#103 Mel Robbins: The Trick To Unlocking A Happier Life

23:128 million, 11 months. It's on track to be the most successful nonfiction book in history. But not surprising because it's really hard to take the complex things and simplify them. I always feel like if you want to figure out if somebody's really smart and somebody you should learn from, it's not do they make you feel stupid? It's do they make you feel really smart? Yes. Even when you talk about really complex things.

23:34Mel Robbins:And I'm not afraid to be the villain. And the reason why is I'm not interested in being smart. I'm interested in being useful. And if I can save anybody, the heartache I've caused myself or the pain I've caused myself or other people, that's an incredible way to live your life. And for me, I spent so long hiding who I was and being embarrassed by my mistakes. People always say, oh, my God, you're so vulnerable. I'm like, I don't think it's vulnerable to talk about what's actually happening. it's way harder to lie and to carry things on your own because when you carry it silently it has so much weight and you know i want to go back to one of the things that you said earlier you know i want you to start late start what other what it was like all these starts when we were eight hundred thousand dollars in debt and i had had more job changes than an abba cover band does costume changes.

24:36I told myself that it was too late. I told myself we had screwed everything up. We would never get out of debt.

24:48Mel Robbins:I would never figure out my career. We would never be able to, you know, pay for college. We would never get these liens off the house. I was too old. I had screwed up too much. There was too much of a track record for us. It's over. And there was this moment where you kind of get trapped in this loop with yourself where now you're arguing against everything that you want. And you're arguing at the person that you married and you forget who you married and you forget that they're trying as hard as they can. They're not meaning to screw anything up. And you being a world-class jerk to this person is only making it worse.

25:45And I remember this moment and I didn't want to be that way. I didn't want to be yelling at Chris. I didn't want to be drinking so much. I didn't want to be hitting the snooze button five times a morning and the kids were missing the bus. I didn't want to feel like I had screwed up my life, but I could not, Cody, make myself do anything. I was frozen in this experience and I knew what to do. And, you know, here's the kind of twist on modern life. you have no excuse right now because you can go to any AI platform and you can type in your problem or your goal and it will pretty consistently spit out a step-by-step plan.

26:33Mel Robbins:And if you were to follow it and give up your timeline, eventually things will get better. Eventually you'll get nearer the thing that you want. Eventually, like the things that you need to do work. But if you feel right now like I felt, which is I was so discouraged. If you're discouraged, you won't do anything. So true. And so, and it's so easy when you're in business because it's so isolating when you're a entrepreneur and a major mistake that we make when we launch a business, and this is why I love what you guys are doing here is we do it alone. And so we don't have anybody to talk to and we carry the burden alone.

27:19Mel Robbins:And I just think, I think about Chris at this moment in time. And I think about that famous statue. Is it Atlas of the guy that's got the world on his, like that is what that poor man felt. And so it's funny you say that because that, where is it, Kyle? Oh, right there. Oh yeah, Yeah, there it is up there. That's our company logo. Shut up. Except it's a brain. But the idea is really that you're holding up the world when you decide to build something. It's way easier. Well, I think being broke is hard and getting rich is hard and being an employee is hard and being an owner is hard. It's all hard.

27:57But you get to choose which one.

27:59Mel Robbins:Yes. Or for how long you're in which one. Yeah. Or if you're going to try to do something about which one. That's right. Buying a business or launching your own venture can feel impossible if you're stuck figuring out the website, logo, email, marketing, all at once. But here's the good news. GoDaddy Aero is here to help. So just a few prompts, it builds a professional website, a logo, an email, even social content all tailored to your business. It's like having a whole launch team in your laptop. Instead of months of grinding, you can go from idea to launch ready business in minutes. No more waiting, no more guessing, just a real online presence that you can grow with day one.

28:34Suddenly, the thing that was just a tiny idea in a notebook is online, polished, and ready to scale. So if you're ready to take your idea to life, head to GoDaddy.com backslash Cody Sanchez and try GoDaddy Arrow today. But I think one of the really cool things about your story is you kind of said it earlier. You're not afraid to be the villain. You're not afraid to tell all the dark spots that we often don't want to tell. It's how you free yourself of them. And even with AI today, I think part of the reason it's so interesting having these conversations, what I hope, you know, if you're listening right now that you're taken away from this is sometimes I think in modern society today, you're told a lot the things that won't help you, but might make you feel better in that moment.

29:14So if you go to chat GPT and go, I fought with Chris and told him he was a terrible entrepreneur because he did this and now we're in debt and this happened. AI will probably say back to you, you know, you're right. That was inappropriate how he did that. And you are in debt and it'll validate you. And so instead we got to have Mel or somebody yelling at you a little bit to say. Well, yes. Maybe not. Yeah, and here, there was this moment in our marriage where Chris and I were fighting,

29:40Mel Robbins:and he's like, I feel like you don't believe me. And I said, I don't. I do not believe in your ability to get us out of this. And it was the truth.

29:51And there was something in that brutal moment of honesty that he needed to hear, that I needed to say because, you know, I will say for myself that I was part of the brainwashing that happens to women of assuming

30:11Mel Robbins:that it was my partner's responsibility to pay for my life, that it was his job to be successful so that I could have the things that I wanted. And that if I made money, it was my money for the extra stuff, but his money was our money. and there was something that happened in just saying it out loud that something shifted in me where I started to have this brutal moment with myself that was like, bitch, wake up. Like, if you want things to change, it's your job to change it. Like, you're capable of making money. You're capable of figuring this out. You're capable of getting a job. Stop bitching at him.

30:59Stop pointing the fingers and look in the mirror and see that if you can define what you want and you're willing to give up the timeline on it, you can actually make something amazing happen. And, you know, I said I was very negatively motivated. Once you admit to yourself, this motherfucker's not going to get these liens off this house. Like, if I want to keep this house, it's on me.

31:24Mel Robbins:All right, we're selling that car. All right. We're pulling the kids out of town soccer. All right. Cut the cable, everybody. Can't pay for it anyway. All right. I guess I better find not one job, but three jobs. And that's what I did. And so you don't have to be motivated by this big, beautiful, brilliant thing. I wasn't. I wasn't trying to take my kids to Disney or go to buy a beach house. I was trying to pay my bills. And so there are going to be moments in your journey, whether you're going to be more entrepreneurial at work or you're going to be an entrepreneur in terms of your profession.

32:05Mel Robbins:There are going to be moments where you are in crisis and survival mode, and that was my motivation. The pain of sitting around hoping that somebody was going to come in and fix this, the pain of drinking myself into the ground as a way to numb all the awful thoughts. That finally got harder than just getting my butt out of bed and looking for a job and going for a walk and calling my parents and saying, we're in deep trouble. I need help. And explaining to friends and being kinder to Chris. Like the thing that I had been avoiding that anybody, it's so easy to give other people advice. Oh, my God.

32:47Because you could have heard this term like, Mel, you're an idiot. Get a job. Call the banks. Like, ask for money. Like do something. Don't do what you're doing because it's not working. But you will have a moment in time where the pain of your situation finally, just avoiding what you need to do is harder than doing it. And so I, for the first, I don't know, however many years,

33:13Mel Robbins:it was just desperation, desperate, fine, get a job, then get another job, then get another job. The first job I got was$25 an hour as a Saturday morning radio host. Call-in show, talk radio station in Boston. You do have a great voice. Thank you. Do you get that a lot? I do. Do you think that you would, like, can you be really successful without having a massive failure at some point? I don't think you can live a life without having a massive failure. You're going to have a massive failure if you're not successful. That's just life. And it's not about what's going to happen to you because horrible things will happen to you.

