found out i have no power that's for i call people they're like get the fuck out of here dude i go oh okay an impossible ticket that's like for Bradley Cooper and whoever hot that's what I'm saying I thought that maybe I could get a back row thing brother I know brother I don't know no about Hamilton because here's what happens yeah they put in that show is going to be the coolest hottest New York celebrities in the in the in the orchestra then in the top balcony that will be people who used to be super famous but are still cool and relevant Corey Feldman what the fuck I'm going to throw some names you see if they get a kid to come or not in the balcony yeah in the balcony I'll tell Say a name, I'll tell you if they're in orchestra, balcony, or upper deck.

32:41This is a good one. Or back upper deck. Charlize Theron. Orchestra. That's good. Orchestra. Oh, yeah, the floor. They're on the floor. Okay, Charlize. All right. Pauly Shore. Pulling tickets out front. Scalping tickets. He's scalping tickets out front. No, he's a ticket ripper. He's a ticket ripper. Oh, he's a ticket ripper. Row four, brother. Okay. We love you, Pauly. We love you, too. Yeah, I know. Let's keep going. We wouldn't get in the fucking building is the point. Okay. Okay, what's that guy? What's that guy? Obviously not in there. If you have to say what's that guy, he's not inside. Harry Styles.

33:16Orchestra. Orchestra. By the way, second row. Okay. They want him in the shot of the reverse camera shot of Hamilton with Harry right there. You know the picture that they want. Okay, let's go. Let's go to Sally Fields. I got to be honest with you. Balcony one. She's in the first balcony. Wow. Here's what they pitch her. She goes, oh, I'd like to be down in the orchestra. And they go, Sally, it's kind of hard to see from down there. You might, because of your age. But I'm 4 '9". No, no, no. I'm saying, yeah, that's why you need to be elevated to see down to the stage. Oh, you're as a talent guy that works for Hamilton.

33:52Yeah. That's really. Oh, so I'm calling. Yeah, we'd be afraid. I'm a publicist. We'd be afraid that you couldn't see the stage from over to people. So we'd want you elevated to look down. There's two balconies. You're in the prime. You're in the middle one. You're in the best one. So can David Schwimmer? David Schwimmer? Yeah, Schwimmer. Yes, we do have a seat for David. Where's he sitting? He's in the second balcony. Oh, second balcony? I think he's orchestra. You do? Yeah, I think he's orchestra. He's actually in the second balcony, and he's in the middle row. He's in the dead center. So really, David Schwimmer would get that.

34:21Dead center, though. Yeah. He gets to see right down. Am I wrong? Yeah, I'm in the second balcony. I have - Who else do you have on your team, on your roster there? Agent? What's your name again, agent? Donovan Alejandro Crisp. Is that a new agent? What? Donovan Alejandro? Just call me Crisp. Oh, Crispy. Dr. Crisp. Oh, I know Mr. Crisp. I'm a doctor. Oh, Dr. Crisp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also do publicity on the side. Publicity on the side. Damn, what happened to your fucking... What? What happened in the doctor? What do you mean what happened? What kind of doctor were you? I was an orthopedic surgeon.

34:53Someone's heard me talk about it recently. Yeah. All right, so let me hear. Who else do you have on your client list? Molly Ringwald. Ooh, she'll be upstairs next to David. two seats away. Molly will. Center, two seats away. Perfect. Beautiful. Okay. Now let's go. Dr. Ken Jeong. You know, let me see if we have any more tickets, actually, because I think we might be... You don't think Ken would get balcony? That's insane. That hurts. You're not Ken. I noticed it, but honestly, you don't think that Ken could get balcony? Yeah, he'd get balcony. He'd get first balcony. I didn't want to say it to upset you.

35:23He'd get middle balcony for sure. I already tried. They said no. They said, quote, get the fuck out of here. no shut up they did shut up get the fuck out of here alright you'd get middle balcony I won't I already tried I called you know what I mean my peeps and they go it's not no get the fuck out of here really yeah so I go okay I think you could get top row I believe it yeah you don't one show I don't think so dude you could get up there I think you could no way fuck you guys yeah no way right I'm what do you mean it's like 600 Andre Agassi oh he's in there 100 % it's a legend a literal legend in his game oh fuck Carla Malone.

36:00Carla Malone? Yeah, Carla Malone. You're saying Carl Malone? Carl Malone, the basketball player. The 15-year-old, he got pregnant. Yeah, Carl Malone. Carl Malone would not be available for that. They would not. They'd go, sir. Wow, living legend, though, no. You know what we could go? If they did Lion King. Do you ever see Lion King? I went. I think the only third play I ever went to, but I had a girlfriend named Christine, and she goes, let's go watch. at Pantages. You went to go see the Lion King? I bought tickets, right? It was pretty fun. Yeah, I haven't seen it. Yeah, there's like a giraffe in a kind of costume, you know what I mean?

