Shaolin Master: The Hidden Mental Trap You Fall Into Daily! Why You’re Always in Fight or Flight

36:57But this is exactly it. What would the majority of the people nowadays do? It feels unfair. Get angry. Get angry and boom, express out the same way. Yeah, but you have seen it. Everybody has done it. It is never the solution. It never was. It never will be. So what is the way? There was a something. I love this. There was a story in the book and you were talking about this kind of situation where it's like, oh, and you were trying to explain to somebody, one of your students something. and when you have to explain it a lot and you feel a flash of like, oh, why aren't they getting it? And then you think, no, that's on me.

37:43Like I need to think to myself, what is it about me that is making me feel like this?

37:57And I think it's good because I didn't know this already, but I just like the way you explain it, that the only thing you can do is change yourself. The power that you have is to change yourself. You can't change your student. And maybe it's something that we're doing that's not explaining it well enough. Like maybe I need to reword it. Maybe I haven't found the way to communicate to this person. And how instantly that relieves you of this kind of feeling of... I mean, this is also the reason why ever since the way to self-mastery. It is about right now finding ways and taking the responsibility back into your own hands.

38:41And this approach of everybody in this world is responsible for my misery is not working. No. It's not working. And at some point when you don't stop with this, I do think you are on the wrong path. But in the moment where you really start reflecting, okay, I'm in this current situation. right now is there a possibility that maybe it's really my doing it has been my decisions it has been my behavior it has been my way of how i lived the past that i'm here of course also including some circumstances maybe but still there is your part also that led you to the situation where you are right now. So if you don't see life as this, then the main question is, okay, so you ended up where you are unhappy right now, but you say you didn't do it.

39:39So who you want to blame right now? And what does it ultimately mean? It means that the last 40 years, who was running your life then? And the point is self-mastery means we are all students. Yes. but there is the hope, there is the faith, there is the possibility that there is something residing inside of you that you can bring out, that master. And yeah, this is what I would like to encourage more and more people to understand that you don't need to travel the world and look for somebody above there and worship them, you should in a way bring out your own best version or the master. I am just thinking about people who have struggled or had great traumas in their life

40:41and, you know, trying to begin again after, I don't know, something awful they've or they've been a victim of something

40:55and they're trying to find a way through and how can they master that? Because, you know, then at some point some people would say, well, this thing happened to me. How can I take responsibility for that? So... I break it down a little bit. The only reason to change anything about our life actually would be if that change that we are looking for is ultimately resulting in the fact that we're going to feel better. We usually wouldn't go for any type of change knowing it's going to make us feel worse than where we are right now. So the whole idea is changing for the better. So now the question, where you are finding yourself right now, you say you want to change to the better.

41:55It expresses to me as you need to become light, you need to become free, and you need to liberate from the things that are holding you down. So first question right now is, what is it that is weighing down on you? And if it is what happened to you in the past, well you need to solve it whether you take responsibility for it or not the fact is there is something it's still weighing down on you and it needs to be solved and this is the way why sometimes we say in order to become light sometimes we need to look very very deep where it looks dark where the light hasn't been placed upon yet inside of yourself.

42:50So meaning also all the areas that people, everybody does it, hides from the public. On the one side, you know exactly what you share with the public, but you know exactly what you don't want to share with the public. And going even deeper, there is even something where you yourself maybe don't even want to go there anymore. Because you know it's going to crash the own view that you have upon yourself until now. But this is the only way in order to make everything that is dark and heavy inside of you to start becoming light. Yeah. You need to shine the light where it hasn't been before. So can you do this?

43:44Yes. Without staying humble, you can't. If you think you're the best already, you won't do this. You are still nourishing the illusion. And you are pretending and not wanting to actually look into what is it you really went through this lifetime. Only when you start to see the whole complex and everything, the light and the dark, the heavy, when you see all, everything that brought you here. Now, with that roadmap, you see where you come from. You see what is it that has shaped you. You can see how did all of these circumstances, situations, what was the consequence you still carry until the way of how you take decisions nowadays.

44:42Why are there certain words? Why are there certain topics that when somebody starts to even mention that word, something inside of you starts to pop up? all of this is there are processes which are still running our life whether they are unconscious or somewhere happening in the subconscious they are not conscious but they are there there are patterns, there are cycles there are repetitive things that keep popping up in your life and it's the question if you at some point want to break out of the cycle And this can only be done in the moment where you start to learn and understand what is it to live a life more aware and more based on being conscious about what you do and removing everything from these unconscious layers.

