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Podcast Episode Summary: Begin Again with Davina McCall - "How To Care For Someone With Dementia: Begin Again Moments"
Episode Overview In this impactful episode of *Begin Again*, host Davina McCall engages in a candid conversation with Jamie Theakston about his experiences caring for his father who suffers from dementia. Theakston shares the emotional complexities of watching a loved one change, along with the grief that accompanies such a journey. Psychologist Kimberley Wilson offers insights into dementia and Alzheimer's, discussing risk factors, causes, and preventive measures.
Key Discussions
Personal Experiences with Dementia
- Jamie Theakston’s Story:
- Shares his experiences of caring for his father with dementia.
- Discusses the feelings of loss and grief experienced while his father is still alive.
- Highlights the role reversal in their relationship as Theakston takes on a caregiving role.
- Talks about the anxiety of caring for someone who wishes to maintain independence.
Emotional and Social Impacts
- Complex Emotions:
- Theakston explains the heartbreak of watching his father change and the difficulty of navigating complicated emotions.
- Discusses the stress of balancing caring for elderly parents while managing his own family dynamics (teenagers, personal life changes).
- The concept of "quiet grief"—the ongoing emotional toll of losing someone gradually.
Insights from Psychology
- Kimberley Wilson's Expertise:
- Provides statistics about dementia prevalence, particularly the higher risk for women.
- Discusses the worrying rise in younger-onset dementia diagnoses.
- Educates listeners on modifiable lifestyle factors that can prevent up to 45% of dementia cases, including:
- Maintaining social connections.
- Addressing hearing loss and its correlation with cognitive decline.
- The importance of brain stimulation and managing stress.
Key Takeaways
- Grieving Process: Theakston illustrates that grieving begins when the loved one starts showing signs of dementia, as you start to lose the person you once knew.
- Dementia Facts:
- Women are disproportionately affected by dementia, dispelling the myth that aging is the sole factor.
- Emphasizes that environmental and lifestyle factors can significantly influence brain health.
- Preventive Measures:
- Advocacy for regular hearing checks and the use of hearing aids to maintain social engagement and mental health.
- The relationship between social isolation and increased dementia risk is highlighted, emphasizing the need for community and connection.
Conclusion This episode of *Begin Again* serves as a poignant reminder of the challenges faced by those caring for loved ones with dementia. It combines personal narratives with scientific insights to provide a comprehensive look at the emotional and psychological aspects of dementia care. The discussion empowers listeners to recognize the importance of brain health and social connections while navigating the complexities of midlife caregiving.
Additional Resources
- Full episodes with Jamie Theakston and Kimberley Wilson are available for further exploration of their insightful conversations.
For more information and to engage with *Begin Again*, visit
- Instagram: [@beginagain](https://www.instagram.com/beginagain)
- LinkedIn: [Davina McCall](https://linkedin.com/in/davina-mccall-82204a19b/)
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VONavigating Life Changes
1:28 to 2:29
Understand the challenges of caring for parents as adults.
“I feel like this podcast is about begin again.”
Grieving and Parental Illness
2:29 to 3:55
Explore the emotional complexities of losing a parent.
“And it's a sort of, there is a, you're right, there is that, there's a very blissful time in our lives when our parents are still playing quite an active part in our lives.”
Signs of Dementia
3:55 to 5:02
Learn about the early signs and symptoms of dementia.
“No one's really prepared us for that part of our lives.”
Personal Experience with Memory Loss
5:02 to 6:40
Hear a personal story about short-term memory loss and its impact.
“I didn't trust people that I love and trust.”
The Grieving Process
6:40 to 8:31
Understand the dual grieving process when a parent has dementia.
“And being unaware that you are doing it or that it's weird.”
Relationship Dynamics with Aging Parents
8:31 to 11:31
Discuss how relationships with parents evolve as they age.
“Did he find it hard to show his feelings?”
Understanding Dementia in Women
12:51 to 14:06
Learn about the prevalence and factors of dementia in women.
“And that, is it true that more women than men get dementia?”
Understanding Dementia Trends and Risks
14:06 to 17:31
Learn about the increasing rates of dementia diagnoses and their implications.
“And even during COVID where it was still dementia.”
The Importance of Hearing and Socialization
17:31 to 19:59
Discover how hearing loss and social connections impact brain health.
“And we think that's because essentially, like everything else in your body, your brain works on a use it or lose it principle, right?”