34:00Mel Robbins:Unfair things are going to happen to you. They maybe already have. They're going to be amazing things that happen to you. It took me so long to recognize that while I was so busy trying to manage everything and everybody else, and I had lots of opinions and upsetness about the unfairness of this or that or the other, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was missing the fact that it's not about what's happening out there. The power is in here. Your power is in now, what are you gonna do about it? Like through your actions and your attitude, you can make anything better. And that's not toxic positivity, that is the truth.

34:42Mel Robbins:It doesn't remove the very real issues that a lot of people face in, you know, the world today. It doesn't remove historical things that have kept people from gaining wealth. Like if you look at the way that black families were discriminated against and unable and discriminated against and not able to buy a house, which is the single biggest form of the way we transfer generational wealth to people. And it is not just impacted their grandparents and their parents, but now the generation. That is real. That is not fair. It is a reality. and what are you going to do given where you are at this moment?

35:32Because you have to acknowledge that it's not fair, but then acknowledge that you through your actions

35:41Mel Robbins:and through your attitude and through the fact that you live in this extraordinary moment, And I realize the world's fallen off its axis. There's a lot that feels wrong, but there's so much more information and support and ways to solve problems that weren't even here 10 years ago. And so what I don't ever want anybody to do in business or in life or relationships or mental health, which mental health, I even hate that word because you know what mental health is? Happiness. Yeah. It's managing your stress. It's not being a dick to people because, you know, you're burnt out. That's what mental health means.

36:25Like, we need a better word for it. We got to market it better, Cody. Yeah. Well, also, why do you think that, I mean, nobody wants to stay in all the negative states, but could you imagine a person who had never experienced the deepest, darkest parts, that hadn't had the biggest highs, that hadn't been so angry and so sad and so upset? Why do we have to feel like we can't feel them? Why do we have to be happy all the time? Where's the context in that?

36:48Mel Robbins:I think everybody just has this wild array of emotions and that I think it has a lot to do, if I were to get like intellectual about it, it has to do with the fact that we are wired to connect with other people. And when you experience any form of social rejection, whether it's walking down the hallway at middle school and, oh, there's the cool kids and I'm the weird one. nobody wants to be the weird one. And the part of the brain that experiences social rejection is the same part of the brain where you experience physical pain. And so you will viscerally move away from any experience where you're the weird one.

37:29Mel Robbins:This is why we're having such a huge problem right now with self-silencing because especially the younger generation is so worried about feeling cringe because cringe, oh my God, I don't even feel cringe. And here's the truth. Cringe is actually doing it right. Because if you're going to do something where you step out of your comfort zone for the first time, you will feel cringey. That is what it feels like to do something for the first time. And it also feels like social rejection and pain. And so if you feel cringey when you put up your first YouTube video, you did it correctly. If you feel cringey when you go to your first pitch meeting and ask your friends and family for money and you're like, oh God, you did it right because your body's saying, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

38:19Mel Robbins:And so I feel that people are uncomfortable, especially sharing the lows because they are afraid of being judged. You know, we had a grief expert on, Dan Kessler. He's so awesome. And he's hilarious. Like who knows that if you're talking about grief, you'd be like snort laughing with somebody. And it's the one thing we're all going to experience. Nobody gets out of this alive. Like we're all going to go through it. But he basically said the average time period that somebody reaches out for help for grief after somebody dies or has a living death, like, you know, they have a stroke or Alzheimer's five years.

39:02Mel Robbins:Holy hell. Five years. Wow. Why? The shame of feeling like you're supposed to be beyond it and the shame of feeling like you're the only one and so that keeps you trapped and when you hold on to that kind of negativity or that suffering on your own even if it's like i can't figure out how to make this pnl work i'm terrified that i'm not going to make payroll next month or your little town your town awards are coming out and the person that secret shopped at your retail store was a real bitch. And now you're like, what are we going to do? Oh my God. And then you get frozen. Well, there's people out there that can help you.

39:49You can ask for help. But if you hold it all inside, it's going to get bigger. And so I think we just do it reflexively because nobody wants to be the weirdo. And to me, it just is so liberating to not hold that over my own head. Yeah. And it's not that I'm proud of the crappy things I've done. It's not that I, you know, am celebrating the negative things or the crappy things I said to Chris or the ways I've mistreated myself or other people. It's that the only way I can truly move on is if I give myself the freedom. Yeah. And you release it by being comfortable enough to talk about it. Well, you also seem to do a real, like, one of the things that I love about your work online is probably a little funky.

40:36which is you really express so many emotions. And I will never forget you, you know, Oprah sent this. I mean, the way Oprah sends a bouquet, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. That thing was the size of a basketball court. It was beautiful, but it was like I've never seen a bouquet that big. It was enormous. Thank God we had sliding glass doors in our house. It would not have actually come through. Just in the driveway. It was huge. It's actually amazing. And it's like, Oprah, most houses, this is the most. You can't go bigger. It was like the size of these two chairs. That's so funny. But what I love is sometimes, like I go back to like the Taylor Swift lyrics even, where, you know, she talks about how it is cool to try.

41:21And it is cool to get excited. And if you are doing something incredible, like celebrate it. And I struggle with that sometimes. I like, I don't know, I just keep going. And I don't think about it. And I don't take that moment to have that emotional connection. Okay, hold on a second. Let me change this for you. Oh, I can't wait. These are the best days.

41:41Mel Robbins:Do not rip yourself off of the opportunity of taking a moment every day and really savoring something that went well. So how do you savor it? What does that look like in your day? So tell me something that went well today. You know what? I had an incredible conversation before you with a guy by the name of Joe Lamont who is changing. Have you talked to this guy? No, who's still on? Oh my gosh. He started this school here called Alpha School. Okay. You should maybe consider. Oh wait, I think I've heard about this. Oh, it's. He's like chain. It's like a Waldorf meets a this meets a that. And it's by all these entrepreneurs that started it.

42:18So it's two. He has, his schools across the U.S. are top 1 % students in every single course and category that they have. Wow. The students learn in two hours a day, AI guided and the rest of the day uh is self-discovery plus outings etc I want to go there yeah me too that's what I said and it's actually a little funny because it used to be this hardcore private equity nada I was like how was your EQ before Joe and he was like not I and now he's the principal of the school he's a billionaire billionaire billionaire billionaire was it so fascinating to me though is I he said this line to me that I try to sink in he was like I was like well, can we change education in this country?

42:59There's a mom listening that does like her kid hates school. She's sitting there thinking like crying. I don't want to go to school anymore. It's so awful. Why do you make me do this? But what's the alternative? Right. Can we change that in this country? And he looked at me and he was like, of course, absolutely. He's like, give not just me, but all of us a few years. And in two hours a day, we should be able to replace our curriculum and we should let, and then you know what his number one reason is to go to school? he was like every child should love going to school they should want to go to school more than they want to go on vacation i was like i don't know what kind of fucking school you got joe but that has never existed for me so anyway so i had this beautiful conversation with him so let me tell you what to reflect on there okay that in the middle of running this massive company and like being the ceo and having all these people whose salaries you can pay and all these people that you are impacting with your work who are going on to launch businesses and getting the support and the guidance that so many entrepreneurs don't have, you are taking time and you have the time to speak to people that help you grow and think in new ways.

44:14And how freaking cool is it that you have built your life this way and you're self-aware enough to know that these types of

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45:46Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. Do you think it's good for you or for anybody? Is it good for you to like show that bodily? Like I see you run out and grab that bouquet. Like, because you can say that in your head and be really cerebral about it. But do you think that people need to show that they're excited about life? I wish people would.

