The Way of The Whites w/ Pete Holmes

20:43Bobby Lee:This is peak passion and peak performance in a single tablet. That's exactly right. And you've had zero complaints since you've been blue chewing. Yeah. Because the rockets. The rockets. They're launching. They're launching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you want to launch your rocket like Bobby Lee, we've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10 % off your first month of blue chew gold with the code BADFRIENDS. That's promo code BADFRIENDS. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast. Kachava! I love cachava. We love cachava.

21:14Yeah, cachava is, I'll honestly say, I think it saved my life. Wow. Because I eat terrible food. I'm being real. You do eat a lot of bad food. I eat terrible food, right? And when I drink a cup of delicious cachava, right? The coffee flavor is amazing. This is so good. I love this mint chocolate flavor, right? Very good. And when you're drinking it, it's like, it tastes better than any smoothie that you would ever make. Just water and powder, right? It gives you what? nutrition i'm gonna tell you energy digestion strength all right metabolism they got so much

21:46Bobby Lee:metabolism yeah yeah yeah you can support your all-day energy with five key vitamins and minerals okay uh nature a healthy metabolism with b vitamins minerals and fiber you can support your mind and your nervous system with essential minerals that are in here you're nourishing your immune system with vitamin c zinc and probiotics it is so good and by the way the flavors the flavors are delicious sometimes you know these powder drinks a lot of people are like oh i don't like the way it tastes this is so good because they've got chocolate vanilla chai matcha coconut acai, strawberry, coffee, so many good flavors.

22:14That's not my favorite part of it though. What is it? No artificial flavors, colors, or sweeteners. No GMO ingredients, no soy, no animal products, no gluten, and no preservatives.

22:23Bobby Lee:This is just clean nutrition, you guys, to feel whatever your day takes you, wherever you go. No fillers, no nonsense. You have to treat yourself right now. Just two scoops provide 25 grams of protein, six grams of fiber, greens, adaptogens, and so much more. So treat yourself to the flavor and the nutrition your body craves. Go to cachava.com and use the promo code BADFRIENDS for 15 % off your first order. That's Kachava. K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com. Code bad friends. Rocket money. I'll tell you this right now. The biggest gift that you've ever given me, my friend, is rocket money. I'll tell you why.

22:52Because I was bleeding money from subscriptions. So many. That I didn't use anymore. And it's like. Wasting money. And you can find out what, you know what I mean, you're not listening to or what you're paying for. That you're not using. That I'm not using anymore, right? And you can eradicate it.

23:11Bobby Lee:That's right. You can eradicate it with just a few taps. Rocket Money is pretty impressive. They've saved users over$880 million in cash and subscriptions. That's so much money that's going wasted out into the world on stuff that you thought you might like at one time. You threw it on your phone. You forgot you had it. And you can set budgets. You can set goals. You can get personalized insights and regular reports to receive real-time alerts for transactions, upcoming bills, and refunds. And I'm telling you, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that's going to help you service all of your financial goals.

23:38Bobby Lee:in one spot if you use all of the services. The app consolidates checking savings loans and investments into a single dashboard to get users a clear view of their financial picture. It's pretty incredible, man. And these automated savings that grow, they can grow towards the goals that you have no matter what it is, whether it's a car, a vacation, a birthday gift for someone that you love and adore. And you can do a set it and forget it approach because they've got adjustable amounts and the frequency which you can save. Rocket Money has all this all in one place. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

24:18Bobby Lee:Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. That's rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. Rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. I said respect I'm down. He said respect I'm down black power to two white women, two white lesbians and then came back and sat down. Wow. And I was like why did you do this? Why'd you do the fist? I didn't know what else to do. When someone says I'm a lesbian, you put up a black power fist? There are white people's hand gestures that you're allowed to do. Yeah, this one. You can do this one. Yeah, you can do that one.

24:50You can wave. You can do peace. You can do shaka. Oh, shaka's good. I think shaka's good. You can do heavy metal. Rock on. But you cannot What? Do this! You can't do that. Okay. So that was your opening line. Have you seen? Have you seen Shrek? Yeah. And then, well, yeah, Andrew gave it to me and then I said that and then they laughed and they said, but you also kind of look like the berries and cream kid. He does. Our first commercial.

25:21Bobby Lee:Berries and cream, berries and cream. Do you think that opening would work for me if I walked up to a group of girls at a bar and I said, you ever watch Despicable Me? And they go, yeah. I go, Minion. do your sound do your minion it's my favorite when you do that on stage it's my favorite sound you do when I listen to that bit that's my favorite sound because you always go yeah that's not a good opener to me but it landed they got a huge laugh of course it did because it's self deprecating it's funny it's easy it's not saying like what are you chicks up to it's not like a bro energy he just went have you guys seen shrek yeah and they go of course and he goes it's me it's lord farquad yeah beautiful then they loved it it was endearing i love the lesbians the one girl was straight though yeah you asked for the wrong girl's number and here's the thing about um so they weren't seeing each other no no they were just friends at the bar ah because in that situation and i don't want any fucking flack from anybody because this is my opinion yeah you're allowed to have it yeah yeah is I think one should be hot, one should be not.

26:30Bobby Lee:If it's one's gay and one's not? No, if they're both two lesbian couples. You can't have two hot lesbians? It drives me crazy. Why? Because it's too off the market. Oh, you think they took it from you? It's like, you know, it's like the, I'm going to just say, Carlos, do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Yeah, okay. Two different markets, man. Yeah, I'm going to just tell you about this, the exchange in rank. You're at the meat market, they're at the fish markets. Two different markets. So my old hang up back in the 70s and 80s is this, right? That Asian women were fetishized. Still are. I know, right?

27:05And white dudes would get them, right? And say, I'm dating Danny, an Asian woman would say. But we never got to get with white girls. I think the exchange rate was very poor. You exclusively date white women now. I know, but I figured out the game. He's trying to correct the balance. And also times have changed. So now I'm used to going on stage And see a mid-Asian dude With a hot white Because just the times have changed Who you're referencing What?

27:35Bobby Lee:The mirror Who you're referencing Who's the hot Asian guy Who's the mid-Asian guy With the hot Me Yeah Someone that looks like me I'll see with a very attractive white girl And now it makes sense Back in the 70s, 80s though The exchange rate We got nothing And they got all of it and even white girls and black girls didn't like us. So I think we're the original incels, right? Could you ever date what you couldn't date? I 100 % would. I would marry Candace Owens right now. Oh my God. Hmm. I think she likes white guys. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't have a shot. But there's something about Candace Owens because I feel like I'll lay in bed and won't be bored.

28:14I don't think she sleeps. I have no racial preferences on anything. You know what I mean? If they're attractive and you know what I mean? Indian I'll do you know what I mean I don't yeah there's not one I mean maybe there is a couple but uh it's only because I've never met them before well it's not in your circle there's some certain people I've never met before and I'll never meet like Eskimo who I would love what is it it's Inuit right Inuits Inuit but with more of an Asian slant it's Inuits I I mean you know

28:46Bobby Lee:you're gonna get uh it's like it looks like Native American and and oh I love the Native American. It looks like Native American and Asian combined. Yeah. It's a great combo. And penguin, a little bit.

