Malala: Finally Living The Childhood I Lost & Falling In Love

30:21And that was not just a gift for you, but it was a gift for the world, you know, and all girls around the world. I've never felt that my story is in any way important. And for that reason, it should be heard by people. The fact that I wanted to tell my story was because I wanted to tell people that it is a common story of so many girls out there, so many children out there in the world, and it's not a story of the past. This is happening right now. So many children are denied their right to be in school. In Afghanistan, the Taliban for the past five years have banned girls from going to school.

31:05Like, you know, that's, if you read I Am Malala, if you read, you know, like Finding My Way, these books, this is the story of Afghan girls as well. This is the story of, you know, all the children in Gaza who have been displaced constantly, their schools have been bombed, like, you know, the literacy rate was like nearly like 99 % or plus, literacy rate was so high there. And all of a sudden, like, every school and university has been decimated and destroyed. So, you know, I want people to know that this is about what is happening right now. And this is impacting millions of children. So we really need to question our leaders.

31:47We really need to question ourselves. What kind of future are we giving to children? What kind of world are we creating for them? And, you know, like sometimes, like, have you, like, you know, whenever there's like a little baby in the house, or we see a cute baby with our friends, all the disagreements, the unease, the anger, the frustration sort of disappear, and everybody starts smiling. Because when we think about children, we know that they are innocent, and they deserve more happiness and joy and peace around them, and they deserve to live in a better place. We should address the injustices, and we should make the world a better place for them.

32:30So that is the state of the world right now. We should look at children with more empathy. We should see all children equal. And we should all agree on this principle that they deserve a fairer, peaceful and a more prosperous world. I'm going to go back now to you and talking to CNN and the BBC and talking to journalists. And you, at this point, did this under a pseudonym or an alibi. Did you know that you needed to do that to stay safe? So I didn't do all the interviews. So I did one blog for the BBC and that was under the pseudonym. And I actually didn't want to do it under a pseudonym. The BBC decided to do that because they said like they could not take any risk.

33:23But everything else, like, you know, I was stepping forward as Malala and showing my face. And for me, it was important for people to hear my story. Like for me, it wasn't even like a thought that, you know, something could happen to me. Honestly, I thought that the Taliban might target my father because they were targeting these activists, these men campaigners. I never thought that they would target, you know, like a little girl, a teenager, simply for sharing her story. But, you know, didn't turn out to be the case. No. So, I mean, there was that fateful day. You were 15.

34:08Were you on your way to school or home? Yeah, back home, yes. Coming home from school? Yes. And could you just talk me through what happened? Are you okay talking about it? Yeah, yeah. Okay. The good thing is that I don't remember the incident. Right. I have flashbacks. flashbacks. I have these different visuals, but I can never prove or never be so sure that I actually saw everything that day. These are the stories that I have heard from my friends who were with me on the school bus. And they said that two gunmen stopped the school bus. One was distracting the driver at the front, and this other boy sort of comes to the back of the van, and he asks, who is Malala and then fires bullets.

34:56And, you know, that bullet, you know, changed the trajectory of my life because I was shot at point blank range. I was 15 years old. Point blank range. God. And after that, I, you know, I just, I don't know what happened, but I was told that, you know, as soon as the driver realized that there had been this shooting, he drove the bus straight to a local hospital. I was moved from that hospital then to another city hospital and then another city hospital. You know, the initial main surgeries were done in Pakistan. And when they shot you, they shot you straight at the head. Yes. On the left side of my forehead.

35:38Through your head. Yes. So it was like, yeah. Into your shoulder? So it went through like the left side of my forehead and then sort of went through the neck into the shoulder, into the back. I was also told like the doctors for like hours could not find where the bullet had gone and that's like it was I think like many hours later that they found they realized like the bullet was actually in the back yeah it's you know it's really like a miracle truly a miracle like if it was just like millimeters away from the brain so I feel very lucky very very lucky Can I tell you something? Yes. We all feel really lucky too.

36:23We're really glad you're still here. Yeah. Thank you. What a life you've lived since then. And I, you know, it's funny in a way. I feel sad that you lost your childhood that day. Like that really, well, really you lost it when you were 11 when they invaded. But, you know, I'm reclaiming that and my childhood continues. I can't wait. I want to hear about that, actually, as we go on. But you ended up going from hospital to hospital, but you actually ended up coming to the UK because it was a military hospital in Birmingham that actually could help you a bit more. Can you just talk to me because I also want to unpick a little bit because it really shapes who you are and what you've become.

