Elizabeth Day: I Found Love After Divorce

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1:17I just sort of lost sight of my own desires. I had a period of feeling deeply unhappy. I thought, I need to get out or I'm going to lose myself entirely. You know divorce is the right thing when you are paying a price to stay, but you will also pay a price to go. Exactly. I'm like panicking because I'm staring down the barrel of my 40s with nothing in place. I had this yearning to be a mother and encountered so many obstacles and I'd kept going because I felt that I should. When I went through my third miscarriage, it was the worst one I've experienced. It was through a medium, wasn't it, that helped you navigate that time in your life.

1:58And she said, she gave me permission to let go. There was so much I really didn't know about you. And I love it when somebody takes on a new depth. I want to show you something.

2:12I am here with Elizabeth Day. I love this woman. Honestly, the energy that Elizabeth has brought to us already. you you just I walked in here and I was like can you feel it we could all feel it you are a good soul Davina no honestly not the interview right now let's just leave it as that can I just have that I see you on all of my art biographies on all of the covers of my books just on my tombstone thank you I feel exactly the same about you but you're not allowed to do that okay but I have it about you so so you know journalist best-selling author ridiculously successful podcast great sense of humor huge heart can't wait to kind of get to the bottom of you and your life so thank you for coming on the pod thank you so much for having me on I'm a huge fan of begin again and I'm a huge fan of you and I can't believe that I get to sit in this iconic chair iconic with the cushions i was like i looked at i looked at the chairs online i was like let me just look at the colors again so that i know what to wear so that i fit it looks really good okay good yeah yeah absolutely perfect um there was so much um i that i enjoyed reading that i thought about you that i thought oh i really didn't i really didn't know this about you and i think particularly when i I heard about you moving to just outside of Londonderry when you were four years old.

3:41Can you talk me through how that happened? How did you get to move to Londonderry? So I was born in Epsom in Surrey and my dad was a junior doctor. And his mother was born in Northern Ireland and raised there. And he applied for jobs all across the UK. And he happened to get this job, which was a major promotion as a general surgeon in Atna-Gelvin Hospital in Derry. and so we moved out there when I was four which was 1982 and at that time wow it was a really intense time to live in the north of Ireland particularly as a person with an English accent which I was and still am because it was in the middle of what is still called the troubles which was essentially a kind of civil war and to speak with an English accent first of all you're an outsider but secondly in some quarters you're also seen as an occupier there's automatic assumption that you're from a military family, which I wasn't.

4:37And so aged four, that's quite a lot of energy to contend with. Yes. And not the wherewithal to understand how to express that you're not any of those things. Exactly. And didn't fully understand the context that came later. And so it was a very formative period of my life. And looking back on it now, I can see the seeds of what I do present day were sown then because it made me into an observer because I didn't really like my voice. So I didn't speak that much because I didn't like my accent and I never really picked up a Northern Irish accent because I felt that was fakery in some way. And it made me ask questions of people, both things that they would and wouldn't say.

5:25I'm quite interested that you said that about not adapting the accent because it felt like fakery because um generally speaking when I meet kids or I see kids or even when I went to Australia for yeah um three months when I was 18 and literally was talking in an Australian accent a week later it's like a survival technique but you didn't do that and it was it was on purpose tell me tell me why I find it really interesting too and I've only really recently thought about why and I think it was something to do with holding on to a core part of myself in that I had left behind my beloved grandparents and like the world as I knew it and it was very different than Northern Ireland and you know it's gone through an immense amount that part of the world and I'm so proud to be from there and I love going back but it was also really tricky to assimilate and I think there was just one part of me that was really stubborn I was like no I'm still this person and I think again that's become a guiding principle for me that authenticity truth is really important to who I am and how I like to operate in the world and I think it's part of the reason I love you so much even though we've met a handful of times but it feels so much deeper than that because I see that same truth in you.

6:59I don't feel you're pretending. And a lot of people do and a lot of people do because they have to because life is tough. But there was some part of me that refused to do it. I think it's fascinating the journey to finding out who you are or who we are. I'm still on that journey. Yeah. Still looking and understanding. But when you said I am this person and what's interesting to me it feels like you knew you were that person or who you were at quite a young age I really didn't and I find that so impressive yeah well thank you I find it impressive that you were able to blend in and survive in a chaotic environment a lot of the time and with me it is quite weird but I did know myself from a very weird it's impressive well that's very sweet but age four I knew I wanted to write books which there are no authors in my family it's kind of it's a strange thing what do you think it is what is that I think I know I can talk about this because it's Stevina and it's begin again I believe in sort of past lives and old souls and I feel like I've been here before.

