Jamelia: I Had To Start My Life From Scratch

40:23I love Chris Martin. I love him. This man, he's very similar ethos in life. I think we know why he'd like working with you and you'd like working with him. Yeah. Because it's like, let's spread the word with love. Exactly. Exactly. Let's put love out there. Exactly. Not anger, not hatred. Yeah. Unity, love. Exactly. And I think I always gravitate towards loving people, kind people, because I like loving people. I like being kind. But sometimes because of that, especially when you radiate love and kindness, there are a lot of people who don't necessarily know how to handle it, know what to do with it and can actually turn quite nasty, even though they've received it.

41:18And that just doesn't make sense to me. Can I talk to you about that? Yeah, of course. So you were 15. Yeah. You started this singing career. Yeah. At 15, you're very, very young. Oh, yeah. Vulnerable. Yeah, yeah. So who was looking out for you?

41:41And honestly, I mean, I stayed with family when I was in London, but I can only say God. You asked me earlier, what do I believe in? I'm not religious, but I do really believe in God. because even me looking back, I never would have sent my 15 year old to go and sign a record deal and go off to London and go and be in studios and, you know, events and blah, blah, blah. So someone had to be looking out for me. Nothing bad ever happened to me. You know, and I was never, yeah, it is. I was never, I was never treated badly. I was never, you know, I was never compromised. I was never taken advantage of.

42:24I wasn't, you know, I was, I was safe I was happy I loved every second of it like how fortunate am I yeah because then you hear about other people who existed at the same time older than me who had horrific experiences and so I I genuinely do believe that like someone looks out for me that's so nice to hear yeah in um Narcotics Anonymous which is like the anonymous fellowship that that people with drug addictions go to yeah and they call it um a god of your understanding uh-huh or your higher power i love that and i like that idea that it's just something bigger than me yeah that's looking out for me yeah because i would be dead yeah by now if i didn't have that exactly and um i'm really pleased to hear that was your experience yeah and i think also as well when you're someone who i don't even though i don't think i could have named it at the time when you're someone who didn't feel cared for it's good to to have something else to believe in yeah that something else is looking after you yeah you know that you are being cared for right yeah yeah it is it is I don't I haven't even thought about it like that but that I think that's exactly what it is it's yeah it's it's understanding that there is something bigger than you and even if it even if in reality it's just me keeping myself safe yeah to to believe I'm doing it with a with a with a teammate is a good thing no yes that's exactly that's exactly what I believe yeah yeah yeah I'm looking after myself but with a bit of a helping hand yeah supported and I think also as well because if people were to I actually wrote a book when I was about 30 ish and I remember I I gave them all gave them back the money and I said I can't put this out because my life on paper even at 30 so this is this is like 15 years ago looked like a tragedy it was and I just thought I can't let people read this because I feel like I've lived a good life I know I've had these absolutely terrible things happen to me but I feel I'm so happy with the life that I've gotten to live I feel so fortunate and I think I think especially when you experience the darkness I think that's the only way I can describe it the you know the horrors that life has to offer I think it makes you so much more appreciative of of the beauty of the joy of the of the sunshine that is out there and I genuinely feel like there have been way more days of sunshine and I would hate for my story to be all sensationalized yeah and made a drama of exactly oh my god yeah yeah no I I I also wrote a book yeah and I didn't I had the same thing you know drug no okay okay yes you know it just sounded fucking terrible yes yes but I was like that isn't what it is so I thought I can't do it like that yeah so I called it lessons I've learned so I told little stories yeah of my life and then at the end I went and the lesson I learned from that one I'm so inspired and um it would be nice to hear yours yeah because you've had lots of life experiences yeah but you're so aware of the lesson that came from it because because it's great for your kids Time?