45:43Yes, and it's a journey. It certainly is. I am I'm also thinking a bit about the type of listeners that we have or viewers that we have to the podcast and there was something in your book that I loved I often feel like people have several different lives

46:11in them you know several different turnings sliding doors moment where they choose a path and it's about listening you know like what what am i i know where i need to go i just got to hear it like and i loved what you said about there are two mistakes not starting and not finishing can you talk talk a bit through that because so many people are thinking maybe a different career, maybe starting a business, maybe, you know, maybe thinking, should I have another baby? Like it's a, life is a series of enormous decisions. That quote, with the two mistakes along the way to truth, the understanding will change throughout your journey, really depending on how profound is your view upon your life and the life around you?

47:17How profound are you living this type of life? And so it really means it changes from person to person. I can't tell to somebody this is what it means for you. Right. Because the decision that you're thinking about is going to be different with everybody. Sometimes it'll be really deep. Exactly. That's why I do leave, that's why I like this quote so much. It's great, isn't it? So it's up to you to put in your thoughts. What does it mean to you? I think sometimes it's possible in life. I don't feel like this, but I think it's possible for people to feel like they've had such a mad life that there's no way back for them.

47:59But I don't think that's true of anyone. Do you? Like everyone can change or everyone has it in them to find themselves. What is sure is that everybody has always been given the possibilities to change something. The other truth is, at some point when you're oblivious about things and you just really don't want to see, you can't see it, then the signs sometimes become bigger. Yes. Yeah. And then at some point it could even happen that something is going to occur which will make you change. If you want or not, it is going to make you change. You have no choice. You will have no choice anymore. You had the choices before, but you didn't use them.

48:56And this is why sometimes I talk about this ability to really listen a little bit carefully. Sometimes it is like this. We take the most recent example, like before a burnout happens, your body told you way before that. Something is not okay. What are the signs, do you think, that people ignore before a burnout happens? Because there must be so many people living on the edge of a burnout. Well, you're doing similar things that at some point maybe a robot could do. the whole life, the whole daily structure starts to follow patterns. There is no freedom anymore. It is a pattern. You are being driven.

49:41You are a part of a wheel, a part of a system, just a small one. But there's no chance for you to sometimes just get out and do something beyond that. So the longer you feel trapped inside the system and just are functioning. You're just functioning. You're living a functional life. But when you're out there walking in the garden or walking in the forest, there is nothing that the forest and the nature needs from you. You don't need to function when you walk through the forest. The only thing you need to do is realize that's what it is. Welcome to existence. there is nothing to add to this there is nothing to change about this it is just about the realization that is it and the less of this type of moments you have in your life and the more you like functioning I would say these are the indications you're being driven how important is nature?

50:55well without it we for sure wouldn't be here but like my definition or right now the understanding of the nature was really on a vast scale the nature of things is simply everything in a way for me but if you talk about the nature in terms of the earth like the flora and fauna this one also same

51:23I always think if I'm ever feeling not good in any way I just have to get outside you know I just have to go and feel the air on my face do a little walk separate myself from something come back I'm really interested because I hear a lot in what you're saying and from reading about values and what are the important values in life. And I think one of the first ones that you learned was consistency. But what would you say are the other helpful values for us to hold on to? It's almost like a kind of commandments type thing. Sometimes in this book, for example, I mentioned like different 14 virtues.

52:13Try to just be a good human. be a good human or if you like to play this visual game we look into the world and there's so many things to complain about there's so much like to complain what goes wrong and how should somebody behave and how should humanity be what would be your ideal representation on a human being on this earth if you had the chance to create that human How would that be? And then slowly you really start to do your own research and start to understand which is the most harmonious way to create what you feel like can be created. And if this is the type of foundation where you start to feel that in a way we are all connected, when you don't view yourself as an individual who is fighting against the rest of the 8 billion people.

53:16In the moment this happens, when the connection is being established, decisions will be different, the way of how you think will be different and ultimately, hopefully, translating into some positive impact for the next generation, the next one. You talk in the book about, you know, that we can change how we think. We're not stuck somewhere. We have the power in ourselves to change thought patterns, thought processes or an outlook on life or a view. But it doesn't just come. You have to put the work in and it's got to be consistent. and that all sounds so lovely and achievable, like it is something that we can all do.

54:10But how, I'm often hearing about like neural pathways and changing ideas, but how long do you think it takes to change? I mean, you've also said that nobody changes if they don't have to because change hurts or it not hurts, it takes work. But how long before we can feel change? Feelable, visible change with the proper practices easily in 21 days. Great. Yeah, very easy. I mean, that sounds perfect because I think that's a short enough time for people with very bad attention deficit that we all seem to have. But 21 days also meaning 21 days of no excuse schedule something that you stick to. It doesn't mean 21 days and within 21 days like only on the weekend.

