Doctors Gave My Wife 18 Months… We Got 12 Extra Years | Pete Cohen

23:49Hannah's mum had dementia for 11 years and he couldn't be there for Hannah but I could. I could be there for her. I was there through everything with her and what a privilege. As you speak about with your sister, you know, when you talked about, you know, washing her body and just...

24:07Davina McCall:I can't believe she let me do that. I still... Caroline. Yeah, yeah, there's her actress. But she gifted me that. Yeah. She knew because we couldn't have been more different. I was Mrs. Walk around the house naked all the time. I never saw my sister naked except for two days before she died, or the day before she died, in fact. I think it was the day before she went to sleep for the last time. And she let me wash her whole body. And then Dipra base, she had the smoothest, softer skin. I could moisturise her whole body. And it was the saddest, but the most beautiful thing. My brother said to me about this, because he was there with me when Hannah took her last breath and with my mum.

24:49Davina McCall:Oh, wow. He said something about a tragic privilege. Yes. Yeah. What a tragic privilege. I was just thinking about you because you lost your mum. My dad first in 2018 and then my mum in 21 and Hannah in 23. And then Hannah. I never stopped really to. But I have now. It is. But when I look at it, I think it is relative and obviously it was extremely difficult and challenging. but there are people out there that have to face things which are far more, I say far more challenging. It's, I don't know, it feels like I just did what maybe a lot of people would do. And life is difficult, isn't it? It's hard.

25:28It's challenging. To pretend it's anything else is a joke.

25:31Davina McCall:How are you doing? No, it's interesting to stop and reflect on what's happened because I don't reflect too much. I've cried a lot. I've gone through those stages of grieving. But the ultimate stage of grief is acceptance. And I learned to accept through celebration and rejoicing. It's a very biblical thing to rejoice in your suffering. I'm not a Christian, but a gentleman, a guy called Dr. Ray Sylvester, who's helped me for the last five years. He's been there with me through the darkest of moments. He's a Christian, and he said that to me. He said, you've got to find a way to celebrate in your suffering.

26:22And I thought, what is he talking about? How do you celebrate suffering? How do you rejoice in your suffering? And I realize now what he meant. He meant that it's not that you're not suffering, but you find a way to celebrate where you are despite of your suffering. because it builds character, it builds hope. And that's why I suppose I eventually made something from everything that happened. When we started talking to Veena, I was thinking about, we watch a film sometimes and we're moved by the film and maybe we leave and we're still moved. With what I made, I want that to be a defining moment for some people that they're moved by it in such a way that their life changes because of it.

27:15Maybe your life will change. I'm sure it has been changed because you've got to know this person. Hannah would love to have met you.

27:22Davina McCall:She loved you. Can I just say something? I thought exactly that. I was going to say that to you. Like I would have loved to have met her. She seemed like so my kind of person. Her telling you about the spirit level in the camera on that opening shot really made me laugh so much. She was funny. She was. I mean, she was really, really funny, even in the darkest of moments. Yeah. And she really loved me and I really didn't know. Oh, my God. I really did. Only when she died that a few people said to me, do you know how much she loved you? I just didn't know because I wouldn't allow myself to see. I didn't allow myself because I was scared.

27:59I was really scared. She used to come and dance with me sometimes and I danced with her for a bit. but I would always be wanting to go on to the next thing. I was always scared to be present. I wish I'd been more present with her. I wish I'd been more present with my mum and dad. I've always been frightened of death. I'm not frightened of it anymore but from a very early age I was frightened that my parents would die. And because of that again, this busy being busy, I've always been ahead of myself, ahead of the game. No one could keep up with me. I couldn't even keep up with me.

28:30Davina McCall:What changed though in your fear of death? Hannah dying. But how did that change? When you see someone die, you know, my mum, I was with her when she took her last breath and my brother was there and I'm here. It was the same with Hannah. You see someone take their last breath, especially, again, my mum who gave me my first breath. And I was there to watch her leave this tragic privilege of this life ending. But I don't think life ends. I think that life continues in me. You know, I'm here with that life that's been given to me. I'm giving it to you. I don't have to do anything. That's something else I realize now.

29:12I don't actually have to do anything. I can just be here, be me. I don't have to try and do anything. I can just be me with my lived experience.

29:20Davina McCall:When you talked about the regret of not being more present, can you explain what you mean by that? I think for me, I lived my life with fear was the dominating driver. So that put me in survival mode pretty much all the time without even knowing. So there's a mild anxiety. That's where chronic fatigue comes from, I think, you know, not just from exercising like a lunatic, but never switching off. So always being on. And let's face it, there's something that's bigger than fear. There's love. That's all there is. Can I just be honest for a minute? I might cry Well I can feel the tears in my eyes So It's like you're describing me Well I've watched you I've watched you I've watched you I woke up at one o 'clock this morning Because whenever I'm doing something like this It's not that I'm anxious or nervous But there's part of me that's already preparing for this Me too I want to have a good moment together.