37:16I mean, obviously this podcast is called Begin Again. Yeah. I don't know if you know why I called it Begin Again. No. Well, I called it Begin Again because I had brain surgery. Okay. And before I had my brain tumor removed, I wanted to let go of whether I lived or died. but you know I'm 58 so I'm at a different stage I'm not as young as you so I was like okay we need to talk about your skincare later but yes makeup makeup um yes but I but I was like what do I need to make it okay for me to die and but the big thing was my kid are my kids okay and they are yeah they're great kids they don't want me to die but they're great yeah but I thought oh the big thing is that I have changed shifted different tracks all through my life I've had a go at everything I had a go and I'm really proud of that yeah and I've had a good life and I thought I want everyone to get there yeah so beginning again it's like what do you need yes to start your life over yeah where the way you want ago.

38:29Like you just telling me, I'm a child again. I'm reliving my childhood and I'm doing it now. You're beginning again. But you've had to begin. You were forced to begin again many times. Yes. But I want people to have a choice sometimes to make those really difficult changes in their life where they think, I'm not happy here. I want to do something else. And hearing stories like yours and what you've been through is so inspiring for people to think oh that thing I want to do if she can do all of this I can do that you know like yeah that's why this yes this isn't just about a young woman an activist changing the world for other women which is in itself extraordinary It's about inspiring other people to be brave.

39:24I love this concept. And when I think back and just try to reflect on how it has been like for me, I would say that, you know, for me, it was this begin again, but I was not making those changes myself. Yes, they were being forced upon you. It's all external. It's nothing in your control. You are trying to adapt to it. You are trying to figure out how you fit in to that. The Taliban taking over, I was 11 years old. The Taliban attacking me, I was 15 years old. I'm winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm becoming this activist. I have to advocacy all of these things. I'm just 17. And the moment when I felt that I could actually begin again, but with my rules, with my preferences, was when I started college.

40:19that's when I realized I don't have my family here. There's no parental, you know, watch. I don't have anyone, you know, like the team or anybody around me. I'm just here on my own, like every other student. How would I like to live this life if let's assume there are, there's nobody watching and there are no expectations. And that's when you can begin again and reset the rules. So yes, my 20s has been reliving my childhood. And that has been that true begin again phase for me. Can you tell me what reliving your childhood has looked like? What are some of the things that you've done? There were phases to this process.

41:06I think the first thing that I was deciding was, what do I wear? Because my whole life, I had only worn traditional Pakistani clothes, you know, shalwar, kameez, and I love them. They're beautiful, colorful. But at college, I saw that everybody is wearing slightly different clothes. Like it's more Western, it's jeans and tops, and it's dull. And it's like, you know, it's just gray. And but it's fine, because that's what students are supposed to wear. So I was like, I want to blend in, I don't want to stand out. I don't want anyone to sort of see me in this traditional outfit, and then see me as like the Malala they have seen in the news.

41:41I just want them to see me as a fellow student because I'm just so desperate to like go in and blend in and make friends. Never done that. Yes. And I go on Google and I'm like looking up these outfits and then I search Selena Gomez casual outfits. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, that's so random. Wait, you search Selena Gomez casual outfits. Yes. Why Selena Gomez? Because I want you to be cool. Oh, God, Malala, I just, I can't, I can't love you anymore. Stop being so great. Eczema is unpredictable, but you can flare less with Epglyss, a once-monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four-month or longer dosing phase, about four in ten people taking Epglyss achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks.

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43:46Shop in-store or at REI.com. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19 ,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs. so you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go online at statefarm.com. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there. I was like, what is trending? What is trending? What would make me look cool? Does Selena Gomez know this? Yeah, I actually met her.

44:22Shut up. Last year I met her in LA and I told her. It was amazing. Did she love it? She loved it. Oh, God. So when you looked her up, what was she wearing? Skinny jeans. Okay. Cardigan. Okay. Pink, blue, bright tops. Good colors. And a lot of, you know, necklaces and jewelry and bracelets. And leather jackets, denim jackets, and like boots. Right. Like black leather boots. Okay. And I was like, there it is. So, yeah, I was like, I was, you know, I'm wearing a bomber jacket. I'm wearing jeans, I'm wearing these, you know, tops. And it's still like modest. But I realized like I was not the only one from Pakistan or, you know, or a Muslim who was wearing those outfits.

45:15There were like so many Muslim and Pakistani and South Asian students who were wearing Western clothing. And, you know, they, everybody was dressing up differently. And you just see the diversity of it. And I loved it. So that was like, for me, like the first start. Then the second one was like making friends. I was like, OK, I don't want this to be the same way as it was for me. at school in the UK. Can we just talk back to going to Birmingham? Because that was very, you were 15 when you went to school in Birmingham. And that is a very, very tough time to join a secondary school because everyone's made friends.