46:12Mel Robbins:Because right now what people are showing is I'm beaten down by life. And look, there's very real things to be worried about and to feel stress around. There are very real problems that people have. This is not like, just smile and your shit goes away. That's not what this is. This is counter-programming to the negative programming that the world is giving you. And that you are wired for positivity. You're wired for growth. there's no it's not a matter of whether or not you are quote spiritual because you are wired for spirituality they've looked at people's brains and their circuitry in your brains because spirituality by definition is this belief and awareness that there is something larger than you to this existence.

47:10And that day to day, you have moments where you feel connected to it. Spirituality can mean that you're out sitting in a, like a deer stand and you hear a crack in the woods. And then through the trees, you see a barred owl and you just have this moment where you connect to something deeper. Spirituality could be, you know, singing a hymn. It could be making love to somebody that you love deeply. It could be being present when somebody dies. It could be just enjoying a cup of tea and taking a deep breath, that there's something larger going on. And so to me, why would you want to go through life feeling that the only thing available to you is the heaviness and the disconnection?

48:11All of the division you see, which I think is this illusion. I believe that everybody right now is so beaten down and self-silencing, but the vast majority of us, 90 % of us want the same things. We believe in the same things. We may disagree on how to get there.

48:30Mel Robbins:Like, is it two hours a day in the school? Is it three hours a day in the school? I don't know. How do we pay for it? I don't know. We'll figure it out. But you have to get intentional about allowing happiness back in. And you do this in a lot of different ways. You've talked about a lot of modalities. Yes. You also now go on tour cities all over the world. I've got to go to one of these because they look so dynamic. It's a show. Yeah. Your face right now says it all. But some of these modalities you do live from what I can tell from videos that I've seen of other people. What do you tell people to do tactically?

49:06They want to become more happier if they want to take more action in their life. And they're going, Mel, boss me around. Well, and here's what I'm going to tell you. This isn't just your buddy Mel telling you this.

49:15Mel Robbins:There's Dr. Judith Joseph, who is, she runs, she's a principal investigator, which means she runs a lab as a PhD medical doctor and professor at NYU. Single mom, runs the only all-female medical lab, research lab, called the Manhattan Behavioral Institute. And she is actually responsible for getting the research done that got the first postpartum drug passed through the FDA by the, by the FDA. Wow. So they, they do all these clinical research studies. She has all this new research, just has a huge research paper out about high functioning depression, which is this, you're getting it done, but the, just the wet blank, you can't feel anything.

50:02The prescription from Dr. Judith Joseph is small moments of joy.

50:11Mel Robbins:small moments where you separate from the heaviness of the world around you and the burden of caring for aging parents and the burden of balancing the bank account and wondering how you're going to get the loan paid and figuring out how like to get the online marketing stuff done. And can I get my cousin's kid in here to run the Instagram account? Like I hear you. Yes. How do I get the shop pay integrated into this thing? Like, when are we doing this? Somebody do our internet strategy. Cause I'm running the cash register. giving me PTSD. Right. And so like, um, so, uh, well, of course you, you have a, you've invested in all these laundromats now, like laundromats aren't enough.

50:48I got to make them fancy laundromats and I got to have an Instagram story and I got to do that. But if I do that, then I can't go to the bank and Oh my God, what am I doing? Um, and so can you tell I've lived this shit? So I, so you probably remember what my, my, the smells that get me from like, I can, you could just put it in front of me. I would be able to smell a laundromat from anywhere. I bet. Fucking beagle. Yes. And so I, um, what the hell is it? What's happening? You were talking about these small moments. Oh yes.

51:19Mel Robbins:This is where you are defiant in a world that wants to steal your joy and attention. This is where you say no. And one way you can do this is going to sound crazy. So if you are somebody that is working for somebody else, you've got your big dreams, you're listening to this, or you're just getting started or you're in the throes of like, oh my God, all I do is work. Imagine a world where you could take 10 minutes and eat your lunch. And maybe, oh my God, go outside and eat your lunch. And if you're a nurse, you're now going, I could never do that. I would get fired. No, no, no. You do have a legal lunch break, but you don't take it.

52:07I can't step away. You could step into the storeroom and just take a moment and sit down.

52:17Mel Robbins:Another thing you could do is if you don't even remember when you were happy or joyful, I want you to either go through your photos, just scroll back and find some photos that remind you of when you felt a little happier. And then write down a list. What did my life look like? What time did I wake up? What was I eating? How often did I see friends? And you'll notice your life holds the map back to moments of happiness. You already know you just don't do those things. And then the job becomes, oh, wait, I haven't painted in 10 years. If I pick up a paintbrush, no, it doesn't pay your bills. It does something just as important though.

53:00Mel Robbins:It pays something forward inside you because you start to feel a little bit more like yourself again. And there's also research around time management that, believe it or not, if you feel like you have no time, adding in something, even though that sounds bananas because I have no time, Mel. What do you mean add in something? Add in one thing. Like if you used to sing at choir and you haven't done it in five years because now you're running five laundromats and you're worried about your social media accounts, go back and do that on a Thursday night. And that experience will fill something up inside you that makes you feel like you're actually a little bit more in control, which oddly gives you more clarity about what you want to focus on.

53:44Mel Robbins:There's so much research around this. So that's one thing. Second thing I would tell you to do is wake up every morning, this is so cheesy, and say, today's going to be a good day. No matter what happens, today, I'm going to make today a good day. You could be going to a funeral and you could say to, you know what, I'm going to this funeral and today is still gonna be a good day because I'm gonna show up for this family. And that simple thing changes the setting in your mind and helps you become more intentional about spotting moments where you can have a good day. Another specific thing I want you to do, and none of you will do this, but those of you that actually take this advice will make more money than everybody else that's listening and watching right now.

54:32Mel Robbins:put your phone in the bathroom when you go to bed. You will not do it. I know you won't because you're like, well, what do they do? Here's what I want you to imagine. When you wake up in the morning, I want you to imagine the banker that you own money to. I want you to imagine the hacker that's been trying to break into your bank account sitting in the corner. I want you to imagine every business that you think is doing it better than you, their marketing team is in there. I want you to think about the side of politics you hate and all the news outlets from that side sitting in there. And I want you to think about, like, people gossiping about you over here.

55:19Because when you wake up in the morning, as an entrepreneur, this is the only moment of the day. The only moment where you have any fighting chance to actually think. It's the only moment where you have any chance to put yourself first. You have to fucking fight for those 10 lousy minutes. Because the second you pick up the phone, the hacker, the competition, the people gossiping about you, it's all in there. And you're not even out of bed. And so if you want to know why you are so stressed out and you can't sleep, it's because that freaking thing is right next to you and you're laying in bed and you're pouring it into your brain before you're even vertical.

56:11If you want to make more money, you have to fight for the first 15 minutes of the day. I call it the hot 15. The hot 15. I have built my business 15 minutes at a time. The hot 15. And I go, I'm not a morning person. I can't bullshit. don't tell me that story because you can't think clearly at night either because you're exhausted. And you know this. It used to be in business that the second you walked into your business, day is over. All the plans out the window because now you're just in reaction mode. So the only chance you had was driving over. Like I can think about what the one thing. And we'll get to the one thing rule.

56:50I know that's a whatever his name is Keller book.

56:53Mel Robbins:But here I'm going to tell you how to use it. So just hear me out on this. imagine if you could carve out those first 15 minutes and before you let the world into your brain and before you let everybody else's emergencies become your priority, you carve out 15, I don't even care what you do. You can have some fancy ass morning routine or not. If you just for 15 minutes, I'll even give you this, just lay in bed, lay in bed. And here's what I want you to think about. what is the one thing that if I made progress, I don't want you to get it done because to-do lists are just wish lists. That's all that they are.