30:35I feel the same. So I watched you winning that award in 2024. And I watched you on stage and all the footage of lots of the things you've done. But that was lovely. But what I was actually watching was all the people who were looking at you who love you. Just, I mean, literally love you. And it's like, what is it they love? What is it about you? Is it what you've done? is it where you are no they love who you are you know it's not that's the difference what i've learned about where i am isn't who i am where i am i'm a widower it's not who i am i am more than my circumstance um you know sam neill i think you saw that thing i posted um when he was asked the question around uh what was the advice your parents gave you and that he started crying um and he was saying his parents advice was his mom said to pull yourself together it's a lot easier to pull yourself together when you know who you are yeah and you know all of this other stuff is nice but there's something more than all of what's just going on and that's what I see in you is what's happened to you has made you whole because you said when you when you came

31:54Davina McCall:out from surgery what was the first thing you said I I've been saved been saved you've got a second chance to do something this was the this is really what I wanted to say to you that I have found myself and I'm so glad that I have because I get to be what I found now she found herself She used to love sewing. She always used to love to sew. And she used to watch a guy called John Scott on Sewing Quarter. John used to be on This Morning. Lovely guy. And she started looking at quilting. And she's not all quilting. I think I'd like to do that. So she bought this machine. We got married in 2014, I must say.

32:35So we went to America. She's had this treatment. She started getting better and better. she came home this new woman came came to life and that's the thing I probably admired most about Hannah is that she found out who she was which was a creator and making things and that's when she felt most alive having projects that were that she that she was she became known as the

32:59Davina McCall:bespoke quilter can we just talk about her quilting and that's still on Instagram yeah I sent that to you today no one manages that can I can I just say it's live the bespoke quilter please go and have a look the last quilt yeah that she created was quite simply the most beautiful thing yeah I have ever seen well she I'm a big fan of Michael Jordan and uh I became really interested here the basketball player in the late 80s and um i used to get every shirt that he had i collected every shirt but they were just in a bloody cupboard it's like what are you going to do with these worth a fortune but i was never going to sell them and i kept saying to hannah could you could we could you do something with this and um she started it but she wasn't able to finish it but yeah oh my gosh look at this it says happy beautiful day which is what she used to say all the time, all of her emails all the time, happy beautiful day so did she embroider that?

34:10no, the person she built she got the machine from this woman Liz which I'm so grateful for in fact if you turn it over and look at the bottom here it says, you can read it She was so talented. Yeah, she was. She felt alive when she was doing this. And the sad thing is that she can't do that anymore. And that's why when you can help someone work out who they are and they can be who they are and do what they may be here to do, what a beautiful thing. You and I have that opportunity. Yeah. And as I said at the beginning, I truly believe one of your reasons for being on this earth is to inspire people to begin again.

34:53Davina McCall:Do you know, do you know, I thank you. Thank you for saying that. But do you think it's true? Yeah, no, I do. But I... Regardless of what happens. It's nice to feel seen, I guess. But what's amazed me about you, Davina, is the amount of people I've spoken to recently when I said I was going to be on your podcast, they all say the same thing. I love it. And then I'm thinking, what is it that they love about it? What do you think it is? What is it that I love about this? What I'm hoping is I'm giving people a chance to have a look at their life. Yeah. I'm not letting go of this yet because I want to read this.

35:27Davina McCall:Yeah, yes. But I'm going to wear this like this. But what I'm hoping is that they know if they're following their path or not. And some people aren't following their path and something feels off. And I'd like to hope that they might see something on Begin Again where they go, oh, I think that spoke to me. I think I might try and change something to get on my path to follow my destiny. Yeah. And that's what I think. Wow. That's what you've already started. That's what I'm hoping people do. Can I read what's on here? Because this is... So did she put this on all of her quilts? No, the woman who finished the quilt, who loved her.

36:09Davina McCall:So she finished the quilt? Yeah. Oh, so this... You're always in... You're Always in My Heart, made especially for Pete Cohen by Hannah Bradley Cohen, Liz Holp in November 2023. So after... Just a few months after Hannah had passed away. I've got quite a few of Hannah's quilts in my house. This is so... I mean, her just eye. She was such a creative, wasn't she? She was such a creative and I suppose part of the sad reality of when she found herself. And then in November 2021, she had another major seizure. Yes. A rush back into hospital, but this time it was much more serious. With the treatment that Buzinski had given her, she did get the all clear.

