The Happiness Expert: It’s Not Too Late To ReInvent Yourself, 5 Steps To A Better Life! With Robin Sharma

39:55And then this poet goes on to say, I believe that in the void is really the only time that we're truly alive. And in the void is when we have that faith walk, where we get to know who we truly are, and we really figure out what's most important. And so I think life is a series of trapeze bars. And I think we have a choice. We can be victims and live our lives in the safe harbor of the known. Or we can say, hmm, instinct is telling me I need to leave this relationship. Instinct is telling me I need to fix this relationship. Instinct is telling me I need to move to Bali. Instinct is telling me I need to write the screenplay, run the marathon, climb the mountain.

40:48and so when we leave the safe harbor of the known and we go out into the blue ocean of possibility it's more dangerous and we face more risks but i believe that's what life is all about no i was thinking about then um sorry i mean they have to put tissues by my chair like this is ridiculous robin what has happened to me it's like all my feelings are on the outside of my skin. I mean, I kind of like it. Like I like what I was thinking there was this. I had such a real strong feeling when you said let go and you're in the void of joy. Is that weird? Like the letting go into the unknown takes again, such enormous courage and it's so difficult to do, but the joy that you must feel when you do that and you don't know what's coming but you have faith that it's going to be okay but I was thinking it really made me think of my kids I don't know about your your son and daughter but there comes a point yours are a bit older I know now how old were you when you had kids uh around 30 okay me too I was a bit older I was a little older but I'm just letting go of my kids now and it's it's interesting it's quite hard go make your own mistakes I'm here if you need me you know what I mean sure and I think I think that's another job of a parent which is rather than it's very easy out of protection to control the child but I think our our job as parents and this is my my humble opinion but it's to let them make their mistakes and let them trust their instincts and let them think for themselves and become independent, kind, generous, loving people.

42:41And if I may, I just want to say about what you're saying, how deeply you feel right now, what an incredible gift the universe has given to you. Like in this world where so many of us are numbed out, we're digital addicts. Too many of us are just, you know, whatever. We're running away from what is for whatever reason. Maybe it's some kind of a blessing i believe it is it feels a bit like that well you're you're you're just you're just hyper alive like i think i think i think you you know you're in a state that everyone wants to be in in many ways so i mean i think also with with um

43:30I think my brain was affected by the tumour and I didn't I didn't think I was symptomatic and I think that I was so I just I'm thinking a lot and I'm loving that again you know I feel like I'm back and um so like talking to you you keep saying things I'm like oh it's like I've never heard anything before it's like being I feel like I've been I feel like I've begun again like I've been reborn and everything I'm hearing like you talking I'm I'm like at the beginning of this podcast I'm going to tell everybody to go and get a notebook and a pen and you're going to be stopping rewinding stopping rewinding this is like life gold so thank you you're just I'm having the best time ever I just want to say an honor I think the other thing that's interesting and I know we don't want to talk about what not to do really because this is um the wrong mindset to have it's almost like putting the thought into your head you don't really want to plant the wrong thoughts in your head it's like think the right thoughts to go down the right path but equally as a parent if you are trying to control your child in a way the disservice that they're doing let's just talk about your dad for a moment who was such an amazingly positive influence on your life and him and his self-help books and how that shaped you as a person but a parent that's very controlling around their child or stopping them from doing things doesn't allow their child to learn or make mistakes how can you know have you got a blueprint to be the best possible parent i don't have a blueprint but i think um you know what love takes many forms and i believe love is letting is setting boundaries and, you know, mentoring your kids by offering them great ideas and giving them great experiences.

45:43I learned this from Jackie Kennedy. She said, you know, I'm not just a parent of my children, I'm a developer of my children. And based on her lead, when my kids were, you know, I was a single father and my kids were two and four and we went to this shop and bought backpacks and we traveled together through Europe. and I took them to the Louvre to see the Mona Lisa, you know, two and four, these two, you know, and they were like, oh, daddy, it's so small, you know, and then we did some overnight train trips and then I took them to here to London, I took them to Rome. And so I think it's important that we develop children.

46:21I love traveling with kids and people say, well, my kids are too young. You're planting seeds. So I would say expose kids to great art, expose kids to great music, expose kids to great experiences. I think of Joseph P. Kennedy, the patriarch of the Kennedy family. When the Kennedy kids were just kids, when someone interesting would come to dinner, the kids were expected to be at the table and participate in the conversation. I think it's very easy to say, okay, this interesting guest is over for dinner. Kids go watch TV or play with your devices, which brings me to another thing. This is just my opinion.

47:02But the time with, you have a little window of opportunity with family and especially kids. And when it closes, it's hard to open it up again. I do see, not judging, just reporting, but a lot of families, let's say in restaurants, and everyone's on their digital device. And I just think, you know, you'll never get that time again with the kids. Once in a while, I think. But if it's a daily practice where you're so exhausted that you're just saying, here's the iPad or here's the digital device, I don't know if it's the greatest way to raise kids. And then also part of a blueprint maybe is I think you just do have to show tough love and set clear boundaries and, you know, not be liked.

