In short
The episode is a wide-ranging conversation between Bad Friends hosts about “chemistry behind charisma,” their chaotic nights out, comedy-industry ups and downs, and everyday life logistics (lighters, promoters, money, gratitude). It also includes banter about witch/coven talk, Santa Claus geography, and creepy/AI household robots.
Guests
Joe DeRosa (comedian; frequent collaborator/guest on comedy stages; discussed taking Bobby Lee’s spot and performing multiple sets together). No other formal guests are introduced.
Guest backgrounds (from the discussion)
DeRosa is an active New York comedy performer who can jump on stage quickly; he’s described as “extra” and part of the “wild” night that included other comics (e.g., McCone) and multiple sets.
Key claims
Charisma (“wow”) comes from chemistry, not luck. Joe helped Bobby by taking his comedy spot last minute. Comedy careers can swing hard: early LA success followed by a “crash landing,” then renewed stand-up momentum.
Notable examples
Freezing someone’s name as a “spell” that supposedly worked; buying/scattering lighters in a car so they “come back”; promoter-driven LA comedy scheduling; DeRosa and Bobby doing multiple stage sets; Tom Hanks COVID announcement moment during a Comedy Cellar taping.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOMerchandise Promotion
0:20 to 1:02
Discussion about the last chance to purchase Bad Friends merchandise.
“It's proof that daily routine can be remarkable.”
Introduction of Hosts
1:02 to 1:16
Introduction of the hosts as they interact with humor.
“A white dude And an Asian dude You two are disgusting You two are something We're bad friends Guess who's charming?”
Charming Alter Egos
1:16 to 2:30
Discussion about how alcohol affects their behavior and charm.
Social Dynamics
2:30 to 4:40
Exploration of social interactions at a dinner and unexpected comments.
“She's one of those like Burning Man, you know what I mean?”
Witchcraft Conversations
4:40 to 7:50
Light-hearted conversation about witches and covens.
“Your friend, he goes, well, is there a group?”
Stage Experiences
7:50 to 10:30
Recap of their experiences performing on stage and interactions with others.
“I haven't let the bandaid rip in a long time.”
Smoking and Lighters
10:30 to 13:20
Discussion on smoking habits and the significance of lighters.
“So my panic is when you're in the car and you don't have a lighter and then you're just kind of looking around for one.”
Managing Promoters
13:20 to 14:00
Insights into dealing with promoters in the comedy scene.
Camping Conversations and Santa's Travels
14:00 to 17:08
A humorous discussion about a friend camping and the logistics of Santa's delivery route.
“Yeah, I mean, it's what happens with everything.”
Geographical Quirks and Holiday Traditions
17:08 to 20:03
Exploring geographical knowledge and holiday traditions surrounding Christmas celebrations.
“So he goes to New York because of the time.”
Show all 33 chapters
Geographical Quirks and Holiday Traditions
20:06 to 20:20
Exploring geographical knowledge and holiday traditions surrounding Christmas celebrations.
“Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns.”
Historical Context of Jesus' Birth
21:56 to 22:11
A lighthearted debate about the location and circumstances of Jesus' birth.
Historical Context of Jesus' Birth
22:17 to 22:34
A lighthearted debate about the location and circumstances of Jesus' birth.
Bathroom Robots and Unusual Habits
22:34 to 25:58
Discussion about bathroom technology and unique habits surrounding bathroom use.
Joe DeRosa Joins the Show
25:58 to 27:04
Joe DeRosa joins the conversation with humorous banter about his previous night.
“God, I think it's so creepy we let these things into our world and they're all just - You don't have anything like that.”
Reflections on Comedy and Life
27:04 to 28:01
A conversation reflecting on comedy experiences and the dynamics of friendships.
“No, I just, did you do my, oh, DeRose guard.”
Reflecting on Past Performances
28:01 to 30:09
The hosts reminisce about their time performing together and the reactions from the audience.
“Me, Burr, Mark Maron convinced you to stay an extra year.”
Career Struggles and Setbacks
30:10 to 32:28
Joe talks about his tumultuous career in Hollywood, detailing the highs and lows of his journey.
“Week one, booked the lead on an FX animated pilot.”
Debating Career Lengths
32:29 to 34:30
The hosts discuss their individual experiences with job stability in the entertainment industry.
“You haven't gone five years without working.”
Stand-Up and the Pandemic
34:31 to 37:25
Joe shares his experiences with stand-up during COVID-19 and how it affected his career.
“I knew you were lying as you were saying it.”
Life After the Pandemic
37:26 to 39:21
The conversation shifts to their current successes and experiences post-pandemic.
“Dude, my apartment had no windows in it.”
Birthday Reflections
43:29 to 47:00
Discussion about birthday celebrations and the joys of small pleasures.
“It works at the molecular level to gently dissolve stains deep within the enamel where your brush can't reach.”
Stand-Up Struggles and Gratitude
47:01 to 52:11
Exploration of the struggles in stand-up comedy and appreciation for success.
“No, but would you do that to a stranger?”
Cruise Comedy Adventures
52:12 to 56:00
A recounting of experiences on comedy cruises and the hilarity that ensued.
“nuts like was what was that i was like it was a festival whenever they go just do a ton of stand up i go bro i got through on wednesday my show wasn't until saturday wow my god and they go how many shows did you do?”
Comedy Sensitivity and Lectures
56:00 to 56:55
Learn about the sensitivity of comedians and an unexpected lecture received.
“My hand to God, Bud Friedman was still alive.”
The Id, Ego, and Superego of Shows
56:55 to 57:58
Explore the dynamics of comedy shows and their underlying psychological concepts.
“He's like, look man, I'm sorry about last night but you understand something like they didn't tell me what the show was and I'm like, okay.”
Comedy Club Experiences
57:58 to 1:00:06
Hear about various challenging performances at comedy clubs and their impacts.
“And then I saw Florentine and I was like right after that.”
Tales from Captain Brian's
1:00:06 to 1:02:59
Uncover stories of bad experiences at specific comedy venues and the frustrations they caused.
The Grind of Comedy Life
1:02:59 to 1:04:16
Discuss the personal growth and resilience developed through tough comedy gigs.
Learning the Ropes of Stand-Up
1:04:16 to 1:06:31
Learn about the tricks and tactics comedians use to navigate performances.
“Get one of the biggest podcasts in history.”
Behind the Scenes at Laugh Factory
1:06:31 to 1:08:59
Discover behind-the-scenes anecdotes from the Laugh Factory and its unique features.
Discussing the Pain of Watching Oneself on Screen
1:10:04 to 1:11:38
Hosts share their discomfort about watching their own work and the anxiety it brings.
Marathon Podcast Ideas and Experiences
1:11:38 to 1:12:32
A conversation about potentially doing marathon podcast episodes and the fun of late-night sessions.
“And I'd be like, hey, guys, just got back from the bar.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Everyone knows that unexplainable it factor, that smile that lights up a room, that wow. Well, it doesn't happen by itself. There's chemistry behind the charisma. Colgate Optic White Pro Series toothpaste removes 15 years of deep-set stains when you brush twice daily for two weeks. How? The clinically proven formula is powered by Colgate's hydrogen peroxide complex. It works at the molecular level to gently dissolve stains deep within the enamel where your brush can't reach. It's proof that daily routine can be remarkable. That's the science of wow. Colgate Optic White. Hey!
0:31Andrew Santino:Hey! It's the last chance for merch. Last chance. We have these hats. Awesome hats. Look at how dope these hats are. And we also have shirts. We have the thank you shirt. We have the Bad Friends, the weird skulls shirt. Same design here. Same design here. And we also have socks. We still have the socks, right? Yeah. They're the best socks. Badfriendsmerch.com. You can get it, right? You're going to get it. Badfriendsmerch.com where you can get the shirts, the hats. This is the last chance. We're closing it out, right? This is it. We're done. This is it. Yeah, soon. Why not? Get it now. BadFriendsMerch.com You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots?