57:34What's the one thing that if I made progress on this, it would be a good day. The one thing that matters to me. Now here's the catch. And this is why I am successful. I taught myself to do it before I looked at the phone. so you actually wake up yeah take action on the one thing and don't touch your phone until no how long how many years uh god i don't know for as long as i can remember i mean like probably at least at least consistently the last five years and is it like an 80 percent of the time every time or is it a hundred percent of the time every time it's like 80 five days a week like i give myself weekends off but i do still think like what's the one thing and a lot of times like God, I got to get that photo album done from the trip that we took for my dad's 80th birthday to Peru.

58:25That was 18 months ago. Christmas is coming. Oh my God. And then I do nothing, but I thought, but I, no, I do something. I literally - Take some action. You don't have to complete the whole thing. Yes. You just take a little bite of the elephant.

58:36Mel Robbins:I literally might send a text to my brother and say, dude, we got to get that group photo going. Done. Positive momentum compounding. Just one. Snowball down. Just one. Because here's the thing I want you to understand. What makes you feel out of control is that you're not progressing the thing that matters to you. And so you start to resent your business and the people that work for you and your customers because their emergencies become your priority. And now you're not getting that new AI thing done. Now you're not getting that kid hired to help with Instagram. now you're not doing that thing you really know you need to do because the interesting thing about the stuff that matters is not going anywhere so you can get you can allow it to haunt you or you can like really understand this hot 15 so for me i actually have a morning routine i'm disciplined enough over time and discipline's the wrong word i understand myself and i set traps for myself.

59:41Like one of the reasons why the phone is not next to me is because I am a lazy person and I will pick it up. And so I have to put it walking distance. And now I've solved two problems, Cody, because I don't like to get out of bed either. So the alarms ringing across the room, I got to get my butt out of bed to go turn the thing off. And then I flip it over. Because I've also told my family, if there's an emergency, call me.

1:00:09Mel Robbins:People will text you all night long because they're bored and they have bad sleep habits and they want to vomit their stress on you. But they only call you if there's an emergency. That's so good. And so now you can sleep at night because you know if somebody's in trouble, they'll call you. If something's going on at work, they'll call you. I don't need to check my phone because if it's really important, they'll call me. I keep my phone down. I make my bed right away. Then I typically go into the bathroom because I have to go to the bathroom. and then I brush my teeth. I think about while I'm brushing my teeth, what is the one thing that matters to me today?

1:00:43I do this every single day and then I look myself in the eyes, as cheese ball as this is, and I high five myself into the day. This is a bit of neuroscience. And the reason why this is called neurobics, lots of research around this.

1:00:56Mel Robbins:So the fastest way to change a thinking pattern is to marry it with an unexpected physical action. So there's a lot of research around, you know, writing with a non-dominant hand or standing on one leg while you're doing something else. For your entire life, a high five, like I don't ever high five somebody, you know, and be like, I fucking hate you. Like, I hope you fail. Loser. Like forever this has been, go get them. Yeah. I believe in you. Brush it off. You got this. And so you don't say a word. You look at yourself in the eyes and as you high five the mirror, you are taking the physical lifetime association with that and aiming it at how you feel about yourself.

1:01:43You know, it's so good because, you know, at least me, I'm similar. I need a bunch of, uh, I will come up with every excuse on the sun. I literally had, uh, this incredible neuroscience on the podcast, scientist on the podcast the other day. And my brilliant world changing question was, I'm getting older. My hip hurts. I can't fucking stretch. I can't. I don't know why, but in the evening, I cannot make myself stretch. Like I can do billion dollar deals. I could do this. I can't get on the floor. This is the dumbest thing ever. And I had her help me. What'd she say? I want to know. She basically said, why are you doing it at the end of the day when you're completely depleted?

1:02:22You've made all of the decisions throughout the day and you think that you're some sort of superhero that's going going to have more in the tank when you don't. You're tired. It's cold in the house. You know, it's dark. The cold and the dark. Yes. And she's like, why would you think that that would work for you? And I was like, well, take it easy. You know, I don't know why, but I did it. I tried for years. She's like, so we're going to switch it in the morning. And she's like, and you're going to text one person every morning and you're going to tell them you're doing it. That's it. And she goes, don't do 15 minutes, do two, which is like, I love your, well, and then there's one other thing that you talk about too that has helped me a lot too you know when i had a really i got divorced previous to my husband i was married before and i got married really young and takes two to tango both both of our faults but um my decision okay to divorce yep it's probably one of the hardest decisions i've ever made because i made a promise to a human and i said forever and then i took a vow and i'm i'm religious and at that time i was maybe a little less than but i I was, oof, a Latina mom and all the things.

1:03:23I mean, I think she cried harder, actually, when I got divorced than I did. But I was pretty devastated. And I couldn't find my happiness, Mel. Like, I just, I'm a happy motherfucker. These guys know I'm running around here. We have long days. I'm going. It was gone. We would be in a lot of trouble. Oh, God. This place would be. You know how I feel about you? I'm, like, mad you don't live near me. Same. Dude, I'd be so, I'd be stretching like a motherfucker if you lived near me. Let's go. five, four, three, two, stretch, you know? But I kept a happiness list because I had so few moments where I felt any happiness that when I did, I just wrote them down and it would be like, that's a pansy.

1:04:02Like I love pansies. They look like little happy faces to me. Oh, I love that. The little faces. The faces. I don't know what it is. I love that. Yes. So I'd write like, I saw a pansy today, you know, the littlest things. And over the years, I've kept this list and sometimes I'll have a little moment and then I'll go back. Like when I buy a$5 pansy at the garden center? That would make me happy, you know? And so I love the word that you said, which is I need, I need hacks to trick myself into it. Yes. And here's the next one. When I walk into the closet, I have laid out my exercise clothes.

1:04:34Mel Robbins:Like I have grant geranimals or whatever those things were that I used to wear from Sears. Like I have to step over it and ignore it. And so no decision. There it is like a middle finger on the floor, pull it on. And now I go straight out the door with my dogs and I take a 10 minute walk. And while I'm on the walk, I think about what's the thing I could do that advances the thing. And I, and I still have not looked at my phone most mornings on a work day. Yes. Until when? Well, if it's a good day, I will then do what I need to do right after the walk because I then drink a big mason jar of water before I have my coffee.

1:05:24Mel Robbins:And a lot of the things that I work on in that hot 15 are longer term projects. Like this Peru photo album really nagged me for a long time. I finally got it done. It took like seven hours on a Sunday. I hope I like, like it turned out great, but that was a lot. And, um, anyway, I, uh, I typically use the hot 15 for something that is really a longer term thing. Like I really started working on the concept and the let them theory book in that window. Um, a lot of operational stuff I will work on in that window. Um, there are like, Like if I'm screwing around with AI and trying to learn more and how to use it at a more advanced level, you know, I'll get on Microsoft Copilot and use it then.

1:06:16But it really, really has made a huge difference because it taught me that you don't need a lot of time. And oftentimes if you can get yourself going, you will keep going. Yeah, it's true.

1:06:33Mel Robbins:And so it's really, really, really important. Now, of course, there are weeks like production weeks where everything's on fire. I'm in Boston for five days. My EA is texting me at 530. Are you up? Plotty's in a half an hour. And I'm like, oh my God, okay, I'm up. But like, you know, like, and so it's out there. But here's the thing. I might respond to Lynn, but I don't look at my phone for 20 minutes. And now I'm back. I make my hotel, I make my bed in a hotel room. yeah because like it's it's how i feel like myself yeah yeah that way i feel like myself everywhere that i go and so i'm still in my mind thinking about the thing and so then once you pick up the phone here's what i want you to understand you are now in what i basically call phase two of the day five phases to a day phase one is from the moment you wake up to the moment you pick up your phone.