47:45I think if all you're trying to do is be liked by your kids, you're doing your kids a disservice. And even in our other relationships, I think we get into huge dangers just by wanting to be liked by everyone. I think leadership and living a high functioning human life is not about being liked. It's about doing what you think is right. it's interesting you talk about lots of things um that are helpful in life and one of them is adventure um and I was always I don't I think because I was never really taken on any adventures I've been nervous about doing that with my children I mean I guess I do adventures of different kinds I love clubbing and music so I've taken all my kids clubbing when they turn 18 that's pretty cool so it's like a different i guess but i'm not i wish i could go back and do it all again and i suppose this is a very brilliant thing to tell young parents now you don't get this opportunity again i can't go back and reparent my kids and what i know now you know i can't wait to have grandkids i'm gonna be a great grandma um are you a granddad not yet oh it's gonna be my god can you imagine having robin sharma is your granddad god it's a scary thought it's gonna be amazeballs gosh it's gonna be so yeah but we're gonna be so cool i think you just aged me in five what we're the same and we're the same age like don't like virtually like so close like oh that's okay let's get on to that how do you look like you look well so um i am a card carrying member of the 5am club i've been doing that for many years and and i don't i don't i'm gonna quickly just hold this here because it i mean it's a lot to go into but i hope you'll just give us a little premise of the book sure but this is a game changer i've got to say to me personally 5 a.m i've got a boyfriend that likes going to bed at midnight we've got to change that somehow we've got to go early we've got to get to bed earlier but this is the wins that you get from this changing your life in such a small way really is amazing thank you yeah thank you so i i think um a great morning routine is absolutely helpful and i like getting up at 5 a.m or even 4 a.m and for the past year and a half or so i've been getting up around four and then i'll do 45 minutes of mvp meditation visualization and prayer we can get into what it looks like i'm happy to share how i pray i would really like you want me to get into it okay so i just don't want to go too detailed for but if you want me to get into it's a pleasure can i say i think that possibly that part of your day i haven't read about it a bit is um the most important it's the start it's setting up your intention for the day and actually how you do it we would love to know sure please so the the macro principle is the way you begin your day sets the entire tone for your day.

50:54So start it in the most positive way. The Spartan warriors say, sweat more in training and you'll bleed less in war. So this is a training period. So you have a great day. So four to 4.45, I get up and I lay in bed and I open the window and I get this fresh air coming in and I MVP, meditation. The M is for meditation. My meditation is I might do some body scans and notice oh there's some there's there's fear in my solar plexus let me work through it just by acknowledging it and and befriending it versus resisting it to heal a wound to heal an emotion we need to feel an emotion my meditation oh wait that's interesting so if you're feeling fear yes you know because sometimes you can say oh don't like don't feel that it's fine you kind of like try and change it by ignoring it but actually you're saying feel it well carl jung one of the most eminent psychologists talked about the shadow side the shadow side is the part of us that we don't know we have but that runs our days it's the subconscious trauma and wounding how does our shadow side build how does it how does it occur it's because we experience things during our days maybe it's hurt anger frustration disappointment and we swallow it because our society says don't feel it but little kids before they're trained to be adults little kids go they start to cry i i feel really sad i didn't get invited to that birthday party or i'm not i'm angry with you you didn't buy you didn't buy that toy and they let it out and then three minutes later they're off they're done riding their little bicycle down the street hadn't thought about that so so if we don't feel, we build up what I've called in my work, a field of hurt.

52:46And we carry that with us through life. And that's what's really driving our thinking and it's driving our behaviors, but we blame it on the world. So meditation, sometimes I just go into the body and I just feel whatever emotions there are and I befriend them versus judge them as wrong. Shame is not wrong. Disappointment is not wrong. Anger is not wrong. Sadness is not wrong. Jealousy is not wrong. It's called being human. But we live in a world that says, be happy, happy, happy. And if you, if you're not happy, there's something wrong with you. No. So meditation, I'll do that. Sometimes meditation, I'll focus on a mantra, which is a word.

53:28How do you choose your mantra? I just, whatever intuitively like it's you know today is going to be a great day or it could be something just appreciating the progress you're making and then i get to v the v the mvp the v is visualization so i'll spend maybe another 20 minutes laying in bed seeing myself inhabiting the project if i'm working on a new book i'll i'll actually when i wrote the wealth money can't buy i actually imagine last year that was last year and i based on the eight forms of wealth model i've been teaching for about 20 plus years to my clients with great results and can i just quickly say as well i really love that one because it's not about money it's it's about it's about personal wealth in other ways and and our society teaches us that money is wealth and if we don't have a lot of money we're not wealthy that book is the other seven forms of wealth and once you know them you go wow i'm living a much richer life and so uh the the visualization i i imagined readers reading the book and getting light lit up or i might imagine myself at the next level of fitness i want to be at but visualization is extraordinarily important just ask any great athlete and then i I get to the PFMVP, which is prayer.