8:25Yeah. And I feel as though my life and many people's lives is a process of you start off knowing yourself and then you lose that as you try and become what society tells you you should be and should want. so during my teenage years my 20s I was like such a people pleaser just sort of lost sight of my own desires a lot of the time what my own opinions were and what I actually wanted for myself and now in my 40s it's been this amazing and empowering process of rediscovering what was already there yes and finessing it and all of that sort of stuff and maturing but it was there and I needed to get through all of the stuff that had built up around it to sort of get to the truth and the essence again.

9:14So you were kind of born with a knowing. I think so. I mean, and I'm not saying that in a sort of self-aggrandizing way at all. I don't read it like that at all. Okay, good. Because it's not that. It's just, you know, I, as you know, have gone through a long fertility journey and two years ago decided that I wanted to let that go and I am now fully at peace with not being a mother in the conventional biological sense. And part of the reason I was able to feel at peace with that is because I genuinely do feel that in a past life I've had experience of mothering. Yes, so talk to me about that because it was through a medium, wasn't it, that you spoke to and she saw something which really helped you navigate that time in your life.

10:08What did she say? So this was a psychic that a good friend of mine had recommended and she is based in America. And my good friend said, text her to make the appointment. Don't tell her your real name. And she was a very savvy friend. So I texted this psychic to make the appointment and And I gave her, because I am truthful, I gave her my first name, my real name. I said, it's Elizabeth. And I didn't say anything else. And this psychic said, OK, I'll call you at 7 p.m. your time on a Wednesday evening. It was a phone call. She didn't even see my face. She couldn't have Googled me. And it was an extraordinary experience.

10:46The first thing she said was, well, you love words. And I was like, I do. I do love words. That is so me. and about halfway through this conversation where she said lots of other accurate stuff about my personal life, about my husband. She's like, does your mother have some neck pain? I was like, I don't think so. And then I checked later and my mum had put out her back bell ringing. She was like, I'm of celiosity about that. Wait, put the car in park, Elizabeth. I just want to just repeat that. Your mother does bell ringing. Yes. Love her. You would love her. What I loved is that I'd read, you know, that your family's a bit bonkers.

11:23Yes. And that, you know, and now I know what you mean. You would love my mother. And actually, you really remind me of her in the sense that she's so beautiful and very sort of French. She's Swiss originally. Yes, and she taught you French, didn't she? She did. Yeah. On peut parler en français, alors? Ah, mais bien sûr. Je parle pas tout à fait couramment, alors. Il faut aller doucement. Couramment, hein? C 'est quand même bien, quoi. Oh my gosh, I'm loving this. I feel sexually attracted to you right now. Is that okay? Yes. It's reciprocated. Oh, thank you. We fell in love on Begin Again. Yes.

12:01And probably in a past life we have been lovers, let's be honest. So anyway, about halfway through, the bell ringing and everything, the psychic said this thing and she said, I feel like you are grappling right now with letting go of a lifelong desire. And all I said was, yes, that makes sense. I wasn't asking her any questions. I deliberately didn't want to guide her anywhere. I said, yes, that makes sense. And she said, and I don't know if it's to do with children, but if it is, I have a very strong sense that you were a mother in a past life and you were the mother of six and it almost melted you.

12:35That was her word. It almost melted you. And this life has been offered to you to live on your own terms. And that might be if you have tried to have children, you might have experienced fertility issues or miscarriage and when she said that I was like oh so I totted up the number of unsuccessful fertility cycles three and then I've had three miscarriages six so I've I've actually technically been pregnant six times it was mind-blowing and she said so did I it felt so aligned with the truth that I had been avoiding in a way yes because I had had this yearning to be a mother and I had encountered so many obstacles and I'd kept going because I felt I wanted to but I also felt that I should it's so interesting yeah and what that psychic did and I'm forever grateful to her for it is she gave me permission to see what it would be like to let that idea go and it turned out that letting that idea go was incredibly liberating and it doesn't mean that I'm not sad about it I am but I'm really at peace with it and there are so many other ways that I'm able to create isn't it fascinating when somebody sees you and she didn't see you but she sees you and they give you permission yeah to let go it was and that actually you can't let go until somebody says you know you can let go Yeah.