1:02A white dude And an Asian dude
1:05Andrew Santino:You two are disgusting You two are something We're bad friends Guess who's charming? Who's charming? You are dude You're a charm charm charmer dude Dapper When you get a little buzz my friend You get like Good evening Hello And you get Extremely charming Cause I well that's better than Jekyll and Hyde I don't like start getting angry and fighting people when I have a couple of cocktails you introduced me to a friend I was trying to be polite and nice and ingratiate myself to her and I was like hey how are you and I gave her a hug and she actually said oh we're hugging I know but she said that she goes oh we're hugging it was a 50 50 like we were in the car we had dinner and then Andrew calls me we're over at so-and-so right and I go okay and he's like DeRosa's here I can say that yeah yeah so I go okay and he goes you said come on by I wanted you to come by so I brought it was 50 50 so I said to her I go weed you know because I know that you're doing a little drink drink drink right you're doing drink drink with him it's bad yeah it got bad yeah I heard he got by later but um I was drinking yeah yeah I heard you got wild what did I do no I'm gonna let's recap okay okay So then I go You know I don't know What are you gonna say Jekyll or Hyde It can't get Hyde When does it get Hyde And it can also get Jekyll When have I Hyde-ed with you Hyde is the good one right I don't even know Yeah which was the bad one Which was the bad one I don't know Yeah it's I think Jekyll is the bad one Jekyll sounds like the bad one Jekyll yeah Like a Jekyll So you might get Jekyll And she's like What do you mean I go we'll see We come And as soon as I say I go it's Hyde because you stood up and you have this like little smirk it's very um casablanca hello hello my dear you know i mean like good evening maybe not today maybe not tomorrow yeah it's very like that yeah so i'm like oh thank god it's hide so we no i'm being real i've never sit down and then what hide does is he just becomes very like a lot of questions i'm interested in her too many questions okay okay but is that a real thing you meet someone for the first time i want to know i'm interested in her there are memes about this where your friend all of a sudden becomes a comedian around your girl i was being i was too charming asking someone like hey what what is this about that i've heard about you can i say it yeah but just the whole the way you hold up a prosciutto yeah i don't like chicken wings we were eating chicken wings whatever it was what it's just the way you know i mean the way i was eating everything your pinkies are out all three fingers are out it's very like you told me she's a witch and then you're asking salem witch like you know i mean like the salem witch trials witch how do i know that there's a difference yeah it's like saying that it's it's not like she's a vampire that that's why you were asking her that kind of line of question no i didn't yeah i mean what's it like at the coven you asked about a coven i said what's up did you ask about a coven i said what's up with the coven Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4:08Andrew Santino:How is it? She's one of those like Burning Man, you know what I mean? Holistic, you know what I mean? Shangri-La witches. The witches that I hang out with are at the coven. Okay. They're coven witches. Right. So she does it. They have double, double boil and trouble. It's more of a - Boil? Boil? It's more of a self-help, you know what I mean? You know, spiritual thing. No, she's very nice. Right. And then you guys fucked off. But asking about the coven and all that stuff was a little - I didn't ask about the coven. There was a coven question. I don't even know what the coven is. Either it was you or your friend.
4:43Andrew Santino:Your friend, he goes, well, is there a group? And I looked at him, I go, when you say group, do you mean coven? Yeah, you. And then he goes, yeah, that's what I meant. That's on you. No, that's on him. That's a part of you. He said, is there a group? Yeah. But the way he said it was, I know what you're leading. There's a pot. You know what I mean? But he had boiling green, whatever, whatever. Does she have a pot? Toad feet. Does she have a pot? No, she has none of that. No spells. It's crystals. I did do a spell on you. Fuck you then. Yeah, he told me he did a spell on me. I did a spell on you.
5:18I remember. Yeah. What did I? You put my name in the freezer.
5:21Andrew Santino:You wrote my name on a piece of paper and put it in the freezer. Yeah. I put your name on a piece of paper and put it in the freezer. And guess what? It worked. What is the spell? You've been chill since. I've been chill. I'm always chill. You weren't chill. Oh my God. When did you put it in the freezer? When we got back from Europe Oh cool Yeah yeah I put your name in the thing I wish you did it before we went to Would have helped me out of it Yeah yeah yeah But so yeah I do some of her suggestions Yeah And I think they work Yeah they must Yeah And then I hear I have lunch today with Andrea Jin And the person that I'm hanging out with And Andrea says Andrew was there last night at the store And I go yeah She goes one word Guess what it is what did she say he's like you know wild wild I was wild yeah you and DeRosa were wild we were having fun man yeah McCone was with us we were having a great time of course your my son not just your son what do you call it he was drunk he got fucked up you know what I call McCone a familiar yeah he's a familiar what is a familiar in the in the mythological world like vampires have familiars you just you just hang around you're a hang around people that that help the vampire get blood yeah that's right you go get me blood Give me the definition of a familiar.
6:38It's a supernatural entity. Exactly.
6:41Andrew Santino:It is an animal. Exactly. That serves as a companion and helper to a witch, sorcerer, or other magical practitioner. Really stuck on this witch stuff lately. Yeah, yeah. You're definitely a familiar. You're a familiar. Yeah. And you're a warlock. Wizard and a warlock. Wizard and a warlock. I love it. We went out. Me and DeRosa went on stage together twice, and we had so fun. They do that in New York sometimes. Like, you see guys at the cellar do it. They don't do that here. and so de rosa was like i'll go on stage with you and i was like that could be fun yeah because i was like i'll get you a spot he was like no he took my spot he took yours and well it's canceled someone else dropped out yeah yeah i dropped out i wanted to you know just i know i know you're gonna talk about it but i wanted sometimes i'll just go i'm not gonna do it i'm gonna hang out i watch lord of the rings their friend spots yeah yeah i get it yeah i canceled last minute but Thank God DeRosa took my spot.
7:34It was great. People. Did he go.
7:36Andrew Santino:So he went up at 10. We went to the first spot together and then we went to the store and then we I went up solo in the main and then we went up together in the OR. But what I'm saying is, is that on stage, I heard you were extra. I went off a little bit. That's all. I had a night. Yeah. Yeah. I was having fun. But I heard it was very funny. I haven't let the bandaid rip in a long time. Yeah. Yeah. No. Sometimes I want to have a couple of cocktails. Let the bandaid rip. You gotta let the bandaid rip sometimes. I don't. When's the last time you saw me like that? God, it's been a couple years. It's pretty rare.
8:08Andrew Santino:But you do it when it's like, I'm Charles Bukowski, and I'm gonna just go to a bar by myself and, you know what I mean, write poetry or whatever.
8:22Andrew Santino:What? What in the fuck are you talking about, man? What do you mean? I'm not literal poetry. Oh, you're making fun of when I go to my show. spot in new york and right yeah i like that no no that's not what i'm saying oh at dollywood oh no that was a mental breakdown i know but that's what i'm saying the bakowski i'm gonna go to a pop bar by myself yeah and not literally write a poem but you go into yourself and write poetry in your mind i'll tell you what i did at that bar at that tommy bahama or whatever no margaritaville i bought everyone food and drinks i turned into hide oh i was jackal with you bud yeah yeah you're jackal with me a lot well yeah why do you think that is because Because I'm 100 % Hyde.
9:03No.
9:03Andrew Santino:You think I'm Jekyll sometimes? Let's be real. Get fucked. Fuck you. Fuck you. You think I'm Jekyll sometimes? You're doing it right now. Look at the shirt you're wearing too. This Iron Maiden fucking. Run to the hills. Such a good song. It's great. The Trooper, great song. I want to say this though. Can you get more lighters? What are you doing with all this? Okay, I'll tell you why. Yeah, why? There's nothing worse in the world when you're in your car. How many smokers are here? Three. Richie, right. Isn't there nothing in the world? You have cigarettes. You're in the car. You smoke? I know.
9:38Yeah.
9:41Andrew Santino:You smoke cigarettes? Yeah. Yeah, he does. How long have you been smoking? Well, I started probably like sophomore year high school. And what do you know, a senior? Now, yes. Now, how old do you know? 24. Yeah. Wow. He has some time. He doesn't look like a smoker. Yeah. I just realized who he is. Every generation Buddy Holly Close Maybe Maybe Yeah But the generation after that Is who he is Is Robert Crumb Who the fuck Who's that Look up Robert Crumb dude The cartoonist The cartoonist There lies the man He's a Robert He's young Robert Crumb Dude that's Robert Come on dude You're young Robert Crumb Dude you're young Robert Crumb dude That is a fact Dude it's a fact dude That's very funny And you don't draw So that's not That's not good That's not good He can draw like a motherfucker.