45:50I know. So what was that experience like? You know, you can see those groups. Yeah. And you can't fit in, you can't go in. Yeah. So I felt like an outsider, I also thought that I was just being too serious because even I just had forgotten how to be young and how to be a child. Wait, let's just think about that. Yeah. You know, you're like meeting the presidents and prime ministers of the world and you are like attending these things and you just have no idea how to be a child again. But that's so sad. And I wanted to be, but you need friends to be able to be yourself because they just give you that comfort zone.

46:27And I missed my school friends from Pakistan. I would always call my friends from Pakistan on the phone and ask them like, you know, like how what's happening with that friend and what's happening with that teacher and like what's the school environment? And I'll just picture myself back in my school in Pakistan. But you couldn't go back? It was it was really challenging. I mean, it took me like five or something years to go back to Pakistan and meet everyone. But I go now. But yeah, at the time it was very difficult. You know, it is safe, of course. The cities are safe. But it's hard to like move back.

47:04Easier to go and travel and visit friends, but a lot harder to move back. Yeah. So how did you work it at secondary school? Because you were trying to learn skills that maybe you would use at university. Yeah. How, I mean, the other thing that I think, the other challenge for you a little bit was that, well, you were shocked by your first test results when you got to secondary school, but then you turned into like, right, I'm going to ace my GCSEs. Were people annoyed with you for being so clever? Or were they proud? You know, I felt really invisible at school. I didn't even know if anybody was even thinking of me or noticing me because I thought I was not in the cool friends groups.

47:51So at high school, I'll just highlight two things. One was the day when I felt like people sort of noticed me was when they found out that I had won the Nobel Peace Prize. Because I was on the day of the announcement in my chemistry class. I had no phone or anything. and, you know, the Nobel Peace Prize committee usually calls the recipient. They're like all older people. There has never been a 17-year-old school student. You were the youngest ever, right? And the school deputy teacher walks into the class and she calls me outside and I'm like, am I in trouble? What have I done? And then she says, Malala, you have won the Nobel Peace Prize.

48:38And I was in shock. I was like, what? I'm like, who gets to be called outside? Their class. A sloth and just told anyway. So that day I felt like, you know, I could see more friends looking at me and more people saying hi to me or congratulations to me. You feel just being more seen, but, you know, just like dies down the next day. And so, you know, and then the second thing was that by the end of my high school, I had only made one friend. Oh, but you'd made one? Just one friend. I'm still bestie with her. Like we're besties forever. And let's please talk about her. It was Alice. Yes. So let's just talk.

49:19Let's just pay homage to Alice, please, for a moment because. I'm going to be her bridesmaid. Yes. She's getting married in August. And this is going to be like my first time being a bridesmaid. I've never been a bridesmaid. Just crazy. I don't even know the rules or what am I supposed to do and all of that. She'll tell you. Alice will tell you. I know, I know. So can I, how did you and Alice find each other and what was it that brought you together? Yeah. The reason Alice and I became friends was firstly, Alice was, you know, was sort of encouraging me to speak with her and to sit down with her.

49:55So I remember like, you know, in the dining hall, she would sort of offer me to sit down with her and I'd be like, no, no, I'm okay. And she would insist. She'd be like, no, you know, we are sitting together. And she'd be like, we are getting that ice cream. you know, we are going to the gardens, we are going to do this. And I just like, you know, you know, I would just follow her. I was like, yes, ma 'am, you know, like follow her command. And that's what I love because, you know, there's like somebody who tells you like, they want to be friends with you. Because I never wanted to be a burden on anyone.

50:28I never wanted them to feel like they have to be with me. You know, I was like, because, you know, friendship is like, it's such a genuine commitment. You can never fake it. When it comes to true friendships, it's a commitment. It's being there for each other, caring for each other. And in her company, I realized that, okay, she wants to be friends with me. I'm not like a burden on her. So that's how I became friends with Alice. But I wanted more friends in college. I was like, Like I can't, university time can't be the same as my school time. I don't want to be just like this lonely, quiet student stuck in the library who ends up making just like one friend.

51:17I was like, no, I do not want that. I want lots of friends. Between school and university, it was like, okay, I'm changing. Yes. This is all changing. Yeah. Selena Gomez. Yes. You made an active decision to take control of your life and who you wanted to be before you went to university. How were your parents when you got into Oxford? I was telling my parents, like, I'm off. Stay out of my business. So, yeah, I mean, my parents would call me, you know, any time in the day. And I'll be like, Dad, I'm busy. Mom, I have a class. Mom, like I'm busy with friends. So I kind of was like really enjoying my time without my family.

52:08It was a lot of fun. And I was really like, you know, of course I was like in college. It became one of my like in college, it became my goal that I would I want to make friends. I want to get that exposure. And I want people to like to like get to know me. Yes. More than that, I just wanted to like get to know myself. Like, you know, if I have no constraints and if there's like no pressure or expectations that I'm setting, who am I? And I was like, you know, I'll be able to know if I actually get out of my comfort zone. So I knew that I will have to meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends.