45:57Write it for your kids. Yeah. But a lesson, I always say it's either a blessing or a lesson, and a lesson is still a blessing. A blessing, yes. It is like, you know, I understand my husband left me. I understand I've been in an abusive relationship. Oh, no, no, no. Explain to me what was his reason. I still don't have a reason. So he walked out. He literally one day just said, oh, like I was, I literally said to him, oh, what's wrong with you? He was like, oh, I'm leaving. And as quickly and as. No reason. No reason. But the day before, the morning of, I would have told you I was happily married.

46:44So I don't, again, I don't know if I missed something. I still, to this day, have had no explanation, no desire to see our children. just absolute abandonment nothing from him his family his friends and I I have seeked the answers and nothing no one wants to talk to me and I just I think I think for me the most triggering thing about that it reminded me of my dad so my my dad wasn't just wasn't present in my life and I feel like I never got the answers I've never get my dad still alive but I've never gotten the answers that I need why why didn't you want me why didn't you want to that I've I've described my career as like a whole my the whole thing of my career has been like I look dad look at me look what I can do and maybe this is what's going to convince him to no I'm I'm fine just tell you something I relate to you.

47:47Oh, okay. I'm sorry. No, in a good way. Like, I have no regrets about that because I've loved my life, right? I've spent my whole life trying to get my mum to be proud of me. There we go. And she just couldn't do it. Yeah. She didn't know. She was a bit jealous. Yeah. And that's a hard one. Yeah. Especially when you... And so I get you. Yeah. And I think... Again, a gift. Of course. Of course. And I think... And so I think when he left, it was just another pile of questions that I didn't have an answer to. And I still to this day have no answers to it. And again, I've had to just make up the scenario for myself.

48:34You mean make up the story of why? Yeah. Can you have time for it? Literally, oh, this is it. This is it. And, you know, for me, I just I feel like. And this this is probably not the best conclusion, but I think I think I was just too much. I was I was. What, too lovely? Well, too gorgeous, too kind, too sexy. I think I think just I think I'm a lot a lot to handle and not in terms of I think I'm always having ideas. I'm always wanting to, you know. For the right person. Yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah. I know this. You know, like, what I'm interested in is you have had quite bad luck with men. Absolutely.

49:23Yes. And I found my person at 50. Yeah. So I've got hopes for you. Yeah. And, but it was because I only really found myself. I feel like you're really there now, particularly this last year. Exactly. This journey of getting older is for you, isn't it? Yeah. It's the most beautiful thing. I think, as I said, I feel so fortunate to be here. I feel so fortunate that I get to live a life that is comfortable and enjoyable. that, you know, I've, I feel like the opportunity to begin again has been the best thing that could have possibly happened to me. I've gotten to do every, I feel like do everything again from scratch.

50:12Like, you know, I've found a new circle of friends. I live in a totally new place. I, I, even just something as simple as like, you know, I always get my nails done on, you know, on every other Friday. Like, for me, it's just... Let me see. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on, I've got to do this. They're okay. Can I just say, to you, these might be casual. But to me, they're like, oh, no, I'm easy. Okay, beautiful. I knew I was coming on here. Yeah, yeah, right? It's a dress up. But, yeah, and I feel like these are all aspects of a woman that didn't exist before. I'm so, so, again. This is self-care. Right?

50:53Self-love. I didn't love myself. Exactly. And I think you can be in a relationship and not know that you're not caring for yourself. Do you think that's what attracted you to the men that you were attracted to? That you didn't love yourself enough to deserve to be treated? Absolutely. That's why I can say to you with 100 % confidence, I think that I chose men from a place of, you know, lacking confidence. I always felt like I could help these men through whatever trials or, you know, torment they'd told me about. I think I was a vulnerable person. And I think when it comes to abusers, narcissists and cheaters, you're easily identifiable.

51:48And I think I stuck out like a sore thumb and I was very easy to get. And when I say that, I don't mean like easy in like a... And being easy is not a problem, by the way. I've got to keep remembering like, you know, what I tell my daughters. But like, I was just easy to catch, you know, I wasn't, I, what was that in you? Was it a fear of abandonment? Like, I'll take less than I deserve because you won't leave me. Because then it would be easier to keep, yeah. But then, you know, I am also the woman who, I don't know, I'm kind of like the builder man workshop. Like, you know, I'm always like I'm I love to pour into my relationships and I am someone I'm always ambitious.

