Begin Again Moments: Daughters Becoming Mothers | Sophie Ellis-Bextor & Katie Piper

0:00Katie Piper:This episode is brought to you by Google Health. Stop chasing someone else's definition of health. What matters is what's healthy for you. Google Health offers a new kind of coach built with Gemini for effortless tracking, sleep insights and holistic coaching tailored to you. Visit GoogleStore.com to learn more and start a new relationship with your health. Requires Google account, Google Health app, Internet and Google Health premium subscription. Features subject to change. Availability and results vary. Not intended for medical purposes. Works independently of Gemini apps. Check responses for accuracy.

0:30Davina McCall:I'm fascinated by, obviously I'd love to talk to you about you and Richard and your boys, but something that fascinates me personally is that you were the child of famous parents. I mean, your father, perhaps people might not have known him. No, yeah, he wasn't in public. No, but he was famous within his own world. He was well known in his own world, but your mum was mega to famous, to like everybody. I remember your mum so clearly on the television. She was weekly. You know, she was in our living rooms weekly on Blue Peter, Janet, Mega Woman. And then you have gone on to become a famous parent yourself.

1:14Davina McCall:That is such a unique situation. There aren't that many women, I don't think, that have done that. And I'd be very, because it's been a real worry for me as a famous mother on how will this affect my children? Yeah. How can I keep them safe? How can I not? I mean, I spent a lot of time when I was younger trying not to embarrass them. I don't care anymore. No, me neither. But sorry, kids. Sorry, kids. Yeah, sorry about that. But I would love to hear your take because that's so unique, having Janet as a mum. What was life like being the child of a famous mother?

1:52Sophie Ellis-Bextor:Right. Well, firstly, I'd say, you know, objectively, us worrying is a bit pointless because whatever family you're born into, the family dynamic affects who you are. So it doesn't matter what you get up to. Yes, you don't get away with not being affected by your family dynamic. Oh, that's, yes. Okay, yeah. So don't worry. It's like just how it works, isn't it? Sorry. That's actually kind of brilliant. Like if I was famous or not. Yeah. Be free from that worry because your family dynamic is 100 % more effective.

2:22Davina McCall:you you know when you see that you're like oh my god that is literally the first time i've thought about that oh that is mega yeah god thank you well no not at all and that that it doesn't matter whether you're famous or not or who you are your family dynamic will be affected yes oh god okay yeah wow i'm gonna be thinking about that tonight oh that's brilliant thank you wow okay yes yes

2:51Sophie Ellis-Bextor:Yes. And also, I realized as soon as you started talking about my parents, I started smiling a lot because I'm very close to my parents. And with my mum, geographically, we live about 10 minutes away from each other. The dream! I really hope some of my kids do that with me, please. They will. They definitely will. Or I'm going to them. No, I reckon you have a similar vibe too with your kids. I bet there's my mum had with me, which is like the same way I'm going to do it, by the way. Strong matriarch vibes of stay close, get in touch, keep communicating with each other, check in. It's so important.

3:26Sophie Ellis-Bextor:So yes, I see my mum. Sometimes I'll be walking the kids to school and the bit of park we walk through, I'll see my mum walking her dog. So it's all pretty wholesome. We bump into grandma quite a lot. Oh, that's so nice. Yes, I love it. Yes. Oh yeah. Yeah. So I love that. And I think with my, Oh look, I mean, it would be, I can see that there must be some seeds that were sown from what my mum did that somehow worked into what I was going to do for sure.

3:54Davina McCall:What sort of seeds?

3:56Sophie Ellis-Bextor:One of them is really embarrassing, but this is really not going to put me in a good life. Oh this is great, I can't wait.

4:03Davina McCall:No go on, tell me.

4:06Sophie Ellis-Bextor:Well, I would love to say it was all to do with work ethic, but I just remember when I was, I think it must have been my seventh birthday and we went to Madame Tussauds and because my mum was on Blue Peter, we got to go straight in the front. And I think I was a bit like, that's pretty cool. And I do appreciate it does not fit. I was seven. That is like, that's like high currency when you're small. so that's probably a little little seed there isn't it but I also to the front of the madam two swords oh my goodness yeah how does this work I think what

4:43Davina McCall:my kids sorry how does that work that I think was cool what would your kids think was cool about you now what have you done for them where they go oh this is ace oh it's quite an interesting I'm trying to think of anything that I've done for my kids which they would think was mega because I don't take them to anything. Right.