52:51And for that, I actually signed up for so many clubs and societies. I had no clue if I was capable of any of those things and if I had any talent. but I was signing up for rowing. You know, I signed up for the Christian society, Hindu society, Muslim society. I was like, I just want to meet everybody. But that must have been fascinating. You were fascinated, weren't you, by different cultures and religions and stuff. But I love the sporty stuff. Rowing. I mean, rowing is challenging. Yeah, I know. I know. You know now. I know now, yeah. It's very challenging. You have to get up early. It's so risky.

53:29You should know how to swim. I couldn't swim. You went rowing and you couldn't swim? Yeah. Oh, my God. But that was like my first and last attempt rowing. I never went back. No. Cricket? Cricket, yeah, but it's just so hard. You have to keep learning. And the rules in cricket. But I love it. I love it. You love that. What was your favourite club you joined? My favourite club was the South Asian Society and the Pakistan Society. I really loved being a part of the South Asian community because it made me feel closer to home yes we could speak you know the same language we could share the same food we could dance to the same music we could enjoy the same poetry and I loved all of that and I felt like I was I was you know back with my old friends from Pakistan I mean you were talking about you wanted to make friends and have a new collection of friends.

54:28And often I think when people, you know, when you move area, when you divorce, whenever you have a big life change, you have to venture out and make friends. And that is kind of weird and difficult. It's like sort of, please like me. I like you. Do you like me? It's such a funny thing. But I think you were talking about letting people get to know you. and there is something about revealing something about yourself and in turn something then revealing something about themselves. I mean, obviously you've been through so much. What was that journey like for you, letting people in? And were people like, wow, you know?

55:12Honestly, I don't know it from their perspective because now that we… Yes, of course, you're just you. Now we have been friends for more than seven, eight years. and you know it's like we feel like we're like sisters like we have known each other our whole lives but I think for them it was more like you know they they also wanted to make friends and yes and you have to like tell each other that let's you know set these things that we have heard about each other before aside and let's get to know each other you know like as just new friends like you know it's completely new people on almost on a more shallow level yes yes so that's kind of how it starts and you know for for me it was um also just like trusting my my friends and what they were planning to do and like being willing to join anything so we were like punting and going out for dinners together staying up late gossiping talking about boys talking about astrology things and then i heard about this you know this group of students who would climb up the rooftop onto the bell tower of the college.

56:22And it was a very risky journey. It was like, I was like, I don't know, like, what if I get into trouble? Or like, what if the college finds out and I'm like kicked out of college and everything? But I was like, you know what? If this is what the cool students do, I'm going to do it. And I even climbed the college rooftop. Yeah. Well done. Yeah, it felt like a bit of a rebellion, but it's like it's worth it. It's worth it. I was enjoying a bit of that disobedience. And, you know, it became more symbolic to me because, you know, your whole life were sort of constantly meeting expectations and you feel like you have a role to fulfill because that's what everybody thinks you should be doing.

57:09and then in college I'm like should I climb the roof why not and then when I go up there I'm like am I defeating something bigger it's that sense of liberation that you feel when you make it to the top and I was like it is it is helping me a lot more in life as well it's making me think about you know what are the things that I'm just accepting because I think that that's what people want me to do, what people expect me to do. And in college, I found a way to sort of be able to question things more and then make sure that I do it my way. Yeah. Isn't it funny how most people go to college just to learn more information and to have a bit of fun, make some friends, but most of all, and you're learning how to break free from what has been an expectation of you to break free from that expectation and liberate yourself.

58:08How much kind of more you got from it than was expected, really. At the same time as you being at university, most other kids are just at university, you know, they're just learning, they're having fun. But can you talk me through the pressures that were on you to deliver on all the other fronts that you've been working on throughout your life? Because there was a lot going on, on top of university. Yeah. So like, in this book, I actually share about this journey for me, how, you know, like, as much as I'm trying to be a student, and to be like every other student, I also have these other roles that I have to fulfill.

58:55So I remember, like, in one week or so, in college time, I traveled to three countries. I was doing advocacy at the World Economic Forum. I was in Lebanon with the Apple CEO, Tim Cook, to raise awareness about girls' education and get their support. And then I have a meeting with my senior tutor, and she is really concerned that I I'm actually really behind in my essays, in my performance. And that's when I was realizing that actually, even if I think I'm going to do my best and work even when I'm traveling, but it's impossible to manage all of these things altogether. other. So in the end, I realized like I have to say no to things as well to ensure that I am giving more time to my studies and to my college life in general.