36:36And you're like, oh, look. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. You didn't pay attention to it, did you? Well, I'd never seen the Lion King in any form, so it was so riveting to me because I didn't know the story. Shut the fuck up. You never saw the Lion King? I have never seen Little Mermaid, Lion King, any of those Disney old things, Mulan, I don't know. Princess of Persia, any of that stuff. The only thing I saw was Nemo. I saw Nemo. I saw the one that has schizophrenia, the Dora. I forget things. You Finding Dory? Yeah, that one. Where am I? You've never seen Aladdin. No. I don't even know. So when I was watching The Lion King, I go.

37:19Too old. I didn't even know it was about Africa. It's not. No, I don't know anything about it. All I know, it just says, it's not? No. It's not in Africa? It's in Bakersfield. Oh, I didn't know. Right? So I know that the lion's in it, but I don't know any other kind of information. What else do you know about the lion? He's - Mutumba. Mustafa. Mustafa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mufasa. Mustafa. Mufasa. Mufasa. I know that there's a thing where he goes, look, and there's like a little boy, like the little one, cub. Yeah. Over the ridge. Yeah. I don't think that was in the live play. What's - So let's - Okay, I don't know what the Lion King is.

37:56No Aladdin, no Lion King, no Little Hermes. Well, okay, Little Mermaid. Let me see. You know, shut up. You're fucking with me. I swear on to my mother's life. I don't know what the little, I know that it's a mermaid. I know she's little. Just based on the, you know, the title. Yeah. I know that there's a purple creature. The retund, the fat, purple thing. Purple fat. Yeah, and she's goo goo goo goo goo, whatever she does, right? Bubbly, bubbly, bubbly. Yes, bubbly bubbly. You're in a clam trap. That's exactly right. I know that there are clams going, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

38:36Right. Under the sea. Right. Oh, yeah. I know that kind of stuff. So you know it. Because you've been in a mall and you go, what the fuck is this bullshit? And they go, it's from the Little Mermaid. Then you go, oh, and you retain that information. But I don't know anything about that. I don't know anything about - Aladdin? Nothing about Aladdin? Magic carpet ride dog? I know the who song. I can show you the world. Oh, I get it. I know the, like, start a tune. I can maybe finish it. Go ahead. Okay. Here is, here is the jungle. The jungle of. Here is, here is the jungle. You will be the man of the jungle.

39:17You know that song? No. It's not a real song. I know.

39:22I know. That didn't hit. I'm being real. Try to sing. All right, Aladdin. Yeah, but I don't know. So I don't know about that. I don't know about that. But you think, okay, if I have to start, what do you think I should start with? That's interesting. What should he start with if he's starting with one of those old school Disney movies? I would say either... Peter Pan. I know Peter Pan. He's seen Peter Pan. Ask me anything about Peter Pan, I'll tell you Peter Pan. No, he's seen Peter Pan. I would say, no, that's Songs of Disney, dog. We're talking Disney film, a classic Disney film. I would say, honestly, I think The Lion King is one of the best.

39:55Aladdin and Lion King Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid are the three like bangers Beauty and the Beast is so good that was nominated for an Oscar the only animated film ever what is? Beauty and the Beast? yeah was it? for what? for best picture I don't think I'll pass on Beauty and the Beast oh fuck you're wrong she's the hottest because I believe that you can't it's inherently you already know the story just based on it's your story Bobby okay like explain to me why it would be my story andreas i'd like to be educated money makes you more handsome damn dude these guys are damn dude what is going on up there it's crazy fucking window yeah it's like you're cursed to be alone forever

40:45that's not the message beauty is inside yeah we have the break that's the nice version the beauty is on the inside. But to get the princess to your castle, sometimes you got to kidnap her.

40:59Oh no, the scary laugh. He's about to lose it. It's good. No, no. I'm not saying that about you. They are. It's good. No, I didn't say that about you. Stop it. Stop it, dude. That's unbelievably good. Stop it. Yeah, I'll go. He's going to lose his mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. True classic. Oh my God. You know, whenever you wear True Classic, Andrew, you look so like - You think it excituates my body? Very Marlon Brando early or Marlon Brando days. Like very fit. Yeah. It looks so clean on you, dude. When you wear True Classic, you look like Bobby Lee in the early days. When I was 12. Yeah. Yeah. You were young and fit and sexy.

41:39But let me ask you, what sets them apart from other t-shirts and stuff? Because their mission goes beyond fit and fabric. It's about helping guys show up with confidence and purpose. The gear fits right. It feels amazing. And it's priced. So guys, everywhere, no matter who you are or what you do, you can step into confidence without stepping out of your budget. We've been wearing True Classic for a while now, and now you can feel the difference the moment you throw one on. Tailored where you want it, relaxed where you need it, no bunching, no stiff fabric, no BS, just a clean, effortless fit that actually works for real life.

42:07And by the way, you can forget overpriced designer brands, all right? Ditch that disposable fast fashion. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last, and built to give back. You can grab them at Target, Costco, or head to trueclassic.com slash badfriends and get hooked up today. That's trueclassic.com slash badfriends. Talk space. You know, today at four, I went to therapy. You did go to therapy right before we recorded. Every Thursday I do. And I tell you something, it's because of my anxiety, right? I need to work through what makes me anxious, right? Because of the trauma that I experienced as a kid, I had to work on these different moments as a kid, doing EMDR and all that stuff.