54:50And whether you're religious or not, prayer is scientifically proven to reduce inflammation, increase immunity, grow hope, reduce negativity, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And when I pray, I pray for, if you want, I can share what I pray for. But prayer is very powerful. I would love you to share what you pray for. Sure. So it's very personal, but I pray for my elderly parents and their good health and their happiness. And then I pray for my partner, Elle, and all her happiness and success. And then I pray for Colby and Bianca, my two children, that they live their truest lives and find joy and stay healthy and are protected.

55:34And I pray for my larger family. Then I pray for my little dog, who I call Super Chum, because she is. and she's a six pound chorky who thinks she's about to change the world. This dog has confidence like I only could dream my head. She's a hilarious quirky little creature. She's amazing. Then I pray for my team. I'm here with Michal. You know, I've got a great team who, you know, helps me on this mission. Then I pray for my CRFs, my clients, my readers, and my followers because as success grows, it's easy to forget who keeps who puts food on your family table so each morning i just reconnect to the people i serve my clients my readers my followers then i pray for my neighbors in my little village and community where i live and i pray for the people in my country people in the world and then i believe well any astrophysicist will tell you we are on one planet in a galaxy of trillions of other galaxies so i pray for the universe at large so would you say that rather than a religious man you're a spiritual man I would yeah so you're not praying to a specific god of any specific religion so a little bit like we said at the beginning of this talk when I said um I'd seen this guy and he'd said um your grandfather wants you to know your prayers are being heard would you say that's kind of how you feel that like you are praying but that something the universe something is hearing you like it's going somewhere yes i believe there's huge power in words yes and that's why that's why i i think we live in a culture i'm not judging i'm just speaking what works for me but i think we live in a culture where we're very loose with our words they say i love those boots they're sick i love you you you did a great job on that podcast divina you killed it we have all these words and we use our words lightly and prayer i think is ever so powerful I believe every single prayer is heard, whether it comes to life on our timing or not.

57:57Each prayer is heard. I think even the words we speak in our self-dialogue is extraordinarily powerful because our daily behavior reflects our self-identity. Maybe I could repeat that again because I think it could be valuable. Our daily behavior reflects our self-identity. and if we want more money for example want better health want more love want more joy want greater peace it's not about the world changing it's about us changing and what do we need to change i believe it starts with the way that we see ourselves and our self-ide because if we and positive psychologists have have found this that we have a personal story and if your story is i can't launch an app that'll change the world if your story is i can't find true love if your story is I can't get really healthy because I'm not the kind of person who could be healthy, then you're not going to practice and do the work required to be healthy.

58:55And our words shape our self-identity. If we say, you know, I'm not really good at this. I hate this. Oh, I'm always so stupid. Oh, I always forget this. Oh, I'm never on time. Oh, I can't join the 5 a.m. club. Oh, I can't become a reader every night. It's all too hard. You know, it's easy for you, but I can't do this. well that will our words will actually create a self-identity and then here's the key our self-identity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy our self-identity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because we see ourselves as that kind of person who can't get things done so we don't take the action and then we'll never get the results do you know the person i always think of when i'm thinking about this or i'll talk to people when I say, don't say that about yourself.

59:44And they'll go, why? You know, if I hear a friend of mine saying, I wish I had the verbal ability. No, I don't. I could have the verbal ability that you have. I'm going to practice more. Thank you. That was quite good. Picked myself up there. But I always talk about Muhammad Ali. And because if somebody was to ask someone who doesn't know much about boxing who the greatest boxer was of all time I would always just go Muhammad Ali and then if somebody said to me why I go well I don't know because he because he told me because he told us I am the greatest I mean you know he he he basically told everybody that he was greatest and why he was great and how he was great I've never known anybody with such amazing self-belief as Muhammad Ali.

1:00:42Whenever I think about the absolute king of it, I think of him. And friends of mine were like, oh yeah. And I go, what makes him the greatest? I don't know. It's like none of us know, but it's, he told us. And I thought, God, that is powerful. That if you tell somebody, I used to, the most intimidating thing for me when I was younger was being around really smart people. I found I just lost my voice and I just couldn't speak because I thought I'm not worthy in these circles of really intelligent people. And I've talked myself out of that. And that's great. Like as you get older, you do start realizing that you have the power to change the way you perceive yourself.

1:01:28Again, let's go to some science. There's an American psychologist named James Flynn, and he talks about a fascinating term, and he calls it capitalization. And what he's found, for example, is the best boxers in the world are not the most naturally gifted. The best boxers in the world are those who capitalize on whatever talent they were born into. And so I think that's a really important point. Genius is less about genetics and more about your daily habits. Genius is about consistency. Now, I've got this program that just came out, The Deep Magic of Daily Consistency, that I've wanted to do for years because I think the golden thread of any human life, any success, any happiness, it's consistency.

