I Took In A Homeless Man At Christmas... I Didn't Expect This To Happen!

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1:18And you can never go wrong with an Ulta Beauty gift card. Head to Ulta Beauty for gifts that make the holidays brighter and even more beautiful. Ulta Beauty. Gifting happens here. Two days before Christmas, a homeless man is on my front door and I said, would you like to stay with us tonight? And he did stay that night and the next night and over Christmas and he never left. Wow. My wife says to me, what if he does something? But you know, Davina, and I don't understand this, there was never the slightest hint of fear of Ronnie. It was kind of you and Diane looking out for Ronnie. Yes, Diane, my vibrant wife, she used to say, Rob, I don't know sometimes whether I'm his sister, his mother, his social worker, but she was very sick in the middle of our marriage, very ill, and she said, I don't think I can cope anymore.

2:07A couple of nights later, he said, we'll be together forever, won't we? And this question hung in the air for much too long. I got a phone call from Ronnie, and he said to me, I've fallen down, I can't get up. He'd had a stroke. And I saw him just before he died. And he looked up at me. The last three words I heard from him, and this is heartbreaking. He said to me, You are the ultimate begin again, because you've begun again. Yeah. But you've also supported someone else to begin again. What would you say are maybe the top learnings that you've had that can really change someone's life that any of us can do?

2:46Today I am blessed because I'm talking to Rob Parsons and he changed his own life, someone else's life, his whole family's life, his entire community's life for the better. by doing lots of different things, but in particular, one incredible thing, which was take somebody in to his family's life and change their life. And he's here to tell us the story. Rob Parsons.

3:23It's a great title, a lovely title. Begin Again. Do you know why I called it Begin Again? because I had a brain tumor and I was going to start this podcast and nobody knew I had a brain tumor. I hadn't told any of this lot. And they were like, do you want to do it on midlife or menopause or something like that? And I was like, no, I'd like to do it so I can help people start again, put themselves on some different tracks or try something new so that on their deathbed they can look at themselves and go, I really gave it my best shot and I've had a great time. and I've tried everything. To read everything.

4:02And that's what this is about. It's amazing. So you epitomize that. Do you know, when I was a kid, when I was 14, my mum could read and write not much more than that. We didn't read books in our home. We didn't have an inside toilet. Mum was a cleaner. I got to grammar school. I didn't understand it. And when I was 14, I came 34th out of 34. And my teacher wrote in my report, he's making no use of what little ability he has. and then I met somebody who believed in me much later. I ended up, you know, I had a PhD and I was a lawyer and all that. But I believed in you. Who believed in you? Well, when I was about 15, I'm walking down the road.

4:40All I want to do is be a rock and roll singer, but I can't play the guitar very well. And I'm walking down the road, I've got an Elvis Presley style haircut, I've got ice blue jeans, 10 embassy cigarettes in my back pocket. Only 10? Very sensible of you there, Rob. Just 10. I'm about to drop out of school and coming towards me is this older guy from a little church on the corner of our street my parents didn't go to church but we went there we were kids in Sunday school and I was about to drop out of that as well and he said to me Rob next Wednesday in our home Margaret and I his wife and he were going to have a little discussion group they couldn't have kids of their own they didn't have any money he lived in two rooms in his mother's house but they worked with kids and he said would you like to come well all I wanted to was to be a rock and roll singer but I said yes Wait, can I ask you something?

5:26That's quite interesting. Yeah. What made you say yes? Do you know what it was? I think Arthur and Margaret made you feel as if you belonged. He bought us fish and chips. We played table tennis in this tiny room with the bats up against our chest. And when I was about 16, he said, you know what? Do you ever put your hand up in class and do drama? I said, no, I don't do it. He said, I think you've got a gift of public speaking and I'm going to teach you. He was the worst public speaker you've ever heard in your life. and he taught me to teach stories to the kids in Sunday school. No, but you know what is interesting, Rob?

6:03Like, there's something about you and the thing that the teacher saw that they tried to crush is then turns into the thing that everybody's going, oh, hang on a minute, you've got something. Oh, hang on a minute, I believe in you. or is it just that people with a big heart were like, I can see you, Adan, but did you feel that you had a little something, a fire in your belly? Do you know, honestly, Davina, when I was 14, I didn't really. I just thought I was rubbish. So it was other people believing in you that made the difference. They made the difference. They said, you could do this, you can do that.