10:32Andrew Santino:So my panic is when you're in the car and you don't have a lighter and then you're just kind of looking around for one. So what I do is I buy three or four and just scatter them around the car. Smart. That's what I'm saying. Being mindful. When I used to smoke pot, what I would do is I would buy a lot of lighters and then I would give them to my friends because I know they'd get back to me. What do you mean by that? Because when you smoke weed with people, you're always like giving lighters. Carlos knows. yeah you're giving your lighters away and then they come back to you eventually they come back to you in the mail what are you talking about so when you smoke a lot of pot with your group i've done it of pot friends yeah yeah but you weren't like alone i did alone yeah it wasn't your thing like we get we would get high with uh sit around a couch well go to some guy's house or go to a car and so what ends up happening is you smoke pot with the same like 10 to 12 people that's a lot of people well i mean like it's a big pot group no no i would call it a coven your core your core pot group is like two to three people but then there's a chunk of people you would run into in high school and then we'd smoke pot with that group of people and then that group like the hippies if i went over to fucking uh uh paul's house hey i'm paul dude um bro you want to come over dude we're having a pot coven yeah you do uh gonna be about 12 of us dude yeah 100 yeah bring your lighter dude i'll bring it yeah okay and guess what guy what eventually you'll get it back okay yeah and that's what you do bring one lighter hand i have a bunch of lighters i just hand them out to friends and then i go this is going to come back to me and eventually you'll be smoking a bowl stoned and you'll go this is my lighter man years later or how long sometimes it's months sometimes it's a full year oh right and someone will be like that is your fucking lighter man right i right you gave it to me at paul's garage yeah i just handed it to you to like the bowl yeah but but this is what happens when you're smoking pot right i'm making is you give someone a lighter to get high, they put it in their pocket, you all get stoned, you forget it existed.
12:26So if you buy strangers' lighters that you get high with, you will get them back.
12:29Andrew Santino:Right, but you know what I do now? I buy the ones with the symbol on it. What is that, Chinese? No, I'm just saying anything because this green one, somebody can go, nah, dude, I just bought this. I go, but this one, the cherries, come on, dude. That's my lighter. That's your lighter. Cherry boy lighter. Anyway, now I get why it comes around. It always comes back. Are you drinking coffee? Iced coffee? Yeah, why? You never have coffee this late. What's the line of questioning, pal? You got something going on later tonight? I have a couple of shows tonight, guy. You going to cancel those too? No, I'm going to be there.
13:03Andrew Santino:I'm going to be there. Because if I don't, you know, they cry. And one of them - Who, the fans? No, it's the guys, the promoters. Oh, the promoters. Yeah, you know, if people don't know about the LA comedy game now, 70 % of it is promoters. I'd say - So you'll get like six guys. there's like six guys there's one girl that's really good sarah mellow oh she's the best she's the best yeah but there's a couple of guys that are a little um they're like um student loan people loan sharks loan sharks yeah like or if you leave the mormon church right they constantly call they're gonna come get you yeah yeah like how come you haven't back to the sermon buddy it's been two years where are you and why are you not here yeah and but and here's here's 17 dates can you please do one of them yeah and then if you don't which i don't text them back pretty much 99 of the time i don't you get flooded with texts every day i'm not lying you get five to ten yeah can you do my show can you do my show can you do a lot yeah it's a great problem to have it's a no i'm grateful for it i'm grateful for it but um it's a little there's some boundaries that need to be that is interesting because it i thought about next time i do set up shows like this i think i'm gonna just give them Carlos' phone number.
14:20And he can just do it for us. Yeah, I mean, it's what happens with everything.
14:24Andrew Santino:Shouldn't we do that? Well, I deal with my... Melanie. With who? Melanie. Who's that? You know who Melanie is. Who's that? You know, the one that's camping right now. So does she live in the woods? I know what you're saying. I know. In the desert? Yeah. I have somebody that works for me that's always in the woods. It's pretty... She's 95 % in the woods. I think she's like half bare. Head in the clouds, body in the woods. Yeah, because she's... She might be bare. I don't get reception out here. But every time I... This is her thing. Every time I'm in town, every two or three days, I'll get it. You know what I mean?
14:59And I'm like, but I'm paying you. Yeah. Right? This is like the early 1900s. It's like, well, I'll get there when I get there. Yeah. Sometimes I'll see a smoke signal. You know what I mean?
15:10Andrew Santino:That's... There she is. Brian Marnock wants to do... Want you to do the show. Or whatever. Sometimes, yeah. Can you do 8 p.m.? Yeah, a flare or something, but she is always in the woods. I don't know what she does out there. Well, she's probably connecting with Earth again. She's getting back to her roots. Yeah. She's Native, right? She's Native American? I don't even know what she is. I just have an image of her in my mind. I have never seen her. Have I met her? No, I've never met her. She could be Native. Yeah, she might be. No, she's Vietnamese. Well, she's Native Vietnamese. That is Native.
15:44Andrew Santino:She's half Vietnamese. I don't know what the other half is. But anyway. Did you buy that while we were down under? Or did somebody give that to you? I bought it at the airport with juice. Oh, you did? Is that a football? A rugby? Is that Southampton? What is it? Australia. Australia, okay. I got it in Sydney. And what's this shirt you got on, Rich? Oh, Cinema Salem. Hell yeah. What is it? It's got a witch on it. Santa of Salem? Of Salem, yeah. Santa. No, no, no. Cinema. Oh, it's the movie theater. Oh. Cinema of Salem. Oh, I don't know. Yeah. Well, Santa would go to Salem. He goes everywhere. Does he not?
16:22Andrew Santino:I don't know, to be honest. No, Santa goes everywhere. No, he doesn't. Oh, my God. Now we're going to get in another fight. Where does he not go? Santa does not go everywhere. Where does he not go, Santa Claus? Africa. What did you just say? Africa. He just said Africa. Why, because they don't have chimneys? They have chimneys. Do they? I do, yeah. I mean, they're made out of clay or whatever. That's not a bad thing. No. It's just, you know, Santa goes everywhere. You're right. But he goes to certain places first, I think. You can say it. All right. So I think that Santa Claus is route, right?
17:02Andrew Santino:I'm going to play it safe. Yeah. I think he goes to America first. Of course. We're number one. Right. So he goes to New York because of the time. He starts on the East Coast. On the East Coast. Yeah. Does all the major cities first. or no he would do all the suburbs too right he's not going to go to new york city then to atlanta and then to oneonta he back up right he would do the region first right that's a lot of houses who do you know in oneonta what do you mean how do you know the geography the town of oneonta well um how did that pop up i did a college there i was just gonna say yeah because that's so specific i did it one with renna zizi opened for me back in the day oh yeah yeah because he went to school there at one and only somewhere in oney on team went to school there yeah but anyway that's how i know oney on and santa does go everywhere he does go everywhere but you're saying go last if there's time yeah he's like dude if i can make it i will if not i can't i won't well i think that he forgets like he's like he's in london he's like oh finally that last house and then elf calls him santa yeah hey santa you've oh ho ho you forgot i got i just got did the last house in in Essex Essex Essex.
18:17Tana you forgot I don't know where I can say that's not going to
18:20Andrew Santino:turn out to be a racist joke well I mean you're right I mean in many ways that the Middle East they don't celebrate Christmas do they? Well Palestine is the Bethlehem is where Jesus was born so they do Christmas in Palestine. They do Christmas in Syria in Iraq and Lebanon. Yeah Yeah I've been I think I was there I was there When Jesus was born You were around When Jesus was born No no no I went to the actual place In Bethlehem In Bethlehem Yeah You buy it huh What do you mean You buy that sort of There's a guy I don't know about property Come on I kick some people out But Acorns I love nuts I'm trying You love nuts I love nuts But here's the thing About acorns Yeah It's not nuts Okay Acorns makes it easy To start doing more With your money In fact you can start automatically investing with just your spare change.
19:08It's so simple. You know, we used to collect money in those, remember those little big jars you just - I still have one of those.
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20:43Andrew Santino:I just want to say Papa's busy. Papa's busy, dude. When I go, bing, bing, bing, you know what I mean? I'm like the flash, bing, bing, bing. And I need to eat. Sometimes I forget, Andrew. You do forget to eat. I go home and I get put in a factor, right? You do. And boom, boom, you get a high-quality meal, so delicious, so tasty, like a restaurant. in my opinion. And there's more variety, more meals now. That's right. And you can savor global flavors too. I love the global. Asian inspired meals for Bobby Lee and for you at home with bold flavors. And Spanish. I like Spanish. You're right. I know.