1:02:18It's not what you do once a year. It's what you do every day. And so by building that consistency muscle, we get things done. But capitalization reminds us that it's not about being born into giftedness. It's about what you do each day, how much you practice, how much you're focused, et cetera, et cetera. And in order to live whatever potential we have, I think we do need to speak to ourselves in good ways. This idea of inner dialogue and what does it look like? It's just you start to pay more attention to how you talk to yourself when you talk to yourself. Most people talk to themselves in incredibly self-punishing ways.

1:03:02So the more aware, like even pulling out a journal, call it your self-dialogue notebook and start writing down. So you have a visual of how often you're saying, I can't do this. What if that doesn't work out? I'm not a good person. They don't like me. I can't be a possibilitarian. you're going to start to see it and with better awareness we start to make better choices with better choices we can make better results and it's as simple as then you become aware and you go i just caught myself saying can't i just caught myself saying i'm so stupid i just caught myself saying i'm not a morning person i just caught myself saying the world the world is negative person oh my god Robin I say that that's so funny okay so then we still let's get back journaling of course I'd love to okay because um this is I've got a barrier and I don't there's something it's something like I feel like writing maybe it's the modern technology thing the world of technology has got me out of the habit of writing I feel like writing is an artist but actually the visualization of seeing something that you have written or being able to go back or see how far you've come is so good but I've got to get into how often is journaling good like you you talk about it in the morning to set your intention for the day or like evenings feels like quite a good time to reflect do you do it twice a day like you can do it whenever you want okay Martin Seligman And the father of positive psychology has done an experiment where he had people do one simple thing.

1:04:45Before they went to sleep, they pulled out a journal and they asked themselves, what were three good things that happened to me today? Okay. So even in the hardest day, you could say the sun came up. Yeah. There were daffodils in Hyde Park that I walked by. And that London cabbie was super friendly. oh so like little like real lovely little wins lovely little wins and his research found that that simple evening ritual dramatically helped people become more positive more grounded and more vital so you can do it in the evening and you can do that exercise i love doing it in the morning as part of a morning routine i shared the five question morning maximizer but sometimes I'll just free flow here I go hdif how do I feel and I just write how I feel if the night before I went to a restaurant in Rome and I had a glorious meal of mozzarella di bufala oh mozzarella I mean mozzarella di bufala yeah after that you have the uh tagliolini con tartufo or Pomodoro or Carbonara.

1:05:59I'm getting hungry. Excuse me. Grown man is drooling on your show. But I love great food. But I always go into a restaurant and take the business card. And the next morning, I pull out my glue stick and I glue the business card into the journal and I write about my experience so I relive it twice. When I'm on a train, I'll take the train ticket or a plane. I'll always get the paper boarding pass. And as people are boarding, I'll find my seat and I pull out my little glue stick and my little color highlighters and I'll glue in the boarding pass and I'll say, I'm flying to Dubai and here's what I'm going to do.

1:06:41And I'm always writing. And when I've gone through painful times in my life, my journal has saved my life. and i remember one time in my life in one month i journaled about 500 pages and it was emotional processing you can pour the pain out onto a fresh white page and there's huge healing on it you can write about your hopes you can say okay in the next quarter the next three months what needs to happen for this to be the greatest three months of my entire life and then you actually do a mind map where you say oh here's my fitness here's my spirituality here's my family life and the more you can write it out the more you're programming your mind to take the actions to make them true i you're very inspiring i really feel like i'm gonna buy a book i think i'm gonna have to get a bigger handbag i think this is the thing because actually taking your journal with you everywhere is a good idea i think for me yeah bigger bag that's where i'm gonna start i hope i hope you do it i love moleskin journals yeah they're lovely aren't they just a moleskin journal carry it in your bag stop for a cup of tea right you talked about um you were just talking about writing a mind map and all the different things and you talked about exercise And obviously, I'm a huge advocate for movement and exercise.

1:08:15I mean, for my mental health, I would say that saved me many times because, well, I mean, for obvious reasons, really. But I think especially sometimes when exercise has taken me outside, nature and exercise together is like, wow. Wow. Could you take me through what exercise and fitness means for you and what it does for you? Sure. And then I'd love to because then I think I can offer a better answer to what's important to me when it comes to wellness. So exercise is so important. It creates a pharmacy. Anyone who does an exercise or maybe wants to turn it up, there's so much neuroscience about the value of exercise it reduces cortisol the fear hormone it increases dopamine which is the inspirational neurotransmitter it releases serotonin which is the pleasure neurochemical it releases bdnf brain derived neurotrophic factor which actually promotes neurogenesis which is the formation of new brain cells yeah isn't that quite a new concept new brain cells because people always said you can't create new brain cells they've just found out you can absolutely What a miracle.

1:09:34What a miracle. Exercise. Exercise will promote new brain cells. BDNF also repairs brain cells that have been damaged by stress. And I find this interesting exercise releases norepinephrine, which gives you focus. And that's why after a workout, have you ever noticed the monkey mind starts to calm down? Yes. So I love exercising. I do it as part of the 5 a.m. morning ritual for at least 20 minutes just to be tactical. I love the elliptical machine. Is that part of your 2020? It is. It is. I love the elliptical machine. I hydrate when I'm on the elliptical for increased mitochondrial function. And then I listen to a podcast or an audio book.