52:39I always want to be better. And, you know, I want to recommend books and recommend things that will help you. And, you know, so I I help these men to get better and to become giants. And then I end up depleted. I end up I've given my all and then they run away. You know why? Because it's a one-way street. Yeah, absolutely. You are not getting it back. And I didn't need to get it back. But then you're depleted. Absolutely. You did need to get it back. Oh, this is the thing. I know that now. But, like, back then, back then, I thought the best way to get someone to love you is to give and to give everything, to give your all.

53:24With my ex-husband, my second ex-husband. Like me, Shazal Gabor. I'm working on it, yeah. Right. I feel like I would have done anything for him. I would have done anything to keep this relationship going. I, you know, I doled down even my personality. I made myself small so he didn't feel inadequate. where I wasn't taking work. I wasn't, you know, I was just doing little bits and bobs to survive, but not, I just wasn't being too, you know. Yes. And now I'm like, what a way to live. What a way you were willing to live. And what a blessing that he took the initiative and walked away because I don't think that that Jamelia would ever have walked away.

54:20I feel like I would have stayed there. And pretended that this dollhouse was real. I'd like you to just talk about how you've got here for any women there that have made themselves smaller for their man. Yeah. And then there comes a point where you've made yourself so small you get used to it. Yeah. And you then can't make yourself big again because they won't let you. Uh-huh. And then it's hard to leave I mean you were lucky in a way you left Absolutely You said that earlier Absolutely But what would you say to women who are struggling to leave? How do you find the power again?

55:13I have to be honest I don't think that I got this serious inner strength and it was like walk away I think I would have stayed there forever but him what are sliding doors him leaving you when you say that yeah and you look at what you've done in the last honestly no but that's mad it is it is someone looking out for you right exactly exactly and I feel I feel like what what I would like to say is that I hope that I radiate the happiness that I have internally. I hope you do and if I do I want you to see this for yourself I want you to see that because in hindsight I think there was a knowing I knew I was doing it I think I think I knew I was you know not saying what I wanted to say or just you know being a little all right I'm going to tell you something that is absolutely ridiculous so I was the breadwinner and he I just supported whatever it is he wanted to do that month.

56:24Because the fact that you were the breadwinner made him feel small. Exactly, exactly. And I would hand over all of my earnings so that it looked as if he was the one spending the money. And that was something I was very happy to do because I thought, you know what, I just want him to feel. And I feel like, but what did you feel? What were you feeling? You know, for me, it's a representation of what I was willing to do to make him feel big. And what I did in that process was diminish the fact that I am big. And rather than getting someone who could, and that's why I describe myself as too much.

57:10I think even though I made myself small, it was still too big. But did they ever say things like, it's hard being married to you? you know, you're so, you're Jamelia, like make you feel kind of. Oh, like it was, it was, it was a running, it was a theme. And I think I, I felt as if like, what, what more, how much smaller can I make myself? And I think that was what I was doing. I was like, okay, I'll make myself even smaller. I'll make myself even smaller. Even my daughter, all of my children were planned. But I, this is very personal, but I'm very happy to discuss. I had told him I wanted a baby for a few years and he was just always, no, no, no.

58:02And then I got a part in a film and I recorded, I filmed, I did all the filming, had the most amazing time. and then we you know we had the premiere and and then he was like oh let's have another baby and I remember I was like what but but also yes I get to have another I get to have another baby and it's so in hindsight I think oh my goodness like how manipulative how you know like and but I was completely on board because I did want it. But in hindsight, I'm like, was that to stop me? Was that, you know, and then, you know, I get pregnant and then a few months in, you're leaving. And so for me, these actions, it wasn't even just about stopping me.