28:57Bobby Lee:You can take that. You can have that one. You can have that one? Yeah, have that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want that. Yeah. I'm touching that. Yeah. Just because penguins live up north. I got it. Okay. I think they got it. Alright. I was just throwing out a joke. I loved it. I have nothing against Eskimos. Inuit. Inuits. Okay. I love them all. Okay. I love Native Americans, but there's... So I've never been an Eskimo. I've met Hmong now. That's pretty cool. Well, we had a ton at our show. Yeah, we have a ton of Hmongs, very attractive people. A lot of Hmong fans. Yeah. But there's, I don't think, maybe I've met everyone.

29:31I don't know. Close. What is one that, you know what I haven't met is that island where they're still tribal and they kill the Christians that try to go to the island and they kill them?

29:40Bobby Lee:Yes, the term Eskimo is considered offensive, derogatory, and outdated by many indigenous people, particularly in Canada and Greenland. It's a colonial label. while still used by some in Alaska. It's increasingly replaced by civic group names like Inuit, Inukapak, or Yupik. I'm sorry, I can't pronounce that. Can I tell you a fun fact about this? Right? So you know those Iranian Lego videos? Have you seen those? What has Lego got to say about this? This is what I'm saying. This is what I'm saying. Is Lego going to sue? No, I'm going to tell you why. Yeah. Lego is where, where is Lego, their headquarters?

30:14Germany, right? Denmark.

30:15Bobby Lee:Oh, Denmark, that's right. Who does Denmark run? Who does Denmark run? Greenland. Denmark, well, they're, yes. Right? Yes. And who tried to take Greenland? We did. They're not going to complain. They're not going to complain. Interesting. Interesting. But, yeah, so they're fighting their war through this as well. It's also ironic. We have a lot of Iranian friends here in Los Angeles. Yeah. That's even crazier. Yeah, I went up to Amir Kay last night. Yeah. He had tears in his eyes. Well, it's shit. Yeah, and I walked, because his dad's in Iran. That's right, yeah. Right, and I hugged him, and I whispered in his ear, and I sincerely went, I'm so fucking sorry, dude.

30:54Bobby Lee:Yeah, it sucks. It fucking sucks. And he can't even sometimes get in contact with him. Wow. Imagine that. No, I mean, it's insane. Yeah, yeah, and he's like, he gets worried. You know what I mean? And he told me the city that his dad is in, and I'd never heard of it before. I can't repeat it. I don't know what it is, but it's not Tehran. It's like, you know, more rural. but he's still like scared because you know i mean turban he's in turban turban god you're so good turban yeah not turan that's what i'm doing right now it was a joke but it's what i'm doing right now yeah i'm looking right at you thank you yeah yeah turban was a joke it was well tehran turban turban it was a bad your play on words sometimes sometimes yeah they go be on my head yeah well when they go over your head it's a bummer because it misses and then it doesn't miss it with the audience though no they hate it they do i think so clip those yeah we'll clip those no it is it is very sad and also uh you know um the end is near so there is a feeling of end is near i mean the other day we talked about vietnam war bobby sat on the couch backstage and we talked about he said aren't you scared yeah and i said i don't know what do you want me to do there's nothing i can do yeah he has a really weird way of like you know like if it ends it ends because what i'm it's the same way i feel on an airplane.

32:12Bobby Lee:I can't control this. It's not... If the plane crashed... Yeah. Okay. But what are your thoughts right before it hits? The plane? Are you screaming or not? Are you a... Because I'll be screaming. No chance. You're not screaming? Dead silent. Oh, dude, you have night terrors, you pussy. That's not real. That's true. When it really is happening, you're not going to be screaming. You're not going to do that? Dead silent. He falls asleep on a plane and he has a night terror as it's crashing. Don't! That's double. That's double. Imagine. Imagine what you would do. Okay? I wouldn't be screaming if the plane went down.

32:50Bobby Lee:How about you, Carlos? I screamed on the way to London. Yeah, he gets very nervous on planes. I yell fuck really loudly. It was bad. When we took a flight as a family recently, you did get a little panicked of the winds. I get nervous on planes, yeah. But you got to know that it's fine. Oh, yeah. It's just my body doesn't realize that. But if it did crash... We're on TMZ. It's great. Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino Die with other friends aboard Oh yeah yeah They might not even mention your names No there's no way but like There could be like a picture in slide 4 Yeah but you don't get a sign at the comedy store No That's so funny That's the only thing I want I already told them you know that right It's gotta be up for two weeks When you die Sometimes because when a comic dies They put it up for two days two days sometimes it's a day a day i get two weeks and they made an agreement peter did sure it's weird to replace it it's just like you take it down and it's chocolate sundaes right after bobby lee chocolate sundaes yeah yeah the old dude that'd be fucking that'll break my heart in heaven that's a funny wherever i go it's funny filming we'll put it on our patreon when we die they'll take our name down and replace it with uh whatever whatever what's goop show terrible horribly funny horribly funny coming up this week in the store as they take down to r.i.p bobby lee dude that would break my fucking heart well that's what you know classically in los angeles the running joke was that they always did a laugh factory their sign always said make god laugh yeah and then the name yeah the store would just put rip to the person yeah yeah but make god laugh it's it's just it's almost condescending yeah but you know what they would say a lot somebody told me this joke if you die they would put literally make god raff

34:35johnny sands just told me that so funny they're gonna put god make god wrath make god wrath yeah i'll tell you in that scenario if the plane goes down right that if i had a kid i wouldn't scream because i would hold their hand and i i would have to have a stoicism but you don't have a child so what would you scream yeah you scream yeah yeah i would scream yeah you gotta scream oh i would a muck in there. What does this say? I'd worsen it.

35:01Bobby Lee:Yeah, yeah. Oh, you said people giving the ick on airplanes? No, there's like, you don't want to scream when the plane goes down, so you don't give a hot girl the ick. Right, right, as you're dying. Yeah. Is it somebody that you're seeing? No. No, he's just saying in general. Yeah. If I was with a girl I was seeing, seriously, I would hold their hands. Depending on what they do, I would do the same, I think. One forehead kiss. I'd say goodbye. I would do an Eskimo nose rub. That'll last one. What? Inuit. An Inuit. Sorry, my bad. I didn't learn my lesson. Inuit kiss. An Inuit kiss. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

35:36But, yeah, you know, here's the thing. Sometimes when there's really bad turbulence, I don't get scared. Because you're at the front of the plane, it's not as bad. We're in the back where it's really bad.

35:48Bobby Lee:In the back, you actually are more likely to survive. Yeah. You know that? The front usually gets killed first. Yeah. Back survives. You're 35F, you might live. You're 2B. Your head is through the front window of the plane. Yeah. During heavy turbulence, I always ask for a drink. You do? It's like really, really bad. I'm always like, can I get a coffee? And they're just sitting felt in it. They're all sitting in a building. What? Just a little coffee. And they're like, it's this. Fucking insane. That's insane. No, I don't. I'm kidding. Yeah, you know. I always think of scenarios of what I would do to survive.

36:25Run to the back. No I wouldn't run to the back What I would do is I think I would do this midair You know what I mean

36:33Bobby Lee:You stand up and do the mangina while it's crashing Give everyone a laugh as the planes go down Do a silence of the lambs Yeah Maybe get one laugh right Just get completely naked or something But you know If it's over the ocean I would get naked Do you know why Because you're going to swim No I'd be dead so that i don't it's about the environment so the sharks just eat me whole you think the clothes without clothes and my fucking shark comes golden goose shoes no he's wearing golden goose i can't eat him yeah because usually they're gonna you know a shark's gonna be on a beach and they're gonna find my golden shark comes up to you he's like is that a maid worn shirt i don't want to ruin that yeah shark's like you know that's like a 300 shirt i'm not eating through that yeah yeah Out of respect, the shark has respect.