1:10:22What do you listen to? I just listen to business books. I listen to books on philosophy, communication, leadership, spirituality. One of my favorite books is Letting Go on Spirituality, Letting Go by David Hawkins. I don't know if you've ever heard that. No. It's an extraordinary book. Well, I mean, that's my goal in life, letting go. So I'd love to get that. We'll put a note about that somewhere on this pod. Sure, please. and then um mobility i do weights which i think is important as you get older so you don't lose muscle mass yeah right and then i also uh mobility is so important so i don't get injured so i stretch and i have the bands and etc etc a good night's sleep is also related to me very important for exercise people i think the 5m club is about sleep deprivation oh you but what about your sleep the The key to a great morning routine is a great pre-sleep ritual.

1:11:18And science says we need about seven hours of sleep. There's even a chapter in the 5M Club, the essentialness of sleep. So I think that's important. Sunshine, a little bit of sunshine every day, I think is key. Fresh air, what a concept. Walking in nature is so good for your soul. So as much as possible, get out by the flowers, get into a park, walk by a forest. And then I'm not an expert at medicine and I'm not giving any medical advice, but biohacking is really powerful. You know, there's supplements that are available that would be very helpful. I like ice bathing. Well, I shouldn't say I like ice bathing, but I'll do cryo and ice baths.

1:12:00Yes. Which I think are great. Do you know what's been interesting? I've been reading about that because to me, ice bathing feels like counterproductive, intuitive. And I've been doing lots of research and because my partner, who is a man, loves ice bathing and he's always trying to get me to join him. and I'm like no it really feels bad but they've said that it's better for biological males than it is for um women health wise and that um a slightly less freezing bath is better for a woman's biology so I'm taking that but you know what your solution is well well there's a solution that has science and again i'm not an expert on medicine and yes yes but um from all the research i've read if you want to live much longer yes you don't have to be cold you should be hot and it's sauna it's sauna just got a sauna so sauna i'm in it all the time like they're obsessed i heard i I heard one pundit speaking to this and they said it reduces all cause mortality by this huge factor.

1:13:17And people who were three times a week in a sauna for whatever the time was extended their lives by seven years. Crazy. So I think sauna is really amazing. Fasting. I love fasting. So I do a lot of fasting. My mom used to fast every Monday. So I had that example. You talk a lot in your books about silence. do you do silent retreats or are you silent you do have moments of silence in your day I know that or reflection you know where you're calm and peaceful but what what's your take on silence because when I hear somebody's been like even if somebody was to say that they were silent for a day i i feel like in during covid the solitude and i i was i was locked down with five children so it wasn't silent very often but i was lonely um i don't know i mean it's probably what i need right if i'm not great at being quiet maybe that's what i need well you you know what you need just by your own instinct i can tell you're a very intuitive person blaze pascal the french mathematician said most of a person's misery is derived by their inability to sit quietly in a room by themselves so that might be something to play with practice i think a lot of us even when we're alone we're never alone yes because there's just too much going on inside so we pick up the phone we turn even if we're alone at home we turn on the yes telly sound or the sound or whatever but i believe silence is is nature's sweet restorer and i think uh spending time alone is so important and in quietude that's why i love reading i think reading is such a yes i love reading so there you go you're alone you're you're alone when you're reading or walking in the woods I think is so powerful you love walking so so I mean you're you're doing you're doing so many so many things right okay I feel a bit better about that there's one final really biggie that I want to talk to you about because I feel like the young the youth the youth of today um the ones who really do want to get ahead or that have a drive you know we said lots of people just want it easy but there are some who are really super driven the ones who do want that are all seeking a quite a young age purpose i feel like there is a whole generation of people maybe 40s 50s who spent their lives not thinking about their purpose going for a job with stability um a future um because we all want to get married and have a family it was also kind of printed mapped out for us our lives and this was the life that we were supposed to desire and now it's become a lot more fluid and free which i i like but for us midlifers uh like it's like how do i find my purpose like what what is purpose and how how do i know what mine is and how do i get there so i think the first thing is again we go back to self-identity and i i call the age that we are whatever the age is i call it your driver's license age.

1:17:01And that helps me realize that's just a label society puts on us. So whether someone is 40, 50, 85, 85 is the driver's license age. You can be as youthful as you do the work required to be, if that makes sense. So never let an old person into your body. I think it was Robert Duvall who said can i just hold your hand for a minute never let an old person into your body never lose the sparkle in your eyes thanks robin it's oh that's so good well it's that old idea that adults are nothing more than deteriorated children so don't lose the sparkle in your eye keep you know keep risking and reading and having interesting conversations mom like i said mom's 85 she hopped on a plane she said oh of course i'm gonna come was it a surprise no she she's a force she's a force of nature sounds great she is a force of nature but the first thing is whatever your age is if in let's say midlife or or much older that's just a number society has put onto you and i think here's the important idea, which is we don't grow old because we're old.

