Begin Again Moments: The Midlife Pivot

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1:40Yeah. And now it's something else. What happened? I think you mature. Yeah. Your brain gets wiser. Like I'm lucky. There's an expression that says at a certain point you can turn into wine or vinegar after about 50. Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? And so I really got interested in meditation, mindfulness, and I think that means you're really interested in digging down. And that's really my interest. I don't want to have – I don't do small talk. I mean, you know, I'll be funny, you know, especially if I know that's called for. But my real interest is when you speak below the radar. Yes.

2:19Yeah. And this podcast is called Begin Again, and I'm always thinking about how can people change something in their life that will enable them to, on their deathbed, go, I really fucking had a go. Yeah, I tried. I did everything I wanted to try. Exactly. I tried. But you did. I mean, you are. You're doing. Well, I did. I did. I mean, yeah, I was kicked out of TV, more or less. I could have kicked my way back in. So what do you mean by that? Well, after Ruby Meets. Yeah, I was doing like, there was a great show, Boys with Toys, where we raced to Russia. So that was my last show. I wouldn't say that was a dud.

3:03And then Alan Yentob, who's dead, took over my slot. Well, my Sunday night slot. I can't fight that. No. And they said, oh, your shows don't sell anymore. Yeah, bullshit. But the point is I'm really grateful because that means you have to find another career. And boy, did I try a few things in my little skirt. I went around trying to sell bags that I designed, you know, the ultimate bag woman. I tried everything. I tried to be a coach because I knew coaches made$500 instead of shrink. And I had got my degree in being a shrink. Can we just talk about that? Just tell us what degree you got. I got a degree in psychotherapy.

3:43Yeah. And I had to do, from Regents, I had to do 400 hours. I did 200. Yeah. So good. I did 200. So good. Well, it was interesting. We need to be proud of that. What an achievement. And how old were you at this point when you did your degree? You become a shrink when you're about a good one. Yeah. Late 40s. Yeah. You were late 40s. No, I was in my 50s. Yeah. Yeah. But it starts then. Around menopause, people start getting interested in therapy, the wild shores of menopause. Suddenly they're interested in somebody else's mind because theirs is taking a holiday.

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5:20Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three-month plan equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. So you're talking about this trying to get out of bed, you know, the snooze button, which is something that all of us can relate to. And would you say that the five second theory was the first sort of big one that

5:55Mel Robbins:you came up with? Oh, yes. This is mega. Well, I didn't think this was mega at all. So what happened is I literally, my life was falling apart and I was watching television one night and a rocket ship went off the television screen, just as I was saying, all right, tomorrow morning, Mel, it's a new you. You got to find a job. You got to be nice to Chris. You got to open those bills. And by God, woman, you have got to get out of bed when that alarm rings. And this rocket ship launched across the television screen. And I was like, that's it. That's a sign from God. I'm going to rocket out of bed tomorrow.

6:27Mel Robbins:I'm going to move so fast. I'm not going to be in that bed when that anxiety strikes. Now, I was four Manhattans in, so it was probably the bourbon that gave me the idea because it sounds kind of stupid. But the next morning is when I saw this universal habit. I didn't call it that then, but I saw this thing that I'd never seen before. And once I explain it, you'll never look at life the same way again. There's a five-second window that defines your whole life. It is a moment of hesitation. It is a moment where you go from thinking about what you need to do, from knowing what you need to do to then hesitating and thinking about it.

7:05It's unmistakable.

7:08Mel Robbins:And once you see this, and I explain it with the alarm clock, you'll see it every morning. The alarm goes off. You know, you're supposed to get out of bed. You're the one who set the damn alarm. Like, it's not like, oh, that's a surprise. 6.15. I set that. And then instead of getting out of bed, you stop and think, do I feel like getting out of bed? And if you think about something and hesitate for more than five seconds, your brain just clicks into like habit mode and you do what you always did. And for me, that was hit the snooze button and avoid doing anything. And that morning, just like NASA launches a rocket, I just counted backwards right as I saw it.

