The Family Plan 2: Mark Wahlberg leads an international criminal family Christmas - or something

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0:30Ho, ho, ho, hello, and welcome back to Bah Humbug, the Christmas movies podcast that gives these films exactly as much care and attention as their makers did. And you can take that whatever way you want to. Hi, everybody. I'm Helen O 'Hara. I'm your host, and I am delighted to be here today to talk about The Family Plan 2, which is a sequel to a not Christmas movie that appears now to have transmogrified itself into a Christmas movie. and here to talk about it is the only man I trust to discuss Mark Wahlberg family movies. It is, of course, the man, the myth, the legend that is Chris Hewitt. How are you doing?

1:09Chris Hewitt:Ho, ho, ho, Helen. Okay, that's better than mine. Yes. Hello. I'm good. How are you? I am good. I am really, really struggling through the last couple of days before the Christmas break. Like, just hold on a little bit further. Apparently my niece said this morning 20 times I don't want to go to school and claimed she had sore gums that required her to stay home, which was inventive. So I feel like everyone is maybe. No, it did not work. No, it absolutely failed utterly. But I feel like we're all on the same page. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, I am so tired. I am so ready for Christmas and watching The Family Plan 2, which I had not done when it first hit Apple TV back in late November.

1:55Chris Hewitt:somehow made me even more ready for Christmas, Helen. Maybe, even if you can go with me on this, the sweet embrace of death. Okay, that's a succinct review. I mean, because I feel like I remember us both quite liking the first one. Yeah. Right, and being kind of pleasantly surprised. Pleasantly surprised. But from maybe a starting point of, oh, I don't know, roughly zero? Our expectations were low and they were met. They were met. And then somewhat exceeded. Gently surpassed. Gently surpassed. Yeah. I also remembered when I started watching Family Plan 2. I won't say when that was, but it wasn't yesterday.

2:37Chris Hewitt:Let's put it that way. So when I finally watched the Family Plan 2, I was reminded of how little I had forgotten about the first movie. So we'll get into it in a second, I'm sure. But the movie begins with a really weird piece of storytelling. It's a news report. It begins with a news report telling us that Kieran Hines's character has died. And I was like, who is he? Was he in the first one? And so I had to go on Wikipedia and check it out. And it turns out that not only was Kieran Hines in the first one, he was the first one's main bad guy. And he is the dad of Mark Wahlberg's character in this.

3:15Chris Hewitt:and clearly they realised that people didn't know that and so they clumsily stuck it on to start the movie. Yes, I definitely remembered that very well and had remembered all the particulars of not only his bad guy status but also their relationship and so was in no way baffled by why that was happening at the beginning of the movie. I didn't remember anything. I barely remembered that Michelle Monaghan was married to Mark Wahlberg. Oh, I haven't been able to forget it. and that they had three children three children one of whom is now at college the other one is approaching that momentous occasion and the other one is a tiny baby like five year old six year old I don't know somewhere in there I watched this movie fairly recently Helen I don't want to say exactly when I saw it but it was less than four hours ago and I cannot remember the names of the children in this film but all you need to know is that Mark Wahlberg is a super spy called Dan Morgan, who has a catchphrase.

4:17Chris Hewitt:He keeps saying, Morgan, family Christmas is a go. And then it keeps being waylaid. And that Michelle Monaghan is his wife, Jessica. And that together they form a kind of Fenn diagram of Christmassy movies. So they're both in Shane Black Christmas movies. Right, yes. So Mark Wahlberg was in Play Dirty, the Parker adaptation that Shane Black wrote and directed, co-wrote and directed. that came out a couple of months ago on Prime Video. And Michelle Monaghan, of course, is in Shane Black's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, the greatest of all Christmas movies. And you put those together, you get right in the middle, play dirty, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and in the middle, The Family Plan 2.

4:57Oh, I hadn't thought of arranging my book, my DVD shelves that way, Chris.

5:03Chris Hewitt:Do you not arrange your DVDs by a Venn diagram? By a Venn diagram. It's the only way I can work. So strange. But yeah, so they are in two other Christmas movies At least one of them better Yes, at least one of them better than this Yeah, yeah Probably both of them better than this, actually I would say both of them I mean, listen, we shouldn't completely diss this movie It was an enjoyable, agreeable time Yeah, for the most part For the most part, yeah It doesn't reinvent the wheel, nor does it try to But I was okay with that And all the way through it, I was thinking that you must have been in hog heaven watching this movie because what a Christmas gift this is for you because there are numerous moments in this where I was like, oh, that's not how the geography of London works or I'm pretty sure that's not how the geography of Paris works.