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21:48Andrew Santino:Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. everyone knows that unexplainable it factor that smile that lights up a room that wow well it doesn't happen by itself there's chemistry behind the charisma colgate optic white pro series toothpaste removes 15 years of deep set stains when you brush twice daily for two weeks how the clinically proven formula is powered by colgate's hydrogen peroxide complex it works at the molecular level to gently dissolve stains deep within the enamel where your brush can't reach it's proof that daily routine can be remarkable that's the science of wow colgate optic white no but you i went to the place where jesus was born so they say so they say yeah how do they know they don't fucking dude it's all yeah it's hearsay to make you feel good yeah look at that is that a what's that that's where he was born i think in this spot yeah nah he's wasn't he born in a fucking barn yeah but they changed it to that they changed it to a steam room yeah that does look like it looks like it also looks like uh in china yeah uh i don't know this i know this uh through my wife's words of that there were toilets sometimes that were just holes in the floor oh i told you you just have to poop in a hole in the floor bro korea dude so as a kid i remember my my grandparents generations on top of this mountaintop and the house is made out of rice paper you know that right i mean there's wood but the walls are rice paper why are you laughing it's just it's edible i guess you could eat no but it's rice paper right and outside is uh wooden you know what do you call it an outhouse you've told me this but there's a whole generations of your family's poo and yeah my so my great great great great great grandfather's poo is down that's amazing it's amazing to think about but you see those are those stalls to pee in those aren't for pooping that's not a that's those are for pooping oh it is that's how you do it oh my god yeah which is a cleaner way to get it out i think uh yeah no it actually is yeah sitting on the toilet the way we do it is actually the worst for you yeah that's why squatty potty or those lifted leg things are good yeah i put my dog under my feet when i poop do you really yeah yeah i put my feet on her as an ottoman or something yeah well yeah i don't think that's good a dogaman yeah come here dogaman the dog does always sit there when i poop she loves to sit there and she'll stare at me for a second and as soon as she'll hear like then she'll turn away out of respect i said thank you yeah they're afraid of my toilet because it does stuff when i'm not in the room it's a japanese toilet yeah that's why it's got noises so it goes okay you know what i mean right and it self-cleans right so they think that there's something in there sending a fax also i have two robots now in my bathroom what do you mean well you know i buy robots yeah you have so many fucking robots No, I'm being real.
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24:40Andrew Santino:I'm just not even joking. You mean the cleanup ones? No, I have real robots that you would get on TikTok or whatever. How much were they? Well, they have two. One's not necessarily a robot. So one of them is an actual robot that cost me like$1 ,000 or something. Does it speak to you? Yes. Really? Yeah. You have conversations with him? I think his name is Emo. Don't you get to name him? It's yours. No, it's called Emo because you have to say, Good morning, Emo. Hello. Good morning. And it'll start like doing taxes or. And when you're not, when you're in the other room, you can hear him do taxes, sing, right?
25:15Andrew Santino:And he'll just like drink coffee. And so just know that someone's in there. You just like that someone's around. Yeah. And then I have another thing I got from TikTok, which is a snow globe that sings. So it's a face. It's got, it kind of looks like Elmo. It's like this white globe. And it does old time music. In the night before Christmas. What do you like? Like you like it to put you to bed at night? No, I just like the fact that there's somebody in the other room going, he tells old-timey jokes like, take my wife, please. Just randomly. It does? Yeah. And it's just kind of like that there's something in there.
25:48Andrew Santino:And then Emo's there too, doing taxes. Do they talk to each other? I don't think so, no. You don't know yet though. AI is doing this. Yeah, I think Emo is more AI than the talking globe, but who knows? God, I think it's so creepy we let these things into our world and they're all just - You don't have anything like that. I don't have I don't even have what do you call it you know Siri or you know right like I can't call out to a thing to play music I don't want something listening to me 24-7 this thing already does it yeah I don't want more of these things around the house I have nothing like that around the house really well you have your wife she's not I don't have anybody yes you do you have so many first we have nine roommates 30 animals that's true the house is full yeah but you know what I've done I just buy dog stuff all the time yeah me too more dog shit what do you get Well she just got a new She had surgery So she can't She was fucking mad Because the tennis balls That she likes The doctor was like You can't have those The threads will get caught In her stitches And rip it out So you get the green ones That's the fuzz on it That's right Yeah my dog They rip through those I love it though Yeah I like the orange one The orange hard one With the blue Yeah yeah yeah I like those too Yeah those are good You can't rip through those Uh uh Yeah You guys wouldn't get it Come on in Joe Ladies and gentlemen Joe DeRosa DeRosa dude Please sit in the blue Love it.
27:04Andrew Santino:Rough night? No, I just, did you do my, oh, DeRose guard. Oh, that's good. I thought you just spelled my name wrong to fuck with me. Just put the headphones on and shut up. Oh, wow. This guy was a bad boy last night. Bad boy. He was off. You're a little pranky. You're a little pranky guy. It's the Egyptian in you, and I don't like it. I don't even know what that means, but. I always forget that you're Middle Eastern. Yeah, you're Middle Eastern. And you brought it up last night. Yes, I did. You're having a tough time right now. I'm great. I'm good. no I could tell at the at the restaurant uh I'm good I'm good I'm adjusting to how far away I am from both of you I've seen the show I didn't realize it was quite this far away did you want to be closer um I don't know to be honest it does feel a little interrogational at the moment oh like we're judges yeah yeah well you guys are sitting up high well we have a verdict yeah and the verdict is you know I mean you went a little crazy last night I did go a little crazy yeah but so did he so did the kid yeah i heard you guys were wild together on stage we had a good time yes i think it was good i heard it was good no it was good we had fun mccullin was it good yeah it was the audience liked it good news you know in this what we do news travels fast right and there's like i have little birds out there uh-huh you know i have birds at every club uh-huh and what the little birdie said was good time wild but good time wild time yeah wild time you did live here right Yeah, for like six years.
28:32I stayed an extra year because of you. You don't even remember. Why? You don't even remember. Why? Because I said, I'm leaving. Three people talked me into staying. You were one of them. Okay. Who were the other two? It all happened at the same night. Mark Maron and Burr.
28:49Andrew Santino:Yeah. Me, Burr, Mark Maron convinced you to stay an extra year. Yeah. Why? What did I say? I told Burr first. I said, I'm leaving. Yeah. He's like, you're hanging up your cleats. you're gonna go back to fucking right right yeah then uh then i saw mark maron same night i saw mark maron randomly he walks up to me he goes heard your pussing out man and i was like he's so funny like so funny like right yeah and he goes why you want to leave dude and i go i miss new york uh i don't think i click with this place i don't the energy is weird and he goes yeah man yeah you don't get that charge when you go outside here man i get it man and i go i also don't think i'm gonna meet my wife here you know what i mean yeah your wife look at you how dare you and i was like yeah you're right and how right he was yeah yeah it was totally right and then i saw you in in third person it was one two three and you were like what's this shit man somebody fucking said you're leaving it was crazy how the word traveling or it was nuts yeah and um for a guy that hadn't been working.
29:58And I go, Bobby, I haven't worked.
30:00Andrew Santino:Very funny guy. Always knew. Yeah, thank you. That's all that matters to me. No, I appreciate that. Okay. But I'm saying, like, I couldn't believe how many people were talking about me leaving when I hadn't had a job in, like, three years. It was brutal. I came out here the first three years. Week one, booked the lead on an FX animated pilot. Month two, got Better Call Saul. Month three, Comedy Central is going to give you your first hour and they're gonna let you direct it writing job wet hot america pete home show then to wet hot american summer then to fucking jeff and some aliens then to moshe kasher show dude it was one thing after the fucking next i'm at my birthday party i look up fucking rob mcelhaney is there i'm like what's going on i i'm doing it this is this is it yeah this is la i love i love la yeah he gets like he gets like we're gonna get you on the wall man yeah store I'm like, it's all happening, baby.
30:57And then the last thing was I booked a multicam on CBS where I played the, like, Lothario, like the office perv. And... Perfect casting. Yeah. Perfect. Fired me two weeks before the table read. Oh. We're cutting the character. It's too unlikable. Oh. Me Too happens the following week. Les Moonves at CBS goes down. I'm like, oh, that's why they cut the character. Oh, no, why? Yeah. And my hand to God, I got the job. My friend, Pat Walsh, my co-host of my podcast, Pat Walsh, he was the showrunner, and I still had to audition. And he goes, they ran your tape up the ladder. Les Moonves said, this guy's hilarious.
31:43Hire him. And then he got me, dude. Then he got fired. Yeah, for basically being the character I was playing. Being the character, he's like, this guy's awesome. It's so funny, dude. Anyway, so the show, I get booted off the show. I had two pilots in the pipeline. Both, they were like, they're not even going to air. You're not getting a fucking dime. Nothing's happening with these. The movie I was working on and developing at Rooster Teeth, which was a production house. I know them. Yeah, they were like, we're not moving forward. Sorry. Like, it's just not whatever. Dude, it was just my manager and I split up.