7:46Mel Robbins:OK, the alarm's off. I remember the rocket. I don't feel like it's dark. It's cold. It's February. I don't want to. And I started reaching for the snooze button. I just started counting five, four, three, two, one. And then I stood up. It was the weirdest thing. And then I went on with my day. Next morning, same thing. Alarm went off. I didn't spring out of bed. I still don't spring out of bed. Like, I don't feel like it. I don't want to. Five, four, three, two, one. I'm up again. It was the third morning. The third morning when I counted backwards, five, four, three, two, one, I learned it was like, am I a witch?

8:14Mel Robbins:Like, is this like actually a like secret from God? Like, what is this thing? And so I made myself this promise. any time today where you know what you should do or could do, but you don't feel like it, just count backwards and make yourself do it. And I probably counted backwards 27 times that day. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, pick up the phone and start networking. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, put on the sneakers, go for a walk. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, call my mother and tell her what's going on. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, take a breath don't scream at chris and that was the beginning and this countdown technique five four three two one became a tool that i would use every day all day to push myself through the anxiety the self-doubt the procrastination the perfectionism the excuses all of it so that i could take the actions that changed everything over time.

9:16What I think is fascinating is that so many people who are really in dire anxiety, holes, financial problems, everything will look at you and think you are living proof that there is a way out of feeling like this. Yes. So was was that like the first moment where kind of Mel Robbins speaker podcaster was born like in a way in your head?

9:48Mel Robbins:I suppose. But but just just think about this. I could have easily gotten out of bed that first morning and just been like, OK. And then the next morning hit the snooze button again. Yes. See, what nobody wants to hear is there is no pill. There's no shortcut. There's no overnight anything. there is the grueling, boring, tedious, small moves that you make in a new direction. It's literally you against you. That's what the work is, and nobody wants to hear it. I literally, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, I was getting out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, just trying to pay my bills, trying not to kill my husband or get a divorce, trying to get the drinking under control, trying to get the kids on the bus on time, trying to be honest about everything that was going on with myself and my friends and my family.

10:51Mel Robbins:So you're just trying to survive. Just trying to survive. And that was the beginning. And I did this in secret and private for three years. I didn't tell anybody about it except for Chris. Hey, what am I going to say to my friends? I'm doing this countdown thing. You should try it. Yeah, I guess. My life is a shit show. Why would I be giving you advice? I'm literally just trying to 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Do a little better. 5, 4, 3, two, one, force myself to do the things that I know will change my life for the better. And the funny thing is this, you never feel like doing them. I mean, just stop and consider something.

11:31Mel Robbins:If you just did the things you don't feel like doing, in a matter of a year or two, you'd have almost everything you've ever wanted. You're capable of the actions, But it's going to be you against your feelings and you against your excuses and you against you. And so this little count backwards technique, I didn't even understand why it was working at the time, became a tool that I could reach for in those moments where the emotions or the negativity were starting to stop me. And so, you know, it just proves a point. You change your life with action. You don't change your life by thinking about it.

12:16Mel Robbins:You don't change your life by waiting around to feel ready. You change your life by making a decision that you no longer like where you're at. And you're going to start acting consistent with the kind of person who has the kind of life that you want. Like it's the, it's the people say, you know, it's the simplest thing. You want to be a writer, right? Every day. You want to feel healthier? Move your body every day. You want to get out of debt? Open those bills. Chip away at every day. Stop spending so much every day. And so for me, this three-year period where Chris and I were just every day waking up and just taking the steps that aren't fun and pushing ourselves forward and starting to make the ends meet and starting to chip away at things and things are starting to get a little bit better.

13:04And, you know, when I first shared this thing, this 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 countdown thing, I didn't

13:11Mel Robbins:intend to become some motivational speaker. I didn't intend to do anything. The right window treatments change everything. Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels. At Blinds.com, we've spent 30 years making it surprisingly simple to get exactly what your home needs. We've covered over 25 million windows and have 50 ,000 five-star reviews to prove we deliver. Whether you DIY it or want a pro to handle everything from measure to install, we have you covered. Real design professionals, free samples, zero pressure. Right now, Get up to 45 % off site-wide. Plus, get a free professional measure at Blinds.com.

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