37:24I think I would get naked so that they can eat an orca. You know what I mean? Yeah.

37:29Bobby Lee:Right? They can just eat me quick. I love how you think clothes are going to deter these animals from eating you. You're in their house. They're going to eat you. It's not that. I don't want them to get diarrhea or get a stomach. Oh, you're concerned with their diet. Yes. That's smart. Just eat me whole. Eat me whole. One big gulp. One big gulp, right? Because they have to tear the shirt. Probably they don't. They just eat you, bud. They'll just take that with it. It's like, you know, even if I had like a, you know, sometimes you eat a piece of candy and you get some of the wrapper in there no i don't same thing for sharks no i don't oh fuck can i tell you what happened to me yesterday please so yeah so okay so honey went to colada's house right so i had no one in the house all alone and i don't know how to cook okay and sometimes you eat healthy who does right i've never boiled a hard egg before i've never boiled a hard egg either yeah i'm being serious i've never hard boiled an egg in in my life.

38:20You never hard boiled an egg?

38:21Bobby Lee:Not interested in it. I like them. I like them if I can go get them and they're made. I don't want to make it at home. I tried. It's so hard. That's why it's called hard boiled eggs. Something more horrifying happened when I did it though. So I went to ChatGPT and I'll never go back to ChatGPT again to like teach me how to cook something. Cause they're wrong. It's wrong? It's wrong. Okay. And number two, I'm boiling them and I see one of the eggs and sticking out of the egg is a fucking feather. What? A balut? You throw a balut in there? And I'm like, what the fuck? And I have a photo of it. Yeah.

38:58Yeah. You're not going to -

39:00Bobby Lee:Send it to Carlos so we can look at it together. I'll send it to Carlos right now. Store-bought eggs occasionally have feathers on them. It's less common in the United States due to industrialized washing processes. These feathers are incidental remnants from the natural nesting and laying process. Sometimes, surprisingly, are generally safe. You could eat it. you ever crack an egg and then the shell gets in there and you're tired you're like i'll just eat it i'll eat the shell it doesn't it does not matter it doesn't matter it's cooked what's gonna happen it's just a little shell you poop it out you'll grind it up so this is the picture of the egg that was hard boiled at your house yeah so go to the first picture oh my god yeah and that that was sticking out of the egg see the one little white hair right there there was an opening right and there was a feather coming oh i just got the shivers oh i oh i i know i don't know why i'm getting i still ate it oh yeah yeah yeah i still ate it it's still good the egg why open it and there's not there's not like it's not pollute there's not like you know what i mean because if that happened i would probably sue so now did this make you never want to hard boil again i can never cook it again no more hard boy also when i opened it it was all gooey you know what i mean it was all good because i didn't know how because chat chit pd fucked me up why don't just buy them pre hard-boiled to be fair okay go ahead andre it is putting an egg on water yeah and boiling the water for 10 minutes that's it that's that's as complicated as no you okay you say it like it's easy yeah yeah you say it like it's easy but when you've never done it before and so this is what chat gtb said if i may if i may argue go off okay yeah chat gpt said put it in cold water yes right All three eggs Similar to a boil Then count eight minutes Okay I did the same exactly the way They said to do it You do ten minutes instead of eight and that's it Right but the Chachibidi said Anywhere from seven to ten minutes So for me it's like Oh I'll pull it out eight and a half nine minutes That makes sense I don't want super hard or boiled I want hard boiled you know what I mean I don't know what happens if you overcook it I don't think anything oh okay I don't know nothing happens no the fart smell ruminates for longer okay because it will it does make your whole house smell all right so I can buy hard-boiled eggs at the store I think that's what I'm gonna do they're bagged we get that we get these at the house they're bagged I don't know if they're processed because I get free range vital farms baby right okay good ethical eggs happy hens all right that's what I'm gonna do from now on ethical eggs happy Yeah, you don't need to do it anymore.

41:29Bobby Lee:We had Chinese food the other night, by the way. Chinese food is some of the greatest food in the world. When it goes in the fridge, it does something to the fridge. I don't know what it does to the fridge, but it makes all the other food smell like Chinese food. I don't know how they've done that. Something in the chemical makeup of Chinese food doesn't do that with ramen, not Indian, not Thai. Chinese food goes in the fridge. Everything in your fridge is Chinese food now. Can I ask you a question? I had a piece of celery. It was Chinese food. I wanted celery with peanut butter. I was eating Chinese food.

41:58Bobby Lee:It was bamboo for some reason. Can I ask you what brand of refrigerator you have? I think it's a Sub-Zero. Is that right? I actually don't know the brand of the fridge. I'm Sub-Zero. Yeah. I have a Scorpion fridge as well. When you open it, it goes, get over here. That's what I have. Finish him. Yeah. It says that about your meals. Finish your meals. All you can eat. Yeah. I don't know. I think that's my fridge. Do you have a nice fancy fridge? There's no self-circulating thing in there or no? Self-circulating? Yeah, yeah. What does that mean? Just a way that... Don't laugh at McCone. I'm not a scientist.

42:41Why are you laughing at him, McCone? Yeah.

42:43Bobby Lee:I just like the way self-circulating sounds. You have a mini fridge. You don't even have a full fridge at your house. You have a little mini fridge? What do you put in there? His mini meals. Oh, you have mini meals in there. Peanut butter for sure. Jelly for sure. How does Brad Williams not have his own brand of mini fridge? I know he should do that. A self-circulating ground fridge is a sustainable non-electric cooling system that utilizes underground temperatures to store food similar to traditional root cellar. Oh, do you have one of those? Wow, that's very nice. No electricity needed for your fridge.

43:10No, I have what you have. It doesn't circulate. Oh, it does not? Yeah. I think because I'm Asian, I'm just used to everything tasting like Chinese.

43:19Bobby Lee:Everything always tastes like Chinese. The old milk tastes like Chinese, yeah. Do you still put a box of baking soda in the freezer? Why would you do that? Do you not know about this? No, tell me everything. See, look, he's nodding. That's a Midwest thing. You put batteries in the fridge? Batteries you put in the fridge, yeah. I buy them at the store. But you put them in the fridge, it keeps them longer. Keeps them longer, they can last a long time. I'll buy them at the store. Right. You know what I do? Placing an open box of baking soda in the freezer is an effective natural way to neutralize orders preventing food from absorbing strange smells.

43:43Bobby Lee:It is funny. For some reason, you just open the box and it just makes your freezer not smell. It's old, this is old white people stuff. It's like putting your... I loved, because you know what? You never learned this, huh? Not only that, like, I want to learn the ways. The ways of the whites? The ways of the whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is the first information you gave me for the way of the whites. I'll give you a couple more. Yeah, so baking soda in the freezer. Give me more way of the whites. Put your jeans in the freezer for one full day, and you can get rid of it. Like, say you go to Vegas, you get...