5:01Sophie Ellis-Bextor:Because I would think at some point... I've been quite good. Trips? Yeah. Abroad, like when you're doing gigs? Yes, so last year I got invited to sing for Mardi Gras and Bondi Beach in Sydney. Like, brilliant. And I'd been away a little bit already by that point in the year, February, and I took Jesse, who was then eight. And we were only there for four days and they flew us there, business class. And so Jesse Jesse gets on the plane before we've been taken off and he was pressing all the buttons and he went, hold on a minute, was this expensive, these tickets? And I said, yes, Jesse, very. And he went, it's worth it.

5:40Sophie Ellis-Bextor:I was like, oh no, how's he going to, this is a long way down, isn't it? From like a business class flight to Australia. He was so happy. He was a great traveling companion. He was like Tom Hanks in Big when he's pressing all the buttons in the car. like woo

5:56Davina McCall:isn't it special when you've got five kids you've got five boys and you can go away with one I love it isn't that amazing yeah there's not enough time in the year really to take them all away but I think as you get older and you aren't working non-stop yeah I took one of my kids away on their own for a week last this year yeah this year in April Holly my oldest yeah

6:20Sophie Ellis-Bextor:and it was a joy that is really nice I actually think because my kids are still quite little, that is actually one of the biggest privileges of having such amazing support because I've got brilliant support with people who help me look after the kids when I'm working. But it also means I can size do things with them one on one. And I actually think that is invaluable, being able to do that if you've got lots of children. What were you talking about? My mom. So the other seeds, I mean, yeah, my mom absolutely loves what she did. So she adored presenting Blue Peter and Blue Peter was, it's very strange for me to even talk about it now because it's almost, I think of it like a sibling, which sounds really odd and maybe a little sad.

7:00Sophie Ellis-Bextor:No, you shared your life with it. I did, but particularly that bit of my childhood because my mum was presenting the show while she was a single mother. So I would spend most of my time with her. I'd go to my dad every other weekend and she finished the show when she was having my brother. So this chapter, it was It was like my, yeah, the sibling I had during that time when it was a lot of time just me and her. And I think, yeah, I could see how much they love what they did. I like the fact that it opened my eyes to having a job that wasn't a traditional job. So when the opportunity came to go on tour with my band, my parents, even though it was a slightly different world to theirs in music, that suited me too because it felt like my thing.

7:43But I also didn't have any sort of dreamy world around it.

7:48Sophie Ellis-Bextor:I could see the nuts and bolts of what I do. The reality of it. Reality, exactly. And I think that's a privilege too, because it had been around me, so I could think in those terms. And I am aware that, you know, it's funny, because when you're young and starting out, you don't want to think anything's been easier for you, because it's hard for everybody when you go out. But looking back, I'm like, wow, I had so many aces in my pack in terms of, you know, growing up in London, a time when people from record companies would go out and actually go and watch gigs and all these privileges on my dog's.

8:21Sophie Ellis-Bextor:Everything's different now, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. And the fact that my, this is actually probably the biggest one, because my parents worked in a similar field, they never, and my family haven't, they never became my fans, which sounds like a really odd statement.

8:37Davina McCall:No, that's interesting.

8:37Sophie Ellis-Bextor:But it can really shift things and they never were starstruck by any element of anything I got up to, which meant I had such a solid home base, such a grounding. Yes. It was lovely if I'd enjoyed the things I was getting up to, but really they always wanted to check in, how was I feeling about emotionally, what was going on at home, how was my relationship at the time, was everything in order for, could I pay my rent, all those sorts of things. It was quite practical and emotionally led and not, you sold how many units, you're going to this country. That was at the end of the conversation. so that was a benefit too it is so interesting because I had never thought about that that if

9:18Davina McCall:you become famous your parents sort of become fans and how nice it would be to have somebody yes

9:24Sophie Ellis-Bextor:or at least bit starstruck yeah whole thing yeah it's unfamiliar you know they might not know yeah what they're entitled to yeah they're entitled to help you so those things can those things help me for sure and the all the kind of things that I was saying about you at the beginning about being

9:45Davina McCall:just down to earth and normal I see you as kind of a humble a humble superstar wow no but that's how I see you like you are really well known everybody knows who you are but you are you've got your feet on the ground and that now that makes real sense you saying that I am I can completely understand that they would know exactly what you needed yeah and Janet would know this is what I could have done with yeah I'm gonna let me give this to Sophie yeah and she's still in that

10:17Sophie Ellis-Bextor:role now is she yeah yeah yeah I'm very I'm lucky I do have a lot of people that give me lots of support um so nothing I do is is happening on it's on its own really as the support of my

10:31Davina McCall:redirection including Richard of course obviously we've just talked about becoming a mother and I know that you and your mum um became very close really when you moved back home yeah and my dad as well he was and your dad yeah yeah um but your mum has written um you a letter really oh my god I'm surprised and I if it's all right with you I'm gonna read it to you okay you okay yeah she