59:54And, you know, eventually I also started getting more academic support as well, because in the beginning, I was just so worried that if I, like, you know, if I'm struggling with the studies and everything that, you know, it's like, it's my fault and I don't deserve to be here. So, you know, by the end of my first year, I performed really poorly in my exams. I nearly failed my exams. And I was like, this is a disaster. Like, I am an education activist. I can't fail my exams. I hadn't thought about that. That is so, that's so hard to feel like that about yourself. It's So much pressure. It was a choice between like, do I want to be stuck in the library and be sad and have no friends?

1:00:39Or, you know, do I sort of socialize and have fun and like do everything that I want to do, but still be a student, but also not fail my exams. Yes. Like make it to the end. It's a lot, isn't it? To juggle. Yes. And then I found out about this academic support at school. And I was like, wait, there's like a counselor and they can help you with your studies. and it took me a bit of time, but I eventually received that support. And, you know, that's something I talk about in this book because I wonder, like, how many students feel hesitant because, you know, we all have that imposter syndrome. And I was hoping that, you know, like students who feel that way, I want them to know that, you know, I have felt that, like many of us have felt that.

1:01:25and it's okay if we have moments of doubt, but we should not hesitate in asking for help. I think that's such a strong message and I think that actually stands for anybody at any age, you know, to write about it and say it's all right for you to go do this. It's such a beautiful thing. So thank you for sharing your vulnerability. Yeah. Part of the reason why I wanted to write this book was because I was thinking there might be someone out there who has gone through what I went through, struggling to make friends, doubting themselves, struggling with mental health, hesitant to ask for help and support.

1:02:05I want them to know that it is okay if you have moments of doubt. It's actually not a sign of weakness to get help and support. It's actually a strength because you are navigating your way yourself. And I'm so grateful that I found my way through all of those obstacles and challenges. And I hope that this book can be a guidance for them. And if even like one person, like one girl who is struggling in any way, find some hope through this book, I would be like, I have done my job. You were saying that you were struggling with your mental health. What aspect of your life was troubling you the most?

1:02:48so um when i share this with people they're like so shocked but i never got therapy after the taliban attack wow never received any mental health support i was offered but i said oh no like you know the this like i'm supposed to be brave and courageous i know i i'm i have overcome all of this. Like, I don't need mental health support. So I took it as a sign of weakness. Fast forward seven years later, out of nowhere in the middle of my college time, you know, like friends were trying bong for the first, you know, like bong and I saw it for the first time. And I'm like, I don't know what this is, but they were like, give it a try.

1:03:35I was like, okay. I was like, I don't even know what the effects are. So I was like, what's the worst that could happen? And like I cough a bit. And then on the second attempt, I felt like just my whole body just like absorbed it. And that's the moment like I froze. And everything changed after that. Because suddenly I felt that I was reliving the Taliban shooting. Like it's midnight, it's past 12. And I'm in this friend, but I feel I'm with these friends, but I feel like it's like I'm just frozen. I can't move. And the shooting is happening. And time has slowed. And I feel like that I'm, you know, I cannot figure out if I'm alive or not.

1:04:17And that night just turned out to be a terrible night. I felt sick. I could not go to sleep. I was shaking. My heart rate was so high. And I was so scared to even go to sleep because I thought, if I close my eyes, I would never be able to open them again. It's like you feel that trauma of life. Yeah, I mean, it triggered the whole trauma all over again, right? Closer to that moment again. So after that, like, you know, the next day I was like, I wanted to like reset everything and take myself back to yesterday. I was like, you know, the old life, the happy life. I'm laughing, I'm giggling, just could never do it.

1:04:56The next day, the next day, just could never do it. And then I realized, like, I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm not that brave and courageous person anymore who can get herself out of these challenges. And, you know, my friends started noticing that I wasn't being myself and that I needed some help. and I'm so grateful and feel so lucky that it was a friend of mine who said that I should get therapy. I was like, therapist? I was like, they have no clue what I have been through. Because we all feel that our circumstances are so exceptional. And it took me a few months, but I finally booked an appointment with the therapist.

1:05:41I was so scared. There were like moments I was like, I should walk back. I'm not going. I'm not going. I don't want them to know anything about me. And then I have my first session and I start talking and then I'm talking and talking and talking and then I don't stop. And I'm like, you know, you're just like, you know, opening up all of these things that you have been sort of suppressing and you let it all out, you just let it all out. And that's when I realized, oh my goodness, I should have received this treatment a lot earlier. Oh, were you sad for your little self? because I was like you know this this I had to unlearn and relearn so many things firstly that it's actually not a sign of weakness to get help it's actually not a sign of weakness to like to feel sort of scared and then like help yourself through it because you know um I was just constantly told that like being brave means you just have no fear at all but then I was like, no, actually, being brave means doing what you believe in, even when you are scared.