42:40I honestly believe that therapy is priceless. And I think that to be free and to have a healthier life, you should go to where are Talkspace? I think you should. Talkspace is the leading virtual therapy provider. It makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable. It's for everybody. And by the way, their Talkspace therapy and psychiatry are covered by many insurance plans. I know that's a big deal for a lot of people. Like, well, I can't afford it, but they're covered. And employers, including TRICARE for active duty veterans and their dependents, most insured members have a$0 copay.

43:12So you should try Talkspace. I believe everyone should talk to somebody. And Talkspace makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home. And that's nice. You can even talk it out between sessions by sending messages to your therapist. That's right. As a listener to this podcast, you're going to get$80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends. Enter the promo code SPACE80. That's S-P-A-C-E-8-0. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends. Enter the promo code SPACE80.

44:10Roll out! is by location. The girls are back. Damn, dude. Look at how tan. Fucking tan. Rat turds. That's what they look like. Stop it. I'm kidding. How long were you guys in Hawaii? A month. Wow. My God. You guys are. I know. Look how tan they are. And we went to the beach today, too. Yeah, they did. You've never worn sunscreen? No. We don't need to. We don't burn. Like you. Okay, don't take the dots with me. Go talk into the mic, Issa. Hello. Hello. I cannot believe how tan you guys are. They're so tan. You got so tan. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't burn once though. Yeah, because you guys - Don't say nobody burned.

44:49There's Filipinos that burn. Probably like the lighter Filipinos, but we're not light. Oh, you guys are the - You've never gotten a sunburn? No. You've never gotten - I mean, not on that trip. But you have gotten a sunburn. When I was a kid. Now, did you eat the chocolate cake? Mm-hmm. Yeah. How much of it? What's the chocolate cake? So what happened was, I was on Gold Belly about a month ago. Mm-hmm. and there was an advertisement for a double, triple chocolate cake. Sounds good. Right? It comes. They're in Hawaii, and I'm on Ozempic, so that cake is not getting eaten. So I put it in the freezer, thawed it out a couple nights ago, right, and I've been begging them to eat it.

45:28Because you want them to be satisfied. Not that, but I don't want it to go to waste. Yeah, because you can't have it. Right. I've been eating it. I had it for breakfast. Okay. I had a slice. I had made your mom make me a slice for breakfast. Chocolate cake Make Can I get a slice I go can you get a Can I get a slice And she And she sliced it And you had it Yeah That's nice How good is it It's so good It's like Too decadent though Is what you're saying It's so heavy It's heavy Yeah yeah yeah But you got it That's why you have to You just have to eat A small piece of it We got like so small And he was so mad That we took a small piece Yeah I want a big chunk You know Here's another thing That drives me crazy Give it to me Cause they all live with me I know I've heard It's insane And so Wait you don't right now Do you I do.

46:09She do. Gross. Yeah. What a nice. Here's another thing. Is their mom. Sorry. I go. Today I go. I'm going to get a sandwich. She's like. Oh. I go. Want one? Okay. I go. What kind? Turkey. Okay. Get it right? Comes from where? Where do I get it? You think? Ciara? Oh. Uncle Paulie's. Uncle Paulie's. How good is that sandwich? It's my favorite. Right. The best. We get the sandwich She takes the bread Complete bread Takes it out Takes the bread off of the sandwich? Yeah She takes all the insides Then busts out her own Filipino bread And puts the fucking insides of the sandwich Onto the bread I don't know what kind of bread it is But Filipino bread What kind of bread is it?

46:57What is it? It's a keto Oh, keto bread Oh, she's keto Oh, she's filikito Yeah, yeah And she's keto why? Why? Because she doesn't want to be fat. Your mom's not fat. She was really fat before. Was she? Would you say that to her? Would you say, mom, you're fat? Yeah. That's so fucking mean. It's so mean. You guys are fucking mean, man. She would show us old pictures of herself and she was like, God, I really let myself go. Like, she would show us. Yeah, but you guys don't have - That doesn't mean you back it up and go, yup, fatty. But that's normal in our family. We just say the truth. See, they're mean to each other.

47:33They're mean to each other. But it is true. But it is true. Maybe we should all be like this to our family members. Was I fat? Yeah. Okay. Am I fat now? No. No. In fact, you said something about... You're a narc, by the way. You're a little piece of shit. What did I do? Yeah. What did I do? So your mom took a photo of my passport photo, and then you tell Kalilah, right? He looks sick. No, I didn't say that. I said, you look so old already. Jesus. why you don't think he looks younger now that he lost weight no like I felt so bad because like on the picture like your eyes were like that and then like your skin was so saggy I'm Korean fuck off that's how we all look but I just felt so bad so I texted at the Kalaya and said Tito Bobby looks so old now oh god how mean it's so mean no but with a crying emoji Oh I didn't see the emoji It's that joke So what you're saying You got emotional because Don't you think it's because of the Ozempic face Or you really think that I look old now Well how old are you Guess how old I am He's got a birthday coming up 54 54 coming up He's turning 54 And one day you'll get there no they won't they won't live that long oh yeah yeah there's no chance well she may she might you're no no yeah he says seven sixteen seventeen seventeen seventeen yeah seventeen when he turn eighteen um next year march is eighteen a big deal like it is in the states like you can vote and all that year there's our voting down there give me the rules chucking chickens in the road or what is it yeah the drinking age the drinking age is eighteen in the philippines yeah but i feel like in the countries like that people drink anyway before that yeah see it doesn't oh so if i was 15 in the Philippines and I walked into a liquor store.