Transcript
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1:01Davina McCall:That's why TaxAct has live experts to help. TaxAct can even do it for you if you prefer. It's the easiest way to know you're doing it right. Well, other than going back to college and obtaining a bachelor's degree in accounting with a minor in finance, then interning somewhere and becoming fluent in all tax forms. But that might be hard to accomplish before tax day. So maybe just stick with TaxAct. TaxAct. Let's get them over with. Do you mind talking about your dad a bit? Sure. Can I talk to you about that? I feel like this podcast is about begin again. And lots of people that watch this might be going through a phase of their life where life changes quite a lot, I think, when you're an adult and you're beginning to look after your parents.
1:52Yeah.
1:53Davina McCall:And it always seems to happen at a time in our lives when there's a load of other stuff going on as well. We might have teenagers who are struggling or we might have illness and then parents. Yeah. And, you know, having had like the golden years of 30s, 40s, you know, career and marriage and little kids. Little kids, it's like the glory years. And then we hit a pretty hard time. Yeah. How to navigate that. And you were saying your mum, who sounded like she was a driving force in your family. Completely. That you get a lot of your fire.
2:36Jamie Theakston:Yeah, she was an extraordinary woman. And I know she was very proud of me. She was. She loved her grandchildren. And she loved being able to see them. and find out what they've been doing. And it's a sort of, there is a, you're right, there is that, there's a very blissful time in our lives when our parents are still playing quite an active part in our lives. Very useful when it comes to childcare. But also it's a sort of great support mechanism knowing that they're still there. And there's also something wonderful about seeing that sort of, there is a sort of brief fleeting moment when a family as a whole, grandparents, you, kids, all together, and everyone is young enough or old enough, whichever side of the spectrum we're at, to be able to appreciate that.
3:37Jamie Theakston:And it's a really blissful time. And then the kids get older and bring all the fun that teenage years can bring. And then the thing, and then your parents die. And that's like, no one, there's your wagon. No one's really prepared us for that part of our lives. And so that can actually be a time of great upheaval, I think, for anyone to have to be able to get to grips with when your children don't need you in the same way that they used to. And that happens in a blink of an eye. and then as parents we're struggling to the parenting becomes very difficult then because your your children can start thinking for themselves and making their own decisions and then you kind of have to adjust to that go well how where when do i where do i impose myself and where do i have to sit off and just allow them to get on with it so whilst you're dealing with that you know dropping the clutch and changing gear on that you've also got on the other side your parents suddenly getting ill or dying and um so my mum dying wasn't a great shock because she'd been unwell for some time and then my dad was left on his own were they close yeah they were they did everything together i mean so hard
5:08Davina McCall:To have that many years together And then And then one of you go Even though he knew she was ill She'd Yeah She'd lived with it for a long time
5:17Jamie Theakston:He's never been You know He's never been a very Expressive Kind of emotional Kind of guy He's from a sort of Different era really And What Seeing him have to Sort of Struggle on his own Is really difficult
5:38Davina McCall:did he have signs of dementia before she died yeah i think so a lot of those signs that we
5:44Jamie Theakston:hadn't really some of them it manifests itself in strange ways irrational jealousies which you
5:52Davina McCall:think that's odd paranoia paranoia can i tell you a weird thing i understand a bit about that because i woke up with no short-term memory and it's come back very very slowly over three months and I struggled with all of those feelings when I was just out of hospital.
6:13Jamie Theakston:And they are akin to a sort of a...
6:16Davina McCall:It's short-term memory loss. It's like...
6:18Jamie Theakston:Like an Alzheimer's...
6:19Davina McCall:Yeah, it was... I got paranoid. I got, like, insecure. Yeah. I didn't trust people that I love and trust. Yeah. It was horrible, but I could feel it coming back rather than losing it. It gave me a new, well, obviously, you know, my dad died of Alzheimer's. It gave me a new appreciation for what he'd been through and for what your dad is going through now and what it really feels like. It's extraordinary.
6:50Jamie Theakston:It's a particularly cruel disease.
6:53Davina McCall:And being unaware that you are doing it or that it's weird. You don't realize that it is strange. you think that it's absolutely like a normal feeling to have, but you aren't remembering everything, but you don't realise it.
7:17Jamie Theakston:Yeah, it's losing someone and yet they're still in the same body is a very weird thing.
7:24Davina McCall:Did you start grieving your dad the minute that started happening?
7:28Jamie Theakston:Yeah, because I felt like I'd lost the person that I always knew. Yes. And I think it was very difficult for my mum in her, you know, with her being very ill, but also as he became increasingly unwell, she found it very difficult to deal with.