14:10And when that happens, you know, what what does it feel like? It felt amazing. And ultimately, what I come down to, I do believe that there is a spirit world. Call it what you like. Call it universe. Call it God. Call it faith. Call it something we can't explain. Call it quantum physics. But there is something, there is some energy that is beyond our comprehension. and that might not be for everyone and there are people listening to this who might not believe that either way I'm so grateful that that gave me what I needed and actually there's something really important about that because no one else could have given me permission in a way I needed someone who claimed to be able to tap into a non-human belief system if that makes sense like a beyond human thought process because none of my friends would say that to me in the sense that they love me so much they yes they want to completely support me in whatever endeavor I'm choosing to do similarly with my partner and similarly with medical professionals they're like well we're here to support whatever decision you make next but you have to make it similarly with therapists like they're not the ones who are going to say you can let it go and so actually it was incredibly helpful to me and I have since passed or made appointments with that psychic for dear friends of mine who were going through massive challenges and at every point she has a said something different so she hasn't always started off with like oh you love words yes but b she said something that has unlocked some power within them to see things differently and there's something about that power of knowing the instinct that we can tap into trust yourself trusting yourself and women for millennia because of patriarchy because of everything else we have been we've been sort of bamboozled out of trusting ourselves because actually it's so powerful is it something that's happened to you as you've got older totally were you so you had it when you were little i think i had it when i was four and then i kind of lost it yeah probably from going to school and going into sort of institutions like that and also because I was lucky that I did well at school and so then that becomes external validation and I learned wrongly to use that as fuel and motivation I just wanted more of that and that can really divert you from your true course and your true inner knowing.

16:48So yes, in short, my 40s, I think I've been really like trying to lean in so much more to instinct. And launching my podcast was a huge part of that actually, because it was just something I felt that I wanted to do, just like popped into my head one day. I was like, I want to explore this idea because it's really exciting me. And I like being in that sort of fluidity of not having a five-year plan anymore. Just sort of instinctively saying, no, I like that. And I'd like to do this if I can. This is so... I'd like to go back to the beginning because we've covered so much ground. Let's begin again.

17:31Because I want to talk a bit more in depth about this little girl who knew herself. There was something that you did. Obviously, you're in Derry. I've got such a nice picture of you. I'm imagining this little girl she's a bit quiet because she doesn't want people to hear her voice so what are you doing if you're not talking? Reading I read a lot I spent a lot of time in my imagination I explored a lot like actually literally explored Ireland has an incredible countryside lived in the middle of the countryside it was unbelievable So beautiful So beautiful We had a donkey and four sheep cats I love animals So actually, in answer to your question about the little me, I found a lot of my peace and happiness being with animals.

18:24And I have that still. I think we're so lucky to live in a world where we can have animals. And I'm obsessed with my cat now. So that that was who I was, someone who lived a lot of time in her imagination. and what was your sister like were you were you close did she do that was she very different I would say she was different like she was an amazing older sister there's four years between us she had asked for a baby sister and then a baby sister appeared and she was very protective of me but she was much more sociable than I was like everyone thought everyone loved her She was really great with little children.

19:05She was beautiful, sort of fair, good at everything at school. Whereas my perception of myself was I was good at maybe a couple of things. I really leaned into that and leaned out of the stuff that I wasn't good at. And I was quite a sort of stubborn child. And it would be quite hard to get me to do something I didn't want to do. And I found it harder to make connections with other kids. What's interesting as an adult, you could probably now see that as somebody who was quite a people pleaser and you knew yourself. Wow. Quite an interesting take on that. And sometimes I think older siblings allow a second sibling to be themselves because they're busy being the entertainer over there.

19:51But you can be who you want to be. Absolutely. And I much prefer being the youngest. It's a gift. It is. Because she had done all of that. You know, I got my ears, got tattoos, everything. And I feel I'm much happier in that. So I'm very grateful. And now she's got two daughters. And it's really lovely seeing that dynamic play out. And being an aunt is just one of the great gifts of my life. It is a blessing, isn't it, being an auntie? It is. It's a real treat for an auntie. I love it. And I'm really happy for other people to have their journeys with parenthood. and I also will have the experience of being a grandmother of sorts.