32:20it was like it was a it was a polar opposite of what the first three years it was a crash fucking landing he gets like i'm trying i don't know if i'm gonna get you on the wall buddy at the store yeah wow because he was like i'm trying it's who who's he adam adam adam yeah yeah yeah he's but he's but like he's like he's like it's it's not you dude there's a lot there's politics like i don't know if it's gonna happen you know you're a paid regular no now i am yeah yeah yeah and he gets one of my fucking best friends like he's like i love the guy so much it wasn't he's your name on it now yeah oh great i forgot to fucking look at it last night really yeah oh i've never seen it in person oh wow wow wow well go to go go now go after the show See who gives a shit
33:14Andrew Santino:You can see it and go okay And then for three years nothing So three years nothing So I saw you you were the third person In the same night and you were like I heard you're leaving town And I go yeah buddy I'm gonna go I think and you go why And I said Bobby I haven't worked in three years And you went three years is nothing I didn't work for five years once Which is not true It is 100 % true You've never gone five years without working. As he was saying. I bet my bank account on it. Five years? You haven't gone five years without working. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, I got one line in a Nickelodeon show.
33:49Andrew Santino:That's not a win? Better than him getting booted off of everything. Right. And crash landing. Right. Okay. Five years? You've never gone five fucking years, man. You've been cruising since the beginning of time. Okay. You know what's funny? What are you doing? Looking at my IMDb? Yeah, to prove them the gap. Yeah, yeah. See if there's a gap in my timeline. I'm not going to find a five-year one. Yeah. Are you in season three of Just Like That? No. No? No. Why not? She doesn't do the podcast anymore? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't ask. I just... I'm not seeing a five-year gap at all. Okay. But you see things, projects that are like...
34:20Andrew Santino:This is... Okay. This is insane. What do you mean? It's constant. It looks like a fucking receipt at the grocery store. No, no, no. Jesus Christ. CVS receipt of credits. Yeah. Okay. All right. Anyway. I lied. Joe, I lied. I know. I'm a liar. Sorry. I knew you were lying as you were saying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I apologize. But you said, so what, dude? So you're not working. What about stand-up? And I said, dude, there's no stage time. I can't get in anywhere. You're like, fuck that. That's going to turn around. Did it? I want you to give it one more push. And I called the Laugh Factory and I was like, fuck it.
35:04And they were like, yeah, put your avails in. and I put my avails in and because they had been kind of cold prior to that so I just I'll try it again and I they were like put your avails in and the first night I had a spot was a week later and you were on the show uh but you left before I got there and when I walked in the lady at the box office goes I have something for you here we go this is good yeah and I said what and she
35:30Andrew Santino:handed me a note I was like what is going on yeah and it was from you and it said well well well look who's working it was a really sweet thing isn't that sweet well i got a little teary almost when i do you still have the note yeah good of course you threw it away that night i wet my ass wet no i actually do have the note i have i have a box i have one of those giant like or maybe probably two now um you know those big clear like tupperware things you get a target yeah storage bin i have a couple of those of all memorabilia wow so like that i would i took that home and threw it immediately into any time i get something i throw it in the tub did you get spots after that i did i did uh two more spots yeah and the second one uh the early show ran 90 minutes over let me guess why i have a guess go ahead was it chocolate sundaes no no it was a saturday night okay why that huh why that chocolate sundaes yeah because they run long okay those shows run long it was a saturday night somebody dropped in maybe it was i don't know you know maybe it was just they had drop-ins i don't know but the show was 90 minutes too long that's why i don't play that room right yeah and then um my 11 30 was a 1 30 oh yeah yeah and i got up and there was six people in the room brutal that were there from the fucking earlier show they just stayed yeah yeah and i was like i can't i'm moving back to new york yeah i have to go back and i'm That's not me knocking the Laugh Factory.
37:01In fact, I saw the Booker last night, and I want to do it again when I come to town. But it just wasn't, the place wasn't for me anymore. I was like, okay, this is what it was. But then I went back to New York and started doing stand-up every fucking night, and I was like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is amazing. And then they were like, you can't leave the house ever again, COVID. All right. What have I done? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, wow, wow, wow. I forgot you moved like right before. Right before. Dude, my apartment had no windows in it. Oh, my God. You lived in a cellar? No, it was on the third floor, but the windows were in the bedroom.
37:42Wow. So the main room had no windows, and the place was a dump, but I was like. Where was it? It was Avenue B and 2nd Street. Yeah. And it was two grand a month. And everybody was like, you better grab that fucking apartment, dude. Like, that location is insane for that price. and I was like it's not that nice but you know what I'm never going to be there I'll be doing stand-up all the time who cares it's just a crash pad lock how wrong you were yeah the fucking hallway dude wow it was the grossest talk remember when they thought you could get it from a surface like my hallway I was I thought I'm
38:16Andrew Santino:gonna die in this hall yeah that dude when so remember when Tom Hanks got it from flying back from Australia. Yeah, he was like one of the first. And I thought, we're all gonna die! Do you remember that? Yeah. And then the coach from Arsenal, Mikel Arteta got it. I was like, oh my God, there goes Arsenal. They're gonna all die. They all die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They fucking, I shot that, remember Comedy Cellar had that show on Comedy Central for a while, the stand-up show? Yeah, yeah. I was shooting that show and I found out about Tom Hanks at the spot I was doing to warm up and I got to go on stage because the crowd it was in the taping when the news broke.
38:55So I got to be the person that went on stage and said, Tom Hanks has COVID. Really? Yeah. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah. It was a fun moment. Yeah.
39:05Andrew Santino:But yeah. But anyway, things are good now. Yeah. Yeah, now you're good. Well, yeah, you're killing it now. Live in Austin. Do you feel like you're killing it? Look, I am very grateful. I have a lot of thoughts on this. I'm glad you asked. Yeah, yeah. Good, good, good. Andrew, feel free to jump in at any point. No. I want to. Yeah. You look like you want to punch me in the face right now. A little bit. Why? You drug me down the avenue of hell last night. No, you did it. No, you did it. Bullshit. You did it. No, I didn't. Thank you, Bobby. Yeah, yeah. No, I didn't. Because he never goes on the avenue of hell.
39:44Andrew Santino:He goes to the street of heaven. Street of heaven. Yeah. And you took me down. This kid is a lush. What are you talking about? You took me down. He's hiding it from you. I know, I know. Down, dude. Yeah, down. You fucking were, dude, you were like, let's go. Who started at the fucking show when he had a drink on the podcast? You were in there. He was like, I'm going to get wrecked. Well, just because you poured him a huge drink. Yeah, I was responding to you. He poured me a full glass of whiskey being like, come on, dude. Come on, drink, drink, drink. Yeah, yeah. Your podcast is called Whiskey Ginger.
40:15Yeah, that's his fault. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, he knew. Yeah, okay. He knew what he was getting into.
40:20Andrew Santino:So you drank whiskey on his pod. All night. And then you went. All night. And then you went. No, but wait. I want to respond to what you said. Okay. I look at it like, you know, there's glass ceilings. And you keep going through. And eventually the top tier, it's a steel ceiling. You can't get through it. There's only so high you can go. But the tiers are, you know, fairly large tiers. But you're in the building. Yes. But there's a lot of guys in that room when you get to that last tier. You're on the first floor. That's good.
40:57Andrew Santino:True classic. Yeah, you classic guy? I'm so classic. And you know what? You see me. You make fun of me by how many of these I wear all the time. I'm turning classic now. You are turning classic. Yeah. I love them. And that true classic, by the way, it's not just about the fit of the fabric. It's helping you show up with confidence every single day and purpose. These shirts, I'm telling you, are so comfortable and so wearable no matter what you're up to. Whether you're like Bobby Lee, you're playing pickleball on rollerblades. where you're like me, you're at the golf course and going to have club sandwiches with friends afterwards.
41:23I meditate with them.