7:50Jamie Theakston:And it is difficult because all the things that you always used to do together, you can't do anymore and you you you struggle to find points of reference that you can share um and you miss the man who he once was so there is a sort of grieving process that you know also you're gonna have to go through again so in a way when you have a parent who suffers from dementia you know you've got to do it you you grieve that person that you've lost and then you know you're going to have to go through it again when they eventually do die
8:38Jamie Theakston:um it's a it's a very difficult time because it's difficult when they're still feel that they still want to be able to make the decisions that
8:49Davina McCall:they think are in their best interest when you know they're not and knowing how to deal with that is tricky what kind of a relationship did you have with your dad when you were growing up
9:01Jamie Theakston:what kind of a dad was he to you i always had a lot of i i i love my dad he i was he wasn't as i say before he wasn't necessarily the most emotionally mature person, I guess. But he came from a different time.
9:23Davina McCall:Did he find it hard to show his feelings?
9:24Jamie Theakston:Yeah, very much so.
9:25Davina McCall:But you knew how he felt.
9:27Jamie Theakston:Yeah. But he'd never say, oh, I love you. He'd never hug me. The things that I do to my boys, which make them go, ugh, get off. Dad, stop being so embarrassing. But I was always very proud of him and what he did. And he was quite entrepreneurial. He'd set up his own business, worked for himself. He was his own boss. I'd also had a lot of happy memories playing sport with him. He was a keen sportsman. So we'd play cricket together, play golf together, play football together. And so they're the memories I have for him particularly fond memories um yeah but yeah we don't we don't shit we struggle to be able to share those things anymore which is sad but is he still living independently yeah he is and that's a source of anxiety for me because you're always worried about you know is he gonna be okay is he doing the right, is he eating okay, is he looking after himself?
10:39Jamie Theakston:And he'd always said, you know, he never wants to go into any care or into a home. He said, I'm not going, I'm not ever doing that. And they become hard making those decisions for people who aren't maybe capable of making them themselves. And he's on his own. In a house where we had so many sort of happy times, all of us together, it's now just him.
11:10Davina McCall:Is he in the country? Yeah. So he's quite a long way away from you. Yeah. Which is a bit stressful, right?
11:16Jamie Theakston:Yeah, it's difficult.
11:21Jamie Theakston:So yeah. And I feel for anyone who's going through that themselves, it's tough.
11:30Davina McCall:It is. And you know it's going to be a difficult journey. That's the whole thing. You know, it's not.
11:36Jamie Theakston:Well, yeah, you know, it's a book where you know the ending.
11:45Jamie Theakston:And it being able to, it's not like you can, it's difficult to ever enjoy the time that you do have left.
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12:41Davina McCall:It matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com. Hilton. For this day. But what I'm so interested about is dementia. And that, is it true that more women than men get dementia?
13:01Kimberley Wilson:Yes. So when it comes to something like Alzheimer's disease, which is the most common form of dementia, because dementia is an umbrella term, women have twice the risk of men. So of every three dementia patients, two of them are women.
13:14Davina McCall:Okay, so when I've been told about that, that more women than men get it, I've been told that it's because we live longer. Is that true? No. It's not true.
Read the full transcript
13:24Kimberley Wilson:It's not true. Stop it. And it's not true. Sorry, I love you. I didn't mean to slap your chin in there. What? It's not true for a few reasons. Yeah. Right. So first of all, if that were the case, then we, if it was simply about aging, we would expect longer lived populations to have higher rates of Alzheimer's disease. And that's not what we see. So places like Japan, places like Greece, who have an older population, Italy, don't have like correlation with that kind of, with dementia. So for example, in the UK, dementia is our leading cause of death.
14:05Davina McCall:I can't, how long has that been? Is that you?
14:08Kimberley Wilson:Oh, for years. No, not me. Is it? And even during COVID where it was still dementia. I'm pretty sure. No, we don't know that. We can check that and blah, blah, blah. Perfect. No, because we think maybe cancer or heart disease or, you know, some secondary outcome of a fall. No, it's Alzheimer's disease. So that's in the UK. But somewhere like Greece, an older woman is more likely to die from a respiratory infection. So complications of a flu or pneumonia than she is from Alzheimer's, even though on average she will live longer. So it's not simply what we can say from that is it's not simply about age.
14:51And then there's another interesting, very worrying trend, which is young onset dementia.