20:33Because you bet I'm going to get to know your kids, kids. Yeah. And I've got stepchildren and I've got godchildren and I've got nieces. So there are lots of children in my lives and around me and I feel fine about it. What should you do? If somebody hasn't got to where you've got to, where you know, look, I'm taking responsibility for that, But you are still in the journey of really wanting to have a baby. Yes. And it's been very difficult to get there. How would we deal with it if we were good mates? Yeah. We are good mates, by the way, just like that. Thank you so much.

21:15My best friend was incredible throughout my fertility day. Was she? Yeah. And she has two kids who are two of my godchildren who I love and adore. and she had this really good phrase which was about holding the shopping so emotionally it's like you don't have to do the shopping I promise you I'm going to land this metaphor okay no can I just say I can already feel that this is going to be a takeaway for a lot of people I hope so thank you yeah go so it's not about having to do the emotional processing for your friend yes it's simply about signaling that you are there and that you hold space for them.

21:52You are holding the shopping. In your shopping bag are all of these emotional resources and all of your favorite biscuits. They're here for you when you need them. And actually, the best thing is to be guided by your friend. The worst thing is to say nothing. If you have that kind of friendship, which is already close, you not saying anything is not going to make them forget it because they're thinking about it all of the time and so actually simply saying I'm so sorry that you're going through this challenge and I don't know why you've been sent this challenge it seems really unfair but I do know that whatever happens something meaningful will come from it and I love you and I'm here for you and I hold space for you and you can guide me as to what you need and when what you shouldn't say is either you will never know love like the love you have when you have a child and you just get like that's really really obsessing to hear yes and also it can be obsessing if you're like oh well having children is a nightmare by the way so you're better off out of it yes um those things are so extreme actually they're unhelpful for other parents too because they're it's quite an isolating thing to say yeah because if you don't feel that then you feel that you're in the wrong so i think it's just that idea of holding the shopping and actually when I went through my third miscarriage it was during lockdown and it was the worst one I've experienced and because it was lockdown we couldn't go and see each other and I remember my lovely friend Bette and our wife Sinead and Bette just texting saying what shopping do you need I'll pop to Tesco for you and she and Sinead did that they put all of my favourite things in a shopping bag and they left it outside our front door and I waved at them from the window it's making me well up as well and that for me is just one of the most generous acts of love the thoughtfulness that goes into that and the lack of requirement on you yeah you yeah it was beautiful no demands made of you exactly exactly even when someone texts and says I'm thinking of you no need to reply yes when you're going through it that's you must have had so many experiences i hope of that of people showing up for you when you were having your tumor removed i guess asking someone as well like what do you what do you need me yeah what do you need from me i am yeah can i just say that's so helpful what you've just said and this holding shop shopping i'm always rather interested because I kind of Michael and I do this for each other this idea of holding space but it's quite a confusing yes concept for somebody that doesn't get what that means could you just kind of explain what holding space for someone is yes thank you for that question you're so right because as someone who has been in therapy for five million years me too I often do fall into that kind of therapy speak and you write it can sound sort of vague and abstract and difficult.

25:03Essentially what it means is understanding that your loved one is going through something. You do not have to have been through exactly the same experience to show empathy for that. It's about understanding simply that they're traveling through a part of their journey and it's about what you can offer them that would be helpful both for them but also what you feel is natural to you so an example I can give actually is that um one of my very close friends a few years ago her father died and I felt so useless and she called me up I was one of the first people she called and I said what what do you need do you need me to come over she said yes and I just dropped everything and went over and I just was there and I worried when I was just there physically that wasn't enough I was like why am I not the person who knows how to make a lasagna and can like bring it around like why am I not the kind of capable sort of World War II Women's institute type who can put together a rota of care packages and people and I was like I just I'm not that person and after a while I spoke to my therapist about it my therapist was like well maybe she called you because what she needed was not that I was just gonna say that's such a brilliant thing isn't it that yes you were exactly what she needed yes she knows you and she does and I love her for that and subsequently she said that to me herself and so sometimes it is literally just about physically being there you don't have to cure anything you don't have to solve anything I know that it's so difficult to see a loved one in pain but you don't have to fix it just being there and holding their hand or holding the shopping or making the lasagna if that is you all credit to you by the way I wish I was you just those it's it's about being present I loved what you said about not fixing someone's got to go through something they've got to go through it you can't take it away from them now that is a lesson that I only just learned isn't it great yeah it is and if you look at if you're listening to this and looking at your own life I know that you would have been through many challenges to get here you will have survived 100 of your worst days and like all credit to you and your strength for doing that and that was your suffering to get through and you got through it and it shaped you and it my belief is it's made you stronger and it's probably given your life a lot of meaning in many ways and so actually when other people go through challenges or suffering it's awful and I wish I could take it away from them and at the same time you can't and it is part of a journey that we can't fully understand and to try and shape someone else's life and control it is not love.