58:56It was about destroying me. And so, like, right? And then going through the pregnancy, there were things that he did and said that during that pregnancy that I was like, no, you want me to die. Doing things like actively going around my family, his family and ostracizing me from everyone to this day. He's like his mom has not spoken a word to me since he's left the house. and I reached out to her and we were so close. And especially when you have a difficult relationship with your own mother. This is a running theme for me. I really latch on to other people's parents because it's like, oh, what's it like?

59:47You became close to her and even that got power. Yeah, I don't know why. No explanation. I don't know. And again, just that whole thing of not having the answers. and then but but it was I I became acutely aware that my daughter was going to be born into absolute turmoil and I was just like absolutely fucking not excuse my language I never swear but that was literally how I felt I was just like no way no way not not my daughter she I'd already had the most traumatic pregnancy. And she's not going to have a traumatic life. She's going to, and her name is Dream, because she was going to live the dream.

1:00:39That was my whole thing. Because, yeah. Can I just say I love the manifesting name? Like, yes. Right. Amazing. It's just like, and he hated it. And I was just like, well. You're not around. You're not here. And I was just like, she was a, she was a begin again. She was a start. She was a start of something new. And I had an emergency C-section with her. That was tough, right? It was frightening. I stopped breathing. So my second daughter was in the operating theatre with me Again, this was the first child I had without the dad being in the room But my daughters were there So my elder too But it's traumatic for her as well Well, this is it We knew I was having a C-section And she was the one who wanted to cut the cord Because my eldest one cut it for my seven-year-old So it was her turn.

1:01:49And so, you know, she was in there with the whole thing. And then it was kind of like they literally handed her the baby and rushed her out. So she rushed out with the baby. And I was, I didn't have to get, it wasn't resuscitation. What had happened was I had the epidural and they gave me another one and it had, it had gone too high up my body. And so my lungs stopped working. And so basically we, we just basically had to wait. I was there. I don't know what that thing's called They did that so that they could You could breathe But as you can imagine Very scary And also I have to say this Even at the point of Becoming pregnant There was a statistic that had been Reported on For a few years Before that black women Are one in five Times more likely you know five times more i do i do i wrote a chapter in my book oh wow yes of course the one that you did midwife early of course amazing yes those girls they know they've changed that statistic yeah i know but it's and and this this is one of the things that i advocate for more than anything is for us to share our stories for us to even even if the stories make people look bad because that's the only way we can change things it's the only way that change can happen is us being honest yeah you know and like that experience you know giving birth while thinking you might die then something happening and it's like oh oh i actually might die and you know and your daughter what are they gonna do yeah what are they gonna do and then i think I actually got to meet Dream maybe about an hour later and totally totally out of it but my main thing was at least I'm alive at least I'm here and then when I got home my daughters my daughters literally had to carry me to the toilet they had to anything that I wanted to do was you know was was a monumental task they would change my clothes they would wash me they would feed me and all the while I am fiercely reluctant because I'm just like you are not supposed to be doing this where is everyone else why why does no one else want to help us and I think I think when you're the person who like you help everyone that that that is what changed me but I think especially as a mother you tap into this like this like fierceness where you're like I'm I'm not this is not this is not it this is not what we're going to do and I am going to fight like hell for us to get out of this you know women and men that have the same um illness and at the same rate yeah a woman is more likely to survive because of her really lioness motherhood as a mother yeah you will you will fight yeah harder to survive yeah and that sounds like you that that's exactly what it was it was just i i had four four little girls you know they were 21 16 four and just born I can't leave a year old had had your new baby yeah yeah and I and I remember just you know I was unable to walk I was unable to do anything by myself maybe about two two weeks I couldn't walk um I was and you know I was I was well looked after but again there's you know there's this thing with me where it's like am I being looked after because they know I've got a big mouth and I might say something you know does everyone get looked after because why why why why are black women more likely to die in fact I'm just gonna of quickly mention for anybody that's watching that doesn't know five times more is uh is a charity and uh um they're activists you know that raise awareness for incredible incredible black women were five times more likely to die in childbirth yeah than anyone else and that is a such a horrific statistic and they have they have single-handedly through their actions and through raising awareness and getting the word out there changed that statistic to some I think it might be down to three yeah it is and for me I think still yeah just get perspective on that that is still fucking terrible right like let's not forget that yeah but a change is still a change a change in the right direction is still progress and I think you know again had had five times more not happened had we not had these conversations even me being being you know vigilant about my care in pregnancy was because I'd read these statistics because I knew you know there are certain checks that might not be done I might not be taken as seriously and so you know and I shouldn't have that going around in my head as well as all my husbands just left me all my kids are at home And no one's got my back.