6:47And, you know, when you feel rubbish, low self-esteem, the tiniest compliment. Well done. Good job. Wow. When somebody catches you doing something right and believes in you. Yes. You get the sense there could be something else out there. And I think that's what happened. And so, I mean, you went through life with having thought that you were rubbish. And this is such a massive begin again, I think, for anybody that's young. I've always believed I was stupid. I did a memory test before I had my brain tumor operation, and they told me I was smart. I was 57 when I found out. I know. And it changed my whole life.

7:36So believing in someone or finding something can literally put them on a complete... You are the ultimate begin again because you've begun again. Yeah. But you've also supported someone else to begin again. Yeah. Which is such a beautiful thing. So talk me through how you first, first met Ronnie, because when you opened that door, Ronnie said to you, it's me. Yeah. Yeah. You know, well, when we were kids, some of the kids, the kids in my street went to a little church, a Sunday school. And one day, Miss Williams, a Sunday school teacher, said next week, there's a new boy coming and you better be kind to him.

8:10He doesn't have a mum and dad like you, lives in something called a care home, and we're going to pick him up from the care home and bring him to Sunday school. And when Ronnie arrived, he's a couple of years older than us, and he was unusual. First thing he did was hide Miss Williams' handbag. Second thing he did was put my friend Cecil in a headlock. He was a bit unusual. And then when he was 11, he disappeared. We didn't see him for five years. When I was researching my book, I discovered he'd been sent to a home 200 miles away that the report described as disgracefully for subnormal boys. He was there for five years.

8:44And eventually that school was closed down because the carers had sexually abused the kids and they were imprisoned. But Ronnie comes back at 16 and occasionally he would drop into a youth club. I ran and then you wouldn't see him again. But now it's two days before Christmas and he's on my front door. He's found out where I live. And he's got all his worldly possessions in a black plastic bag. And how old was he at this point? 29, 30. Wow, so a fully grown man. Oh, yeah, fully grown man. And how long was it since you'd seen him? Oh, probably. Well, I used to see him around the best. You'd see him around, you know.

9:20So I'd probably seen him perhaps six months before or a year before. It might have been a little sooner. You know, but you'd see him around and he'd be occasionally drop into the youth club where we were. But but he was always distant and and always different. But now he he turned up at one of my kids youth club's homes the night before. And his father, the kid's father said, there's a tramp at the door. And the boy came down and told Ronnie to come up to me. And he was there. And in his other hand, he had a frozen chicken. I said, well, it was with the chicken. He said somebody gave it to me for Christmas, a frozen chicken.

9:58And then I said two words, and I've often thought about it to Vina. I said, come in. But those two words changed all our lives. And, yeah, and he did. Diane made him a meal. And so it started with a meal? Started with a meal. as the meal was finishing Diane ushered me into another room we hadn't been married long we didn't have kids then so wait how long had you been married? oh four years three years so that's really not a very long time at all you've got no kids no we've got no kids and you invite this man in for dinner and then she ushers you into the kitchen and she says what? what are we going to do and I said what do you mean what are we going to do we said it's Christmas he's got nowhere to stay she said look I'll clear the guest room out asking me if he'd like to stay with us tonight.

10:52And I went back in and I think by then we'd move Ronnie into another room and set them in front of Coronation Street. And he hated taking his eyes off the Rover's return because I said Ronnie and he turned around eventually and I said would you like to stay with us tonight? And Ronnie Lockhart said fine. And he did stay that night and the next night and over Christmas and he never left. And so when I know that like Ronnie, you'd known him for a very long time and he'd been a bit awkward and he was a bit difficult, but now we know he was neurodivergent and had struggled a bit with communicating with people.

11:37So you invited him in, but was he like easy to talk to? Was he easy to get on? No, he was agony, Davina. We were around the dinner table and we were having a meal with him. And it was like dragging out syllable after syllable. And so I would say to him, well, Diane said, where are you sleeping tonight, Ronnie? And he'd say, nowhere tonight. Well, where do you normally sleep? Well, here and there. And it was agony drawing every little thing out. And before he went to bed, Diane said to him, would you like a shower before you go? No, thanks. and she looked to me for support and I shrank my shoulders and he went up to bed.