44:11Bobby Lee:Yeah, but what if... I'm just going to say, if you get smoke on your jeans, cigarette smoke, and like, say you go to a place that it just, like, stinks them up, but they're not dirty. You didn't sweat in them. but you don't want to wash them because that fucks up denim you fold them and put them in a freezer for like a day, a day and a half smells gone. Okay. You never put jeans in the freezer? That's a white people thing. Yeah, I wish I would have interrupted because I had a joke. Oh go. I can't anymore. Please. What? Please. How do I take the jeans out of my body? So dumb. You can't go in the freezer.

44:41Bobby Lee:You're not allowed. What's other white It might have worked when Do you think or no? No. No? Okay. What's some other way of the white. Yeah, way of the white. Let's talk about way of the white. Now, is your butter in the fridge or is your butter on the counter? What? Is your butter on the counter or in the fridge? My butt is inside on my body. Another one. Another. Another banger. Gene. Another Gene. Another Gene joke. Pretty good. Special two on the way. Hi, sweetheart. Pete Holmes, everybody. Pete Holmes. How you doing? How you doing? My name is Andrew Rice Clay.

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46:04You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider, typically within, guess what, 48 hours. No way. Yes, dude.

46:12Bobby Lee:Yeah, wow. Well, I got to tell you, Bobby and I are both big proponents on this show. We've talked about our mental health. We really do love, love the ability we have to talk to someone. It's amazing. And I think you should take care of yourself, not just this month, but every month, but especially this month with Talkspace. Talkspace is in network with most major insurance plans. But if you pay out of pocket as a listener of this podcast, you're going to get$80 off your first month with Talkspace. When you go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends, enter that promo code space 80. That's Space 80, S-P-A-C-E 80, to match with a licensed therapist today.

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48:21Bobby Lee:That's AvocadoGreenMattress.com slash BadFriends. AvocadoGreenMattress.com slash BadFriends. Shopify! We have an online business. We wouldn't have one without Shopify. Shopify is the best. Get started with your own design studios. Don't you? I mean, my dream as a young man was always having a design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Well, here's the deal. No matter how big or small your business is, you need to accelerate your efficiency, whether you're uploading new products or you're improving existing ones or managing the future.

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49:21Bobby Lee:It's time to turn those what ifs into cha-ching with Shopify today. That's exactly right. Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash badfriends. That's shopify.com slash bad friends. Shopify.com slash bad friends. Ladies and gentlemen, Pete Holmes. Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey. I'm so happy to be. All right, so before you came, we were talking about - Before you start, before you start, I want to give a shout out to Pete, one of our oldest friends in the business who's a phenomenal comedian who has a special right now available out right now on YouTube.com. YouTube.com.

49:56Bobby Lee:We're going to put the link in the description down below, but please go watch Pete's special. Please do watch it. Thank you. One of the funniest people on planet Earth. I really appreciate that. Thank you, Slamtino. Well, you know I mean it. Okay, ask him away. Okay, so before you got here, I want to learn the way of the white. You want to learn the way of the white? I was coaching him on way of the white. So what happened was I brought up baking soda in the freezer, which is a way of the, that's a white thing. It's a way of the white. In the fridge, you mean? You can do both. Okay, very white.

50:21Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I can do half white? I'm only half white. Okay, that's very white. That's very white. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ginger double white. Ginger double. You can do double white. What's another way over the white? Double white. Let me guess. Do you polish your baseball glove?

50:36Bobby Lee:Well, polish is such an insane. No, we oil it. Yeah, you oil it. Put a band around it. Although the Asians are huge in baseball. The Japanese. Okay. Yeah. I know you're Korean. First of all, Koreans love baseball. What? Koreans love baseball. Name me one famous Korean baseball player. Johnny Chan. Johnny Chan. He's so good. He can do anything. At least for the Astros. Anything that's a gamble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is a way of the white? I want to answer that question. Well, I'm trying to think. Stuff like this. Like in Penny Loafers, we actually would put pennies in the Penny Loafers. That's a way of the white.

51:09I was with subtle, pretty good name drop, Judy Greer. Let me grab this. Do you know who Judy Greer is? Oh, well, she was in one of my favorite Tarantino movies. Is that Judy Greer? Is she in a Tarantino movie?

51:21Bobby Lee:I don't think so. That's Pam Greer. Oh, that's Pam Greer. Oh, quality. And they are sisters. Pull up two photos. Let's see. You know Judy Greer from Arrested Development? Oh, I know Judy. Yeah, yeah. She's very, very funny and wonderful. And one of my dear friends, she outwhited me, I think, with the loafers, because if she sees a penny on the street, we all know if you see a penny, pick it up all the day, you'll have good luck. You know that? But then she knew a second verse, which is like, put the penny in your shoe and good old things will happen to you. And I'm walking around with her and she's like, oh, there's penny in my shoe.

51:51And I'm like, why do you have a penny in the shoe? That's double white. How are the I agree with buying Girl Scout cookies. If I see Girl Scout cookies for sale, I'm like, this is way of the white. I have to buy 12 bucks. We don't do it because of the chemicals and all. It's the worst made in terms of unhealthiness, the Girl Scout cookies. No. Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah, it's the most unhealthiest cookie you can buy. Tell me why. To whom? Sorry, Backstreet Boys real quick. Science.

52:16Bobby Lee:Tell me why. Real quick, BBB. Yeah, BBBs. Science. Okay, science. Yeah, yeah. Look up Girl Scout cookies if they're unhealthy because I like eating them a lot. and I do like supporting little tiny white girls with their parents. Do you ever have Samoa Samoan anxiety? I'll only eat Samoas with Samoans. I have to go to the Pacific Island. All I need is an inflatable chair and an unreliable mic sound and I'll have a good time on a Sunday. What does it say? Ooh, reports claimed in 2005, safety allegations claim trace amounts of heavy metals like mercury and caramel delights. Nobody eats those. And pesticides like glyphosate.

52:48Bobby Lee:Get to the Samoans. Many flavors are high in saturated fats containing more than 20 % of the daily vellus. This is nothing. That's nothing. This is nothing. I need like, it's not sugar, it's lye. The Guardian up top maintains, up top maintains, up top maintain the cookies are safe to eat. I love that you couldn't spell particularly. Just, oh my God. I like that you couldn't spell particularly. He'll type in Google into the Google bar. I've done that. You ever, you're in a trance and you yelp, yelp. So I was wrong about that. I will get them from now on. Thank you. What about, okay. I just went on a talk show and they had these bars called David bars.

53:21I was like, you know, David bars? Yeah. That's not a white thing. It's not a white thing. Well, don't worry. I'm going to white it up. Okay. I will reliably white this up. Okay. I pay my taxes quarterly. That's pretty white. Same. Never done that. That's very good. This is socioeconomic tension. You can see quarterly. I'm glad I introduced socioeconomic tension. I'm going to have to write these away in the white room. No, no, no. We'll - Remind you. I'll re-listen. You should tell your business manager, do you get really overwhelmed every time this

53:48Bobby Lee:time of year with a huge payment? Bobby has no idea how much money is in his bank account at any given time. I would definitely be fleecing Bobby. Wouldn't you? 100%. I've told him so much. Just a little off the top. His business manager is stealing. Just a little off the top. I've called this man. I call this man. No, don't get nervous. I'm joking. I don't think they would. Because they'll go to jail if they're doing it. They're not really doing it. Don't really worry. He's about 86 years old. He lives in Marina del Rey. He runs the business out of his apartment. I've called him. It's insane.