1:07:35This is something I heard. And you are a very strong person and you have positively spun everything. But I think that hurt. Oh, like hell. To this day, to this day, I can't believe that I was abandoned. Abandoned. I can't believe his mum didn't do anything. I can't believe my mum didn't do anything.

1:08:05but they didn't. And it's always, what are you going to do now? Well, you've raised four girls. Yeah. And the oldest two were the oldest that could actually do something. Yeah. And they stepped up. Yeah. And that's telling you, you've done that. Yeah. And look at what they're going to be like in the future. And you've got their back for the rest of their lives. Oh, my gosh. Absolutely. What a gift. Yeah. Honestly, you're bringing four women into the world. Right. who are going to change the world. Yeah. Well, well done you. Thank you. Thank you. It's such a pleasure. Like, being the mother to these four girls and even seeing, like, my seven-year-old, you know, she had her dad with her every single day.

1:08:52You know, he lived with us and he was with her every single day. And then one day he just went. And even her, she is the most wonderful, funny, fun-loving, entertaining and honest. Honest, yeah. Like she's, she's, I thought, you know, she was broken too. She was broken too. And I think one of the worst things is all of, all of us were broken. And I am the mom and I didn't have the facilities to fix it like I always did. Yeah. But they all turned around and fixed themselves. Like what? Once you've done that once. Right. You can do it for the rest of your life. Yeah. Yeah. And I think these types of lessons, whilst we would never wish them our worst enemies, they're incredible, especially incredible things to learn at such young ages.

1:09:56I wouldn't have wished it for them, but I feel that it is a blessing for them, for sure. You know, with your music, we were talking about how young you were and obviously like crazy success. success um it happened fast and furious yes and um you brought out that second album uh-huh you know what's funny i opened my eyes this morning and i was singing superstar i was like it's today yay um and you know like literally everybody can sing you that song yeah i was looking at your spotify and it's like i don't know like 1.8 million months down it's yeah Incredible. Like 240 million done this. I mean, my crazy huge.

1:10:48I didn't know that you'd done that track with Beanie Man. Yeah. Really? No, like mega. Yeah. Who got the keys to my bim? It was like one of my, who am I, right? Like one of my favourite tracks ever. So iconic. I always knew you loved Beanie Man. Oh my God. Love, love, love. Like mad. um so but but this career what was that like for you was it did it feel like work was was it was it all your dreams come true it it was all of my dreams come true it was to to this day I you know I'm so grateful for the career that I got to have for the success that I got to it took me all over the world you know i met with presidents and royalty and i had a number one on the other side of the world in australia and new zealand like so good and i'm i still feel like jamelia from birmingham i am still jamelia from birmingham is that like jenny from the block like but the uk the uk version i'm just jamelia from birmingham

1:11:59I don't know, I feel like my hometown and where I was raised is still so much a part of my identity. You're real, right? You're still real. Yeah, and I feel like it's hard and I don't want to let that go. I love where I came from. I love Birmingham. I love representing Birmingham. But when I'm sitting next to Nelson Mandela or, you know, the current king, you're just like, what am I doing here? Even today, being here with you on this podcast and you've had esteemed people. No, but I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Because you've learned a lot. You've done a lot. you've lived a really incredible life full of hardship and full of fantastic golden moments of joy and success but you do it in such a positive way you're such a guiding light oh bless you but that's why you're here I would have had you on years ago if I'd have done it years ago so I do want to talk about music because I've got something very exciting or you've got something very exciting I could tell everybody, but I want to talk about how did you record your last piece of music that you let us all enjoy?