5:54Chris Hewitt:It isn't how the geography of Paris works. You must be sitting there going, this is fucking great. Well, thank you for setting me up for that. So let me just like very quickly set up the film for anyone who can't be bothered spending time this morning watching it. Yes. So the Morgans, as established last time, Mark Wahlberg's Dan has a dark secret past working for his criminal father, who is now dead. On this occasion, they go to London because their daughter is studying there and he can't possibly be apart from her for Christmas. So he's decided to take the whole family to London and go there.

6:27And he's been offered a job like visiting a bank there. So he goes and does that first. And it turns out the bank job, as it were, is a fake out. And he's actually being set up by a guy called Finn, who is played by Kit Harrington with an Irish question mark accent. And it's it's harsh. It's not terrible. It's not the worst. But we're grading on a curve there. And it turns out that that is his father's illegitimate son, who is now out for vengeance for being denied his birthright, I guess. and is determined to kill or frame or both them all. And they have to follow him to Paris for reasons and do things.

7:06And so there's some parkour and stuff. I may have lost the finer details. And I actually watched this twice because I watched it when it came out. And then I watched it again this weekend because I thought nothing has stuck in my head. But that's the sort of basic setup. So we've got London geography and Paris geography, which, as you say, is catnip to me for a film of realism. But like credit where it's due They have gone to London And to Paris

7:33Chris Hewitt:So they do get bonus points for that The Jonas Brothers movie Shot both in Vancouver Or Toronto Quite well compared to others But they did use Toronto Yeah I have to say Absolute points for that Because there's a couple of sequences here Yes there's a little bit where they're clearly in studios And they've got green screen backdrops And there's some pretty bad compositing going on here But there's a fight sequence between Mark Wahlberg and Kit Harington on a tourist bus. Yes. And they're, for the most part in that sequence, because I know there were pap shots of them shooting at the time as well.

8:10Chris Hewitt:They're, for the most part, actually in London. They're going through Piccadilly Circus, you know, on the bus. They're going through. Whitehall, I think, as well. Whitehall, they go along at one point as well. So I was quite impressed by that. And there's moments as well where they're clearly in Paris. Then there's also a moment where it's Michelle Monaghan clearly in a studio on a roof and someone telling her, don't worry Michelle, this is going to look perfect when it comes out and then it doesn't look perfect and then you have to look Michelle Monaghan in the eye and say I'm sorry, I lied to you.

8:38Which I could never do.

8:39Chris Hewitt:I could never look Michelle Monaghan in the eye and say I lied to you. Absolutely not. It doesn't bear thinking about. I guess my code. What is your code? My code is just say yes to whatever Michelle Monaghan wants to say, wants to do. Whatever she wants to do is fine by me. I'm more than happy with that. But you must to be in. There's a moment in this movie, so that fight where they're on top of the tourist bus, there's a moment where they're in Piccadilly Circus and then the next minute they're going along I'm not sure if it's Waterloo Bridge, but they're heading towards the Houses of Parliament, like the very next moment.

9:08Yeah, they're coming from the south of the river towards the north and that doesn't make any sense. Precisely. Makes no sense.

9:13Chris Hewitt:Also doesn't make any sense why the bus doesn't stop. If two super spies were fighting on top of my bus, I would stop the bus and say, oik, get off. You oiks. But I was just thinking, oh, Helen must be loving this. And we obviously have to acknowledge that, you know, they wanted to showcase some of the more illustrious parts of London and the more touristy, trappy parts of London. And you can only get permits to film in certain places. I get all of that. But at the same time, I was thinking, what a lovely Christmas present this is for you. Wrapped up in a nice little bow. You must have been just overjoyed.

9:44Oh, I was just beside myself. What was actually worse to me was Paris. So Paris is...

9:51Chris Hewitt:I don't know Paris remotely well enough So his family mansion, because we learn in this movie, and this may be my favourite thing about it, we learn that Mark Wahlberg grew up in Paris. Well, you can tell because of the thick Parisian accent. He does speak French with a near native twang. Say hi to your mamaw for me. And then, so their mansion is on the Isle Saint-Louis, of course, as I'm sure you recognise, Chris, in the middle of the river, right? But they run over the rooftops from there and they're suddenly on Saint-Soup-Pierre, which is on the Rive Gauche. Like, make it make sense. We didn't see them vault a river there.

10:30There was no vaulting. And it is about a mile away. At least half a mile.

10:34Chris Hewitt:If anybody can parkour over a river, it's 54-year-old Mark Wahlberg, who in this film suddenly... I mean, the skill set that this guy, Dan Morgan slash Sean McCaffrey has is unparalleled. He makes Ethan Hunt look like an incompetent. And there was a moment where he suddenly reveals he has parkour skills as well. And then his daughter's boyfriend, her 24-year-old boyfriend, who mentions for no reason whatsoever in the movie early on that he likes to parkour. He also parkours over the rooftops with him. And I'm sure the two of them traverse the same. I'm 100 % sure. Mark Wahlberg is in no way carrying 30 or 40 pounds of extra muscle on that guy.