1:18:19I believe we grow old because we think we're old. And so we say, I'm 60, I should retire. And because we say we should retire, we say, I'm 60, I can't move as much anymore. And I'm 60, I should do the things that 60 70 80 40 90 year old people do because we've allowed a a program in that this is what old people do so i think we should make a difference between the driver's license age and our true age and i think that's that's really important when who's going to inspire the kids you know like these guys need to see us and go absolutely god 60 looks mega make 60 the new yeah make 60 the new 20s.

1:19:07And then when it comes to purpose, I would say you don't find your purpose, your purpose finds you. And the deeper, well, journaling is powerful. Prayer is powerful. Reading of the people whose lives you want to be living through their autobiographies is very powerful. And the more you can say, hmm, this resonates with me. This life resonates with me. These beliefs resonate with me. These habits resonate with me. Then you take action to make the ideas real. And the more you take action, the more you'll grow into your greatest life. I would also say on purpose, you know, your purpose doesn't have to be to free a nation.

1:19:51I had a conversation with a doorman in Barcelona and I said, by the way, you know, if you influence through your, he was so positive and he He was very kind. And I said, if you influence 100 people every day, after one month, that's 3 ,000 people. After one year, that's roughly 30 ,000 people. After 10 years, that's almost half a million people. And he was just like, he couldn't believe it. It brought tears to his eyes. All too often, we forget that the work we do is a chance to serve. And you walk into a coffee shop and some people are in a trance and they're checked out. But there's that one person who looks at you and says, Davina, I'm going to make you a great cup of coffee today.

1:20:34They're on purpose. They're on purpose. So lead where you're planted and find purpose in your days. You don't have to go to the Himalayas to find purpose. You can find it exactly where you are. I suppose what I'm feeling from you there that the purpose is a positive that you can have a positive impact on someone else's life via via what you do like purpose is almost like positive impact but how are you going to have your positive impact so it doesn't really matter what you do You can keep doing what you're doing, but bring purpose to it. Absolutely. Purpose could be leave everyone you meet better than you found them.

1:21:21Purpose could be you're a teacher, but maybe you've fallen into a trap of focusing on the lack of resources and the hardship and whatever. Maybe you don't have to change your job. You can just say, what is my purpose as a teacher or as a gardener or as a taxi driver? And again, I love London cabs. Yes. And just imagine if you're a London cabbie, and they're great, but maybe some... Just imagine a London cabbie who says, okay, I'm going to have 50 people in my cab today. And I'm going to say something great to every one of them and share something maybe philosophical. Or I'm going to be curious and let someone be heard in a world where so many of us are longing to be seen and heard.

1:22:09Can I tell you a story? Please. so last thursday i went to go and have my final scan and it was brilliant and when i was in the taxi going to the train station to get my train back home i got a phone call from my surgeon who said look i've had a quick look at your scans and i just want to let you know that your brain looks like a brain that's never been even operated on amazing it's immaculate it's all gone and it's not coming back and obviously I'm in the back of this cab and I'm having a proper moment and and I say can I tell you something to this cab driver and we had Robin we had like an amazing 10 minutes I will never forget this guy ever and I will probably never see him again but just what you said just there he made a massive difference to my life and he was like talking to me about his life and we had like a real moment and I thought what a gift and I got out and I said mate I really needed you and you fucking totally fucking showed up like thank you so much and and he fainted yeah no but like that's what you're talking about right like he's he has the possibility he has so many people and nobody knows what the person in the back of his cab or her cab is going through um and the power that everybody holds we've got a family motto do you have a family motto we don't you you need one yeah yeah great idea um ours is give more than is expected and I think that's a little bit of that it's like go the extra extra mile and it might inspire the person you're going the extra mile for to go the extra mile for someone else well this brings us back to KDC keep death close yes if we knew we had 24 hours left to live we would not be holding back, I would say, oh, how much life we lose because of our fear of rejection.

1:24:27How many taxi drivers hold back from a real conversation? How many of us hold back with a stranger or a work colleague or even our intimate partner? We hold back for fear of rejection. But if we keep death close and realized we only had a day left or a month left, we wouldn't be holding back. and so on purpose because i think it's a really important point i think one of the deepest longings of the human heart is purpose and again if we could just go to some science i agree i don't know if you know this you you probably do but maslow has a hierarchy of human needs the famous one and at the bottom are the needs like shelter and survival the basic human needs Exactly.

1:25:14And as we take care of shelter and food and safety, then we have the luxury to go on to focus on the higher human needs. And as you know from his famous Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs, at the very pinnacle is self-actualization, which is so much of what your podcast and what you do is, you know, self-actualization, self-awareness, building ourselves building better beginning again etc but not so many people know this before he died he actually put something above self-actualization which is personal development and it was self-transcendence self-transcendence well i think what he was saying is the deepest need of the human heart is to live in a way that we live for a cause that's larger than ourselves Yes.