1:13:24Like, what year was that? How old were you? And because it was it your third album? It's my third album. And I think I think it was released. It was released in 2006. Six. Twenty years ago. I mean. Yeah. Isn't that 20 years ago? It is. Years ago. It is. And when you recorded it, obviously you were pleased with it. You really liked it. Yeah. But it didn't work. Yeah, yeah. And whoever's fault that is, I mean, it sounds like the record label just didn't. You know, I think what happened at that point is that I think I was falling out of love with doing it. And it wasn't the creating music itself.

1:14:13like it was you know still a top 40 album but for me for Jamelia that wasn't a success and I feel like to I I feel like I know when to quit maybe not in relationships but yeah it worked I feel like I know when to walk away I'm a very good kind of pivoter and I feel like I I had two of my daughters by then. And I think I felt like I was a part of a machine that was running away with me. It was like churning. Yeah. And I didn't feel very creatively in control, particularly of my own narrative. I felt like there was a huge leaning towards being sexy and being desirable. and when you've got two little girls watching your every move it's like I don't want to and it's not it wasn't even about my two little girls I was just like well if my two little girls are watching so is everyone else's daughter's watching and I don't want to be the person that encourages little girls to be like me when I would do shows I did like I did like a sold-out tour and it was always little 11 12 year old girls in the front row and so I was just like I I don't want to encourage ability absolutely absolutely and and I also knew this is just how it's done and so I was just like I can't I can't continue I have to walk away then because I don't want to be that person I I I recognize myself getting caught up in it there was for instance you you know you had you had paparazzi and stuff and I knew like you know when you're doing a show show them a bit of you know a bit of a bit of your bum and stuff like that and it's just like now I'm like horrified yeah but but you kind of just get caught up you know um you know be really slim or or like you know lose loads of weight and I'm starving I'm Jamaican I'm like I need to eat I can't I can't survive like this and so you know the but then the upside is again being from Birmingham the obscene amount of money that I'm getting from shows and tours and brand deals and you know sponsorships like it was it was it was more money than I could ever spend and you know didn't know what to do with it I also didn't have any financial literacy so I ain't got I haven't got a penny of it but it's just you know I it was it was hard to walk away and I think it took me that whole album I think if the album again it's probably like a relationship because if the album did was like a top 10 album I probably would have went again yeah against my own you know my own better judgment yeah yeah I feel like I would have done that and you used the word pivot earlier and I love that word because it is like quick turn around to this yeah instead of tracks I'm gonna go over here yes you then you know unable to not do something brilliantly got into television I was like hang on a minute what's going on here i mean i'm you also you not only went for kind of entertainment and you know like you did loose women yeah loads of kind of um shiny floor shows and stuff but you also did documentaries that were really yeah important and gritties yeah did a bit of everything yeah but 20 years later uh-huh will you please just tell us what you've been doing so wait can i just ask you something sorry one more thing yeah about people's opinion of 26 year old singers which is how old you were or 25 when you finished so yeah so yeah i was about 25 and then five years later i um i i told my my team i was like you know i think i want to get back in the studio you know I think I think I'd like to create another album 20 years yeah five years later I was 30 and young yeah we know that now we know that now now and I was told oh you're way too old to put an album out you're way too like you're way too old you you know you're a mother you're and I was just like oh but again those things I think I think they either fuel you or they put your light out.