55:10Yeah. No. I mean, this is a very simple thing. It can be 15 squats in the morning and 15 or 10 push-ups also. And then you start now every morning 8 o 'clock until 8.15. This is what you do. It is a super easy task. No, it sounds like an easy task. But you will realize sometimes you wake up even if you know it's doable, but still the mind starts to drift away and finds excuses why it's better to not do it now at 8. You will do it later when you come home. No, you won't. the simple fact of really how disciplined can you be with such a simple thing. 15 squats and 15 push-ups for the next 21 days.

56:03At least prove this to yourself that you can do it. It's a very simple one. And then now we talk about physicality, which is already a good part. and then another 21 day cycle of 21 days of consciously spending 10 minutes only trying to improve your breath 10 minutes 21 days and at some point and this is what happens to many martial art practitioners or people who get along this way they actually realize actually all of these things make me feel better better i slowly feel the improvement coming but not just that the improvements in different areas start to come you also simply start to understand that it is consistency and that willingness of what you want in your life you need to maintain it you can't let it slip and you can't like live an emotionally based life that even though you place a plan that you throw that plan away just because you don't feel like it today so and so using the physical training in order to use it as a bridge for your own individual and personal development of building yourself up again.

57:36This is what the power of all of this is. It builds self-esteem really, doesn't it? Doing something and sticking to it, or saying you're going to do something and sticking to it has such power. And equally saying you're going to do something and not sticking to it has an equal negative effect really on us and how we feel about ourselves. I read some testimonials in your book of people whose lives have been changed. What I really enjoyed actually was that there was a woman, I think she was 57, she was talking about what happened to her and there were another couple of people in their 50s and I thought, wow, this is amazing because that is like beginning again, getting the opportunity later in life when you have experienced so much that I feel much more ready to follow a spiritual path now than I ever have been in my life.

58:33I'm 57, like I'm ready. I'm open. And is it possible to go to your temple in Europe and go and just go, like how does it work? How long can you go for or how long can you visit for? Or can you just go for like two or three weeks and just, yeah. The easiest and first step without getting too overwhelmed, let's say, is like this. Every year, let's say, for example, in 2026, around September, October this year, we always prepare like a calendar, a schedule where you actually see in which week or which weekend also in 2026. do we have any possibilities for guests to join? So you just look at the calendar, you choose where you maybe have holiday or where you are free.

59:27It's either it's a Monday to Saturday, six days or sometimes the weekend event. You just choose, you contact the monastery, the temple and then you can see how it is to live three days or six days there. Yes. There are strict rules, of course. What are those? I mean, rules like you try to keep your mobile phones and all electronics off. Yeah. We eat together. It is vegetarian food. And like all the training times and everything that's offered, actually, in a way, I would say it's mandatory. Tori. The thing I like, the sound of that as somebody who is a bit overwhelmed sometimes by just life is, you won't have heard of this, but there was a series called Fleabag on television and it was about this woman who was a bit kind of mad and she was a bit, she was kind of struggling with life you know daily life it was a drama so it wasn't it wasn't real but at one point she goes just tell me what to do and in a funny kind of way this is the dream isn't it I'm trying to make all these decisions life is so complicated oh god somebody just tell me what to do and there's a lovely um kind of daily routine that feels like at the temple where you know what to do all day which is quite a relief because in a way it's very relaxing, right?

1:01:04This is exactly that first realization that you are finding yourself this time in a community where you are contributing very clearly for a community. So there is not in a way a way of self-expression there. Self-expression is what we try most of the times our whole life. but there is a different way of life. There is a way of life where you finally also, you do something, you invest your lifetime but you are not necessarily the one who is going to benefit solely from the energy that you invested. You are doing something for the greater good and this is also in the traditional teachings and sharings, it is one way of really, it's a practice from time to time practice how is it to invest your lifetime and bring benefit to someone something some beings some organization where where it's not you yes yeah just as a real balance of give something back to the world yes and similar this whole idea it's also rooted like in buddhist traditions and this is the reason why you find elements of this.

1:02:24Also then when you go to the temple community in Germany. I mean, it sounds like, and especially from the people that have spoken about it, it can be a life-changing experience, even in a week. And I often hear people who get to the tipping point in life where you start thinking about the end of life and you're thinking purpose. You really, I mean, it's a joy, I think, if you can find purpose young. But for many people, it comes after they've lived and had some life experience and then they think, what is my purpose? Lots of people find it organically. But it sounds like quite a good place to really change the way you perceive the world and yourself in it.