54:12Bobby Lee:Oh, the business manager? Yeah. Okay, yeah. I've called him and I go, hey man, I think we need to fund the Bad Friends account. We're about to go back out and we're gonna pay for some stuff. Takes him about a month and I have to get back to us. I love that. I love that for no one. He's like, I gotta go chisel the gold out of this tomb I'm keeping it in. It's, dude, honestly, you're getting stolen from 100%. Oh no. Don't worry about that. I wanna keep Bobby light. I wanna keep Slammy light. I wanna keep Bobby light. Look at this face. I don't know. I'm teasing, he's not stealing from you. He's a reliable, wonderful person.

54:39Bobby Lee:We're making a joke, it's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show and what it is, David Wars. So if you look at a David bar, it says it has 30 grams of protein or something. and it has 150 calories guess what that is impossible yeah that's like chemically impossible and i googled it i like because i had to know i was like are david bars lying and it's like yes they have like 300 i don't know this by the way don't fucking come after me you chiseled ceo you gorgeous man with fucking muscle tone from all your impossible to even do that i i mean protein itself is pretty high in calories that's one of the problems oh well it's one of actually the benefits of it if you're using it right but also i should be asking you you secret muscle can we go back to the way of the white secret can we go back way with the white how did well first of all you brought up that why is that white well that's not i would argue why why did you say it's not it's not i said i'll keep it white just by being me protein bars are inherently a white guy snack this is a hundred i do not see i eat them yeah yeah yeah because you associate with whites and you're dating a white you're how about a gallon of milk on the table on the dinner table never done that that's the way of the white oh good the way i also can i observe there's an observation i've had ever since a kid you guys make up your own language tell me that we don't understand tell me what do you mean well i i saw particularly spelling it correctly you didn't misspell it join join me in the hot tub yeah may god raff anyway uh thank god that's That's going to be my, when I die at the Laugh Factory, that's what it's going to say.

56:11Is that prearranged? Yeah, it's prearranged. Oh, make God wrath.

56:15Bobby Lee:What's our language that we try to hide stuff from you in? Well, I first noticed it in the 70s as a kid. Okay. I saw the movie Grease. We talked about this already, right? But I'm going to say it again because Pete's new to this. I'm new to this. Right? I'm new to this. And I realized that you guys have your own language from a song. We come together like shama, shama, shama. ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-dong. That's your own white language. Really? Yeah. Here's how incorrect you are. There's a riff here, but I don't want to risk my career for it. Do it. Yeah, I don't know. I want to hear him say shama-lama-lama-ding-dong again.

56:49Bobby Lee:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Go ahead, do it again. Is that racist? No. Right. And nobody's saying or thinking anything. We come together. No one's even... Shama-lama-lama-ding-a-ling-a-dong. That's your own language. Nobody's... Sounds like you guys. No, okay. That was the riff. That was the riff. That was the riff.

57:08We are coming together.

57:12Oh, you mean physically. We can't even say it, so that's your language. We can't even physically say it.

57:17Bobby Lee:Yeah, but we stole that from like jazz and soul that were making up words. That's right. Well, give me a soul singer that was there. I mean, we stole that. So black people have their own. Here's white, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. What do you, what do you? That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honey Nut Cheerios is a little bit whiter. Cheerios. Ooh, HNC. Cheerios. I think regular life is white. Yeah. Not cinnamon, but regular life. Just regular life is white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy to say. I knew you meant the cereal, though. No. I meant the whole philosophy of life. Remember that great Seinfeld bit where he goes, the gall to call your cereal life.

57:55How about a bowl of Almighty God? How about that? No. You don't know this bit? Because if you don't like it, you can go to hell. Yeah. That's a great bit. Is it? It is a good bit. You're not sure? I hate it. You hate it too. It's one of those bits that you go, ah, I don't know, but then you do like it. Well, how about this? I'm a Wheaties guy. Wheaties? That's ours.

58:15Bobby Lee:That's ours for sure. Is that you for sure? Cinnamon Live, what else do I do? I think Wheaties is the ultimate immigrant. Like you come to America and you're like, I'm gonna fucking be on the Wheaties box. I mean that when I say immigrant, I mean that in the most positive way. Like Shohei Ohtani? Hmm? He's probably on the Wheaties box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Marty supremacy? Did you guys see the Marty supremacy? Yeah, yeah. Oh, he was the best Jason Bourne. Yeah, he was. Did he see his box? I hope so. Who? Shohei, he's not on there. Golden Grahams? Golden Grahams is white, right? I love Golden Grahams.

58:48Is that white or Asian? It kind of has an Eastern flavor, like you must get past the Golden Grahams. Yeah, like a gate. Like a what?

58:56Bobby Lee:Look up Golden Grahams box. It's in the box. If you said nothing. Yeah. What was it? Because they used to have a brown bear as their mascot. Remember that guy? Never saw him. No, no, no. That's golden. That's a golden. Can't get enough. Super golden crisp. Super golden crisp. Golden crisp. All right. So did I get through all of the way of the whites? No, there's so many more things. I mean. Oh, microwaving your coffee. That's a way of the white. That's a mom white. We've never done that. Mom white. Wow. Changing. How about this? Putting gas in your car before it gets to empty. That is remarkably.

59:28Bobby Lee:That took my breath away. That is such a white guy thing. That took my breath away. I don't even understand what you said, so say it slowly to me. Putting gas in your car before it gets to E. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wait. It's got to be blinking. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The light. No, the way of the light. I've never seen the gas light in my car. Oh, wow. My entire life. Because can I say this? I fill up gas in the same way that I wash my car or get a haircut. It's based on mood. It's mood. I'm in a great mood. Fill it up. Fill it up. That's insane. I'm full of it. Fill it up. You know what? My car says one mile left.

59:59Wow. That's when I fill it up. Right. What kind of car is it? It's a Hyundai. Make the joke. I want. It's a great car. Did you make the car?

1:00:12Clip it. Is this live? Yeah. Do you clip? We edit. Yeah. Yeah, we clip. We're on the top podcast in the world, you fuck daze. I know, I know. You don't even insult me. Why? Why do you think I would be here promoting my special? Why do you think I would be here promoting Silly Silly Fun Boy? Please watch Silly Silly Fun Boy right now on YouTube.

1:00:31Bobby Lee:Top of the hour here on Bad Friends Pete Holmes from Silly Silly Fun Boy Welcome back to Top of the Hour It's 10.09 in the PM Did you know that's against the law Because radio used to be used for like It still is used for like Army and that sort of stuff You have to say who you are That's an old law Like if you do like serious or whatever Terrestrial raid not serious They have to go like WKBBL Top of the hour 45.9 Because people would be like in the old days They'd be like who are you identify yourself Really because Army used it as well You're cramming up the frequency. And they'd be like, it's all these 103.3 WZLX.

1:01:06What year is this? That's what I'm saying. World War II, I imagine, right? World War II. So you couldn't hear, I'm going to go to Pearl Harbor. I will say, you guys have a magic. How come you didn't pick up that frequency? You have a magic. Yeah, you mean? We did. Benedict Cumberbatch fucking cracked the code. Yeah. Nice try. You didn't get that frequency? We had a lanky gay crack their code.