49:29Could I buy a bottle of whiskey? No, you could if you knew the guy. He's probably your fucking cousin. Yeah, if he was your uncle. In the sorry sorry stores, you can just... Why two sorries? Two sorry. That's your people's thing. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's called sorry, sorry? Sorry, sorry store. Alright. Yeah, it's just like a... It's like a thank you thank you store. Oh, I didn't know. It's like a my bad, my bad. When you turn 18, you usually have a debut. Yeah, a debut. What does debut mean? It's like a... Quintanera. Yeah, it's like quintanera, but for 18-year-olds. But it happens at 16?

50:11At 18. 18. And they call it a debut, so you throw a party? Wow. Do they do extravagant parties? Extravagant. Yeah, and the gowns are really big. Are there dwarves? It's like a quintanera kind of. Are there dwarves? There seems to be dwarves. Did you have a debut? Are you going to have a debut? I don't think so. It's really expensive. How much does it cost? How much is a debut? I don't know. We should throw her one. You want us to fund your debut? Yeah. Guys, click below on the GoFundMe. Yeah, let's do a GoFundMe for your debut. How much is it? It says$200 ,000. No, what? $600 ,000? Oh, that's a two.

50:46Okay, so it's anywhere between$1 ,000 and$12 ,000 USD. $12 ,000. $12 ,000? Oh, it's for a grand though. Yeah, but she says - There's moderate. Oh, you want a grand. Wait, wait, zoom in, zoom in. It says grander, or is this? Moderate means, so we could, for$1 ,000 to$2 ,000 United States dollars, you could do a nice one. For like a big show, you do$4 ,000 to$12 ,000. $12 ,000. A$12 ,000 Filipino in the Philippines debut. I figured you could buy an island. You can buy anything you want for that. Yeah. Right? Look at that. Is that her debut? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What's the word for debut though? They don't say debut.

51:27It's just debut. They do say that? Yeah. Oh, they say it, debu though. Debu. Debu. Welcome to my debu in Cebu. So is there a music? Like how Jewish kids do the fucking, you know, their bar mitz for rap videos. Come to my debu in Cebu. Can you drink it? So if we did a debu, you would drink? Yeah. And then who's invited, the whole town? Everyone. The whole town, yeah. That's why it's expensive. You gotta pay for everyone's bullshit. Wow. It's just like a fucking wedding. You gotta pay for everyone's bullshit. Yeah. Is there kind of like kind of music or no? I've never been to one. So I don't really know.

52:05Oh, you never. So we can do go like any kind of music. You can pick any music. You're stuck in LA in your head. That's a quinceanera. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm stuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. So. So no debut for you unless we throw one for you. Maybe we will. I don't know. Would that bum you out not to have a debut? No, it wouldn't. But I know people get so much money from gifts. Oh, yeah. Because they give. Yeah. This is the same thing. Quinceaneros, bar mitzvahs. They all get money. They get money. They get like a. It's supposed to be like a fund for your new adult life or whatever. So if we're at your debut.

52:45Okay. Deboot. Whatever you call it. Okay. And we gave you an envelope of money. American money. what would be sufficient do you think me and Andrew came we flew all mind you we flew to yeah mind you we flew all the way to the fucking Philippines we got hotels to go to some person's debut yeah but I'm not just some person oh what are you you're a snowflake an individual is that what you're on my knees okay so how much money would you say like think about how much money that's been on sunscreen alone. I know. Would you complain like, dude, don't bother me. They only give me. So what would be the number that would be suffice for you?

53:28It has to be enough so that me and my sister could go to Hawaii for a couple of months. What the fuck? You were just in Hawaii for a fucking month. That's so much money. Dude, dude. Americans who have full-time jobs can't afford to go to Hawaii on vacation. For a week, They want to go for a fucking month But they were just there for one month This is your fault This is your fault You know what you get nothing for your debut That's insane So if I gave you five grand American money That's a lot I'm picking in a hundred bucks I just thought of two thousand I was like oh that's too much already Alright if me and Andrew gave you $200 $200 each I'll give you$100 It can't be$200 Because you've given me$300 before Just to do Just to be alive What are you doing?

54:28What do you mean? Literally a couple A couple days after I got here He woke us up At like 12am And he was like If you guys suck on this sour ball I'm going to give you$100 Hold on Hold on Let's put it into context What the fuck are you doing Shut the fuck up Shut up We gotta explain it better because it sounds a little weird So I saw a TikTok With these sour balls It's a candy You've seen them They're like sour warheads So I woke them up I found them in the box What did I say I'll give you $100 yeah I'll give you$100 if you can suck this for one minute one minute let's rephrase all this I'll give you$100 if you can eat this eat this suck this ball it's insane I know but he kept saying you have to suck it you don't eat it you suck it fuck off right you don't eat it you suck it right Carlos yeah Carlos you know you bite he bites it Yeah, he bites it.