1:03:22do people come back? Do people go and then come back every year? Is that something they do or do some people just come once? We do have, let's say, guests or visitors that meanwhile have become really friends with the whole idea. Yes. But at the end, it's really just about it's just opening, first of all, a perspective. there is an alternative to look upon this world there are just different ways to look upon this world you don't have to view it ultimately also like this but for three days six days try yes just try if you don't like it afterwards and you return back home you keep the way of how you lived before the only thing i'm telling you is there are other perspectives to look at exactly the same thing and once this possibility starts to open to you and you return back home it can happen that something about the perspective you understood there you suddenly take it home to wherever you found yourself you live exactly the same life you do exactly the same things but something is still different because you suddenly start to see different elements, different layers of where you have been there all the time.

1:04:46Yeah. And this is exactly like what all of this is about. Sometimes in this world is driven so much in terms of there's always something to attain. You need to travel somewhere to get something. Yes. You need to do something to get something. but a nice and very very comfortable for me at least this tradition has never been about getting something or achieving something it's about learning what is it that since we entered this world started trapping and covering us up so that we don't see what we have been there all the time. So it is not about you come to me and I give you something. I don't give you anything.

1:05:42It is about I try to give you a perspective for you to let go of something where I might think this is what you don't see but is here. I mean letting go for me has been the hardest journey of my life. I think I attribute holding on when I was younger to feeling safe. It made me feel safe. I just held on to everything. It's like that. And learning to peel each finger off somewhere and just go, I don't know what's going to happen, but I welcome whatever outcome comes my way i think for so many people is terrifying is that something that you you work on well i do think that letting go is not just the most difficult challenge like for you this is the challenge yes this is literally the challenge yeah because you can right now already start living a way of life where in a way if something comes you appreciate it you make use of it you enjoy it but once it leaves you try not to get attached to it yeah you don't get attached to it anymore at the same time it means you can live a life and start collecting you're collecting something in the wish that yeah in the wish of what the fact is yeah mention it also we come with nothing we go with nothing yes yes i love that and then at the same time that also means the more you are living your life right now in the mindset of getting, getting, getting, building up, attaining, attaining, collecting, there will come the time, like I said before, you had the chance already to re-correct the way of your lifestyle.

1:07:57But ultimately, it will come that this universe is going to re-correct your mind. Yes. And this, saying it like precisely it is, when the day comes and the body falls away, And you're passing away together with everything you thought you could keep. Yes. It's also going to go away. And now, let's say, I would call it a fact, but it might be also just an idea. Just as we don't only transmit biological or physical information, we also transmit information, mental, emotional transformation. When your body passes away and you still had the mindset of collecting, collecting, collecting, collecting, you will still be faced right now in that moment.

1:08:51It just is gone. You have just lost everything. Yeah. So, and I could imagine that this is a quite terrifying and very unpleasant state of mind, state of spirit that you would find yourself in, a confused spirit. Lost. Lost. Why? Because you just lost everything. Everything, yeah. This is why along the lifetime now already, if you work on your spirit, if you work on your way of life, knowing, okay, at the moment I have the possibility to afford something that for many years I actually like to do. Okay. I will do it. But at the same time, I also know I won't take it with me. Yes. I enjoy it right now.

1:09:46but I know already I won't take it with me so the relationship the foundation of why did you chose this became a way more conscious decision than just like running after something and the foundation of why you did it is just something not aligned and this is the whole thing where people also sometimes misunderstand thinking that I live in the forest and like possess in a way nothing and am very simple. My life is very simple because every decision that I take is a conscious one. Yes. I don't want to have like confusion in my life. Yes. But it doesn't mean that you cannot but make use of the beauties and the possibilities of everything this life offers you.

1:10:42And I think another huge area of control for so many people is trying to control people and outcomes and manipulating and all of those kind of behaviors. And that's also exhausting.

1:11:04well to to make it short i agree with you that it's really exhausting but this universe has ways and this type of behavior is not sustainable no the main part is for the ones that feel like being manipulated that feel like being that your life is being run by somebody else something else But this is exactly the reason why that whole thing, again, you need to, no, you don't need to, but I would suggest you invest some time in starting to really discover what do these ancient traditions, what does partially modern science, what do they say is the essence of what you're supposed to do in this lifetime?

1:11:54Find out who or what you are. This is number one. Because if this is already the wrong perception, you are simply going to identify yourself with something that in essence you are not. Trapped in an illusion and trapped in the cycle of suffering. This is what it's called. This is how it is expressed. Thank you. I just want to, I'm going to, I'm going to end it there and just say I'm coming. I'm booking in thank you for everything thank you for bringing the message thank you very much for this invitation and yes it was an honour thank you at this point I would normally hug the person sitting opposite me but I won't make you endure that it's too long it's embarrassing it's you know but out of respect I just wanted to say thank you so much

1:12:59Thank you.