1:07:27Mel Robbins:That's why I want you to think about the hot 15. This is where you protect your time and energy. Phase two is now you're in reaction mode and you are getting paid to react. This is what you're doing. Phase three is where you go out of that and now you're starting to transition because we all know from three to five, if you're an employee and you work kind of typical hours, you're like, man, I'm sort of out of here. We're not doing a lot of, not a contrarian thinking, but everywhere else. Yeah. You know, like just like sort of, I'm just sort of like, right. And then from phase four is all the stuff you do for life.

1:08:00Cooking dinner, being with family, all this stuff. Phase five is when you stop looking at your phone and wind down to bed. What do you do? Read a book? What do I do? Okay, so I'm a big bath person. Yeah, me too. And I typically, I will, on the work night weeks, I have a drink. Because it's like my one vice, that and weed. Like I will, I live in Vermont. I mean, come on. And so it's the one thing that like I did not have a drink last night. My brain was going for probably an hour and a half.

1:08:39Mel Robbins:I can have one sip of a Manhattan or a gin and tonic or a margarita. We're here in Texas. Once my brain's like, okay, we're done. It's the weirdest thing. And I'm done shaming myself about it. It's just my thing. Me too. Mezcal, wine. Also, I do the mezcal. It's a little too smoky. But I like a smoky Manhattan. Wow. Don't like the smoky tequila. I don't know what that's about. Maybe we'll give you some different options. But I think the - Oh, but let me tell you one more thing because this is unbelievable. This is fucking unbelievable. Okay, wait till you hear this. So you know how a lot of people have gratitude lists?

1:09:13Yeah. Steal this. Have a piece of paper next to your bed and write down every to-do that you didn't get to.

1:09:22Mel Robbins:That sounds awful. Oh, no, it's amazing. Wait till you hear what you're doing. Okay, fine. You're closing tabs in your brain. See, your brain runs on open loops. Yeah. And if you had some like, oh, I got it. One of the reasons why people have a hard time falling asleep is you're ruminating because your brain is trying to keep the loop open because the tabs aren't closed. There is incredible research that has just, it's life-changing. If you write down all the things you didn't get to, your brain's like, oh, Cody's got on a piece of paper, we can close the loop. Great point. And research shows that doing that is as effective as a sleeping pill, that you fall asleep between 8 and 10 minutes faster.

1:10:04That pharma stock's dropping everywhere. And then check this out. You don't have to worry because the list is right there. I like that a lot. Isn't that great? Such a good point because you know what? I didn't realize it, but I do two outsourcing things too. What do you do? Which is I have assistants now, but back when I had my first one, which isn't that expensive to get, all things considered. But like for$1 ,500 a month, you can get a virtual assistant. That's how I first started. Okay. And if I don't write something down in the moment, it's gone. Like if you tell me your birthday, I'm going to forget it.

1:10:33If you tell me, I forget my - August 24th because it's my wedding. You're going to be one of those friends that remembers. No, because only because it is. You want to know why? Yeah. Because it relates to me. Yes. If it was some random ass, I would have like, don't care. I'm just kidding. I don't care. I would prefer you didn't because then I'll feel bad when I forget yours. But I send a little note to my assistants and I just have them put it on my to-do list. I love that. And so I do it pretty nonstop. And now I figured out how to delay send on texts. You know how you can do send later. So I'm not the dick emailing them at 11 when I can't.

1:11:04Yes. You know, whatever. and it's been a game changer. And I'll even say, I'm stressing about this. Like, can you just put one hour on your day tomorrow and you stress about this stuff instead? Like just kind of like put it somewhere, do something with it. Because you can't really transfer stress. Like she's not gonna internalize it like I do, but she'll be like, hey, I got that. I know you're worried about the doctor stuff. I've got it. I'll handle that for you. I'm gonna schedule it from three to four. And so I've never thought about having a little thing by my bed. But at first it gave me a panic attack, that idea.

1:11:34Well, me too. But now it makes sense.

1:11:35Mel Robbins:This came from, I can't remember the neuroscientist that just shared this on our, but with the research involved, but it was just so counterintuitive. But once they explain the open loops of your mind and that this allows your mind to go, oh, I don't have to keep this open. She's got it. You know, I think I'm curious about with you. You've had all this success now. And sometimes I think people think, oh man, when I have all this success, it's going to be amazing. I'm going to figure it all out. And all the negative emotions are going to go away. Right. Do you still get like jealous? No. What? No.

1:12:07How do you not get jealous anymore?

1:12:09Mel Robbins:I'll tell you because, well, first of all, I understand jealousy. So jealousy is a very important thing to feel because you can only feel jealous of something you want. Yeah. Like just think about it. I have zero interest in a yellow Lamborghini. If somebody drives past me in a yellow Lamborghini and a bunch of people are like, I'm like, what car? The Hyundai over there? Like, what are you talking about? I don't want one. And so when you understand that jealousy is blocked desire, and what is it blocked by? It's blocked by your belief that you can't have it too. And when the settings in your mind are that beautiful white kitchen with the marble countertops are for other people, but I can never have that, you will feel jealous if that is meant for you.

1:13:10And I struggled with so much jealousy. I was that friend that wanted to be happy for my friends. I remember when we were struggling financially, oh my God, have you ever had a friend? you're probably that you probably have been that friend for people but i i don't mean that in a mean way but but be true have you ever had a friend who all of a sudden like moves to the

1:13:34Mel Robbins:nicer town yeah or all of a sudden goes from renting an apartment to like some house and they inevitably invite you over and they open up the door and as you're driving up the driveway you're like, how the hell do they have this much money? And then they open up the door and they hand you the glass of wine and you start to grip the wine glass as you're getting a tour of their house. Hey, Cody, I'm happy for you. I was so happy for my friend because I love my friend, but I was so sad for me because her house looked like a fucking restoration hardware store. And then we rounded in the corner and that bitch, she had the white cabinets with the marble.

1:14:21I never should have shared my Pinterest board with that bitch. She stole my cabinets. Oh my God. And then you get in the car and then you basically drink all next door. You got that smile. Oh no, that smile. That smile. I love you. Then you get in the car and if you're like a complete emotionally immature jerk like I am, you turn to your husband and you're like, why couldn't you have been in finance? Why did you have to like people? Why are you a nice guy? And poor Chris is like, he's like shrinking like a turtle. He's like, I don't know. I don't know why I didn't go. It would have made things easier.

1:15:04Oh my God. This was me every day, all day long. God, I need to meet this guy. I was in radio in 2008. It was the first job I got,$25 an hour, $800 ,000 in debt. I loved that job because I could literally talk to strangers and not think about my problems. And I felt less alone. And the thing about radio that's so cool is it's one to one.

1:15:34Mel Robbins:and I fell in love with it and as my career really started taking off which would have been 2015 I'd suppose podcasting started and I remember seeing it and I always wanted to get back into radio and I just kept telling myself no no I talked myself out of starting a podcast for probably, if I'm 50, I'd say probably about six years. And I kept saying, it's too late. You missed the window. What are you going to say? That monk, Jay Shetty, Stephen Bartlett, fuck that guy. Like, you stole it from me. You know, I got nothing to say. Who's got like, oh, they've all, you know, like, this is what you tell.

1:16:24Oh, there's another restaurant in my, my, my sister's, I can't possibly become a real estate agent. My sister's, she's got to think I'm, of course you're copying her. And so I would feel jealousy. I would see an episode release and I was, Jay and I are friends. We're in a mastermind. Like we were, we were just texting yesterday about something. He's a, he's a very, very, very close friend of mine. And I was like, I am so jealous. I'd see my buddy Rich Roll. Fucking Rich. You know, he started a podcast. That incredible hair. Yes. Like, what am I going to say? And so I just kept talking myself out of it.