1:19:01And I genuinely feel like that statement put my light out, especially when it came to music. So what gave you the courage now then? The thing that gives me all my courage and motivation, it was my daughters. They sat me down at the beginning of this year and were like, yeah, and they were like, what are you doing? Really? Literally. What are you doing? What's your plan? And I was like, oh, I don't know. No, because I'm very fortunate. I can live off my royalties. So, you know, I don't necessarily have to, not that I don't have to work. Yeah, but you don't, for day to day. Yeah. Yeah. To survive.

1:19:43It wasn't out of necessity. Yeah. This was out of, rather than what it was when you were younger. Exactly. This is desire. Exactly. And I'm always, I'm always writing music. I'm always, you know, just at home. But it's always just at home, just pottering about with my computer. And my daughters were like, why don't you just make another album? And I repeated the words that were told to me 15 years ago. I'm too old. I'm too old to do that. And they were like, what? And says who? And this is the beautiful thing about having these girls that I've raised. They're looking at me like, what on earth are you on about?

1:20:23What do you mean? You can still sing. You can still perform. And I was like, oh, yeah. Do you know what they're doing? Can't I? They're Jamila-ing you. Jamila-ing you. Yeah. And I was just like, all right, I'll give it a go. I went into the studio, recorded one song. I was like, oh, I quite like this. This is quite cool. And so I've been in the studio, just getting back into the motion of things. And yeah, now I've got music ready. and next year I'm going to, it's going to be out there. Do you know what's really mad? Is that on your Instagram, obviously the 1st of November, it was like, oh, hang on a minute, what?

1:21:08The Audacity with Jamelia's golden nuggets of like life lessons. Yeah, yeah. I was like, hang on a minute, what's going on? Because am I right in saying that is the name of the album? That is the name of that. The Audacity. The Audacity. Do you know what's lovely is you've already used that expression during this interview. Yes. Am I? Yeah, you have. You know, the audacity. That's so funny. Yeah. And do you know what? I think it's one of the things I've discovered about myself. Like, you know, as a 15-year-old, as a 20-year-old, 25, I feel like there are so many instances of just absolute audacity.

1:21:48You know, like people could definitely say, who does she think she is? And I'm just like, yeah, you know. But the most, can I say, I love this idea of being totally audacious in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. Honestly. That's when it's the funniest because people are like, what's she doing? It's like exactly what I want. Exactly. And this is the thing. I feel like partly it's a shame that we've waited so long to be audacious. Yes. But then there's another part where I'm like, if we live our lives out loud, we're giving permission to every girl, every woman, every, you know, and even if you are 80, you still have the space to be audacious and take it, take it, do it, use it.

1:22:35And even if you've never been audacious before, it's never too late to start. As long as you're breathing, you're capable of doing it. And I think, you know, and so for me, you know, yeah, I've got the audacity at 45 to release new music, you know, and it's not... What's the flavour? It's definitely more R &B. I think that it's the album that I always wanted to make. You know, it's an album where I reclaim my own narrative. I think one of the issues that particularly women have is we allow other people to tell our stories. And I think this, it's not a trend, but this kind of surge of women owning their narratives, speaking out, launching podcasts and, you know, and doing the big things.

1:23:30You know, we are inadvertently told by society that we should, you know, quieten down, be a bit smaller, don't be too much, don't be too loud. And then what? And then, like, as I said, from my three-year-old to my 25-year-old, my advice is be as loud, take up as much space as you can, do everything that you want to do. Because we only get to do this once and the men get to do everything. Why can't we? All the time, over and over again. Yeah. Why can't we? Yeah, we can. And this is it. I did. I have. And you have. And you will. And I think it's important that we reclaim our stories and we tell them in the way that we want to tell them.