28:11I mean that is the truth. Yeah. Because basically you're taking away progress. Yes you are. I mean I should say caveat there are so many global injustices and so much horrendous pain in the world and where we can we have to show up and be active in that fight. But global is different than a personal that's what i think yes so if someone's going through a personal pain because don't you feel like sometimes when you don't go through something it's unfinished business it's still in you you've not let it go it's actually probably the thing that has most harmed me kind of being in denial about how i'm actually feeling and again that goes into all of that social conditioning we were talking about all of the people pleasing i lost track of the fact that sometimes I was angry, but I would feel it was sadness or it would manifest a sadness.

29:10And it's because I didn't feel able to access that anger and still be lovable. And one of the greatest gifts that my now husband has given me is I always worried that my emotions were too much and that I cried too much and was too upset or too sensitive about things. and he has been so wonderful at fully accepting me with all of those aspects so I feel able just to have a good cry and not to be judged by him and that's so helpful and as a result I feel more able to feel I feel more able to feel and that's part of growth too it's interesting about anger isn't it isn't it it's a really difficult one for women hugely I think you were saying it comes out as sadness yeah and I wish I could be angrier in some ways yeah I wish when people say something mean um or do something cruel I wish that my response was anger rather than well maybe they have a point and then and then feeling really sad and lonely and having to go through all of that process again to work it out i was thinking like there would be space in the world for um an anger release chamber yes um a soundproof nobody can see in nobody can see out room full of soft like a padded room full of things that you could like a padded cell that you could scream in and no one can hear you and hit things and throw things against walls but you can't damage yourself you are safe to release Kraken Like all of it.

31:22Yes. They have those anger rooms. They have them in the States where you can just go with a baseball bat and like smash stuff up. Yeah. It's always on the Real Housewives. It's a massive Real Housewives trope. But I would want to do it on my own. Yeah, of course. Because otherwise... You'd be on your own in this room. Because otherwise people are looking at you. Exactly. Yeah. Feels inappropriate. Yeah. In some way. You are never too old to learn something new. I used to be so terrified of tech, but I started using Adobe Express, which is the quick and easy create anything app. And it's one of our sponsors too.

31:55And I use it to tell my story my way. It's about impact. Davina? Yes? Did you mean to export this poster of Michael to such a large size? Yes. As I was saying, it's never been easier to bring your ideas to life. Yes. Just checking, these stickers that say really to write, they're also for you too? Yes, those are for me. Merchandising is an important revenue stream. I work with Stephen Bartlett. You know, I'm an entrepreneur. Look, whatever your business, side hustle or random, oh, I've got an idea moment is, Adobe Express gives you everything that you need to design it, share it and make it real.

32:41So head to adobe.ly slash Davina to get started. Did she really use the generative AI, Deton Bukets and DJs? She loves Adobe. When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at goodtoknowfacts.org. No spin, no judgments, Just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit goodtoknowfacts.org. At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery.

33:28Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving.

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34:20Yeah. To be a youth journalist or that they needed some kind of youth representation, somebody young to write an article. And I was like, what gave you that idea? And where did that come from? I love 12-year-old you. That's so, you know, from going from the little girl who just didn't really speak, your sister was like, I'm here, I'm going to sing and dance for you. And you're like nothing to writing to all these big old grown-up newspapers and saying, you're doing something wrong. You need me. Yes, I know. It's wild, isn't it? First of all, thank you for making me feel so seen at every single stage of my life Because that's such a beautiful gift.