41:24Andrew Santino:You should. On the mountaintop that I meditate at. You're still going to that same mountaintop? Yes. Meditation mountaintop, you should go. You've been wearing True Classic for a while now. For a long time. And can you feel the difference? 100%, right? You throw on it, you really do. Clean, everless fit that actually works in real life. And it's not just their simple classic tees. They also have polo shirts that I love very much. And you got to try them out. It's going to fit within your budget. That's the best part. Clothes are getting expensive. and I'm telling you you don't have to hunt for a good deal of something comfortable that looks classic clean and also is very versatile because True Classic has got that and you can find them at Target Costco and head to trueclassic.com slash badfriends to try them for yourself that's right go over to Target go to Costco go to whatever you need to but you can also go to trueclassic.com slash badfriends check it out best birthday ever well there's a word where that came from a word
42:22Is that the new Bad Friends merch?
42:27Andrew Santino:Happy birthday to me! Do you want to touch it? Can I? Yeah. Whoa. Genuine embroidery. So is your birthday perfect? Almost perfect. You want me to say it, don't you? I want you to say it. I don't think you can handle it. I can handle it?
42:57I'm a Bobby mother. I'm Bobby mom. Oh, yes! Yes!
43:04Andrew Santino:Thank you. Oh. Everyone knows that unexplainable it factor. That smile that lights up a room. That wow. Well, it doesn't happen by itself. There's chemistry behind the charisma. Colgate Optic White Pro Series toothpaste removes 15 years of deep-set stains when you brush twice daily for two weeks. How? The clinically proven formula is powered by Colgate's hydrogen peroxide complex. It works at the molecular level to gently dissolve stains deep within the enamel where your brush can't reach. It's proof that daily routine can be remarkable. That's the science of wow. Colgate Optic White. You just sometimes forget to be grateful.
43:41But the thing that makes me grateful, and it's my reminder every week, and I fucking cherish this because there are some people that can't do it and it's such a simple thing the grocery store I go to the grocery store once a week I walk and buy the things I want and need and I go to the checkout and whatever she says this cost I hand her the card and I'm like you are so fucking lucky that you can do that you are so fucking lucky that you can do that man I get that the grocery store I get it yeah we always used to talk about that that i think you knew you made it in stand-up is when you can go eat a meal afterwards with other comics and then not worry about what the meal the what it was going to cost you yeah because when you were young and stand-up and you go out and you'd all be like who's gonna fucking are we all gonna split this are they gonna me and my roommates used to share a brc burrito it's amazing right el pollo loco brc one dollar
44:37Andrew Santino:What's the BRC? Bean, rice, and cheese. Wow. And we would split one a day, and we'd split in half. And then we would get arguments of how much bean that he got extra. Well, sometimes it's - Well, he was Mexican, so I mean, I let it slide. They love the beans. But my point is that - I need it, bro. And I got more of the rice. Yeah. Yeah, so it's a fair exchange. But yeah, I mean, that's all we ate. And I was a standout. and I was hitting the clubs but that's all I could eat and now I'm grateful that I can get more. You do, but you... That's an understatement. You order the whole menu. Yeah. He really does.
45:17Yeah, I love that, dude. I love... He orders the whole fucking thing. I've ordered two entrees before because I'm like, I can't decide. Two? Yes. Yeah. You've done that.
45:26Andrew Santino:I'll order with you. You order... Can I just say something in Dublin? You did the ordering. You know what he does? This is what he does. He tells the table. Don't worry about it. And they'll have a private, you always have a private meeting with the fucking waiter. You do! You do! You do your fucking, the hide comes out. Hey, I got this, right? Yeah. Bonjour, or whatever. Yeah. You'll pull aside, and then things will just come out. Yeah. And we don't have to work. I slip him a card, and then... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He takes care of the whole thing. That's, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Paul Italia does that.
46:01That's fun. Paul Italia does that. The Paul that owns the stand. Yeah. that I do Joey Roses with. He'll want to check out a restaurant and he'll go in, he'll run the fucking menu. That's fun. He'll be like, bring it, bring it, bring it. Why not? And then it's paid for and you're like, all right, dude. Well, then also, here's the real move. Get the shit to go you can't eat. Find your nearest homeless guy. Go, dude, you want a fucking killer meal. I've got so much left over. And then they go,
46:28Andrew Santino:I don't want it. Give me crack. And you're like, I'll give you a steak. is there crack in it you go up to the homeless guy you want to kill her meal you got to try this place wait till you get it when you get your life together man you'll be
46:46yeah it's a really good spot over here buddy that was one of my one of my first shitty jokes uh was about taking a girl on a date that i couldn't afford and then uh we got food to we got the leftovers to go and i walked past the homeless guys in westwood and the homeless guy was like you know looking at me and i go yeah i'm gonna give him the food you know in front of this girl i thought it'd like be a good gesture and go hey man you you want this food and he goes what's in it and i was like tomorrow another day on earth wow you said that on it or not you peace no i didn't say that no i didn't yeah no no but but he literally was like what's in it i was like oh i don't know it's a whatever blah blah and then and he goes nah i wrote he fucked me off i was like all right dude i wrote a joke about this i had a homeless guy once uh he i go do you want this leftover chinese food he goes it depends and i go oh does it yeah does it yeah and i go what does it depend on he goes is there meat in it and i go yeah and he goes hard pass i'm a strict vegetarian i go you might want to loosen up the reins on that wow wow well there's a rat eating your leg right now so take it all in my friend relax i've gotten somebody laid a homeless guy
48:01Andrew Santino:no not a homeless guy but another another comic i'm that gracious wait wait wait would it you got somebody laid you sometimes i've done that oh okay so i matched with this girl on hinge back in the day and eventually they got you know and then um she saw a flyer with me in this i saw him last I forgot his name, but he's a handsome up-and-coming, one of those TikTok-y comics. You don't remember the kid's name? No, I don't. Okay. And she goes, I think he's hot. And I linked them together. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Would you do that? For you, I try to find you girls. No, but would you do that to a stranger?
48:42Andrew Santino:Because I didn't even know who he was. Yeah. If it's a comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For comics, you would. Would you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. your ego you put your ego aside yeah well I mean but you weren't really putting much aside because she didn't want to fuck you and you really did nothing for this person you're like I was like I'm such a great guy that I didn't prevent a woman who had zero interest in me from fucking my friend come on it's good it is good it's nice No, I'll tell you. That made me mad. Joe, let me just say something, okay? I could have been like, fuck off. Yeah, no, I agree.
49:31Andrew Santino:Right? But this guy, I had to fucking text the promoter to get this guy's information, right? And then link them up. That's nice. Then call the guy. I had this girl that kind of rejected me, but she's into you, right? And he goes, really? I don't know you. I go, I know, because I'm a good guy. Oh, you didn't know him? I didn't know him at all. He doesn't even know his fucking name. I don't even know his name to this today. I thought. I thought. So take it back. I take it back. All right. I thought you were saying like he was a guy you kind of knew. You were on a show. No, no, no. You? Yeah, all day.
50:03Andrew Santino:Yeah. Joe DeRosa, why would you want to fuck that mythological creature? But you know what I mean? I would still do it. Yeah. Oh, God, that hurt. Yeah. Mythological creature. Human Gollum. I mean, I guess Gollum was human. Yeah, thank you. All right. So anyway. Was he? yeah yeah he was a hobbit hobbit yeah not human but a hobbit yeah humans aren't yeah yeah um yeah are you seeing anybody now i just broke up uh had to hurt it did yeah it hurt really bad so she did broke up with you no it was mutual i heard we heard about it last night is that true oh yeah yeah you wanted to i talked a lot about it yeah we were broing down yeah you're bro yeah i don't want to get into details because it's personal but do you still get your heart broken that was the first girl I ever was truly like fully in love with like I loved her very much oh this is a nightmare no it's it's okay what did you do wait what's the nightmare because I'm talking about it is that bad it's gonna make him sad no it's not gonna make me sad it's gonna make me sad oh yeah oh I'm not sad you said I'm not sad you sure no okay I'm kind of happy okay
51:14see a little pain it makes me a little happy yeah yeah yeah uh it was mutual she's she's great she's really great uh but it's just was mutual and um we were both comics it made it that that's that's hard locations that's hard um but you know can we say can we it was just kathy griffin no no no it was eric griffith oh that's all right
51:46oh i see did you do the impractical jokers cruise did you do that yeah yeah you like that huh that was fun we had a little fun on there yeah what'd you do piggy on that you're a little fat little piggy slob dude no it was so fun dude we were fucking gambling this is what the q west thing was like just partying yeah i i went back uh to austin after i did it and some of some of the guys in austin like derrick poston and asan and they were like that that q west thing looked nuts like was what was that i was like it was a festival whenever they go just do a ton of stand up i go bro i got through on wednesday my show wasn't until saturday wow my god and they go how many shows did you do?