1:06:45Like this fear that I have now, this anxiousness, this anxiety that, you know, like, yes, like, you know, I faced this trauma of the Taliban attack. I saw terrorism growing up and all of those things. Like, yes, those images, those flashbacks are there. And I know that I'm so lucky that I survived and I'm living in a comfortable place, but it's still there. And it's okay to have that fear because it's not that I'm scared for myself, but I'm actually scared for so many girls out there, even girls in Afghanistan right now. You carry that. Who still have to live under the Taliban rule, their extreme gender...

1:07:32Bias. And they, the Taliban have imposed like a system of gender apartheid. That's what Afghan women activists are calling it. So just to know that that's a very good name for it, isn't it? Because it's systemic. It's deliberate. Yeah. It is, you know, a system of segregation that is deliberate and it punishes women for daring to learn, work, step outside their homes, be in public spaces. So it's really heartbreaking. And like, you know, I really look up to the courage and resilience of Afghan women. And I know that they're scared and terrified, but I really look up to them. So, you know, when I was, you know, thinking back about the trauma that I had faced, I like, I just could think about other girls who, just like me, 11 years old, 12 years old, had gone through so much.

1:08:26But therapy really helped me think differently. and I was hoping that by sharing that story in this book, I can help a lot of people from my own community especially to know that it's okay. It's okay to ask for help, to get more professional help as well. Could I ask you something very quickly about that? Culturally then, is it harder in your community, do you think, for women to step forward and ask for help? I think it depends. I would frame it differently. I think it's the more professional, like psychiatrist help that is very difficult to get. To access. To access and also like the availability of it as well.

1:09:13And then the awareness about it as well. And I know that mental health is also like a very new conversation globally. Yes. It has only come up in the recent years. So I know it will take some time, but I think it's good to tell your story now and sooner because I hope that so many people will be able to relate to it. I loved what you said about your friend saying, you're not okay. Yeah. You need to go get some help. Yes. And be that friend. You know, if someone's watching and they know someone who's struggling, they might need that little push. Do you know, for like a long time, I had seen this like word like, you know, post-trauma and PTSD and all of these things.

1:10:04And I would always just feel like, ugh, like, yeah, like that was like, not me, not me. I was like, yeah, I wonder why people talk about it because I faced a trauma and I'm completely fine. Look, I'm strong, I'm focused and I'm happier. And, you know, the therapy sessions helped me find out that actually I had PTSD and I had flashbacks. And so it's just coming to an agreement, like it's coming to agreement with the fact that, you know, these things are happening in your life and you embrace them, you accept them, and then you, you know, you start to sort of live with them. So, of course, like I could never take my life back to what it was before, but just like finding strength in a new way is sort of the way forward.

1:11:02It's about living with it. Yes. Not against it. Exactly. Yeah. But when you left university, what did your life look like? What does your life look like for the last few years? And where are you at now? Well, immediately after I finished college, I graduated in a pandemic. So I was the class of 2020. And I hated it. I was like, I'm supposed to go and travel and explore things and get out of the house. why am I just like back to where I was? Why am I back in Birmingham with my family, with my siblings? And I just like was so desperate to get out of it. But, you know, we all were stuck in that pandemic time.

1:11:44But I, you know, I had found somebody in these college years who I really, really loved. Asar is this guy who I had just met. And he was tall and handsome and good looking and completely my type. And I was very scared of love. How did you actually meet? We met through friends. And it was just, you know, pure chance that we got to meet. And I thought he was funny and hilarious. And he was laughing at my jokes as well, which I loved. You are hilarious. And he used to work in cricket. So I was like, oh, he's a he's maybe be like a cricketer as well. Who knows? So I was like, that makes him even more sexy.

1:12:30And we became friends. We became friends. It was long distance. He was based in Pakistan, but we got to know each other over the years. He would visit in the summer and we would go for dinner and just like spend some time together. And I was like, there is that connection there. I am happier when I'm in his company. And we love so many things together. We love sports. And he's just like so cool. But I was also scared of marriage because I had seen growing up how girls have lost their future because they were forced into marriage. So it just could not like come to an agreement between these two things.

1:13:13Like, you know, like I want to live with this guy. That's something like I want. I can't imagine my life without him. But then I was like growing up, like, you know, I said that I will never get married because I was like, I hate marriage and everything. And like, it's just always more compromises and it's less, you know, like the opportunities get limited for women. So then eventually I came to this agreement that, yes, like, you know, he is an exceptional person. We both see marriage in the same way. You know, it's like when two people are aligned and it's a different thing. But, you know, my concerns about marriage have not gone anywhere.

1:13:49I think empowering women is important. Educating girls is very important. But I'm very lucky that I found the right person. How was it with your parents and your father when you met Asa?