1:17:05And the jealousy, it's so amazing. The jealousy is a signal from something deep inside you. And the more jealous you are, the more it is meant for you. And what I want you to do is I want you to ask yourself, go beneath the surface, what is it about it?

1:17:26Mel Robbins:Like if you're jealous of a friend's marriage, what is it about the marriage that is the thing that you really want in your life? what is that and here's the truth if you look at jealousy as a gift from your deepest dreams and from what is meant for you and you understand that there is not a human being that can block your way you do that for yourself just because somebody else has it doesn't mean you can't create something that's proximate to it for yourself. And when you block yourself from doing the work to create the things that you want, from doing the work to change your health or change your relationship, you will become more and more jealous because jealousies block desire.

1:18:24and the thing for me is that I don't feel jealous and the reason why is if I even get a ting that feels more like a pull now yeah I just go oh I gotta I gotta I gotta like work on that that's it like every time around my our buddy Stephen Partlett I'm like what tech are you using like I don't what okay hey guys we gotta do like get the thing under the table that he's got right yes and And then I never remember to click it. And then everybody's like, you've clicked it a thousand times. I'm like, oh, that was my knee. I'm sorry. Like, I just can't pay attention like Steven does. So I, so I, but, but I see it as signals.

1:19:05I don't, and because here's the belief that I now have.

1:19:08Mel Robbins:I believe that most things in life that you want are there for the creating. That there is an infinite number of white kitchen cabinets. And if your friend is a bitch because you have the same cabinet color, let her be a bitch about it. Just take note that that's kind of who she is. That's okay. Let her. But don't block yourself from going for the things that you want in life. And, you know, that period of my life taught me something important because it happened when Chris and I were struggling. It happened when I had told Chris, I don't believe in your ability to get us out of this. and that anger and that fear fueled me to go, well, I'm going to have to do it.

1:19:51No one's coming. It's up to me. I'm doing it. And I was resentful, but I bumped into my ambition. See, the reason why I could say to Chris, I don't believe in your ability to fix this is because he's not a corporate guy. I'm married to a guy who's a death doula. He's a spiritual psychologist. He created men's retreats. Like he is such a heart led guy. He is so unmotivated by my, he would live in a yurt if I allowed him to, which I will not. I mean, we live in Vermont. That's the closest, but, and I love to camp. I just don't want to live in a tent, but he is a true, like of the spirit and of nature person.

1:20:34And so I think I instinctively knew that he wasn't going to get us out of it because he's not built for that. What he was built for is actually grounding and healing our family in the aftermath of it. What he was built for is, uh, it just is staying home and being the like on-call parent. When I was on the road 150 days a year, because when I first started getting paid to speak, we still had liens on the house. You know, when I gave that TEDx talk that

1:21:08Mel Robbins:went crazy viral is the first time I ever talked about the five second rule, this five, four, three, two, one move. Um, and I had liens on my house. I was 800, I was$800 ,000 in debt as I stood on that stage. And when people started to pay me, I said yes to everything. And you will have that happen in your career where you will take the world's worst deals because you have to, because your highest value is actually security, safety, and family. And so I said yes to all kinds of things that I would never say yes to now because it was aligned with my mission, pay off these bills, get my family secure.

1:21:48Like I was not trying to be anybody. I was trying to solve a problem that I had. And as I got better and better and more and more and more successful, I just became much, much better at the business side of it. And what I've learned, and I say this too,

1:22:06Mel Robbins:in every partnership meeting I have, you know, that we get into like with these massive Fortune 10, Fortune 100 brands, I'll be talking to their CEO or their CMO about a project we're going to do there. And we go like, look, I'm not talent. I'm a businesswoman. And that's how I need you to relate to me. And that is like, I discovered through that experience of being so in debt that I freaking love building things. I love the business. I love the tech. I love being the first mover in something. I love figuring things out. I love being the person people are watching as an example, not because of my ego, but because it means I'm doing something that's making an impact.

1:22:55Well, I mean, one of the first things you said to me when you walked in here really resonated with me that the best builders in the world have, I think, which is you really care about the people you serve. And I'm not like paying you lip service because you came into my office and you said, hey, you really want to do this podcast thing. You have to obsess on who you're talking to. And then you told me, you know, at my podcast, here's who we are talking to. And then you were like, and remember, they're giving you an hour of their day. They don't have it. They could give it to anybody. They're giving it to you.

1:23:24What are you doing with it? Yes. And you used the word maniacal. You said, we are maniacal about giving that person value. Yes. And then we talked about all the things you won't do that could make you a ton of money and even more famous. I don't want to be famous. That is not why I got into this. You want to be a famous life coach. No. Fuck you.

1:23:43Mel Robbins:I, I, I, no, I, I literally, that's the, like, it's an occupational hazard, but I live in a town of 3 ,000 people in the middle of nowhere in Vermont. I live on a mountain, and I look straight down a valley, and I do not see human beings. And I am a real small, I shop for my groceries in a store where you can buy Carhartts and feed and fishing poles and fertilizer. And so I love just being a normal person. And, you know, when your success comes after you almost lose everything that matters to you, you do not forget what matters to you. And so to me, I am motivated on the business side by like one rule I have in business is don't ever take a deal that you will be pissed off about in success.

1:24:35yeah always bet on yourself unless you have to pay your bills then you take whatever deal you can until you can strike better better deals but always look at the long tail and so one thing that that i think a lot of people don't understand about the extraordinary success that i have built is i own all my content yeah publishers do not own my books i do no way oh yeah i do joint ventures and I've severed all my audio rights. With 8 million? Fuck, that's so smart. But that's a big bet because if people don't know, those are millions of dollars. If you don't, like it's one thing. Like how big was the advance do you think you could have gotten?

1:25:13No, but if they would have offered you millions for let them. Who cares? They would have paid me pennies on the dollar. Nope. An advance is a loan for your ego with shitty math. That's what an advance is. That's good. It is. And there are writers out there that need the advance to be able to pay for their life.

1:25:36Mel Robbins:Take the advance. And then be smarter about your next deal and make sure book number two does not have that attached to it. The second thing I will tell you, though, is you must sever your audio rights on every single book you do. an audio book is like having the world's single best rental property at a beach town and there's no cost yeah because it's one digital file and it will be around in perpetuity and it's pure value like how are they not gonna if your audience is paying 15 20 bucks for an audiobook. And there's no cost to creating the audiobook and no cost to shipping or stocking or storing or returning or warehousing an audiobook.

1:26:29Why would you give somebody that did nothing? Oh, I feel that intensely. Yes. It's all about ownership and betting on yourself. Yes. Which I think like... Which I was forced to do because nobody would give me a book deal. Yeah. In 2017, 2017, yes. Wow. Yes. And that book sold over a million copies too, didn't it? Yes. Largely because of the audio book. Fascinating. Yeah. Well, I mean, I... That's how I discovered that, by mistake. My mom, Lori, is a giant Mel Robbins fan and has read Let Them and gave me your first book and then gave me Let Them after I had already read it. And I think one of the coolest things for anybody who hasn't read them, my favorite part, you're not very, people make books that are so long these days and you kind of make the book only as long as it needs to be to give you as many examples and instances.

1:27:21Right, because I can, because I'm controlling the deal. Right. I'll give you another thing. So here's another thing to think about. So make sure if you have

1:27:30Mel Robbins:a physical product that you really think about the product in the environment. Yeah. Like when we did, for example, the, and I think about this obsessively about everything. So I think about the thumbnail of the Mel Robbins podcast as a consumer product. Yeah. So what does that thumbnail look like on Spotify? What does it look like on Apple? What does it look on somebody's car display? What does it look like on YouTube? What does it look like on the television screen where 30 % of our audience on YouTube is playing it on a big screen? What does it look on an iPhone? And we Photoshopped our top runners into those environments.