52:27I go one. And they go, what else did you do? I was like, I don't know. They'd be like, can you go host a belly flop content? It was ridiculous. Yeah. But that's what the Joker's cruise was like. Same thing. Yeah. All I had to do, me and Sal did two Taste Bud lives. That's it. That was all I had to do. The rest of the time, I was gambling. I was fucking drinking. Hanging by the pool all day. Yeah, dude. It was so fun. Hosted like hip hop.
52:53Andrew Santino:I'm going to one in February next year. What are you doing? Where? of a cruise you're doing a comedy cruise? yeah you're not gonna catch me on a cruise man I can't do it I don't I get the panic the fear dude I'm starting to get that with shit like that now where you're trapped and can't leave yeah I don't like that I need to get out I need to be able to have access to like get the fuck out I don't like it there's lifeboats the lifeboats? there's lifeboats on the side I guess I'll take a lot you know what fuck it I'll take a lifeboat dude that reminded me I did the Cabo Comedy Festival I think it only went like one year uh i did that too you did that they flew me down there yeah this is the funniest shit there was no one organizing it it was fucking absolute chaos i saw kevin meanie quick comedy at that fucking no really i'm dead serious go i'm not stepping on no no no there's no story to tell other than i literally flew down there they i didn't do one show didn't do a show five day vacation went home uh they were so disorganized they were like what show are you on i'm like no you guys tell me and they're like i think you're supposed to be at this bar at whatever i showed up to the bar tj miller or somebody was like doing an hour and i was like i'm on this show and they were like i don't know then i literally just stopped answering their emails i just went to the beach every day wow dude fucking great and they paid me yeah that fest was insane it was a nightmare no you know it was a nightmare but they fucking uh i and i wasn't drinking i was like in a little sober stint when i was there good that was not fun no no not at all but uh yeah you're at sammy hagar's fucking tequila world whatever the fuck it's called yeah yeah margaritaville's competitor yeah you can't you're not drinking you're like uh but anyway yeah three things happened down there i got into a fight with hal sparks a fist fight with house no and on stage in front of an audience why uh seth herzog has this show called sweet that he's been doing in new york forever and And the way the show works is he has a co-host.
54:53And you, if you're the co-host, you sit with Seth on the side of the stage. And you riff with the comics. Sure. And like in New York, it'll be like literally like Will Forte or like Justin Long or Sam Rockwell. He gets all these really fun people. And in Cabo, he's like, brother, you've done sweet a million times. Like just co-host with me. It'll be fun. So it's got to be great. So we're sitting there. Of course, we're in a nightmare fucking bar. wherever you know it's not a good show to begin with because of cabo i mean and then um hal sparks went on and i guess he didn't know what the show was and he was talking and i was like and i jumped in and said something he goes he goes i got it from here pal all right i don't need your fucking help uh-oh right like that so dude i sit back i sit back and immediately it's like yeah you know i had a tiger dog yeah yeah remember that clip of you and theo where you're staring at him yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like that yeah and i'm just like you fuck fucker yeah and i'm loading up the bullets and i'm just seething and then halfway through his set he talked to me and i go and he goes i'm talking to you man and i go oh oh i'm sorry do you want me to say something i i tried to jump in earlier and you got really pissed off oh here we go and he goes i didn't know you were so sensitive little sweetie and i go yeah yeah and i go yeah i I didn't know you were a fucking...
56:19Right away. No slow build. Just cum as hard as you can. My hand to God, Bud Friedman was still alive. He was in the back of the room. He stood up and walked out. Wow, wow, wow. That's the guy who owned the improv.
56:35Andrew Santino:I was like, well, there go the improvs. Yeah. And did it ever resolve? Did you ever run into him? I saw him the next day. and I saw him the next day in the lobby and he lectured me for about 10 minutes. Bud did? No, no. How fucking sparks lexious? Lecture, wow. About what? He's like, look man, I'm sorry about last night but you understand something like they didn't tell me what the show was and I'm like, okay. Cool dude. And he's like, every show, I just told this story the other night, it's so hard not to laugh. He goes, every show has an id, an ego, and a superego. Oh, my God. And you have to be familiar with all three.
57:24Now, let me tell you why the show Setless does so well. Was that Preventious Show? Yeah. Where you made up the jokes? Yeah, Setless, yeah. Setless. He goes, let me tell you why Setless does so well. Every week, they reiterate the concept of that show to the audience. and that audience has seen it a million times because that is how you treat the id egos. And I was like, I am going to blow my brains. Kathy Ladman's standing over there. I've never met her. I was like, I'm going to try to talk to Kathy Ladman. I got to get out of this. And then tell me who quit comedy. And then I saw Florentine and I was like right after that.
58:04And he's like, what's up, man? And I go, you know, he's a fucking dick. Hal Sparks. and he goes, ah, yeah, what are you going to fucking do? I was so mad at the lecture. I was more mad at the lecture. Yeah, he's kind of sending. I've never seen him since. Oh, wow. I mean, I'm not, you know. Let's set up a fight.
58:23Andrew Santino:Yeah, I love wars. Let's set up a war. Do you know him? Is he nice? I don't know anything. I know who he is. Yeah. Even if I, I've never even been in the same room as him. I think I've done a show with him once. I don't really know, though. Yeah, I don't know. I had met him at Montreal. And we went, we took a car. Remember sometimes at the Montreal Fest, they'd make you do some show that was actually out of town? Yeah. And it was the worst because you were in a fucking car for 45 minutes with one other comic. I did that with him once. And we got along really well. And that's the first time I met him.
59:01Right. And I knew who he was from the L Word. He was on that Showtime show. oh yeah that's right or no no he was on queer as folk yeah and um so i know who he was oh no yeah and uh and uh yeah you know we we had a great time and then like when we rode back he's like hey man you're really funny dude and like we talked i was like this guy's awesome so when i saw him the next time it was when he was on stage at suite and i was like oh this is i i know how yeah we took that card oh that's it that makes it even weirder yeah yeah i'm actually just remembering that part of it now what yeah i was like i should have told this part first yeah
59:36Andrew Santino:if somebody says back in when i was growing up in this business one weird thing forever dead to me but you have little revengey things too yeah i don't know who i don't know who i know who say it you have it with clubs with play oh certain clubs when you were younger they didn't treat you that well yeah and then you still carry that with you i mean don't we all do that oh yeah i'm fucking yes you do that no liar i love yuck yucks i just i i guess i maybe you do i yeah um you do have them oh yeah yeah yeah i was that one i was i can name five i was that one yeah uh that will remain nameless governor's long island that place can fucking burn to the ground i like governors i don't fuck that whole thing dude that guy made me feel like shit man when i was a kid wait wait which guy it was this was a long time because i'm just wondering if it's some random man i might have got i was getting new york comedy fest so it's probably 2011 or something like that 2010 but he whatever man there was a paper show it was fucking awful there was nobody there and there was a bunch of like it's like out of a bad movie like italian like sitting at a fucking table yeah talking the whole shit talking through every comic like just shitting on everybody that can happen on long island and he's saying shut up and i'm like dude take care of this and they don't take care of it and then i was like well i'll just i don't i don't want to do the show anymore there's not even enough people in here it was like 13 people i was like i'll get i'll you know i'll pay for you guys to not be here if you guys want to leave everybody can leave and they were you know oh they're fucking barking at me and shit and then i just sat on the stool i literally sat and didn't say anything until people slowly got up and left and the guy was like that's the most unprofessional shit i'm taking those ticket prices out of your paycheck or whatever and i was like good and keep the fucking paycheck and write we'll never come back here i i had that with uh off the hook oh my god that fucking captain brian yeah that douchebag that when you meet him he goes hey joe i'm the captain really really why don't you sail on my fucking dick you loser the worst fucking crowds i've ever been in my he lied he said i ran up like a like an impossible bar bill yeah like i had like four shots and a beer at the bar at the vet because you literally two of them before before i went on stage because like this is a fucking nightmare i can't do this and uh and then i had i had to drink on stage and then a drink after whatever and then i left because big big surprise i don't want to hang out at captain brian's off the hook for my night in florida and uh i'm like bro your audiences suck they suck and they're stupid they're stupid it's not my fault he's like yeah you had a bad show you never went down there I'm mad that I was never booked that's how mad I am I don't even know Captain Brian there was two of them right I want to meet Captain Brian I don't know if it's two or he just moved it I did it one time fucking Jim Jeffries Facebook was the only thing Facebook Messenger this was a long time ago then yeah yeah yeah fucking Jim Jeffries who like I was friendly with but didn't know that well he messaged me on Facebook Messenger and he was like mate I know you suffer from depression I know what club you're at this wow wow wow and he goes are you doing okay no it's a nightmare yeah don't walk out into the ocean yeah I go it's a nightmare I go did you do well when you were here and he goes fuck no and he told a story to me that he walked the entire crowd outside so he could have a cigarette wow because he's like it was a fucking joke a drunk lady got on stage with me the last show and tried to wrestle the mic out of my hand and the staff did nothing i was screaming at the fucking staff yeah and then this is my favorite part the end of the week and they go would you sign the uh your headshot what are you yeah what are you gonna do with it yeah put it up above the lobster um it did have a seafood bar in the middle of the room where you're performing really i'm not yeah you went to captain brian sue yes i did i told you i did it one time wow everybody does it one time never even did it one time that's how sad my fucking shit but he had but he yeah i don't even know if he was there when i went down there maybe he was but i went down there and i walked in and immediately i was like fuck fuck people are eating dinner it's dinner it's terrible i got this feeling it was tough man you do you're 45 or no i did the time i will say this dude that does mold you when you're young and you're like fuck it i'm gonna grind the fuck out like it is something good about those things your relationship your experience was obviously terrible but i like i think there's something about those rooms when i did when i was doing them that i was like well this is just gonna make me build of an hour that's also though when i was really in my like i wish i was bill hicks mode oh yeah so i went on stage and i was like i'm doing the material and you're either gonna get it or you you know what i mean like i didn't break out of anything.