14:59Kimberley Wilson:So there's early onset dementia, which we do think seems to be genetically linked. But young onset dementia, which is when you're being diagnosed at a younger age, tells us that it's not about age because dementia is typically an age related condition. but if there's something going wrong if you're if we're getting diagnosed earlier that means there's something going on with the health of our brains that our brains are aging at an accelerated rate when our bodies aren't so much so it's not simply about about age and having seen my father
15:33Davina McCall:go through alzheimer's the one thing that you want to do for as long as long as you possibly can is preserve brain health because watching somebody go through that it's not something I would want to experience it's horrible um and and interesting you said this terrible trend for younger people being diagnosed when you're saying younger how old you mean because I think wasn't isn't dementia is kind of 65 plus but so it would you be considered younger if you were under 65 Okay.
16:05Kimberley Wilson:And there's more of that happening now. It's growing. The number of people being diagnosed in their late 40s, 50s is increasing.
16:13Davina McCall:Because I, you know, obviously when we were talking about older people, you were saying it's more genetic. And obviously my father had Alzheimer's, so it's something that I think about. But it's not just, you're not just stuck with that.
16:31Kimberley Wilson:there are not things that we can do so much that there is so much that we could do um the latest global commission on alzheimer's disease says that 45 nearly half of global dementia cases can be prevented through changes in the environment and lifestyle wow 45 percent the 14 modifiable risk factors some of them aren't in our own individual hands some of them about um like air pollution and and things like that um but other factors like you're you know taking care of things like uh hearing so if you if you're hearing hearing i am this is so interesting isn't that yeah sorry no no um if your hearing starts to go um people who don't get a hearing aid are more likely to develop dementia than people who do get a hearing aid.
17:30Kimberley Wilson:Similarly with eyesight. And we think that's because essentially, like everything else in your body, your brain works on a use it or lose it principle, right? So if you don't keep working on your flexibility, your body says, we don't need to move in that range of motion anymore. Let's not bother maintaining it. We'll put the energy somewhere else. and similarly with your brain if your brain isn't being if those neurons aren't being stimulated and used then your brain says well we're not going to put the energy into maintaining them we can use that energy elsewhere or just or just save it and so when you lose your hearing you're getting fewer inputs of stimulus from the environment your brain is being less challenged and so it's kind of it's like an empty warehouse you know you kind of close the door and and it starts to degrade because if you're not constantly using it and it's being constantly upkept then you start to lose it um and and the the other potential association between hearing loss and um dementia is the loss of socialization yes because we know that social connections are so important um for our well-being helps to lower our stress and i think i've seen people that find um it hard to hear maybe maybe in a big busy restaurant or and you kind of see them kind of leaning in
18:48Davina McCall:and then you just see them kind of check out a bit oh I'll just I'll just watch yeah this conversation happening I can imagine that really stressful um so that's interesting so if somebody is thinking that they may be getting the beginnings I know as a person of um like later midlife like I'm getting on now that um loss of hearing is something that you don't want to admit to it's a pride thing and you you don't want people to think that you're old I mean I I know some people are really proud and don't mind getting old at all but lots of people do and it's about like not wanting to go to get checked but wearing a hearing aid does that make a
19:33Kimberley Wilson:difference yes it does yes because you could you're still going to give your brain that stimulation and you're still going to be able to stay connected with people and socializing and engaging and you're not you're less likely to be isolated and we know that loneliness is a big risk factor for dementia as well again and we think that that's the the stress of isolation because we're not meant to be isolated we're we're kind of tribal network organisms we need to be with other people in order to feel safe. And when we're alone, we feel vulnerable and that turns up our stress.
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From the publisher
What does it really feel like to lose someone… while they’re still here?
In this powerful Begin Again Moments, Jamie Theakston opens up about his father’s dementia, the quiet grief, the role reversal, and the heartbreak of watching a parent slowly change. He speaks candidly about the anxiety of caring for someone who wants to stay independent, and the complicated emotions that come with loving someone who is still physically present but gradually slipping away .
Then psychologist Kimberley Wilson explains the science behind dementia and Alzheimer’s, including why women are at higher risk, the worrying rise in young-onset diagnoses, and the surprising lifestyle factors that could prevent up to 45% of cases. From hearing loss and social isolation to brain stimulation and stress, she shares what we can actually do to protect our brain health.
This short episode features powerful clips from their full conversations, both available to watch or listen to now.
If you’re caring for a parent, worried about your own risk, or navigating the complicated emotions of dementia, this conversation is for you.
Watch the full episodes with Jamie Theakston and Kimberley Wilson now.
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