10:59Katie Piper:would have hated to tell me why you're surprised because my mom is just like traditional and strong and stoic and you know like she's so loving but she's like you've just got to get on with it dear you know you really have and she's not gushy she she wouldn't like to go on telly I had to force her to be in my dock you know she's just it's like a different generation and she's just not like that and I wouldn't want her to be any other way but she's very um private you know would it

11:27Davina McCall:be fair to say that your relationship you got closer later in life yeah deeper yeah like all

11:35Katie Piper:relationships you know like my childhood she like I always knew at the center of my mom's life was us us three I was the middle child and with my mom she worked as a teacher then she worked in waitrose then she was a childminder then she was a teaching assistant and at the center of my mom's life was our education and our stability and she was the taxi and took us to every hobby you know but then you know I'm ashamed to say then in my teens like I really like raged against her you know I was a difficult teen and I think she found it hard to make sense of that and I think my trauma and that recovery like united us and we found each other well we chose each other because you don't choose your mum do you but you have later in life you know if it was a good relationship

12:23Davina McCall:because you do fly home yeah god in recovery i chose my step-mom okay you ready oh god okay all right dear kate i was looking through some photos of you the other day and it made me reflect on how far you've come since that dreadful day in March 2008. As a mother it was heartbreaking to see you hurt, to see you so badly damaged and feeling so helpless in the face of your pain but what stands out to me the most is the incredible strength you showed even in those early days. When everything seemed uncertain and the future looked so hard you refused to let it define you. You turned a dreadful situation into an opportunity to grow and to become even stronger.

13:10Davina McCall:It wasn't easy. There were setbacks, struggles and moments of doubt, but you kept going and you conquered one challenge after another. You kept that sense of humour that you had as a child and even in difficult times you managed to make us all smile. You proved to me and to yourself that no matter what life throws at you, you have the power to take control and overcome. Over the years, I've had the privilege of watching you blossom. Your career has been a testament to your tireless work ethic and your stubborn determination. And in addition to your career, you started your charity because you wanted to give back and make a difference.

13:55Davina McCall:I've watched you work so hard on that too. That's who you are, a person who not only overcomes adversity but who is driven to help others do the same and then I've watched you become a mother to see you with your girls teaching them the same values I taught you strength resilience kindness and determination has been one of the greatest joys of my life I can see the love the patience and the wisdom in your interactions with them You're passing down the very qualities that made you who you are today and I am so proud of you. As a mother, there's nothing more rewarding than seeing your child grow into the person you always hoped they would be.

14:44Davina McCall:Strong, compassionate and capable of navigating the ups and downs of life with grace and courage. I am so proud of everything you've accomplished and even prouder of the amazing woman, wife and mother you've become. I'm going to end this letter with the best piece of advice I have ever given you. Just get on with it, dear. With all my love, mum.

15:20Katie Piper:that's our private joke just get on with it dear said it in icu yeah it's um you can't go back and change things but when you become a mum you can you can give them everything and i don't want to say everything i didn't have because i had everything but the greatest gift my mum has given me is to be able to parent and that's what I'm trying to do parent them like she parented me but with the wisdom of some of the other things that happen to me that I'll never be able to change and I'm so private about my children I don't put them on social I don't take them to work things and I want them to have that agency and that anonymity to go out into the world and fuck everything up and enjoy life and be who they want to be and I want to keep them so safe but not be like a helicopter mum you know I want them to choose me and fly home to me but go out there and I don't know if mum knows this but she did do that for me even though we like butted heads quite a lot but I was allowed to butt heads of

16:38Davina McCall:her because I knew we'd never fall out she's safe yeah and I hope I create I mean I'm already there

16:47Katie Piper:with my eldest where she's like can you stop walking next to me on the street when we walk to school I'm like sorry so sorry like I went to careers day on Monday for year six and I was like did a 30 minute talk about being a writer and a tv presenter and I said do you like it she was like why did you wear the cardigan with feathers on?

17:09Davina McCall:Because I'm jazzy. I'm jazzy. I touched the small of my son's back a couple of years ago. I've never touched him since. I was like, I'm really sorry I touched you.

17:21Katie Piper:And it's hard because I'm not, in some ways I am the mum my mum was, but in other ways I'm not because my mum dedicated her life to us and she sacrificed her career. And I'm not ashamed to say I don't, I don't, I sacrifice parts of my career. Of course I do. But I am a career woman, which is different to what my mom was, you know. And she's had opinions on that too. And I understand that. But Richie's a good dad. And we work together as a team, you know. But yeah, I'm so grateful to my mom and dad that they gave me all of this so that I could be who I am today. That's why all that I am is them, not what happened to me.

18:03Katie Piper:Yes.