1:28:08It's why we didn't end up going with a black background, which looked better. But in the environments, it didn't pop. And so the book, the design of the book was very simple. The test was this. If you were walking down a beach, half a football field away, could you go, oh, that's that book? Whoa. What a good fucking idea.

1:28:28Mel Robbins:And so think about the environment in which you are trying to break through and is it recognizable? Because we overcomplicate everything and understand that people are so overwhelmed right now that the more that you can simplify something and the more that you can be useful and people can get it like that, the more successful you're going to be. I'm dying to come to this tour of yours. You're coming. I want to know, give me like one instance of like, what is one of the magic moments at Mel Robbins? Like what is a moment you remember about the show? Well, I should say that this was one of the hardest things I've ever done because we hired, uh, the, the person that, that we ended up hiring is the person that does tours for like Kendrick Lamar and the Superbowl.

1:29:22Mel Robbins:So they're just singing at a different level. And I get into the opening call and Charlotte's here in the room with me who works on my team, who's one of our senior managers who was part of the tour core team. And they're like, yo, you know, you could do a speech because people are coming to see you or you could do something that nobody has ever done in spoken word. They've never done this in a podcast tour. They've never done it in comedy. They've never done it like in any kind of spoken word book event. I'm like, well, what's that? They're like, you could put on a show. I'm like, well, what do you mean?

1:29:55They're like, well, instead of telling everybody, what if you brought it to life? What if you didn't tell the story of being in the bed? What if we got you in a bed and you acted it out? What if we brought to life the whole process of the book? What if we made it an actual show with sets, with everything? And I was like, yes, I had no idea what they were talking about. And of course, because I have made a living doing speeches, which by the way, speaking is, you have an hour. It's somebody else's event. You don't have to fill the seats. You don't have to put on the event. You have an hour. You show up, you do your thing, you leave.

1:30:41So I was so dumb because I'm like, oh, I got this. Oh, this is easy. No problem. And meanwhile, Charlotte, my daughter Sawyer, and two other members of the team, they were working with the tour. They're like putting it all out. We did a

1:30:53Mel Robbins:four-day workshop where we map, oh, this is going to be great. I got this. I got this. They start putting together the animation deck. Now I'm thinking, clicker, PowerPoint. I'll go out. We show up for rehearsals. First of all, I had never, ever, ever done my own events.

1:31:16I was kind of honestly nervous people wouldn't show up because I thought, I've never gone to a podcast tour. Who shows up for a podcast tour? Like, I don't even see the audience. People are, oh, they're going to show up. I'm like, really? Maybe the venues are a little too big, guys. This was me. This, all the shows sold out in 20 seconds. It was insane. There are like thousands of people in the audience. Oh, yeah. Every venue is between three and 5 ,000 people. Jesus. And I was so pissed off because I did not understand that you had to request that they

1:31:46Mel Robbins:turn off dynamic pricing. And there was such a surge. Like now you understand as a consumer, what a racket this is. There was such a surge of interest that all of a sudden what happens is all the bots buy them and the ticket prices go up. And as they're like, I was so angry at how expensive the tickets were because of the demand and then the resellers and all that, that I came on the first call afterwards. And I said, I'll be damned if somebody is paying a thousand dollars and coming to this thing and they do not have the show of their life. And so we invested in three documentary style cameras.

1:32:25We built one of these screens that is the quality of what you would see at Coldplay. So that if you were in one of the seats on the balcony, that it felt like I was right there. It mattered so much to me because I was mortified that people were paying this kind of money. And we have this huge confetti explosion because my favorite part of the Coldplay concert is when they explode all this confetti and I had paid for those seats that are the first rung, but we weren't on the floor. And you're like reaching and pulling a groin muscle to try to get one confetti thing. And so I'm like, we are gonna shower this place.

1:33:00We are gonna rain it down with, if you're in the, we got fans because I wanted it to just feel like this sensory thing. And we lost so much money on this thing, even though - Events are so hard. Oh my God, even though we sold it out. I made every mistake in the world with merch. It was just so dumb. Like, oh my God. My merch went to the place where, you know, I always wonder when somebody wins a Super Bowl, you know, the other team had the hats printed out too. Oh, yeah. Where do those go? Well, they go wherever our shirts went. Like, because we didn't sell them. So I, so I, so anyway, I, but, but so we get to rehearsals.

1:33:37I think Charlotte is about to have PTSD. We get to rehearsals and I'm like, what are all these people doing here? Yeah. There were 35 people there. There were cases of stuff. I'm like, and everyone's panicking. I'm like, we got this, guys. And then I realize, I'm like, just show me the clicker. We'll start working on the slides. They're like, there's no slides. You have a 47 animation deck that is fully stacked that can't be changed. And Jason over there cues it based on you hitting the lines of the show you don't know. Oh, God. It sounds awful. It was awful. And so Charlotte was forced to create a makeshift teleprompter because I didn't know my own show.

1:34:20Yeah, me too. And then, of course, I dragged my two daughters into this who both don't want to do it with me. And what could be more fun than to work out your mother-daughter trauma on a stage as a comedy skit with your two daughters who don't want to be there and you don't know your own show? Oh, my God. Uh-huh. So basically, I stayed up all night memorizing it.

1:34:47Mel Robbins:If you walked into my dressing room the first two nights of that show, it would have smelled worse than any porta potty at a construction site. The stress, diarrhea. I have never. Have you been in a porta potty at a construction site? Yes, I have. Okay, me too. Yes, I have. Because we did a video there, and that is a smell, Mel. Yes, you got to pull up your pants. Oh, God, and it's hot. You have to brace. You don't want to touch it. You have to hold your knees. When the barrier gets broken, when you have to suck the stuff out is really, that's just the, that's the ticket right there. So. So come to the show, everyone.

1:35:21Oh my gosh. So the first night, it was so awful because I've never spoken at night. So I didn't even, it didn't even occur, people would be drunk. They're coming for a good time. Half the people were dragged there on a date night and don't even know who the hell I am. Oh my God. Yeah. And then like, it just was one thing. And then we didn't put mics out into the audience. So we didn't have a return. And we had never done a full rehearsal because I didn't know the show. And so we get out there. The lights were too high. We could see everybody. I don't know the show. My daughter's like this. Sniff is a penguin.

1:35:54Every joke we're cracking that we thought sounded great above the garage in Vermont. We can't hear anybody laughing. So we were looking at each other like, this sucks. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is terrible. Oh, my God. Like, I'm acting. Like, this is horrible. So we walk off stage. The whole crew's like, oh, it was amazing. I'm like, I quit. I'm going to do an Adele video. This is the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life. I stayed up that night. I had three martinis. I stayed up to 1.30 in the morning. I was so upset. I'm like, I'm making a video. We're canceling the show. We're not ready for this.

1:36:22So I was like, I'm not doing that again. We go to bed and I wake up and I'm laying in bed. I did not follow my hot 15 that morning.

1:36:30Mel Robbins:I called my husband hungover and I started crying and I said, honey, it was so terrible. Like it was so awful. Sawyer hates it. The kids don't want to be here. What have I done? Why didn't i just do a speech and he's like mel get your fucking ass out of bed and you get back to that theater and you go learn your show oh i like him and there was something and at some point you just have to rip the band-aid off and do the thing and ship the video and post the podcast episode and walk out on that stage because you're never going to be ready for the first time you do it It was so cringy. People loved it.