1:01:32Bobby Lee:I didn't hear that one. Yeah, you should have heard that. So you Raiders won't come back then. What? That's another way of the white. What's your common go-to code if you're doing a radio impersonation? WKBBL. As if we all have one. Isn't that fun? WKQX. I just love WKQX because I'd never heard. I literally don't have one. This is a way of the white. This is a way of the white. That's another way of the white. Being ready to have a fake. I'm LLBD. Is that a good one? I wanted more for a lanky gay cracked your code like that. None of us saw the imitation. I loved it. So fun. So fun. But what bragging rights?

1:02:05I got one. Fucking big ass army generals are like, we got a lanky gay on your code. Like how fun is that? How fun is that that general had to shake hands with someone he probably had an issue with in those days? Right. He was like, good job. Gotta hand it to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eating the steak. Yeah, I love it. Fucking deal with it. Mac and cheese with butter. That's a white thing. That's, you add a little extra butter. Butter. That's insane. Anything on the mac and cheese box, it says, because if you want to make this a little bit better. Butter. That's the way I use Sriracha. No, that we've, we've co-opted that.

1:02:36That's ours. Oh, you did? That's yours? Sriracha mayo. Yeah. That's what we call it. And you know why that's not? You blend the white with the age Sriracha mayo. So you guys took Bill Cosby. We love Cosby. We stand by, what if I ran it? I opened my shirt and it says, I stand. Stand with Bill?

1:02:51Bobby Lee:I stand with Bill. I stand with Bill. Did you, you want to cut that out? I don't stand with Bill. You don't need to cut that out. It's a bit. Okay. I don't stand with Bill. I think that's fair. Jeffrey Dahmer, I'm not too hot on. Not a big fan. But there are some blacks you take. There are some blacks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you own her. That's ours. Whitney Houston. Oh, like the racial draft? You own her? No, not own her, but this is ours. Claim. Tina Turner. Claim. Tina Turner. You claimed her. Rolling on the fucking river? She's everybody's. I know, but the thing is that she's... I know what you're trying to say.

1:03:22What am I trying to say? You're trying to say. It's like that Chappelle show, the racial draft, kind of. Yeah, but the one you're thinking of is like, Aloe black, I'll give you that. That's probably a white guy. Will Smith pre-slap was the ultimate, every white person was like, that's our guy. Like we liked him. Yeah, that's what you do. My friend - You go, that's my guy. Joe Mandy called him - And that's what I meant. Joe Mandy and Noah Garfinkel called him Blom Blanks because he was black Tom Hanks. Blom Blanks. Blom Blanks. But then Blom Blanks, Blom slapped somebody. What are you doing, McCall?

1:03:48OJ. OJ was, yeah, yeah, I'm not black, I'm OJ. Is that what he meant? I'm not black, I'm OJ. yeah yeah george foreman how many grills do i have to sell yeah you guys took him just like you guys took him yeah we loved him yeah we loved him yeah is he dead yeah it's he we don't know we

1:04:07Bobby Lee:don't know and we're gonna look it up and by the way if he's not dead he will be soon because this show has killed how many people have we killed maybe seven or eight truly yeah we speak really the pope yeah but but there are some but there are some syllabus that we take Asians Celebrities No he's alive 76 Oh wow Rest in peace I should say When this comes out Wow No it says he died He died Yeah he died On March 21st So in the time In which I read that And said that He died Count it That's how good we are Count it We took Bjork Bjork is dead No but we We claim Bjork Oh as age No As an Asian Where are you on Mark Paul Gossler He's part Japanese Well we take him You can have Bjork I'm just kidding I love Mark.

1:04:50Bobby Lee:York is every weird white person. But I do want to suck his dick. You suck him? In part season two? You mean the college years? Is that the guy from Heated Rivalry? No. Fuck. Mark Paul Gosler? Mark Paul Gosler is the wonderful, the incomparable. I hate to call him Zach Morris, but that's what you might know. Saved by the bell. Let me see. Saved by the bell. There he is. And he's a half Asian. No, he's got. That looks a quart. That's a quart to me too. That's a quart too low. Yeah, yeah. That's a quart too low. He's more Marco Rubio. We did a sketch on my show where he played Ryu. Oh. And because we were like, oh, okay, he's somewhat Japanese, so that's okay.

1:05:29I think that's okay. But then he came on and the joke was that I was firing him because no one knows what he's saying. Where like when you do the kick thing, it's like, what are you saying? I don't like asparagus. I don't like asparagus, right? Yeah. But he learned the Japanese so well

1:05:43Bobby Lee:that it ruined the bit and we had to come up with another angle. His mother is a tiny little - He came ready to go. Indonesian woman it says Pete Pete Pete Pete Pete Mark Paul I blame him Why don't you call me I didn't know you at the time Okay Fair enough Although do you think you'd be a good Ryu? Yeah I think I would be Have you seen a picture of Pull it up Pull up Ryu This is like me claiming I'm ready to be Zangief I don't think so We got a good Blanca right here Blanca's just a redhead Oh, you're right. Rio from Street Fighter. You'd be a good... You could be... You don't have to Google it.

1:06:22I got it. Yeah, I don't know.

1:06:24Bobby Lee:Okay. Yeah, I just... Yes, I would be. You think so? Yeah, yeah. Wait, you're looking at the same thing I'm looking at? Yeah, yeah, I am looking at it because I'll tell you this. Why? You're more of a dull seam. You dull seam like a dull seam to me. I think you're more like a... I'm Chin Lee. Chun Lee. Chun Lee. I'm Chun Lee. I don't think you got... Do you know how many shoulders I've been on? You don't have the thighs for Chun Lee, bro. Chun Lee is built. She's got tree trunks, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was one of my first, that's one of the first representations of thick. T-H-I-C-C. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:06:54She was so fucking hot. So hot, that girl. Make her, not make her, but have her, invite her to do the spinning bird kick. Ask her. Ask her in a couple good pauses. You got yourself a jerk, my man. You got yourself a heated rivalry, my man. Hey, stop looking. Look at that. Stop looking at the porn aspects of this. That is porno. Blur off, blur off. I'm just kidding.

1:07:14Bobby Lee:Between her and Jessica Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit for me was... Jessica Rabbit changed a generation. Yeah. My brother was in a picture with Jessica Rabbit. We went to Disney, I guess. That's a Disney franchise. That's a Disney character. And I picked the one where I'm in the car and Roger Rabbit is flying out. He picked the one where he's in the trench coat and Jessica Rabbit, they impose her over the photo. It's a picture with Jessica Rabbit. But they're supposed to be standing so close that her boobs are pushing up against you. But he was so shy, bless him, that he stood at a distance. In the picture, it just looked like her boobs were levitating for no reason.

1:07:44He was too shy to mash him. Mom was watching.

1:07:48Bobby Lee:He sexualized it for nine-year-old boys. That's what she was then. And April O 'Neil. April O 'Neil was so hot. April O 'Neil was the April O 'deal, bro. Clip it. Clip it. Clip it. Jessica Rabbit real fast again so we can see a photo of her. I mean, she was stunning. Let's see if we can get this to full mast. What do you think, big boy? I know. And incredible, that actor. What was his name that's against her? Bob Hoskins. Bob Hoskins. And then Cool World was like, oh, you like that? How about this with Brad Pitt? And we were like, pass. Pass. We didn't like it. It just didn't land. Cool World is to who framed Roger Rabbit as Dark City is to the Matrix.