11:15Did you also find it suspicious that Omar kept mentioning that he would call his father when things got difficult and they kept dismissing that as a thing that would not possibly be useful or helpful? And did you, I had incorrectly assumed he'd be the chief of police for Paris. It turned out he was actually head of Interpol.

11:32Chris Hewitt:Secretary General of Interpol, yeah, which might have been useful. Yeah, this film's not subtle about a set up, some payoffs, is it? There's a bit where eldest son character in the movie, eldest son Morgan, I believe that's his character. I believe that's his name. is learning to drive or he's just got his license and they're back in Buffalo and they're driving around and Mark Wahlberg's yelling at him and he's like, you're not a good driver. You don't pay attention. And I was like, oh, well, that's got to be the last time we see this boy driving in the movie. There's no way that there's going to be a chase scene later on where they're either chasing someone or being chased by someone.

12:04Chris Hewitt:And for some reason, eldest son Morgan is going to be driving. That's just not going to happen. Just doesn't seem likely, does it? It seems unlikely. If anything, if I had a super spy dad, I would let him do all the driving not the eldest son not the eldest son as we all know him well yeah I could look up the character names but I'm pretty sure that they've changed from film to film I don't think even the people who made them it's the same people it's the same people who have written and directed this Simon Kellen Jones is the writer of this and it's the same writer as well David Coggeshall or Coggeshall is the writer of this but honestly I think if they had just changed the character names from movie to movie no one would notice.

12:45I certainly would have remembered well that Van Crosby plays Kyle Morgan. The eldest son.

12:53Chris Hewitt:Give me three guesses for the eldest daughter. I know the youngest kid's called Max. Okay. Good knowledge. Thank you. Alright. Three guesses. Okay. The oldest daughter in this movie, does it begin with an S? No. Does it begin with a K? No. Does it begin with a T? also no then I'm all out of letters what's her name? her name is of course Nina because if you were someone who grew up trying to avoid law enforcement you'd name your kid after the noise that a police car makes it's to show he's comfortable with law enforcement I guess it is I guess it is, yeah but you know, full movie yeah, like Like while it was going on, I was watching it and entertained.

13:45Chris Hewitt:While I was watching it, I was watching it. But I genuinely, like I genuinely did struggle two weeks later to remember a single thing about it beyond Mark Wahlberg and Michelle Monaghan were in it. Try two hours. And isn't that nice to them? Yeah. Yeah. So what did you think of Kit Harington as new bad guy? Finn. Finn. Finn Wolfhard, I believe is his name. Or Finn McCool. Isn't that what he's called? I thought I didn't have a problem with this accent. And I know you and I are particularly well placed to quibble with Irish accents in movies. I get why they did it. That character didn't have to grow up in Ireland, especially since he does an English accent when he first appears in the movie.

14:23Chris Hewitt:So it's the year's second most effective moment where someone switches from an English accent to an Irish accent. After, of course, Ballad of a Small Player. I didn't mind the accent so much. I quite like the fact that they cast someone who is the same height as Mark Wahlberg. So that the film's big emotional driver about him basically wanting the same jacket as Mark Wahlberg. That's why he does all of this. It's why he's an international criminal, because he basically wants to have Mark Wahlberg's respect. And listen, I get it. I also would like to have Mark Wahlberg's respect. And I'd also like to have one of his beautiful jackets.

15:01Chris Hewitt:but it fits at the end when they meet each other in the prison which I thought was actually a really nice ending to the movie. I liked that. I did like that and I thought that was a bit more original than virtually anything else in the film was because, you know, everything else is a little bit been there, seen that before. The only other thing I thought was unusual was when they have to take refuge with a former contact of Sean's who is a Russian agent and so of course Michelle Monaghan and the whole family is like oh my god she's going to be some super duper sexy seductive Russian spy and she turns out to be a weird cat lady like I enjoyed the sort of double cross of that that at least was a little bit more more fun than usual oh and speaking of both of double crosses and geography I just want to point out that when Mark Wahlberg walks into the Petit Palais in in Paris just off the Champs -Élysées right and then he finds himself in the Painted Hall in Greenwich.

16:01Chris Hewitt:Does he? He does, which plays A.N. Parisian Museum. Does it? Yes. And I love the fact that when they're setting up that meeting beforehand, they talk about, I'm going to meet him at the museum. It's like, dude, you are in Paris. Narrow it down. I must have dozed off at that moment. That's amazing. That's twice now this year that I've completely missed the Painted Hall in a film, also in Jurassic World Rebirth, and you went, that's the painted hall in Greenwich, which is, you know, I don't want to give anyone my assassination location, but it's, you know, not a million miles away from where I live and I go to it frequently, completely.