55:44You'll lick it. You'll lick it. So they did a minute and I gave a hundred bucks. It was so easy. Yeah. Do you have money on you right now? Yes. Do another challenge then for a hundred bucks. This'll be your, this'll be your - No, I don't have anything to suck. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop it. I have nothing around here. Anyway, let's move on. Drooling. Fancy, stop. Stop, stop, stop. All right. So here's the thing, okay? Listen, all right. Give me one of those huels to see if they can chug a huel. No, no, no. That's not a thing. All right. So what I'm saying is that sometimes I get generous.

56:17You do get very generous. That's why I don't think I'd be a good dad. No, you'd be a great dad. No, because I would spoil the fuck. Like, what do I do with the cats? You overfeed them? Overfeed everyone. Treats? Yeah, a lot. King. King treats. Right? I treat living things in my vicinity with praise and with gifts. Except for me. And that's. Yes, I do. No, not for it. My talent. Your talent. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, you know what? Yes, congratulations, dude. I'm offering you my services for being a talent. Service is denied. Okay, right. Service is declined. And I accept your talent as well, and that's a gift.

56:59I give you so much more than that. Exactly. That's my point. No, that's not your point. Yeah, because your point is, how come you don't give me a gift? For your fucking birthday, what did I get you? I got you a fucking golf fucking thing. One time. Fuck you. Give me something real this year. All right, what do you want? You want to know what I want? Yeah, I want to know what you want. Something big. Okay. The suck on?

57:21Give me a sour ball to suck on, will you? Yeah, I can't suck on those sour balls, but my point is this. All right, so what you're saying to me right now, ladies, is I'm being too generous with you. Yeah, you need to stop the generosity. And it stops. Everyone here right now, it stops here and now. This is the problem. No more cash. Because little nieces are so sweet and they're so nice. But then what they're really doing is they're pulling, they're manipulating you to give them more money. No. Well, I'm not. I don't know about Isa. See? No, I've never, never. Sounds like it. Sounds like it. Here's another thing that occurred last night, if I just may, while we're at it.

57:59Okay? Don't like your attitude right now, by the way. That little face you did? Bullshit. Okay? Okay, so don't scare me. What did you do the other night? You scared Mama and Tita. What are you talking about? Slow down. What are you saying? You scared them. He was being a little weirdo. I'm sorry, guys. So just by me being alive and around is scary. You know what he did? He waited for so long. He was just curled up in the corner. and he was waiting for me to go up and he screamed at me when I got up the stairs and it was creepy. All right. Okay, but when I say this, don't do it back. No, well, it's gonna be - No.

58:48There's gonna be no retribution? Yeah, because it was, I should have known because, I'll tell you why I should have known. All the signs, all the signs were there for me to know. So usually when I walk into the house, I come home around midnight to one in the morning, right? Yeah. and the dogs are in their room so i have four dogs sleeping no they go hog wild when i walk in right but they don't they never let them out right but last night i opened the door and they're just out roaming around roaming around so you should have known right and i look into their room first of all they all share one room three people like sardines yeah i mean talk about almost on i I mean, it's like, how do you sleep in that room?

59:32We have the Japanese floor bed, and we just share all three of us. And then somebody gets the couch. Don't you have another fucking room? Yeah, but it's getting redone. Yeah, and the bathroom upstairs is broken. It's broken. Why is it broken? Because I'm getting remodeled, but I can't get it remodeled until they completely move out. Because you think you need to... Actually, I can get it remodeled now since you guys live downstairs. Yeah. It's a lot, though. Who cares? It's like a lot of people in the house. Animals. A lot of animals. It's like a lot. I have seven animals. Anyway, let's get to the...

1:00:01So the dogs are out. I look in the room. They're not there. And for some reason, I was just like, oh, well. And I just walk up the stairs, completely dark on the second floor of the house. And then your mom, whatever, which is like, you know, not a boo or ah. She went like a Filipino ghost. I think I'm gonna say what my dole! Yeah, and it scared me a bit, right? Yeah, so, all right, let's continue this game. Yeah, the scare game. It's not a competition. Yeah. It's not. How much longer is this living situation gonna be like this? Indefinitely, probably. It seems indefinitely. Really? Yeah, like when do you think?

1:00:43I don't know. Yeah, me either. I leave soon. Yeah, leaving soon. You go back to the Philippines? When? On the 12th. Wow. And then when do you know when you come back? You don't? Yeah, I don't know. But the Kalaya wants her to come back on September. September. And then go to Hawaii. Again. Jesus Christ. These kids are living like a family. I understand. And now that you graduated. I'm free. You're free. Free. So you might come back September. Yeah. September 11th, maybe? It's a good date. It's a great holiday for us. Yeah. Have you heard of September 11th? Mm-hmm. What happened that day? You know.