1:08:20Whoa. I mean, what I just pulled - I love Dark City though. What I just pulled - Good movie though. So is that Cool World? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. Dark City was fun, but it wasn't - It's not the Matrix. My cartoon crushes Wilma from the Flintstones. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was more of a Betty. I'm being real. Wilma's okay. This is why you and I have a good relationship. I like that. That looks like a fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I always liked her. I go, she's sexy. No she is I think they designed her And also Fred looks Asian Fred in that one I think in general I always looked at Fred Flintstone Oh that's an Asian Fred Flintstone Fred

1:08:56Bobby Lee:Bonnie There is He doesn't look Asian Yabba dabba doo Yeah yeah yeah See Yabba dabba doo If Shane Gillis had been sitting next to an Asian Yeah yeah No controversy No controversy Yeah exactly right It's called the RuPaul It's the RuPaul

1:09:23Silly Silly Fun Boy on YouTube Watch Silly Silly Fun Boy

1:09:26Bobby Lee:On YouTube right now With Pete Holmes WKBPL That is an interesting point Though I don't think He would have been In that much trouble If I was there No trouble Yeah No trouble Don't you think I don't remember What he said in the clip I don't want to dig Into this again Also it was like the best thing in his career was not going to snl he he got to fly as free as he wanted to fly and then he got to make his own television show and then became the most famous comic in the world so ironically it was a good thing yeah it wasn't it's not just ironically it's it's it's i mean there's something kind of lovely about it it's beautiful he made his own it's a life lesson actually it's a life lesson yeah to have fun nothing's that serious silly fun boy right now on youtube yeah there you go everything is fake and comedy is supposed to be fucking stupid shane did my new faces that i was hosting yeah and i went up to him i feel like an idiot because I went up to him and I, I didn't say like, you got it kid, but it's funny when you're encouraging someone who's on the precipice of like - Exploder stardom.

1:10:16And I'm like, oh, I'm being such a good older comedian. I'm like, you got something man. Like he really murdered. He murdered. He's so funny. And his set was really, I think this side of the line, not like over the line, but it was like edgy. And it's like this show, you know, new face. You're supposed to like, everybody's toeing the line. He went a little long and he did, I don't know if you know that bit about like, you gotta hand it to the guy that came up with the Special Olympics. Yeah, yeah. So he did his set and then he was like, all right, I probably shouldn't do this one, but I'm gonna do it.

1:10:47And he did it. Yeah, yeah. Killed. It murdered. It was like the sound of a standing ovation. It's a bunch of idiots. So like, you know, I'm not idiots, but you know, it's agents and people that aren't idiots. Yeah, you said it. Beat. Double it down. And but they, it murdered. And I just, him and Gianmarco Cereci both closed two of the nights that I was there. And I was just like, what? And Laura Peake, there were a lot of great people. Wow. You know these people?

1:11:15Bobby Lee:Oh yeah. You're at the store. You're at the store. And I'd like to see you coming around the store a lot. That's my favorite thing to see. I've been around. I was there. I went. I like you. I kill in the main room and then I go and do eh in the original room. You know what I do when I'm on me? What? My mind goes. Film it. Film it. Clip it. Dude, what's wrong with you today? I don't know. I want it to burn you. Why? I love you, Bobby. Because all your, you know what I mean? You just, you know, we have a relationship, you know? I know, I love you, but I've said this about you before. When you're thinking, you look like you're getting ready to pounce.

1:11:46Yeah, here's the thing. And I get defensive and I'm like, I better make fun of him. He is in attack mode. No, no, that's not true. That's true. So I've had this. Okay. Yeah, what? I'm not in attack mode. Look at your hand. Look at your claws. Your claws are out. You're this close to a hidden dragon. I'm giving myself the note, Bobby. I love you. I'm going to adjust my attitude. This week, right? I've had some beefs with three people. And in my mind, I'm like, am I the, remember when I asked out loud. You said, am I the problem? Yeah, am I the problem? With all your beefs. Yeah, and I really thought about it.

1:12:17There was a common theme. Even that little retort you and I had, right? Yeah. Do you have beef with me? No, I have zero beef with you. Yeah, so do you think it's because I'm about to pounce? No, I think it's, do you want the true answer? I want the true answer. I come in, I go, Bobby, and I mean this in the best way, is like a wild man. Like if I had five, if the doors of the elevator are closing, I'm going to go see Bobby Lee tonight. They get off the elevator. Who's that? Oh, he's kind of like a wild man. That's what I would say. Wow. So a wild man means you don't know in the best way because entertainment is surprise.

1:12:49You're always surprising. So I do think I go like, I want to, I want to see where I'm at with Bobby. I'm going to send these sonar pings. Is he, is he kind of, is he grumpy? Is he happy? Is he silly? Is he funny? What's he going to do? so I send out these little tests and then I go oh I got sweet Bobby this is the child of

1:13:06Bobby Lee:abuse and trauma that's what trauma does Dan Levy last night looked right at me and goes I think you have a mental illness why? Dan Levy you know Dan? the very funny Dan Levy you don't know Dan Levy? no I'm saying which one though there's two Dan Levy's? well there's Eugene's son that's Eugene Levy are you that guy? no Dan Levy Our friend Dan He tours with Mulaney Yeah yeah yeah Special Yeah yeah yeah He looked right at me He goes I think you have a mental illness What was the context? Well I Bobby was pissing in his mouth You dirty bitch I think you're mentally ill No last night The whole night I was wearing these types of glasses At the comedy store And I did the Italian thing All night long Yeah I wouldn't stop in the green room If that's mentally ill Hey that was a good said David Spade If that's mentally ill, I'm right next to you.

1:14:01Okay. I heard that Chris Fleming, I listened to him on Berbiglia's Working It Out podcast, and somebody heckled Chris Fleming where they went, let's go Weird Al. And today, my wife was on the phone with her brother, and I just kept going, let's go Weird Al. And then I texted him, let's go Weird Al. Fleming? No, no, no, just my brother-in-law. And then I shot a video of my daughter going, let's go Weird Al, and texted it to my brother. Just this is the byproduct of creativity Sometimes I'm completely on your side Shame on you Dan Levy Yeah yeah yeah Levy? Levy Levy Shame on you Dan Levy No no no no He was kidding he said Okay He was laughing Well so was that shame on you Yeah yeah yeah I think it was on me But I got my hands and knees I promise I don't know Who are the people you have beef with?

1:14:48Well here's the thing Robbie Hoffman 100 % big beef Yeah but then later that night she texted me You got Netflix?

1:14:53Bobby Lee:Well she loves you but there's a tension. Yeah, but I didn't do anything. Sometimes you don't have to. Okay. Eric Andre. That one's real. Yeah, but we're good now because he just said let's go on tour together. That's right. Again, same thing. All right. Same thing. So close to kissing. Yes. Like fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting. Love and hate. Yeah, but I think when we're on a podcast or I'm acting. Why did you have beef with Eric? I have no idea. He thinks this happened which just didn't happen. He called me about this. It did happen. He ripped your shirt and you got mad about that. He ripped.

