How To Date Again (Without Losing Yourself): Begin Again Moments

0:00Paul C. Brunson:What I'm interested in is like dating in midlife is really, really hard, I think. Yeah. Because men don't stay single. Are they? They're single for about three minutes. They're really good ones. You think, oh my God, where have they all gone? Whereas women are so happy to stay on their own for ages. And also as someone famous, how do you do that?

0:24Paloma Faith:How do you date? I try to not worry about being famous just in life in general. Do you? I don't think it's that healthy. No, but like, isn't it, can you go on dating apps? I did. Did you? Yeah, I don't like them. I've written an article about it if anyone's more interested in the deeper thoughts. But I,

0:45Paloma Faith:yeah, with the fame thing, I just, it's not good for me or healthy for anyone if I get worried about it or become paranoid or whatever. Like, I can't do that. I don't think it's good for my kids or anything. So I just sort of go, everyone else who's worried about it, that's their thing, but I'm not. So I just carry on. I get on the bus sometimes. I go on the tube. Oh, yeah, I do that. I go on the supermarket, whatever. I do all of that. I'm not bothered. But I was thinking dating. And the same, I went on the dating app as me. It makes you quite vulnerable. Yeah, I mean, that's amazing. But I don't really, I didn't look at anyone's messages that directly messaged me.

1:21Paloma Faith:I just looked at people that I'd liked, so it was a match. I didn't like read anything appeals. Right. because they all started with I'm a big fan of your music what definitely don't want to date someone who's a fan of my music I only like people who think it's rubbish

1:42Paloma Faith:but yes so I did that and I don't think my experience of dating apps is much different to anybody else's because I'm famous but I think it's a melting pot of um damaged and um you know resolved people and I also think that a lot of men on there go on there for like an ego boost and use it like a really free way to get sex without attachment so you've got to be careful on there and I think maybe I was a bit naive when I did it at first and also how long ago did you do it well I start I've been I've done it a couple of times gone on and off like people I go love hate relationship with it it started when I was just feeling like I was in that baby jail phase because when I broke up my ex the baby was quite young so when they were about one I went on it because you're always at home with the baby and they're putting them to bed and sitting next to the cot and all of that stuff and you're just like what am I gonna do I'll just yes okay like just ironically I'd done that in a music video before I'd even broke up with my ex I did a scene with a baby sat next to me oh my god and it was like a prophecy oh my god it was a kind of joke at the time and then I was like the jokes become real jokes on me yeah um but yeah I just did it It was kind of to feel the time waiting for the kids to go to sleep sort of thing.

3:19Paloma Faith:But I didn't do it in a serious way. But then I met some people and everyone's really damaged and I don't know. I don't have any answers. I don't think I would go on it again. I have deleted them all. I don't think they're of interest to me. I think that I've got too much depth for the people I met on there. I do have this feeling to sort of be beginning again, but like I have this feeling that now I'm having another lie and I've started it. And that's scary and all those things. But what I love about the person I am today that I wasn't when I was 21, starting adulthood, is that I know what I like.

4:04Paloma Faith:I know how to say no to things I don't like. And I'm really kind of empowered by it. Like, I feel sexier than I ever was. I feel, like, you know, more silly. I feel more immature almost. But then I've got all the important practical things covered in a really mature way. Like, you know, the house is in order. The kids are dropped at the right time. They're albeit a bit late sometimes. But, like, yeah, I, you know, I feel that's all taken care of. But now it's the beginning of a new life.

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5:44Davina McCall:Typically in our 20s and 30s, we have a lower priority list because you're trying to work things out. As we go up to our 40s, kind of mid 40s, at this point, we begin to have the highest checklist.

5:58Paul C. Brunson:Right. The longest. The longest checklist. But then as we get older, the checklist goes down and down and down. So you said something earlier about guys looking for somebody half their age plus seven and women looking for somebody older. how are we ever going to meet each other in our 50s if that's the case? Oh, 40s, 40s, 50s, in midlife.

6:18Davina McCall:Yeah. Well, one is that's the old, slowly going away. Has it gone away? No, but that's one. Yeah. That's one. Secondly is on the upside is there are more people in the 50-plus dating market looking for partners than ever before, ever before.

6:38Paul C. Brunson:I mean, half of me is quite sad about that. but half of me is quite happy because for the 50 and 40 year olds like well done yes yeah and and

6:46Davina McCall:the reason why i feel so happy i'm i'm more happy okay because all right i'm gonna connect it to research yeah yeah is uh so eli finkel out of uh new york has done some research around the satisfaction rate in relationships in marriages he found that 80 percent of marriages today are not, they don't feel satisfied with their partner. 80 %? 80.

7:11Paul C. Brunson:Oh my God.

7:12Davina McCall:80%.

7:13Paul C. Brunson:That's sad.

7:14Davina McCall:80%. Whereas 20 % feel as satisfied or more satisfied than ever. Now, what does that mean? And how do I relate that to being happy with the 50 plus market? So to me, that means, okay, the 20%, this is great. And they're probably so happy because they have so many tools today. so many great podcasts, et cetera, to listen to. This is good. The 80 % are not satisfied, but they're staying in the relationship anyway. So when I see people break away from that relationship, typically I'm happy. What I'm really sad about are those that stay. You know, it's one thing to be alone, but it's another thing to be in a relationship and still feel alone.

8:00And lonely.

8:00Davina McCall:That is just incredibly sad. So if you are 50 plus single sexy out here, I'm like, okay, yes, you go get yours now. You go get yours. And the beauty is you could get yours any way you want it. You don't have to get married. You can have a committed relationship. You can choose to have a polyamorous relationship. You could choose to have whatever formation you want. But you now have the availability to do it. And because there are more 50 plus than ever before, the pool is larger. There's more tools now to connect. So from that standpoint, I'm optimistic about that. The other thing is when you look at the ages in which people are getting married, you still have the, I think, mid-30s is the number one age range for marriage.

8:55Davina McCall:But number two is right around 50. So you have a lot of people who have reentered the dating market for whatever reason, empty nest, etc. And they're deciding and they're finding partners. And they're finding partners and they're entering relationships that are much stronger than any relationship they've ever had. And to me, that is beautiful. So I'm happy about those things.

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