1:01:22No, I don't. Tell us what happened. I actually don't know. We don't know because we were in a coma. Both of us. Yeah, 2001, we were both in a coma. What happened? Tell us about September 11th. Don't Google it. Yeah. I want to see if - I know it. Okay, what happened? 9-11 happened. I know, but what happened on 9-11? Yeah, what did happen? The Twin Towers and stuff. Okay. See, this is what's interesting now. Okay, go ahead. Because she wasn't alive for 9-11. Yeah. So what she thinks happened probably didn't happen. That's why we want to know. What do you think happened? You guys are just gaslighting.

1:01:55No. You guys are like, you guys are just gaslighting. Neither of you were alive for 9-11. So how the fuck do you know what happened? We asked mama about it and she doesn't know about it. Really? Yeah. So no one knows about it? I guess. What do you know? The Philippines, like, I don't know. Yeah. Because mama doesn't know anything. Yeah. They don't know. Did the Philippines have their own 9-11 ever or no? Well, it happens like every day there. Oh, every day is a 9-11 there. No, I meant like very bad things. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, killings. Killings. Remember D 'Arte? Is that his name? D 'Arte?

1:02:30D 'Arte. Let me see that. That's 2021 terrorist incidents in North Cotabato. Buses were bombed and torched. In September, eight persons were wounded in an explosion at a volleyball court in Dato Payang. Yeah, yeah. When you say the name, why do you do an accent? That's how you have to say it. I know. It's like when someone, like a white person, comes back from going to Mexico. I'm like, oh my God, I loved my time in Mexico. It's the same thing. Bruce and I had a lot of fun in Puerto Vallarta. You know what the irony of this is? These motherfuckers, foreigners get mad at us when we don't do it.

1:03:10That's the fucking irony with you fuckheads. You know how many dickheads I've seen on TikTok being like, it's Iran. It's not Iran. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, so I want the girl's advice on something. Fancy's going away to Spain, so we need to replace him because we don't have anybody at the studio. And we asked for Spaniards specifically, right? Yeah. Is that right? Yeah. And we got submissions of Spaniards that are going to replace him, and we want you guys' help picking somebody from this list. Can you do that? Yeah. Fantastic. First impressions, Bob. Nice nose. I like the Adrian Brody vibe. I love it too.

1:03:46Yeah, like he went through like a war. Alejandro Brody. Yeah, I like it. Go ahead. All right, let's see. Hola, Bad Friends Podcast. Me llamo Sergio. I am living in Hollywood, but I am from Spain, specifically Catalan. He's lying. But I also grew up in Malaga. I would love to be your new Spaniard on podcast. I'm just kidding, bro. I'm Indian. I do live in LA. I am Canadian. I'm funny as fuck. I love your podcast. Can you stop? Push pause. What he's trying to do, he doesn't know what the job is. We're not looking for, you know what I mean? A guest. It's a guest. Yeah, we're looking for someone that's going to work behind the scenes.

1:04:29All right, who do we got on our submissions? This is Andres. Hello. Hola, amigos. My name is Andres. I heard you guys were looking for a new Andres. So here I am sending my submission. And one thing is I'm actually not from Spain. and I'm from Colombia. But I think it's the next best thing because we have cocaine. So, yeah, I think I would make a good job of filling in for the other Andres because I can make quirky comments every episode and you guys can tell me to shut the fuck up. So, yeah, Bobby, Andrew, I love you guys. I've been watching you for years. All right, pause it. I actually... Hi, up.

1:05:06I don't know if he's from Colombia. I think he's putting on an accent again. I think he's another liar. but the piece that I'm now arguing with myself is clearly done on an Android so I'm like he could be a foreigner this is not an iPhone how do you know it's an Android? the video quality is odd it's different than what we're used to and by the way usually better video quality on Android this looks strange so it means the conversion switch when it got to an iPhone can I defend him real quick? please I mean I like him I like him because he's just like Andreas in this sense and I don't want you to be offended by it but he's not sexually threatening right right it's something very asexual yeah i mean they're like nothing correct like barbie just nothing down there can't let me yeah yeah yeah it's just a smooth sailing okay so then he's yeah yeah yeah and he doesn't come to at the end of this and say hey i'm just kidding i'm american right i don't think so wait wait wait wait wait have you not screamed fucking i scrubbed through them.

1:06:04What does that mean? Because I love the discovery. For us. It's like it's a living, breathing. Your job. We need two submissions. We got to get rid of this guy. What are we doing with you anymore? What are we doing? Should we fire him too and get two new people in the booth? You today, should we bring him? Only because. And I go, really? And we got to bring him, right? And I'm always like, really? Someone's gotta shoot the show He's gotta shoot the show Don't you love McCone to do Andrew? I fucking hate him lately He's pissing me off You like McCone I like McCone You like McCone? Why do you like him?