16:38Chris Hewitt:In both this and Jurassic World Rebirth. So well done. Whenever you're, whenever you're watching these movies, you're watching these movies. Whenever I'm watching these movies, I have my eyes closed. There you go. That's where you're going. It is. Did you, am I right in thinking that they also go down the John Wick steps out there now known in Paris? Or is that just a church with loads of steps? they drive there's a car chase where they drive down the steps and I wondered if they're driving down the same steps that John Wick climbs and then falls down and climbs again and falls down I don't think it's those specific ones so those are right in front of Sacre Coeur yeah along that little garden which also appears in Amélie I think those are other steps in Montmartre they may be the Ronin steps the Ronin steps yeah the Ronin steps where he goes down to the cafe where they have their first meeting in Ronin I wonder if it's there but I can't remember them well enough and they may well also have been used in Bourne if they're driving a Mini up and down them it's probably, they probably check that out in the very first Bourne movie as well, Bourne Identity.

17:34But yeah the car chase, I mean the car chases are all over the place. I understand car chasers are going to be all over the place. I make fun of it but I do get it. But at the same time it keeps

17:42Chris Hewitt:you awake at night. It does, yeah I'm tormented by it but I get it. Like you say you're dismissing it as like oh I had a bit of fun with it but it actually keeps Helen awake at night. She is tormented by this stuff. Yeah. But you know My psychiatrist says with like three or four more rounds of electroshock therapy, I should be fine. So, you know, we live in hope. Yeah. Yeah. I was in. I didn't know that they went to Paris in this. And so, you know, it was interesting because it feels, I think, much more Christmassy as a Christmas movie when they're in London. Even though I think they were clearly hoping for snow.

18:13Chris Hewitt:It's like, well, it's very, very rare over here. Yes. But London looked and felt very Christmassy. And then they get to Paris and there's like now and again, someone will stick up a Christmas tree. some poor set decorator will stick up a Christmas tree as a sort of sop to Christmas. But when they're driving down Regent Street and you see all the beautiful Christmas decorations and you see, you know, there's that nice helicopter or drone shop when they come into London and you see the Shard, which goes all very, very Christmassy. The top of the Shard lights up in different colours in case people don't know what the Shard is.

18:41Chris Hewitt:There's a big building in London. It looks a little bit like Sauron's Tower in Mordor. And it goes all full glow technicolour for Christmas. And that all felt really, really lovely as a Christmas movie. And they do do Christmas in Paris. Like, I just want to speak up for the French here. Like, they also have Christmas trees and stuff, but not so much in the establishing shots of this movie. I agree. Oh, well, that brings us to one of the questions that I wanted to ask you about this film. So we've got to rank it. We have to give it a score out of five, because I'm very original. No one has ever ranked films out of five before.

19:11I want you to score this film for its Christmassy-ness. This is not its overall quality, but only for its Christmassy-ness.

19:19Chris Hewitt:I'm going to go three. Three. Okay. I'm going to go three because I think it was a strong Christmas start. Dan is always banging on about the Morgan family Christmas. He is an overbearing, overprotective dad who likes to smother his kids in love. And he can't leave Nina alone for Christmas. So they have to fly over to London. And, you know, he's he's hyper prepared. And he wants to make sure that every I is dotted and every T is crossed. And so they go to London. And that stuff, the first 40 minutes of the film Feels really Christmassy And then it becomes kind of an action movie And Christmas becomes a bit of an afterthought Even at the end Like we don't really get to see them properly Having the Morgan family Christmas That he was wanging on about for an hour and 40 minutes This is correct That's why I'm only going to give it 2 out of 5 Whoa!

20:09Yep, that's true For Christmassyness I just felt like it under-delivered ultimately It's all talk and no trousers or something.

20:18Chris Hewitt:All red trousers. Yeah, I agree with you. I think that's maybe a little harsh, actually, but I maybe gave it a three because it is Christmas and it's a time of good cheer and I want to give this movie the benefit of the doubt. I will say I admire the instant pivot to Christmas movie within this franchise. Yes, it's unusual. You don't usually see something go Christmas after not being Christmas. Yeah. I can't think of many others. it's pretty much unheard of I think more movies should do it I think a lot of films they think okay if we're going to go Christmassy we'll wait until the third or fourth installment but get our audiences really established and then they can come with us on a Christmassy journey the Iron Man model the Iron Man model absolutely but I think more movies should have done it Jaws 2 should have been a Christmas movie you know what I mean Die Hard 2 should have been a Christmas movie yes I know Die Hard 2 is a Christmas movie don't write in yes please don't write in that was a joke but you know what I mean like more franchises should immediately do that pivot yeah I agree I think that would be fun just for me as a podcaster apart from anything else it would be fun okay now Mark's out of five as a movie now we do sometimes grade on a curve here at Bahumbug we realise that the highest levels of the average Christmas movie are perhaps lower than the average other movie you know but you can choose to be merciful or not It's up to you.