35:07Thank you. Well, I'm so impressed. Love it. So age four, I decided I wanted to write books. And one of my great privileges is that I grew up in a household full of books. And my parents read to me and my mother taught me to read and write. And so I loved books. I just knew I wanted to be part of that. By about age 12, I was like, well, I need to know how to write. So I need to somehow train myself how to write. and it seems like there's this job which is journalism where you can work for a paper I mean I'm old enough to remember watching Press Gang it's got a niche cultural reference but it was absolutely amazing Dexter Fletcher yes heartthrob wow um and so I knew that journalism existed I was like I should become a journalist first and after that I'll know how to write and then I can write books and but even that yeah is an amazing thought process i was so desperate to be grown up i just wanted to be an adult out in the world and not have to go to school and have my plan in place and man of i mean basically what you're doing is mega manifesting actually now that i understand more about what manifesting is i think you're right yes yes and and it worked it yes i sort imagined myself into it but we in so we lived about half an hour outside derry just outside a little village called claudie in the middle of the countryside and um one of the magical things about living there was that half a mile down the road was northern ireland's only health farm for many years run by our friends alfie and claire danton and i need to give them their props big shout out to alfie and claire big shout out to alfie and claire because they really encouraged my dreams as well and they knew that I wanted to write and they had a journalist staying at Raspberry Hill Health Farm once and they called up my parents and said would Elizabeth like to come and meet this journalist and that's how it all started I got to meet this amazing woman called Linda Gilby who did me the great service of taking me seriously she was like okay you want to be a journalist you should start now and you should write to local newspapers and start writing for them and ask for a job and so I took her at her word and that's exactly what I did and then I was given a chance by the editor of the Derry Journal Pat McCart this wonderful man who was confronted with this strange English child who was dropped off by her mum in her Nissan one weekend to have a kind of chat about what I wanted to write about and he gave me a fortnightly column that ran in the Derry Journal for about two years and I'm forever grateful.

37:47Yeah I mean, that's mega. Yeah. He's retired now, but I am forever grateful to him. He must look at you and just, well, for starters, that he saw something in you. Yeah. There's something kind of really beautiful about that. Very. To take a young girl in what was at the time really male-dominated area. A young girl give her a seriously kind of important role in his newspaper. I mean, God, like... It was huge. Huge! I then, by the way, didn't have a column for another, like, 30 years because it's a really prestigious thing to have a column on a newspaper. And I pitched it to him as a children's column.

38:37I was like, I should be your children's columnist. And very quickly he saw that what I was writing wasn't... It could be entertaining for anyone. So the only reference to my age was in the byline and it would say, by Elizabeth Day, age 12. But isn't this amazing that you were writing already then in a way that your age was not important? Wow. Yes. Or it was like a source of wry amusement because I was, it's so interesting looking back because I feel like I had quite strong opinions about things as a 12 year old. and then for the rest of my life I sort of lost those opinions and now I'm sort of such a big believer in nuance.

39:19Yes. But I had opinions about sort of unserious. Well, you weren't afraid of what people thought of you. That's what it was. Davini, you've nailed something that I've really not understood for a long time. That's so true. And also because it was such a different culture. There was no internet. There were no online comments. I was just writing what I wanted to write and free to put it out there. Yes. You're so right. What was your favourite piece that you wrote for them? What really set you on fire? The one that I remember is my first one. Yeah. It's the one that I remember the most. And I feel so apologetic about it now because it was about, it was a particular time when Australian soaps were incredibly popular.

40:08Massive. Massive. and I used to rush home from school to watch Neighbours and Home and Away and it was at a time when a lot of soap stars were releasing music because the path had been forged by Kylie and Jason. Yeah, yeah, amazing. And so I wrote this very opinionated piece about why soap stars should just stick to what they're good at and why they shouldn't release music. Poor old Stefan Dennis, who's now on Strictly, had a go at him, had a go at the twins from Neighbours. I was like, who did I think I was? it's so funny now but at the time I was like no I love Australian soap so much you need to keep creating these but yeah I want to show you something yeah I'm gonna we're gonna talk about this okay a little bit later so good a little bit later I'm talking about that a little bit later but I want to show you this oh my god how how did you get that how did you get that That's my team.

41:01I love my team. A present. No, stop it. That is wild. Oh, look. Oh, my gosh. Here I am, age 13. I've been there for a year. I'm embarrassed you got the one about Lassie. How did you get this? My gang are really amazing. Honestly, my team here, they're really special. they wanted to get that for you because they weren't sure if you actually or when you'd seen it like i don't know do you still do you know what's so special about this i kept them all yeah then recent right a few years ago we had a flood in our home and the plastic binder in which i put these was one of the things affected and i had to take out each like scrappy piece of newsprint and dry it and so to have this it's like oh i was we're so pleased well done gang Thank you so much.