1:06:43Why do you guys like him? Who'd like better McCone or EJ? Be real right now Go fast Fast Don't think EJ I know right? We like that We love that No but we hung out with McCone and his friends And oh my god they're so cool Wait When the fuck did that happen? When the fuck did that happen? Because McCone wanted to buy a dress for like filming something for me. So we hung out. And then, oh my God, his friends are just so cool. When the fuck was this? Before they left, we went to the Silver Lake Flea. The flea market? Yeah, and we've never been there. So we were like, oh my God. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

1:07:21Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. You might get fired. My blood is boiling. Okay, so let me get this straight. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You met him at the flea market. Here's the address. No, his house. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. What? Ooh. So you have his address. Yeah. So you bring the Prius to his house. Yeah. And then do you go, all right, I'll follow you in the car or do you guys get in one car? One car. Oh my god Oh my god And then Did you go inside his place before Yeah his place is so cool Oh really It's very artsy Do you want to move in there Why don't you move in there Was the bed bouncy No I didn't He did a tour of the house By the way what do you mean tour It's one room It's literally one fucking room This is the corner of the room.

1:08:32This is the other corner of the room. Check it out. Two more corners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Oh, that's funny. So then you went to the flea market in one car. To dress for a sketch. That sketch you guys shot? Yeah. And you got a dress. And you bought the dress. So he's buying her dresses. And then, and don't, okay. I'm going to ask you another question. What? Was there other things you did? Like a coffee run? Oh, yeah. He bought us coffee. He bought us coffee too. Before we got there he was like Do you guys want coffee Where'd you guys go let me guess Alfred No he's over on his side of town Oh I see Where'd you go It's like stereoscopic I don't like it On Sunset It's an indie place Hipster Yeah they're so cool Like his friend group Yeah I couldn't Yeah Does that bother you or no?

1:09:29No dude because He's 25 Oh yeah right She's 23 23 Oh so same age It's the same age of loser Yeah yeah It's the same loser No I feel like a loser Compared to him You are But he is too I think you I would have to Say that you're a bigger name I used to think You were so cool Yeah What do you mean? This is not cool Yeah it's not cool Here's another thing That bothers me Now thank you For bringing this up You're welcome man Yeah Are my farts bothering you? Yeah, twice Yeah, because I've been noticing my own farts And you've been ignoring them Well, because we were in a groove Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And then I thought If he does it again, I will say something But it's got to be out of the context So I just want to say S-O-S One's coming Yeah, okay But isn't that nice to me?

1:10:13I thought we're in a comedic groove Don't want to break the groove Yeah, that one bothered me Yeah, it was disgusting Yeah, it was gross Yeah, yeah So anyway, here's another thing That your sister revealed to me last night Don't look at her like that I think what I think you get recognized More than you admit you get recognized True I don't think so Even today again At the beach what happened Someone was asking her if we were leaving For parking and then I was like no we just got here And then she's like wait you're Rudy And then the hamburger place the other day too In and out Are you getting recognized now That's gonna be fucking insane That's gonna be insane.

1:10:52But you get recognized every day now. Not every day. In Hawaii, anytime? No. Not one time? No, the Hawaii's different. There was one time, but you could tell the dude wasn't a local. Yeah, it was a white guy from the... Yeah, a mainland white guy. The mainland white guy doesn't count. All right, so let's go through some more. So this guy's high on our tick list, right? What's his name? Andres? Andres. I like it. Non-sexual. I'm 50-50 if it's real. I'm not kidding. I scrubbed through it, this guy. push pause out

1:11:27what the fuck give him a chance I would like to be the new Spaniard in the booth I lived in Spain for 33 years and now I live in Los Angeles pause he's under 33 and why the fuck is his shirt off why in the fuck is this guy in bed with his shirt you couldn't put a shirt on when you're doing a fucking video and then what serial killer does he romance you of Dahmer that's Dahmer I thought it was going to come out when he first started talking I thought he was like hey guys just thinking about coming over there to the booth and being it and by the way all this being said high on the list oh you think so I think that's a good thing he's funny he's cool I like him that's the thing about our fans that people don't get we like it when you're fucking weird that's top shit hi bad friends it's Lou Crichton Pause I'm uh Out Yeah what are you gonna build us a gazebo Like what are you gonna do for us I was gonna say A new deck at my house Like what the fuck are you Yeah yeah what's going on here We don't need a youth pastor On the fucking show I know Jesus Christ We wanna talk to you about the Lord Press play Luke we're just fucking with you Fuck with you Luke Is Xavier still here What yeah he's here What is he doing He's just sitting Xavier what are you doing Come over here He's rocking back and forth Yeah We got a new guy Xavier That's gonna be on the show a little bit more Look at him Xavier Xavier What are you doing back there?

1:12:52I'm just sitting I'm taking notes Okay Can I tell you the first time I met Xavier? Oh god Maybe he's replacing fans I know Can I tell you the first time I met him? Yeah It's the funniest thing What? I'd seen him before But I never really talked to him So I'm in fucking Vegas Right? And Bargazzi Nate Bargazzi goes Let's go to a fucking Skankfest So he I get in Nate's car We drive to Skankfest Right? And then I lose Nate You know And I'm just kind of wandering around and there's an acid tent. There's a cigar tent. What? There's a cigar tent. It's a car tent. But people are saying this is where everyone's on acid.