1:24:16I think one of the issues that a lot of us face is that we allow other people to tell us who we are and to dictate our worth. You know, I shouldn't have such a high sense of self. I've had two failed marriages. You know, I'm a single mother. And I'm just like, yeah, I'm absolutely amazing. And you're the happiest you've ever been. And above all, I am the happiest I've ever been. And the reason I'm the happiest I've ever been is because I've chosen myself. I've chosen to do it my way. I've you know and I know you know people might look at me oh my gosh she hasn't you know she hasn't got a boyfriend or a husband I'm like yeah I'm over the moon about it you know and and if I choose to change my mind in three years time or next week it's entirely up to me but it's because I choose it not because society is telling me this is what you should be doing by this age gosh those i've had conversations with my daughter and you know she's as i said she's coming up to 25 and she's like oh i'm behind you know i'm not doing what everyone and i'm like you're behind what behind who i've had to talk about your daughter your daughter because um she gave us something uh-huh um to give to you first off i want to show you this because you know how old this is 25.

1:25:50No. Yeah. Your daughter, 25. Yeah, yeah. And she wrote us a little letter. Oh, no. For you. Yeah. And I wanted you to have it, and I'd love you to read it to us. Oh, my goodness.

1:26:10Oh, no. I'm going to be a mess. Oh.

1:26:25To me, my mum is my safe space. She has been for so many people. The type of person you get around and then instantly exhale. Instantly, the tension in your shoulders. You didn't know you had releases. She makes you feel warm and loved. my mom for me is what it means to be safe no matter the danger outside she's like a shield not just because of what she does but because just who she is a lot of who I am and the things I'm praised for now in my adult life is a direct reflection of the woman who raised me and my sisters. I'm not going to get to the end of this. The patience, the unconditional love, the confidence to go again and go against negativity.

1:27:21I learned it all from my mom. My mom has done it all by herself. She's the person who never gives up on any of us, day in, day out. She gives 100 % to every single one of us, every single day. Bear in mind, I'm 25 and she's done this since I was born and still to this day is the only one who gives 100 % all in for all of us. If there's anything I wish for my mum now that I'm an adult, it's that she starts going 100 % for herself. Wow, what a great thing to say. I want her to accept love, help and praise 100 % and allow herself to be poured into the way she pours into so many of us. I adore my mama.

1:28:15She's my idol for sure. And all my little sisters are obsessed with her as they should be. P.S. I'm really hoping I get... I'm really hoping I get the whole never aging Benjamin Button gene that she's got going on. Right? And if not, I'll be absolutely fuming. Love you, Mummy. Thank you for being all of our 100 % person, Octasia. Oh my goodness.

1:28:52That's so beautifully written. It is. You've done an amazing thing there. Yeah. You know, I'm not the type of person who I don't require. I don't require like a pat on the back or, you know, I don't require those things. and I think

1:29:23I genuinely strive to be a good person and I know I'm guilty of maybe being good to the wrong people but I never stop I never let that stop me from still carrying on I'm just kind of like I'll just do it again somewhere else hoping that I'm going to get it back Not like in a, I don't do it to receive it, but I just feel like, well, maybe one day someone will give it back to me. I'm going to let you know that you deserve it. And I'm telling you that. You don't have to say it about yourself because I know you're not that kind of person. But I'm telling you, you do. And you will get it. because I think every relationship you have is preparing you for the one.

1:30:18And the one can come at any time. And it will come from the strangest place and the most unexpected. And it might not be your type and it might not be who you, but it's coming. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Amelia. I'm trying not to cry. Can I say something? I have absolutely loved talking to you You are a beautiful, beautiful woman Thank you so much So much to offer the world Not just banging music Which I can't wait You're going to play me a bit I am, I am But also so much wisdom Please write the book Lessons I've Learned Do you know, I genuinely think I think I will. Please do that because I need it.

1:31:10Even how you framed it. Yeah, that's because I don't want people to be like, oh, poor Jamelia. No, you're not that person. I'm just not. I'm just not. I'm like, I'd much rather, yeah, I'd much rather tell people what I've learned. And yes, this happened to me, but this is what I learned from that. That's a gift. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Think about that on paper for your girls. Yeah. Yeah. That would be, yeah, amazing. I literally, like, can I come over for the loving? Oh, please, please, bring it in. Oh, my God.

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