12:18I think, you know, the thing is, I suppose, with someone like him, if the story about the care home was true and that he'd potentially been a victim of abuse there, you know, something like a shower could be terrifying. Yeah. You know, like... Yeah, all of that. He was living on the streets or not having anywhere, no fixed abode. You'd be in constant danger. You'd be on high alert all the time. Do you know, Davina, you're absolutely right. And I've never thought about that, the shower thing. Oh, really? No, you're right. Of course you're right. That must have been part of it, mustn't it? And he was always saying phrases like, have I done a bad thing?

13:11Or have I offended you? And always phrases like that would come out. So he goes, he's in the room next to us. And Dan and I are in bed. And Diane says to me, is we going to sleep? What if he does something? I said, what did you have in mind? Don't be funny. We hardly know him. I said, what do you want me to do? she put a chair under the door. So I go downstairs, I come up with this darling chair, I stick this chair under the door, and Diane's practically asleep by then. But you know, Davina, and I don't understand this, that chair won under the door for long. Feverest evenings, Ronnie, there was never the slightest hint of fear of Ronnie, not with our kids, not with anybody else.

13:59He was the loveliest man. but I mean even when I when I first read your story the idea of taking even though you did know him a bit basically a stranger you don't know him very well into your home and I can understand why Diane would do that it's a very brave thing of course but then he stayed did you ever have a conversation like okay how long is this going to go on for or did you both think look we can't it was Christmas I mean that yes that in itself is a big deal right first of all I'm not recommending what we did it it kind of went on from day to day what happened is after Christmas we talked to some people that run a homeless center attached to our church and and they said well to get a job he needs an address to get an address he needs a job that's the catch 22 that many homeless people are in so we decided he would he would stay with us for a couple of months.

14:54And then he got a job as a dustman. We got him a job as a dustman. I was a lawyer. And Dan said to me, I want you to take him, he's very strong sometimes, I want you to take him to work, make sure he gets it on time. So I used to get up early, drop him off the dust jar, go to the law practice. And I'd get home at night and he'd be in a chair, smiling. And I remember one night I said, Ronnie, what amuses you so much? You're always giggling when I get home at night. Robby said, when you take me to work in the mornings, the other men say, who's that brings you to work in the fancy car? And I say, oh, that's my solicitor.

15:28Isn't that nice? Isn't that nice?

15:36That must be like, what? I know, yeah, that's my solicitor, yeah. But you know what? I thought he never had a mum taken for his day of school, did he? But this is something I love about you as well. It's you understand. And I think it's because of what your dad was like with you. The little things mean so much that, you know, I mean, your dad was great, but like it wasn't hugely demonstrative or anything. But you taking him to work every day. And it might have started as like, I want to get you there on time. Yeah. But it ended up being a beautiful... It's more than that. It's much more than that, right?

16:24When I dropped him off the first day, I watched him walk up the drive towards this. Because on the first morning, we took him out the day before to buy him clothes. And went in the shop and we buy him an overcoat. And we're like proud parents. You know, the kid's first day of school. And we buy him this and we buy him that. And we're in the queue and Dan whispers to me, what about underwear? Has he got underwear? So I say, Ronnie, have you got underwear? He said, I don't wear any. I said, he doesn't wear any. And I heard Diane hiss to him, a grown man with no knickers, go. And we were both sent off to buy boxes or anything that would calm Diane down.

17:02And we come back. And so he's dressed on the morning when he's going to be a dustman, first day. And he's got all this stuff. And he says, I'm not going. I said, Ronnie, why not? I don't want to go. And Dan said, that would make me sad, Ronnie. He was frightened, wasn't he? And he said, okay, I'll go. And I remember him walking up the drive towards the dust yard and the other men were there laughing. And he looked back at me and I'd given him a key to our house. I said, Ronnie, this is yours. And no, no, do you know what? I ran up the drive and said, Ronnie, Ronnie. And he turned around and I said, this is yours, Ronnie.

17:35And he put the key in his pocket. Is that the first time? Yes, that was the first time he had a key. I wanted it in front of the men. This is yours. And he looked back at me. and as I drove off to the Lord, I was crying. There were tears streaming down my face. But you asked me about him leaving. Do you know, Ronnie was a dustman for 29 years. So you take this guy who would have, I think, died. He wouldn't have. I don't think he'd have lived long. I mean, was he that poorly? Yeah, he was. Oh, yeah. I mean, he was just in the heck of a state, really. And he was a dustman for 29 years. He paid his taxes.