1:13:26Sure, that makes sense. So I sit there next to Xavier and he's doing this. That you're me, right? He's the guy like this. I go, what's up, dude? He goes, nothing. I go, you hi? He goes, I'm hallucinating. Like no information. I see you around the store. He goes, yeah. Like kind of breathe. Just tripping balls. Tripping his balls off. How many tabs did you have? I did one, but it was really strong. And I feel like at the point where we all were like, dude, it's really starting to fucking hit us right now. Bobby Lee just sits down next to me. And I did. I froze up. He was breathing loud. I go, what's your problem tonight?

1:14:09What's going on? Xavier, do you use a lot? No. You're not a big drug user? No. When I'm around certain friends, we'll go. Who are you with that night? Hormos, Rasheed, Kim Kahn. We know all of them. Living acid. If there was a chance for us to have you on the show on acid on the show, would you do that? No, dude, I can't. You can't do it on camera. You'd freak out. I don't know that I'd freak out, but I have to drive here. No, we'll get you a fucking car. No, we'll Uber you here. We'll get maybe three drops of acid, three hits. Three hits. Remember that the job is to record this. Yeah, and then sit down, right?

1:14:45Oh, yeah. And we'll Uber your back. We'll get you a nice car. We did Kim and Sarah's podcast. That's kind of like how we did it. Whose? Kim and Sarah. You were on it. That was how I first met you. This bitch. This bitch. Kim and Sarah. I don't remember. I honestly don't know what you're talking about, but okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to tell you something. Yeah, yeah. Talk closer to the mic. Okay. We're excited. You're going to be with us for a little bit on the show here. Yeah, that's going to be a lot of fun. We're going to dose you. Yeah, yeah. We're going to dose you. Yeah, you guys Alright, thank you But Xavier does stand up too, right?

1:15:19Yeah, yeah That's what I was doing there I was on the show Oh yeah, okay, okay It shows Don't be a dick, dude At least Xavier can go up on stage And walk through that fear, you piece of shit I gotta tell you something Yeah That was ice cold So we're going to Spain We're gonna go to Spain to shoot a movie for Fancy Yeah, so Fancy's directing a movie It's a zombie The zombie, oh Oh yeah I thought it was cancelled It should be My publicist is there, thank you He got like oil money or something Somebody is funding it I don't know how he got the money Cartel But we are going there, booking the flights Three days and this is a really big test I want to know what he's going to be like On set?

1:16:04As a director I'm beyond excited I want to know if you'll listen to his notes I'm fine I think if you gave me direction and I'd be like, okay, Andreas. Shut the fuck up, you liar. You're not taking any notes from him. Fuck, I'm king note. Brother. Bro, I go, let me do an adjustment. That's why I say on movies all the time, I'd like to do the adjustment. Well, let me tell you something right now. Can you do an adjustment? Can you learn your lines? Oh, my God. I'll tell you something right now. I'm not taking any of your fucking notes. You can shove them up your ass. Andrew, I think, what have you said?

1:16:41Andrew, I think slow the line down, you know what I mean? Yeah. Because, you know, people aren't really grasping. It's a serious, what would you say? Is that what you want me to do? Yeah. Okay. Action. We decided to go to the bill. You do the polar opposite. A hundred percent. Oh, you give me a note. Bob. Hold on, dude. Bobby. Did you say cut? No, cut, cut, cut, cut. All right. On this scene, can you be more emotional? It's an emotional scene. Okay. Okay, action. Yeah, he died. Perfect. You think so? Well, we gonna cut you out of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for your submissions. I don't think we've found anybody yet.

1:17:23We'll keep searching. The undressed guy is good. The Asian guy. Okay. Congratulations on your, once again, fantasy-fueled life of journeyness to Hawaii, both of you girls. I've never met people who have gone to Hawaii, so for months at a time, a living vacation. And by the way All your fault I don't fund their flights Or their hotel room I guess you're right Your graduation gift was really nice What was it? The place I gave you a fucking debut In Hawaii on a beach And did I pay for the house too? I wasn't even at the house You're the only guy I know That doesn't even know what he's paying for I know You have no idea Yeah You'd be the greatest partner I showed up I'm like Oh this is pretty cool Who's funding it You are I am Yeah I love that Yeah And I brought all the That was a You know what can I say About that day You were there too That weekend Was I think One of the greatest Weekends of my life In a long time Say it I just said it Well go on Explain why I Um what made it so special?

1:18:36I don't know. It was just the shows went well Friday and, you know, I brought three openers from the comedy store. Yeah. Mike, Ariana, and Ramsey Badawi. Everyone was at the beach, right? And then Kalilah and that side of the family was there. It was just, everyone kind of got along. It was like, you know, beautiful. You know, it was just a great weekend. Yeah. Beautiful. it made you feel something yeah that it's not over well let me tell you something every single week of my life with you on the show is the greatest week of my life you think I don't mean it yeah but before when I go I'm the gift to you you're the gift to me you're the gift that keeps on giving you're the gift that keeps on giving to me too I'm the gift that keeps on giving and you're the gift that that someone else already got me so I'm going to pretend like I love it but I'm going to re-gift it to somebody else I want you in my life forever girls look in the camera and sign off you know what to do thank you for being a bad friend

1:20:08I didn't like what you said, Odin pauses, about the future. This is the love story of real hinge couple Odin and Edward, written and read by me, Curtis Garner. Listen to the free audiobook now.