1:15:22No, no. No, his beef from 25 years ago. Oh, the original. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:15:27Bobby Lee:Aged beef? Yeah, it's aged beef. Wow. It's got a nice layer of mold on it. You cut that off and you get underneath for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You bury it. It's snow beef. Snow beef. From Japan. Have you heard of snow beef? No. From Japan? Snow beef. It melts right in your mouth. Oh, wow. Not in your hand? But it... Who knew Eminem stood for moo and moo? Okay. I said stood wrong. You want to clip that one or no? You can clip it. Put that one in the trash. But Eric Andre's accusation is that we both auditioned for Mad TV. I got it. He didn't get it. And he thought that I changed my relationship with him.

1:16:04That was kind of standoffish and weird. I don't remember being like that. How old is he? Nine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's perception. That was like 30 years ago. I think a lot of times we have certain perception. Yeah. Right. You'll see somebody have a bad day, but that you take it personally or something. You know what I mean? We don't see the world how it is. We see the world how we are. That's exactly right. And now we're on my podcast. Yeah, yeah. And I just turned this into, you made it bad, friend. Yeah, but that is it. Is this a good wink? It's a very good wink.

1:16:31Bobby Lee:I don't like it. I hate it. I don't like when you wink. You're not a wink guy. Some guys are wink, he's a wink guy. Wink. Do I wink? Do the glasses and show him the wink. Take the glass off, look at this wink. Love that wink. Yeah. What was that? That's a wink. Are you showing me where the moonshine is? Are you the fucker? You look like Tucker Carlson right now. All whites look like Tucker Carlson. Ah, the way of the white. Except the Blancas. Yeah, the Blancas get away with it. If you hit jab and something happens, you're a Blanca. Okay. If you don't and you're white, you're a Tucker. What's going on?

1:17:00Okay, I'm going to give you white hand, because before you came, me and McCone had white hand gestures. White gestures. What they're allowed to do. Okay. Okay, so we're just going to do them, and you see if they're allowed to do it. Okay. Yeah, that's our bread and butter. Okay. That's our bread and butter. Right, right. Still in the zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might be a youth pastor, but yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. we invented this I know you did right we did like hang loose yeah yeah for sure now what about this

1:17:33you are so funny you're a true talent that is so funny what about this that's a no it's a no it's a no and he did that to a girl

1:17:47Bobby Lee:he asked for a girl's number she said I'm a lesbian and he went like this to her That is the funniest. It's insane. That's like. I watched it live last night. Yeah, he saw it live last night. And I go, you're not. You guys are allowed to have. What? Was she black? No, no, no, no. It's getting clearer. Yeah, yeah. It's getting clearer. Did you wear a gold medal and you're on the podium in the 70s? Were you protesting something? I do think movies like Fantastic Mr. Fox, which I love, which has the wolf going like that. I have a framed picture of the wolf going like that. But this is different. Yeah, but it's a wolf.

1:18:18Yeah, it's a wolf. Wolves can do it. Wolves can do this. Yeah, wolves, you're right. Look, mama, look, mama, look, they can do whatever they want. Okay, yeah, you can't do that. You can't do that. Are there other things that whites can do that whites can't do? Let me ask. Can gesture wise. You know what I enjoy as a white being folded into someone else's culture is the soul shake. If I go here, nobody's going, what are you doing? Yeah.

1:18:40Bobby Lee:What's a soul shake? Dapping someone up. It's just like a... Dapping someone up when you go like this. You know what a soul shake is. I don't know if we should call it soul shake, man. Yeah, we should not. Yeah, yeah. That's like the Ebonics of - Right, which we learned. Which we learned. Look up, is soul shake a bad term? It sounds like it. I think just dapping someone up is what they say now. Soul shake is inherently - Back here on R8. Is not inherently bad or offensive. Yeah, I've always thought that that's like when, you know that clip of Obama, he's shaking hands, he's shaking hands, he's shaking hands, then he gets to the black guy and they do that.

1:19:13Yeah. One of my favorite clips. I love that, I've seen that. Nature.

1:19:16Bobby Lee:So years ago, I was - Yeah, that's just you, it's like, oh, this guy gets it. Well, I like anything that implies kinship. And if somebody's, that's why I'm saying, I know that I'm being folded in to someone else's culture, but I enjoy that in any way. I'm not trying to be funny. If I came to your house and had a traditional Korean meal, I would really love that. I would be honored, and I should have said honored. Yeah, yeah, we also have meatloaf and chicken pot pie as well. I understand. Those are ours. You guys love stoppers. I know. But that's me folding you into mine. CPP is a white thing.

1:19:44Bobby Lee:Chicken pot pie is our meal. You down with CPP? You know me. Clip it. I love this. Anyway, Pete, it's really good. Pete, look in that camera. Wait, we have to end on a laugh. Yeah, we have to end on a laugh. Okay, let's try to figure it out. There's something funny. You wanna do an improv game? How do we end it? I'm just, look, we just did a whole section that we were like, we have to lift that out. Now we're back. Now we're back. And Andrew Santino has to go to a game and Bobby's pretending that he has to leave despite his producers. I want to end on something, if not funny, I'll settle for heartwarming, friendship.

1:20:18Yeah. I'll settle for funny or silly. Yeah. Do you want to play? I mean, some movies end not funny. That's true. What movie? I've seen A Star Is Born. That's Schindler's List. It was like not funny at all. How about we can play a game. We can play a game that I've played with Colbert. I've played with my wife. It's called Smallest Smile. Do you want to play Smallest Smile and we're out there? Yeah. How do you play it? Super easy. You look down and when you come back, you come back with a neutral face. We're gonna go one at a time. And then you do the smallest smile you can do. It has to be, you're gonna be so good at it.

1:20:53It has to be perceivable as a smile. I'm gonna go first just to give you a sense. I already know it. Right into the camera. Yeah. Okay, this is my camera, ready? This is my camera. So we all do it at the same time. No, no, no, one at a time. Okay. Because I wanna watch and I wanna enjoy. Okay, go on. But I'm just gonna do it so you know. The key is come up with neutral and then do it. Okay, here we go. Ready? Right.

1:21:15I'm not gonna be able to do it. You're gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna give you one direction. Yeah. Do less than you think. It's almost nothing. Cause that red, right? It has to read as a smile, but has to be small. Santino, you're gonna close us? Yeah. Okay, Bobby Lee. The point is it's hard to do without laughing.

1:21:42I love that. I wanna see another one though. Can I see another one just because it's too good?

1:21:47Bobby Lee:Cause smiles are in the eyes. Oh yeah. It's too good. It's too good what you're doing right now.

1:21:56It's hard to not do it. It's hard to not do it. I'll give you one more shot. It was very good. No laughing. No laughing. No laughing. All right. And I would say do half as much. Oh, do half as much? Yeah, yeah. Cause you got a mustache and I'm not joking. That highlights the smile. All right. So, all right. Ready? What's so funny? Ready?

1:22:17Very good. Very dark. Yeah, yeah. I loved you in perfect days. Go ahead. Just a notation. So hard. Here it is. Slam Tino.

1:22:33Bobby Lee:I knew you'd be good! That is so good, dude. That's how you get booked on Dave. Is that the game? That's the game. All right. And we end it on a laugh. please watch Silly Silly Fun Boy it's on youtube.com watch it right now Silly Silly Fun Boy it's on Pete's YouTube and go to petehomes.com for my tour dates and follow me on social media and also say thank you for being a bad friend and thank you for being a bad friend

1:23:12Yeah!

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