1:14:06Initially, my parents were really worried. They were like, oh, my goodness, what's happening? My dad could immediately tell that, you know, there was like something, you know, like, because I introduced Asar to my family, like, early on. And as a friend, as a friend. And even like, at the time, I did not know if I had feelings. But my dad was suspicious. And I'm like, I know. It was like, hang on a minute. I know. And I was just more worried about my mom because even though Asar is from Pakistan and my family is also from Pakistan, we speak different languages. So our mother tongue is different.

1:14:52Asar's family speaks Punjabi and Urdu language. And my family speaks Pashto language, especially my mom. She struggles with Urdu a lot. So my mom was like, no, this guy, you know, how am I going to communicate with him? He doesn't speak our language and all of that. But I was like, mom, like, I'm getting married, not you. So, and then my mom became friends with him as well. And my mom, I think Asur knows how to impress everyone. So he knew that my mom loves shopping. So whenever my mom is wearing like, you know, a dress and she's like, who's, you know, who's going to be the first one to talk about it and, you know, our shoes or something.

1:15:35So us is like wow you know you're looking gorgeous and then my mom is so happy yeah but every day they love him he's like their favorite person yeah they're always in like as you got closer to the marriage time like I remember like one time my dad just sat him down and said are you sure you want to marry my daughter because you know it's like it's it's not an easy task and I'm Like, Dad. I know. Dad. Yeah, yeah. They're like, you know, she can be a lot. She's a handful. It's kind of true. I was going to say they weren't wrong. They weren't wrong. It's a lot. They weren't wrong. I think this was something that I found quite interesting because I always think about famous women.

1:16:22Any famous woman, it is incredibly hard for a man to date a celebrity. because you have to be really confident. Not just a celebrity. In yourself. Any accomplished woman. Any accomplished woman. And a high achieving woman. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, simply like that woman knows her value and her worth. Yes. Yes. Because you've got to be super confident in yourself. Yes. And not feel intimidated by that. Yes. Yeah. And I think my parents' marriage was actually... A great blueprint. Yes. For you. Because I saw, like I talk about my dad being an amazing dad. That's true. But I also saw my dad being an amazing husband.

1:17:07Yes. And we always learn from what they do, not just what they say. Yes. And I knew that, you know, like no matter what, but, you know, like the husband has to, you know, be respectful and kind and loving and caring. and they need to make your life better and in no way any harder and more difficult and frustrating. And bring out the best in you. And like the way he has just like loved my mom and appreciated her. And he's just like so impressed by her wisdom and everything. Like he just always is like, she's so wise. And I'm like, okay. And like, it's like very uncommon, like to hear it from like their generation.

1:17:52So I was like, my expectation was - I think it's uncommon to hear it from this generation. It's uncommon. You talking about the way that your father appreciates your mother and respects her is such a beautiful and powerful message. Yeah. And I can see. So the fathers also have to be good husbands, I think. I mean, this is so important. Any man, as an example to other men, needs to be a good husband. Yes. And it will bring out the best in their wife. Yeah. You know? Yes. But I look at your face when you talk about Asa. I know. And I can see how you feel. Yeah. You know, we really enjoy our time together.

1:18:39He's funny. He's really entertaining. He has actually introduced me to so many things in life now that I just never thought I would be doing. Like, you know, three, four years ago, if you had asked me what my favorite activity was, I would have just said sitting. Honestly, sitting. I just I want to relax and sit and not move around. Well, you had a pretty hectic life. Yeah. Yeah. But he's the guy who's always standing and walking around and he's always finding like something to do. So he has introduced me to like pickleball and paddle tennis now and skiing. I could not imagine myself skiing. It's hard, but I'm like learning now and golf and I'm taking cricket lessons sometimes.

1:19:20It's just like random, but I'm like, I just love it. And I go to the gym now and I'm like running. I mean, I couldn't even walk. I'm running now. I know. And weightlifting. Oh, great. I do weightlifting. I have like, you know, good muscles now, bicep, triceps, quads, whatever, all of those things. And I love it. I love it when I lift heavier weights, heavier than him sometimes when it's leg day. and I'm you know he has to like then sort of you know hear me chat about now I'm doing so well and I'm doing better than you but he can tolerate me it's fine but yeah he has really changed my life yeah I mean I can see he brings out the best in you and I can see you like yourself with him Yes, that's so important.

1:20:12Which is a great example of love. And I would say to my kids, do you like who you are with this person? Yeah. That's the most important. Love that. And you do. Yes. So when you look back at your life, I guess I have two questions. Okay. One is, any regrets? I don't look back. I honestly don't. It's not that I don't have any regrets. I'm sure there's a long list, but I feel like I have just more time to think about regrets in life. I call it lessons. I call it takeaways. And I try to move on quickly because time is so precious and you have to live more in the moment and think about how you can do better the next day.