37:03Davina McCall:Absolutely, yeah. So she, five years. More than five. It was 11 years, 10 years, 10 years. 10 years of all clear. Ten years of all clear. So you had ten years of happy... Well, I say happy, but I was always scared at the back of my mind. But she'd get lost in doing this. She'd get lost. And we would get lost together. We did some great things together. Tell me what you did together. Well, we started a business. We had a coffee business with mushrooms. She was a big fan of medicinal. We were both big fans of medicinal mushrooms. We started a business where we had customers all over the world. We travelled.

37:40She started quilting. we used to go and see some amazing things you know but again I just wish I'd made the most of it but can I say something yeah I should be a bit kinder to myself shouldn't I stop saying that

37:55Davina McCall:you did yeah you did make the most of it you wish that you could go back and do something differently but you did what you did and look what you're doing yeah yeah it is she'd be very she'd be She is. She is very proud. She is very proud. She is very proud. And that's why this is very, very important. So at Hannah's funeral, we gave everyone a magic wand. And everyone sung Abracadabra by the Steve Miller band. Hannah loved that song. I loved that song. And Abracadabra means it comes from a Hebrew word, which basically means I create as I speak. So I had to give this to you because of the magic of what you talk about.

38:50When people call it manifesting, I don't know what you call it, but I've heard you say many, many times, I'm speaking this into existence and knowing the magic that is behind that, the energy that's behind that. And honestly, I can't... I can't...

39:12just do me a favor keep doing what you're doing keep having these conversations and you're going to create

39:18Davina McCall:a bigger movement Hannah's going to live with me here that's fantastic I'm putting her on here so we can abber cadabber the shit out of this yeah yeah I love this yeah yeah so this is from her funeral There were a few left. Pete! Yeah, no, honestly. I feel so unworthy. No, don't be silly. Don't be silly. So, you know, when we had the premiere of the film, do you know how many more people will go and watch this film because of you? Oh, good. Right? You know, whether it's one or whether it's 100, whether it's 1 ,000, you're already doing something by giving Hannah a voice. How did it go from filming something for fear that Buzinski's going to not be around?

40:09Davina McCall:It was easy. It was easy. It was easy because when we came back from America, if Anna had like a scan and it was clear, we'd film it. We'd put it on Facebook and just say, you know, we were sharing it. Then we got married. Guess what? We filmed it. And then when she got sick again, well, again, we needed help and I wanted to share the story. so it was all there the only thing i had to had to so when dr ray sylvester said rejoice in your suffering celebrate your suffering i didn't know what he meant i'll listen i woke up in the middle of the night and i just one night and i just i know exactly what i need to do i need to finish what i've started because this hasn't ended there's all these i did it for her friends i did it for me did it for me let's be honest i did it for me but then i wanted to share it with some of her friends and families to say look look at that look how it look how it turned out it was very difficult especially the bit in the hospice yes and i can we just talk about that for a moment because that um that was incredibly moving and difficult difficult and beautiful but she knew i was there she knew the camera was on i wouldn't have done it if she had which she you know a few days later she but like like you were told i was told by a therapist don't stop talking uh to hannah and I'd be there all day, all night just saying, Hannah, I love you, you are love.

41:31So it was all there. And then a friend of mine helped me, Lindley Gooden, just helped kind of put it together. Then Ray said, I think you should put a bit of the beginning and a bit of the end. Yes. You know, just so you set a frame. I then showed it to Ben Shepard and Ben Shepard said, I'll show it to my friend. And my friend, his friend, I showed it to his friend, he was a filmmaker, and he said, enter into some film festivals and I said why and he went well it's actually quite good and it could win okay but it's not a documentary like that you see yes it is so I entered it into loads of film festivals it got turned down from loads and I suppose I was a bit disappointed then I got an email from the World Can Film Festival I thought that was a joke honestly thought this is someone's having a joke here saying it had been selected and then you know it won uh and then it's won 11 film festivals around the world which is it's nice it's nice but it doesn't really mean anything what what the meaning comes from people that choose to to watch it and potentially be inspired

42:39Davina McCall:by hannah well i think it's it's taking hannah with you definitely around the world like she'd be like wow yeah she would say to me because i've thought about this a lot you know i knew when you you know when you know someone really well yeah you know you know someone like you kind of know yourself in a way yeah uh we knew each other so well you can't go through something like that and go to the darkest top places and go to some great places without them going i know exactly what you want and i know what she would want she would say to me show it to anyone you want as long as i don't have to watch it she wouldn't want to watch it you know and some people perhaps they don't want to watch it and i totally understand that but she would say to me if you think it would help one person show it to them it is beautiful well it is it is a beautiful extremely deeply moving account of love yeah love um and strength yeah resilience and honesty it's very honest that's the other thing I really liked about it there's no showmanship in it because I think the idea wasn't to put it in a documentary it's really real can I ask you something yeah yeah what would you like to see happen as a result of everything you're doing at the moment me yeah the whole begin again and what do you want to know do you want it just to do you want to see what happens you I know you're going to start doing more things of bringing people together and I I want to spread love.