1:04:36I didn't do crowd work. I could have. Now I'd be like, I'll figure this out. You don't know the trick? No. What's this trick? Make up your own rules. You make up your own rules. What? Let me ask you this. You don't know the trick? Get one of the biggest podcasts in history. No, no, no, no. This is before. This is way before.
1:04:56Andrew Santino:Somebody, I don't know who did this, but they made up a rule. Opener does 10, 15. Feature does 30. The headliner is 45. You mix it up. Mix it up. Yeah, but Opener does 45. Yeah. You know what I mean? Who cares? Feature does 30. Yeah. He does 10. Yeah. Mix it up. You mix it up, dude. You always, though, you always didn't give a fuck. Do you remember the first time we met at the Laugh Factory in New York opening weekend? Oh, my God. That was the worst week. Yeah, and Jamie was there. Oh, my God. And he had you headlining that main room. Yeah, yeah. And you. Okay. What did I do? You 100 % lit your pubes on fire on stage.
1:05:34100 i know that that i was just like this kid's fucking wild yeah yeah but then we were sitting in the lobby yeah yeah remember there was like that lobby next to the service bar yeah with the booths yeah it was like basically their green room and uh and bobby just was like light and cigs light and cigs there's no doors it's wafting out into the customers jamie runs over he's like bobby Yo what the fuck are you doing Screaming at him Yeah He's like Jamie I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Yeah
1:06:06Andrew Santino:I learned that from Dice Yeah then you go Then you go He lit a cigarette at The gate at LAX At the gate That's insane And he's like I can do And I go You can I can do whatever And then somebody goes Can you put that out And he just stomps it And I learned that behavior It's not me I learned that behavior It's learned It's learned Yeah yeah yeah It's not him But then he would go away mad and you'd be like watch this is gonna be so funny you would do it again and you would run over and scare you you'd be like jamie i'm so sorry i'm sorry yes you'd walk away you'd be like this is so you were cackling cackling like a little maniac i remember i was looking at you like what's what is what are you doing yeah well you know what i was doing well i do yeah but i was but do you know why because that week he made me go on the street and pass out tickets oh you're barking i was barking oh that sucks i was already on mad tv right and he goes buddy no one's coming get out there right and so this is like my first year or two of mad tv and he gives me a stack full of tickets and now during the day i have to just pass out tickets to tourists a fucking nightmare to headline that sucks and then no one showed up anyway so i'm gonna smoke so you're gonna smoke yeah i'm gonna smoke in the club the moral is yeah yeah and that clubs are no longer there right no no it's there yeah it used to be a strip club yeah yeah then it became a then it became the laugh factory then it became a haunted house yeah you said what you said it was a laugh factory yeah yeah yeah but have you been upstairs do you have you seen his collection by the way what are you talking about do you not you've been up there to jamie's you know he collects clowns yeah you've never seen this no oh the hollywood one will fuck you up upstairs is filled with clown in like his office you mean no no no did you know this or in the green room there's a corporate office there's a there's a there's a green room within a green room do you know that yeah yeah and so i found it out maybe four months ago i've been going there for 30 years yeah okay one day i was there i was like so where's arsenio hall and um george lopez and he's like buddy they're in the green room within the green room i go come on i've never known about that he goes okay you can come in and I went in and there's a whole different section where there's clowns and a whole wall of I'm not kidding you a framed whole wall of Ralphie May's t-shirt it's just Jake big t-shirt yeah yeah one shirt one shirt holy shit yeah yeah wait but where is it though it's yeah yeah I know I I just got invited.
1:08:43Let me ask you this.
1:08:44Andrew Santino:Is there like a secret door? It kind of is. Yeah, it's hidden. It's hidden. That's fucked up. It's fucked up, yeah. Normally, you just hang out upstairs in that kind of like lounge area. The landing, yeah. The landing, right. But no, there's a secret room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You'll get in one day. Joe is one of my best friends. He's one of my sweetest comedy mates. I love him. He's one of the funniest people I know. And he has a special out right now. I never promised you a Rose Garden. It's fantastic. Please go watch it Bobby loved it Bobby watched it this week Oh really? I have a Blu-ray He's got it on Blu-ray Did you really watch it or no?
1:09:21Andrew Santino:I've never seen any special He's never seen anyone special ever He's never seen anybody else go up I've never seen this podcast I've never seen anything Yeah I don't watch anybody's podcast I don't read comments I don't just do nothing I just do it and I go home Yeah that's what I do too It's true Thank you for that I'm very proud of the special It's so good I already know it's good Yeah that's a great way to deflect that is funny oh really fuck face how about this joe no it's good i'm giving you how about this joe right go ahead you texted me right yep guess you text me right back who right and guess what you asked for what oh would you would you post my special would you mind and what did i do immediately you posted it exactly yeah so what's the ungratitude about it's not ungratitude what's the hostility about i i was literally complimenting you that that i don't need to see it i know you're great is an awesome deflection that i'm going to use to get out of so many things i mean you might as well i'm dead serious yeah do you know how many fucking people we know that have a goddamn tv show my special my this right that yeah you gotta i always go oh yeah dude nice yeah meaning i watched four minutes of it right just in case they asked me anything it's already good i know it that's why i don't even go to my friends who are director of screenings I hate to watch it yeah but that gives you anxiety I just go in and out it's always not good I don't watch that stuff makes me nervous like watching a thing it's a masterpiece what did you make I don't watch anything I'm in no that's disgusting this was torture because I directed it so I had to sit there I had to sit there I was proud to have done it but it was that's tough yeah i hate it so much easier to be like can you guys just show me a cut yeah just do it for me that's good who said that who's told us that swartzen yeah i don't know someone was like i never have seen any of this i tape it and then they put it together do you have fun here or no in la or on the pod this pod i had a great time i was actually kind of sad when it was done i was having a nice time i'm dead serious don't do rogan hours we do bad friends hours yeah i had a great time you know we could we really should try to do a rogan marathon type of show once just you and i well we should start at like 10 p.m and see how late into the morning we can go oh that'd be fun wouldn't that be just fun we have guests coming in yeah people can pop by if they want yeah yeah you should a marathon you should sometimes guys will do 24 hour that's fucking no way keith and the girl would do that once a year for i think a charity thing yeah i'll do it for a charity thing but it was so fun dude i would literally let's do it i I would literally hit them up at 3 a.m.
1:12:04And I'd be like, hey, guys, just got back from the bar. Like, can I hop on? Come on, dude. Yeah. And I would go on through Zoom and just sit there with them smoking cigs till like 6 in the morning.
1:12:14Andrew Santino:It was so fun. No. Okay. There's no way. Because it's hard enough because we talk so much. That's fine. No, just let me talk. You know, we talk a lot. We talk a lot. You know what I mean? And sometimes it's like enough. Enough talking. yeah get to living yeah yeah i get it yeah i get it i get it all right sign out joe look in the look there thank you guys for having me that's not it oh sorry thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend
1:13:02Yeah
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