1:26:07And I think we all have a need for this purpose. But I just really want to emphasize, it doesn't mean you need to lead a country. It doesn't mean you need to be Mother Tracer or Nelson Mandela. A taxi driver, a teacher, a street sweeper, a production assistant, whatever. We all can be a light and inspirational and find purpose in our work and uplifting other people exactly where we are. And if we do it consistently, because consistently really is the mother of mastery, and it's not what you do once a year that's going to be important. It's those little micro behaviors that you do every day that over time take you to a completely different place.

1:26:52I think that's really how we find great fulfillment. And the last thing I'll say on that is when you give someone else a gift, you give yourself a gift. My granny always used to say that. To give is to receive. That's so true. We forget it. When we're stuck in fear and scarcity, it's what can I get from the world? But the paradox is by asking yourself, what can I give to the world in your work, in your language, in your interactions? When you give to someone, you uplift them, but you also give yourself a gift of self-respect because you're more in aligned with who you truly are. The Japanese have a term called intoku, which is the art of giving in secret.

1:27:41And I think that's a real gift because a gift given for a reward is not a real gift. Wow, gift given in secret. Could you imagine that?

1:27:53Yeah, so you don't want all the kind of congratulations and the, yeah, that's really.

1:28:02i i said we were going to end on purpose but i've just got one more thing i do want to talk to you about sure i i feel like in midlife there are so many people who have been in long-term partnerships who they love their partners but it's like how do i keep the the the love going the passion how can I renew and reinvigorate my relationship and also for people who are meeting someone new in midlife or at any stage of life meeting somebody new as a chance to be a better partner and bring something new I always think a partner I say to my kids do you like you with this person it's not what are they like it's like are you a nice person with this person so have you got any like sort of tips or bits of wisdom around love well first of all i'd say over the years love changes yes and that's not a bad thing i think it's a great thing yes So there's the early dating form of love, then the mid-stage love.

1:29:22And then there's mid-stage love. And then there's maybe, you know, the love of some people in their 80s. I look at my parents and, you know, they've had a great love story. And, you know, their love has evolved, but there's such a deep level of love. But it looks different from the way it did, I'm sure, when they first met. So I think that's one thing for us maybe to consider. The second thing is, if you want deeper love, find deeper love within yourself. I don't think you can give someone more love than you feel within yourself. And that's where all the methods of personal development and healing come in.

1:30:05The more you heal your wounds, the more you will step into your highest loving nature. And the more loving you can become to yourself by setting boundaries, by talking to yourself in nice ways, by eating clean food, by being in nature, by stripping away the energy vampires and the dream stealers, all those things that I talk about in my work, the more you can love yourself, the more capacity you'll have to love, not only your intimate partner, but strangers on the street and the world. So personal development and self-growth, I think, is a doorway into more intimate love. Into everything. I really, really do believe that.

1:30:55Third thing I would say is, you know, a great relationship takes work. That's, again, that hard is easy and easy is hard. And so maybe if any of your viewers and listeners have got to a place where it just seems mundane. What I think is really important is the idea of leaving because things are coming up just means things are going to come up with the next person. So why not work through them with this person? Because I've yet to meet a perfect person. So often we say, oh, this person is frustrating me. And it makes me think of, again, Carl Jung, the things that irritate us are doorways into our better selves.

1:31:35And so I would say, look at what's irritating you about the other person, and then just start trying to work through it with that person. And that could be healing retreats. It could be couples therapy. It could be reading books together. And the last thing I'd say is just, you know, get away from your home and your usual life and go travel again because traveling or getting away and again adventure like when we are adventure we're nomadic we're nomadic we're supposed to be pirates you know and yet a lot of us have just allowed the responsibilities and the serious of life to sort of affect our childlike spirits and when we have fun again often the love grows again i loved what you said earlier as well about having the confidence to be honest.

1:32:27And I think in relationships, sometimes we don't say something because either the way we say it sparks an argument. So we think, oh, I'm going to give up saying something. But actually, you've got to keep talking. We always say never ignore a niggle. So if something's still niggling you, you just keep going back, talk it through until the niggle's gone. really smart um because in past relationships um the nigger would be there and i think i can't go and revisit that and then but the nigger would just grow into something bad you know and it would become a big thing and then you can't then you can't go back so it's like if you've got an issue you know sort sort it out at the time get it done and leave it behind you but that's a lot to do with communication and how I communicate in a way that's non-inflammatory or kind of, it's like, could we just talk about that again?

1:33:29Because I haven't quite let it go, you know? And so it's just about learning, but it's, that's what's interesting about getting older. The older I get, the more I learn, the happier I am in, in, in myself. Yeah. It's, um. And just on that point, if I could, Davini, it's like, let us not be resentment collectors. Yes. Well, this is it. That's exactly what I mean. And when we don't speak, whether it's to our intimate partner or maybe we're in a restaurant and the food was cold and the service was bad. And of course, you have to pick your battles. Yes. But our society says don't speak up. And so what we do is we build the resentment inside of us and the anger builds and we take it out in toxic ways.