44:10Yeah.

44:10Davina McCall:I want to show the world that there is love everywhere. Yeah. But we get fed a lot of anger. Yeah. Online and we get fed a lot of hatred and fury. But actually love is all around. Yeah. Which is a great song. By Wet Wet Wet. Yeah. I'd actually quite like to ask you something similar. so what you know obviously the the film is very important um for people to see but what's what's next for you like where are you going in life where's yeah where's life taking you so thank you for asking me that question um this forced me to as you know to stop and look at myself and stop to think really is my message to the world i really want to share what life has taught me about slowing down, being more intentional.

45:08Intention to me is such a key word, but stop to think is my message because if we are able to, stopping is a big thing for a lot of people, it might be too much. Just to even just to pause.

45:20Davina McCall:Well, I was just going to say, what does stopping look like? If you're talking to just somebody you meet on the street, how do they do that? We are literally brought up thinking, be productive be quick be on it be you know so stopping for me is stopping or suspending the out-of-date performance or suspending the out-of-date persona just to suspend that for a while to be open to there's something beyond perhaps what's actually going on and to deliver that message to people I suppose it will hit home in different ways but that's what we've done today right we've suspended what's going on out here we've created some time and space for each other who knows what's going to happen as a result of it i think that's where a lot of magic happens that's why i think people like podcasts so you're asking me you know what what do i want to see happen i i would like to see more people starting to stop and suspend maybe elements of themselves that they they they thought they had to be and to be open to maybe there is more to me than meets the eye.

46:33Maybe I don't have to be in survival mode. Maybe I can be in a more contented space. And I'm probably a bit like you. I want to see what happens. I don't feel the need I have to push and sell or promote. I just want to see what happens, put the message out there, and let's see what turns up. so uh when hannah passed away uh after her funeral uh the next day i i flew to america and i spent time with my my you know the second person that's come into my life who's like a mentor a coach a friend and we started recording the conversations this was three years ago we started recording the conversations i didn't know why i was recording them but i've now put them into a podcast the first four episodes we recorded them recently and it's like anyone can listen to that and just see the journey that i went on they can see how stop to think actually came to life and maybe it will make some people so wait what is the name of the podcast

47:35Davina McCall:stop to think stop to think and where can they find it everywhere everywhere okay but um you know when someone pours into you there's nothing better than pouring into someone else it's like that's what again it's called the hero's journey you know you you go on this journey you become someone because of what I don't think life is about I think life is about becoming through overcoming and what you've overcome to me is very inspiring right so anything that's thrown at you you're going to go I'm going to I'm going to use this and I will begin again and I'll keep beginning again what am I going to learn what am I going to learn that I can then pass on to someone else One of the things I've noticed since the film has come out is how many people actually care for people.

48:17I've been messaged by so many people who say thank you for shining a light on the people that care for others. And anyone that cares for someone who needs, I just want to say a massive shout out to all of you. What a wonderful thing to do. and the other thing is about grief, that if you can find a way to keep the memory of the person that was in your life alive, I know it's not an easy thing to do and it maybe takes a bit of time, but for me, I know that the people who aren't here anymore would want nothing more than for me to, I mean, if they were here now seeing me with you, they'd be going, wow, look what you did.

48:54Look who you got to spend time with. You better make the most of this, because we made this happen for you, maybe. I don't know. But this is a seminal moment in my life. You know, it really, really is Davina. It's surreal.

49:09Davina McCall:Can I also say something about caring for people that if you've been caring for somebody and they die, the whole that not caring anymore does. It's exhausting. It's emotionally exhausting. It's physically exhausting. It's like you just give everything you've got. and then when they go, the hole, the chasm that is left from not having to do that anymore. I didn't know who I was. Yeah. Like, how did you survive? Well, that's where I had to stop and really look at that. I had to really look at it. I couldn't outrun. The grief was so painful that I had to address it. Everything else in my life, I could run away from fear, but grief was something I couldn't outrun.

49:55It's been the greatest present to me because it forced me to look at me in a way that I probably never would have looked at myself And seen what's been beneath, you know, some of the trauma some of the challenges that I've there's something deeper about me and that thing is It's just love, you know, that that's all there is right? I I that's what I believe I'm gonna wrap it there.

50:21Davina McCall:I'm gonna come over and give you an uncomfortably long hug you're going to be like oh no time to let go when it would get almost inappropriate but I like playing that game there's no such thing so just in case you missed this episode here if you love this episode I know you're going to love that