18:13He helped other people. But after he'd been with us a while, about 10 years, I suppose, Dan said to me one day, darling, we've got a big house, but we've only got one bathroom. And Katie's growing up now to be a young woman. I think it may be time for Ronnie to leave us. And I said, darling, he's been abandoned all his life. And she said, don't give me a hard time. It's not easy for me either. I said, I know. And then we talked about it one night. I said, you're right. And then I went up to his room to tell him. One Sunday night, I knocked on his door, and he turned around from the television, and he said to me, have I done a bad thing?

18:51And I said, no, Ronnie, you haven't done a bad thing. It's just that Dan and I were one, and suddenly Diane burst into the room. And she said to me, have you? And I said, no. And she said, Ronnie, could I borrow Rob for a moment? And she dragged me downstairs, went into the kitchen, she fell into a chair, burst into tears, she said, we can't do it. I can't do it. and I don't know whether he'd overheard us talking about the possibility of his leaving or when you've been pushed from pillar to post as a kid you develop a sixth sense but a couple of nights later you say can I talk to you both and he came in I said sit down he said I haven't done a bad thing I said that's all Ronnie what is it he said we three are firm friends aren't we and I said yes Ronnie we three are firm friends and we'll be together forever won't we?

19:39And his question hung in the air for much too long and finally Dan nodded at me and I said yes Ronnie we'll be together forever and we were?

19:57He still makes me cry That is a beautiful thing I'll tell you why because I know as a mother of daughters and I'd like to talk to you about when your kids were born and Ronnie and everything but how protective you feel towards them and how, you know, that's a completely normal maternal feeling that you'd be worried about having one bathroom and someone who isn't blood or that, you know, even though you'd known him for a very long time at that point, it's still a thing

20:34and what a big deal that was for both of you to make that decision.

20:43And you still, and she had that sudden change of heart, like we can't do this. The One Better Guide from Adobe Express says, if you want to get fresher social ideas, get outside, go somewhere different. So with the help of our sponsor, I need fresh ideas on how to fix this video. Are you any good at TikToks?

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22:01It is really the most wonderful time of year. And you know what? Just a few weeks ago, my Begin Again team gave me a Carver Matte frame made by our sponsor, Aura Frames. And it reminded me that I still hadn't sorted gifts for Tilly. So I'm going to give her her own Aura Frame. Don't tell her. I think it's hard when you're on the other side of the world or in a different country, you know, when you're not with your family. So I hope this is really going to help her. and remind her a bit of how much we love her. Oh, I look quite pretty. They're all of me. I've got the wrong album, haven't I? Okay, easily fixed.

22:44The reason why Aura frames are so brilliant is because you can upload unlimited amounts of photos and videos. If you want to get£35 off Aura's Carver Matte Frames, enter Davina at checkout. That's A-U-R-A frames.co.uk Terms and conditions apply At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices Which might lead to another discovery Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time Awkward Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices Sierra, let's get moving This episode is brought to you by State Farm listening to this podcast smart move being financially savvy smart move another smart move having state farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling just another way to save with a personal price plan like a good neighbor state farm is there prices are based on rating plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer availability amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

23:58Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Okay. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.COM today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS Because I can see what Ronnie gave to you. But what do you think he gave to Diane? Like, why? Davina, Dan has been remarkable with Ronnie. She was very sick in the middle of our marriage, very ill. Can we talk about that in fact?

24:44Sure. Because it was after she'd had... Had Lloyd, yeah. Yeah, Lloyd. She'd had a bad run. She'd had a gallbladder out. She'd had a miscarriage. And we foolishly moved house at the same time as Lloyd had been born. And one day, after Lloyd had been born, she woke up and she said, I don't think I can cope anymore. Wow. And those words ushered in years, really, of darkness for Di and I. Di was eventually diagnosed with ME. I know that's a controversial illness, but whatever it was, my vibrant wife was gone. Yeah. And the incredible thing was, Davina, Ronnie came into his own. How long has he been with you at that point?

25:27He's been with us then probably, well, 1980, been with us about 15 years. Right. 15 years, yeah. 13 or 14 years. And he used to make bottles for the baby, used to look after Katie watching Play School while I pushed Lloyd around the block, used to make beans on toast. It was as if when he joined us, he was a lodger. Then he became a friend. Now he was the brother I never had. Somebody we both loved was ill, and we were trying to get her through it. So he was amazing. You know, that's the lovely thing. Yeah. Some of you both love. Diane used to say to me sometimes, she used to say, Rob, I don't know sometimes whether I'm his sister, his mother, his social worker.