1:34:18Yeah. And you're right. We don't know. We're not trained how to communicate in a relationship or in the world. If you're in a restaurant, the food isn't good. You don't have to yell. You don't have to scream. You don't have to be rude. One of the key principles I believe in communication is you can say whatever you want so long as you say it with respect. Yes. And you might just say to the server, you know what? I've heard such great things about this restaurant. And I just had a bad experience today and I wanted to share it with you. I'm sure you did your best, but I felt, you know, it was inattentive and the food was quite cold.

1:34:51I'm wondering if there's a solution you could provide for me because I'd love to come back here. 99 % of the time, I think if you language it in a respectful way, you're going to get a great solution and probably have a new best friend. I mean talking about best friends just very quickly you have mentioned about getting rid of toxic people in your life and I think that when we're young we put up with a lot of difficult friendships or sometimes they're historical friendships from childhood and you feel like you want to keep them but I think as we get older we understand how poisonous they are why is it important to not surround ourselves with or keep toxic people near us i think you can be happy or be around energy vampires you can't do both there's a model that i have called joy as a gps i talk about it in the deep magic of daily consistency and it's really powerful for consistency and happiness and here's here's basically what what it means joy is a directional system joy is like a gps and if we were to imagine the model it would have people places and pursuits in it a circle with people places and pursuits and the idea behind it is ask yourself which people bring me joy.

1:36:16And those are the people to bring close. Then also ask yourself, who are the people that steal my joy? The people who every time you say, you know what, I'm going to do this after listening to this podcast episode, or I just read a book and here's what I'm going to do. I just got an idea last night and I'm going to launch a business. And they go, come on, be reasonable. That will never work. Oh, that's silly. You're going to fail. So strip those people out. And then the second part of joy is a gps is places go to the places that bring you joy whether it's a new city a new country or an art gallery where every time you walk into the tate modern you just come alive so that's i've never thought about places wow that's that's mega i love that i am so influenced by places i will walk into a hotel room if the light is right if there's a kind of The wood table, I feel in spot, makes you feel good.

1:37:12So why not trust your joy as a GPS around people, around places, and even the last part of the model is pursuits. As much as possible, do the things that bring you joy and outsource the things that steal your joy. Because you might not like whatever, but there's someone on the planet who gets lit up by doing the thing you don't like to do. Mm-hmm. So energy vampires, if you want to completely change your life, ask yourself, who must I let go of? Then people always say to me, but what if it's my mother? What if it's grandpa? What if it's my best friend? Reason, season, lifetime. Reason, season, lifetime.

1:37:53Some people come into our lives for a reason, some for a season. A few get to hang with us for a lifetime. But if there is someone who is constantly stealing your joy and toxic, even if it's a family member, I would say let them go and love them from afar. Family member is a difficult one, isn't it? I think people feel, I mean, I was estranged from my mom towards the end, and I got quite severely judged for that by other people. I mean, I felt comfortable in my decision, but I feel like it's quite a tough one for people to do, isn't it? I think it's our lives, and I think living is not a popularity contest.

1:38:44And if it was right for you, who cares what anyone else thinks? An opinion is just an opinion.

1:38:55Robin, I am going to now thank you for giving me the best ever. like I just I loved our chat thank you um I you like I had I've already put you on a pedestal but um I'm glad that I can leave you there and um shout up at you none so it it was amazing talking to you I've absolutely had the best best best time ever and learned so much um I'm going to go back and watch this again with a pen and paper um yeah it was lovely and thank you so much for my artwork that meant a lot it was a pleasure I've had an amazing time as well you took me to places I I usually don't talk about or I didn't think we'd go to but thank you so much it's been such a pleasure um i've got to be honest this morning i was really nervous about interviewing robin he he felt like um someone i had such enormous respect for and have learned so much from already and i wanted to do him justice and i i kind of lay in bed and i thought well what would Robin do and I thought about his oppositional thinking and I thought let's change those nerves into excitement this is going to be an amazing opportunity to speak to somebody that you have so much love and respect for anyway he turns up

1:40:43and he's done a piece of artwork for me

1:40:50and um and this morning with michael i was talking about faith and um spirituality and robin and how i'd love to kind of talk about that and he's written the word faith here and look at this gorgeous piece of artwork and grace is good. I just, I just can't, I can't believe it. So look, when you, when you watch or listen to this, I would really strongly advise there are so many golden nuggets that will change your life for the better that I would really recommend you going to get a notebook and a pen and jotting things down as you go and then you can keep that notebook and pen as your journal which I'm going to start doing because that was a big piece of of information a golden nugget as I was saying that can change your life for the better for sure journaling and I'm definitely going to start doing that and I love the fact that he takes his journal everywhere you know he'll journal about everything it's almost like a scrapbook like he'll stick things in he has a glue stick and a journal and a pen I might just copy that