1:37:10I didn't love the experience of it. The show was fantastic. People loved it. Yeah, you're doing it again. And it's so narrowly. Oh, no, no. But I mean, the first night, even. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The second night, it was like, fuck it. Like, let's just have fun. Interesting. And we, it was way better. And then the third night, oh my God, by the third night, all the wheels were off. We were having a blast. It started with six Boston police officers, only in Boston. Six Boston police officers come in at the beginning of the show because two women are fighting at the Let Them Theory show. Fist fighting.

1:37:47That they have to get removed by six Boston police officers. Thank you. Thank you to the Boston police officers. Boston's finest. This is so Boston. I love it. And so here's going back to the fact that I'm crazy intentional. Here was my intention for the show. my intention was to have fun.

1:38:06Mel Robbins:It was to try something I'd never tried before. And by the time we were done to feel like the closing night at the Apollo theater in London was the best show that we did of the entire tour, that every single time we did it, it got better. We learned something that we had a lot of fun doing it that, and that people really loved it. That was my intention. and then I would say, and I just don't want to lose too much money. And my sister-in-law, who's my CFO, would text me and COO and would be like, would you please stop saying that in meetings? Because people are taking you seriously. And that's what happened.

1:38:44It's incredible. And so it was such an incredible gift because at the age of 56, to do something that far out of your comfort zone and to stretch yourself creatively, it brought out that sort of stand-up side in me that I could express in a way that I can't express all the time. And it allowed me to perform and really make an impact differently. And I loved it. And so we're going... And the other thing that I loved is on my deathbed, I will remember that experience of my daughters as one of the highlights of my life. Like we worked out so much shit. That was like four weeks. I don't recommend it, but you know, just you, the amount of things that happened and the amount

1:39:43Mel Robbins:of growth and connection that we shared and that I shared with the extraordinary women that were, and men that were part of that team. Um, I will just, it changed me forever. And so, um, yeah, we're going to do it again. And we're starting in New Zealand and Australia. And then, uh, what's that? Yeah. Mel Robbins.com. And the only two shows that have tickets, the only two are Houston and Dallas. Oh, the only two tickets left, but you're not buying any, Nobody's buying anything here. We're going to give you the tickets. No, no. I like buying my feelings. No, absolutely not. Also, I swear to God, if you make me cry on this podcast, I told Steven too, who's now by a buddy, I was like, I'm not coming on.

1:40:19If you try to make me cry, I won't do it. I want to shove my feelings down where they're supposed to be inside like an adult. And anyway, but you can feel what that torment to you. And I think it's so cool you putting yourself out there. And if you're listening right now and you haven't taken that big risk that makes you want to throw up a little bit, here's your chance. Well, and the other thing is that when you do a podcast or you create a show or you write a book or you have an online business, you don't see the people you're impacting. And so it is one of the greatest joys when I bump into somebody and they're like, oh, my God, I listened to that thing and it helped my son with anxiety.

1:41:01Or, wow, I sent my husband this thing. It really, like, helped him negotiate a raise. Like seeing and meeting people is incredible. And so to be in a room of people who consciously put themselves there, who are there to have a good time and there because they want more out of life and because they want more for other people. There are very few spaces you can go in today's world like that.

1:41:26Mel Robbins:And so the energy of that was just transformative and electric and celebratory. And there were so many stories that came out of people meeting really good friends, people starting businesses with people that they met who they were sitting next to. And so that was also one of the big things. And I'm going to give you one other piece of advice for your business. So I am driven by the impact. It's very important in your business and in life to understand what data is important and what isn't. I do not have the back end data to what's happening in the podcast. I don't ever look at the rankings. once a week.

1:42:03I'll be like, so how are we still doing? Okay. Like literally right Charlotte. Like that's, are we still doing it? We still are. And I'm like, every time I'm legit surprised we are. We're still in the top five of the world. Really? Take that Bartlett. No, I'm just kidding. I love Steven at the London show. He was there with Mel and I was on stage talking about jealousy. And I did this whole thing about the podcast. And I'm like that Steven Bartlett guy, fuck that guy. And then he's in the audience. And I'm like, just kidding. I love you. Stand up Steven. And then I I gave him a big shout out. He is an incredible friend, incredible mentor.

1:42:35That guy, he is a solid human being. I agree. Like one of the best. So is Jay too. Jay is too. So are you. Wow. So are you. But you guys are all OGs that have had all this massive success. And it'd be really easy for you guys to not share the homework, to not help, to not whatever. I mean, Jay, I went to Jay's show in London. It must have been the same theater, Apollo maybe. And I brought my, one of my right hands, Christian. And Christian is a very British 25-year-old. And so when I say with so much love that he is not Jay Shetty's main avatar, right? And so we just went to support Jay. Not that he needed it.

1:43:17It's totally fucking silent. He's fine. But we're in like the fronty front row. Yeah. And I have Christian who went to Cambridge. He's serious. He's very smart. And Jay's show is huggy and emotional and not British in a lot of ways. And so Christian's next to me. And did you go to Jay's show? So you know that last part of Jay's show where he has you turn to whoever you took and you look him in the eye and you say, I love you to them. And I have my employee, Christian, next to me. And he turns to me and he looks at me and he goes, you don't pay me enough for this. And I died. That's amazing. We've been together for five years.

1:43:59He's incredible. A dear friend of mine and somebody who works with me. But what we joke about to this day is that tour, that Jay Shetty that we weren't even the target avatar for was so – it's a story we talk about to this day. Yeah. Because Jay took a risk and did a thing that we will never forget being there for. I will never forget. Yes. And so your tour I am sure is the same for those in the audience.

1:44:22Mel Robbins:When Steven came, he's like, I actually can't do a live event again until I reinvent everything I do. He's just completely raised the bar. I was so proud of the fact also that we went for it because I cannot tell you how many people that I have never met before that are A-list, like, babbidi-badi-bada-bada, who reached out to say, I want you to know that I'm a fan from afar. And I have been in four meetings this week where your name was used to say, well, you could do it this way or you could do what Mel Robbins did. Whoa. And it's really cool to show people what's possible, but it was only possible because we were really driven not by like flexing, but by making an impact.

1:45:12Like I wanted people to know we put everything into that experience for them. Like I even paid for people to be handed a bag with stuff in it, a gift. Like who pays for their own thing? A dummy who loses money.

1:45:28Mel Robbins:But anyway, that's a different story. So it's very important to understand what is the data that's important. And so for me, the thing that I want you to steal is we do this thing that means so much to me. In fact, Charlotte, who's sitting here, who's a senior manager, who does all kinds of things in marketing and all kinds of brand projects and strategic initiatives, she started her career with our company, 143 Studios, by assembling this email I'm going to tell you. Steal this idea. It's called an impact email. Every single day, every one of our 50 employees and everybody that is an agency partner that we work with receives an email that is a roundup of what people are saying today about the impact that some piece of content had on their life.

1:46:23Mel Robbins:Not a, hey, I love you now, but a, oh my gosh, I just listened to this episode with Dr. Dawn, the cancer person from the Mayo Clinic. I'm so excited. Thank you for putting this out. I sent this to my sister. So that front and center, the impact that the content that we're putting out, the impact that it has on a real human being is front and center to everybody that works for me and with me. I love that. And that is a way to keep a piece of data that is very important to you, front and center to you and the people that work for you. And it's not just the customer stories up here. We put it in the inbox so that you see.

1:47:06And it's not us summarizing. It's the screenshots. So you can see the name. You can see the photo. It comes from every platform. Every social media comes from the inbox. It comes from the reviews because that's what matters. That's why you win, Mel Robbins. Thank you so much. Thank you.

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