1:21:07So I try to look forward for me like if I think about my priorities going ahead it's it's always about how can we make this world a better place for the next generation of girls and my goal is to help them get access to education help them get access to sports opportunities I want to see things change for Afghan girls I don't want them to live under the Taliban rule where they don't have the right to go to school I'm like I'm dreaming of the day when they can re-enter their classrooms but I'm like yeah, we'll keep doing our best to provide them education through these alternative platforms now like underground schools and secret schools and radio programs.

1:21:47But more than anything, when I think about the resilience and bravery of these girls from all around the world, from Pakistan to Nigeria to Afghanistan to Brazil, and how committed they are to accessing education, they fight for it and they are finding their their way to a better future so I'm like I'm just I'm just here as an ally and I will do all I can to make sure that you know you have access to every opportunity and you can choose your own future and I do feel like it is our duty every single woman in the world to amplify your message because we owe it to other women and I do feel like women have an allyship with each other that is natural and real that we can empathize with every woman in the world we understand and we we owe it to each other to look out for each other um so you know my message is read read your books like amplify your message don't forget remember what people are going through but I quickly just want to talk about your foundation as well yes of course yeah um because when did you start the Milana Foundation how old were you I think it was when I was like 15.

1:23:14This is like, this is so, such a huge thing to create. But you were talking about accessing with underground schools and education, but the Malala Foundation is a lot to do with that, isn't it? Can you tell us exactly what you do and how people can support it? Yeah, so, you know, I started this foundation with the mission to ensure that every girl can have access to education. and through this organization, I give grants to local education activists who, just like me and my father, are working on the ground to help girls get into schools. They are working on policy changes. They're working in the most deprived and marginalized communities.

1:23:53They're working in the difficult parts of the countries, from Balochistan and Pakistan to the north of Nigeria, to helping the Afro-Brazilian communities and the indigenous communities in Brazil, and they are like helping girls in Afghanistan to keep learning and they're advocating for their rights. So these activists are incredible people who themselves like, you know, have been girls who were facing struggles in access to education. So a lot of them are girls and young women themselves who are the activists. And so far we have supported more than 400 organizations and like reached 26 million girls.

1:24:32And now like my goal is that we keep expanding this work. And then there's like one project that I love talking about that I have supported through Manala Fund. And that is a school in my parents' village up in the north of Pakistan. It's in the mountains. And there was no high school at the time when we started. Yes, I remember reading about this. And when I won the Nobel Peace Prize, it came with a cash prize. So I said, I'm going to donate all of this money to start a school. And since then, I have been doing all of this fundraising to support the building of this school. And we launched it around 2018.

1:25:12And the first class of girls graduated last year. It was like the first group of girls who were graduating from the 12th grade, year 13. and I met them. I met them in person last year. I went to Pakistan. And this is something I talk about in the last chapter of this book. Like that chapter is so close to me because the book begins with my journey of joining college, you know, making it into Oxford. And then by the end of this book, I am sitting with these girls who are about to join college. And, you know, I'm like, I'm talking to them about what their dreams are and, you know, what they're hoping for themselves and they're like talking about the amazing things they have received at the school from sports facilities to mental health support to counseling.

1:26:01And I was so happy. I was like, a school in like the mountains of the, you know, of Pakistan, and they're getting like mental health support. It's like, you know, the best sort of state of the art school there, which is like incredible. And then, you know, I just wanted the girls to know that it's okay, it's okay not to have all the answers right now. And I want you to have a fun time as well in college. You know, I don't want you to face any pressure or like, don't feel like you have to just meet some expectations. Like you can set your own rules. And I know that you have an amazing journey ahead, but I just wanted to like sort of tell them that I know what college life can be like.

1:26:41And I just want you to know that you're not alone and it's going to be okay. That's such a strong message. and honestly all of those girls that you help around the world will want naturally to want to go and help other girls and it will just keep growing you know you are changing the world and not many people can say that you are doing that we would we would all like to help you so thank you thank you so much thank you thank you for talking to us today I just want to just reiterate this book is out on paperback I think next week so after this goes out we'll be coming out next week in paperback but actually I would say buy it in a hardback it's very nice the cover is very nice the colours are absolutely this is your colour and you can see the mountains in the background that's my home it's absolutely beautiful but I would just like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this interview today and your honesty and your courage.

1:27:49Thank you. And I just admire and respect you so much. Thank you. And I think a lot of people that are watching and listening will get so much from this. So we are so grateful for you coming on Begin Again. Thank you. Yeah. Round of applause for Mahana, please. So wonderful meeting you as well. Thank you. So just in case you missed this episode here, if you love this episode, I know you're going to love that.

1:28:45We'll see you next time. at ProLawnLife.com slash now.